#if anyone writes this (PLEASE DO) please honor my jask isn’t human note it gives me so much anxiety when he’s human

[jaskierisbi]

okay y’all, this chaotic idea will NOT leave my mind so imma make it your problem too

okay, so jaskier and geralt have been traveling together for a full year since they met, the two of them not having split up once. jaskier didn’t want to risk geralt leaving him forever because he’s a grumpy and skittish motherfucker so jask stayed by his side since that spring day in posada

until geralt announced he was heading north to kaer morhen, of course

jaskier is sad, because he was really enjoying his (insanely attractive) new very best friend in the whole wide world, but realistically, he admittedly needed a break. jaskier falls hard and fast and spending so many months with geralt wasn’t helping. if they stayed together any longer, he might do something he’d regret like profess his undying love or kiss him or something

I mean, how could he not? jaskier had seen on more than one occasion geralt refuse pay for even dangerous contracts if he saw the family was starving. if a child was inquisitive of him instead of fearful, he would be in a good mood for the rest of the day. he took meticulous care of roach, talking to her softly and fondly

he always let jaskier eat first. was patient with him when jaskier expressed he wanted to help forage and gather potion supplies but didn’t have any useful knowledge about plants. he showed jaskier how to set traps and let him season their food (“it’s better like this, geralt, admit it”)

after jaskier got into a fistfight with three other tavern-goers when they dared insult geralt in his vicinity, the witcher quietly wrapped his hands and looked at him with something soft in his eyes. not long after that, if jaskier was running low on lute strings or ink for his pen, they would ‘mysteriously’ end up in his bags

geralt went from being annoyed with his presence, to tolerant, to begrudgingly fond. jaskier saw how he relaxed when he sung softly and strummed his lute across the campfire. once, geralt had even let him braid his hair when he was in a good mood after a contract

with all of this considered, jaskier’s romantic heart had more than enough ammunition to fixate on his newfound companion

yes, distance should do him good

except that it didn’t

he just spent his entire winter teaching at oxenfurt and dreaming about meeting up with geralt in the spring. he didn’t even bed anyone the entire cold season, which was so abnormal that even his friends commented on it

so when jaskier’s eyes fell upon geralt’s figure on the road outside the tavern they agreed to meet up at, all logic left his mind

he distantly can recall shouting out a friendly greeting to the witcher but before he knew what he was doing, he had kissed geralt straight on the mouth

jaskier immediately leapt back with barely concealed horror. the two men stood in silence, staring at one another. geralt’s face gave away nothing and jaskier was thinking a mile a minute for a way to excuse his impulsive act

a lie formulated in his mind. not the best one, but it was the only one he could come up with in less than a minute

“what? that’s how you greet friends in lettenhove, did you not know?”

geralt’s brows furrowed and he tilted his head. “…no.”

this is just a long winded way of me saying that jaskier has to stick with his lie and kiss all and any of his friends- new and old- hello (with geralt being slightly confused and jealous in the background)

AND THEN THEY START RUNNING INTO ALL. OF. HIS. FRIENDS. essi. pricilla. shani. and every time, jaskier made pleading eyes at each of his friends before kissing them basically out of nowhere, very aware of geralt’s watchful gaze

they narrow their eyes at him but the sheer panic in his eyes swayed them to wait and listen to jaskier when he pulled them off to somewhere private

they think it’s fucking hilarious

~also, jaskier isn’t human in this because I want him and geralt to live happily ever after together after they eventually get their shit together~