#if anyone thinks i am ignoring their song ask i promise i am not

[hehearse]

ttttwenty-three? back to sctir for this one bc i just made the connection,, good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo is hyj pre regression abt hyh,,, obviously a skewed perspective of how it really is making him bitter and angry at yoohyun even when he still loves him unconditionally.

twenty-four is It's Alright by Mother Mother. hyj about himself but reassuring hyh and his kids with the chorus,, "youre not a monster, just a human and youve made a few mistakes," yoojin seeing them still as Human, despite how Inhuman they can be. agh..

holding you by the lapels.

Olivia Rodrigo - good 4

YEAH yeah... yoojin YOUUU... i have such a soft spot for him at that point, the way even his INNER MONOLOGUE at the start is lies lies lies. self deprecation as a way to. ease the pain at least a little bit. he can be the one in pain but assuming his brother did this not for himself and out of his own free will and thus did NOT get happy as a result of leaving yoojin? haha. oh it would be so much easier if he could really despise his little brother, wouldn't it. (he can't, he simply can't). "that bastard of a brother" @ plans on dying in that same dungeon with his brother's body in his hands, yeah yeah.... <- in pain

Mother Mother - It's Alright

ack ack ack... poison damage...... ack...... yeah yoojin. thinking about that chat he had with yoohyun with yoohyun talking about his. less human instincts and desires. wanting for his flames to consume it all. and yoojin still seeing him as his precious brother amd worrying he restricts himself too much.... agh agh agh yoojin..... head in hands, pain is endless.....

it's so dear to me that yoojin is constantly humanizing? yoohyun while ALSO urging him to let go as much as he can let himself. does he need to be just like anyone else around him to still count as human? isn't he enough as is? agh agh agh...... han brothers..........

[dumbseee]

insecurity.

f1 au/fic: in which, lando and y/n have been dating for a few months, but fans are still talking about y/n’s past relationship. making lando feel insecure and questioning y/n’s feelings for him.

lando norris x singer!reader

(fc: jess alexander)

note: english isn’t my first language so excuse me for the mistakes this might have xx ALSO it’s the first time that i’m actually writing something so i hope it’s not too bad lmao. thank you for reading my aus btw <3

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, danielricciardo and 2 799 009 others.

y/n: happy birthday to my sun, you’re such a beautiful soul, i’m so proud to call you mine. i love you to the moon and back and promise to always love you.

_

landonorris: i love you more baby

danielricciardo: we’re at practice and he’s crying btw

fan1: they’re so absjdkdoldel

fan2: mama y papa

fan3: he always smile so brightly when he’s looking at her :(

fan4: i’m sorry but i can’t help but think about y/n’s ex… on the same day last year she was posting pictures of him

fan5: @.fan4 don’t do that… it’s about lando, not her ex

fan6: am i tripping or she also used to call her ex, her « sun »??

fan7: @.fan6 WHAT

fan8: @.fan6 no she didn’t?

_

lando sighed and threw his phone on his bed. of course he saw all the tweets about you and your stupid ex, how could he ignore them when it was all over the internet. people were speculating about if he was a rebound or a toy for you. lando was hurt, he always thought that you were way out of his league anyways so he should’ve seen it coming, right? you were an amazing and worldwide known singer, with your angelic voice and heartbreaking lyrics. you sang with your heart which made anyone who was listening to you, fall in love immediately.

that’s what happened with lando. he was always a big fan of yours, singing your songs on top of his lungs at parties, and following every single news about you, he even went to your concerts. one day, he went viral for singing your song on the radio with his engineer, he also happened to have made it to p3, which he said was because you were his lucky charm. the video was published online and went viral, you saw it and immediately found it adorable. the rest was history.

when you guys hard launched your relationship to the world, the big majority was happy for you two, happy to see you smile and happy to see that lando managed to get his crush. but a small minority saw that relationship as a rebound for you, saying horrible things about how you never loved lando and how you would dump him in a few months to go back to your one true love, your ex.

lando saw it all. and he hated it.

"lando? are you okay?" you asked, when you went to check in on him. he was supposed to bring a few blankets so you guys could watch a movie together. but he was taking way too much time so you went to see if he was okay.

"do you love me y/n?" he asked you, and the sadness in his eyes almost made you cry. lando’s eyes was what you loved the most about him, with his smile of course, but his gorgeous green eyes were full of emotions, you could drown in them and feel every little thing he was feeling just by looking at him.

"what are you talking about? of course i love you lando." you say, taking his hand in yours and softly kissing his knuckles. you saw him close his eyes and sigh deeply. you pushed him on the bed and sat next to him. "what happened?"

"it’s stupid, don’t worry about it." he finally looked up at you and faked a smile but it didn’t fool you.

"lando. tell me." you were still holding his hand and with your free hand you started to caress his cheek. he closed his eyes again and melted against your touch.

"your fans are still talking about your past relationship and how i’m nothing but a rebound to you." he said it in such a low tone you almost didn’t hear him. but sadly you heard his words and you could feel your heart shatter at how your fans words affected him. "i know that you guys stayed together for a while, and i know that you wrote good songs about him, i listened to them all, but… if you still love him you can-…"

"lando norris." you said in a serious tone, which startled him. "how am i supposed to love anyone else when you stole my heart and refuse to give it back?" his eyes lit up a little by your words. "and i literally wrote 56 songs about how much i love you so you better listen to them all once again and never doubt my feelings for you ever again, boy."

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, charlottesiine and 6 808 009 others.

y/n: ‘you are in love’ is officially out ;) little gift from me to you sweet lan <3

_

maxfewtrell: lando listened to it and locked himself in the bathroom to cry

landonorris: @.maxfewtrell FAKE NEWS

danielricciardo: i wish someone would write 57 songs about me…

heidiberger_: @.danielricciardo excuse me? (great song btw y/n!)

liked by y/n.

fan1: ZKSKSLXPODOSOZ

fan2: y/n making haters eat their words with one song: queen behaviour

fan3: i hope haters will stop hating on lando now how can you say that y/n is using him as a rebound

fan4: CALL 911 IM ON THE VERGE OF DEATH

fan5: y/n writing a love song for lando on his birthday :(

fan6: i love them so much pls

fan7: that whole drama about her ex was so dumb, they broke up for a reason and y/n also wrote songs about how awful he was to her towards the end of their relationship, why do you guys want her to go back to that dog?

liked by y/n.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

love bites, love bleeds

pairing: re6 chris x reader

cw: p in v (unprotected! wrap it before you tap it, folks!), mentions of blood, medical stuff, death, needles, mention of piers :(, brief mentions of body and weight, angsty sex

summary: very vague about how you met chris in fic (but imagining reader was experimented on in china during the events of re6, and is saved by chris), you patch up each other's wounds and then have sex

a/n: in my angsty era (always, mentally, this is what happens when i "write for myself"), also i played re6 not even that long ago but i straight up forget half of what happens so hopefully this makes sense still, and yes, title after the def leppard song 'love bites' (which oddly enough reminds me of my irl father, but we're going to ignore that bc it slaps)

wc: 2.7k

I feel sorry for all the men who died believing in you.

Piers, I feel sorry, too. Chris sighed, fist hitting the wall softer than the last time. 

“I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault,” you say.

“It’s not.”

“If you hadn’t stopped to help me, you could’ve-”

“Don’t. This is the job. We’re supposed to protect people.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. He was right, at least in theory, the BSAA’s mission is to stop bio-terrorism, and the agents who go into the field know that they might not come back, but it doesn’t make their lives disposable. They were just as valuable as you. It could’ve been you, maybe should’ve been. Chris lost the last member of his team to save you, a woman he doesn’t even know. 

Once he calmed down a bit, finally taking a seat next to you, you held out your hand, unsure of its use, and said, “I know I’m not… anyone to you, but I owe you my life and if I can do anything to help, I will.”

“Thank you,” he said, grabbing your hand in acknowledgment, “I appreciate your kindness.”

He let go of your hand and stood up. 

“Chris?” You said. 

“Yeah?”

“I meant what I said. I know you’re more experienced in these things than I am, and I don’t know how much help I can be, but at the very least, if you want someone to talk to, I’m here.”

He smiled, small, but real. “Me too,” he said.

You couldn’t tell if it was just a courtesy, but nonetheless, you accepted. 

“We should get out of here,” he said, “Get to some place safer. We can get patched up while we wait for evac to come.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

He held out his hand to help you up and you took it like a promise, a token of friendship. 

Staying in Lanshaing was not an option. Chris was able to get you both to Beijing where it was safer. You found a place to stay the night in a tourist-friendly area, since neither of you spoke any dialect of Chinese. As it turned out, Chinese McDonald’s is different from American McDonald's and quite tasty, especially after not eating for at least 24 hours. Its hours are similar to that of the operating hours in America, though, which was convenient. 

You assumed the language barrier would not be as much of a problem since most of the people in the city spoke quite a bit of English, but somehow your words got lost in translation and you ended up in a hotel room with one bed, rather than two. With all the hotel staff had gone through that day, you felt it would be rude to complain and ask for another room. Chris agreed. All you both wanted was sleep. You’d sleep on the floor if you had to. 

“How about we wash up a bit and then patch you up?”

You stood up—or tried to—limping towards the bathroom to shower. 

“You need help walking?”

“Do you mind?” you asked, holding onto the wall to keep yourself steady. 

“It’s not a problem,” he said, swiftly making his way to your rescue. He let you put your weight on him. He didn’t even break a sweat, and taking one look at his muscular physique, it made sense. You barely weighed anything to him. Especially since you’d been surviving off scraps for the last few weeks.

“Are you able to shower on your own?” he asked. 

“I think so.” Really, you didn’t think so, you just hoped so, feeling awful about the thought of Chris having to wash your naked body after all he’d done for you. Guilt flowed through your veins along with whatever they’d injected you with to stop the infection that tried to take over your body. You didn’t need shame to accompany it. You felt like a middle-schooler again, scrutinizing your acne in the mirror, except the marks on your body were gashes from claws and bruises from a fall you barely survived.

“Okay. I’ll wait out here for you.”

You shut the door, but didn’t lock it, preparing for what you knew was inevitable. You slipped on the tile, knocking over the shampoo and conditioner and making a ruckus. 

“Are you okay?” Chris called, somewhat panicked. 

Hearing you whimper in pain, he opened the door. 

“I’m sorry for barging in, but-”

“It’s okay,” you said with tears in your eyes, “I’m sorry I’m basically helpless on my own.”

Chris helped you up, trying not to touch—or even look—at the most intimate parts of your body. 

“It’s okay to need help. I shouldn’t have let you go in here alone. I just wanted you to have some privacy, but I think I made the wrong call.”

He left out the ‘as usual’ part of the statement, but you could hear it in his tone. He’d lost so many men, some he couldn’t recall the names and faces of, that you were a consolation prize – not even a prize, really, saving your life was something that allowed him to pretend it was worth the sacrifice. You knew, counting the numbers, that you were not worth the sacrifice.

“It’s okay. I hope it’s not too awkward for you.”

“No, no, with the things I’ve seen, a naked woman is not even close to the most gruesome.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be an insult.”

You tried not to let yourself get flustered. But what else was there to feel? You swore you saw a hint of attraction peek through the grief in his eyes.

“How about I hold you up while you scrub yourself down?”

“Sounds good.”

Your team effort was successful. You were much cleaner than before. Chris grabbed you a towel and wrapped you in it before walking you back into the bedroom to get you patched up. 

“Do you not want to shower first?” you asked.

“No, my mission is to get you to safety, so you’re my priority.”

You felt guilty, but knew Chris well enough by now—even though you’d only met him hours ago—to know that he wouldn’t back down on this one, so you didn’t argue. He refused to acknowledge that his stubbornness was his fatal flaw.

He grabbed an antiseptic and a cloth and said, “This is probably going to hurt a bit, but it’ll just be for a second.”

“Okay,” you said, though you knew your wavering tone made your nerves known. 

He pressed the towel to your skin, being as gentle as possible, but it stung. You winced, unable to control your reaction to the stinging pain.

“You’re doing great,” he reassured you, and it should have gone to your brain or your wounds or your heart, anywhere else than where you felt it. Between your legs.  

Chris wrapped your wounds in gauze and gave you over-the-counter painkillers, the best he could manage. 

Chris was able to shower on his own, and you couldn’t help but be a bit jealous that he got to see you naked, and you didn’t get to see him in the same state. 

You waited for him to come back, sprawled out on the soft duvet, still wearing your towel when he returned. 

“Do you need help treating those wounds?” you asked.

“Not sure. I’m going to try to do it myself, but I’ll let you know.”

“Okay. I’ll be right here. I’ll turn away, though, for privacy.”

“Appreciate it.”

You could hear him grunting in frustration, trying to patch himself up. 

“Are you okay?”

“Any chance you can help me? I’ve got most of it done. There’s just a spot on my back that I can’t reach.”

“Yeah, of course. Mind if I turn around?”

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ve got underwear on, so you don’t have to see anything too graphic.”

“I don’t think looking at a naked man would scare me, but this is probably less awkward.”

He directed you to the spot on his back in question, and you helped him bandage it. 

“Do you have a medical background?”

“No. Why?”

“You’re pretty good at this,” he said as you finished up.

“Thanks. I think it’s all the years I spent taking care of kids. They get a lot of boo-boos.”

“Are you a mom?”

“No, no way, not ready for that yet. I’ve just had jobs as a nanny and a teacher.”

“Saving the world one boo-boo at a time.”

“Well, it’s a little bit easier with them. You just put a bandaid on it and kiss it all better.”

“If only you could kiss it all better.”

“I can try.”

He laughed. “You’re welcome to give it a shot.”

You couldn’t tell if he was flirting back or joking in a friendly manner, but you gave him a kiss over his bandage regardless.

“All better?” you asked. 

“A little, but if you could hand me the Advil, that’d be great.”

You obliged with his request, handing him the bottle. He took two down his through without any liquids to wash it down.

“Do you have any extra clothes?” you asked.

“Unfortunately, no. Do you?”

“No.”

“They might have robes somewhere in here… or we can try to wash your other clothes. It might take awhile, though.”

You sighed. “I think my underwear is the only thing without blood on it.”

Ironic, you thought, considering how often your underwear was the only bloody article on your person. Finally, a pair was spared. 

“Did you leave it in the bathroom?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was going to go get it for you.”

“Oh, thanks.”

You were a little bit nervous about the idea of Chris holding your used panties, but this was a unique scenario. He returned with a pink thong, which he handed to you, clearly trying not to touch it too much. 

“You act like it’s a biohazard. It’s just panties.”

“I’m not afraid of your panties. I just wanted to be respectful.”

But, Chris, would it really be so disrespectful if you just-? 

You slipped on your underwear casually with a ‘thank you’ thrown his way. 

You were already in the sheets when he came to bed. He climbed in hesitantly, making sure to keep an appropriate distance between the two of you. There could only be so much distance, though, when Chris took up such a significant portion of the bed—he’s a large man, nothing he can do about it. 

You found yourself getting closer to him, until you were breathing in the same air, mouths nearly touching. He captured your lips in a kiss. And you accepted it like a gift. 

“Tell me when to stop,” he said.

“I don’t want you to stop. I wanna forget about everything right now.”

Me, too, he thought.

“Fuck me until I forget,” you said. Fuck me until I forget the fluorescent lights of the lab, fuck me until I forget the man’s face when he tied me down, fuck me until I forget the prick of needles and the smell of death.

Chris laid there, silent, mouth moving, but unable to form words. One of his hands cupped your cheek and the other trailed down your arm—respectfully. You didn’t want it respectfully. You hooked one of your legs between his, entangling yourself while you prompted him to come closer. I want you on top of me. I want your body to encase mine. I want to feel small, weightless for a moment. Fuck me until I forget.

When his hands wrapped around your waist, he noticed how much of you he could fit in only two hands. 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. Still too respectful. 

“Very. I wouldn’t have asked for something I don’t want.”

He mumbled an affirmation into your neck. He was already kissing you. You felt a scrape of teeth against your skin and received an apology when you gasped. “Sorry. Got carried away.”

“No,” you said, “I want more.”

“I don’t want to leave marks on you.”

“I want you to.” Cover the ones I already have. Fuck me until I forget.

You made the orders in bed. He nipped and sucked at the flesh on your neck and collarbone until you got antsy and pushed his head lower. 

“Relax,” he said. “Do that again and I’ll pin you down.”

“Don’t tempt me.” 

His breath was warm against your skin when he laughed. The sensation trailed down to your breasts. He took one of your nipples in his mouth, flicked his tongue over it, while he used his thumb to play with the other one. The soft suction of his lips had you writhing against the sheets—it was the only thing you can do to avoid moaning. The language barrier didn’t mean shit when it came to sex noises.

Soon, Chris pressed one finger into you, then two. 

You hadn’t shaved in a bit—it wasn’t necessary, nor possible, really, in the past week or so. “Sorry I-” But you were cut off by your own moan when Chris’ lips latched onto your clit. You forgot about the embarrassment you felt over the hair that was growing back when you felt Chris laugh into your core when you moaned. That was far more embarrassing. He came up for air and lazily ran his fingers up and down your folds. 

“Stop teasing me and fuck me already.”

Chris scoffed and stripped himself of his underwear. “Thought I was being nice by getting you wet enough before I fuck you.”

Looking down at your naked body, before lust took over his mind entirely, reason stepped in. 

“Shit—uh, do you have a-”

“I don’t want one anyway.” I want to be full of something other than poison and its antidote.

“Fuck, okay.” He took a sharp inhale of breath. A nagging voice in the back of his brain told him this was a terrible decision, but he was just a man being led by his dick. 

Chris was pushing 40, he hadn’t completely lost his sex drive but he wasn’t a horny teen anymore. It had been a while since he’d been this hard. His dick twitched when he attempted the first thrust inside you, making the head of his cock rub against your clit.

All sex is rough sex when you’re injured. You couldn’t do anything fancier than missionary, but when Chris grabbed your ankles and wrapped your legs around his hips so he could fuck you deeper, you thought you might pass out – for all the right reasons. He sat back on his knees so you could see the bulge in your tummy with every thrust. His tip was pressed firm against your cervix as his palm was on your abdomen. You choked out a sob, all words had left your mind.

Chris cradled your head as he increased the pace of his thrusts, so that your head didn’t hit the headboard, which knocked against the wall behind it. Fuck me until I forget meant temporarily. He wasn’t going to leave you concussed. He knew what amnesia felt like and all it meant was reliving the horrors you’d forgotten.

You’d bled and been bandaged. The pain had mostly subsided, and whatever was left- you cried it all out while you were being pounded into the mattress.

Your screams were echoes from that morning. “Help me!” turned into “Fuck me!”. “Please, I need you, fuck—oh my god—I’m coming” you overwrote the pain with pleasure and the meaning of it all changed. All the panting, groaning, cries of each other’s names, his arms wrapped around your fragile frame as he carried you out into the sunshine before the explosion. The relief and then the realization.

The pounding of your heart at a record rate was reassurance that you were alive. You placed your hand on his chest to make sure he was real and this wasn’t really the afterlife, despite feeling like heaven. You’re alive. Fuck me until I forget everything except for your name, except for your warmth, except for the smell of sex. Shaking and sweating in the corner of a burning building, his steady hands lifting your tiny body. Trembling legs as your orgasm approached in the comfort of a hotel bed in Beijing. You screamed his name to let everyone know of the man who saved your life.

You held each other in grateful silence.

[1-800-rh]

(Haven’t written in a few years so my writing skills have diminished over the years but promise to get back into it ! Also this is the first chapter to my book Insanity on wattpad . Enjoy <3 )

Rodrick Heffley X Fem!Reader

LIFE WASN'T PERFECT, Y/n definitely made it all feel better. Just a hug from her or a simple 'hello' was enough to make him flushed. He would deny it to anyone who asked but deep down he always did have a crush on Y/n . Their parents had lived next to one another since way before either teenager was born. It made the rough days easier for Rodrick as when he would argue with his parents, he'd climb Y/n's side of the house & up to her room.

"There's my Romeo." She would say . He would just roll his eyes & enter her room. She knew exactly what it meant when he'd climb through her window . Rodrick only did this when he didn't want the altercations to get physical. Tonight was a little more different. Y/n said her usual sentence as she pushed the window up, but this time Rodrick ignored her. She sucked on the inside of her cheek as she watched him throw himself on the purple bean bag directly from her bed.

"Was I interrupting anything?" She shook her head & eyed the open textbooks on her bed . "Nope. I was simply going over my notes, nothing important." He tapped his drumsticks against his thighs & let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

She chuckled & took her spot on the bed again. "No , i'm being serious. It wasn't anything too important." Y/n closed her books & set them to the side - the floor side of her bed. "What happened tonight?" She let the question linger for a couple of minutes before regretting it as it just roamed in the air. "It was just a stupid argument about my bandmate , Bill. I swear it's like they don't ever listen or care what I have to say."

"Maybe it's in their best intentions that they don't li-"

"You sound just like Greg." He said. Y/n sunk in her spot , arms crossed on her chest. "If it's not Manny or Greg saying something they don't care. It's whatever. The moment my band makes its big break , i'm skipping town." He rested his chin on the palm of his hand as he eyed the girl across from him.

Maybe it was his teenage mentality that he thought that everything was shit or that life sucked . Maybe he was right & his parents only put on this facade to display to the rest of the world that they were the perfect all america family . Maybe it was the pathway he took that made his parents so disappointed that they rarely mind him any attention. But no one knew the reality , unless it was the Heffley's.

Y/n brought her knees to her chest , resting her head against them. "I'm sorry to hear that . Truly I am. Um...on the topic of your band , have you decided what songs you're gonna perform for the rock festival this year ?" She said.

"Bill & Drew were thinking we should perform Projectile Diarrhea Diper but I dunno. I think it's too soft for the festival." He finally stood up to stretch his legs , Y/n lifting her head up to watch him. "I think you guys will be amazing no matter the song. I'll make a sign that says 'I Heart Löded Diper' & scream at the top of my lungs when you guys are up."

Rodrick chuckled & began fiddling with the bracelets he wore. "Oh god ." He said. Y/n gave him a sly smile & jumped out of bed . Though he swore to kill anyone who hugged him, he only allowed her to do so . She didn't know it but she was his safety net & he felt as if he could count on Y/n no matter what.

"Do you wanna spend the night ?"

"Can I ? Do your pa-"

"They're out of town . They've been out of town for the past three weeks . Beats being alone in the house to be honest." She said. Y/n bent over to open the lowest drawer on her dresser , revealing to Rodrick all the clothes she had neatly folded for him from every time he spent the night.

As she was distracted, Rodrick couldn't help but stare at her ass ; he turned a beet red when she caught him staring but refused to say anything as she thought he was staring at something else. " You can help yourself to the 'Rodrick' drawer I keep for you. "

"Stalker much?"

"Fine by me, I'll more than gladly toss all your clothes you've left in MY room . More room for my actual clothes ." She batted her eye lashes in an egotistic fashion. Rodrick threw his arms in defeat - giving an obvious eye-roll - before pulling out his plaid pajamas & a random black shirt that once may have been a band tee but the words were barely visible.

She watched him fix up a little bed area on the side of her bed , though they had shared the bed multiple times, he felt comfortable sleeping on the floor . It was Rodrick after all, he could sleep anywhere regardless of the situation. "You know you could always just share the bed with me." She said . He shrugged & laid himself on the padded flooring, regretting it instantaneously & jumping in bed with Y/n .

The clock read 3:25 A.M. Rodrick had laid in bed for the past five hours , unable to fall asleep. Y/n laid next to him, dozing away. He sighed & got out of bed . Normally he could fall asleep within the moment his head hit the pillow , but the continuous flashbacks of the argument kept him up.

He walked over to the window , cracking it open halfway & sparked up his blunt. He leaned over the window sill & looked out into the early morning darkness. Y/n stirred in her sleep before slowly moving around . At times he thought about running away in the early hours of the day , but the thought of Y/n kept him from doing so. He couldn't imagine his life without her not by his side .

•

"Rodrick , I have had just enough of this little 'my bands gonna make it.' talk. It's not gonna happen. I want you to get your shit together & use your head for something good." Rodrick scowled & stared at his destroyed drum sets. Frank pushed past him & walked down the stairs. "I have let this charade go on far too long."

Rodrick tightened his fist before pursuing after his father. "Get my shit together, really ? How about you get your shit together." He yelled.

"For over a year now , mom has been the only one providing for us. Day in & day out. What do you do ? You just sit on your ass all day playing with your stupid military toys."

Frank was face to face with his eldest son . Susan only watching from across the room. "Greg has started selling his video games in order to try to help out because we're barely scraping by ."

"Rodrick, sweetie , I think that's enough. Frank , come on honey , just sit down for dinner with us." Susan pleaded. The younger boys only sat watching their eldest sibling & father going back & forth.

Frank scowled. "Listen here , I am your father. You respect me as such. " Rodrick glared at Frank & scuffed. "Well you're doing a shitty job at it ."

Everything happened to fast . Susan watched in horror as Frank back handed Rodrick , causing him to stumble back . "Rodrick !" Greg jumped out of his chair .

"Take Manny & go upstairs please." Susan muttered to Greg as she stood up & walked towards the fighting boys. Rodrick grabbed his father by the collar . " I SAID ENOUGH." Susan shouted.

Only it was a little late, Frank had managed to push Susan off himself & Rodrick . The grown woman was now on the floor . Rodrick watched at the scene in front of him & could only glare at Frank as he disappeared towards the set of stairs.

He helped his mother off the floor. "I'm sorry , mom." She gently squeezed his hand & hugged him. "It's fine sweetheart. Just go check on-" Her sentence was interrupted due to the commotion that was coming from Rodrick's room. They both ran & to their horror found his room completely destroyed.

His band posters were all ripped into pieces. His drums that had been destroyed were now in pieces, damaged beyond repair. His drumsticks were snapped in half . His bed sheets were now sprawled all over the floor right alongside his bed. His dresser had been tipped over & a majority of his clothes had been torn to shreds.

"I bought you all of this . Since I'm doing such a terrible job at being a dad , buy yourself all over your shit from scratch." He crossed his arms & stood in the middle of the room. Susan had her hand over her mouth , too stunned to speak.

"Go to hell." Rodrick muttered to Frank as he ran down the stairs . His mother kept calling after him saying that everything could be resolved but he continued ignoring her & made his way out the front door.

•

"Rodrick ?" He spun around to find the girl climbing out of bed & making her way towards him. He chuckled at the sight of her messy hair. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up." She shrugged & reached for the lit blunt.

Y/n took a hit & sighed , the smoke releasing as she did so. "Couldn't sleep ?" She said . He shook his head. "Not really. I just had been tossing & turning. So I thought it was the perfect timing for a smoke." He took back the joint & took a hit as well , burning it out before storing it away.

"Can I ask you something ?"

"Yeah of course Rodrick."

"Do you think that in a different universe we have better families ? As in we don't get shitty lives ?" She stayed quiet & began shutting the window.

"I think we do ." Y/n walked back to her bed , reprising her spot from earlier. "I hope we do . Sometimes I feel like i'm going insane from living like this." Rodrick sighed in relief. He knew that no one would understand him like she did .

Now high & sleepy , he headed back to bed . "Goodnight Y/n."

" 'Night Rodrick."

[ohtobealady]

Love your writing so much, may I be a bit cheeky and ask for another one? Would you do 'future'? <3

Oooo be as cheeky as you like, friend! This word was hard for me! I don’t know why. You deserve a better one. But I’m glad for the exercise!

—————,’—————

Future

They both laughed at the way Tiaa rounded the tree, snapping at the ball, pieces of grass flying from her abrupt change in direction.

The children called out the dog’s name and ran after her, the heavy cricket ball firmly lodged in her teeth. She looked as if she was smiling as she bolted out of Tom’s reach.

She heard as Edith laughed harder still when Bertie turned to them, his shirtsleeves rolled, his thin hair flopping over his forehead, and shrugged in defeat. George, Mary saw, similarly forfeited. She watched her son’s blond head drop back, his square chin lifting to the sky, before he loosely slung his cricket bat to the ground.

“Chasing her won’t do any good,” she called to them all. “If you ignore her, she’ll come to you.”

But Mary’s advice was largely ignored, and she and Edith looked on as Tom, Bertie, and the children tried to woo the dog, sweetly sing-songing her name and promising her all manner of treats.

Mary sighed and sank further into her chair. Beside her Edith laughed into her glass of lemonade, and Mary could see that she tracked Bertie’s movements before she quickly looked to her, catching her eye. Edith’s brows furrowed, and Mary knew Edith sensed the quiet disappointment that Mary was trying her best to hide away.

After all, Edith knew her. She always seemed to know her better than anyone else, for better or worse.

“What is it?” Edith asked, smiling, and Mary shook her head.

She looked away and across the lawn. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Edith pressed. “You’ve been very quiet since this morning.”

“Well, it really should be nothing. I wanted it after all.”

At this Edith angled towards her, the wicker chair creaking slightly amongst the laughter on the grass before them.

“Henry?”

Mary nodded, but she didn’t look at her sister. She couldn’t. She kept her eyes trained on her mother’s parasol bobbing along in the distance. “It’s difficult. I’ve asked him to claim adultery so that it can go ahead easily.”

“And will he?”

Mary still watched, far beyond them on the gravel, as her papa lifted his head and laughed at something Mama must’ve said. His hair looked so much grayer in the sun. She drew in a breath. “Yes. After all, how could it not be true? We’ve hardly seen one another in months.”

“That may not mean anything—-“

But Mary shook her head, and she looked at her sister. “I think it does. Even if it doesn’t mean adultery.” She lowered her eyes and smoothed a wrinkle from her skirt. “Anyway, I’ve got the documents now. They came in the morning post. It’s only a matter of telling Papa before we proceed.”

“Oh, Mary.” Edith turned away from her, and Mary assumed she searched out their father as well, closer to them, Mama’s fingers clutching at the bend of his elbow. “I wish there was a better way. Seems unfair to have to place fault on someone in a divorce. Everyone’s unhappy enough as it is.”

Mary tipped her head. She agreed.

“How do you suppose Papa will react?”

“I don’t know. He said he worries for me. He doesn’t want me to be alone,” Mary answered. She looked and saw her parents were nearer, but had paused. Mama’s parasol blocked her view of their faces, but she saw the way they stood still together, at a distance from their family. She saw the way their feet moved to face each other, and Mary looked away. “He just can’t understand that I already am.”

In her periphery, Mary noticed that Edith had looked to their parents now as well. And eventually, when the silence had gone on for a few moments more, she turned to Edith who still watched across the lawn as Mama and Papa began to move again towards them. They were smiling. “No. No one with that kind of luck could understand.”

Mary sighed. “Not just luck, Edith.” They both watched their parents now, and Mary felt her lips soften into a smile. “They decided to want each other. And in the end, I deserve to be wanted, too.”

[simplyundeniable98]

I remember his hands

Synopsis ~ No matter how many times you reassure Lo'ak, he still finds a way to convince himself he will never be good enough for you.

Warnings ~ insecurities, very light arguing, Lo'ak is 18 in this because I said so. Flirting, explicit language and a brief mention of violence, use of y/n, Lo'ak deserves better.

Word count: 1.1K

Song: Like a Tattoo by Sade

~ i remember his hands, and the way the mountains looked. the light shot diamonds from his eyes, hungry for life ~

"Y/n!" You stopped in your tracks hearing your name being called from somewhere within the village. You had just left your hut on your way to finding Lo'ak with supplies in hand. It had become a tradition now to help your boyfriend rebraid his hair because he said his mother was too rough now that the boy had grown older.

Secretly, it was just a great excuse to get some extra time with you without any interruptions from his siblings or anyone else in the clan. He loved the way your fingertips glided over his scalp pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks in between braids.

"Oh, uh hi Aou'tey, was there something you needed?" The boy in front of you wasn't unfamiliar. You recognize him as one of the boys that hang around Neteyam and Lo'ak. He smirked at you looking down at his feet.

Lo'ak rounded the corner in search of you after the lecture he had just received from his father. He knows you promised your time to him some time from now but after the harsh conversation, all he wanted to do was be around you.

He stopped short as he caught sight of you in front of Aou'tey. You seemed to be laughing at something the boy said as he stepped forward to grasp your arm. "C'mon y/n he's a freak!" he heard him say. Lo'ak didn't wish to see or hear anymore as he stormed off into the forest.

Did you not want to be with him anymore? What had he done to lose your attention? Seeing you with the Na'vi only added fuel to his fire after the argument he had with his father. Aou'tey was a decent hunter. A great one at that, he fought right under Neteyam. Lo'ak scoffed, he was tired of always being second best.

Aou'tey looked nervous as he cleared his throat. "I was thinking you could join me tomorrow to Utraya Mokri, like as a date?" You looked at him confused. Surely he knew you were promised to Lo'ak. It definitely wasn't a secret. Your boyfriend took every chance to grab ahold of your hand or sneak a kiss whenever you were around everyone in the tribe.

You laughed slightly at the boy who seemed too have been either clueless or plainly ignorant. "Aou'tey, I'm flattered but I am with Lo'ak and I am happy where I am at." The Na'vi in front of you scoffed stepping closer to grab ahold of your arm. "C'mon y/n he's a freak. He's not even full Na'vi."

You hissed at the boy "You speak of the Olo'eyktans son skxawng, I suggest you watch your tongue before you say something you regret." You stepped away ripping your arm away from his rough grip. "I'm sure you would not like for me to stop by and let the chief know the horrible things you have said about his son. Or what about Neteyam?"

Aou'tey blanched. He'd seen what had happened to other boys after they made comments about Lo'aks hands or called him names when Neteyam found out. "That's what I thought. Do not speak to me or my boyfriend again, or next time I will not be as nice." You hissed clutching the supplies you had in your other arm and storming away.

You huffed as you neared the spot you and Lo'ak always stayed to get away from everyone. A smile adorned your face at the sight of your boyfriend sitting leaning against a tree. "Sorry I am late, you will not believe what happened!" you exclaimed moving to sit next to him. He didn't even turn to look at you. Your smile faded. "Lo'ak?"

He continued to stare forward. "I saw what happened y/n, go ahead and get it over with." His tone was harsh as your mouth fell open. Lo'ak never used this tone with you. "What are you talking about my love?" you asked causing him to scoff and shake his head.

"Do not play dumb y/n. You came here to leave me, get it over with." You were stunned. Leave him? He must've overheard part of the conversation with Aou'tey. Stupid skxawng, you could skin him for making Lo'ak feel this way.

You softly laid your hand on his shoulder finally causing him to look at you. You gasped as you caught a look at his face for the first time tonight. His eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying moments before. "Lo'ak I am not sure what you heard but I do not want to leave you" you assured him as he closed his eyes shaking his head.

"You heard what he said y/n I'm a freak. Demon blood." He held up his five-fingered hand shoving it in your face. "You deserve someone better than me. I'm a screw-up. All I ever do is disappoint people." He was crying by now, the tears flowing freely over his cheeks.

You raised your hand to cup his cheek wiping away the tears that covered his face. "You are not a freak. You are so much more than what you give yourself credit for Lo'ak. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes."

He sighed resting his forehead against your own. "I see you Lo'ak. I always have. I do not want anyone else." You reached for his hand wrapping your small fingers around his pinkie and bringing it to your lips. His lips curled up into a small smile as you placed his hand against your cheek.

"Now let me rebraid your hair or else I threatened Aou'tey for nothing" You laughed reaching into your satchel for the various combs and beads. The boy in front of you laughed as he moved to sit in between your thighs "You threatened him?" You nodded although he couldn't see it as you started unraveling the braids from his hair and running a comb through the strands.

"Oh yes, he got an ear full, I don't think he will be talking to either of us for quite some time." you giggled. It was quiet as you carefully unbraided and rebraided his hair, adding various little beads throughout.

"Y/n?" Lo'aks voice startled you out of concentration as you hummed in response placing the last bead in his hair. "Thank you for loving me" Tears brimmed at your eyelids from the sincerity in his voice. You moved down next to him bringing him down to lie on your chest as you both shifted to get comfortable.

"Do not thank me yawne. Loving you has always been easy." The two of you were silent after that. Letting the sounds of the forest and each other's heartbeat talk for the both of you.

skxawng: Idiot/moron

Yawne: beloved

A/n: This was inspired by the song Like a tattoo by Sade (specifically the part about hands), Lo’ak was literally the only thing i could think of the entire time it was on. There are not enough Lo'ak fics out there so I thought I would take it upon myself. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be so I apologize if it is a bit short.

[cantquitu]

HSHQ ATTACKS LOUIS TOMLINSON

Last week, in reply to the usual Larrie goading on Twitter, Louis Tomlinson indirectly referred to Larry as "ridiculous childish theories and conspiracies". Revenge from Larries has been swift. They're angry. They're insulted. They're broken-hearted! They're mocking and vengeful. They're undeterred in their Larrying.

In short, they're all the things they always are whenever Louis addresses their stupid bullshit.

BUT!

Other fans of Louis - fans who are definitely not conspiracy theorists and certainly not Larries, oh no! - have uncovered an even darker tale of anger and revenge.

It isn't just Larries who have responded furiously to Louis' denial of Larry.

Harry Styles HQ has unleashed a vicious, vengeful attack on Louis!

That's right. According to seasurfacefullofclouds1, "when Louis does anything to shatter the 'Larry' illusion, Sony (HSHQ, Irving and Jeff, Rob Stringer etc) get very angry".

And how do they deal with that anger? By posting a "disgusting" video of Louis on Sony's TikTok "that is so obviously targeted harassment against Louis they make it obvious that they are the power that causes industry to blacklist Louis".

Now, I am not a skilled specialist in the nefarious ways of HSHQ, so when I saw this disgusting video of Sony's, I confess it wasn't immediately clear to me why it was so disgusting.

According to Louis' fans, HSHQ's tactics are sly and insidious. So sly as to be almost imperceptible to anyone other than the highly-trained eye of a watchful Louis Tomlinson fan. One might ask, if HSHQ's revenge can only be perceived by these LT sleuths, how can it be effective?

BECAUSE IT JUST IS, OKAY??! DON'T ASK DIFFICULT QUESTIONS!

The video in question is an 11-second compilation of clips of Louis from various One Direction music videos, soundtracked by the chorus of 1D's second single, Gotta Be You. It's one of a series of videos Sony posted of each of the 1D members, all set to the Gotta Be You chorus and captioned "It's gotta be Niall", "It's gotta be Harry" etc.

Hmm... the disgusting nature of this video was subtle in the extreme. I needed to refer to an expert.

Gracefullou said, "Sony posted a TikTok about Louis (as a 1D member) and used as a sound the part of that song that he said on aotv he was promised to sing only to find out when it was released they used that man's voice instead".

Aha! The clue here is in the use of "that man" - codename for Harry Styles. And of course - Gotta Be You!

In Louis' documentary, he shared the difficult memory of rehearsing and recording a verse in Gotta Be You, only to discover that his singing was not used in the final recording, and the verse was instead sung by Harry. Now, the disgusting Sony video does not actually use the part of the song Louis was referring to, but no matter! And the fact that the same chorus was also used to soundtrack the videos of the other four members of 1D is immaterial...ignore that part, it's Sony burying the lead! THIS WAS A TARGETED AND DELIBERATE ATTACK!!!!

Look, it's obvious. Harry, the Azoffs, Rob Stringer...they're all "still bitter he survived and is thriving rn".

You may think, but Harry is currently on a break, loved-up with his girlfriend. Why would he care that Louis has denied Larry again?

THINK, SHEEPLE, THINK!!

You may ask, "Haven't Irving and Jeff Azoff just launched The Sphere with a series of mind-blowing U2 concerts? Wouldn't they be too busy to monitor Louis Tomlinson's Twitter?"

WAKE UP! REAL EYES REALISE REAL LIES!!11!!

But, hold on - how would Rob Stringer, CEO of Sony Music Entertainment, have the time to prioritise the blacklisting of Louis Tomlinson in such a carefully-planned, time-consuming fashion?

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP IF YOU CAN'T SEE THE TRUTH WHEN IT'S SO OBVIOUS THEN YOU NEVER WILL!

HSHQ will not tolerate Louis Tomlinson denying Larry, and they will continue their crusade against him in response. End of. I hope this has been educational.

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech

[mystargirl-interlude]

𝑴𝑰𝑹𝑹𝑶𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳𝑳

Billy Hargrove x singer!reader

Living in Hawkins is probably the most boring thing possible but it has its perks.

I woke up to the screeching of my alarm at 7:30 am letting me know I have to get up to go to school, I sit up and see my cat stretching and yawning as it seems it also awoke to my alarm.

Groaning I get up and start getting ready for the day, thankful that it's a Friday for one reason it's the weekend and the other is that I go to the bars open mic nights. I've made good friends with the regulars already.

As I'm brushing my hair I hear the honking of Steve's car outside my house.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!"

Running out barefoot with only socks on, my bag over my shoulder and my sneakers in my hand I get in the backseat of his car.

"Hey nance!"  I greet Nancy

"Morning y/n!" Steve and Nancy reply in sync

"Well aren't you a lovely disaster this morning" Steve teases

"Fuck you i had to shower " I reply laughing

As we pull up to the school I managed to pull myself together and not look homeless.

Last night wasn't one of the best. My mother suffers from a handful of mental illness one of those being bipolar disorder and there are times where she can hate my guts and other times where she acts like nothing happened, she's had one of her episodes last night and screamed at me for my room being messy and threw my mirror at me making it shatter into a million pieces.

On Monday we got a new student his name was billy and he came from California. What is he doing here? I have to fucking idea. We didn't exactly have the best first interactions I guess? On his first day he's befriended Tommy and his group. Unfortunately for me I wasn't my nicest looking as the night before I had another argument with my mom which led to her kicking me out of the house so I went to school the next morning red eyes and a messy bun.

Monday morning

When I arrived on school on Monday Tommy and his group were staring at me. Im popular but not how you think. I don't have a large group of friends nor am I rich. Through all the hate I received throughout my childhood I have made a promise to never give hate no matter how much I receive. I don't have 𝑩𝒂𝒅 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅 with anyone in this school. At least not that I know of.

"Hey y/l/n you good?" I hear carol ask

I turn to look her way and see her friends and the new kid staring at me

"Uh- yeah, just hard night, you know" I replied

Carol might seem like a total bitch but she isn't once you befriend her, she's known of my home life for a while now

I take another glance at the new kid once again and we end up making eye contact for what seems like forever until I enter the actual school.

Present time

Me Nancy and Steve walked into the school and going out separate ways as we all the different classes, I head to my seat in the back of the class and start doodling in my journal watching the class fill up as the bell rings.

Keeping my eyes on my journal I see someone out of the corner of my eye take the desk next to me.

"Hey y/l/n" i hear the voice of billy say as I look up

"Hey, morning" I reply smiling

"What're you drawing?" He asked with a small smirk playing on his lips

"oh, just doodles to pass time" I reply slightly inhaling as he gets closer to see

I'm enjoying the time we spend talking until some girl next to him gets his attention by whining his name and then proceeds to ask him out.

Slightly upset that he chose to ignore me I turn my attention to the window showing the outside track by the gym.

This class period is one of the longest classes I have being 3 hours long so that gives me time to work on random things, I've been writing this song since last week labeling it "mirrorball" as mirrorball was the original name of a ball covered in shattered pieces of a mirror before getting the name "disco ball" as they were used in the 70s at discos

While finishing last minute things on the song I see billy look at my journal through the corner of my eye.

Quickly not sparing him a glance I close my journal just in time as the bell rings and being the first one out of the class

"Y/n!" I hear billy yell

Turning around I reply "hey?"

"Sorry about earlier uh yeah " he says scratching his neck

"Why?"

"Oh cause you know, Emma"

"Oh that! Yeah don't worry about it" I fake smile

It's awkward silence for about 5 seconds

"Um sorry I'm gonna head to class" I say walking away before he can respond

Time skip

As I make my way inside my house I hear the phone start ringing, rushing to it I answered

"Hey y/n" I hear on the other side of the phone that it's Eddie

"Oh hey Ed's! Are you ready for tonight?" I ask him because he is the keys during my set

"Yep, so do you want me to pick you up?"

"Yeah that would be great see you then!"

Changing into my outfit for tonight it's a flowy purple dress with ruffles and bell sleeves pretty much giving a hippie fairy is what I hoping for

<3

Me and Eddie arrive to the bar a bit before I go on to set up and try to get there before it gets busy

After setting up I begin seeing people start to pour in as the sun sets, unfortunately I still have a quick sound check before.

Making my way to the bathroom I see billy sitting at the bar with Emma with his tongue practically down her throat

Part two https://www.tumblr.com/mystargirl-interlude/721670506571513856/%F0%9D%91%AD%F0%9D%91%B6%F0%9D%91%B9-%F0%9D%91%AD%F0%9D%91%B9%F0%9D%91%AC%F0%9D%91%AC-bh

[kratosnaturals]

WIP Saturday Thursday #5

Because I am positively on a roll right now. Nick lovers rise up.

“That ash is going to burn your shirt, Nicky,” Hancock mentioned casually with a hint of upturned lips, putting out his own cigarette on the bar’s ashtray. Nick snapped out of his thoughts with a questioning hum. He removed the rolled tobacco from between his lips with the intend of flicking off the burned excess, but when the orange embers landed on his chest he mumbled out an annoyed ‘shit!’ and quickly tried to brush it off of the white fabric. His friend simply gave him an amused ‘told you so.’

“You’re acting odd tonight. Even more than usual,” Hancock breached carefully, following the other man's gaze, “penny for your thoughts?”

Nick stalled. Was he really acting strange? He always thought he’s good at hiding his feelings… or perhaps Hancock was simply teasing him. The mayor did so love riling people up.

“Simply a little worn out after the past few months,” Nick brushed off, focusing his eyes on all the strung up lights around the area now. An understanding hum slipped Hancock’s lips, and the synth assumed their conversation would end there, but his companion had other plans. A toothy grin slowly spread across Hancock’s lips, and those metaphorical cogs in his head started moving. He poured himself another finger or two of whiskey, and slipped just a little closer to Nick.

“So. Are you really going to let mister ‘lasts-a-minute’ and the former tin woman upstage you?” Hancock asked innocently, bumping his hip into Nick’s. The latter looked bewildered now, as much as his synthetic flesh allowed him to grimace his displeasure. A grumble, low and a tinge threatening, “John.”

Jackpot, John thought, that hit a nerve. It was absolutely no surprise, to anyone, really, that the smooth-talking sleuth held a torch for his new co-detective. Those two could be fucking out in the open and it would be less obnoxious than whatever weird game of ‘will-they-won’t they’ those idiots were playing for ages now.

“I’m just sayin’. It’s really obvious,” John tutted, no longer feigning that poor display of innocence. Nick stirred uncomfortably besides him.

“John-”

“Are you going to keep doing this ‘I’m an old synth’ spiel or are you actually going to…” Hancock paused, looking the other man up and down, “steel up and tell the ‘dame’ she gets your coolant pumps workin’ overtime?”

Nick opened his mouth, but Hancock cut him off again with a raised finger as he took a quick sip, “don’t ‘John’ me, sleuth. Now get your rusty ass and loose screws over there and ask her for a dance.”

Another song played on the radio. Rock and roll. The synth nearly crushed the glass he was still holding with his metal hand. His claws scratched the material with a squeak that made him cringe, “I- no. I think you’re misunderstanding something.”

Hancock huffed, “Do I? Because to me it seems like you’re both just dancing around each other. Are you going to keep stalling and watch her get swept up by someone else? Well, she doesn’t seem all too shy, so maybe you could wait. I’m sure she’d come around. No promises, though.”

With a sombre expression Nick went back to watching his frolicking friend among the crowd, still held by Curie. The two swung and tip-toed around to the upbeat music with glee, ignoring the world around them. She danced, and danced, and danced. Much like she did with Preston, and Nate, and Piper, and even Codsworth-

“You know, for the best detective the Commonwealth has to offer, you’re really dense. Even denser than the metal you’re made out of, brother,” said Hancock before finishing his drink in one big gulp, “well, if you’re not planning to go for it, I might as well shoot my shot. Sir ‘short, pale and handsome’ has been touchy with not just you, Nicky.”

She liked being called sir?

That train of thought quickly spiralled off of its rails at the thought of John getting handsy with Eliza; wooing her, seducing her, getting with her-

It made his mechanical insides churn. It made him sick.

[icrypop]

Pink Pony Club

Angel Dust/Anthony x Trans FtM reader Songfic

Warnings: Homophobia/Transphobia, talk of suicide,drugs, alcohol, overdoses.

Chappell Roan currently has my heart with this song and I immediately felt the pull of Angel Dust with it...sooo...I think this'll be so cute 🥰 trust that im working through thr few requests I've got left so feel free to request more fandoms <3

-Writer Icy♡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n stared out of the window, watching the fields of Tennessee blur past, the early morning sun casting long shadows over the countryside. This town had never felt like home, not truly. Not since they realized who they were—a boy in a body that didn’t quite fit. That discomfort, that gnawing feeling, had always been there, just beneath the surface. But it wasn’t until they met Anthony that everything became clear. Anthony, with his loud laughter, confidence, and unapologetic flamboyance. His bright eyes like neon and his Italian accent that fit his face just right. They had met at a dive bar when Anthony had flown in from LA, all talk of dreams, lights, and big cities.

Y/n had never met anyone like him. Anthony made LA sound like paradise, and the way his eyes sparkled as he spoke about performing made something click inside of them

I know you wanted me to stay

But I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in LA

And I heard that there's a special place

Where boys and girls can all be queens every single day

"You ever thought about leaving this place?" Anthony had asked one night, the two of them sitting on the hood of Y/n’s car, the stars twinkling above them. Y/n had hesitated, then nodded.

"Every day."

"You got that fire, N/n. I see it in you." Anthony had said with a grin, his cigarette dangling from his lips. "You could be anything out there, you know? Come with me to LA. I perform at this club called the Pink Pony Club. It’s a place for people like us, people who don’t fit anywhere else."

Y/n had laughed, a bit incredulous. "You think I could perform? Like… on stage?"

"Hell yeah!" Anthony had punched them lightly in the arm. "I can already see it. We’d tear it up together."

I'm having wicked dreams

Of leaving Tennessee

Hear Santa Monica

I swear it's calling me

Won't make my mama proud

It's gonna cause a scene

She sees her baby girl

I know she's gonna scream

---

Leaving home had been a fight, though. Y/n's mother had found the plane ticket tucked away in their drawer.

"You’re not leaving," her voice was sharp, eyes wide with panic. "What do you think you’re doing, Y/n? Running off with that boy to God knows where?"

God, what have you done?

You're a pink pony girl

And you dance at the club

Oh mama, I'm just having fun

On the stage in my heels

It's where I belong down at the

Y/ had squared their shoulders, heart pounding but resolute. "I’m going to LA, Mom. I’m going to perform with Anthony at the Pink Pony Club."

"That’s not real life!" Her hands flew up in frustration, voice rising. "This isn’t who you are! You’re just confused, Y/n!"

"Confused?" Y/n's voice broke. "You don’t even know who I am! You’ve never listened, not once! I’m not confused—I’m finally figuring it out. I’m leaving."

Tears had welled up in their mother’s eyes, but Y/n had already turned away, grabbing their suitcase. The pain in their chest was sharp, but it was nothing compared to the suffocating life they would have if they stayed. They didn’t look back.

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing down in

West Hollywood

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club, Pink Pony Club

---

LA was everything Anthony had promised. The lights, the energy, the thrill of the stage—it was a world that Y/n had only ever dreamed about. Performing at the Pink Pony Club became their life, the rush of adrenaline from being on stage filling every void that had once been left empty.

The first night Y/n performed with Anthony, it felt like magic. The two of them danced together, the music pulsing through their veins, lights casting them in a warm, ethereal glow. Y/n had never felt so alive, so seen. On stage, in front of the world, they were exactly who they were meant to be.

I'm up and jaws are on the floor

Lovers in the bathroom and a line outside the door

Black lights and a mirrored disco ball

Every night's another reason why I left it all

As the months passed, the connection between Y/n and Anthony grew stronger. It started with stolen moments backstage, laughing about the wild characters they encountered at the club. It grew into late-night conversations about their dreams, their pasts, their shared pain of feeling like outsiders. Slowly, their friendship turned into something deeper. Something more.

I thank my wicked dreams

A year from Tennessee

Oh, Santa Monica

You've been too good to me

One night, after a particularly electric performance, Y/n found themselves sitting next to Anthony on the rooftop of their tiny apartment. The city stretched out below them, buzzing with life.

"You ever think about what it would be like if it all just stopped?" Anthony asked, staring out at the skyline.

Y/n frowned, glancing over. "What do you mean?"

Anthony shrugged, his usual bravado dimmed, his fingers absently tracing the rim of his drink. "You know, if all the lights went out. If it all just... ended."

Y/n's heart clenched. "Anthony, are you okay?"

Anthony looked at them, his expression softening. "I’m fine, toots. I just think too much sometimes."

Won't make my mama proud

It's gonna cause a scene

She sees her baby girl

I know she's gonna scream

But they knew better. There was a weight to Anthony that hadn’t been there before, and it scared them. With all the partying they did, drugs, drinking...everything had made them wonder…

God, what have you done?

You're a pink pony girl

And you dance at the club

Oh mama, I'm just having fun

On the stage in my heels

It's where I belong down at the

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing down in

West Hollywood

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club, Pink Pony Club

---

The overdose came suddenly, though, in hindsight, Y/n had seen the signs. The long nights, the pills that became more frequent, the way Anthony’s laughter started to sound hollow.  Y/n had tried to help, but they hadn’t known how. They weren’t enough to save him.

Anthony was gone.

Don't think I've left you all behind

Still love you and Tennessee

You're always on my mind

And mama, every Saturday

I can hear your southern drawl a thousand miles away, saying

The funeral was a blur of pain. Y/n’s world crumbled, and they found themselves back in Tennessee, standing at the doorstep of the home they had once fled. The fight with their mother was inevitable.

"I told you!" she had screamed, her face red with anger. "I told you this wasn’t real! And now look! Look where it’s gotten you! God what have you done?!"

God, what have you done

You're a pink pony girl

And you dance at the club

Oh mama, I'm just having fun

On the stage in my heels

It's where I belong down at the

Y/n had been too numb to argue, the guilt and grief sitting like a stone in their chest. They had felt like an outsider everywhere—LA, Tennessee, and now even in their own skin.

—

Pink Pony Club

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club

It wasn’t long after that Jade found themselves in the same spiral. They continued preforming but they went harder everytime. Double the alcohol, double the drugs...double the pain. The pain of losing Anthony had been too much, the crushing weight of trying to survive without him too heavy to bear. It was easier to numb it all. To slip away.

And then one day, everything went dark.

When Y/n opened their eyes, they were in Hell. Landed hard on the front steps of some hotel where people were talking.

The irony wasn’t lost on them. Hell was loud, chaotic, filled with the type of characters that would have fit right in at the Pink Pony Club. But amidst the chaos, there was one face they never expected to see again.

Anthony.

I'm gonna keep on dancing down in

West Hollywood

I'm gonna keep on dancing at the

Pink Pony Club, Pink Pony Club

Except now, he wasn’t Anthony. He was Angel Dust, a larger-than-life version of the man Y/n had fallen in love with. It was shocking at first, seeing him again. Y/n’s breath had caught in their throat, their heart racing as Angel dust sauntered over, that familiar smirk on his lips.

"Toots? Is that really you?" Angel asked, voice teasing, but there was something soft in his eyes.

Y/n nodded, too overwhelmed to speak. They couldn’t believe it.

"Well, well," Angel grinned, "guess you really couldn’t stay away from me, huh?"

I'm gonna keep on dancing

And just like that, the years of pain, the grief, the loneliness melted away. They were back together, in Hell of all places, but it didn’t matter. They found a new club, one even better than the Pink Pony Club. The lights were brighter, the crowds wilder, and on stage together, it felt like they had never been apart.

I'm gonna keep on dancing

Y/n and Angel performed night after night, their love for each other rekindling, this time without the weight of the world dragging them down. The bad was still included...but it was dulled. It felt more at home at the end of the night. In Hell, they could be exactly who they were meant to be.

[rowdyhughesy]

could you do something fluffy with trevor or mark? like them helping you through something?

Never let you fall - T.Zegras

” She was feeling the pressure of the world outside and she wanted to see him and feel his presence beside her and be reassured that she was doing the right thing after all. “

- F.Scott Fitzgerald

I am in no way shape or form trying to romanticise mental health. It’s a serious subject and just know that you’re never alone no matter what. There are always people willing to listen and help. I am available if you want somebody to just listen or talk to♡

It’s easier to ignore the fact that you’re not okay than doing something about it. Living in this fantasy that the world doesn’t feel like it’s caving in on you, that it’s not squeezing your airways from the inside. By ignoring it you don’t have to tell anyone about it. You can continue living in denial and not worrying those closest to you. Because your brain is telling you that nobody wants someone that can’t handle the world.

So that’s why you’re currently sitting on the roof of your apartment. It’s quiet up there, nothing to think about as you try to swallow down the tears that are threatening to slip out. Chest and throat burning as you inhale the smoke from the cigarette hanging between your lips. Headphones on playing your well thought out playlist with songs for when you feel like this. Empty. Alone. Your phone has been buzzing nonstop for the last two days but you haven’t had the energy to answer any of the texts. Most of them consisting of your parents reaching out about plans for the weekend or your friends asking why you haven’t been at work. Some are from Trevor, wondering why you weren’t at his game like you’d promised.

All of that making you think of how you’re letting people down. How you make promises you know you can’t keep when you feel like this. That thought alone breaks the dam. Leaning your forehead against your knees you cry. The words of your guardian angel by the red jumpsuits apparatus echoing inside your head.

I will never let you fall (let you fall). I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) Even if saving you sends me to heaven. It's okay, It's okay, It's okay.

Aggressively wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweatshirt you notice the car headlights pulling into the parking lot. The familiar BMW stopping in one of the open spots. Trevor.

Pulling the hood of your sweater over your head you hope it’ll aid you in camouflaging yourself from his view. Except for the obvious red glow still lit in your hand. Following his path from the car to the front door with your eyes you pray that he’ll go away when he notices you aren’t answering the door. But knowing the hockey player that’s the last thing he’ll do. Trevor is nothing if not persistent and always wanting to know that people he cares for are alright. That including his mess of a girlfriend at the moment.

Pausing the music you listen for signs that he’s going to walk away as you take another drag of the nicotine. White see through smoke escaping past your parted lips and disappearing in the air. The only times you smoked where when you were having an episode, just like now. It gave you something to focus on. Following the smoke as it makes it way into your lungs and out as you exhale.

“Angel face I know you’re up there.” Trevor’s voice travels through the quiet California air and inside the headphones. Realising you’ve been caught you pull the hood down along with the headphones. Still sitting with your legs bent towards your chest. The tear tracks are now dried making your skin feel stiff.

Noticing that you probably wont answer him Trevor sighs before walking towards the building wall. You know he’s scared of heights and seeing him climbing up the gutter on the side of the building before heaving himself up to the balcony makes your hearth grow warm. Suddenly his tan ringclaid hand makes an appearance by the end of the roof. Waving it back and forth as a sign for you to take it.

Scooting closer to the edge you grab his outstretched hand, aiding him in climbing up onto the roof. Trevor face is flushed as he looks up meeting your gaze. His eyes scanning your face, looking for any signs as of why you would be up here before they lock on the pack of cigarettes laying beside you. Brows furrowing. He knows you don’t smoke unless..

“Angel face-“ Trevor wraps his arms around you, setting your shorter frame in his lap as he hugs you close to his chest. “I just feel like the world is caving in Trev, I don’t know what to do.” Voice barely a whisper, hoarse from the crying and after not drinking anything for the last couple of days. Trevor places a featherlight kiss on your temple, hand running through your hair in a soothing motion. “You don’t have to do anything baby, if the world is caving in I’ll be there to build a wall around you. I’ll be that wall if that’s what it takes.”

A teary laugh escapes your lips, hand reaching out to take one of his. Intertwining your fingers as they lay on your lap. “What did I do to make you of all people fall in love with me? You’re so good. Kind, gentle and loving, always knowing how to make others laugh.” This time it’s Trevor’s turn to let out a quiet laugh, placing yet another kiss on your kiss except this time it’s on the corner of your mouth.

“You didn’t have to do anything, I just took a look at you when we where at that bar and knew that you were the one piece missing. I wasn’t who I am now when I met you. You were the one that shaped me into this gentle and loving guy. I wouldn’t be who I am now if it weren’t for you.” Nuzzling your face against his neck you inhale the smell of his cologne. A smell that always seems to ground you. Pull you back from wherever you’ve drifted off to in your head.

Climbing down from the roof the two of you make your way to the bedroom, changing into comfy pyjamas as Trevor drapes the comfort over your bodies. Arm still wrapped around your middle hugging you close to him. Letting the silence settle over the room, the only light inside peeking in from behind the drawn curtains casting a shadow over the walls.

Trevors whispering breaks the long silence. “You don’t have to push me away you know. Ever. You can push all you want but I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me now.” Turning your head so that you’re facing him you place one of your hands on his cheek. Leaning your forehead against his you bask in the feeling of being surrounded by him.

His touch, his smell, his love.

Trevor takes the chance to lean in, his lips parting as they meet yours. A content sigh slipping out as he feels you kiss back, your free hand tugging him closer to you as the other stays on his cheek. You stay there for what feels like forever. Kissing and tugging at each others clothes as if one of you might slip away. Whispering I love you in the dark over and over again as sleep consumes you.

The last thing you hear is Trevor’s voice. “You won’t ever have to go through this alone again. I’ve got you angel face, it’s you and me.”

[bunnakit]

Not Me Episode 6 Music

so i'm probably not going to get totally caught up today because i'm starting to get tired and i still have my real job to do, but i'll do about 2 of these a day until i get caught up again.

when White and Sean are arguing about boundaries we see another appearance from Safeguard by Charles Holme - this could be a nod to White wanting to safeguard his friends.

Only Love Is Real - Todd Kessler

as White enters their room to find Sean sprawled on the bed this song kicks in. i'd post the lyrics but i don't know if they really have much relevance here (but it is a beautiful song)

Break Me (Kevin Faltin Remix) - Wholm, Michael Shynes, Kevin Faltin

OUGHGHGHGH. so like, for my taste in music this isn't my fave BUT the song is so good for the mood. this comes in after their big talk, Sean's in his cups and White starts getting ready for bed.

One more wine and one more whiskey We just kept the car in park And dimmed the headlights so we see the stars Let em tell us where we should start And I'm scared as hell Because there's no way to know how this goes But I can't help but say I promise to give you my all But it might break me (Break Me)

i really think this is where the boys start having some serious feelings for one another - whether they recognize they're romantic or otherwise i can't really say, and i think this is where they're beginning to trust and lean on each other a little more. the lyrics of this song are just chef's kiss. neither of them knows how this is going to go, how it might hurt them, and they're both just scared young adults trying their best.

Live Long and Prosper - Bonn Fields

as Sean argues with the police in his memories this plays. it's a haunting tune that really captures so much of what this scene is.

This is My Love - Daniel Pratt

oh holy shit. i had always wondered where this song plays and now that i know i am changed. i can never not know. oh it hurts, it's so good, it's so brilliant.

this song plays as Sean gives White the candy to replace the taste of the bitterant. we don't hear any of the lyrics but Sean's actions really replace the lyrics in their own way. (i'm having shrimp emotions @timetoboldlygo !!!) {i do think this might be a religious song btw, but we can ignore that part of the song bc i said so}

Tender and kind, built over time This is my love for you Steady and pure, patient and sure This is my love for you

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW SEAN SHOWS LOVE!! HE CARES AND HE'S KIND AND TENDER AND -- OH I'M NOT OKAY, SEAN IS SHOWING HIS LOVE

when Sean and White are arguing and Sean asks White to give him some encouragement we get another appearance from Flares by Life in Colour

Dylan Thomas/Bitter Bitter - The Duke of Norfolk

i'm coming UNGLUED IN THE SERVER. this song plays as Gram confesses to Yok that he has felt love. "You're always with Black. You don't have time for anyone else."

Heavy the rain doth pour and heavy the tongue. The light does miss the forested face. Bitter, bitter the pendulum swung Bitter, bitter the pendulum swung Open the sky for me and cut out the heart the fruit does spoil the children’s laughter Bitter, bitter the blackest of arts ‘Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright’ the sun does try despite the shadow Bitter, bitter ‘the dying of the light’ Bitter, bitter the dagger in the fight

oh i'm peeling apart at my seams. like, yes, sure, this could apply to Gram's feelings for Eugene but for it to be playing when Yok mentions Black???

the sun does try despite the shadow Bitter, bitter ‘the dying of the light’

is.. is Gram the sun? he tries despite the fact that the shadow (Black) never looks at him? he's bitter because the light, his feelings, are dying in his chest? hmm?? MAYHAPS? (im probably just seeing what i want to see but FUCK YOU FOR MAKING THIS SONG PLAY its one of my favorites)

Chaos at the Spaceship - Out of Flux

the perfect song title for the iconic scene of Yok brandishing the flares. that moment is really just one of the moments of all time in this show, an absolute favorite, and absolutely pure chaos.

I'll Understand - Roza

one of the best choices lyric wise in this entire show, in my opinion. as Sean is choking White and walks away from him (in the next episode) this song plays with it's apt lyrics.

The end of the world at the palm of my hand When it all goes to hell, will you still be my friend? My face to the sea and my back to the land If you can’t come with me I’ll understand

the pain is unending and forever. i don't think i need to even say anything about how these lyrics tie in with the scene, it's pretty clear. OUCH.

alright thats all i have in me for tonight but i love you and im smooching you all

[saratinz]

Maneater (Chapter 7)

pairing ➩ Ex!Bucky Barnes x Promiscuous!Reader (College AU)

series warnings ➩ drinking, asshole!Bucky, enemies to lovers, exes to lovers, love triangle, smut, slut shaming, cursing

chapter warnings ➩ cursing, slut shaming, mentions sex

synopsis ➩ Y/n explains her past.

word count ➩ 700

“It was my freshman year, and I bright-eyed and bushy-tailed my way into becoming the go-to math tutor. I had passion and drive, and I still do, but it was different. I had innocence, hell I even had my virginity.”

“Wait, what?”

“For your own sake, I’m just going to pretend you never asked that.”

“Thank you.”

“I know it’s surprising, but yes, I didn’t lose my v-card until college. I guess this is sorta my slutty origin story. Let’s get back on topic. Bucky Barnes was the new promising player, and I had my eyes set on him, and only him. He was failing calculous, so I got called in. When I say I fell for him, I mean I fell hard. I chose to ignore his arrogance and fuck-boy behaviors. It was all mild flirting and stolen glances between us. But one night, the mutual attraction became more, we had our first kiss. It was sweet, and it gave me hope. When we went on our first date, he won me the ugliest stuffed animal from a claw machine. Even though it looked like a sloth on cocaine, I loved it with all my heart.”

“James started to feel like home to me. Just his essence invited me to vent about whatever was on my mind. I just knew in my heart that I wanted him to be the first guy to have sex with me. So little by little, we started doing more stuff. And eventually we had sex, and I realized that I really liked it. Everything was perfect, or at least that’s what I thought. Little did I know, he wasn’t completely faithful. He never cheated, but his heart wasn’t 100% set on me. He started to eyeball my best friend at the time. Her name’s Natasha and she was equally beautiful, funny, smart, and experienced. From my understanding, they would hang out alone, just to talk and get to know each other. Eventually, he figured out that she was everything he’d ever dreamt of. I thought I was in this fairytale romance, one that people would envy. But one day, he just dumped me. There were signs, but I was too in love to notice. After he broke up with me, I was a wreck. I started drowning myself in booze and guys that didn’t give a shit about my wellbeing.”

“I had to watch as my first boyfriend fell in love with my best friend. I tried to be okay, but I felt like I was suffocating every time I saw them together. I started to get a reputation as the campus slut. Pretty much anyone could have sex with me if they just gave me a bit of attention. You can watch movies and listen to songs about this shit happening, but until you actually live the nightmare, you have no idea how you’ll react.”

“So, what happened to Bucky and Natasha?”

“She cheated on him actually.” 

“Kinda seems like he got what he deserved.”

“Y’know what Peter, I am really starting to like you.” He give a bashful smile in response. “When they broke up, I finally felt a sense of relief. My alcohol and dick consumption started declining. After a year of feeling inferior to every pretty girl I saw, I realized that I was worth something. I didn’t need guys for validation, I just wanted them for pleasure. During sophomore year I stopped caring what anyone thought of me. That’s how I ended up, well, me. James reacted the same way I did, using sex to drown the pain, and he has never had a girlfriend since. And Nat, well, the slut-shaming got so bad that she transferred.”

“Anyway, this year I fucked myself over. I fell for a guy. I got scared of him, and wound up having sex with Bucky twice. Thinking back I see all these obvious signs that Steve wasn’t what he seemed. Hindsight’s 20/20 I guess. Bucky knew that he was using me, hell, he was the one who suggested it. So I can say with full confidence that Bucky Barnes does not love me, and maybe he never did. But everything with him is over now, thank god. I’m done with that prick.”

Previous chapter / Masterlist / Next chapter

taglist:

@cjand10, @afraidofshrimp

[whomstress]

What it Takes to Feel Real (Part 2)

[Part 1] So this was only supposed to have 2 chapters but I can't help myself and took advantage of my chronic insomnia and wrote until 5 am to finish this chapter. The next next fic I write after this will be very wholesome promise, but this ones a major angst if you couldn't tell from the last chap lol. SO anyway next chapters last one! Oh and it's a doozie.

It’s been a year of being on and off, and eventually a fully fledged couple, to get him to really open up to her. She was his confidant, and he was hers. But it was different with him. Ragatha, though really not liking to bother anyone in the slightest, did occasionally let someone know if she was a little bit down or worried about something if someone had caught on. She’d gotten better at it since being with Jax, but she's still a people-pleaser at heart, rarely wanting anyone to worry for her.

Jax, on the other hand, never gave the slightest clue to his being in a bad place. Sure, he didn’t hide it when he was annoyed or angry, but anything deeper than that, and if someone even mentioned it to him, he’d find a way to make them back off as quick as he could.

Ragatha had always been different about it, though. As much as he wanted her to back off, especially when they were not as close, she may have stopped asking verbally but made sure to be watching him from the corner of her eye, and if things got worse, she made sure to check on him even if he hated it. He appreciated it.

Well, for the most part, when she finally got through to him, he would “allow” her to comfort him. He’d let her into his room or come into hers, most of the time at some hideous time in the middle of the night, where not a soul could see them, and sit silently in his presence. Every time he wouldn’t say a word and wouldn’t let her touch him, besides once or twice, they would stay as completely still as possible. But he would let her lay on the bed, not too far from her, sitting on the floor against it, and slowly let his tense body relax in her company. He’d sometimes allow her to sing soothing songs, all as he stared blankly at the wall, like he was looking beyond all this and nowhere at all. She appreciated when he did because he would relax faster, and depending on how bad his mood was, he would too.

She eventually realized that what had really comforted him the most was that he just didn’t want to be alone. She had no idea what he was thinking about the long, mostly silent nights. She was there, relaxing barely an inch at a time, but she was happy she could help him. Helping people and helping him made her feel useful. As if she was needed, and it made her alive and made her feel human again.

At times, Ragatha truly didn’t like him, and she was sure his feelings were mutual. Still, they understood each other like no one else.

They were two sides of the same coin. Even if it was for the opposite reasons, neither wanted others to worry about them. Both engaged with the fellow characters more than anyone else because focusing on other people allowed them to ignore what was going on with themselves. Keeping other people at arms length while refusing to live alone. Because of this, they saw through each other like a window. They both constantly needed to be reminded of what was real and what was fake.

When no one else had a single clue, they only needed to see the slightest crack in each other's mask to know something was wrong. They were so different and yet so similar. She supposed that’s why they got together; opposites attract.

Finally, when they were together, she allowed him to comfort her. She knew it had always been a surprise to him how the girl, who couldn’t go a single day without checking in on someone, pushed people away from herself so far when she was down. So, when she finally came to him for a change, he made a joke if she was sure, and she almost left, causing him to roll his eyes and literally drag her back in.

Unlike him, she needed touch, warmth, and something to hug; even when she was alone, she’d hold a pillow of plushie for dear life. He was definitely uncomfortable with this, never being one to like this sort of touch, but sooner or later they fell into a familiar pattern. She started spending more nights than not, sleeping in his room wrapped in his arms. It even became a favorite pastime. Not needing to sleep, they really never felt physically tired before, so the deep desire to be drifted to sleep by the comfort of his warmth was one of the few luxuries she’s had since she’s been here. She’d occasionally wake up to find him blankly staring at her with a relaxed expression, studying her face. Which was kind of weird but also endearing if she was being honest.

However, as wholesome as that was, they were still adults. Adults with needs and wants that would be highlighted when their bodies were intwined and their kisses turned from soft to passionate. Ragatha knew Jax had always made crude jokes, but she tried to never acknowledge them before. Not until she knew they weren’t quite jokes anymore, from the way his eyes bored into her when he made them. He was testing the waters and asking if she would let him swim. Without going into detail because, well, she doesn’t think that’s possible from how she turns into a blushing, bumbling mess at even the mention of the stuff. Things between them escalated.

It was after three months of them. Ahem, as they were getting “busier.” Before the news of her lifetime came.

She wanted to tell Jax the second she found out, hop into his arms with what she believed to be great news, and have him spin her around and kiss her senseless in joy. But that wasn’t Jax; it never was, so she’s not surprised by his reaction.

“How was this even possible? This isn’t real.”’ That was the first thing Jax said to her when she told him the news Caine confirmed the day before.

Yes, not surprised, but still disappointed.

He’d finally told her what it was that helped him stay sane. He said none of this was real, and as long as he knew that, he’d be okay. She did have to admit it hurt when he said it, especially when he’d sat and “wished” it was after an intimate moment between them. Because in those moments, that was exactly what made her feel the realist. Though she did not agree and they had small spiffs about it, she let it slide because if that’s what kept him here, she really didn’t mind. Until now.

“How can this happen?” He added instantly.

Ragatha tried to laugh it off, saying, “I’m pretty sure of all people you know how this happened.”

He didn’t laugh—not even a smirk—just stare at her with a slight furrowed eyebrow and a blank expression. She frowned; she didn’t like that look, which never meant anything good. She couldn’t stand it anymore and looked away, but he didn’t. The silence got to her after a while, and she held a hand over her abdomen and said, “Caine says it's a girl.” She looks up at him to see him studying her face, like he was trying to figure out a calculus problem in his head. She looks back down at her hand and smiles softly. “I’ve always wanted a girl, you know.”

It’s silent a long time again before she hears him thump his foot hard on the ground, causing her to look up at his angry expression. She’s so shocked she couldn’t even get a word out before he marches out, saying, “I’m going to kill the mother!#$@%!" This isn’t right! How dare he do this to you!"

It takes her another moment to realize he’s not angry at her; he’s angry for her. Like Caine, had heard her dreams and took advantage of them for his entertainment. As if he did her wrong. She couldn’t see how he would think that. Ragatha was ecstatic about the news. Call her cliche, but one of her dreams since she was a child was to have a baby with the love of her life, and she did. That and to own a candy shop, but that wasn’t important at the moment.

She didn’t care about the circumstances, and she told them that eventually he was locked back in his room in a “time-out” after apparently somehow getting Caine to open the basement and pushing him in. It took her a long time, but after he accepted, she really wasn’t upset and saw how genuinely happy he was about everything. Looking forward to their baby more and more every day. He calmed down. And they mostly stopped trying to murder Caine.

No matter how much he helped or was careful with her, she knew his feelings were all messed up about everything. She had to ask him to stop saying out loud how strange all her symptoms were if she wasn’t even “really” pregnant. She knew it helped him, and maybe it was her hormones, but she really couldn’t put up with things like she used to. Especially when the father of her child keeps telling her that the aches, pains, and literal kicks growing inside her every day aren't “real.” Not a single soul couldn't tell her this was real. She knew what she felt; she was going to be a mother. No one could deny that.

As much as Jax was grossed out, he was there for the whole birth, allowing Ragatha to practically crush his gloved hand into cartoon silt. He joked more than usual, she supposed, because he was nervous. It was comforting to see that the only other people in the room were medical staff. Ai’s Caine had no faces and could somehow still talk. It was beyond creepy, but Ragatha barely had time to complain. She tried to have Pomni and Gangle come as her best friends, but Ponmi instantly fainted the moment the doctor went to check on her. Jax rolled his eyes, calling her a surprisingly bigger wimp than Gangle, who had to physically drag the other girl out. Ragatha was still happy; she tried her best when she warned that this might happen.

Their daughter was finally born, and Ragatha happily cried at how beautiful she was holding the newborn to herself, like she was the most precious thing in the world. Which she was.

As ironic as it was, they named her Marionette when they finally got to see her for the first time. They had other names planned, but for the little purple pastel rabbit girl with the sweetest curls on her head, who looked like a custom doll, the name was all too fitting.

She was everything Ragatha wanted and more. Her pupils were the cutest little blue buttons; she had no nose, but still, her face was mostly human-looking. Her fur was as soft as a real rabbit, like Jax, and the itty-bitty curls on her head matched Ragatha. She hushed her baby as she cried until she calmed down. Fianlly was able to kiss her head and feel her warmth and breath against her. She was finally able to hold her beautiful baby, which had been growing inside her for the last nine months. She was a mother; this was her baby, she had made out of love. Nothing could ever change that.

Jax, though looking fondly at them, snapped her out of her thought, saying, “Jesus, Ragatha. How are you crying louder than a literal baby? That’s the only thing she knows how to do.”

She laughs at that. “Okay, okay, that’s fair. But, just look at her, Jax!”

“I am,” he said, but there was something about him she only noticed now. He may have had a lazy smile on his face, but his whole body was tense as a slab of stone, and he was standing only as close to her as possible to not cause suspicion. His arms were tightly crossed at his chest, like he was scared to touch anything.

A frown slowly went to her lips, devastation coming over her. “What’s wrong?”

He looks like he desperately wants to say something, but still looking at Marionette with an unreadable expression, he says, “Nothing you’d want to hear in the moment.” When he looks up at Ragatha and lets out a sigh, forcing himself to calm down by reading her mind, he says, “I’ll tell you later. I promise… It has nothing to do with you two. It’s me.”

Searching him like she figures out everything with a blink of his eyes, she accepts that whatever it is, he means it. It’s not about them. “Would you like to hold her?" Ragatha asks without thinking.

Jax's eyes widen, but he looks at the little girl again, and then at Ragatha, with a shit-eating grin stretching back on his face. “I mean, I think I deserve it after all the pain I went through today. Seriously, sitting in that chair so long with my hand, ooh, aaah, that's got to be the worst pain I’ve ever felt. They should really do something to make things more comfortable for the people doing the hard work."

Her face is deadpan before he even finishes, and though she’s happy he’s joking, she is too tired to deal with his nonsense right now. “Will you please just hold your damn child and shut up?"

Jax laughs; she uses one of the few words that passes the censors and moves over to grab the half-sleeping baby. "Yeah, yeah, lemmie, finally see this twerpet up close.”

"I’m going to hurt you. I mean it.” She says holding on to the baby a little longer before he coaxes her to hand her over.

"Alright, let’s take a look at you,” he says as the baby shifts a little, opening her eyes a bit more. He looks over her a little intensely, but still with a softer expression than before. He comments and jokes every once in a while about which features are his and which are Ragatha's, but for the most part, he stays silent. As much as she wants to hold her baby again, she is more tired than she’s ever been in her life and decides to let her eyes drift shut as she watches him be more soft with her than she’s ever seen.

She’s a second away from sleep when she sees her baby's tiniest little hand wrap around his finger, and the saddest look fills his face as a tear falls down. She was unable to keep her eyes open any longer. But there is one last moment before her world turns to black; she unmistakably hears him. A whisper of desperation: “Why can’t you be real?”

[dustedmagazine]

Jennifer Kelly’s 2023 in Review: Still Human FWIW

I finally saw Sun Ra Arkestra

I first heard about Chat GPT in January this year, and it sounded bad from the start. I make most of my living writing things for big faceless corporations who view me as a cost. Cut that cost to zero and I’m out of a job. But for the first five months of 2024, I continued to be busy and I thought, well maybe it’s nothing. Then in May, like a light switch, everything stopped. I had one regular client who continued to pay a monthly retainer. Nothing else. And the usual mailings, pleadings with old clients, etc. had no effect. I’m close to retirement age. This summer, I thought I had arrived early.

Things have picked up since then, and right now, I’m in a good place. People are starting to notice Chat GPT’s ignorance of anything post 2021, its refusal to factcheck or footnote and its relentless blandness. Clients are coming back, but the floor doesn’t feel very solid under my feet. It could all go away at any time. (This is the lesson we all learned from COVID-19…that you could fall into the pit any time.)

The one thing that didn’t stop was Dusted, and for that I am very grateful. As I’ll explain to anyone who asks, there’s never been any money in Dusted, so there can’t be any less. We are more or less immune to economic pressures. And as long as we’re here, there is lots and lots of good music to write about.

My year started with two records that blew me away in January (and maybe December 2022) and held #1 and #2 slots all year. They were Meg Baird’s Furling and Robert Forster’s the Candle and the Flame. Next, came an email from Rob from Sunburned with a link to Stella Kola’s extraordinary debut, and then gosh, Sub Pop still sends me promos and here’s one from Mudhoney! Every time 2024 succeeded in getting me down, I’d get music from someone.

Live music was another solace. Shows that made me happy this year included Warp Trio, Sunburned Hand of the Man, Dear Nora, Vieux Farka Toure, Bridget St. John with Stella Kola, Sun Ra Arkestra, Kid Millions with Sarah Bernstein, Faun Fables, Sweeping Promises, Daniel Higgs, Constant Smiles, Baba Commandant (RIP), Xylouris White, Joseph Allred with Ruth Garbus and Ryan Davis with his Roadhouse band. Special mention goes to the always astonishing Thing in the Spring with Editrix, Rough Francis, Thus Love, Gorilla Toss, Equipment Pointed Ankh. Susan Alcorn, Marisa Anderson and Jim White and Bill Callahan.

The best show of the year, however, came late in the summer with William Tyler and the Impossible Truth band, an unbelievably talented, seasoned crew with Luke Schneider on pedal steel, Third Man mainstay Jack Lawrence on bass and Brian Kotzgur on drums. The way they opened up and fired up Tyler’s songs was a revelation, even to someone, like me, who’s been a fan since Behold the Spirit. Garcia Peoples opened, and they were great, too.

I should mention that we have recently been blessed with a bunch of excellent music venues nearby—Nova Arts in Keene and Epsilon Spires and the Stone Church in Brattleboro. Going to music used to always mean driving back from at least Northampton, sometimes further, late at night, and, as I get older and my night vision fades, it has been really nice not to have to do that. (Also, to all my Dusted-reader-musician-friends, if you play one of these venues, thank you, and let me know when you’re coming.)

With that, it’s time to talk about 2023 favorites. I’ll write about the first ten and then just list the rest.

Meg Baird — Furling (Drag City)

Meg Baird’s gorgeous solo album alternates between ghostly, inward-looking piano songs and bright swirls of 1960s psychedelia. Her extraordinary voice, high, pure, and unearthly, joins lush, burnished guitar grooves. Sometimes I think I like the swaggering bounce of “Will You Follow Me Home,” the best, but other times, the disembodied otherness of “Ashes, Ashes” is the prettiest thing I know.

Robert Forster — The Candle and the Flame (Tapete) 

Forster’s solo records are always good, wry and funny and stuttering with strummy punk energy, but this one, recorded with family while his wife battled cancer, is his best yet. “She’s a Fighter,” a group sing-along is prickly and defiant, the only song specifically written about Karin’s illness, but threads of enduring, life-long love run all through this album. “Tender Years” is especially moving, as Forster sings, “I’m in a story with her, I know I can’t live without her, I can’t imagine why,” in a voice cracked with sincerity and feeling. Very few albums make me cry, but this one does.

Anohni and the Johnsons—My Back Was a Bridge for You to Cross (Secretly Canadian)

The sound on Anohni’s fifth album with the Johnsons smolders in the pocket, its textures a nod to Marvin Gaye’s classic What’s Going On? It’s velvety smooth but taut with urgency, as the artist contemplates climate disaster and personal struggles. “It Must Change,” trills with the coolest falsetto, while “Sliver of Ice” reverberates with a low, hushed passion. Every song lands a punch, soft when it happens but ringing for days in your ears.

The Drin — Today My Friend You Drunk the Venom (Feel It)

“Venom” lurches and blurts, bass thumping, drums clashing, monotone vocals drenched in menace. It’s a punk song distilled to essence, a world in itself, a short, brutal blast that is also somehow psychedelically expansive. The Fall, the Swell Maps and Adrian Sherwood haunt this disc in various places, but the Drin is its own mysterious thing.

Wreckless Eric — Leisureland (Tapete)

“Get yourself a one-way ticket for the merry-go-round,” sings the Bard of Hull on the last and most exhilarating song from his ninth full-length. That’s “Drag Time,” with its indelible hook, its enveloping harmonies, its hint of Amy Rigby in the chorus. Let’s just go way out on a limb here and say it’s as good, maybe better, than “Whole Wide World.”  

En Attendant Ana — Principia (Trouble in Mind)

Good lord, was Trouble in Mind on a roll this year or what? I could put Melanas or Tubs here, with FACS not far behind, but instead, let us contemplate the light-and-dark wonder of “Black Morning,” with its giddy counterpoints, its bright, sustaining trumpet, its boppy beat and its underpinning, somehow, of shadowy melancholy. Or the skanky bass that kicks off “Same Old Story,” in a prickly way, the lone element of dissonance that gives a daydream teeth.

Stella Kola—S-T (Self-Release)

Everybody who’s anybody in W. Mass alt.folk does a turn on this magical LP—centered around Beverly Ketch and Rob Thomas but including PG Six, Wednesday Knudson, Jeremy Pisani, Willy Lane and Jen Gelineau. Despite the expansiveness of the ensemble, these songs are feather light and lucid, like Pentangle sprinkled with magic dust.

Mudhoney — Plastic Eternity (Sub Pop)

Psychedelic overload meets raw punk and potty humor in this 12th album from the grunge godfathers. I like the sheer rush and swirl of cuts like “Almost Everything” and “Souvenir of my Trip” best, but bare, belligerent “Flush the Fascists” is grade-A too, and how can anyone resist Mark Arm paying tribute to his best bud on “Little Dogs.”

Beirut — Hadsel (Pompeii)

Hadsel is surprisingly cheery for an album recorded on a remote Norwegian island in the dead of winter, with swoony harmonies and counterpoints, intricate synthesized beats and blares of an antique pipe organ. “We had so many plans,” Zach Condon sings, both mourning and subtly sending up his cohort’s response to the COVID pandemic, but this remarkably pretty album seems more like a happy accident.

The Feelies—Some Kinda Love (Bar None)

What a total pleasure it is when one jangly, drone-y, indie rock phenomenon pays tribute to the wellspring. In this case, it’s the Feelies covering many of the Velvet Underground’s best known songs at a live show in 2018 where everyone had a blast. Now you can, too.

More albums that I loved in the order that I thought of them.

Iron & Wine—Who Can See Forever Soundtrack (Sub Pop)

Melanas—Ahora (Trouble in Mind)

Sleaford Mods — UK Grim (Domino)

The Tubs — Dead Meat (Trouble in Mind)

Sky Furrows—Reflect and Oppose (Feeding Tube/Cardinal Fuzz)

Lonnie Holley — Oh Me Oh My (Jagjaguwar)

Yo La Tengo—This Stupid World (Matador)

The Toads—In the Wilderness (Upset the Rhythm)

Dan Melchior—Welcome to Redacted City (Midnight Cruiser)

James and the Giants—S-T (Kill Rock Stars)

Ben Chasny and Rick Tomlinson—Waves (VOIX)

Bonnie Prince Billy—Keeping Secrets Will Destroy You (Drag City)

CLASS—If You’ve Got Nothing (Feel It)

The Clientele—I’m Not There Anymore (Merge)

Devendra Banhart—Flying Wig (Mexican Summer)

Kristin Hersh—Clear Pond Road (FIRE)

Sally Anne Morgan—Carrying (Thrill Jockey)

FACS—Still Life in Decay (Trouble in Mind)

Setting—Shone a Rainbow Light On (Paradise of Bachelors)

Airto Moreira & Flora Purim—A Celebration (BBE)

Sweeping Promises—Good Living Is Coming For You (Feel It)

James Waudby—On the Ballast Miles (East Riding Acoustic)

Emergency Group—Venal Twin (Centripetal Force)

Ryan Davis and the Roadhouse Band—Sing Dancing on the Edge (Sophomore Lounge)

Tyvek—Overground (Gingko)

Wurld Series—The Giant’s Lawn (Melted Ice Cream)

Various Artists—STOP MVP (War Hen)