psa: date someone who doesn’t bring up stuff u do during sex as a joke
my ex was making a joke one time to me abt “how ppl don’t actually gag “like that” (he made the sound) irl, except you that one time” and laughed.
he only got like one more bj after that joke, and told me it was bad. he basically told me that i was mediocre at it (he’d been hinting at it our whole relationship) but that i should do it more.
he made too many “dick cheese”🤮🤢 jokes for me to enjoy sucking him off ever. fucking disgusting.
personally, i don’t think stuff you do during sex should be used as joke fuel, even if it’s j w ur significant other. ig i think it’s distasteful.
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My ex texted me the other day. That was... an adventure.
This journal is 100% vulnerable. I never expect anyone to see this and I would never let my friends or family or even him know.
I miss him so much.
He's still home. I think without supports and accountability I'd sink so easily back into him. I miss talking to him every day and I miss hanging out and fuck, I miss falling asleep on his chest. I miss feeling safe and loved and that complete blind trust.
I don't always know if I miss him or if I miss what he provided me.
Fact of the matter is though, he's bad for me. Bad for my peace, my brain, my mental health, my relationships, everything.
I walked on eggshells around him and constantly was on edge. There never felt like there was any accountability. He'd say something to hurt me and instead of apologizing, it was because I had done something 'wrong' first (like not knowing where his charger was or not telling him he was right in a situation) and I just took it because if I didn't and got defensive then that was the issue. Not that he was berating me in the first place but that I got defensive. I should always be calm and gentle and patient with him as he's angry with me or else now I'm the problem.
Wow, okay, that was a rant.
More applicably though, he doesn't respect me as a person. He's never thought about how something may affect me.
Not when he came to my work after I said no contact.
Not when he sent me flowers after I said no contact.
Not when he sent a letter asking for my mother to lie to me and a gift after I said no contact.
Not when he contacted my sister, a mutual friend, and my direct manager.
Not when he wouldn't come home other than to sleep for days when we lived together.
Not when he'd leave me alone to see friends he saw on a daily basis when I was struggling.
I made myself so small, so easy in that relationship. I didn't want to ask so much or take up space. So instead of asking for date nights or quality time, I sat at home and waited for him to get back and he never did. I lived practically alone for a year and we were both on the lease.
So yeah.
I can't invite him back into my life.
Even platonically.
But seeing him beg for my forgiveness and attention? I wanted to give in so bad.
But sometimes boundaries have to look like barbed wire.
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I have some opinions on Jill tuck and her death if people want to hear about it.
Jill is one of my favouite characters in ALL of saw [top five] I wish she had gotten more screen time and more of her own character outside of John, but that's another conversation.
What I wannt talk about is her death.
I think thematically, story wise and as a conclusion to the series, it's one of the best/most important deaths ever.
John wanted her to be protected, promised her that. And tried to keep her away from everything. And YET. it's his own machines, the things he made that killed her.
The most iconic trap [The Reverse Bear Trap, which, its the first time we see the trap go off to kill someone which is also perfect for the end] that kills her, and I think that is the most fitting end to a woman who wanted to get away from John yet still handed out his will.
She was supposed to kill Hoffman with the rbt and because it failed, she was put on his radar to kill. John tried protecting Jill and yet he put her directly in harms way.
However:
the movie fucking sucks ass with its misogyny and treatment of women, Jill tuck especially. and it sucks so much that a great death was surrounded by stupid dialogue and mistreatment of women.
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... Why does Steve hate the hoodie?
Three reasons:
(1) Eddie had this hoodie when Steve met him and it was old then. The sleeves have frayed, there are holes in it, the collar is stretched out, and the gas station logo that was on it is so far faded that you can’t even tell what it says. Steve thinks they should burn it
(2) This thing permanently smells like weed. Eddie says that it doesn’t but Steve swears up and down that it does.
(3) Steve is technically Eddie’s first official boyfriend but he’s not the first boy that Eddie was ever in love with. There was guy a couple grades above Eddie who wasn’t out because this is Hawkins, but they used to do boyfriend-like things together. It’s his hoodie.
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Okay I'm being crazy.
I got a little high and suddenly I don't care as much.
Crazy right
What will be will be. Nothing I can do to change it and if this is what he wants I have to accept that.
I'm not so sick over it right now
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I left a comment on Mutah's video, expressing that I am
1)not a fan of keffals
2) disappointed in his video for the blatant fear mongering of transgender issues such as DIY HRT, the smarmy ways he went about producing said video, and the overall bad and unprofessional job I thought he did
3) that I was a huge fan of his for a while, but not anymore
I got called a troon, a groomer, a pedo, ECT.
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Hey uhhhh Top spooning Mew and cuddling him in bed is uhhhhhhhh extremely violating actually. Mew made it very clear he does not want to be around Top. In his current state of intoxication, he was not able to consent to being intimate with Top in this way. He didn’t even like drunkenly pull him closer or flop on top of him, Mew was completely unresponsive the whole time. Top’s inability to sleep alone is a skill issue he should deal with rather than using Mew as a convenient prop to negate it. If he wants to win back Mew’s trust, cuddling him without consent is probably a bad way to go about it.
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Ao’nung to the cute new guy: Hey do you want to come over after school?
Neteyam: sure, can I bring my younger siblings? I have to watch them.
Ao’nung: sure, as long as you come.
*later*
Neteyam: here we are! *gestures to Lo’ak, Kiri, and Spider, fully basically the same age as him and three of the most unsocialized, insular, and weirdest little freaks you’ve ever seen in your life*
Spider, way too eager: HI!
Kiri, disgusted: why are we here.
Lo’ak: *trips and smashes a vase* that was like that when I got here.
Ao’nung: oh. my god.
Neteyam, perfectly proper and delighted: what?
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