#if changes that are being proposed happen im gone peacing the fuck out

[selestial-princess]

God idk I'd I'm going to make it to the end of the year my coworker is driving me up the walls and I'm going to McFucking™️ lose it at some point this week or the next

[lunar-years]

Sorry, another anon jumping in here- while I'd love to think that Roy would take Jamie's feelings in an R/K wedding into account, I think canonically hes still a bit inept at reading Jamie sometimes (ie: the bar date/ stay away from Keeley scene) so I can see him asking Jamie to be best man without considering the further implications. Which of course leads to the Richmond boys deciding to be an emotional support bubble for him through the whole thing and its only later in the evening when Roy steps outside for some air and sees Jamie with eyes shining, gritting his jaw determinedly trying not to cry while Sam tries to wordlessly comfort him, that Roy realises hes fucked up a bit there. Isaac coming up to him like "we know you didn't mean it like that, but bit cruel that bruv"

yeah 😭

I think it all very much depends on the timeline this is theoretically happening in, too. The thread I read about the alternative s3 roy-keeley wedding was kind of funny because they were using s3 dynamics with everyone else but those two. So when they said "Jamie would obviously be best man!" I found myself thinking...like...idk man, I don't even think Roy would even want or ask Jamie to be his best man in that scenario, because they would not actually be best friends the same way they are in the actual s3.

This might be very cynical...but in a s3 where the Roy & Keeley we see on the verge of breakup in the s2 finale are suddenly getting MARRIED... i do not think Roy and Jamie would become nearly as close in that timeframe as what we see play out in canon. Because so much of their dynamic in s3 is built upon Roy being in a very bad place post-breakup, then volunteering to train Jamie (imo, at least in part as a distraction/way to bury himself in work to stop thinking about how miserable he is in the personal aspects of his life) and then ending up genuinely loving spending time with Jamie and spending ALL of his time with Jamie, slowly pulling him further out from his slump because Jamie's given him something and (someone) to care about again.

Whereas, if Roy is busy and stressed out over wedding planning all the time, whilst also consumed by the same unaddressed insecurities that plagued his relationships with both Keeley and Jamie in the s2 finale (which he only would've pushed further down after a successful proposal) I 1) think it's quite possible he wouldn't have even volunteered to do extra training with Jamie in the first place and 2) even if he did, wouldn't have had the same time to spend with or focus on him, resulting in them...not becoming close! certainly not best man close. Also, Keeley has ALWAYS been a point of strife between them. it's why Roy's head butting Jamie in the s2 finale, it's one layer of why the bar date goes so poorly, etc.

Roy "when I look at her I only think about Jamie fucking Tartt" Kent who has not gone through the breakup nor any of the growth said breakup facilitated is a man deeply insecure in his own relationship (and in this case, engagement) who sees Jamie on some level as still a threat to his peace. I do not think he'd want Jamie to be involved in the wedding at all, tbh, even if their relationship was getting slowly better and they were at the place of tentative friendship we see in the s2 finale.

Now, of course all that changes if we're talking about a scenario where roy-keeley have gotten back together post-series and are then getting married somewhere down the line. That's the version of events where I think 1) Jamie would do anything Roy asked him to, up to and including being his best man, even if it hurt him in the process and 2) Roy would be perceptive enough and care enough about Jamie not to ask. You're totally right that Roy struggles to read Jamie sometimes, but I also think there were sooo many factors at play in the bar date and so many of them would be eliminated in a scenario where Roy and Keeley are getting married post-series. Like, so much of Roy's obliviousness there stemmed (imo) from jealousy and insecurity and his own desire to win Keeley back regardless of Jamie's feelings, so part of it was him being inept on purpose as a form of avoidance, lol.

Whereas, if he's proposed to Keeley and said yes and they're both in a significantly more secure place in their relationship, Jamie isn't really any "threat", so I would like to think Roy would at least pick up on his discomfort surrounding the wedding before hitting him with "will you be my best man" (or like, Keeley would say something when Roy brought up the idea, because it really is deeply ludicrous).

[zmayadw]

Evening to all :)

All right, so I finaly did it, the last chapter of my original story is finaly done :) It took me a while, what with the episode 8 being released at that time, and with some other stuff I wrote in the between then and now, but it is done. Well, one more part is left, basicly like an epilogue, wich will be posted in a couple of days, too, but the story itself ends with this one.

Anyway, enjoy, and I wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 26

Jakes POV

„How is she?“ I asked Jessy as I entered the room. She got her head up from the book she was reading to look at me. „Still the same.“ She said. I sighed, walking to her bed. I took her hand, placing a soft kiss on her wrist. „The doctor was here earlier.“ Jessy informed me. „He said she is doing fine, that there's not any medical reason to be worried about.“ I just stared at her sleeping face. „Then why won't she wake up, Jessy?“ I asked her desperatly. „She will, Jake.“ she said to me, and I turned arround facing her. She smiled at me „When she's ready.“ Four days passed since they operated on her, and I was worried. Maybe Jessy was right, but her words didn't bring me any peace. She collected her stuff, and came to me. „Call me if you need anything. And if there's any change.“ She said hugging me. „Thanks, I will.“ I said, Jessy smiling once more at me before leaving. With Jessy gone, I moved myself lying next to her, leaning my forehead on the side of her head. „Please, Maya, you have to wake up.“ I whispered to her ear „ I can't do this alone, I need you with me.“

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched, turning my head. That nice nurse from before was smiling at me „Sorry, dear, didn't mean to fright you.“ I must have dozed off. „It's fine“ I said. „Is something wrong?“ I asked alarmed, and she smiled again „No, dear. I just need to change some things, so I have to ask you to leave for a while.“ I turned my head back to Maya, she looked so peaceful. „Dont worry, dear“ the nurse said „I'll take good care of her, just like I did before.“ I turned my look back to her. She smiled so heartedly at me, I got a feeling she had a special liking for Maya. And she did stick up for me when they brought Maya in here, and I refused to leave her and was almost dragged out by security. So I felt at peace to leave Maya with her. „Ofcourse, I'll let you do your thing.“ I said, getting up from the bed. I got to the doors when I turned back to her. „I'm sorry, but I don't know your name.“ I said and the nurse looked at me „It's Doris. Why do you ask, dear?“ „So I can properly thank you.“ I said. „So, thank you, Doris, for everything.“ She smiled wide at me „Oh, dear, you're sweet, and I knew I was right about you, but no need to thank me, really.“ She said and winked at me. I smiled back at her a bit confused before leaving the room.

I went outside, getting coffee and just sat at the bench in front of the hospital. I hated being here again. And seeing her back at that bed once more made me angry. And scared. More scared than the last time. All this uncertainty was driving me insane. If everything is fine like the doctor said, why isn't she awake yet? I was deep into my thoughts, that it took me a while to notice my phone was ringing. „Hey, Hannah.“ I answered the call. „Hi, Jake. How is she? Any change?“ she asked. I sighed „Nothing yet.“ „I'm sure everything will be fine soon, she's a fighter.“ She said reasuringly to me. „I hope so.“ I said. „I don't need to ask how you are“ she said „I can hear it in your voice. Did you eat anything today?“ I could hear the worry in her voice for me, and I could have easily lied, but she would know. „Not yet, I will later.“ „Jake, you can't do that to yourself.“ She said „And I won't let you. I'll be there in 10, and I'm taking you for lunch.“ „Hannah, that's nice of you, but rea...“ she didnt let me finish. „Stop it, I don't want to hear it!“ She almost yelled at me, and it made me smile. She really was worried for me, just like a sister would be. I was still geting used to that, of being someones brother. „All right, Hannah, I'll be waiting for you outside.“ „Good.“ She said „And besides, there is something I want to talk to you about anyway. Allrighty, see you in a while.“ „See you, Hannah.“ I said ending the call. I got up from the bench, taking the last sip of my coffe, heading out from the hospital area to meet with her.

The lunch with Hannah passed mostly with her talking and me thoughtfully nodding and saying a few words. She tried hard to lift my spirit up at least a little, and I was grateful to her, but only one thing could pull me back to normal now. „Just think about my proposal. I know you're worried about Maya, we all are, but just think about it, ok?“ Hannah said to me as she drove me back to the hospital. „Yeah, I will.“ I said back to her. She hugged me tight „Hang in there, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Hannah.“ I said hugging her back before leaving the car. Walking back inside the hospital, I did think about Hannahs proposal. She was moving in with Thomas, and she wanted to leave her apartment to me. Wich wasn't a bad idea, actually. I liked the apartment, and besides, when Maya gets out of hospital, she would be more comfortable there than at the motel. And that one room has a nice big window, she would love all that natural light for her drawing. I chuckled to myself at my thoughts. Not im my wildest dreams was I expecting to be thinking of something like this, ever. But she changed me so much, she gave me hope again. She made it so that I felt like I finaly found my quiet place in all this chaos. She was the missing link I was looking for all this time. She became my everything. I entered her room with a smile for the first time after days. And I froze. Her bed was empty. It felt like my heart actually stopped beating for a moment, panic hitting at me like a truck. What happened? I was gone for a few hours, she was fine, what the fuck happened?! „Jake?“ I swallowed hard, turning my head to the sound of my name being called. My eyes swelled with tears, as hers locked with mine. In a few quick steps I came to her, carefully embracing her in a hug, burying my face to her neck. „Don't you ever scare me like this again.“ I said, unsuccessfully hiding my sobs. „I don't think my heart could take it.“ She released me from a hug, her eyes also full of tears. She rested her palm on my cheek, and I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, relieved to feel her touch again. „I knew you wouldn't leave me, that you'd come back to me.“ I said opening my eyes. She smiled at me, her voice raspy „I could never leave you. Nothing can keep me away from you.“ She kissed me then, the kiss salty from out tears. Doris sighed next to us „Oh, the young love..what a beautiful thing it is.“

Doris and me helped her back to bed and she tapped with her hand beside her for me to join. I got next to her and she rested her head on my chest. „How you feeling, angle?“ I asked her. „Tired“ she said „And in pain.“ „Don't worry, hun“ Doris said „I gave you some 'good stuff' now, it will help.“ „Thanks, Doris.“ She said with a weak smile, Doris winking at her before leaving the room. She stirred a bit, making herselff more comfortable „You won't leave, right?“ she said to me sleepily, the meds Doris gave her starting to work. „Ofcourse not“ I said, kissing the top of her head „You just rest, angel, I'll be right here when you wake up.“ She smiled and fell asleep instantly. I just stared through the window, the feeling of her steady breathing relaxing me. I felt my eyes getting heavier, and before I knew it, I too fell asleep.

Mayas POV

It was early in the morning when I woke up. I felt a bit better, but was still in a lot of pain. Jake was still sleeping. And even asleep, he looked tired, the rings under his eyes showing again. Doris entered the room, smiling at me. „Good morning, hun.“ She wispered to me as she came next to the bed checking on my IV. „'Morning.“ I said smiling back at her. She glanced at Jake „I was right about him after all.“ She said and winked at me. I chuckled silently „You sure wer, Doris.“ „Well, rest some more, hun. I'll be back shortly with your breakfast.“ She said, smiling at me again leaving the room. „What was that about?“ I turned my head, Jake looking at me sleepily.“It's not nice to eavesdrop.“ I grinned at him. „It was kinda hard not to.“ He said raising his eyebrow at me. I laughed „All right, you got a point there.“ He smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. „It's good to see you laughing again.“ He got serious then „I'm sorry, angel.“ „What for?“ I asked. „For not being there with you.“ he said and sighed „I shouldn't have left you alone. I've let you down again.“ „Hey, that's not true.“ I said „I basicly forced you to leave, so if anyone is to be blamed, it's me then.“ „Even so, but I wasn't there.“ He said. „Jake“ I said softly, and he looked at me „Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault this happened.“ I could see he was troubled with this. „Who is to say that the same thing wouldn't happen even if you were there?“ I asked him. „I can't, so please, don't torture yourself with 'what if's'. It happened, and I just want to move on, leave it all behind, now that it's finally over.“ He just looked at me „I don't know how you can so easily just move on.“ I sighed „Because, I don't want for it to take over my life. I want to focus on good things ahead of me, not dwell in the past.“ I placed my palm on his face and smiled at him „I want to focus on us.“ He kissed me softly, when Doris voice came from the door „Listen to her, dear, she speaks wisely.“ She said, winking at us. „She sure does, Doris.“ He said, not taking his eyes off me. She came to the bed bringing the food tray. „Now, lets get some food in you, hun. You will need it to get better.“ She said. Jake helped me to sit up, leaning on the pillow, Doris placing the tray in front of us. „I brought some extra, so there is enough for both of you.“ she said and winked at us, before leaving the room. „She sure likes you.“ he said to me as she left. I grinned at him „What to say, I'm just so darn adorable.“ He shook his head at me „And still impossible.“ I grinned even more „Even so, you still love me.“ He looked dreamily at me and smiled „More then you can imagine.“

The rest of my days in hospital passed fast. Jake was mostly with me, making sure to leave me with some kind of entertaintment when he left, either to help with Hannahs moving or for something else. He brought me his laptop, since mine got broken, with bunch of downloaded movies and books on it. Jessy also came to see me as often as she could. I was grateful for everything, but at some point all I wanted was some peace and quiet.

„Are you sure you don't want me to call Jessy to come?“ Jake asked me once more before leaving. „I'm sure“ I said „Don't worry, and don't get me wrong, but some alone time will be nice.“ „Humf, fine.“ He said „But call me if you get bored or anything and I'll be back right away.“ „I will.“ I said and smiled. He kissed me before heading for the doors. „See you soon, angel.“

With Jake gone, the room was quiet again, which was relaxing. I closed my eyes just apprieciating the silence, trying to get some sleep. But the nightmare was back. The images of what happened haunted my dreams repeatedly. Jake noticed it too, but I dismissed his worry quickly every time. He tried convincing me to talk about it with someone, anyone, even if it wasnt him, but I always said I'm fine, that it's not necessary. But he was right after all. I should.

With a sigh, I turned on the side staring through the windown, when a knock came from the doors. I turned, and laughed. A cute teddy bear holding a heart with 'Get well soon!' written on it was smiling at me from the door frame. The person holding it peeped his head behind it and grinned „Hello, gorgeous.“ „Hey, Phil.“ I smiled at him „I was worried you forgot about me.“ I said. He was the only one that hasn't visited me, at least till now. „That could never happen, gorgeous.“ He said walking over to me. „I just...waited for the right moment to come.“ He grinned sitting on the bed next to me. I laughed „So, Jessy informed you it's safe to come now, huh?“ I said raising my eyebrow at him. He grinned even more „Something like that.“ I shook my head „Well, I'm glad you came.“

„You know, my job offer still stands, gorgeous. I would still very much like you to do it.“ Phil said to me after a while. I chuckled „Can I at least get out of this place first? Then we can discuss it further.“ „Ofcours. I just wanted to let you know the offer still stands.“ He grinned devilishly and winked „Just so you don't forget about it.“ I laughed „Oh, don't worry, I never forget about the jobs being offered to me.“ „Good.“ He said and winked again. „Anyway, gorgeous, unfortunately I have to go now. Some of us don't have the luxury to lay in bed all day.“ He said getting up and grinning at me. He stood there for a moment, his face getting serious. He leaned then, embracing me in tight hug „I'm glad you're back with us, gorgeous.“ He said to my ear and kissed me on the cheek before moving from me. I smiled „Me too, Phil, me too.“ I took the teddy and grinned „And thank's for this guy.“ He grinned back „No worries, gorgeous.“ „Hello there.“ A voice sounded at the doors. Phil raised his eyebrow looking at me „Now it really is time I go.“ He smiled once more at me „Take care, gorgeous. See you soon.“ He turned and nodde at the person entering the room „Loverboy.“ Jake did the same walking towards my bed, looking extremely calm, and I was surprised. As they passed eachother, Phil stopped „Hey, loverboy?“ Jake turned to him and Phil's fist colided with his face, sending him to the floor. „Phil!“ I jumped in my bed, wincing instantly from the pain. Phil didn't even spare me a glance, he just leaned down closer to Jake „I told you to take care of her.“ Jake just looked at him, not trying to do anything. Doris bursted to the room „Phil Hawkins!“ she yelled „How dare you come to 'my house' and make a mess?!“ The two just continued to look at eachother, when Phil finaly straightened and turned to Doris with the most wide smile „Sorry, Doris.“ He said walking towards her „I owed him that.“ He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before heading for the doors „Hope I'll see you and the others soon at the Aurora.“ Doris shook her head after him „Schmack.“ She turned to Jake „You all right there, dear?“ she asked him as he got up. „I'm fine, thanks Doris.“ He said and she looked at him „Mhm, sure you are. I'm still gonna brig you some ice for that.“ She said and walked out. „I'm fine.“ Jake said to me seeing my expression. He came and sat next to me. „Thats was very unexpected of you. I was sure you would fight him back.“ I said and he looked at me a bit sad „Well, he was right.“ I sighed „Are we back to that again?“ „What? To me not looking after you? Ofcourse, I will never forgive myself for it.“ Now he sighed desperately „I'm sorry, angel, but I can't just get so easily over it. Maybe with time, but for now it still sits heavy on my shoulders.“ I saw how much all of it still bothered him, and I knew no matter what I might say he wouldn't listen. „All right“ I said after a moment „But, just promise me, you will try to let go off that. For me.“ He half smiled „I promise, angel.“ I pulled him to me for a kiss, and he winced. Doris came back giving Jake the ice pack. „Thank you , Doris.“ He said taking it from her. „You're welcome, dear.“ She said winking before leaving again. I took the ice pack from him „Come here you.“ I said and pulled him to lay next to me. Placing the pack on the spot that was really red by now and started to swell he winced again „Ouch!“. „I'm sorry.“ I said quickly and he grinned at me. „Ohh you, that was mean!“ He laughed „Sorry, angel, couldn't resist.“

„Ready to leave, hun?“ Doris asked smiling from the doors holding my discharge papers. „Definitely!“ I said cheerfuly. She came to me and hugged me „Now, hun, as much as I like you, I hope I'll never see you again.“ She moved from me and winked „At least not in here.“ I chuckled „I hope so too, Doris. And, thank you, again, for everything.“ „No need to thank me, hun.“ She turned to Jake and winked „Now, dear, you take good care of her, this one's a keeper.“ „You can say that again, Doris.“ He said back, and to the surprise of both of us, walked to her and gave her a hug. „And I also thank you for everything.“ He released her, and with glazing eyes she waved her hand at us „Oh, you two..get going now, before you get me even more teary.“ She smiled and squeezed us both on the hand before leaving the room „Take care, kids.“

Feeling the sun on my face as we stepped out from the hospital felt so good. „So, do you maybe want to go somewhere first?“ Jake asked me as we walked towards the car. „I mean, you were in there for quite a wile.“ I smiled at him „Yeah, thats true. But I still feel a bit tired. Maybe tomorrow.“ As much as I appriciated being out, I still needed to rest. But I also wasn't very eager of the thought of returning back to the motel. Not after all that happened there. He smiled back at me „As you wish, angel. We got to the apartment then.“ „Apartment? Not the motel?“ I asked surprised. „Ahm, well yeah.“ He started „I hope you don't mind, but I got all your stuff and took them to Hannah's place.“ He got a bit nervous „I mean, I am staying there now that she's moved in with Thomas. And to be honest, I thought you might feel...less uneasy there.“ I stopped walking, and he turned to look at me. „Everything all ri...“ But I didn't let him finish. I pulled him in a tight hug „Thank you. You have no idea how glad I am to hear this. I so didn't want to go back to the motel. Not after everything.“ I felt tears coming to my eyes. „I know, angel.“ He said, and a sob escaped me. Then another, and another. He hugged me tighter „It's ok, angel, everything will be fine. I've got you now.“ He just held me there in a tight hug, letting me cry on his shoulder, for as long as I needed it.

„Ohh, this room is amazing with all this natural light!“ I squealed as Jake showed me around the apartment. He chuckled „I thought you might like it. Hence that big table there.“ I turned grinning to him „You did this for me?“ „Ofcourse, angel.“ I rushed to him throwing my hands around his neck and kissing him, but winced from the pain in my shoulder. „All right, that's enough excitement for you for now.“ He said ushering me out of the room. He lead me to the couch, made me sit then lifted my feet up. „Now don't move from here unless it's really necessary.“ He said stern with a raised eyebrow. „Oh, come on, that's not needed.“ I said protestingly. He chuckled „Maybe, but just take it easy for a day or two more.“ I was about to protest again, but he looked at me, making such a puppy face that I couldn't possibly say no to him. „Argh, all right, although I feel fine, I'll do it for you.“ „Thank you, angel.“ He said and leaned to kiss me. „Now, can I get you anything? Drink, food?“ he asked and i grinned „Well, I would kill for a coffee.“ He laughed hard „Why I'm not surprised about that.“ He said standing up. „Well, since I'm not allowed to move from this spot, I hope you're ready to indulge my demands.“ I said grinning. He smiled „For you, angel, I'll do anything.“

-------------------------------------------------------------

3 MONTHS LATER

„Just come to the Aurora tonight, Jessy, I will tell you everything then.“ I said to her on the phone, as I entered the apartment. „Fine, be all secretive then.“ She said sulky. I laughed „No need for that tone, you know that won't work on me. I'm still not gonna tell you anything now.“ „Ahhh, fine! See you tonight then.“ „See you, Jessy.“ I entered the kitchen, Jake sitting at the table with his laptop. He smiled „Hey, angel.“ „Hey babe.“ I said going to him for a kiss. „How was with dr. Barret?“ he asked. „It was ok.“ I said sitting next to him. „It actualy feels good to talk about it with someone.“ I smiled „Thank you for talking me into doing it.“ „No need to thank me, angel.“ He said smiling back. I sighed „I hope it doesn't bother you that it's not you that I can talk to about it.“ He took my hand, pulling me from the chair to sit on his lap „I don't really care who you talk about it with, angel. Heck, I wouldn't care if you said you wanted to talk to Phil about it. As long as you get better.“ I laughed „Huh, you know, now that you mentioned it, they do say that barkeepers are a good listeners. So kinda close to psychiatrist.“ I tilted my head and said teasingly „It would definitely be cheeper. And beside, I'm sure Phil wouldn't mind listening to me, me being all vulnerable around him, and..“ „Ok,ok, no need to continue.“ He said quickly interupting me. „You just stick with dr. Barret.“ I laughed „Awww, babe, will you ever be at ease about Phil?“ „Probably not.“ He said thoughtfully. I smiled „Not even now, when I'm about to move in with you?“ He grinned „Not even then.“ I chuckled „You're hopeless then.“ He gave me a quick kiss. „Sooo“ he started grinning again„You think Jessy will be happy when you tell her the news about you moving here?“ „Happy?“ I said, „No, I don't think so.“ He looked confused at me, and I grinned „She will be thrilled.“

A/N: Ok, so after a short, but lovely chat with @lovingstudentangel who got a bit confused with how I ended the previous chapter, with the part of Jake visiting a grave, thinking it was the end of the story, so I want to clarifie it for her, or anyone else who might have been equaly confused. It was his mother grave that he visited, and I used that part as a clifhanger. I hope all is in the clear now :)

[livesincerely]

im not feeling the best right now emotionally so i am here presenting you with a free space to ramble about whatever you want because your writing genuinely cheers me up so much

Hello darling!! I’m sorry you’re in a rough mindset, sending all the good feelings and well wishes your way 😘💕✨💗⭐️💕😊✨💗

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about that most recent, how would a proposal/wedding happen in the domestic au? prompt.

It’s so funny, I’d never really thought about a domestic au wedding until I got the ask, but now that the question was put forward, I’m finding that I have a lot of thoughts about it (because of course I do lol.)

I’m not sure yet if this will end up being a whole thing like the holiday fic did, but I definitely have a solid idea for a single moment/one shot that I’m excited about—hoping to get that finished in the next few days!

Here’s a sneak peek at what I have so far! Most of it is stuff you’ve seen before in that original ask but more polished, but there’s some new stuff in there too.... ☺️😉

00000

“So, when are you gonna get married?” Tony asks apropos of nothing, looking between him and Davey with keen interest.

Jack barely manages to keep from choking on his cereal. Davey, who’d been in the middle of spreading a bit of lox on a bagel, slowly sets down his knife.

Charlie aims a kick at Tony under the table.

“You’re asking them now?” he hisses. “I thought we were gonna ease them into the idea!”

“There is no easing them into the idea when it comes to Jack and Davey,” Tony says, his expression tight with the exasperation of the long suffering. “You gotta give it to ‘em straight, right from the get go, ‘cause they’ll never figure it out on their own.”

“Hey,” Jack says weakly, but he doesn’t have a leg to stand on and they all know it.

“So, I’m asking,” Tony determinedly continues as if Jack hadn’t said anything. “When are you gettin’ married?”

There’s a long pause where he and Davey just stare at each other, neither of them quite sure how to respond.

He gets this from you, Davey’s expression says, clear as day.

I know he does, Jack says with a commiserating look, holding back a sigh.

“Well?” Tony demands when the silence stretches on for too long.

“It’s probably a little soon to be thinking about marriage,” Davey eventually says, far more delicately than Jack would’ve managed. “We haven’t talked about it at all yet⁠—”

“Because we only just got together yesterday, Tony,” Jack dryly interjects. “In case you forgot about that little detail.”

“—And we should probably start with the question of if we want to get married before we jump to the when,” Davey concludes.

Tony’s nose scrunches up, obviously dissatisfied with this answer.

“Of course you’re gonna get married,” he says, as if this is plainly obvious. “You’re basically married already, I just wanna know when the wedding’s gonna be.”

“Um.” Davey’s gone faintly pink. “Well, like I said, Jack and I haven’t talked about anything like that yet. We’re comfortable the way we are now, no need to rush into anything⁠—”

“And since we literally only just got together yesterday,” Jack says again, a little more emphatically, just to make sure the point lands, “getting married right off the bat would be all kinds of crazy.”

Tony levels him with the flattest look in all of existence. “You’re crazy if you think you haven’t already been married to Davey for years.”

Jack’s voice catches in his throat, a little blindsided by the truth of that statement. Davey’s mouth opens and closes, the rosy flush of his cheeks shading a touch deeper.

“We’re not thinking about gettin’ married just yet,” Jack says once he’s steadied himself, in a tone that brooks no further arguments. “Dave and I will talk about it when the time comes, if⁠,” he stresses clearly, “we decide that’s what we want.”

“But what, exactly, is holding you back?” Tony asks, stubbornly brooking further arguments anyway. “Like, do you have any actual reasons?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s none of your business,” Jack snipes back. “Given that that’ll be a conversation between me and Davey.”

“I just don’t understand what the big deal is,” Tony says, crossing his arms across his chest. “Pretty much nothing would change, except that the next time someone assumes that you two are married, they’d actually be right instead of simply noticing what was so obvious that even complete strangers clue in to it⁠—”

“Tony,” Jack groans.

“—coming to the perfectly understandable conclusion that you’re together⁠—”

“Tony, that’s enough, we get it,” Jack says.

“—instead of the inexplicable reality of the situation which was that you were, in fact, not together, despite being in love with each other for eight entire years because you’re idiots⁠—”

Jack covers his face with his hands.

“—and given that, like, every aspect of your lives are already tangled together, it’s not really that big of a step for you to just go ahead and make it official.”

Jack sighs so hard he feels it in his bones. “If we promise to talk about this, will you please stop talking about it?”

“Eight years, Jack!” Tony cries, impassioned. “That’s half of my life! That’s more than half of Charlie’s life!”

“Do not bring me into this,” Charlie quickly interjects, “I am a passive witness and nothing more.”

“You’re such a fucking turncoat, Choo-choo,” Tony mutters with no real heat. “You’re supposed to have my back on this.”

“Maybe if you could ever actually stick to a plan,” Charlie grumbles back.

“We’ll talk about it,” Jack says loudly, interrupting their bickering before it can gain any ground. “Okay?”

There’s a moment of blessed silence.

Then Tony says, “So, like, right now? Or…?”

“Sure!” Jack says, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Why not? Clearly, I’m not gonna get any fucking peace until this is sorted—

“Finally!” Tony exclaims. “God, was that so hard?”

“—so go away,” Jack finishes.

Tony’s mouth falls open.

“What do you mean, go away?” he protests, looking genuinely shocked. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I’m not gonna let you sit here and fucking… moderate our conversation, dumbass,” Jack sputters. “Get out!”

“But I really feel like this is the kinda conversation that needs moderating,” Tony disagrees. “It’s not like either of you have a great track record for effective communication⁠—”

“Anthony Ethan Higgins,” Jack warns, nearly at the end of his rope.

Tony rolls his eyes so hard his whole body moves with the motion. “I am literally just trying to help, you don’t gotta get all defensive about it⁠—”

“Jesus Christ, Tony,” Jack says, completely and utterly done. “Will you please just⁠— Just go somewhere that isn’t here.”

“But are you gonna talk about it?” Tony insists, really digging in his heels. “Because if you’re just gonna not talk about it the second I leave then I think I should⁠—”

“Tonio, juro por Dios—”

“Tony, honey,” Davey finally steps back into the fray, far calmer than he has any right to be, and somehow, miraculously, Tony’s mullish expression softens into something a little chagrined. Jack gapes, wrong-footed by the sudden change. “I think you’ve made your point and given Jack more than enough heart attacks for one morning, yeah? So why don’t you go ahead and give us a few minutes, and I promise we’ll talk about it.”

Tony deflates. “Yeah, okay.”

“Thank you, baby.”

Tony shuffles away, mollified for now. Davey pauses, then says, “Charlie, that means you too.”

“But I didn’t do anything!” Charlie protests. “I’m just sittin’ here, tryin’ to eat.”

He takes an exaggerated bite of his bagel as if to prove his point, eyes extra wide and innocent.

“Charlie.”

“But my food!”

“Take it with you,” Davey suggests, very patiently.

Charlie looks as though that thought hadn’t occurred to him.

“Okay,” he says, scooping up his plate and scurrying after his brother. He hesitates in the doorway, then adds, “My vote is for an autumn wedding, if that counts for anything.”

“Charlie.”

“Going!”

Once he’s sure they’re both gone, Jack heaves another massive sigh.

“They’re such a pair of little shits,” he says, to Davey and the world at large. “Fucking hell.”

Davey takes a drink of his coffee, holding out his other hand to Jack in offering. Jack reaches over and laces their fingers together, most of his irritation slipping away in an instant at the simple contact.

“But he is right, you know,” Davey comments lightly.

“I know he’s right,” Jack grumbles, rubbing his thumb over Davey’s knuckles. “Don’t mean he ain’t a little shit.”

“Well, naturally,” Davey agrees. “He’s related to you.”

“Oh, please,” Jack says with a snort. “That little spiel of his was all you. ‘The inexplicable reality of the situation’,” he mimics, his voice landing in some strange imitation of Tony mixed with Davey, which ends up not really sounding like either of them. “It was like hearin’ your voice comin’ outta Tony’s mouth.”

“And it was a well thought-out argument,” Davey says pertly, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a wry grin. “His timing could use some work, though.”

“Ain’t that the fucking truth,” Jack says, taking a bite of his cereal⁠ and immediately making a face—it’s gone all gross and soggy during the craziness, because of course it has. He pushes the bowl away with a mournful look. “Didn’t even let us finish breakfast before pouncing.”

“Well, it has been eight years,” Davey says, and he’s definitely laughing a little now. “Guess he’s afraid of a repeat performance.”

“Sure,” Jack says with a shrug, because that part had been hard to argue with. More than half of Charlie’s life, Jesus. “But he was talkin’ like he expected us to walk down the aisle this afternoon. I mean, we can’t just get married. You don’t just get married.”

“Most people don’t,” Davey says, tilting his head. “But then, we aren’t really most people, are we, darling?”

It takes a moment for this statement to fully land for Jack⁠, and when it finally does, it lands with a boom.

“Are you sayin’ you’d marry me?” Jack asks, utterly floored, his heart pounding an unsteady rhythm in his chest.

“Are you asking me?” Davey asks, calmly sipping his coffee like he isn’t rocking Jack’s world, right here over breakfast, for the second time in not even two days.

[heartjwi]

the first day of camp wasn’t all that bad. after arriving at the campsite, the camp counselor gave everyone the rest of the day off to rest and settle in their cabins. you and most of the girls got separated from each other but luckily you got to share a cabin with chaeryeong. 

fast forward to the next day of camp, the camp counselors arranged their annual team building competition between the two camp teams, yellow and orange. you were in team orange together with chaeryeong, renjun, chenle and haechan while the team yellow consisted of yeji, lia, ryujin, jeno, jaemin and jisung. 

after all the crawling, climbing, falling, sliding, swimming activities, the competition has finally come to an end with team orange winning. now it was dinner time or the celebration of winning the yearly competition. 

you and chaeryeong sat by a table waiting for the boys to come with your food. “i’m so tired” you whined, stretching your tired muscles. “jesus i can’t feel my legs” chae complains, massaging her thigh. “our dearest ladies, here’s your food” chenle places down two plates filled with combinations of meat and rice. 

the boys all sat down and together you all said your thanks and dug in. 

“i don’t think i can see a tree the same again after today” hyuck puts down his utensils after finishing his plate. “jesus hyuck you’re already finished?!” you exclaimed, staring at his clean ass plate. hyuck suddenly burps then covers his mouth. “bitch i carried our entire team” he boasts. 

chenle and renjun both roll their eyes before smacking hyuck on the back. “hey! i just finished eating!” haechan points a finger at the two chinese boys making them chuckle. suddenly, someone slides next to you. you turned around and see it was jisung. 

“oh look, the loser team are here” chenle laughs, making space for the rest of your friends to sit. “fuck you dude” jeno curses, sitting down next to him. “ah yes the whole squad is here” you smile widely, looking at all your friends. “i’m really glad camp is over now” jisung huffs. “agreed” lia agrees, leaning on jaemin.

“the counselor said we have the rest of the night to make the rest of the trip worth it so y’all want to roast marshmallows?” renjun proposes to the group to which everyone agreed on doing. you all stood up from your table and went to another area around camp where you could set up a small campfire.

—

“everyone got their marshmallows?” yeji asks the group. “yes yeji” everyone choruses making her giggle. “let’s roast them!” jaemin tells the group all excitedly. everyone was now roasting their marshmallows in peace before hyuck opens up a game where everyone would share their opinion on either a person or a thing. 

after multiple rounds of talking about nonsense topics, it was finally your turn again. “okay y/n, what’s your opinion on jeno?” jaemin asked. you freeze at his question and suddenly the atmosphere turns awkward. jisung visibly stiffens at the question too.

“well, i thought he was really good looking when i first saw him and i didn’t expect that something would happen between us but then you know what happened next but he’s really sweet to me and i wouldn’t want it in another way even if things are different now” you answered honestly. you watched jeno’s cheek turn into a light pink color and everyone’s mouths minus jisung agape. 

“okay next person.. jisung’s turn!” hyuck changes the topic after your sentence. “guys, i’m gonna go pee” you tell the group. they all hummed and focused their attention on jisung.

—

“okay since y/n’s gone for a bit, what’s your opinion about her” haechan gets straight to the point. jisung chokes on his saliva hearing the question. “c’mon bro, like we can’t read you anymore” chenle presses on. “just be honest with us” lia pouts. jisung suddenly stands up, towering everyone in the circle.

“i don’t have any opinion about her” jisung says, making everyone groan. “that’s a fucking lie” chaeryeong comments. “we’ve seen the way you look at her!” renjun adds on making jisung scoff slightly. 

in the midst of the bickering, jeno can’t seem to focus at the conversation as he stares at the trail you followed, waiting for your return. without saying anything, he decides to follow you in case you get lost which is most likely about to happen.

“c’mon jisung, you’re not gonna say anything just because jeno is here?” chenle whines motioning his head towards jeno’s direction. “wait, where’s jeno?” chenle suddenly asks, staring at the empty spot where jeno was sitting in just a moment ago. 

“jeno!” renjun calls out into the woods. “wait, y/n’s taking a while to get back too!” yeji points out. “could it be jeno followed y/n?” jaemin speculates. jisung mutters something under his breath to which chenle caught on. “wait jisung i’m coming with you!” he says, following his best friend.

“hey where are you two going?” hyuck asks the two boys. “to find y/n” jisung looks at hyuck in the eye before walking away from the campfire together with chenle.

—

“ah~ i’m relieved now” you chuckled,  rubbing your tummy. you grabbed the flashlight that was hanging from the tree branch and walked back to the trail you were following. “wait.. which direction was it again?” you asked yourself staring at the trail, debating on going to the left or right direction. “fuck” you muttered.

you suddenly see light coming from your right, you point your flashlight over to the direction and saw jeno coming. “jeno!” you call out, waving your flashlight in the air. jeno spots you and jogs over. “y/n! don’t wander off like that again!” he scolds, a stern look on his face. “i was worried” he pouts. “sorry i took awhile” you apologized. jeno shakes his head, and grabs your hand, “c’mon let’s head back to the group.”

—

“did you find them?” hyuck asks the moment chenle and jisung return from the search. jisung shakes his head no and sits down on the log, staring at his hands knowing jeno must’ve already found you.

“jisung!” 

jisung snaps his head up when he heard you calling him. he stands up abruptly and runs to the direction of your voice and there he sees a sight that was not too pleasing in his eyes—jeno holding your hand. you see his face turn into an unreadable expression. realizing jeno was still holding your hand, you yank your hand back and run over to jisung.

“hey-” “are you leading me on?” jisung cuts you off. you looked at him, bewildered. “what-” “do you like jeno or not cause i’m tired of us all over each other but in the end you still go to jeno” he cuts you off again. you were taken a back on what he just said. leading him on? going to jeno?

“you don’t control who i like, jisung!” you retort making jisung stop in his tracks. realizing how you worded the sentence, it sounds like you have feelings for both jisung and jeno. “wait jisung that’s not what i meant” you tried to grap the hem of his shirt but it was too late, jisung was now walking ahead of you. “sorry for being in your way with jeno then” he says coldly leaving you in the middle of the woods with jeno right behind you.

“yo what happened?” jeno asked, looking at your sad expression. “it’s nothing, let’s go back to the group now” you brushed him off, walking back to your group of friends.

—

“there you guys are!” renjun stands up and goes to you and jeno, same with the girls. “what took you so long!” lia starts nagging at you and checking your arms in case you got bitten or stung by an insect. 

“i’m gonna head back to the cabin now, i’m tired” jisung waves goodbye at everyone, not sparing a glance at your direction making you frown. yeji notices and whispers, “what’s wrong?” in your ear. “nothing yej, i’m getting tired” you lied, faking a smile. yeji nods slowly, not buying it.

“okay guys, let’s all go head back to our cabins so we can prepare our stuff to go home tomorrow!” hyuck tells the group, putting out the fire. “goodnight everyone!” you all exchanged goodnight’s to each other before heading back to your respective cabins with a heavy heart.

along the lines of — thirty one [ prev | next | masterlist ]

↬ park jisung, known as the coldest guys around campus finds himself falling for someone behind the scenes. without ruining his reputation, he shows his feelings evident through anonymous messages in hopes his feelings would go away. spoiler alert, they won’t.

[ taglist / @wooqzi @peayoursoftie @jisungievibes @baejingf @k-n-e-o @softsichengie @jisungsmochi @elysianlee @lmxhrjhjycj @bloom-bloompow @tinkerwin @cosmiclele @mccnhui @springhwa @fluffyswagger @chryzu @youngestdelacour @jisvngpwark @oofsoftnanahours​ @adaachiyuto​ ]

a/n: IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG ASS UPDATE I GOT TOO BUSY WITH SCHOOL HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR IT + bf proofread this sooo

[cela-astral-projection]

Fic Masterlist:

Pre-Plague/Character Establishment: 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190042013689/family-is-family-in-church-or-in-prison-you-get Celeste and Aedan’s origin/backstory. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190082894844/they-cursed-my-brother-to-his-face-go-home Aedan and Lucio go on a “hunting” trip. (Quotes because Mercedes and Melchior are not good at hunting not because they do anything else together they’re cousins ffs) 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190311270529/this-particular-diamond-was-extra-special-and Celeste x Julian. Coworkers to Cuddle Buddies (then fuck friends but I haven’t written that yet because Julian is difficult) 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190320567309/one-day-someday-my-prince-may-come-but-it-doesnt Celeste’s first Masquerade. She meets Asra for the first time, and Muriel, too. Gets into it with Julian. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190341492284/have-you-been-fast-asleep-and-have-you-heard Celeste officially meets Asra and he reads her tarot and wow okay

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190067442994/when-you-have-no-light-to-guide-you-and-no-one-to Aedan meets his future brother-in-law and promises to bail him out. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/611214605743767552/once-again-she-steals-away-then-she-reaches-out Muriel is injured. Thankfully Celeste is a nurse. 

Post-Plague/Pre Canon:

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190384015114/i-rage-against-the-trials-of-love-i-curse-the – Ressurection Story 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190458665589/the-sun-fades-on-me-now-and-i-miss-you-like-words Asra bails out for a few days on resurrected Celeste, leaving her with Muriel. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190472987084/see-the-west-wind-move-like-a-lover-so-upon-the Muriel comes around to the idea of having Celeste with him with a quickness. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190491986324/i-know-who-i-am-when-im-alone-something-else It’s just smut. Celeste is still with Muriel and Asra isn’t back yet. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190509030509/purple-clover-queen-anne-lace-crimson-hair Muriel is confronted by his Patron Arcana. Muriel, Asra, and Celeste are separated for the last time until the Prologue. 

During Canon:

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190582700534/you-saw-my-pain-washed-out-in-the-rain-broken  Travelling with Morga! It sucks. 

Post-Canon: 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/610958656942522368/dont-say-a-word-just-come-over-and-lie-here-with Muriel and Celeste go on a date. It doesn’t end super great. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189801811349/i-drink-good-coffee-every-morning-comes-from-a Flashbacks to why Julian and Celeste officially broke things off but it’s hard to know where this should fall on the timeline. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189951843634/i-was-born-in-the-arms-of-imaginary-friends-free AsraxCeleste after Celeste gets back from traveling with Julian. They snuggle and fuck. Muriel is being mad so he’s in his hut being petulant. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189941199294/im-still-mad-as-hell-and-i-dont-have-time-to-go Celeste and Muriel argue then fuck about it. My original Possessive!Muriel piece that people really seem to enjoy. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190248585519/all-i-want-is-freedom-a-world-with-no-more The Phantom of the Opera is Muriel Julian is Raoul that’s it send tweet. 18+ Sort of Possessive!Muriel 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190289302564/i-hear-you-calling-and-its-needles-and-pins-i Julian comes back from traveling and he and Celeste start working together and Muriel is less than thrilled so he and Celeste fuck about it. 18+ Possessive!Muriel

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190745800284/no-i-wont-bring-too-much-of-anything-maybe-a Celeste Climbs a Mountain 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190784482169/my-one-true-broken-heart-pieces-inside-of-me-and Celeste loses a pregnancy. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190005355709/id-never-want-once-from-the-cherry-tree-cause-my Muriel is at the tail end of a depressive episode and Celeste takes care of him. Muriel takes off his clothes so 18+ plus but there’s no sex just some dancing around the subject. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190670502549/she-floats-like-a-swan-grace-on-the-water-lips Lemon tree! 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189726046699/overtime Julian and Celeste have feelings at each other at work. 

High Priestess Stories 1-3: What happens when Celeste drains all her magic trying to save a patient’s child. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189742268754/high-priestess-reversed

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189746823779/high-priestess-reversed-pt-2

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189751784379/high-priestess-reversed-pt-3

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189771072979/ill-wake-up-my-body-and-make-up-for-lost-time Celeste gives Julian a birthday gift…kinda. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189734513229/if-im-well-you-can-tell-shes-been-with-me-now Muriel Proposes. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189831954089/with-that-freewill-comes-the-burden-of-choice-it Julian meets with Celeste before her wedding and lets her go, and they both have some feelings. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189839281409/when-other-loves-are-gone-ours-will-still-be AsraxCelestexMuriel Wedding Ceremony/Handfasting presided over by Nadia and Portia. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189761082259/i-find-it-funny-that-youre-the-only-one-i-never Celeste tells Asra she’s pregnant. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189789342769/shes-the-history-thats-made-at-night-shes-my Muriel and Pregnant Celeste snuggle. Some throwbacks to Canon traveling with Morga. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189810937059/what-day-is-it-and-in-what-month-this-clock Asra foists very pregnant and nesting Celeste off on Portia so he and Muriel can have a little peace and quiet together before things kick-off. Short. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189895805254/ive-got-my-hands-on-a-miracle-and-there-aint-no Celeste goes into labor. Muriel has to go get Julian. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/189914211199/i-believe-this-time-begging-for-sweet-relief-a Celeste gives birth to two perfectly healthy baby girls and it’s sweet and happy.

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190545859754/and-though-i-cant-guarantee-theres-nothing-scary Asra rocks his baby and has feelings about being a parent. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190033429514/oh-i-wanna-see-you-again-but-im-stuck-in-colder AsraxMurielxCeleste have terrible cabin fever and their babies are bouncing off the walls in the midst of a cold snap so they go out for a bit. 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190116505314/and-where-was-i-before-the-day-that-i-first-saw Pt. 1 Nopal Vacation where Muriel and Cela go and reconnect by themselves. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190134347659/when-you-touch-my-weary-head-and-you-tell-me Pt. 2 Nopal Vacation with snuggles, domestic bliss, and dinner. Intro to “we’re gonna figure out your history Cela” 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190174948949/well-laugh-how-things-have-changed-you-never Pt. 3 Nopal Vacation where Muriel and Celeste whine Asra into submission and make him come to fuck them because they’re lonely. 18+

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190207916499/the-poison-came-in-liquid-it-was-all-between Pt. 4 of Nopal Vacation and they figure out of Celeste’s history and it’s a real bummer 

https://cela-astral-projection.tumblr.com/post/190226109284/i-thought-if-i-could-touch-this-place-or-feel-it Celeste’s cousin shows up and it goes pretty well all things considered. Nice!Lucio

UPDATED 3/6/20

[teruthecreator]

hehe i know im thinking pretty far ahead but, between mack and minerva, who would propose (first)?

i’ve had such a shitty day (4th of july is probably the worst holiday ever for lifeguards btw) i literally need to answer this ask just to filly myself w softness once more  

I think…hm. Well, I think they both make the decision to propose at relatively the same time. They haven’t been dating too long, but when you’ve got Minerva “Destiny And Fate Are Very Real Things I Trust And Believe In” Newton (yes she has duck’s last name it’s a whole thing fight me on this) and Mack “Impulse Issues Is My Middle Name” Megargel (also yeah…yeah that’s her last name. i just thought of it and it sounds so great so yeah mack’s full name is Mack Megargel. she probably has a middle name but that’s a different thought for a different day) it was only a matter of time before this was happening. 

Mack’s just sorta sitting with Minerva on her couch when she thinks of it, feeling so content and safe with someone and thinking about how it’d be pretty nice if this was her forever. She doesn’t say anything at the time, just cuddles closer to Minerva and presses a kiss under her chin. 

Minerva thinks of it during tech of a particularly challenging production. Mack got slammed with a bunch of copyright issues last minute, forcing her to change the show and completely re-cast the production in a matter of weeks. Mack’s sprinting down the aisle at full speed, launching herself up onto the stage before another poorly-built set piece falls to the floor and completely shatters. Minerva is already there as support–of course–but watching her beloved sprint down the aisle feels somehow poetic, and it occurs to her that the action is vaguely similar to scenes in “romantic comedies” her and Mack have watched. It takes a minute or so (long enough for Mack to swoop and save the day yet again Kirby which is why I told you to–) for Minerva’s brain to finally supply “wedding”, and when it does she drops all of the things she was holding (a hammer, some nails, and a few planks of wood) in her excitement. She manages to dismiss Mack’s concerned looks, and races back to Duck’s apartment as soon as she can to begin researching traditional Earthen weddings. 

Minerva is immediately thrilled about the idea of proposing to Mack. Like, listen, the girl knows her Girl. So she obviously understands Mack’s deep love for the Dramatique. And, in the weeks of research Minerva sets aside to plan her proposal, she understands that a public proposal would be just the right amount of Too Much for Mack to get a real kick out of it. Plus, she knows how much of a home Kepler has become to Mack, and also knows that if there’s any place in the entire world she would love to be proposed to at, it’s the safety and peace of her own theatre. So Minerva gets to some Serious Proposal Planning and somehow, in the process, recruits every single one of their shared friends. Duck is the first to know–because Minerva’s been using his computer for all her research and she has yet to understand how to blast her cache–but soon after that the whole Chosen Squad knows. They all brainstorm proposal ideas, but only one of them is married and Leo’s not that much of a pot of inspiration for proposal ideas. 

leo: Why dont’cha just ask? 

sarah, wayyyyy too into the idea of a dramatic proposal than she should be: Are you kidding me, Leo!? You can’t just ask! Did you just ask Arlo to marry you!? 

leo: Uh, yeah? 

sarah: 

leo: 

duck: 

minerva, too busy scribbling down notes: 

sarah: are you fucking kidding me– 

This leads to the squad getting some outside opinions (Indrid, Juno, and Thacker are suddenly invited to the “Minnie’s Proposal Plans” groupchat–which is a thing btw–and no one is surprised in the least by this development), but ultimately a lot of their ideas are duds too. Though, with the addition of Indrid, the cross-banter is cut down tremendously because he can just chime in immediately and be like “this idea is going to get us nowhere and make duck say some really dumb shit, but Juno’s been sitting on a decent idea for roughly ten minutes now so let’s give her the floor”. From these Powerful Minds, they are able to establish a setting and a time frame. Those being the theatre for setting (which Minerva was already thinking about) and “during busy season” for the time frame. The reason for choosing when Mack’s busiest is so she doesn’t notice the amount of running around Minerva will have to do in order to set everything up. But, since she can’t keep everything in the theatre, or in Duck’s apartment, they gotta let Ned in on the Big Plans so he can hide everything back in the Chicanery.  

Which is how Ned and Kirby get involved (neither of which is surprised by these developments in the slightest; Ned’s just a little peeved he wasn’t brought in sooner) and are tasked with the mission of recon: AKA, dropping vague questions about hypothetical proposals to Mack to see what she’d like. It works with relative success, as Mack admits in passing to Kirby how she wouldn’t mind a cheesy proposal (roses, candles, The Works, y’know) but what she’d really love is to be proposed to with song or “some overdramatic bullshit like that”. Ned gets way too excited about the prospects of turning this into one big musical number, and it takes a lot of group discussion before Ned backs off the idea (slightly). Minerva decides to blend the two ideas of cheese and drama to make something truly Her; a romantic declaration of her love whilst a bunch of cool shit happens around her. 

Said cool shit requires one very magical fire lady, who is also very sad she wasn’t brought in on this idea sooner, and pretty soon the entire Lodge is recruited in this whole display. There’s gonna be rose petals, spotlights, confetti cannons, live music (performed by Moira on piano, Barclay on guitar, and Duck on trombone), magic display, dance number. And it’s all gonna end with the piece de resistance: Minerva’s Speech. 

The speech takes the longest to do out of everything. They’re basically sitting on the entire number for almost a month as Minerva does try after try after try for this speech. How can she possible condense her endless adoration for Mack in just a few short sentences? How will she show to Mack that this is it for her--that there’s no one on this planet or any other planet that Minerva could ever love more than she does Mack? There simply aren’t enough words, let alone enough time. Finally, after a lot of fussing and rewrites, she ends up with something she likes. It isn’t perfect, but it’s hard to reach perfection when she’s already sleeping right beside Minerva on the couch. 

From there, they just...wait. It, luckily, doesn’t take too long for Mack’s season to kick into full swing (as Minerva’s speech took up most of Mack’s grace period), and then they just prepare the plan. 

Step One: Get Mack Out Of Theatre. Ned and Kirby manage to convince Mack to come with them on a thrift run so Ned can stock up on shit to turn into exhibits (and Mack needs some specialty props anyway so why not). Once she’s gone, initiate Step Two. 

Step Two: Hide Props In Kirby’s Office. Pretty easy task. 

Step Three: Wait (Some More) 

The original idea was that, after setting everything up inside the theatre, they would pull off the actual proposal the next day so as to not raise Mack’s suspicions. Minerva considers this an easy-enough idea, as she’s spent this long already hiding the proposal from Mack, what’s a few more hours gonna do? 

So it’s that night, and Mack and Minerva are sidled up on the couch together. They’ve just finished dinner (pizza, since Mack was out with Ned and Kirby so late) and are watching re-runs of Seinfeld when Mack leans up and kisses Minerva on the cheek. 

“Hey, honey?” Mack says. Minerva looks down at her and smiles. 

“Yes, my starlight?” 

“Do you wanna get married?” What. Wait. Hold on...what? Minerva is staring down at Mack now, who doesn’t fidget in the slightest. She just looks curious, like the way she does when she asks Minerva about her homeworld. 

“I-I, uh, I--” What the fuck is Minerva supposed to say?? Is this just a question or a proposition?? What is going on right now?? Mack smiles at Minerva. 

“You can say no, y’know.” She says, causing Minerva to splutter. 

“No, no!! I, uh, yes! Yes, Mack, of course I want to marry you!” Mack’s grin widens and suddenly Minerva can see the glee sparkling in her eyes. She rifles around her jean’s pocket and pulls out a jewelry box and--are you fucking kidding me this is real, huh, this is really real Mack’s done it she’s beaten her to the punch oh my god-- 

Mack pops open the ring box and Minerva just gapes at the ring inside. The ring itself is made of a brilliantly polished silver, the gem on it a very light blue with these speckles of almost gold in it cut into the shape of a diamond. There are two small moonstones framing the gem, one on each side, also cut into diamonds. Minerva’s eyes spring tears as she watches Mack carefully take out the ring and slip into onto Minerva’s ring finger (she’d been holding that hand the entire time, the bastard). Mack smiles and presses a kiss to her hand before looking back into her fiancees eyes. 

“Sick,” 

so uh, yeah, long story short: mack does it first

[sanjayyyy-13]

I Should Of Stayed In Bed

Summary: Loki and (Y/N) have had feeling for each other for a long time. But how do they feel when they have been placed on opposing sides of a friendly feud? 

Warnings: Just a lot of bad language. Swearing, cussing, the whole enchilada. 

Prompt: The Avengers have a prank war, (Y/N) and Loki get a little into it.

Pairing: Reader (Female) and Loki Laufeyson

Words: 2321

No this couldn’t be happening. They said it would be safe. You held your breath as you heard the faint footsteps of your enemies. You crouched low and pushed your back against the cool marble kitchen counter. You looked down at your drenched clothes and took a deep breath. You took a glance at the gun in your hands and noticed you were on your last bit of ammo. Your throat was as dry as sandpaper. Thats when you heard a voice…. No two. Shit! I’m so fucked.

-Before-

Everything was going great in the Avengers tower. You were relaxing with a book in hand and a cup of hot chocolate in the other. You basked in the sun that was streaming through the windows and enjoyed the peace. Steve, Tony and Thor had gone for a meeting with some big people leaving the team relaxed. Loki sat across from you, his eyes were focused on his book but every so often he would flicker his eyes up to your face and drink in every detail. He would admire everything, from the curve of your cheek to the (h/c) strands of hair that were framing your face so delicately. He thought you were an exquisite being and the only acceptable human to be in the presence of a god. You looked up from your book and met his gaze. You gave him a smile and took a sip from your cup of chocolate. Little did you know that your powers made the tea steaming hot. Fuck that shit hurted. It burnt your lip and tongue making you spit it back into the cup and yelp in pain. Whelp, there goes being graceful you thought to yourself.

You heard a scoff from Loki and you rolled your eyes. “Thanks for the, are you okay? You want me to get ice?” You say, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “You are fine, because along with those heating powers, you do have cooling powers” he says and gives you a smug smile. Argh, I wish I could smack that stupid grin off his face. You put your book and tea down. I need to change my shirt now you thought as you noticed the sticky stains on your comfy shirt. You got up, and thought about what Loki said. You willed the chill to come to your hands and pressed your fingers on your tongue and lip. “Thuck chu” you say to Loki. “Was that Thank You or fuck you?” Loki says with his brows furrowed and eyes trained on your tea stain. With your remaining hand you give him the middle finger and then bow deeply. “I presume that it is both” he says thoughtfully. You gave him a smile and wink and headed towards your room.

After closing the door you took your fingers out of your mouth. Taking of your shirt and not bothering to put on another you collapse on your bed and ponder.  Your thoughts wandered to the mischievous man that made you want to slap and kiss him at the same time. You had grown close to the Asgardian god. You both teased, flirted and played with each other. You wouldn’t say you had a real bad crush on him, but that smirk makes you wish you can just say something about how you feel and not let your powers act up. Your frustrating powers were the result of a lab experiment. You were a trained assassin, captured by Hydra, turning you into their lab rat. You were gifted with the powers of ice and fire. But the pain you went through to achieve them was terrible. You shuddered thinking of the past and focused on how you ended up in this tower. You smiled when you remembered helping the “mighty” avengers fight Ultron and many other smaller enemies. Ahh, nice trip down memory lane.

Loki P.O.V

He listened to your footsteps receding down the hallway and let out a long breath. He closed his book and proceeded to look out the window, his head resting on the palm of his hand. She was magnificent and wonderful. He wished he could just tell her how he feels and how he wishes to hold her in his arms. Ack when did all of this sickening love stuff happen he thought to himself. Pause. Wait… did I just say I love her? No. She is just more relatable than others. He dragged his hands down his face and took a long breath. He decided to distract himself by completing his book. Unfortunately, thats when two of the loudest men walked into the room. Arguing. Ugh. He needed you to get through this.

-Back to you-

“(Y/N)?” You heard before someone opened the door. “Argh” you screech as you reached for your shirt but found nothing.  Loki eyes widen when he saw you in your state. “What the fuck dude? Can’t you knock?” You shout at the black haired god in front of you. “Oh” Loki says. He eyes your body and smirks. “ You are begging for me to punch you.” You say. “ I can’t stand being alone with those two nimrods arguing” he says as he hands you your shirt that was on the floor. “ The boys are back at it again?” You say as you grab the shirt, slightly burning his hands with your powers. “Ow, you need to control your powers. They are hot as balls“ he says awkwardly with the new terms Peter was teaching him. You chuckle and start to put your shirt back on. He scowled when he heard you laughing. “Don’t scrunch up your face like that, you’ll ruin it” you say with a smirk. He folded his arms and rolled his eyes.“ I’ll be back in a few” you say. “seconds or hours?” he says. “Years” you answer him with a smile. He rolled his eyes and left closing the door behind him.

That was embarrassing. You put a proper shirt on and head back to the common room. There were voices that were loudly coming from them. “I doubt it you jerk off!” You hear someone yell. “Fuck you, everyone knows I was the original best friend!” Another voice yelled. You entered the room that had Sam and Bucky arguing. You noticed Loki in the corner with a look of annoyance in his eyes. You laughed quietly at the cute expression on his face. “Guys, what are you fighting about?” You exclaim. “This dick head thinks that he is the best friend of Steve!” Sam yells.  You tilt your head to Bucky who rolls his eyes. “I know I am” Bucky replies. “Okay, Okay. You guys are both his best friends” you state with your arms outstretched. “Pfft, the only way to tell who’s better is to fight and earn the title” Sam states, getting into a fighting stance. “Fighting? No we are going to see who is mentally fit to be Caps best friend” Bucky says. “Are you proposing a prank war?” Sam says in disbelief. “Hell yes I am. And I get first dibs on my team members. I call (Y/N).” Bucky states as he walks over and puts his arm around you making you groan under it’s weight. You give Loki a silent plead of help. But all he does is shrug his shoulders and smirk. What have I gotten myself into?

-Present-

You thought of the teams, Sam Team: Sam, Clint, Rhodey. Bucky’s Teams: Bucky, Natasha, Peter, (Y/N). Loki had refused to participate in this “petty midgaurdian bullshit”. Even when you begged and pouted your lips.

You had come to the kitchen to make some water balloons for your team. Being an idiot, you didn’t ask anyone for help. You clutched your water gun tightly when you began to hear the opposing teams voices. It was Clint and Rhodey. But they seemed oddly robotic. You had to abort your mission or call in for backup. You gave yourself five seconds to think about it and a plan began to formulate in your mind. You couldn’t risk going back to your base and showing them where it was and couldn’t sacrifice your precious resources a.k.a the water balloons. You quietly opened the cupboard next to you and placed the bucket that held the full water balloons and closed it.  

You pull out your phone and send Natasha a quick SOS and hit record on your phone to capture the conversation between Rhodey and Clint. You strained your ears and tried listening in on the conversation between Rhodes and Clint. “….They will never see it coming and they don’t even know that we know where there base is.” You heard Rhodey say. “Hahah yup, I can’t wait to capture the look on Nat’s face” Clint replies. You sent the recording to Bucky and pop up from your hiding place and squirt them both with water from you water gun. “Surprise bitches!!!” You yell. “What the fuck?” A certain god says. Oh Shit. You see Loki drenched in water but no sign of Clint or Rhodey. You frown, put down your gun and grabbed a towel. You quickly approached him.“I’m so sorry. Shit. I didn’t see you there” You start saying. He glares at you for a second and grabs the towel from you hand. “Im so so sorry” you start mumbling.  He starts to visibly get annoyed and starts wiping his hair.

“It’s okay, just shut up” he snaps. He notices your face change from worry to sadness and immediately feels bad. You furrow your brows and chew your bottom lip nervously. Loki takes notice and tries his best not to let it distract him. He brings his hand up to the side of your face and takes his thumb and removes your bottom lip away from your teeth. “Actually love, you should forgive me.” He replies with a smirk. Love?  You were a little stuck in place because of the new nick name you earned. “Wait why?” You say audibly as he slaps your hand in handcuffs and throws you over his shoulder. “I got her. Sam come and take her. My job is done, now leave me alone” he says. “You little asshole! Let go” You start kicking furiously. “Play nice now, love” he replies. There it was again.”Love”  The familiar feeling of ice comes in your hand. You break out of the knot and flip off of a unsuspecting Loki. “Not today Satan!” You yell. Thats when your team comes rushing in. But unfortunately, so does the opposing team. Peter hands you a water gun and places the water balloon bucket behind you. “Thanks kid” you say. “No problem, (Y/N)” he replies innocently.

“ATTACK” Bucky and Sam yell at the same time. This was when all hell broke loose. You started squirting your gun at Loki who used Clint as his shield and started walking forward towards you. “Let go of me” Clint said as he struggled to get out of Loki’s strong grip. Your eyebrows furrow as you slowly walked backwards. When he got close enough to you he tossed Clint aside like a rag doll and smacked your gun away. You were frozen in place. His hand grazes your cheek and settles on your chin. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! “Now love, I suggest you put the water gun down, before someone gets hurt.” He says .You stare in his beautiful blue eyes for a while, and use this opportunity to win. You make your whole body burn and he takes his hands off your face with a jump. “As I said before, NOT TODAY SATAN!” You yell and grab a water balloon from the bucket behind you and smack it in his face. It bursts and the face he makes was priceless. Eyebrows furrowed, mouth spitting out the water and his eyes blinking madly.

“You are gonna pay for this (Y/N)” he shouts. “ooo, I can’t wait” you say with a wink. He smiles and pounces on you knocking you to the ground and you grab a discarded water gun on the floor. His body is now on top of yours. Chest to chest, face to face. There was a small space between you guys, if you leaned up a little bit, you would be able to close the distance between you two. You laughed and tried to will that thought away. You saw his eyes flicker to your lips. “I told you were going to pay for that” he says, panting. You quickly switch positions so you are on top. His hands settle at your hips and you try your best to ignore it. You point the gun to his face and laugh.  “I think the clear winner is me” you state. He laughs and says “if this happens whenever you win” he says gesturing the position you guys are in, “I would challenge you to many more games”. You had a dumb smile on your face, thinking of a response. “I assure you, it will result in something more than just this” you say, trying your best to act flirtatious. He hummed in approval and proceeded to lick his lips. Before either of you could do anything, you heard the elevator bell ping.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY TOWER?” You hear Tony yell as he enters through the elevator along with Steve and Thor. His brows are raised as he surveyed the damage. There was water, paint and mud everywhere. The furniture was scattered and people were at each other throats. Everyone turns towards the voice. “Um, (Y/N) why are you on top of my brother.” You hear Thor ask. You blush, glance Loki who had a mischievous smirk. You open your mouth to answer but was cut off by Tony.“also… WHAT THE SHIT?”

-END-

Tags: @cleolemonfanfiction

[bleusarcellewrites]

HELP FIC REC ME IM DESPERATE PLEEEEASE

I got you fam; excuse me while I go look into my bookmarks.

……………….

Im also assuming that you wan’t Klancey ones, huh?

i’ve got you by  @shukagari

Rambling: You don’t understand, there was a lot of Keith’s vlog fics but this one is the one I keep re-reading dude, I just – God, it’s soft, and caring, and kind, and Lance is so damn understanding, he’s such a good guy and I love him, that’s the Lance I know and I just, my heart dude, my tiny heart grows when I read this. AND THE SCENE WHERE– sorry, sorry, no spoilers. 

Back to You by @sharkgirl

Rambling: Listeeeeeeeeeeeeen, I usually don’t mess with time-travel things, bc they make my head hurt, but this one was really nice and cute and simple, ya know? And the plot itself was really interesting to me so I was like WHY IS LANCE GONE? (See what I did there? WHY IS THE RUM GONE? no? ok) And just…dude, the team’s reaction at seeing him again, and the KLANCE and KEITH BEING SO DAMN SWEET, aaaah this fic is lovely.

Save his smile by @queerklancing

Rambling: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU GOTTA SAVE HIS SMILE DUDE. HIS SMILE GOD. I fell in love with this goddamn fic and God, there is not ONE FIC FROM THIS AUTHOR I DONT LOVE, OK? JULIA IS AMAZING AND JKFSDGFJKSD YEAH YEAH SO THE FIC; SOFT KEITH, AMAZING FRIENSHIP AND PINING, SO DAMN LOVELY AND KEITH IS SO NICE AND UUUGH.

Make Me Whole by @Shea

Rambling: Dude, this is so simple and so damn charming and lvoely. GOD IT’S SUCH A GOOD CHANGE OF PACE FROM THE TYPICAL PETS YA KNOW? And the interactions between the two is lovely and the time skip (i think it was a time skip?) it was really good because pssh, domestic as fuck Klance ok? And then MARRIGE PROPOSAL. Lance is such a damn dork.

Whipped by @stentatiouslyrealistic

Rambling: this mothercucker is such a goddamn marshmellow and it’s so damn fluffy and i love that pidge, hunk, lance and Keith live together and you can never go wrong with college au tbh, and LANCE IS SO GODDAMN SMITTEN AND SO IS KEITH AND THEY ARE SO STUPID I LOVE THEM. THE AUTHOR DID SUCH A GOD JOB, IT WAS AMAZING.

tell me that you love me too by @ciuucalata​

Rambling: dude, I mean? five + 1 things?? check. Fluff? check. Real reactions and real life situations? DOUBLE CHECK. Dude, just, Lance is SMITTEN over Keith, but KEITH doesn’t feel the same way but Lance is still such a gentleman and he respects Keith and Keith is so grateful of that and THEN SLOWLY FALLS IN LOVE AND BOOM KLANCE. REALLY LOVELY.

taking my time by @ciuucalata​

Rambling: SEQUEL TO THE ONE ABOVE. Dude, it’s like from Keith’s pov and it’s really nice and Keith is still shy about his own feelings and discoveries and Lance is so damn soft and understanding and god, these boys kill me everytime.

Perfect Setting by @quillfeathers​

Rambling: Still one of my fucking faves, dude, I love Lance’s pov and Keith is so chill and he doesn’t sound like he’s so loving or smitten but GOD the small actions he does are so heart warming and it was so peaceful and lovely and Keith just…he fucking make a hammock for him and his boyfriend and LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT IS NOT TRUE LOVE.

Tom Cruisin’ by @l-x-ie

Rambling: Dude. Dude. DUDE. Lance? Bored? Boxers? Empty Castle? DO I NEED TO SAY MORE? ……I THINK YES BC THAT SOUNDED SMUTTY IM SORRY. IT’S NOT SMUTTY AT ALL. IT’S JUST LANCE DANCING AROUND THE CASTLE LIKE A DOOFUS BC THE TEAM IS OUT SOMEWHERE AND THEN EVERYONE JOIN THE PARTY AND ITS SUCH A FAMILY GATHERING SO CUTE.

Chasing a Starlight by @queerklancing

Rambling:GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. THE PINING. THE HEARTBREAK. THE GIGGLES. THE CONFESSION. THE SMITTEN BOYS. I LOVE SMITTEN BOYS.

Laughter Lines by @maunderponder 

Rambling: God, this goddamned fic and giving me feelings and GOD THE AUTHOR DOES SUCH A GOOD JOB IN TELLING THE STORY HOW? HOW DO THEY DO THAT? HOW. RESPONSABIBLE FAMILY MAN LANCE? CHECK. SMITTEN KEITH? CHECK. AWAKRD KEITH? CHECK. SMITTEN LANCE? CHECK. LEARNING AND GROWING TOGETHER? FUCKING CHECK.

Crybaby by @cheshireree 

Rambling: I shit you not, I have read this fic about twenty times. I just…God, dude, I love that moment when characters are so done and they are angry but behind that anger there is sadness and fear and I love it when it’s Lance and he’s knocking some sense into Keith and Keith just…fuck, man, he fucking comforts him and he chills out and promises not to do it again and MY HEART. GOD. AND THEN THE GROUP HUG. AND GOD I LOVE IT.

Kiss by @coralreefskim

Rambling: YOU. HAVE.STARS.IN.YOUR.EYES. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I lost my cool there, that line is just my goddamn fave, honestly. Okay, so, pining Keith? boom. craddling moment? BOOM. Like, dude, you think; Oh loook, it’s a simple confession fic where nothing bad or angsty happens —-OH SHIT WAIT NO WHY IS KEITH CRYING, KEITH WHAT THE FU —- Honestly, it comes out of nowhere and it leaves you crying on the floor.

[viralhottopics]

Can I forgive the man who raped me?

Thordis Elva was raped aged 16. Years later, she emailed Tom Stranger, the man who raped her, beginning a raw, painful healing process documented in their book South of Forgiveness. In this extract, they meet to find a way forward

Thordis Elvais from Iceland and known to Icelandersas a writer, playwright, journalist and public speaker. She was voted Woman of the Year 2015 by the Federation of Icelandic Womens Societies in Reykjavik for her work on gender equality, and has written a celebrated book on gender-based violence, 2009s mannamli (The Plain Truth). She currently resides in Stockholm, Sweden with her partner Vidir and their son.

Tom Stranger is Australian. He met Elva when he was 18 and on a student exchange programme in Iceland, and the pair had a relationship. Since then, he has worked in various sectors (community services, youth, outdoor recreation, charity, construction, and hospitality). For now, he is working as a landscape gardener and lives in Sydney with his wife, Cat.

From: tomsstranger@hotmail.com Sent: Saturday 21 May 2005, 5.38am To: thordiselva@hotmail.com Subject: Words for you Thordis, I dont know where to start. When I saw your name in my inbox, my spine went cold. My memories are still as clear as day. Please believe me when I say I have not forgotten what I did, and how wary I have to be of myself. I dont know how to reply. I want to call myself sick (but I know I am not), I want to say that you are so strong, so strong to be able to write to me and recall the events and my actions. I want to thank you for not hating me, although Id like you to. It would make it easier for me. Without looking for a scratch of sympathy, I want to tell you that the events and emotions I was party to in Iceland have replayed in my head many times, usually when I am by myself for any length of time. They flash past me, vividly accurate, and then, shortly after the denial and positive character reinforcement, comes the question: Who am I? It is a dark part of my memory. Ive tried to suppress it. But this is not about me. Whatever I can do or offer you, I am more than willing. The question is where to go from here. You tell me. Tom.

*****

After eight years of analysing the violent past and its consequences in a written correspondence, Thordis and Tom decide to meet up in the middle, between their home countries of Iceland and Australia, looking to face their past once and for all.

Day one, 27 March 2013

The taxi picks me up at a quarter to five and takes me to the bus station, where Im booked on the fly-bus. The grizzled taxi driver, hoisting my suitcase into the trunk with a smooth manoeuvre, asks me where Im going.

To South Africa.

Oh, really? To Johannesburg?

No, to Cape Town, I reply, still in disbelief at my own words despite the time Ive had to adjust to the idea. It would be an understatement to say that the proposed meeting has been on my mind. Its reverberated in every step when Ive gone out for a run; its been in every breath of cold winter air that scraped the insides of my lungs; its soaked the wet washcloth I used to clean my sons sticky fingers. And Ive tried my best to push it out of my mind when making love to my fiance, enjoying his warm skin against mine.

After all, that would be a highly inappropriate time to be thinking about it.

From the moment the destination was set, I adapted to a new calendar before or after Cape Town. The last time I bought deodorant I automatically deduced that I wouldnt have to buy another one until after Cape Town. Yesterday, when snuggling down with my three-year-old son to do some painting together, spending quality time with him BC momentarily appeased my guilt for leaving him for 10 days to travel halfway across the globe to face a man from the past without any guarantee of the outcome.

Something tells me that parents of young children are not meant to take such foolhardy decisions. Thats the reason I gave up my dreams of parachuting when I fell pregnant with my son. Then again, throwing myself out of an aeroplane at 7,000 feet carries less emotional risk than taking a trip down memory lane with the man who turned my existence upside down. Because it wasnt an unknown lunatic who tore my life apart all those years ago. Who turned down the offer of medical help for me, even though I was barely conscious and vomiting convulsively. Who decided instead to rape me for two endless hours.

It was my first love.

My mothers eyes flew wide open when I told her that I was travelling alone to South Africa to meet up with the man who raped me when I was 16. She strung together a series of hair-raising worst-case scenarios before letting out a sigh, looking at me with loving reluctance, and adding: But I know its pointless to try to talk you out of things youve set your mind to, dear. Shortly thereafter, my dad interrupted my packing when he dropped by for a coffee. Despite my attempt to break the news to him in the gentlest manner possible, it didnt prevent him from freaking out. He lectured me in a thundering voice about how I was jeopardising my life for an utterly ridiculous idea.

But I have to finish this chapter of my life, I said softly. My cheeks were on fire.

Finish this chapter? he repeated, appalled, and jumped out of his chair. You dont need to travel across the globe to finish anything! This whole idea is a big pretentious drama, thats what it is!

His words hit me right where it hurts.

Youll have no control over anything. Nothing but your thoughts! Nothing else!

What do you mean? I asked, confused. Ill obviously control my actions and whereabouts.

No you wont, dear, he hissed. You cant always. If you could, then that wouldnt have happened.

We both knew what he meant by that, even though weve never talked about the incident that changed everything. In recent years, Ive spoken widely and publicly about my status as a rape survivor (though, until now, never identified the man who raped me) yet my father and I have never discussed that fateful night. He has never asked and Ive always assumed he doesnt want to know.

I sat up straight, aware of my glowing cheeks. If you reduce me to victim and him to perpetrator, I can see how this seems incomprehensible to you. But were much more than that, Dad.

He scoffed loudly before storming out of the kitchen.

I leant against the wall and let the air out of my lungs slowly. Goddamn it. I knew this would be hard, but bloody hell.

My father appeared again in the doorway, pacing up and down with frustration I knew was fuelled by fatherly love. How can you be sure youll finish anything with this nonsense? This may just as easily be the start of something else entirely! The distress in his voice made it sound like a threat.

I sat alone in the silence my father left behind and watched the dust settle. In a way, I think were both right. This trip will surely mark an end to a certain chapter of my life. What sets me apart from my father is my belief that in the next chapter, I wont be the victim any more.

Day two, 28 March 2013

The screen in the seatback in front of me shows a blinking plane over a map. According to the timer, Cape Town is just 29 minutes away. The butterflies in my stomach nose-dive, as the time seems way too limited considering how many questions are left unanswered.

Goddamn it, what if I cant forgive him? Am I ready to let go?

Frustrated, I scroll through the folder on my laptop, searching for something to calm my nerves. I was level-headed enough when I suggested this trip, wasnt I? In an attempt to recover my faith in this risky undertaking, I read through my own proposal:

You may need a lifetime to forgive yourself for what you did to me. That is up to you and you take however long you need, independent of anyone else. I, however, am climbing a different mountain. And I am getting very close to the top. I propose that in six months time, we meet up with the intention of reaching forgiveness, once and for all. In person. It is the only proper way for me to do it, I feel. No letter can ever compare with face-to-face communication. And after all weve been through, I think it is the most dignified and honest way to finish this chapter of our story.

I sound so calm, so fucking reasonable. How is it possible that this was written by the same person now hyperventilating in a plane 30,000ft over South Africa, full of nerve-racking doubt?

Reading through his reply, Im somewhat comforted that he, too, felt conflicted:

Ill admit that I was floored by your request to meet up. Fearful, anxious, cautious, paranoid. You name it, it all came swarming in. But youve asked, and you sound like you are making vital ground towards something very special for yourself. So of course Ill agree to see you. After much thought I do think it will be beneficial, and an opportunity for myself to air face-to-face some long held words and for us both to look to close some doors. I want it for you, Thordis, as you seem strong, open and ready to see me and move forward. I want it for me because Im so very sick of being sick and seeing myself as unlovable, and believe I can move on if I could just look you in the face, own up to it and say Im sorry.

Forgiveness is the only way, I tell myself, because whether or not he deserves my forgiveness, I deserve peace. Because Im doing this for me. My forgiveness is white-hot from the whetstone, and its purpose is to sever the ties, because if I can let this go, once and for all, Im certain that my overall wellbeing will benefit greatly. Self-preservation at its best.

Day four, 30 March 2013

Its seven oclock when we buy ourselves a drink at the hotel bar and sit down by a table facing the garden, readying ourselves for the hard talk. The windowpane clatters loudly, and an endless stream of staff crossing the room distracts me to the point where I give up. What do you say about us finishing this conversation in my room?

He looks at me, shocked. Are you sure? Youre comfortable with that?

Im sure that itll be easier to have this talk if we get proper privacy. Its tough enough as it is.

Tom radiates ever-increasing anxiety as the elevator climbs closer to the 12th floor. Unlike him, my emotions have calmed down.

Almost serene, I step out of the elevator. Theres no turning back now.

He buries his hands in his pockets as I fish my key out of my bag in front of my hotel room. Putting my hand on the doorknob, it morphs into the white plastic door-handle with the keyhole that haunts my dreams. Within me, everything falls silent. Ready? I ask myself.

Without hesitation, I turn the key.

Tom follows me inside my room, takes a look around and smiles nervously. Not bad.

Sit wherever you like. Im going to make some tea.

Thordiss student ID from around the time she met Tom. Photograph: Courtesy of Thordis Elva

He sits down on the edge of the bed while I busy myself with the kettle. From the corner of my eye, I notice him closing his eyes and straightening his back, as if hes steeling himself. When the boiling water hits the teabag at the bottom of the cup, Tom begins the story in a hoarse voice. I wore my golden shirt that evening. I didnt know it was customary to get dressed up for a dance in Iceland, and I didnt have anything fancy. The son of my host family took me to an exclusive store and helped me choose the shirt. I thought it was the peak of cool, at the time. The striped trousers were a present from my host sister.

He accepts the steaming teacup from my hand and stares into it for a moment before continuing. I remember how excited I was when I bought the ticket. I remember that I was with my friends Carlos and Ben when we met you outside the dance. You were pretty drunk when you arrived.

It was the first time Id ever tasted rum, I tell him. I didnt know how to drink alcohol. Nor did I know how to smoke, even though I took a drag from the rolled cigarette you handed me. I just wanted to impress you. And after the ensuing wild cough, I wondered if perhaps that wasnt a cigarette, I remind myself.

I lost you the minute we stepped inside, Tom continues. Carlos and I went straight to the dancefloor. I remember feeling happy and carefree in that sweaty pile of people. Then someone told me you werent well, you were in the ladies.

My mind replays the awful scene from the bathroom stall. The stains on my new dress. My hair wet from hugging the toilet. My fear and wonder as one spasm after the other wrung my body out like a dishrag. The repeated promises that Id neither drink nor smoke again if I were only allowed to survive this night. And finally, the desperate wish for my mom to come save me. I fucked up, Mom. Im sorry.

Tom frowns. I felt it was my duty to go and check on you. So I went in and climbed over the partition, into your cubicle. I held your hair back while you vomited, and I thought I was going to be sick as well. Then you flopped to the ground and lay there, motionless. I remember carrying you out.

He pauses and looks away. Before I have a chance to tell him how grateful I was when he appeared like my mother incarnate to save me from an untimely death on the bathroom floor, he grimaces bitterly. Then I couldnt be bothered to look after you, Thordis. I dumped you on Ben and left you with him. You were slumped on the chairs outside the bathrooms and he stood there, stooped over you, as I went back to the dancefloor.

I look at him in surprise. I thought youd taken me straight home.

He clenches his jaw. My only thought was that this was the only Christmas dance I was going to experience in Iceland. I was selfish and didnt have any concern for you. In the end, I felt guilty that some other guy was looking after my girlfriend. So I scooped you up in my arms and carried you up the stairs, in a foul mood because I had to leave the party.

And the security guards stopped you on the way out because they wanted to call an ambulance for me as I was dangling from your arms, foaming at the mouth. They thought I had alcohol poisoning.

Id forgotten that moment but I dont doubt it, he says in a low voice.

Tom Stranger in 1996, the year he went to Iceland. Photograph: Courtesy of Tom Stranger

I remember that part vividly because for a second there, I thought youd take their advice, I respond, looking down into my cup. That Mom and Dad would get a call from the hospital saying that their 16-year-old daughter was lying there with alcohol poisoning. I imagined being grounded for life.

Id known for three years by then what it is to drink to excess, and Id seen many of my friends at various stages of drunkenness. I just thought you were wasted. I didnt think you were in real danger, he says.

Whatever it was, it had me paralysed and unable to speak. But I heard you loud and clear as you refused the offer of an ambulance, telling the security guards that you knew me and would see me safely home.

He nods, his complexion strangely pale. The taxi was white, I recall. I told the driver your address I remember letting us into your house. But what I dont remember is what I did with you while I struggled to unlock the door.

You draped me across your shoulder while you rummaged round in my bag for the keys.

He raises his eyebrows. Really? Like a sack of potatoes?

I nod.

He swears at himself quietly. And I remember your entrance hall, the shoes on the floor. From memory, past the coat hooks there were some stairs on the left, leading up to the kitchen and your parents area. Your room was through on the right. He stops and swallows.

I remember taking your clothes off.

I remember it too. My gratitude when he removed my vomit-stained dress. My relief at having my feet freed from the high heels. My frustration for not being able to utter a word of thanks. My lack of understanding when he continued to remove my underwear. Why my panties? Why?

My stomach muscles reflexively tighten as I prepare for the blow.

He stands up, moving restlessly, and walks over to the wall opposite the bed. I undressed you completely… He falls silent and hangs his head. The wind howls pitifully outside the window.

Tom begins to cry.

I wish I could tell you why I did it, Thordis.

Did what?

Raped you, he says, quietly.

This is an edited extract from South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger (Scribe Publications, 12.99). To order a copy for 11.04 go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger will be speaking at the Royal Festival Hall as part of the Women of the World festival on 11 March, and at the Bristol Festival of Ideas on 13 March

People were quick to judge I wasnt angry enough: what came next for Thordis and Tom

Standing in stark stage lights, with five cameras directed at me, I recently found myself on a stage, telling an audience of 1,200 how Id been raped when I was 16 years old. Next to me on stage was Tom, who raped me after a dance at our high school. Together, we gave a TED talk that summarised a 20-year long process, whereby Tom shouldered responsibility for his actions and the way they impacted our lives. It was viewed nearly 2m times in the first week and the overwhelming reaction was positive and supportive.

In the talk, I described the violence Tom subjected me to, how I spent years wanting nothing more than to hurt him back, how I found a way to part with the anger that nearly cost me my life, as well as rid myself of blame that I like so many other survivors wrongfully shouldered.

Tom described how he felt deserving of my body that night, without any concern for me, and consequently convinced himself that what he did was sex and not rape. The following nine years were marked by denial, in which he did his best to outrun the past, until I confronted him in a pivotal email that changed our lives for ever.

Ive been asked why I didnt press charges immediately, and the simple answer to that question is that I was a 16-year-old girl with naive notions about rape. Rapes were committed by armed lunatics, the kind of sensationalised monsters you saw on TV and read about in the papers. The fact that Tom wasnt a monster, but a person who made an awful decision, made it harder for me to see his crime for what it was. That way, the demonisation of perpetrators in mainstream media got in the way of my recovery. By the time I was able to identify what had happened to me as rape, Tom had moved to the other side of the planet, far from the jurisdiction of the Icelandic police. At the time, 70% of rape cases in Iceland were dismissed, even when the perpetrator could be interrogated and the survivor had documented injuries, neither of which were the case for me. Therefore, pressing charges would not have been a fruitful process, and the only option I felt I had left was to bottle up my pain and anger. Studies show that very few survivors have a clean-cut story in which they went straight to the authorities after being assaulted, put the blame squarely on the perpetrators shoulders, healed their wounds and moved on. For most of us, life after violence is a messy ordeal. We dont go to the police because were too confused, scared or doubtful that well get help. We blame ourselves and obsess about things we couldve done differently. We numb ourselves with alcohol/drugs/sex/food/work, or we turn to self-harm to relieve the emotional pain. We continue to see our abusers and pretend that nothing happened, because facing the truth is overwhelming. We develop PTSD and mental illness. We stay silent about what happened out of fear that well not be believed, or worse, blamed for it because we did something wrong. No wonder, really. In reality, the only people capable of preventing rapes are those who commit them, and yet were told from an early age that we can avoid being raped by dressing and behaving in a certain way. This culture of victim-blaming also fosters the idea that there is a right way to react to violence. Had the survivor only worn something else, not smiled so widely, not gotten drunk, fought back (more), screamed (louder), gone straight to the police, not feared their attackers retaliation if theyd only done that, everything wouldve worked out differently. Victim-blaming deepens the shame that many survivors feel and lessens the likelihood that they speak up about their experiences.

Watch Thordis Elva and Tom Strangers TED talk.

The reality is that there is no right reaction to having your life ripped apart by violence. I knew that my collaboration with Tom would be controversial, and the reactions of internet trolls didnt surprise me. But I am concerned with how quick some people were to judge the wrong way in which I worked through my experience. I wasnt angry enough, I shouldve pressed charges, I was setting a dangerous precedent, I should be ashamed. Although I made it clear that my forgiveness wasnt for my perpetrator but for myself and that without it, I wouldnt be alive, I was still told that I should not have forgiven.

This worries me. I worry about my fellow survivors who are at risk of internalising the misconception that there is a standard reaction to sexual violence, with the conclusion that they didnt react in the right way. To you, I want to say that you did nothing wrong. The way in which you carried on with your life may not have been clean-cut, it may have been messy and incomprehensible to those who dont share your experience, but it was your way to survive a trauma. Nobody has the right to tell you how to handle your deepest pain.

And as the title of our story South of Forgiveness suggests, forgiveness played a pivotal role in allowing me to let go of the self-blame I shouldered, largely due to the victim-blaming culture I grew up in. And yet, forgiveness is not the core of our story, in my mind. The core issue is responsibility.

I understand those who feel discomfort and even outrage when hearing and seeing Tom on stage, knowing that hes perpetrated sexual violence. At the same time, given how prevalent this type of abuse is and how under-reported a crime it is, were in all likelihood seeing and hearing from perpetrators on a daily basis the main difference being that we dont know theyre perpetrators. They could be the people we went to school with, who greet us at the grocery store, who direct the films we watch, get elected to public office, run entire countries and live right next door. Given the low reporting and conviction rate, most of them will never have to take responsibility for their actions in an institutional sense. This does not lessen the gravity of their deeds.

By the time Tom had confessed to his crime, he couldnt have done time for it even if he wanted to, as the statute of limitations had passed. As a result, our case fell through the cracks of the legal system, like so many others, but it didnt lessen our need to analyse our past and place the responsibility with the person to whom it belonged: Tom. We also did our best to answer questions that are rarely posed in the public discourse about rape, where more focus seems to be on the survivors attire, behaviour, whereabouts and sexual history than the perpetrators culpability. And as frustrating as it is, I understand it to a certain extent. Because in the public discourse, the only people speaking about the violence theyve been party to are the survivors, usually. Which is why we only have their stories to dissect, their details to scrutinise. Did she say shed been drinking that night? This tradition of one-sided scrutiny blindsides us from looking at the behaviour of the person responsible, the perpetrator, to whom the focus needs to shift.

I am not sharing the story of how I processed the abuse I endured as a set of recommendations for others.

My story is a unique account shared in the hope that it can aid a public discussion about sexual violence.

As a society, it is our duty to fight against violence. And as individuals, we have a right to heal from it.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2lUbi8H

from Can I forgive the man who raped me?