#if MIMI was in it i'd be really happy too but i don't think i've seen her do any collabs so far

[mintjeru]

dark type 🌙

open for better quality | no reposts

[mimi-is-so-horny]

okay, so... you know how sometimes a day starts lovely, and then it goes to shit? and sometimes, you feel like you've done this to yourself? actually, you have done it to yourself. anyway.

i made a point to wake up early today to make Sir and Anna breakfast and to write them a note thanking them for fucking me so well yesterday, and for being pretty much the best thing in my life right now. i felt very grateful and i know i'm very lucky. i think they appreciated that, too.

i blew the candles on my birthday cake naked on Sir's lap - i've been 25 for a couple of days, and i usually hate my birthdays, but Anna insisted we should do the whole birthday thing properly. Sir wrote me a birthday card that almost moved me to tears. He groped my tits as i blew my candles.

for context, i used to want to enter academia in combination to committing to a totally different career path. what i'm doing right now isn't even my Plan C, so of course, i feel a bit like a failure. i'd written a chapter in a book that discussed some recent developments in my field and placed them in a behavioural/institutional context - the book was published this year, and the complimentary copy they sent to authors arrived on my birthday. i should be happy, right? but i feel so defeated, and so dumb, and like this is the first and last good thing i got to do before giving up on my aspirations completely. sure, i'll still apply to enter a more commercial side of my field next year, but that's still just more "sustainable", financially, and more difficult than i thought it would be. all this effort for something i won't really value or enjoy, yuck. and what if i fail, again? anyway. Mimi's whiny ass.

so Sir asked me to read my chapter, and i said yes, sure. He wanted to "see how i think". why not, right?

He fucked me yesterday, and this morning, and at noon, and it felt so good. and now He came to my room, to tell me He read my chapter, and while i felt vulnerable i tried to look cool asking Him what He thought of it.

and He showered me in compliments, and asked me why am i here, and not at a Big Prestigious University™ doing research? i told Him that's why i tried, and the Big Prestigious University™ didn't do shit for Mimi in a post-covid job market where she had to care for her family and couldn't work Prestigious Unpaid Internships™. and still, with no network or real mentors that cared more about guiding me than fucking me, or plagiarising me (lol), my options narrowed. and He knew that, so why was He asking me? and then He asked more questions, and i got increasingly angry and i cried and told Him to leave my room, please. well, at least He did.

so now i have to go downstairs and apologise for lashing out at Him for essentially caring. that was just me projecting - how mad i am at myself for failing, and for giving up, and and for being too lazy to try again - on Him. but i also don't want to do that, because i can only taste how i'm not working in the city i want, and how the people i work for are surprised when i can introduce better corrections than them, and how i am a grown woman that is already bitter about not being where she wanted to be. how i pretend to have given up, when in reality i'm still kind of grieving the people i thought i could be, and realising it can always get worse. am i making myself into a victim: poor-me, poor-me? or am i entitled to my anger and sadness? i don't know, and Sir knows something sad happened to me without my consent, a long while ago - so what if He sees me as a victim, too? am i really that stupid and that passive? what if i'm wasting His time, too?

i don't think i use kink as a coping mechanism or as a distraction; i'm just happy it's an area of my life i'm currently getting exactly what i want, exactly in my own terms and limits - i've rarely gotten that much respect and reciprocity in "vanilla world" - be it work, or education, or friendships. but that fact also makes me sad. why can't i have some of the things i want, sometimes? why was it "Rejection Letter"+"Your Flatmate Lost Your Cat And Now Won't Help Or Speak To You"+"Your Supervisor Wants To Fuck You And He's Angry Now!"+"Your Family Is Asking For Money, Again!!!", and not, like, slightly better? it's hard to feel empowered now. that sad six-year-old is here again, and she wants good stuff i don't know how to give, because i'm out of fucking candy (or, y'know, drugs. because i don't do that shit anymore).

anyway, that will be a difficult conversation. and i feel sorry for Him, for having to deal with me.

well, that was a very self-centred ramble by a fairly self-centred person, so i'm sorry if you read this? but also it was your choice to do so, meh. drink water, wear sunscreen.

[writingforstraykids]

My beloved cutie mooties🥺🖤

(edited 12.05.24)

🖤@atinyniki🖤

Niki, my beautiful sunshine, I'm so grateful to have you through thick and thin. I'm still convinced you're cute and idc whether you accept that or not. I love talking to you and you're one of the kindest people I know (unless you yell at me you meanie...joking obviously, chill guys😂🖤) I'll always be there for you...also pls stop spending so much money on me cutie😭 Keep shining sunny bunny...love you, pretty girl🖤

🖤@zehina🖤

my beloved (not so silent anymore) bestie, i love our shared European confusion and confusing the others together in return. you're such a cute little kitty and we all know u love being called cute so...you're very cute, deal with it🤭I love our shared stupidity whenever we talk about the boys and seriously, every time you send me your part for the rambles I'd drop to my knees and pay for it bc holy shit. I'll always be there if you need me, keep fighting lovey. love you unnie🖤

🖤@galaxycatdrawz🖤

azzy, I'm so proud of slowly pulling you a little from the shadows you were hiding in😂 also...idk how I managed to do so, but I'm still laughing about achieving most of your tumblr milestones😭 i love sharing requests with you, working out ideas or simply do as you said and write what my brain couldn't figure out. thank you for always being there for me and sharing your brilliant brain with me, co-writer🤭 also it's such a bummer we live so far away bc after what we talked about so far I know you'd be the best cuddle buddy🥺 love you azzy my cutest little thing🖤

🖤@jinnie-ret 🖤

jinnie my dear, even though we haven't talked that much so far, I always love it when we get the chance🤭 can't wait to get to know you better as well and I'm already so excited for that fic👀looveeee your writing sm🖤

🖤@sona1800🖤

you're my newest mootie and I love you so much already it's ridiculous (niki can confirm that🥹) you're always so sweet and you literally outshine every fic with your loving reblogs and comments (I'm just too speechless to answer properly, I really love them🥺) so yeah, that's why you got the tag "the cutest" 🤭🖤

🖤@silverstarburst🖤

Ash. my dear, we don't have that much time to talk usually because you're either working or I'm asleep (a rarity but still). Nevertheless, you have a special place in my heart by now and I'm thankful for your presence in my life. I know who to text if I need someone to kick ass. Your reblogs make me smile like some idiot every time, thank you so much for appreciating my lil dummy ideas so much. love you mama wolf🖤

🖤@slutforchanlix🖤

Miu, babyy, I've made you cry way too often with stuff like this—my bad. I know it's not always easy, but you're one of the kindest people I know, and I love that I have someone with whom I can talk in my native language for once. You're a sweetheart and thank you for always being there for me. I still plan to meet you one day hehe. Long story short, you're amazing, don't let anyone else try to make you believe anything less than that. Bin immer für dich da🖤

🖤@michelle4eve🖤

heyy mimi, we haven't talked much so far...sometimes accidentally when you mistook my icon for niki's I hope that's easier now😂😉 you seem like such a kind soul and I hope we'll get closer over time (no rush dear!) I'm happy over each of your reblogs, especially after you told us you're too shy to do so sometimes. I really appreciate it, you cutie🖤

🖤@chrizzztopherbang🖤

I always loved seeing you pop up in my notifications with your sweet comments. I already think you're a sweetheart, I know we haven't talked that much yet. Still, I loved prereading your fics and getting a glimpse into your genius brain. Don't give up writing as long as you have fun with it, because you're truly amazing at it🖤

🖤@wolfyychan🖤

You've been around on my prior blog already and still my stupid brain didn't realize you've changed usernames for so long😭😂 I always look forward to your excited comments and reblogs, they're truly a boost of motiviation ngl. Hope to have you around for a long time🤭🖤

🖤@james-is-here🖤

Your excitement for that Minchan series made me think about writing bonus chapters for the first time in months. I really love seeing how you get so invested in some of the stories, which makes me want to do better hehe. Also...omg...I'm still thinking about that one fic you wrote a while ago🫠 I'm excited to see what's next and hope we'll get the chance to maybe talk some more🖤

🖤@queer-possum🖤

Without giving away too much, your brain is amazing. I love your requests so much and you're always so kind when I get back to you to make sure I get everything right. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write about certain topics and stuff I haven't so far🖤

🖤@chanandminhoenthusiast🖤

love, love, loveee your blog (for obvious inspirational reasons😉) you seemed like a very sweet soul whenever we talked before and I'll always be there if you need someone to talk, even about the most random bullshit😂🖤

🖤@palindrome969🖤

You're such a lovely person, I can't even put it into words properly. Your writing is beautiful and I'm still in love with that stargazing fic with Channie😭 always love talking to you and seeing your comments🖤

🖤@5starluvr🖤

I've told you so before, I wanna kiss your brain so bad sometimes. The stuff you come up with for me to write is brilliant. I can't wait to finish more of your requests and share ideas as soon as possible! Love you hehe🖤

🖤@mellhwang🖤

Heyy sweetie, I love seeing you in my notes and I swear I'll get that Minchan x Hyunjin thing done for you!! Thank you for all the love, dear🖤

🖤@lost-in-avoidance🖤

The amount of times I made you choke back tears at work is...concerning and I'm so sorry, I don't do it on purpose, I swear😭😂 your reblogs are always so genuine and make me feel like I did exactly what I wanted to with the fic in question. I appreciate your words so much, thank you!

[tag-if]

Omg u haven't bothered you in forever. Hiiiii Jester. I hope you are doing splendidaliryyyy (just go with it its a word in my head)

I'm going around bothering my fav authors. Sooo my question if you had to choose a character to romance from your IF who would it be and why?

And I don't want a 1 sentence answer! You write masterful characters with depth. So gimme!!!! 😒♥️

AW YOU'RE SO SWEET <3

also! hello! welcome back :)!!

i've been going through A Time but my lectures start up again soon so the routine will help, i hope you're doing well too!!

as for your question, since you want a longer answer (though some bits may still be vague to avoid spoilers), i'll put it under the cut :)

this is honestly a difficult one, i love all my characters, however i think i can answer this if i split it into two; characters in general, and specifically the romanceable options

of the ROs, i'd have to say T. Bellefleur, I've made it pretty obvious that Tally is one of my favourites, i think, but i'm a sucker for sarcastic characters. having said that if you put me in a poly with A. Caras and Tally i think i would be just as happy. looking at my plans for their routes, the different types of MCs and the ways they can learn to navigate around Caras and Tally and the unique/individual ways they express their emotions really draws me in.

of the characters in general? that was a little tougher, there are so many options to consider. i think, though, i would have to say Mirella (Mimi) Acierno or Hex Seif.

Mimi (she/her) is the MC's personal maid, she's bubbly and strong-willed and will care for the MC deeply regardless of how they treat her because that's just who she is as an individual. i really admire that kind of person, and i think she would be a delight to be around.

Hex (he/they) is one of the townsfolk that MC has the option to interact with on days off (and certain work activities), he's playful and friendly, but there's just something about him that seems...off. they may be a bit of a cliche, to some, but the exploration and things you can learn about him as you develop a friendship with Hex (including his actual name, because it isn't 'Hex') is something that would be so fun to explore.

[livelovesimallways]

"Prayed Up...." Pt. 2

Previous/Next

Read more under the link.

*after giving her a hug* "Congratulations..."

"Thanks, I guess."

*smirks* " I'm ignoring that. So anyway, how far along do you think you are?"

"Umm, after my ultrasound the doctor said I was about eight weeks. That was a some days ago so I'd say almost nine."

"Well, damn! That's pretty far, Dee!" *agitated* "When were you gonna tell me? And to have your first ultrasound too? Did anyone go with you at least?"

"No." *in a low tone* "Mimi was out of town and..."

"...Your sister wasn't an option?? I just don't get why you didn't tell me. I would've been by your side, no questions asked. To find out from friends after you had some issues is insane."

"I know..." *trying not to cry*

"Look, I'm sorry for getting all riled up. Even though you're an adult, you're still my baby. As a parent you'll always want to know what's going on with your child. And as my child, I will always have your back. You don't have to go through this alone. You have a village: Me, Mimi, and Sean." *looks at him* "Right Boo??"

*clears his throat* "Yeah..."

"Speaking of support, does your sugar daddy know he has a baby on the way? With all the gifts he buys you, he can surely step up."

"It's not his..."

"Okay...Well, did you tell the father then?"

"No..." *low toned*

"Shit..." *starts rubbing her back* "Listen, I know this is hard for you, but you have to at least tell him. Every child deserves both parents. Now if he doesn't want to be there, then that's on him. You have us." *rubs her back again* "Okay Dee??"

"Fuck..." *starts crying* "I am so sorry Dana. This isn't how either one of us expected things to turn out. If I didn't foolishly fall in love with him, none of this would've happened. I met him freshman year, fell head over heels that summer, and then was ghosted in the fall. I never thought I would see him again but I did and those feelings came back. I even justified shit. It was not supposed to go this far and now..."

"Listen, first you need to calm down. Shaking and stressing like this ain't good. There's no need to beat yourself up. We've all gone back to an Ex."

"You don't understand..."

"Alright...Then help me. Start with who this guy is and why this situation has you so stressed."

*starts crying again* "...It's Sean."

"Hold up...I think I heard wrong. I know you don't mean...?" *stares at him*

"I do..." *sobbing*

"Wow...Okay." *immediately gets up*

"I know you're not standing there nonchalant like that! Are you for real!? My mothafuckin sister!??" *slightly pushes him* "I met you that fall after y'all little fling. Why the fuck did you involve me!?" *pushes him again* "What kind of twisted shit are y'all on?"

"It wasn't the whole time, I swear. I'm so sorry Dana!" *still sobbing*

"So you're really not gonna say anything!?" *ignoring her*

"There's nothing I can say to help any of this. She was easy access, that's all. I don't know shit about a baby."

"Well now your disgusting ass does." *turns around* "And you! You need to cut that sorry shit the fuck out.! You're not sorry and you ain't a victim of love. You knew you were wrong and didn't care until shit blew up in your face. You're only stressed and scared because you're about to be alone."

"Here!" *throws her ring* "You earned it. I hope for your child's sake things work out." *leaves out*

"Are you fuckin happy now!? You've been dying to get her out of the picture so why all this crying?"

"I just wanted to be with you. Not have all this happen."

"How many times did I have to tell you to cut that delusional shit out? Why the hell did you tell her if you didn't want this to happen? And what the fuck is up with this baby shit?"

"I told her because I'm pregnant, Sean! I've only been with you and the guy I've been seeing. He had a vasectomy so it's obviously yours."

"Fuck! This is crazy." *starts pacing* "I hope you know shit ain't gonna go the way you want. We're not gonna be a family. I'll be there for the kid but that's where it ends. No one can know, Dee. I'll lose everything and that affects more than just me now. I'm gonna call my lawyer and get some things in place. Make a list of all the things your gonna need and I'll have it sent. Once the baby gets here, we'll figure out visitation and support, but until then, you're on your own.

To Be Continued......

[itsbowbi]

tagged by @penglue

Are you named after anyone?

A saint I think. Or my parents just liked the name and came up with that reason after.

When was the last time you cried?

I cry a lot I think I cried watching the new Godzilla movie because I'm easy and a sucker. Like CRIED cried? I think my birthday but it was actually a pretty great night.

Do you have kids?

Hell no.

What sports do you play?

None. Too busy and tired. Been thinking about finding a baseball league or something to play in because I miss it. I was a terrible hitter tho. I'm in better shape now and I learned about my fucked up eyeballs so maybe I'd be better.

Do you use sarcasm?

I don't think so. I have a very cynical sense of humor but sarcasm to me just comes off as being mean. Pretty sure I avoid it almost always.

What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

Looks? I mean literally first thing I notice is what they look like. And yeah I usually decide if I think they're hot right then but that doesn't change much about how I treat them. Otherwise just general vibes I guess. Sense of humor, manners, etc. Ooh I guess I really notice if someone is being at all superior or condescending. I fucking hate that immediately.

Eye colour?

Baby blues.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I definitely watch horror movies more often. I think it's funny when movies get the super happy ending like Wayne's World, which seems to be happening more and more often in the movies I watch. I do think I've been avoiding dramas because they can be draining to watch and I don't feel like putting myself through that sitting here alone in my room. And bad horror movies are easily the best thing to watch with friends.

Any talents?

I'm very good at guessing people's middle name. Also I have insane memory when it comes to movies. You can name like one small detail about a movie you can't quite remember and I can probably name it. Good at trivia too.

Where were you born?

Bay Area. Zero memory of California since we left when I was a baby.

Hobbies?

Uuggghhh this is where I really start to feel like a nolife degen. Video games mostly. I'm decent at overwatch. Have a quitar but haven't had the energy or motivation to practice in a while. I really want to pick it up again. Just got an iPad with the stylus so that's been fun getting back into art. People say I can draw good so that's cool. Also I technically got my first commission since my buddy gave me $10 to recreate a doodle I made for him at work in a full piece because he loves it so much. Gotta get around to that soon.

Any pets?

My leopard gecko Heybaby! I love her. Also my mom has 2 cats that I still consider mine and I love visiting them. Yoyo and Mimi.

Height?

6'

Favourite school subject?

I guess history. I think history has better stories in it than any fiction so I love reading about it and listening to audiobooks and podcasts. Chose that as my major in college since I didn't know what to do with my life and it was the one subject I was able to tolerate. That was a very bad decision and I honestly should've never gone to college or just gone to a community college while I figured out what to actually do. Still waiting on that last part.

Dream job?

I really don't have a realistic one. I have hated every job I've ever had and any work that was assigned to me in school or therapy or whatever instantly made me hate it. I have crazy fantasies about what I could still do with my life but most of them involve doing little to no actual work. Like being a streamer. But I guess I'll go with what I would've said 20 years ago and say baseball player or rock star.

GET TAGGED @conkedcrete @spylarman (or don't sorry to bother u)

[layingeggs]

Simulated lag artifacting

The blender render preview has a lot of artifacting in it that doesn't show up in the final render. But I think it's very pretty and I'd like to be able to use it in my final animations. I've been told that this can be done with shader nodes. But I don't really understand shader nodes. I understand characters and animation, but the math of 3D art is often too much for me.

Nonetheless, someone on another site showed me a potential 'simulated lag artifacting' shader. I mentioned that on here and fellow tumblr user @berozova asked to see it.

Here is a screenshot of the shader nodes. I admit, this sort of thing is beyond me.

As it was explained to me, and as best as I can repeat that explanation, the noise texture connected to vector math add connected to the vector of my image texture node causes the pixel distribution of the noise texture to be randomly moved up and down in a pixel noise pattern.

But, it only moves each pixel up on the x and y axis from the starting point of 0. We want it to go below 0 as well as above, so that the noise is centered, because otherwise it's pushing the texture slightly diagonally.

That multiply and subtract bit changes a range of 0 to 1 into a range of -1 to 1. Think about it:

1 x 2 - 1 = 1

0 x 2 - 1 = -1

0.5 x 2 - 1 = 0

It's a simple bit of math that converts a range of 0 to 1 into a range of -1 to 1.

That Value node is in there because the effect is too intense without multiplying it by a fraction. The UV Map node is there I think because we want this applied to the UV coordinates and not to the texture directly? Because it's the UV coordinates that determine where the texture is applied to the mesh?

I hope I haven't fudged a crucial detail here. But that is as best as I understand it for now.

Here is the result, on my character Mimi. I feel bad for her making her do all these experiments. I think she's just happy for attention and play, but as her parent I do worry of course. Now, as you can see, there is a runny watery effect to the textures, similar to what you can see when previewing your animation in blender. But there are some crucial differences.

If you look up close to her face, you see that it's not just the edge of the eyes that are getting watery and runny. But pixel noise is just spreading around randomly as well. And if you look at the bells on the ends of her clown hat, some white lines have randomly appeared there. I checked my texture image, and there are no white pixels around the bell texture at all. It's all either dark grey or transparency.

The second issue becomes clearer when we directly compare to the intended thing we're trying to simulate.

This is the render preview of my animated Mimi. As you can see, it's not just the textures that are being warped, but also the mesh itself. This completes the watery effect. If you only warp the textures, then you have the runny textures contrasted against the sharp crisp clear mesh.

This is a funny effect, isn't it? To me, it almost looks like an afterimage. But surely that's impossible? I enjoy animating my characters with low framerate and constant interpolation. If an afterimage were produced from that, then you would expect to see some significant distance between the two images, wouldn't you?

Overall, I would like to learn how to control the watery effect, but I'm going to put these experiments down for now. I have other things I want to get done, including other 3D art experiments. (I'm currently trying to figure out shape key animations in godot and also creating multiple distinct shape key animations associated with a single mesh!)

Thank you for your help Mimi!

As I said, I don't think she's bothered by being made watery, with or without unwanted texture bleed. But I am responsible for her and I have to make sure to take care of her.

[shiningwonderland]

Camus (All Star)

Translator: Mimi (Twitter: _mimisaurora)

Proofreader: Raz (Twitter: agnadance)

Editors: Noemi (Twitter: dreaminbeyond), Snail (Twitter: herbert_snail)

Chapter Three — Flame of Ice

It's now December, and we are in the final stretch of the unit project's songwriting process.

Everyone is still fighting with each other, but they are definitely making progress towards achieving the same goal of performing live.

I'm doing my best every day to bring out the best in the song too.

Life in Camus-senpai's house, on the surface, is no different than it has been before.

I've grown used to this somewhat bizarre lifestyle together, and can now talk to Camus-senpai fairly well.

To an outsider, our life together with Alexander might even seem harmonious.

However, Camus-senpai is hiding a major secret. Something to do with both Cecil-san and the president….

For Camus-senpai, who typically pretends to be uninterested in everything, this is probably the only thing he is willing to completely devote himself to–

This secret remains tightly sealed, like a frozen lake covered in ice, as the days continue to pass.

Today, after the recording of a radio show, Senpai is scheduled to do an interview for a women's magazine.

As his assistant, I stand nearby and watch as he answers the reporter's questions effortlessly and efficiently.

Reporter: ... Well, I see. Thank you very much for that. And lastly, please share with us some thoughts on your ideal woman.

Camus-senpai tilts his head slightly at the question.

Camus: My... ideal woman? I believe every woman is different and has her own unique charms, so it's difficult to say whether one is better than the other.

However, if I had to choose, I'd say she'd be a very beautiful and noble woman whom I'd like to serve.

Reporter: Mmm. Camus-san's answers are always spot-on.

Camus: Is that so? Really, I am merely sharing my honest opinion.

Reporter: There have been many other people whose answers were quite outlandish! Of course, there were those with simple responses, too. Like, "a family-oriented woman," for example.

Someone who is a good cook and considerate. What do you think of such women, Camus-san?

Senpai is at a loss for words for a second.

Camus: Well… they're not bad, I suppose.

Reporter: Oh? How surprising! I thought you'd say something along the lines of, "Of course, every woman is charming."

Camus: W-well... You're absolutely correct. But if they happen to be too "family-oriented," I, as a butler, would find myself out of a job.

Reporter: Ahaha. I get it now~. Camus-san is a butler idol, right?

The interview continues with a friendly and relaxed atmosphere.

After the interview, he didn't have anything else scheduled–as rare as that is–so we decide to go straight back to the tower.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, Alexander is almost out of food. Can we stop by the store?

Camus: We have no choice. We can't let that one starve, you know.

On the way, we get out of the taxi and head to our usual shop.

Alexander will only eat the food from here.

Haruka Nanami: We're not far from the tower now, but would you like me to call for a taxi again?

Camus: No, sometimes it's better to walk the rest of the way home.

Haruka Nanami: That's true. And the weather is pretty nice. Alright then, let's do that.

It continues to be cold every day, but today is the warmest it has been in a while. I guess I could call it a pleasant spring-like day.

We usually drive around a lot, so it’s refreshing to go out on foot.

We stroll leisurely while looking at the city in winter.

Camus: By the way, how is your work coming along?

Haruka Nanami: Now that the Christmas live is coming up, I don't have many other projects to do, so I can take it easy!

I reply with a smile, and he turns his head to the side looking a little displeased.

Camus: Hmph… I don't see how you can be happy, as a rookie, that you don't have any more jobs to do.

I move one step behind and follow him.

Camus-senpai takes bigger strides than I do, but...

… He still adjusts his walking speed so I don't have to rush to keep up with him.

I've actually noticed recently that he always adjusts his stride when he walks with me.

Although he likes to refer to me as his "servant," at the same time, whenever I'm busy working on my compositions, he's started taking care of things around the tower for me....

The more I learned, the less I understood him.

Haruka Nanami: The sun is shining so brightly–it's such a lovely day, isn't it?

Camus-senpai is as busy as ever and today he didn’t look to be feeling well, so the pleasant weather reassures me.

I hope that by taking it easy like this he'll start to feel a little better.

Then, I shiver as a cold breeze blows over me.

Haruka Nanami: Of course the wind is still cold despite the sun.

Camus: No… It's warm.

Haruka Nanami: Warm?

He looks a bit bothered as I glance up at him in surprise.

Camus: If it were summer or spring I could deal with it, but I can't get used to this country's tepid winters. It makes me uncomfortable.

What is it about today in particular? If it's cold, then it's cold. If it's hot, then it's hot. The climate here obviously has no idea what it wants to be.

The creases between his eyebrows deepen. Right... He's from a very cold country so it makes sense he has trouble with the warmer weather.

Haruka Nanami: Is it possible the reason you looked sick today was because it was too warm for you?

Camus: I am not sick or otherwise unwell. I'm just a little thrown off guard is all.

Hm… There must be somewhere pleasantly chilly.

Haruka Nanami: Chilly? Then….

Select the phrase!

Let's find someplace cold. (+20 Love)

Haruka Nanami: Let's find someplace cold.

A well-ventilated place, a shady spot, or....

Haruka Nanami: That's it! Would you like to go to an ice skating rink?

I remember there is an outdoor skating rink in a nearby park, so I suggest going there.

It'd surely be cooler there than it is here.

Camus: An ice skating rink? I see, now that sounds comfortable. It's a good idea for a fool.

Haruka Nanami: Good, then, let's go.

Camus: Do not respond when being called a fool, you fool. I mean... nevermind.

He takes my suggestion, and together we go to the skating rink.

Since it’s a weekday afternoon, the place is emptier than I'd expect, with only a few parents and children in attendance.

A cold breeze blows across the ice and grazes our cheeks.

Camus: Oh… this is… despite the warmth of the region, they went out of their way to freeze it for entertainment…. Hmm... how interesting.

Oh, Senpai looks a bit happy.

Haruka Nanami: I've never been to this rink before, but it's huge!

Camus: Hmph. It's a sorry sight compared to the lakes of my homeland, Silk Palace. But… I suppose... It's not so bad.

Good. I'm happy he likes it.

As I've learned throughout my time living with him, "It's not bad" is a pretty high compliment for Camus-senpai.

It’s a little cold, but the wind feels nice. I'm certain he'll start to feel better if we stay here like this.

Camus: I see you can rent skates over there. Ah, yes…. Would you like to have a go?

He points toward the rental window.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…? Um… but… you mean with me?

Camus: Who else could it possibly be with? What? I thought you came here to skate.

Haruka Nanami: W-well… You see…

Sure, it's obvious you go to a skating rink to skate, but....

I’m a bit taken aback. I didn't expect such an idea from him.

Camus: It's just a suggestion. If you don't want to do it, then leave. You've got ten seconds to respond. Ten, nine, eight....

Select the phrase!

Y-yes, please! (+20 Love)

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes, please!

I bow my head in a flash.

Camus: Hmm. Good choice. Then I shall do as you ask.

Haruka Nanami: O-okay....

Camus: Hey.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes?

Camus: You talk big, and now look at you.

Haruka Nanami: I-I….

The truth is I'm not a very good skater at all.

It's been a few years since I last skated, and I just can't seem to keep myself upright.

I can probably hold myself up if there were a railing I could hold onto… but it's not possible with this kind of rink.

Camus: Seriously. You're a mess… and quite clumsy indeed.

He sighs dismissively and skates past me, nonchalantly executing a triple axel.

This is the kind of skating you'd expect from a northern-born foreigner. It's as if he were flying in the sky, so effortless and graceful.

In comparison, I'm....

Child A: Hey, hey, Miss. Whatcha doing?

Child B: Oh? Maybe she can't skate?

I’m startled by the sudden voices, and when I look up, I find myself surrounded by children.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah. Kind of….

Child C: Eh–? Why come if you can't skate? Tell us, tell us.

Child A: I mean, the rink is a place to skate. It's annoying if you just sit there.

Haruka Nanami: I-I'm sorry… But….

Child B: Annoying, annoying! Now you're in the way. Hey, let's get her out of here!

Child C: Out, out! Yeah!!

Haruka Nanami: E-eh?!

The children begin to push and pull me back and forth.

Haruka Nanami: Wait just a second, stop-

Child A: Yeah, yeah. Move, move!

I try to resist, but am instead helpless as my feet slide around.

Haruka Nanami: Hold onーAh…!

Child B: It's a no-no~ Someone who can't skate can't be in the rink~

Camus: … What are you doing, you little worms?

A booming voice echoes around me, causing the boys surrounding me to jolt and tense up.

Before I know it, Camus-senpai is standing behind the group of children, his brows furrowed menacingly.

He glares at the kids with a scowl on his face.

Children: AHH! IT'S THE DEVIL!

Instantly, they scatter away like a bunch of baby spiders, screaming.

Camus: ... Who are they calling a devil?

He looks away from the children and back at me with a dismayed expression, as if trying to say something.

Camus: You were out of my sight for only a minute, and here I find you at the mercy of mere children. You're a real handful.

Haruka Nanami: T-thank you….

Camus: So? How long do you intend to keep squatting like that?

Haruka Nanami: S-sorry. I'll start skating now. H-here I go!

He’s right. I can’t stay like this forever.

I’m determined to stand, but....

Haruka Nanami: Ah!

My feet suddenly slide and I fall bottom-first onto the ice.

Haruka Nanami: I-I'm sorry.

Camus: Good grief… I can't bear to keep watching. Come on, give me your hand.

Haruka Nanami: E-eh… I-I....

I’m a little lost, but Camus-senpai grabs my hand firmly.

Camus: I'm telling you I'm going to be teaching you. It would be an embarrassment for me if my companion were to make such an unsightly spectacle of themselves.

Haruka Nanami: B-but....

Camus-senpai wants me to skate?

I become more and more confused by his surprising words and our securely clasped hands.

Camus: Just get up.

He grips my hand more firmly.

I stagger to my feet as he pulls me up.

Camus: Don't focus on your feet. Look forward.

Haruka Nanami: Um… but… I-I'm afraid… I'm going to fall….

Camus: Oh? I'm the one who is going out of my way for this, and you don't trust me?

Select the phrase!

N-no, no. That's not true. (+15 Love)

Haruka Nanami: N-No, no. That's not true.

Camus: Then don't be afraid. A nobleman from Silk Palace, a country of ice, is going to teach you in person. You should be honored.

Haruka Nanami: O-okay….

Camus: Lift your head. This is me you're with. There isn't even a remote chance you will fail.

I timidly look up at him and he begins to skate slowly, pulling on both of my hands.

We carefully make our way near the center of the rink this way.

Haruka Nanami: …H-hn….

No matter how much I tell myself it's going to be okay, I can't help but feel unsteady on my feet and glance downward.

Camus: You're faltering. Get it together.

He puts his finger on my forehead and pushes against it. My face automatically turns upward and my posture straightens.

Camus: Stand tall. Tuck your chin in. Don't look down. Just look at me. There….That's better.

Haruka Nanami: G-got it.

Camus: Now… let's go.

He abruptly turns to face the front, letting go of one of our clasped hands.

His long hair sways, reflecting in the sunlight, and his skates glide securely on the ice.

We begin to skate at a much faster pace than ever before.

Haruka Nanami: Ah....

The speed increases rapidly as I’m pulled by the hand holding us together.

It’s hard to believe that my feet were wobbly just a few minutes ago, but now they're completely straight and the sound of the edges sliding against the ice is soothing.

Haruka Nanami: Ah...!

The cold air brushes against my cheeks, and it feels so much better than when I was watching from the sidelines.

Camus: What do you think? Doing this is a lot more fun than squatting.

Each time I’m about to lose my balance, he gently squeezes my hand and immediately corrects my direction.

I’m gradually growing more and more comfortable with this sense of security, and at last I gather the courage to look up.

The glistening rink is beautiful. We’re passing swiftly through the people who are skating as well.

It’s as if I have become the breeze, and I can't help but smile.

Camus: Hm. You seem to have become a lot more composed.

He glances back at me.

Oh... his eyebrows aren't furrowed?

He turns to look forward so quickly, I wasn't sure if those usual creases were really gone from his profile, but....

He appears to be enjoying himself a little as he skates holding my hand.

Looking at Camus-senpai's profile, skating just a bit ahead of me, I can clearly see the depth and beauty of his features.

I’m reminded of the fact that he is an idol who can charm many people with a single smile.

Camus: Now, let go of my hand.

Haruka Nanami: Eh....

Camus: What's the surprise? Do you intend for me to continue pulling you along like a child?

Haruka Nanami: N-no, that's not it, I'm just… I'm not ready....

Camus: That's a shame. I'm unaware of that being the circumstance. Go on, now.

Haruka Nanami: Ah. A-aah….

He quickly lets go of my hand and I panic, but we had been going so fast I didn't immediately fall over.

Flustered, I still managed to keep skating, and Camus-senpai comes up beside me with a composed expression on his face.

Camus: You're pretty good at it. How boring.

Haruka Nanami: I-I... A-ah….

Whenever I’m about to lose my balance, Senpai subtly lends a hand to help me out.

Haruka Nanami: U-um, thank you.

Camus: If you have time to thank me, then look ahead. You're going to run into them.

Haruka Nanami: Huh? A-ah!

I’m about to crash into a person skating nearby, but Senpai quickly and firmly tugs on my hand.

I vigorously turn and begin to spin around.

Camus: Oh. I had no idea you could spin. Not such a big deal, is it?

Haruka Nanami: Ha… N-no, I don't know what to say....

From then on, he skates beside me from a reasonable distance, helping me every time it seemed like I would trip up.

As I practice, though I wouldn't say I’m good, I manage to skate without wavering.

Camus: Hmph. You should be fine if you can skate this well. Not bad for someone like you.

After going around the rink together a few more times, when I eventually grow tired, Camus-senpai notices and slows down right away.

He makes a nice skidding sound on the ice and I stumble to a halt.

Haruka Nanami: Thank you so much! It was very, very nice… A-ah!

I bow my head, forgetting I was on ice, and I lose my balance–collapsing down again in a heap.

Haruka Nanami: O-ow… Sorry, I lost focus….

Camus: Hahaha. You really are so dense.

I look up, startled by the sound coming from above my head, and see Camus-senpai laughing.

I really thought he was going to be mad at me....

Camus: Well, everyone is terrible at first… I wasn't very good at it either when I was a child.

Senpai pulls on my hand again to help me stand, then turns his gaze to a corner of the rink with narrowed eyes.

There, a sister and her younger brother are practicing skating together.

She’s pulling her brother along. It’s a very charming sight.

Senpai looks at the two of them for a while, not saying anything. His profile looks somewhat nostalgic, and then....

Camus-senpai looks lonely...?

Camus: I was once taught to skate like that by Her Majesty the Queen on a pond in the palace courtyard. That was... a long time ago.

Haruka Nanami: The queen…?

"Her Majesty" is often mentioned in his stories.

Senpai's family has served the queen for generations in the Silk Palace, and he seems to respect her very much too.

The queen is said to be revered like a god in the northern country of permafrost. What kind of person is she?

Haruka Nanami: Is the queen a good skater?

Camus: Absolutely. There's nothing Her Majesty cannot do. I have learned a lot from her, as well. Skating, and even the cello....

Cello....

I remember the night when we, only once, had played music together.

Select the phrase!

I'll ask more questions about the Queen. (30 Love)

The wistful, beautiful sound I heard that night is still very present in my ears. I will never forget it. His queen... taught him how to play the cello.

Haruka Nanami: The queen is a woman of many talents… Are there many other things she can do?

Camus: Yes. She is particularly fluent in languages and can speak the most common ones as well as a native.

Not to mention that she's an excellent monarch. It is only through Her Majesty's help that our country's peace is maintained.

He seems to be a little proud as he answers. He must have a real admiration for the queen.

Camus: And that's not all. She's also involved in the traditional arts, including dance. There is no one in our country who can dance better than Her Majesty.

Haruka Nanami: But I think Senpai is a very good dancer too.

Camus: What are you talking about? I wouldn't even begin to measure up to Her Majesty.

After we became partners, I watched a lot of his music videos and other films, and I found his dancing to be very impressive.

The queen must be truly amazing for him to gush over her like this.

There are a lot of things I can't do, so I admire her for that.

Haruka Nanami: So she can do everything, can she? I'm jealous of her talented athleticism.

I'm sure the queen wouldn't fall on her behind like I did if she were skating.

How nice…. With that in mind, I look out at the rink and Senpai lets out a huff.

Camus: Her Majesty is the most noble being in the world. Comparing her to an ordinary person such as yourself is irresponsible.

That said, Her Majesty is still human. It wouldn't be fair to say that even she... hasn't fallen over once in a while, too.

He glances at my face and looks back at the rink a little nostalgically, as if he had remembered something.

Camus: However… I'm sure Her Majesty would be delighted to be shown around a skating rink as spacious as this one.

I’m a bit surprised to hear that from him.

Haruka Nanami: The queen has never been to a skating rink before?

If she was the queen of the country, you'd think she would be free to do whatever she wanted.

Senpai furrows his brows a little when I ask the question.

Camus: Her Majesty is prevented from leaving the palace due to various circumstances and she cannot even look at the open sky.

Haruka Nanami: Really…?

I wonder if the queen was ill. I feel sorry for asking.

As I reflect on this, he suddenly mutters.

Camus: Her Majesty... has no allies.

Ah…. He looks forlorn again.

Haruka Nanami: But the queen is like a god, the most revered being in the land....

Camus: That's correct. Her Majesty is equal to a god. Thanks to Her Majesty's aid, all industries, including precision machinery, have developed in our country.

Haruka Nanami: Then....

Camus: What I'm saying is, God isn't coming down to Earth.

They want to put Her Majesty on a throne like a doll whilst they try to free the country themselves. That is the kind of people my country is currently inundated with.

If only it were truly about caring for their country, but they merely fight for their own selfish interests over and over again.

Regardless of how irritated he feels, an earl's status was not very high among the ranks of nobility, and on top of that, he is still young.

He has very little say in state affairs. It seems to frustrate him to admit he is unable to help the queen in her time of need.

Camus: The only thing I can do for Her Majesty is in this country....

Haruka Nanami: Senpai....

He cuts off his words with a huff and looks up grimly.

Camus: … I've said far too much nonsense. Forget it.

Haruka Nanami: But....

Camus: I said forget it.

Silence falls, and Camus-senpai turns his back to me, a bit awkwardly.

Camus: ... Let's go. You've fallen down so many times, you should change soon or you'll catch a cold. But apparently, it's said that idiots can't catch colds.

Haruka Nanami: I-I'm coming.

I hurriedly follow him as he starts to leave, and together we leave the skating rink.

I continue to gel a bit unsettled the rest of the day, even as I prepare dinner, clean up, and work on scores.

In just one day, I’ve seen so many sides of Camus-senpai that I had never seen before.

The look on his face as he skated around the rink, like he was having more fun than usual. The smile on his face when he helped me stand up after falling down.

And then, the nostalgic gaze in his eyes when he talked about the queen. That expression… It was so lonely and regretful.

Now, as I lift my head, I see him sitting on the sofa reading a book and occasionally petting Alexander.

I wonder… what he's thinking about right now.

The wrinkles between his brows, which had disappeared during the day, have returned. and I knew this was a sign that he wanted to be left alone.

I keep quiet and focus on my work.

It’s mid-December, and the countdown to the Christmas live show is finally ticking.

The unit song is almost complete, and the quality is only getting better and better.

The guys will be singing together in the studio today to adjust and finalize the vocals.

I know there isn't much I can do at this point, but I still want to make it as wonderful as possible. I put my mind to the task.

During a break, Kurosaki-senpai approaches me as I check over the scores in the corner.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: So? Any luck fixing it?

Haruka Nanami: Yes, I was wondering if I could have five more minutes of your time so that I can get your feedback.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: All right. Oh, and fix this too while you're at it. The notes don't sound right in practice.

Kurosaki-senpai reaches out and taps the edge of the sheet music.

Haruka Nanami: Here?... Uh... oh, yes. I see now. I'll make the necessary adjustments.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Hm, thanks.

I thought Kurosaki-senpai was very harsh and unapproachable at first, but....

As we started working together, little by little, he eventually came to recognize me as someone he could confidently talk to about work.

These days, out of the three senpai other than Camus-senpai, I'm able to talk to Kurosaki-senpai the most.

Haruka Nanami: The middle part is much better, I think. As soon as we get the last portion fixed....

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Relax. You'll only make mistakes if you rush it. There's still time.

Camus-senpai had gone outside to get some fresh air, while Kotobuki-senpai and Mikaze-senpai were buying some drinks. We certainly have time to spare.

Haruka Nanami: Right. Um, this is the part where you and Camus-senpai sing together. Do you mind if I change this part a little too?

I'll only change it a little, but Camus-senpai seems to be having trouble fitting in....

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Huh? Did the bastard really say that?

Haruka Nanami: That's not it… I just can kind of understand Camus-senpai's particularities.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Huh…? I don't get it. Is it "lover's intuition", or somethin' like that?

Haruka Nanami: No, that also isn't… We simply spend a lot of time together, so naturally....

Ranmaru Kurosaki: … Hey, you still live in that mansion with that asshole?

Haruka Nanami: Huh? I do.

I nod and he heaves a sigh.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ha... I don't get how you can be with a guy like him. What good can he do?

When asked, I’m at a loss for words.

The lie we told the day of the dinner remains ongoing, and Kurosaki-senpai believes Camus-senpai and I are lovers.

Select the phrase!

He does have good qualities! (+15 Love)

Haruka Nanami: He does have good qualities!

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Good qualities, huh? Well, I can't think of any.

Haruka Nanami: Well, for instance, he always looks unconcerned, but in reality he's a very hardworking person....

He's actually very caring despite appearances, like how he treasures Alexander.

He pretends to be indifferent to his junior, Cecil-san, but actually worries about him.

He also taught me many things, like at the skating rink....

Haruka Nanami: There are times when I'm in a bind and too busy at home, taking too much time, and he will help me out without saying a word.

The more we talk, the more positive aspects of Camus-senpai pop into mind.

Haruka Nanami: And then....

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Aaah... I got it. My bad.

Camus: Haruka. Don't speak so comfortably with Kurosaki.

Startled by the sudden voice, I look up and before I know it, Camus-senpai is standing nearby.

Camus: You'll catch some barbaric traits if you talk to this fool... Whatever were you talking about?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: What the…? You'll have to hear 'bout it later, it's dumb. Now c'mon, let's have a go at this one more time.

Just then, Kotobuki-senpai and Mikaze-senpai return and I hurriedly get up from my seat.

After the break, they come together to repeat the song several times.

Their constant discussions help the song grow closer and closer to perfection, and it’s then I begin to really feel how amazing the four of them are.

But… their expressions once they finished singing are not in any way enthusiastic.

Reiji Kotobuki: Hmm… It might be too late to do anything about it now, but something is still missing. I wonder why that is....

Ai Mikaze: I think the instrumentals and lyrics are totally fine. But it's not enough. I wouldn't want to perform a show like this.

Reiji Kotobuki: Uuuugh… What could it beee....

Kotobuki-senpai holds his head in his hands, and an awkward silence falls over the studio.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Cut the crap. You guys know exactly what the reason is.

Kurosaki-senpai speaks to Mikaze-senpai and a distressed Kotobuki-senpai, turning his head towards Camus-senpai.

Camus: Kurosaki… what do you want to say?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Don't tell me that even the guilty didn't notice. What about you, woman?

Haruka Nanami: R-right. I....

Well... Maybe, no, the cause of the problem wis without a doubt Camus-senpai.

He sings again today without making any mistakes, as usual.

But amidst the collision of three unique individualities, a single voice taking a step back disturbs the harmony of the group.

If Camus-senpai were to be in a supporting role like in Tsukimiya-sensei's commercial....

I'm sure it would have turned out great. He is very skilled at singing along to other people's songs.

But I didn't intend for this song to be like that.

I want the four of them to equally play off of each other's personalities, but that only ruins the balance....

While I’m unsure of what to say, Camus-senpai huffs.

Camus: You believe I am responsible for this? How outrageous. I'm sorry, but my singing should have been perfect.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: On paper. But there's no "passion" in your singing. I can't feel anything in your music.

At Kurosaki-senpai's words, Camus-senpai shrugs his shoulders, as if exasperated.

Camus: I don't follow whatever you're trying to say.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: You seriously don't get it? How many years have you been singing now?

You're pretty hopeless… so-called noble.

The atmosphere is tense.

Camus: Silence. Do not talk about "nobility". You were the one who abandoned your family and your duties.

A man who runs away from aristocracy has no right to speak on the matter, you loser.

Kurosaki-senpai bites his bottom lip and the two of them lock eyes with each other.

Haruka Nanami: U-um....

A painfully strained mood, different from their usual fights, envelops the area.

What should I do? I have a bad feeling that they both have really crossed the line.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Keep going, lap dog. You're the one who's all bark and no bite.

Ain't that right? All the crap that ever comes out of your mouth are brags and lies. Where's your heart?

Kurosaki-senpai approaches Camus-senpai and pounds on his chest with his fist.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Your music's hollow 'cause this has never felt passion.

Camus: My heart doesn't burn with passion... you say? Rubbish. I don't see the need for such a thing.

Camus-senpai grabs onto Kurosaki-senpai's fist on his chest and briskly swings it away.

Camus: Not only is it not necessary, but the heart and mind are only a hindrance. The only necessity is the will to accomplish your goal.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Hah. You make it sound like you can do it, but won't. Are you really unable to be passionate about anything?

All you do is pander to others. Life's good when you don't have to do anythin' by your own damn self, isn't it?

Camus: I've heard enough from this disgraced scion....

Oh no, no, what do I do? I have to stop this somehow....

But knowing I can't just go in there without a plan, I stand there frozen.

And despite the two of them glaring at each other for a while–

Camus-senpai suddenly chuckles as if he had thought of something.

Camus: No passion, huh? … If that's what it looks like to you, then you might want to get your eyes checked.

Fine. Hear for yourself if my heart lacks passion.

His head snaps over to look at me. The anger he had felt earlier is gone from his face.

Camus: Haruka. Play it.

Haruka Nanami: R-right away!

Reiji Kotobuki: Okay! Let's see how serious Myu-chan really is!

Ai Mikaze: Well then, as long as the song's quality can be improved, I'll go along with it.

Kotobuki-senpai rolls up his sleeves, and beside him, Mikaze-senpai quietly rises from his seat.

Then, they sing once more.

Song: “Quartet Night” (S Rank)

When the song is over, Mikaze-senpai lets out a small huff in amazement.

Ai Mikaze: Okay, well... no complaints about that one here.

Camus: Hm. Of course there isn't. Who do you think I am? The song itself wasn't... bad, either.

Ai Mikaze: Huh, I think this is the first time I've heard Camus compliment a song.

Camus: … I had no idea.

The instrumentals are revised to match the change in Camus-senpai's singing.

The other members of the group sing with as much passion as they can muster, and adapt their own vocals to match.

Kotobuki-senpai, Mikaze-senpai, Kurosaki-senpai, and Camus-senpai all seem to be enjoying themselves, though none of them said so out loud....

And just before time ran out, they sing through the song one more time.

Haruka Nanami: Wow....

I watch in amazement as everyone finishes singing.

My impression of the performance now and the performance before are like night and day. Particularly, the way Camus-senpai sings now is completely different from the way he’s been doing it before.

He stopped trying to fit in with the rest and didn't try to hide his own power or his fervor.

His voice captured my heart. He possesses absolute charisma.

The others are no match for Camus-senpai.

The others also never lost their own individuality; instead their vocals were evenly matched, enhancing instead of overshadowing each other.

The whole song is now reborn as something far more wonderful.

Reiji Kotobuki: Ahhh! Amazing! This is the one! We did it, Kouhai-chan!!

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah....

Reiji Kotobuki: What's going on? You're not looking too happy. Hahaha, now then, have you been too busy admiring us?

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. Everyone was very wonderful….

I didn't look... happy?

Of course I’m happy. How could I not be happy?

For a composer, there is no greater joy than to write a song you consider to be perfect and have it sung in the most exquisite way possible.

But... I wonder why my hands tremble.

I felt definite passion in Camus-senpai's voice, just as he had described.

I have always thought that he was a pretty stoic guy, but it surprises me to see this side of him.

I wonder what it is that made Camus-senpai react this way.

… Or who it is.

As soon as the thought crosses my mind, pain blooms in my chest and I find myself taken aback.

I wonder who Camus-senpai has been thinking about when he sings.

The unit song is nearing completion, and I am one step closer to my debut.

I should have been elated, but instead I find myself feeling uneasy.

A few days later, the Christmas live has finally arrived.

On the day of the concert, I head backstage to the group's designated waiting area.

Today's show is a gathering of the Shining Agency's most talented members, and they will be opening the show.

The first song will influence the mood of the whole event, so it's a great honor, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility.

I’m also very nervous. My heart has been racing since this morning and it simply wouldn't stop.

Reiji Kotobuki: Ahh. No matter how many years I spend doing this, this very moment always gives me the jitters~

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Heh. You can't call yourself a pro if you work yourself up every time.

Ai Mikaze: So you're nervous…? I'm not sure I understand. Let's just sing like we always do.

Camus: I agree.

Reiji Kotobuki: You're all so cold! Well, Kouhai-chan's reputation is at stake here too. We need to show them how cool we are right here, right now!

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ah, right, her job's on the line.

All of their eyes turn to look at me at once.

Yes, in order for me to stay in the agency, I must first succeed in this concert.

Ai Mikaze: I don't really care. With or without that being the case, I wasn't going to cut any corners in the first place, so the same principle will apply anyway.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: That's obvious. We'll just sing and it's going to be one hell of a show, so keep your eyes peeled.

Haruka Nanami: I will! P-please do your best! I'll be here cheering you on!

Camus: No, no…. You go to the auditorium. There are reserved seats for those involved with the event.

Eh...?

I’m surprised by his words.

This is an important concert for them. I want to watch as close to the stage as possible....

Haruka Nanami: Am… am I getting in the way by staying here?

Camus: That's not what I meant. Songs are meant to be sung to an… audience. It's not intended to be enjoyed from the wings, don't you agree?

Haruka Nanami: R-right, I suppose so.

Of course, idol songs are not for the staff, but for the fans. I compose with that in mind.

Camus-senpai looks annoyed for some reason when I explain this to him.

Camus: Just go, then. If you don't hurry, you're going to run out of time.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright.

I have no idea why he’s suddenly so insistent, but I hurry to the auditorium anyway.

The venue is filled with enthusiasm even before the concert has even started.

Haruka Nanami: Wow….

The audience's anticipation is palpable from all sides. The group is going to perform in such an environment.

Amidst the loudest cheers, the four of them are revealed under the spotlight.

It’s the perfect opening to the concert.

The crowd goes wild with their singing and dancing, and the atmosphere in the venue grows ecstatic.

Among them, Camus-senpai's voice is especially wonderful, echoing with more power and passion than I have ever felt before during rehearsals.

I can feel a different kind of warmth in his voice.

Perhaps this is because I am listening to him from the audience. I listen to his voice completely, and without the curious heartache I had succumbed to a while ago.

Seeing Camus-senpai's figure in the light... I can now understand the reason why fans cheer in delight.

This person has the potential to shine even brighter. I'm so lucky I got the chance to support him as a composer.

With this thought in mind, I clasp my hands together and gaze up at the radiant stage.

After the concert, I rush to the group's dressing room.

The crowd's enthusiasm remains unabated, and I’m pushed every which way, which ends up taking up a lot of my time, but I hurry as much as I can.

Now I can perfectly understand what Camus-senpai had meant when he told me to watch the performance from the auditorium.

That brilliance, that passion, could only be felt in the audience. I wanted to share this impression with everyone as soon as possible, but most of all, I want to share it with Camus-senpai.

In the dressing room, in addition to the senpai, Tsukimiya-sensei and Cecil-san are there too.

Reiji Kotobuki: Oh, here comes the fifth lead! Kouhai-chan, over here!

Ai Mikaze: It took you long enough. All of your colleagues came by as well, but they've already gone to the after-party.

Haruka Nanami: M-my apologies....

I bow to everyone. And as I’m about to raise my head....

The floor in front of me bursts open.

Haruka Nanami: Eeeeh!?

A huge lump flies out of the hole in the floor and crashes into the ceiling with the same force.

Haruka Nanami: W… what…?

The lump whirls around, lands by my side, and whirls around again to face me.

Shining Saotome: Ha ha ha~! Congratulations, Everyone! That was one of the Best Stages Ever!!

Haruka Nanami: President!

Shining Saotome: Miss Nanami, YOU have made it through the first phase!

Haruka Nanami: T-thank you very much!

I bow my head deeply.

Thank goodness. The president has approved of my work....

Shining Saotome: BUT, our battle is just beginning. The only thing standing between you and your debut now is to win the song festival. YOU, pull yourself together and GOGOGO.

Haruka Nanami: A-absolutely!

I sincerely lower my head once again. I’m really grateful. But....

This show's success is not the only thing I need. The president presented me with a condition: I needed to develop mutual trust with my partner before today's concert.

If we didn't, it would result in a change of partners. Worst case scenario, it could mean my disqualification.

My partner, Camus-senpai....

I’m worried, and when I gingerly look over at him, he turns his head to the side, seemingly displeased.

Camus: Hmph... If I didn't approve of you, I'd have said so already.

Haruka Nanami: Thank you so much! I'll do my best to fulfill all of your expectations!

I declare excitedly, and everybody surrounds me.

One by one, they congratulate me.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Well done, Haru-chan! That was the loveliest unit song I've ever heard!

Haruka Nanami: Tsukimiya-sensei, thank you so much.

Kotobuki-senpai is cheery as usual, while Mikaze-senpai and Kurosaki-senpai brusquely offer me their well-wishes.

And finally, Cecil-san joyfully takes my hand.

Cecil Aijima: My muse! I knew your music would be wonderful! I am deeply moved!

Haruka Nanami: Thank you. That makes me very happy to hear.

Camus: Hmph. Aijima probably intends to add, "I just wish it hadn't been Camus singing it."

Cecil Aijima: Non, great music is great music, no matter who sings it… unfortunately.

Cecil-san tilts his head a little after he says that.

Cecil Aijima: Camus, have you started to learn how to love music a little bit?

Camus: Hah. Listen to what you're saying. How could I possibly come to love music?

Cecil Aijima: I see. But, the way you sang....

Cecil-san tilts his head even further, but quickly regains his smile once again.

Cecil Aijima: It was a good song, even if it was not filled with love. I thought you were unworthy of her, but now I am rethinking it... a little.

Camus-senpai huffs and averts his gaze.

Reiji Kotobuki: Ohー! Myu-chan's feeling shy! Now, everyone, let's go to the after-party!!

Kotobuki-senpai announces loudly, and we make our way to the after-party, still in high spirits from the show.

Later, after the event, Camus-senpai and I return to our familiar home.

Camus: … Oh dear. I truly dislike such boisterous places.

Although he always behaves himself with elegance, today he appears to be exhausted and simply slumps down onto the sofa.

Haruka Nanami: You handled it really well. And also... I want to thank you. I was amazed to hear you sing the unit song so beautifully.

Camus: … It's my job, you know…. Naturally. You have nothing to thank me for.

Haruka Nanami: But it made me so happy. I also want to thank you for recommending that I watch from the audience!

I express the gratitude and admiration that I couldn't properly convey in the dressing room, and he pets Alexander with a rather troubled expression.

Camus: I'm pleased to hear you're satisfied…. But never mind that, is everything prepared for that thing?

Haruka Nanami: "That thing"?

As soon as I tilt my head in confusion, he cleares his throat with a small cough.

Camus: That... would have come up in conversation on the day we had hotpot. Sure, although it was a false pretense to deceive them, my interest in it was genuine, and....

You also know about my sweet tooth, so isn't it naturally your responsibility as a servant to grasp what I mean and make preparations?

The day we had hot-pot…. Sweets....

Haruka Nanami: Ah! You're talking about the chocolate fondue!

Camus: Y… yes.

That was last month. The day when Tsukimiya-sensei and the others came to this tower.

Camus-senpai suggested that if the Christmas live was a success, we should have chocolate fondue to celebrate.

Haruka Nanami: Of course, I have it ready for you! Please wait a moment. I'll be right back.

Camus: Y..you do? I'll leave it to you, then.

When I promptly return to the living room with a full set from the kitchen, I notice how Camus-senpai's eyes light up with a twinkle in them.

Camus: Oh. This is what you call chocolate fondue. Can I eat this... with marshmallows?

He rolls the round marshmallow between his fingers. His big hand and the cute small sweet look somewhat out of place together.

Haruka Nanami: No, not yet. The chocolate still needs to melt, so just give it a minute.

I put the fondue pot over a fire, and soon a sweet aroma fills the room.

Alexander looks around to see what’s going on.

Camus: Oho. Melt the chocolate and... then?

Haruka Nanami: We'll use these skewers. Pierce your favorite ingredients with this and dip it into the pot.

I dip a marshmallow into the chocolate and hold out the skewer.

Haruka Nanami: Here, bon appetit!

Camus: H...hm. Really, this pot sounds like child's play.

Haruka Nanami: You think so? I find that eating it this way tastes better than eating it normally.

Camus: I see....

He accepts the skewer and takes a bite of the chocolate-covered marshmallow.

Camus: Mmm… How to describe the way this marshmallow melts so well escapes me.

Haruka Nanami: Right? We still have more, so please eat lots and enjoy!

Finally, we begin to eat the chocolate fondue.

Camus: It's no secret that strawberries and chocolate pair well together, but its warmth makes it even better. Dipping bread in it is also a great idea.

Haruka Nanami: This might sound strange, but I heard that cream cheese also goes well with it too.

He shows interest, so I quickly grab some cream cheese from the kitchen. I also bring out some more fruit and chocolate.

It’d be a shame to burn the pan with the new chocolate pieces, so I put it on low heat and let it simmer....

Just as I’m about to stir the pan, I catch Camus-senpai popping an orange piece into his mouth.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, don't do that. You can't just snack on them.

Camus: It's fine. Tasty food is tasty no matter how you eat it.

With that, he slips more pieces into his mouth.

At this rate, the oranges will be gone before the chocolate melts.

Haruka Nanami: I'm telling you to stop....

Camus: You are so fussy. Well then, you may as well eat some too.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…? G-guh....

He stuffs an orange piece into my mouth.

Haruka Nanami: Nn… nnn. F-fenbai....

I can't swallow the piece properly and the juice almost spills from my mouth.

Senpai jokes to not spill it and let it go to waste, but the more I struggle, the more my throat fails to work.

What's more, I have no clue what to do with him pressing down on my lips with his finger.

Haruka Nanami: Nn… nnn. Nnn.

When I manage to force down the slice, he laughs with a mischievous expression on his face.

Camus: Heh. Looks like you managed to swallow it just fine. Now… I'd say we're both guilty as charged. I don't want to hear you complaining about it anymore.

Haruka Nanami: Y-you… That wasn't fair, Senpai.…

Another orange is quietly offered to me before I can protest any further, and while I take it without thinking, Senpai eats another piece.

We end up eating all the oranges before the chocolate could even finish melting.

We’re getting full, so we enjoy the fondue at our own leisurely pace.

As we poke at the chocolate pot, we begin chatting about anything interesting that had happened at the agency, the new cake shop that had opened up in the neighborhood, and other silly things.

When it comes time to call it a night, Camus-senpai asks with his gaze fixed on the pot.

Camus: Do… do you want to leave?

Eh…?

For a moment, I have no idea as to what he could be talking about.

Haruka Nanami: You mean leave here? Leave this house?

He clarified that is exactly what he meant. His gaze is still focused on the pot.

Apparently, he’s been watching me for a while.

After getting to know me, he realized that letting me go would do no harm.

But he makes me promise not to tell anyone about what I overheard that day.

He... simply explains that if I can't keep my promise, I risk putting myself in some kind of danger.

Senpai lets out a tiny sigh, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Camus: As for me, I just can't be bothered to live with other people. If you want to leave, then go right ahead.

This is so out of left field that I’m left speechless.

Select the phrase!

I want to stay here. (+0 Love)

Haruka Nanami: I… I want to stay here.

His eyes widen in surprise at my answer.

Camus: Well this is... unexpected. I had assumed you wanted to be rid of this life of servitude.

Haruka Nanami: You see… the work is definitely demanding, but....

But after spending time here and getting to see so many things about you, I grew eager to get to know you better.

Is that… a bad thing?

I want to be near him right now, considering all the solo songwriting that has to be done for the song festival.

He’s silent for a while and then breaks out in a strained smile.

Camus: You truly are a piece of work. I may have come to recognize the kind of person you are, but that does nothing to change my attitude towards you. Are you alright with that?

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. Although, it would be helpful if you could go a little... easier on me.

Camus: Hm. That's a pity to hear. As if I would ever go easy on you.

He replies with a haughty tone, but his expression appears just a little bit happier.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, I'm happy to hear that. Then, I look forward to continuing working with you.

Camus: Me too. But you know... the method in which you compose music is beyond even me.

He points out that it isn't necessary to know anything about the singers, to just compose music based on popular trends and what I'm most comfortable creating.

Haruka Nanami: Well, you see, I just can't compose that way.…

It is a necessary thing for me to know the singer to be able to write a song.

Camus: Ha. You're quite cheeky for being a rookie.

Haruka Nanami: S-sorry.

Senpai puts it simply and tells me I can observe as much as I like, and starts to get up from his seat.

Haruka Nanami: Wait… that said… the reason behind me staying is not so much for the sake of composing music, but…

… Rather because you seem to be quite lonely and I want to… be by your side.

I haven't forgotten the forlorn expression I noticed the day we skated together.

If only I could touch his heart again, like the night when we quietly played music together....

And even if I can't… I didn't want to leave him alone.

As soon as I say the words, his brow raises with a twitch.

… Oh no. I feel terrible, but it’s too late to take it back now.

Senpai looks up subduedly, and the temperature around us feels like it plummeted.

Camus: Oh. So you dare say I look lonely. You've got quite the nerve….

Haruka Nanami: F-forgive me. I was just….

I bow my head profusely. He remains silent for a while and I can't bring myself to look up.

After some time has passed, I hear a small laugh.

Camus: You have the audacity to say that with such an innocent look on your face. I'll allow your boldness and overlook your disrespect.

Haruka Nanami: T-thank you....

Camus: The solo song. Get on with it and bring it to me as soon as possible.

Haruka Nanami: U-understood....

Senpai laughs again, seeming rather amused, and finally rises to his feet.

Camus: The chocolate fondue is nearly gone. I believe we should call it a night.

Once I finish cleaning up and relax for a bit, Senpai walks down the stairs from his bedroom.

Camus: I have something for you. Hold out your hand.

Haruka Nanami: Eh. Ah. A-alright.

I hold out my hand, and with a jingle, a key is dropped into my palm.

Haruka Nanami: Is this… what I think it is…?

Camus: It's the key to this tower. Use it however you wish. It would be useful to have it with you, as long as you're staying here.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes! Thank you so much!

Camus: Of course. And while we're at it, you can have this too.

Something else is placed on my still outstretched palm.

A small aurora-colored stone, about the size of the tip of my thumb.

Haruka Nanami: Um… this is…?

Camus: A guardian stone that is passed down in my country. You're a hardworking servant. Consider it a reward. Be grateful to your merciful master.

Haruka Nanami: O-of course! Thank you! But, could this also be… a Christmas present?

Camus: … I said it was a reward. I am unfamiliar with the customs of foreign countries.

In any case, I'm going to sleep. You should go to bed soon too, Haruka.

With that said, he turns himself around and goes back up to his bedroom.

Haruka Nanami: Camus-senpai....

It only struck me after a while that he had called me "Haruka" with no intention of deceiving anyone.

The stone he’s given me is a really captivating color.

Every time I move it, seven shimmering colors dance, as if a real aurora had been trapped inside.

It’s so dainty and beautiful. I kept turning it over and over, never getting tired of looking at it.

(Chapter End)

[lmskitty]

Hi again......If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Hi!!!

Tricky!

1. Jujutsu Kaisen

2. Gorillaz

3. Sailor Moon

4. Outlast

5. The Last Binding Series by Freya Marske

6. Neon Genesis Evangelion

7. FMA Brotherhood

8. The Magnus Archives

9. Fake (manga series)

10. Digimon

1. It brought me joy and fandom and friendship again and made me feel like myself after a very long time. I know the narrative can be traumatic but it also has these incredible moments that just feel you with awe (like Todo turning up to help Yuji fight or seeing Gojo do hollow purple for the first time) it just reminded me of everything I love about anime.

2. My first real fandom, the first thing I wrote proper fanfiction for. The lore and the music and the animation just amazed me when I saw it when I was 11 and I've not been happy with decisions they've made recently (overpriced merch in a cost of living crisis, NFTs to celebrate Plastic Beach?!?) I'll still always love them and be excited for new content.

3. First anime love, first time seeing a relationship with two women helping me to identify as bi (now I'd say pan) I grew up believing that to be a strong woman you had to disregard femininity and seeing Usagi be the strongest with her bunny drawings and her focus on friendship and love just rewired my brain.

4. I love horror, I was brought up with it but for a very long time nothing has scared me and I found horror media repetitive. Outlast genuinely scared me and I was SO happy and I love reading the character notes and comics.

5. I've talked about this series a bunch but A Marvellous Light was the first book I'd read in years that made me cry and just stayed in my head for ages. Everything I'd loved about harry potter but done properly.

6. I was at a sleepover at a friend's and someone stuck this on and everyone was talking and I was just glued to the screen because what the FUCK WAS THIS?!?!? I've watched it since with my husband and it still hits me so hard every time. It's such a powerful portrayal of depression and nihilism and how relationships can fuck you up. It's beautiful and I think it's one of the best anime's of all time.

7. The opposite of neon Genesis lol. Love and family and forgiveness and what it means to sacrifice for the people you care about. Devoured brotherhood with my husband and we were both in tears by the end of it. I'd also been told I couldn't have kids and we had struggled with a miscarriage and Izumi and Sig just hit me so hard. (I have a bub now tho it came out ok in the end) but the characters still feel so real and there's so many amazing moments.

8. I listened to all of this and played Minecraft with my husband till like 6 am on weekends. We would discuss at length our theories and it just holds a special place in my heart. It's perfect horror and John and Martin's relationship just means a lot to me. I related a LOT to Martin and loved the series and I've super been enjoying the Magnus Protocol too! Also that first fucking recording of Nikola Orsinov?!?!? We both sat still staring at each other genuinely freaked the fuck out and we still quote it at each other! "I mean, you can if you really want to, but you’re not going to like it." CHILLS EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

9. I read a lot of BL manga with my friends (*old lady voice* back in my day we called it Yaoi!!!) And so many of them had terrible tropes and big hands. This was the first one I ever read that I still adore that had an amazing love story and plot. It was revolutionary to see an LGBTQ story not just about them being gay or coming out but it had real detective cases and murders etc and I still wish we could get a tv show of it.

10. When Gojo talked about Digimon I fell even further in love. It's the fucking best. I wanted to be Mimi so BAD as a kid my mum made me a Halloween costume of her and I thought I was so cool. My next tattoo is gonna be Lilymon. I grew up with it in the dub and it established my sense of humour for better or worse. The Digimon film is still my comfort film of choice. Matt was such a big crush I had when I was little and I wrote little stories about being one of the digidestined.

Those are my top 10!!!!

[nitannichionne]

Ransom's Redemption (Chris Evans Fanfiction), Chapter 25: So Close

The weather service is already casting warnings.

I didn't even bother with the airport. It sounded dismal. I bought the last first class ticket on the New York-Boston Express and it was the last train of the day going out. The weirdest thing happened; I saw Marta. I am pretty sure it was her, and I turned away before she could look and see me. To me, that was an omen to get the hell out of Dodge. I decide to call Mimi from the first class lounge, and got voice mail. Something is wrong. I haven't talked to her all day, and honestly, I am beginning to worry.

I call Amaira instead.

"Hello?" I hear her voice, and it sounds hushed.

"Maira?" I say softly. "It's Ransom. I've been trying to get through to--"

"She's sleeping."

"Oh." A part of me is relieved, but another part of me is worried. "Is everything okay?"

"She had quite a day yesterday."

"Oh?"

"Your mother was here."

I close my eyes, trying to calm down. "Really?"

"Yeah," Maira says slowly. "she came to the tea house. I personally served them tea, and that woman..." 

"I'm sorry."

She sighs. "Anyway, I think your mom said some not-so-nice things to her."

I exhale heavily. I can imagine. "I'll take care of it."

"How--"

"Anything else?"

"Nothing worth mentioning."

"So, her ex-fiancee isn't worth mentioning?" A short pin-drop silence begins. "A friend of mine in New York was more than happy to share the picture of them at the Tea Time."

"He left this morning."

"What?!"

"He needed help, came to her--"

"Of course."

"She put him and his dog in the basement on the couch, and Sy gave him some extra clothes. They talked awhile, both of them being veterans." She pauses, and I say nothing. "He came a couple of days ago. He worked in Tea Time for a couple of days, we paid him cash, she doubled it, and bought him a ticket back home. Sy gave him clothes and bought a crate for the dog."

"Uh--huh."

"Uh-huh what?"

I exhale. "Nothing. When she wakes up, just...tell her I'm coming home, and I love her."

"You're coming home?"

"Yeah, I'm about to get on the train."

"I'll tell her," Maira assures, but then says, "be careful out there, alright? I hear this storm is going to be bad."

"Thanks, I'll be careful, and thank you for looking after her."

"She's my friend, Ransom. I guess we'll become friends too at some point."

"I'd really like that, Maira." I hear the train announcement. "Gotta go."

I catch the train. Express? No, the snow started, and though the train did reach 150mph, it was only a minute or two instance and far and few between. I begin to panic. The snow is catching up, and things don't look so good.

Realizing that I have time to do what I can, I call my mother first. 

"Ransom--"

"What the fuck did you say to my wife?"

"She invited me to your little tea place, I came."

"And?"

"If you want to see me, you could have called, not sent a messenger."

"I didn't send anyone, I'm out of town." I let that sink in for a few seconds. "I guess with the baby coming--"

"Oh, my God," she gasps. "You mean you did get her pregnant?"

"Jesus, Mother, that is what married people do!"

"I thought she was lying, I thought--Is it about the money?" she asks. "We are still fighting in court, you know--"

"I'm not part of that--"

She gave a little snort, and I knew she'd taken her mom hat off. "I guess since you have that little clause--"

"We have our own money, Mother, and we are not going to court," I bite out. "you don't ever have to see any of our kids, either!"

"Any of your--how many are there?"

"Just this one on the way so far," I growl. "I don't think this will be the last."

"Hugh Ransom--"

"I love my wife, Mom, I love her. I think I always have." I take a deep breath. "And if you can't treat my wife with respect, don't call, don't come!"  

"Ran--"

I click off. The phone rings and I don't even look at caller ID.

"Mom, I am not going to argue--"

"Ran?"

I recognize Paul's voice, and it doesn't sound good. "Paul? What's wrong?"

"Fi got caught with coke."

I sink in my seat. "Aw, shit."

"She got caught at the hotel!" Paul can't believe it. "How did they know?"

"Not me, man." I tell him. "In order to report it, I have to say I saw it which means I was near it and breaking parole. That's why I left--"

"I overheard a cop say a woman reported it."

"Calida wouldn't do it, besides she wasn't even there." I sit and think. "What do you need?"

"How much can you give to get her out?"

"Did she get a bail amount?"

"She has to spend a night in jail." Paul sounds miserable. "She tried to bribe the cop, and he took her in for that!"

"Okay, just call and let me know how much it is," I tell him. "I have to talk to Mimi first."

He exhales. "Okay."

I click off and try Mimi again. Voice mail! I could fuckin' scream now. 

The snow is starting to affect the signals. This gets me worried. We pull into Providence, Rhode Island, and we are informed over the loudspeaker that they are trying to fix them so we can get to Boston. I sink in my seat. This isn't looking good. We might get stuck here! Or not get in until very late.

I call Sy. I don't know why, but I need to talk to someone.

"What's up, preppy?"

"I am stuck in the snow."

"Damn, sorry."

"Is that guy really gone?"

"News spreads fast, huh?" Sy's chuckle is not one of humor. "I saw him go through the gate, man. All good."

"You took him to the airport?"

"Yeah," Sy replies. "Look, I told the guy that this is my home, you're like a little shithead bro to me, and I don't want any trouble for you and yours. He got it. I mean, shit, he's a southern boy, and he knows we take family serious."

I am honestly touched. "Thank you."

"No problem, shithead," Sy chuckles. "Besides, she loves you, man. I don't know if you deserve that--"

"I don't know if I do, but I want to," I admit. "and I just called and checked my mom."

"Well, that's a start," Sy says brightly. "Wait, I thought you were flying."

"Took the train."

"Where you stuck at?"

"Providence."

He laughs out loud. "You lucky son of a bitch! I'm in Cranston picking up custom rockers for the nursery! I'm five minutes away. Get off the train, man, I'm coming to get ya."

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[shadesofmauve]

Long-delayed studio pics for @sarasa-cat, focused on decor.

I kept thinking I'd wait 'til it was clean, and I DID clean parts, but by the time I cleaned one part the rest was messy again. I didn't ever sit down and think about decor (as you can probably tell!).

The Side Desk of Crap Accumulation holds such decorative objects as 'cardboard box of CDs I'm slowly ripping' and 'folded blanket for the cat.' (The origami balloons ARE part of a decor project; I'm putting them on a string of lights to festoon... somewhere). The cork/whiteboard behind is the one I already happened to have. At this point the cork side is basically holding art from friends and neighbors (a neighbor painted a rose in my yarden and brought me the picture!). The whiteboard side is the to-do list.

The fiddling/step-dancing sheep a dear friend gave me when she downsized, because it made me laugh... then last week I realized that I still had the green sheep painting I did, so I hung it up, too. But mine is an alien. Usually that blank space has a calendar but it'll likely get some more art.

The view with the viola and fiddle and thermostat is my background in virtual meetings, and if I'd KNOWN that would be a thing I'd have put the thermostat somewhere else, argh. I love having the instruments there though, and I think they're the prettiest thing in the room. The prints next to them are from successful local artist Mimi Williams who did a series of one-color poetry prints and sold 'em for pennies because she wanted normal people to be able to buy art. I think the poems are by her family members? I included a close-up because I love them.

The big-ass mirror with the overly-ornate frame is more a tool than decor, for pose reference, but I threw it up there too. It's suspended from the ceiling with seriously heavy-duty picture wire, because the back of the chimney is behind it and drilling would require a masonry bit and probably crack the sparging. (BTW, that chimney is painted a completely neutral gray -- had the store color-match a gray card, then added pure white 'til it wasn't oppressive).

The lil' antique table is my partner's workspace. The painting behind the monitor is one I painted for him years ago. I'm still really happy with it so I'm glad it's there.

The drafting-table corner isn't exactly decorated so much as storing art and reference things, but I'm really happy I finally got the corkboard up. I like seeing my silly lil' watercolors up there, and it gets at least some paper (like watercolor test squares) off the drafting table. The tarp-like thing is a drop cloth my parents painted snowflakes on and used as the wrapping when they gave me a giant metal rolly toolbox for art supplies once; I've been using it as a curtain since. :P The paintings are there for want of better storage. The top one is an oil painting I really want to finish someday (but haven't touched in, uh, years?). The red columbine study was supposed to be an underpainting but I kinda liked it so it's just sitting there not sure if it's done. The crow-on-green is the opposite — it's supposed to be finished, but I kinda don't like it and it's hanging up there while I decide what to do with it.

[soulsxng]

@desiderium-eden, @thewolfisawake | Relationships | Accepting!

"Huh? That's a little sudden. Where do I even start? There's so much that comes to mind..."

Amber gaze flicks toward the little Aifaen, sound asleep where he lay on top of JJ. He'd been watching something while Mimi played with his blocks, but eventually the little one had climbed up onto the couch, laying with his head on the center of JJ's chest, and conked right out.

Every once in a while, a little round ear, reminiscent of a bear cub's would flick with whatever Misne was dreaming about. Soft fuzz making JJ scrunch his chin to his chest to prevent the tickly feeling.

"You know, looking at how things are now, I almost can't believe that, two years ago, I didn't want kids at all. And even after Nia, I was only sort of thinking about it...now here we are. A few months, and I'll have had him for a year already. Time really flies."

"I get why I was scared, though. I still feel like I'm going to mess up, and I don't know what I'd do with myself if I do. I mean, look at him. He's always so happy and sweet. He relies on me, and I'm so terrified that I'm going to let him down. I was talking to my dad about it the other day, and he said that feeling only ever really gets worse. So I guess I'm in for a long ride. There's been a lot of hard stuff aside from that too, though."

"The first time he got sick, I don't think I slept for a whole week because even if I knew that he was fine again after three days, I was worried that it might come back or something. He's always goofing around, especially when Nia comes over to play, so he gets hurt quite a bit. Like when he was climbing a tree the other day-- ah, that's right! He's learning how to use his claws! He climbs stuff now, but then his arms get tired and he loses his grip and falls, and I always think he's gonna break his neck or something, one of the times I'm not quick enough to catch him! Like that day! A bird spooked him, and he fell like six feet! Luckily, he only got a little scraped up...he hardly even noticed it! Just got right back up and kept on playing with Essi!"

"He's a really tough little guy; I'm actually really surprised. The only time he really fusses much is when he wants attention. I guess it's probably because he did a lot of things pretty much by himself when he was in the Aifaen Plains..."

"He's learning to talk a lot better than before, too. I mean, he's technically like...I guess a 6 year old human, but when I first took him in, he'd spent a lot of time in his beast form, so he never really learned how to speak beyond...a two or three year old's level? Or something like that. I'm not an expert on child development or anything, so I couldn't say for sure. He's still a little bit skittish around new people, but if he thinks he can 'sneaky' over to check them out before he talks to them or anything, he's usually okay. He's a pretty good judge of character, so far."

"Let's see, what else! The last couple times we've gone to the river together so he could look at the fish, he's wanted to get in the water to jump at them, so I've been teaching him to swim, just in case. He's so good at it! I hardly had to teach him anything-- I just helped him keep above water at first, and told him how to move his legs and arms. It felt like he was doing it all by himself after just a few minutes!"

"Wait, wait, and then last week, I let him help me repaint his bedroom a little bit, and he got it all over in his hair somehow! We did hand prints on the wall together for all of his friends and family, and I had him do an extra little handprint next to one of mine on some paper, and I have it in a frame in my office; it's so cute...! And then--!"

[foreteller-ava]

📓 for the fanfiction you haven't written thing ❤️

I don't think I've mentioned it on here before but I have a Blupani roleswap that's never been written. I'd be like "Oh yeah that's it that's the story" but a bunch of people swap roles to the point that the cast looks something like:

Mario: Peach Tippi: Blumiere Peach: Luigi Bowser: Bowser Luigi/Mr. L: Mario/Mr. M Count Bleck: Countess Tippi Nastasia: Mimi (Except in combat) O'Chunks: O'Chunks Mimi: Dimentio Dimentio: Nastasia

So the backstory is over a century ago, Timpani's grandfather finds Nastasia in a cage and frees her. Nastasia pledges loyalty to him and his family and becomes a family servant for the Tribe of Darkness. It's mostly quiet until one day his son (Timpani's Father - Noir) befriends a human girl (Blumiere's Mother - Emma) from a nearby village. He spends a lot of time with her and they fall in love, up until Timpani's grandfather catches on. Rather than leave Noir to find happiness, he tasks Nastasia with destroying their relationship. She mind wipes him and Noir forgets all about Emma and marries another woman and has Timpani. Emma moves on and finds another man and has Blumiere. Sometime in this, Timpani's grandfather dies, and tasks Nastasia with one final mission, to destroy all humans so that his family may no longer be tasked with a disgrace on this level. But Nastasia really has no way to fulfill this request.

Until Timpani. She saves a human boy from certain doom and falls in love with him. Noir doesn't have it and tries to keep them apart, but when that fails, he sends Blumiere away to another dimension. Blumiere wakes up in Flipside and with no way home, apprentices himself to Merlon. (Still a human, with all his memories.)

Meanwhile, Timpani begins her search, but before she can get too far, Nastasia whispers in her ear that the answers might be in the Prognosticus. Against the better judgement of Mimi, Timpani opens the Prognosticus and becomes Countess Tippi, and destroys the world. Blumiere hears of this and begins to mourn.

Things go as normal for a while until Mimi and Timpani find Flipside and meet Blumiere. Timpani seems all ready to cancel the plans, but then Dimentio (under the control of Nastasia) shows up and attacks Timpani. He teleports Mimi away and explains that Timpani cannot know of this meeting.

After that, Tippi moves the final bits of the plans into action, kidnaps every one of the main Mario cast, and makes the Chaos Heart. Peach wakes up in Flipside, partners with Blumiere, and they set off to gather the Pure Hearts. They go through the different worlds, collect Luigi, then Bowser, then finally Mario (the Underwhere is interestingly told almost identically to the way it would be in the actual story) before confronting Countess Tippi. As some point in all of this Tippi also confronts Dimentio for the truth of what happened that day with Mimi, only to reveal that he didn't know what she was talking about.

The confrontation would result in Tippi resolving to die to protect Blumiere, but Blumiere won't hear of it. Nastasia then controls Mario to attack and reveals the truth of all the origin backstory stuff and then takes the place of Dimentio in the finale.

There'd be an epilogue too, where Dimentio reveals what happened to everybody in the finale, mostly to show that Noir and Emma are tentatively resuming their friendship, now that Noir knows the truth and that Blumiere and Timpani are happy where they are, but that matters not nearly as much.

This has set in my head for ten years. I really do want to write it but it's so much work and I really shouldn't do the whole "This is the SPM story" thing three different times so ya know?

[punhetamaistriste]

Pack up your sorrows

Today me and my partner had sort of an argument. I did something, they felt bad about it, I was feeling bad about many many things and about how they've been treating me, fought back, it became this thing and they left without telling a word. Their mother and I got really worried. They're both dramatic and manipulative, and I am as well, but I can't in this situation. They left and me and their mother were really worried. Suicide runs in the family. Suicide runs in their mind. I was terrified for two hours. Here's what I thought when I thought they were dead:

"Too many bad times, too many sad times, Nobody knows what you mean

But if somehow you could pack up your sorrows And give them all to me You would lose them, I know how to use them Give them all to me"

Mimi and Ricky Farina wrote this one, and I wish I said this before. I am hungry, alone, desperate, angry. I feel many bad things about you. I tried to took you by the hand as much as I could, I gave you all I could. My life is becoming a mess because of you. Your suffering is transpiring and getting through me. Your trauma is not very unique, you know. I've been through some of it, your mother did it as well. I can't help but feeling that dying is the most egotistical move you could pull off. We're going through hell, and I didn't live hell before you.

I am tired.

If you're dead you're killing me, because I love you. I love your smile, your beautiful head, the way you draw, the way you care about people, the way you're passionate about your major, the way you sleep when I get out of the bed. When I am with you I feel loved, and anytime something new and hellish happens because I am loving a crazy person I remember that. I love how you love animals, all of them. I love your figure. I could probably lift you up with one arm if I was still in the gym. I love how easily you rest in my chest, how small I look when spooning you. I wish you stopped your crying. If you're dead you're killing me, because how could I love anyone like I love you?

You'd say I could probably go on with my life. True. I'd get my degree, go out with old and new friends, maybe, be desperate and alone in my room twice every few weeks, and be normal. But I wouldn't love. How could I? Every demonstration of love, of vulnerability, I did for you. I gave all I could, and there still so much you don't know about me. There's so much you'll never hear. I love hearing about you, your hobbies, your worries, sometimes even proposing solutions. I'd never say there's no way out of anything. If you asked me you would never kill yourself. I want to make you happy, to make you like yourself, but if I couldn't, too bad. You're dead and I'm left alone with the consequences of my helping.

I am extremely hungry. It's past lunchtime, and you're not here. I'll eat. I'll live. I'll go on. But if you're dead you're killing me, because I love you. I want to kick you in the head if you're dead. I want to burn your stuff, I want to rob your pets. Fuck you if you're dead, because I love you and I am alone and all the love I am physically able to give wasn't love enough for you to stop thinking about breaking up with me once every two weeks.

I can't love like this anymore.

[luckytwice13]

2/5/23. It's been a year.

I just wanted you to know that I'm doing okay.

If you were wondering, I still think about you almost every. single. day.

I'm still bitter.

But I still love you.

My buisness is up and growing. It's not moving at a steady pace yet, but I'm praying it will get there.

Praying.

I've grown in my faith. I love God more than anything I've ever loved on this planet.

More than my parents.

More than Sam.

More than you.

I still constantly am thinking of ways to make others happy.

But I've matured. Almost stained with better intentions now.

I notice more quickly my boundaries. I'm still learning to state them though.

I'm thinking about kids. Hard. But Sam says he isn't ready. It really sucks. It's my biggest problem in my personal life right now.

That, and mom and dad divorced.

I'm not taking it well.

It feels like my whole world... childhood, teenage years, adulthood, and future is shattered.

I'd wish the feeling on no one. Not even my greatest enemy.

Michelle's been trying for a whole year. She can't seem to get pregnant...

I'm really worried about her and have been praying for her.

Could you pray for her too?

I know that you know what it's like from your sister...

I wonder all the time how you would comfort me in these situations. You always knew really good things to say that I needed to hear.

I hope you are doing okay.

I really do.

I hope your parents are healed, they are on my mind alot.

Any time a blue van passes I think of them..

I've passed you on the road quite a few times.

I always wonder if you knew it was me or not. I wonder what face I was making, or weather or not I'm mad at you that day.

Selfishly, I've been hoping you'd move.

I keep telling myself that "that's my final tie with you"

But I know that's a lie.

I'll always remember you. I'll tell my kids about you.

About the good parts I mean...

I've gotten 2 more dogs! 2 huskies. My little family consists of Sam, Mr.tee, Midnight, Tiberius, Sprite, and Ghost now. We love our family so much. We are constantly talking about them. All 5 of them.

Do you still have the dog that your... I think now separated boyfriend gave you?

I suspect you started a new Instagram or something. You havnt posted a thing.

I hope you like your new position at the bank. I know they put off actually moving you for a long time.

Honestly.... I really want you to move. I'm done thinking about you so much.

It hurts.

And it makes me so mad.

On some days I can look at the positives, but most days I just feel angry about it all.

I'm sure we are both thinking why did this happen.

But the fact that you didn't try solidified my actions.

Anyways... before I spiral down that path. I just needed to talk. That's all. I still havnt made a really good friend since we went separate ways.

Mimi wants really badly to be best friends, but that's the problem. She's trying too hard and it pushes me away. There is like this unneeded pressure to be friends with her. Even Robbie asks me, "are you going to keep coming over?" It's really awkward. I don't like it. We are both pretty similar but not too similar, you know? But I've been thinking on that, and we have opposing views on really important topics. Which I definitely respect and listen to her views, but she makes me feel like my opinions are wrong and dumb and she's even gotten a little loud with me about a few things. Idk. I don't think I like the way she treats me. But when we are good, we laugh really hard and have a good time. She just changed jobs, so maybe that will help. Even then, she told me "I'm going to call you every single day"..... I asked her not to do that and she seemed a little upset. I told her, "jess and I didn't even do that..." idk. I guess we will see. You have to teach people how to treat you, problem is, I struggle speaking up. It isn't that hard to be friends with someone, I don't know why it feels like anyone I try to be friends with, like it's so difficult. There is always something wrong with them.

Who knows. Maybe it's actually me.

Maybe it's me...

Mom acts really weird now.

Dad doesn't talk to me much anymore.

I think I'm still hurting too much to talk about the details of it though...

Honestly, I feel like I've lost everyone. I HAVE lost everyone.

Everyone but Sam.

And what a lovely man he is. We have had very few disagreements, and the ones we have had have been talked through like adults. He really listens to me and how im feeling. I love him so much and cant wait to marry him.

I'm so so so worried about putting too much weight on him. But deep down I'm struggling with all of the loss.

I have to completely reroute my whole inner system after loosing you and feeling like I've lost my parents.

Yall were all I had.

You guys were my rock.

I made you all my core.

Now I'm confused and lost.

I guess I'm figuring out who I am finally, without all the noise.

So, I guess I'll get there. But my heart physically still hurts when I think of it.

So I shove it down. I keep myself busy with cleaning and my business, and sam, and the dogs, and I just think it'll go away.

It does go away for a little.

And then I have moments like today, when I just miss you.

Jess, you were just a call away. I could just call you and you'd come by and sit on the couch with me. We could just be, together. Nothing forced, it was so natural.

I mourn over your dead body and all of our memories.

The playground. The skate park. Launching my ipod onto the Sams club floor and it shattering, your mom calling us queer. Us going onto omegle, or playing the SpongeBob game bc you loved it so much. Us day dreaming about raising our children together or living next door to one another. Us sneaking out of school to smoke cigarettes. The "quotes" section in every ipod/phone i had for years. The first time you smoked weed "did she say we could do it?". Meeting up with you on Jackson Shop. Laughing so hard id piss myself and you would give me your jacket so i wouldnt be bullied in school. Matching tattoos. Working at the same jobs. Matching our school schedules so we would never be apart. Starting a YouTube channel. Choosing our favorite jonas brother, calling their hotline. Late night phone calls even though we spent all day at school together and always sat next to each other on the bus. Sneaking over to your house, you sneaking over to mine. I could not get enough of you.

I miss you so fucking much. You were my soul sister. I hate that you changed.

I HATE THAT YOU CHANGED.

I'm so mad about you.

And its been a year.

It's been a whole fucking year.

I cant wait for the day that I notice my phone hasn't shown me any of my memories with you.

I want to move on.

I dont ever want to hurt like this again.

I never want to be friends with you again.

I cant ever do this again.

[damazcuz]

post op update, about 24 hours or so after surgery:

starting to feel Pain. who did that to me.... i'd say i'm at a 3-4 where before leaving the hospital a few hours abck, it was like 1-2 on a pain chart

peeing a lot, all by myself (proud)

tryin to stay on top of medications and keep myself somewhat fed and super watered. there's a lot to keep track of

my bathroom scales says i GAINED five pounds overnight 😭but i am full of lots of fluids and such so i'm taking it with a grain of salt

I MISS MIMI she's at my parents' place for a while as i recover. can't have her standing on me all the time, and she's too heavy for me to lift her off me right now

MY SKIN IS ORANGE RIGHT NOW, from like my face down into my chest back and shoulders. tiger affirming surgery

i didn't sleep great last night (waking up due to hospital sounds, waking up whenever a nurse would come to give me more pills, etc) so im still tired now, kind of out of it overall. ;-; i have plenty of activities i could do right now that would be easy and calming but i don't have the energy.

other than some pain and sleepiness though, still feeling overall good and happy. im glad to have finally passed this point in my life that i've been reaching for all these years... when i was 17 i didn't think i'd make it to be 18, and testosterone and top surgery were never even an option on the table. why plan for it if you're going to die soon anyway. now here i am less than 2 months from 30 and i've done it. it's a really euphoric feeling and i'm so happy to have hit this point.

Top surgery experience so far, from check in on:

My surgery was pushed back a couple of hours for a patient ahead of me, I basically just laid there an extra 1.5-2 hours waiting, kind of dozing through the early morning

I do not remember even leaving the pre-op ward or falling fully asleep. Literally one minute just laying their waiting and the next I was in the post-op area waking up.

I've had some issues in the past with coming out of anesthesia very emotionally, sad or angry, but it was good this time. No crying or yelling lol.

Everyone has been so so nice taking care of me. Im staying the night in the hospital because that was the best option for me personally. Based on everything I've heard since before even booking a date is that most of my surgeon's patients do stay overnight.

I was very sleepy and out of it at first but something like 9-10 hours later, I'm wishing I had brought something to do lol.

It doesn't hurt much. I've been uncomfortable at times and my incisions are a little sore, especially the right side. Overall though my pain levels have been Way low, nothing like what I'd expected.

Obviously I don't get to see my chest right away or anything, but I feel really happy with it. It is a very odd feeling for me, being flat in the chest.

No complications so far. Keeping an eye out for hematoma obviously but from what I hear my surgery was a breeze.

Getting out of bed just to use the bathroom is a major ordeal, I have to be escorted the 15 to 20 feet to the bathroom because I'm so unsteady rn

I haven't got to see my surgeon since before surgery but I'll see her later this morning when I'm discharged. I was hoping I would get to talk to her ahead but again, I was unconscious just like that.

The hospital has an endless supply of jello and pudding and applesauce for me. Juice too. They had me order what I want for breakfast yesterday too, so I'm getting French toast later :3

The TV in here seems to have maybe 20 channels? I tried watching something for a bit but got bored.... again, wish I'd brought a book or something

My awake and alert time kind of comes and goes. Sleep a bunch, wake up for a long while with a little energy, etc...

My drains haven't been draining a ton so far. My overnight nurse says it's lower than is normal, but at least indicates I'm not developing a hematoma so?

Bottom line im doing pretty good so far! I really want to weight myself once I'm home just to see how much my breasts weighed lol.

Overall even not seeing my chest yet, I think this was a great thing for me, and I'm glad I was finally able to do it.

All I got for now!