#if cis male why so babygirl

[hiraeth-daydreams]

RIP "Sniper"/Kaname Hagiri the twinks and lesbians of tumblr would have loved you

[chevelleneech]

Again, claiming Felix isn’t physically androgynous in the most basic of ways the term/label is used, is a blatant lie, and I do not understand why kpop fans are spouting it.

You don’t have to like nor be a fan of someone to admit their gender is difficult to specify to those who don’t know them. I mean, for fucksake, Felix looks like this:

At first glance, some of these do give man, but others absolutely do not. From a very base level, heteronormative point of view, he looks like a woman more often than not lately. Which is fine, it’s just his face, lol. Making threads about how he doesn’t and people only say so because he has long hair, is stupid.

Aside from his physicality though, Felix has actually made a point to state from his own mouth that he’s intentionally aiming to be viewed as unisex. He likes the fact that he doesn’t fit into one or the other, so even if his physical appearance was more masculine, saying he can’t be androgynous at all is dismissive. Especially because androgyny is as much of an identity as it is an objective feature.

Now, I’m not saying Felix is no longer cis or wants us to toe the line of pronouns for him. All I’m saying is, he likes resting in between. He doesn’t view himself as masculine and was surprised that other people do. He said he likes having longer hair as well, and that short hair isn’t always fun. So just let him be.

For real, this once again steps into my box of, “Kpop fans love the idea of queer/non-cis idols, but hate the reality of them actually existing.” Proven all the more, because Felix has also said he has a type in men and women, which people have staunchly decided was nothing more than a joke, despite the context showing it wouldn’t make sense due to him being unaware he was being recorded.

So yeah, you know… seems like Felix is probably very likely somewhere on the queer spectrum, and is fine with that, but it’s fans both of him and not, who simply can’t accept what’s being offered. It’s all fun and games to these people when male idols in particular are written into their favorite fan fic roles, but once these same men vocalize their attraction to men in real life or showcase how accurate fics were in describing them as “Babygirl” or non-binary, it’s suddenly too much. It’s unrealistic to take as the truth, because South Korea is apparently the Mecca of queerphobia, to the point where actual queer people do not exist.

According to idol fans at least. Fuck the real life queer people living in the country fighting for their rights. Fuck the extremely few out queer idols who have said plenty of other idols are queer (which is a given). And especially fuck the idols themselves who have said they have been or are attracted to men and women. And we can’t forget he to say fuck the idols who have stated they like that their gender or presentation of self attracts all genders, or leads to them being assumed queer or non-binary. None of those people matter, because FANS have decided they’re not real😌

[littencloud9]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

oh my god. an excuse to talk about my favs please never apologise for asking i love u. heres a list and also a song i assign them because i can LMFAO 🫶:

10. murashige yuzuki - skip and loafer

yuzuki means SO much to me. she is so so kind and has the biggest heart ever and is always looking out for the rest of the girls, and she’s so perceptive too. and the effort she puts into her art makes me sob. she’s the biggest supporter and i adore her friendship with the other girls 🥹💗

song: there she goes by sixpence none the richer. dw about it

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9. mai - avatar the last airbender

she is SO me. oldest sister core. i adore how much she cares in the show even though it’s always masked by indifference or harsh words. her betrayal scene was FANTASTIC and she is so skilled and powerful i love her. also love her design it’s very cute!!

song: are you satisfied? by marina. i feel i dont need to explain this one

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8. kyan reki - sk8 the infinity

holds him so gently. nothing bad should happen to him ever. he is the sweetest character and he is trying his damn BEST and his arc was incredibly done. super realistic. hurt my soul. him and miya are the most siblings to ever sibling. GIVE HIM PRAISE HE DESERVES THE WORLD

song: outdated by lyric. ps i LOVE lyric it’s my new obsession and her songs send me to heaven. highly recommend !! <3

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7. shi qingxuan - tian guan ci fu

the genderqueer icon. the silliest babygirl. they are the light of my life and i smile every time they come on screen. them and xie lian are the funniest duo ever. and i love how cheeky they are no matter the situation, and that they’re so smart!!

(honourable mention 1: lang qianqiu. he was here before sqx replaced him. his story shattered me into pieces and i hold him so dear to my heart)

song: girls and boys in school by neon trees. i am the biggest neon trees fan and i feel like the vibe fits. also any trashy 2000s pop song fits too. i think sqx would love kesha

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6. yosano akiko - bungo stray dogs

YOSANO I LOVE YOU 💗💗💗💗💗 the moment her backstory hit i was utterly fucking DESTROYED. her fight with kajii and her speech about how valuable human life is (which you wouldnt expect because her ability can ‘reverse’ death) was amazing, and then you get to know WHY she thinks that way with her backstory. and the way she was forced to become a weapon but unlearned that with the help of the agency. oh god. im on my knees. asagiri give me more yosano screentime i beg 🔪

(honourable mention 2: akutagawa. i didnt want to spam this list with bsd characters but just know that he hurts my soul and destroys me mentally)

song: history of man by maisie peters. again i feel i dont need to explain this

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5. mu qing - tian guan ci fu

he is SUCH a little fucking bitch (affectionate). admittedly hes here because hes pretty and sassy. genuinely my fav tgcf character and his attitude is funny. hes also dumb sometimes (with feng xin or xie lian) and i love how hes so embarrassed of affection. please give him more hugs i need to see this man blush. also hes in an 800 year old situationship and there is SO much to unpack there but it doesnt matter because i want to throw him in a blender NOW ‼️

song: best by gracie abrams. i was gonna put a sillier song but i think this fits him and his dumb situationship. get this guy to talk about his feelings

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4. edogawa ranpo - bungo stray dogs

!!!!!! RANPO! hes so me. hes been my fav since season 1 and then untold origins got adapted and i was shaken. holy shit. hes just a boy. he just needs love. he flaunts his brain and power as a direct response to how much he was shamed for it as a child. HIM AND FUKUZAWA. HIM AND YOSANO. im gonna sob. he seems so cocky and arrogant and then u realise hes desperately trying to be the smartest in the room because he knows how much the agency relies on him. hes trying to protect everyone. hes holding the weight of the entire agency on his shoulders. im squishing him I LOVE RANPO

song: mastermind by taylor swift. it was either that or mirrorball. but i think the bridge fits him especially well <3

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3. itadori yuuji - jujutsu kaisen

TOP 3!! ITADORI YUUJI THE MC THAT YOU ARE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💞💞💞💞💞 hes pink and silly PLEASE take all his suffering away and give it to gege akutami. I LOVE HIM. he has undeniable willpower AND UNSHAKEABLE CHARACTER and he keeps getting up no matter how many times hes been beaten down. HE FIGHTS SO HARD FOR THE PEOPLE HE LOVES. he wants to save people. he blames himself so much for things that aren’t his fault and it makes me CRY holy shit. and the way he looks past appearances and sees people for who they are inside/their talents and positives. GREENEST FLAG. I LOVE YOU YUUJI. please please please give him back everyone he loves and give him a big hug. put him in a romance anime this jjk shit is NOT for him 😞

song: atlantis by seafret. it was that or not strong enough. both options hurt equally bad. I LOVE HIM ☹️

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2. cheng xiaoshi - link clink

HNGHHSHDHDHHSSJDHSHHSHSSHSHDHSHSHDHHS. CHENG XIAOSHI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. none of you get it (ps PLEASE watch link click i want more lc friends 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏). he is the best thing of this show and the show is fantastic so thats saying something. HES SO DUMB BUT SO KIND AND AN AMAZING FIGHTER and his backstory omg i need to give him a hug. i love how determined he always is to give people a better life, to change their past for the better, even though hes heavily warned not to do that. and that he is ALWAYS fighting for others. and how understanding he is. his relationship with both lu guang and qiao ling are so precious. he has this warm aura around him that draws the other characters to him u know?? i am the biggest cxs stand i will defend him with my life. i cant say much more with spoilers so ill end here but I FUCKING LOVE HIM PLEASE WATCH LINK CLICK DO IT FOR HIM 🫶🫶🫶🫶

song: waiting room by phoebe bridgers. he knows he cant change anything but god fucking DAMN it does he wish he can. sobs forever

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1. fushiguro megumi - jujutsu kaisen

MEGUMI!!!!! i feel like we saw this coming. ill never shut up about him. megumi i love you. ill defend him with my LIFE. he is the biggest lover at his core and he is so determined to protect those he loves. and his whole thing about never reaching his full potential because he doesn’t believe in his power… ough. and how he loves his friends so much but wont show it. he’ll be like ‘i do NOT care about human earthworm’ and then watch all four movies. he is my son. and yeah as a manga reader ive been suffering for so long but WE HAVE HOPE NOW! megumi nation in megumi we trust 🙏 I LOVE HIM. his sass is also really funny. i love him have i mentioned that. im not even articulate anymore my brain is just HDHFJSBDJDHJD when i think of him. he makes me miserable. his relationships with tsumiki, gojo, toji etc are all so depressing in their own way. HE DOESNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT SHIT BTW GEGE GIVE HIM BACK HIS HAPPINESS. also wait i love how smart he is during battle and how he is so observant, and how he explains jujutsu stuff to people like yuuji who are new to it. HAVE I MENTIONED HOW KIND HE IS. HGDNAJDHSJD. my silly pining gay boy. i am hugging him so gently and making him the warmest soup ever. sorry for the rant MEGUMI THE CHARACTER EVER 💗💗💗🫶🫶🫶💞💞💞🩵🩵🩵

song: the alcott by the national ft taylor swift. this is ESPECIALLY solidified by this edit here that changed my life. LIVE LAUGH LOVE MEGUMI 2k24

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wow this is a long post. thank you SO much for the ask sorry for how incoherent this is i love my favs 🤍

[lockedtowers]

my muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / canon inspired

is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

how strictly do you follow canon?

so like pmuch everything that happens in s/yfy al/ice happens but i expand on it more and recognize jack as more evil, and also i make my own canon inspired by that canon (For this blog). if we're talking abt my book version of cassie tho i make the canon.

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals

the ever present curse of a life you didn't choose, a basis never chosen. the broken (cat) who had to escape, a preconceived notion on what you are based on who you're related to, the monster's daughter, a lost heir, the discovery of who and what someone is and how those around them can shape them into either good, evil, or the undetermined inbetween. also she's a cat

now the OPPOSITE. list everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

i tone it down a lot tbh but she does use a lot of 'big' and 'annoying' words, she tends to be a little bit of an asshole, and ofc... she's a girl (usually). genderfluid chars usually arent preferred by fandom, fantasy isn't as big as it was back in the day, people don't really love adaptions anymore, and in a lot of ways i base things around 'is this something someone would find interesting in a cis male muse' and if the answer is yes, i love it and fandom hates it. also magic. also, like, 'oh too powerful waaaaa' which is another reason why i nerf her in rp quite a lot. also i tend to make a lot of things abt her, bc i love her.

what inspired you to rp your muse?

so back when she was still a dormouse and part of an open group i co ran it was bc of the fc my then friend picked out but as i've adapted her made her my own changed her animal and everything its pure unadultered love

what keeps your inspiration going?

she's my babygirl and even if nobody else loves her i DO and want to find others who also love her and maybe me

some more personal questions for the mun. give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you a sensitive person?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

if i ask for it, but she's my character, and i have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so i simply don't ask for it.

do you like questions which help you explore your character?

yes

if someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

i will hear out whatever but like if it's a headcanon. abt my character. then thats my character. but if it involves another char like obviously we should build it together lol

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

this is my cat

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

well, she's my char, and it's my blog, so idc

are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

i'm dyslexic feel FREE to let me know.

do you think you are easy going as a mun?

prolly yea

my muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / canon inspired

is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK / unfortunately

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK

were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

how strictly do you follow canon?

honestly i don't even think scott knew what canon was, most of it is fanon, and i don't like most of the fanon. i really just do what i want w him and my only real inspiration is what was shone in the first 6 games, a dash of the newer ones, the film a teeny bit, and the silver eyes trilogy. but it's mostly my own canon as well. i'd say canon inspired but also i'm more or less writing him as an oc.

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals

i don't want to sell him he's evil and more than half the fandom wants to fuck him he's an evil genius, master manipulator, at one point he loved his fam and kids. at one point.

now the OPPOSITE. list everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

if i start i wont stop. he's literally a child killer, he literally created things to kill children. would he have done that if his son hadn't died? probably not! but he is unforgivable imo, h8 him, like from a psych standpoint its interesting to dissect his brain but like yknow

what inspired you to rp your muse?

i already wanted to from game one but when he finally got a name i was like welp this is mine now

what keeps your inspiration going?

i dont rly write him often bc the fandom wants to believe he's even worse than he already is and everytime sb messages me wanting to have their muse aged down and obsessed w him and them to do things i get grossed out and can't deal w it please never ever do that again anyone ever he's horrible but he isn't that

some more personal questions for the mun. give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES

are you a sensitive person?   YES / NO / SOMETIMES

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

in his case, no, because most criticism i receive is either 'how could anyone write someone who isnt at least morally grey whats wrong with you???' (people sexualize and romanticize him too much and just wanna fuck him and its like there's a line where you can explore the man he was but still respect the horrible person he becomes and not romanticize who he becomes, which a lot of ppl... can't handle. when it was sb who had an entire blog of serial killer characters tho a few years back that was just ironic) or mad at me for refusing to make him a p3d0 so like, absolutely not. i won't accept any criticism on him from anyone. ppl are too annoying.

do you like questions which help you explore your character?

yes

if someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

it depends. bc if its abt either of the things above, no.

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

idk, i don't really care when it comes to him lol

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

GOOD

tagged  by  :  stole from max

tagging  :  u

[sparrowmoss]

as it continues to be a very popular thing to refer to male characters as babygirl/girlfriend/wife/mother/etc, i would just like to ask again that if and when you do this, you take a moment to think about your reasons why. why you feel like you need to use a feminine term instead of a masculine or neutral one. are you feminizing them to infantilize them, degrade them, or something else in a similar vein? are you unable to see these traits in a person without associating them with femininity and womanhood? i think any time you misgender or feminize a character, you should be thinking about why you feel the need to do so in that instance. and i know that a lot of it is just trying to fit in and get a good grade in fandom social circles, but i think every new trend that comes around should be thought about thoroughly rather than thoughtlessly adopted, even if you think it’s coming from other “good” people.

i think there are a lot of layers to how this is part of a bigger issue of people trying to make the gender binary and established gender roles cool again, which we truly should not be circling back to. i’m not saying every instance of this is driven by sexism, internalized or otherwise, but i think an uncomfortably large amount of it is, even if unintentional.

for an example, people churning out “happy mothers day” posts for various male characters on said day every year, usually because their male character of choice has traits that are traditionally associated with women and mothers. are you starting to see why this is not good to adopt into your mindset? it is not a woman-exclusive trait to care about your children by any measure besides society’s patriarchal values. there is also some gender binary being intrinsic to biology bullshit in here but for now i’m focusing on sexism.

every parent should be caring for their child, expressing love for them, feeding and clothing them, protecting them, and comforting them. if you see these traits in a person, real or fictional, and your knee-jerk reaction is to make a joke out of it and call them a woman, i think you should reflect on that. i truly don’t see how this is much different than right-wing people who see a real man taking care of his child and say “what are you, a woman?” “no real men do this” or the like, and guess what! they quite often take to the internet to say the same things about fictional men on their screens, too! and when your thoughts and sentiments are aligning with people in the right wing, even if you adopt a different tone when saying it, it’s worth some consideration.

all of this is especially worth some deep introspection if you have zero interest in, or even feel negatively toward, your subject character that you feminize actually being genderweird in some way, ESPECIALLY in a transfeminine way. because unfortunately, a lot of queer people do this to characters, and even a lot of nonbinary and/or trans(masc) people do this to characters, and actively dislike the idea of exploring that character’s actual relationship with gender expression, identity, and roles. so many people who babygirl any male character at the drop of a hat are not open to the idea of that character being transfeminine in any way, and that is a problem, full stop. if you’re a cis woman or a transmasculine person and are very attached to the habit of babygirl-ing male characters, but you either 1. only ever headcanon these male characters as transmasculine, or 2. only ever headcanon these male characters as cis men, really, really give that some thought. this is not an encouragement to take the characters you infantilize and demean via emasculation and turn them into transfeminine characters that you then continue to infantilize and degrade/be sexist to, what i mean is that you need to start looking at this mental system as a whole.

just, think about the times you feel the need to feminize a male character when you refer to them. because despite any insistence that fiction has no effect on reality, this can eventually bleed into how you treat real people. and more often than not, the way you are referring to fictional men as babygirls or mothers is only happening in the first place because you hold already established ideas about femininity, and certain traits and their ties to gender, that are harmful and not true.

[lttleghost]

you're so right in that reblog for real ,i cannot stand how people are so open to trans headcanons until it's a transfem one :/ i'm not transfem myself, but i did have a really rough time coming to terms with my own womanhood! so taking characters i've liked my whole life and interpreting them as transfem is really nice! plus it helped me learn a lot about trans people besides my own specific type and experiences. but people can be so rude and dismissive about it just because... i dunno, harder to relate or something? it's so annoying!

IT'S INSANE TO ME!!! like it's crazy enough that people will hate a female character that shares the same traits as their male fav but for some reason I was just…. not expecting it to happen when… transing the gender of the SAME EXACT CHARACTER

another thing is you'll even see people call their favs "babygirl" and feminine terms or even sometimes "woman-coded" but nooooo they can't be transfem I guess? they're only "babygirl" as long as you can still say they're men!

I'm not transfem either and I've only got a bit of a connection to womanhood but I also really like connecting to trans people who have different experiences from me (also in direct opposition to the ideas that some idiots have about trans women "enforcing gender stereotypes" or whatever, more of the transfem community was (and still is) welcoming of my being no-med no-op, resembling my agab, and using weird pronouns than other transmascs were at the time when I first was discovering myself)

but also while there's some things I really don't care about textually supported headcanons, there's well written media where transfem headcanons just… make more sense thematically and even just in not interfering with the existing text like- I dunno how ppl expect me to interpret Hunter as transmasc when her whole thing is finding an identity outside of the MAN that she is a clone of, and then with my icon and wife Jesse Pinkman because I cannot stop myself from ranting abt her, I understand that there's a lot of things that can be interpreted as her being stealth transmasc… if you can suspend your disbelief enough that this person that has buried the person she really is from people, including herself, under this harmful façade that he's had to adopt to survive has still somehow figured out enough about himself to have already transitioned to the point of passing as cis in an environment where there's multiple individuals that would be incredibly transphobic and have known him long enough that they would know he's trans, like in a show that has a ton of themes about change and revealing true self….. why are you bending over backwards to say this character has already transitioned or has even realized she's trans? and that's not the end of transmasc Jesse being a weaker reading of her character either

like….. I don't understand the need for people to have their favs be EXACTLY exactly like them, like I understand projection and all of that and I think that's good but I think it'd be good for people to learn how to find common ground in identities that aren't the same as theirs, or even think about the differences someone might experience in an identity that is "mirror" to theirs like a very fem transmasc person like myself isn't gonna have the same experience as a very masc transfem person, and it's important to realize that or you're gonna make a lot of bullshit assumptions, but like if you can't relate to the fact that you're still both outside of what is expected of your gender and being trans then like.... that's pretty messed up

this is a pretty disjointed rant and not at all comprehensive but like..... yeah

[cum-villain]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

no problem, i love ask games like this!

this is in no particular order, just vaguely The Top Ten

ainosuke shindo from sk8 the infinity. he is such a fun guy. he commits crimes yes but hes sad and pathetic so i forgive him. his whole deal with love and "love" is jhasdhfd hellyeah.

shen qingqiu from scum villain's self saving system. what can i say, he is literally the guy of all time. he is shizunhusbandwifemommydaddy. he is the transgender transphobic homosexual homophobic asexual man woman nonbinary peep. hes special.

shen qiao from thousand autumns. i barely know anything about him but he is so so precious i cannot not list him here. baby <3

mike wheeler from stranger things. if you look at my st blog youll notice its literally all mike jhsdghasdgfhasd. hes so complex and hes also my sweet baby. i love picking him apart.

yue qingyuan from svsss. i want to give him a hug and tell him everything will be alright and give him his beloved and make them tell The Truth About Things for 10 minutes because he deserves it. i just. cry. he.

shi qingxuan from tian guan ci fu is literally an icon and 90% of what i know about her is from spoilers but honestly slay. i cant decide if shes genderfluid or a trans woman but either way. its in the text and that amazes me. cant believe theres a gender character in my danmei novel. also she slays so hard. queen.

shen jiu from svsss is my wet pathetic baby and also so so tragic. objectively terrible person but i forgive him. also she is trans. to me.

youngblood from roleslaying with roman. he is the moon but actually thats a facade hes the sun. man it feels weird using he/him pronouns for yb because i am so convinced she is gender. it has no canon basis but she is a queen ok.

armand from interview with the vampire. specifically the books because i have never watched the show in my life. he slays i think.

luo binghe. bingbing. my babygirl. my silly goose boy. he <3333

[135-film]

stole this from an ask game because i have no respect for people and i don't think anyone cares about my opinion on characters. so meow. i'm just answering it myself idgaf

i'm gonna be talking about my babygirl (DA2 not awakening) cus hes on my mind frequently.

1. why do you like or dislike this character?

his transgenderism captivates me. and also the terrorism/treason

2. favorite canon thing about this character?

his everything. i literally think about him daily

3. least favorite canon thing about this character?

his hatred towards elves especially fenris. i like his asshole attitude until it comes to literal slaves but i don't even think bioware like, knows what slavery ACTUALLY is so. lol.

also i love bisexuals more than anything (bisexuals are the sexiest people aliveeee) but also the fact that he "is" bisexual even though he really. shouldn't have been. his interactions with female hawke are so insanely lackluster it hurts, but his interactions with male hawke are more than faggoty to the point real human people were mad about him being a faggot to them

4. if you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

nothing <3 i don't think about crossovers because i do not really care for them

5. what's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

i don't do music associations for anyone but IRL people and my kins so i do not have a single one.

6. what's something you have in common with this character?

we are both gay transgender terrorists

7. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

almost nothing. they make his stupid gay ass UGLY and also i hate dragon age fans (i am not joking)

8. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

when they bitch about him because hes an asshole or they make him super buff and cis and ugly. and they also like to pair him with fenris because le tensions or whatever, but i am literally begging people to use their fucking brains about that. (they won't)

9. could you be roommates with this character?

no. he would kill himself

10. could you be best friends with this character?

no. i would kill myself

11. would you date this character?

PLEASE ANDERS PLEASE CALL ME BACK PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE I NEED YOU SO FUCKING BAD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character?

his transgender cock is huge

13. what's an emoji, an emoticon, and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or that you think this character would use a lot?

i think this question is stupid but, without a single doubt in my mind: 😼

14. assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

miniskirts and crop tops. and shorts that show his ass. and a g string. and

15. what's your favorite ship for this character? (doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

just anders/hawke (either gender for hawke but M hawke is what i imagine), i don't really think about the companions dating outside of the pre-existing relationships (like iron bull/dorian). but i don't really think DA2 has many good options for him anyways, so unless he's making out with some random fucking NPC that only says "i'm so hungry and it's so dirty down here" i don't think he's getting anything

16. what's your least favorite ship for this character?

fenris/anders. i already said my reasons.

17. what's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite.

i like, almost never see any other ship honestly. i guess i did see a threesome fic that i liked with isabela, but they weren't a thruple they were just fucking lol

18. how about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

i think this question is worded so strangely. but i think a lot about justice and anders relationship a lot, and honestly karl and anders relationship too. i just lay here and go , man .

19. how about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

need i say it again. also, him and aveline should just relax a bit more tbhtbh

20. which other character is the ideal best friend for this character? the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter.

honestly i still think DA2 anders should be best friends with oghren. not that he WOULD be, but that he should be

21. if you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? what's something you don't like?

i literally only write porn fics of DA characters. (i have not shared them anywhere because they are old ass WIPs from like, ages ago.)

buuuut i don't like making him blond and i like melding his awakening personality and DA2 personality together because it's just what makes the most sense to me.

22. if you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? what's something you don't like?

pretty much same as above, and also the whole cis thing. i really cannot believe people don't see him as a nasty tranny

23. favorite picture of this character?

his concept art.

24. what's another character from a different fandom that reminds you of them?

uhhhh. probably nobody right now.

i haven't played BG3 but i've HEARD (from fandom spaces) that gale is pretty similar to anders in a few different ways. but i've also heard (from friends who know nothing about DA) that they don't think i would like gale, so.....truly who is to say unless someone wants to buy me a $59.99 (+$4.50 in state tax) game so i can learn more

25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

when i went into DA2 i was about 15 and had only ever seen fenris/hawke and that was what i wanted. until i saw anders. and then it completely derailed my course and i went fucking crazy for him. and now i cant NOT date him

[santeros]

anyways

[nanistar]

my good friend shadowsight

shadowsight babygirl

sexuality headcanon bi but male preference!

gender/pronouns headcanon cis

rate them out of ten 9/10 very good boy

favorite thing about them i love when characters are cursed or fucked up! very good.

least favorite thing about them how apparently he "never" had a connection with starclan. that sucks and i hate it. also it doesnt make sense.

why i first started liking/disliking them instantly tbh. also his name is SOOO cool

do i relate/project onto/kin them? no

favorite quote/moment can't believe he let ashfur go after they had him captured in shadowclan lol

my fav ship ive only seen him shipped with rootspring and that one is fine. not really my thing but whatever. he should date sunbeam because their names would match

my fav platonic friendship his friendship with root should be expanded on especially in the wake of ashfur and /bristlefrosts death

a ship i hate IDK

do i prefer canon or fanon? fanon

random headcanon listen. we all know it should have been him who died to kill ashfur in the end. it would have been so satisfying and good for the narrative. like. his clan and his life and his job were so uprooted by ashfur's influence, he was almost killed by him (i hc he has lasting damage to his leg for improperly healing while being stuck in a ditch for half a week) he's already so haggard at like 1 year old. he should have been the one to kill ashfur.

what color do i picture them as dark gray with black spiral tabby markings. i'm also team red-eyed shadowsight.

cat breed headcanon his ears are slightly curled like dovewings but not really noticeable unless hes next to a normal-earred cat

unpopular opinion he got WAY too woobified. he was never a mewling baby boy. like, he was almost a full med cat when the books started. also he's BIG. he's tigerheart sized but people love to make him itty bitty.

things i associate with them

song i associate with them

favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them CAN I SAY MY OWN. i still really love this one

this one though. ough. so Good

[sweetmoogirl]

I'm curious as to the psychology of your kink. For someone so young, it seems like a pretty full on and specific kink. I am wondering firstly, what is the connect between fantasy and reality, if any, are you just engaging in fantasy purely for horny reasons? Does your fantasy and kink ever enter your reality and if so to what extent? Secondly, how did this kink begin for you - were you traumatised, did you simply explore the internet until stumbling across something that you explored further because of the sexual excitement it gave you, do you have mental illness or are you a fully functioning person? I think there's a lot to learn from you so please, the more detail and clarity, the better.

im pretty flattered that you seem to think im so interesting lolol

i dont know which kink youre specifically talking about though since a lot of my kinks can fall under this line of questioning. ill answer this for the three "worst" kinks i have: detrans/misgendering, cnc, and misogyny. if its not one of these three then lmk and ill answer again.

for detrans/misgendering, it really not that specific tbh. theres a lot of trans people who have a kink like this or similar to this. (forced) feminization is also very common, especially in masculine spaces. theres absolutely a psychological aspect to this, as well as a societal one. trans people are oppressed and often discriminated against in many ways, including being misgendered. this kink allows for a SAFE and CONSENTUAL space for someone to cope through their traumas in a healthy way.

theres also a VERY strict gender binary often forced on trans people by cis people, and sometimes others in our own community, that force a lot of us into a box. if you dont keep your hair short, wear boy clothing, like masc hobbies, and transition medically then youre not a real trans man. if you dont do makeup and wear dresses with long hair, tuck, get surgery or use padding for breasts, or act feminine then youre not a real trans woman. if youre too masc or fem or you dont fit into nonbinary stereotypes then you must be lying.

this kink is a very easy way to explore masculine and feminine sides to ourselves as trans people that we wouldnt be able to irl because of these harsh gender roles that we HAVE to adhere to otherwise no one takes us seriously (obviously trans people are valid NO MATTER HOW THEY PRESENT OR CHOOSE TO DO but this is a very common mindset we have to deal with).

i got into this kink bc my gender dysphoria is awful. its made me miserable for most of my life and it, alongside my adhd and possible autism, is why i struggle so much with depression and anxiety. im always worried about how ill be seen, if ill pass as male, and remembering my own body makes me sick. i started joking over half a year ago, saying "well i cant get dysphoric if i pavlov myself into getting horny everytime i get misgendered. haha checkmate t3rfs!!!" and then it became less of a joke.

i wrote stories of trans men exploring this kink in my writing and it really helped. im still dysphoric. i may joke about how this kink is the way to cure gender dysphoria but thats not how it actually works. i still have days where my body is unbearable and the thought of being feminized makes me want to hide away forever. but it genuinely did help to break out of those boxes i put myself in and play in a safe space with terms and mentalities regarding my gender.

in terms of fantasy and reality, this is purely fantasy for me. i have no desires to detransition, nor do i have any want to be misgendered outside of horny purposes. i am a man, i will always be a man, and thats not going to change just because tumblr user xyz called me babygirl. im almost a year on testosterone and im considering getting top surgery as we speak. this kink doesnt affect me on any other level than horny.

for cnc/noncon, this one is probably a bit more in depth. i dont have any specific trauma in this field. ive been touched inappropriately against my consent a handful of times (as in someone touched my chest or my hips) but nothing that spawned this kink.

however, there are studies that show that a LOT (as in over half) of afabs get fantasies regarding cnc and non consensual situations. this DOES NOT mean that they want to taken advantage of. for the most part, this kink derives from the idea of being wanted so badly by someone that they would take you no matter what. its also the idea of POWER PLAY, of being helpless and not having to make any sexual decisions.

theres also a lot of trauma involved and, as stated before, kink is a SAFE and HEALTHY place to cope with that trauma as long as safe words, aftercare, and proper communication is enforced. there are many people who like being in a cnc scene and knowing that, unlike their trauma, they now have CONTROL over the situation and can stop it whenever they want and have their wishes be RESPECTED. in this area, i am the wrong person to ask so i implore you to do more research on your own with this topic if youre truly curious.

for ME personally, i like noncon/cnc bc of that power dynamic. i am a submissive who could NEVER dom in any sense of the word. i like being completely submissive and i like having my dom take control and do anything and everything for me. i dont want to make decisions and i like being overpowered and taken care of. its just hot to be forced to do something, whether that be manhandled into the next room or be good.

this is a fantasy that ive had for years, even when i was a kid. i dont know WHY that is, but i do know that a lot of my friends who have childhood related trauma also had fantasies like that as a kid. i also discovered hardcore porn and noncon scenes when i was WAY too young to even know what sex was and im sure that exposure affected me in an unhealthy way too. again, id implore you to look for educational resources on the nature of forceful and violent fantasies, both sexual and not. its a fascinating subject and bdsm and kink psychology and etiquette has been a fixation of mine for years.

and it is just that, a fantasy. in real life, i am extremely sex repulsed and borderline identify as asexual because i dont want to do anything like that with anyone. im also, as mentioned before, extremely anxious and socially awkward so i dont like being near people at all. the idea of anyone hitting on me or not respecting my boundaries makes me feel ill, even if its hot while im horny.

for misogyny, ill keep it short bc its related to everything above. basically combine my reasoning for cnc and detrans and youd get my reason for this. its basically me, as a trans person, going from one extreme of being so masculine it was toxic and exploring the other extreme. its once again just me exploring a taboo subject in a safe and consensual space.

misogyny kink is rooted in strict female gender roles, as well as the forcefulness and disrespect you get from cnc. thats why its my favorite kink, it combines everything i like but specifically utilizes WHY i like those things. i discovered it when i made my first detrans/misgendering tumblr account and made a side account dedicated to it, and then when i made this account i just combined the two.

i grew up super fucking feminist and i still am a major feminist who is all about supporting women and their choices. i love women and think theyre cool as hell and much, much stronger than i am lolol. this is just a fantasy for me, nothing more. this is another kink that is heavy on the dom/sub dynamics, as well as giving people who experience trauma at the face of their oppression a place to take back those experiences.

anyways thats my super long post!!! tysm for asking, anon, i love answering questions. if you have any further questions then you can shoot me some more anons or you can message me directly, i dont mind :D

i hope i answered your question and it all made sense!!!!

[noa-ciharu]

Heh Heh

What about....

Yuna D. Kaito, Akira Ijyuin, Seishirou, and Best boi Clow? (I am kidding on the Clow part though)

I haven't read ccs2 so I'll skip Kaito. Ik who he is but idk anything about him. Also based on diversity of length of replies you'll clearly see my favoritism lol 😎

Akira:

Sexuality headcanon:

I guess he's straight? He had crush on a woman his whole life, married men and they're living happily together

Gender headcanon:

Cis male

OTP:

Probably him and that girl of his. Sorry I keep on forgetting her name, I'm rly bad with names

BROTP:

Suoh, Akira and Nokoru

NOTP:

Who is he paired with anyway? If someone is shipping Akira with Suoh or Nokoru that's fine with me really. So no ship I dislike

Random headcanon:

I'm 300% sure Akira met his dad by accident (from Akira's perspective) on street, on his bday to the boot, and just never figured out it's his dad. Comedy shojo style ofc

General opinion:

He was so adorable, I adore him. Also I like how Clamp draws his hair nowadays

It's cute and someday unique

Clow:

Sexuality headcanon:

I guess he's bi? He was too touchy with Yue and it got me like SUS

Gender headcanon:

His gender is magical bastard

OTP:

None really

BROTP:

Also none. We don't know anything about his past so we dont know who his friends were

NOTP:

I'm actually not opposed to Clow/Yuuko, I just like to joke about it. I don't ship it but I can see why some people do. Beside Yuuko, idk if Clow is shipped with anyone else

Random headcanon:

I literally can't come up with anything. Sorry :<

General opinion:

Actually this is where my problem lays, it's bc I read CCS hurriedly back in 2015 and all I know about Clow is that he was some powerful dude that acted nonchalant and managed to fuck up time and space somehow. Also that clamp somewhat used his as plot device (?). Ik he appeared in Tsubasa too but I feel like I'd have easier time getting college degree than understanding trc ending

So yea, I basically lack info on Clow to form an option that isn't based on jokes and what I've learned from fandom

Seishirou:

Sexuality headcanon:

Subaru-sexual he's gay af. His TB vet persona is literally campy older gay guy who preys on younger males. Chicken Hawk really. Because look. Sumeragi twins are bi bait. They look the same and are both beautiful af. We all know who Seishirou had eyes for during whole year. So yea, defo gay. Actually, let's just keep it as Subaru-sexual, yea that's the most fitting description

Gender headcanon:

Bastard babygirl cis male I guess

OTP:

Seisub ofc. If I had to sort them then X>TB>TRC versions. They're just so... written. Honestly in the end it doesn't even come to whether one ships them or not, bc their story altogether is a very powerful tragedy. Also I'm generally non-emotional person and extremely hard to emotional affect (literally over 95% of media I watch leaves no profound effect on me) but two of them (TB/X in general), damn did it cut. Damn does their story cut in deep, not just in terms of romance, but in terms of lonliness and isolation of modern cities; in terms of tragedy, character development and complexity of human nature and interpersonal relationships. Honestly I can go miles about seisub and how it fundamentally changed way I do and view shipping but I'm a bit sleepy rn. I've been chasing high I experienced with seisub and whilst I can recreate it with some other clamp ships at the moments, I can't with ships outside clamp fandoms.

BROTP:

In TB/X it absolutely has to be his relationship with Hokuto. Power duo they were unstopable, Subaru couldn't catch a break. In that manner TB trio too. But not just comedy moments, but ones like this:

At moments I wonder if Seishirou underestimated Hokuto. She is bubbly, seemingly has somewhat shallow interestes and such, but behind cheerful surface (maybe even front she puts up for Subaru's sake so she'd cheer him up), Hokuto is extremely sharp and mature girl for her age. There were few moments where Seishirou and Hokuto had serious convos, usually about Subaru's self sacrificial and sensitive nature. And Seishirou always had his smirk and inner 'quite observant out of you Hokuto-chan' moment.

In X he barely interacted with anyone beside Subaru. Ik we as fandom joke about Seishirou and Fuuma being bastard bffs but if we were to serious take X, then I'd say Seishirou would prefer to avoid Fuuma altogether. Ofc he'd never let Fuuma know that, it'll be considered vulnerability. He'd be unnerved not only by someone stronger than him, but also with ability to see what dwells in one's heart. Fuuma could hold a mirror reflecting his soul and Seishirou would rather stay blind to what he sees there

NOTP:

Ofc I saw some crack ships with Seishirou but I never saw a serious ship with fanbase that's not seisub. I guess I'd be a bit ?? if he's paired with a woman. Ofc unless said woman is Setsuka, because tbx fandom is still torn whether motherfucker is just an insult or description for Seishirou

Random headcanon:

He wears sunglasses to save eyesight and 'put distance between himself and world around him'. But I'm sure Seishirou keeps sunglasses on regularly to turn blind eye to reason behind his blind eye, so to speak. Deep down he knows he moved in front of knife on impulse to protect Subaru and that deeply unnerves him. Of course all subconsciously, thus he'd rather not be reminded of that inner turmoil. Still it's rather ironic Seishirou and Subaru parted in TB with both leaving marks of reminder on each other's body. Subaru remembers Seishirou whenever he looks at his hands and Seishirou sure as hell remembers Subaru from time to time when he looks at his blind eye

Also I think Seishirou made bet on impulse based on deeply rooted wish for connection with another human being. Ofc he never became aware of said wish because it's ego-dystonic to him. He views emotions as weakness, love included.

General opinion:

😎🦅🌸🌈🚬

[mosnet]

🥴 ask game ... brotp for date and/or saito

just did date . im doinfg saito because i can and OOOOOOOOOOOGHGH THIS MOTHRE FUCKRE...

sexuality headcanon: aroace with a side of "admiration of the strong male physique" . its complicated

gender headcanon: agender in a cis way. he doesn't "get" gender and he doesn't think about it and his pronouns are only he/him because he doesn't give a shit

a ship i have: i cannot say Any of these im going to get cancelled

a brotp i have: i cant think of any that i dont just also regular ship........... *SWEATS* WHY ARE YOU DOING THI ST OME

a notp i have: any* of the girls? except for manipulation purposes

a random headcanon: my favorite one is so fucking problematic orz so instead im gonna say that while he was shokomoding he took mizuki out on mommy-daughter dates a few times (for info gathering mostly) and accidentally was a better mother to her than shoko ever was in her entire fucking life. he bought her ice cream without complaining about how "expensive" she was and she was like um. mom are you feeling okay

general opinion: objectively bad rep for every low empathy cluster b in the entire world but hes my babygirl so it's okay

*excluding one which again i cannot say im going to get fucking scalped

[greyknighterotica]

NOTE- I tried to submit this anonymously but its like 4 times over the word count, and I decided not to be a coward and let you see who I am instead 😬😬 buckle up and grab a beverage because this is long and I’m sorry 😭🤣😅.

Hi Jack! HUGE fan here. My name is Nate, and this is going to be a bit different than the messages you’re used to, I think XD. First off, I want to say that I have been a listener of yours on and off for about four years I think? I found your tumblr shortly after I turned 18 I believe. Getting to hear you call me babygirl and learning about the world of BDSM through your incredible audios was so meaningful to me, and I’m had had a lasting impression on what turns me on/how I touch myself tbh /.\.

However, in that same span of time, I started to realize that I was not a cis female as I had always thought I was. For a while I was IDing as nonbinary, then I met my boyfriend-now fiancé, and last spring I came out as trans masculine, amidst much inner turmoil. So why is this relevant to you? As someone who is pansexual, aka attracted to all genders/attracted regardless of gender, I cannot deny how compelling you are, the way it feeling as if you aren’t talking to me, or even to my body per say, but like you found some sort of direct line to a part of me that is so deep and anchored within me that the instant I hear your voice, I relax and I know exactly what is about to happen. That said, it became increasingly more difficult to listen to your content as I started to notice how being addressed as female and using she/her pronouns etc made me uncomfortable in day to day, but also in a sexual context. Now I obviously do not expect you to chance what you’re doing, if I’m no longer the target demographic. I totally accept that. But to be honest? Those moments listening to your podcast way back when were really important in me figuring out who I really am. Also, that I am an absolute people pleaser in the bedroom, that I am waaaaay kinkier than I ever would have dreamed, and also that I have a Daddy kink that goes both ways depending on who I’m with ;). I try to channel your charisma and charm when I’m dominating someone, and I’ve only had the best results.

I guess all of this is just to say, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my......heart (and clit, lets be real) for being so incredible, so sexy, and so genuine!! I still go back and listen sometimes because I’m still hooked like everyone else, and because you are truly so daaaamn good at what you do. If you were ever open to writing/potentially commissioning a piece or two with no gendered language, (can’t promise I’ll be able to afford it tho so I won’t promise you money that I don’t have, and I support artists w/o expecting free shit), I’d be back in a heartbeat <3. That said, I truly hope that you are doing well and that this doesn’t come off as creepy! You aren’t into dudes (far as I know), and I respect that and wouldn’t want you to be attracted to me if that were the case (bcuz thatd be transphobic), so I will leave it there and I hope you have a wonderful weekend Daddy!!

PS- depending on how you respond to this, I may still submit some really hot pics i took yesterday (my ass and tits won’t quit despite me being a dude, lmao). 🥰😘💖

The question comes up from time to time, ‘why erotica for women?’ And it is especially poignant when mixed in with ‘but you are so good at not describing things like skin tone’ and ‘but you seem so open...’

So while I dearly hope you can continue to be a fan, all people who identify as non-binary or they/them or genderless or whatever manifestations of personality become commonplace--I have to make art for me.

Usually I’m pretty good at being on the dot with this. In 2020, you’ve seen the strain, and in periods where I’m just not feeling myself, I take time off.

The recurring them however is--I have to feel like me to make things. Without trying to be arrogant, let’s face it. I’m smart, and if I wanted to be, I could be a really canny liar. I could come up with good and convincing lies to present about how I feel or why.

I made a choice at the very beginning of this to not do that. To be more real than not.

Without getting into too many details, this has meant not seeing a number of clients who would happily see me again, not going after business relationships with people who misrepresent themselves, not phoning it in on pieces I make for easy money.

This is a long way of saying, I’m me. I choose to be me, in a way I fear many people choose not to be true to themselves in their day to day lives.

I want you to like my work, I want you to keep me as a fan, I want to turn you on.

Here’s a list of other things people said I must do to keep them as a fan:

- Make Male on Male audios, or else I’ll tell everyone you’re....

- Make porn where the woman Doms you, or else...

- Say you’ll do anything for money. If you don’t I’ll....

- Say you enjoy blood/scat/urine/rape, because if you don’t you’re not...

- If you don’t make me cry by abusing me, are you really a Dom?

- Take that opinion back, if you don’t, I’ll stop being a patron and I’ll...

- Say BLM or I’ll.... (On this one I relented, I still regret it, being made to even if I agreed with the sentiment).

I hope you see my point. Every day in my inbox is another person telling me what I must be to be right, while at the same time also telling me that they are only reaching out because I reach them.

I wish you nothing but happiness, but no, this is erotica for women, because I am a man who is sexually attracted to women. And that, in erotica, is exceedingly rare. It is very, very rare. Because if you haven’t noticed? Most men who do what I do, are not only worse at it, but also will say anything to anyone for a little more attention (money).

I’m a man who’s attracted to women.

I have made no mistake in it, and I am not required to pretend to be anything else.

[daddyspumpkin86]

BDSM: An Ethnography

Disclaimer: As always, this blog is written from the point of view of a brat submissive. Please keep this in mind, and just bugger off if you feel the need to be negative about my experiences.

This is an ethnography I wrote for my Rhetorics of Pop Culture class a couple of semesters ago. The assignment was to write an ethnography about a counter culture - in which we were to demonstrate our understanding of the concepts we discussed during class (hence the citations.)

The Ultimate Surrender: Living the Lifestyle

In early 2014, the hype for the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey motion picture began. I had heard of the steamy book series written by E.L. James, but had never really had an interest in it until I saw the preview for the movie. I am still somewhat embarrassed to admit that I actually like the book series, mainly because critics affectionately dubbed it “Mommy Porn.” Surely, as an English major, I was above reading that sort of thing. I normally turned my nose up at authors like E.L. James, because I thought their writing gave women unrealistic expectations of what relationships were supposed to be like. Fifty Shades of Grey totally fits that mold. But, one fateful day, completely out of the blue, my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded a bootlegged copy of the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I finished it in two hours and read the other two over the rest of Christmas Break because the story reminded me of my husband and me, and all we’ve gone through over the last twelve years. That week, the BDSM rabbit hole opened, and I gladly jumped in with both feet.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline (BD), Domination & Submission (DS), and Sadism & Masochism (SM). The acronym, BDSM, helps those of us who live the Lifestyle bundle all of the possible avenues under one umbrella name so that we can teach others what it means. We call actively living this way living the Lifestyle instead of just saying, “oh hey, I practice BDSM,” because it helps us avoid having to endure the stigma that has been attached to our way of life by popular media, and others who oppose our subculture (Haenfler 2016). We also have our own set of rules, just like every subculture.

Titles & special names

When writing, most of us will capitalize words like: Lifestyle, Master, Mistress, Maitresse, Dom, Domme, Domina, Top, Daddy, Mommy, Sir, Ma’am, or whatever the title of the person who is the Dominant party in the relationship may be. The Dom/me or Top chooses their title depending on what kind of Dominant they want to be, or are, and there are many more titles than what I have listed here. Simple capitalization of a title while writing shows a sign of submission, and knowing one’s place in the BDSM Hierarchy. Submissives are called subs, bottoms, babygirl, babyboy, princess, little girl, little boy, little one, kitten, and many others that. Most have custom collars with their names on them, like the one pictured here.

Be Excellent to Each Other

We call non-kinky people vanilla because they don’t have any exotic flavors in the ice cream that is their life. When we have playtime some of us call it play and some of us call it scening. Just depends on what generation of the lifestyle you’re around at the time, and how structured the play session is. We use safe words, like red for stop and yellow for slow down, every time we play. We also do not follow proscribed gender roles; in fact, many of us challenge them with things like sissification (the feminization of a male, by a Dominant woman, at his request). If you’re non-binary, transgender, cis, asexual, or whatever and want to be a Dominant, do it! If you want to be a submissive, do it! If you want to be a switch (someone who does both), do it! That’s the beauty of this Lifestyle, you can be whatever you want to be and no one will judge you for it. If they do judge you, they’re an elitist prick and shouldn’t be part of the Lifestyle because they don’t belong there. We follow the credo, “Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.”

When someone who actively practices BDSM hears “I live the Lifestyle” in public, it tips us off, but not everyone in the room, and that’s the way most of us prefer it. We can also ask others “are you part of the Lifestyle,” without outing them in public, because if they aren’t they’ll ask, “what lifestyle?” Unfortunately, because of the controversial nature of our relationships, most of us have to stay behind locked doors and maintain a vanilla appearance. There have been many kinksters charged with assault and domestic battery over bruises, or loud noises that led to a welfare check, because of over-concerned vanilla neighbors, friends, or family, even though what we do is 100% consensual.

Disclaimer

Many of us have to hide our identities, and where we live, for our personal protection because some people really do hate the way we live, and have threatened to hurt us. This is why I have chosen to write under my pet name, Daddy’s Pumpkin. They either don’t, or don’t want to, understand how living the way we do enriches our lives, but that’s okay. It gives us things that we’re lacking, thereby making us feel whole, if even for just the hour or two scene we’re participating in. I have an anonymous Twitter, Tumblr, and WordPress blog because my family would never accept the way we live because they think anything like what we do is abuse. I need to be part of the Community, but I have to do it secretly so I can maintain a career outside of my personal life.

As a responsible member of the kink community, I have to write a disclaimer about this topic. First, I want to be clear that the Lifestyle is NOT what you see in porn videos, nor is it what you read about in romance novels, or on the Penthouse Forums. That’s why the kink community hates Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian Grey is abusive, and uses being a Dominant as justification to beat women because of his psychological issues. Yes, some people in porn today do live the Lifestyle outside of their careers, but most of them perform it for the money and don’t live their lives as strictly as the actual kink community does. Please remember that they are all paid performers.

I’ve learned a lot from www.kink.com, where all three of these performers work, and I am very impressed by what they do in creating our ultimate fantasies, and shipping together the performers in pretty amazing ways (Duffett 202-207). Everyone just needs to remember that porn is for entertainment purposes only, and do not try what they do in the videos at home unless you know how to do it correctly and safely. There are on-average 10 professionals involved with each shoot at www.kink.com to ensure the safety of the performers. I also follow Sunny Megatron, a well-known sex blogger, and her blog is http://www.sunnymegatron.com.

My Frame of Reference

Most of the people I know who participate in the Lifestyle live by the simple principles of Domination & submission, in which one partner is the Dominant partner, and the other is the submissive partner. Thusly, in this series of articles, I will only be discussing monogamous, Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships, as I am not familiar with polyamory and cannot claim to understand it. I will also do my best to remain gender neutral, as I know there is not just the typical male Dominant and female submissive mold as popular culture would have us believe (Nowell 2011). Many people in the community are non-binary, transgender, or cis, as well as pansexual and polyamorous, gay, straight, and lesbian and I do not discount their relationships at all. I’m just the most familiar with my niche in the Lifestyle. The rest of the acronyms usage depends the parameters of the relationship. There is always an agreement to which the Dominant and submissive have both consented, either verbally or in writing. It’s good to write the relationship parameters down whether you’re a newbie or a long-time kinksters, because sometimes we forget what we’ve agreed to, and that’s when things can go terribly wrong during a scene.

Contracts

Contracts typically include what the Dominant will and won’t do, and what the submissive will and won’t do, as well as what they’d like to try as they grow to trust their Dominant. The contract will also detail what words the Dominant prefers to use as safe words. The submissives portion of the contract normally has an intensity scale for each activity as well so that the Dominant knows how hard to push them during a scene. When something on the contract is an absolute no, it is called a hard limit. Hard limits are not to be broken, and both Dominant and submissive have the right to call anything they want to a hard limit. If either party breaks hard limits, it’s a gross violation of trust and can end a relationship immediately depending on the situation. When something is a maybe or they’d like to try it, but with provisions, it is called a soft limit. Limits can be re-negotiated at any time, and honestly should be gone over regularly as the partners get to know each other. A true Dominant will only do what the submissive has agreed to, and will not push them into anything they are not comfortable doing. A good resource for contracts is BDSM Contracts.org.

Types of Activities

Bondage & Discipline (BD) play a large role in many D/s relationships, as do Sadism & Masochism (S&M), for both punishment and fun. Most Dominants are also Sadists (they like to control and administer pain & punishment), as most submissives are Masochists, (they like to be controlled and receive pain). Most include punishment in their contracts for when the submissive breaks rules, or gets sassy with their Dominant so they can remind the submissive whose boss. That’s what floggers, riding crops, whips, canes, paddles, leather straps, hot candle wax, clothes pins, clamps, electricity, fire, needles, spanking, slapping, punching, ball gags, blindfolds, embarrassment, public humiliation, and uncomfortable or predicament bondage are for, most of the time.

Types of Dynamics

However, punishment can also be fun for major masochists, and some actually piss off their Dominant on purpose to get what they want. These submissives are called brats. So, if the Dominant finds themselves with a hardcore masochist, they really have to get to know their partner on a deep level, and find out what tool they really hate used on them so they can use it for punishment. For example: I have a friend who hates canes, so that’s what her Daddy uses. But it’s not just to make us cower in a corner. The whole point of using an implement that scares the submissive is to maintain control, but also to push their limits and help them to not be afraid of that implement any more.

I know this sounds insane to those outside of the Lifestyle, but the whole point of a D/s relationship is safety and structure for both the Dominant and submissive. It gives them a space in which they can explore their limits and needs together. True Dominants are very nurturing, squishy-hearted, people, and that’s what attracts submissives to them. They want a piece of property (yes I know that’s problematic to feminists, but remember the submissive has chosen this role) that they can spoil and do with as they please, which totally does it for submissives because that’s how they want to be treated. People who fall into the submissive mold are looking for security and safety from someone they can grow to trust with their life. Someone to fill their heart with love and feelings of being cherished; someone to fill the void they feel in their lives (Lacan quoted in Storey 2015).

Domestic Service Dynamic

However, there are many titles and dynamics within the D/s lifestyle, because there are many types of D/s relationships, some of which don’t even involve sex. Domestic service is one of the most popular types of non-sexual D/s relationships, and the one I use most as an example when talking to newbies or people who are curious, because it doesn’t make them as uncomfortable as talking about sexual servitude does. In a domestic service situation, the submissive can feel safe and cared for without worrying about being pressured for sex. Simultaneously, they can fulfill their desire to serve someone and be rewarded for a job well done. Often times, domestic servants exist alongside the Dominants full-time submissives, and don’t get a lot of one-on-one time with the Dominant because they’re usually performing their duties while the Dominant is at work, and they don’t typically live with the Dominant. Rewards for great service come in many forms, but the most common reward for domestic service is alone time with the Dominant, be it a date, shopping, or being spoiled. All most submissives want is to feel cared for, safe, and useful to whomever they are serving, as set forth in their contract.

The 24/7 Dynamic

A 24/7 live-in submissive performs all domestic and sexual duties for the Dominant, according to the contract they have arranged. Many of these submissives are actually wives and mothers, so these duties fit right in with their routine, but they have added significance because the Dominant has agreed to a much greater reward than, “thanks for buying the shaving cream I like babe.” A lot of what is required of a live-in submissive is expressed in daily rituals like (but not limited to): making breakfast, packing their Dominants lunch, setting out their Dominants clothes, doing laundry and putting it away correctly, making the bed, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, having dinner on the table when the Dominant comes home, making sure the kids have done their homework and are ready for school the next day, and tucking in the kids at night and reading them a bed time story. Many do have cages, like this one. Some are kept in them for long periods, and some are just used for play. After everything for the day is done, kids or no kids, the Dominant and submissive spend time together and the submissive is rewarded for a good days work as the Dominant sees fit. Actual recognition from your partner for your hard work every day, imagine that!

Why live this way?

I have often thought about why I chose to finally tell my Husband what I needed, and have concluded that living this Lifestyle really does fill a huge hole in my psyche. I grew up in an extremely disciplined, military home, and I was majorly missing that discipline. At the time of my inception to the BDSM world, I felt like things were spinning out of control with our life, with school, just with everything. Having my Husband take the reins and literally make me follow chore lists, a homework schedule, an exercise schedule, a cooking schedule, and a schedule for everything else we could think of (because I’m obsessive compulsive) has really helped me become a more disciplined person. It has also helped alleviate the major anxiety I used to get from not feeling like I was doing everything I was supposed to be during the day, because my compulsions were getting in the way.

BDSM provides structure for many people like me who suffer from emotional and mental health issues. It also provides a way for us to let go, and just be who we are without repercussion, or judgment from others. I trust my Husband more than ever, because not only can I trust him to take care of me and keep me safe, but now I can trust him to call me on my bullshit and keep me in line when I am not capable of doing it myself. We have become closer than I ever could have imagined over the past three years since we started exploring the world of BDSM together. I’m grateful every day for this wonderful thing we have found.

 

Works Cited

Duffett, Mark. Understanding Fandom: An Introduction to the Study of Media Fan Culture. Bloomsbury Academic. 2013.

Haenfler, Ross. Goths, Gamers, and Grrrls: Deviance and Your Subcultures. Oxford University Press. 2016.

Storey, John. Cultural Theory and Popular Culture: An Introduction. Routledge. 2015.

Nowell, Richard. "There's More Than One Way to Lose Your Heart": The American Film Industry, Early Teen Slasher Films, and Female Youth." Cinema Journal 51.1 (2011): 115-40. Web.

[themagicruby]

i made a fetlife recently and i was gonna make a post about how cis male subs are needy rude assholes who will try to get u to dom them even if you have no interest in doing so, but then i realized that cis male doms are the exact same way but they want you to sub.

Also, they're all str8! and callin me names like miss and girl and i'm just like, hey no my profile says i'm not a girl, no amount of "please miss just try domming me" and "come one babygirl you know you wanna be mine" is going to make me want you!

Why are men relentless to commodify anybody with tits regardless or not if were even interested in them.

I know fetlife is kinky and people look for play partners on there, i'm doing thst too, but for gods sake don't message someone who clearly isn't looking to dom/sub for you and learn to take no as an answer if/when you get rejected.