#if i got something wrong like the tat im so sorry

[gornackeaterofworlds]

A gift for @avery73 's Sapphire series

Unbroken heart below

[kooktrash]

lost & found | jeon jungkook

summary:your college years have never been something you dwelled on for too long. you didn’t want to think of all the chances you lost and that’s why when the guy you had a crush on moves back to town, you try not to let it affect you again. but then he brings up old memories that didn’t go the way you thought they had and you’re thrown for a loop. you’re stuck between finding something new with him and falling back into old habits of never standing up for yourself. it probably doesn’t help that he dated your best friend, where everything seemed to go wrong.

➣ genre/au: jungkook x reader [she/her, female anatomy], mid-20’s friendships. what kind of au is this? smut, plot

➣18.7k words

warnings: heavy plot. smut. a little bit of angst if you squint. tae is oc defender. shy oc. jk is an old college classmate. oc and jk got complicated, misunderstood history :(. oc is kinda insecure? bathroom sex. teasing. foreplay [f and m receiving]. very neeeedddy, long time waited sex.. unprotected. jk fucks oc on the counter, on the door. jk is tatted up but not in his college days. heavy makeout. breast play. fingering. dirty talk. oc goes down on jk as a thx 🤧 jk dated oc’s bestie but there’s HISTORY. oc’s bestie is the real villain im sorry. took advantage of two insecure college kids >:( love lost, love found vibes. just read I swear it’s not that bad 😭 no cheating. FRIEND BREAK UPS. oc gets confident toward the end

song inspo: bff — jesse

As you settle into adulthood, you learn a few things about friendships. There tends to be a slight divide between those you’ve known since you were young and those you’ve collected over the years. Some might value the friendships they’ve held longer more than those that are more recent but for others, what matters is the trust that comes with friendship no matter with whom it might be with. You’re somewhere in between, you think.

You have people like Taehyung who you’ve only recently started to get to know and have had a chance to grow close with. He doesn’t know everything about you yet but he doesn’t need to, he seems to understand enough now to be an important person in your current life. He’s the kind of friend you're thankful you’ve met on some random occasion.

Then you have someone like your best friend, Miyoung. You’re not sure the last time you had ever been truly without her at your side. From your earlier school years to college, to now when you’re both settled into what would essentially be your careers and private lives. She’s… she's special to you in a way that you're not sure you could ever find in someone else—or at least that’s what she says?

There hasn’t been a time where it wasn’t the two of you practically glued together at the hip and you credit her for her outgoing nature that always seemed to balance with your more introverted demeanor. Of course it didn't mean you couldn’t make friends without her [take Taehyung for example] but she’s always seemed to gravitate people toward you with her energy. That’s why you're not at all surprised by tonight’s events and how everyone seemed surprised that you came alone.

”Honestly, I’m happy you made it, it feels like we haven’t seen each other in so long,” Your friend, Hoseok, pointed out as he led you to the private area of the lounge bar where it seemed like a reunion was taking place, “When Miyoung said she wasn’t going to make it, I thought you probably weren’t going to show up and—“

”Is that what you would have preferred?” You asked with a teasing smile as he began to stumble over his words, attempting to backtrack.

“What? Y/n, don’t you know I’ve been desperately enamored by you since your first year? Don’t make such crass comments,” He joked back, helping you out of your coat as you grew closer to the room filled with loud chatter. He led you with hands on your shoulders and said, “And between us, I’m a little happy she didn’t come. I wasn’t really in the mood for this to turn into a Battle of the Exes fighting ground.”

”What do you mean?” You barely had time to ask as you entered the room where an explosion of your name was heard by old college classmates of yours who all seemed on the border of tipsy and in a good mood. You couldn’t help but smile, looking at everyone at once till your eyes fell on the person in question.

He didn’t hesitate to meet your gaze with equal surprise as you sat across from him, just one person down the line. Immediately the people next to you tried sparking a conversation and you used it as a distraction to keep from gawking at him. When Miyoung told you she wouldn’t make it, you debated coming yourself but after some begging from Hoseok you decided to come along. Despite your best friend not joining, you're kind of glad she didn’t. Hoseok is right, it would have been a battlefield and you did not want to be caught in the middle of it.

“Y/n.”

Ignore, maybe? Just ignore and maybe he’ll forget trying to talk to you and your head won't be on the chopping block. You looked down the table at some of the other people you remember from campus activities or long lectures and tried to ignore the growing smile you could see on his face from the corner of your eye.

“Hungry?” The person next to you asked as he made you look his way. There were platters of hand food across the bar table and you happily took whatever Jimin offered. As much as you hated it, you couldn’t help but look across the table to make sure it really was who you thought it was,

Jeon Jungkook.

Better known as your best friend’s ex boyfriend.

Or worse, the first guy you liked when you started University.

”Hi,” he said in a low voice, catching you in the middle of staring at him. In your defense, he seemed so different—more matured if you will. Now he was covered in tattoos and piercings, he lost that sort of boyish charm but clearly gained something else along the way. He was buff and bigger, more intimidating yet alluring? Safe to say he didn’t look like the ‘Boy Next Door’ you had a crush on in your English seminar.

“You’re here,” was all you could think to say back, giving up on your sorry attempt at ignoring him for no real reason other than saving yourself from an awkward encounter.

”So are you,” Jungkook bit into his bottom lip as he looked at you closely. How is it that someone could look so different but the same all at once? In your gaze he could still see that curiosity in everything that he remembered from back then when he would spend lectures wondering what was on your mind. In your appearance, he can see how much you’ve changed physically. They were surely small differences in everyone else’s eyes but he always had a tendency to pay too much attention to you and it would get him in trouble.

You gave him a polite nod in response to his blatant observation that matched yours and attempted to shift your attention elsewhere but he didnt let it get too far. He cleared his throat, “How have you been?”

“Me?” You asked, “Okay, I guess. Busy with work.”

“So I’ve heard, you’re in marketing now, right? What happened to your writing?” Jungkook asked, seeming genuinely curious to know. He didn’t care for the conversations happening around him more than he did hearing your response now that you looked more willing to give him one.

“It wouldn’t have paid the bills—You remember my writing?” You asked, surprise evident in your features that he couldn’t help but smile.

It was hard for him to forget his biggest competition at the time. He let out a small sigh, ready to go on about being unable to forget a certain piece you wrote when a firm hand was placed on his shoulder. Yoongi stood over him, “Smoke break?”

Say no, he thought. Jungkook could easily reject the offer and continue what he was going to say. Without meaning to, he looked back at you, but you had excused yourself from the table in the blink of an eye. Nodding hesitantly, he grabbed his jacket and followed his friend out while he wondered where you went so suddenly.

You were hiding in the washroom when you got the call from Miyoung, like she had a sixth sense telling her to reach out.

“So how is it? Is it as boring as I said it’d be?” Miyoung asked as she waited in line for some nightclub she was going to with some of her various other friends.

“Um, kind of?” You said without much thought—knowing it was what she wanted to hear. In reality, it was fun. You were greeted warmly that it washed away your earlier worries and you’re being taken care of by old friends you didn't get to talk to as much. Not to mention, you’re seeing Jungkook again after a couple years of hearing and thinking of nothing about the guy, so you don’t actually think it's boring.

Miyoung snorted, “Figures, good thing I didn’t go. I could not sit through more than an hour of everyone going on and on about what they’ve been up to. I mean, yeah I miss Hobi and stuff but I could see him whenever, y’know? Who all showed up?”

“I think everyone,” You admitted with a nervous bite of your lip. It was now or never. You tell her that it seems like Jungkook has come to visit or has come back to stay and you’re not sure how she’ll take that. She might even march over here just to tell him how she's felt these last two years and chances are that’ll ruin the easy vibe for everyone else. You leaned against the stall door and talked with her.

“So you’re back,” Yoongi asked with a smirk as he took a drag from his cigarette, “My Golden Boy’s back? Someone pinch me.”

“Funny guy,” Jungkook said sarcastically as he looked out onto the busy street. Yoongi shrugged, turning toward the bar window looking around to see the group, “Aren’t you happy you came?”

“Yeah, it’s great seeing everyone again,” Jungkook told him casually, flicking the end of his cigarette and watching the ash fall to the cold cement of the street.

“Want to know who surprised me tonight?” Yoongi asked, looking over at him to see if his expression would change at all, “Y/n.”

Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly, “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, dropping ash to the ground, “Y/n never comes out to these sorts of things, and if she does come it’s usually with Miyoung but she came by herself tonight.

“Yeah…” Jungkook zoned out a bit as he thought about it more, “Why doesn’t she meet up with you guys often?”

“You know Y/n doesn't really go out,” Yoongi said, “And she’s busy with work, at least that’s what Hobi says. I don’t know, when Hobi said Miyoung wasn’t coming tonight we both expected Y/n to not show too but… hey, aren’t you happy she isn’t here?”

“I don’t really care either way,” Jungkook confessed truthfully, “But do you know if… y’know, you might have heard something about Y/n and if she’s still seeing someone or—“

“Oh God,” Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh as he put his cigarette out, Jungkook doing the same, “It’s been like three years, man.”

Jungkook watched him laugh as he walked off leaving him to follow, “What?”

Yoongi held the door open for him, “You know what, but I’ll answer your question, anyway. Last I heard Y/n is single, so what now?”

He waited for Jungkook to respond but he wasn’t listening anymore. There were too many things on his mind that he needed to work out before you came back to the table.

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You just got here,” Jimin said to you as he held your hand in his to stop you from leaving, “One more drink.”

“It’s late,” You tried to say, “I’ve got to be up early.”

“Liar, it’s a Saturday night, Y/n. Sit your ass back down,” Hobi said with a firm voice making you sit down immediately. He flashed you a cute smile before asking everyone if they wanted another round of drinks.

“So, what were we talking about earlier?” Jungkook asked, trying to get you to talk to him again, “Your writing? Yeah, how can I forget it? Remember we used to read each other’s essays all the time before… well.”

Before he broke up with your best friend.

“Yeah, I remember,” You admitted, trying to find something to say. What kind of questions would Miyoung want to know? What do you want to know? What should you prepare your friend to know? “How long are you visiting?”

“Actually, I just moved back, I got a job doing graphic design for a local company,” Jungkook told you with the hint of a smile, “It’s my first time meeting up with everyone again.”

You let yourself indulge in small talk with him here and there but usually when he started it. The night had been fine, you enjoyed your time but after a while all you wanted to do was go home and Hoseok couldn’t make you stay any longer. You ended your night wondering if you should go out more.

Everything has a backstory, right? How it all started and yours seems pretty tacky. You spent the first couple years of University doing what you had to do in school and letting Miyoung drag you to whatever outing she had on the weekends. Some time in your third year, you joined this English class with the most boring, monotonous professor ever and that’s where you met Jungkook.

In all honesty, you thought he was cute from the get go. Sitting through three hours of a boring lecture led people to do odd things and one of those for you was staring at the cute guy who sat down a couple rows from you. It was just a little thing you did to pass time so you never expected anything to actually happen from it.

Then one day most of the seats were taken [naturally, it was a large class] and he seemed to have been running late because his usual cycle of seats were all taken except the one next to yours. Despite all those times you would find yourself ogling the stranger, when he was right next to you, you didn’t say a single word.

It was Jungkook who spoke first and it was just to ask if you could help him catch up. That day you were supposed to read someone else’s prompt and revise it and you chose each other which then trickled down to a routine of it. Without speaking much, he would sit next to you or silently save you a seat whenever you were running late and the one time you decided to switch it up and sit elsewhere…

Well, he was practically pouting the whole day.

It had been a nearly perfect set up to what could have been if you just allowed yourself to go for things but it didn’t happen that way.

One random Tuesday night, Miyoung wanted to go out for some cheap drinks and you found yourselves at a bar not too far from campus where you ran into a senior in one of your classes. Yoongi had come up to you first, just greeting you and making small talk when Jungkook who apparently had come with him, recognized you too.

They drank with you and Miyoung for a bit and you honestly thought it had been fun. You had never had real conversations with him outside of school work and it was nice to have more people to hang with that it just felt natural. Though at some point through the night Miyoung had gotten kind of flirty. She claims she assumed you had wanted Yoongi and not Jungkook and practically called dibs on him despite meeting him for the first time that night.

When she made her intents obvious, you couldn’t help but backtrack.

You always considered yourself pretty self aware about yourself. There was nothing special really and when you compare yourself to Miyoung there just isn’t much competition.

She was the perfect Prom Queen type who always had the nicest clothes or the cutest boyfriends, the best awards and most interesting stories. The amount of guys she would pull who you didn’t even have a chance with was insane. And though you might sound bitter, you’re not. You’ve never been the type to want the spotlight or attention and being best friends with someone so damn perfect was that you could always stay in the shadows.

So when she started flirting with Jungkook, you didn’t really notice his awkward glances or how he shied away from her proximity. You only saw how he smiled politely and listened to her go on and on about how great she is and assumed he was into her like all the others had been.

You tried to act normal after that, you would talk to him every now and then and never questioned why he stopped talking to you as much until he started dating Miyoung but you weren’t bitter. You were understanding.

It made sense he would date her. She was beautiful and smart and someone people pine for. It was a given that that would happen so once again, you didn’t take it personal.

They dated for a couple months [nothing serious at all] and then he dumped her which resulted in Miyoung practically forbidding you from even looking his way at all. You completed your last year without thinking about him despite the various mutual friends you shared and went on with your life when he moved.

That was the backstory and why you felt so awkward seeing him the other night.

You haven’t told Miyoung yet because there’s a high chance she won’t care at all and would get annoyed that you even thought to bring it up. Your friend is very pretty and she likes being in relationships so she’s been in quite a few since they dated and probably doesn’t care to be reminded at all.

The only person you’ve told is Taehyung.

“But did you at least have fun?” He asked as the two of you sat at a small restaurant for lunch. You nodded your head, “Yeah, it was alright. It was just weird, for me at least.”

“Why?” Taehyung asked as he dug into his meal, stuffing his mouth with no care in the world, “I mean it’s obvious everyone was happy to see you and didn’t want you to leave. Who cares if Miyoung didn’t go, clearly it didn’t matter to anyone else.”

You didn’t say anything, taking your time to enjoy your meal as you drifted off in thought. He is right, you know that sometimes it’s just in your head and you overthink things. You always feel like you’re boring to others so it’s natural for you to assume no one would be happy to see just you and not your bubble of joy best friend. There has to be a certain level of comfort between you and another person to show personality and it’s rare people get to see it.

“But how’d it go with that guy? Did he ask you about her?” Taehyung asked with a hint of curiosity.

“Not that I can remember. I don’t know, it was kind of awkward but we talked a bit,” You told him honestly, “He just moved back down so that’s cool I guess.”

Taehyung looked at you skeptically but you avoided his gaze, trying to distract yourself with your phone.

yoongi: throwing a welcome back party for jk this weekend, u coming?

you: idk, if I’m free

yoongi: … ur always free🤒

yoongi: just say yes, bring whoever u want

you: but is he ok with me going

yoongi: y wouldn’t he be

yoongi: he’s the one who asked me to make sure u come

you: okkkkkk 🥹

“Tae, can you come with me to this party please?” You asked, immediately showing your friend your text messages leaning across the table for him to see them clearly.

Taehyung’s brows furrowed as he read through the texts carefully, “Jungkook is the ex boyfriend, right? Why’s he so interested in you going?”

“He’s not,” you said, “He’s probably just doing it to be nice, since everyone I know will be there.”

“What if he’s… y’know, interested?” Taehyung asked curiously and you nearly choked on your drink.

“No, oh my god,” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, “We were just classmates and we stopped talking after he dumped Miyoung so—“

“Yeah but did you ever stop to think ‘hm, I’m the one who knew this guy first and then Miyoung went and snatched him from me before I even got a chance to explore’,” Taehyung said in a high pitched voice, presumably mocking yours. You reached over to playfully shove his shoulder making him grin mischievously.

“What? No, it wasn’t like that at all,” You tried to say, “Him and I didn’t even really talk until the night he met her at the bar and… no, that’s crazy. He liked Miyoung right away.”

Taehyung just sighed, giving up on trying to get through to you, “If you say so, but who’s the one he approached first? Because I can tell you right now it wasn’t her.”

Despite how he expresses himself when he talks about your best friend, he doesn’t dislike her. He thinks Miyoung is alright, maybe a little too much for his tastes but that doesn’t mean anything. He understands the two of you are really close and although he has had many chances to befriend her too, he just hasn’t.

He’ll talk to her if you force them to hang out together but he would never go out of his way to be her friend. It might sound bad but Taehyung is pretty protective over you and rightfully so, he feels.

He doesn’t want to badmouth one of his closest friends but you have a tendency to overthink things. You don’t realize how great you are and make yourself seem smaller and he thinks Miyoung and other people like her in your life are at fault. He’s heard some of the things she says to you and it’s like you hold her up so highly there’s no room for you to see how pretty, smart, and talented you are. And before anyone gets the wrong idea, he’s not in love with you or anything.

You’re too good for him so he gave up on that idea long ago.

Plus, now that he’s able to connect some of those pieces from when you were in Uni, some things are clicking into place for him. Miyoung tends to dim your light a bit, or copy something you do and claim it as her own and when he hears this little backstory between all of your old college friends… he just can’t help but wonder if Jungkook was one of those things she claimed for herself.

With that thought in mind, he agreed to go with you to this party and see for himself what is there and what could be. He just wants what’s best for you and for you to be able to go and get it without worrying you’re not good enough or stepping on anyone’s toes.

When Friday night came, your apartment was filled with loud music and even louder complaints coming from one person in particular. Taehyung was just listening to you and Miyoung go back and forth about tonight’s plans and it got to the point where you couldn’t say anything but the truth about what you would be doing tonight.

“It’s a welcome back party for Jungkook,” You said, trying your hardest not to let your voice sound strained.

“What? When did he get back?” Miyoung asked, sitting up from your bed and tossing your pillow off her lap, “Like he moved back?”

“Yeah, I guess not too long ago,” You said with a shrug, looking in your mirror to see if you liked the way you looked or not, “I don’t know, Yoongi is the one who invited me.”

“Why didn’t I know? Why wasn’t I invited?” Miyoung asked, turning to Taehyung like he would have the answers.

“Probably because you’re his ex girlfriend and you ditched out on their little reunion so you could party,” Taehyung said, not bothering to look up from his phone.

“Yeah but, why’d they ask Y/n? She’s not even friends with him,” Miyoung said with a slight scoff, “You’re not actually going right? We could go out, just the three of us. You already hung out with them, you and I haven’t gone out in weeks, let’s just do our own thing. Unless you’re trading me in for all of them.”

You looked at her with apologetic eyes. You’ve been busy with work recently and she is right. The last people you hung out with aside from Taehyung were all of them two weekends ago so it would only be fair to hang out with her this time. It shouldn’t mean anything that you were invited and that Jungkook wanted to make sure you were going. Miyoung was supposed to be your best friend so how could you go to a party she wasn’t invited to?

Just as you were going to give in and shoot Yoongi a text that you weren’t going to make it, Taehyung spoke up for you. “Why don’t you just come with? One of them said Y/n can bring whoever she wants and I’m already going so it’s not like you have to be by yourself. Plus, aren’t the rest of them supposed to be your friends too? Y/n already agreed.”

“Why didn’t you ask me first?”

“I didn’t realize I needed permission,” You couldn’t help but sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed to comfort her, “We can just stop by, have a drink or two and leave if it’s lame. Come on.”

After much convincing, the three of you arrive at Yoongi’s place which was a small house with good outdoor space and the inside was packed with people already. The amount of party goers made you anxious but at the same time slightly thrilled that surely the attention would never be on you with so many people around.

“Y/n! Miyoung!” Namjoon spotted you two first and he threw his arms around you both with a grin, “Surprised to see you here, Mimi.”

“Yeah, probably because I was the only one not invited,” Miyoung said bitterly, making Namjoon take a drink from his cup and look away nervously.

“Let’s get you guys drinks then,” He said with an awkward clear of his throat looking to Taehyung, “What’s up, I’m Namjoon.”

“Taehyung,” he said, following you to the drinks table. The music played loudly and there were a lot of people having a good time that it was somewhat easy to try and blend in and act normal. Miyoung had a pout on her face, looking around worried but Namjoon brightened her mood and every now and then another friend would stop by to greet her. Taehyung mostly clung to you and only drifted away when a friend would spark conversation with you but you were thankful he was around.

“Y/n,” someone called out to you from across the room. You couldn’t make them out through the crowd of people and it took a while before you spotted Jungkook making his way to your direction.

“Jungkook,” you said with a nervous breath, looking around for Miyoung but she was off with Namjoon talking about god knows what.

“How long have you been here? Why didn’t you say anything?” Jungkook asked, slightly more energetic than usual. His hair was messy, with strands out of place, he wore a basic black tee and baggy jeans so why did he look good? It’s still hard for you to wrap your mind around who this is.

He’s gotten so muscular and just… more intimidating with his tattoo sleeve and piercings and it’s so unexpected but in a good way.

“I, um, you know, I just assumed you were busy,” you lied, looking around for one of your friends. Taehyung was at the table getting a drink and he’ll be back soon to save you before Miyoung looks around.

Jungkook found himself looking around too, as if he could see what you did but he came up short, “Did you come with anyone?”

“Yeah, Miyoung and a friend of mine,” you rushed the words out in hopes of sounding casual but Jungkook didn’t even bat an eye.

“So what are you doing alone?” He asked with a raised brow, taking a step closer to you, “Actually, there’s something that’s been on my mind since last time I saw you and I uh… I haven’t had the chance to say it.”

You blinked nervously, looking up at him and how close he was to you, “What is it?”

He licked his lips, playing with his lip rings shyly, “Well, I was wondering if you would like to get together some time, just you and I. We’ve never had the chance to hang out.”

“We’re hanging out right now, aren’t we?” You asked, feigning naivety that almost seemed teasing. In truth, you could sense what he was possibly asking and you needed him to stop. There was no reason for you two to hang out alone, no matter how much the thought made you giddy.

“I guess,” Jungkook couldn’t help but let his eyebrows knit together in confusion. He took another step closer to you, hand on the wall behind you for support. , “But I was still hoping… I know it’s probably kind of awkward but we’re grown, right? We can get together without worrying about anyone else.”

“Who says it’s because I’m worried?” You asked with a hint of playfulness in an attempt to ease some of the growing tension caused by the way he looked at you, “Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

That made him crack a smile, “All of a sudden?”

“Yes, all of a sudden,” another voice added in from behind him and you jumped at the sound. Jungkook didn’t bother to turn around, he was more focused on the way you tried to look behind him and meet Miyoung’s glare.

“Where’d you run off to?” You asked, pushing past him making Jungkook slide his hand off the wall and roll his eyes at the disruption.

“Somewhere I felt wanted,” she said bitterly, eyes on Jungkook as she spoke to you, “Let’s go, I’m bored.”

“I thought you were having a good ti—“

“I’m not, Y/n,” Miyoung almost snapped, “You said we could have a drink and go. We’ve been here for like forever and I want to leave. That’s what we agreed on.”

“Okay, jeez, let’s go then,” You said with a sigh, “Let me find Taehyung.”

“Go, then,” Miyoung said, making you take a deep breath, trying to tell yourself she had a right to be upset. She didn’t want you [as her best friend] talking to her ex boyfriend. And you did say you didn’t have to stick around for long…

“What?” Miyoung asked Jungkook with a roll of her eyes as she caught him staring, “Did I interrupt something?”

“You still don’t know how to speak to people like they’re human beings,” Jungkook said simply, “And it’s sad to watch.”

“Screw you,” Miyoung scoffed, “You’re just mad I stopped you from trying to ask my best friend out. My friends are off limits.”

“She was my friend too,” Jungkook said as a reminder, “And I can do whatever I want. You’re just childish.”

She snorted, “Right, says the guy who fumbled me.”

He couldn’t seem to act mature anymore and before he stop himself he said, “Remember, you’re not the one I wanted anyway.”

He walked off without much care for how she felt and found his other friends, wondering who it was you ran off to find.

“Tae, can we go now?” You asked your friend. Taehyung had found himself a group of people to entertain with his stories and had nearly forgotten who he had tagged along with until you pulled him to the side.

“Uh, okay,” Taehyung cleared his throat awkwardly, “What happened? I thought everyone was having a good time.”

“Miyoung wants to leave,” You said with a small sigh, “She saw me talking to Jungkook and I just don’t want it to become this big problem so can we please just go?”

Taehyung placed an arm on your shoulder, leading you to Miyoung who waited at the door, “Yeah, sure let’s go.”

The car had only stayed silent for the first half of the drive to Miyoung’s apartment. Somewhere between the last red light and this short stretch of road, a fire had been lit underneath her which made her start up again.

“So what was that back there?” Miyoung asked from the backseat and you debated just acting asleep or like you were too drunk to listen properly. She leaned forward, looking at you closely.

“What do you mean?” You asked nervously.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Miyoun said with an annoyed tone, “First you get invited to a party for my ex boyfriend and next thing I know the two of you are whispering in the corner looking like you’re about to kiss and like I’m not even in the room.”

Taehyung had to bite his tongue from responding, worried that if he spoke too soon it would only make you seem more weak to her antics. He just tapped his fingers against the window trying to keep silent

“Miyoung,” You started with a sigh, “You’re overreacting. It was nothing, we’re friends—“

“Since when?” Miyoung scoffed, “You’re supposed to be my friend, Y/n.”

“I am,” You said defensively, “And if you want to talk about this tomorrow then that’s fine but right now it’s late and we’ve all been having a decent time so don’t ruin it…”

“Y/n’s right, let’s end the night on a good note,” Taehyung finally said but he seemed to go ignored by you two.

“You’re not though, real friends wouldn’t flirt with their best friend’s ex boyfriend—“

“You two dated for less than five months and it was years ago,” You blurted out, “I knew him before that so don’t act like I’m betraying you.”

“Oh my god, I knew you’d still be bitter I started seeing him,” Miyoung said, suddenly making you hide your face in your hand from exhaustion. “I didn’t know you had a thing for him back then. You should’ve said something instead of holding it against me like you do everything else.”

“What are you talking about?” You couldn’t help but scoff.

Miyoung’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “You know exactly what I’m talking about and it’s not fair.”

Taehyung took a deep breath, fingers clenched around the steering wheel unable to bite his tongue any longer, “Miyoung I don’t think you’re being fair. You’re clearly drunk and you just want to arg—“

“Shut up, Taehyung,” She snapped, slurring on her words a bit and not even realizing the car came to a stop in front of her building, “I’m not even talking you and you can stop acting like Y/n’s bodyguard because last time I checked she’s a grown adult who could speak for herself. God, I swear everyone is the same. Just because Y/n is boring and insecure, doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to speak for herself.”

“Get out. We’re at your place so just go,” Taehyung said, annoyed with the harshness she was projecting on you, “Y/n might put up with you but I won’t.”

With an irritated scoff, she swung the back door open, “Fine, screw you guys too.”

The door slammed shut as she stormed up to her apartment and Taehyung waited till she was gone to say, “Fuck, what did that girl drink? Y/n, why do you put up with that? Hey.”

You stayed silent for a moment letting her words sink in. Whatever, she yelled and threw a tantrum, that’s fine, that’s normal. But she seriously thinks you’re just a bore and maybe you’re starting to believe it too. If it weren’t for you always being cautious over how she might feel about you and what you do, you wouldn’t seem so boring.

Or was that just how you were and now you’re trying to say it’s because of Miyoung? Jeez, you just can’t seem to make up your mind about anything but all you know is that… you’re not boring. Well, you don’t have to be. If she wants to think that always backing up whatever she says makes you boring, then maybe it’s time you just do what you want even if she doesn’t like it.

“Tae, can you do me a favor,” You finally said, making him look over at you curiously. The car is still parked in front of Miyoung’s place and he’s been waiting for you to speak anyway, “What?”

“Take me back to the party please.”

Miyoung was wrong, if you were boring it’s because she made you boring. Anytime you did anything on your own, she always had to ruin it and you just let her. You just let Miyoung monopolize your time and make you her right-hand in everything. You’ve never gotten the chance to truly put yourself out there because you firmly believed you didn’t compare.

Maybe you needed to stop overthinking and just do what you want, be confident—or at least act like you are.

“Y/n! You’re back?” Yoongi asked once you made it to the party again, “Let me tell you, I was mad because I thought you left before even talking to me.”

“I’m so very sorry,” You said playfully, “But do you know where Jungkook is?”

He seemed to freeze up, surprise written on his face and he looked down at you questioning. You held his gaze, watching the wheels turn in his head before he was blurting out, “I don’t know. The bathroom?”

You blinked nervously, letting him slip away from you when someone called for him and were left standing there. Your mind was racing with ideas yet you couldn’t think of what to do.

What did you expect coming back?

What does this prove?

You feel anxious and insecure and maybe she was right, you’re boring and you don’t even speak up or do anything exciting.

“Jungkook?” You called out to him as you walked down the hall of doors, knocking or opening whichever door you landed on. You got to the last door with a bated breath, realizing it’s a bedroom and closed yourself in.

Your sense of bravado had been short lived. Whatever burst of confidence you had was completely gone now that you sat alone in the guest room contemplating just going home or not.

In all honesty, this was stupid from the very beginning. You let Miyoung’s words get to you and you acted before you could think. You didn’t need to prove anything. Plus, you don’t want Jungkook. Maybe once before you did… but not… anymore?

God, you felt like an idiot.

“Y/n?”

Your heart dropped with a sense of disbelief as you looked up. The once pitch black room was illuminated by a block of light from the open bathroom door. Jungkook stood at the doorway, brows furrowed as he looked at who sat on the bed.

“Jungkook,” you cleared your throat awkwardly.

“You’re back?” He asked, looking you up and down with a hint of suspicion. You nodded your head silently, making him blink with confusion.

You stood up from the bed suddenly, “Are you done in there?”

“Uh, yeah,” he moved out of your way, watching you closely as you closed the door in his face before he could say anything else.

Maybe this had been a sign that you didn’t want to talk to him but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the privacy in the bedroom to go out where everyone else was. He could hear the faucet running but oblivious to how you wet your face to try and snap yourself out of this strange mood before drying off. When you opened the door, you didn’t expect to see him standing there right in front of you.

“Everything alright?” He asked, halfway in the doorway, walking forward making you step deeper into the bathroom.

“Yeah, everything’s great,” you said with a strained smile, backing away, “Just—what about you? Has it been fun, this is all for you, right?”

“I guess,” Jungkook shrugged, “But it would have been more fun if you stayed.”

“Good thing I came back then,” you couldn’t help but laugh nervously, leaning against the sink counter.

“Good thing,” Jungkook licked his dry lips, “Y/n, about what I was saying earlier… I would honestly like for us together sometime, just the two of us.”

A small, shy smile appeared on your lips as you thought about earlier and repeated yourself playfully, “We’re hanging out right now, aren’t we?”

“I guess,” he blinked in confusion, looking down at you and struggling to keep his composure. Your response was a bit of a let down since he hoped you had come back to see him and he should have known better. You would never take him seriously after his mess with Miyoung and he was always reaching for the stars thinking it could work out.

Plus, you’re too good for him. You always have been.

He can’t explain why, but he’s always felt a sense of ease with you, like everything was perfect. As shameful as it is to admit, Miyoung had reasons to be worried.

When they dated… well, it didn’t stop him from thinking about you from time to time. Miyoung was aware of it too and he looks back on it now and realizes how wrong he was then. It was wrong for him to think about you when he was never able to have you, and he will be much less now.

“Am I wrong? Is it not just the two of us now?” You asked, swallowing the lump in your throat and looking to the bathroom door which was closed some time ago.

“Y/n,” he said it softly but you could sense his warning tone, like you were going to get yourself in trouble. Jungkook wanted to believe you were aware of what this looked like yet he knew there was a chance you weren’t. He couldn’t just go for it.

He could not just go for it.

Not even if you looked up at him with a look in your eyes that said you might want him to…

He could be dreaming it up.

Would you want him to?

No. No way, you would never, that’s how this all started right? You wouldn’t want him the way he wanted you and you’ll go be with someone else while he beats himself up for another failed attempt. He’s not in college anymore, he can’t make the same mistakes.

You do not want him.

“Y/n,” he said with a sigh, “I think we should get out n—“

It was soft but sudden. One second he was giving up on everything he had been hoping for and was ready to go on once again without telling you how he really felt. The next, your lips were on his, barely giving him a chance to feel the tenderness of it before pulling away with a gasp.

“Jungkook,” you covered your mouth with your hand, “Oh my god. I’m s-sorry, I, that was not okay. I shouldn’t have done that.”

You were rambling, apologizing for doing it without asking him first but in all honesty, he couldn’t hear you anymore. There was a strange ringing in his ear that only seemed to stop when he grabbed your face in his hands, and pulled you into a real kiss.

To keep yourself from leaning back too far, you wrapped your arms around his neck and met him the rest of the way. You kissed him back with an equal sense of urgency that had his eyes falling shut and letting himself get lost in the moment. Your lips were soft against his own and his lip rings felt cold on your tongue the first couple times.

At one point you surprised him by nipping at his piercings with a soft tug and it had his hands tightening around your waist, using his strength to pull you onto the counter with ease. It made it easier to kiss you and he let the small sigh you let out guide his tongue between your lips. Your hands were in his dark hair, and you surprised him with the way you took lead of the kiss. It felt like he was melting into you and it was doing things to him.

“Y/n,” he mumbled softly, “I want you so bad.”

You pulled back from him with widened eyes. It was the first time you heard him sound that way and you knew he meant it. He looked at you with an intense gaze and it felt good to be looked at that way by him. You wanted him too, right? That’s why you came back. That's why you were so upset back then. Why can’t you have him now?

What was really stopping you?

Nothing.

The second time he kissed you, you didn’t hesitate from doing more and it had his mouth dropping when he felt your hand trace down his toned chest. He let that feeling motivate his hands to do the same to you and they ran along your sides till he could feel your front. His hands slipped under your top and found your chest, gently reaching to touch you as he kissed you with his tongue.

Your fingers trailed down his navel to the waistband of his jeans, tugging softly and teasingly that you felt the way he sucked in a shaky breath. When he didn’t pull away to tell you to stop, you took it as a sign to go a little farther and undo the button and zipper. Jungkook’s rough fingers caressed your breasts ever so softly but with an added pressure that made you let out a small sigh, especially when he ran his thumb over your nipples.

He released a light groan against your lips when you got more confident in your actions and slipped into the hem of his Calvin Klein’s. You barely touched his growing member but you felt it harden against you, the more attention you gave to it and it was all just exciting to you. His kisses were needy and his rough hands felt so good against your sensitive buds that you couldn’t hold yourself back. You wanted to make him feel good too and you could tell you were.

Jungkook helped you tug his jeans down enough for you to have more reign over him and you touched his bare dick so softly. The first touch was light and teasing, like you were still letting him get lost in the feeling before you actually did anything but it was soft that it made a tingle run down his spine. Goosebumps rose on his skin and blood ran straight to his cock making it easier for you softly palm him to full hardness.

You circled your fingers around his tip, softly running your thumb around the ring feeling him twitch with need and softly sliding down to his base.

His movement grew rougher, he was no longer softly caressing your breasts but more groping, never getting enough for the softness of them. When you began to stroke him gently, he found it hard to keep himself from digging his nails into your flesh to ground himself and it made a hand of his fall to your leg. His palm was wide and flat against your inner thigh, tracing his lips down your jaw and to your neck to try and distract himself from getting too lost into the feeling.

“Fuck,” he huffed, licking his dry lips as he began to slowly fuck into your closed fist, deaf to the sound of music just outside the bedroom you two were hiding in. The bathroom felt even smaller at this point yet he couldn’t bring himself to put a stop to it now. Especially not when your hand began to fuck his cock faster, with more vigor as he twitched in your hold making his nails dig into your thigh harshly.

Your skirt was scrunched up around your hips at this point and he could see the soft blue of your laced underwear and couldn’t stop himself anymore. He had grown too curious to have you and with his hand so close already, he let his thumb trace along your covered folds.

They were already sensitive at this point and his sudden touch made your insides tighten with arousal, your back straightened in surprise and a light moan left your lips. The sound snapped his attention away from his own pleasure and when he did it again, he swallowed your moan with his mouth on yours.

He couldn’t take thing slow anymore, especially not when his dick felt so close to the edge already and was trying not to cum all over your hand and so soon.

You were withering against him, squirming on the counter to feel more of his hand against your heat. Your fingers tightened in his hair when he reached under to the hem of your panties, pulling them down as far as he could. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he tugged them down your thighs. Jungkook pulled away from your lips with a slight groan as he brought his fingers to your lips. He pressed into your bottom lip watching close as you drew your mouth open and took them in. As you licked between two fingers, your hand’s stroking sped up with more pressure that had him pushing them deeper down your throat.

When he pulled them out there was an obvious line of drool connecting his fingertips to your lips and he brought his hand between your legs once more. The mixture between his rough fingers and the slick that now coated them made a tingle run down your spine when they ran along your folds. You pinched the fabric of his shirt as he circled your hardening clit with his middle finger while his index finger began to tease your sensitive labor.

He ran the longer finger down your slit, dipping into the puddle of arousal that formed at your center before using it to wet your clit and massage you gently.

You looked into his eyes as he finally pressed his middle finger into your waiting cunt, giving you a second to respond and he couldn’t help but let his lips slip open with heavy breaths. Your hand stopped its actions as you took in the feeling of him pulling out his finger before pushing it forward once more. Each time felt hotter than the last and it made him want to take things further. When he thought you adjusted enough, he teased the tip of his ring finger in with his middle one and kept a steady pace of thrusting.

At this point you began to stroke him again, rubbing against his mushroom tip where a thick vein was felt along the underside of it. Your hips had began to move with the motion of his hand and you were fucking his fingers into you while fucking his cock with a closed fist. The both of you were left speechless, unsure how long you had been locked away in the bathroom but not caring either.

You felt more impatient than him but you couldn’t help it. You can’t remember the last time you let someone else touch you and none felt quite like this. Jungkook seemed to know where to kiss, where to press or pay attention to and he never left a part of you untouched. Even now as he thrusted his fingers into you, his other hand was at your chest again, fingers pinching your nipple and tugging harshly but it brought little whines from your lips.

“Jungkook,” You were breathlessly calling for him and you’re sure that if your back wasn’t to the mirror, you would be able to see how desperate you looked to him. Your other hand was on his hips, pulling him forward in hopes of getting him to get the hint that you needed more, “Fuck me.”

“What?” He asked with heavy breaths, looking down at the way the tip of his cock pressed against your inner thigh now, “Really?”

“Please,” You found yourself begging, desperately begging for him to give you something and oh, how it worked.

His eyes rolled back at the soft sound of your begs and with a hand on your thigh, he pulled you harshly to the edge of the counter. He placed his hand over yours and stroked himself once, twice, to slick his member with your arousal and his own.

His cock was hot to the touch and pointed straight to your waiting entrance. He had made such a mess of you already that when he pressed his tip into your clit, it nearly slid down from how wet you are. You had to bite your lip to keep from whining too loud when he teased you with that repeated motion, wetting his tip more and feeling the way your walls tightened and released for him.

Your back was fully against the mirror now, legs open waiting for him and you were getting impatient. The anticipo had been building up for too long and you brought your hand between your legs. All it took was a soft push down for his cock to sink into your waiting pussy.

His jaw went slack at the sudden tightness of it, he hadn’t expected it to be so snug. His tip barely pushed against the ring of nerves and your facial expression matched his own when he kept going. He held your thighs open, guiding himself in with a deep breath.

“Fucking hell,” he growled lowly, hands trembling as he kept you open and ready to take him in. He looked up at your eyes, completely enamored by the way your features softened with pleasure. Your eyes were glazed over with obvious lust that made him want to just fuck you into oblivion.

“Oh my god,” your hand circled around his neck, pulling him into a sloppy wet kiss that left him biting your lip softly. He groaned against your lips as he picked up the pace of his thrusting, letting his cock drag against your puffy walls so that you could feel every juncture on his length. Your back was arched into him, your chest nearly pressed against his and he snuck his arm around your waist to pull you firmly against him.

“That’s it baby,” Jungkook groaned into your ear, gripping onto the counter with his free hand to fuck you better. You were on the edge of the sink and he bucked his hips up to reach that pleasure spot he had found with his fingers just moments ago and had you moaned loudly into his ear, “You sound pretty, tell me how it feels.”

“Feels good,” you whispered softly against his neck, lips teasing kisses against his skin that made the veins in his arms bulge, “Don’t stop, please.”

“Ngh, Y/n, beg for me,” Jungkook said with a deep voice filled with lust as he fucked you with all his strength. There were too many layers of clothing between you but neither of you seemed to have the time or energy to tear them off. You were both too focused on the pleasure that came from feeling his skin against yours.

Your legs tightened around his waist forcing more of his length into your sopping cunt and his fingers pinched your sides roughly. Without thinking, Jungkook lifted you off the counter. You clung to him as he stepped back and he needed a second to just feel the way your pussy tightened around his hard, thick cock. He wanted to dig into your guts and it was nasty how badly he wanted to have you cum all over him.

It was so unexpected because you always came off as a quiet, reserved person but here you were letting him tear you in two with his fat dick. Jungkook used his strength to push you against the door, letting you drop onto his length before backing his hips up and pistoning them back into you.

“Fuck, I can’t,” your legs tightened around him with your face digging into his neck, “Jungkook, baby, I can’t.”

“You can,” He whispered, pressing you firmly into the wall, “Come on baby, take it.”

“Too much,” You whined, squeezing your eyes shut as he picked up the pace and you searched around for something to hold. Your hand tightened around the doorknob, trying to anchor yourself as he fucked you so good you could barely focus on anything but the pleasure, “I’m so close.”

Jungkook’s hand held you firmly by the waist while the other cupped your ass, groping you harshly as he fucked you onto his length trying to make you cum, “Cum baby, for me. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you moaned, “Kiss me, please?”

He didn’t hesitate to do so, kissing you with tongue as you clung to him, moaning into his ear and shaking slightly. His knees buckled tightly to hold you up and just as he gave one final thrust to the hilt, he felt your orgasm hit you.

Your walls tightened around him, nearly bringing him to his own orgasm before feeling his tip get flooded with your release. His thighs shook with the pressure of it and he felt his strength leaving him. His abdomen grew tense and he pushed you back to the counter where you let your head fall back with pleasure. You swallowed dryly, panting heavily, “Oh my god.”

You were sweaty, tired and overall unsure what to think but your mind hadn’t cleared yet. All you could focus on was the way Jungkook’s dick throbbed painfully hard when he pulled out of you with a slight pop. You eyed his red member, slightly hypnotized by how pretty it looked and you dropped to your knees wordlessly.

Jungkook watched you slip down on your knees in front of him and it took him a moment to process what was going on. He was hard, so fucking hard he couldn’t think straight and it wasn’t until your hands held his thighs, eyeing his cock hungrily did he realize what you wanted to do. He brought a hand fo attempt and gently brush your hair back, “Y/n, baby, you don’t have t—oh fuck.”

His jaw went slack when your hands circled his base, your lips on his tip and taking him down your throat suddenly. Your nose brushed against the base of his cock, eyes watering as you tried relaxing your throat around him and he nearly stumbled back with surprise, “Y/n.”

You ignored his call of your name, and began to bob your head against his length, your tongue licking along the thick vein you discovered earlier and feeling his hands sink into your hair to guide you, “That’s it, fuck.”

Jungkook looked at his reflection in the mirror, turned on by the way your head was seen bobbing against his length and his body was overheating so much he had to pull his shirt over his toned chest to cool down. It gave him a perfect view of the way his cock disappeared between your lips.

The thought of having you like this hadn’t dawned on him yet but now he couldn’t forget it. The memory would always be ingrained in his mind and although he doesn’t know if he’ll never get a chance to do this again, he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

You gradually began to pick up the pace, using your hands to hold closed fists around his cock to help stroke what didn’t fit in your mouth. You swallowed and bobbed around his dick hungrily, moaning around him and hollowing your cheeks when you would pull your head back until only his tip was between your lips.

As ashamed as he was to admit it, he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself back anymore. Still wanting to warn you, he tried to guide your head off him, “I’m close.”

All it did was push you to take him deeper, stopping when he hit the back of your throat and sucked. Jungkook’s eyes squeezed shut with a loud growl as his orgasm hit him harder than it had in a very long time.

You coughed as his cum sprayed down your throat, thick and creamy with a bittersweet taste that you tried to lick up. You would’ve cleaned him off fully despite his legs shaking but he pulled you off. He pulled his softening dick out of your wet mouth with a huff, panting heavily as he looked down at you.

“Y/n,” his voice was dry, pulling you up to your feet, “That was…”

He couldn’t even get the words out as he watched you lick the corner of your lips and without thinking about it, he pulled you into a heated kiss. You kissed him back with need, moaning against him as his tongue circled around yours hungrily, not caring for the way he tased on you. You only broke away to catch your breath, realization dawning at you as you looked at his messy appearance that surely mirrored yours.

You sat against the counter for a moment, attempting to catch your breath as Jungkook did the same. The two of you were silently readjusting your clothes again and you needed just a moment to yourself. He looked at you, buttoning his jeans back up, “Is everything… okay?”

“Yeah, um, can I just get a minute,” You said with a hoarse voice trying to pretend like you couldn’t see the way his shoulders slumped down. With a short nod of his head, he left the bathroom to let you wash up and for a moment you just looked at yourself in the mirror.

Your reflection looked different, maybe because what you had just done was so out of character and with your best friend’s ex but… why did it feel right?

Jungkook wondered what would happen now, if you expected him to leave the room or wait for you but he wanted to be with you. He didn’t want to walk out and think that because he got something he’s been wanting for years now, he’ll just leave. He knows the others are looking for him, mostly because he’s gotten a few texts now asking where he’s at but he can’t bring it in himself to care. When you opened the bathroom door into the dark room, he looked like a deer caught in headlights, rushing to his feet, “Are you sure everything is fine?”

“Yeah, yes,” you nodded stiffly, “If you want to go out there with everyone else that’s fine. I won’t be upset or anything.”

“Well, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to come back to mine?”

The first thing you noticed the following morning aside from the sun shining down on your face was the heavy arm across your waist. It made your eyes flutter awake with a small huff leaving your lips as you attempted to stretch your limbs but it tightened around you, securing you closer to Jungkook’s naked chest.

“Morning,” he mumbled sleepily into your hair as he hugged you closer.

“What time is it?” You asked awkwardly, trying to sit up making his arm slide to your hips instead. You reached for your cell phone, eyes widening by the number of text messages.

miyoung: bye I was drunkkkkkk 😳

miyoung: did I 🤮 at all?

miyoung: r u alive

miyoung: helloooooooo

A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you read it over. Either she couldn’t remember how upset she was in the car or she’s going to pretend like nothing at all happened.

God, what did you do?

“Y/n,” Jungkook grumbled tiredly, “Lay back down.”

“I should go,” You bit your lip nervously. If Miyoung forgot what happened last night then maybe she forgot about Jungkook asking you and won’t know you… slept with him. Fuck, were you a bad friend?

He dated your best friend and dumped her out of the blue making it obvious he wanted nothing to do with her and here you are letting him fuck you in the bathroom. What did that make you? You had a poor lapse of judgment last night, you acted out of character and hadn’t been behaving like yourself at all.

“Why?” He sat up suddenly, “You don’t work today, right? Why don’t we go grab breakfast—well, brunch.”

You looked down at him, unable to stop yourself from taking in his appearance. He had bed hair, no shirt on and his blanket draped over his waist. He failed to take off his jewelry last night so he still wears silver chain necklaces around his neck and leather bracelets. You couldn’t possibly spend time with him still. It wasn’t right, right?

Just as you were ready to give him your answer, your phone began to vibrate with an incoming call. You looked down at the screen and a picture of you and Miyoung displayed on the screen that had Jungkook huffing quietly and laying back down, close to giving up.

In all honesty, you weren’t in the mood to talk to her. It still bothered you by how harsh she was last night but there’s a chance she doesn’t even remember and… “Hello?”

“Tell me why I have a raging headache when I barely drank last night?” Miyoung said immediately once the call went through, “It’s your fault y’know for upsetting me.”

You couldn’t see her but she was walking on a treadmill in her apartment acting like everything was completely normal. Jungkook didn’t care for your conversation either but he was focused on the way you looked first thing in the morning.

You looked cute, undeniably cute with circles under your eyes and a disheveled appearance. You wore an oversized shirt of his so you wouldn’t have to sleep in such uncomfortable clothes and he loved it. You looked good in his clothes.

Without thinking, he sat up and pressed his lips to yours in a short and surprising kiss. You flinched back with confusion, nearly dropping your phone in the process but he backed away with a small smile. You tried to glare at him but you couldn’t stop from smiling and it annoyed you when he placed a gentle kiss against your neck that made you feel flustered. You almost forgot you were on the phone when he leaned in for a kiss again and one you would surely grant.

“But I forgive you,” Miyoung said suddenly.

“What?”

“I forgive you, I’m over it,” Miyoung said with a shrug you couldn’t see, “Our friendship means more to me than Jungkook and I know you would never do anything that you know would upset me so… it’s whatever. In the past.”

“Wait,” You held up a hand to Jungkook as you said it to the both of them, “When did I apologize?”

He stopped immediately, looking at you with concern as Miyoung went on, “I mean, we both know you were going to. I’m just letting you know it’s alright.”

“No, Miyoung, I wasn’t going to,” you couldn’t help but scoff, “I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Technically.

Jungkook raised his brows, surprised by your tone and a little turned on? Was that okay to say?

“I didn’t mean it like that, but you know… you were flirting with the guy who dumped me,” Miyoung said, “It’s fine, whatever, you want to flirt with Jungkook, I don’t care anymore I just thought I meant more to you as a friend.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment as you looked down at Jungkook who couldn’t seem to go more than a minute without attention. He had your free hand in his measuring your size difference and you released a sigh, “You know what, I’m kind of busy right now so I’ll call you later.”

Miyoung wasn’t able to get a word in before you ended the call, turning your attention to Jungkook, “You’re getting me in trouble, sir.”

“I’m terribly sorry,” he said, biting back a grin, “How should I make it up to you? Brunch?”

“You’re still thinking about that?” You asked with a slight laugh.

It was strange trying not to let your best friend’s feelings bring you down too.

“I’m hungry,” Jungkook said, hand on his toned stomach for detail.

“I don’t have clothes or, I don’t know, a toothbrush,” you couldn’t help but sound sarcastic, falling back on the bed with an arm on his chest.

“Don’t worry, I got you.”

In the end you caved to his incessant begging and found yourself dressed as casual as ever with an oversized tee and the skirt you wore last night clashing horribly. The only thing that had you regretting it was what stood [parked] in front of you.

“You’re not serious, are you?” You asked as you watched him walk up to you with a helmet in his hands, “I can’t get on that.”

“You can,” Jungkook said, putting it over your head, “I’m a very safe driver.”

“What about your car?” You asked nervously as he buckled[?] you into the head gear, “Can’t we just go in that.”

“We can but that won’t impress you,” Jungkook snorted a laugh as he got his own helmet on, “Come on Y/n, I won’t kill you, don’t worry.”

With a small sigh you nodded, letting him lead you to the bike and he swung a leg over to straddle it and patted the seat right behind him. Frankly, you didn’t care that you were in a skirt. You know that there’s an appropriate way for people in skirts to straddle something but you cared more about living so you straddled it the way he did. Jungkook couldn’t help but smile as he felt the softer touch of your hands on his waist and without saying a word, he pulled you into him suddenly. Your chest was pressed to his back and your arms snug around his waist.

“Atta girl, no time to be shy now,” he chuckled, feeling you smack his arm playfully.

If he were being honest, he liked this side of you. He’s never seen it before and it was breathtaking and enjoyable. Before when you were just classmates you were still stand offish from him and the only night he got you to open up was the first time he ran into you and met Miyoung. It was short lived and once he dated her, he rarely got to see you alone.

When he got back, you would barely even look at him yet whatever spurred last night’s events seemed to open up new possibilities for you two. You haven’t talked about what happened but he’s expecting it almost excitedly.

Jungkook’s hand ran up your thighs, securing you to him as he started up the motorcycle, feeling the smoothness of your leg and teasing the end of your skirt with a small tug, “Ready?”

He felt you squeeze harder before taking off.

The cafe was small and filled with warmth making this feel oddly close to a date… which is probably because it was? You’re still not sure how to take it.

“Did I really get you in trouble?” Jungkook asked as he cut his breakfast sandwich in half before doing the same with yours. When you looked at him he looked concerned by the notion. You didn’t have to ask to know what he was referring to and you couldn’t help but sigh, “Not really, sorry, it was more my fault than any—“

“Why though?” Jungkook cut you off, “Why is it always your fault? You can’t talk to me now?”

“You know we didn’t just talk,” you bit your lip nervously. You couldn’t meet his gaze and he didn’t like that.

He huffed in annoyance, “But she doesn’t know, or does she? I mean, what does it matter?”

“You dated. She’s my best friend and it bothers her, I already feel guilty for what happened last night—not that I regret it, don’t get me wrong but… well, it’s just confusing and it upsets her,” You rambled, still defending Miyoung even when she was slowly getting under your skin.

“We dated so long ago, it was such a short fling,” Jungkook said with a laugh as he went back to eating, “And she dumped me so why does it matter if you and I get together?”

“I don’t know, I just… she’s my best frie—wait, what did you say?” You met his stare suddenly making him set down his coffee cup to answer.

“She dumped me so why can’t you and I…” he stopped. Did you mean for him to repeat the part about being with you? Did you want him to say it again, maybe use the right words this time?

Why is he saying Miyoung dumped him? You remember the day exactly.

Miyoung called you while you were studying in the library late one night, not fully in tears but clearly under duress and she couldn’t stop herself from letting her emotions get to her. She went on to tell you how Jungkook dumped her suddenly over a phone call because he wasn’t interested anymore and was just using her or something.

You remember because you left the library to go comfort her and you almost ran into him on campus and he wouldn’t even look you in the eye…

He dumped her because he got bored, that’s why she asked you to stop talking to him. He was just like every other guy according to her and you owed her the promise to avoid him. It was you who introduced them anyway and…

Why is it that any guy you’ve ever thought you’ve liked would fall for her instead, only to dump her and in return make her ask you to not speak to them again?

Jungkook wasn’t the first so when she asked you to avoid him, it bothered you a little but you soon got over it and did as told.

You always do as told without questioning it.

“You broke up with her.”

He chuckled, shaking his head no, “I was going to but she beat me to it. I don’t know how honest you want me to be this early in the day.”

“Tell me,” you urged him on.

“I wanted to break up with her but I had this sick feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to talk to you as much anymore or it would be awkward so I stuck it out,” Jungkook said it with a shrug, “But then she dumped me and suddenly you won’t even look at me so it was worse for me, I guess.”

Your eyebrows stitched together with confusion, “What are you saying? Why did you care if I talked to you or not? You went for Miyoung the second you met her—“

“That’s not true, actually,” Jungkook confessed, deciding if you wanted honesty he would give it even if it embarrassed him, “I wanted you.”

“And when I met her, I was obviously there at the bar trying to talk to you but she kept butting in and next thing I know, you were off talking to Yoongi and ignoring me,” Jungkook went on, “To be honest, I was kind of insecure back then, like really insecure and I was trying to get you to notice me but everytime someone would cu—“

“Jungkook, stop, I just… no, you did not like me, you dated Miyoung,” You cut him off, fidgeting in your seat anxiously, “It’s fine, it’s in the past.”

“No it’s not fine and I asked how honest you wanted me to be and you told me to tell you so I’m going to,” Jungkook said more seriously, “I was insecure, alright? I had just moved to the city and I shared class with this pretty, incredibly smart girl who would barely give me any time of day. Honestly it was kind of depressing, I was kinda depressed at the time and I needed a boost to talk to you so I asked Miyoung and… she said you were into someone else so I was pretty bummed out. Then she’s kind of just everywhere and she actually tries to talk to me so when she asks me out, I say yes but I realize I still have to see you.”

“And I liked being around you even though I probably shouldn’t have because technically I was dating her at this point and I realized that I practically screwed up whatever chance I might have had with you,” Jungkook couldn’t stop himself anymore. He was saying whatever was on his mind, barely giving you time to process any of it before continuing, “Yes, I know it’s fucked up because whenever I thought it might work and I might catch real feelings for her, you would came around and they just went out the window. So it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending and I wanted to break up with her but I was worried you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

“She beat me to it and dumped me because she was bored and I was relieved, honestly, but then I see you on campus and you can’t even look at me anymore,” Jungkook cleared his throat, “Then life went on, I moved away, moved back, ran into you again and…”

“And what?” You asked breathlessly, lips dry and completely frozen in your seat.

He looked at you warmly, “I found you, everything just came back and I knew I didn’t want to lose you a second time. I wanted to ask you out the first night at the bar but you didn’t even want to talk to me so I tried again last night and you were so ready to blow me off when Miyoung came along. I don’t know what made you come back to the party and I don’t want you thinking I’m some sleazy guy who acts like that with just anyone. I was just… it was unexpected and I had been waiting years for something to happen between us.”

Suddenly, this didn’t feel like an easy brunch inside a warm and cozy cafe anymore. In all honesty, it felt a little suffocating now and you don’t know how to explain it, but you didn’t want to be here. So much has just been thrown at you and you don’t think you can handle it all.

What did he mean that he liked you first?

Why had Miyoung told him you were into someone else? You learned to stop sharing who you liked with her so long ago and had never once told her anything like that in school. Why couldn’t she just have asked you? Why did she ask him out after he made it known he wanted you?

You don’t care that he said yes, that really was in the past for you. Now you’re more focused on why someone who was supposed to be your best friend would act so sneaky? What did she gain from it?

Why did she lie and say he dumped her? Was it just so she can paint him as a villain and make you not want to talk to him anymore? Why would she do that?

“Y/n?” He called your name waiting for you to respond to him but you just sat there stunned, “I’m sorry, I know I was a piece of shit for dating her when I wanted you bu—Y/n.”

Your mind is filled with questions that you couldn’t answer and it was overwhelming. The cafe felt suddenly overwhelming and you just had to get out of there, so you did.

“Earth to Y/n, I don’t know how long you plan on ignoring the world but I know you’re not too busy with work to ignore your friends.”

Tacky, Taehyung was so very tacky leaving a concerning voicemail. Who left voicemails these days?

And he was being dramatic, he’s acting like you’ve fallen off the face of the Earth but that’s not true. You’ve just been holed up at either the office or your home for the past week, avoiding any call or text from anyone so you could be alone with your thoughts.

Alright it’s been over a week, almost two and maybe it is a little concerning but you’re telling yourself you’re just being dramatic.

“Y/n you better open the door before I break it down,” Taehyung’s muffled voice boomed from the other side of your front door and you begrudgingly went to let him in.

“Relax, I’m not dead,” You muttered under your breath as you let him in.

“Damn near!” Taehyung said loudly as he let himself through the door, “What is up with you? You haven’t responded to any text I was beginning to get worried.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled as you flopped down onto your couch, “I’ve just been tired.”

“Too tired to answer the phone?” Taehyung asked sitting down next to you, “Miyoung, I get. Ignore her all you want but me? What did I ever do to you? What’s up with you? I haven’t talked to you since the party. Did something happen?”

With a small sigh, you let your head rest against the back of the couch, “I slept with Jungkook.”

“Really?” Taehyung seemed genuinely surprised, “So fallout with Miyoung I’m assuming? Look, I personally don’t get why you try to make her happy but she’ll get over it. Did you like it? Like him?”

“Yes, I don’t know, I’m confused, I don’t know what to believe anymore,” you admitted, “And I feel so dumb because this shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Alright well I need you to rewind and explain things better so my pea brain can handle it,” Taehyung made himself comfortable, “You’ve gone Ghost for over a week, I want to know why. Was it because of Jungkook? Miyoung? If you think sleeping with him makes you a bad friend the—“

“She’s a liar,” you cut in, “And it shouldn’t bother me so much because she’s my best friend but that’s why it bothers me, Tae. I’ve known her for so long, and I’ve always tried to be a good friend to her but it was never enough. So I tried harder and harder because who else would be there for me like her but… now that I’m looking back on it, I don’t think she’s ever cared about me as much as I care about her and it sucks, honestly.”

Taehyung wanted to tell you so many people cared about you but he wanted you to say whatever you needed to say first.

“You know what Jungkook said? He said Miyoung knew he apparently liked me before and still asked him out—and lied about how I felt about him,” You said, “And okay, why would I fight over a guy with my best friend but now that I’m thinking about it… it’s fucked up right? She lied that he dumped her and begged me to avoid him. You saw how she acted the other night just because he talked to me. What was that about?”

You weren’t going to go into full detail about the past because you owed Jungkook enough to not tell Taehyung about everything he said but he needed context.

“And I know it’s in the past so I should just move on but I can’t,” You admitted, “I still like him but if I… I get with him Miyoung would never let me forget that she dated him first, even if he liked me. It’s just all so confusing and overwhelming and it sucks that I’m letting it get to me like this but… it’s not fair.”

Once again, Taehyung didn’t say anything but he could tell you were feeling emotional by the way your voice began to shake.

“I like him, and not in the way I liked him before but I like this new him too, and it’s not fair that even if she lied or even if she snaps at me about shit that doesn’t matter, I will still feel guilty,” You finished.

“Y/n,” Taehyung cleared his throat, “Obviously I don’t know everything that happened back then but… I think that if you feel for him what he feels for you, it shouldn’t matter what she says. And honestly, I just… I wish you could see that there are so many people who care about you so much and you don’t have to put up with being belittled by someone who is supposed to be your best friend just because you have history. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the past, if it’s upsetting you now then clearly it still matters so don’t try to downplay your emotions.”

“But she’s my best friend,” your lip quivered.

“Then what am I?” He forced his lip to quiver as well.

“You’re my best friend too,” you sniffled.

Taehyung mimicked your expression, “Then as your best friend, I’m telling you to stop trying to make excuses for people who don’t treat you right—and go fix it with this guy.”

“Bu—“

“Y/n, I know you,” Taehyung sighed, “And I know that you’re not going to do anything if you think it upsets her but she doesn’t deserve a friend like you. You deserve to go be with whoever you want. I don’t care about what she says and at this point neither should you. I know that right now it’s confusing and you’re overwhelmed but if you’ve been ignoring me you’ve been ignoring him—I hope because if it’s just me that’s cold—and if the girl I had feelings for ghosted me… I’d be hurt.”

Jungkook was not hurt. He was… y'know, perfectly fine and that’s what he kept telling himself. It’s not like you made any real sign of feeling something for him too after hooking up and maybe that had just been a casual, one time thing. He can handle that, he’s grown.

Sure, he sort of spilled his damn heart out to you just for you to storm off on him and not reach out to him in days but he’s not bothered by it at all. That’s why when his two closest friends called Saturday night asking him to go clubbing… he said yes.

It was a chance to possibly let it go, forget it even, but it wasn’t easy. He was aware that he was possibly reading too into what happened the other night but could you blame him? You’re suddenly all about him and spend the night at his place where you wake up in his arms before going out to eat. It was like the perfect set up for a what if yet it went all wrong. Clearly it was his fault for being hopeful.

“So who else did you say is meeting us here?” Jungkook asked Hoseok for confirmation as he passed him a drink. The music played loudly in his eardrums that it was borderline painful and he wanted to leave more than anything but there was that stupid what if in his head.

“Jimin’s joining later on and so is Namjoon and his girl,” Hoseok said as he made sure everyone else had what they ordered, “Oh, and Y/n too, I think.”

“Y/n?” Jungkook tried clarifying. Hoseok smiled, “I know, it’s weird, Y/n seriously rarely comes out but all of a sudden she’s starting to more. I mean, lately she has, probably since around the time you got back?”

Jungkook let his friend go off to do whatever he wanted while he stood there seemingly frozen. Tonight would be the first time in days that he sees you—talks to you—and he’s not sure how to handle it. There’s nothing he can do about it either because he hasn’t confided in anyone yet but it’s painfully obvious that he’s waiting for you.

Yoongi noticed first, like he usually did, and tried talking to him, “What’s up with you? You’ve been antsy since the party, will you finally tell me where you ran off to?”

“Yeah man, don’t think we didn’t notice when you disappeared,” Jin said with a slight wink, “We just want to know with who.”

“Y/n.”

He could see you from the corner of his eye when you joined them at a table they had found. You came with Jimin by your side and a shy smile on your face. He assumed it was Hoseok who had screamed your name considering how he hogged your attention with a huge grin and Jungkook felt nervous all of a sudden.

As embarrassing as it was, Jungkook had nearly forgotten what he was asked until he looked back at Yoongi and Jin who looked at him expectantly. A nervous laugh escaped his lips as he shrugged, “Did you guys miss me too much?”

“Sneaky guy, don’t change the subject,” Jin laughed before letting Jungkook shift his attention back to you, making it painfully obvious where he was focused.

You felt a little nervous to be out tonight but after what you had talked about with Taehyung, you knew he was right. You acted strange with Jungkook after he opened up his side of things to you and it was plain wrong. Part of you isn’t even sure if he’s actually interested or not since he didn’t reach out to you this week and it made you wonder if he was really upset.

And if he was, would that mean that he didn’t want to speak to you?

“I need a drink,” you mumbled to yourself more than to the others but it made a good excuse to at least try. You looked at Jungkook for the first time since you got there and cleared your throat to awkwardly ask, “Jungkook, do you mind going with me?”

“Get me another, will ya?” Yoongi asked with a sudden wink that made Jungkook do a double take. Was he winking over the drink or him leaving with you?

He nodded his head in response and without question followed you to the bar once more. The bar was packed from all sides and Jungkook had to fight his way to the counter working as a barrier from people pushing at you. If he were to be honest, he wanted to skip the questions and get close to you again but he had to stay strong. He needed answers, right?

“Are we good?” Was the only thing he could think to ask.

You looked at him warmly, sitting down on the stool at the counter with him standing close to you, his hand itching to reach for you. Your lip caught between your teeth as you nodded, “Are we?”

For some reason he didn’t expect to be asked that back. It made him wonder if he thought you were. It was undeniably embarrassing to have you walk out on him like that after he thought it had been going good but did that mean he was truly upset with you?

“Yeah,” he nodded stiffly, blinking nervously and looking to the bartender who noticed them a while ago but had to attend to earlier customers first, “But uh, I guess I am just a little confused by it all. Did I do something to upset you? Was it what I said?”

“No, no, I’m sorry, it wasn’t you,” You blurted out, “It was me, I wasn’t thinking straight and I feel really bad about leaving like that.”

“Then why didn’t you just call or even text me?” Jungkook asked honestly, “I… I think that’s what bothered me the most.”

You looked down at your hands, “I'm sorry. I didn’t talk to anyone, seriously, and I did think about reaching out to you but I don’t know, I’m really bad at explaining things.”

“Well can you try? I know it was sudden but I thought it had been going good,” Jungkook said and the longer he tried getting to the bottom of this, the more annoyed he felt that you couldn’t just say it, “I think I’ve made it clear now how I feel about you and all I’m asking is for you to do the same.”

“I—yes,” you stumbled over your words, “I mean, I’m trying to be clear now but I’m doing a shit job at it. I did have a good time with you but it was honestly, really out of character for me to yknow… and then the whole Miyoung thing and I’m sorry but it was just a lot all at once. It’s definitely not fair to you that I acted that way, but I do have feelings for you.”

He let out a sigh, feeling unsure how to take it and stuck between wanting to smile in relief and wanting to be upset. You didn’t text him, nothing. How is that fair? He wanted to reach out to you but after the way you left he thought he would just make it worse if he kept bothering you. The bartender finally got to you two and he let you speak first as he tried gathering his thoughts a little more.

“But what does this mean?” Jungkook asked now, “I want you and you want me, right? So, what does this mean Y/n because right now I’m still confused by it all. If it’s because of Miyoung then—“

“No, it’s not, honestly,” You said, reaching for him, pinching the bottom of his shirt between your fingers to pull him toward you, “I don't care what she thinks anymore, I like you and I should have just said that from the beginning.”

The pull was harsh and had him looking down with his lips slightly parted in surprise, “Y/n, you’re not being fair.”

You knew it. You knew you probably ruined your chance now and coming to see him had just been a waste. You nearly let go of him when he continued, “You can’t ignore me and walk out on me and then just tell me you want me too, expecting everything to be fine.”

He had to be tough. He can’t just let it go even though you’re saying everything he wants to hear.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you said with a slight frown, “I can leave if you want me to.”

“Ugh,” he groaned, unable to help himself anymore as he closed the distance between you two. He circled an arm around you and pulled you into a hug, “Why would I want you to leave when I’ve been waiting for you to get here?”

“What?” You asked, hands finding his waist as he held you, “I thought you were mad.”

“I was,” Jungkook said, “So you don’t know how annoyed I am with myself right now. All it takes is for you to sweet talk me a bit and give me those eyes of yours for me to fold, that’s embarrassing.”

“Jungkook,” you said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have walked out like that. I should have texted you and if you want to be mad, I get it. If you want to think it over an—“

“And what if I don’t?” He asked looking down at your pouty lips and glossy eyes, “What if I just want to let it go and be with you without any more problems? Can I do that?”

His tone was surprisingly firm and you couldn’t do anything but nod, “Okay.”

It didn’t change the fact that you still felt bad because it seemed like you were being let off the hook easily but what else could you do? Jungkook really did seem ready to move past it and that’s why you came here in the first place. You just hadn’t expected it to be so easy and it made you feel bad.

When your drinks were ready, you opened up a tab despite his protests to just put it on his and the two of you got back to the group like nothing had happened. There was still a lot that needed to be talked about before you told anyone about what happened but it’s not like they were all oblivious.

Jimin, for instance, had been keeping an eye on you two at the bar since you left and had seen the majority of your conversation but he didn’t bring it up. Instead he watched silently for your little glances in each other’s direction and shy smiles. It was obvious to Yoongi too that Jungkook was in a much better mood now than earlier and it wasn’t hard for him to figure out why.

Perhaps for the same reason you had suddenly started joining them more often, being more comfortable too.

It had been a slow start for the two of you after the night at the club. Neither one of you seemed to want to rush into things but at times there was a strong pull. Tonight was going to be your first official date but you were keeping that information to your friends until you figure out if this works or not.

Jungkook picked you up from your apartment and drove to a nice restaurant where the two of you sat for dinner. He was very attentive to you, making sure your glass was always full and all your needs met and it was a surprisingly good feeling to be taken care of this way. You’ve dated in the past but you can’t say you’ve always chosen the right ones. You had a tendency to lean toward the ones who were overly forward with you because in your mind there was no doubt they liked you.

At first it would be nice but then you would realize that it was more of a conquering feeling to them than actually wanting to be with you and you would be left heartbroken. That’s part of why you rarely put yourself out there.

Jungkook is different though, he always has been. When you first met him he was forward but aloof. You never expected him to actually like you because you couldn’t see the signs clearly and the way things turned out it just never worked. Now that he’s been back he’s almost like an entirely different person in the sense that he’s ready to go for what he wants and it’s sort of admirable.

If you had been able to do that back then maybe you would have had him sooner but there was no point in dwelling in the past. He was here now and so were you. Honestly, knowing that there's something that’s been brewing between you two for a long time made it easier to feel confident around him.

“Why are you so pretty?” Jungkook couldn’t help but ask even if his mouth was full. He was trying not to smile too as he said that.

“Oh my god,” You felt your face heat up, tempted to hide behind your hand. It took you a moment to think of a response and it was surprising for the both of you to hear you say, “Why are you?”

Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly in hopes of not seeming too affected by your words. It didn’t work and he broke out into a grin, “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Dinner was filled with small flirting here and there. It’s crazy how well you and him seemed to get along when you stopped worry about other things. He made you smile, really smile and you made him feel giddy whenever he talked to you. He wanted to spend his night with you and nobody else.

“Are we going to meet with everyone else after this?” You asked as he pulled your chair out for you and you got up from the table. After some back and forth arguing, he eventually took care of the bill despite your protests and the night felt near its finish much to your disappointment.

It was the weekend and you’ve been trying to go out with your friends more and they had asked to meet up later—but both you and Jungkook had to tell them maybe.

“Do we have to?” He asked, taking your bag in one hand and holding yours with the other, “You think they’ll get a little suspicious if we’re both gone?”

You walked with him across the restaurant toward the entrance. You weren’t paying much attention to the people you passed, “I’m sure they know.”

Your response surprised him a bit and he couldn’t help but ask, “Really? Has it been that obvious?”

“Yeah, Jimin called me out on it the other night,” you shrugged, reaching for your bag to look for chapstick while he led you to the front. You couldn’t meet his eyes because you sensed where this was going.

“What’d he say?” Jungkook asked slowing his pace for you.

You blinked nervously, distracting yourself with your lipbalm as you tried sounding casual, “He asked why we were being so sneaky at the bar.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened slightly, opening the door for you as he said, “Damn, what did you say?”

“I said because we’re together.”

You tried being slick about it and slide past him without much attention but it was useless. He stood in front of you with a smile on his face, “Oh, we are? I don’t remember you clarifying that. Can you remind me when you asked me to be your man?”

“Oh god, don’t act like that,” you whined shyly.

“I’m sorry baby, I gotta hear you say it with your own words. What’d you tell him?” Jungkook blocked your path, hands finding your waist and keeping you from running. He liked making you flustered and you had no idea how you left him with a racing heart.

You pouted, looking at him seriously, “Jungkook.”

The two of you stood outside the restaurant looking like a playful couple that maybe had one too many drinks but it was all Jungkook’s fault. He wouldn’t let it go to rest and even had the nerve to smirk as he teasingly said, “That’s not how you say ‘Boyfriend’.”

“You’re ridiculous, we talked about this,” you said, focused on his chest to hide your embarrassment.

Jungkook just grinned mischievously, “What did you tell him?”

“I said you were my boyfriend,” you mumbled into his chest.

“Your what?” He asked trying to step back and get a good look at your face, “Come on baby, don’t get shy on me now.”

You whined, “Jung—“

“Your what?” He was laughing now, not caring for whoever might pass them and stare because he felt good. Too good to be affected by a stranger’s judgement.

“My boyfriend,” you sighed with embarrassment, “You heard me the first time, goof.”

“That’s what I thought, alright, you ready to go?” He asked with a chuckled as he took your hand in his ready to walk with you to the car.

“Y/n?”

You both stopped in your step, wondering if it really was your name you had heard. You looked back toward the rest, eyes threatening to widen with surprise as you looked at the person who stood at the entrance. She was with a group of people all headed inside but when she saw you, she stopped.

“Miyoung, hey,” You cleared your throat awkwardly, your demeanor changing completely.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked as her eyes trailed behind you where Jungkook was looking at you with worry and confusion. He wanted to make sure everything would be alright, knowing how Miyoung would react. He didn’t want your good night to be ruined over something petty.

“What do you mean? I’m uh, I was just having dinner,” you said stiffly, looking back at Jungkook which proved to be a mistake because it seemed to solidify his presence to her.

“With jungkook?” She asked with a snappy tone. Miyoung shooed away her friends, telling them to go in without her as she approached you.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” Her brow arched with amusement, clearly ticked off and in disbelief by what she saw before her. Like usual, the situation seemed much worse than it really was.

It was time for you to be up front. What’s the point in putting yourself out there and letting yourself open up to him if you wouldn’t have the courage to make it known? You swallowed dryly, “Because we’re… dating.”

Jungkook had stepped back from the situation, not wanting to worsen it so he stood off by a light post not too far for a smoke break. He tried distracting himself with lighting his cigarette but he couldn’t help but freeze up when you said that. It brought a shy smile to his face as he waited for you to finish.

“No, you’re not,” Miyoung scoffed looking back at Jungkook as if betrayed by him too. You blinked with confusion, what did she mean you’re not? Did she expect you to be joking or back down? “We are.”

Miyoung stood in front of you now, slightly taller, “Y/n, you’ve been ignoring me for weeks and now you’re saying you’re dating my ex boyfriend? What kind of friend are you?”

This time it was you who scoffed lightly, looking away from her to try and process what you would say but you had spent too much time already trying to think it over, “The thing is, um, I’ve been kind of wondering the same about you.”

“Me?” She looked down at you genuinely taken back, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat and tried to gather the courage to just say it. You could feel Jungkook around, listening but giving you space and it was like a push start for you to say what was really on your mind, “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m the only one who puts effort into being friends and I don’t see the point in always fighting. We’re not together, we don’t have to be friends if it always has to be some sort of argument. It’s getting tiring at this point and I think maybe it’s best we just distance ourselves from each other.”

“You’re kidding, right? I’m like the only person who really cares about you, Y/n. Don’t act stupid.”

Although that made Jungkook want to intervene and tell her how very wrong she was, he didn’t. He didn’t want to speak for you. He knew you could speak for yourself and he should let you, even if he was itching to cut in.

“No, I don’t think you are. I know you think you are so you always tell me you are, but you’re not. People like me for me and not just because I’m friends with you,” you said coldly and your tone was definitive it left her speechless. It had to be one of the first times you were ever remotely close to snappy with her and she didn’t expect it.

“I know it’s hard for you to think of me as my own person but I don’t have to do what you want,” You said, “And I think you only boss me around and act sneaky behind my back because you’re threatened by me.”

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. What you said left her rendered quiet. You waited too, waited to see if she would tell you to stand down but she didn’t and you didn’t give her time too, “ But I think I should go, I don’t want to bother your dinner any longer—and uh, maybe we just shouldn’t contact each other anymore.”

Jungkook had forgotten about his smoke break, jaw nearly to the floor at how confident you sounded. It was obvious you had never spoken to Miyoung that way but she couldn’t even deny what you said. You did it so casually and like you couldn’t care less which made you seem mature compared to Miyoung’s tantrums.

“Why was that kind of hot?” Jungkook asked as you finally reached him under the light post. Miyoung had stormed off with an evil glare that he ignored telling you how “You’re done”.

He looked down at you with hazed eyes, amazed and enamored. You scrunch your face curiously, “What was?”

“You, right now,” He chuckled, reaching for your hand in his, “Kind of scary too. Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

“You’re exaggerating,” you tried to laugh it off, “I wasn’t mean, was I?”

It was so dumb of you to still be worried about it but you couldn’t help it.

“No, you were calm and casual but that was so scary,” Jungkook gasped dramatically, “Because I know you were mad at her—… it was mean but only a little and so very very hot, and you’re doing all this in that dress…”

Without meaning to be, Jungkook was sort of like your hype man. You were worried about being too harsh, you still are, but he made you feel better about it. Part of you will never not feel in the wrong for being with Jungkook but you’ve gotten the rest off your chest and it felt good. Maybe you were a bit mean or maybe you weren’t, you could never be entirely sure but Jungkook seemed to be on your side no matter what.

“You like my dress?” You asked him with a teasing smile as he held the car door open for you.

“I really do,” he played with his lip ring, looking down at you.

“Then take it off me.”

“Oh fuck,” Jungkook whispered to himself as he looked around the parking lot, “Here?”

You broke out into a laugh as you sat down. Your words got to him easier than you thought and he sighed, “You can’t say that shit to me, Y/n. I’ll actually do it.”

“Let’s go back to my place and see if you can keep your word then,” you told him, watching him close the door with a tense jaw just thinking about it.

You can’t do this to him. You can’t be shy and cute one second and then act like that. You can’t. That’s not fair to him. How is he supposed to not be affected when you say things that get his heart racing while looking so cute? Was this what it would be like dating you? Just constantly caught by surprise?

He did like the way you stood up for yourself. He liked that you spoke your mind more freely than before and he takes joy in hearing you flirt back. In the beginning it felt like he was the one always trying to get you to talk to him or notice him and now you’re saying things that make his head dizzy.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, yknow?” Jungkook asked after the painfully long car ride back to your apartment. He was removing his coat as you sat on the edge of your bed to undo your shoes.

You let out an amused laugh, “What do you mean?”

“I mean… you act all shy and innocent and then you say shit that…” Jungkook let out a groan, “I can’t explain it, you just drive me crazy.”

“In a good way or bad way?” You asked, following him with your eyes as he closed the space between you two until he was at the end of the bed standing in front of you.

“A good way,” he said softly, “I’m finding more sides of you I’ve never seen.”

“And you like it?” You asked shyly, feeling his hands curl around your jaw.

“I do, a lot,” he confessed brushing his lips against yours, “I don't know what I would’ve done if I lost my chance with you again.”

::.

NO PART TWO

oml yall this took me forever to come up with 😭 I went through at least six other ideas before deciding on this one and I can’t tell how happy I am with it yet but I tried my hardest not the disappoint 🥹 I miss being more active and taking to you all but life has been so busy lately

please let me know how you feel and I promise I’ll try to be more active 🫶🏽

permanent taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @cherrymonlightt @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover @saweetspoiled @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @skzthinker @unnatae @beautywine @lilliankoo @annenakamura @lesoleile @burnahtsw @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @minnie-mouser22 @whoa-jo @marvelbun @sunnikthv @kochycooky @acielelyseen @giselleswifeee @ilikeitlikethatt @bangmechanpls @lvr2seok @badbyeyoongi @jaerisdiction @watermelonjuice15 @artmsmaid @xyahrinx @angeleen777 @jooniesxbby @dream-cvtcher @jksjx @kissyfacekoo @joyjunk @caro134340lina @hyunjinswifeee @oldermenluverrr @caro134340lina @olivialeesstuff [taglist is too long so I’ll have to make two versions of it]

[strongbabe2907]

Here’s a little review of Zepp Haneda - Dir en grey Who is this hell for tour 2024

In the morning i took a wrong train and almost ended in Yokohama, lmao. In the end i was there around 10:40 and we got the merch tickets.

After that we met up with a few people and had some food. The cafe/bar we went too was blasting Dir all day and played their pvs inside too, it was surreal but very cute.

Visnu brought the art books and it was so cool to see them irl before she put them in the gift box🥰 everyone worked so hard!! Go check out #SilverCoinProject if you haven’t! I’m not an artist i send in some pictures hehe. There’s also a picture in there of my gifts.. maybe i’ll post them later on social media now i have given them.

So we walked around a bit and went to the torii my friend recommended, but they were doing construction work right around it so it was a bit noisy.

When it was time for merch we found out todays sticker was Kaoru!! I hoped a shiny but unfortunately just normal ones. Still cute.

I bought more merch for friends and some standees, did some trading with other japanese fans and some gift exchange 🥰 honestly everyone has been so nice and sweet.

We god dinner before the show and i started to get nervous again.. we split up waiting because we had different numbers and i was very focused on the counting haha.

I had 235 for vip which got me… 6th row maybe? Second barrier in zepp. Which was.. i had hoped for a bit closer but it is what it is.

Again i was between Kaoru and Kyo and looked at them most. Shinya wore his white outfit, Die also wore a white outfit. I think Toshiya was all black? He wore the shorts with something on top and dramatic separate sleeves.

Kaoru looked amazing! He was in all black. Black dress shirt with big collar. Wearing a small, wide black tie. His waistcoat thing and trousers/shorts were the same texture/print. The waistcoat was much more wide/baggy and shorter in the front and longer in the back. I think it had 2 rows of 3 buttons on it. The shorts were just passed his knees and veryy wide with big pockets on the sides. He wore black leggings with them again. Black dr martens and i think socks?

His hair was pulled back in a little ponytail and he had two strands loose in the front. One behind his ear and one just loose. He had the usual make up, little fangs, eyeliner and dark shading especially around his head. He was the only one that didn’t change for the encore.

Kyo wore the same simple outfit. I still couldn’t make out the tat very well, but thought i could discern some points to it.. Visnu later mentioned she thinks it’s either like a little star or a cross?

He wore low black doc martens this time.

His voice was just 💯from the start. They seemed more energetic/relaxed than the first show (which was still really good btw). He did some dancing (god he’s so tiny..) and moved around and took his earpieces out to listen to the crowd sing/shout. Closer to the end he pointed at two people, one right ahead of me. I think one of them had made a tattoo like him and he was smiling? Cute.

Also HELLOOO obscure was so awesome. It was the more recent version which i personally prefer. It was so cool!! And i mentioned this on twitter already but Kaoru didnt do much wahwah but he did grunt along with tsumi no kisei and was doing tough guy act to the crowd and singing along with a song (sorry cant remember which) for a long but, it was really cute. They switched sides once i think. My friends said there was almost a twin towers collision but i didnt see.

After the last song (Eddie), Kyo did a big smile and said ‘bye bye’ and he was off.

Shinya’s drumstick landed right next to my foot but i was busy looking at Kaoru😭😂🙈(he was also throwing stuff). Then girl next to me notices a tiny but before me and bend down to grab it, but it was fine i mosty found it funny i missed it cos i was going 👁️ at Kao.

Everyone but Kyo also threw a tour towel.. maybe shinya didnt? Im not sure. Toshiya was smiling and put his face in it before tossing it in the crowd lol. Kaoru also threw it near the front and Die tied a knot in it again and pitched it to the back of the venue lol.

So good live! Girls around me were lively but i was standing at a bit of a dead area in the crowd?? I liked both citta and zepp even though the vibes were different. (Citta was def more intense)

After the show we got the vip bags! They’re very cute. And now i try and recover a little before heading to Kyoto.

[haitanizzz]

!contains tokyo revengers manga spoilers!

cw: angst, swearing, alcohol mention, slight violence, blood/bruises mention, slight sa? (non-consensual kiss), spelling errors

characters: draken and inui

summary: draken gets drunk and got his ass into a fight. inui picks him up and takes care of him but draken can't seem to move on from emma. inui can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, kinda one-sided love?, draken basically being depressed lol also set in the timeline where they own a bikeshop together

note: i don't ship them but i don't have anything against the ppl who do, i just thought their relationship was a great angst material :) i rushed the end a bit tho cuz i was getting out of ideas lol hope you enjoy!! also big thanks to the people who requested from us and we're a bit slow, but we're working on them don't worry!<3

-L

"hey inui! inui! seishu are you okay?"

draken was having it rough for a few days now, his nightmares about emma coming back to him each night like a curse from the past. inui noticed that his friend was more tense around him or when draken would hesitate to call out to him, but he didn't say anything since he knew that mental health was a touchy subject for his partner because of a certain girl. he was having a hard time ignoring it though as it left a bad taste in his mouth, but he didn't know why. is it because draken is his dear friend or maybe it is because he was in love? ken was so nice to him and he was his friend because he was inui seishu and not somebody else, right? he was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even hear draken call out to him.

"huh?"

"i've called out to you 3 times already! you look like you've been stressing so much lately-"

"oh no, no! im totally fine don't worry about it, i was just daydreaming a little bit!" he said as he let out an awkward laugh.

draken flashed him a gentle smile and patted his back.

"if you say so! but don't hesitate to ask for anything if you're not feeling well, aight?"

"got it boss"

"hey! i told u stop with that!" he playfully scolded inui as both of them began laughing. "anyways i just wanted to ask if you could close the shop today? i'm going out with some friends to drink, so.."

"of course! you can count on me, just give me the keys and you can go!

"thanks inupi! i owe you one!"

it was already dark outside when draken began to pack his things and passed the keys to inui.

"don't forget to close it or i'll beat ya ass if anything is missing tomorrow!"

"yeah yeah, just go already!" inui said as he pushed his friend through the door of their office.

"see you tomorrow seishu! "

he woke up to his ringtone, phone buzzing on the table as he got up and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. he didn't even have the energy to look at who was calling him so he just picked it up.

"yeah! see ya!" he sighed and almost slammed the door shut on accident. he was nervous but why? he could feel a pit in his stomach like when something bad is about to happen but he ignored the feeling and chose to dose off for a small nap on the sofa that was in the office.

-

"hello?" he answered the phone with a groggy voice.

"hey inui! sorry to call you this late but i need you to come here!"

"kazutora? it's not often that you call me, what's wrong?" he was dumbfounded that kazutora callled him as they barley even kept contact with each other.

"it's draken."

"what?"

"that idiot got drunk and punched a dude."

"oh god, again? " inui pinched the bridge of his nose not wanting to get up and drive there because he didn't like dealing with drunk people especially when it was ryuguji who got drunk. "im coming don't worry, thanks for giving me a call kazutora.

"thanks inui, we're at the new bar, just 2 streets down. we'll wait for you at the entrance!" kazutora said and immediately hang up.

"i swear that dumbass is going to be my death one day.." inui murmured and grabbed his jacket and the keys to his bike. "thank god it's not that far, just 2 streets down or i wouldn't even go to get his drunk ass."

the engine of his motorbike roared as he stopped in front of a bar, that had neon lights around it. everything was so bright he got a little dizzy and almost had to close his eyes. he spotted kazutora and draken sitting together at a random shop's staircase that was next to the bar. he got up from his bike and began walking towards them and it was when he got closer, that's when he noticed the blood sitting on draken's white shirt and bruises all over his face.

"what the fuck happened?!"

the two of them jumped at inui's voice not expecting him to shout at them.

"sorry to drag you out to get him this late, i could've bring him home myself but chifuyu and the others are still in there and im kinda worried what would they do when there's nobody to look out for them." kazutora said as he slightly bowed his head as an apology.

"don't worry about it man, don't apologize." inui gave kazutora a slight smile as he took draken's arm around his shoulder to make sure he wouldn't fall. "i'll be taking him home now..thanks for looking out for him."

"it's nothing. have a safe drive and call me if something is up!"

"yeah will do!" inui said as he began walking back to his bike with now draken slumped over him. it was very strange that draken wasn't talking at all, he was usually very loud.

"im not a kid you know? i can take care of myself inupi."

"oh so you now know how to talk? and it didn't seem like you were doing so good, so just shut up and let me drive you home!"

draken let out a laugh as he sat on the back of the motorcycle and grabbed the spare helmet.

"aight, aight! just don't be so loud, my head is killing me.."

"i wonder why?" inui scoffed as he sat on the front. "just make sure you don't fall off or you'll have to go to the hospital by yourself."

the drive to draken's apartment was quiet. none of them talked, the only thing that was making noise was the motorbike and those few cars that passed them. they were almost there when inui felt arms wrap around his waist and felt some weight on his left shoulder and he tensed under draken's touch, his heart hammering in his chest.

"i swear to god if you puke on me-"

"are you mad?" draken's voice was soft, almost like when a child got caught stealing candies.

inui didn't answer not knowing what to say to a question like that so he just kept quiet.

they soon arrived to draken's apartment complex and inui parked his bike.

none of them said a word and seishu helped his friend up the stairs, then to his door. keys jingled as draken searched his pockets and struggled to fit the key to his door inside the keyhole. inui gently pushed him away and opened the door and draken almost immediately went and crashed on the couch. seishu shaked his head and closed the door behind him, took off his shoes then followed draken to his livingroom.

"come on man, we need to get you patched up and change! i promise you can sleep all you want after we're done." draken just groaned and put his head on inui's shoulder s a sign to help him to his bedroom.

"i think the booze is really starting to get to me.." draken said as his words were slightly slurred from the alcohol he had consumed. inui helped him up and staring walking towards draken's room and sat him down onto the bed and turned on the lights. draken hissed at the sudden brightness and inui just let out a chuckle then went to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit. he came back with the box and sat next to draken and grabbed his chin.

"come on this gonna hurt a bit, but i'll be as careful and quick as i can so bear with it 'kay?" the tatted male just hummed as an answer and inui took it as a sign to start cleaning his bruises. he started dabbing under his eye first, then right under his jaw with careful movements. draken didn't seem to be giving any reaction so he just continued until his eyes sat on his slightly busted lip. seishu looked away for a moment then went to dab the sanitizer on his lip when draken took a hold of his wrist and he dopped the cottonball he was holding.

"what's wro-" seishu's words were cut off when draken kissed him. inui's whole body froze as memories from his high school years started to pry at his mind and tears filled his eyes. he didn't know what to do. was it the right thing that he just sat there without doing anything but his hands shaking? he will never know the answer to that. he only came back to reality when draken pulled away and smiled at him with red dusting his cheeks, inui didn't know if it was from the alcohol or because draken was embarrassed.

"i love you..emma." draken whispered against inui's neck and passed out. seishu couldn't process what was happening and his chest started to hurt. he quickly pushed draken off of him (who surprisingly didn't even budge) and stood up with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill out of them. he didn't even bother to pack the first aid kit as he was almost running to the door. he slammed the shop's keys on draken's kitchen island and left.

-

the next morning draken woke up with a headache.

"..what happened?" he said as he looked through his room, the first-aid kit on the floor. he tried to remember what happened last night as he went to get dressed for work.

he was confused when inui didn't came to work that day.

[simpingforthisonedeer]

who are your top ten black clover characters and ships? talk about them! -tat!

Tat? I just woke up and I don’t know who you are so please forgive me tat if I already know you but if I actually don’t, then nice to meetcha! Thank you for this interesting ask! I didn’t know people were interested in my thoughts or what I had to say sakjdhksj

I don’t have too many ships because Black Clover is mainly action so it is focused on that. I don’t ship any of the underage characters because they are all children who are busy saving the world and the adult characters such as the Captains(except Yami and Charlotte) and the Wizard King are all too busy with work and saving their kingdom and the world. They have no time for romance as of now. But, BC is going to be as long or even longer than One Piece according to Tabata so there is hope for everyone ;)

I’ve ordered this list from the bottom to the top so I hope you don’t mind 👹

10. William Vangeance

Look, if I was in the BC universe, what he did would be unforgivable to me. Instead of not enabling his most dearest friend to commit genocide, he leaves it up to him and the person he respects the most to fight to the death so he wouldn’t have to decide. Like who in their right minds would stand aside if their closest friend wanted to commit genocide for something that happened 500 years ago?

I was initially really upset with William but after a while, I started liking his character. Usually when people are like “I like this so-and-so character because they are flawed,” I would be like please🙄 but William is the first character I have ever truly liked for being flawed. Like this man loved Patri so much that he was willing to let people die. Not that it’s a good thing but you get what I mean. But at the same time, just as much he loved, he knew it was wrong so it was an impossible choice for him and I absolutely love that about him. But keep in mind, if he was an actual person I knew, my opinion would be waaaaaay different.

9. Zara Ideale

This man is badass as all hell like cmon. First commoner to become a magic knight??? That’s freaking amazing😎😎😎 and the way he kept a smile on his face despite everyone underestimating him and beating him down? Very respectable😎 The way he was an amazing, single father and a role model to Zora? That’s hot 😎 And the way he inspired my man Julius? Freaking iconic😎

8. Mereoleona Vermillion

She is simply a hot woman with a rough side, an OP character and an amazing leader. What more can I say 🙈🙈🙈

7. Finral Roulacase

I love his character because he is trying so hard to get better for Finnese’s sake. I mean he isn’t doing too good of a job but he is first gaining confidence in himself and I could clearly see a realistic difference in him. I personally don’t ship him with Finesse unless I see them bond more tbh but this is going to be a looooong story so there may be space for development there.

6. Grey x Gauche

Look, I don’t like Gauche because of his sister complex. It’s played off as a joke way too many times and I find it icky but the teased ship between him and Grey seems realistic and nice to me. Like he could help Grey build up her confidence and Grey could teach him what it is to love another person. Ships that build each other up make me go uwu asjkdhakjsd

5. Klaus Lunettes

I absolutely adore Klaus because this man is the prime example of hope for the next generation. He is a noble who was initially derisive of Asta and Yuno because they were peasants but now he actually loves and respects them. This is how the next generation should be. Nobles shouldn’t only learn to tolerate commoners and peasants but actually respect and even love them as well.

I especially like for his Klaus’s love and concern for Asta and find it incredibly wholesome and endearing. He is an amazing friend and actually voices his concerns if any of them are about to do something stupid unlike someone askjdaks

4. Charlotte Roselei

Charlotte is a badass woman and with the way she is written, just because she is in love, didn’t mean that she was any less than her position as Magic Knight Captain. What I mean is that she wasn’t reduced to a woman in love with Yami and actually has her moments where she gets to shine and im not going to spoil anything but she’s doing amazing in the manga and I’m cheering for her 😎

3. Fuegoleon Vermillion

Ok, I know I don’t talk about him as much but I really love his character because he inspires other people like Asta and Noelle and is a great magic knight captain. His character and the way he holds himself also reminds me of Erwin from AoT asdhakdkfsjk. Him and his fire magic and salamander are badass as hell and he also makes for an amazing leader. I genuinely like seeing him being all authoritative and it’s a nice contrast from Julius’ passive attitude. If Julius wasn’t Wizard King, it would be him.

2. Yami Sukehiro

Who in their right minds don’t like Yami Sukehiro? Like he is such a freaking dad to the rest of the squad and he has such amazing fight scenes and his spell, “Dimension Slash?” Freaking amazing like when he got trapped in the Dream World, I knew he was going to use that spell and it was so freaking cool. Not only that, he pushes everyone around him to be better and to surpass their limits. I like his constant presence and he makes for some really funny moments with his dry humor XD

1. Julius Novachrono

IM LITERALLY JULIUS NOVACHRONO BRAINROT AHGDKJSHDJKSFJKSH ITS IN MY NAME I SIMP FOR THIS MAN AND THIS MAN ONLY SO FREAKING MUCH AHSKAJSNJKA 

Ok, so besides the fact that this man is HOT AS FUCK He’s also very sweet and when he nerds about magic it’s the most adorable thing in the world. In the beginning, I thought he may be a villain because he was too good to be true. But that was up until when he obliterated the Midnight Sun at their hideout I just went🥵🥵🥵 look I thought he was a passive character BUT GAH DAYUM the way he looked at patri like boi whatchu doin🤨 he was so bored during that fight like LAWD HAVE MERCY

I’m so sorry anon but you should’ve expected this from my hoe ass

I also love OP characters and I also happened to like time a lot. Like I am a massive Doctor Who fan and I’m a whole physics nerd and I’ve always been fascinated by Time, Gravity and Space among other things so of course I love Julius🥰🥰

I like how there are small details for his time spells like the fact that his Chronostasis spell only brings time to a near stop because completely stopping time would stop the movement of particles and instantly freeze and kill the person. AJSDJLKASJD I’ll stop nerding now(never👹)

Oh god, when I get to True Time Magic in my fic😩 light, time and gravity in the backdrop of magic got me shaking

He’s very charming and has good morals which is a big point in his favor but he’s also such a dad?? He takes Yami and William and basically raises them in their crucial years(teenage is pretty crucial right? I think so🤔) I don’t have daddy issues but GAH DAYUM HE FINE

I know he’s a kid and all that now but knowing Tabata, it’s because if he actually died, things would all go to shit real fast and I believe he would age up in some way or maybe actually grow up gradually and not die again(fingers crossed TvT) and actually contribute to the plot more😩 give me the grown up Julius, Tabata 👹👹👹

I mean if Tabata made the right decisions with his story, he would show Julius become less and less of a centrist in the name of character development and let him lose👀👀

[trikxx]

I try to put a lil something before the chapter cause thats what I usually do but I can think if anything😀 on to the story.

Songs for this chapter ⬇️

•shame by summer walker

•if you let me by sinead harlett

Armoni's pov

I got up early cause I didn't want y/n to kill Shinsou for letting me drive. I have my permit and all but I still have to take my drivers test... again. Y/n doesn't trust me with the car but shes gonna have to give in soonnn.

I go into the living room and they not there anymore

So I go to Shinsou's room to get him. "SURPISE SHAW.." He wasn't in there. The last place he could be thats inside the house is y/n's room. 'God please let me going here and know that nothing happened last night even though I want a niece not yettt' I think in my head while putting my hands together.

I slowly opened the door. 'please please pleaseee' I slowly open my eyes and they are fully clothed and only facing each other "THANK THE GODS!" I accidentally yell out waking up Shinsou.

"Wtffff Armoni."

"Damn, what happened to hey, hello, good morning." I say. "Waiting in living room ill be ready in a little bit.

Shinsou's pov

I slowly slip out of y/n's bed and go to my own room and hop in the shower, brush my teeth, fix my hair and get dressed. After I finished I grabbed my keys and put on my shoes. "Lets go." I say to Armoni

"I would have let you drive y/n's truck but you know how she is." I say "Yea i know" Armoni said adjusting the seat. "Check it out so I have a automatic so you dont have to worry about all that fancy stick shift shit you thought was finna happen when you got in. Nope." I explained to Armoni everything he needed to know. "No music til you drive a mile" I say. Armoni pulled out the parking spot and out he garage and started driving.

"Damn you actually drive good." I say to Armoni. "I know its just my sister." We started driving toward y/n's parents house to take Armoni home and so I could make it back home so me and y/n could go to Sero's shop.

~Time skip~

Y/n's pov

I wake up and get in the shower not really acknowledging the fact that Shinsou and Armoni were gone out the house. The quiet was nice. I stepped and wrapped a towel around my body and staring to brush my teeth. I heard the front door open. I walk out my bathroom into my room to peek out the door.

"Oh your woke now?." Shinsou says. I tolled my eyes and  closed my door back to get dressed.

Your outfit

I did my hair the same way I did it last night then grabbed my wallet and keys and walked out the room "We taking your car?" I ask Shinsou. "Yea." He responds. I out on my shoes and we walk out the door.

~Time skip~

We pulled up to a tattoo shop that had a sign that said '4RT' "You ready?" Shinsou said. "Wait they open?" I say. The shop looked like no one was there even though there was four cars outside besides ours.

"Naw they not open." Shinsou said side eyeing me. I rolled my eyes and got out the and Shinsou did the same.

We entered the shop and heard low music playing. "Yoooo Shinsou!" I heard Sero yell from down the hallway. "Is that the beautiful y/n?" Denki said following behind Sero. Shinsou side eyes Denki and Denki puts his hands up like this '✋🏽😐🤚🏽'

"What tats do yall want?" Sero asks. "Ima get this." Shinsou says showing Sero the picture.

(This is the only one I could find that I liked Pinterest did me wrong yall ✋🏽🥲 ill edit it if i find sum different;-;)

"Still a minimalist I see." Sero says joking around. "And you?" Sero resumes pointing to me. "Oh I was thinking something like this."

"Thats niceee." Sero says. "Ok I'll do y/n and you can get Shinsou." Sero says to Denki. Denki nods and leads Shinsou to his area and I got Sero's. "This your first tat or nah?" He asks. "Nah." I says showing him the dragon tattoo behind my ear that goes on to my shoulder. "Thats dope as fuck." Sero says starting the sketch for your tattoo.

(Idk how this works🧍🏽‍♀️)

~Time skip~

Third pov

Sero finished the sketch and started apply the stencil (yall know the little thing they put on the you before they actually tattoo..yea that.)

Sero turned on some music (the song at the top played first) and started tattooing. At first it hurt but soon you got use to it. "You ok?" Sero asked. "Yea." You say looking back at you phone.

~Time skip~

You here the door of the shop open. You saw a pink haired girl rush passed the room you and Sero were in. Eventually peeking her head in ti the room "Im here Sero they kept me late at the mall my bad... Y/N?!"

"Heyyoo." You say smiling at her. "We have to talk after your done ok?" She says. You nod your head at her and she skipped away. You lay your head back vibing to the music trying to ignore the pain.

"Ok Cool Kami.." Shinsou says walking into the room. "Y/n... holy shit." You look up at Shinsou then look down at the tattoo and back at Shinsou "what." You ask. "I should have let you pick my tattoo."

You raise your eyebrows and formed an straight like with your lips then nodded your head up and down slowly. "Im gonna wait in the lobby ok?" Shinsou says "ok." You say. Shinsou walks out the room and you look back down at you phone.

Shinsou's pov

I walk into the lobby and sit close to ok the desk and talk to Mina and Denki. "And bro she was like..." Denki was saying then pointed to where he was looking at.

'Woah' I see a girl come through the door." Hey! Welcome to Art. How may I accommodate you today." Mina days with a smile. "Hiii I had made an appointment." The girl says. "What was the name?" "Camie." She says.

"Alright, you can sit over there..." Mina said pointing over by me. "and Denki will be with you in a moment." Mina finishes. "Hey hottie whats your name." The girl says to me. "Shinsou. And yours?" I say looking at her.

"My names Camie." She says. "Hold on." She says getting up. She comes back with paper and a pen. "Camie?" Denki says to her. "Here." She whispers to me and hands me a piece of paper then follows Denki. I looked her up and down looking at her outfit. She winked at me before disappearing into the hallway. 'Damnnnnnn'

Camie's outfit

"Finally out that fucking chair got damn." Y/n says stretching while walking into the lobby.

"Thats one hell of a grin Toshi." Y/n says making the "😏" face. "Hush and let me see." I say.

Y/n's pov

I show Shinsou my tattoo. "Im just fye like that." Sero says. I chuckle and start walking to pay. But Shinsou stops me "I'll pay." He says. "But.." "unt uhn." I roll my eyes and step back.

"Alright I'll see you guys." Shinsou says walk towards the door. "Byeeee" I say going after him. "Wait!" I go back in the shop. "Heres my number Mina facetime, text, call, or what ever. And we can talk." I say writing it down. "Ok! Bye Y/n!" I wave at her walking out the door and running ti the car.

"Alright I'm ready."

~time skip~

We get back to the apartment and I flop down on my bed. "Sooo tireddd." I say. I pick up my computer and check how many orders we had 'its not that bad' i think to myself closing my computer and putting it back on my nightstand.

I walk out my room to go mess with Shinsou but when I got closer to his room he was... giggling? I held in my laughter and knocked on his door. "Yo Toshi you hungry?" I say through the door. "Yea hold on." He responds back.

20 minutes later

Shinsou's pov

"Ok what did yo..." I say. 'This mf really fell alseep in 20 minutes' I think to myself. I pick y/n up and put her in her bed.

I walk into the kitchen and ordered y/n's f/f for her and something for me.

*DING*

Camie🤍: Hey Hitoshi🤗.

Hitoshi☄️: Hey👋🏽.

Camie🤍: i wanted to know if you wanted to hang out tonight and get to know each other?

Hitoshi☄️: im cool with that but where.

Camie🤍: your place?

Hitoshi☄️: I would sag yea but we would just be in my room. I have a roommate and they get kinda rowdy.

Camie🤍: Its ok. What ever you want babes😁.

Hitoshi☄️: cool.

Hitoshi ☄️: Also eat before you come over i only provide snacks.

Camie🤍:LOL. Ok☺️.

*UBEREATS NOTIFICATION THING*

|your food for HITOSHI has been delivered|

I go out the door to get the food and come straight back to the apartment. I look through and make sure everything is there. Then I put y/n's food in the refrigerator/on the counter(depends on what you picked).

~time skip~

Camie🤍: should i park on the street?

Hitoshi ☄️: yea.

I walk downstairs to let Camie in. "Hey handsome." She said and kissed me on the cheek. We went back to the apartment and into my room. "I'll be back." I say walking out the room. "Hey Shinsou." Y/n says waving at me while walking out her room.

"Hey, Your foods in the fridge." I say. "Thank you." She says hugging me then warming up her food and going back to her room. I cut off the lights in the living room and a leave the one above the sink on. Then I go back to my room with Camie.

Y/n's pov

I go back to my room and watch tv and start packing orders. Sometimes I do orders by myself just for some me time (play if you let me by sinead harnett).

*DING*

Unknown: Y/n please I miss you so much please. Im sorry I didn't mean for it to happen please just take me back ill do better please. I still love you.

Y/n: If this is who I think it is No. cause you know what you did and it really doesn't make sense that you cant get that shit into your head stop contacting me. Im not taking you back even if its the end of the world.

Unknown: please y/n

*this number you are contacting has blocked you*

———

I finished eating and went to throw my stuff away. I got in the shower did my skincare and brushed my teeth. 'I should just chill out in my room.' I think ti myself while getting out the shower and drying off.

I put on some spandex shorts and a hoodie. The pull out my sketchbook to make more designs.

———

I've been sketching for about a hour so i go to see if Shinsou wanted to watch a movie but as I got closer to the door i hear moans getting louder. 'No, he did not.' I thought to myself. I go to the living room and just turn on the tv and watch a movie alone in the dark.

About an hour late I hear him coming out the room. "That was sooo nice." I hear a girl say. She come out of the hallway where Shinsou's room is. "Who are you?" She says.

"I'm y/n." I say. "Shinsou there's a girl out here. Maybe your roommate has her over." She says.

'Is she-' "wait whats your name?" I ask her

"Camie." She says "oh, do you know Todoroki?" I say "yes i know him." She says kind of with a attitude. "Ohhh I remember youu. Aren't you his ex." She said.

"Alright are you... hey y/n." Shinsou said. "Really Hitoshi." I say getting up. "Of all the people in the world HER." I say. "What are you talking about y/n."

"You know what im talking about Hitoshi. Or do you not remember why your own best friend broke up with her boyfriend." I say. Shinsou looked like his heart dropped to his ass.

𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

"Hey y/n its gonna be ok forget about him."Shinsou says. "Im gonna call Ace to come and get you."

Ace: Hello?

Shinsou: Hey Ace i need you to come to Y/n's house right now.

Shinsou looks at the code book you gave him for emergencies like this.

"Code...uhhh pink no wait its a purple"

Ace: Im on my way right now.

Y/n's pov

"Two years down the fucking drain for what!" i yell as Ace comforted me. "N/n you have to calm down a little." Ace says. i layed in my bed under my cover with my music blasting. My parents were on a business trip and my brother was at our Aunts house.

Me, Ace, and Shinsou heard someone knock on the door so I go to open it. "Y/n i'm sorry! It all happened so fast and I was drunk." Todoroki says. "DRUNK MY ASS SHOTO! YOU NEW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE DOING AND IT WASN'T A ACCIDENT." I say yelling. "Hey Y/n I got this go chill out." Shinsou says pulling me back.

I step back and then I look at his car and she was in there. I push both boys out the way and walk to the car. I snatched the door open and pulled her out the car. "SO YOU FUCKING LOVE ME RIGHT?! YOU WANT ME BACK HUH?! BULLSHIT SHOTO GET YOUR SHIT AND GO. IM DONE. AND AS FAR AS I KNOW ONCE YOU OUT YOU DICK IN HER WE WERE DONE SO GET YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE."

Todoroki grabbed Camie from you and got her back in the car. "Im sorry ill leave.".

𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤

"Damn i did it again." Camie says with a smirk on her face. "Maybe its just not meant to b..." I cut her off by gabbing her hair and slamming her on the couch.

"Say some slick shit again Camie. I fucking dare you. I will do something I didn't get to do then. Cause i dont give a fuck now. Ima let you go this is what you do to avoid getting your ass beat. Get your bag, keys, and shoes and get the fuck out this house and never come back." I say. She nods and I let her go.

Camie runs and gets her stuff and leaves the apartment. "Wtf Y/n." Shinsou says. "You know she was just gonna be a hit and kick anyway so im saving her the heartbreak." I say walking to my room. "Thats not the point y/n you didn't have to do that."

Shinsou said

"THEN WHATS THE POINT HITOSHI?!" I say. "THE POINT IS THAT YOU BROUGHT UP STUFF FROM A LONG TIME AGO." Shinsou argues back. "you know i tried to ignore the fact that you brought the girl that he cheated on me with." I say calmly. "but dont argue back. i dont want to waste your breath on this. and just to tell you ill leave for the night to give you some time to yourself." I say walking away to my room.

———

When I get into my room I feel and tear come down my face as i get out some overnight clothes. I text Mina to see if she was free.

Y/n🤍🌸: Hey Mina are you free to night

Mina🥀: Sorry babes im out with my boyfriend

——

I sighed and texted Sero

Y/n🤍🌸: Yoo Sero

Sero🤠: wsp y/n

Y/n🤍🌸: Can I crash at your place tonight? Me and Hitoshi kinda got into a fight.

Sero🤠: Sure, im still at the shop so you can come here til i close up

Y/n🤍🌸: alright cool.

——

I finished packing my bag and slip on some grey sweats and went to the door. As i was putting on my shoes Shinsou came out to the door. "You don't have to leave Y/n." He says. "Well if you dont want me to leave for then ill be leaving for myself. Ok? Cool." I says as I grab my keys off the rack and walk out the door.

👀 dont hurt me ya’ll please dont😬

[blue-fidelity]

hi! could you possibly do a queen and borhap ship on me? im 5’4, shoulder length hair, light brown hair and green/ mixed eyes. im an april baby. im born in sweden.i love watching movies, reading literature and listening to vibey music (rock and current joys) i love acting and i have a band. im a dog person and love them dearly. im planning on moving to London. im an extrovert but i can be quiet sometimes. if i ever got a tattoo it would probably be a line from some sonets or my star-sign.

Hi lovely anon 💖! Sorry it took a while, online school has been HECTIC 😂❤️. Hopefully it will be worth the wait 🥰.

Queen ✨:

Roger Taylor

(This gif is so frickin cute 🥺💕)

So, y’all would be adorable. Playing and listening to music together would totally be a thing. Supports your band 100%. He thinks it’s so hot when you perform. He met you when he was still in Smile, your band had opened for them and you guys really hit it off. Roger seems like a theatrical guy, not as much as Freddie, but I can definitely see him practicing your lines with you. The boys would be over, and you and Roger would be practicing one of your upcoming performances, and Freddie would cut in, “Rog, you're doing it all wrong! Let me show you how it’s really done!”, *cue Roger rolling his eyes*. Reading to him and watching movies as he has his head rested in your lap, you playing with his hair. You and Rog would definitely get a tattoo together, most likely a line from one of your favourite sonnets. Something romantic. You and Rog adopted a dog together, you guys always fight for his attention and love him dearly. Just an overall wholesome fun relationship. 

Bohemian Rhapsody Cast ❤️:

Ben Hardy

You and Ben are so sweet! He adores you. During the filming of Borhap, you’d practice your instrument as he practiced the drums. You’d totally sit on his lap as he played. Since Ben and you are both actors, you guys would always practice lines together. Goes to all of your concerts, like Roger supports you 100%. Listening to music together, finding books to read together. Drive in movie dates! You and Ben adopted two puppies together, a sister and a brother. Y’all take your dogs on fun adventures. You and Ben both got tattoos of your star signs, both on your right arm in the same color. You bet y’all took some aesthetic photos of the tats for Instagram. Overall a sweet, cute, loving relationship. 

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(1/2)🐛? (on mobile cant find your faq sorry) My mom raped me for years and i recently escaped now that im 18. I didnt remember the sexual abuse when i made the decision to leave but i randomly realized it a few months later. I have found little support and therapy for an hour a week is all i can afford but is not enough. I am at the end of my rope with my trauma and DID and i dont know what to do. The biggest issue is the overwhelming shame, and feeling like i deserved it.

(2/2)🐛 I keep falling into saying it didn't happen/wasn't that bad/others had it worse to the point I get sick when I deny it too much. An alter keeps saying the rest of us are lying and mom is a good person and we should go back. I feel like I made everything up because I read a lot of noncon fic to try to punish myself. Every grounding technique I have tried has failed. Sorry, I know this is a lot. Any resources for female survivors of maternal incest? Or any advice at all? I feel so alone.

Hello,

I’ll separate this into parts to hopefully help with converting clear information. 

Denial, believing it’s fake. 

Fake memories, or just “made up” memories do not happen commonly,  [information here The False Memory Myth & Memory Repression].  there is nothing wrong with feeling that way however, self-denial and downplaying of our one trauma is really common. 

Having “denial of parts/alters” is really common. I personally have DID as well and we have alters who deny our abuse, blame our abuse or have a deep attachment to our abusers. That is so normal! You are not alone, In this struggle. If you have any internal communication you can talk to the other alters who share this trauma for support these internal connection are god for recovery. 

If you have the stability or any parts wh are good at working with there might also am them why they feel the need to defend the mother. communicating can also help ease your feeling of overwhelming and denial. 

One key way to help with downplaying of abuse is to imagine a friend came to you and told you what happened to you happened to them. And think about what you would tell them, I bet it’s not. “it wasn’t bad” or “well other people got it worse”. 

When you have worked out the kind of compassionate language, start picture the little girl inside you who went through the trauma. This can include talking to some of your young alters if you have any communication methods with them. Sometimes pulling them forward through focusing on your internal child might happen and sometimes those with DID can access the internal child through more basic IFS (internal family system) and Part Work methods. And offer them compassion for what they are going through. 

Shame

When you find thoughts of shame start to spiral, not the thoughts and the feelings in your body. But then take a long breath and work to not identify with that thought. The emotion and thoughts exist but you don’t have t push yourself to think about it r feel it. Picture the emotion and try and let it pass.

Working towards self neutrality is also a good goal. Refraimging the language you use to talk about yourself, and in your case, your alters, to something that lacks overly negative connotation ill help change the schemas of shame.  Coping Skills: Ditch Value judgments

Those words of compassion we talked about early when you find yourself starting to feel so down on yourself and shameful try saying these words to yourself. Along with some positive self aspirational mantras, you can help start to reshape the patterns your neurology follows. You won’t believe them at first but saying these will help with healing. 

Practising good self-care can be super important. When we can treat our body with honesty and respect that helps shape our internal sense of being respected and being care for. It’s also just good for general depression and health. [Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care]

I know how hard things like showers can be but starting with just tooth brushing and face washing can be important. If brushing of teeth is a trigger I suggest buying a smaller toothbrush like a kids size and changing toothpaste to one tat either foams less, is another colour or if the taste carries. Using baby whips or a wet cloth to areas like the groin, armpits, under breasts and behind knees would be another important step towards overall health. 

Keeping the living space as neat as possible also counteracts feelings of overwhelming shame and self-esteem issues.

The use of sexual material to cope

When we struggling to deal our tendency to self-harm is very common as it’s a maladaptive attempt to cope. Using the stories as a way to in your words punish is a form of self-injurious behaviour. Factors like lack of regulation, compulsive behaviour, intrusive thoughts and being manipulated by users to believing this is a reaction to perceived threats. [Coping Skills: Combating Self-Harm Urges]

This doesn’t invalidate abuse as having been abused is not contingent in never interacting with sexual content, up to and including having sex, afterwards. CSA often predates other unhealthy sexual behaviours as a reaction to our sexual traumas. No way our trauma reactions show mean our abuse didn’t happen or didn’t hurt us deeply. 

Coping Skills

 It makes sense a lot of the mainstream grounding is hard and lack effectiveness. Much of the meditative type skills intensify dissociation. We also often struggle with our automatic nervous systems being even more fractured than those with PTSD. Our neurological behaviour will also be more likely to take any stress or confusion and push us to dissociate. Visualization also tends to work poorly for many of us with dissociative disorders for the same issue of a tendency to dissociate. Focusing on a singular self to ground into can also become hard for us too and trigger depersonalization. 

If there are skills you liked in theory and didn’t have direct negative effects it might be worth trying them again. I do understand the frustration I really really do but it can be worth it. especially as you learn what coping skills can work with different somatic sensations and cognitive distortions. 

I would suggest using some of the most basic coping methods of deep breathing. I would guess this already takes a lot of brainpower as even basic things like breathing regularly can be hard for those who have extreme dissociation. So it takes a huge amount of practice for us and time for it to be effective but it’s so very important. 

I would suggest still trying to practice focusing on our body sensations even if we don’t add the subsequent suggestions for grounding. Knowing what sensations tend to present themselves when certain stimuli and thoughts are present is really important for coping. It can be true that the coping skill you are working at isn’t addressing where you are. For examples, our nervous system can be in hyperarousal but many grounding skills counteract hyperarousal. So try and look for engagement over relaxation or visa versus.

I am a big believer in the body-mind connection and import of the brain-body connection and coping that is body focused. Cogntive skills like thought stopping and replacing can be truly helpful in the short term for trauma survivors.   

Talk to your alters as well, coping can be influenced by the emotions land somatic states trauma we are carrying along with the ones within our consciousness. They might also just have opinions on what you ought to do. This can be done internally or through other means like writing notes. 

Mother-daughter incest

I have found very little survivor orientated material that could be helpful, I found mostly news sources about how it exists and academic texts.  

If any of our community knows of survivor focused materials for survivors of mother-daughter incest please reply or submit them. 

We do have a discord that you could join and we have an incest support channel we are still growing the members of the server but it might be a place to have peer support. 

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[chocolate-milk-fanfics]

I ain’t sorry

Warnings: miscarriage, gun violence, kidnapping, cheating, period typical sexism, Implied black reader, and OOCness of characters

Word count: 6095

"You don't love me Tom! So stop acting like you care about me!" 

"That's not true and you know it!" 

"Then say it Thomas! Prove me wrong! Because you putting your dick in the barmaid while your wife takes care of this shit show you made ain't exactly helping your case!"

"Its not th- Y/n just listen!-"

"Mommy!  'ungry!" 

Opening your eyes you met the heterochromic eyes of your twin toddler boys. They stood in front of you with wide smiles and bouncing as the stood at either side of you. Sitting up straight you gave them a wide smile, shoving the memory of the night you left to the back of your mind as ruffled their curly locks. "Oh are you now? Well let's get mommy's two babies food alright?"

"Not 'aby!"

"Yeah! Not 'aby!"

Both of them whined as they followed close behind you. Charles held onto your skirt while Kenji held your hand as you led them to the kitchen. A giggle escaped you as their brown and blue eyes roamed the room for snacks before lunch. They were fraternal twins but alike in every way possible, as expected of twins. Charles was older by 1 hour and had more shaggy hair than Kenji, his left eye was blue and the other brown. While Kenji's hair was more curly, yet easier to manage than Charles, his right eye blue and other brown. Both of them had the same light brown skin, freckles, dark brows, and smile that lit up your world. Not to mention the same scowl and protective fearless nature of their father. And oh, their laugh. Just like his when you were growing up. There was no doubt they were your husband's sons and you never denied it, you could never forget him after all. Even with all the pain he caused, there was so much happiness and your sons were the product of that. "What!? Not baby? But you're my babies!" you teased softly as you began to spread the peanut butter and jelly onto the bread.

The twins looked at each other, an unspoken conversation being shared between them as you made them lunch. Kenji shook his head and pouted as he looked at his brother, the conversation came to an end as Kenji pulled on your skirt. "Not 'aby! We's 'ig 'oy!" 

"Kenny stop pulling on Mommy's skirt like that." You said simply as you cut the first sandwich into 4 little triangles like the boys preferred. Charles didn't say anything, seemingly in deep thought as he looked up at you staring at your bare stomach. Since you normally only wore undershirts and a simple loose pair of pants it was no surprise that your stomach was exposed. "And don't be silly Kenny, you and Charlie will always be my babies even when we're all really really old."

"Mommy?" 

"Yes Charlie?" 

"What's tat 'oo-boo on you tum?" 

Glancing down a frown spread across your face as you remember the way you got the wound in the first place. Taking a bullet for Tommy while pregnant wasn't your best choice but when you woke up and found out he was at the Garrison with Grace it made you realize something. That you didn't need no fucking man to make it in the world, not when that man was cheating on you. So that same night, after the showdown with Billy Kimber you bought a ticket out of town and settled down. The countryside was nice after all. No smoke, no cars, no Thomas Shelbys and no stress. It was hard, being a pregnant woman of color starting a new life but you did it and made good honest money as a nurse. Your herb and tea mixtures were known all through London and you were proud to support your boys while helping so many people. 

"Mommy?" 

Shaking your head you glanced down at. Charlie and smiled apologetically. "Sorry Charlie Mommy spaced out for a bit. What did you say?" 

Your sons looked at each other once again and then Charles shook his head. "Never 'ind! Is lunch done?" 

Nodding your head you smiled and handed both boys their own plates of food. They giggled and ran off to the living room to eat while they drew pictures. The smile that spread across your face was short lived as you watched as a familiar car pulled up in front of your home. "Boys. Bunker now." You said calmly, soft enough for them not panic but clear enough for them to know you're serious.

The two of them took their plates and papers down the hall with them. Kenji pulled on the secret handle of the fireplace and it open ever so slightly, but wide enough for them to squeeze into before it closed. Once it was securely shut you grabbed a robe and tightly wrapped it around you as a knock sounded at the door. Taking a deep breath you opened the door to look at the familiar blue eyes you fell in love with. "Thomas Shelby, John Shelby, Arthur Shelby, and Pollyanna Shelby what brings you all to my front door step? And how did you find me? Was it Alfie?" 

Tommy started into your eyes, and it took everything within you not to crumble and fall into his arms. He was bruised and battered with a red eye and you wanted nothing more than to give him a better treatment than the shit hospital he went to. There were so many things you wanted to do to the Shelby family, most of them pleasant, but right now you just kept your door slightly open and your face indifferent. "I told 'im Y/n about the baby. Why didn't you tell 'im? Where are they?" 

"It doesn't matter now, Pol. That's why I left. I couldn't stay there knowing my took a bullet for my ex-husband and in return he slept with the barmaid as I lost my child." you said smoothly as you looked into her brown eyes. Shock spread across her face as she scanned you for any signs for lying, unable to find one she let out a choked sob as Tommy looked at you in pure horror. 

"Y-"

"Save it Thomas. I don't want your pity. I don't want your apology. I just want you-" 

"Stop it." came his harsh voice as he looked down at the ground. 

"Stop what Thoma-"

"Don't! Don't call me that!" he growled. Silence surrounded the lot of you as Tommy breathe became ragged and his eyes became wet. "I thought you were dead, we all did. And after 3 years of being apart, of missing you, the last thing I want to hear you call me is Thomas. I don't care who else calls me it. I just can't handle it from you." 

You didn't say anything as you stared into the blue eyes he passed onto your sons, instead you bit your lip as your own eyes got wet. "Tommy you broke my heart. I gave everything. I did everything for you, only to find out from Lizzie fucking Stark you were taking the barmaid to the races. The same thing you promised me when I was 14 and you were 17. You promised me so many things and you broke each and everyone one. Even our wedding vows. I loved you Tommy. No one else! And what did you do!?" You couldn't stop the tears streaming down your face as you began to yell. Shoving Tommy into Arthur you let them keep falling, knowing none of the Shelbys could stand it. "You slept with the fucking barmaid and took her to the places you promised me! How did it feel huh!? How did it feel to find out I was right? Did you feel stupid?"

"Y/n th-thats enough." Polly stuttered softly as she tried to embrace you. You easily shook off her grip and stared into the eyes of the man that broke your heart. The man who was still in shock in his brother's grasp.

"Is it Pol!? Is it!? I told y'all she was a fucking spy from day one and none of you believed me! What changed your mind!? The bullet I lost a baby to!? Or was it the bullet Danny took!?  It's funny how for you Shelbys to listen someone has to die. Well did it work? Did you get what you want-"

"Y/n.."

"Do you feel like a man now Tommy? Are you happy with the outcome? You work alone right!? Well look where it got you! Down a kid! Down a wife! Down a loyal servant! Well don't worry. Thomas Shelby! I bet you've gotten plenty of new ones to repeat the process with!" You spat harshly. You knew your boys might be able to hear you, that's why you did your best not to curse as you looked at the people you once called a family. Letting out a soft sob you put your face in your hands and brushed it back to pull the twist you had in your hair out of your face. They snapped straight back into place but you didn't care. You wanted all of them to know you were hurt. "I buried my baby girl. She had toes and fingers and I was about 4 months along according to the doctor. I- I named her Ruby and she could have been beautiful. She could of been happy but instead she's dead, and I hope you all got what you wanted." 

With a shaky voice you moved to close the door but before you could a foot was placed in the door. "Y/n wait. Hear us out. Please. Can you let us in? I 'ave some letters from the boys and Finn. They miss their Auntie N/n." John begged weakly, but he knew the effect it had on you. Sniffles left you as slowly opened the door and looked at said letters in John's hand. Snatching them from him and turning around to walking into your home, you missed the weak reassuring smile John gave his family as they stepped in. 

The first letter belonged to Finn and as you sat down on your couch you smiled at the mess handwriting of the teenage boy, before you left you were teaching him how to read and write after all. As you opened the letter you could feel the seat next to you sink as Tommy sat, while putting a cigarette in his mouth. "No Tommy." 

A sigh escaped him and Pol as they put their cigarettes away and watched you read the first letter with a wet laugh. Finn was your favorite of the Shelby brothers, that much they all knew. He was kind after all and as the Sunflower of Small Heath everyone knew you valued that in a person. When you finished the letter from Finn you moved onto letters from John's kids. They were all short, written by Pol, and asking if you'll come back and reading each one made your heart ache. "I miss all of them so much as well. Not a day goes by without me thinking of them." 

"Then come back. We need you." Arthur said softly. There was an edge to his voice you didn't like though, staring into his eyes a frown traveled across your face as realization struck and the sight of faint scars on his neck 

"Oh Arthur.." You said softly as you placed the letters down. Standing up you moved to kneel in front of him as you cupped his face gently. Even though you were all adults now you could always read the Shelbys emotions easily. Under your fingers you could feel his pulse hammering against you. "You're hurting. Aren't you?" 

A whimper escaped him and just like that you were in his arms as he spoke softly, "It's me 'ead Y/n. I-I" 

"Shh.. Fine. You win. I'll be back one day. But for now, let me make you tea. Its with my herbs. The shit doctors give you won't work like my stuff does." You said softly, running your fingers through Arthur's greasy hair. Arthur let you go as he wiped his tears and you stood leaving for the kitchen

"Ain't that right.." Tommy mumbled under his breath as he took out cigarettes again. Hitting the match against the box he lit his cig to life and took a long drag of it. Polly glance at him as he offered a cigarette to her and with hesitation she took a drag from it as well. "Y/n? Did you mean it when you said you'll come back?" 

"Yes. Unlike you Tommy I'm not heartless. And I miss the little ones. Finn should be about 15 right now and Ada's little one should be 4 or 5. And Johns kids should be around 6 to 10." You listed as you started the water. "Would anyone else like some tea?" 

"Whiskey for me and Tommy please." Aunt Polly said as she took another drag from the cig before handing it back to Tommy, who moved to stand by your fireplace.

"Sorry, I don't keep whiskey or liquor of any kind in my house. Nor do I allow smoking Tommy." You said smoothly as you glanced over your shoulder. "Put it out." 

Tommy groaned and knocked on the fireplace a few times before taking one last drag a rubbing the cig against the bricks. Unknown to him, he alerted the twins that it was time to come out. Everything happened in slow motion and the fireplace moved causing Tommy to stumble and the boys to squeeze out with their empty plates. All eyes were on them and the sitting family members all stood as the looked at the two boys that stared straight into their father's eyes. With your back turned to them all in the kitchen you gathered the herbs you needed for Arthur's tea without a clue of what was going on behind you. "Arthur? Do you want any sugar in your tea?" 

"M-mommy.." came Charles soft voice. You turned around quickly and looked at your two boys as they stared at their father in fear. Kenji stood in front of his brother protectively despite being horrified of the tall man in front of him. "Mama!" 

Tears pooled in both of their eyes but Charles is the one that started bawling. Rushing over to them you gathered them both in your arms as they cried and kissed both of their heads as you lifted them up. "Its OK. Mommy's here. Now let's put you down for a nap. You two did so well in the bunker." 

"Y/n. Who are they?" came Tommy's shaky voice and the thought of you moving on from him and being the mother of someone else's kids. 

"The two that survived the bullet I took for you."  You said without hesitation. Aunt Polly covered her mouth in shock while Arthur and John looked at each other and then Tommy, and you. 

"Jesus Tom! 3!? At once!?" 

You didn't dare turn around, you didn't want to see their faces. They haven't even been here an hour and yet everything you worked so hard to hide is unraveling. “You never answered my question, how did you find me?”

“Soloman. How do you know ‘im?” Tommy said as his steps got closer. Knowing you wont get out of this you glanced at Polly with pleading eyes, causing her to let out a sigh and place her hand on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Tommy, let's wait and  give her a few minutes to get those two up stairs before you start a fight.” Aunt Pol said softly as she led Tommy back to the couches to sit down. But Tommy nudged her hand off of his shoulder and took a step closer to you, his patience running thin as you kept your hold on them.

“No. I'm tired of waiting. Y/n answer my question, now.” Tommy hissed out in annoyance. Charles sniffled and buried his face in your neck his eyes full of tears as Kenji glared at Tommy, eyes just as full of tears.

“‘nside ‘oice!” Kenji called back with a shaky voice, his dislike for Tommy at the moment was clear as day. Arthur chuckled and patted Tommy on his shoulder as you walked toward the stairs.

“‘e’s definitely your son Tommy. Looked ‘bout ready tah fight ya too, all for ‘is mum. What are their names?” Arthur teased. Biting your lip you didn't answer, instead you shifted them in your arms and made your way up the stairs carefully, whispering sweet nothings to them as you did so. You didn't need to ask your boys how they felt. That much was obvious to you as their heads moved on your shoulders to stare at Tommy as you walked, they didn't like the way he talked to you. Once you made it to their shared room next to yours you placed them in their beds and kissed their heads after wiping their tears.

“Nap time boys. If you need Mommy I’ll be down stairs. Don't hesitate to call me if you need something ok?” you said softly as you brushed their curls from their face and kissed them again. “Mommy loves you.”

Giving the boys one last look you closed the door behind you as the got under their comforters. Once you were back down the sound of the kettle going off lead you to the kitchen. “Would anyone else like some tea?”

Polly’s voice came immediately as she smiled at the thought, “The sleepy-time mixture that you used to make every morning for me! I have yet to taste anything as good as yours.” She loved your tea after all. Even though they couldn't see, you nodded anyway as you prepared two separate tea pot, one with Arthur’s mixture and one with Polly’s. When you opened the cupboard you grabbed one of your matching set of 5 and placed it on the tray with the pots of tea, carrying everything into, including some cookies. Placing the tray down on the coffee table, you poured some Arthur his cup first and handed it to him, careful not to spill the hot liquid. Silence was all that could be heard through the home you owned after serving tea to those who wanted it. “You didn't have to take them upstairs you know.”

“Knowing Arthur, Tommy and their… colorful vocabulary I felt like that was the best choice.” You teased softly as you lent back into your seat and crossed your legs, taking a careful sip from your tea. “But never mind that, why did you come searching for me? Why are you all here and what do you want?” 

“We need you to comeback.” Tommy said shamelessly. “We’ve grown our business in the past 3 years and now were the third largest bookkeepers. We plan on expanding to London with the help of the Soloman as well.” 

 “It sounds like you’ve got everything all planned out and know what to do. So what do you need me and herbs-” you rebuked only to get cut off by John as he decided to pour himself a cup of tea.

“Cut the bullshit Y/n, You’re one of the focking best -no, THE focking best- weapon maker we know. Even though Tommy wont admit it, everyone else will when I say you're irreplaceable. We need you back.” John explained clearly. 

“I stopped doing that after the boys were born. The only inventions I have left and haven't sold are in the basement.” 

“Wait you sold your weapons!? The same ones you made just for the Peaky Blinders?”

“Of course I did. You think making this house with all these secret entrances and paths was free? I sold my old invention from back when I was teen and some newer ones. I do miss weapon making but at the same time I don't. Coming up with new ideas and actually testing them out cost a lot money. And that money I rather use on my baby boys.” you scoffed. Tommy stood up, rubbing his hand down his face as he groaned in frustration. Your inventions were top of the charts, never before seen, easy to hide the use of, conceal and use. And knowing that other people all around London had it in their possession made this process a lot harder. “If it makes you feel any better Tommy the only gang I’ve sold huge loads to was Alfie. He helped me a lot when I was pregnant, even got me workers to build this very house since no one I went to wanted to work for me. So if any of the expansion shit hurts his business in any way I hope you know what you're getting into.”

“Fine. Fine… Fuck. We can work this out. We just need to go back home, have a family meeting and make a plan.” Tommy grumbled as he began to pace back and forth.

“We? No. No. No Tommy. There is no WE in this, not any more. This is your problem. Not mine or my sons.”

“Our sons, Y/n.”

“I said what I said, and I meant it. They're my sons.” 

Tommy rolled his eyes and turned to look at you with cold blue eyes of annoyance. He must of thought this would all be easy, but hell hath no fury like a protective mother. “Y/n, now's not the time to argue. We need you back at Small Heath. I need you back.”

“I thought Thomas Shelby needed no one but himself. What changed that? What changed you?” you mocked, causing Polly to take a large gulp of her tea, holding back her laughter as she watched the two of you interact. You were the only person she knew that would step to Tommy, win, and repeat the cycle over and over again. It was amusing to her no matter how old the two of you were. You were a spitfire and a beautiful girl, looks and smarts perfectly dangerous together and you knew it. Polly was the only one watching and listening though as she drank her tea, John and Arthur were too busy stuffing their faces with your cookies at an alarming rate. It was a wonder how they haven't choked yet. Both men stared at each other as a grabbed more cookies and shoved them into their mouths, causing you to roll your eyes. “If I were you I’d slow down. You might choke.”

“Things change Y/n, I changed ok? Now are you coming back or not.” he huffed out, towering over you as he stood at your feet. Your head tilted to the side and you switched the position of your crossed legs as you took a sip from your cup.

“If I come back with you, if I get back with you, you have everything to gain. My home, my inventions, my herbs, my sales, my intellect, my money, and most importantly my sons and I. There's nothing for me with you, Tommy. Nothing but more heartbreak.”

Tommy opened his mouth and then closed it, realizing you were right. A growl escaped him as he threw the only thing in his hand into the fire place, which was the tea cup. The sound of it breaking caused you to jump slightly but you didn't bat an eye. Tension began to rise as you stared into each other's eyes, neither of you backing down. Polly- seeing the way you gripped your tea cup- decided to cut in to calm things down.

“Your sons Y/n, their beautiful. So unique as well, as expected of you, so beautifully different.” she praised with a wide smile as she placed her empty cup down to pour more. At the mention of your sons, you smiled widely and broke eye contact with Tommy who was still fuming.

“They are.” you gushed immediately, a wide yet soft smile traveling across your face as you thought of them. “They love chocolate milk and yoga and they're so protective of each other it's absolutely adorable! They talk in sync sometimes and their laugh! Oh god their laugh, it's just Tommy’s back when we were kids! You should see all the pictures I have of them as babies!” tension began to dwindle as you continued to gush about your sons. But the elephant in the room only seemed to grow bigger.

“What are their names? I ask yah before but yous never answered.” 

“Oh! Sorry.” you giggled softly as you drank from your cup finishing the last of your tea, placing it down on the coaster only for Tommy to take it and fill it up with tea from Arthur’s pot. “It’s Charles and Kenji. But I call them Charlie and Kenny. They don't like loud sound that much either.”

“Y-You kept the names.” Tommy said barely above a whisper, almost as a question as he looked at you incredulously. “You kept the names.” his voice was stronger that time but the smell of his cologne was stronger as he embraced you, placing a sudden kiss your lips causing you to melt into his arms. You weren't nearly as over him as you thought, it seemed. “You’re coming home.”

“No Tommy. Not yet at least. If I come back it's on my terms, not yours. I already agreed to come back. Now you just have to wait.”

“My wife and kids aren't going to be away from me Y/n. You're coming home and that's fina-”

“When are you going to understand that this is my home. I built it from scratch and I’m not leaving.”

“I'm not leaving you here.”

“This isn't Small Heath Tommy. I can make my own decisions and I don't need you hovering. I don't need you dictating my life. This is my house, my home, and it was made with my money. You have no authority here.”

No one said a word, Tommy still had you in his arms you still didn’t pull away. Tommy clenched and unclenched his jaw as he stared into your blazing eye. He nodded his head a few times and for once you thought the fighting was over. “Fine. Arthur, you're driving. Aunt Pol, John can you get the boys?”

“Get the boys? Tommy you are not taking my kids from me!” you hissed, squirming in his arms ad you tried to get free of his grasp. His arms moved down to hold your waist and in one swift movement Tommy was standing and you were thrown over his shoulder. “TOMMY! PUT ME DOWN!” 

“You're right, I’m not taking our kids from you, Y/n. I'm taking all of you with me. But since I’m feeling nice and you said there were weapons in the basement this will be our holiday home for next month.” Tommy said, completely unfazed by your yelling and kicking as Polly and John hesitated to get the sleeping boys upstairs. You were still in your robe as you thrashed around in Tommy’s arms and knowing that it was getting you nowhere you sighed and resorted to kicking. But before you could get good kick in Tommy’s free arm held your legs in place. When John and Polly came back down the boys were still asleep as they carried them.

“What about the tea and biscuits?” 

“Forget the fucking tea and biscuits John. She can make some more when we get home. Aunt Pol’s been taking care of her plants for the longest now.”

“Tommy! Put me down! This is kidnapping!” you hissed lowly, not wanting to wake your boys up, but your words fell on deaf ears. Tommy’s hand was perched on your ass as you continued to squirm around furiously, but a slap on your ass caused you to gasp and still. “Tommy!” John was behind everyone and the last one to leave the house. Since the key to the house was in the foyer he locked the door behind everyone, careful not to wake Kenji. “You can't seriously be kidnapping me and my kids right! Aunt Pol! Are you really ok with this!? I thought you were the voice of reason of the Shelbys! Y’all can't be serious right now! I’M NOT DRESSED! I'M INDECENT!” you pleaded, but Tommy’s grip on you tighten and Arthur opened the car door. 

“As long as you sit still you wont get exposed. And if someone does look at you that isn't family, as your husband I have the right to kill them.” Tommy said smoothly as he sat you in the back with him. Polly gently held Charles up for Tommy to pick up, and then he passed Charles to you. You held the sleeping Charles close to you and kissed his forehead as you glared at the male next to you.

“You kill anyone and my boys see it and I’m cutting off your dick Thomas Shelby. You're on thin ice.” a chuckle escaped the man as he took Kenji from John. With his son in his arms Tommy was able to observe the similarities between him and the toddler. His eyebrows were dark and similarly shaped, and even with his eyes closed Tommy could remember the deep blue that Kenji had in his right eye. The boy on his lap was 33% of the proof that you loved him. The other 66% being Charles and Ruby.  He was the lucky one. Not the other way around like he always thought. You were smart, loyal, funny, and an amazing inventor as well. He didn't want to think about how wrong he did you, because then he’d end up hating himself even more than he already does. With Charles in your lap, your arms held him protectively as he began to stir. Glaring at the Shelbys around you the thing that calmed you down was when Charles snuggled closer into you. And at the same time Kenji did the same to Tommy, causing his heart to clench and Tommy to hold him tighter, afraid that this was all a figment of his imagination and the worst nightmare he could ever have. The one where his brain shows him everything he’s thought about, everything he’s wanted to have with you. Only for the shoves to start again, just like they did when you left.

But instead, Tommy kissed Kenji’s freckled cheek when he thought no one was looking, being a lot more gentle with the boys than you expected him to be, almost making you happy to be near him again, almost.

“Mama?” came a soft voice from below you. Your dark eyes met the heterochromatic brown and blue of Charles eyes and you smiled.

“Yes Charlie?”

“Are ‘e living wif Daddy nows?”

You knew Tommy heard him and Tommy knew you knew as well. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him watching you, waiting for your response, but you didn't directly look at him. You both knew what your answer was going to be without you even having to say it, Tommy’s smug smile only proved so. 

“For now? Yes baby. But just for now. We wouldn't want the chickens to feel lonely now would we?” you whispered back causing a chuckle to escape Tommy. Having enough of his shit you kicked him in the shin, careful not to disturb your sons. Now it was your turn to chuckle as Tommy bit his lip to hold in the sound of pain. Polly laughed softly at the face Tommy was making, and to save himself from further embarrassment he shifted the attention away from him. 

“You ‘ear that Johnny boy? She has chickens!  Maybe you should take her home instead.” Tommy teased with a smile. John  rolled his eyes but the smile on his face was apparent as Tommy laughed, tilting his head back in the process. The same laugh he passed onto your sons came out of him, and if anyone asked you would deny the fact that it was calming to hear. “Now we have to come back, wouldn't want the chickens to starve either.”

Charles fell back asleep in your arms without another word as Kenji’s thumb rested in his mouth. The way their eyes fluttered was a tell told tale to you that they were in a deep sleep. Allowing you the chance to finally speak your mind. “You know. You all have a lot of fucking nerve to come searching for me and then take me from, excuse my language but, my  goddamned home. And you have even more nerve that if you think for a second that I’ll just turn over and do what ever the fuck you say. Tommy for one, you look like shit and that tells me just how much control you have over all the shit you've caused. Who the fuck did you double cross this time you bloody idiot.-”

“Ahh, and there she is. It was weird not hearing you curse.” Polly cut you off with a soft chuckle as she lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out away from you and the boys. 

“You're all inconsiderate jackasses sometimes, you know that? I have two toddlers to take care of and yet you still want to drag me into this. Tell when the people that hurt you Tommy, did they go after anyone else? Who died? Who got hurt?” you asked calmly, your voice betraying how you actually felt. But even as you ranted, your eyes never left the figures of your sons. “It’s been three years but it seems like the only one who has changed is me. And now you wanna drag me into all of this to solve the mess you made. Well guess what, if you think I’m going to forgive you and come crawling back you have another thing coming Thomas Shelby. I loved you with all my heart and the only thing I got in return was a bullet and a broken heart. So how about for once in your goddamn life you take responsibility for the mess you've made and clean it up yourself, cause I’m not making you shit other than tea.”

“Y/n-”

“Save it Tommy. I dont need to hear any more of your fucking empty promises.” you hissed as you throat tightened and your eyes became glossy. 

“Y/n please don't cry..”

“How can I not Polly? He cheated on me. He broke my heart. I watched him fall out of love with me and in love with someone else. I know I’m not pale, blonde, not extra skinny or dripping with femininity like she was. But I didn't think it would matter, because I loved you Tommy and I thought you loved me. I gave you everything I had to fucking offer and even that wasn't enough for you. Because you're never fucking satisfied Thomas Shelby.”

‘Y/n please..” Tommy mumbled as he shifted Kenji on his lap. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, scared that if he moved you’ll cry even more. Pol watched with sad eyes, but didn't say anything, it wasn't her place after all.

“I gave you everything I had and it wasn't enough… No, because instead you fell for the barmaid spy. The same one that ratted you out. And even after finding out what she did. Even after I took that bullet for you, the same bullet that killed my baby and almost killed me, you spent the night with her. I-I- I can't forgive you for that and I never will Tommy. And if it wasn't for these two sleeping angel that I gave birth to alone, none of this would be happening. My boys deserve the chance to know you, and to love you. The same way I loved you. And if they choose to hate you instead that will be no one’s fault but your own.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Tommy finally said after a minute of tense silence.

“It means you have a week. That’s how long you have before I take my sons back home. Because at the end of the day the barmaid may have tempted you but she’s not the one that said ‘I do’ at the altar. Nope, that was you Thomas Shelby and now because of that I love you just as much as I hate you.”

[mha-fanfic-writer]

Dealing with an ex

                                              Bakugou x Reader

TRIGGER WARNING

ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

SELF HARM

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP(not with bakugou with monoma)

“Can you leave me alone.”you mumbled under you breath looking down. ”Do you want me to punish you (Y/N).”you looked up with terror in your eyes.He really wasn’t giving up.”I told you i want to break up”you said taking a step back.He grabbed your arm and pulled you to his dorm.You knew what was happening,so when you went into the 1-B dorms and got some weird looks,you just looked down at the floor as you walked with him.When you had made it to his dorm you begged him not to but he did any way.you cried and cried. He was beating you.”you need a punishment for trying to leave me.”Please stop I promise i wont do it again.He stopped.”Fine go to your dorm and don't tell anybody.You nodded.You and monama had been dating sense middle school you wanted to break up now be he wouldn't let you.You walked out of his dorm hiding your face,You had so many bruises on your body.Today you had lash marks on your back ,a bleeding lip and a bruise on your face.You had to tell your friends that you messed up trying to train.You walked back into the 1-A dorms.When you were walking to your dorm the common room had all your classmates talking yelling and laughing.You wished you could stay but you just walked past.of course the baku squad saw you they were your closest friends.”Hey (Y/N) were were y-OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPEN”Mina said running up to you.this got the attention of the whole class.You put on a fake smile and said your usual lie. “I was training and screwed up a move. Im fine-” “bullshit”you were cut of by bakugou lifting your head to get a better look at your face. “someone did this to you,you come back everyday with a new bruise or cut with the same damn excuse. These injures arent from training someone did it.”He said crossing his arms over his chest.”No they were from training”you said trying to hide the surprise in your voice.”oh really so your back bleeding from something hitting you 3 times is training.”he said turning your back towards him.The whole class was watching all worried.”SHIT”is all you said you tried running but bakugou grabbed you arm.You didn't like that it made you think he was going to hurt you.you started crying “PLEASE DONT HURT ME AGAIN I LL DO ANYTHING.”you were on your knees crying.He let go of your arm.The whole class was in shock one of the toughest people they knew was crying on there knees almost begging for there life.the baku squad knelled down to your level.”who did this”Kirisham asked.worry on his face. “ I-I cant s-say h-ell hurt me a-again.” you stuttered.they didn't know you were dating anybody much less Monama. You got up an ran to your dorm room and locked the door.You had promised that you wouldn't do this anymore to yourself but your mom she was gone now.You heard banging on the door you told them that you will be out in a little just give you 2 hours.the banging stopped. You opened your a book,well something that looked like a book it was actually a box.You pulled out a blade and did what you needed to do.Once you were done with that you took of your clothes let your shirt souk in hot water to get the blood off of the shirt.you looked at your body and then looked at your back.The cuts were deep.It looked like a lion had dragged there claws across your back.You didn't expect them to be tat bad but it is what it is.When you got into the shower you felt the burn on your wounds. You covered your mouth trying to yell from the sting.After you were done you looked at your cuts on your arm.They were deep these weren't the only ones there you others from different times still scabbed. You but on a light pink sweater with some jeans wanting to cover your legs and also because your sweats were being washed.you brushed your hair and put it a ponytail your bangs falling on the sides of your face.It had been 2 hours so you knew you had to go out.You opened your door slowly. Once the cost was clear you went to the kitchen.You managed to get passed the common room not being seen.When you passed by you saw everybody sitting on the couch waiting for you.They were worried.Even bakugou and todoroki. When you were in the kitchen you opened the fridge grabbed and apple and when you closed the door you saw a very angry bakugou standing there arms crossed and all. “come on.”you fallowed him leaving the apple on the counter.When you were in the common room everybody was looking at you.”ok mineta isn't here and denki said he could handle it.”Bakugou said taking a seat you sat next to him.”Take off your sweater let us see your cuts.”you didn't want to but you knew you had to other wise he wouldn't stop telling you something,so slowly you took off the sweater when bakugou saw the wounds he was shocked.When everybody saw the shock in his eyes along with worry they knew it was bad. they all got up and looked.You could here some of the girls crying and the guys were just quiet even midoriya was quit. you hid your arms in your lap. “turn around” you heard bakugou say in his monotone voice.You did as he said you were looking down,tears were rolling down your face.He slowly went to grab your arm when hes hand was in your sight and you saw what he wanted to look at,so you just pulled your arms further in between your legs.His eyes widened. “Please i want to help you”He said his tone more caring than usual.Yes bakugou was an asshole most of the time he knew that stuff like this shouldn't be taken lightly.you were about to show him when there was a knock on the doors of the 1-A dormitory. Midoriya went to open the door the next thing you heard was midoriya saying “Monama WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE” when you heard that you grabbed you sweater and went to the door.”Hey what are you doing here”you said in confused and worried tone.”Oh nothing i just wanted to check on you because I saw you were hurt after you were doing some extra training.”He said with a smile looking at you in the eyes as if to intimidate you.”Oh yeah sorry for making you worry we were just having uh..a meeting about school and studying.”you said calmly with a warm smile.If there something you knew how to do it was faking everything.you learned how after the first month if dating him when it all started.He smiled and hugged you patting your back on purpose to see your reaction.Your eyes widened at the sudden contact he then pushed a finger into the wound and whispered”don't tell,love you” you nodded in response. Blinking back the tears.He let go and left. Midoriya saw the whole interaction he didn't notice him hurt you though.You two walked back to the couches.The class was waiting there still bakugou got up.he walked over towards you stopped in front of you.You looked at him and saw what he was looking at.You could see he wanted to see your arms.You lifted your arms knowing that the truth would come out eventually. You pulled your sleeves up.when he saw what you did he called the rest of the bakusquad over.when they saw it they started counting then mina took out a permanent marker and rote 15 on top of your arms.they lifted up there sleeves even bakugou. They all had numbers on there arms.then you saw some scars on all of there arms that were from cuts.the scars were faint but still noticeable. They gave you a smile except bakugou he just looked at you and you could see that he cared in his eyes.you felt tears roll down your face.They gave you a hug.When you guys got back to your places he asked you 1 question. “When did this start all the scars and everything.” he said bluntly.You looked up.”the first year of middle school.” Once again he was shocked.So was the rest of the class.After that very few things changed they always asked if you were ok and occasionally asked you if you ready to talk about who was doing this to you.you were never planing on telling them so the response was “no, not yet.”But with monama things just got worse everyday the beating went from once a week to every 2 days to every single day.It had been one year seance that whole conversation with the class and now you guys were second years you were still going through it, the winter was the worst. Monama spent everyday with you if you said or did something wrong he would hit you.When you went back to school you were pretty much emotionless.the fire in your eyes was completely gone the person they thought was one of the bravest was completely broken.When you walked into the classroom you didn't have any expression on your face.Th class looked at you they’ed never seen you like this.You just bowed and said “Apologizing for being late sensei” this threw him off guard because before you were so lively he told you to sit at your desk staring in disbelief.Yes aizawa could be cold but he was worried.You took your seat witch was the one in front of bakugous.you guys were training for the class it was supposed to be to see how far your quirks were since the last training last year.You were going up ageist kirishima .when aizawa blew the whistle you had no problem beating him 10 seconds in.your quirk was way better than before. Kirishima was suprised.you stopped your quirk and helped him up.When he grabbed your hand he could feel it ice cold.Then he noticed something he didn't before you had bags under your eyes and you looked pale.He was scared not of you but of what happen to you.After training you avoided everybody. You went directly to monama. Who put his arm in between yours and back in his pocket walking with his friends. Kendo was a bit worried but when she asked you smiled and told her you were fine. Tetsutetsu was the only one who knew what was going on but was threatened by monama to the point were he kept his mouth shut.He didn't like what he was ding or what monama was doing to you but he didn't do anything.Every time someone tried to talk to you,yo ran to monama.he patted you no the head and said he loved you but you weren't sure he did.You fell out of love with him years ago.This time he was mad because he found out what the conversation was about when he went to check on you last year.”So you decided to tell them you were getting hurt by someone.huh did you tell them it was me.”he asked pushing you ageist the wall in his dorm.You simply shook your head.He kept you there and punched you in your stomach your face he kissed you but he was biting your lip so hard to the point were it was bedding. You didn't cry and he didn't like that.He took a knife from his drawer turned you around lifted up your shirt and cut open the scars from last year.this earned a yell from you you didn't like it at all.”PLEASE STOP PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IT HURTS.”you begged and begged but he didn't stop he tied a something around you neck it was suffocating you and you couldn't breath you passed out when you woke up you were on his ben and he was looking at you still mad.He kicked you out of his room .Literally. When you were out side of his room your shirt was bloody and your neck and a red mark around it.When yo looked up you saw tetsutetsu there he was shocked but you got up and asked in a monotone voice “do you have a turtleneck i can use preferably black.” he nodded went back to his dorm and gave it to you.when you went back to your dorm you walked into the common room there you saw people crying.holding each other.”what happen guys”you asked looking at them.They looked at you in disgust. they ignored you and looked away all except for bakugou. When they did this your heart hurt.You didn't think you could feel worse than you already did.Your eyes turned gray you were empty now this was a side affect of your quirk depending on what you felt. you forgot about the pain in your heart.You bowed “I'm sorry for being a burden on all of you guys. ill leave now.” you walked to your room. When you lied on your bed. “Maybe I should die and everybody would be happy.” you said to yourself. “yeah that's best, ill do it tomorrow.” you plugged in your head phones to your phone and listened to music this is how you maintained your sanity.You slowly drifted off to sleep.When you woke up you were late you didn't care though you just put on your uniform and walked to school building.When you walked in you heard whispers from everybody.It didn't bother you.You made your way to the roof at lunch.you took off your shoes and let your hair down.It stated raining and the wind picked up for once you felt at peace.you climbed the fence that want relay that high you sat on it ready to say goodbye. “Goodbye guys i hope your happy now.”you jumped off but you felt something grab your arm.you looked up it was bakugou.”What are you doing here bakugou” you said looking up at him.When your eyes met his you could see the anger the fear the worry the sadness.He pulled you up. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING (Y/N) you don't deserve this,don't you know nobody will ever understand the person you are learn to hold your own hand get your shit together you'll never be what you want not with that face.”he then pulled you in and hugged you.When he looked into your eyes he started crying. “hey its ok dont cry it will be fine” you say putting your hand on his head.He looks at you,you feel something,you don't know what it is but you feel something. He then says, “Im sorry for what im about to do” he said cuffing your face in his hands.He then leans in and kisses you it was a tender kiss.His lips were soft at that moment you felt happy.You closed your eyes and then opened them the color was back,the flame in your eyes returning. You moved you hands to his neck messing with the hair on the back of his neck he then moves his hands to you waist pulling you closer.Once you break apart.You start to cry and hug him.”Thank you” is all you said before pulling him back in for another kiss.You guys staid together for the rest of the day.When you guys went to the common room you were on bakugou's back sleeping your face berried in his neck. He put you on the couch.The rest of the class was surprised.”Bakugou what are doing why are you with(Y/N).”Bakugou then proceeds to tell them what happened on the roof.Midoriya started to cry and so did the some of the others.Bakugou then walked up to you and shook you awake.When you opened your eyes you saw the class there staring at you.you were scared so you turned your back to them bakugou sat on the edge of the couch playing with your hair. “Are they gonna hurt me” you asked looking up at him “No” you got up pulling bakugou up on the couch hiding behind him peaking over his shoulder. “Ok” you responded in a quit voice.They all bowed and apologized to you for hurting you even more.You forgave them. “ ok look I know you wont want to talk about this but you have to.” bakugou said looking at you holding your hand.you nodded.You took a deep breath and explained everything to them when you first started dating monama to the beating to you trying to break up with him the fact that tetsutetsu knew to monama opening your wounds again last night and everything.Bakugou was angry sad hurt and worried.Once you were done he picked you up sat you on his lap and lifted your shirt to see that the wounds had been reopened.He got up he told you to get on his back and you did he said you guys were going to confront him and get him out of the school you were scared so you just stayed quit.you were on 5″0 and he was 5′7 you were really light and short for your age.You told him to wait then you got off of his back ran to your room got a blanket and rapped it around you ran back out and got on his back he tied the corners around his chest and waist that way you were completely hidden.The whole class was planing on going and they did.When once you guys made it to the 1-B dorms the one who opened was keno she was surprised to see all of the class there.She let you in.And there in the common room was there whole class.When monamas eyes landed on you you hid your head in the blanket.”whats up class A” tetsutetsu said “your super unmanly bro” kirishima said. “you need to show them (Y/N)”bakugou said you sighed and slipped out of the blanket.Bakugou nodded at you.you turned around facing him and took off your shirt so the others could see the wounds.The whole class looked in shock and gasped.Monama was going to play it off as if he didn't know asked “how did that happen babe.”well instead of being scared you snaped.you turned and looked at him “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY WHAT HAPPEND,YOU DID THIS TO ME.YOU ARE THE REASON I WAS IN PAIN YOU ARE THE REASON I JUMPED OFF THE ROOF,IF BAKUGU WASN'T THERE I WOULD BE DEAD AND IT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT.I WANTED TO BREAK UP WITH YOU A MONTH AFTER WE STARTED DATING BUT YOUR DUMBASS FORCED ME TO STAY WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE YEARS.YOU BROKE ME.I WAS AVOIDING MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOU,BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET HURT BUT THERE REALLY WAS NO ESCAPE TO GETTING HURT WITH YOU.I DIDN'T LET PEOPLE TOUCH ME BECAUSE I WAS SO AFRAID OF WHAT YOU DID I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO DO THE SAME.I AM SO STUPID FOR EVER TRUSTING YOU.i NEVER LOVED YOU I NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU.AND I NEVER WILL YOU FUCKING BASTARD.”you lifted up your sleeves.”I HOPE YOUR HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AFTER ALL OF THIS.YOU KICKED,PUNCHED,CUT,AND BURNED ME FOR EVERYTHING I DID.”he was quit after that kendo spoke up tears in her eyes you two were close you her and monoma had gone to middle school together.”how could you”is all she said.Bakugou was surprised because you weren't one to yell a lot or cuss.Bakugou gave you your sweater.and you put it on.He then started walking towards the monoma. “I don't want you to EVER come near them ever again understood because if i see you enen 10 feet near them i wont hesitate to blow your ass all the way to the moon.”He said in a harsh threatening tone lingering over monoma. You know what just forget about me”monoma said. “how am i supposed to forget you when everytime i go outside i see thing that remind me of you like garbage mins and dog shit”you said with a evil smirk crossing your arms over your chest.That earned laughter from everybody except him.He walked out but nobody noticed that ida went to get the teachers,so when he opened the door he was greeted by a very very angry aizawa.Apparently ida had told the teachers everything you and bakugou said and did plus what he witnessed.Tetsutetsu apologise for not saying anything.You ruffled his hair and said that you didn't mind he wanted to be safe himself along with his family which is what monama said he was going to do something to his family.Kirishima said he was taking points off for not telling him at least but forgave him too.After you all went back to the dorms,recovery girl came to heal yo as best she could.The next day when you woke up you wanted to tell bakugou how you felt about him.But he beat you to it.When you walked out of your dorm he was there.He pulled you close to him by your waist and kissed yo it lasted longer than the other ones you shared with him.you both pulled away to catch your breath. “I love you” is all he said “I love you too”

[firenflowers]

the seasonal s/o's

i- oops i guess? significant others that are based off of seasons ; its like 10 pm and im procrastinating lol.

warning : cursing and light mentions of sex

august + september

✰ SHIKA ✰

✰ smokes like a chimney (even though you keep telling him to knock it off).

✰ absolutely loves it when you wear his clothes.

✰ he comes from money so he spoils you dirty.

✰ believes in 'love in first sight' and insists he fell in love with you the second he laid eyes on you.

✰ a great cuddler, he's a human hotpack and super physically affectionate its almost disgusting.

✰ calls you the sweetest names ( honey, sugar, sweetheart, babygirl/boy ).

✰ he works a 9 to 9 job, and his favorite part of the day is coming home and curling up in bed with you.

✰ for your first date, he took you on a picnic in the middle of the night and the two of you laid on your backs starring at the stars for hours.

✰ has a pretty hillarious taste in music.

✰ the morning after two of you move in together, the nextdoor neighbor complained that the two of you should have been having sex at three in the morning, not loud music and improv musicals.

✰ he's pretty ripped, and his right arm is completely tatted. he really enjoys it when you trace his tattoos mindlessly as you're lost in thought.

october + november

✰ tomoru ✰

✰ pretty rough around the edges, with a pretty nasty temper.

✰ he would never do anything to hurt you, and sometimes he treats you so kindly it upsets you.

✰ he doesn't take bullshit from anyone.

✰ he's involved with some seriously deep shit with a certian gang - as in, he runs the whole show.

✰ defiently ride or die type of love.

✰ even though hes harsh to other people, he'd die for you.

✰ he always has either an arm around your waist or around your shoulders.

✰ but he's such a softie when the two of you are alone.

✰ his hair gets unmanagable sometimes, and loves to have you do it for him from time to time.

✰ for your birthday ( and conviently, your anniversery), he takes you to the jeweler and tells you to pick out whatever you want.

✰ he has such a huge daddy kink it's almost hillarious.

✰ the morning after your first time with him, you woke up to him crying.

✰ he kept saying 'im sorry' over and over again, and you had no clue why.

✰ 'till you looked in the mirror

✰ your entire body had the beginnings of bruises, across your shoulders, down your chest, and even your legs were marked up.

✰ they didnt really hurt though, but he refused to try again in bed with you for a solid month or so, because he was so afraid of hurting you.

december + january

✰ macchi ✰

✰ she really struggles with emotions.

✰ soft, cat gf

✰ her cats names are sugarplum, lemon, and pickles.

✰ super short (5") and regularly sleeps in your clothes.

✰ since the two of you started sleeping together (not like that) she cant seem to get a good night sleep without you.

✰ as much as she needs you to sleep, being in bed with her is a nightmare.

✰ if you're a snorer, she'll press her cold feet against your legs to wake you up so you stop snoring.

✰ she stays up super late and always slips into bed long after you've gone to bed, but she wakes you up with her freezing feet.

✰ seriously, get this girl a pair of socks.

✰ for your first date, you drove out to a creek with koi fish and had lunch, and she insisted on sharing some of her food with the fish.

✰ her smile didnt leave her face once as you drove her home.

✰ when you took her to meet your parents, your brother had pulled you aside and said to you that if this woman didnt become your wife he would get a divorce from his wife and marry her himself.

✰ macchi always is wearing something that belongs to you, regardless if its ten sizes too big for her.

february + march

✰ ren ✰

✰ very, very intelligent.

✰ he, like macchi, struggles with emotions and expressing himself outright.

✰ his hands are so cold you start to suspect he sticks them in the freezer.

✰ he absolutely loves when you wear his clothes.

✰ doesn't really understand when affectionate is appropriate so he has a bad habit of pulling you in for a deep kiss when its the wrong time.

✰ always slipping his hand into yours.

✰ the first time you met, it was at a library, and his friend bruce had to ask you for your number because ren was too shy to himself.

✰ for your most recent date, ren had taken you to a stick n poke tattoo parlor, where the two of you got contradicting tattoos.

✰ ren had gotten the sun behind his left ear, and you had gotten a crecent moon behind your right ear.

✰ he's helpless when it comes to fashion, so you find yourself doing his hair or picking clothes out for him more often than not.

june + july

✰ bruce ✰

✰ he'll never ever say it but he's so whipped for you.

✰ has absolutely no sense of time, will spend hours at a grocery store wandering around aimlessly.

✰ he's a workaholic.

✰ substance abuse, but never anything too dangerous.

✰ also is a little bit of a kleptomanic, you tease him about it and call him sticky fingers.

✰ loves playing with your hair.

✰ very publically affectionate, will slap your ass and laugh about it.

✰ he leans on everything (including you).

✰ sometimes, when he over works himself, he'll fall asleep on the couch.

✰ he'll pull you down with him though, and wrap his arms around you so you cant escape.

✰ but you both always wake up with kinks in your necks and sore shoulders.

✰ when you tell him he should shower or he smells bad, he never misses a chance to try to get you to shower with him.

✰ he has four younger sisters, so he can do your hair anytime you ask him to.

[shesawriter39049]

|BRAVADO|HOSEOK (M)| AU

EX IDOL ...TRANSITIONING TO SOLO K ARTIST (NOT BTS)

A/N: I had taken the sneak peek for part 1 down and swapped it out for the BACKSTORY ...but you guys asked for it..also it’s like completely reworked lol. This is 2.7K the full thing will prob be around around 10k…storyline heavy since it’s the first chapter but there will be a good amount of smut!

I’d suggest reading the backstory..at least after this so you have a better Idea..as this is a AU for multiple reasons….BUT you don’t HAVE to read it to get the gist.

PLEASE NOTE: THE WAY I’M WRITING HOSEOK’S FEELINGS ABOUT BEING A IDOL IS NOT HOW I THINK HE FEELS...IT’S REFERENCED HERE..AND WILL BE REFERENCED IN DETAIL DURING THE STORY. BUT THE GROUP HE WAS IN..THE CONTRACT AS EXTREMELY STRICT EVEN FOR KPOP. THE GROUP MUSICALLY OR CONCEPT WISE WAS NOTHING LIKE BTS SO PLEASE DON’T READ INTO THIS TOO DEEP !

Lol it’s just a story!! !

-The OC is tatted...but that’s as far as it get physically also her name in this is actually a nickname/business name sooo she’s still “Y/N”

Glancing up at all the lights throughout the city, just silently observing the way the sun was starting to set, taking in the different color waves that dusted the sky.There was this...array of calmness that had washed over Hoseok's body as of late, and he couldn’t even tell you where it came from. To be real, you'd think he’d be a total wreck considering he was in the final stages of finishing his debut album. A Week from today to be exact, in one week he’s due to sit in front of his label and play them the finished product.  Once that album get’s the labels stamp of approval..that's when it all starts, picking the single, finding dancers and a choreographer..shooting the music video, and album cover art. Oh let’s not forget the endless traveling to promote the single as well as multiple live performances. While hopefully finding a couple hours a to eat and sleep. The funny thing is, no matter how utterly exhausting that all sounds, especially because for the first time in his career he’d have to do it alone. Hoseok still felt good, damn good,confident, happy, genuinely happy, the butterflies that roamed through his body as he anxiously awaited the start of his new journey felt more exhilarating than anything else. For the first time in years he was looking forward to the idea of stepping into the “Unknown” excited to grow and mature within in craft. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not sitting here saying the ride so fars been nothing but rainbows and butterflies. He did damn near have a mental breakdown last night while in the studio with Gray and Yoongi, over the production of a song. Let’s just say it was pushing 1AM, and Hoseok had a little too much coffee..mixed in with a little too less sleep...and for some reason the 808 just didn't sound right. But of course..after finally getting a good oh I don't know 10 hours of sleep, waking up to a voice memo from Gray... ultimately the 808 actually did sound right! To be fair it always did, he was just stressed and trippin’ a little ,but that was normal, that was expected this is his first solo project , his baby if you will.

“Our sunshine” that’s what his fans called him, no matter what mood you were in, if Hoseok smiled at you...your body responded on command. There was no way around it, and the energy and pure bliss  that radiated from his body as of late reflected that nickname to the tee. I’m not implying he was completely miserable during his career as an Idol because he honestly wasn't. Hobi loved his members, fans, and will be forever grateful for the life and memories they’ve given him. But, Idol life at least under the contract he signed...wasn't meant for a free spirit like Jung Hoseok, and this mini hiatus he’s been on since the groups disbandment, has shown him that first hand.

As he continued gazing out the window of the tinted SUV that was currently sandwiched in LA traffic he didn't even realizing the permanent smile engraved on his cheeks the entire car ride. One earpod in, currently playing a couple rough cuts of the songs he'd just finished last night as he just people watched. Loving the different cultures and personalities that danced along the streets of LA, the city of dreamers...always feeling at home no matter what part of California he was in. Moments like these were still felt new to him, the freedom he now felt being able to not be paranoid if he went to events solo. Or if he wanted  to go out to a bar and have a couple drinks with friends..no matter the gender. Finally able to run his own social media accounts and post whatever he wanted….if he felt like posting a picture of him in a towel after the gym then he could. If he wanted to post a picture of him and a girl out at dinner….he could, now if we're being real here..the majority of his fanbase is still women so he’s not in any rush to settle down and spam his socials with a girlfriend. Nor does he even have time to entertain someone full time, but it’s just the principle,if he wanted too he could...and that’s something he hasn't been able to do since he was shit,18. His new contract for the most part was solely business related, it held no stipulations on his personal life. Smiling fondly at the growing line of fans that started streaming down the sidewalk, the event itself didn't even start for damn near a hour and a half yet fans were already posted outside.

Tonight was Jay Park’s album release at “The Novo” in Downtown LA, the event itself was a showcase and a album release party all in one, this particular event wasn't for the fans though. They were just all outside patiently waiting to show their love and support while of course also hoping to get glimpses of some of their favorite artist, as well as Mr. Park himself. The idea behind the showcase was more so for industry reps to get a first listen at the album: Radio personalities, music critics ,bloggers and of course Jay’s friends and family. Hints why Hoseok was invited, even during his boyband days the two of them were close, bonding over there love for hip hop and dance.He often refers to him as his “Little big brother”  since even though Park is almost 8 years older..Hoseok is almost 4 inches taller,and there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't remind him of that. The two of them were a lot closer than the public actually knew, Park starting out in a boyband himself later transitioning into becoming the founder of his own label. Partially because he wanted to give other Korean artist who didn't fit in that “Idol box”  full reigns and creative freedom over there craft, Jay understood Hoseok’s concerns and struggles first hand.

Currently headed not even a mile up the road to “The Ritz-Carlton”, which is where Jay was staying while he got ready for his party.Feeling the car come to a complete stop,taking that as a hint that they had arrived, pulling down the mirror to give himself a one over, before stepping out of the car. His dark wavy locks messily pushed out of his face, skin holding a warm glow due to being in LA for the past 2 weeks. Minimum makeup on, let’s be real when your going to a papped event ...all celebrities no matter who you are have something vailing over there skin. The last thing you need is the full exposure on a camera zoning in on every pour on your face, it just wasn't a full blown smokey eye. Letting his eyes trace down his face, gazing over the small silver hoop that sat in his nose, all the way to the ink the laced along the side of his neck. He felt good, he felt like him...not even trying to hide the smirk that danced along his lips as he glanced back at this reflection “Sir is this entrance okay?” The sound of the drivers voice snapped Hoseok out of his moment of vanity “Oh yeah,  well, actually let me make a quick phone call first just to double check.”  Tilting his head up to smile at the driver through the partition before scrolling through his text messages quickly looking for the one labeled “Mariah-JP” . Clicking the call button, placing it on speaker as he could tell his pods were dying, and he swore it didn't even fully ring once before she picked up “ PLEASE, tell me your here!?” The level of frustration and desperation in her voice shouldn't have been as amusing as it was,impulsively snorting out the ugliest cackle , not even able to imagine what her days been like. “Shit, I’m sorry I didn't mean to laugh but...wow...ugh yeah, I’m getting dropped off at the main valet entrance is that cool?” Wanting to make sure she wasn't it by any other door as he’d rather get dropped off than make her chase him around “Yes that’s perfect just hurrrryy!!!” Even the driver couldn’t help but chuckle at how frazzled she seemed. Quickly apologizing for the break in character not wanting to seem unprofessional in which Hoseok waved off, not minding one bit, the call was on speaker and it was honestly hilarious. Almost reaching over to open the door himself before he heard the drivers side door open, still a task he felt unnecessary..I mean..come on...he could open his damn door. But not wanting to offend the driver or interfere with him doing his job...he waited patiently for him to open his door.

Hopping out of the car swiftly, turning around to grab the small black David Yurman bag off the seat, as well as to double check that nothing fell out of his pockets as he wouldn’t be riding to the party with the driver. Part of the reason he was meeting Jay here first is because he received a text in regards to a mandatory pre-game session before hand. In addition to the fact that Park wanted his entourage of friends to arrive with im to walk his “black carpet”

Gazing up at this beautiful 54 story glass structure that sat in front of him.. instantly bringing back memories of the boys last world tour, were they sold 2 nights at the Rose Bowl. It was crazy how his heart started fluttering all over again just at the thought of it..the biggest grin stretching across his cheeks. To anyone else just walking by, hell even the driver he probably looked fucking insane but he didn't care, that memory too vivid, too pure..to be held in regardless of the circumstances. Eyes starting to tear up at the pictures he was starting to paint in his head, he swore he could literally still here the fanchants clear as day ..damn near a year later..

Snapping himself out of that memory before it got too deep, and his makeup got ruined..because if he would’ve  sat in that moment any longer he would have started balling his eyes out! He felt the driver simply just pat his shoulder... It was the sweetest thing ever the way he just stood there, not asking any questions, not exactly sure what just happened that caused the sudden shift in Hoseok's mood. But he just  let him have his space, not in any rush to leave, and even if Hoseok didn't physically say anything about it, he picked up on the gesture immediately, something so small, meant so much.It wasn’t required for him to give a damn, all he was instructed to do was drive...yet he could tell this young man needed a little more than that right now...even it was subtle. 

“Thanks man I appreciate it” There was this sense of warmth that laced through Hoseok's voice as he spoke, a slight tremble knocking at his usual collected tone because he meant that phrase in more ways than one. Extending his hand to the drivers for what he assumed was just a handshake instead Hoseok slid a tip in his hand before smiling up at the gentleman fondly.

“The pleasures all mine, I hope you enjoy your night!” The warmth was returned graciously before  he made his way over to the drivers side to pull off. Of course the driver didn't actually open his hand and look at the amount until he got in the car but let’s just say he was pleasantly surprised.

It didn't take long for Mariah to spot him...not that he was hard to miss in his leather embellished Gucci jacket. Damn near pushing past the doormen to hold the door open for Hoseok, who previously started walking towards the door extremely slow, with a shit eating grin on his face. “Don’t make me hurt you! Get your ass over here!!!”  flailing her arms in the air as egged him closer, pulling her in for a quick hug because she damn sure looked like she needed one, in addition to a whole lotta liquor! Standing there in her cute pink little bodycon dress and Louboutins, hair pin straight, parted down the middle draping down her back.“Thank God...this man has been asking about you all damn day!” Sighing into Hoseok's chest as she spoke , her tone  shifting immediately, soothing out while in his embrace. Hoseok’s known Jay for almost 5 years and Mariah's been Park’s assistant since he started his label in 2013, so naturally the two of them had become friends as well! A snort left Hoseok's lips as he shook his head not even surprised. Again that was his “Little big brother” after all….

“Offff course he has..” a slight air of sarcasm cracked along his lips as he tried to fight back the smile tugging at his cheeks. Secretly loving the fact that one of his closest friends genuinely just wanted him around, as friendship was something Hoseok held dear to his heart!  Following Mariah’s lead through the lobby, grand wasn't even the right word to describe this hotel, the sound of Mariah’s heels clicking along the marble, as she lead them towards the elevator.”So on a scale of 1-10 how ready are you to quit today?” Brow arched at the implied question, as the door opened and she damn near slumped against the glass upon entering. But before she even had time to respond a ringtone comparable to the grim reaper cut through the air causing a loud cackle to erupt from Hosokes chest.

“Oh my God, please tell me that’s not Jay’s ringtone!?” Mariah couldn't even help the exasperated sigh that left her lips as she put the phone call on speaker. Not even waiting for her to say “Hello” before he spoke into the phone

“Have you-”  

“Dude stop whining like a little bitch!” playfully sliding his tongue through his teeth as he teased Jay through the speaker. Waiting for him to recognize Hoseok's voice through the phone...

“Well it’s about time your punk ass got here! And who are you calling a bitch! It’s Jay hyung to you motherfucker” This was their relationship 24/7 they gave each other shit on a consistent basis, if you actually didn't know how close they were you'd probably think the hated each other. Park brought out a different side to Hoseok and he loved it, growing up in Korea, and growing up in the states is a complete 360! Even if your parents were extremely strict and “traditional” if you will. Naturally growing up in a integrated area...your character traits adapt to the people your around. So with the two of them technically being Korean -American there wasn’t a barrier within there “vulgar, or “crude” sense of humor. There were things he could do or say around him that Hoseok wouldn't dare say around most of his Idol friends just due to the culture difference. Dramatically rolling his eyes at the sound of Jay asking for him to be called “Hyung” as he already knew he only said it to be a smart ass .

Hoseok could hear another voice in the background that he didn't recognize but it was clear it was a woman and from the sound of things she busting his balls which made Hoseok happy to no end. “Alright, man will be up there in a minute, were literally in the elevator just stop your crying for 2 seconds little big brouthers coming!” Not even waiting for him to respond before he clicked end on Mariah's phone already well aware he’d have some smartass comeback.The sound of the bell dining rang through the small space, as the glass doors slowly parted...exposing the cherry stained wood walls.

Hoseok’s curiousity getting the best of him “Who's in the room with him right now?” Glancing over his shoulder as they swiftly moved through the sea of people..walking through the halls, a amused smirked moved up her face at the question “That would be Rain….” there was a certain twang to her voice as she said your name only making Hoseok even more curious as the approached the room.

Peeping her head through the door after swiping the keycard to make sure he wasn't walking around  balls to the wind, and the minute the door cracked open, exposing the extremely spacious executive suite  the two of them could hear the the endless banter that was currently taking place. “Yeah, I’m sure they are comfortable you look like your about to take your kid to soccer practice Janice. Where the fuck’s you minivan!?” Brow arched, tone slightly elevated at the implied question, after a good oh I don't know 10 minute discussion as to why Jay was NOT wearing those particular pair of jeans with his custom jack for his performance tonight. More importantly..he hadn't even started getting ready for the night at all, as he had a rack to his left with four options to walk the carpet in because he couldn't narrow it down prior too.

“Fuck off it’s a durango not a minivan! Anddddd you could always like, I don't know sew some leather patches here ...and oh here..” Eyes almost bugging out of your sockets not even believing he was legitimately standing in the bathroom trying to get you to alter a random ass pair of jeans that looked like they’d be rejected from Goodwill...a hour before his party.

“Are you- did you- Park!” The growl accompanied in the way you said his name made his entire face crumble into it self as he laughed which let you know he was just busting your balls at this point. “Okay you know what..I’m gonna kick your ass, and take those before I burn them, I swear to god!” Huffing out in frustration as you ran your fingers rough your scalp, taking a firm grip on your roots as you held your hair in place. Eyes fluttering over to your left  following the footsteps that entered the room only for you to meet the gentleman who standing parallel to you. A smirk glossed over your lips as you acknowledged the way his eyes shameless took you in from head to toe. Your gaze almost somewhat encouraging him to continue as to be fair….you were doing the same thing to him. I guess you could lie and say it was the inner stylist in you that made you give everyone you meet a one over which is the honest truth. But if were being real, that didn't have a damn thing to with my your eyes were flicking from his lips over to his disgustingly chiseled jawline. More importantly, why did this man look so familiar..you knew him from somewhere you just..couldn't quite put your finger on it...

You watched the way his eyes admired the sinful manner in which your black leather Moschino mini dress clung to every curve on your body..more importantly the way the entire piece was held together by one single zipper than ran down the center of the dress.Letting his eyes drift over to the extremely sexy contrast of the full black and white sleeve that started at your shoulder and draped all the way down to your wrist, extending slightly onto the curve of your hand. Or maybe it was the fact that your entire presence didin’t crumble the minute he locked eyes with you. Even at first glance the aura radiating off your body had him intrigued you just looked like you could actually keep up with him, the real him.  It was insane the way a good oh I don't know, 30 seconds of eye contact between the two of you said so damn much. I guess the night will tell if he was on to something or if you were just being a little tease..which to be fair you definitely were regardless, but that’s part of the fun right?

That’s all she wrote for the sneak peek...lemme know what ya think and if your excited for the full thing which is halfway done actually thank the lordt! lol

Love you guys as always,

Rocki

[jacksons-goddess-gaia]

I do some fun things like medieval reenactment with my family. Well somehow at an event I got lost, I was also babysitting and while the events are safe for people and kids this one was sharing a campsite with non event people and I think a concert tour of heavy metal variety. Well, the kid Im babysitting takes off while i have one shoe on in the woods (had stones in my boot or something). I take off after him and suddenly find myself in an area not marked for our event and dead quiet (which is always a sign Im in the wrong area at an event because there is combat practice, bards, minstrels, feasting the usual modern day ruckus of 300+ adults reliving the medieval ages like the bunch of nerds we all are) at 14 years old with a 3 year old. Well I have luckily camped before so i start looking at trail markers and referencing the colors I knew from the trail sign board back at the cabins. Only they don’t match, and suddenly I hear drunk laughter from behind me. I of course pick my charge up ready to make a break for it as two very old disgusting dressed men who I can smell from twenty feet away spot me and start cat calling me and telling the princess to come here. I tell them no and try to walk away following a trail I think is in the right direction and can hear them following me. Im reaching for my feast dagger when a gigantic hand lands on my shoulder. Its covered in tatoos and when I look up so is the 6’4 dude towering over me. Covered in tats, black mullet, facial piercings and tribal facial tattoo, leather jacket despite it being 80+ outside, ripped jeans and combat boots with the look of someone who could bench press me with a pinky. And then he smiles politely winks at the kid in my arms and goes.

“Sorry men Princess protection service has to get the lady back to her campsite. You gotta fight a dragon if you want to talk to her. Bye!” And turns me around and starts guiding me away from them. Im still ready to fight until I see the color ahead of me that leads to my campsite. Once we got out of hearing range he explains he had been passing the event and saw me run into the woods and when I didn’t come back out wanted to make sure I was okay!

He yells this weird punk metalish battle cry and some other equally burly and tatted guys come tumbling out of the woods, and all greet me give me biker esque names with equally punk rocker outfits and amazing eyemakeup and tats with muscles like wild pythons.

I straight burst into tears because he gave me the biggest smile and they asked me what our event was about because they’d never seen something like it before and literally walked me down the marked path I’d been looking for and pointed out the trail markers for me “in case you ever get lost again these mean-“. They guarded me and the three year old through some very dodgy campsites and back to my event safe and sound. Even asked if there was someone I needed them to take me too just to make sure I was safe. I told them no but invited them to stay and they spent an hour with some of our fighters to learn about how our group works, how we build armor, the different forms of fighting, sewing, and where they could come see us again! Then went on their merry way to their campsite to make hot dogs. I’m so grateful to them to this day I wish as an adult now I could thank them because Ill never forget my princess protection program.

I never told my parents why or how I met those men for fear of scarring them.

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

[haven-raven012591]

An Extraordinary Christmas

Paring: Fergal Devitt X OC Raven

Warning: None, just pure Fluff

Word Count: 4,956 (it took on a life of it's own)

Art work by @wrestling-edits-af

Raven sat looking at the people walk by and sighed heavily. "Lass?" Fergal asked as he touched her hand. She jumped and looked at him her eyes misty. He moved to her side and she licked her lips. 'Please don't ask me.' Raven thought as he thumbed away the first tear. Fergal looked at his phone and saw the date. "My beautiful Raven don't cry." Fergal whispered as he stroked her hair. The ball of emotion that was stuck in her throat got bigger. She tried to swallow it and the sadness she had but she couldn't.

He pulled her close and held her tightly just letting her cry silently. She moved and he kissed her forehead softly. "I'm sorry, Fergal." Raven whispered timidly. "Ya don't have ta apologize lass, I understand how much it hurts ta lose a pet suddenly." Fergal said softly. His voice was soothing and soft, like a gentle rain or the wind blowing softly through your hair. "It was a few years ago, but I miss her so much sometimes." Raven said softly. He noticed how timid she'd become all of a sudden. "What's wrong, Raven you can talk ta me ya know tat." Fergal asked.

He knew it was more than sadness she seemed off to him. She was normally so happy and talkative. "It's nothing Fergal." Raven said and gave him her best fake smile. "Uh huh, try again lass, I know tere's someting wrong I can feel it." Fergal said. She hated that he was an Empath sometimes. "I don't know why you wanted to talk tonight, it feels like...like I'm gonna lose you too." Raven said. "What, oh Raven no love!" Fergal said as he brushed away new tears. He cupped her face in his hands and laid his forehead to hers.

"I have an early Christmas present for you, I have ta give it to ya now because... ya'll see." Fergal said. He kissed her softly and hugged her close rubbing her back. "Just keep it til Christmas it's only twenty days away." Raven sighed as she closed her eyes. She nuzzled his chest sighing softly as she listened to his heart beat. He kissed the top of her head. "Normally I would but ya need ta know about it now lass." Fergal said. She looked up and he couldn't resist any longer, he leaned in and kissed her deeply.

She ran her hands up his back and gripped his shoulders. His hands moved into her hair. When they pulled back she touched his cheek and smiled. "I know it's only been a year, that we've been through some tough times but I have to tell you something." Raven said. Her voice was stronger now and her eyes didn't look as sad. He caressed her cheek and she teared up again. "I need air please move." Raven whispered. He brushed back her hair. "I love you Raven, but more tan tat I'm fallin in love wit you." Fergal said.

She stopped breathing and looked away. He gently tilted her chin up with his thumb and index finger. "My little bird tere is more tan fear of losin me in yer eyes." Fergal said softly. "I love you with all of my heart Fergal Devitt, I'm so in love with you it scares me." Raven said. He kissed her softly. "Ten why were ya so scared you'd lose me?" Fergal asked. He brushed away her tears. "I'm not the kinda girl guys like you fall for." Raven whispered. "Lass, yer special I didn't need eyes ta see tat all I need was my heart." Fergal said.

She put her hand on his heart and licked her lips. "Fergal you're so special my love." Raven said. "A ghrá." Fergal said. She leaned up and kissed him softly. "I have ta go soon, a ghrá." Fergal whispered. "Don't go Fergal stay with me please, all I want is you to hold me." Raven babbled. He caressed her cheek and leaned in close brushing his lips across hers. "If ya come ta the show." Fergal whispered to her lips. "I can't I don't have a ticket." Raven whispered. He smirked and she blushed. "I can fix tat, and a back stage pass for ya, a ghrá just say yes." Fergal said.

He stroked her cheek and she nodded. "Use yer words." Fergal teased. "Yes." Raven whispered. He captured her lips in a searing kiss as her arms went around his neck. Her back hit the glass and she gripped his hair as his tongue thrust inside her mouth licking hers coaxing it out. Hers followed his as his retreated into his mouth and she pulled his hair. The short silky strands felt good between her fingers. When he pulled back her lips were swollen from his kiss. "Open yer present." Fergal whispered and put the box on the table.

She caressed his cheek looking into his Ocean blue eyes. "I'm gonna love watching you tonight." Raven said. He giggled and looked away blushing. She turned and opened the box. "Oh my God!" Raven said. She looked at the plane ticket to Ireland then looked at him. "I want ya wit me Raven, it's time my family met the woman tat stole my heart." Fergal said. "You're sure Fergal?" Raven asked. "Yes, Raven say yes lass, come home wit me ta Ireland." Fergal said. "I feel so honoured." Raven said.

"What do ya mean?" Fergal asked. "To meet your family, you're very protective of them and it's beautiful." Raven said. He looked away and she kissed his forehead. "No one's ever said tat ta me." Fergal said. "Im an odd duck." Raven said. "Don't ya dare call yerself tat in my presents!" Fergal snapped. She giggled and smiled. "Look at you being all protective of me." Raven said. Her eyes sparkled and her heart melted at the fire in his gaze. "Yer my Raven, my a ghrá yer not strange!" Fergal almost growling at her.

"I'm a strange bird with pretty feathers, Fergal and I'm proud of it." Raven said. He looked into her beautiful hazel eyes and knew she was telling the truth. "Yer so special Raven, so unique it's part of what makes ya so beautiful." Fergal said. She blushed and he smiled a little. "Come on lass, let's get ta the arena so ya can get ta yer seat." Fergal said. She put the lid on the box and put it in her purse. He stood up and then gave her his hand. She took his hand and they went to the arena.

They walked in together and Karl smiled at them. "We'll look at what the cat dragged in!" Karl laughed. She hugged him and looked up at him. "Nice to see you too." Raven said. Luke picked her up and she laughed. "Looks like we have ourselves a good sister now." Luke said. "You goof put me down I'm not use to being this tall!" Raven laughed. "That's because you're with someone so short!" Baron said. "Yeah and it takes a big man to make me feel tall!" Raven snapped. "Oh look it's a rabid bird!" Baron said. "I can shit on you if you'd like dipshit!" Raven growled.

"Watch what you say girl I can have you escorted from the building." Baron snarled. "I have a pass, and I'm not doing anything wrong." Raven said. "Piss off Corbin!" Fergal said. "I am your Universal Champion, I demand respect!" Baron snapped. "Remember who has a title match come TLC, Baron." Raven said. She had a sing song quality to her voice, like she was enjoying the visions in her head. Luke put her down and she kissed Fergal going to her seat. Fergal looked at Baron and smirked. "She's right, watch yer back!" Fergal said.

They walked off and Baron smirked. She was clapping and smiling as she watched Gallows and Anderson win the tag team belts. They stayed until Fergal came out. She stood up and he winked at her. It was the best thing to see him on a Monday night! "Ferg!" Karl said as he moved toward her. She looked up and looked at Baron! "Don't be this way." Raven whispered. "Turn around and do nothing!" Baron said. She did what he said and looked at Fergal smiling. He went to get out of the room and she shook her head.

He nodded and she touched her necklace and he froze. In that instant he knew what he was going to give her for Christmas. Baron stayed behind her the entire match and she hated it. His energy was making her feel sad and was also making her feel sick. "Stay here until it's done." Baron warned. She saw people rush out and looked at him. "Stop this!" Raven growled. "This is because of your words, little bird." Baron spat. He used Fergals Nick name for her in loo of calling her a bitch. She teared up. "You're no man!" Raven said.

He smirked and laughed as he walked off. She turned and saw Karl and Luke run out and smiled. After they cleared the ring and the cameras where off, she ran to the back finding him. "Fergal." Raven said. "Raven are ya ok, lass?" Fergal asked and ran to her. She kissed him softly and he held her head in his hands. "It was all because of me, Fergal I am so sorry." Raven said. "All tat was supposed ta happen." Fergal said and kissed her slowly. "It was storyline." Raven said. "Yes lass don't let tat asshole get in ta yer head." Fergal said.

They went to the hotel after they ate. He came out and she was looking at pictures of Ireland on her laptop. "Can't wait ta get tere lass?" Fergal asked. She turned and smiled at him. "I can't baby I'm so excited!" Raven said. He laid on the bed and she got up and laid with him. "Raven today was amazing." Fergal whispered. She snuggled close to him. "It was, I love you so much Fergal." Raven said softly. "My Raven." Fergal breathed. "Only yours." Raven sighed as she laid her head on his chest. He stroked her hair and she drifted off.

"Yer safe my Raven." Fergal whispered. She nuzzled his chest as she sighed in her sleep. He drifted off as he stroked her hair. "Fergal." Raven coughed. He woke up and looked down at her. "Shh what's wrong?" Fergal asked. "You left." Raven whispered. He stroked her cheek and she sighed. "Never." Fergal said. He kissed her forehead then her lips softly as he held her head in his hands. She loved his hands the rough yet smooth skin of them. How big they were and how strong they were.

His fingers snaked their way into her hair gripping softly. "Raven, I had a nightmare too I tougt I was goin ta lose ya and I can't lose my Raven!" Fergal said. "Your Raven huh?" Raven teased. "Yes!" Fergal said. He cupped her cheeks and kissed her long and slow bringing her down to lay on him. She moved and straddled one of his thighs and laid on his chest. His hands kneaded her ass slowly and she moaned into his lips. Her heart rate spiked and he pulled back. "Are ya ok?" Fergal asked. "Yes, it felt really good though baby." Raven giggled.

He kissed her long and slow. "I love ya so much Raven!" Fergal said.TLC was that night and she was so insanely scared for him. She ran to him after the camera left and kissed him long and slow. "I did it." Fergal panted and put the belt on the road case. "You were amazing Fergal, I am so proud of you!" Raven said. He picked her up and hugged her tightly. She giggled and kissed him again. He rubbed her back and she giggled looking at the paint coming off him. "Let me help with this, My King." Raven teased.

"Ya have no idea how much I love ya, My Queen!" Fergal said. "I've got a little bit of an idea." Raven said.They went to his dressing room and she helped him get the paint off. "Fergal, are you ok baby?" Raven asked. "Yes lass I'm just tired." Fergal said. He leaned on her shoulder. She rubbed his back. "You have to do interviews and go out with your boys." Raven said. "Lass all I want is you!" Fergal said. "I'll be at the hotel when you get there baby." Raven said. "I want ya wit us." Fergal said. "If you want baby." Raven said. "I do." Fergal said.

She kissed his forehead and smiled. "Then I'm all yours." Raven said. She finished helping him get most of the paint off and he got dressed. He did interviews and he looked so good with the title on his shoulder again. "Raven." Becky said. "Humm?" Raven asked as she turned to Becky. "Ya look out of it." Becky said. "I'm just so damn proud of him does that sound weird?" Raven asked. "No love ya sound like a great girlfriend, and honestly he's happier now tan I've seen him in a long time." Becky said. Raven teared up. "Really?" Raven asked.

Becky hugged her tightly. "Really." Becky said. They talked and then went out with the boys. After the guys left and it was just Raven and Fergal in their room, he kissed her passionately. She let him pick her up and kiss her neck. "Fergal that feels so good but stop baby." Raven whispered. He laid her down and looked at her. "Ya don't want me?" Fergal pouted. "I want you to rest silly." Raven said. He held her hips in his hands. "After." Fergal said. "No baby, you have a long day tomorrow." Raven said. "Yer right but I want my Raven!" Fergal said.

She blushed and ran her hands over his chest. "Shh my love." Raven said. She stripped him and gave him a massage much to his protests. He sighed as she laid next to him and he pulled her closer. He drifted off and she did too. When she woke up he was gone. She knew he had to so he wouldn't be here when she had to leave. He was so sweet and so amazing but he hated goodbyes. She got dressed and went to the airport. "Raven!" Fergal yelled. She turned and he ran to her kissing her deeply.

"Be safe my beautiful Raven, I love you." Fergal said. "Fergal, I love you too." Raven said. She kissed him softly and waved goodbye to him as she walked off. When she got home she crashed and when she woke up it was time for Raw. She watched it and then started the washing she had to do. He texted her and she giggled as she sent him a tired and smilie face back. She woke up early and went to work. When she got home she took a long hot shower and started dinner for them. He walked in and smiled as she yelled at him from the kitchen. He'd hit the jackpot with her.

"So are ya all packed?" Fergal asked. "Nope I'll be ready to go about dinner time tomorrow though." Raven said. He kissed her neck and smiled. "Good!" Fergal said. They ate and she finished his clothes and hers. "I shipped your presents over last week." Raven said as she laid down. "I've got ta get yours." Fergal said. She giggled and they watched Christmas movies until they fell asleep. When they got on the plane she was nervous as all hell. "Relax my mum and dad love ya already." Fergal said. "But your brothers and sister haven't met me." Raven said.

"Tey will love ya, lass just like I do." Fergal said. She kissed him long and slow. "If ya say so." Raven teased. "I do!" Fergal said. "One day I hope." Raven whispered. Fergal looked at her and she quickly lowered her gaze. "Raven, look at me lass." Fergal said. She looked up as one bastard tear ran down her cheek. "We've been tageter for a year ya can't know tat I'm yer one yet." Fergal said. "I know I will not ever love another man like I love you Fergal Devitt." Raven said softly. He blinked and she sighed. "I'm gonna see if I can sleep." Raven said.

She got her neck pillow and put in her head phones. He watched her sleep and sighed softly. "Maybe ya could slow down." Fergal whispered. Raven heard him because she was only pretending to sleep. Fergal touched her hand and she looked at him as tears started. "I'm sorry ya heard me." Fergal said. "I'm not." Raven said. He brushed the tears away as she took her head phones off. "I love you like mad Raven, ya have ta believe tat." Fergal said. "I do, but when I say the same I have to slow down?" Raven asked confused.

"Yes, because I'm older I've been in love before." Fergal said. "I have to remember, you broke him in half for hurting me!" Raven said. "Yes lass I do, but I'm still not sure yer over him yet!" Fergal said. "I was alone for two years, I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and sewed them together with your help." Raven said. He looked at her and she looked down. "We're fighting." Raven breathed. "No lass, we're discussing." Fergal said. "I shouldn't be here." Raven whispered. She gathered her stuff and the flight attendant helped her move.

He sat back and shook his head. "Fergal Devitt yer a damned fool!" Becky said and turned in her seat. "Yeah I know but how do I fix it?" Fergal asked. Becky walked back and sat next to her. "How long are ya gonna make him suffer?" Becky asked. "Until he comes back here and tells me why I have to slow down." Raven said. "Tougt tat would be obvious love." Becky said. "Either I'm stupid or it's not as obvious as you think." Raven snapped. "Hey, easy love yer far from stupid, and it's obvious for tose tat know him." Becky said.

That one hurt like hell, like she didn't know him?! "Obviously I don't know him, so tell me." Raven said her voice cracking. Becky closed her eyes and licked her lips. "Raven, I didn't mean ya don't know him, it's easy ta see." Becky said. That was it she'd had enough. "Leave me alone, both of you, and since you know him so fucking well you can have him." Raven growled. She turned her back to Becky and looked out the window wishing she really was a bird. Becky got up and sat in her seat. "What did ya do Becky?" Fergal asked. "I fucked up too." Becky said.

Raven cried herself to sleep. And when she woke up Fergal was next to her. "Told Becky I want to be alone." Raven snapped. "She didn't mean ta say tose tings." Fergal said. "I'm fine!" Raven lied. "I'm not." Fergal said. She looked at him and touched his cheek. "Your scared." Raven breathed. "Yes." Fergal said. "I'm not going anywhere." Raven said. He kissed her passionately and she returned his kiss. She pulled back. "I am spending Christmas with you and your family Fergal, this is big and you wanted this, if it's too soon I'll go home." Raven babbled.

"No, ya have ta stay wit me, wit us lass tis isn't too soon I want ya here." Fergal said. "I love you like mad and no other man will ever mean what you do to me, I have found my one Fergal!" Raven said. "I love ya like mad as well lass, and no oter woman can take yer place in my heart, I have found my one as well my Raven!" Fergal said. She threw her arms around him and he held her tightly. She moved to her original seat and her and Becky hugged it out. "I didn't mean it the way it came out Raven, yer perfect for him." Becky said.

"Glad ta know yer still lookin out for me Becky." Fergal said. "You're my best friend Becks." Raven said. They all laughed and talked. She looked out over the sleepy hills still tucked into the blanket of darkness. "When the sun rises you'll love it lass." Fergal said. "I love it now." Raven said. They landed and she took his hand. "I'm in Ireland with you, for Christmas!" Raven said. He brushed the tears away. She kissed him slowly. "Yes ya are lass, welcome ta my home." Fergal said. They left Becky there in Dublin.

They drove to Bray. He pulled into this little driveway to this small house with roses climbing the wall. She got out and he looked at her. She looked around and then at him. "My god, I'm home." Raven breathed. He went to her. "What was tat?" Fergal asked. "I'm home." Raven said. He held her close and smiled down at her. "Let's go in lass it's cold." Fergal said. They went in and she looked around seeing dark wood furniture that was warm and inviting. The fire in the fire place gave the cottage this homey vibe. He went and got their bags.

She was running her hands on the couch when he got back. "Do ya like it lass?" Fergal asked. "It's beautiful and so inviting." Raven gushed. He shut the door, locking it and put his coat on the hook. "I'm glad ya like it." Fergal said. She took her coat off hanging it next to his, then she put her shoes next to his and she paused. "Lass?" Fergal asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "This place is perfect for two people on a honeymoon." Raven said. "A nice quiet place ta tink and relax." Fergal said. "Yes." Raven sighed.

He kissed her neck as he moved her hair. "Fergal that feels so good!" Raven sighed as he took down her hair and, rolled her head to the side. He feasted on her neck. She was sure he was going to leave marks but she didn't care. "Come on lass we have ta see the bedroom." Fergal said. She turned and looked up at him her hazel eyes darkened with lust. "Yes baby." Raven said. He took her hand and they went to the bedroom. "Oh my God this is so beautiful." Raven said excitedly. She went to the bed and looked at it.

It was dark wood again with intracate carvings on the head board. It was knot work and as she followed the lines he got the bags. She turned to him and he was just in his t-shirt and boxers. "Let me." Raven said. She went to him and took his shirt in her hands. He cupped her cheek and she nuzzled his hand. She kissed his palm and took his shirt off. He smirked at her as she ran her hands over his chest and abs. "Still the most attractive part of you is your heart, My Fergal." Raven said. He kissed her passionately.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss. He picked her up and her legs wrapped around his waist as he laid her on the bed. "Yer shaking." Fergal whispered. "I'm a little cold." Raven said. He kissed her and got up. "I'll start a fire." Fergal said. She grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the bed. "Just keep kissing me and I'll warm up." Raven said. He laughed and she loved how easy he laughed with her. "I love how silly you can be lass." Fergal said. She cupped his cheek and kissed him softly. "Can we start over and forget what happened on the plane?" Raven asked.

"Yer wish is my command." Fergal said. She kissed him again and ran her hands over his back. He untied her skirt and she gasped as his hands ran under her shirt. "Baby your hands are like ice." Raven said. He chuckled and laid his forehead to hers. "Fire first ten I'll finish." Fergal said. She watched him make the fire and as soon as he was sure it would stay he turned to her. She was curled up in the pillows in only her underwear. He blinked and crawled to her.

"I tougt ya where cold." Fergal said. "Just a little." Raven said.

He kissed her softly and she looked at him. She shivered and he touched her arms. "Lass yer frozen why didn't ya get under the covers?" Fergal asked. "I wanted to wait for you and it wasn't that cold." Raven said. He kissed her long and slow bringing her close. "You'll catch a cold lass." Fergal said. She ran her hands over his back. "So warm me up." Raven said. He laughed and kissed her softly. "Get dressed lass I don't want ya sick for Christmas." Fergal said. "I wanna sleep like this I'm comfortable and tired." Raven said.

"Ok lass." Fergal said. They got under the covers and snuggled close. She laid her head on his chest and looked up at him. He smiled at her and held her closer. They went to sleep and when she woke up she was alone. For a few minutes she thought it was all a dream until she saw the flowers by the bed. "Good morning sleeping beauty." Fergal said. She looked at him and the most beautiful smile spread across her face. "Good morning handsome, where have you been?" Raven asked. "Shopping." Fergal said.

She took a shower and they went to his parents house. Everything was so beautiful and she loved meeting his brothers and sister along with their families. "Aww he's so precious may I?" Raven asked. "Of course." Mrs. Devitt said. She gave Raven baby Finn and Raven held him tightly. "Ya look so natural like tat!" Mr Devitt said. "I love babies." Raven said. "Kids in general, she's good wit tem, ya should see her with Chad's kids." Fergal said. Raven sat down and rocked baby Finn to sleep humming softly.

The guys all went to the pub and Raven stayed with him mom and sister. "Fergal loves you." Mrs. Devitt said. "I love him too." Raven said. "Enough ta marry him?" Mrs. Devitt asked. Raven looked at her and nodded. "I know that Fergal is my soulmate." Raven said. "Good." Mrs. Devitt said. They talked and laughed. Fergal came in and looked at his mom and sister confused. "Where's Raven?" Fergal asked. "She's upstairs, asleep." Mrs. Devitt said. "Why?" Fergal asked and ran up the stairs. She laid on his childhood bed with one of his nieces.

"She's fine son, just not use ta the time difference." Mrs. Devitt said softly. "I tougt someting was wrong." Fergal said. "Why don't you get some sleep." Mr. Devitt said. "Yeah ok." Fergal said. He took his coat and shoes off laying behind her. "Hey baby." Raven whispered. "Hey." Fergal whispered. They went to sleep. When he woke up he was alone. The next few days went by so quickly. Soon it was Christmas Eve and they were in the living room with everyone. She gave him one that he could open in front of others and then the others she kept for later.

"I've got one ya have ta open in front of everyone." Fergal said. She sat with him and he handed her a little box. "Fergal!" Raven breathed. She opened it and she sighed giggling. "Earrings." Raven said and showed them. "Love knots." Mr. Devitt said. She looked at the earrings and hugged Fergal. "They're beautiful Fergal, thank you." Raven said. He kissed her long and slow. She handed him the one he could open in front of others. He opened it and laughed. "Legos." Fergal said. "They help you relax." Raven said.

He kissed her again. "I love them Raven, thank you." Fergal said. They watched everyone open presents and played with his nieces and nephews. "Fergal help me." Mrs. Devitt called. He got up and left her playing peek-a-boo with baby Finn. "Tat woman loves you so much!" Mrs. Devitt said. "I love her too mum." Fergal said. "Tis time ya picked a good one." Mrs. Devitt said. They hugged and he went back into the living room. "What are you doing handsome?" Raven cooed at baby Finn. He grabbed her hair and she winced.

"I'm so sorry." His sister said. "Don't be it's ok." Raven giggled and kissed his little hand. Everyone had gone home for the night and his parents had gone to bed. Fergal sat with her on the couch and handed her a box. "What is this?" Raven asked. He kissed her long and slow. "Open it." Fergal said. She did and gasped. "Fergal!" Raven said. He picked up the necklace and she looked at the knot work on the pendent. "Is this a shield knot?" Raven asked. "Yes my Raven." Fergal said. She traced the pendent and he looked at her.

"It's beautiful Fergal I love it so much thank you so much!" Raven said. He put it on her and she teared up. "To protect you for when I can't." Fergal said. She kissed him long and slow. He laid his forehead to hers and held her tightly. "I love you so much Fergal." Raven said. "I love you too Raven." Fergal said. They sat on the couch and looked at the fire just enjoying being with each other in the quiet moment.

@thegloriousdisaster @kittysilver86 @scuzmunkie @team-elias @alexnine @lauri3strode @hardyfangirl3 @balorbj @balordominion @loveroflive78 @wrestlingxbalorxrollins @adriennegabriella @soulofaravenheartofawolf @ladylucksposts @livelifebeautifully81 @calwitch @briqueenofthenorth @2sweetqueen @meremaidqueen @queenofthearchitect @dolphinpink310 @mohawkmama @alternateafterthought

[bliss-delight-jr]

For the Character Ask thing. Laura Glue, Fred (the Badger), Ling Yao, Greed, Deku, Rose Dyson, and Jack (CotIG) if tat counts.

:O!! thank you for sending this in! 

Laura Glue!

First impression: an adorable, weird little kid. she was great in the second book! just so lovable n cute.

Impression now: a lovely, brave young woman! 10/10 would hold her hand

Favorite moment: that time she just flew right into a burning building to save Fred. that was pretty awesome. also just... her in the second book.. just all parts with her in the second book. 

Idea for a story: like a fanfic? maybe... all the young magicians gotta go off on a mission on their own, or something like that. or a story from when she was a valkyrie (in the Archipelago... before things went downhill). i really just want Laura Glue to go on a rescue mission or something. i want to see her save people.

Unpopular opinion: i don’t know if i have any, honestly. sorry!

Favorite relationship: her and Edmund... Cuties...

Favorite headcanon: of mine? well i don’t have A Lot but.. all I know is that this girl is Bi.

Fred!

First impression: cute badger boy. but i really like Tummeler so i want to see more of him. i don’t want Tummeler to be replaced or anything.

Impression now: he’s! so great!!! he’s smart and just the sweetest, purest little guy. i like him a lot more.

Favorite moment: when Charles makes him his apprentice. or in the fifth, when he talks about “animal logic”.

Idea for a story: uhhhh. i’m honestly not sure. sorry!

Unpopular opinion: i uhhh don’t have any, i don’t think

Favorite relationship: him and Charles, and Laura Glue

Favorite headcanon: i don’t have any for him :(

Jack!!

First impression: cute, pure boy. could do no wrong. sweet and innocent. and then: Oh Wait he’s MEAN!!! like wow really mean! 

Impression now: LOVE.... LOVE.... i really love Jack now. he makes a lot of mistakes, he lashed out at John too much in the first book, but he’s a good man who truly cares for others and is Doing His Best. i adore jack now! absolutely love him!!!

Favorite moment: at the end of Here, There Be Dragons. when he gives people their shadows back. that was amazing.

Idea for a story: honestly, i think reading (or.. maybe writing if i was better) an Inklings meeting could be really fun? i’d want to read it. or: jack gets sick/really hurt and his friends have to take care of him. Or... Rescue Mission... these are like bare-bones ideas I’m Sorry.

Unpopular opinion: as much as i love and appreciate Jack, he isn’t my favorite. he’s very very VERY close!! please do not think that i don’t love and adore Jack, because i do! also i know Mr. James A. Owen wrote in one of the books that Jack was technically the main character but i still see John as the main character.

Favorite relationship: his relationship(s) with John, Charles, and Bert

Favorite headcanon: well, i draw him with curly blond hair, and he’s pretty short, so i guess that counts. also jack will wear anything. literally anything he finds he just throws on.

Rose Dyson!

First impression: cool character, seems like a cute kid, i like that she’s Hugo’s “niece”, but she doesn’t seem super interesting, i guess.

Impression now: i love Rose! she’s so brave and intelligent. but most of all just kind, just incredibly loving. she cares about her uncles and friends so much. she’s also become really funny, and cuter.

Favorite moment: when she defeats the Shadow King.

Idea for a story: same idea with Laura Glue? 

Unpopular opinion: shrug!

Favorite relationship: Madoc, and the cotig boys

Favorite headcanon: curly hair! also gay

onto the anime boys of my heart

Ling Yao!!

First impression: who the heck is this guy? he wasn’t in fma 03 im???? very confused??

Impression now: i love this kid... he’s just the best. one of my favorites.

Favorite moment: i have a lot!!! one of them is when he’s talking with May Chang and he promises to protect her clan.. that scene was really sweet!! GOsh i love Ling Yao so much. 10/10 would smooch

Idea for a story: Boy i ain’t got no clue. sorry. ok maybe self-insert stuff but other than that... Also! consider: Greed Lives AU

Unpopular opinion: what are the popular opinions i don’t even know. maybe... maybe him and ed should have smooched idk. also i would have really liked to see Al and Ling interact more.

Favorite relationship: him and greed.... and ed.. Best Bros..

Favorite headcanon: bi? trans? he gets rid of the concubine system? him and lan fan get married? him and ed smooched?? 

G r e e d , b a b y

First impression: oh man i don’t even remember. honestly.

Impression now: i am in love with this man. 10/10!! would SMOOCH!!!!

Favorite moment: aside from All Of Them, that part where he admits he only ever wanted friends was... (BOY) really great.

Idea for a story: Greed. Lives. A. U.

Unpopular opinion: not really unpopular but? he’s a good person!!! a really good person!! and he’s hilarious. and very handsome.. too handsome..

Favorite relationship: Ling!

Favorite headcanon: Bi, or Pan. owned hundreds of sunglasses.

last but not least!! DEKU!! 

First impression: the most likable character ever. just so unbelievably selfless and caring. just wants to help other people, literally that’s it. has no confidence, needs more. cries a lot and that’s ok!! the sweetest, most wholesome kid ever.

Impression now: more or less the same!! but now he’s a lot stronger, more determined, more confident. seriously this kid will not give up, ever. i admire this sweet boy.

Favorite moment: WHEN ALL MIGHT SAYS THAT HE CAN BE A HERO AND... IZUKU JUST COLLAPSES ON THE GROUND, SOBBING... ALSO??? WHEN HIM AND TODOROKI COME TO SAVE IIDA... 

Idea for a story: him and todoroki and iida go on a date. but like a life date. i want them to date.

Unpopular opinion: the fandom makes him too sad? like i don’t have a problem with that but i just don’t see him that way?? but that’s just me

Favorite relationship: iida!!! him and iida!!! 4ever

Favorite headcanon: bi baby boy. 

this was a lot of fun!!! thank you so much, Al! i hope these answers are sufficient. if not, let me know.

[rexandechosandwich]

IRIS EXCUSE ME?!?!?! This chapter... this ...I’m .... *curls up and sobs* HOOOO LEEEEE HELLLLLL!!!! I’m going to put on sad music and go clean or nap or something. I need to recover!!! 

omg I am so sorry for the longest reaction reply ever below the cut... seriously I am so sorry. You definitely do not need to read it all nor respond I will not be upset lmao I AM JUST COMPLETELY WRECKED FROM THIS CHAPTER!!! THERES SO MUCH PAIN AND I LOVE EVERY OUNCE OF IT!!!! 

AND THE ENDING ASKLFJSLKJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SCREAMING IM SOBBING I NEVER NEEDED THE NEXT CHAPTER SO MUCH LASKDJF

TALIA GIRL YOU SHOULD”VE JUST PUT UP WITH STORM OMGGGGGGGGG 

But like....  

Talia’s eyes flicked to the way his biceps pressed against the tight material of his undersuit, quickly correcting herself to bring them back to his face.

she kills me lol her tipsy self is like “yesss he doesn’t really look or sound like Rex, damn look at his muscles, wonder if that tat goes allllll the way down 👀” I AM LIVING FOR IT!!!! She is confident and smokin hot! She can get anyone with the bat of a eye! 

“I’ve always wanted to know how far down this tattoo went,” Talia smirked, pressing her hand to his face. Hunter returned the smirk and helped her remove his shirt. He was leaner than Rex, Talia observed, and the skeletal tattoo continued down his torso, black lines over his toned chest and disappearing beneath the waist line of his pants.”

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Holyyyy fuvk!! Now I personally love Bad Batch smut fics, but this just felt so wrong 😢 he’s not Rex! And just like Rex, her emotions got the best of her, just trying to get over him by being with someone else. I’M A WRECK!!!!

I love how rushed the smut scene felt, I loved how ‘wrong’ it felt (not pressured or unwanted, but obvious she just wanted to not think about Rex for 5 seconds). The way it was all described was perfect! There was no loving touch, no loving language, it was just a way to release stress and get off! EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDN’T FINISH OMGGGGGGG. SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!!! 

It was craving the touch of someone else, almost pretending it was something more just to fill the void.

It had felt satisfying while it was happening, it had seemed like what she wanted. But an ache settled in her chest because it wasn’t enough, because it only scratched the surface of what she really wanted. Who she really wanted.

Her resolve breaking, tears flowing was imminent (poor Hunter though lol I’m happy he cared for her though, as much as he could in the awkward situation). I cried along with her! (The fact that you have me caring so much for these characters, Iris!! I love it and hate it because I love Talia and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, so when it does I GO INTO MOMMA BEAR MODE!!! I just want to hug her and tell her it’s going to be alright!!!! Then fight whoever hurt her!! To make her feel like she’s not alone...and here, losing Fives, losing Rex, not being able to confront Storm’s concern, being on Kamino where everyone looks and sounds like Rex...and being a Jedi! Where they are taught to let go and not form attachments... SHE IS ALONE!!!! 😭😭😭)

I AM NOT OKAY!!!!!

But like I’m not sure how far this series goes, pre-O66, until or after O66? But if the events of rescuing Echo..and Hunter and Rex meet and somehow know Talia had slept with Hunter....it’ll definitely be interesting to see that interaction 👀

Ok back to pain... .

If she had told him she loved him back on Turia, would he have still ended it? Or would he have fought to keep her, like how she wanted him too?

No no no here come the water works again!!!! 

Iris, thank youuuuu for including Rex’s pov!!!! I know he was thinking about Talia before he met Naobe and started feeling regret sink in as they were getting started....but to hear in the morning Rex fully regretted it, just made it all a bit better. I fully believe Rex and Talia are each other’s person! There is no way they aren’t! Rex is just taking what Cody said to heart too much and needs to listen to Wolffe or talk to Bly! Understand that a relationship with a secretive balance can be had!!! I need a “fix it au” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but I’m also enjoying the angst and pain. Oh boy why do I love seeing Rex hurt

Talia had left him a voice message.

Rex stared at the screen, unsure of if he should wait until he got to base, play the message now, or just delete it and save himself the trouble. But his own desire to hear the sound of her voice won out, and Rex hit play, letting the message echo through his helmet.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM!!!!! SHE WHHHHHATT?!?!?!??! I CAN’T WAIT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHAT DOES SHE SAY?!? HOW WILL HE REACT?!?!?!? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGMGMGMGAKLDSJFASLKDFJA;DAKLJSDHFAL IRIS PLEASE THIS CLIFFHANGER!!!!

Illicit Affairs - Chapter 17

Captain Rex x OC

Chapter Summary: Talia catches up and unwinds with some old friends on Kamino, but does she make a choice she'll regret?

Chapter Rating: E

Warnings: Angst, Smut. Piv, drinking, drunk sex.

A/N: please don't hate me you guys lol. I swear things will get lighter for a moment. Getting close to the endgame now! Thanks as always to @galacticgraffiti for being a wonderful Beta reader! As always, comments/likes/reblogs are so SO appreciated.

Ao3 Link Series Masterlist

Rex had one time tried to tell Talia that every day on Kamino wasn’t rainy, that sometimes the sun peaked out behind the gray veil of clouds, but the past two days spent in Tipoca City felt shrouded in time, Talia’s internal clocked screwed up as she shuffled from briefing to briefing. She met with cadets, all of whom seemed in awe at the presence of a Jedi. It was sweet how they spoke with excitement, but Talia couldn’t ignore the twist in her gut as they vowed their unwavering support to the Republic. So young, yet that was the only life they were told about. At lunch she ate with Storm, who had attended his own sessions to assist training cadets as well, but Storm could sense something had been going on with Talia lately. He had been watching her closely since Turia, maybe just checking in on her as she recovered, but by now she was ready to snap at him, no longer wanting to deal with his probing gaze.

It was almost dinner time, and she knew he would be waiting again. But Talia wasn’t hungry, and didn’t feel the urge to risk him asking too many questions about why her mood was so downcast as of late. She debated heading to a training room again; she hadn’t gotten much further with her progress with force lightning. She really did rely on an output of rage to create it, so each burst seemed weaker than the last. She tried delving into her mind, finding fuel for the energy while she trained, but the dark place it took her was taxing. She was torn between the drive for the power, and the mental wall she had put up against it.  She knew it was risky even dabbling with it this much. But she wanted to try it more. There had to be good use for a power like this, the Council just didn’t see it yet.

She knew also  that she shouldn’t push herself, though; the process was physically and mentally draining. Her knuckles were raw and bruised already from not taking proper care in her earlier training. A residual ache lingered in her body from the exhaustion of pushing herself past her limits. Talia had enough sense to know she shouldn’t push it more for the day, but now found herself wandering the too-bright pathways of Tipoca City. 

Pacing through the halls, Talia paused to watch the ever-storming weather outside, her gaze following a graceful aiwha as it flew out of the water, battling against the wind before diving back into the thrashing waters.

“General Riva!” A booming voice called from her side. Talia didn’t have time to turn but she didn’t need to see who it was; only one clone had such a presence, and quite honestly had the nerve to swoop her up in a wampa-hug that threatened to break her ribs.

“Wrecker!” Talia coughed out in laughter as her feet left the ground. Wrecker quickly placed her back on the ground – the man meant well, at times he just forgot his own strength. Talia grinned at him and took in the rest of Clone Force 99 behind him. She had met them about a year ago, when they had helped the 412th on a mission when the battalion was still in its rebuilding phase after the vicious attack from Maul.

Hunter stood to the side of Wrecker, a small smile of greeting on his tattooed face. Tech seemed more interested in something on his datapad, but mumbled his greetings, while Crosshair stood the furthest back, a signature toothpick in his mouth.

“Good to see you all! Nothing ever seems to change with you guys. Crosshair, your smile is as lovely as ever.”

The sniper rolled his eyes at that, but Talia caught the smallest flicker of a grin threatening to peek through. Hunter stepped forward and held his arm out, which Talia accepted to shake as he spoke, “Good to see you, General. What brings you to Kamino?”

“Just some repairs, picking up some new troops,” Talia shrugged. She tilted her head back, “You all heading to the mess? I guess I should finally head over and get some food.”

“We just got back from a mission-“ Hunter started

“-and don’t feel like dealing with that many regs,” Crosshair added under his breath.

“So, we were just going to head to our quarters,” Hunter finished, ignoring the statement from his brother. He glanced at Talia, back at his squad, then back to her “We actually have some…uh… contraband, if you’re looking for something to do tonight?”

“Offering alcohol to a General? That’s a bold move,” Talia scoffed, crossing her arms. For a moment Hunter looked flustered, as if he were worried she might actually reprimand them when Talia laughed, loosening her posture and slapping him on the shoulder. “You have no idea what I would do for a drink – I’m in.”

The Bad Batch were truly unlike any clones Talia worked with; besides their physical differences, they had their oddities that made them an interesting bunch to hang out with. What they had in common with their reg counterparts, was their bond with each other. The way they would nag and tease one another, a  flair for embellishment when recalling war stories. And for Talia it was a needed break, listening to them goof off after having a few beers.

Wrecker found a way to grow more boisterous under the influence of alcohol, Tech would fall into slightly slurred tangents that were loosely related to the topic of conversation which would prompt Crosshair to teasingly taunt him to ‘turn the page’ to the next topic, but Talia caught the way his normally stern face slipped into a smirk as he joked with his brother. Hunter leaned back in his chair, slowly nursing his drink, a light flush on his cheeks. He would occasionally toss Talia an apologetic glance when one of his brothers made a particularly crass joke, but Talia always waved it off with a smile.

The night quickly moved on, Talia and the Batch drinking more of the beer they had stashed away. It was cheap stuff, even more watered down than what Republic offered for free to clones at 79’s; but it worked to give Talia a light buzz. She leaned against the table, laughing and tossing out jokes once she felt more comfortable- Talia knew the Kaminoans would disapprove for so many reasons, but she didn’t care.

Talia thought back to herself at the beginning of the war, unsure and a bit uncomfortable in her new role as a General. Many nights she had secluded herself in her own quarters as the Venator drifted through space, reading into the late hours. Then one time as the ship was docking in Coruscant, Church, Storm and a few others had invited her to 79’s for the first time. She’d been hesitant, but she accepted.

It was nice, seeing her men more at ease; even if they were as unsure how to act with her off duty as she was with them. But they settled in, getting a bit drunk and enjoying each other’s company. For Talia, that was the moment it hit her how close she was in age to the men she served with, how normal hanging out with them in down time felt. She started to make a habit of going, or relaxing in the barracks after a long mission. Maybe it was unprofessional for her as their technical superior, but Talia grew to rely on the downtime.  She felt it from the men too: the longer they fought the more they needed these little moments where they could dull the stresses of war. And when soldiers passed on, she was able to look back on those nights as a way to remember them, remember the way they laughed or the dumb jokes told. 

That’s why she felt at ease whenever she went out with the 501st, or even now drinking with the Batch. She didn’t know them as well as her own men, but it was easy to sit in and relax with them. The beer was hitting her head, how little food she had that day more obvious as she could feel herself getting drunk. But she didn’t care, she hadn’t laughed this hard in awhile. She felt like the weight that had been resting in her gut ever since Turia was slightly lessened, the laughter easing the tension that settled over her and the alcohol numbing the bitterness she felt. Maybe this was made easier by how different Rex was from the Batch. They didn’t look like the regular clones, their voices even sounded slightly different so she didn’t feel that jolt of pain she had been feeling any time she talked to a soldier since she had last seen Rex. 

Shit. She’d done it again. She’d thought of Rex.

Talia glanced at the empty bottle in her hand; the drink was obviously not doing its job if she was still being reminded of him. She reached for another full bottle, cracked the lid open and gulped.

“How do you drink so much for someone so tiny?” Wrecker’s voice called out from across the table, a teasing grin on his face. Sure enough, about half a dozen empty bottles sat in front of him, and the large clone seemed barely buzzed.

“I handle my booze just fine,” Talia answered seriously, not realizing the evident slur that would lay in her voice nor predicting how when she waved her hand, she would knock over the empty bottles in front of her. The boys laughed at her clumsiness, and she grinned bashfully, reaching down to pick up the bottles. “In my defense, I would have done that sober.”

It turns out the Bad Batch had a decent beer supply, pulling out a new case and drinking more. Talia still more observed their conversation, her eyes being drawn to the waves outside the window once more. How they thrashed against the foundations for Tipoca City, the lights from the buildings reflecting against the surface before it faded into darkness, the waters a black void in the nighttime that would occasionally be illuminated by bolts of lightning. 

Talia was vaguely aware of the boys getting into a brotherly argument, catching a glimpse of something that sounded vaguely like a plan to head into the shooting range. As the ranking officer present, she probably should have had the sense to say something along the lines of ‘alcohol and blasters don’t mix’ but she was more fascinated with the sight out the viewport. The door slammed shut, a silence settling in the room with the absence left from Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker. Hunter grabbed a few bottles, placing them together to slightly tidy up, his eye flicking to Talia as she sat with her thoughts. She held her bottle in her hand, the cool glass against her skin as she twisted it in her fingers, the ale sloshing inside, a poor mimicry of the waves outside.

“Everything ok?” Hunter asked, nudging Talia and breaking her from her silent periphery. Her head jerked to the side, glancing at him. Talia stilled her movements of the bottle, instead, tilting it back and swallowed the remaining booze.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Talia answered right after as Hunter raised a brow doubtingly. Talia sighed. “Just had a long training day, that’s all.”

 Hunter huffed out a laugh. “I understand that; whenever we come back around the Kaminoans run us through every possible test and training routine.”

“Coming home isn’t just all fun?” Talia asked, already knowing the answer. Kamino might be home to the clones, and some had differing degrees of sentimentality to it, but there was nothing ‘homey’ about the aquatic world that she had witnessed these few days.

“It’s not all bad; don’t have to deal with clankers, but I guess we have to trade them in for the Kaminoans,” Hunter answered, earning a giggle from Talia.

“Not that I’m complaining, because it was nice to see a more relaxed side of you, but why did you spend your night with us? Surely you must have had more exciting things to do?” Hunter seemed sincere with his questioning, a curious glance in his eye.

“Not at all; I’m not a very exciting person.” Talia shrugged, earning a disbelieving huff of laughter from the clone next to her.

“I doubt that,” Hunter replied, leaning against the table to smirk at her. Talia rotated on the bench, swinging her legs over it so she sat facing him.  Maybe it was the influence of the cheap beer, but it really was hard to tell he was a clone. Hunter didn’t have the same sweet honeyed eyes of his brothers; his were smoky, like everything else about him from his long hair to the tattoo covering half his face. Talia always felt the tattoo acted as a mask half the time; imperceptible emotions hidden away under it. A fierceness that hid a layer of softness underneath. She couldn’t quell the curiosity in her mind that wondered how far the skeletal pattern went on the rest of his body.

“Oh, I mean it,”” Talia insisted, taking one last sip of the beer in her hands; she didn’t even realize she had been that close to finishing another one. Her cheeks were warm, the room slightly swaying but she contributed a part of that to the waves rocking outside. Talia pressed her arm against the table, leaning against it and mirroring Hunter’s pose facing her. “Don’t really get up to much. Unless you count that one time I was kidnapped by bounty hunters and held hostage by Count Dooku.”

Hunter looked taken aback for a second at Talia’s blunt delivery, but his face broke into a grin as he shook his head. Talia giggled, feeling a bit lighter by the minute. Maybe this was what she needed. A distraction, her head being somewhere else.

“Still, hanging out with me and my brothers probably isn’t up to your speed,” Hunter continued. “Hope the boys haven’t been driving you too crazy.”

“Hunter, I would be perfectly capable of leaving if I was bored,” Talia rolled her eyes. “Besides, you all are…refreshing. And I needed to unwind a little.”

“So did it help?” Hunter asked, spreading his arms wide on the edge of the table behind him. Talia’s eyes flicked to the way his biceps pressed against the tight material of his undersuit, quickly correcting herself to bring them back to his face. “Hanging out, do you feel less stressed?”

“A bit,” Talia nodded, ignoring the heat settling in her cheeks.

“Anything in particular bothering you?” Hunter asked once again, his voice filled with sincerity. The liquor loosening her lips tempted Talia to talk about everything on her mind; about her own insecurities with the Order and as a leader, how stuck she felt, about Rex. But her last shred of composure allowed her to keep it in, stoppering the bottle of emotions in her.

“Just had a lot of long campaigns in a row,” Talia answered vaguely. It wasn’t a lie. Just withholding the finer details.

“I understand,” Hunter sighed, leaning into the table. “Half the time we aren’t even finished with one mission before we’re getting our next assignments.”

“I just want it all to be over with,” Talia admitted. “No more fighting; I’m good at it, but I never wanted to be a soldier.”

“What did you want then?” It was the type of question that had run through Talia’s brain often these past few days. In theory, it should be simple to answer. But Talia felt a weight pressing on her chest every time she even tried to delve into it.

“I’m not sure, but I know this isn’t it.” Talia answered softly. Hunter’s brows cinched, searching for something comforting to say. If he knew her better, he probably would probe her more, trying to get out of Talia what was really troubling her, what left her in this limbo of doubt. His eyes met hers, soft and reassuring and Talia allowed a smile back, something to signal she was ok.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Hunter assured, “It’s a pretty wide galaxy out there. Besides, you’re an amazing woman, and I don’t think there’s much you can’t do.”

Talia resisted the urge to sarcastically laugh, thinking of all the things she failed at. But Hunter was being so sincere, something about his presence was so strangely calming. It was…nice having this sort of reassurance. Even if she didn’t want to talk more in depth about it, someone being there and seeming to care was comforting. And he was familiar. The way his face scrunched when he thought, the small smile he gave, even the sound of his voice; it was scratching the surface of what she knew. And maybe she had been wrong in secluding herself so much lately, because even just this moment of company was partially filling a vacancy that had been left within her. Or maybe it was the drunken haze settled into her, driving some innate need of hers to be with someone else, to feel something else than the loneliness that she allowed to seep in recently.

Talia wasn’t sure what propelled her to do it, whether it was just the beer or the way he smirked at her, or just how much she craved the touch of another person. But Talia leaned in, pressing her lips to Hunter’s, chasing him back as he mumbled something in surprise. 

Hunter did not protest, instead his hands found purchase on her hips as Talia clumsily straddled his lap, his grip steadying her and pulling her tighter to him. Talia moaned into his mouth as her core grinded against the bulge forming in his pants, eliciting a curse from Hunter as he gripped her harder, encouraging her to keep moving against him. The kiss was needy, desperate, remnants of beer lingering on their lips. Talia slid a hand up Hunter’s neck, gripping his hair and tugging lightly. Hunter pulled back for air, and for a moment Talia was worried she had crossed a line but before she knew it aHunter’s hands were sliding lower to grip her ass as he stood.

Talia yelped as she was jolted up. Hunter picked her up and turned them around, just to place her at the edge of the table. He leaned down, kissing her again as Talia’s hand’s found purchase on the front of his shirt, tugging the fabric up.

“Are you sure?” Hunter asked breathily, pulling back to search for any hesitancy from Talia. She shook her head and tugged at his shirt once more. She bit her lip and met his eyes. 

“I’ve always wanted to know how far down this tattoo went,” Talia smirked, pressing her hand to his face. Hunter returned the smirk and helped her remove his shirt. He was leaner than Rex, Talia observed, and the skeletal tattoo continued down his torso, black lines over his toned chest and disappearing beneath the waist line of his pants. Before Talia could reach to pull more off him, Hunter’s hands met the hem of her tunic, unwrapping her robes. His eyes glanced up to hers once more and she nodded, her hands meeting his to help speed up the process.

This was no flight of passion, not a moment of devotion and need for one another, where they were the only thing that could satisfy the other’s need; no, it was instinct, it was desperate and rushed. 

It was craving the touch of someone else, almost pretending it was something more just to fill the void. 

Talia quickly tossed off the last of her clothes, just for Hunter’s rough hands to meet her skin. She moaned as he cupped her breasts, arching herself to press into his touch. His head dipped and he took a nipple into his mouth, swiping over it with his tongue. Talia gasped at the tingling pleasure brought on by Hunter’s mouth, her hands once again landing on his head. Hunter seemed to like it when she tugged on his hair, because he started to suck on her breast, his hand roughly squeezing the other as she cried out.

Hunter pulled back and glanced over her body, the remnants of his spit still glistening over her chest, her legs spread wide and revealing herself completely to him. It suddenly struck Talia, the intimacy of it all, almost too much for what she wanted. She flipped herself over, resting her forearms on the table and sticking her ass out for him to see.

“Fuck me, Hunter,” she sighed, glancing gover her shoulder at him. His eyes were wide as they trained on her wiggling ass. “I want you inside me.”

“Are you sure?” Hunter asked once again as he slowly, hesitantly gripped his cock.

“Yes, just… fuck me already,” Talia ordered, facing forward once more.

Hunter’s hands gripped her waist, his thumbs massaging over her skin as the head of his cock nudged against the lips of her pussy. Her heart was pounding, a thud in her head that could be partially contributed to the ample amount of alcohol in her system. Hunter slowly pressed into her, groaning at the tightness around his cock. Talia winced slightly from the stretch with no foreplay, but relaxed into it, moaning as he settled all the way inside her. The fullness made her eyes roll back into her head, that satisfying relief of having that which she had been craving.

Hunter’s hips slowly rocked back and forth, his breath rugged and hoarse above her as he squeezed the flesh of her hips. His cock dragged along her walls, her cunt squeezing around him. 

Talia’s body was still wound tight, a need for something still stirred in her gut and as good as it felt having him inside her she needed even more. Her palms pressed flat on the surface of the table for more leverage as Talia bounced her ass back to meet his strokes. Hunter cursed as Talia met his thrusts, his cock hitting deeper inside her. It ignited something in him, maybe knowing she wanted more was the right push he needed to give it his all.  He placed a hand between Talia’s shoulder blades, nudging her down against the table as he fucked into her harder.

Talia’s cheek rested against the cool surface, the edge of the table imprinting along her thighs. Talia squeezed her eyes shut, listening as the room was filled by the jostling of the table, slightly skidding on the floor with each thrust, the slap of Hunter’s hips meeting Talia’s ass, his grunts and her high-pitched gasps echoing along the walls. She felt his hand as it firmly held her back in place, his fingers spread wide against the smooth and now sweat dampened skin. Blood was rushing through her head, her mind numb as she succumbed to the feel of Hunter burying himself in her, each buck of his hips like a lightning strike of pleasure to her gut. 

Even in her state, that prickling feeling in the back of her mind reminded Talia how the rest of the batch could walk back in at any moment, that they could see her naked and bent over the table they had all been drinking at moments ago, having all sense being fucked out of her by their Sergeant. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. She needed this, needed to feel him using her for his pleasure. Needed to feel the touch of someone else, get to that precipice of an orgasm that wasn’t from her own hand. Needed to feel something.

Talia’s legs were twitching as they hung off the side of the table, no longer able to rest on the ground as the hot waves of pleasure began to spread through her body. Hunter’s breath grew more frantic, his grunts getting louder as his pace grew sloppy. He lowered himself so his chest pressed into her back, their skin clinging to the other. Talia almost cursed at him for changing the angle when her orgasm was so close, but her words were lost to a cry of pleasure as he slammed himself into her deeper and harder. His head fell in the crook of her neck, his breath hot on her skin. His rasping voice in her ear telling her how good she felt, how hot she was, and grunting her name before he pulled out, spilling hot spurts of his cum on her ass.

Hunter stepped back, his breathing still heavy, his voice husky as he asked, “Did you finish?”

“Yeah,” Talia lied, her own breath still tense. She could feel Hunter’s gaze on her, his own doubt in her words palpable but he didn’t voice it. 

Hunter stepped away, murmuring something about getting a towel as Talia slowly pressed herself up. Through the glass on the window she caught her reflection, her hair disheveled, her cheeks flushed, but mostly what she caught was the exhaustion in her face. Her heart rate slowed down,the orgasm  slowly fading away, and she was left wrung out. It had felt satisfying while it was happening, it had seemed like what she wanted. But an ache settled in her chest because it wasn’t enough, because it only scratched the surface of what she really wanted. Who she really wanted.

After considering the past few days a victory for having not cried, Talia couldn’t stop the flow of tears that suddenly cascaded down her face. It seemed as though her body was trying to release every bottle up emotion she had through her tears as she heaved out a sob and crouched to the ground.

“Shit, Talia?” Hunter’s called out, rushing back over to crouch where she huddled and hot flashes of mortification hit Talia. She didn’t want to be crying right now, but it felt like a dam had burst, and she could not stop herself.

“I’m so so-sorry,” Talia choked out, trying to stop the tears but all she managed to do was cry harder. Naked. On the floor. With Hunter staring at her as horrified as Talia truly felt.

“Don’t apologize, I should apologize!” Hunter hurried to grab the remnant of Talia’s clothes where they were scattered about. He brought them over to her, seemed like he was going to try and put them on her again but retracted his hands and just held out the clothes for Talia to shakily accept. “Please, what did I do? Did I hurt you?”

“No you didn’t, you were great. I’m just in love,” Talia’s voice cracked out in a sobbing drunken slur.

Hunter stared at her, his horror fading into confusion, then ran a hand through his hair. “Gen-Talia, I’m very flattered but uh-“

Talia actually managed to hiccup a laugh in between her sobs, as she loosely wrapped her tunic on. “No, n-not you. I’m not that drunk.”

“Let me get you some water,” Hunter stood up to grab a canteen as Talia redressed. He pulled his shirt over his head as she gulped it down, then kept a watchful eye on her until she finished it. “Listen, I’m so sorry if you felt I pushed you to do anything, I thought you were more aware and wanted-“

“Hunter, I wanted it,” Talia cut him off. “It’s just…I recently got out of a relationship and thought this would-.”

Talia couldn’t finish the sentence because she herself didn’t know the answer. Did she really think having sex with someone else would magically make her feelings for Rex go away? Did she just want to numb the pain she was feeling and used the first person she could find?

Hunter stared at her for a moment, understanding dawning on his features. He didn’t need Taia to explain further. He just nodded and sat next to her, “I didn’t think Jedi did the whole relationship thing.”

“We’re not supposed to, at least not fully,” Talia explained, still sniffling. “We’re encouraged to love, but are supposed to be able to let go. I’m struggling with the latter.”

“Who was the guy?” Hunter asked after a beat. As Talia bit her lip and looked down he quickly added, “You don’t have to-“

“He’s another clone,” Talia admitted softly. Her hand reflexively went to her neck, searching for the necklace she would usually fiddle with whenever she was thinking or nervous. In another jolt to the gut she remembered she didn’t have it anymore. “He ended it because things were too complicated.”

That was putting it too simply, Talia knew it. And she had a hunch Hunter knew it too by how he looked at her, but he didn’t question it.

“But you love him?”

Talia nodded, wiping her face with the back of her forearm. “Didn’t get to tell him that though.”

Hunter and Talia sat in silence after that. He offered her more water as tears still fell from her face. When she couldn’t cry anymore, she could barely keep her eyes open, the sweet temptation of sleep calling to her.

“You can crash here if you need to, I don’t mind sleeping on the floor,” Hunter offered as he stood up. He held out his hand to Talia, which she accepted while shaking her head.

“No, I shouldn’t. Besides the walk back to my quarters might do me some good,” Talia waved him off. Hunter looked doubtingly at her to which she just rolled her eyes, “I can message you when I get back, does that make you feel better?”

“Yes it does; you can barely stand straight and I don’t want to think you fell into the ocean,” Hunter nudged her with a smirk. Talia actually managed to giggle a laugh at that. She made a last attempt to make herself appear a little bit together in the event that she walked into anyone on her route back, but she accepted it was a lost cause.

The halls were empty, their white glow adding to her already forming headache. She didn’t rush her walk back; even though she wanted nothing more than to go to sleep she was already dreading the feelings that would come in the morning. The guilt she was feeling was gnawing at her, guilt for her own embarrassment, for how Hunter had to see her in that state, and that bit of guilt that made her feel like she had betrayed Rex.

Every bit of this planet reminded Talia of Rex. She should have known drinking would just make that worse. She didn’t expect it to make her admit the depth of her feelings for Rex. How much she missed him calling to check in on her, the thought that she could meet up with him on leave sometime soon, or that they even could have a mission that would bring them together. These empty white halls and the thousands of identical faces just made her ache for the one that now probably wanted nothing to do with her. If she had told him she loved him back on Turia, would he have still ended it? Or would he have fought to keep her, like how she wanted him too?

Talia found herself in her quarters, once again plunged into that darkness with nothing but the void of the sea outside her window. The rain had slowed, the waves lightly rocking instead of thrashing; she wondered if it would actually be a sunny day tomorrow. Her fading buzz tingled through her, her eyes growing heavy as she collapsed in the bed, holding her comm in her hand.

Dawn on Coruscant felt timeless in parts of the city; the buildings rose so high that on certain platforms you couldn’t tell the sun was rising, a peculiar haze just settled into the city. There were remnants of bar goers still out from a few of the clubs that stayed open later, night and morning shift workers trading places in their commutes, freight vessels landing in the atmosphere carrying food, medical supplies, and all the miscellaneous supplies the people of the Republic’s capital needed.  It was a bit of a walk from Naobe’s apartment to the train station; Rex had stayed there longer than he should have, but he was still slipping out before she could wake up.

Rex needed to clear his head; he had done nothing wrong technically, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling in his gut, that guilt that made him feel like he had. Maybe Naobe would be upset to find her empty bed that morning, she had seemed fairly interested in him, but Rex wasn’t planning on seeing her again. It was a stupid distraction. One night with a random woman wasn’t going to make him forget how he was feeling. Wouldn’t make him forget Talia. He had known that, yet he still felt disappointed.

Still, he couldn’t dwell on it. He was Captain Rex of the 501st. He had a duty to the Republic, to the brothers who served under him; he couldn’t let his emotions get in the way of that. He would push through like he had pushed through everything else that had come his way.

Rex arrived at the train station; it was empty apart from a couple sitting on a bench near the ticket booth. It was a quick ride to the base, and the next train should only be a few minutes away. Rex glanced at the couple, a Twi’lek man and woman. The man held a bag in his hands, and the woman was leaning on his shoulder, eyes drifting closed as she fought to stay awake. Rex looked away, fiddling with his comm as he felt like he was invading on something too private.

He had muted his comm while at Naobe’s, and had a couple messages. Nothing urgent it seemed, mostly the chat he was in with a few of the CC’s going off. Flicking through them to clear the notification, something else caught his eye that punched him in the gut.

Talia had left him a voice message.

Rex stared at the screen, unsure of if he should wait until he got to base, play the message now, or just delete it and save himself the trouble. But his own desire to hear the sound of her voice won out, and Rex hit play, letting the message echo through his helmet.

--

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