#if I'm true about myself
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It feels a bit on the nose that Tablet Magazine has pulled the plug on Unorthodox and replaced it with "Oops, all Liel Liebowitz!" Kinda feels like a metaphor for the political transformation of Tablet itself (and to a lesser extent, to the American Jewish community in a way that we don't like to think about)
#Tablet Magazine#Unorthodox#Liel Liebowitz#Rootless#I'm only a few minutes into the first episode#but I'm pretty sure parts of it are going to make me groan#and other parts are going to be uncomfortably seductive#if I'm true about myself
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I don't know how to talk about this
#am i repeating myself a lot? I am in fact repeating myself a lot#i'm sorry#it's just true#i really do know how to talk about it
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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For the record, I did figure that out a long time ago, it just gets funnier the more time passes
#My art#This was supposed to be a humble text-only shitpost on side but I convinced myself it'd be funnier if I drew it#I'm not sure it's actually funnier but oh well it's done already#Needed an easy shitpost to draw so here you go#Also yes yes I know most people get over the innitial discomfort and learn to love their bodies etc the documentary wasn't really lying#This silly little shitpost is about my personal feelings and not a universally true and factual statement about the human experience#Legit can't remember the actual documentary anymore so I can't tell if this is my memory just being faulty and making shit up or not#But I got the feeling the lady from the interview was like. Telling herself that. Like. Are you sure? Honey are you sure you're happy? Fr?#EDIT: Changed the second last panel because I was so annoyed with how I had put the emphasis on the wrong word lmao
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psst, hey, fellow selfshippers and lovers of fictional characters!! something i want to share and reassure folks on as a person who gets character crushes super easily: don't be embarrassed by whoever's making your brain light up 🥰💖 i see some lovely folks get really in their head about this. perhaps they've always crushed on a specific kind of character, so when they get one who's a little different, they feel like they can't talk about it. maybe they've touted themselves as having one crush and have been super dedicated that whole time, so feel like it's a betrayal somehow, or makes them less of whichever label (e.g., yume, selfshipper, etc.) they've identified with. i'm here to tell you that's all nonsense!! 💖 this is fandom. you're not an influencer and you don't need to keep up a specific 'brand'!! if you see a character who makes your heart all gushy, don't think up an imaginary critical audience who is going to yell at you for not fixating on the 'right' thing. life's too short to deny yourself happiness 🫂
#inspired by seeing too many of my dear friends posting anxiously about 'not showing their love enough' or falling for a new character 💖#i know i joke a lot of the time in a 'i'm so sorry for this one' or 'are you guys gonna throw tomatoes at me' kind of way#but seeing people be unabashed and excited about their fictional favourites - no matter how weird or obscure - is a joy!!!#so if you've been sitting and fretting because you can feel a crush building and don't know how to handle it:#just rush in head-first. don't think about how it will be perceived. your happiness is not clickbait 🔥#and you know - sometimes we like different characters because we want/need different things!!#i may tout myself as a villain/nerd enjoyer but that doesn't mean i'm only allowed to like those kinds of characters. same goes for you 😉#(going to try to hold true to this as there's a crush who'll get me in the next couple of months who WILL be embarrassing to admit)#(but who cares? isn't getting to yell about a character who makes our lives nicer a wonderful thing? 😭💖)#selfship#f/os#oc x canon#blorbos#yume#starleskatalks
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valentine, you're a horse ❤️
#my little pony#mlp g3#wish-I-may#wish-I-might#ok so. I'm gonna ramble for a sec#normally when I post on valentine's day I complain in the tags about being single. but I won't this year!#I've recently realized I'm definitely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. and that I'm perfectly content without a partner#in the past I've described myself as 'emotionally unavailable' or having 'commitment issues' but neither of those things were ever true#I'm a very loving and loyal person!#I've always been extremely affectionate with friends and family but unable to have the same level of love for potential partners#unsure if I'm just demisexual/demiromantic or actually aroace but I'm definitely not the default settings type of gay lol#I'm a big fan of romance and sex in fiction! but irl? 😅😬 idk about that fam! idk!#hypothetically I would like to have a gf one day and maybe fall in love but now I understand why that may not happen#or atleast is gonna take a while. and that's fine :)#tldr; if your top song on spotify last year was Cupid by Fifty Fifty it's time to do some soul searching lol#happy valentine's day!! 💕
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I looked through my old drawings again and found the first D. I think I posted it a long time ago but deleted it so I'll show it again
#vampire hunter d#vhd#I look at this and think how my style has changed#I used to draw digitally and make “cleaner” sketches#Now I feel more confident drawing in my sketchbook#I understand that both have their positive aspects#I just think what really makes me happy and free is drawing#I used to be fixated on making the painting clean because every wrong stroke could be noticed#(it's not true💀)#Now I just like sketching#I know some sketches are too dirty but I still post them#if too dirty then on my other profile haha#I really wish I had a scanner to show you nice pics sorry#I'm just thinking about something. about myself and my art...
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I come on this platform mostly to just have silly fun, but seeing queer, and especially trans infighting on my dash is so frustrating.
Friendly reminder that if you don't support all queer identities you can fuck off. Building a community requires supporting eachother, but don't think I will keep people in my community who care only about kicking down others, that's crab bucket behaviour.
Support transmascs. support transfems. support intersex people. support non-binary identities. support trans men. support trans women. support bi people. support pan people. Support Ace people. Support Aro people. support lesbians. support gay men. Especially fucking support black queer people. Especially fucking support indigenous queer people. Especially fucking support asian queer people. Especially fucking support SWANA queer people. Especially fucking support Jewish queer people. And any intersections of the above, and likely the many I've missed.
No one else's identity is lesser just because it is different,
#Kind of a vent post#probably shouldn't post like this tbh#cuz it might invite bad faith actors tbh#But I'm so damn tired about people pretending transandrophobia doesn't exist#speaking as a transfem myself#I don't care about what the specific term is or how “clunky” it sounds#Transmascs have a right to discuss their own oppression#just as us Transfems do#And a proper queer community sees us support eachother#Transfems that do not make space for transmascs in their life are not my allies#Same goes for any other queer identity#Some INDIVIDUALS are truly shitty and are not part of my community true#but we don't abandon those in our community for speaking up for themselves#Transandrophobia#transmisoginy#To be clear I am upset with people bashing transmascs and blocking those on sight#transmascs venting/talking about their oppression or the harrassment they face are not doing anything wrong#Wether they receive said harrassment from transfems or not. does not matter#Also anyone trying to argue “those don't count as queer though” about any group of queer people is a ghoul and not an ally
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Some quick random practice doodles bc why not lmao
-💊
#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl#narilamb#true devotion#💊💊💊#been having some issues with my meds and these days have been kinda.... tough lmao ......#Also thinking about cotl stickers for myself and how i'd do it skjdnfsdf only issue is i'd have to cut em with scissors n i'm lazy lmao#cw suggestive#?? idk if it is but sure let's put a cw jic#tw suggestive
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I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.
Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.
Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.
"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.
That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#mental health support#suicide#suicide tw#(after this i'm going to rant about being told the unhelpful narrative i included above)#when i was younger the thing i was told the most was that suicide would only transfer my pain to others...#...and is that true? maybe. was it helpful? no.#why was that unhelpful?#because i started using that as yet ANOTHER reason to feel guilty and to lash out against myself...#...because that didn't magic away my suicidality like it 'should have'...#...and that was ~obvious~ proof i didn't care enough about my loved ones to keep them out of harms way...#...and it can be really hard not to do that (give advice like that) because if you're not the suocidal person...#...you have the luxury of thinking without the burden they are labouring under...#...you can see 'logically' and make assumptions about what the other person 'needs'#it's just frustrating because i know that people like this want to help but i worry about *how* they are helping...#...in the sense that i want their efforts to actually help their person and bring them closer
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i think i really need to learn how to cold quit things... one habit i have that really bothers me is checking my phone first thing in the morning bc it's "just for 5 minutes" "just to see if anyone sent me anything important" no bitch literally nothing on your phone requires you to check your phone first thing when you open your eyes!!! stop it
#i want to keep it cute and say i drink water or some shit but i check my phone THEN drink water guys it's true#i like to think i'm pretty productive / do well w my time bc i get to studying/errands pretty quickly#but sometimes i think about how those minutes spent on my phone could be spent reading the book i said i didn't have time to read#or doing a quick stretching exercise#or just getting myself together before a long day of studying idk. anything really#i need stricter regulations for myself ik it#i am doing good rn but what is good if u could literally be the best just by being off ur phone more
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OG Trollkuna, here to say "Gambare Gambare" to you~
#Ryomen Sukuna#sukuna#jjk sukuna#og sukuna#true form#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fan art#fan art#my art#jujutu kaisen fanart#manga#redraw? well i took the concept from that Megkuna panel and wanted to make an OG sukuna ver of it#I think i gave myself Nazar 'cause i've been feeling like a fish out of water whenever i try to draw lately#it's either a artblock or i'm going thru artistic metamorphosis again 'cuz drawing men is hard difficult and sh!+. Especially them buff one#Yes i'm talking about you Sukuna esp your OG form#send heeeellllpppppp!!#SOS !!! SOS!!! (/=_=)/
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The X trilogy + "psycho-biddy" influences
#x 2022#pearl#maxxxine#x series#strait-jacket#psycho#what ever happened to baby jane#horror#psycho-biddy#hagsploitation#made this whole big thing which i still might post eventually but. in terms of aesthetics. this abridged version is better lol#i'm not gonna finish the other post tonight but consider this a preview of sorts#i can't stop thinking about what if they leaned more into the 'hagsploitation' aspect of it all lol#i actually find it odd + off-putting that they start and end maxxxine with a bette davis reference#with a big significant psycho cameo at the bates motel itself#and there's not really any payoff for those allusions!!#i think if you're gonna try to tie into a legacy of older horror films you should do it in a sincere way#because that just felt like 'elevated horror' bonus points + nostalgia bait#anyway. it's fun to think about the potential it had + how all the building blocks exist within the narrative to do something interesting#and i am a 1960s hagsploitation subgenre apologist lol#what ever happened to baby jane? changed my brain chemistry the first time i watched it as a kid#so maybe i'm just nostalgia baiting myself making these connections lmao#but it could have been so good#it could have been the perfect synthesis of the shared themes across all three movies#but i don't think hagsploitation gets butts in movie theater seats like girlboss 80s nostalgia vaguely true crime related shit#oh wait also i guess calling psycho a hagsploitation movie is like. probably not 100% accurate#but it is though. it's not an inversion of the subgenre bc the subgenre didn't exist yet#but it builds up a mystery 'psycho-biddy' character only to reveal that she's not the murderer#which is also what happens in strait-jacket so i think it counts!!#+ psycho is directly referenced in all 3 movies so it’s a pretty clear influence on the trilogy as a whole
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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#using 'them' because obviously not all transfem folks (myself included) use she & her#add this one to one of my more super hot takes even if it's true#stop canceling trans women over stuff you absolutely get it up for#also making this because of recent events & no I won't elaborate even if you ask me to#and no I won't debate the ethics of adults playing pretend with you as that's silly; a waste of my time#and is also just not what this post is about; you'd think that'd be obvious but watch people not care anyway#feel free to send asks though It's up to me whether or not I want to answer them#this double standard is never done in good faith & is most assuredly transphobia 100%#marking this post as all of the things because I know the people on this site can't behave; I've seen it before#yes you should reblog this btw; this also happens on twitter & reddit I'm sure though I have no twitter#mine#op#fauxcest#sibcon#step mom#siscon#brocon#sibcest#trans memes#transgender memes#cw adult things#cw adult stuff#tagging all of these just to be safe
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