#if henry dies i'm gonna be crying for both of them

[nebulousfishgills]

Reading Emily's saga from HTM to Necrosis (plus Instinct and finishing with Shades of Blue) to @bowersbubbles has been a very rewarding experience, getting real time feedback while I make her laugh, lose her shit, and cry while I swallow mucus by the mouthful since my nose has Issues.

Apologies to my much beloved roommate for having to vaguely hear me reading out loud into the 1 or even 2 AM.

[butternutsquashthesenutz]

RWRB hcs probably pt. 1-

•After they get married everyone (mostly June and Nora) started calling Alex princess. Like, "shut up, princess"

•Henry has read MANY fanfics and written several of his own. This includes a secret five chapter story about him and Alex that stays hidden in the depths of his computer

•I know Taylor Swift is a controversial topic in this fandom, but you cannot tell me Henry "queer historian, writer, and dramatic gay boy" would not jam out to and cry over ts songs alone in his room

•David loves cuddling with Alex, and Henry calls him a traitor, but really he finds it adorable

•Alex has definitely brought some feral animal home that he found on the street hoping to save it and raise it as a pet, and then Henry made him give it to the shelter and he cried all night

•June and Nora get a cat. That's it. They're just cat moms

•When Pez, June, and Nora are all in the same place, they are most likely gonna sleep together

•Phillip gets better and he and Henry are able to work on mending their relationship after Mary dies and neither of them have to deal with her manipulation and abuse

•Alex posts lots of thirst traps, and Henry dies every time

•Alex calls Henry lots of pet names I'm Spanish, and also just in general talks to him a lot in Spanish. Henry has very low understanding of what Alex is saying for the first couple years, but he still melts

•Henry eventually tries to learn Spanish and after a while he can carry a conversation. Oscar often makes fun of his pronunciation though

•Alex is an apple user Henry is an android user. They argue about it often

•Alex's shit got rocked when Hamilton came out. He saw it 10 times

•They continue to have a New Year's party for several years after Ellen leaves office.

•They have a daughter and a son, the son is Henry and June's biologically, and the daughter's Alex and Bea's biologically. Both are referred to as aunt though. Also they used IVF not sex, just to be clear.

•When Alex turns 35, a petition is spread around social media trying to get him to run for president. It gets double the needed signatures, but he doesn't end up running.

•Alex usually tops, but not always. Henry is usually more dominant though.

•I know in cannon Bea gets married to someone (presumably a man) but I hc that she's also gay and meets a girl whose picking her friend up from and na meeting. (Idk, I have a whole story set out for Bea's love life)

•Not really a hc, but Henry has def ridden Alex while wearing a cowboy hat

•Pez always buys the children of the super six super lavish and expensive gifts when ever he visits, and becomes the favorite of the aunts and uncles

•After their first fight once married, Alex has a huge panic attack thinking they won't make it together, but Henry calms him down and it doesn't happen again

•Zhara and Shaan have a daughter who is the scariest little girl in the world. Alex is legitimately scared to get on her bad side.

•David has his own insta account and he has many photos in little outfits

•Henry and Alex write letters to each other every time one of them has to go somewhere for work, just for old times sake

•Henry's first novel absolutely kills all the queer teens, and is basically that universe's RWRB

•Alex often steals Henry's Jaffa cakes and won't ever admit it. Henry knows, and he finds it adorable

•Ever so often Alex will get super into some new topic and do loads of research, and write essays or make presentations on it and then share it with Henry so he can teach him everything he now knows.

•Lowkey canon, but Henry's a Maurauders era fan

•He's also a Tumblr girly and has had a secret blog for years

•The super six do slideshow nights, here's an example of one of those nights: Henry: People from History You Didn't Know Where Queer, Nora: The Statistical Likelihood of Each of Us Releasing a Rap Album, Pez: Rating Everyone's Exes, Bea: The Most Embarrassing Stories About Henry I Can Think of, Alex: Hottest Politicians Around the World, June: The Most Embarrassing Stories About Alex I Can Think of (Her and Bea worked together)

•Occasionally Henry will use an American term (like saying chips when he meant crisps) and Alex will use a British term (like jumper instead of sweater), and both get very upset when it happens (whoever didn't slip up finds it hilarious)

•They joke around whenever a gossip site releases an article about their relationship, like, "oh look, I've apparently left you and headed back to England after you cheated on me" "oh, good for you, that was a rude thing for me to do"

[alterrune]

Albert: Somethings wrong, be careful, the hospitals layout is shifting!

(The walls and hallways of the hospitals begin to shift around, before a wall blocks off Alter, Violent, Laurence, and Morgana from Kyle, Henry, Ellie, and Teddie)

Albert: The layout has changed, there's stairwells on both of your sides, you'll have to use them to continue moving up the hospital. Again, be aware of traps and shadows, it's becoming much more dangerous here.

(Albert notices some of the signs and painting decorations on the walls after scanning the area)

Albert: These paintings, there all of Lily's memories, the bad ones unfortunately, this entire place are projections of Lily's fear for the worst outcomes because of her after all, so... you might come across more projections of her thoughts. The staircase requires you all solve a puzzle to access it... you might want to take a glace at Lily's memories when you have the chance. Watch over Laurence okay, some of these memories he likely wouldn't want to see,

O-Okay, I can help you. I'm pretty sure you have to go up the stairs with the paintings depicting something that actually happened to her. Lily always told me whenever something bad happened to her, and I remember what they are because I comforted her afterwards.

(We begin climbing up the stairwells. Laurence seems to be becoming less and less stable after each stairwell, but when we get to the last one, it REALLY breaks him...)

No.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!

(...because it's a depiction of the exact moment Laurence shot Lily. However, Laurence suddenly sprints away and RUNS INTO THE WRONG STAIRWAY ON PURPOSE.)

NO, YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARD OF A SHADOW!!! I REFUSE TO LET THAT BE THE DAMNED ANSWER!!!

(We can't stop him. Luckily, what he did doesn't end up resetting our progress or get us kicked out of the dungeon.)

Guys, I'll get him back here. Stay here and let me handle things.

I'm POSITIVE, Teddie. Laurence needs help, and I'm gonna give it to him.

(I quickly run up and follow Laurence. A fuckload of shadows are surrounding him, as he lies on the floor, crying in fetal positi---wait a minute. Holy fucking shit, he's having a full-on mental breakdown. I have to stop this, and I know just how to do it.)

J-JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!!! FINISH THE F-FUCKING JOB!!! WHY ARE YOU T-TORMENTING ME BY L-LETTING ME LIVE?!?!

LAURENCE!!!

(Laurence suddenly looks up after I shouted his name, and sees me. I run over to come up close to him.)

K-Kyle...? What are you doing here? This is my punishment.

No it fucking ain't. Listen, Laurence. I know you have PTSD from that whole event. But I know how it feels to have a family member die. In fact, it happened to me twice.

My grandfather passed away due to "health complications" (the details are fuzzy on the specifics), and my step-grandfather passed away due to cancer. I miss both of them, but constantly hanging onto that memory isn't good for you. But at the same time, neither is just trying to just straight-up discard it, either. It'll always come back to you.

Do you know what I do with those memories? Turn them into ways to push myself forward. Instead of constantly grieving over them, I make sure whatever I do, I do it for them. And I'm damn well sure that I've made them proud of me.

And remember, you still have Lily. She's just known as Kynn Lee now, remember? You may be grieving over someone who "died" in your eyes, but she's been essentially reincarnated now. You don't have to grieve over someone who's still alive.

Now, how about you stop being a big ol' ding-dong-dumbass and help me kill these Shadows so we can get the fuck outta this death trap?

(Laurence stands up and gives me a genuine smile.)

You're right, Kyle. Whatever happened then isn't important right now. What matters is what we do right here and now. ORPHEUS!

Alright, now we're talking. MAGATSU-IZANAGI!

(Orpheus and Magatsu-Izanagi stand behind us as we prepare to use a skill that will ensure we get back to the others. That move is...)

MEGIDOLAON!!!

(...the Almighty skill, Megidolaon, of course! We quickly cast it at the same time, leaving no shadows left. It's two Megidolaons going off at the exact same time, do you really expect survivors?)

C'mon, Kyle. Let's head back to the others.

(We quickly head back through the same doorway. Everyone is relieved to see us back.)

Oh thank GOD, you two are alright! We were starting to get worried!

Yeah. What happened when you went the wrong way, anyways?

Turns out the wrong set of stairs had a metric fuckton of shadows behind it.

We managed to fight them off, though.

Actually, thanks to Kyle, I'm better than ever. Let's get the hell off of this never-ending staircase, everyone.

(Laurence then heads up, with everyone following suit. Teddie and Morgana stop me for a moment, however.)

Happy to be of assistance. He already heard that message once before, I just gave him a reminder. Regardless, let's get going.

(Teddie, Morgana, and I then leave out of the final stairwell, ending this never-ending staircase climb once and for all...as well as Laurence coming out of that whole experience feeling leagues better than he did before.)

[steveraglan1987]

🐰🔪 + 🐻🛠️ pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

well i'm not sure if this is about them separate, ship or both, so i'll just cover all my bases to be safe. And apologies for the wait time.

Keep in mind i'm a movie fiend so this will probably be raglan, except for when i say games, and my interpretation of henry in the movies.

🐇🔪

- i hate willcare.

I don't think it's canon at all and the only thing it tells me about people who like it is that if they watched Marvel's Infinity War, they probably thought Thanos loving Gamora enough to sacrifice her was really sweet and not absolutely horrifying as a show of abuse.

I'm not saying William was never nice. I'm gonna say this once and only once, as someone who is a victim of abuse himself and knows many people in even worse situations:

A few minutes of kindness do not make up for hours of cruelty and torment.

Abuse isn't love. I love William Afton, but that comes with owning the fact that he's a piece of shit. I don't like changing stuff I see as unsavory, either, despite my own experiences, though I'm sure I could fix him or at least run him over with my Toyota Civic, etc etc.

- William Afton is also not a drunk.

I have nothing to add here, but I don't even think he likes alcohol that much. But I found it important to mention with the above, since typically fans fall into one or the other category. Which is either blaming his bad behavior on vices, or claiming he doesn't have them at all because he secretly loves his son that died and that it's all for him? Which is not true. Continuing.

- William Afton purposely let his son die, and he was the first child to die.

Let me explain. In the games, William knew that CC was getting bullied through all the cameras in the house, and the one in the Fredbear Plush that he frequently spoke to CC through as a manipulation tactic.

I think that he let Michael kill CC on purpose because he frequently pit them against each other (as implied through. Everything?) and it was his first real taste of death. I don't think it mattered that it was his own or he would have intervened when they were fighting in the first place. If he wanted Michael to stop, he could have broken character through CC's toy to do so. But he didn't. And moreover, he was experimenting with fear gas on his children in the games?? He wouldn't have had all the cameras otherwise. It's kind of horrifying to think he would subject all his children to horrific nightmares but still "loves" them? I don't think William Afton is a sociopath or anything, but I'm thinking that it's possible people give him way more credit for "caring about people" than is actually true. He's self serving. Not super evil, not super nice. He could go either way if it benefits him. People don't really understand how being selfish works, I notice, and tend to sort William into the boxes of either being secretly tragic or evil. The world is not so black and white, and nor is William.

- The reason that in the films, Golden Freddy kid has a grudge against William, is because HE'S the crying child and he knew William was the killer but didn't tell the other children because William was his dad.

I think GFK (Golden Freddy Kid) was killed by Vanessa, much in the same way that Michael killed CC in the games. I think this is a major thing Raglan held over Vanessa's head to help "influence" her into becoming a cop, she killed his son. He probably uses it to his advantage, and undoubtedly plays along with the "grieving father" story just to guilttrip her, but judging from the stare GFK gives William while he's seizing in the backroom, it's not true. And GFK knows that. He's the leader because he was the first, but he's not around often because Vanessa is his sister and he's not really sure how to deal with that, either.

- William has a dozen ways to justify or explain away what he did, obfuscate, but the honest truth is that he just enjoys it. He loves the thrill, the betrayal, the satisfaction of getting away with it, the twist in his stomach every time someone looks at him knowing he did it and being unable to prove it. He loves his restaurant, so it pains him when it closes, but it was worth it.

🐻🛠️

- Henry also kinda sucks.

He's not the worst parent ever, but he's definitely not winning any awards. He literally beats his daughter in the graphic novels. He's just average for the 70's as a parent, and people forget that. Sure, he loves his daughter, but what I really think is that he loves the idea of a daughter more than having one. He tried to keep her safe, and despite his best efforts, she died. And he spiraled, begging for forgiveness from someone who didn't really care because even then she kind of knew.

In my mind, Henry's not a religious man until Charlie dies. He's Catholic, and he has a rosary that he frequently counts the beads of regularly to beg for forgiveness for letting her die. It doesn't get easier when he knows who did it, and if anything, it gets worse. He does everything he did in the games to atone, and not necessarily for his daughter despite him saying so. After all, he found his daughter in Pizza Sim, but he waited and lured all of them back instead of just designing Lefty to set fire as soon as it caught her. I would say that's the biggest pointer. If it wasn't about more than her, then he wouldn't have gathered everyone.

- Henry dyes his hair black after faking his suicide.

I think he's kind of shaggy, and he gets skinnier and gaunt after it because of grief and bad habits like smoking and not eating properly. He's fairly tall even if he's not quite as tall as William, so it looks a bit odd when he starts shedding weight. Though, thinking on it, neither of them keep weight by the time Pizza Sim comes 'round considering William's flesh has come off by the pound.

🐇🔪 + 🐻🛠️

- William's obsession is hilariously one-sided.

Henry doesn't know about it. He doesn't need to know, anyways. He probably wouldn't have sex with William, generally, but you never know. William likes to joke about it, or imply it, but Henry laughs and shrugs it off - at least when he's in a good mood. He thinks William's funny. If he's in a bad mood, it's annoying, and he tells William to fuck off.

- William's obsession itself comes from jealousy of Henry's family.

I think especially in the movies, I like to headcanon William as trans and Henry as cis. He sees Henry with a full family and gets jealous because he doesn't really feel like he has that, and he might as well since the death of his son lines up so perfectly, he could just take it right out from under Henry. It's all too easy to help them match. Henry doesn't appreciate what he has, and on some level, maybe he's saving Charlie from such a miserable life with a know-it-all who doesn't realize what a gift he has. (Being born the way he was meant to be.) And maybe, just maybe, he's saving Charlie from a cruel and unforgiving world that didn't accept William, and certainly wouldn't like Charlie just on account of being a girl. William would know, he was one once. And after that, he realizes he has a hunger for it. There's a certain trust that children afford you, this look in their eyes. It's the kind you normally only get from the closest of friends, but it's easier when he's Vanessa's dad, or their good pal Spring Bonnie. It's everything to him to see that look of betrayal once he hurts them, knowing he caused it. It makes him laugh. He couldn't explain it to anyone who hasn't experienced it for himself, but it's fun. It's like winning the most intense version of Blackout.

- William couldn't kill Henry if he wanted to.

He just couldn't do it. His obsession with Henry causes him to hesitate, almost confused with love, and then he just can't. Henry could kill William, though. William could definitely hurt Henry though.

[ros13pos13]

So I just watch the FNAF movie (no spoilers) I thought it was both good and meh. I really can't complain that much since I've been in love with the FNAF franchise since the day it first dropped in 2014. I'm just so overwhelmed with joy that it actually got made in the first place

Things I loved about the movie

• the animatronics themselves! Having them be actual, PRACTICAL props was such an amazing call on Blumhouse and Scott as a collective especially with the rise of cgi.

• the mc

Having mike have the trauma that he does really makes it grounded and real for me at least. I've got two little boys. I know damn well that if someone did what happened to them with what happened in the movie I'd do what Mike did.

•Abby

I really like her addition to the FNAF universe. I understand that the movie isn't one to one with the games nor the books but more like a sliver in its own timeline. That's just fine. Abby is adorable and the way she acts is so reminiscent to those akin to possession. It's so good.

• Vanessa

Even tho at first I was a little sceptical with her addition at first. I really liked how she was in the movie. I think her and Mike work well together. I love her chemistry with Abby and all together seem like a cute gang.

Now things I didn't quite like. I will go into spoilers for the end of the movie so if you don't want to be spoiled SKIP THE REST OF THIS!

• LAST CHANCE SPOILERS AHEAD

⚠️ NOT KIDDING SPOILERS AHEAD!

•so....the bit twist at the end....

Ehhh....I didn't care for it all that much. I mean it deffo got an audible gasp out of me but....now that I'm not in movie mode. It was kinda...idk dumb? Remember these are MY OPTIONS on the movie. But idk I feel like how are they gonna go about explaining what happeneds or how it happenes later on

Like okay so In the established lore willy has 3kids

Mike

Elizabeth

Crying child

So his (Afton's) died bc of Henry. So that kicks off the events of FNAF. So with the twist that happens. Hooww are they gonna do this? Like I have faith in them. Especially bc it's going to be a trilogy. But I am confused.

•henry Emily

There was NO MENTION of him. Vanessa said that there was a co-owner but that was it. No name dropping no nothing. Are they gonna go back to Fred bears family diner in the 2nd movie a la FNAF 1 and 2? Or what.

• the spring lock failure. I LOVED how Vanessa demoed it with the broom handle. But then in practice. It went so slow. It's supposed to be a rubber band snapping. Quick. Boom. Dead. (Well not for willy) but like. It was SO SLOW and ugh no screaming just some light grunting? My dude you're not having sexy fun time you're literally getting impaled by multiple metal, sharp, rusty locks. Wheres the screaming. Ugh.

• Another thing I LOVED (jumping around here I know) is the bodies that where stuffed Into the suits. Loved that scene.

But that's pretty much all my options on the movie. Again done get pissed at me if you get spoiled I gave fair warning.

[unreadpoppy]

Letting go of what might have been and letting something new in (previously titled Goodbye)

Author's Note: So, this is what I imagine would be an epilogue for Elizabeth, after the campaign is done. Also i'm not a 100% satisfied with this but it was the best i could do.

Pairing: Elizabeth Adawolf x Kallista

Word Count: 1393

TW: none besides talk of grief and a slight suicide attempt mention (it is implied that the character tried it but it's not really said).

I'm gonna tag @littlemoondarling to show you I finisehd the thing and @desenhosdebolso because they are part of the campaign, so it only seems fair.

.

.

.

It was the first time that week that it hadn't rained. It was not a particularly sunny day, but it was better than nothing. Willie, the groundskeeper of the cemetery, was working overtime, cleaning the tombstones, removing the fallen leaves from the ground and trying his best to keep the place clean. It was what the dead deserved. 

As he swept the sweat from his brow, he noticed a figure in the horizon. They were mounted alone on a horse. He couldn’t make out the person’s features, even as they got closer, for their face was hidden in a scarf that ran over their nose, and they had a hood drawn over their head. 

Although Willie was suspicious, he decided to go back to his work. He heard when the mysterious figure got off their horse and tied its reins on a nearby tree. He kept his eyes trained on them as they walked in the cemetery, not even looking at him, and heading towards one of the least visited mausoleums in the cemetery.

The Adawolfs. 

Elizabeth barely remembered the last time she’d been there. She might’ve been nine or ten years old, when her last living grandmother passed away. She could barely understand what was going on at that time, only seeing everyone crying a lot and having to wear black for a week.

Before she entered, Elizabeth took a good look at the outside. Her family’s name was written above the entrance, and on both sides of it there were statues of wolves - the Adawolf’s sigil. Still with her hood and scarf up, she breathed and entered the mausoleum. 

In the middle of the mausoleum was the tomb of the first Adawolf and his wife. On the walls, the other generations of the family had had their coffins placed there, with inscriptions on the front signaling who they were. 

Elizabeth passed her hand over the many names of her ancestors. The many mothers, fathers and children who had been buried there centuries ago. Many had been separated in life, but here, they had been reunited once again. 

Eventually, she found what she had looked for. 

Between two shelves, there was space with a somewhat large blue urn. Underneath it was written:

Here lies the last members of the Adawolf family all lost in the great fire 2532. Due to the circumstances of their deaths, their ashes have been stored together. May their souls find rest.

Henry August Richard Adawolf ⭐01/10/ 2475 - ✝️25/12/2532

Anne-Marie Adawolf ⭐20/06/2494 - ✝️25/12/2532

Edward Herbert Stephen Adawolf ⭐03/07/2512 - ✝️25/12/2532

Elizabeth Louise Victoria Adawolf ⭐20/12/2516 - ✝️25/12/2532

Henrietta Augusta Thereza  Adawolf ⭐01/09/2517 - ✝️25/12/2532

Gustav Albert Gaston Adawolf ⭐27/11/2518 - ✝️25/12/2532

Genevieve Maria Antonia Adawolf ⭐01/01/2522 - ✝️25/12/2532

Elizabeth kept tracing her fingers on where her name was written, to the point where she was getting dirty underneath her nails. Although the inscription was incorrect to include her, Elizabeth thought it a bit poetic. 

Yes, she stood there, living and breathing, but a part of her had died that day. A part of her that had been forgotten, forever resting with her family. With shaky hands, she took the urn and held it close to her chest. She stayed like that for sometime.

Eventually, she opened the urn, and put the ashes on a small wooden box she had brought with her, inside her bag. Putting the urn back in its place, she left the mausoleum. 

Outside, Willie saw the figure walking towards him.   

“Are you the groundskeeper?”

“Yes.” he said dryly. 

The person opened her bag, retrieving two items, one in each hand. They threw a small leather bag at him.

“The gold is yours if you plant and take care of these flowers for me” they then opened their other hand, showing a few seeds. 

The groundskeeper looked inside the bag, counting the gold. It was good money and so he took the seeds. 

“Where do you want them to be planted?”

“In front of the Adawolf mausoleum.” 

He nodded. “And what type of flowers are these?”

“Forget-me-nots” they replied, and then started to walk away. Before they could get very far, however, Willie caught up.

“Wait. Who are you?”

“Why do you care?” They replied. 

“No one has visited the Adawolfs in years. How do I know you’re not trying to do something bad?” Willie had a great memory. He knew the name of every single person buried in the cemetery and knew who had come to visit them. 

The person sighed, their back turned to him. “I would never dream of harming their final resting place.” 

“Hum… I still don’t know if I can trust what you’re saying”

They lowered their hood, and a mass of black hair, with a few white ones, was at display. They also removed their scarf and finally turned around. 

At first, Willie had no idea who this was. But when he looked better at the scars the woman had, noticing how they were all from fire, and the ring pendant in her necklace, one that had a wolf sigil in it, he made a connection.

“It can’t be,” he said, exasperated. “All the Adawolfs are dead”

“Not all of them’’ Was all the woman said before finally leaving. He tried to shout after her but it was useless. The ghost of the Adawolf was long gone now. 

It took Elizabeth a few days to arrive at the hill top close to where her home had been but finally she was there. It was raining, which had complicated her journey, but she was determined to complete her task. 

She opened her bag, retrieving the small wooden box. 

“I should have done this a long time ago.” She said to the box. “But I couldn’t bring myself to let go. To say goodbye. I had held on to this absurd hope that someday, I’d have all of you again. That this was all some terrible dream I would soon wake up from and everything would be as it was. I even tried to find you in death” 

She smiled sadly to herself. “But then I saw father again, and all that my life could have been and…I didn’t want that.” The tears that had formed in her eye were now falling down her cheek. “Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do and it still is. I wish I could stay with all of you. But I can’t. I have no future living in the past.”  

When the rain stopped, Elizabeth opened the box, taking a bit of the ashes in her. “And so, I free all of you. And in doing so, I free myself as well.” She called their names as she poured more of the ashes away, and saw the wind scattering them. 

Once she was done, she closed the box and she collapsed. Elizabeth knelt on the ground, holding the box close. 

After a few minutes, she heard footsteps running towards her. 

“Elizabeth!” she heard Kallista shout. 

The tiefling had accompanied her, but stayed behind, to allow her a moment alone. When she saw her lover go down, she ran. 

Elizabeth felt her hands on her face. “Are you alright?” Kallista asked, worried. 

She sniffled before replying “I will be.” 

Elizabeth put the box on the ground, and with Kallista’s help, she stood up. They embraced each other. 

A moment passed and she said “Let us go. I am done here”

Kallista nodded. “Alright, but if you feel like you need more time, we can stay.”

“No. All that I need is already holding me” She said, looking at their intertwined hands. “My family is gone. I’ll never have them back.” Elizabeth paused. “It’s time for me to make my own family. With you.” 

Kallista smiled and they touched their foreheads. 

“The journey to where we are now was long,” Kallista said. 

“Yes. And the next part will be just as long.” Elizabeth replied, putting a hand on her belly. 

“Indeed.” The tiefling agreed, covering her lover’s hand. “But I’m glad I’ll be doing it with you.” 

The women smiled and then kissed, and as the clouds cleared and the sun shone above them, Elizabeth knew she had a lot to look forward to.

[duckythedarkone]

Fnaf Theory - Mimic is Michael

Disclaimer - we have no idea what is proven and what is retconned so yeah there are going to be plot holes every theory has it's plot holes. I'm just gonna bring up things that I noticed that has led me to this thought, it could be completely wrong and I am fine with that. I just want to put my thoughts out. I think the fourth closet is supposed to show how Afton and Henry are narrative foils of each other. How they could have such similar experience and yet be so different. Henry created a robot child to make up for his lost daughter. Afton steals this idea and loses his daughter in the process. Henry makes the security puppet to take care of Charlie. Afton creates the mimic and it ends up with him losing his son. To me it just sounds like every time Henry makes something, Afton steals it, corrupts it, and in the end it costs him.

Here are some clues from the games and stories that I think could support the theory of Micheal being Mimic: In Fnaf 4, We never see the older brother with legs until the last day. And the day of the party the older brother is mimicking the kids who are supposed to be his age. He is just trying to do what he thinks is right. Meanwhile, Afton is busy doing something else not paying attention.

The story the mimic brings up that the kid walks around with a stuffed animal in his hand, the crying child walks around with a stuffed animal in his hands. The foxie plushy in the crying child's room is broken as if the older brother was copying the crying child and accidentally broke it's head off because he doesn't know his own strength. Also the older brother doesn't have a room. Why would the dead daughter have a room but not the older brother unless he didn't need a place to sleep. Once the crying child is dead, Afton forces nightmare creatures to come after mimic. We know this because Michael's hand book, has a sketch of one of the nightmare creatures. No where else have we seen anyone else see these creatures.

One big thing I hear people saying is Michael isn't in the encyclopedia. And I agree with you he isn't but his room is in security breach. it feels weird to me that they would include the room, but not include the character to which the room is for. I think the reason they didn't want to add him into the character encyclopedia is because the crying child is Michael. The mimic just took his name because he was Mimicking the crying child. (I have another theory that sort of contradicts this one where Michael aka the crying child is one of the missing children but theories be theorizing) Another thing I hear you say is, but in sister location, Michael turns purple like his body is decaying. What if that was meant to be symbolism of the mimic now becoming more like Afton who he thinks is his father. And when they took out his endo in sister location, the body came back to life via all the left over remnant and or agony that was left over from enerd and baby. So now you have a body that is filled with a lot of mixed emotions hunting for Afton.

Now this is where things get a little tricky (but it's fnaf so when is it not tricky) you now have an empty endo, and a remnant filled body. If Michael is the security guard in fnaf 2 and fnaf 1 (where in the story the mimic, the mimic likes to dress up as different things) the endo could be his trying to find his body again. It is why it is a rare find in both games. (this adding new context to the endos, because we all know they weren't originally that.)

My final thing to add is that in sister location, Michaels voice sounds robotic. I think it's his last words when he dies in fnaf 3 or part of him dies in fnaf 3 and the agony left over hops into springtrap (with Afton's soul now in purgatory). And the endo that has been searching for his his body given a new objective of bringing his family back together.

Which then leads into fnaf 6 of baby "helping" mimic find his family and Henry burning all of them.

I do think there are more mimics that are the endo's in security breach, and the endo formally known as Michael could be the virus and might be working with baby (Next gen Henry and Afton, but flipped) Where Baby is trying to bring Afton back and follow his evil deeds and Michael is trying to bring back the family he thinks is his, but things get a little more cloudy in that department.

This narratively solves some of the issues for me and gives me a clear timeline of when things happened (Fnaf 4, SL, Fnaf 2, Fnaf 1, Fnaf 3, Fnaf 6 with the cutscenes, endings, and eight-bit games interspersed to fill in the gaps.) I could go MORE in detail, but this is already a lot.

[cordycepspog]

Hey! Would love to know your thoughts on TLOU 2. And on Abby's character ? I know the game got a lot of mix reviews I personally thought it was really good. I'm so curious on how they are going to do the next season and if they will change anything.

Hi! Just gonna put my response under the cut bc I’m talking about big spoilers for tlou part two and the show and also I tend to ramble about things I’m passionate about so this is kind of long lol 

It’s honestly been a while since I played through part two (I should really do that when I get the time since I just finished part one) but I do remember loving it. It made me cry so much, especially over Joel and Ellie’s relationship and how things ended for them, but I really did like it for what it was; a tragedy. 

I’ve grown to like Abby’s character the more time I spent with her. I understand where the dislike is coming from, but I think the hate surrounding her character got blown waaay out of proportion. And I think a thing a lot of people missed, or refused to acknowledge, was that the way her character was introduced was entirely intentional. It’s supposed to make you conflicted! The same way that Joel’s choice at the end of the first game is supposed to make you conflicted!! That’s the whole point !!!  

You want to think of Abby as the Bad Guy(tm) of the whole story, because we’ve spent so much time with Ellie that we can only see it through Ellie’s perspective. 

And then they make you spend time with Abby, and you learn her story. 

When it boils down to it, Abby and Ellie are almost mirror images of each other. Abby’s father was killed by Joel, she had no one there to fill that role, and so she was consumed by revenge. She got it, and in doing so she set up Ellie for the same fate, a girl who lost her father figure set on revenge. It’s a ruthless cycle that ends up nearly killing them both. 

In their quests they lose those closest to them, both by pushing them away and by the other monster they’ve created. It’s a sad, tragic story, and neither of them get what they wanted in the end. But they can walk away from the cycle, try and find something else to keep going for. Abby choses Lev, and Ellie can choose to go back to Dina and JJ. She just takes a little longer with getting there. 

It’s a heartwrenching tragedy, and that’s the entire point of it. And I think it was done really well, despite other reviews. 

As for the show, I think they are already setting up themes for part two! Ellie’s already shown that affinity for anger and revenge that’s been simmering inside her ever since Riley died. And even with the episode with Henry and Sam, Kathleen’s whole entire speech was basically, “hey, are you sure you were morally correct to damn someone else’s loved one for your loved one who happens to be a kid?” which is pretty on the nose lol. Either way I’m very, very excited (and also full of dread) to see where it goes! 

[daandyli0n]

Can you tell us more about the mci in both ur aus....

:D!!

(sorry this took so long i just have SO much i wanna say about my babies)

i'm gonna start out with the kids from "These Gilded Haunted Halls," because i've obviously fleshed them out more.

General Stuff:

for three of the MCI kids (Beatrice, Junior, and Gabi), Cassidy (Crying Child) knew who they were from a daycare that the four were left at pretty often (William would usually either leave Cass with Mike, Claire (Will's wife), or at daycare, depending on who was available). for Isaac (Gabi's older brother), Cass knew him both through Gabi and also from the occasional times he'd see Isaac watching over Gabi. for Andrew, he knew him (very well) through Mike, since Mike and Andy were friends. Andrew and Charlie were also the ones who got Cass the Fredbear Plush :] (Charlie got Andrew the sewing instructions + materials from his dad, and she gave them to Andrew to do the sewing).

The MCI itself took place over several days in 1981, starting on June 13th (exactly one month after Charlie's murder) and ending on June 26th with Andrew's murder (this is why five children were "eventually" linked with the Incident).

the bodies were found, eventually. in 1985, one year after the OG Freddy's closed. well, technically, it was four bodies; Andrew's was dumped somewhere else since William clearly couldn't keep the body in Fredbear. for obvious reasons.

most of the spirits can't differentiate between people too well, with the exception of Charlie, Andrew, and Cassidy. they can tell the difference.

the spirits are all vengeful in a way (they all want William fucking dead), so they're more or less on a scale of "Are They More Afraid Of William Or Angry?" from Afraid to Angry: Beatrice (avoids William like the plague, and would only attack him if she believed he would have no way of defending himself), Gabi (also terrified of him, but tries acting brave at the very least), Junior (wary of him, but thinks his "awesome pirate skills" will help him protect himself), Isaac (more pissed off about Gabi's murder than his own, and will kill Afton if he thinks that the guy hurt Gabi again (side eyes the Fnaf 3 End Of Night Minigames)), Andrew (doesn't just want that fucker dead, he wants him to suffer).

none of these kids are neurotypical. none of 'em.

most of the kids' clothes/accessories tie back into their animatronics in some way, just not too obviously; Beatrice wears a yellow dress with a part that almost looks like she's wearing an apron (in my design, Chica wears an apron), Junior wears a shirt with a water pattern, and has an eyepatch, Gabi's dress has buttons and a ribbon bow around her neck, and Isaac has his Bunny bag.

the other four MCI kids are where Cassidy got his other four plushies from.

and now!! in death order:

Beatrice "Bea" Harper:

the soul inside of Chica...still the first 😔 my poor baby...

birthday: May 27th, 1976. 5 years old at time of death.

death day: June 13th, 1981

very sweet and optimistic! she likes to see and believe the best in people, and likes to think everyone has the best intentions! :] (< foreshadowing)

autistic. and has anxiety.

had a dog named Honey. because y'know. Honey Bee :)

parents were basically the exact opposite to her; pessimistic and cynical.

usually hung out in the arcade with Cassidy and Andrew :]

she witnessed Charlie get locked out, and was the one to go get Henry. she thinks that it's her fault that Charlie died :((

Honey didn't die, but he did, unfortunately, go missing a few days before Beatrice died :(

very similarly to Susie in canon, Bea was lured from the arcade with the promise of finding her dog. needless to say, She Didn't Find Her Dog.

as for a voice claim...i'd say that she sounds like Alice from Alice in Wonderland but if she were American, if that makes any sense.

her favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. along with that, her favorite song is "Somewhere Over The Rainbow."

her favorite color is, as she describes it, "a light blue, like robin eggs! :)"

Fritz Smith Jr. (aka Junior):

the soul inside of Foxy

birthday: July 5th, 1976. 4 years old at time of death.

death day: June 17th, 1981.

ball of energy. best at tag or any games that involve running/speed.

AuDHD and i will not elaborate.

a lot of his stims are kinda...harmful to him and potentially to others, with the main problem being that he's more likely to do them when stressed/in the middle of a meltdown. pulling at his hair, scratching at his arms (same here, bestie), kicking, biting and pulling at what he's biting, etc. (something something "I can't run like I used to, but I can pull myself apart just fine.")

pirates are a special interest for him. that's why Foxy's his favorite.

Irish :]

he's actually got heterochromia; the eye covered by the eye patch is hazel.

really doesn't care what people call him; guy, girl, neither? who gives a darn, really? (aka, uses all pronouns, but most use only he/him for Junior)

so...this lil guy deals with the thing i do where he hates having his routines interrupted, but like. times 10. if something unexpected happens and it changes what he'd usually do that day? meltdown. really bad meltdown.

...and that's what happened the day he got murdered. Foxy was undergoing maintenance, Junior Didn't Like That, and ran off into the hallways to have a meltdown. but then O'Hare (Springbonnie; that's just what i call them) shows up, promising that He Can Go See Foxy, And Foxy Has A Show, Just For Him :)

as for voice...i'm not 100% sure. he sounds like a young Irish boy, i'd say. nobody specific, though.

he liked watching the Peter Pan Disney movie, and read as many books about Pirate facts as he could've at his age. as mentioned earlier, he liked Foxy because Foxy was a pirate. he also speaks with a "pirate accent" almost constantly.

his favorite color is, as he describes it, "the greenish blue that the great Seven Seas are!" (so basically turquoise)

Gabrielle "Gabi" Fitzgerald-Hernandez:

the soul inside of Freddy. also my beloved baby <3

birthday: June 20th, 1976. 5 years old at time of death.

death day: June 20th, 1981 (died on her birthday :(().

very energetic and bubbly. pretty much Cassidy's mirror opposite.

transfem :] (listen, it's my Fnaf rewrite au, and i get to decide how queer it is-)

she's also AuDHD, similar to Junior.

she's biracial! her father was black, and her mother was from Cuba.

Jeremy's baby sister :]

she was one of Cass's best friends. she called him "Osito" (meaning either Teddy Bear or Little Bear, but she means the former) as a nickname :] it's mostly because he carried plushies around so much.

HORRIFIC sensory issues, but still loved Freddy's anyway. if the lights were too bright or things were too loud, though, she'd hide under the tables.

it was actually a combination of sensory issues that played a part in how she got lured. Jeremy had taken Gabi and Isaac to Freddy's before Gabi's party was supposed to happen, and left to go to a small convenience store to get Gabi some soda (she didn't like the taste of Freddy's soda), promising to be back within half an hour. O'Hare shows up, promising Gabi a party away from all the noise and bright lights. of course she'd go, why wouldn't she?

...things were fine for about ten minutes. and then they weren't. there's not much else to say on that.

for her voice, i imagine she sounds similar to Pinkie Pie.

my beloved...really into horror movies and ghost stories for some reason. mostly because Jeremy would let her watch scary movies and would tell her spooky stories, much to their parents' dismay. never seemed to scare her, though. it's why she acts so much more like a "stereotypical" ghost than the others; she just thinks it's funny.

her favorite color, as she describes it, is "Yellow!! Like the sun, the sunflowers, and my dress!!"

Isaac Fitzgerald-Hernandez:

the soul inside of Bonnie.

birthday: March 19th, 1973. 8 years old at time of death.

death day: June 20th, 1981.

more quiet and reserved, kind of a bookworm.

also autistic.

Jeremy's lil brother :]

is also, obviously, biracial.

his Bunny Bag carries "self-care" stuff that him and Gabi like to have, such as ear buds, soft + squishy things, and snacks + drinks for Gabi, and a bunch of pencils + pens for chewing and drawing, and a little notepad for Isaac himself. he used to carry around dog toys (because Gabi liked chewing things, and dog toys were kinda. the only things he could find that were obviously Built for that. plus she liked the squeaking sound they made), but then kids starting making fun of Gabi so he just decided that those would have to be a "home thing." she still chews her sleeves, though.

he wasn't "lured" like the others, but chose to go with Gabi and "O'Hare" because He Didn't Trust That Shit. in his eyes, they were either about to get kidnapped or murdered, and he would rather it be him than Gabi (Isaac is...worryingly self-sacrificial when it comes to Gabi. keep that in mind about the kid).

he tried to shield Gabi while they were both being murdered, but it didn't accomplish much. the last thing he did was try to hold Gabi (unbeknownst to him, already dead) and protect her further.

so uh...There's A Reason Isaac Was So Pissed As A Spirit.

for his voice, i imagine him to sound a bit like Hunter from TOH. that or Gus. not sure which one, but i'm leaning more towards Gus. specifically Season 2 Gus.

he was interested in computers and coding. it's part of why he liked Freddy's; he found the animatronics fascinating.

is favorite color is maroon, or just dark reds in general.

Andrew Douglas:

one of two spirits possessing Fredbear/Golden Freddy.

birthday: April 21st, 1968. 13 years old at time of death.

death day: June 26th, 1981.

kinda your typical rebellious punk/grunge teen, but he does have a soft spot.

autistic. listen, i can't help it they're all autistic to me...

a demiboy, but they don't know that term specifically (uses he/they pronouns)

was really close to Cassidy...sometimes you've just gotta be besties with your crush's bestie's baby brother, amiright?

yeah...they and Mike had crush's on each other, but they never got to talk about it :/ still one of Mike's biggest regrets.

lived with his abusive, alcoholic father. they'd usually run off to stay with either the Emily Twins or Mike for several days. after William started drinking after he and Claire divorced, however, Andrew started staying with the Emily's; "I already have to deal with that shit at home, I ain't dealing with that shit at your house, no offense."

he used to help Cassidy play arcade games (because Cassidy was like. a literal toddler). he still misses doing that :(

kinda has issues with authority. like, a lot of issues.

he died while confronting William about how he was just kinda leaving Mike to grieve and deal with all of the horrible things happening around him on his own. the argument escalated, and William had knocked them out. instead of doing, idk, The Normal Thing and making sure Andy knew it was an accident after they came to, especially since he never planned on killing a Fifth kid...well, William Saw An Opportunity.

when Andrew woke up, he wasn't given much time to process what was going on. he couldn't even get the question of What The Fuck Was Happening out before he felt cold metal going into him from every direction. they were springlocked. and Cassidy saw.

William disposed of Andrew's body in a lake by the Afton House. because he couldn't keep his body inside of Fredbear

he possessed the Fredbear plush to keep an eye over Cassidy...mostly because he didn't trust William, since Will definitely knew Cassidy had seen what happened. And If Andy Could Help It, William Wasn't Going To Lay A Hand On That Kid.

Andrew's status as an MCI victim, and whether or not he was a runaway or dead, is heavily debated due to a multitude of factors. mostly the differences in Andy's case compared to the other MCI kids and the fact Andrew was known to run away from home so often. officially, however, he is lumped in with the other MCI kids due his disappearance happening at Fredbear's.

their body was found in the early 2000s, almost two decades after everyone else's were found. it was mostly the fact that the lake was so close to the Afton house that everyone found out it was William (though William was springlocked at this point).

for their voice, idk why, but i imagine them sounding like Older Steven Universe for some reason. also if Steven was southern.

interested in stuff like sewing, doing art, and playing guitar (bass and acoustic). he and Mike could've started a lil band together...they're both guitarists...

favorite color is indigo and just dark blues in general.

now...onto the Different Path au kids...i don't have a lot on them just yet, so you're going to get basic personalities for them as well as what happened to them.

so, as mentioned...the killer's a different guy in this au. Dave Miller (Schmidt) is a different guy than William (and William doesn't even technically exist in this au; still a different guy). and Dave's motive is to "knock the owners down a few pegs."

so now!! onto the kiddos :]

Daisy Prescott:

soul inside of Chica...and is still the first.

six years old at time of death.

died on June 20th, 1980.

very shy girl. very very shy. also a "crybaby."

she was off on her own crying (parents were in the process of getting divorced, and she was going to live with her mom...which she didn't want to do, since her mom was leaving town). Miller came by, disguised as O'Hare, and told her that he was going to show her something that would "cheer her up."

Oliver "Ollie" Smith:

soul inside of Foxy.

six years old at time of death.

died on June 21st, 1980.

energetic, but kinda hot-headed. a bit of a loner.

Foxy was out of order, and the other kids didn't want to play with him. he was upset since Daisy wasn't there. then he got lured with the promise of both seeing Foxy and Daisy.

Carrie Shields:

soul inside of Freddy.

seven at time of death.

died on June 25th, 1980 (her birthday :[)

very shy, and sensitive. pretty emotional. (still transfem. because i can)

her parents couldn't afford to get her a birthday party at Freddy's, but she went anyway. Gabriel (one of the owners) was nice enough to let her have a party hat anyway. she got bullied by some classmates, and went to go hide under a table to cry. CUE THE FUCKING PIZZA PARTY GAME FROM HELP WANTED.

Isabelle "Izzy" Fitzgerald-Hernandez:

soul inside of Bonnie.

eight at time of death.

died on June 25th, 1980.

"tomboyish," cocky, and EXTREMELY hot-headed. enough so that it makes Ollie's issues look like nothing.

Jeremy's lil sister. :]

(she's also...technically transmasc agender. but she didn't know it yet. she Does know being trans is a thing though, thanks to Carrie. Yes, This Is Why "Tomboyish" Was Put In Quotes)

after Carrie ran off, she basically got into a fistfight with the bullies. after the owners managed to separate the two, Jeremy sent her off into the hallway so that he could beg for her not to get thrown out (they weren't going to do that, but Jeremy was desperate enough, and inconsolable enough, that they weren't able to get a word in until he calmed down a little). she got lured because "O'Hare" uh..."invited" her to Carrie's party. by the time Jeremy got done, she was already long gone.

Thomas "Tommy" Fazzer:

one of two souls inside of Fredbear/Golden Freddy, along with Casper (CC).

five at time of death.

died on June 26th, 1980.

Elliot (Phone Guy)'s son, and Gabriel's grandson.

he's a very quiet kid. very much keeps to himself. believes in the paranormal and would sneak off to places he thought was haunted. would sometimes take Casper with him.

got taken to the backroom of Fredbear's by "O'Hare" to see "something haunted." he ended up springlocking the kid, and Casper would end up witnessing this. Tommy would effectively become the Vengeful Spirit up until getting freed in this au's equivalent to Pizzeria Sim.

[boundlessdaisy]

Firstprince Candy Jar AU because I cannot be stopped at this point hear me out

Alex and Henry are made co-presidents of their college debate team after bothering literally every administrator on campus. Whatever. It's not like they hate each other. Oh wait. They've been at each other's throats for the last three years. "You two really put the debate in debate," faculty advisor Rafael Luna cannot wait to get them out of his hair. Just one year left!

And the stakes are higher than ever, with both boys trying to get fellowships for their post-college endeavors: political science student Alex has his eye on a fellowship at the UN (WITHOUT his senator parents' meddling), while journalism student Henry is aiming for a fellowship from the Pulitzer Center (WITHOUT the help of his Marquess grandmother).

They absolutely need to be State champions if they want the leg up on their peers for their desired fellowships except both failed to qualify individually, and now they have no choice but to compete... as a pair. What's the worst that could happen?

It's a fucking disaster. Their techniques fully clash: Alex is data-driven, while Henry is primarily anecdotal; and, oh yeah, there's the fact that they just can't get along-- "Maybe y'all should just fuck" June suggests completely seriously to her brother. "You two must resolve all that tension," Bea suggests euphemistically (in a really on the nose way, you know?) to her brother.

They go to a party. Well, they are tricked into going to a party by their conniving bestfriends (who are both just so done with all the whining) Nora and Pez. Drunk out of their minds, they find themselves trapped in a closet for 7 minutes, and they just sit there in silence for the first 5... and then they start making out.

They both pretend like nothing happened and are idiots around each other, but that did, in fact, help them resolve the tension between them and finally, they could study together without screaming at one another. Rafael Luna wants to cry.

For the first time in 3 years, Rafael Luna facilitates a brainstorm session between his top 2 debaters without the two of them taking their heads off. While coming up with arguments on what the state's role should be when LGBT youth are rejected by their caretakers, Alex opens up about how scared he is to come out to his parents even though he knows they'd probably be supportive. He tells Henry about the divorce and how it had always made him feel like if he ever made a single mistake, his whole life would unravel.

Henry reveals to Alex that when he came out to his grandmother, she threatened to cut him off if he was ever photographed with another man. "I tell myself that I'm free to do anything here, it's a liberal campus, but I think the knowledge that every time I hold another man's hand in public I am literally putting everything I have on the line is the reason I've never done it. I always try to hide whenever possible, even though I'm technically free to be whoever I want. You don't want to end up this way, Alex. Not if you can help it."

Rafael Luna comforts both boys with his own story. Gay man in the worst possible time - that is the midst of the AIDS crisis. "You know, all we had were each other," he explained. "The state wasn't gonna help us, the media thought we were the plague, people stayed away from us. We had to be there for each other, we cared for each other, took each other to hospital, sat with each other at funerals. We had... a community that we truly belonged to when the whole world was trying to pick us off and cast us away. It was almost revolutionary... Point is, Alex, Henry, take the leap of faith. Someone will be there to catch you if you fall."

Alex comes out to his parents. Nobody dies. Love wins.

The day before the competition, Alex and Henry are both crawling out of their skin and, well, they do something about it. ("Something" meaning sex!) For pragmatic reasons of course. It's just so, you know, they get to focus tomorrow. Except Alex tells Henry not only that he's out now but that he likes him and they should go to dinner some time, and Henry... declines. "Alex, don't you get it? This is our last year of college. We've got, what, five months left of term, we each get our fellowship, and we never see each other again." "Why the hell should we not see each other again?" "It's inevitable, do you really think we'd have time, the energy for... whatever this is gonna be? We've got our whole lives ahead of us. We cannot get distracted now."

As much as Alex wants to argue that, Henry's got a point. He'd been too busy being... freaking bisexual, I guess, that he completely lost track of what was ahead of him. State championships. His Peace Fellowship. Congress. How could he get so derailed?

Competition day. It's awkward but they've practiced enough to nail this, they know they will. They search the crowd for their supporters, there's Nora, June, Pez, and Bea, but where the hell is Rafael Luna? He can't miss this. He's been helping them refine their arguments for weeks. It's not until after the competition where, by the way, they do very well, that Alex and Henry get the text. Rafael Luna has passed away from an accident on the freeway. He was dead on arrival.

So they're state champions, just like they wanted, but it all feels so hollow now. They add the achievement as the final bow on their fellowship applications and send it off with about as much excitement as you'd have when doing the laundry.

The thing is, despite everything, they don't get their dream fellowships.

They both go to Luna's funeral where they talk about why they're doing all of it in the first place. Henry rethinks his Pulitzer Center fellowship, wondering if maybe he needed more life experience in order to write better; and Alex rethinks his UN fellowship, thinking maybe his talents would be more suited to domestic affairs first...

Then Luna's friends arrive. His community from all the way back. They shared impressive, funny, and downright embarrassing stories about their late friend, making everyone smile and chime in, celebrating Rafael Luna's life instead of mourning his death. Alex and Henry were moved by them. Take a leap of faith...

One year later, Henry dials Alex from the car taking him back to UN headquarters and Alex answers from his desk at the Pulitzer Center. Henry's been a fellow for nearly half a year now, organizing international efforts towards LGBT youth housing, meanwhile Alex got a fellowship to do data journalism on LGBT policies across the country, keeping the most up to date database thus far, and the most nuanced.

They've been dating for a year now, and they never miss a Facetime. They see each other about once a month and you bet they make the most out of it. It's hard, but it works, and anyway, there're June helping to make sure Alex takes breaks and not too much coffee, there's Bea making sure Henry's eating well, no junk food. There's Nora snapchatting pics of Alex at work almost everyday, and there's Pez sending Alex shaky videos of Henry everytime there's a UN event. Everyone is rooting for them, they've got each other, and that's all they need for now.

[icaruskey]

There's the added thought about like. The Puppet's strength*as* a ghost or poltergeist. If you think about it, in mainstream media (and irl if you believe or are on the fence like me), a ghost's strength is typically tied to one of two things: their anger/heightened emotion in death or their age as a ghost.

The Puppet is old. Charlie was either the first or second death in the series, and both her and the Crying Child died before 1987. At the youngest, her ghost is 36 years old (idea being FNAF3 actually happened in 2015ish and SB in 2023. I personally subscribe to this idea personally but shh).

The Puppet has also been through at least one fire (but I speculate three: FNAF2, FNAF3, and Pizza Sim). We know that high temperatures makes remnant malleable, though a high enough temperature *may* make it inert (Henry was working off William's notes and I need to refresh my memory if it's definitely a remnant death or not. I think it was just a hypothesis based off smaller scale tests).

This is a bit of theory crafting on my end, but mixing up soul juice (remnant) by mixing and dividing the metal again is gonna fuck with souls who have a not so strong sense of self. Charlie, the Puppet, is not one of those. From the beginning she was able to use the Puppet's programming (security and gift giving) to do what she thought would protect the other murdered children (give them gifts, give them life... In the other animatronics). William also has a strong sense of self, hence his ability to survive as Springtrap, Scraptrap, and Burntrap/Glitchtrap. But that mixed up soul juice, if it didn't get burned away entirely because it was mixed into Charlie's "self" would only give her more strength.

So the Puppet is old, has an extra boost due to having some extra remnant from the fire(s) she was in, and of course she's always had a very strong purpose in trying to protect the children.

I could and want to go on cause you're hitting a lot along the lines of what I'm working on for clone!AU and what I've built for Geists the Sin Eaters but I'll stop for now.

Do you ever think like. The DCA will know what’s up with the Puppet? Like. They obviously can sense that the Puppet isn’t an animatronic (no mechanical sounds coming from them, no heat signatures if the DCA has some sort of heat detection thing, even no wires or anything to help them stand up despite being called the Puppet?) LIKE. They may not guess off the bat “possessed doll that a dead child is controlling” but they definitely see it as “something isn’t right, I may not want to know, but this Puppet is acting like a scared child and need to comfort it” while yn is standing off to the side being like “oh cool they’re friends :)” completely unaware of the situation

YES!! I love the thought of Sun and Moon having very good hearing, and just hearing absolutely nothing from the Puppet

Something relating to the walking thing is that I like to believe the Puppet possesses a level of strength that they physically should not. Not a massive amount of strength, but still a strength that should not be there

Sun and Moon were built to possess a large amount of strength in a smaller frame, but the Puppet can fully lift things up despite not being built for that kind of ability (non-possessed, the Puppet struggled to lift a box the night Charlie died). Because you're used to Sun and Moon's strength, and the Puppet is still technically weaker than Sun and Moon, you hardly even notice it. But Sun and Moon do. They notice

Like a ghost pushing a bookshelf in a film

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 16th, 2021

[marley-manson]

For the character meme: Potter and Margaret! ✨

Thank you!

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them

Potter:

When Potter cries, I cry. Harry Morgan is so good at that holding back tears delivery, like when he said goodbye to Radar... man.

Margaret:

I love how strong she is, literally and personality-wise. She's a hard-ass, she knows what she wants and how she's going to go about getting it, she's assertive and aggressive and competent and protective and can also kick down doors and punch soldiers out.

least favorite thing about them

Potter:

Army. He is basically the Good Army Rep of the show, and it sucks so much. I honestly see why they went with a Potter character type to replace Henry - a Henry clone wouldn't work, and a Real Army antagonist CO would change the vibe of the show way too much, but boy it's unfortunate after seasons 1-3. Potter essentially represents everything I dislike about the show's shifting tone.

Margaret:

Also army lol. She's a conservative who loves the military. It's also a little difficult to reconcile for me because a lot of what I love about her is rooted in her love of the military and her upbringing in it. I gotta do some doublethink when it comes to Margaret sometimes. Like yeah army bad but hell yeah insist on taking command and pulling rank in Carry On Hawkeye, go Margaret! It was easier in the early seasons imo when the show itself was more aware that Margaret’s badass and awesome qualities go hand in hand with some fucked up shit, and she was more of a somewhat loveable antagonist.

favorite line

Potter:

I do really like his advice to Klinger about love in the finale.

Margaret:

"Who was that?" <3333333333

alternately: “Sulfa, so good.”

brOTP

Potter:

Radar. They have a cute fun dynamic. Not as great as Radar and Henry, imo, but still sweet and loveable. I also like his dynamic with Margaret usually, the sort of mentor and pseudo father figure she respects and who usually shows her respect and affection. It's nice.

Wait no sorry, ignore that. I forgot the true answer: Sophie.

Margaret:

Hawkeye! I said a lot about them in my Hawkeye answer, but I also want to add that I love that they're so willing and able to open up to each other. Hawkeye tells her about his claustrophobia, she tells him about her fear of loud noises. She talks about Scully, he talks about Carlye. She talks about taking Donald back, he talks about letting Kyung Soon go. She screams about Donald cheating on her, he screams about the army adding more points, then they hug. I love them. They both really need that relationship in the latter half of the show imo.

OTP

Potter:

lmao I got nothing, he's unshippable. He can stay with Mildred, whatever.

Margaret:

Out of her two female friends, I prefer her with Lorraine a little because they had a fun vibe, but Margaret/Helen is also good.

nOTP

Potter:

I've never even seen him shipped with anyone lol. Potter/Anyone is a notp.

Margaret:

Hawkeye. The thought of them together romantically gives me hives, and I say this as someone who enjoyed Comrades in Arms and actually thinks their flirting before that is often funny and entertaining. But as soon as it crosses into actual interest, I'm out, I can't do it.

random headcanon

Potter:

Ok I’m gonna be evil for a sec: Mildred dies less than a year after he retires and suddenly boom, regret over how he lived his whole life.

Margaret:

Dated women in university, tells herself it was just a phase.

unpopular opinion

Potter:

I can’t separate Potter from the fact that he represents the US army and is essentially the warden who holds all the power in context of the show’s premise. To me, he’s practically an antagonist. Harry Morgan is a great actor, he’s often funny, he’s sweet he’s nice and I often genuinely do enjoy his character for the most part, but despite how much they downplayed the us army as a villain in later seasons, I can’t fully enjoy his friendships with the draftees on any level shallower than ‘oof this is kinda fucked up.’ Every scene where he foils a Klinger escape plan, or gives petty orders, or threatens someone in a funny way, etc, feels a little sinister and disturbing to me lol.

Margaret:

Most of my favourite Margaret episodes and moments are from the first half of the show. I love her development and I think the show did a fantastic job with her as it went on, but the glimpses of potential and depth we see before it’s fully realized are my actual faves, maybe because the contrast makes them shine so much, maybe because it’s easier to love this stuff when she’s an antagonist, maybe a little of both, idk. But like Carry on Hawkeye, Aid Station, Iron Guts Kelly, Alcoholics Unanimous, Hot Lips and Empty Arms, The Nurses, Sticky Wicket, etc etc, all some of my fave Margaret episodes.

song i associate with them

Potter: idk lol. that song from Your Hit Parade.

Margaret: Happy Meal II - The Cardigans

favorite picture of them

Potter:

Dreams man, Dreams gets it.

Margaret:

I’m sorry to be shallow but this fucking outfit in Merchant of Korea was so distracting I kept missing dialogue bc I was busy staring.

[kazuhasbunny]

Ok Im back from listening to all of the songs u recommended forgive me in advance bc this is kinda long but I decided to comment on all the songs individually 😭

I can't fix you - I feel like Sister Location was the first game to mostly give the lore upfront and not make people do research ? Like you still might have to but it's more direct than the other games like with the marionette I had no idea what the deal was til I looked it up 😭 I've heard it before and I downloaded it years ago but I still absolutely love it the lyrics and the voice 🙏🏻 the way it gets kinda quiet and sad but then goes back to being louder and aggressive 👌 I'm abt to go play it on loop lmao

I got no time - I really like this one, if I remember correctly some people say it's probably about the crying child and it probably is which makes it sadder I felt so bad for him

:( that must've been scarring also the fact that the phone guy (I believe it was another phone guy) says that it's amazing how humans can live without their frontal lobe ??? Omg poor child :/

Die in a fire - The kids' spirits or whatever all being there after the animatronics are broken...aaaahhh I love all these songs so much 😭

Join us for a bite - I don't even know what to say bc I can't explain it but I love this one so much 😭 along with I can't fix you it might be one of my faves I just love the vibe baby and Ballora have it's so sad yet sweet? I feel bad for baby but the way she talks about the day she killed Elizabeth is so ugh she sounds like she was so happy but then that happened 😞

Stay calm - I love the repetitiveness of it if that makes sense?? Like obv they're gonna repeat it a few times but i rly like the vibe when they do + I love how the animatronics each have their own voice too 💀 I forget Foxy was supposed to be a pirate sometimes lmao

Five more nights - Omg I remember when I first saw Balloon Boy I thought he was so cute ☺️ then he turned into that monstrosity lmaoo I remember when I was first going through my fnaf phase I watched this one vid (not this song btw) but every time he showed up youtube would crash and it was just ??? I also had no idea what Marionette's relevance was until I did some research and found out it was Henry's daughter's spirit that possesses it and it sounds sad bc Marionette was made to protect her as far as I'm aware going by the canon voice lines and theories, I like the fact that they put both the discarded versions of the animatronics and the new ones! Kinda weird that they removed Chica's beak when she's a literal chicken but whatever 😭 phone guy omg the memories..."they get a bit quirky at night" 💀

The Bonnie song - I really liked it tbh I like the newer versions of the animatronics (like in Sister Location and Security Breach) but at the same time I feel like the old ones gave it a much creepier vibe bc they didn't have the same shine ? It's a good song the broken Bonnie (idk what it's called) reminds me of a toilet seat 👩🏻‍🦯 I'm kinda upset they didn't have Bonnie or Foxy in SB bc I loved them so much a few years ago 😭

can i smooch u maybe😢😢 this literally made me tear up ur explanation is so cool………… and so detailed……. made me feel better about how i always go insane over these 😢 but yes omg sl gave off most of the lore tbh.. u didnt have to really look into it that deep thats why i love it sm 🔥

YEA OMG i got no time is crying child’s song and it made me cry the first time i heard it cause he died in such a painful way… boy got the bite of 83 😢😢 ik it was scarring for him since he was literally afraid of animatronics.. so his death hurt me the alot

i also lovee join us for a bite 😢 the change of music and also tone on certain times just fits so well one times its sad and then it just turns happy again..

TRUEE the lines being repeated did caught me off guard at first until the animatronics started singing omg i love that part sm how they all have their own voices JSNSHW its so sillay and also cute BYE

BALLOON BOY SCARED ME NOOOSHJSW its design just… makes me cry it reminds me of something but i cant clearly make out what… it was… and yes marionette lore 😢😢 i love how she’s like. protect the dead children (i believe?? because in fnaf 3 in the minigames..) i cant believe henry’s daughter got killed though pls it hurts so much. william u crazy .. and true omg chica without a beak PLS why did she look like that 😭😭 goodnight HSNSW also the animatronics get a bit quirky at night. bye. what an iconic line

OMG SAME idk the old animatronics just … scared me alot 😢😢 thats why i didnt slept for the whole night because of freddy fnaf behind my back when i’m taking food from the fridge NIOO or or when i go pee 😓 dont fnaf on me i beg of u. PLSS THE BONNIE TOILET NOOOJDGW😭 i thought the same aswell no wonder i kept laughing ok i feel bad now 💔 so mean.. AND TRUE NOOOOO yk i was so happy to see bonnie again when i saw bonnie bowl in the trailer… just to not see him at all?????? cried so hard. where’s my oomf bonnie and foxy..😢 foxy would fit in the daycare theatre tbh because how he is a pirate and like. was made to entertain aswell since the beginning??? so not including him was ☹️☹️ crying

this how i look after nerding out the whole ask (insane)

[worstwolverinesbf]

I suck at essays so just gonna ramble for a bit.

Jason and Dean both had traumatizing childhoods. Jason had a deadbeat mum as far as I know from Death in the Family and I'm quite sure that his dad was an alcoholic and maybe also a Two-face goon. Deans mum is dead, and John is an abusive piece of shit and also an alcoholic. So, they both have the childhood trauma.

They both have daddy issues which mostly stem from childhood trauma but also the fact that they can't live up to their father's expectations. Both of them were meant to be daddy's little soldier even though Bruce would never call it that. He'd say Robin which basically means child soldier. Both of them didn't fulfill those expectations. Jason died and when he came back, he was Red Hood and the expectations on his shoulders also required no killing and he broke that. Dean didn't fulfill the expectations because they were too much. Nobody can live up to what John wanted because John wanted perfect. There's also the fact that Dean's basically bi but that's a whole 'nother thing.

They both have queer coded relationships with their best friends. I'm quite certain that Jason and Roy have fucked though. Their queerness also relates to them both most likely having some form of religious trauma. Jason's canonically catholic and Dean has second-hand religious trauma from John. If John isn't at least a bit religious, I'd be super confused.

They both have a weird relationship with death due to dying. They're both scared of it but also kind of content about the idea. If they were told they were dying, they'd maybe cry which is a once in a blue moon occasion and then they'd just accept it.

They also both subscribe to society's idea of masculinity in public but don't in private. For example, Jason loves to read classic literature and Dean likes the idea of pink panties. They also have masks that they've learnt to put up so that people don't worry about them or read too much into their decisions.

They both have complicated relationships with younger siblings because they want them to have a better life and get out of theirs but they also can't imagine a life without them.

They also both prefer guns as their main weapon which probably means something.

Well, this was a lot longer than I thought it would be. I love rambling about characterization. Steve Harrington, Nick Nelson and Prince Henry from RWRB also fit into this type of character but less so.

jason and dean are like the same and um yes

[jenhrding]

dead to me season 2; a review

hello, i need to write about this because i woke up at 4am to watch season two and i have soooo many feelings that i need to vent even if nobody really cares

this is gonna be long so i divided it by episode and i'm doing a summary at the end if you don't feel like reading the entire thing

if you follow me on twitter you may have seen a lot of my comments on the season, as i needed to tweet about it while i watched it, but this is more of an organized type of thing

A LOT OF SPOILERS AHEAD

> i'm a die hard judy/jen shipper so if you liked michelle this might not be for you, i'm sorry

EPISODE 1

okay, the season picks up on the morning after ted's death and that was something i really appreciated. i usually hate when tv shows skip things and only mention what happened, not showing us how it happened

judy and henry's relationship warms my heart. they have a really strong bond and i'm glad we got to see more of them together throughout the episodes.

but, as we can't have everything, it hurt me a lot to see the way jen was treating judy. i love them both equally and because of that i can clearly see their mistakes without being biased, or at least i hope i can. i get that she was hurt with everything that judy did, and i loathed steve deeply, but still, the guy was his ex-fiancee, and she loved him to death even if he was a toxic piece of crap. the way jen said she was just there to pick up stuff and then told her she burned everything without even looking at her made me so sad for judy, and her dropping judy off saying they would never talk again was very cold, but that i would've seen coming from jen.

i was constantly feeling bad for judy because she didn't have time to mourn steve or abe and there she was, broke and without a place to stay. and let's just say, abe was an angel in her life even after he died. props to him for treating her like she deserved to be treated.

the thing with michelle started and it seemed a bit forced to me, like they just wanted to shove judy to someone else so we would stop asking for jen & judy being together.

and then jen called judy and i just KNEW that was happening, that scene really made me happy and it felt like they were taking a step forward in their relationship. jen worries about judy so much, even if she's not the best at showing it.

"like an excuse to see me again." "did it work?"

EPISODE 2

steve's twin thing was 100% so they wouldn't have to kick james out. it was very predictable and unnecessary. i guess it added a bit to the plot but his presence really annoyed me. but, i need to say, james did a nice job because ben didn't have any of steve's traits (i know that's what actors are supposed to do but i felt like he needed a compliment).

diana was irritating me from the beginning, and i'm glad i got to like her more by the end of everything.

i didn't get the deal with nick. i know breakups are hard but he looked depressed af. maybe it had to do with his history, everything with his friend and him losing his job and stuff. but i'm not really interested in that so it didn't bother me.

and may i just add? the scene with judy and the bird, she truly is a princess, i can't with her. also, i liked the subtle hint when jen told ben not to climb on the freezer because it was too low, and we would come to find out later that steve's body was in that freezer.

episode two had a lot of fun moments and it was a lighter one, maybe to prepare us for the chaos that was coming next.

"you look beautiful. i wish you would love yourself more."

EPISODE 3

judy hugging the freezer got me ????? i know she's an espiritual person but was she really acting like steve was feeling anything? i was confused, honesly, but i don't blame her "she will never do anything wrong :)"

the rats scene was funny but i hated how long they took to solve the freezer thing and just showed jen going there and crying sooo many times it kinda got tiring.

jen was being so nice to judy, touching her and hugging her and i had my hopes up for a little bit (only to get played again but i'll talk about that later).

the scene with michelle was cute, kinda necessary for judy to realize things about her grief, but sincerely speaking she just makes me very bored.

the breakdown scene in the garage was GREAT, linda and christina did an amazing job and i want to give them all of the awards.

"just wanted to tell you that i forgive you."

EPISODE 4

this episode had so much potential to be gay lmao, i could actually picture jen trying to comfort judy and end up kissing her and then they would've been together and all, but liz really doesn't want to give us what we want.

the scene at the bar was one of the best scenes in this season. they finally TALKED about their feelings. about how they still cared about both of the men who hurt them even if they were still mad at them for being shitty guys, and that was so important, love really does weird things to us.

and the dancing scene was EVERYTHING!!!! plus, they slept in the same bed even though there were two beds in the room, so...

judy hugging henry because of his bird = my heart cried they really are mother and son

jen telling judy that she could say goodbye and LINDA's SINGING!!!!!!!! a big yes for me

"will you be my person?" "yes, i will be your person."

EPISODE 5

hated this one. jen telling judy she needed space was hurtful, specially because judy was planning a day to make her feel better.

i just really hated this one. jen and ben is a NO, and judy with michelle was bothering me.

the highlight of it, for me, was when jen called judy to help her with charlie because, well, he is his mom too.

plus: the car burning scene was hot.

EPISODE 6

judy and jen talking to charlie like his moms was sooo nice i liked that scene a lot.

the voicemails steve left judy were disgusting. i hate that guy so much and i'm glad he's dead (sorry) and not able to hurt her anymore. we only want happy and safe judy here.

jen was jealous when judy mentioned her "new friend" you can't change my mind on this one.

i actually thought judy and michelle were gonna kiss in the car, but i appreciated that liz dragged it a little bit more.

i loved most of the arcade scenes, specially the ones with their family. i liked how they portrayed jen's relationship with the boys getting good again but didn't drag it on for too long, i think it was quite nice the way they did it.

and no, i'm not here for judy and michelle even though linda looks very hot while kissing another woman.

EPISODE 7

um, judy and michelle slept together and i was not happy. in fact, i made a lot of tweets complaining about it and twitter actually put me on limit for a few minutes. her saying "i love you" felt so forced and fake, i don't know, maybe it's cause i just don't like them together.

i was really appreciating scenes with jen and charlie, even if i don't like him very much. it felt good to see their relationship developing and getting better again because i do love a mother-son plot.

"of all the lesbians in lagoona" (jen included if i may add). this scene really showed a trust between them that i missed, jen telling judy she couldn't see michelle anymore and even though judy was upset she agreed with it because she knows jen only wants what's best for her.

it really hurt me to see that girl pregnant, because i know how much judy wanted a baby and for her to have five miscarriages and have to see that other woman pregnant with steve's baby must've hit her hard.

hated jen and ben together. honestly, it felt so weird to have jen kiss the guy who looks so much like the guy she killed, so, i did not like that.

judy's speech to diana was really important. it really showed more of who she is, really, a person who just tries all the time to do everything right and keeps fucking it up (like myself, i'd say), and i liked that scene a lot, specially when she goes to pick up the plastic bags hahaha.

EPISODE 8

this one showed a bit of why we should've been prepared for episode nine.

jen and judy's first scene was really good. they started it fighting but the ending was so lovely and just showed us how much they love each other and the things they'd give up for the other one to be happy.

i really hated how michelle treated judy on this episode. judy didn't have to tell her anything right away, they were together for five seconds. (or maybe i'm overreacting because i love judy way too much and hate seeing her being mistreated).

the end of this episode showed a lot of phone calls that made me confused and it had a few cliffhangers that i found to be a bit unnecessary. the show is interesting enough and i think liz overdid the cliffhangers a bit in this season, but it wasn't something that deeply bothered me.

EPISODE 9

i have a lot to say about this one so just take a deep breath before i vent lmao.

jen and ben fucked. which i thought was unnecessary and out of character for her. i really didn't see jen sleeping with a guy who has the same face as the guy she killed, and the scene where she looks at ben and remembers steve's dead body was so weird.

plus, i wish they would've gotten deeper into jen's mastectomy story. the only mention to it in this season was when she was in the bathroom, and she couldn't even bring herself to look in the mirror. it was unlike her to sleep with some stranger after that, since she's so ashamed of it, and it made me sad that the first person to see her naked after surgery (besides ted) wasn't judy, who she actually trusts. i didn't need jen to talk about it, because i know her character doesn't like to talk feelings, but the scene where she was alone could've been longer and showed a bit more of her story.

they showed so much of judy's background in the last two episodes and i loved it! i like how they were slowly revealing why her character acts the way she does. we knew she didn't like to be alone, but now we know that it's because she was alone most of her life, and because of that she clings to anyone who shows a bit of interest in her. therefore, why she didn't like nick that much and still tried to make things work out with him, and when steve showed her a little bit more of compassion, she went back to him. and now it's michelle, who she started seeing right after jen told her she needed space. judy is codependent, and i liked to understand her relationship with her mother so i could understand her relationship with others.

jen's scene at city hall was so important and powerful. first, i was afraid she might embarrass herself but she was incredible. the way she called andrew out not even scared if all the white men sitting there wouldn't believe a woman's harassment story, the way she talked about ted and ugh everything was great.

then, things started to go downhill. jen's relationship with the boys started declining again and it broke my heart (but i liked how henry asked for judy because he was sad and wanted to see her). and this anticipated what i elected (as if i have any room to say anything) to be the best scene of the show.

the garage scene. i have so many feelings towards it but at the same time i don't know how to express them.

first, judy said she was going to take the blame for charlie and that right there is what a mom would do (and finally they talked about judy's s*icide attempt). besides that, judy said that jen had a family and she couldn't lose that family, and then we realize how much it hurt her when her mom said she didn't have a family of her own (even though, in season one, jen said she was a part of their family).

linda and christina were brilliant in this bit. linda's expressions send me every time, and personally, i love it when she curses because it shows a side of her character that only comes out when she's really nervous and stressed, since she's always trying to see the good in everything. the way she raised her voice and said a lot of "fucks" really brought a different tone to the scene that we hadn't seen during the season.

jen had a lot of breakdowns during this season. but none of those were as exceptional as this one. ted fucked up her mind badly, and steve saying all those things triggered her to do what she did. imagine being married to a person for eighteen years and finding out, after his death, that he was cheating on you for a year and a half, that really must mess up with your self esteem and how you see yourself. jen is constantly thinking that everyone that she loves hates her and she ends up hating herself (as judy said "i wish you would love yourself more."). she is an extraordinary character and there's so much i still need to know about her.

now, here's something that bothered me. this scene was great, but i think jen was a bit out of character when she said "that's because you love anyone who just gives you a morsel of fucking attention, even if it's abusive. it's like you get off on it or something". honestly, the jen i know and have grown to love would never blame a woman for being abused, even if she was out of her mind for being upset. she saw how judy was mistreated by steve and she always knew he was toxic, but she would never say that to judy, as if she had any guilt on it.

this scene was so raw and chaotic but it was breathtaking, in a good way. judy's "i'm not like you" and their fight in front of the house, also judy's screams, everything was on point.

and then, jen got to see something we've been noticing for the past season and this one as well. when judy's stressed or hurt, she starts self-harming. it was never brought up before but it's something to watch out for. how many times did she curse at herself and hit herself in front of mirrors? and in the car she starts hitting herself really strongly when she's asking jen to stop. now, i don't know which part of her history this has to do with but i'd really like for them to get more into this, as it seems like a great storyline.

jen watching judy sleep and putting her hair behind her ear was so gay pure and i loved this scene so much.

EPISODE 10

what jen did for her family was beautiful, even if it didn't start that well. now, about her letter to judy, i sobbed so much reading that one.

this episode said a lot about diana's humanity. her and jen's talk about their mothers showed another side of her that i really liked. and i'm a sucker for motherhood storylines, so i cried a lot during that scene.

i liked this episode a lot too. loved to see charlie so worried about his mother for once in his life, and how well judy handles things as a mother.

now this is where i get mad. the scene where jen and judy are talking outside was the perfect setting for them to confess feelings. michelle felt like something that judy needed to replace steve, so it wouldn't last anyway (me hoping that she's not showing up on season 3), and because she had that experience, now she could love jen in a healthier way, in a way that maybe she couldn't before. there were so many 'i love you's and so many hugs and touches and no kiss and i was sad.

i loved the way jen said that judy needed to learn how to say no (and also, can she please stop saying sorry all the time? she's always making herself sad to make others happy-- i can't stop seeing myself in her). and it was genius how they used this thing to make her say no to her mom, who only wanted to see her to get out of prison, it showed her strenght.

the way they picked up jen's grief for her mom was really nice, i'd also like to learn more about that in the future. we could really understand where her anger comes from and why she despises herself so much.

and, baby, let me tell you, judy hale is a GENIUS. the money inside the paintings? i never saw that coming and i was so happy watching that scene! specially when she showed jen and they held hands. :(

charlie found the letters and he's finally getting to know what actually happened to his father (i'm guessing), and i wanna see his reaction. and i'm so here for their vacation! "talk to me like lovers do!" she really just keeps playing with my heart. (and jen calling judy "judes" was really cute.)

the last scene was something. them talking about the sign and then ben hitting them because he was drunk? i wasn't expecting that. and, as i said before, liz likes a good cliffhanger, but this one didn't seem that harsh. if she wanted to, she could've just left us in the dark about whether jen was alive or not, but she didn't, and i appreciated that.

i still don't know if this leaves room for another big storyline, maybe this should be something to be solved in the first two episodes of season three so they could jump into something more exciting, i don't know.

"i love you more than wine. thank you for loving me and our boys."

OVERALL THOUGHTS

i liked this season a lot. it felt a lot different from season one, the settings, the air. it was a bit more chaotic, i must say, and i do think they could've maybe chilled for a little bit and left the high point of stress being only on episodes 9 and 10. literally, everything was happening, all the time, and the only time they had to breathe was when they went dancing that night.

there was a shift in my feelings, for sure. last season i picked up on a lot of judy's mistakes and things she did that bothered me. this season, i did that more with jen, but i still love them so much istg i'd die for them (not to sound dramatic or anything lmao). it's just that last season i identified a lot more with jen's anger and behaviors, and in this one a saw a lot of myself in judy, and that might've prevented me from criticizing them as much in their respective moments.

i love this show to death, and i'm just waiting for award nominations that i'm sure will come. let's just hope that, this year, they also acknowledge linda's brilliant acting and even give both of them some awards.

this is me, (im)patiently waiting for a season 3 confirmation and i'm sure i'm just gonna rewatch everything for the next year like i did with season one.

i needed to talk about this season, and twitter doesn't give me enough space to do that, but this is not something i usually do. if you read all of this, you're brave, and i'm thankful for your attention.

now, can liz please make judy and jen girlfriends?