#if i hadnt come out years ago i wonder if i would even feel safe to come out today

[thebrokenmechanicalpencil]

I'll protect you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Just wanted to make some fluff, because Leo is a great dad ok? Ever watched Brave? Like the relationship between Mucha and Leo is sort like Merida and her Mother. They love each other so much, but they don't communicate very well. Felt like it was needed from the last scene I posted.) (Warnings- None that I can think of, some nightmare stuff in the beginning. Mostly Leo as a dad fluff.)

@redsrooftopprincess mostly to share again :)

-

Leo woke up with a solid gasp, his fist slamming into the futon beneath him. Panic tore and flooded his sleep-addled mind, the image burned into his mind’s eye. His little turtle curled in on himself, small enough to fit into his palm, jagged shards of glass sticking out of his small soft shell. Leonardo forced his panting breaths to even, to calm his racing heart. It wasn't real, Mucha was safe. He was the safest he would ever be. Leo felt his breath seize at a loose unchecked thought however, what if he wasn't?

Heart pounding hard in his chest he scrambled up. Straining for unnatural sounds, for his little boy. Leo almost stumbled getting out of his room and down the walkway, his son had said that night that he was “Brave enough to sleep without daddy!” But now, as Leo strode for Mucha’s little hollow, the thought occurred laced with horrible amusement, that maybe Daddy wasn't brave enough to sleep without Mucha. Leo ripped open the room to what had once been just a cubby, now Mucha and Takeko’s clubhouse. A small busted out pipe, that was hardly big enough for Leonardo ten years ago let alone now. Leo strained his eyes in the dark, before he felt himself relax. Mucha was tucked tight into a pile of blankets. Another abandoned blanket, embroidered with stars, he knew belonged to Toni. Leo sighed softly, she had probably hopped ship back into Raph’s nest two hours after they had gone to bed. Leo pressed his hand hard to his chest, heart hammering as he scrutinised the small form among the green blankets.

Darker than his own, his son’s scales shined in the soft lights that hung in the lair. Leo took one last look before letting the tattered curtain fall. For a couple minutes he forced himself to catch his breath and come back to his senses. The dream jumped back to the forefront and he winced hard. With the remnants of the horrible images Leo found himself unable to move away, go back to his rumpled blankets. He continued to stand there, gaze locked on the spots of paint soaked into the fabric of the cloth barrier. Leo found himself not wanting to leave. His heart and feet felt impossibly heavy, keeping him in front of the curtain. Leo felt his arms itch for the younger mutant beyond it. It felt wrong to leave without his little turtle. Leo remembered rolling his eyes over his father’s stories of worrying, now he wondered how in god’s name he survived all the antics of his brothers and himself, when Leo can hardly bear to go back to sleep without his little one in arms reach.

The one who groans and complains at Leo’s early rising, who sticks his cold hands on Leo’s neck just to see the stoic turtle shriek. Leonardo can't help but smile at the memory though, the tinkering giggles. The comforting weight that had slowly gotten heavier on his shoulders, his shell and in the crook of his neck… “Daddy?” Fearless jumped at the soft sleepy voice. He blinks and sees the topic of his thoughts standing in front of him. Mucha yawns loudly, rubbing his eyes. “What're ya doin?” Leo smiles and rubs his face, he hadnt meant to wake him up. “I was just..-Did you have a nightmare?” Leo’s head snaps down to the little turtle, whose face was understanding. “I..Yeah baby I did.” Leo knelt down as Mucha crept forward and hugged him as tight as his little body would allow. “S’okay, ‘m here.” Leo returned the hug, the dark feelings left by the dream slipping away. He held back a soft laugh at the boy’s response, that's what Leo himself had murmured to an upset Mucha many times after a night terror. He let out a breath resting his chin on his son’s head. They sat that way for a moment before Mucha grew restless, Leo released him accordingly. “I think we should go back to sleep.” the little boy said matter of factly. Leo felt his heart sink slightly at the boy’s stern expression. “Ok, Ill be right down the hall if you need me, ok?” Mucha raised his eyebrows sleepily. “You had a bad dream?” Leo nodded slowly. “Mmkay,” Mucha grabbed one of his father’s fingers and tugged him back in the direction of their room. “You can't sleep alone after having a bad dream daddy.” The child sounded exasperated, as if it was foolish for Leo to think any different. Leo stayed put however, “Buddy if you want to stay here you can you don't need to if you want to, Im ok you already made me feel loads better.” He had. Mucha however was having none of it. “Nuhuh! I gotta protect you from all the scary stuff so you can sleep!” Mucha tugged again, face openly stubborn. “That's what you do when I have a scary dream, right?” Leo nodded slowly, his chest warm. He felt his eyes burn, “Yeah baby, god you're brave. You know that?” Leo stood sharply, scooping up his tyke who giggled loudly in response. “Yeah! I'm the bravest ninja ever!” Leo nodded, glowing with pride. “Oh you are, bravest ever.” He nosed the boy who gasped laughing “Daddy noooo! Scary ninja’s dont get boops!” Squealing he wriggled and tried to escape his father’s affections.

As they made it back to their room Leo only answered him with deep chuckles.  Mucha was gasping and giggling tiredly when they made it back to the futon, his small hand planted on Leo’s snout to fend him off. Without letting him loose Leo flopped down, his son curling into his chest. The giggles dampened and both of them relaxed. Leo sighed deeply, tucking the bundle of baby turtle closer. “I love you Daddy.” Mucha sleepily murmured into his shoulder. “I love you too, Mucha.”

[ms-hells-bells]

hey bestie i just saw you give some good advice to someone else so im wondering if i could get your two cents about this situation?

tw; pedophilia and harassment.

so when i was in elementary school there was this guy who took all the schools photos and did some tech work. he was grossly infatuated with me, to the point it made 5 yo me very uncomfortable. he would always hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, and take pictures of me and only me. in middle school (he retired right after i went to 6th grade) theschool called him in to show a slideshow of all the pictures he took of us. over half of it was just single shots of me walking down the hall or eating lunch, meanwhile every other photo was of a group of students doing some specific event like sliding or on a field trip.

i hadnt seen him in years until i started working at an afterschool program at my old elementary school. turns out he was a volunteer and is teaching the kids photography.

the first day i saw him come in he was disgusting. grabbed my hand and refused to let me let go in front of all my coworkers. immediately after they all silently decided to leave the room and leave me all alone with him. all while he was saying "it's sooooo good to see you, i missed you so much, you look soooo good, is so good to see you, im so happy to see you, you look really great." he said all of that easily 6x each. finally i was forced to hug him and then i ran to the bathroom to hide.

the next week i forgot he was going to be there and ran into him again, qith him putting his hands on my shoulders and arms. btw this guy is like 70.

so every single wednesday since i first started 5 months ago i run to the bathroom and hide. if he comes into the room i run and hide or i pretend to be busy with my job. he often just comes into the room and trains his camera on me and only me. it makes me feel revolting because there is literally no escape. even if he isnt touching me then he's taking photos and videos of me that he probably uses when he gets home.

i cant bring it up to my coworkers or boss because my coworkers all adore him and my boss is a male apologist and a boymom. she doesnt think males can do any wrong and jumps through hoop after hoop to excuse actual sexual harassment from multiple of our students. im already trying to find a different job but the job market here is absolute shit. i dont know what to do.

i would honestly give similar advice to the other woman and the delivery driver. avoid, keep people in the room, write incidents down in detail, look for another job, etc. and even potentially say 'i am a colleague now, please be professional, i don't like strangers touching me'. once you get a job on backup, perhaps look into who's on the school board, and if there's any parents with children currently in the school, if you feel comfortable, perhaps mention his actions when you were a child (you could say it was another student that you just witnessed or they told you, if you don't want to reveal that info about you), plus his current actions now, and that you feel he's not safe around children. someone with a child currently in the school is more likely to make a fuss, and someone on the board has more sway.

there should also be a local, regional, or national authority over your school, and you could make an anonymous report stating the ignoring of sexual harassment, including from adults, by the heads of your school. if you could get others on board, whether former or current students, then multiple reports going to the appropriate authorities in regards to school oversight is more likely to prompt an investigation.

[vampvelvet]

saw someone taking pics of me today <3 they must really love my sense of style :3 /s

[batfamtv]

(girls like girls) like boys do, nothing new

can you do a jealous carol x reader ? like reader has had long time crush on carol and admits her feelings only to get turned down bc carol has internalized homophobia and doesn’t know how to react. carol gets jealous when reader is moving on with another mcu character of your choice.

carol danvers x reader

warnings: internalized homophobia, failed the reverse bechdel test (women only talk about one (1) woman, a gay), no gays fighting over Y/N

word count: 2565 for the gays; set in avengers: endgame; everyone lives au

read part 1 here

Now, after a couple of years, you got promoted

Working under Nick Fury and caring for the Flerken really got you qualified to work in the field

And you did, with the best of the best: Natasha, the Black Widow, and Clint, Hawkeye

You were there when Loki destroyed New York, when Ultron threatened to destroy the world

Over time, your powers manifested, they have been dormant for the longest time

Speaking of dormant, you hadnt heard from Carol since the night she left

You talked to Nick, asked him if she’s ever stopped by, but she hasnt

“She’s busy saving the world, Y/N” he’d tell you, but that didnt make you feel better

You felt so hurt, by her reaction, her rejection, but you began to look forward

But you think about her everyday, wondering what could have been

Carol had given Nick a pager, “for emergencies only”, she reminded him, but she also gave you one

Carol told you that it’s just to make sure Fury doesnt send out some false alarms, but who was she kidding? Maybe she did want you to hit her up

But after all those years, you hadn’t

She looks at her pager every single day, wondering if the world would miss her if she decides to come see you, to clear things out

And you have thought about ringing her up too, in times when the world is in trouble, and in times when the feeling you have on your chest is sharp that you couldnt breathe

In times when you miss her so much you cry uncontrollably, hand over your mouth to make sure no one hears

To make sure no one hears how much you miss the woman you love

You were with Nick and Maria when it happened

It was chaos in the city, and you, Nick and Maria got out of the car to investigate

The drivers seats of cars are empty, helicopters crashing into buildings

Almost reflexively, your hand flew to your pocket, where the pager lay there, almost waiting for you to press it

“Y/N?” Maria sounded distressed, and when you turned to her, her body was disintegrating, like sand blown away by the wind

Nick was distressed and eyed you, “You have to call her. Call control.”

You didn’t hesitate, pressing the button as you watched Nick do the same to his pager, watching your mentor and friend disappear right in front of your eyes

When your right hand started to disappear, you moved the pager to your left hand, tears threatening to spill

You were going to die, alone, unloved, and not having told Carol how much you miss her

Her name was the last thing on your lips before you disappeared

When carol came back to earth, she didnt know anyone

But everyone was grateful to her, for returning tony

The burning question in her head, the one thing she almost didn’t want to admit

Where is the woman she loves?

Back then, way back when carol was still a child, she was told that there were a lot of things she couldnt do

She couldn’t be strong, couldn’t play baseball--because she was a woman

She couldn’t join the air force, couldn’t be a pilot--because she was a woman

All of these things she couldn’t do, but there has always been one thing she was not allowed to do, not allowed to be

Because she was a woman, she is not allowed to like other women

Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could break the glass ceiling and become an air force captain, but there was one thing that she just was not allowed to do

And that was to acknowledge weird, different feelings for women

That has always been the case, it was drilled into her being, ever since she was a child

Girls can’t like other girls

And you confessing your feelings to her years ago forced her to acknowledge that her feelings for you were not at all platonic, that she didn’t stay with you for 3 days just because you were a good friend to her

Carol had to face the facts that being with you reminded her that she was human, and deep down, like the child that she was a long time ago, she had feelings that she didn’t believe were right

And she understood that her running away was not the right thing to have done, that she, who almost prided herself for being able to face her problems head on, was not ready to face this one problem that she had been forced to hide deep down, for years and years

Carol Danvers had always liked girls, and she liked you

Carrying that aircraft containing tony stark and nebula did not bother her one bit, what bothered her was that she was coming to earth after all these years

Somehow she believes that she is being forced to finally deal with abandoning you after all these years

But in spite of this, carol is feeling excited about this, because finally, after all these years...she had made peace with it

Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new

And all it took for her to realize that was the beeping of the pager

When everything had settled down, carol had been graciously offered a change of clothes by Pepper, who was hysterically thanking her for bringing tony back

The atmosphere was morbid, everyone in silent despair, and she was quietly begging for someone to fill up the spaces of what has happened on earth since she was last there

Finally, surrounded by a group of people calling themselves the “Avengers” (carol raised an eyebrow at this, asking if nick fury was the one who assembled the group, “Yeah, how’d you know?” Rhodes asked, and she shrugged and said “Lucky guess”), she was finally brought to speed

“It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to earth”

Holograms of people Carol believed were part of this team are projected around her

“We’re trying to take a census, and it looks like he did exactly what he said he was gonna do”

Nick Fury’s face appeared on the screen, much to Carol’s shock

Tears were brimming in her eyes, thinking about the distress call from Nick

Because if Nick sent the distress call and is now, as Natasha said, wiped out...does that mean…?

“Thanos wiped out...50% of all the living creatures”

Y/N’s face appeared in front of Carol not long after

With that, Carol exhaled as tears finally fell down her cheeks...she had her suspicions, but hoped--no, begged--for it to be false

Y/N was gone

And carol was too late

Tony stark had been upset...and collapsed, Carol, who was still in shock, was staring at the hologram of Y/N in front of her

“Carol, right?”

Carol turned, regarding Natasha with a nod

They hadn’t had the chance to properly introduce themselves, but Carol didn’t think there was any time

“Carol Danvers,” Steve added with a chuckle, “I think we all know you by name before we even met you”

“Fury really singing me praises, huh?” Carol was almost amused

Natasha smiled sadly, “Not Fury,” and she and Steve turned their heads toward the hologram of Y/N

“Whenever she had the chance, she would talk about “her”, Y/N’s greatest love,” Natasha whispered, remembering how she and Clint always pretended to be annoyed whenever Y/N would go on and on about this really powerful superhero who shined like the sun, and lit a flame in her heart

And as much as Carol wanted to bask in the appreciation, she felt nothing but shame, knowing she abandoned Y/N, and wasn’t able to save her

Glancing back at the hologram, she eyed her once more

Years had been good to Y/N, still beautiful as ever, leaving her breathless, but she wasn’t there anymore

And Carol knew what she had to do

If she couldn’t save Y/N, Carol could avenge her

Rhodes approached her, Natasha, and Steve, “He’s probably gonna be out for the rest of the day”, referring to tony

With a resolute look on her face, she said, “You guys take care of him, and I’ll bring him a Xorrian elixir when I come back”

Confused, Natasha, Steve and Rhodes glanced at each other before Steve asked, “Where are you going?”

“To kill Thanos,” Carol said matter-of-factly

Natasha could almost feel the anger Carol was radiating with, so she hurried to catch up to her, “You know, we usually work as a team here…”

When Natasha finally had the chance, she pulled carol over to the side to talk to her privately

“I know that you usually work on your own, that there are worlds out there who need you, but earth needs you too”

She was convincing Carol to stay, to try and create a better world for the people who survived, but it was getting quite hard for Carol to remain on earth

“I don’t…” Carol shook her head, “I don’t have much left on earth.”

“If you can’t stay, atleast come from time to time,” Natasha begged, “This was your home, wasn’t it? This was Y/N’s too.”

And Natasha was right, Carol thought, and in more ways than one, it was her home. But now it’s empty, and Carol is in mourning and she had never felt so alone

All those years, she thought she could live with what she did knowing that Y/N she was still on Earth, possibly with someone who is not ashamed of who she is, who is not ashamed to accept their own feelings

And Carol was okay with that thought, but now…

She couldn’t stand being on Earth knowing Y/N wasn’t there

It was like coming home to a cold and empty house

But she looked at Natasha, finally with the courage to ask her what she had been thinking all this time, “Were you and Y/N together?”

“No,” Natasha answered, almost teasingly

Carol felt relief, but above all, she felt obligated

To do right by Y/N

So she agreed to visit and report from time to time, “For Y/N. Because I need to do right by Y/N.”

When Carol returned to earth after 5 years, Thanos was there, and so was everybody who had disappeared 5 years ago

In spite of all the chaos, she couldn’t help the voice in her head, asking, “Is Y/N here? Is she safe?”

But you were nowhere to be found, and she had promised to scour the world for you later

Thanos was defeated, but it was in exchange for the lives of Tony and Natasha

With a heavy heart, everyone attended their funerals, all grieving the loss of two of their comrades, friends

At the funeral, Carol stood at the distance, watching behind everybody else

Behind her, Nick was there, and they exchanged solemn nods and opted to wait until the end of the funeral to reconnect

“You came,” was the first thing Fury said, after all those years that they haven’t seen each other

With a small chuckle, she nodded, “Don’t flatter yourself, I didn’t come because you called.”

“I know,” Fury retorted, amused, “You came because she called, right?”

Carol’s mouth opened, lips about to ask a question she had been dying to ask ever since she came back, but no words came out

When everything was chaos and adrenaline and fighting, Carol was not scared

But now that the dust has settled, she was terrified...because now there was no more excuse to avoid what her heart has been begging her to do

Before she could push the question out of her mouth, Fury handed her a piece of paper. “She’s off-duty. Gave her a whole damn month to recuperate from being wiped off the face of the planet.”

And when Carol unfolded the piece of paper, it was just an address

Nodding gratefully to Fury, Carol turned to leave, about to face her biggest obstacle yet

From what she could tell, it was a safehouse

Apparently, Y/N was someone high up the organization that they had warranted her one

Just a little cottage out on the countryside, a palace she had always wanted

Carol laughed whenever she remember you saying, “Maybe one day I could afford a little house in the middle of Kansas, meet Clark Kent and Lois Lane...I don’t know”

And here you were, at a small little house in the countryside

Carol watched you, almost ashamed to just be staring at you while you make yourself some breakfast

As she approached the porch, she wondered how she could take on the mad titan Thanos, but is now shaking as she brought her knuckles to knock on your door, extremities suddenly feeling cold, and knees wobbling to support her weight

She could barely hear your footsteps because of the blood rushing to her head, to her face, heart beating wildly

And when you opened the door, she noted how your eyes widened the tiniest bit, mouth opened in surprise when you realized who was on the other side

“Hi, Y/N,” was the first thing she croaked out

“You…” you smiled at her, “you changed your hair”

With a laugh, she nodded, running a hand through her short hair, before she let her hand down

Slowly counting to three

And engulfed you in a hug

Absolutely-swept-you-off-your-feet hug, your feet leaving the ground as her arms wound tightly across your waist, almost crushing you

And when you heard her inhale into the nape of your neck, it was like a reflex that you threw your arms around her neck, squeezing her just as tight

And Carol wanted to apologize, and confess, and plead for you to give her another chance

She wanted to tell you that she’s sorry for leaving, i was so confused and i was scared to come back and have you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t forgive me for what i did, but i have made peace with who i am and know what i want and what i want is you and your happiness and you and you

And she may have tried to make a letter to help her organize her thoughts

You held her shoulders back, looking at her, really looking at her, after all these years, and you use your thumbs to wipe away the tears running down her face as she shyly laughed at you and held your hands to her cheeks and kept it there for a second, relishing in your heat because you were finally here, after all this time, after 5 long years you are alive

And she brought your hands down and cupped your face and leaned in

And touched her lips to yours, gently, lovingly, finally

You can taste the saltiness of her tears, but also her apologies, and love, and devotion and you kissed her back, smiling

And as you pulled away, you wiped her tears again, before holding her hands, guiding Carol inside, “Let’s eat breakfast.”

And Carol Danvers, for once, was selfish, and did not think of the world needing her help, because she knows that the world would be fine if Carol stayed home for a while

And home is wherever you are

a/n: thank you so much for your support! i rly hope you like this ;__;

[inlovewithfictionalmensblog]

𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐌 ; b.r

Pairing- Billy russo x reader

Warnings: angst, mention of pregnancy, morning sickness, and fluffy in the end

Summary:

You and billy have been in a relationship for over 2 years now. You are incredibly in love with him, as well as he is with you. But everything falls, when he 'sleeps' with someone else. Soon, you find out, you have a little russo growing in your stomach. But, soon billy finds out.

(In this story, billy is still dangerous , but frankie and Billy are still brothers. and yep, also lets pretend lisa and frank jr are still alive)

Y/n- your name

Y/l/n- your last name

Y/m/n- your mothers name

Y/f/n - your fathers name.

Being with billy came with many....consequences. billy was a business man, he cared and loved for his work. He worked so hard for it.

Y/n y/l/n and billy russo met at a bar, they talked, drank. And of course flirted. At first it was just flings, y/n needed to get over her ex, and billy needed to let out his stress.

But the two, had no idea it would lead to more. 2 years. Two years since they met, and two years of being in love.

-

"How have you and billy been?" Lyna, y/n's big sister asked.

"We've been good, he's been working a lot though" y/n said sipping her coffee. It was early in the morning, billy hadnt been next to y/n when she awoke.

"Im sure he's been really busy, dont think too much about it, sis"

"I wont, now go. Before George ends up calling you because he forgot how to change a diaper" y/n told her sister with a small laugh.

"Yeah, i don't blame him, nelly can get out of hand sometimes"

"Your the one who birthed her"

"Dont remind me"

-

After lyna left, y/n had spent the whole day cleaning what wasnt cleaned. By the time she was finished it was already 7:00.

Billy was supposed to return at 6:00. She waited patiently in the couch, cuddled in watching a show about drama and romance. Soon, her eyes closed off. And she was soon taken by her sleep.

Billy, was on his way to the penthouse. Nearly on the verge to knock out. Agent madani had visited his office to talk. He felt guilt. He loved y/n, but he had to do what was coming. In order to keep her safe.

He knew y/n could protect herself, afrer all her father and mother was one of the most wealthiest family on earth. She hsed to take fighting classes. And learned how to use a gun professionally. But she was his to protect.

As he entered the penthouse, there she was. Peacefully sleeping. No broken heart...yet. he slowly walked towards the couch, bending down, with sad eyes. He kissed her temple slowly as if goodbye.

He went into the bedroom they shared, changing into a more comfortable outfit, walking into the kitchen pouring himself some whiskey. He felt the urge to punch a wall.

He kept bringing franks words into his mind.

'𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘒𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦....𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'

He was already regretting it all. He stood awake the whole night, watching y/n peacefully sleep. He needed to break both their hearts tomorrow.

And he wasnt prepared.

2 weeks ago, they had shared a wonderful day, in each others arms, after an amazing lovemaking. Both moaning each others names.

And now, there he was, thinking about a way to easily break a heart.

-

Y/n woke up, the sun was up. The TV was turned off. She looked around to find a cup in the kitchen counter. She got up walking towards their shared bedroom. But he wasnt there.

She sighed in disappointment, rubbing her head. She felt a feeling of disgust, her stomach felt flipped upside down, in a bad way. Suddenly. Her knees went weak, and she ran towards to bathroom, vomiting. Gagging.

Grabbing a peice of paper cleaning her arm, she brushed her teeth. Billy next to her, with wet hair. And in his suit already.

"Hey" billy lightly smiled. Y/n flinched, not knowing he had even been in the penthouse. She smiled.

"Hi, baby" she said walking towards him. Hugging him, gently. He tensed a little bit. Y/n pulled away staring at him.

"Is something wrong?" She asked curiously.

"Y/n....we need to talk" he said nervously, he walked towards the kitchen. Y/n following behind him.

"Whats wrong billy? Did i do something. Because if i did something i pro-"

"I cheated on you" he blurted out. Y/n looked st him, letting out a laugh, soon the laugh let out seeing as billy didnt show emotion. Not even guilt.

"Wh-what.."

"I've been sleeping with someone, for a couple of weeks now" billy said making eye contact. He seemed unfazed, seemed normal.

"So it wasnt your work keeping you away from me huh?" Y/n chuckled. Tears now threatening to fall. Blinking a couple times forbidding them to fall down.

"Y-"

"Dont say shit russo" y/n angrily said, a couple tears fell down. Making her even more angry. "You've done enough" with that she walked into the bedroom, grabbing a bad, filling it uo with clothes.

"Where will you go?" He asked.

"Thats none of your business" she said looking at him. "I wish i had never met you. If i had known you would do this..i would've never fallen in love with you"

Y/n now walked up to the door, slamming it, she grabbed her phone, calling lyna.

"Hello?"

"Lyna.." y/n called.

"Are you cryi- what the fuck did billy do?!"

"Can i stay with you for a while?"

"Yes, of course. I'll go pick you up right now"

-

Billy had tears down his cheeks, he slammed his fist down the wall making a hole, broke cups.

"FUCK" he shouted, falling down his knees, sobbing.

'I wish i had never met you' those exact words kept replaying, like a show.

-

3 weeks later

-

3 weeks now. Y/n silently sobbing in her pillow, while she unpacked her clothes, she had found one of his shirts. It had smelled like him. Cologne, whiskey, and fire.

Everyday and everynight, she sobbed holding it. Over those 3 weeks, shes been feeling sick and nauseous.

"You sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" George asked y/n who had been cleaning her mouth from vomiting. Again.

"No-"

"Y/n, i have a question" "whatsup. Sis?"

"When was your last period?" Lyna asked, both her hands put together after she fed nelly.

"Why would you ask that?" Both y/n and George asked.

"Because, when i was pregnant with nelly, i was the same. Y/n could you be..."

"Pregnant?...no, i mean.." y/n stopped talking as fear overcame her.

She wasn't ready to be a mother. She didn't even want children. And she definitely didnt want to be a single mother.

"I'll get you a pregnancy test" George said grabbing the car keys speeding away. Y/n was now crying into her sisters arms.

"Hey...shh, you won't be alone. Dad and mom will help you, david, me, george, karen will help you as well. But if you are pregnant...what about b-"

"Screw him! H-h-he fucken ruined me. And if i am pregnant with his child, he'll only break the child" y/n said bitterly. Lyna frowned.

"Your only saying that now. But your gonna want him apart of his or hers life" Lyna said. Y/n hesitated but let out a soft 'i know'

-

"Now we wait" lyna said, waiting with y/n inside the bathroom, George on the other side with his ear in the door.

"Does it say anything yet?!" George yelled from the other side. Y/n let out a breathing laugh, and lyna opend the door causing him to stumble and almost fall.

" you could've killed me!"

"Drama queen"

"I am n-"

"Its time" y/n mutterd loudly enough for them to hear. Y/n sat down on the floor while both lyna and George looked.

Suddenly...

"IM GONNA BE AN UNCLE!" Y/n's eyes widened, and a few more tears left her eyes again.

"Im gonna be a mom..."

"Im so happy for you!"

-

Meanwhile. Frankie, karen and most of billys good friends, reminded him of his mistakes.

Karen had been acting suspicious, and frankie couldn't help but dig in.

Later discovering the unexpected pregnancy of y/n.

"If you tell him, i will cut your balls off" katen warned frankie.

"He deserves to know" frankie hissed.

"He cheated on her! He doesn't deserve anything other than guilt"

"Fine. I wont tell him, but as soon as little billy or little y/n is born, he will have to know"

"I know" karen breathed.

-

It had been around 7 months now, y/ns mother and father had bought her a two story house. Y/n had wanted an apartment for, she only needed it for her and her baby. But y/m/n and y/f/n had decided to give both their unborn grandchild and their youngest daughter the best.

The house was beautiful, had four bedrooms, a beautiful garden, an art studio. Y/n's brothers, derek and chris had helped decorate the babys room. Grey and and black. And navy blue.

Yep, y/n y/m/n y/l/n was having a baby boy.

She had thought of names such as.

Cassius, leo, Christopher, but one made her shine.

Liam. Liam y/l/n

Y/n had still cried, some nights. But she had no other choice but to move on. Even though it was incredibly hard to do so.

Her brand new phone, since she had thrown her old phone that way Billy wouldnt contact her rang.

Karen.

"Hello?"

"Y/n! How are you?!" Karen beamed. Y/n smiled happily.

"I've been good. A little big, but good" y/n let out a small laugh, karen laughing as well.

The smile on y/ns face fell down. She knew she was going to regret it, but she had to know.

"How's everyone?"

"Good. We all miss you"

"I miss you all too. Uhm....hows billy?" Y/ns hesitated. Karen sighed.

"Hes....ruined you can say. Ruthless, only time we see him smile is with lisa and frank jr. He needs you"

"If he did. He wouldn't have slept with another woman" y/n breathed, she choked on her own words.

"Yea, he did. Didn't he" karen said through gritted teeth. "Whens your due date?" Karen asked.

"December 10th"

"Are you healthy, both of you?"

"Dont worry karen, everything is perfect"

"Just playing the Godmother role" Karen let out a laugh.

"Ok well, I'll text you later, my parents are on there way here"

"Alright. I love ya!"

"Love ya too"

-

"Shes making a mistake!" Frankie defensively told Karen. Karen groaned "so did billy" karen defended back.

"She's hiding the fact that she's having his child!" Frankie whispered yelled.

"She has a good reason!" Karen whispered yelled back.

"Whos 'she' ?" Billy asked, walking towards the fighting couple.

"My....my friend, she's..."

"She's pregnant and she's hiding her pregnancy from the father" frank told billy staring at karen then at billy.

"Does she have a reason?"

"Yes. The bastard cheated on her" karen glared at Billy then at frank, who she had mindly already murdered in her head.

"Well...maybe tell her to try and tell him, maybe he didn't mean to cheat" billy said tiredly. He hadnt slept in over 8 months. He hadnt slept since the day he made his worse mistake.

"Any sign of y/n?" Frank asked karen wirh a knowing look. Billys eyes widened hoping karen Did hear from her.

"No. And even if i did, i wouldn't tell you" karen said leaving both men alone.

"Its alright brother, we'll find her" frsnk patted billys back.

"What if.....what if he got to her?" Billy fearfully told frank. Frank blinked, wanting to tell him, to the world what was really happening.

But instead he said. " he didn't, he knows better than to mess with us"

-

Time was going really fast, because now. Y/n was in a hospital bed, holding her baby boy. Liam looked exactly like his father, beautiful pitch black brown eyes, dark drown hair. Only thing liam had from y/n was her nose.

Y/n, wasnt sure she wanted to keep the baby 2 months after discovering her pregnancy. But here she was, holding her baby. Never wanting to let go. She held his small body in her tired one. His small hand holding y/ns finger. She stared deep into her sons face, tears fell down. As a tear fell down his cheek, he let out a small flinch making her frown and cooe at him. She felt butterflies down her stomach. She felt warm, she felt a different type of happiness. One she never thought she'd ever feel. One she swore she would never feel. A mothers love. The love of a mother. She swore there and then, she would always protect her baby boy. No matter whatm she'd die for him. Kill for him.

"I've never encountered something so beautiful" Karen said from the door. Frankie and karen were at the door with small frowns, and small smiles.

Frankie slowly walked up to the tired woman and newborn baby. He had tears in his eyes. His brother was a father. And he wasnt even here.

"His name?"

"Liam, shirt for William" y/n smiled. She cooed down her baby.

"Meet your Godparents" frankie's eyes softened. As karen beamed clapping her hands together.

Frankie swifted in motion wanting to carry the small creature. Y/n let out a small smile, letting frankie carry him.

"Im so gonna kick billys ass now"

Y/n let out a crying laugh.

"I wish he could be here" y/n muttered, quietly. Yet both kare and Frank heard.

"I will protect you my Godson"

"And i will feed you lots of muffins" karen cooed at the baby.

"Did billy know you were coming?"

"No, he has been too busy, resigning the penthouse and trying to finish everything in anvil, he didn't notice us leaving "

"Why is he resigning the penthouse?"

"After you left. He destroyed everything" karen spoke softly. "Did he get hurt?" Y/n asked tearly.

Frankie chuckled. "No but he will once i see him"

-

After meeting little billy, frankie had sped to the penthouse. Knocking rather loudly.

He wasn't going to tell him, about liam. No he had to know himself.

Billy opened the penthouse door angrily.

"What?!"

"Dont boulshit me bill. I found y/n" frank said angrily back at Billy. Billys eyes widened.

"Where? Frank where is she?!"

"If i tell you what are you going to do?"

"What am i gonna do?! Im going to apologize, make her mine again. And make sure i mever let go of her again" billy said through gritted teeth.

Frank smiled a bit. Proud of billy.

"Shes in the new york hospital."

Billy frowned.

"W-why is she in the hospital?" Afraid..billy asked.

"I cant tell you. But i can tell you this. Shes okay, shes not hurt. Just tired. But you will need to see her in 2 weeks"

"What, No! I cant wait that fucken lo-"

"Billy! Just trust me"

Billy hesitated. But nodded. For now, he had to get his shit together. Clean the penthouse. Ckean himself. He looked through his drawers, finding the small box he had, had for over 13 months. He was gonna do it. If she forgave him, he was going to officially and permanently make her his.

But if she didn't forgive him....then he didnt know.

-

After about 2 weeks after giving birth. Liam and y/n step foot at their house for the first time as mother and son. Y/n rook him to his small crib, not the one in his bedroom the one that had been for other places.

She made food for her. And made sure to get prepared for. Breastfeeding.

Billy had to see her. He couldnt wait much longer, he was desperate. So he asked karen and frankie to come with him. They happily excepted.

Since billy was too nervous, karen was the one driving. She had a smile while driving.

"Whats the smile for?" Billy asked.

"I just cant wait for you to fix your mistake" she smiled again.

Frankie smiled at his girl in the backseat.

-

After y/n had breastfed liam, she heard a knock in her door. She put Liam in his crib, covering the top, so he wouldn't be noticeable.

She went to her kitchen drawer getting the gun out.

She looked through the door hole. Karen.

She opened the door revealing not only karen, but Frank....and Billy.

She sighed, looking behind her. Liam.

"Put the gun down sister" karen said getting inside the house. Frankie following. But billy stayed out.

Y/n nodded for him to walk him. In which he did.

"Okay, while you guys talk. Me and frankie are gonna go to the park with lyna and george" karen said.

Karen smirked at y/n while frank patted billys back. Both of them leaving the house.

Y/n sighed.

" i need a drink" she said walking towards the kitchen. Serving herself some whiskey, drinking it all in one sip.

"So..." billy started. He looked at y/n with sadness. All he wanted to do was kiss her at the moment, hug her, hold her.

"So?" Y/n said. She clickes her tounge.

"Y/n....im sorry"

"Sorry doesn't fix anything billy" she said bitterly.

"It doesn't. It honestly doesn't, but that doesn't mean im not sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, more than you could imagine, and wh-when you told you wish you h-had never met me....i couldn't breathe. I understand why you hate me, i hate me too, but please. Let me explain why i did what i did" billy begged. His eyes were full of glossyness, and sadness.

Y/n almost believed him.

"Go on."

"Agent madani, had fulled me into believing she was one if the good guys. But just 1 month, after i did. I found out she worked for Cornelius bond, he has hated me and frankie ever since we quit being marines. Madani manipulated me i to doing things i regret. Including sleeping with her. Everytime she ...touched me" billy said the ending with disgust. "I wanted nothing more but to go to you"

"Why couldn't you just stop her?"

"Because....because Cornelius threatened to kill you. And i know you can protect yourself...but i wasn't gonna risk it. Madani took advantage of me, using me for many things. Tortured me, for the past month. I wanted to tell you, but i co-" as he was gonna speak, tears fell down his face.

The two years of knowing billy. Y/n knew two things.

1. He'd do anything to protect his loved ones.

And 2. He never lies about stuff like this.

Y/n stared into his eyes, searching for any sign of him trying to manipulate him, but there was nothing but numbness and regret.

Y/n got up crashing her body with his. Her hands wrapped beautifully around his torso. Billy did not hesitate to hug back, silently sobbing into her neck.

Billy was never one to cry, another reason y/n knew he wasnt lying.

"Please.....forgive me" billy stuttered. Hus hands wrapping around her tighter.

"I forgive you" she muttered silently. And that...that was enough for billy to feel full again. He pulled away, bringing her into a beautiful passionate kiss. His hands on his cheek, her hands on his wiping off his tears. She had a smile on her face. As well as he did.

"I love you....so fucken much"

"I love you mo-" y/n got interrupted by a small coo from her baby. Her heart beat fastened. She looked back at billy who had a confused face.

She slowly walked up to Liam.

"Over the past 9 months, i have been..." y/n gulped, picking up her babyboy.

"I have been carrying your baby..." y/n muttered quietly. But billy heard her perfectly clear.

Billy now had a pained expression.

"And you never told me?" He said heartbrokenly.

"I was upset billy...i was sad. Everytime i heard your name, i felt sick...and abandoned. I told Karen and frank to not tell you. Of course Frank got really upset with me and Karen...i wanted to tell you. But everytime i brought it up...you always changed the subject i never really thought you'd want a family" y/n told him. He had a tear slowly run down his face. He walked forwardly...slowly.

"Whats his name," billy said looking down at the small bundle

"Liam" billy looked at y/n, with love then back at liam with adoration.

"Wanna hold him?" Billy shook his head lightly.

"I dont wanna drop him" billy spoke quietly.

Y/n chuckled, sitting down in the couch, billy following. She faced billy, taking liam to his arms. Billy stared at liam, amazed of how he and y/n made such a beautiful baby. Billy had even more tears in his eyes.

"You're a little extra sentimental today" y/n smiled. Billy nodded. With a smile.

"I missed it . I wasnt there for you" billy said sadly

"You're here now" y/n told him, wiping his tears kissing him on the head, whiles softly caressing liams faces with her pinky.

Liam, slowly opened his eyes, seeing both his parents. Billy had one had supporting liams head and rhe other holding his body. Y/n, held his head, so that billy could give Liam his finger.

As soon as liam, held his fathers big finger, billy grinned.

"Hello....im your daddy" billy spoke adorably.

-

The three small family were enjoying their time, when Karen and frankie walked in the room. Smiling at the the three.

"I love you, so much" billy told you, with so much love as he kissed you. "I love you more"

[ohheyitsokay]

🎉Congratulations lovely! 🎊

The tattooed phrase trope is absolute gold in soulmate AU fics.

Am also a sucker for rivals to lovers ^^

Maybe a fluffy little piece between Poe and the reader with the Reader's phrase being "Well show me what you've got then, flyboy?"

hellooo welcome to the chaos (since you're new here!)

I'll do my best, I hope you enjoy!

warnings: I think this is just fluff, with vague mentions canon typical drama

>>

soulmate requests / follower celebration

<<

There was something about those hanger hallways, something that made it feel like you had to walk fast.

Maybe it was the clean sharp lines, and the regular announcements, and the smooth lines of droids on their merry way.

Maybe it was the urgency of saving the universe from pompous 'rulers' who thought they had any idea what was best.

Or, maybe you just liked to move quickly.

It was in your blood - not because you were born into it, but because you had shed blood, with sweat and tears to get to where you were. And because the universe had half dictated it that way.

"I hardly think it matters. Not that I dont think good pilots help, but I dont save lives," you retorted to the rebel beside you, her steps in pace with yours. "Not like you."

"Become a medic then," Jane rolled her eyes. Your mouth opened, words still forming on your tongue, before your friend stopped dead, hands on her hips. The hallway was forked, little labels indicating youd half pulled her in the wrong direction.

"Hush," she said. "I dont care what excuse you have this time. We both know you don't have a option." Eyebrows raised, and you sighed, dodging another hurried rebel as they almost tripped on a little mouse droid.

On your arm for years now were the words So, you're a pilot?

Long nights you'd spent arguing about fate with your friends - you loved flying, you really did, but-

"It's such a glory job," you always protested.

"Main characters are pilots," she would reply, her sturdy shoulders shrugging. Her agreement didnt make you feel better. If you were lucky, someone else would add, "But you're not like that."

Because you weren't. You were just... you.

"I just want to help people." And no one would argue because that was true, too.

It hadnt come upon awhile, fate, and short lived careers, and how infuriating it was when people held nations lives in their hands because they loved the attention. You lived with it, and kept your mouth shut. because General Organa needed all the help she could get.

And you couldn't deny that you loved it, and it was easier to bear the stress of reality when you didnt think too hard. But -

"Why is this coming up again?" A rhetorical question, delivered with a smirk, and responded to with a childish face.

Jane was pulling you down the opposite hallway, towards the bay, and your stomach twisted, despite the friendly teasing. He was there, you'd told her before, so she knew the reason you'd been antsy, looking for something to blame.

Poe Dameron.

A hotshot pilot, maybe the best in the galaxy. An infuriatingly handsome, ridiculously charismatic, obnoxiously smart, stupidly kind rebel who had nearly blown up your favorite x-wing.

You couldnt decide if he deserved an award or a good solid slap to his cheek. The favored option switched each day, but nothing would come from either - you had never actually talked to him, always too afraid of... what youd be opening yourself up to.

Becaus even from far away you saw him, late at night repairing that dumb x-wing with his bubbly little bb unit, talking to the little thing like he really was sorry. Because you saw him hugging a new recruit, talking to them for what must have been hours after their first mission. Because his smile, the same one that had captured the hearts of almost everyone around, was full of thoughtfulness and earnestness and confidance.

And if you didnt tell yourself that he was selfish, flying for all the wrong reasons, and that you were going to show him? If you didnt protest that your attention was solely in seeking pilot humility?

Then, Maker help you, you were in love with him.

"Shut up," you said sternly, as your friend grinned, and the two of you approached the ship you'd spent all morning checking and rechecking. Her response blew away, drowned under the noise of chatter and intercom announcements and the chaos of the hanger.

A hard hug, a fistful of fabric, and shouts to stay safe, and both her and her teasing disappeared, and your turned the the hunk of metal above you.

"So, you're a pilot?" It was the words, but the voice that made you flinch. You'd heard him before, voice like dark caf in mornings, sweetened at the edges with golden honey.

No way he was talking to you.

"I mean, obviously you're a pilot." Why was he here? Wasn't his ship... oh. Next to yours.

"And a damn good one, I hear," he kept talking. Your words were sticking in your throat, alarm bells screaming to tell him off, to spit out your righteous lecture or tell him to mind his own business or something. You unintentionally ignored him, but he just... kept talking, content to let you work opposite of him.

"I... I've seen you around." For the first time, your gaze snapped into his, wondering at the nervousness of his tone. Regretting it instantly, you turned away. His eyes were like his voice, dark and warm and bad for you. Bad, bad, bad.

"You talk about how we do this for others."

Hand on the top rung of your ladder, you paused, this time looking at him deliberately. He really wanted to have this conversation? And... Maker it felt like you'd hit an asteroid. All those walls, sharp and sturdy like tempered metal, crumbling around you.

He shouldve looked smaller, hanging from his own ladder like he didn't have anywhere to be, but he didnt. Of course he didn't.

"I agree," he said, awkwardness replaced with a resolute phrase. Almost a promise.

And you grinned.

"Well," you held his gaze as he pulled himself up another rung, to be even with you. "Show me what you've got then, flyboy."

And he grinned back.

He disappeared from view for a moment as you pulled yourself into the cockpit, and your mind, which had gone blissfully silent, abruptly began to scream.

Something - something just happened - but it was time to go, and you had a mission, and the coms were switching on, and -

Looking over you saw him, his beautiful eyes as wide as yours felt.

And then you got the all-clear for take-off.

-

He had searched for you the moment you landed. You knew he did.

But you had landed a row away from where he did and hunkered down in the cockpit and tried to breathe and process the mission - a resounding success - and the terrifying thought that you had maybe just found your soulmate. And been one slightly-less-perfect maneuver away from losing him again.

He - he probably got swept away int he rush of celebrating crowds like he always did. Not that you noticed.

The phrase, on your arm, it was... it was common, right? Anyone could say it.

The whole mission you'd shoved it out of your mind, only focused on getting everyone out of there alive, and now that it was over...

You didnt know what to do. The hanger was quiet, void of cheering crowds and pilots alike, and you climbed out, hitting the ground with a thud.

Poe was waiting for you, looking almost shy as he buried his hands in his pockets. Sleeves rolled up, you saw words youd never noticed before... words you'd felt in your mouth mere hours ago.

"How'd I do?" He asked, his smile small, dark eyebrows bending in.

Like before, the chaos of your thoughts stilled, storm waves settling to a gentle tide. You walked towards him, wondering at the feeling.

"Not too bad," you said, trying your hand at a matching smile. It came easy, easier than you were prepared for.

"Yeah?" Was he always so tall?

"Didnt get anyone killed."

"Good point," his voice sounded rough, and... he was close.

"I think," Poe wet his lips, and you could almost feel it, he was so close. "I think my soulmate prefers it that way." He was right.

Hand on that broad chest, flight suit streaked with who knows what, you kissed him.

He kissed you.

Warm and sweet.

And slow.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge @pbeatriz @saradika @zinzinina

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

📝: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Founded by a Black transgender woman and a Black nonbinary person, For The Gworls raises money to help provide funds for rent and gender affirming surgeries for Black transgender people across the country."

Taglist:

@dickkwad @iblesstherainsdown-in-africa @miscellaneoustoasts @happyandlonely-blog @peeperparkour ​ @ba-responds @bibliophilesquared @blogforhoes ​ @witch-of-all-things-soft @shawkneecaps @whothefuckstolemykeds @daughter-of-the-stars11 ​ @stranger-things4 @kpopanimegirl ​ @nightbu-g @lozzybowe @gizmofishersupremacy @spiderbitch69420

❥ Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist! ❥

[ames-69]

Eddie kaspbark despised flying, especially on his own. He hated the unhygienic airport, the smells, the food, the whole deal. He couldn’t stand how many people there was; it freaked him out and he always found himself wondering just where had these people been. He avoided flying as much as possible, yet here he was, sitting uncomfortably in an itchy plane seat. He could feel someone kicking at the back of his chair and further down the plane hear a baby crying. He already knew he was in for a long flight and had brought everything he could possibly need; ear plugs, an eye mask, his favourite book and his precious phone. He wasn’t even meant to be on this flight, his feet were meant to be safely planted on the ground of his small home town, Derry, Maine, waiting for his best friend bill to come to him for the holidays. Then, unexpectedly, bill decided he wanted to stay in New York with his boyfriend Stanley and so asked Eddie - more so bribed him - to make the one and a half hour plane ride to the big apple, somewhere Eddie had only been once, two years ago when bill first moved. But back then he was travelling with Beverly, his other best friend so this was completely different. Unwillingly, eddie had agreed to fly to Bill in the end but was now seriously regretting it.

Bev and her boyfriend ben were going to meet eddie at his gate when he landed in an hour and 15 minutes, then the 3 of them would get a taxi to bill and Stanley’s apartment where they would meet Bill, Stan and stans 2 bestfriends, Mike and Richie.

Eddie had never had a big Christmas with loads of people (7 people was a lot for Eddie), but there was always time for firsts he told himself. From as long as he could remember it was always him and his over bearing mother, maybe every few years joined by his cheek-pinching-aunts for the holidays. He was actually looking forward to it, if he was honest, getting away from Maine for a few weeks, meeting new people in a new environment sounded so fucking great

A notification from his phone pulled eddie from his thoughts. He frowned. Someone had airdropped him a photo? He opened his phone with his thumb print and the photo popped up fully on the screen. It was a black background with some colourful writing on it. Eddie read it under his breath “sta: if you are the cute boy in row 21 seat B please add my snap so we can talk. @trashmouth03”

Eddie looked around him, confused. A slight pink tint was appearing on his face. He was in row 21 seat C. Surely he couldn’t be the boy? After a few seconds of debate eddie opened snapchat and immediately clicked the ‘find friend’ option. He typed in the user name and clicked ‘add’ on the only name that came up. Richie Tozier. Mere seconds later he received a snap. It was of a guys forehead, messy curls sitting wildly on his head.

“You the cute brunette in the thank you next hoodie?” Read the caption. Eddie laughed before snapping a pic of his hoodie and sending it back.

“Yup that’s me lol”

After awhile of snapping back and forth, Eddie learned Richie was 20, like him, from Maine, like him - but went to the next school over - and had an amazing sense of humour. The next snap he received as of an empty seat - an isle seat, eddies favourite.

“Row 18 if you’re interested ;)” eddie laughed, like he had at every other snap Richie had sent. Without thought, eddie gathered up his belongings and moved down the plane until he saw the mop of curls he was now so familiar with. “Eds!” Richie greeted with the nickname he’d ever so generously given eddie. “Don’t call me that, trashmouth” eddie said with no real malice, settling in his new seat. Even though he was not a few rows down from his original seat, it was a lot quieter here; everything seemed more relaxed, or maybe it was just eddie.

“So Richie”, eddie said, “why you headed to New York?”

Richie swung around, as if in panic. “This planes headed to New York? Oh god, I’m meant to be going to Russia!” Richie cried, but then burst into laughter. “I’m going to see my friend Stanley, and his boyfriend Bill” he explained a lot more calmly. Eddie fell slack in his seat. If he hadnt of just have a mini-heat attack, he would be thinking about how soothing and deep richies voice was. But he wasn’t thinking this. He was now in the middle of a crisis. He had had the thought once, when he first read the name Richie, but ignored it as he was unsure of Stans friend richies last name. Now he knew.

“You’re joking” he breathed, a chuckle escaping his agape mouth.

Richie looked back at him, obviously confused.

“I’m going to new York to see my friend bill and his boyfriend Stanley” eddie confessed. Richie burst into laughter - eddie thought he could listen to that sound forever.

“Guess we’re spending the holidays together” Richie joked, though it wasn’t really a joke, no, it was the truth and eddie couldn’t help but feel butterfly’s attack his insides in the best way possible. They both laughed.

“Guess so” eddie agreed happily. Maybe the remainder of this flight wouldn’t be so bad, eddie thought.

—

A/N: okay so I know you can’t normally use phones on short flights at least where I’m from but its like the whole purpose of the story so sorry not sorry

[might-guys-acorn]

Can I request #10 from the lyric prompt list with Post-War Sasuke?

Of course darling! This prompt is perfect for post war Sasuke! Also thanks for being the first request, I hope you like it❤ -🦎

===============================

Prompt #10- "I know it's a different love, but I know you make me better" (Better by SYML)

Its been two months now since the end of the war. Two whole months. The injuries were immense, the deaths even worse. Youve lost so many close friends, 2 family members and every ounce of motivation to do anything. On top of everything, Sasuke and Naruto, your best friends, were never around. Always out on 'important duties'. You thought since Sasuke had finally come around, finally seen how loved and needed he was by his friends, he'd be more present. But, to you, it was almost as if he hadnt returned at all. Sure, the two of them had stopped by in the hospital when they found out you were there, and alive, and had made sure you were stable. But even then, the light touch of his fingers on your bandaged hands wasnt nearly the parting words you were looking for. That was three weeks ago, so you figured you might as well go look for them now that youre discharged. You got up for a shower, your first in days, and got dressed in some new clothes. Your old shinobi-wear had too many bad memories woven in the cloth, but new clothes had shown up on your doorstep when you came home. Either way, you put them on, threw your wet hair up and went to look for your friends.

Opening the front door, you stumbled backwards a bit as a startled Sasuke had a hand raised to knock.

"Oh, Sasuke. Hello." You tilt your head and smile at him, trying to put him at ease.

"Y/N! Hi. Um, I just wanted to see if the clothes fit. And ask how youre feeling." He looked at the floor.

"Oh, you gave me the clothes, thats so sweet! I'm doing my best here, would you like to come in?" You open the door more and gesture him into your apartment. It was clean, but definitely crumbling, the building damaged during the battles. He took a seat on your bed, looking obviously uncomfortable.

"How have you been? I havent seen you since the hospital." You say to him quietly, easing into the spot next to him on your bed.

"I'm sorry. I meant to come around afterwards, I just didnt know what to say to you. After......all that I've done." Hes staring directly at the grain of the wood on your floor, still speaking in a near-whisper, "Can you ever forgive me?"

You look at him, and your face softens, grabbing his hand, and tucking your head to catch his eye.

"Sasuke. Youre my best friend. When you left, I was devastated, obviously. But, youre back with me now, and I can say the joy of seeing you now far outweighs the hurt from before. I forgave you the moment I saw you fighting by Naruto's side in battle."

He looks at you and smiles, but that fades quickly, "I hope you'll forgive me again, then. I have to leave."

You drop his hand and stand up.

"I'm sorry, what? I see you twice, finally feel okay again, get excited at the thought of being with you all the time, and you leave again? What the hell, Sasuke? Dont you know what its like to have someone you love be ripped away from you? Dont you know how long Ive wanted to see you after all of this ended?" You sigh, exhausted but also incredibly upset. You walk over to your desk and pick up the old picture of the three of you as genin. You looked so happy back then.

"I'll be back from time to time, but I have to protect the village. I have to protect you." You turn to him, and he looks at you, and the warmth of his gaze causes a vermillion hue to spread across your cheeks.

"Sasuke, if you insist on leaving again, I have to tell you. Something thats been in the back of my head for all these years, something I wish I had said the first time. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. And I know Naruto brought you back, but Ive always wondered if I could have changed the whole past just by telling you. Ive always wondered if youd stay, or if I wouldve pushed you away faster. Can you tell me that, before I lose you again? Would I have made a difference?"

He stands up, pushes a strand of hair behind your ear, and brushes his lips along your cheeks. He pulls back, looking deep into your eyes, "Y/N, I dont know if it wouldve changed what I did. But I do know that I didnt come back just because of Naruto, but for you too. Ive thought about you everyday for the past few years, no matter how hard I tried not to." You start to tear up, and he lifts a finger to wipe the wetness from your cheeks. "Ive loved you too, and it brought me to the light. I know its a different love, but I know that you make me better. So, Ill do whatever needs to be done to keep you and your home, our home, safe." He moves his lips to yours, and you place your hand on the back of his neck, feeling his deep black hair in between your fingers. You think to yourself, smiling into his lips, Hes here with me. Right now, hes here and hes kissing me.

He pulls away and places his forehead against yours. You can hear the smirk in his voice when he asks, "Will you wait for me, Y/N? Make a home for me to come back to?"

"Of course I will." You laugh, and realize its the first time you've been happy in years.

Its different, of course, but it's love. And thats all you could ask for.

[wings-of-a-storm]

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the  frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

[theflowersofdoom]

gonna talk about my spooky side account lore bc its unabashedly my favorite

sam and his sibling max lost their parents to to the bringer when they were really young. they were freed from terror mountain when the hannah thing went down. sam had trouble adjusting and stayed in terror mountain for awhile while max eagerly went out into world. the two kept in constant contact, until max suddenly stopped replying after he traveled to the haunted woods. sam decided to leave for the haunted woods to look for his sibling, and had a pretty terrifying time of it until he met lonnie

lonnie is a ne’er-do-well grave robber squatting in an abandoned house in the middle of the haunted woods. he found a very afraid and confused sam stumbling around and took him in with the intention of using him to help in illegal activities. sam, being cut off form the world for 10000 yrs and being generally too trusting, enthusiastically goes along with him. the two run around causing trouble and eventually lonnie finds himself actually CARING about this  sweet bori

paix was born to a terrestrial aisha and alien aisha couple and was raised exclusively on the virupets space station. her childhood had a backdrop of constant and oppressive paranoia of sloth. her family had several connections with the resistance and as a result knew several ppl who either disappeared or were seriously negatively effected by the sloth empire. she even lived through the sloth takeover of virtupets, which while thankfully was relatively uneventful on the part of the station her family lived in, it was still pretty terrifying for 10-or-smth yr old. while all this died down when paix grow up to adult, her parents were still very protective, not allowing paix or her little sister to travel unsupervised and helicoptered pretty bad. paix prided her self in being very level headed, but then one of her only friends disappeared while tracking down a sloth aligned organization and is presumed dead, paix is absolutely devastated, and in the months following his disappearance she quietly takes a small, former resistance ship from a family friend. she intended on flying it to neo central and parking it somewhere visible where the authorities would find it and return it with her apology note sitting in the seat of the cockpit, meanwhile shes in faerieland or mystery island, she doesnt know where just anywhere she’ll figure it out when she gets there. 

what ACTUALLY happened was a little more dramatic than she intended

paix initially and rightfully doesnt trust lonnie much, but he IS nice enough to let her stay at his house after she  crashed into his back yard  (is this even his house? i looks like its been run down for a while). sam was amazed in meeting a real alien and paix liked him well enough, hes a very kind guy, but still the whole situation was suspect

she probably wouldnt have stayed for long if lonnie hadnt up and died on them

paix suspected murder, from what sam says lonnie wasnt the most liked person around, but its not like theres any laws this is the haunted woods. as far as sam knows lonnie doesnt have any family, he thinks once there was a sister mentioned but he didnt even get a first name. the only family sam had left was a missing sibling he had been trying to find for a year now. so paix helps sam bury him in the back yard

paix takes on a lot of the responsibilities, like get food and telling people that lonnie is in fact dead, he wont be bothering you anymore. she even starts helping sam in his attempts to track down his sibling (shes not super optimistic but its not like shes going to tell sam that). 

at first paix thinks that sam is just very, VERY upset. he hasnt been very tired and acting a little strange, but his friend just died in front of him, its not like she has any room to judge. but as time goes on, things seem increasingly off. theres breif moments where sam seems to be his old self, but more and more he seems confused. paix finds him standing in the middle of the hall, staring at the wall. theres times where sam doesnt remember where hes been or what he was doing just moments ago. paix goes to the attic to get sam, finding no one, only to remember that sam is asleep in the in the living room, and when she goes back down staris of course hes still there, passed out on the couch like he has been all day, why was she so sure there was someone in the attic

when it becomes clear that lonnies been possessing sam, paix has a weird mix of terror and relief, though its drowned out by how PISSED she is at lonnie. she yells at him in portuguese for WHILE before he explains that he really wasnt trying to hurt sam or steal his body or anything else paix is accusing him of, hes been trapped in the ghost zone since he died and nothing he did could get their attention (he had gotten SO CLOSE with paix, she seemed to almost hear him. paix remembers all the times she felt she was being watch or heard someone screaming and just shrugged it off as a side effect of the haunted woods) 

paix could absolutely kill him AGAIN when he goes on to explain that hes now stuck in sams body. she begrudgingly agrees to help lonnie not be stuck, using a ritual from one of the weird creepy books littered around the house. it works and paix is incredibly relieved to find that sam is alright, but then immediately un-relieved to feel someone standing behind her and turned around to find lonnies spooky ghost standing there, menacingly 

the tension was immediately broken as sam  scrambled up screaming YOURE ALIVE and attempting to tackle-hug lonnie only to go through him and crash into the wall

and after paix gives lonnie a peice of her mind and lonnie profusely apologizes to both her and sam, things fall back into normality. paix and sam have found ways to make a living without doing anything illegal. lonnie is somewhat weirder as a ghost, hes taken a liking to scaring the heck out of ppl and is back to being a menace, but he seems to be more sincere with sam and paix at least 

zaf generally doesnt like photos, meko probably caught them by surprise 

zaf was a unfortunate victim of one of the many sloth-aligned splinter groups, and while they have made an amazing recovery, they remember nothing before waking up in the hospital. they were told that they had been kidnapped and eventually were found and taken in by authorities before being treated and successfully reverted to the physiology of an average mutant kacheek. zaf knows theres more to the story that authorities and their friends arent telling them, and has vague memories, but zaf isnt sure if they want to remember them. they were told by their friends that they had been a zafara before, that they were kind and generous and everyone was devastated when they went missing. zaf, surrounded by people that they cant remember, felt incredibly guilty. they hear stories about themself that they cant remember or even relate to. they ask for descriptions of themself that dont feel like them, least not anymore. zaf looks at pictures of this person that doesnt even look like them, and they cant help but feel like that person isnt here anymore.

zaf distances themself and eventually leaves neo central, taking a job at a hotel in the haunted woods. they have trouble finding a place to stay, and on their way to look at yet another apartment, they mistakenly knock on the door of a spotted bori who has THE friendliest face theyve seen since they moved to the woods

the two talk until its dark out and sam insists they stay the night bc its not safe to be out are you kidding me its the haunted woods. paix, given her past, is suspicious before zaf mentions what happened to them and she straight up offers for them to stay indefinitely (good thing too bc sam was pretty confident the place they had been on their way to see was a scheme to murder people, which seemed way more alarming to zaf than it did sam)

it takes 3 days for zaf to meet lonnie bc hes busy being an ass, slamming doors and leaving creepy messages in the mirror, culminating into jump-scaring zaf in the hallway at 3 in the morning. paix had tried to warn them but its still a spooky ghost in your apartment. sam mentioned that lonnies body was buried in the back yard and zaf looked like they were about to cry. just two sweet kids living in a dilapidated old house thats haunted by their dead friend, whose body they had bury in the back

zaf seems to be the only one concerned about the skulls in the living room, and the strange books, all of which, at least the ones zaf can make sense of, contain what appears to be spells. they mentioned where they lived to their boss and some coworkers and all hell broke loose and zaf had to leave the premises. paix apologized and said that lonnie had a reputation with the hotel staff and it kind of extended to everyone esle in the house. lonnie zipped through the ceiling and stated that they had ALWAYS had it out for him even BEFORE he stole that golf cart and the two start up another argument and the initial point is lost. 

but even months afterward, zaf cant forget the the moment of panic in their former boss’s eyes when they mentioned the house

mini is a witch living in the woods. sam and the gang think shes their neighbor, but no one is really sure where she lives. she comes by the house every now and then. sam, paix, and zaf have invited her in but always stated that she cant come in. has started to come around more frequently after zaf showed her one of the book they had found, wondering if she could make any sense of it. usually cryptic mini straight up said it was incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. the two have since working through the books to see if any of more of them had spell theorems that could ‘potentially warp the fabric of reality’ as mini had put it

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Gracie lucio writing wips if any of you were curious(to perhaps be posted soon)

Normal universe writings

She looked into Damian’s eyes uncertainly, briefly convince he was trying to prank her. There was no way he was deciding now, in a locked cell in a mission gone so wrong, tied together and both hazy from injuries, was the best time to talk about their feelings.

Even though his eyes were a little glazed over from either the pain of the head injury and stab wound or the small delirium of his slight blood loss, they were stubbornly determined and fierce as he leaned his face closer to hers. She caught a wisp of his shampoo from how close they were and ‘oh sweet moon goddess he’s fucking serious’  now was NOT the time for her to get all flustered this was a serious situation and she needed Damian to be more focused and maybe a tad more lucid.

~~~

“ Hey Dick?” The thirteen year old’s companion gave her his attention from his position beside her as her reading cushion, the two of them having curled up after a long patrol in the rain on a self made nest of blankets and pillows beside the lit fireplace. The bright blue eyed boy smiled and rested his chin on top of her head from where it was nestled against his shoulder. 

“ Yeah Gracie?” She took a small breath and glanced up at him while setting aside her book. She had been reading and re-reading the same sentence over and over again for the past half hour, deep in thought and decided to banish any negative ones right away. She reached out and found his hand, gripping it tight seeking a comfort he gave by twisting his body so she rested against his chest.

“ You’re always going to be my best friend right?” He smiled at the question and and chuckled softly.

“ Of course silly. Best friends forever. We promised after all.” She was quiet for a moment and looked ahead of her.

“ So...we’ll always be together right? You...you wont leave me like everyone else right...?” The only sound for a few moments was the sound of the rain pattering on the window and the snap and crackle of the fire. Dick’s other arm wrapping around her in a hug as he squeezed her hand.

“ I’m not leaving you. We’ll stay together...no matter what.”

~~~

I heard the safe house door open and I looked up tiredly from the couch, huddled up in the smoke scented leather jacket that was much too big for me to look at the tall man I considered my friend.

“ J-jason...” He gave a sigh and put out his cigarette in a nearby ash tray and sat beside me, ruffling my hair.

“ Dont worry kid, my buddy Roy is out there now diverting anyone who possibly followed us. From now on, until we hear the signal from Dickie, you are officially dead and off the grid.” I nodded and leaned into his hand almost desperate for affectionate physical contact. I was cold, tired, and shaken from the thought a silver bullet had almost pierced my heart a second time if it hadnt been for Jason and Roy. He didnt say anything about the way I pushed into his hand like he didnt mention the way I moved closer and curled into his side for comfort, trembling inside the warm confines of his jacket. All he did was ask what kind of take out I’d want for dinner so he could text Roy to pick some up on his way back, as he was starved but too lazy to go out himself at the moment. I shrugged meekly and stayed quiet, soon falling asleep in his scent and already missing my bed back in the tower...

~~~

“ aaaaachoo!” The ten year old lycran whimpered in pain as she shivered under her quilts and blankets, sniffling through her stuffed up nose pathetically. She felt like she was DYING even as the small relief of a cold rag was laid on her burning forehead. She looked up blearily expecting to see the tall grandfatherly figure of Alfred above her checking on her and gave a slow blink when she saw Bruce’s even taller, bold, blurry shape beside her bed. She felt his big worn hand against her cheek and leaned against its coolness gratefully, cheek scratching against his callouses soothingly. There was another hand that patted her messy, tangled mop of hair and smoothed it down a little. He was talking to her but she was so tired she barely caught any words. 

“ Bruce? Will she be ok...?” Dick’s voice floated into her ears and she opened her eyes, not even realizing she had shut them in the first place. Her eyes drooped and landed on on her concerned partner who now accompanied the large adoptive father figure, peering around his frame to look at her with wide worried blue eyes. She tried to tell him she was fine but the moment she opened her mouth a surge of fiery pain shot through her throat and made her hack and cough violently, leaning her now throbbing head further into her pillows with a miserable groan after.

“ Im not sure yet Chum...we cant have a normal doctor check her out so im trying to find someone trustworthy to examine her. For now, we should let her rest. If you’d like you can help Alfred bring her things while I go out looking for a doctor.” 

~~~

"Here."

She looked up at Damian a bit startled then down at the box he held in front of her. She blinked once, then twice as she examined the white box and the various holes in the side and the neat pale green bow keeping it tied shut before looking back up at the boy wonder.

"Um...this is sweet of you Damian but...my birthday is a few months away..." He grunted and stepped into her room, noting how it was a little disheveled and unorganized with case works and evidence and clues, just like the rooms clearly drained owner. As Damian looked at the shorter girl he held back from saying anything her extra messy hair or the dark smudges under her eyes from all nighters. He did sigh at her hesitance though.

"Im well aware. I just...i...just open it already." She rolled her eyes a little but obeyed his command nonetheless, undoing the ribbon and pulling the lid off.

She didnt know what she expected to be in there. The past two all nighters mustve been screwing with her to have not recognized the scent coming from the box. She dropped the lid to the ground and put a hand to her mouth in surprise.

"I...i found him wandering outside a shelter in Gotham...when i brought him back in they said he was an abandoned emotional support animal that had slipped out the door. I thought of you so i...filled out the papers and got him his shots and everything. I figured after all the hassle months ago and the extra work loads youve been taking on to help out Grayson and Father...perhaps a supportive companion would be beneficial to your mental health..." She looked up at him as he almost over explained his gift and she looked back into the box, slowly reaching in and lifting the year old black and brown Maine coon kitten from the box and into her arms. The movement awoken him and the kitten meowed at Gracie and sniffed her before purring contently and getting cozy again. The sound of the purring and the feeling of the cat's warmth and breathing body and soft fur made her heart warm and her stress ease away like the tide. She knew he didnt just find this beauty by chance, he likely searched shelters and adoption centers for him. She looked up at Damian and happily moved forward and kissed his cheek with a smile.

"Thank you Damian i love him! Youre too kind" he shrugged but smiled at the two as she cooed softly and cradled the fluffy beast kissing his little head. He knew the cat was something she needed to keep from falling into that dark place, a co.fort and a responisiblity that would keep her from restarting that cycle.

He cleared his throat a little and reseized her attention.

"What will you name him?" She hummed a little and got a playful little grin that made him narrow his eyes.

"I think...I'll name him Robin."

~~~~~~~

Young justice au story wips(The main ship for her in the young justice universe is Dick X Gracie) 

“ You cant just--Are you even listening to me?” Gracie dragged herself into a sitting position and leaned close to the half-kryptonian with a bitter but playful grin.

“ Nope. Not a word Connor. Im afraid I was much too busy staring deeply into your handsome eyes like in the scene of a romance novel. So I missed every single word.” He stared back at her but snorted out a laugh at her joke, rolling his eyes with a smile of his own. The smile made her relax, feel more at ease with the situation. She couldnt help it, and she lifted her camera up and aimed.

“ Connor look over here with that smile!” He turned his head still smiling, one eyebrow quirked curiously as she hit the button and the camera flashed with a beep and a blink. She lifted her head from the viewfinder with a much more joyful grin, looking rather pleased with herself.

“ Now THAT one is getting printed professionally, or else no one will believe its real.” They both shared a small laugh and she set the camera aside to lean against him, shoulder to arm while she fiddled with the photo settings. They settled into a comforting silence for a few long moments

“ She isnt that bad....or bad at all really. Under different circumstances we would be good friends by now...” She finally spoke up, not taking her eyes off her camera.

“ But?”

She gave a sigh and leaned her head against him in exasperation before looking up to him.

“ Its not her. Its...It’s all the conflicting and difficult feelings that arise when I see her and Robin together...getting so...close and dare I say flirty. Sometimes seeing it makes me downright sick to my stomach and I just need to leave the room.” There was a long silence and she opened her mouth to apologize for bringing up feelings. But she never got the chance.

~~~

“ Dont...you win...you win ok? I surrender.”

The words were resentful, but defeated as Gracie aka Alpha Wolf dropped her staff and utility belt to the ground and raised her hands in surrender. She stared at the tall armed man that stood a few feet before her, the monster that has haunted her every step and shadow since the death of her parents. She stared into his apathetic eyes with her head no longer held up proud, but hung almost submissively with hateful eyes. She ignored the any reasoning against her decision, ignored the sounds of her pained teammates coming back to their senses and realizing what was going on.

“ Alpha dont!”

“ A-alpha d-dont do it!” 

She grit her teeth and ignored their voices, ignored Superboy’s warning shout as he started to get up with difficulty. She kept all her focus on the monster in front of her, determined to protect her team, her friends, her pack. Just like she should as an Alpha. 

She never wanted this man to hurt anyone precious to her ever again. Not if she could help it. 

“P...please...you win. I give up. Kill me, capture me, do whatever. Just...please, let the others go free....its me you want not them...just let hi--them go...” The pleas burned her mouth like acid, as if she had swallowed silver and Wolfs bane.But she gave them, staring into his eyes and keeping her hands up in the air. She wouldnt let him take anyone else away from her again. Not this time. 

Not with Robin dangling in his steel grip with a gun to his temple. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tadaaaa! A bunch of my DC and my Gracie writing wips! Im working on all of these at different paces but theyre getting done! 

If there are any particular ones of these you guys wanna see published soon please do tell me in my inbox! Itll motivate me to finish it faster! You can also send new writing prompts or story ideas for me to write too! I hope you guys enjoy these little sneak peeks of future oneshots!

[rkseongmin]

new member to the family. heo family christmas backdated to dec  25. 2018 1:12pm

breakfast had been a rather normal affair. well, mostly normal what with his moms family all in town for the holidays. its different having them all here for it when hyunjoon remembers often traveling with his brother and sometimes mom as well to the states for christmas. his dad had never been much for the holiday, its not something really family centered in korea, but it had only taken a few years with his mom before he too was in the spirit. she grew up in the states where its such a big thing, and thus hyunjoon and jaewon were raised with the belief that its a more family thing. 

this year was different, of course it would be. jihyun is a debuted idol and unable to come home, hyunjoon is still mostly off his feet and got to just watch his mom bicker with his brother about what they should do for dinner, and... the absence of their father was easily noticeable. 

he tried not thinking on it. really, he did. it’s hard though once he’s left to his own devices not to let his mind wander. currently he was propped up on the couch at his grandparents place with his nose in his ds playing pokemon as he normally does. his mom and grandmother and aunt were all in the kitchen and he could hear them talking about this and that. his grandpa and uncle were off having man time or whatever with jaewon who had looked very reluctant to leave. he knew gwen had gone off with grayson to get something from the store a while ago so they could be back any moment. leaving hyunjoon on his own for now. 

a frown had worked its way across his face, game system resting on his lap now as he seemed to be glaring at the christmas tree put up. his neutral expression morphed with his growing negative thoughts. a swirling mass of things he has mostly been ignoring recently. mainly it centers on his dad, as most of his thoughts have since the accident. the time in the hospital is mostly a blur to him but what he can recall is never any fun. 

he misses his dad. even if they hadn’t made up he would miss him. they had a good relationship when he was growing up, he remembers years of going with him to the jyp building and loitering around randomly getting weird looks from staff members who didn’t know him. his dad had been the one to give him his first pokemon game too. something he would grow to be obsessed with for years to go. he remembers when he cooked the first dinner all on his own and how extra he dad had been in praise even thought it hadnt even been that good. his dad had been so excited when he got into dancing even thought he didnt stick to it long until he joined orion. and even when they were fighting, his dad and mom had both showing up to orion performances.

he wonders if they hadn’t gone on that trip if his dad would still be here. if maybe they had gotten a taxi so his dad wasnt driving. or if they had gone to lunch with their mom and left later. so many what ifs come to mind.

a finger is pressed to his forehead, his expression relaxing slightly as he catches sight of his cousin even as he raises his good hand to bat the finger away. ���you’re going to have wrinkles at a young age if you keep that up.” grayson said, earning a huff from said teen which made him smile. same little hyunjoon, always putting up such a tough mean front. the older male settled in next to him, mindful of his leg and shoulder as he wraps an arm around his baby cousin. “what had you glaring a the tree like it offended you?” 

hyunjoon remained silent for a moment, tense even, before he let out a soft breath and laid his head against grayson shoulder and accepted the comfort from his cousin. “...i was thinking about dad.” he revealed, mumbled, but grayson caught it nevertheless. the older’s smile going a bit sad but he had figured that was the case. 

“do you want to talk about him?” grayson asked, and wasnt surprised when he felt hyunjoons head shake against his shoulder. he hadn’t thought the teen would want to, hyunjoon is often closed up tighter than a safe and those rare moments when he is open are normally only when hes having some kind of meltdown. and grayson didn’t want to push him today--he would, before he leaves, because its better for hyunjoon to talk about it--but for now he would accept it. “alright, well in that case i guess its time for you to get your last gift. this got his attention, the teen sitting up rather abruptly and giving his cousin this squinty eyed look as if judging to see if he was telling the truth. 

“i have another gift?” he asked finally when grayson gave a laugh to his expression. the older male nodded, looking over his shoulder to see that his mom was back in the room and she had a blanket in her hand and the blanket was moving and hyunjoons first response was. 

“you had another kid?? when were you ever pregnant?” which had everyone laughing as the rest of the family converged to the living room once more. jaewon was also casting the bundle in his moms arm a suspicious look as he bounced over to take hyunjoons other side on the couch. 

“it’s a baby, but not what youre thinking.” his mom said with a laugh, and she move in front of the boys before carefully setting the bundle into hyunjoons lap. “i know you’ve been asking for a while and we always said we couldn’t afford it--or there’s no room. but...” and that clued him in to exactly what it was, a gasp leaving hyunjoons lips as his good hand slowly unwrapped the top of the blanket bundle and curled up in the blanket was the smallest softest looking white kitten. 

“you got me a cat!” hyunjoon said, feeling jaewon lean closer to also look. the volume of his voice woke he kitten who blinked bearly up at him before meowing which drew a soft aw from both heo boys. 

“are we sure a cat can even take care of another cat?” gwens voice pipped in, teasing hyunjoon and earning herself stuck out tongue briefly which she laugh at. hyunjoon wasn’t really bothered though as he’s use to being called a cat by people. cats are right up there with his obsessions to pokemon and cooking, and many have likened him to a cat with the way his personality is. more of a compliment than anything. “do you know what you’ll name him?” she asks instead, and hyunjoon is already nodding.

“i’ll call him ramsay.” 

[abtoddler]

A little melancholia for the day

It’s interesting how far we come and sometimes

Its no where near far enough. When i was younger, I couldn’t tolerate my mother. When shes oh hey, im goin to be a bitch for days, then expect me to talk to her. Its already bad enough shes super dismissive or hateful, and then super concerned so she can ear another tick in her caretaker personality.

Which explains why i need a daddy so much. I al thankful to mine, and my big bro champ, the two of them create a world where i dont have to worry about what occurs outside the front door. - a bit of backstory, and the strings of complaints, spoonie comments, support groups and things like that: i have a chronic pain condition with compression and the slow approach to parapalegia while on the medication, the norco and muscle relaxers to help the sensation of walking on nails, and endless buzz, this is a gift from 14 years ago, that keeps taking the feeling and control of my legs & feet. I also have an inflamatory bowel disease, so its like shitting hot lava. This has been occuring more regular then a ladies period, and has been occuring since longer then I can remember.

Growing up, i would throw up while shitting at the same time for hours ans hours. Get up in the middle of the night and just let it go. Ive turned memory of this shit to another thought. Right now its about how much time i have left, 20 years? That wouls make me 54, if i go out then, or even in the next 35 years wouls make me younger then my adoptive parents.

Now heres a funny thing, since my dad doesnt really keep up with me, mostly my fault because i hate talkin on the phone, and cant exactly travel at the moment. The point is, “oh you still have to go through that, i hadnt heard so i assumed it went away”, its not that” oh i assumed you just stopped having a horrible mutiple times a month for my entire life stomach pain, just stops, because nothing is said about it. Or the trying to convey that i just do not have the means to emotionally handle it, and so cant make effort to do stuff that hurts my heart. The same is whether or not my mother means it. But shes always been cunty when shes not put first, or in control. It’s interesting she abused drugs and alcohol when i moved into my own house the first time. Then the abuse from her starts, getting mad, being dismissive, just down right fucking horrible for no good goddamn reason.

This then causes me to have an emotional shut down, this abuseive crap, this shit makes me not want to be around her. She cant “do” being alone, and it makes her really mean. The more mean she gets, the more i have no desire to fuck with that. The endless complaints, rudeness, snide comments, endless streams of just foulness. Thank you to everyone whose not like this, is what i want to say. Thank you to daddy and champ. Those who “choose” us, and so help up the folk like me who have all sorts of shit to deal with. Its nice having an insulation.

I do not want contact with people who are sneaky and will put someone else under a bus, i do not want folks who do not give more then lip service to”bdsm full exchange” and “demands” that put them ahead of what they want to do with my daddy. Theres so much in this life that i wont be able to do. I have less then most folk i wager. Going by the wayside, posting to the empty vaccum where the internet remembers.

I can do this. I can do one day at a time forever, one moment, that is an endless cycle of sleep. And meds, and pains. The reason i can do this. Family. Good people raised me, but im home for the first time with these last 6 months, 50 or 60 years ahead of me is not enough time for my daddy, for my big bro. There is a ton of the world to see.

These are the thoughts, and feelings ive had since loosing my hope on handling something just a bit better. Its been super dark, with looking at end of life affairs, looking into kinds of burials, and assisted suicide. Everything that would mean i miss everything i want with my family. I do not mind a death I choose. I do not mind my final wishes. What i mind; the knowledge of folks with my kinds of stomach shit dont really see much longer to the older age brackets. It scares the piss out of me, that it could just be done, i wont be able to wake up and work on my grimoires, i wont be able to tell my daddy I love him. Anytime i feel it, i have to say it. That way in all the tiny moments of time, and if folks can remember me. He will know i would always love him, thank him, appreciate him. He is the scope of my world. Anything less then forever is an unacceptable amount of time. The thought of leaving him early scares me. Its my greatest worry, that i will never know enough, or see enough of his life to only see it really start.

Its hard, it sucks. So thats why my grimoire projects will not, end. My desire to be little, and safe and cared for, must be followed right back into daddies arms, and the worlds hes helped build. I ve been trying to process this, its taken a few months, in suspected truth, probably it will be always there. But, i try and focus on projects, on the little things that can be done in a day. I cant care about my mother demanding i go and see her. Or her being a bitch when i do, and leaving her with a “see you whenever” i said “what ever” and just walked out of her apartment the other night.

So, while she feels i should be doing what ever she asks depite my lack or to too much sleep according to her. Not the exhaustion i get subjected to after the fire of hell erupts from my asshole, and causes me to throw up anything left in my stomach. Yea, between that 1-4 hour production of “this is your life” in food I attempted to eat earlier. Shes got stupid questions that have no bearing on day to day shit, and now that shes done fucking making threats at me, she can shut up, while I sort out how to handle her ass, while being with wonderful people, for what will be the rest of my life. However long i can make it. Daddy, makes it worth it, i want to see him and champ be their best selves. I can instead only do everything that i am able to set their roads up, even if i wont get the chance to see how it ends.

I cry, at night, most nights pooh bear has earned his keep as the cuddle surrogate to daddy. My barking dragon doesnt bark, it would randomly do it; making it hard to sleep with. I know that this internet void, is a public place where people will know, coo!. But I need to post this, i need to put it into the world while I think about how i am going to master the coming years, and not let shit get between daddy and champ and all our dreams.

So, while i get word vomity, and sad. The horizon has this light of the future, the single moment of now, stretching on to the morning. The linear path of all actions, thoughts, life and the experiences, its easy when in thinking of daddy, that i can just aim to make the most of the moments with him. That they know he is the best man i have ever known, the range of his character. His way of dominance, his love and zest for life. The way he steps one foot a time to get the big picture. I will walk with him til my story ends. But, daddy i love you, and thank you. I loves that we have forever and ever. Its not long enough.

But anyway this isnt something i can stop thinking, so my hope is putting just this stuff here, will get it out, and lets me sleep tonight. I am trying to post more, to have a place to unload my thoughts. Thank you for anyone who reads this, its just hard to identify the situation at hand, so many moving pieces. I will try not to post to much of this philosophic ramble, and depression.

I will figure on how to deal with it but tonight, it did it’s job and has cleared my head, and given me a look at what i feel is going on. Night tumblr. Thank you for this medium.

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[04loved]

To A Happy 2018

This isn’t a follow forever or mutual list, I just wanted to give a little personal shoutout to some of you who make tumblr a place i want to keep coming back to.

There are many more wonderful people I didn’t mention, but I hope in the coming year to step out of my comfort zone a little and try to talk to you all more, even if it is only over anon.  To everyone who has sent me an encouraging message or anon in recent days, I was truly touched and I thank you so much.  To all of my followers, i love you and you’re doing great and i hope you have a soft 2018 filled with love and good things!!

@bbhsavocado i feel like i learned so much about u pricilla that night of the bbh in panties talk aldkjsgljk how validating to see my kinks shared n sub bbh appreciated like that, but it was also awful n i hated it. i love all ur bisexual bbh-loving content n ur friendship with some mutuals is so adorable i hope u all find great gfs this year <3 i have no idea y i took so long to follow u bc ur everything i want in a blog

@bbhsthighs nicole, u want to be a person who gives happiness like the boy who inspired ur url, and u do, u really really do. ur hilarious and adorable in ur tags and ur interactions with ur other friends on here. i can tell how much you love them and how much they love you back <3 maybe some ppl first liked u for ur humor and light, but love means accepting u when ur hurting and when u dont feel like u can shine anymore. pls dont be afraid to share that side of you with those who deserve ur trust, bc thats what a true friendship is. pls treat urself with the same kindness u give to everyone else. asking for help isnt being selfish and it isnt letting anyone down. u do not have to shine for everyone else while being blind urself. following u has been a wild ride from the day i first found ur blog and ive enjoyed every day since. this year i hope the world becomes a bright and beautiful place for you.

@bobohu elaine, im not sure who you want following you since u changed ur blog...i think u left while i was taking a break from tumblr, but i found you again from a post about the kinds of love you feel for exo, i knew there was only one person who writes like that, so beautifully and so full of love. you were one of the first exo blogs i followed and you have always been someone who radiates good vibes and sunshine. i want u to know i appreciate every one of ur positivity posts, and even in your selfies, your smile, you look exactly how i would expect from the kind of cute content you have. i want to genuinely thank you for being a fan for so long and doing what u can to make others happy. i love seeing your posts and im very happy i found you again

@boxianb ive been following u for so long and like idk how u do it but u reblog every single baekhyun post i have on my blog without fail. always. u r just all baekhyun all the time and u know what i admire that i respect that so much that is dedication and i see u and appreciate that, its exactly what i want and need in my life, thank you !!

@byunchen mel, ive seen your posts lately and how you are lonely and missing friends on here, and ive been following you for like...two years now..and we don’t really talk, im shy and you say ur shy and bad at talking.... but here’s me saying that i see you and i appreciate the time you spend on here blogging and talking. im not really active enough anymore to promise to interact a lot but this year i will try to talk more and i wish you many adorable anons and people to call friends !! thank u for coming this far and being an important part of my dash

@exolgbt around when i first followed u i was questioning a lot if i was actually a lesbian and somehow ur blog just like...comforted me ? made me feel good ? helped me try to understand myself ? seeing someone so proudly a lesbian and also so in love with exo... ive come to terms with being bisexual but i admire you and really love your content and all the exo mlm appreciation !! ur doing good work <3

@imagine-baekhyun i dont know who is running this account but ur literally ruining my life thanks i hate it !!!!!!

@kjonginswife i have to admit ive wanted to talk to u for a while alkjgslkjg its nice to see someone my own age on here, i did see ur universe reaction and i think youre adorable haha i dont follow a lot of non-bbh stans and honestly i think i followed you at first by mistake but i have never regretted it !! idk how to put it into eloquent words but basically u give me such good friendly vibes and i love seeing your posts and your tags and your personality and just know someone on here really appreciates you and would miss you if u left

@kkaeb-my-song one of the holy first baekhyun blogs i followed <3 from the beginning you struck me as a very sweet person so cutely in love with baekhyun and that hasn’t changed, ive only come to appreciate you even more. you’re a constant on here and being in this fandom wouldn’t be the same without you !!

@mochibaeks I LOVE YOU i know youre not as active lately jelly but I LOVE YOU youre like the sweetest cutest squishiest most adorable person ive seen on this site i just...love...everything you say and make!! im p sure i first followed u bc u did like the bias audio challenge a while ago...u sounded so friendly and adorable, ur voice is very fitting for you haha you are so warm i hope you stick around for a long time because i love you soooo much

@rosybbh ive been following u sophia for a while and we’re mutuals but we havent talked a lot and im still honestly intimidated by you lol idk how u feel about this view but i see you as a very strong person, just the way u talk seems confident in some way to me, whether u feel like that or not. i dont really have the right words, but i admire that. i LOVE everything u say about bbh...all ur posts for bbh n about u n bbh...damn u always got me daydreaming about him too :( except ok there was this one pic of chanyeol and u said smth like ‘imagine him manspreading’ and id like u to know that that actually ruined my life and i havent forgotten it so thanks. for u especially i hope u have a very bright and healing year

@r-velvets vivian i know u have been gone recently but still lurk, and u have one of my fave blogs content wise and gifs and personality. u r still like THAT way too cool mutual i get so excited to see...especially bc you’re also so kind and during that really hard night after the news of Jonghyun, idk how or why but just those few words u said made me feel a lot better. i miss you online but i hope youre doing well in your real life and finding happiness

@sefuns i dont have a lot to say bc im really shy but u were the FIRST exo blog i ever followed and you have given nothing but great content since i found you two years ago, and when u followed me more recently i could not believe the notification aglksjgljk i have no idea how u found me but knowing we’re mutuals made me very happy and gave me a little blush and i just wanted to let u know that

@thundaelights fey, i dont think this will mean much to you coming from a stranger, but after following you for two years, i feel like i know you some, and i want to say that i hope this year you see many beautiful sights, and your heart feels light, and you are surrounded by things that give happiness. i hope something happens soon that makes the whole world look different, look brighter. its funny how life can change so fast and without warning. i wish you not just strength but also a safe place to fall apart and hope to put yourself back together. may you find countless reasons to smile

@wangeun we talked a lot for a while and then i just kind of disappeared i think as i often do rip but i still love following you and i just want to say real quick that i see you and i notice you and i would miss you if you left and i hope youre finding a lot of success in your life

to new mutuals @cuddlyjd @okaybaekhyun @baekhyuns i still get so shy and happy when anyone follows me back but thank you !! you are all three cute and adorable and funny n kenzie i hadnt followed a great jongdae stan in a while since the old dae-biased blogs i followed became inactive thank u for loving jongdae so well alkgjs

@sebyun @winterbyuns @etherealbbh @progamerbyun @dearbyun @baeksee @byunvoyage @solobaek @queenbyun @baekhyy @baehkhun @ethereal-baek i love all of u bbh stans giving baekhyun the love and adoration he deserves n giving me the positive baekhyun content my heart needs. esp solobaek (kiki, right?) u have the cutest most wonderful tags i love reading them all and seeing so many heart emojis

im sorry i dont have the most to say but im thinking of you all and wishing you the best!!!!