#if I'd had covid and was dealing with long covid I'd understand and maybe be more forgiving Tumblr posts

[battywitch]

I just can't believe that zero pain is the normal amount to be in

[gamebird]

I had cancer surgery three years ago. I have regular check-ups watching for it to return. Last one was two days ago. In it, doctor asks if I have problems with hot flashes. I say no. He looks confused. I tell him I have problems with brain fog and concentration, sometimes focus and motivation. I remind him I've brought this up for the last 3-4 appointments, they've told me to go to a sexual health expert (even though it's not primarily sexual; although I have become basically asexual); they've told me to talk to my general practitioner about it (which I did and they did a full blood workup and said they had no idea).

He brushes this off and says there's a new medication that might help me. I ask, 'With the brain fog?' He says it's mainly for hot flashes but yeah, maybe, who knows? He hurries on about how he's going to give me 6 weeks of samples and I can find out if it helps. And I'm like, 'Okay, I guess ...?' There's a little more back and forth where he tries to reassure me that 60% of his patients have been helped by this stuff even though it's very new and there's not extensive history and I eventually concede that yeah, sure, give me the free stuff and I'll look at it.

I take the free stuff. There's a little towel and a pill caddy in the 'Welcome to X medication!' intro box. There's a whole themed intro box for these pills.

At home, I do some research. It's for hot flashes. It has no other listed purpose. The side effects and risks seem tolerable. The kicker is that it retails for $750 a month with a discounted rate of $550. I laugh - it's about what I expected.

But now that I understand what their deal is, I go ahead and try it.

So that's two days ago, right? I've taken this pill twice. I have not had brain fog for the last two days, although I have had disrupted sleep and 1 loose stool. I understand data. This is way too small a sample given the 'comes and goes' brain fog thing. It means nothing at this point.

The nurse from the doctor's office calls me (TWO DAYS!) saying she'd called my pharmacy and the Indian Health system didn't cover the pills so let's get me set up with a different pharmacy so I can get them there. And I'm like, 'I'm not paying for this stuff. I told the doctor up front - I don't have a problem with hot flashes. It's over $500 a MONTH. I'll take the free ones - and by the way your package had four weeks of pills in it, not six - but I'm not paying for this.'

She tried to talk me into it. Honest she did: 'aren't they helping you? Do you feel any effects? Don't you want to stay on it? We could set you up for them just in case.'

I laughed and told her, "I wish you showed this level of enthusiasm addressing my actual problem." (or, you know, addressing my cancer)

And she was, 'what problem is that?' with this sinking tone in her voice, like I'd told her I'd kicked her puppy.

I explained the brain fog. AGAIN. (To be fair, I don't know that she was the nurse in the room with the doctor or had any knowledge of my case other than a file.) So I also explained I'd been bringing this up for two years, had referrals about it, was keeping daily records at home trying to get to the bottom of it, was annoying my friends about it, had moved up my retirement schedule because of it, was trying decongestants and mushroom gummies for goodness sakes trying to find a solution. Maybe it's long COVID. I don't know and that's why I keep asking the medical professionals every time I'm in front of them. Or on the phone with them. Like her.

Yeah, no, the hot flash pills are a nice idea but my brain is not so far gone that I'm going to pay $500 a month for that 'nice'. Anyway, she said she'd look into routes where I could get it cheaper and rang off.

I still wish they'd show that level of tenacity and enthusiasm fixing my real problems.

[oathbreaker-oathkeeper]

Neurodivergency

So I've been dealing with some shit for roughly the last 8 months. Maybe longer, maybe my whole life, but that was when I really started to understand that I was not doing great.

For background context, I had essentially some sort of break down when I was in 8th grade. I'd always been a bit of a weirdo, but I moved when I was in 7th grade and I just never really found my place at my new school. And so about a month into 8th grade I just stopped going. Even now, I wouldn't be able to explain to you why I stopped going. But I missed about a month of school, and it was just overwhelming. All of it. I was put into therapy, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and switched schools. So I do have an "official" diagnosis of anxiety and depression.

And I've pretty much used those to explain any weirdness the rest of my life. But then I had a kid, covid happened, and now I'm in my early 30s and I feel like I've absolutely lost my shit.

Which is when I started wondering if I am actually autistic, or have adhd, or some other actual neurodivergent condition. The algorithm is pretty sure it's autism.

I do have a sibling with an autism diagnosis. I have wondered if I don't come from a long line of autistic women (my mom had a lot of hyperfixations and my grandma collects bells shaped like ladies and teapots shaped like cats).

So I've talked to my psychologist about it - about the diagnoses that I do have and whether they might have just been an easier label to put on other things. Because girls weren't autistic in the 90s and the 00s, we were just quirky.

My psychologist agrees with me that I'm probably not actually depressive. I do think I have anxiety, and when it gets to a certain point I shut down.

She said that anxiety does often go along with autism. Since I have a sibling with autism, I'm more likely to have it to. She agreed that I do show other symptoms of autism - like my hyperfixations, being a "picky eater" (which is actually me having problems with textures), and that I often pretend I'm playing a character in social situations. I can get stuck in loops when talking to people and don't know how to get myself out of them. I know I'm supposed to make eye contact but I have to force myself to do it. I can tell that I'm being weird socially but don't know how to stop.

So overall, I feel fairly confident that I'm somewhere on the spectrum. But getting an official diagnosis requires testing and money that I'm not sure I can afford or justify.

So I feel kind of stuck in a loop. I feel like I should maybe start explaining to people "sorry, I'm possibly autistic" and I feel like I'm hiding this big secret. At the same time, I know people get really upset about "self-diagnosed" autism. Is it still self-diagnosed if a psychologist has agreed that it's entirely possible?

[geekalogian]

Please feel free to ignore this if it's too personal, but I was wondering if you have any advice for figuring out your sexuality while being demisexual? I've followed you since the ouat days and I relate to a lot of stuff you said when you came back to the blog. I've just felt like it's hard to figure out since it takes forever for me to develop crushes and get to a place where I even want to pursue a romantic relationship. I also grew up in a religious household/went to religious school so there's a whole extra layer of stuff to deal with there. Again, absolutely no pressure at all to answer, and I hope you have a great weekend!

I'm far from an expert on this, but I definitely know how difficult this stage of life can be. All I can really do is just tell you my experiences and hope something resonates! Like most people growing up in evangelical spaces, I just assumed that I was straight and cis. What else would I be? I fell in love and got married, and then dealt with the fallout of a waning emotional connection changing my relationship with sex entirely. I got crushes whenever I'd be connecting with somebody (GUY somebodies. With the ladies I'd just, y'know, be completely obsessed with their well-being and how shitty every guy was to them and how they deserved someone SO MUCH BETTER, not like I was saying me, obviously, I'm straight. . . .) and beat myself up internally for not being emotionally faithful to my spouse. When I came out as demi, my spouse definitely did not understand, but attempted to be supportive. I tried explaining my experience of demisexuality to him many a time, and he'd basically say "I get that that makes sense to you, but that's completely alien to me and I have no way to really relate to it." I didn't really hit a point where I understood myself until getting locked in my house for roughly three years for self-reflection (read: COVID and losing my ministry job, ending with me being a housewife for three full years). I had very intense crushes on roughly three of my friends at the same time, two of whom were women, and I was finally able to really understand those as crushes because I knew the guy one of them was dating and he was genuinely wonderful to her. So my concern over her well-being wasn't just "I wish she were dating somebody better," it was "I wish I was able to make her life better. Me, specifically. And maybe kiss her. a bit." I was able to trace that backwards through my life and reflect on other times I'd had similar feelings about women in my life, and recognize that I'm bi as hell. This was also the point in my life when I realized that I'm polyamorous, because I recognized that my desire for multiple romantic connections had very little to do with dissatisfaction in my current relationship, or a desire to move on (although that was coming--BELIEVE ME, THE WRITING WAS ON THE WALL I JUST COULDN'T READ YET), it was just my desire to share that kind of love with more than one person. Again, recognizing those things and doing a lot of research enabled me to reflect on the thread of continuity through my whole life, and just recognize what had already been there. That was also very much my discovery of being genderfluid, but that's a WHOLE OTHER STORY and this post is already bonkers long. So I guess my advice is this: Be reflective. Think about the ways you've felt close to people. Recognize that in some cases, crushes on differently-gendered people feel different from one another (some people don't have that experience, obviously, I think that tends to be a large distinction between bi and pan persons, but that's how it's been for me). Read blogs--I wouldn't know how hella gay I am without tumblr itself being a font of information in my mid-20s. Rely on trustworthy friends who know and understand you--I was fortunate to have a really great friend group that supported me (and lovingly bullied me) through my own coming-out process. When I came out as bi to them, a dear friend said "Ronnie, I'm gonna say some shit now....IS THIS NEWS??? I THOUGHT WE ALL KNEW AND YOU JUST MOSTLY HAD A PREFERENCE FOR DUDES. WHAT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BI?????" It was pretty funny and great, tbh. I hope the very best for you, and that you get the time and resources to be authentically yourself. I am still very much a person of faith and I believe wholeheartedly that God loves the person they made you to be, as well as the you that exists now, and there is nothing to fear from learning more about yourself <3

[certifiedceliac]

“Developing a food allergy/intolerance/restriction as an adult is very hard and everyone's process in adjusting is different. Even if you feel like things won't get better, it will become more normal, and you will be ok. I promise I promise I promise.”

I have a question. How long should it take for things to feel more normal? Maybe I have a few things conspiring against me, but I just can’t feel normal. I was diagnosed with celiac without ever having symptoms (or at least without having symptoms I ever tied to consuming gluten). I was so skeptical when I got the call from the doctor that I laughed. The reason I was tested was as part of diagnostic work up for type 1 diabetes diagnosis that landed me in the ICU at age 35. My DGA and TTG were through the roof but I was very skeptical. I’d been eating bread every single day! The endoscopy came back as Marsh 3C so I started coming to terms with the fact that I was, indeed, in danger.

That traumatic series of diagnoses was all in summer of 2020. I’ve had to use insulin, started eating low carb, and have been avoiding gluten. The first two I got used to. The gluten avoidance through is honestly the one bothering me more. The fact that I can’t really eat out anymore, not without worrying a lot, because even if the place has a gluten free menu or markings, restaurants have been in a pinch since Covid and have taken a lot of shortcuts. I don’t really eat at friend’s houses. I don’t want to go traveling to places where I can’t know for sure that I’ll be able to find gluten free food. It’s just been miserable, I’ve been waiting for it to get more normal, but isn’t 3 years a long time?

I’m paranoid because I don’t have symptoms (I don’t know what it feels like to get glutened) but my antibodies have plateaued above the normal range and I can’t seem to get them to go lower. I’m sick and tired of having my world feel so small because I can’t eat most food. It doesn’t feel like it’s getting more normal, it feels worse and worse as the world slowly goes back to pre-lockdown socially while it feels like I’m the only left in food lockdown.

Thanks for any advice :(

Gosh that sounds like a ride and a half. I'm so sorry that your journey so far has had so many challenges. My answer is a little lengthy, so I'm putting it under a break.

To answer your question anon, it's really something that just depends. In my case, I was initially diagnosed with celiac in 2014. At the time I was also dealing with diagnosis and removal of a pituitary tumor, so because of that I kind of treated celiac as an afterthought--I already felt terrible in a million other ways, so I was pretty lax the change. I wasn't really given any education on how to adjust my diet or eating habits, or the risks associated with continuing to eat gluten. I sought a second opinion from a doctor that ended up knowing jack about celiac disease, and was given an IBS diagnosis instead (because I'd been eating GF for a year, they found no damage to my intestines, and I wasn't eating gluten at the time). From 2015 to 2020 I was back on eating gluten, but after I started having severe symptoms (again) I was rediagnosed by another (much better) GI team.

I have a few additional problems now because of the untreated celiac that I probably wouldn't have had I been better educated the first time around, and I'm pretty bitter about that sometimes. But I've also been very lucky to have such a good support network of people that understand and care about me, and that makes a lot of difference.

What I'm trying to say is that, while it will get better, it doesn't always feel like it. There are days that I really struggle with anxiety around eating in front of others, frustration over the lack of convienence, and the feeling of exclusion (or at least seperation) from meals with family, friends, and coworkers. I relate to you with the lack of symptoms--I've only been truly glutened once to my knowledge, but additional GI issues I have always have me on high alert. I'm also currently dealing with unexplained elevated TTG/IGA levels, despite being extremely strict nowadays.

Doing my own research and starting this blog really helped me to focus on the things I can do rather than the things I can't. I also just kind of brute force my way through things that gave me anxiety before, like taking my food with me to friends' houses or restaurants. I've been through so much, I no longer care what people think lmao

Basically your mileage is going to vary. I wouldn't say that these things have a set timeline, and I personally think the mental part of dealing with a diagnosis like celiac takes twice as long to heal from compared to the physical part. It sounds like you're struggling especially hard with feelings of loss and detachment. That's not uncommon, but you may benefit from talking about all of this with a therapist, or just reaching out to a friend to say you're struggling.

Give yourself credit--you've gotten so far from where you were. And remember, even if you feel isolated, you're not dealing with this alone.

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn. I already asked you general version of this question and then a more specific one. Please forgive me for asking again (and please ignore the earlier Q and this one too if it annoys you). I just feel I didn't explain myself well before. A publisher in another country made me an offer. I have vetted them and they are legit. They have given me the basic terms of the offer/deal and have been responsive to my questions. They've also indicated they will send me a contract - but I get the feeling they expect me to accept the offer first? It's been a few days and nothing yet, just silence. Do I wait them out a little longer (how long?) or get back in touch and ask them to send me the contract? Could I ask them to send me the contract first? What exactly do I say to them? Should I accept the offer first (as I am happy with the basic terms) before asking for the contract? I'm just confused about the next step and don't have an agent to guide me. Thank you for any guidance you can provide.

TO EVERYONE: I'm just an agent, begging everyone to stop asking multiple times, I PROMISE I SEE THE ASKS, if I had a quick answer and the ability to answer quickly, I'd quickly answer, if I'm taking a minute it's probably because I don't have a quick answer or the ability to answer quickly, I have a real job, and I've been traveling AND had covid the past few weeks, I just got home and am still getting well, thanks so much for understanding!

TO THE OP: Typically, with a REGULAR TRADITIONAL US PUBLISHER IN AN AGENTED DEAL, we'd negotiate / accept the terms of the basic offer, and once we have said yes and some time had passed, we'd get a contract and negotiate that.

This is a small press (aka, possibly not "regular traditional publisher") in another country (aka, not in the US), so I just don't know if it's the same kind of a deal at all. But whenever I don't know what the answer is, my feeling is that the best way to get it is to ask the people who DO know. (In this case, that's them!)

If you aren't sure if you might get another offer or something (you mentioned in one of the asks that you had it out with other publishers as well), just tell the truth and buy yourself some more time -- "Thanks so much for the kind words and your offer. I'm so excited you like the book! Just so you know, this is out with a couple of other folks, I've let them know that I have an offer so they can wrap this up on their end, and I'll be back to you [in the next week or so, in a couple of weeks, as soon as possible, or whatever]."

If you've already done that or you don't need to, and you're already happy with the terms they did lay out and you are inclined to go for it, I'd just be candid -- "Thanks so much for the kind words and for your offer. I'd love to work with you. Can I take a look at the contract? And what are next steps? Cheers!"

And either they will say, "sure!" and give you the contract to look at so you can see if you have further questions, or they will say, "it's coming here's the ETA", and then you'll know, or they will say something else (??) which I don't know what that something will be, but you won't know either unless you ask, and then based on their answer, you can go from there.

YOU AREN'T LOCKED IN if you haven't signed the contract -- so IF you look at the contract and are like "whoa yikes no" -- then you don't have to sign it, you can either ask for changes OR just say no thank you.

IF they give a strongly negative / bizarro response to any of this straightforward and normal correspondence -- maybe they aren't as Legit as you think. But I am guessing it will be fine.

GOOD LUCK!

[mephestopheles]

People who don't regularly take public transit, do not understand the inherent difficulty of even a robust system. And the system I deal with daily is far from robust. While technically I live in the same overall municipality, I live in one hub, work in another and am now required to go to a doctor's appointment in yet another.

I rely on the transit system and use buses daily. I actually enjoy my commute to and from work because it gives me an opportunity to unwind on the bus before getting home. I get to settle out from the day.

It is also frustrating at times. Like Thursday. I had to request time off for the appointment, and if I wasn't reliant on transit, I probably could have gotten away with using maybe 4 hours ish, or blocking out 4 hours and then adjusting the time I actually used.

However, because of the transit system here is abysmal at the best of times, it's been getting steadily worse for a while.

I had to leave twenty minutes earlier than I usually do for work, so I could grab the 8am going the opposite direction from work. That bus will take an hour. I'd arrive a half hour early for my appointment, still have to walk to get there and I was hoping to have time to get a coffee or tea prior to my appointment. If all goes well the appt is 2 hours long, I would get the next available bus back to town, and then a transfer and get to work. So if you're keeping track that's leave an hour and 40 minutes before the appointment, to arrive a half hour early. Appt time between 90 minutes and 2 hours. Wait for the next bus (at least 1/2 hours wait) get to town an hour later. Transfer to another bus and get to work an hour after that. Which means at the earliest I'm getting back to work at 2 pm to go home at 4pm. Rather than spend the extra hour in transit, I might as well take the day off instead.

That's the good result, the expected result.

Instead I arrived at the bus hub, to an overcrowded stop for that bus line, they couldn't take everyone and there were way too many waiting around for the next bus as well. Usually there are anywhere between three and four buses heading at least partially in that direction. The express college bus, two buses going to one town and one going to another nearby. Problem is, they're having a driver shortage as a result of sick calls, increased covid, the rise for RSV and how that is knocking the shit out of everyone (I recently got over my own chest infection just in the last week), they're also dealing with maintenance, buses breaking and several of them that need inspection or can't pass inspection without several fixes.

So there I am, faced with a dilemma, I can reschedule my appointment and go to work (not really an option because I've waited months for this appointment and I promised mom some help after the fact), I could try to get the next bus coming but that looked so full I don't think they were taking anymore, or get a cab. I called for a cab at 8:08 and it finally arrived at 8:58. It was freezing outside and it really sucked.

I wasn't the only one waiting, it's a shit time to get cabs, because there are a bunch that do school runs, and even more than do the mail run. And one guy who usually gets the bus with me going my usual route was waiting for a cab to go to work because he missed our usual bus.

What's really bothering me about this is that I'm still luckier than most. I have a monthly bus pass that is relatively easy for me to afford, I have time I was able to take off work. I don't pay for my healthcare out of pocket. And still this was frustrating and time consuming and it puts me steps behind my coworkers and peers because I am reliant on either transit or generosity for transportation.

It's really shitty being unable to get a bus with the pass I've already paid for, because the city cannot or will not run the transit system properly. I'm out both time and money. If I was going to take the taxi, I could have waited at home and just called one at a somewhat reasonable time and been warm, not frigid because I didn't switch to better mitts.

The trip home was better, the bus is not nearly as full dropping off, and I managed to get to the appropriate stop in enough time. I grabbed a transfer and stopped off at mom's and gave her a hand with garbage because she's been sick as well last week.

Overall it wasn't terrible for the rest of the day, but a slightly shitty start. So yeah if you're not used to public transit, or have friends that rely on it, cut them some slack.

[91vaults]

What sparked your last breakup and what has got you hung up about it?

Ok I'm sorry but this is gonna be long.

breakup comes literately out of nowhere, one of those "i cant be in a relationship right now" things, ( ill call her Dianne ) had a rather blaze attitude to mental health where you just have your coping mechanisms and power through, except (and this is just my perspective on what happened) the coping mechanisms stopped working and I think they freaked out and quote " I can't be the girlfriend you deserve" and "I have to let you go". things had always been very cruisy ...so it was odd that the second she felt she had to address some MH issues she just decided it was best to cut and run? that doesn't usually happen like that. Everyone I spoke too after the fact was as confused as I was...even the psychologist I was seeing at the time was like "wut?"

I said I would support them through it but no....and it was very much framed in terms of ME and what I needed...which was a bit of a mind fuck because for someone to do that and then just not listen when you try and say otherwise is...a well meaning but kind of cruel thing to do, Dianne had a habit of making assumptions and running with them...and it felt like they got this notion the night before that I was better off regardless of how I actually felt

They got really fixated on the idea of my "next girlfriend" and it would all be ok because the "next girlfriend" would retroactively fix everything. And then proceeded to tell me about what my next girlfriend should be like...superficial shit I didn't care about. It also deeply hurt me that she told me I should be with someone into fashion and tattoo's and such like me, which made me feel like it was going to be an issue with every person I dated and just completely ignores what I actually value in a partner.

Imagine your at the vet and your dog is getting put down and as the vet is putting in the needle they say "yeah look this dog isn't the right dog for you, your NEXT dog is gonna be great. You should get a terrier...you're more of a terrier person" like holy shit let me just deal with whats happening right now.

I know she's someone who moves on from things very quickly and I don't think they actually understand how people work sometimes (I also don't think she's been on the receiving end of a major breakup) , so she might have just assumed I'd be like her and be sad about for like 4 weeks and get straight on the apps.

I had no Idea things had gotten to that point...and they never spoke to me about ANYTHING. So instead of being able to work on things (eg: her anxiety about money and me liking to buy things..perhaps too much) they just decided nope, I don't want to hold you back from the things you like...referencing past conversations and I just couldn't tell her otherwise.

What was so awful she was trying to spare me from? supporting and compromising are normal things even if it doesn't work out. Nothing could have been worse than those months after..I'm still a bit fucked up inside and it might take a year from the date of breakup for me to get past that.

We met up when I felt the time was right, 5 months (possibly earlier) she apparently felt better and was back on the apps...had gone on a visit to her home country and was on the apps there...and that's ok I knew that would be the case, but I wouldn't be human if it didn't cut me a little. She hadn't been for years and I think it made her want to go back and work there...which I am happy for her, maybe I was holding her back in that way, but it also hurts. I'm too that things didn't always align. Before COVID she had intended to move to Melbourne, but circumstances changed and she bought s house here..seemed she wanted to settle down. I felt lucky, but also had often had thoughts of wanting to move there. Now she wants to move to where she grew up in and do all these cool things (like go to pride in taiwan later in the year) and I feel like there's too much to give up if I moved, especially because I feel I'm finally finding my feet, I'm happy here but this is a small city, if she leaves then do all the people I'd want to be with leave? is this not the place for them? will I never find somone? we all get those thoughts of "am I too scared to be bold"?

Don't get me wrong, I am someone who takes things very hard. a breakup would have been devastating either way but this is worse. If it had been because she felt there were irrevocable differences then I could understand that (and there may have been) if it was because she wanted to go back to where she grew up then I would understand that. if our plans didn't align then I would understand that. But this? it haunts me to think that it only happened because she decided on my behalf. Like I was an exotic bird that needed to be let out of its cage instead of a person. It haunts me to think that if I had said "Hey I deserve better than this lets at least talk about it" then at the very least I would have understood better

I am genuinely happy for the most part, and I genuinely don't want to get back on the apps. But true at the same time I'm a bit fucked up when it comes to the idea of dating because for part of me to not date is to exercise agency because I had it all stripped away.

and I guess that's the thing, its the way it happened and it's partially the why. It's essentially the absolute worst way to be broken up with.

They didn't do me a favor. The fact is sometimes stuff happens and it sucks. Sometimes it sucks more for one person than the other, and sometimes things suck for a little while before they get better (like dating, that can really fucking suck sometimes) and that's OK and to try and spin it and insist it's all gonna be better and great right after the fact just hurts. The previous relationship doesn't have to be worse for the next one to be good

We are still friends (I took a break and waited until the time was right to initiate contact) , and the friendship feels right and when we're together I'm not upset (maybe a little pang when they mention dating but that's normal) it's only when I'm alone and having the conversation in my head do I spiral a bit . They haven't really talked about or acknowledged anything...but that's a very Dianne thing to do.

But the good thing is once the time is right we can have that conversation, and once that hanging thread is delt with then I'll be able to shut the door on the matter (hopefully depending on how the convo goes).

[zeondraws]

Getting a bit nostalgic

I still remember when this came out, I was on an island while covid was going on. I got super excited watching this. To think rectangular vehicles could be entertaining to watch.

Not sure what specifically makes me wonder about it tonight. Maybe it's just because I am dealing with my negative thoughts so much again. Battling my demons each day

I just look at this and think, this brings me joy. To think that these busses slowly dragged me into getting more invested and interested in them. Atleast I think it helped me greatly to deal with daily life and my art. It gave me some purpose when it comes to my life goals.

There were so many factors at play around this time period two years ago. I felt lost, not knowing what to do. Quite frankly I still feel a bit lost but I gained a goal. Something to look forward to. Because I already achieved one of my long term goals, I have a job at a place I always wanted to be. Now I need another goal so that I can look forward to something and enjoy the moment more.

I feel scared as I usual do, to be honest I either worry about? Being unable to achieve the goal duo to my mental state maybe? But it's mostly because I worry alot of being replaced. It's something common thrown around current workplace environments in general. I worry about being replaceable in everything. It's duo to my childhood.

I just want to have some purpose in life. Daydreaming about silly things, wanting to show child me that I can do the things she always wanted to do. Things she worried about not being able to achieve. I daydream about silly stories about imaginary characters because it makes my day feel better. And I want to put something out in the world for people to enjoy. So that their days could feel nicer, since becoming an adult made me understand alot of the struggles people have. And I just wanna be here to put a smile on people's faces. It's just hard when my own mental health struggles at times. But through the pain I try to put my emotions on a canvas. And this helped me alot recently. Art feels like my therapy.

Sometimes I notice I am really passionate about the things I find interesting, where I talk looooong texts such as this one explaining my thoughts.

I just really find busses interesting, they helped me go through the toughest times and put a smile on me when I needed one. I can't imagine how I'd go on about my daily life without wondering what to draw next with them. My art felt like it had no real goal before this.

I made this today

First time I have these planetary labs pictured in one image as a summary. I get the feeling I am getting closer to what child me wanted to do.

(context this image is part of my bus story "Offworld" I'm trying to develop and turn into smth animated)

I just hope that busworld will be fun, I am a bit afraid to showcase my stuff to people but there is only one way to go.

Because I often feel drained whenever I go through youtube or other social media platforms because I know I won't find the type of bus content I want. If I want change I gotta do it. And I have to smth on youtube soon, Instagram's algorithm makes it so hard to reach a new audience. How do I want to showcase my work to people if Instagram feeds them the same stuff over and over again and makes people fed up with the app?

I gotta do etsy at some point aswell. I still have to look through the legal aspects but I think there should be some way.

(the amount of Volkswagen beetles sold as prints is chaotic, it's always this vehicle, school bus, routemaster or some random old bus)

I'm about to drop asleep, I had so many more thoughts about busses. Just feels weird at times thinking "Wait am I drawing this rectangular vehicle as a cat right now?.... *continues drawing*"

Also I really wish I could visit a bus manufacturer and just look at concept vehicles and art, please just once-

[viciousgentlemen]

the way I screamed when I saw this on steam yesterday

Pathologic 2 is honestly one of my all time favourite games. it truly does show that games can be art and there's so much to say about how game mechanics can be used in storytelling and the conversation around disempowerment. (if you've watched hbomberguy's video then you already know).

the thing is tho. it took me. so long. to finally play it. it sat in my library of games for literally years.

because unfortunately covid hit and threw the world into chaos after/around it's release. and being a dark depressing game all about surviving and trying to manage a deadly plague while politics and shit get in your way. it was just too much.

and I do think for me personally that was the right decision. I only opened Pathologic 2 up when I was ready and it reflected less of our reality or feared future. I also was lucky enough that any trauma I had from covid didn't make the game triggering for me in that respect.

I feel so bad for the devs. they couldn't have ever known. and I do wonder how badly the pandemic might have hurt their sales as other people felt a similar way I did. or it didn't gain further traction because rather than discussing the fictional plague we were dealing with a real one. after I got a good ending in Pathologic 2, I went and bought some of their other titles. to try and support them.

I accepted that financially or due to other irl events we'd probably never get the full experience the devs aimed for. I understood if they couldn't give us the Bachelor's route.

and yet they announced it as Pathologic 3! and from the description it sounds like it's going to be like the tidbit piece we got in 2 as well as the meta narrative and character sanity breaking stuff from 1 (which hbomb explains in his video).

I'm really excited to see what they do with it and how it shapes up. Makes me want to go back to 2 to get other endings or things I missed and make different choices. Or maybe even finally try out the first game (perhaps with a walkthrough or handicap jfdska;) to better understand that version of the world and characters.

ngl I'd love to add a Pathologic muse or two but given how much of the game is steeped in russian culture (interwoven of course with it's own fantasy) that I'm just not educated about, I'd worry about being too ignorant or potentially appropriative

[sold-my-soul21]

Things have changed since the last time I was on here...

5 years ago, I was 19 and I was at my highest weight. I was living at home, wasn't going to school, didn't have a job, I had so much free time. I was sleeping, eating my feelings, just moved to a new state, living on the internet as a lonely person posing as a happy-go-lucky girl who had an interesting life of my own. Always seeking attention in all the wrong places. It was always the wrong attention but nonetheless, I liked people paying attention to me. But I HATED people actually seeing me. I didn't take care of myself and I was very self conscious of how i looked, talked, walked... everything about me I absolutely despised. After meeting some people, and after a couple of relationships, I decided that it was time for me to get myself into shape. I started working out every night, and I'd sleep most of the day. It's all I would focus on. I created a routine for myself. I noticed myself getting less hungrier, a little more confident, it wasn't long until I started finding ways to distract myself from going into the kitchen and eating my feelings I had. I smoked myself silly most of the night, water was my source of "nutrition." Before I knew it, I was as skinny as I wanted to be. Wearing clothes I could never fit into before and feeling so much lighter and energetic. I was on top of the mountain I never thought I could reach. I was very proud of myself because it was something that I did all on my own. Some time passed, and I had finally gotten a job, I met someone new, got married, you know...life sort of just happened. Well, before any of this, I went to rehab for my developed ED and I had gone because I wanted to get away from my abusive relationship at the time so I went for all the wrong reasons. So, naturally, I went back to old ways despite my loved ones efforts to encourage me to not to. Well, being in this marriage, something sort of clicked to wear I just started eating. Only this time, I was eating and purging. This is still a current issue and I still want to be just as skinny as I used to be only this time I don't understand what's different. My husband is wonderful husband. He's gentle, caring, supportive, and is still always learning just as much as I am. He's a snacker though and when I see him eat, it makes me want to eat, even when I'm not hungry. I'm constantly stressed, tired, and I've been off my medication for months now. Mainly because when covid happened, everything kept getting backed up switched up and 10 times more difficult to deal with. So i just gave up. All in all, I keep wishing I didn't get so comfortable. Nowadays I just feel like I keep losing control, day in and day out. Working crazy hours, feeling too tired and drained to be productive in my free time. I don't really even want to try anymore. I feel lazy and unhappy. I don't live an unhappy lifestyle, and nothing around me makes me unhappy. But I constantly get depressed for no reason. Maybe I just feel too much. And sometimes no one around me understands. And even if I do find someone to talk to, I feel like I'm complaining and telling a story I feel has been told a million times in a million ways. Worn out words. I feel like it doesn't mean anything.

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Why I think Luke is going to leave the team at the end of the revival

This is inspired by @penelopeminded's point in a previous post... Luke looks absolutely exhausted in the new stills for the reboot. In fact, he looks downright miserable.

So here's what I think happened: He and Garcia went out on their date, and they started a relationship. However, it didn't last very long. Obviously she understood the strange hours his job entailed, but with that plus covid, they hardly saw each other and it didn't take long for it to feel like they were barely in a relationship.

So, he throws himself into his work in an attempt to distract himself, but it doesn't really work. This job has now robbed him of the best thing that ever happened to him, there's no silver lining anymore, he is completely alone, and it's sucking the life out of him. (I mean, look at him! Respectfully, it looks like he's aged a lot more than two years.)

And people notice. They have never seen him like this, but he brushes it off, says it's the pandemic taking a toll on him, etc. etc. (although that isn't exactly a lie.)

But then Penelope comes back all of a sudden, and he doesn't know what to do with himself because dammit he's falling in love with her again (as if he ever fell out of love with her in the first place).

He hates his job right now. He no longer finds fulfillment in it, which is crucial for this kind of job. And it's keeping him from being happy, keeping him from her. So he starts to consider leaving. He's never had a life outside of the FBI or the army, but maybe it's time to change that. For the first time in his life he wants that.

But at the same time, he doesn't know how to stop.

So he talks to Rossi about it. How to deal with all this inner conflict so he can find fulfillment and joy in every area of his life, and he doesn't leave a single detail out, including the date no one other than he and Penelope know about. (see the still of him and Rossi talking with coffee in their hands.)

Then he gets injured in the field (why the fuck do all my headcanons/theories have Luke getting hurt in them? Is it because I'm mad at Adam? Possibly. I genuinely do not know.) Rossi comes to visit him in the hospital, and he says, "I'd tell you to take some time off before coming back... but something tells me you've already made up your mind."

Luke explains to him that yes, he's made up his mind, he can't do this anymore, he doesn't want to, and this is the kind of job you have to want to do.

Rossi nods sagely. "I understand, son." Then, with a pat on Luke's shoulder, he says, "Go get her."

"I would, but... I'm kind of hospital bed-bound right now. Can you send her in?"

Penelope enters, and it's clear she's been crying. She still cared about him very deeply, and he was seriously injured!!!

Before she can even get a word out, he tells her: "I'm leaving the team."

She's flabbergasted. "What?"

He explains everything to her, including how he's never stopped being in love with her, and he assures her that he's not leaving the team just to be with her because he understands that she can't possibly want the same thing after two years (spoiler alert: he's wrong) but he wanted to be honest with her. He's leaving regardless.

That's when she starts to cry. She confesses that she never got over him either, and she missed him so much but never knew what to do or say about it.

"So... since everything that was in our way before is officially out of our way now... could we try that dinner again?"

Penelope leaned over and kissed him. "I'd love to."

[mod2amaryllis]

saur..... I've been thinking about becoming a veterinarian technician and is it worth it? I'm so lost and confused but for some reason I look to you for advice. Please help

PHEWWWW boy ok well. listen. here's the- listen

when i meet ppl curious about vetmed, i try to be completely honest, wanna give you the info you won't get from school or a job interview. specifically in small animal general practice (dogs/cats, some exotics) since that's all i've ever done.

first let me outline the negatives because you should really be aware of them: it is one of the hardest jobs. like just in general. i say that after comparing a variety of careers w/ the many working ppl in my life. it is maybe THE hardest, and not for the stereotypical reasons.

the physical labor is very very intense. 10-12 hour shifts on your feet, often zipping around, and if not that you're standing in one place doing mentally strenuous shit (like monitoring anesthesia, charting, drug calculations). you're always bent over something. you're often on the floor. repeatedly lifting 20, 40, 60, 150 pound dogs, or restraining them. i CANNOT overstate how demanding it is. this was the thing that i was least prepared for coming out of school.

it's scary, which sucks because it's vital to be brave lmao. reactive cats/dogs are STRAIGHT UP SCARy but if you're VISIBLY SCARED, they'll be worse. this is the thing i have the hardest time training into new techs.

it's emotionally grueling. most new ppl assume i'm referring to euthanasia--i am absolutely not. euthanasia is something you'll come to your own terms with. (for me, i consider it an honor to be part of something so difficult and personal. i take it very seriously and feel what i feel. some ARE very hard but most are peaceful.) no no no man I'm talking about the often low pay, the endless work load that's seeing a constant rise in demand with a national lack of staff to handle it, the lack of understanding from the general public about what your job is ("i'd love to work with puppies and kittens all day! 🥰"), the bad owners over whom you have very little power, the smell of infection, the rare Truly Traumatizing Case, the fact that you're doing everything dude! everything! you're a nurse of every specialty now and all your patients have sharp teeth and can't talk, congratulations

...............ok

now i will outline the positives

here is the thing. the good news. i'm actually in a cool place w/ my job right now. almost 7 years and a significant cut to my hours later, i'm smiling at work. i'm humming and shit. i'm seeing the reasons i'm still in it, and that's kinda nice.

it's important work. for me this is huge. you're making a positive difference in the world and, more importantly, in your community. i'm lucky enough to work at a vet-owned established practice that has a strong foothold in the area. i greet clients by name and ask them how they've been, and then maybe they ask your name so they can say "well thank you for everything [name] ^^" and that's always cool. it's good work, objectively.

this isn't true for everyone, but for me covid helped me realize that the physicality does have a plus side. while other people were dealing with the horrors of isolation and being sedentary, i was active, i had a routine and constant stimulation. YES this also destroyed my body and mind to some degree, but without it i would've sunk in the other direction. basically: you will be at the very least be stimulated, don't even sweat about that lol.

EMPLOYEE DISCOUNTS BABEY!

and...siiigh Ok Yes There Are A Certain Amount Of Puppies And Kittens.

we're all here cuz we love animals, like no need to mention that as motivation, because yeah man obviously water is wet. for a long time i was jaded about this part of it, the work was just SO stressful that it was hard to focus on anything besides the ways some patients make it harder. but looking back at the grand scope, the MAJORITY of patients are compliant. all of them are there because they have a person who loves them. they are all animals and baby, we love animals. yesterday we did 4 rabbit spay/neuters and they were all so fucking soft dude! i know a mastiff named Olivia who we've done way too many medical procedures on and still, every time she comes in, she's a 100lb bundle of joy and kisses. there's a pair of chihuahuas who come in every 2 weeks for nail trims named Princess and Pumpkin, one is skinny (Pumpkin) and one is fat (Princess). sometimes cats meow in a disgruntled way like they're leaving a bad review after waking up from anesthesia. sometimes there are rats <3333333 !!! i've purred while restraining an angry cat and it's calmed them down. i've said goodbye to patients i loved so much their owners gave me photographs to remember them (i still think about u grumpy Bunnie).

like!!! take heart, there are animals

there you go shit ton of words. i like typing words sorry. just, idk man it's complicated and very fucking hard. it's been a constant up and down, i've almost quit more than once, but ultimately i'm happy i'm still here, because along with some of the hardest times in my life work has provided me many of the BEST things about my life. feeling accomplished and skillful in my career, lasting friendships, healthcare for my animals, straight up most OF my animals (frisk and goose were clinic surrenders, joanie just happened to be the first puppy on petfinder the same day of a very difficult euth that made me go "i have to get a fucking dog")

it's up to you dude. i don't want this to scare you, just equip you for the tubular highs and bogus lows, good luck out there either way

[duchessofostergotlands]

feel like had simon case been there the caribbean tour wouldn't have been perceived so badly?

Why do you think that? I'd disagree. That tour was controversial because of who they are, what they represent, not really what they actually said or did. Maybe one or two things might have been different - maybe he would have stopped them talking to children through a fence; I sincerely doubt it but it's completely impossible to know - but for a start the host country organises the tour, not him, so there is no reason to believe the itinerary would have been substantially different. He was also private sec when KP used a random image of a harmless Somalian village to represent terrorism and in his current role he willingly broke COVID rules, the situation that led to the no confidence vote in Boris. I understand people have rose tinted glasses but Simon was fine, not remarkable. He was still a privately educated white dude who was not equipped to deal with conversations about colonialism any more than Jean-Christophe is, and he has since been complicit in one of the biggest and most idiotic political scandals in recent memory so there's nothing to me to suggest he would have been able to end very long standing Republican sentiment in the Caribbean - after Barbados had not long removed the Queen - and make stans on social media like the Cambridges!! He's not Mark Bolland!

[reds-burrow]

Can you talk more about Badgers getting their morality from the group? I've wondered if I'm a Badger because I value groups but when I'm with friends and they start all agreeing about something like anti vaxx stuff, my thoughts are less "what if I'm wrong" than a kind of deeply uncomfortable horror that my friends believe something so stupid. If it's a new group of people I've started hanging with, it makes me hesitant to continue the acquaintance.

Okay, but as someone with a loud Badger primary, I'd have the same reaction you're describing. Having an External primary doesn't mean questioning your beliefs every time you hear a conflicting opinion. It's about feeling wrong if you make choices based only on what you're feeling internally. For Badgers, this means looking at the situation and the people involved and Weighing the Scales, searching for the option that is fairest regardless of our personal feelings, the option that hurts everyone the least. And, well, for those of us not prone to believing conspiracy theories, with vaccines it's painfully obvious which option hurts fewer people. People are actively dying because of anti-vaxx rhetoric. I've been looking around in horror that there are people who have the means to get the vaccine but won't do such a simple thing to protect those around them. They won't inconvenience themself when the alternative is to chance dying or passing the disease onto someone else and killing them. Not to mention long COVID and all the possibly permanent disorders that can result in survivors!

...If you couldn't tell, I've struggled with understanding those who are refusing to get vaccinated. But as frustrated and furious as I am with them, I also hold some pity for anti-vaxxer Badgers. They trusted the authority figures of their communities, and those figures all told them that the vaccine was harmful. Then, the community kept reinforcing the idea with media and social media echo chambers. Over and over, those Badgers kept falsely hearing from people they trust that anti-vaxx rhetoric is how you protect people. That is an example of a Badger getting their morality from the group. It's incredibly sad and frustrating to see, and I wish we could somehow force them to recognize the truth. But now a good deal of those people are loyal to the very concept of anti-vaxx, viewing it as a rule of their community. That's part of how you get scenes of politicians who used to tout the vaccine as evil, now saying maybe people should get vaccinated and getting booed by their audience.

(There is, of course, a lot more going on here psychologically and culturally. I am by no means saying Badgers are the only ones susceptible to anti-vaxx rhetoric. Anyone who isn't practiced in critical thinking skills can fall victim to conspiracy theories. Anyone.) On the other hand, if I was in my doctor's office right now, and my doctor told me that I needed a vaccine for some disease I had never heard of right then and there, with no chance for research or asking questions, I would get the shot. My main reason for doing so would be because I trust my doctor to be an authority on my health. I trust that she makes recommendations from a place of good intention, with my best interest in mind. That is the key to Badgers getting morality from the group: trust. At its core, the Badger primary is about loyalty to the community, and you can't have that loyalty without trust. So, when the community says something is right, the Badger tends to trust that it is.

I should pause here and note that Badgers can be loyal to different aspects of the community, so they trust in different aspects. I am a people-oriented Badger, so my trust is in other people, in the basic goodness of humanity, that people have the same Do No Harm tenet that I do. So, when other people say something is right or wrong, I generally trust that they're saying it with good intentions. Yes, I realize how naïve and gullible that sounds. Most mature Badgers know that not everyone thinks this way. We know people have their own agendas. We understand that people can be good and decent but still be misinformed, misguided, ignorant, and so on. But peaceful society is really only held together by trust in each other to be decent and to follow basic laws and rules. And that leads me to the other type of Badger: the tradition/rule/culture-oriented Badgers. If people-oriented Badgers place their trust in humanity, these tradition-oriented Badgers place their trust in society. (If you read my Myers Briggs comparison post, I'm talking about Fe and Te Badgers here. I also called them Altruistic and Traditional Badgers in this post, but after this analysis, I'm thinking Humane and Societal Badgers is more apt.) It's a subtle difference, but these are the Badgers who take moral cues from their trust in society to form laws and rules that are fair and just. They believe in society's traditions because they've been tried and tested. They trust in the community working together to decide the rules that bind them and are loyal to those rules. Obviously, humanity and society are intricately linked, so these Humane and Societal Badgers live on a continuum. At the end of the day, it's all about being loyal to and trusting the community.

The final thought I'll leave you with is that this isn't blind trust. It certainly can be, especially with Immature and Exploded Badgers, but healthy Badgers recognize sometimes being loyal means going against the community's opinion. Even with as much weight as the community's opinion holds, it's only one part of what the Badger considers when Weighing the Scales. If it conflicts with what they've judged to be the fairest option, the Badger absolutely will go against the community opinion. Simply put, a Badger's loyalty doesn't feel right unless it feels fair.

tl;dr

Badgers get morality from the group based on trust. Badgers tend to fall into two categories: those that trust in humanity to be fair and those that trust in society to be fair. Either way, the Badger trusts in their community, so that's where they take many of their moral cues from.