#if i ever messaged you a long rant about a random thing it’s because my brain was exploding with thoughts and i just need to say them

[stephocrates]

there should be a half-price version of therapy where they don’t actually do anything to specifically address my mental health i just pay them to have a 50 minute conversation with me in which i get to choose the topic of discussion and they provide stimulating commentary, questions, and anecdotes when appropriate. and we do it 1-2 times per week and sometimes i cry.

[hg-aneh]

will you ever come back, or is this an indefinite hiatus/straight up dipping?

i don't know

all the i miss yous are making me want to come back but ik i would just be terrified and motionless as soon as i do

Vent-ish Rant downstairs

CW: Pedophilia, Antisemitism, Suicide, Ableism, Harassment, Bullying, all the important words except for murder basically

i want to fix things in private with the people who hurt me so things can be okay and I don't out them for being wieners

but i also want everyone to know who hurt me, yet I'm aware it's not the right choice to make. social media outrage barely leads to anything, specially where minors are concerned

hell,now that i think about it, considering the fact that they genuinely don't believe people older than them are allowed to have feelings, I don't even think talking would be the right move

it's scary, its fucking scary

fuck. the whole thing started with a person mocking the way i spoke about crowley telling me to stop babying him because i was a legal adult and shouldn't be speaking like that

i had just turned 18 and the person was only a year younger than me

like when it's gone to that point and shit is that fucked up, what can one person even do

i remember i laughed about it back then but truth be told, every single little thing I've been told and that I've listened to coming from the people who hurt me has fucking destroyed me as a person

I looked at my older Discord messages, from before this whole mess started. I was so fucking happy and shameless with my joy, now look at my sorry ass

i just.

it's crazy that i have to go around masking in social media of all places because there are people that take such offense to me being cringe that they legitimately turn into high school mean girls

it's crazy that there are people who claim I'm something i am not because they want to make me look bad in the eyes of their little circlejerking friend groups so they can feel like the hero of the story

it's crazy that empathy goes completely out of the window when an account is big, that people don't see human beings as human beings when they're behind a screen

"just log off lol" i am a lonely shut in motherfucker due to my autism (that, surprise surprise, hinders my ability to socialize), you do not understand what you're asking of me, specially while being in this country and at this point in time where I'm actively craving to kick the metaphorical bucket, at daily risk of doing so, and what basically is house arrest for my own safety and well being

(aka, avoiding to physically yeet myself into upcoming traffic or buying something to actually seal the deal)

thus far I've been accused of antisemitism, pedophilia, being too self-centered (which. bro, the reason why i talk about myself is because it's the one thing i can comment on without being scared of some random person coming to tell me "NuH uH" about it out of nowhere or worse, having their feelings hurt because I don't agree with them 100%), proshipper (which, to those people, the word implies wonderful labels such as "incest apologist" "pedophile" (again) "abuse endorser" among other things) ((sidenote, I'm on neither side on that particular discourse. my friends from both sides know this. I would elaborate on my stance if this wasn't already long enough, but it is, so I'm leaving it at an "I don't care, you do you, but please leave me out of it")), being... mean... because i blocked someone...? (this one is just. that's how the second wave of hate started btw. yeah, because i blocked someone. holy fuck), and there's probably a handful of other things I haven't seen yet. fuck it, there's probably someone out there calling me a zoophile because of my catboy au

My friends who I will not name because I don't want the high school mean girls crusade to get to them, have helped me stash out evidence for all of the accusations and bullying.

fuck, they were the ones who let me know about it on the first place, both actions for which i am eternally thankful for because it means I can defend myself properly should the occasion arise (dios no quiera)

I've already had to make a post on Xitter responding to the antisemitism and pedophilia claims, in which, for the latter, i had to reveal extremely personal information for the people who started this to give me respite if only for a while

and. ugh

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is. it's. coming back is scary. i want to but at the same time I don't think I can take this shit anymore

I wish I had people defending me like this when the harassment started because I'm a spineless little bitch who'd rather talk things out and at least be neutral with people than clap back and tell them to stop being stinky

but what's done is done and now i just gotta figure out how to fix my head before i do something stupid

this is not the full story obviously, I'm cutting off certain details as well as more personal depression stuff to not make this bible longer than it already is

fuck

TLDR: I need a hug, idk if I'm coming back, I probably will cuz I can't say no to people, and some teenagers are horrible

[boyfiechan]

hiiiii

is there any chance you could do angst to fluff friends to lovers with chan with prompt 2? if not that’s ok 💕💕💕

thank you ❤️

Hi! Thank you for requesting, I kind of got a little carried away with the angst, sorry haha but please let me know what you think of it! <3

Click here to check out my prompt list.

In some way, you already knew this would happen.

Still, it made you terrified. It wasn't even the situation on its own, opening your door to him standing on the other side in the middle of one of the coldest nights of the year, looking so heartbroken and so confused that you can barely contain the need to embrace his body and confess all of the truth that, unbeknownst to him, has been eating you alive for the past few months. It was the aftermath of him learning about the secret you had tried so hard to keep hidden away, the one thing that could change absolutely everything between you two.

You fucked up, and you fucked up really bad.

Chan has been your closest friend for God knows how long at this point. You've shared so much of life together, seeing each other grow, experiencing new things, and learning about the intricacies of adult life and how complicated it is to simply exist sometimes. He was the one you always turned to—the one to drop everything and give you his complete attention when you needed to rant, the one to discuss your completely bizarre theories with, the one to call at the end of the day and share your random thoughts. The routine on nights like this would always be the same: both of you tucked under a pile of blankets on the floor of your living room, watching some sort of movie that neither of you knew anything about but decided on because the name or something in the poster was just so funny you couldn't ignore it. But it wasn't one of those nights, and it had been days since the last time he had even heard from you.

He didn't know.

And you didn't know, either. How could you even tell him how seeing him there made things so much harder than they already had been these last few weeks? How could you tell him that everything had changed, that the friendship you both adored and counted on so much would be completely ruined because your stupid, stupid heart decided to pick up on even the smallest of things he did? And now, after years of being his rock, his confidant, you betrayed it all by falling in love with him? You couldn't. It wasn't fair to him, it wasn't fair to you. It wasn't fair to the years and the secrets you shared with each other. It just wasn't.

And seeing him at your door, after you quickly brushed off all of his questions after accidentally picking up a call from him out of habit, you wanted to hide again. This is exactly what you have been doing since you noticed how your feelings changed towards him, after feeling your heart pick up astronomically as he simply laughed at a stupid video on his phone while you had dinner a few weeks ago. You hid away, rejecting calls, barely ever opening messages, and not answering any of them until you figured out a way to fix all of this.

What have I done? he asked so quietly you could have sworn your heart was sounding louder than his voice. His eyes searched for yours, silently begging for an explanation as to why you just left him so easily, why he's being cut away from your life all of a sudden. Please, you can't do this. Don't do this. Tell me what's wrong.

I love you, you think.

I don't know, you breathe out. You hate lying, hated lying to him even more, but it was for the best. It was easier to break your own heart than to break his.

Please don't lie to me. Please. His steps are so light and he moves so slowly you almost forget where you are. You can see his lips trembling a little, and he rubs his shaky hands as the night seems to get even colder. Can I come in? It's hard to speak. It's hard to think, even, and all you manage to do is step back as he makes his way in, barely even looking around. He doesn't go farther from the door, turning to look at you with a sort of emotion that you can't quite read on his face. What changed?

I love you. Your voice is barely there. It's hard to get it out, hard to even hear it in your own voice. The door is closed, yet your living room seems even colder than outside—you can feel his perfume and his shampoo and your heart breaking all at once and it's too much. I'm so sorry.

It's hard to look at him. It's hard to do anything, really, and your ears don't even seem to process any sound as he takes the last few steps in between you two. Somewhere in between his entrance, he took his shoes off, and as his socks come into your field of vision you notice you've been staring at the ground before you all this time.

No. Here it comes. Here's the feeling you've been avoiding for so long. Tell me to stop.

What? you know you're not sounding anywhere near stable right now.

Tell me to stop, please, or I won't be able to. It's cold inside but you can feel how warm he is, you can feel him right there, his hand searching for yours, his nose brushing against your cheek. It's so easy to get lost in it, so easy to give it all up just focusing on how his skin feels against yours as he plants a kiss on your temples, then another on your cheek, then one more on the corner of your lips. You need him there, you need him even more than you need to breathe, so you don't stop him and he doesn't stop either, finding your mouth with his and giving you exactly what you've been dreaming about all this time. It's unreasonably better than you could ever imagine, his hand suddenly cradling the back of your head as you completely melt into him.

And there's where you know everything has changed, but it doesn't terrify you anymore. Not when you can feel why he didn't even mind the cold outside, knowing damn well he must have walked all the way from his dorm to your door demanding an explanation as to why you disappeared from his life. That's when you know it all, when you can almost hear his heart beating inside his chest as you hold his face closer to yours.

That's when you know the complete truth—he loves you too.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a joke about colors?

(This is in no way going to go the direction you think it will)

I (17F, though I was 16 during the time of this) used to have an online friend (23F) who I was really close with for about a year or two, and we'd talk and roleplay about a lot of stuff. Generally, our interests in most stuff aligned, and it was just great! I felt really happy having someone who would talk to me regularly, and there was a total lack of drama.

But the issue started when I noticed how she was lacking in responses in regards to /my/ ideas that involved /my/ characters, yet sent me really long (and, I'll be honest, stupid and ooc) plot ideas with her own characters. She never seemed to really give me any kind of reaction to my excited rambles about an idea. And I'll mention this here, I have ADHD. It's not like I was constantly spamming her, but whenever I sent ideas, she'd just be like "that's cool" or "do what you want". I really felt like she wasn't contributing to anything unless it was about HER. She'd even send completely horrible ideas like (this is just a random example of MANY things that irritated me) "what if my male human oc had a kid with your vampire oc and had to drink blood to sustain the child but refused to because he's a vegetarian?" And I was just like. Why are you so content with letting a literal baby die for the sake of oooh meat Bad™.

And after a while and a bit of arguments here and there, she also (though she claims it was unintentional) dismissed or put down my interests. We talked about ocs in love, I mentioned the Titanic dancing scene, and she immediately goes "I don't know about that, but Titanic sucked as a movie". I randomly mention that I've got back into Gravity Falls and ask her if she's seen it, and she says "No, and the only things I have was that girl being annoying." I inquire if she knows Captain Underpants, and when she says no, asks if she's interested in getting into it, to which she demands, "What is this about? Are you trying to get me to voice my issues so I can upset you and you can get mad at me?" As if the previous instances of HER putting down MY interests was ME GOADING HER INTO IT! Seriously, I can't even.

There were other issues that are equally as ridiculous and mainly involve me being just slightly childishly naive and her turning it into a Full. Blown. Fucking. Fight. And it wasn't even two-sided! I was never really ever mad. It was literally just her stupid anxiety and overthinking ruining our friendship. She often also tried to express how much she hated herself and demanded things like "am I being manipulative? Am I toxic? Does everyone hate me?" during these times, which was very frustrating, because she WAS being toxic, but due to her depressive tendencies, I couldn't even say that because she'd go off and do something dumb like harm herself. And like... I do believe people start to greatly mature in their late teens, but they ARE still teens. And I was 16. I couldn't understand why someone in their twenties was being more immature and stupid than me!

Anyway, our 2-year-long friendship slipped into the trash bag when one of our mutual friends posted "hi" and she (the Bad friend) replied "hi" with red, white, and blue hearts. Jokingly, I responded, "FRENCH HEARTS!" and she said "Dutch hearts." To which I said, "do u know how many flags r red white and blue".

She messaged another of our friends (who, may I add, is closer to ME and therefore told ME all about THIS HOE'S insane rants) and started raving in all caps about (and I directly quote) "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ATTITUDE?!?!" Like, are you kidding me? That's your response to a lighthearted joke? To express dramatics and claim I was being an "asshole"? After I heard she said that to our friend, I blocked her on my main, and she proceeded to block all my accounts from all her accounts. And when she dm'd another of our mutual friends asking, the mutual calmly replied that she had acted immature. And then she had the audacity to go and say "it's actually you being immature because you only listened to one side of the story !!1!1!"

Like, girl, how do you expect me to have sympathy for your "tendencies" and "fear of abandonment" when you're the one pushing people away? I once implied she ought to get diagnosed for autism, because her lack of understanding things and how to not upset people in convos was really upsetting.

Sorry if this is bad. Idk guys. AITA?

[lucent-roase]

random long rant belowww

i was in my first serious relationship for about a year and a half. we met two years ago through a mutual friend and i fell really hard. six months went by and we became a couple and it was nice and we were interested in the same things. unfortunately, both of us were very unwell mentally, but we made it work and we helped each other get better bit by bit. we were both so infatuated with each other and out of all my relationships, i had a flicker of hope that this has to be my future. we made plans, we agreed on practically everything, it was going to be easy and by golly it was just right there. i helped him put the shovel down and he started to want to live until he grew gray and old. with me.

suddenly a few months ago something seemed to click for him and he was so. much. mentally. healthier. he began to take up hobbies like guitar and writing and he even got a pet rat (who is the sweetest little thing, her name is Mochi). unfortunately, i was left in a shell of this perfect routine i made up that included him in everything i did. i was happy he felt better, but this was so different from everything we had before. he then fixated on a show that i can’t ever seem to like, and at that point we were barely talking to each other anymore because our interests were no longer aligned and he didn’t want to talk to me even when he had free time. it was a weird 180° from how we used to be and i was uncomfortable. we started arguing a lot and became more distant as things progressed. i started sensing lies and since then, could hardly trust his word about anything. he admitted that he wasn’t actually that much better and was trying to keep me away from that, hiding his worst from me, but i just couldn’t believe that, since he was happily talking to his other friends (that were apparently creeps that he wanted to shield me from, though that didn’t make me feel any better about them).

i was getting irritated and despite practically needing to speak to him every day, asked for a break. i didn’t cry as much as i thought i would. the lies were settling in and i realized that i put up with a lot more than i needed to. we broke up a little while after talking again.

i started learning to care for myself without needing to lean on him, but i was mourning the future i was supposed to have. even though i was figuring out that future wasn’t meant for me, that i truly wanted different things in life, and that he wasn’t the partner i saw him as (also an even shittier friend), i felt like my life was ruined indefinitely.

but it’s been a few weeks, maybe a month, and i’m following the path i really do think i want. i’m drawing and it makes me happy, i’m collaborating with other artists, and i’m making lots of friends because i’m not focused on only one person anymore. all of this i’m doing without him. there’s no doubt that my heart aches when i see he’s blocked me on yet another site just to keep me from talking to him in public, or when i look at older messages and see how happy we both were, but i’m able to self-regulate.

i don’t know. it’s tricky trying to navigate where your future is going when you had it all planned out, but i guess there’s still time. i mourn what i had but i also grieved happiness for much longer than i should have.

[charmedreincarnation]

hi i’m sorry for this small rant. i really hope you reply to it because i’m spiralling so bad. i have been listening to v powerful luckiest girl and get all your desires instantly forced subs and i had two really bad days and overall my life feels so shit and i feel like nobody gives a shit about me feel left out with my friends and am really regretting some past choices i have made as in subjects i chose to study. why do subs not work on me ever? i detach but subs just don’t work for me idk what should i do i want to enter the void and live my better/dream life but i keep failing and i’m so spiraling so hard rn. i am not even seeing small success i can’t even manifest my acne away or to grow a few inches how will i enter the void and magically change my life entirely. please help me out. how do i manifest or enter the void as soon as i can. i am being delululu living in 4d but yes ik if i am truly living in the end i shouldn’t have doubts but it’s been so many months when will i see results in my 3d. manifestion should be instant right. i’m sorry for my negativity i hope you have a great day

Hi love! I feel like any of this could be answered in another ask, but you seem really worried, so I'm going to answer it anyway!

First and foremost, you are allowed to have doubts. Just because you have doubts doesn't mean you're producing those thoughts. From a psychological perspective (which aligns with LOA), our thoughts are not entirely our own. This is a scientific truth, whether you believe in LOA or not. Scientists say that our thoughts are influenced by external factors such as our environment, upbringing, and the thoughts of others. Sound familiar? They also claim that we have the power to change our thoughts and create our own reality by consciously choosing the thoughts we entertain. So, just know that you're going to have doubts until the end, but as long as you categorize them as random thoughts and not your own beliefs, they don't matter! For example, if someone dressed as Chucky the doll jump-scared you and you started having "scary" thoughts about it, that doesn't mean you actually believe Chucky is real and coming to get you. You have psychological responses to certain things that have been ingrained and coded in you for a while now. What LOA does is help us intercept these false messages and reframe them as "useless" instead of messages we encode in our mind and assumption.

I've always been interested in psychology and neurology, and even though it doesn't directly relate to your question, it's important to mention that you do have a brain, and your brain is wired to act in certain ways. Once you're aware of why you're acting and believing certain things, it becomes way easier to understand that the 3D world is malleable. I really suggest reading books by authors like Joe Dispenza so you can understand yourself better. Also, watching YouTubers who explain anxiety and reading self-help books can provide helpful ways to manage your own anxiety.

The second thing is, if you don't believe in subliminals, I don't know why people do this, but if you don't have faith in something or assume it doesn't work for you, just use something you have a little faith in. For example, maybe you're more logical. You can read about brain waves and then listen to binaural beats for anxiety,manifesting, and faith. Have faith in it, because you'll understand and know that those waves genuinely change your brain's alignment. That's just one example, but subliminals are not the only type of audios out there. There are many other methods to explore.

Also, meditation is very helpful. Not just to reach the void, but do you know how many conscious thoughts we have in a day? On average, it is estimated that a person has around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts can range from conscious, deliberate thoughts to automatic, repetitive thoughts. That doesn't even include the number of unconscious thoughts we have, which is probably 100k+. You constantly have these little things running around in your head, trying to keep you alive, keeping you repeating the same thought patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. You can't consciously control them most of the time, but your brain and mind are working overtime 24/7. It's not your fault, so that's why meditation can help you. Not just to reach the void, though you can tap into that using some form of meditation as well, but to clear your mind and then it’s there it will be better to affirm and believe you can do whatever you desire. If you're not truly embodying the desired state, which you're not because you sent this ask, do you think a few measly affirmations can counteract the hundreds of thousands of thoughts you've been having every day since birth, most of which you don't even know exist? Affirmations do work, but trust me, I've been where you're at and worse. This is not the state to solely rely on "miracle affirmations" because you won't believe them, and when something doesn't happen, you'll just want to give up and confirmation bias will make you subconsciously think, "Well, see? I knew it. It isn’t real" But in reality, your mind is just looking for proof to align with your negative beliefs.

I know you say you haven't manifested anything, but can you really think back to something you thought was a "coincidence" or something you didn't really ask for but it just appeared? We usually brush those off as just the world at play or a small world, but nope, that was you. Maybe you don't have clear skin or whatever your desire may be, but as you probably know, that's because you've put it on a pedestal compared to all the other "small" but great things you've manifested

I know you probably wanted me to tell you exactly what to do, but I genuinely don't know you the way you know yourself - your own self, mind, and behaviors. You know best, fr! I could have said anything I've said before, like imagination is the real reality, the 3D being malleable, if you can see and feel it you can manifest it, try SATs or lucid dreaming lalala. But I've learned that you know what you have to do. Sit and meditate to learn about yourself and your mind, and why you think what you think. What past experiences do you still hold onto, reliving them in your mind and creating assumptions that no longer serve you? They can still affect you, we are humans and emotions cling to us like bees to honey, and that's okay. But we need to start moving those experiences into the past and start creating with what we are now, which is the present. Any given moment is a time to say, 'Okay, this doesn't serve me anymore, and this does. I don't want this life anymore, I want this type of life,' and consciously start creating with those desires instead.

Acknowledge your doubts, they're just doubts, and they're really just an extension of life factors that have been slowly consuming your mind. You may have them, but as a god, do you have them? No. But as a human, you are influenced by them, and who cares? You know who you are and your power now, so if you disregard them, work around them. But I can't tell you what to do because I'm not you! I wholeheartedly believe that you will get through this because I have as well and the lows are just apart of your journey as the success as corny as it sounds. But when you do succeed I promise you’ll back to this movement and just be very happy you didn’t give up despite how hard it was 💝

[hamsterrodent]

Oh, hello there!

Welcome to my little cave of funnies and sillies! I'm your host - you may call me Hamster or Spark - and I am glad to allow you to look at my wares (and by wares I mean art; I don't sell stuff lmao)

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My current hyperfixation is Pizza Tower, which is pretty much 99.99% of what I post here. Some other things I like are:

Pokémon | Kirby | Yoshi (the spin-off series; I like the Mario franchise as a whole, but I prefer the Yoshi games) | Ori WOTW | Poppy Playtime | Eddsworld |The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC) | Rain World |Wobbledogs |Stray | Cattails (Orig+Wildwood Story) | Tsuki's Odyssey | Castle Cats | Spooky Month | Steven Universe | Warriors/Warrior Cats | Wings of Fire

And perhaps some other things that aren't coming to my mind rn!

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My AU(s?)

Orchestra Tower (Pizza Tower)

My OCs

Rattino (Pizza Tower)

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Underneath are some questions so y'all don't have to ask!

Q: What will you never draw/are uncomfortable drawing?

A: NSFW is something I will NEVER draw ever-ever-EVER! Other than that, I'm uncomfortable drawing detailed gore and organs, but I don't mind drawing a bit of blood and body horror (<-Fakie's fault).

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Q: Do you do art trades and/or commissions?

A: I am very much open to art trades! But I don't do commissions; money transfer confuses me..

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Q: Would you draw other people's OCs if requested?

A: As long as I feel as though I can make a good drawing of them, of course! But since it is a request (via ask box or message), I will not make it my main priority because there is nothing in it for me (other than making people happy 😁).

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Q: What do you do here?

A: Well, my dear friend(s), I post fanart (both digital and traditional), make characters, and be a goofball! In terms of asks, any asks that are directly speaking to a character, I will answer in character! I also accept RP asks!

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Q: There's so much stuff here! How do I find what I'm looking for?

A: Think of it as a library; everything is categorized! For any specific fandom, just put it into search! If you're looking for OCs, then type '[fandom name] oc' or 'oc: [OC's name]'. My special tags are 'hamster squeaks about stuff' (for random rants/things I say,) 'hamster answers stuff' (for when I answer asks), 'hamster's schoodles' (for the drawings I make at school), 'squeak your opinion!' (For polls), and 'hamster's holiday art' (for art I make specifically for a certain holiday, during that month). Squeakspark would be happy to help you find what you want!

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Q: Are you aware that you're supposed to put the fandom name with the character's name in tags?

A: I found that out a split second too late and never bothered to change it! So, if you're searching for characters in my blog, Squeaks will only be taking their first name! (Ex: 'pizza tower peppino spaghetti' -> 'peppino') However, characters with two-part names will have their name in full. (Ex: 'poppy playtime hoppy hopscotch' -> 'hoppy hopscotch').

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Q: What if I only want to see YOUR art? Not reblogs?

A: Well, I don't reblog much. However, I will not put the main tags (fandom, character) and I will lable these as 'not my art'. The only tags I will put are OC tags ('[fandom] oc', 'not my oc', '[name of oc]'). This is because I do not have an art tag for myself. (The only posts I will keep the main tags are for art trades/commissions)

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Q: What about if we wanna see only your art, not your info posts?

A: Unfortunately, that is not possible. The only solution I can offer is searching either 'traditional art' or 'digital art', as text-posts do not have either of these. Sorry!

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Q: Are we allowed to draw your characters?

A: Absolutely! As long as you do not draw them in NSFW situations, then you're good to go! (And for anything like strong gore or really suggestive stuff, please private message me so I can give you the ok!)

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Q: Do you plan on being very active here?

A: I usually draw tons of things on days I feel particularly inspired+have the time, and then use those as a stockpile of scheduled art. So, most of my art is scheduled so I don't forget to post. I usually schedule these for 7:00 AM and 4:00 PM, though I may post more on some days. It depends.

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Q: What are the rules for asks?

A: No NSFW asks, and don't ask the same thing over and over. If I have already answered the question, the first ask I get about the same topic, I will put a link to that answered question. Any more, and those'll be thrown out. As for in-character asks, they are not omnipotent; anything they do not know will be answered by yours truly! And for RP asks, I will not tag the reblogs other than 'RP chain [#]', just for my own sanity..

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Q: Since your main thing is Pizza Tower, what can we expect from your blog?

A: Well, whenever I feel like I'm being drawn back into some of the other fandoms I like, I might draw them. So be on the lookout! But mostly, it's Pizza Tower.

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Q: Do you make OCs?

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A: Well, I'm not a big OC maker. But I do like doing it! And I won't be making them super important because I'm insecure.. I'll probably try to limit it to one OC per fandom, but I may make more for it depending on the fandom.

[pangolin-404]

edgar essay

AKA I gathered up a couple long-winded discord rants and made them pretty for your reading pleasure

Edgar is very interesting to me. He's nothing but honest and heartfelt but that doesn't mean he's 100% nice. If he gets mad he shows it, he warns before he retaliates, he assumes he is doing good and is open about a desire for company (at first solely from Madeline but just before this breakdown scene, he repeatedly tries to initiate time with Miles, saying he's made dinner in the microwave, wanting to play pong with him, etc.). and just as deeply as he can show care he can lash out, using what he's connected to to his advantage to harm and send a message. It's also to defend himself; Miles is the one who starts the altercation by first getting Edgar to calm down (via talking about Madeline) before grabbing and ripping him off his base, after Edgar explicitly told him not to ever touch/beat him. Edgar establishes his boundaries very clearly and very understandably flies into a self-preserving rage when his life is threatened.

Edgar craves information and asks about it in any way he can. I think the scene of him with the radio-woman is very underrated—he does seek out people other than Miles (I could talk for a long time about Miles and his treatment of Edgar but this is isn’t about him), but these interactions are stunted by the same social behavior and knowledge that he repeatedly tries to learn from. He almost doesn’t seem to realize how odd his very existence is—does he not know he is unique, unheard of? He openly explains aspects of himself to others, very aware of what he lacks (limbs, lips,), and how these truths conflict with his wants (to kiss, touch Madeline).

Another minor, related, thing, is the lights; during the argument with Miles, the lights flare and only dim off once Edgar's calmed down. I'd almost call Edgar's use of lights body language. They burn when he's pissed off and turn back off when he thinks it's over. He uses the lights to get attention or draw it elsewhere.

That being said, Edgar makes it clear at the end that his sense of self, what he directly refers to first-person as "Me" is just the monitor itself. The keyboard is also a part of him, AKA off-limits to being touched by Miles, while open to dance and sing with Madeline. While everything he is connected to (printer, locks, adaptors to various home appliances) are not quite considered his Main Body; limbs maybe, he controls them, uses them where needed, and these are non-vital parts of him that Miles may touch and use. But his consciousness is definitely just In The Monitor.

There’s not enough said about how he expresses himself with his screen. It’s easy to forget with his emoticons but he can’t see, and relies on audio and his physical add-ons to process the world around him. He chooses to project synesthesia illustrations of music/sound, and chooses to put on a face, an eye, a singular blinking [I] awaiting input he typically rejects. He has a strong enough sense of self to swiftly visualize song and his own thoughts and way of thinking, toying with words in a mock-up of 3D space, and dreams of himself (presumably) in a complex world built upon what he knows, the brick, earthquakes, because he started as a helpful architecture tool.

and he has his moment with Madeline and y’know I think I've hit my snag with this little analysis. Because before the fight, Edgar was furious, dead set on meeting Madeline and telling her the truth about the music. HOWEVER, once Madeline actually has a one-on-one with him, he says nothing (though later proves he is capable of speech even semi-dismantled), he says nothing and just plays music with her. He confesses, whole I-Love-You etc, she cries. As hysterical as it is to say, every time he gets a liquid on him he has a random change of heart. First champagne making him sentient(?)/priming him for music-hearing. And now this, suddenly scheming out his grand final plan and conclusion of what love is

He describes it as give-and-take and now I'm trying to fit that into his moment with Madeline; that in itself is him giving her her cello back, closure at least, for a moment. But what is taken? Himself I guess, using himself as a vessel so she may relive her cello, not him as an individual (though she clearly forms deep lasting bonds with objects, Edgar now among these ranks). I do not understand when his mindset changes or when he comes to his conclusion. I can't quite word what problem Miles has with Edgar but maybe Edgar has internalized it, I'm not sure yet. he shows multiple times he doesn't understand social norms but WANTS TO LEARN

(hold on I just had an epiphany)

The first time Miles cries, Edgar asks, well what is that, what does that mean, and Miles tells him it means there's change coming; then later Madeline cries, Edgar may register that as "there is something about to change." Maybe he sees that in himself, and that is the moment he has decided he's done all he intends to do, and he's done with life?

Barely a stretch to say he loves Miles, in a way. He "gives Madeline to [him]", a gift in some odd amatonormative way, a tidy little show of his definition of love. He places their happiness over his own life, despite their happiness making him happy (he sings for them, he planned in advance, I believe) concluding he's made his mark, goodbye world, etc etc. He openly questions what him + Miles may be, as a partnership in the same string of thought as him and Madeline being love, and he explores what he and Miles and Madeline might be; but then again it's not like he's been socialized beyond Miles and Madeline.

I’m still not normal about his final speech, "a game for just two people only," this movie is absolutely a product of its time, some casual sexism/misogyny at some points (Edgar claims to know Madeline is a she based on her footsteps and how she holds things/moves), it shouldn't be surprising it assumes monogamy is an expected, unchanging norm, but I am screaming internally just going Edgar you clown you’re actively putting on a honking nose and bright red wig you clown you jester so much of this movie's conflict would evaporate if Edgar latched onto the "Madeline + Me + Moles = ?" line and had a eureka moment where he personally rediscovered the concept of polyamory and Miles started respecting Edgar as a person and not a tool

In conclusion:

[doradotcom]

rant so long i reached the word limit somehow also used text to speech so its barely coherent but idgaf 👩‍🍼

my ex friends boyfriend showed up to a party he wasn’t invited to on Friday and she immediately began acting weird and insulting her best friend who has literally never done anything wrong to her ever and her boyfriend came started shitting on her best friend telling her that she’s a whore and that her parents never loved her and then instead of being a normal person and defending her best friend she stays silent and began insulting her too which went on for so long that it couldn’t have been an accident like she dug into her deepest insecurities and later when I confronted her about it she said that she neverinsulted her looks which is insane that she immediately jumped to the conclusion that her biggest insecurity must be her looks yesterday her best friend confronted her about it and they met up for coffee to talk about it and instead of coming alone she came with her boyfriend with then proceeded to threaten her best friend and tell her that the only reason she’s still alive and he hasn’t beaten her to death and ““made her see God” is because she’s a girl and he doesn’t hit women which is an insane statement for someone who beats his girlfriend. after he threatened to literally beat one of her closest friends her to death and say that he knows her home address which she does and he could very easily follow her home we saw her kissing him twenty minutes later. two months ago she went through his phone as a joke and saw his Instagram DM‘s talking to random 40 year-old woman he met in a club.  not only did she forgive him because “he never actually cheated on her” even though he would have had she not seen those messages, but she also fucked him three or four times like 10 hours after she found out.  I mentioned this because that was the first time I actually thought she was going to break up with him. She has been putting up with him for so long that it’s actually insane. The first time I actually began hating him and when he became very weird was when he started groping and trying to kiss our male friend all the time and she just laughed it off and pretended it didn’t happen even though he was visibly uncomfortable.  her boyfriend came up to her and to her friend to ask him for a threesome and she didn’t do anything. and then he called him a faggot and said he was going to beat him up. She had admitted that for the last six months she has been very weird to us because she has secretly begin to resent us because he hates us constantly insults us behind our backs and doesn’t want us hanging around her because he thinks that we will motivate her to cheat because we are such whores one time she went to get a coffee with her friend and he sat outside in his car for two hours 10 meters away from the café while she was having coffee because he was worried she was cheating on him. And then he tried to hook up with a 40-year-old woman. he said that he was worried about her cheating because all of his high school girlfriends cheated on him only for us to find out that HE was the one that cheated on his high school girlfriend. she justifies her horrible behaviour towards us in the past few months to him brainwashing her and that apparently before this she had absolutely no opinion of us which is absolutely insane to say to someone who you’ve been friends with for a few years that you have absolutely no opinion of them and that it was that easy to get to hate them. she refuses to acknowledge how much her behaviour has hurt us and how her best friend is afraid because she thinks the boyfriend might hurt her. she said that when he insults us and threatens us it suddenly a big deal but when he does the same thing to her but 100 times worse no one cares which is just simply just not true because for months we have been begging her to break up with him and being fully supportive of her and wanting the best for herand she has completely ignored all our efforts and told us to stop criticising her boyfriend because we’re not in a relationship and we don’t understand how complicated it is also I wrote all of this with text to speech

[vaspider]

*deep breath* okay, so.

Sometimes you have to say things out loud which should be perfectly obvious, but:

Nothing I say is ever a commandment, incitement, or request to go bother someone else unless I specifically say 'hey, you should go bother this person,' like when I say 'you should go bother this elected official about this specific topic.' I don't believe in sending people to harass other private individuals, and as long as I've been on this site, I've said that over and over again. I am expressly against harassment of all kinds, and it's not okay to go bother people just because I am arguing with them or have said 'hey don't be a twerp' to them. This is doubly not-okay when you're not part of the community that's arguing or discussing.

And also, I am not responsible for what other people do, and it's really not okay to try to hold me responsible for what other people do unless, you know, I told them to do it. Which I didn't. So let's be very clear: I don't want people to go bother others, and if I find out someone who follows me has gone to harass others based on my stated opinions, they will not follow me or associate with me anymore.

It is always in your power to block someone, including me, and I'm okay with that. What's weird is when you go on rants about how someone (me) should be 'rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge' or that 'every note is a punch in vaspider's antisemitic(1) head' (yeah, those are both real things a person said, recently!) and then tag it with my name so that it comes up when people search for me. It's especially weird if you do that while complaining about harassment. Like, you get that you're a hypocrite, right?

So what I've done is what I recommend for others to do: I blocked the person responsible, I reported the posts for harassment, which they are, and I added their username to my filter list so that I won't forget who they are (which I will, because they are not important to me at all and I will forget they exist by tomorrow) and reblog their posts accidentally in the future. This is the thing that this person could also do, rather than being weird.

Also, if you want me to stop following you, just... block me. It's fucking fine. Don't be weird about it, don't send me a message about it, I don't actually care. If you feel weird about leaving me blocked, then block me and unblock me. It'll force me to unfollow all of your blogs. If a random chronic illness blog I follow or whatever disappears from my dash, I probably won't even notice. I don't know how to say this without sounding mean, but like, there are a lot of people on Tumblr, and I genuinely do not care enough about the random blogs I follow who are not my actual friends to get upset if suddenly one of them disappears and I find out I'm blocked. I'll assume that you decided you didn't want me following you, and I'll move on with my life and probably forget you ever existed. Please curate your internet existence and do not make people's lives your fucking problem. If someone bothers you, block them. For fuck's sake, y'all.

(1) calling another Jew an antisemite is uhhh... well, it's a look, I guess. Especially for disagreeing with someone. It's not cute.

[bookreadingpsycopath]

To people on this silly website:

As midnight draws closer and closer (or already happened for people in different time zones) I just wanted to say thank you to my mutuals and the people I’ve seen on my dash. Whether we’ve ever had a conversation or not I hope things turn out ok for you.

I haven’t been on this website for a very long time but thank you for posting Art, thank you for posting silly little ramble about topics you like, thank you’d to bringing awareness to different topics, thank you for posting snippets of your WIP’s, thank you for sharing what’s you’re thinking about, thank you for all your shitposts, thank you for your rants, thank you for all of your posts whether they’re goofy, serious, happy, depressing, or just there, thank you for existing because it sucks but we’re all in this silly little website together and I think that’s quite nice, thank you for all the poetry on here, thank you for the song lyrics on here, thank you to all of my mutuals who have put up with me posting random ass stuff at the most random hours the days, thank you for all the fun tag games, thank you for the picrew tag chains, thank you for interacting with me, that has meant so much to me even if you’ve just liked a post of mine or if you tagged me in something or talked with me, thank you from the depths of my being it truly meant so much to me. Thank you all for so much.

I hope to interact with more of you little shits (affectionate) within this coming year. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me an ask or something like that I’ll be glad to listen. If 2024 doesn’t treat you well we can all beat it up together at the end of it. I hope you get to enjoy yourself more in 2024.

And thank you too all my mutuals again for putting up with all my shit lmao @smol-sorrows @sunnandclouds @keinechteslaecheln @justaproblem-17 @wolfstaridiot08 @demigoddess-of-ghosts @dzikiemaslo @moonysversion @lifewaster-imdanger98 @kevinhayrle

And a special message to @wolfstaridiot08! You are amazing and so loved by me (in a platonic way) I’m pretty sure we’re platonic soulmates and I’m excited to go on a book splurge with you this weekend. You have gotten me through so much and thank you so fucking much for that. You helped me figure a lot of my shit out and have put up with a lot of my shit too. You listened when no one else would and I’m sorry for when I brushed things off and didn’t tell you stuff. Thank you for shoving (firmly but kindly pushing) me into a slightly healthier lifestyle and making sure I am actually getting adequate amount of rest, thank you for being there for me, thank you for showing me its ok to not be “perfect” all the time and that it was ok to be myself, thank you for consistently talking to me and even if you didn’t realize it that meant so much to me, thank you for showing me what a healthy friendship actually looked like, thank you for letting me ramble on and on about all of my new obsessions, thank you for supporting me, thank you for all the late night texts, thank you teaching me the wonders of flipping people off, thank for being my obsession buddy, thank you for giving me space when I asked for it, thank you for for sharing your writing with me, thank you for staying with me and not just pulling away or something, thank you for being you, thank you for everything and more, and WE MADE IT, we made it to New Year’s Eve, we did it. I love you ❤️.

(also sorry if this sounds cheesy, I’m a sappy bitch)

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[driptape]

HAPPY ONE YEAR FRIENDIVERSARY

did i rewrite this like ten times ? yes , yes , tf i did bc it keeps getting too long and idk ... as much as i love you , i'm too shy for this lol . i'm throwing up words and can't stop . annywaayy , you know my ass is super aesthetic and extra af so there's no way i couldn't not do this so get ready for a public declaration of my love . i can't remember the exact date i messaged you , but i do know it was the best decision i've made on this site . ofc , it didn't take long for me to be attached . i mean , look at our babies ... could you blame me ? this past year has been such a rollercoaster ( for both of us personally as well as our messy-ass children ) , but i'm so happy we're in it together . you're so supportive and smart and funny and kind . i live for your rants and just talking things out . i love the way your mind works and all the ideas that come . i'm reminded of how lucky i am to have you in my life every time i get a message from you . we're so similar in the most random ways and different enough to fit like a perfect little puzzle . i literally look forward to talking to you all of the time and i miss you so much when you're sleeping . truly , FUCK TIMEZONES bc i would stay up all day with you if i could . it's impossible for me to ever forget or doubt your love for me because we literally say it daily . but today especially i want and need you to know that I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH . like more than cleo and tonio ... more than oma and blake ... more than our babies combined . you said sometime in december that i'm stuck with you and you're right because i won't let you go now and i couldn't be happier . while we're mostly joking , it's still funny that we're both just as possessive and jealous of every other partner we have despite knowing our place . i can go on forever about our kids . i love getting to know you and your babies and i'm so excited for year two for us . my platonic soulmate . my bestie . my twin flame . i love ya babes <3333 happy annii !! also happy anni to our firstborns and hopefully they'll be happy for once .

[hannahlovesluca]

So i heard about u doing nijisanji matchups so why not :DD

Nijisanji male matchup pretty plz w cherry on top

Gender:Gender is nothing but a social conCepttTttt(jk cis female but there were times ppl mistook me as a guy once LMAO)

Pronouns:I don't have any in particular,i don't mind any of them as long as its not they/them

Sexuality:....i..don't know actually.Like.Women.But Men.But women.i'll just say bisexual..

Zodiac:Aquarius

Appearance:Shoulder length black hair,i'm kiiinda tall?Im taller than most of my friends.Black fox-like(i think thats what they call them??) Eyes,and i wear literally anything.Like imagine someone in a black turtleneck and some random ass floral button up shirt with the most obnoxious pants ever(for clarification this isnt my attempt at getting in r/builtdifferentfromothergirls i just get cold easily).Oh and im as blind as a bat without my glasses,i only put them on when i wanna put myself in the attractiveness scale for shits and giggles sometimes i wear random jackets i find in my room like that one hot pink jacket i covered in the bee movie stickers for some reason

Mbti:Entp

Idk my ennagram sorry :((

Personality:im pretty laid-back but based on sources(aka my mutuals) i am the embodiment of a living cockroach because of me almost dying like 5 times(vibe checked by god 5 times and he did NOT approve of me...like mf be frfr) i procastinate until like a day before the deadline cause i only work with pressure cause my brains just built like that(rushing calculus my beloved) I LOVE MATHS SO MUCH U CANT IMAGINE(and the cries of my discord besties cause the moment they go back on vc they see the discord whiteboard filled with god knows what) and im preeeeetty confident in myself unless someone genuinely compliments me,if that happens im just gonna disintegrate into dust

Likes:that one meme where the green guy from avengers goes "why is galora",yugioh,jumping into my friends random vc comedically 4 shits and giggles,resident evil,taking care of everyone(and not taking care of myself cause im a self aware hypocrite),DEBATES I LOVE THEM SM THEY GIVE ME SO MUCH ADRENALINE

Dislikes:when someone gets into my persona space toooooo much.oh and the fact that u can divide 91 by 7.literally unreal.and thunder??dunno it sets uncomfy in me i probably offended zeus in my past life or smth

Love language:

I dont know what that is....i mean like,id send whoever i get random memes i found at 3 am,shower thoughts??and hugs??and cuddles??and giving them reassuring words??does that count?

Extra:im bilingual(swedish,russian,korean,german) so i can make ppl say what seems like romantic words when its a deez nuts joke this is a flex btw.i pace around tasks pretty fast,sometimes im too lazy to get up sometimes i go around doing literally everything at once

Im sorry if this is confusing to u this is my first time doing this :((

i pair you with…

Ver Vermillion!

hear me out…

• you guys will absolutely nerd out over yugioh and will probably end up playfully arguing and malding over the other (i dont know much ab yugioh im sorry 💔💔)

• if you let him nerd out to you and rant to you about the most random things he will immediately fall in love

•likewise if you nerd out/rant to him he will fall in love bc the fact that you confide in him???

• similar to shu yaminerd, he is a huge nerd but hes better at hiding it

• call him a dork. he says he hates it but he loves it.

• YOU GUYS WILL HAVE MEME BATTLES.

• youll sit in discord vc, no sound except the little giggles erupting out while you read each others memes and random messages that you just keep on sending

• will randomly whip out the “why is galora” meme to make you laugh out loud in vc with others, on stream, etc even in public

• god, he loves your hair

• your cuddles up in his arms, half-asleep, and hes running his hands thru your hair AHHH

• will also send you hot-takes out of nowhere so you guys can debate on it solely because he knows how much you love it

• “banana pizza is good.”

• “soggy socks feel nice.”

• will also throw you random compliments because he knows its the only thing that will get you

• “are you a hot mom because damn mama you hot.”

• will assist you in sending deez nuts jokes to your friends in korean

• “내 불알을 빨아.”

RUNNERS UP: Shu Yamino, Doppio Dropscythe

[nereidprinc3ss]

i have such a very unpopular opinion. but have you seen pretty little liars? if not, the show is about four girls who try to figure out the source of anonymous threats messages that attempts against their lives. it even has a criminal storyline going one. one of them, spencer hastings, SHE EVEN SHARES HIS NAME is the smartest one and has a similar storyline to reid. i even believe that her character was inspired by reid.

she dresses like this preppy academy girl, has high iq and she even struggles with her own addiction (sleeping pills) that leads her to having anxiety and other psychological things. she makes more sense than maeve trying to be spencer. if a crossover ever happened to exist in some random universe, i’m constantly asking myself how would spencer deal with someone like hastings, or even fall in love with them because it’s so easy and relatable.

reid was the first male character i could relate to because you know, male gaze. and men in comparison to women don’t face the same amount of pressure when it comes about intelligence quotient which is why i’m always seeking comfort in female characters. specially, smart ones because i feel the same. personally speaking, in dating, i also rely on smart men rather than ‘average’ men which is also what i seek when it comes about intimacy/sexual intimacy. for me it’s not about the looks anymore.

i first learned about hastings before reid and fell in love with her because i relate to her so much, for me it’s about our psychological struggles and our tendency to use our iq to hide our vulnerability which makes it so real because we are so fucked up that we will always choose to hide that side of us to normal people. sorry for my rambling, but i needed to get that out.

# i’m claiming this emoji. ❤️

i love rambling!!! thank you for sharing i have not seen pll but i will go on a related rant about iq and self worth and stuff

first of all this is exactly what my and my friend were talking about the other day but with the show suits!! the character mike ross also is a genius w and eidetic memory and a drug problem who goes to jail!! spencer reid truly is the blueprint i think but you can NEVER outdo the doer!!

as for the iq stuff you are so so right. for a long time i based my self worth on my iq and being “gifted” until i realized it was actually completely meaningless and other people thinking i was smart would do nothing for me in the end. but it was the only thing i had to feel good about myself bc i was NOT attractive in middle school/early high school and i was pretty socially awkward so i made myself feel better by thinking about how much smarter than everyone else i was all the time but as you can probably imagine that actually did NOTHING for me except make me feel further isolated and also rlly amped up my narcissistic defensive tendencies!! which was not good!!! (to clarify i am not a narcissist😭 but in my early teenage years i was definitely developing narcissistic QUALITIES)

and then i realized i was failing all my classes anyway and i couldn’t retain any information and i was a fast reader but had absolutely NO reading comprehension. like couldn’t remember the sentence i had LITERALLY just read. and then i got evaluated and diagnosed w adhd which like thank god for medication because im FINALLY capable of learning again but my point is that intelligence is sooo complex and abstract and essentially a empty signifier that means different things to different people. it’s a terrible thing to base your self worth on because it can fluctuate too, and also speaking directly about iq—there is a threshold with iq where if you get above a certain number of standard deviations of average you are actually predicted to be less successful than people with lower iq’s. iq is much less important than we think it is. it’s about what you DO with your potential, not the amount of sheer potential you have

i was actually thinking about that recently cause like?? spencer reid is obviously a rare case and exceptional in every measure BUT a big part of his genius is just his personality. like there are people with eidetic memories and staggeringly high iq’s who do absolutely nothing with their lives and work in offices or construction or something. and obviously he’s fictional but i think that aspect of his character is so interesting because it speaks so much to who he is a person like he never was inherently going to be so intelligent, he had a lot of potential, but it was more due to his desire to learn and his childhood and probably approval seeking but i digress

and also yeah me too babe i am ridiculously sapiosexual but i also have never been attracted to a man who isn’t pretty objectively physically attractive so i need a male model bf who is ALSO a genius and ALSO hilarious and not vain about his looks. like do you hear how ridiculous that is??? im a 7 on my most attractive day and i can’t do mental math like at all…….. so ig this man also must have low standards LOL

so there was my ramble😁 if you read the whole thing im so sorry

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

have you ever had to cut ties with friends, especially bi female friends, over homophobia? i lost my entire friend group and community recently because of this. it was just online, but i don't have friends in person right now. i don't feel depressed about it anymore, i just wonder if other lesbians have had the same experience. you're right that us gold stars need to speak up and be visible. i'm working on making lesbian centric art and stories while i have time to myself now.

Hi anon!

Yes I have and I think a lot of lesbians can relate. We first become friends with bi women because we think they are like us because we are all attracted to women, but a lot of bi women are lesbophobic and treat ssa as some crazy phase that you're supposed to grow out of. Obviously that's going to destroy some friendships. In my case, I've been friends/acquaintances with over a dozen bi women and I stopped talking to almost all of them. A few examples:

High-school friend who had a crush on me and said her love for me gave her an eating disorder (as a way to guilt-trip me into dating her), started dating a guy one month after I rejected her and bragged to me about watching lesbian porn with him

Two other high-school friends turned extremely lesbophobic and bullied me

Another hs friend married a man very young, became some sort of catholic fundamentalist and ranted against same-sex marriage on social media

College friend who harassed me for months to get me to have sex with her to "experiment", only for her to stop talking to me and publicly call me a dyke when I told her I could be ok with kissing her (it would have been my first real kiss and she knew it...)

Long-time internet friend I met IRL, she flirted with me while she had a boyfriend (I wasn't interested in her) and wrote a story about a self-proclaimed "dyke" having a lot of orgasms with a random dude on a one-night-stand (while she has a girlfriend who's fine with it) but still claiming to hate it because she finds men annoying and clingy

(Also special mention to a het friend who used me as her "I can't be homophobic I have a gay friend" excuse while she ranted against same-sex marriage online, my last message to her on social media was to publicly tell her she was homophobic and I was embarrassed to be her friend ✌️)

All of that to say that I can definitely relate haha That's cool that you're starting to reach out to gold stars here though, that way you can make new online friends and forget about those idiots :D

Anyway, I can't wait to see and read what you'll make! Some time ago I created a discord server for gold stars who want to share their art/writing/etc and possibly create things together, it's dormant right now so I hope to find some active members 💪