#if he'd been asking for his own clarification it would have been fine

[duchessofostergotlands]

We just had a big team meeting, about 12 of us on the call. One of the agenda points was one of the team talking about a meeting they had with the head of one of our regions. She was talking about the challenges communities are facing in this region e.g. "I think isolation is the biggest issue in this area." One of the men in the team interrupted her and said "you keep saying 'I think' so do you think or do you know?" And then proceeded to tell her that if you talk to donors you have to know and why would a donor trust her if she says think instead of know. In front of the whole group. She handled it very well but if that had been me I would have absolutely kicked off. This wasn't a donor meeting. It was a meeting with the team so you have absolutely no idea how this person speaks to a donor. And if you did have concerns about how she does her job - even though you're not her manager - you don't announce that to the whole team!

[0rb0t]

Don't mind me, just talking about Shadow as being on the autistic spectrum, and how his portrayal in the games and anime (before 2010s era) reflected this even if it was never outright stated.

(TIME FOR A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ABOUT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG)

    When I was in high school, I struggled a lot in social situations, I'd go completely stiff and just watch people. I had a "resting bitch face", I never really could have conversations and seemed to just fixate on things. I'd make observations that irritated people. I'd ask "why" a lot. (Asking why or even asking 'obvious' questions seemed to make people think I was questioning their judgment, or that I was challenging them. But no, I just didn't understand and wanted clarification. I still run into this a lot and I wish people would stop assuming I have ulterior motives. I just wanna understand stuff better cause it doesn't connect for me. Even if it seems obvious. I'm the genius that asked my mom why she was crying at her dad's funeral when I was 11. It's not that I didn't understand why Grandpa was gone, I knew he passed away, but it hadn't really landed for me, and my brain registered my mom's sadness before it registered the why.)

    I didn't like small talk (still don't) and would rather every interaction have a specific purpose. You'd never catch me at a party and I didn't think drinking or drugs looked fun or interesting. The act of rebelling didn't interest me either. The few interests I did have were something I'd always go back to, and I couldn't function without them. (For me, drawing has always been a huge part of my life and if I didn't have a pencil or pen and paper, then I couldn't hear. I know, very weird. If I were doodling or just even had my sketchbook open, I could study a lot easier. In High school, my teachers started telling me to put the sketchbook away, and my grades plummeted because my attention did, too. Trying to tell them just kind of led to the same old "well everyone else can't doodle so you can't either". I wasn't in any of the special ed stuff because I guess I masked too well.)

    Sonic 06 and Sonic X have the same characterization for Shadow, especially in Japanese, and I think that's honestly the best he'd ever been-- he's quiet, he's reserved, he observes and he doesn't like to "waste time". Not because he's edgy, not because he's a jerk or too serious, but because he struggles in social situations and he's more introverted. He doesn't want to be the centre of attention, he doesn't enjoy any of that. Shadow also behaves like an adult, and I'm sure a ton of us on the spectrum have heard that before, that we're very mature for our age. In reality, we can't relate with our peers and have very fixated interests that don't really expand to other things. Limited interests and we just wanna do stuff tied to that. We know so much about that one thing or those things, but those things won't get you ahead in school. Unless you're LUCKY and your fixation is math, oy vey! (My fixation was etymology. I loved learning and knowing where words came from. Useful for 2 seconds in English class, quickly loses its usefulness in a skill-oriented world.)

    I don't even think he's naturally boastful, at least he wasn't since SA2 (when he was an antagonist), but Sonic brings out a competitive side in him. Sonic brings out the childhood-self that he lost to trauma and being sealed away. Shadow never got to be a normal kid/adult. He has always had expectations placed on him. I think Sonic really brings out a side of him that even surprises himself. It's why he will even say very often "What am I doing?" or "This is such a waste of time!" but he won't STOP… Because he's having fun and doesn't know how to describe his own feelings. Shadow's the type who'll say "I'm fine" no matter what state he's in when you ask if he's okay. My spouse is like this actually-- I can often tell when he's feeling down, but he doesn't know how to describe emotions beyond functional things like "i'm healthy" or "i'm unhealthy", so he'll say he's fine even if he's having a melancholy day. I struggle with understanding my emotional responses, but not necessarily identifying them. A lot of people on the spectrum do struggle with identifying their emotions beyond empirical things. "Do I feel sick? No? then I'm fine" Shadow is exactly like this. And because his expression is so neutral, sometimes intense, he gets mistaken as being angry or too serious. In reality, he's just standing there. He's not gonna expend energy smiling when he's got nothing to smile about. Why force yourself to emote for people? Especially if it feels unnatural.

    Another thing about Shadow being autistic is if he's got nothing to say, then he won't say it. If he wants to leave, he'll leave. Good luck stopping him! But for many actual people it's not an option to leave. We can't just teleport out or skate at lightning speeds like he can, so we have to just sit there and do little coping or self soothing methods to keep ourselves in the moment and calm. We don't often see Shadow stimming in traditionally understood ways, like lip biting or rubbing his arms or fidgeting with his fingers-- but he often stands with his arms crossed. This CAN BE a stim. Feeling the weight of your arms on top of each other, it allows for you to be aware of your own body. I fold my arms a lot in public, because I'm usually playing with the hem of my sleeves, or I'm rubbing my arms or squeezing them. Shadow doesn't seem to do any of that but he's rarely seen without his arms folded.

    When his arms aren't folded, he stands so still and just stares at people. He looks completely out of his element. He doesn't seem to have a relaxed stance--until the anime, where he's shown standing with his hand on his hip. Rouge also does this, leading to the popular headcanons that Shadow is unintentionally imitating Rouge-- his masking leads him to identify the most 'normal' person in the room and copy their behavior in order to blend in better. Unfortunately it rarely, in my experience, leads to people NOT thinking I'm weird. Sometimes I'll even start imitating speech patterns or accents and BOY. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it HAPPENS. So embarrassing. But Shadow absolutely imitates everyone around him. We can see him do this even as far back as Sonic Heroes--that scene where he's nodding or shaking his head to whatever Rouge is saying. The scene where Sonic starts getting competitive and Shadow starts kind of imitating his posture and his way of speaking to become competitive with them-- I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. But it also makes sense with his NAME.

    His name is Shadow. I think of Peter Pan, where Peter's Shadow can sometimes get away from him. Usually it does everything he does, but sometimes it gets away and does its own things, and Peter has to catch it. Wendy sews the shadow back on in Hook. I think Shadow's name is referencing that as well, that just like a shadow, he mimics those around him. He's watching over them, but also copying them. Learning to blend in.

    Another moment I adore is in SA2 (and Sonic X) when Amy Rose hugs him from behind. According to the 2010s era and early IDW, you'd have expected Shadow to push her away or yell DONT TOUCH ME or whatever. But no, he actually just goes REALLY RIGID and doesn't even say anything. It isn't until Amy realizes her mistake that Shadow turns around to look at her, smiling like 'What are you doing???' But in Sonic X, they changed this scene further into autistic territory--

    Shadow doesn't even TURN to her. He goes rigid, yes, and his eyes widen and he just stands there looking towards the audience like 8| He's completely OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. He prepared for the mission, NOT to deal with random people HUGGING HIM. He's probably not been hugged since Maria over 50 years ago. We don't even know if Maria hugged him much because Shadow has always seemed pretty touch-averse. I love GIVING hugs and I love receiving hugs but only from people I'm REALLY close to. I don't even like getting hugs from extended family. My spouse? VERY touch averse. He'll get hugs from me but hugging and touch are just not his thing. Shadow is not a huggy person, but he does tend to hold hands.

    We know he grabbed and held Maria's hand, running with her-- but we never actually saw that until Sonic X (2003) he can be seen running with her away from the military, and he's holding her hand as he leads her. In Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria often grabs Shadow's hand when telling him things. This is also a grounding method to bring the person into the moment. For me, I feel like I can focus better on what my spouse is saying to me when he holds my hand and it's crowded or busy. Even in our home, if he wants to tell me something, I recommend that he hold my hand or touch my arm so I can focus on him better. This happens with Shadow.

    Sonic doesn't tend to hold peoples' hands. In Sonic X he usually just picks people up, but we do see him grab Elise's arm in 06 and run with her. But holding hands? Not really his thing! Shadow does do it more often though. In Sonic X S3, in the episode, Molly's Dream, Shadow's immediate way of leading Molly away from danger is to grab and hold her hand. He even keeps holding her hand until she lets go. It speaks to me the sort of childlike behavior he may still be exhibiting, but not that I'm trying to say that autistic people are more like children. From my experience on the spectrum, I am more childish than my peers. I still react like a kid might to things, and I don't really think like an adult is expected to. I am mentally behind my peers as well, I think my emotional maturity is lower? But it's hard to measure that without a doctor. It's not just about laughing at fart jokes or knowing to pay bills, it's like, how I problem solve is more creatively aligned with kids than it is adults. This is both great and terrible, depending on the situation. A situation that requires math and stuff cannot be solved my way. A situation that involves encouraging kids to try again or be nice to each other, well it's very useful because I can communicate with them on their level (I was a teacher in South Korea for over half a decade, my brain was great for being a teacher but not great for other things).

    I think Shadow really gets misread as a mean guy a lot, but he really isn't. I also don't really enjoy the headcanons that imagine him as very outgoing and whimsical when he was on the ARK, and I especially don't like headcanons that infantilize him-- I really don't like headcanons where people infantilize autistic people. We've seen Shadow when he loses his memories a few times. In Heroes, but also in S3 of Sonic X-- his personality is still the same. He's still reserved, he's still quiet, he still struggles in social situations and prefers getting to the point rather than dilly-dallying. I'd argue that he was exactly like that before the incident on the ARK, too. It's just that the incident caused his inner peace to be destroyed. His precious person, Maria, was no longer around and he lost everything all at once. He doubled down on the one thing that made sense: Revenge. But even after all of that was sorted out, he's not gonna just magically be a different person. He's still reserved, he's still serious, he's still "get to the point". If he played FFXIV, he'd only focus on main quests, and never do side quests. He'd never spend money on cosmetics, probably. He's likely a person who values gameplay over story. If the game is broken or the mechanics aren't utilized well, that's probably more what he'd be fixated on than whether the story was good or not. He'd skip through dialogue because he reads fast, even if the dialogue is voiced (my spouse does this and it drives me nuts. SHADOW I BEG OF YOU PLEASE DO IT FOR ME, DISABLE THE VOICE ACTING IN OPTIONS SO I STOP HEARING THE FIRST UTTERANCE OF A WORD EVERY TIME U MASH THROUGH THE DIALOGUE)

    Trauma affects people in all kinds of ways. I don't think all autistic people are like Shadow, because autism is a spectrum and no two people present exactly the same, although there will be similarities. Shadow's trauma happened at a time where he barely knew himself already, so that's why it was so easy for him to fixate on revenge, and then he'd be content with dying afterwards because he figured he had nothing left to live for. Finding out he was wrong was the best thing that could have happened to him.

    I was really saddened when SEGA decided he was an edgelord who hated everything and had no friends because that's such a horrible read of this nuanced character. In my personal headcanons for Shadow, he's actually very into plants and flowers, because Maria loved the planet so much. And eventually he learns to love the planet because of nature. Shadow's never going to be a people person, in fact he probably still doesn't care much for people as a whole, but that doesn't mean he won't step up when they need his help. Which is why his line in Sonic 06 is still so poignant. "If the world chooses to become my enemy, then I'll fight like I always have." Basically, it really doesn't matter, I've made my choice, I know who I am now and I get to make those decisions. No one else will shake the foundations of who I am.

    And because he knows who he is, he doesn't feel the need to repeat it and boast about himself. He's confident, not arrogant. He can be smug and competitive, but that's playfulness, not cruelty. He's quiet and may just straight up walk away while someone is mid-sentence, but that's not because he's evil or intentionally being a jerk-- it's just how he is. He needs to work on it if he wants to have friends, but his friends already understand him very well. They know that he's like that, and from what we saw in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, occasionally they forget it's not personal. I'm happy to see them admitting "oh no, I completely misjudged you, I'm so sorry!" because it's been way too long since we've heard the main cast apologize to Shadow for assuming he was a big jerk on purpose.

    Knowing the restrictions on how Shadow is written have been lifted, I'm really hoping we can get more of how he's meant to be, the reserved, socially awkward but well-meaning hedgehog we love. Autistic Shadow FTW!

    

(our experiences and headcanons

may differ, that's okay.)

[uzumaki-rebellion]

"King Killmonger: The Golden Jaguar" Chapter 15

Masterlist HERE.

"My compass does just fine on its own

So much pride, it built a second home

I, I can't hide behind me no more

I went solo and flew high (high)

No one said it would be easy or crowded

How do you stay grounded alone?

(I) I wanna be surrounded by

My design in full

Not for sale"

Rae Khalil – "Is It Worth It?"

Working in the Grand Hall of Parliament was not N'Jadaka's favorite part of the week. Luckily, he only did it twice a week. N'Jadaka always reserved mornings for the Council of Elders, with the occasional time block for citizen petitions presented to him on Tuesdays. His afternoons focused on office meetings with department heads or state visits throughout Wakanda. The rest of his calendar year juggled international travel dates to various countries for public events and private talks.

He glanced over to his right where Yani perched, all reserved and queenly. The isicholo on her head carried such a presence next to him. It had been over six years since a queen had been a part of proceedings and the room buzzed with a charge of energy that hadn't been there since he had become king. Even the giant ten-foot high iron and vibranium masks that represented each tribe looking down upon them from the walls conveyed more ancestral weight with her attendance.

The interior of the Grand Hall had an egg shape, with Yani and himself positioned at the narrow end next to the Head of Parliament known as the Mkhulu Inkokeli. A woman named Sesam of the Mining Tribe held the position for a term of five years. She took a liking to Yani's overall demeanor right away and began proceedings quickly so they could finish at a reasonable time for the queen's first day. He glanced at his wife again.

They fit.

As king and queen.

His intimidating aura and Yani's calm and collected appeal balanced the country's royal leadership. She listened with rapt attention to raised voices and assertive arguments from nobles and commoners who represented their districts with passion and acerbic wit. Wakandans were gifted orators, and each tribe had their own distinct and bombastic style of handing out public lashings to their opponents. Several times, Yani burst out laughing at a sharp retort, and her melodic voice brought out the competitiveness in the group to outshine one another to impress the queen. That afternoon presented three bills that needed approval to move forward by himself and Yani. She read the proposed bills on a comm tab in front of her and highlighted the line items she needed clarification on. Whenever he or she needed to speak to each other, or ask Sesam a question, they tapped a button on the voting console embedded in the desk to silence their mics. Yani pressed another button and everyone stopped speaking to hear her voice amplified for a general question to a politician. She mixed the Wakandan she knew with English and was relieved to know that every person in that assembly spoke and understood English. They found her attempts at the national language impressive. Umama taught her how to pause with her words and not utter "um" or other place holder words when she felt flustered searching for how to say something in Wakandan. It helped her sound more confident with the language.

Yani directed her current inquiry to a husky man with a robust personality from the Jabari Tribe.

"Inkokeli Tayo, are your concerns about expanding local tourism in your region because of ecological worries or cultural ones?" Yani asked.

Tayo turned in Yani's direction. He wore a flamboyant style of furs and fringe, and sported a 'frohawk adorned with small mollusk shells. The Jabari Tribe secured representation in parliament within the last four years and became the most ardent debaters on every bill brought before the Grand Hall meetings. Having been closed off from the rest of Wakandan society for centuries, they were still learning how to work with a collective governing body. M'Baku sat near Tayo. He'd missed the Council of Elders meeting to tend to military maneuvers in the field on N'Jadaka's behalf. The king acknowledged him with a tilt of his head.

"Queen Yani, we have preserved our lands since we severed our union with Wakanda long ago. We should be exempt from any plans to expand the reach of strangers into our lands who may not respect our values and way of life. Wakandans prefer technology over everything else and we are not equipped to handle an influx of ardent technophiles who may influence our young people in ways that go against Jabari traditions," Tayo said.

Remy pressed a button on his desk console. Sesam acknowledged him.

"The chair recognizes Inkokeli Ramatla Ntu."

Yani sucked her teeth low, but N'Jadaka clocked the agitation in the sound. Remy stood, nodded to Tayo, and looked at Yani.

"Kumkanikazi, local tourism engages our citizens in cultural exchanges that are beneficial to everyone involved. It is because the Jabarilands have been cut off from us that we seek reunification through tourism. If the Jabari Tribe are to be a part of this assembly making important decisions that affect all of Wakanda, they cannot stay aloof. With all due respect, Inkokeli Tayo, the Jabari can no longer look down at us from the sky. You must join us as a united kingdom."

Several assembly members stood up and applauded, invigorated by Remy's words cajoling the Jabari to concede. A few of the male Jabari tribal members backing Tayo's speech hooted and barked. Some people fussed back and forth with other tribes giving their opinions on Remy's call for action. Others whispered and looked toward N'Jadaka, trying to read his expression and the queen's.

Yani shifted in her seat. Her willful brown eyes peered at Remy with thoughtful consideration and then she focused her attention on Tayo using measured language.

"Inkokeli Tayo, I understand your concerns. Back where I am from, I worked for an ecotourism company that showcased our protected mangroves and sea life. Our culture relied on tourism for our livelihood. Most of our people were taught from a young age to view the tourism industry as our primary means of survival. I sometimes grew tired of people coming to our island and having everything catered to their whims because we depended on them to live. Our home became entertainment and a playground for strangers all over the world. Here in Wakanda, we are in a unique position to control the number of people permitted entry and we also don't need tourism for our survival under capitalism. I'm sure we can find a compromise that satisfies everyone here. Would you feel more comfortable if we waited on tourism in the Jabarilands until your people came up with a plan that worked better for you?"

The sweet sound of Yani's voice enchanted everyone listening. N'Jadaka kept his expression neutral, although he was beaming inside because of her eloquence, understanding, and gentle nudge of non-Jabari to ease their pressure on the mountain tribe. Tayo glanced at M'Baku. The great chief of the Jabari nodded his head.

"Yes…yes Queen Yani. We would prefer not to be included with any proposals for expanding tourism in our mountains."

Yani looked at Mkhulu Inkokeli Sesam.

"Can we table that proposed bill for now? I'm willing to help the Jabari present something different in the future when they are ready. Limited tourism stressing the importance of preserving delicate cultural ecosystems is something I have expertise in," Yani said.

Mkhulu Inkokeli Sesam seemed surprised at the offer and glanced at N'Jadaka before speaking.

"I suppose we can put that off. King N'Jadaka, do you have any objections?"

"I have none."

Sesam continued.

"How much time would you need, kumkanikazi?"

Yani tapped her kimoyo and interfaced it with her comm tab. Her personal calendar floated flat on the desk in a bright neon orange glow and she overlaid the upcoming parliament schedule on top of it, searching for an open date. She was booked and busy for months, from what he could tell.

"September 28th," Yani said. "I'll meet with Council Elder Chief M'Baku at his convenience and discuss the matter further with him and his administration."

"Very well. All in favor?" Sesam asked the entire body.

"Ewe!" the entire body replied.

N'Jadaka leaned over to her ear and whispered, "You just saved us from listening to Tayo run a long ass speech about the virtues of the Jabariland traditions since 28,000 B.C.!"

Yani tapped her calendar until she locked in her schedule. He rubbed his hand against hers and she patted his arm.

"I planned on visiting M'Baku's wife Ayomide during their Founder's Day Celebration Brunch. That would be the best time to speak to them while they're in a festive mood. The Jabarilands are beautiful and the rest of Wakanda would learn to respect and appreciate their ways if they visited in person. I loved my tour of it and there are ways to make it less stressful for their people," she said.

"And if they disagree?"

"I'll charm them," she said.

"Look at you acting all big and bad," he teased.

They watched the assembly vote on two bills before release. Several nobles rushed N'Jadaka, wanting to invite them to mid-day snacks and tea inside the dining wing on the ninth floor. Yani had never visited it before and looked enthralled by its elegant look. All government staff ate there throughout the day, and the ornate furniture and fixtures showcased the vast wealth of Wakanda.

The food and ambiance were not much different from an exclusive, top-notch restaurant. One section highlighted the best view of the sprawling skyline and the beauty of the Jabari Mountains. The sky bridge looked breathtaking connecting them to the East palace. From that angle, shielded behind smoked-glass that transitioned from light to dark on its own to offset glares from the sun, N'Jadaka admired the meticulous construction of the double citadel structure. The palace had been designed as a mighty fortress with the addition of spiky, reinforced torons that blended decorative elements to the overall architecture. At that time of day, the sunlight struck the exterior and gave off warm metallic hues of sun-baked bronze, and burnished copper with slight undertones of orange and pink. He pointed it out to Yani, and she appreciated the splendor of African creativity.

Below them were smaller, older towers with gold turrets that flanked the moat surrounding the double palace. Across from the moat were round, thatched-roof buildings that contrasted the more sophisticated structures of their civic center signaling the start of Birnin Zana's Old Town that was popular with the locals for shopping and tasty street food. The winding river valley they nestled within informed the circular city layout that housed structures along the contours of the natural environment.

N'Jadaka normally had reserved seating set aside for him with the best window view, but he often dined with officials at different tables throughout the week. The mid-day meal menu featured aromatic Bashenga Mountain coffee, tea, fruit drinks, small sandwiches, and other light dishes. Yani chose to dine with Sesam, M'Baku, Tayo, and a few other Jabari representatives at a center table that made him feel like they were gold fish being watched in the middle of a fishbowl. All eyes studied their interactions. Everyone stood when they entered and wouldn't sit down until they did.

"Good to see you again," M'Baku said, shaking N'Jadaka's hand.

Yani gave the big man a hug, and a smile broke out on his face. N'Jadaka presented his wife to Tayo formally.

"Tayo, this is my wife, Queen Yani," N'Jadaka said, reining in Yani's overly enthusiastic greetings.

She took the hint and concentrated on greeting Tayo properly, which meant no physical contact outside of handshakes, and only if she initiated. Tayo shook Yani's outstretched hand.

"Thank you for your support today," Tayo said.

N'Jadaka pulled out Yani's chair and pushed in her seat once she was comfortable. He sat next to her and the others sat down after he did. They ate a few finger sandwiches and pastries, sharing stories about their honeymoon and catching up on political gossip. Two servers carried burning coffee beans and incense in large ceramic bowls. They walked around the busy dining wing to entice more consumption with a new fresh brew's scent wafting all around them. Four more servers wandered through each section, pushing carts of desserts and hot tea steeping in pots. N'Jadaka helped himself to some bria tea and a blackberry Danish.

"Has your first day been exhausting for you yet?" M'Baku asked.

Yani looked up at the high vaulted gold ceiling and laughed. M'Baku joined her, understanding the clipped pace they all worked.

"There's a lot to take in," she said.

Sesam pointed out important players to Yani throughout the room. There were nearly ninety people in the dining wing, and Yani recognized quite a few from various public events and their wedding.

"I will have to end this little soirée," N'Jadaka said. "I have work waiting in my office."

He stood, bid farewell to people, and chaperoned Yani out of the wing. They separated in the middle of a wide hall behind a huge art installation of a giant panther about to pounce over stairs that led down to more offices. He watched her leave his side flanked by her Doras, off to handle her new office staff with plans for the Queen's Ball and her various other commitments for the people. He wanted to kiss her, but he had to follow decorum, too.

The trek back to his office was at an easy pace. He was in no rush to dig into the bullshit that probably waited for him behind the door he now stood in front of on his private floor.

Stepping inside, he nodded at all the smiling faces and headed toward the back. Tlotliso and Mpilo waited for him in front of Tlotliso's desk.

"Welcome back, kumkani," Tlotliso said, handing him a stack of mail. Mpilo grinned from ear to ear, gripping a pile of folders with papers that needed the king's signature.

"Good to be back, Tlotliso. Hold all my calls for the next hour. Mpilo, follow me," he said.

"King N'Jadaka, you are looking refreshed. How was Queen Yani's first day?"

"She did great work today. Made quite a splash on the assembly this afternoon."

"I am not surprised. Princess Shuri left a message that she will be twenty minutes late for your meeting today."

"Why? And why such a precise time? We're not touching bases until after five."

"She did not relay that information to me."

N'Jadaka swept into his inner office and it smelled of frankincense and older Wakandan spices that tickled his nose with their spicy scent.

"Hello Grandmother," he said to Queen Shuriya's painting on the wall.

He shook his arms and stretched before taking his seat behind an organized desk that already had sparkling water and more snacks ready for him for the rest of the day. Mpilo placed the folders he carried inside an inbox holder and waited for further instructions. N'Jadaka took an ornate silver letter opener and went through his mail. Invitations to speak at universities in America and Canada. A wedding invitation from a noble. Court dismissals from three lawsuits aimed to stop Wakanda from helping Black Americans at three community outreach centers. A thank-you card from a First Nations tribe in Canada for funding lawyers to pursue cases against their government. A judgment from the Wakandan Supreme court that settled a case on N'Jadaka's behalf for the murder of his father by King T'Chaka. The court would seal the document from the public. He closed his eyes. There was monetary compensation that would never be enough to replace his father or mother. But he had in legal writing that his family had been wronged and the Udaku clan took responsibility for it. He would put the billion dollar compensation in a trust for his children, including the one not born yet.

Mpilo poured him water and patiently waited for his signature on all twenty documents prepared for him. He punched in his electronic signature on Mpilo's comm tab, too.

"I'll leave you to your daily reports, sir," Mpilo said, gathering the folders again.

"Thanks."

Mpilo left and shut his office door. N'Jadaka spun around in his chair and took a break to look over his kingdom.

Queen Yani sauntered inside her new office with her back straight and head held so high that she felt twenty feet tall. An unspoken pride settled over her. She let the Grand Hall know she wasn't an ornamental display for the king. She had opinions and insight that would move the country forward, and asserting her voice early instead of later left a mark on the politicians who still considered her an outsider.

Yani's secretary/office manager, Wunmi, filled her in on her immediate schedule for the week and Yani wrangled the staff together inside her palatial office for a meeting while her brain still buzzed from the Grand Hall assembly. Her media manager, research assistant, PR officer, personal assistant, event planner, and secretary gathered seats in a semi-circle facing Yani's desk. Her staff's own assistants stood behind their chairs holding comm tabs, bringing the total number of people under her team to nine.

"I'm going to help the Jabari Tribe come up with a feasible plan to have ecotourism in their territory by spring of next year. I halted a bill that would force this on them, so now we are responsible for two things: one, convincing a very insular culture that opening up to the rest of the nation is a good thing. Two, prepare the nation in a positive way to respect the Jabari way of life. I want a campaign created that highlights the beauty and ecological importance of preserving mountain ecosystems from climate change. If we go at that angle, then I think people are willing to support a cap on the number of people that can visit there to help protect that area. Consider using commercials and bringing educators from the Jabarilands to present media segments on popular talk shows to build more rapport. Use our connections to the hottest entertainment sites in the industry."

Her staff took notes and listened.

"Next, I want my Queen's Ball to have a nighttime in nature theme," Yani looked at her event planner, "Put Jabari cuisine on the dinner and dessert menu. I want the decorations to resemble the ancient forests of Ekuqaleni up against the Jabari side of the mountains. Maybe call the theme 'A Night With the Ancestors' or something like that. I want people to walk into that gigantic ballroom and feel like they stepped back in time at the creation of Wakanda."

Yani's words lit a fire in the eyes of her staff that nodded, smiled, and gave little squeals of excitement.

"I have some other ideas, but let's start with that. We have two months to pull this theme together. The first save the date cards already went out at the beginning of the year, so I want mock-ups made of the final invitations with the theme all over it. I want those invitations to become collector's items. Beyond fancy…art pieces, hear mi now? I want to see this by next Thursday."

Everyone nodded.

"Next item. The Queen's Tea at the Zana Arboretum always has a highlighted garden flower in the decorations, so this year the flower will be the Eleyi Ti Ayaba," Yani said.

Wunmi raised her hand.

"Yes?" Yani said.

"It is lovely that you want the Purple Queen flower of the Jabarilands, for your Queen's Tea theme, but will we have enough available for the elaborate decorations? The mountain variety is so rare, and the big draw of the tea is the floral arrangements."

"This is where conservation comes in. I had the royal gardeners set up a greenhouse to grow some here four months ago, and they are working closely with the arboretum."

"So you pre-planned this before, well in advance? Brilliant!" Wunmi said.

"Yes. My daughter Joba is helping me. She is using some for her fairy garden, too. Lady Ayomide gave us seeds as a gift last New Year's. We've grown our own valley ones and we'll mix them together. The Jabari took Purple Queen flowers with them to the mountains when they left Wakanda. Speciation took place with those seeds up there creating a new variety, but its origin roots are here in the river valley. I want to make the bold statement that we're all connected. They don't want to lose their way of life, so I'll show them we appreciate who they are and won't force them to change just because we want to embrace our shared future."

Yani's personal assistant, Melele, twisted up her lips.

"Do we really think the Jabari will appreciate the queen's efforts? They are such an arrogant people," Melele grumbled.

"And we aren't arrogant, too?" Yani retorted.

Her staff laughed, and Melele grinned. Yani gauged the atmosphere of the room. Her people were ready to work.

"There are young people up in those snow-capped mountains who are ready to embrace the future of what the Jabari can become joined with us. Their elders are slowly witnessing the respect my husband gives them and how he values their views on life. Wakanda has slowly opened up to the world and we haven't fallen away from our values. The Jabari will see that. The five tribes are separate fingers on one hand, but pulled together, they become a fist. I want to give the king that fist."

She clapped her hands.

"Okay now, let's get to work. Melele, fix me a tray of libations and snacks. I need to go through my mail and a few things before my Ladies in Waiting arrive."

"Yes, ma'am."

Melele closed the office door after the staff filed out. Yani sighed and lifted her isicholo from her head and set it upon the crown stand behind her seat. Gold letter opener in hand, she went through her mail and made piles of events she would attend and those she would not. There wasn't enough time in the rest of the year to attend every party, ball, civic event, art opening, or wedding…

Yani held a peach-colored envelope made of expensive parchment closer to her face.

A special invitation.

She sliced it open and read the contents.

"Rra Mxolisi Ntu and Lady Thembeka Ntu cordially invite the King and Queen of Wakanda to the marriage of their son Ramatla Kagiso Ntu to Lady Ime Leatla Molefhe…"

Remy would marry in two weeks. Lady Thembeka must've fast-tracked the wedding to lock down Ime for her son. She wondered how much money Remy's family paid for Ime's ikhaze. N'Jadaka's family paid Aunt Leona five million American dollars for her ikhaze in place of her parents for Yani's hand in marriage. One million was for Yani, and two million for each child she birthed for the king. She had been touched that they included Sydette in the bride price.

A knock at the door brought her out of intrusive, bitter thoughts. She had been so foolish to get involved with Remy outside of the work relationship she once shared with him. Her impulsiveness and jealousy pushed her towards someone she should have kept at a distance and forgotten.

"Yes?"

"Ma'am, Lady Zola and Lady Ilana are here," Melele said.

"Send them in."

Yani stood and her girls clamored in carrying a bottle of champagne and gourmet chocolates in a fancy basket.

"What is all this?" Yani asked, accepting the gifts.

They shared hugs and cheek kisses before Yani waved for them to sit in the plush, dark leather chairs in front of her desk.

"Celebrating your first day as the Queen of the Nation!" Zola shouted.

Ilana broke out champagne flutes that were inside the basket of chocolates. She used a wine bottle opener to pop the cork, and the bubbly spilled out onto the floor.

"I'm still at work," Yani protested.

"We don't care…here, sip and eat this chocolate," Zola said, shoving the basket Yani's way.

They chatted and snacked, clinked drinking glasses while Yani shared her travels, and the way N'Jadaka pampered her. Her friends listened with glossy eyes and smiles for her adventure. Ilana leaned forward to lift another chocolate from the basket and her eyes zeroed in on the wedding invitation.

"Oh…I see the Ntu clan sent you your invitation. We received ours too. Are you going?"

Yani tapped her finger on the raised blue embossed lettering of the Ntu name.

"Should I? There are so many other parties and celebrations to go to this month."

"You must go. I mean, if you decline, it would make the Ntu clan look bad, especially when they are footing the bill and hosting the entire wedding. They would see it as a slight on their honor," Ilana said.

"If Yani goes, then Ime will feel upstaged at her own celebration. Honestly, she's damned if she decides either way," Zola quipped.

"How so?" Yani asked.

Zola licked chocolate from her fingers and sat back in her seat.

"Everyone is still talking about what happened in that restroom at the banquet last month. The chattering class of elites is well aware that Ime has made you her sworn enemy. However, she cannot do anything to harm you because of your status. But if you show up on her special day, she will think you are flaunting your power."

"Flaunting my power? How? She's marrying the man of her dreams. I'm not there to break them up or cause a scene. I was nice enough to let her come to my nuptials."

"She will not see it that way no matter how you frame it, Yani," Zola said. "You are a blight on her existence. We all saw the way Remy made cow eyes at you during the banquet fuss. She will never forgive you for seeing it firsthand. You will always remind her that she was Remy's second choice"

Ilana played with her large gold hoop earring and stared at Yani.

"Hmmm…on the other hand, if you skip the nuptials, the Ntu clan will interpret it as the king not liking them. That won't bode well for politics. The Ntu's are powerful, petty and vindictive. That could brew trouble later in the future if you and the king have ambitions that need the support of top nobles," Ilana added.

"Thanks for helping me decide. It's better to step on Ime's neck at her wedding than create tension with an influential family."

Yani took out a fountain pen with royal purple ink on it and filled out the RSVP to attend with the king. She used her own purple wax seal to close the flap of the return envelope. Tossing the RSVP into her outgoing mail bin, she clasped her fingers and rested them on her desk.

"All done."

"Good," Zola said. "It would be a terrible event without you there to suffer with us."

"Alright, our dear sweet queen, we must get going. We're having dinner with the women of the Zana Social Club, since you can't hang out tonight," Ilana said.

"I know, I'm sorry, but my schedule this week is too tight to have fun. Let's look into next week. I'll need your input for the ball anyway."

Ilana and Zola both shook their hands with excitement.

"To think there hasn't been a Queen's Ball in five years!" Ilana said.

"Stylists, tailors and jewelers are booked solid for this celebration," Zola added.

"I'm going to have a theme this year," Yani said.

"A theme?" Ilana said with wide eyes.

"I wanted to plan something different for my inaugural ball. Add some fun and excitement."

"You are the first foreign-born queen. No one wants to miss the spectacle. It's historic. Having a theme will make you so unique. Every ball we've had has been nothing but who can out-class everyone and sucking up to the king and queen," Zola said.

"You two will have to be sworn to secrecy because I've added you to my planning committee. Clear your afternoons for next Thursday and the rest of the month."

"Can you tell us the theme now?" Zola begged.

"Nope. I want your honest reaction next Thursday."

Yani hugged her Ladies and forced them to take the last of the champagne and chocolates with them. Secluded in her office, she dug into reports and had a vid chat with her co-workers at the hospital she was on leave from. She pulled up files on her computer, searched for documents, and worked quietly for two uninterrupted hours.

"Ma'am?" Melele said. She knocked on Yani's open door.

"Yes?"

"You have an unscheduled visitor."

Yani glanced at her desk calendar.

"Who…?"

Sydette bounced in with a dimpled grin.

"Hi Mama…I mean Queen Mama."

"Get over here Miss Busy Body!"

Melele closed the door, and Yani hugged her daughter.

"Why are you here by yourself?"

"My Dora is outside waiting for me. I was on my way to the family library, and I decided to see you instead. How was your day?"

Sydette sat on the chair Zola previously occupied. Yani sat next to her in front of her desk.

"My day has been busy."

"Do you feel like a queen?"

"I kinda do, Sweet Pea."

"Good."

"Where are the twins? They're usually up under you."

"They're with our cousins playing in the game room. Kora is with them. Umama allowed me to go off by myself."

Sydette's eyes flicked away.

"What's wrong?"

"Does cousin Cee Cee have to go? I don't want Morgan and Croix to leave. Not before we have the big pool party this weekend. Why did Baba kick them out of Wakanda?"

"How did you know about that?"

"Cousin Cee Cee has been screaming and arguing with Auntie Leona. Twyla even came over today. All the grown-ups on their floor have been fussing. Auntie Anika and Auntie Dawnette tried to keep everything cool, but Cee Cee thinks everybody is against her. She said that you let Baba do that to her."

"I wish she didn't act a fool in front of you kids. That's not right."

"I know no one likes her…she's mean and talks about people…but she can be a lot of fun sometimes. She thinks no one loves her and sides with you because you give everyone money."

"Baba takes care of everyone financially because we're family. Not because we want people on our side."

"Why is she so mad at you?"

Yani exhaled and rubbed the side of her temple.

"Cee Cee likes to feel like she's in control of everyone around her. She was disrespectful to me when I first met your Baba. He worked a job that she didn't think was safe for me to be around—"

"Auntie Anika said she was jealous that you had Baba."

"That is part of it, too. Cee Cee has a bad habit of ruining relationships with people. Even her own. The fathers of her children left her and its hard being a single parent raising kids alone."

"But you did it and were always nice to people. That's no excuse."

"I agree. However, your Baba…he sometimes brings out the worst in people because they either envy him or dislike his way of thinking. He saved my life…saved your life. Spoiled us with his love. He was a literal Prince Charming, and I think Cee Cee wished it had been her that he saved."

"But he did save her. Our whole family. She can do anything she wants and never have to work if she doesn't want to. Morgan and Croix go to the best school in St. Thomas. Baba promised they could go to university here in Wakanda."

"Sweet Pea, some people are never happy no matter how much they have in life."

Sydette picked at the leather on her armrest.

"Can you ask Baba to change his mind? Maybe you could talk to her about changing herself and appreciating what you both give her and my cousins."

"I don't think Cee Cee will ever change."

"She said Baba won't let her be a princess. If you make her one, it might make her feel better about herself. I can give her my title if that will help."

"It doesn't work like that, baby. The king is your father and your title is your birthright now. It's a sweet gesture, but you can't give it out to anyone else."

"Can Morgan and Croix stay? At least for the rest of the week? We want them at our party."

Yani's heart hurt. She wanted Cee Cee gone from them, but her child still had love in her heart for such a problematic and hateful person.

"Sweet Pea…Cee Cee has hurt me for a long time. She tried to keep you and me away from Baba every chance she got. She even told my parents that Baba was an evil person."

Sydette's eyes grew as large as plums.

"She did that? But it's not true."

"It doesn't matter to her, as long as he was gone from our lives. Sometimes you have to cut off blood to save the rest of the family."

"I understand. I can't believe we have someone like that in our family."

"Baba wants her gone tonight. But I will talk to him about changing the date until after your party."

"I feel sorry for my cousins having a mother like that."

Sydette climbed off the chair and hugged Yani.

"I'm glad that I have you for my Mama," Sydette said, squeezing Yani's shoulders.

Sydette pulled back from Yani.

"Can you come with me to talk to Baba? Ask him about Morgan and Croix now?"

The pleading quality in her voice tugged at Yani's heartstrings.

"Okay. I will," Yani said.

She stood and reached for her isicholo, placing it on her head again. Checking her desk for unfinished tasks, she turned off her computer and filed away papers for the next day. Clasping Sydette's hand, she guided her daughter out from her inner office. She let Melele know she was leaving to see about a family matter. Yani's security team and Sydette's lone Dora followed them to an escalator. They rode up to another floor and entered a secured elevator to N'Jadaka's floor.

The king's dynamic staff hustled about and paused when Yani entered with Sydette.

"Queen Yani," Tlotliso said. She stepped from behind her desk to personally greet them.

"Is he busy right now? Princess Sydette would like to speak to her father."

Tlotliso tapped the intercom on her desk.

"King N'Jadaka, Queen Yani is here to see you with Princess Sydette."

Tlotliso beckoned for Yani to go right in. Mpilo walked past them with a comm tab.

"Queen Yani…Princess Sydette."

He dashed to his own desk, checking his daily planner.

"No worries, Mpilo. You didn't miss an appointment," Yani reassured.

Relieved, Mpilo escorted them to N'Jadaka's closed door and left them. Sydette turned the knob, and they stepped in quietly in case he was on a call.

"Hey, you two. What's going on? Were we supposed to do something I forgot about?"

N'Jadaka watched them from his desk. He had a neon yellow floating grid hovering to the left of his desk with images of several documents.

Yani waved her hand for Sydette to sit down, and she did the same.

"We're here to talk about a decision you made this morning," Yani said.

An eyebrow raised on his face.

"What would that be?"

Yani looked at Sydette, then turned her eyes back on her husband.

"Cee Cee leaving tonight. Today, Sydette witnessed the family fighting about it and came to my office to ask that Cee Cee be allowed to stay until the end of the week so that Croix and Morgan can go to the pool party."

N'Jadaka rubbed his forehead and stared at his daughter.

"I'm sure your mother explained how we feel about Cee Cee's behavior toward us?" he said.

"Yes, Baba. I don't want my younger cousins to be excluded from all the fun this weekend. Can they please stay until Sunday?"

"I already have the Royal Scorpion Fighter ready to take them after dinner. Cee Cee doesn't belong here with us."

His voice sounded firm. Sydette's lip trembled.

"I don't want my cousins to be punished because of her. Can they stay with us…with Auntie Leona until she goes back to the Virgin Islands?"

N'Jadaka glanced at Yani. It was hard saying no to their children. Sydette wiped at her eyes.

"They're good kids, Baba. They can't help who their mother is."

"Cee Cee won't let her children stay here without her, Sweet Pea. I think it's great that you're speaking up for them…I like them a lot…"

His voice trailed off as he locked eyes with Yani. She shrugged, not entirely against them staying for the rest of the week. They both didn't want to be the bad guy. N'Jadaka folded his hands on his desk.

"I'll call Aunt Leona and tell her that Cee Cee and the boys can stay through Sunday. Your mother and I will talk about keeping Croix and Morgan with Leona until she returns to the compound. Okay?"

"Thank you!"

Sydette jumped out of her seat and rushed to her father. She hugged him tight, and he kissed her forehead.

"Can I go tell the boys?" Sydette asked.

"Go on," he said.

"Bye Mama!" Sydette shouted, running out of the office.

N'Jadaka tapped his kimoyo beads. Leona's upper body floated above his wrist.

"N'Jadaka," Leona said in a weary voice.

Yani moved next to her husband.

"Hi Auntie. We heard about today from Sydette," Yani said.

"It has been a mess of a day."

"Auntie," N'Jadaka said, "I'm going to let Cee Cee and the boys stay through Sunday. We want the boys to enjoy the pool party with their cousins. I apologize for the strain we put on you."

Leona nodded and Twyla came into the frame next to her aunt.

"I say keep the boys and send her home," Twyla said.

"It will make things worse," Leona said with an exasperated sting to her tone.

"If the boys stay, she'll think she can wiggle herself in for an extended visit afterward as if the king's order was moot," Twyla said.

"I don't understand that gyal's mind," Leona said, brushing a gray curl from her forehead. "N'Jadaka gives her everything for nothing in return, and she still wants people to kiss her backside."

"That's the problem. Big Man gives her things she doesn't deserve. I say cut her off. Kick her out of the compound," Twyla said.

"What about her boys? We can't treat them poorly."

"I'll take them from her. Keep them with me and Bibi and raise them here in Wakanda. N'Jadaka, can you grant me guardianship of Morgan and Croix?" Twyla said.

"You can't steal her pickney from her," Leona said.

"Then you do it Auntie. Everyone in the family won't go against you. We trust your judgment and if you say Cee Cee's unfit to care for her children because of her nasty spirit, they'll put pressure on her."

"I won't separate a mother from her children if she's not abusive."

Twyla sucked her teeth and stared at Yani.

"After the pool party, I'll go back home with Cee Cee," Leona said.

"Auntie, there's no reason for you to leave early," N'Jadaka insisted.

"It's the only way to keep peace in the Galiber family. I'll go back and give her an ultimatum. She has to improve her behavior…or I'll kick her out of the compound. She'll have to work and find employment on her own while taking care of her boys. I won't babysit them for her anymore. Once she's reminded that N'Jadaka provides our comfortable life, she'll shape up for good. I'll charge her rent for living in the middle house on the compound. It'll be her wake up."

"She'll never change," Twyla said.

"Where is she now?" Yani asked.

"With Uncle Fritz and Aunt Myrah. They went shopping to keep her out of the palace for a few hours before her departure," Twyla said.

"So that's the plan," N'Jadaka said. "They will stay until Sunday and she's cut off financially from the royal stipend. I'll give her monthly allowance to you Leona to provide for Croix and Morgan instead."

"I just want to forget this day and start over tomorrow," Leona lamented.

"I'll come see you tonight, Auntie, and make up for it," Yani said.

"No, you must be with your husband after your first day."

"Who will tell that cow foot she's here until Sunday?" Twyla asked.

N'Jadaka ended the call.

"I made things worse, huh?" N'Jadaka asked.

Yani linked her arm around the hard muscle of his arm and rested her head against his shoulder.

"You did what needed to be done. Coming from you directly takes heat off of my back. No one can blame me if my husband sets his foot down. Back then you were the boogeyman, but now…you're a king and the most powerful man in the world. Everyone will take our side and push Cee Cee to do right."

"I think we can head out now. I'm done for the day. Tomorrow will be easier. Council of Elders meeting in the morning and then we can go straight to our offices."

He placed a warm hand over hers clutching his arm.

"Are you sure you can take on working with the Jabari Tribe on top of all the other responsibilities you have? I can assign someone else that task at the assembly."

"I want to do it. I have some things in the works that will solve everything."

"Everything?"

"Trust me."

The hard pounding of a knock on the door caught them off guard.

N'Jadaka answered it. Tlotliso wore a grim expression.

"Kumkani… you must see this," Tlotliso said.

They followed her out to join N'Jadaka's media team inside a conference room. Several vid screens flashed different global news channels on the walls. Tlotliso pointed their attention to a center screen that showed a reporter standing outside of the Wakandan Supreme Court. She crossed her arms and looked at both royals.

"The Supreme Court finally reached a verdict on the Ozipho/Phuri case. All defendants will receive life imprisonment. Sita's testimony sealed their fate. It took four years but we finally have justice," Tlotliso said.

His Press Secretary, Xhanti, typed on her comm tab, then stared at the king.

"The press is expecting a statement at the top of the hour, sir," Xhanti said.

Xhanti continued scrolling her comm tab, and tossed back the thick auburn twists of her hair.

"I'll go shower and change in my office. I'll meet you in the lobby within twenty minutes," N'Jadaka said.

Xhanti nodded and the rest of his media team observed other channels and reactions to the news. Yani walked with N'Jadaka back to his office. She lounged on his office couch while he refreshed and groomed his beard. He returned wearing a long white tunic and sat on his executive chair. Yani braided his damp hair back and tucked it into a bun at the nape. He stood and she looked him over carefully, making sure nothing was out of place.

"Should I change too?" Yani asked.

"No, you look perfect. You'll stand next to me as I address the press."

"When will you kill Agent Ross? He's the cause of all this turmoil and death the Phuri brought."

"Next year, after I'm done using him for intel. His ex wife has the C.I.A. up our ass and Ramonda will get close to her soon enough. I'll kill him and the Americans will never know what happened."

"Won't the Americans suspect you?"

Yani brushed a tiny piece of hair from his right shoulder.

"They will suspect HYDRA."

He titled her chin and kissed her lips.

"Welcome to the underbelly of running a country, baby."

She reached up and held his face.

"I support you all the way."

He ran his hands down her shoulders and lowered his gaze to their hands clasped together.

"I have something to talk to you about later."

"We have a few minutes, tell me now."

"Another important case closed today. One that was filed while I was in cryostasis on my behalf. The Udaku clan…T'Chaka… was found liable for the murder of my father. I was awarded monetary compensation that I will put into a trust for our children. Its one billion dollars. I'm going to file paperwork with our family lawyer tomorrow to name you as the Trustee if anything ever happens to me. Grandpop and Leona will be next in line to control it if anything happens to you. I'll put Shuri and Twyla on the documents too. I want to talk about the age we want them to have access to it in the future."

Yani parted her lips and flicked her eyes to the wall behind him.

One billion dollars.

She hadn't been knocked out by an amount like that since he had left her the compound and money to care for her and their children when he thought he would never see them again.

"N'Jadaka…that's so much."

"No amount can bring my father back, but the family wants to make sure the money makes a statement to me. The court has sealed the details to outsiders. Sita made the lawsuit happen on my father's behalf. She's also responsible for putting the Phuri terrorists away."

"We should reward her."

He shook his head.

"She's not the type to take money when it comes to justice. But I will make sure she and her daughter live well for the rest of their lives."

Yani hugged him tight.

"You always give so much to people and never take anything for yourself."

"I have plenty already."

Yani held onto his hand as they met Xhanti and the rest of the media team in the lobby.

"Here's some bullet points about the case. I pulled up the information about civilian compensation. It's best if you put off questions about civil cases against the Phuri," Xhanti said.

They crowded into an elevator and rode down to the Press Room. A make-up artist powdered the shine on N'Jadaka's face for the camera lights and touched up Yani's make-up. Xhanti sent over the key details to be loaded onto a teleprompter and the royal couple waited in front of a podium for the camera light to flash red for the live broadcast.

Reporters and photographers crowded in front of the podium with a crushing wave of expectant energy. Yani's stomach tumbled and N'Jadaka touched her hand hidden behind the podium. Member's of the king's cabinet created a semi-circle behind him and Yani's nerves eased once the Council of Elders joined them to their left side.

Xhanti stood next to the teleprompter and the king checked the bullet points for clarity. A minute later, the main camera light turned red.

N'Jadaka faced the nation.

"My fellow Wakandans, after four long years, justice has finally prevailed today…"

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[ashes-writing-corner]

Guess who's baaaaack?! That's right folks, yours truly, back with the first update for Ghosts That We Knew! Think of this as like a second season or something. I knew it took a while to get this up and I'm honestly really sorry but work and life have been running me rancid all month. I work at a toy store so...yeah.

But you're not here to read about my life struggles, you're here for the fun stuff. That being said, let's get to it!

Taglist: @stargatenovus

Ghosts That We Knew

Part 9- Village of Memories

The holidays were always a bit of a sore spot for him. It was around this time, not very long ago, that he had lost everyone who mattered to him. The night Simon Riley had died for the first time, becoming Ghost for the first time. 

But watching you and Ellie put up a tree and decorations around the apartment while soft piano music played Christmas carols gave him something of an equivalent of the warm-fuzzies. Whatever that really was for a ghost, as he couldn't name it himself. It just felt nice. It felt right. For goodness sake, you had even put lights around the outside of your bearded dragon's tank. As usual, Beardie was completely unbothered as he basked under his heating lamp. 

Ghost never thought he'd see a sight like this again, much less be somewhat happy to see it. But as long as you and Ellie were happy, so was he. You had been sad to take down the Halloween decorations, as that was your favorite holiday, but he never would've guessed it with how much effort you put into making this dingy old apartment a Christmas wonderland. You had the big tree close to the window of the living area, tall and bright for all to see from below. Then you had a smaller tree next to the stand where you had Beardie's tank. 

“That's Beardie's tree! We do Christmas for him in January” Ellie explained and Ghost would nod, silently getting it. 

The day of decorating was fun. He loved watching you and your daughter set everything up. From the tree, to the lights, to the first round of baking you two did together, everything was done with such love and joy. Your smile never entirely reached your eyes though, he noticed. It wasn't a facade per se, but something was getting to you and Ghost could feel it. 

It was only after Ellie went to bed that he was let in on that. 

Ghost watched as you brought up several small to medium sized boxes out to the living room once your daughter was asleep. You set them in front of the TV set. You didn't actually own a TV, but you had an enormously long set of drawers that would've been perfect for one against the front of the living room wall. Ghost watched as you got yourself a glass of apple cider once all the boxes were out, non alcoholic of course, and got to work. 

Silent as a shadow, you set a long, sparkling white sheet across the set. You tried to layer it in some places to make it look like a mountain or hill, using some cotton for this effect. Ghost watched with interest as you started putting tiny glass and ceramic buildings all over the set with a sad but reverent smile. 

He got it. You were setting up one of those tiny Christmas villages that some folks liked to put up. He didn't think much of them, but they were kind of cute. Ghost wondered though why you seemed sad about it as you worked. 

Wrong? Your phone sounded out. 

You stopped in your work as the mechanical sounding voice asked. You turned toward the coffee table. 

“What?” You asked, hoping for clarification. 

What…wrong? 

“Oh! Nothing, I'm fine” you stopped and decided to take a break from your work, “what's wrong with you? You've been awfully quiet as of late, since I got the Cafe up and running”. 

Not…me. 

You raised a brow. “Hm?”. 

About.

“Oh! I'm okay I promise. It's just” you stopped and looked at the partly finished village, taking in all the little pieces with a soft sigh, “this is just the hardest part for me”. 

Why? 

Ghost sat next to you on the couch and you felt a chill go through you. You sighed and took a sip of cider before answering. 

“The Christmas village was my partner’s thing. I would decorate the tree with Ellie while they would work on that. I never used to even touch this because I was so afraid of messing it up” you admitted, “they would take pictures between set ups, mostly for the memories. I have whole Christmas photo albums stored away somewhere, all of the pictures were ones they took”. 

That explained the sadness a little. You missed your partner, and he could understand that. He missed his teammates, as they too would do different decorations around the base, just to lighten the mood around this time of year. 

“This is my first time doing it since they passed. I didn't have the heart to do it before” you told him as you took another sip, “ha, unintentional pun is unintentional”. 

You swore you heard your companion chuckle next to you as you continued.

“I want to surprise Ellie with it, since I know she loves it too and she misses them immensely”. 

You had moved the picture of them from your room to the living room around the first of December. You had a small altar to them, a place of honor as you were getting to be rather death positive. This was in part due to your own near escape from death, and other part due to your friendship with Ghost. 

“I never thought I'd be haunted one day” you admitted, “and if I was…well…I was hoping it'd be them. No offense but-”. 

None…taken. 

He really wasn't upset about that statement. Ghost understood entirely. You loved your partner and in a way becoming a spirit was a way of coming back. It was a second chance of sorts. In fact his original plan was to pose as your partner, but that went out the window because Ellie could see him. 

What…happen?

“What happened to them? They were a soldier and got shipped off about two years after we adopted Ellie. They unfortunately didn't make it back. I wasn't told too many details, but from what I could gather, they were trying to save civilians from a building that was being bombarded by some fanatics” you paused for a moment, “Ellie didn't know them very long, but the impact their death had on her was very much felt. They were the first to really notice her at the orphanage where we adopted her…they fell for her hard. I swear it was the sweetest thing”. 

You smiled a little thinking of the night you two had decided to adopt her. You two had spent the day playing with her, doing finger painting, and playing in the small park on the orphanage grounds. It was so sweet to watch them together. 

“I was always iffy about wanting kids, but they really made me feel better about it. They couldn't get pregnant, and it was too dangerous for me with my condition at the time.  I didn't think motherhood was in the cards for me. But my partner gave me the confidence I needed” you took another pause to drink your apple cider, “they said that they didn't care what other little kids were around, they wanted Ellie. Oh they fell hard. It was so damn sweet. So…who was I to deny that? We got everything ready, finalized everything with the courts, went through so many trials and tests before we were finally able to bring her home”. 

Ghost listened intently. Fatherhood was definitely never in the cards for him. It wasn't that he didn't like little ones. Far from it. But he had no desire to potentially put them in harm's way. Everyone he dared tried to get close to died horribly. He would've been damned completely to have set an innocent child up like that. 

Good…mother…

You smiled at the words. “I'm trying. I'm sure they'd say the same thing but…sometimes I feel like I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And after my transplant, it didn't help much. I hated that she had to see me like that. I thought by moving here, closer to my family, things would get easier, away from all the bullshit going on in the US. But fate decided to give me more bullshit after moving here” you looked at your chest with a mockingly accusatory face. 

You glanced over at the side of the couch where you assumed your not so visible friend was. You would've been right if he had the energy to show himself. 

“Ghost…this may sound weird but, aside from Ellie, you're the only person who makes me feel like I actually exist. Seriously, a dead man who killed three guys in my apartment makes me feel like I'm even remotely important. Don't ever underestimate your own importance, okay?”. 

That was a surprise to learn. A dead man made you feel alive, like you were real. Oh the irony of that statement. Double irony when he thought about it. It was a feeling he understood, as his team were often the only ones to make him feel like he was actually alive. He wasn't just Ghost to them. He was a friend, a brother to them. He was Simon to them when they weren't in a war zone. 

Thank…you. 

“Hey don't mention it” you stood up from the sofa to get back to work on the Christmas village, “I'm almost done. I can't wait for her to wake up tomorrow and see it set up”. 

You were caught off guard a little as one of the smaller pieces was levitated and gently set within the village. 

Help. Was all your phone said. 

You couldn't help but smile at that. “I'd really like that. Thank you. Just…try not to break anything”. 

Promise. 

You spent another hour finishing the village before the pair of you sat on the couch to admire your work. The apartment was all done up for Christmas, and it just left a soft, positive feeling between the two of you. Not wanting to leave it just yet, you laid on the couch and let yourself get cozy. You couldn't help but imagine your partner being there, snuggling you on the couch while you two admired your work. 

The thought almost brought you to tears, until you felt a chill embrace you and saw the couch blanket be pulled to your chin. You heard a soft voice whisper: “Let's just stay like this…”. 

You nodded, knowing it was him. “I'd really like that” you smiled and snuggled more into that cold embrace, only it didn't feel as cold in the colorful light's warm and soft glow…

If you guys enjoyed this please consider liking, commenting, and please reblog! I seriously appreciate it! I do wanna get another chapter out before or at least on Christmas! Don't worry I will be bringing the other 141st members in here soon. I might even throw in Riley (in my headcanon for this Soap adopted Riley...so keep an eye out for that...) for extra pet related angst. See you guys soon and I hope the holidays are treating you well <3

[babieroachy]

Could I pretty please request caregiver headcanons for Nick Valentine from Fallout?

sure!

raaaaaghhhh im so excited about this!!! i find a lot of comfort in nick too and there's so little fallout agere content out there!!! (to be fair, it isnt really the most kid-appropriate media, but a lot of people find comfort in it!)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐇𝐂𝐬! (gender neutral)

he definitely didn't expect to become a cg

he's seen far wilder things in the commonwealth though, and he's glad that it helps you cope with what you've been through

he found out about your regression by accident

you had a particularly rough day, and were relaxing in nick's office

you regressed without thinking, finding comfort in his presence and feeling safer

he noticed something was different, scanning over you a few times, to no avail

he'd encountered a few age regressors in his time in the commonwealth, but he didn't know very much about what it really was

he did recognize the similarities though

so he did what he does best

investigate!

he researched, spoke to people in the know, anything he could to figure out more

he never mentioned your name though, wanting to keep it private and let you tell people on your own terms if you wanted

after learning more about regression, he slowly started to leave little toys or knicknacks around his office that he thought you would like

when asked he would always shrug it off, saying someone must have misplaced it and offering to let you keep it

when you'd rest in his office late at night, he'd drape blankets over you if he was sure you were asleep

he wasn't 100% sure that his educated guess was correct, but he was pretty confident

and he had grown to enjoy taking care of you

one night, he finally asked for clarification

you confirmed his hypothesis, and he took the opportunity to ask if you would like him to be your caregiver

you were a little curious about how he knew this much about regression, but it didn't bother you too much

from then on, nick becomes even more enamored with small you

he never really considered caring for or raising a child, but he enjoys it a lot more than he expected

your smile absolutely makes him melt

he's so happy that you trust him enough and are comfortable enough to be small around him

he's fine with most nicknames, but prefers "papa" "dada" and "baba"

he tends to call his little one things like "kid" and "kiddo", sometimes "small fry" accompanied by a ruffle of your hair

he's still very sarcastic, but in a sweet, joking way. he never, ever pokes fun at you in any way that you might take as negative

he's very observant, and very quick to learn what you do and don't like. he keeps a little list in the back of his head of your favorite foods and drinks, so he can grab them when he's out

he brings back little toys from his outings that reminded him of you

he's not the most cuddly person, but he can't possibly say no to you (he loves holding you, he just doesnt admit it)

he does best with medium age kiddos, about 3-7, because he can play lots of games with them

he has a lot of logic puzzles and board games lying around, and he's never one to turn down a good game of hide and seek

he tried his best to keep you safe from all the horrors of the wasteland, even when you aren't small

you're one of the first people he's ever seen as truly precious

and by god he'll do everything he can to protect you and keep you feeling safe

[coffeebanana]

for the director’s cut ask game:

It was hard to recall much aside from how he'd awoken a few hours earlier to find his father's body splayed unnaturally across the floor, his vacant stare somehow still bearing traces of disappointment.

The ambulance had pulled away maybe an hour ago, with no sirens to accompany its departure.

Adrien only realized Ladybug was probably waiting for a response when she grabbed his hand, pulling him back to the present with a gentle squeeze. His stomach swirled. Couldn't she have reached for his other side?

She deserved better than the hand he'd used to destroy his own father.

When he finally managed to look up, he only felt worse seeing the sympathy in her eyes. He quickly looked back to his feet, panic drowning out any response he tried to cobble together in his head.

"Has anyone told you what happened?" she asked.

Adrien almost said no—which would be the truth, technically. Nobody had told him, unless he counted the clarifications Plagg had provided after the fact, details of what occurred after Ladybug and Chat Noir fell victim to Monarch's Akuma. Part of him wondered how Ladybug would tell the story, which parts would she soften or leave out. He wondered what she really thought.

But maybe it was better not to know.

Adrien cleared his throat. "I...ran into Chat Noir outside. He said he had to go, but he told me..." He took a deep breath, continuing in a whisper. "I know my father's dead."

It was the first time he'd said it out loud, and the words came out surprisingly clear. It was only afterwards, when they hung in the awkward silence following Ladybug's sharp intake of air, that he felt like they were eating him from the inside out.

Ladybug's grip tightened. "I'm sorry, Adrien. I'm so sorry."

His gut coiled tightly with some unbearable emotion. He tried to think up something else to say, lips parting as he raised his head to look at her. But the second he met her eyes—so wide and blue and sad—speaking was a lost cause.

His lips quivered. A sob clawed its way up his throat, tugging another one up behind it before the first had even broken free. Ladybug's hand rubbed up and down his arm, and that was all the encouragement he needed to finally release the tsunami inside him.

Adrien had killed his own father.

For months he'd been suffering. Adrien had assumed, when Monarch reappeared from his brief hiatus, that he was okay. That the Cataclysm hadn't been fatal. Instead he'd had a front row seat to his demise—to all the times he cried out in pain while cooking breakfast, trying to pretend everything was fine whenever Adrien noticed.

But if it weren't for that Cataclysm, if Monarch's health hadn't been weakened, then the world might have ended a few hours ago, torn apart and rebuilt in his father’s image. With his parents and Nathalie still alive.

Fic link, if anyone's interested: Pull Me From The Embers

This is already long, so I'll put the rest under the cut 😂

Man, okay. I tried to pull up past versions of google docs to see if I had anything interesting there to inspire my commentary but nope. Either I did not rewrite this part 20 billion times, or it simply wasn't immortalized mid-edit. But I did figure out that I wrote this fic in a funky colour scheme, so that's something:

OKAY about the excerpt then. I think this is one example where I'm very proud of like...how naturally I weaved the backstory in without oversharing? Like, I feel like that's something that's always so hard to get right and I definitely trend towards overexplaining. Less is more is SUCH A HARD LESSON TO LEARN ahahaha.

But here like. My slightly more fleshed out idea of what had happened is basically that Monarch's Akuma--whose power is irrelevant because I didn't think about that part--overtook both LB and CN in this. Which is why there's a chunk of the battle Chat doesn't remember here that Plagg filled him in on. And then Monarch was dying so he didn't manage to finish casting the wish, and yeah. But since LB and CN didn't wake up in the same place in the house, they don't know identities still. I imagine they both woke up, realized the place was destroyed, and immediately transformed because they really didn't know if the Akuma was still at large. And then...Adrien probably was alone when he found Gabe's body and just sort of stood there until Ladybug showed up. And Ladybug would have been too busy freaking out to realize how out of it he's been 😭😭😭

The ambulance had pulled away maybe an hour ago, with no sirens to accompany its departure. -- this is a line I was really proud of I think. idk, in my obviously biased opinion i think it conveys what it's supposed to very efficiently.

omg ADRIEN HAS SO MUCH GUILT HERE!!! this is making me want to play with that in one of my post-s5 fics, because I haven't let him piece together after how it went down in canon yet... (there's at least one WIP I have that's gonna touch on it though if i remember correctly)

huh this ask game just feels like a lot of me rambling kjbdfkbj i sincerely hope it's actually interesting LOL

Adrien having complicated feelings about his father's death is MMMMMM SO GOOD though. I could read and write a million versions of that aaaaaaaaah.

On a less serious note, the part where Adrien tells LB that Chat basically just dipped is so funny to me because like. In my mind Marinette absolutely does not question that. Because yeah okay, for one, she's more focused on Adrien, byt FOR TWO, it's absolutely normal and reasonable for her to think Chat just had some normal civilian obligation he had to get back to. He could have just showed up to patrol two days later like "Sorry LB that I didn't say bye after we literally defeated the dude we've been fighting all year! Had to get home for breakfast yk how it is!", and she wold not have questioned it at all. ajbfksdjbf love her <3

uh........i don't think i have anything else to say at this time. But I really enjoyed writing this fic!! ladrien after adrinette's gotten together is something that has become so special to me 💞

thanks for the ask!! 💜

[inaris-mage-of-storms]

"So I hear they're calling you the Lore Man these days," said Scott, giving Pix an amused look over his teacup. "A collector of stories. The most knowledgeable historian this side of the Great Desert." He patted the box of froglights Pix had prepared for him for take home. "The Froglight Man."

"Gosh, I don't know about the most knowledgeable," said Pix modestly. He stirred his own tea. "But Lore Man is a new one. And Froglight Man." He laughed. "It's a strange identity I've taken on, but it's happened. Whatever hat fits, I suppose."

"Hmm. Whatever hat fits. You've had lots of those."

"So have you," said Pix.

"So I have," agreed Scott. "Did my new one surprise you? 'King' Scott?"

"Not as much as you might think," said Pix. "Sort of expected it, if I'm honest."

"Really?" That news certainly surprised Scott. "I didn't expect it. It just sort of...happened."

"So I heard." Scott didn't question how; he'd long given up trying to figure out how Pix got his information about some things. "Will you be at the next meeting?"

"I will. I'm feeling much better." Scott took a sip of his tea. "I heard I missed the first couple meetings your newest recruit attended."

"Oh yes, you did, didn't you." Pix rested his chin on one hand and regarded Scott thoughtfully. "You have an individual meeting with him soon, don't you?"

"I do," said Scott. He could feel his expression soften at the thought of seeing Jimmy, and he schooled it into something more neutral. "Tomorrow, actually. I need gunpowder, and I thought I'd introduce myself properly for the first time before the next meeting."

"For the first time, huh," repeated Pix, and Scott squinted a little at the way he said it, but Pix only smiled. "He could use more friends. Sausage and Fwhip took a rather fast liking to him, surprisingly, and he seems to be on good terms with Gem and Katherine."

"But?" prompted Scott, sensing there was more. He took another sip, added an extra spoonful of sugar, and wondered about Pix's surprise about Sausage and Fwhip. That they would become friends with Jimmy only seemed natural to him given what he knew of their natures. So long as Jimmy's temper didn't clash with Fwhip's stubbornness, they would get along just fine.

Pix rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "But, it seems like he's having trouble feeling like he really belongs," he said to Scott. "I think he feels...a little out of his depth. Like a fish out of water, one might say."

He looked amused at his own comment. Scott wondered why, but again, he didn't ask. There had always been something strange about Pix. Scott's eye didn't see any glow about him, but he exuded a feeling similar to the ancient, magical artifacts they were both so used to handling. Some days it made Scott's skin crawl, but he chalked it up to Pix's many years in and out of old ruins and hidden temples and his own paranoia. Regardless, he enjoyed Pix's company, and he decided long ago that he wasn't about to let a little strangeness keep him from spending time with his old friend. He knew better than most that some people were simply a little odd.

There were other reasons for Pix's comment to bother him besides the joke he apparently wasn't getting. "Is he struggling very much?" he asked. "I know it can be a lot. Some of the other rulers can be a lot." He thought about Joel, and the god's penchant for prodding at any weakness he could sniff out just for the fun of it.

"Not much more than anyone else did at first, I would say." Pix shrugged. "He doesn't get on with Joel." Called it, thought Scott, and Pix continued. "I'm more worried about what could be."

Another odd phrasing. Scott's curiosity was at its peak now, though, and this time he wanted clarification. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Pix was quick to assure him, and Scott resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Then Pix fixed him with a sharp gaze, and oh, there was that itchy feeling just under the surface of his skin that had Scott looking for a glow out of habit before he remembered he wouldn't find one. He couldn't suppress the shudder that went through him, and hoped Pix would attribute it to the chilly air of the ruins.

"He needs people around him," continued Pix. "Good people." Scott raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't necessarily mean law-abiding, regardless of his profession," chuckled Pix, and Scott smirked into his teacup. "You're good people, Scott, at heart."

"Eh," said Scott, and Pix shook his head. "So what, you're saying I should make a point to befriend him?" That could be...difficult, depending on how Jimmy reacted to him at their meeting. He might not take it well. He might take it quite badly, in fact. It was a possibility Scott was prepared for, even if the thought sat uncomfortably heavy in his chest.

"I'm saying he's going to need you." Pix answered Scott's quizzical look with one of his infuriatingly unreadable stares. "Be good to him." This time was appended silently to the end of that, Scott was sure somehow. Be good to him this time.

"I will," said Scott quietly. It was an unnecessary admonition. He didn't know how tomorrow would go, but he knew he was going to go into the meeting as sincere as he knew how to be. If Jimmy threw his sincerity back into his face the way he had once done to Jimmy, so be it, but Scott would not strike back if he did.

Pix nodded approvingly. "Excellent," he said. "I have a feeling everything will work out just fine."

Prev | series masterpost | Next

[whiskeysmulti]

King was in the middle of a conversation with Gokudera-san, sitting in the base that the Vongola was bunkered in in the TYL timeline. King was relaxed and sitting near him, fork poking into the greens on their plate as he talked, moving it around but only to prolong their own food long enough for him to be pressured into eating as well. Suddenly, an explosion of color occurred and through the smoke a younger figure appeared in front of her. She squinted through the smoke, staring to figure out what happened, and then deep laughter rumbled from their lips in recognition. They only had 5 minutes together, but well, it could be fun.

"Easy- breathe. You're fine. Welcome to the future, kiddo. We were eating dinner."

King had made both of them dinner so that he would finally eat, but oh well, they'd just make it again later.

"... Have you ate? You should."

King motioned to the plate in front of the 14 year old boy, and offered a soft smile. Her hair was pinned back away from her eyes by a clip. Their clothes were casual, almost date-like if not for the bow and quiver on the back of the chair. King aimed to help him ease into the situation a bit more by just going ahead and eating a bite of food themself, picking up a forkful of greens from her own plate, and eating it.

(Clarification. This is for 14!Gokudera.))

Random IC- always accepting!

He'd been seated at the dinner table, casually reading until everything was ready. Nana had been making him come over at meal times to ensure he was getting proper nutrition and knowing he was Tsuna's best friend, and future right hand, it was only right of him to accept the invitation. Dinner had turned into a study session as Gokudera had been tutoring Tsuna and Yamamoto both when suddenly the god damn cow interrupted and in a scuffle, Gokudera was hit by the 10 year bazooka. When he landed, he dropped his book and looked around as he picked it up. The person at the table looked familiar, as if they were an older version of a kid Gokudera happened to be friends with.

He paid no attention to the food on the table, but squinted at the person asking him if he ate yet, "King, is that you?"

[goodbyenorthernlights]

(The "all others" Lina refers to here are "all the other Great Sages" just for clarification. Presumably there are other people in this world who have been born blind.)

Okay, this line? I distinctly recall that the clarification that Rezo has been blind since birth was what made me shift from "wow, rezo's a dick, lol" to seriously going "Wait a minute. What is going on in this guy's mind?"

I'm fairly sure I already knew that Rezo's ultimate goal was to heal his blind eyes, but I'd casually assumed that he'd have been blinded at some point, so the clarification that he's been blind since birth...

...Well, first, it made me go "Jesus, even if he did heal his eyes the adjustment period would be really rough."

See, there's a thought experiment called Molyneux's problem which is as follows: Imagine a man who has been blind since birth, who can distinguish between a cube and a sphere by touch. Now, imagine you cure his eyes and then show him a block and a ball, and ask him to discern- without touching either object- which is the cube and which is the sphere. Will he be able to do it?

Actually testing Molyneaux's problem is pretty difficult for obvious reasons, but the general answer we've gotten is "no" and "not for a little while, anyway" but even outside of that specific scenario issues with visual agnosia are very common in patients who've recovered from severe and long-lasting cases of blindness. There's a lot that can be said about recovery from blindness and the issues involved in it, but suffice to say that recovering from congenital blindness as a 100-and-something year old who missed the developmental period when most people learn how to use their eyes (it's not something you're just born with, any more than you're born with fine motor skills) would be, uh, difficult.

(It's not really mentioned in the wikipedia article I've linked, but I've also read that it's pretty common for people who have recovered from blindness to struggle with depression after they're cured.)

I am not sure if the writers were aware of all of this, but presumably Rezo would be at least somewhat aware since he's devoted so much of his life to researching blindness and has actually treated other blind people before...

Another thing is that it says a LOT about his relationship with his own disability that even with it having been a part of him since birth he's still very firm about wanting it fixed. Disabled people aren't a monolith, obviously, but I think generally with conditions such as blindness or deafness, if you develop them later in life they're harder to reckon with, feeling more like a thing that's been inflicted on you, whereas if you're born with them- even when they make life difficult it's kind of automatic to just treat it as a part of you? Like, this is how you navigate the world and always have, and if you were to "fix" your condition it would be a major change in your identity.

But Rezo definitely views his blindness as an affliction as opposed to a neutral facet of his identity. And that's very strange.

[breaktheseboness]

OHMYGOD I JUST REMEMBERED THE DREAM I HAD SHDSH

(CW: Slight NSFW, Lime)

MC - main character, me

ML - male lead (in this dream only)

FC - female character, aka the friend

SC / OC - side character (or other character), possibly sibling/s

please note that this would slightly be non-con at the beginning ! it's somewhat a kink thing (don't ask, it's a dream for a reason), considering the other end was welcoming the pleasure received.

--- [POV, 1]

"Hey, it's ML." FC hushed, blabbering about him, ML.

I deadpanned, "Do you still want to make him delusional or . . . ?"

Same answer.

ML, who was in all its might, noticed the two of us, and smiled as he gave a small wave. He then walked off with his friends. Was that my brother?

"This is really getting out of hand." I uttered, FC immediately saying, "See?! He looked at me again!" as she clung on my arm.

"I saw it too, FC."

With that, the blabbering about wanting ML gone in her life begun once more. His stalker-ish behaviour was already on her nerves, just as it begun on mine. Don't get me wrong, he looks fine, but his stalking on FC's social media and trying-to-be-close tactics was way transparent.

--- [SKIP]

I was exiting the lobby, looking for the familiar part-curly ebony hair of FC. Unfortunately for me, this lobby was for the use of everyone, so I just had to see him. As suspected, he was all buddy-buddy with my brother. Then they got to me.

"Go home immediately, MC." The usual line. I mindlessly nodded, realizing she was gone long ago. Damn it, FC.

"Hey, why not let her loose for a while? You have 'eyes' on MC, after all." ML said, trying to 'reassure' my brother, even though this was a no-protest thing. SC raises gives a look, before leaving him and me alone.

I felt his breath on my neck, shallow and almost deep. I shuddered. His hand gripped my arm, which makes me freeze, as he whispered, "Do you know how much I'd been watching you?"

I froze.

I was the one he was looking at. Not FC, not anyone. ME.

He already knew the answer, he just wanted to ask me that, to be close to me.

"So much." He continued, feeling his other arm snake through my hip, slowly rubbing it up and down. I let out a chortled noise, confused and baffled about all the mix of feelings I'd felt.

"M- . . ML!" I managed to breathe out, knowing he was turning me on with everything he'd been doing. "S- ah- stop it . . !" He just kissed a sensitive spot. My breathing became erratic as I attempted to take deep breaths to make it stable again. His feelings of lust was transparent.

"I take it that you do want it?"

I remained silent, trying to figure out a way out of his grasp before I succumb unto my own desires.

"I need verbal clarification, MC. Otherwise I won't know—seeing that you're seemingly enjoying this right now." He whispered, breathy, as he pressed his body on my back and him slightly bending down.

Mindlessly giving an answer I couldn't process, he pressed himself further, lightly moving as I felt myself release soft noises of pleasure. Stars, how did he know what I liked?

And slowly, everything went black as the vibration of my alarm went off underneath my pillow.

--- [END]

GODDAMNIT THIS ISNT WHAT I PAID TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR (/satire)

i think i need help

[dabihawksluvr]

Man, reading this reminded me of my own dear babies that passed away so many years ago. (for clarification - the first story happened four years ago, but the second one happened when I was 16)

(1st Story)

My little baby boy, my darling puppy, was given to me by my aunt and uncle. They were moving to a non-pet place, and I had just lost my mom the day before. So, they asked me if I could take the little guy because they knew I'd care for him. I needed the companionship, my mental health took a nosedive and the little angel really helped me cope with my loss.

Unfortunately, things got worse quickly. My little baby was sick, he would get seizures every other day when we'd go out on walks and then he'd be fine right after. At first, I wasn't too worried because my aunt and uncle said he started getting them after their other dog (his brother) had passed away a year before. Plus, they only lasted a moment and then he'd walk fine right after so I thought it was 'fine' (and I was still clouded by grief of losing my mom at the time so I couldn't really come to terms with this happening).

Over the next couple months, my little angel just got worse. The seizures happened more often, and sometimes he'd just collapse onto the grass where he would lay on his side as he whined and cried. It was terrible to see, it got to the point where I had to carry him home after maybe only walking to the edge of the sidewalk because he was scared to move after each seizure. It even got to a point where he couldn't move from the couch (the place where I slept at the time), he would just lay there and sometimes would just go right there because he couldn't even get up.

It was depressing, I had just lost my mom and now I was losing yet another part of my family...and I couldn't stop it. So, I decided to put him down after talking about it with my aunt (she thankfully helped me through it like she did when I lost my mom). Unfortunately, that day would truly be his last and yet again out of my control. Right when we brought him to the vet, my aunt took him out of the box he was laying in and took him out for one last time in the grass...and that was it. He was gone, just like that.

What made it even more tragic was, the vet was just coming out to take him inside. He had passed right when the vet opened the front door, and my aunt was the last one to be by his side in his final moments. I almost wasn't going to cry, but my aunt pulled me into a hug and I just let it all out. It was the first time I'd ever been in a group hug as well, so the emotions hit me hard. In the end, I let my aunt wrap his little body in my coat as they sealed the box I had carried him there in. And she chose the spot to bury him in, I wanted her to have that decision and they ended up burying him next to his dear brother that he missed so much.

(2nd Story)

At the time, I was only 16. We had this dog for years, and she was actually the mother of the dog in the 1st story. So she was old, and was abused by her previous owners who used her for solely breeding. She didn't like me that much, and my brother even less so...but she loved my mom. And it was sweet, my mom was happy to have a little companion even if at times she said the little angel was 'my' dog and thus my responsibility (my mom was a whole mess herself but that's for another time).

One day, the little old lady snuck out of the house. We don't know how she did it, but we assumed that she snuck out the front door while mom was checking the mail earlier that morning. And I didn't know what was going on, because I got food poisoning and was bedridden for a couple days. I wasn't able to help look for her, I was so out of it and barely remember what happened while I was sick.

After only a day, everyone stopped looking. The old lady was small, and we assumed that maybe a bigger dog got her or she'd just come back on her own. But on the third day, we heard whining from outside - it was her, and we all recognized it. Unfortunately, we didn't check the places under the porches that our apartment complex had and she had somehow snuck under one. So she was at the house, she was just hiding. But we didn't know, even one of the neighbors saw her but we thought it was a lie.

After a week, I had gotten over being sick...and that's when we found her, already passed and right where the neighbor said she was. I didn't even look, my mom just wrapped her little body up in a garbage bag and sealed her up in a box. I was in such a frazzled state, even as I carried the box in my hands I just couldn't comprehend that I was basically holding her coffin. I even regressed at one point, believing I was back to a time before we even had her - my brother tried waking me up, and I screamed that I didn't want to go to school (by this point I had dropped out so I was definitely not in school anymore).

Eventually, one of my mom's friends allowed us to bury our old lady in his backyard. Though it wasn't easy, because that friend had an asshole karen of a neighbor who said they'd call 'humanitary services' (I don't remember what it was actually called) to have our dog just dug right back up and disposed of like trash. Thankfully, we just buried her away from that karen's field of range and that was it. We had one last goodbye, and we went back home.

Sorry for the drop off

Im more or less in emotional distress. Baby girl, one of my dogs, has been missing for a few days and we finally found her in the woods, but she's having trouble breathing, won't eat, can't stand up, and is extremely frail. We can't take her to the vet, we have no money for food let alone taking care of an emergency like this, so we're trying every home remedy we can think of but it isn't helping. I've been sobbing my eyes out for the past few days just trying to prepare for the inevitable, because we can force meds and some food all we want but I know that this is bad, and that she likely wont be with us much longer.

It hurts, and Im more or less kinda numb after days of crying and begging them to not put her down just yet, but things dont look good, and all I can ask for her at this point is for her to go peacefully and that she'll have a good spot in the afterlife just wagging her tail and waiting to greet me like she used too when I'd come home.

Thanks for the understanding, Sorry this was all so sad and sudden, but I love you beans! I hope you're all having a wonderful day!

-Mommabean

[faebaetch]

I'm so fucking distraught and so fucking angry.

This entire week it's been "yeah, it feels like he's pulling away. Yeah, he's not flirting with me anymore. BUT, I know him and I trust him. He wouldn't have used my affection for some quick validation. He wouldn't talk shit about this girl then immediately date her again. He wouldn't not tell me that he was seeing her again and just let me be under this false illusion that we had a chance of working things out. You're being fucking crazy and overthinking and being suspicious because you're insecure but you trust him and you know he wouldn't do that to you."

And yknow, I was wrong.

I'm angry that he let me there to fucking stew in my own anxiety. He knew I was excited about us. He knew I was interested. I was texting him daily, I was flirting with him, I fucking thanked him for texting me first because it made me feel important and I told him I was nervous that I was bothering him so the effort on his part meant a lot. I made plans to see him again quickly.

And yeah, it would have still hurt but I didn't even get a text saying they were back together? I just got ignored and stiff answers. Enough to make me ask what the fuck I did wrong. But he wouldn't leave me hanging like that so obviously I'm just overthinking.

I had to ask and fucking stupid me. "I'm not upset I'm just overthinking and want some clarification because I want there to be good communication 🙃" basically "I know I'm being silly and overreacting to nothing, right?"

It's just infuriating now, y'know. It's not even that he's dating her. You do you, go find your fucking happiness. I hope her shitty head is enough for you. Also, how dare you talk shit about this girl and then go back and convince her you care again.

In part, it's that what the fuck were you waiting for? I texted him late Sunday night. My guess is they got together Wednesday or Thursday? I was supposed to come over to see him, to hook up with him, Monday. So what, was he going to wait to tell me until I came onto him and then he'd set me straight? Let me feel humiliated and a weird sense of shame for assuming he still wanted me? Then I'd have the great decision of attempt to pretend everything is fine and nah that didn't just crush my insides, let's just sit and eat chipolte 6 feet apart while we talk about work OR I'd be unable to keep it together and be even MORE humiliated and sob in front of him and then leave immediately and drive my ass home after basing my day around seeing him and being so fucking excited OF COURSE I told everyone I was going over there. Or idk was he going to wait until I said I was on my way? The thing is, there was no thought process. He probably just hoped it'd go away and he'd deal with it if it came up but it wasn't a big deal to him so 🤷‍♀️ whatever.

It's also that I have been going through a lot lately. In this, I have realized and I told him that suddenly the world isn't good anymore and I'm suspicious of everyone. I now think everyone could potentially hurt me and realize that good intentions are harder to come across than you'd think.

I told him that he was safe though. That no matter what, I trusted him. I told him that it was part of why it was hard to move on because I can't trust anyone like I do him and I felt guilty for being suspicious of his intentions for a moment.

But yknow, we've now knocked that list down even farther. And now I don't even know how to go forward.

How do I try to date again? I did it once, I got assaulted. I went back to my safe person, the man I was seeing for 5 years, and I got used and discarded. No one is fucking safe.

And so I cut him off. I'm choosing peace and I'm closing that door. I know he doesn't but I hope he fucking feels bad.

The sad part is I still want him to text me. I still want to see him. I still want him. But that's the fucking problem, isn't it. And that's why I took his number out of my phone.

"Am I the issue in my relationships? Because I feel like I'm the common denominator." And I fucking fawned over him and told him how fucking wonderful he was and reassured him. The next day is when he started being cold so I must have really helped his self confidence to rekindle things with her.

I'm just so angry. How fucking dare you.

[dreamifics]

Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone.  She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed..  Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second..  Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor..  They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again 

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow   .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them.  Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

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@sydneekomspacekru

[thenexusofsouls]

"Nothin' wrong with that. Actually that's pretty rare for kids these days," Wade said. "All of 'em seem to be on phones or iPads or whatever, streamin' or tweetin' or instant-gramin' or whatever the hell they call it. It's nice to meet a kid who actually reads real books. I'm never gonna have kids, but if I did, I definitely wouldn't let 'em stare at screens all day long. They're gonna play outside in the fresh air and read actual books, damn it, if I've got anything to say about it," he said with a chuckle.

"Eh... I mean..." Wade groaned, shrugged, and folded his arms. "Snow White ain't shit, really. It's kindof a dumb movie. And all the singin' sounds like a buncha cats bein' tortured. But it's classic. The old Disney one is, anyway. If you want somethin' closer to the original Grimm's fairytale version of it, I suggest Snow White: A Tale of Terror, but that might be a little too scary for someone your age," he teased him. "If you prefer readin' to watchin' movies, then maybe just read the actual fairy tale. I'll give you credit for that, even if you haven't seen the classic Disney version."

He laughed at Rockland's enthusiasm about him reading the Lord of the Rings books, though. "I will definitely email you about 'em. Not only to tell you how much I liked 'em, but probably also to get clarification on some things because... those epic fantasies, man... Too many names and places and 'Wise Ass, Son of Dumbass the Fourth of Insertnamehereville, Wielder of Epically Impractical Sword Number Forty-Seven.' There's no way I'm gonna be able to keep all of that shit straight. So I'm countin' on you to iron out the wrinkles in my brain after I read these things, okay?"

Wade appreciated the kid's attempt to cheer him up and keep things light. Since losing everyone, he knew he had a tendency to get pretty dark and down rather often, and isolating himself after becoming a vampire didn't help him out of that funk at all. "It's alright. You're fine, don't worry about it. I could use the levity right now, believe me."

But then he asked about what had happened, followed by a retraction based in embarrassment. "You're fine, really," he said again. "I just didn't wanna get into it 'cause it's not exactly a story you tell children. I know you're not like a little kid, but still. It's just not a nice story." He could censor and shorten it, though, right? "I was the leader of a team for work. They were like family to me, we'd all been together for years. I mismanaged a job in Mexico and got 'em all killed... 'bout two months ago."

The conversation shifted to him being a vampire, and he got the feeling he was disappointing this kid a lot. Hell, he was disappointing himself. He didn't seem to have any of the cool movie abilities and all of the downsides of being one. When Rockland brought up that there were mutant-friendly clinics, that actually made Wade think for a second. Was he a mutant? Was it possible that that's all that being a vampire really was? "Yeah, you think so? Maybe I should." If nothing else, maybe he would learn something.

"Yeah, I can touch silver, but if I do for too long, I get a painful rash. The really weird thing is, though... it also makes me feel weird. Like if I touch it for too long, I start to feel kinda tired, or dizzy even." He shrugged. "No idea what that's about, but... good thing I don't own any silver jewelry, huh?" He laughed at the over thirty comment. "Yeah, not bein' this bald, but nice try. I appreciate the effort," he said, running his hand over the short fuzz on his head. Wade wasn't totally bald, but he was balding, so some years ago, he'd decided to just go the buzz cut route.

He nodded. "It has been a big adjustment. Especially tryin' to figure all this shit out alone. It's one thing if I had someone to talk to about it, but I gotta just laugh and scratch my way through it and somehow figure out how to manage my life like this. I can't say I like most of the changes, really," he admitted. Being a vampire didn't make things better, just different, and not always different in a welcome way.

Well that caught their attention alright. A middle finger had shot into the air, directed at a group of teens across the street who were hovering by a Duncan Donuts long closed for the night. The boy beneath the hoodie, propelling said finger, sneered. Just like that, the group of five moved towards him, the tallest, Shacks, sauntering forward with an irritating air of confidence. And to think, there'd been a time when Rockland had thought he was cool.

"You can't seriously blame us, Rocky." He looked to the others with cruel amusement, "It was a prank, get a sense of hum-" Too busy searching for the favour of his crew, he'd missed the draw of the younger teen's fist before it met his cheek.

"Prank my ass, I could've been arres-oof." Rockland was tackled by Archie, the smallest of the bunch, who was about a head shorter than he was, but kinda stalky for his age, and with the element of surprise on his side. Cane clattering out of hand, and across the sidewalk, the lanky teen scraped across the pavement, electric pain radiating up from his tailbone. He caught the breath that had been knocked out of him just in time to catch the thump of a fist to the nose in return. - For Wade

Wade didn't know what to make of this city yet. He'd only been here a couple days and was still trying to get his bearings. It wasn't a bad city, he thought, just cold. Just... really cold when you're alone, like all cities are. Nevertheless, Wade did some hunting and stocked up on other supplies, always wanting to stay on the move. That's how he got jobs, and that's how he kept sane.

Tonight had been quiet enough so far... that is until he heard sounds of a fight. But a fight... between kids? Was he hearing this right? Wade made his way toward the sounds, and sure enough, some kids whose parents were absent and whose bedtimes must be fast-approaching were going at it. Or rather, several kids were beating up on one unfortunate one.

"Hey! Come on, cut it out, what the hell're you guys doin'?!" Wade yelled, hoping to scatter the bullies. "You know better than this, get off him! Don't make me call the cops!" he said, watching as they all scattered... save for one. Wade knelt down beside the boy lying on the ground. "Hey, buddy, you okay?" he asked gently.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.

Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.

So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!

Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.

2020

It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.

I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.

On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.

And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.

However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.

Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.

None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.

After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.

I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.

I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.

But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?

My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.

On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.

What would Grandpa say in this situation?

Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.

I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.

But a knock at the door tore my attention away.

Why did I hope it would be her?

Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.

I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.

I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.

5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.

-_-_-_-

8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.

It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.

The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.

I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.

My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.

I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.

After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.

"Brianna!"

My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.

"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.

"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.

"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."

I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.

As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."

She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.

She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.

When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.

She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.

When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.

"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.

"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.

"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.

They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.

"Nope. Just two guys." One said.

"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.

"Or dick hunt."

"Or both."

"Nah, how would they even get in?"

Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.

So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.

I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.

And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.

Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.

But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.

"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."

"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.

I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."

"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.

"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."

Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.

Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.

Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.

I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.

Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.

And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.

Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.

I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.

But she wasn't there either.

I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.

I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.

"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.

"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.

She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"

"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."

I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.

"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.

"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.

"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.

"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.

But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."

I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.

"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."

"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"

"No problem, baby. Love you."

"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.

How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.

Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.

But there was no sign.

Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?

It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?

The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.

"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.

I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.

Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.

A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?

Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.

It wasn't stopping.

Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.

Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.

I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.

I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.

Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.

My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.

There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"

"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"

"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.

"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"

"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.

"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.

"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."

"When?"

"Half an hour ago."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."

"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.

I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.

But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.

In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.

Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."

I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.

She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.

Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"

The people went quiet, beaming up at us.

Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.

My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.

But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.

Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.

"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."

Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.

"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.

And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.

When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.

"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."

Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.

Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.

My heart stopped

There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.

And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.

Right at me.

Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.

Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.

She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.

Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.

Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?

"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."

Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.

But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.

"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.

"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.

We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?

I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.

And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."

He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.

She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.

I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.

And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.

I froze.

This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.

Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.

But it had been only a few days.

"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.

"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.

I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.

But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."

So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.

I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.

"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.

"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.

I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"

"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."

I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.

"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.

She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."

"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"

She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.

I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.

I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.

But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.

She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.

I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.

"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."

"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."

She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.

She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.

The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.

"Blair," I uttered.

She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.

Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.

"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.

Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.

Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.

Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.

"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.

She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."

She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.

"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.

I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.

My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.

"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.

And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.

"Is something going on?" She asked softly.

I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."

"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.

I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.

"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.

"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."

"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.

"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."

Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."

I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.

My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.

"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.

"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.

I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."

"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.

"Oh. Well, if you say so."

She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.

I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?

"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.

"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.

"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?

"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.

I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.

"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.

Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"

"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.

"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."

"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.

"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.

Subliminal, Blair. I like it.

Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.

Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"

"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"

"No, not really," Blair replied.

"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."

"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."

"I get it. 100%"

"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."

"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."

"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."

I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.

"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.

"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"

I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?

"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.

"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."

Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?

Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.

Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."

Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.

I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."

"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.

"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.

"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.

I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."

"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.

I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."

"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.

I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.

Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.

Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.

"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.

Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."

I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.

But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.

Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.

And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."

Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"

Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."

Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.

"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."

"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.

Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."

I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.

I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."

I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;

She was strictly into girls;

She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;

She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.

She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"

"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."

Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.

Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."

That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"

Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"

I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.

I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"

Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.

"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."

"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.

"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."

"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"

"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.

I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.

I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.

But maybe she wouldn't.

But maybe she would.

But maybe…

Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.

I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.

"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"

Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.

But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.

Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."

"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."

"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."

I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"

Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.

I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.

The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.

It was reality.

We hadn't just slipped into some other world.

This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.

And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.

She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"

"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.

But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.

Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.

Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.

When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"

"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.

"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.

But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.

"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.

"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"

She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."

I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.

I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.

Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.

"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.

"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.

"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.

"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."

Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"

"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."

Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.

"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.

"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."

Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.

I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.

"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.

"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."

Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."

I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."

"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"

I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.

I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.

But that was all.

"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.

"Not even the card she gave you?"

My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"

"Yeah, she gave you a card."

Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.

"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.

I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."

"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."

I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.

But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…

"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.

My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.

I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."

"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.

I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.

I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.

I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.

My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.

But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.

No. I needed to know the truth.

Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.

The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.

But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.

And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.

Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.

'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'

I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.

I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.

That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for

That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.

How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.

How I never danced with her at the prom

And finally, our recent argument.

It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.

And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.

I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.

Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.

Or…

My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.

My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.

'Grandpa's tips for life'

My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.

At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.

'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'

I needed to tell her.

I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.

"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.

I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."

"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.

"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."

"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."

I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.

"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."

"You think?"

"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."

I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What?"

"Go get her."

Grandpa's words reiterated.

"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"

"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."

Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.

I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."

I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.

"You really helped me, Blair," I said.

"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."

The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.

I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.

When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.

But the car was still.

"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.

"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.

Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.

I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.

The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.

He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.

I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.

It rang.

And it rang.

And it rang some more.

"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.

The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"

The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.

I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.

A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.

I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.

My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.

And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.

"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"

He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"

I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."

I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.

"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.

I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.

I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.

Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.

And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"

She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.

My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.

She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.

I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."

Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."

I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."

She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.

A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."

I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."

"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).

Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.

But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."

"She did?"

"Yep."

"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."

"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."

"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.

"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.

"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.

I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."

Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.

And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.

I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"

Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."

"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."

"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.

We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.

When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.

But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.

When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.

This was our dream.

Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.

The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.

But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.

Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.

It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.

When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.

I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.

A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.

But we didn't care.

When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.

"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.

"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.

With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.

We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.

I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.

I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.

I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?

My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.

We did it, Grandpa. We did it.

[spookysanta]

Hold Me (g.d.)

Summary: (Y/N) is going through some things, and her best friend and room mate calls (Y/N)’s boyfriend to ease her mind.

Pairing: Grayson DolanxReader

WARNINGS: i would say it’s sad but like???????? it’s really not bc my writing is ass

Drabble #18: “It’s okay to cry.” (thank you @honoretshoney for the request!!)

 HOLY PISS I AM SO BEHIND ON DRABBLES THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR WEEKS

(did you see what i did for my lil comment ^? “holy piss i am red” lmaooooo i hate myself bye)

UNEDITED

(photo not mine)

***

“What do you think it is?” Her best friend and roommate asked the girl’s boyfriend. “I mean, it’s been three days, and I haven’t seen her.”

“Really?” The girl’s boyfriend replied in shock as he took the exit on the Los Angeles freeway.

“Yes, really. And I’ve been camping out on the couch all week.”

“And why are you camping out on the couch when you live in a three-bedroom house?”

“Because I started watching Big Mouth and I wanted to watch it on the tv in the living room! Next thing I know, I’ve finished both seasons and it’s been three days— and I haven’t seen (Y/N) one time.”

The girl’s boyfriend sighed, turning onto the familiar street with a stony expression. “Hm.” He hummed as he pulled into the hilly driveway that he hated, but loved at the same time— only because the girl that lived in the house past the driveway owned his heart and soul. “I’m here. Come outside and help me.”

“Help you with what?” Her best friend asked. “You’re the man, you’re the king of “dad shit”. Why am I helping you?”

“Because I went grocery shopping because you don’t have fuckin’ food in your house. And I know that because when I was over there on Saturday, there wasn’t any fucking food. And now it’s fucking Thursday, and guess what? I bet you every dollar to my name that there isn’t any fucking food in your house but Cap’n Crunch and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.”

“You... are an ass.” The girl’s best friend cackled. “I’m coming, hold on.”

“Hurry your ass up.” He hung up the phone and turned off his car, getting out and opening the backseat. The girl’s best friend walked clumsily out of her house and stumbled to the car. “Hey.”

“Hey. Pass me bags, it’s fucking cold out here.” She shuddered in the midst of the 65 degree air.

“It— it isn’t cold, but fine. Take these.” He handed her three bags and he carried the rest. He followed her into the house and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. She started to unload the bags when he stopped her. “I got it, don’t worry.”

“No, no, no. You need to go see her, I got it.” She patted him on the shoulder. “Go.”

He shoved his chocolate bown hair out of his face and rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Knocking on her bedroom door, he then turned the knob. “Baby?” He asked almost above a whisper. He hadn’t heard from her in a few days, which isn’t abnormal; they’ve got their individual lives to live.

But the situation in which (Y/BFF/N) described made him worried; he never had known his girlfriend to be the kind of person to just... isolate herself.

“Go away.” He heard her angelic voice mumble tiredly from underneath her bedsheets.

“(Y/BFF/N) told me you’ve been having a rough couple days, and I just was here to check on you.” He walked farther into her bedroom, his steps in his Doc Marten shoes silenced by her fluffy brown carpet. He sat timidly on the edge of her bed, placing a calloused hand on one of her sheet-covered calves. She moved her leg from his touch. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” She scooted farther into her bed, completely covering her head with her bedsheets. “I don’t want company.”

“Not even me?”

“No.”

He sighed, pondering for a moment about hist next actions. Then he stood up and took off his shoes, shirt and jeans, lifting her bedsheets and getting into bed next to her—much to her dismay. “Get out!” She exclaimed, shoving him off her bed with all her might.

“No. Not until you tell me what’s wrong with you.” He grabbed her angry body and pulled her in towards him. She shuffled away, frowning at how close he tried to force her to be. “Tell me.”

“I just... ugh,” She groaned as she gathered her thoughts into coherent sentences. “I’m just so fucking stressed. And if I talk about it, I’m gonna cry.”

“It is okay to cry, y’know. Everyone does it-- even me, sometimes.” He said with a shrug. “So talk to me, and if you cry--”

“And if I cry.. you’ll be there to hold me?”

“Of course.”

“Ugh. Okay.”

“Alright,” he nodded. “what’s got you so stressed out?”

“College, and work, and being a fucking adult. And it doesn’t help that I don’t see you when I want to because now you work all the time.” She stopped for a moment. “And on top of that, I feel like I’m some-sort of burden to you.”

“To me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I’m so needy! I ask for things and you give them to me. You provide for me, buy my groceries, pay for my hair and nails, you go out of your way to put gas in my car, and—“

“So you don’t like those things?” He asked for clarification. “Because I don’t remember anyone sounding this angry for getting free food and gas.”

“It’s not that I’m angry, okay? You just do so much for me, and I have nothing to give to you in return. And I’m trying to work and work to pay you back for all the things you do for me, but I can’t.”

“Who told you to do that?”

“I—“

“No. Who told you that you had to pay me back?”

“No-one, but—“

“But nothing. You don’t need to do all that for me, okay? I do all those things because I love you.”

“Okay, but I feel like I’m using up all your money.”

“So you mean to tell me that you’ve been holed up in your room for three days... because you’re guilty about me spoiling you? No disrespect, but it’s my money. All I use it for is taxes and bills-- what else am I gonna spend it on, if I have all I need? If I like buying you shit and doing things for you, I’m gonna. And you’re not paying me back.”

“But--”

“But nothing. This is the one time in our relationship so far that I’m gonna tell you that I don’t care what you you have to say.” He grunted. “Moving on, next subject.”

“Well, I just have so much on my plate.” She sighed, feeling like she was going to burst into a fit of tears in any second. “It’s work and college, and I miss my family and my friends, and I don't see you like I want to anymore, and nothing for me has been going right recently and I just can’t take it anymore!” Warm tears ran down her brown face, her body shaking as she finally confessed the thoughts that had been wracking her brain over the last week. 

“Oh, baby.” He pulled her into his arms and engulfed her in his warmth, making her regret her initial hesitation to even let him in her bedroom. But now he’s glad that she eventually did, because her fit of tears were heavy, and he could tell by the way that she way bawling in his arms that she’d had those feelings for awhile. “Why didn’t you tell me these things?” He cooed into her ear. 

“B-Because I just.. I-I didn’t know how, and I didn't want you to do the “I told you so” thing.” She blubbered, sobbing more into his black t-shirt. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m all stressed about work and you told me when I moved here that I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to.”

“Well, I was right wasn't I?” He chuckled as he heard a groan emit from her. “I didn't say it.”

“Shut up.” 

He rubbed her back soothingly and pressed warm pecks on her forehead and cheeks, making sure that she felt his love in any way that he knew to pass it to her. “Are you better now?” He'd asked after a few more minutes of her quiet sobbing and sniffling. 

He felt a faint nod against his hard chest, and then heard an “mhm.”

“Good.” He put his lips back by her ear, kissing the cartilage sweetly. “You know you can tell me anything, right? You don't have to go through these things alone.”

“I know, you’re just so busy, and--”

“Doesn't matter.” He replied pointedly. “If you’re going through something, big or small, let me know. Let me help you and be there for you.”

She finally let out a deep breath. That exhale felt like it had been stuck in her chest for days, and to have that gust of air set free made her feel a lot better than she did before. “Okay,” she agreed.