#if I had to guess he’s supposed to look 30ish

[bludpudding]

do you have a fan cast for a comic accurate Corinthian? (I kind of feel like Anthony Starr could do the sly humor and violent crudeness the first Corinthian does so well)

I honestly don’t think I can do better than this. boyd has eaten multiple different types of animal eyeballs there is something Accurately Wrong with him

this cover is from 1989 wdym that isn’t robert holbrook

I would love to see different actors portray cori though just to see what’s up. he’s drawn as all different ages in the comics so he can look anywhere from 18 to 80. which. not sure why that is I just nod and smile

[quin-ns]

Neighborhood Dilf (Joel Miller x Reader)

Word count: 2.7K

Summary: joel finds out he has a nickname and he asks you what it means

Tags: pre-outbreak this is a happy fic guys!! I didn’t specify a year but let’s put it at 2000 for funsies so sarah is like 11 and joel is like 30ish. also fluff, humor, flirting, age gap, goofy plot (I don’t know what this is honestly), joel being the definition of a dilf and not knowing it, crushes, overall cuteness. also suburbia

A/N: I saw a tiktok where someone said they just knew joel was the neighborhood dilf and they were so real for that I had to write it. and no I don’t care that the word was popularized online we’re using it here. I’m here to provide a cute fluffy fanfic not a historically accurate one lol. also sorry if your name is bee, I tried to come up with a name for the friend that was a nickname so if it was someone’s actual name they could just imagine their full name (I overthink)

TLOU masterlist + main masterlist

The loud music coming from outside woke you up from your afternoon nap. After spending a semester at college struggling to find even an hour of sleep, you were taking as many of those as possible. You were a little grouchy at first as you threw your covers off and stormed to your window, but quickly calmed down when you realized it was the annual block party your neighborhood hosted during the summer.

You’d gotten an in-person invite from Bee, another girl home from college who you’d been friends with in high school before going your separate ways. You still kept in touch since she was nice enough, which is how you found out her family was hosting this year. She’d confided in you personally that she would quote “go crazy if it was all kids and old people.”

As you looked out into their front yard, which was diagonal to yours, you saw that’s pretty much all it was. Since you were such a good friend, you decided that you’d go. 

You were getting dressed (at a leisurely pace) when your phone started to ring. You picked it up from your desk after you pulled your pink sundress on and flipped it open. The caller ID read Bee’s name and you answered, ready to tell her you were on your way.

“He’s here,” she said, sounding mistified, before you could even open your mouth. 

“Who?” you wondered, furrowing your brows a little to yourself as you went to the window.

“The neighborhood dilf,” Bee replied under her breath. 

The nickname made you laugh. It reminded you of high school. It had started as a joke, something you had started calling the new guy who’d moved into the neighborhood with his daughter a few years back. Later you found out his name was Joel Miller, but the nickname spread like wildfire to all the other girls in the neighborhood and it just stuck. 

Everyone knew about it; the girls of course, their confused parents, jealous boys who thought Joel was stealing their attention—the only person who wasn't aware of the moniker (as far as you knew) was Joel. Well, you hoped his daughter didn’t know either. Thankfully, after time, everyone forgot that you had started it. It was a bit embarrassing.

You walked away from the window to your closet and slid on your flip flops—it was summer in Texas, after all.

“You need to get over here, Y/N—what?” the last word sounded distant from the phone. “Yeah, she’s supposed to be on her way,” Bee replied, but to someone else.

“Um, hello?” you asked, waiting.

Bee was quiet for a few seconds, then whisper shouted into the phone, “you’ll never guess what just happened!”

“Let me guess, Joel just walked up and professed his love for you,” you teased, laughing at your own joke. “What, were my parents asking for me or something?” you guessed for real that time, recalling the small bit you had heard her say.

“Unfortunately no, and also no,” she sounded a little too disappointed about the first part, which made you chuckle again. “He did just ask me about you though.”

“Who?”

“The dilf.”

“Just use his name,” you told her with a roll of your eyes, heading out of your room to the stairs. “Wait.” You stopped for a second. “Joel asked about me?” 

“Yeah. I changed my mind, you’re not invited.”  If it wasn’t for her obvious sarcasm you might’ve thought she was serious. “He heard me say your name and asked if you’d be here soon. I—hey!” she yelled, causing you to pull the phone from your ear for a second. You continued your descent down the stairs as she yelled something about ‘kids’ and ‘stay out of there’. “I gotta go,” she said suddenly, then hung up.

You just shook your head with a small, amused smile and left your phone on the counter. Stupid dress and no pockets. 

You headed out the front door and walked across the street towards the party. 

It was in full swing. Music, games, food table—it looked like something out of a magazine. The Grants had a huge front yard—it was one of the nicer houses in the neighborhood—and it seemed like everyone was there. There were kids running around, adults all mingling—some sitting at the fold out tables, others walking around, others chasing their kids—there was also a group of dads surrounding the grill. You glanced that way and didn’t see Joel. You wondered where he was and if you should find him, but Bee found you first.

“The kids aren’t supposed to go inside alone and two of those little jerks went into my room,” Bee complained right away, straightening out her white blouse over her jean shorts. Her pinned back brown hair was a little messy, though. You wondered what happened, which she quickly answered. “I saw them jumping on my bed through the window.”

“Sounds like fun,” you commented sarcastically. Bee looped her arm through yours. 

“My dad set up ring toss and it’s all little kids, I don’t wanna be the only adult playing. Come on.” She dragged you along in that direction and you willingly went with.

You saw a few kids from the neighborhood playing, mostly the preteens who were too old for hopscotch but whose parents had told them they weren't old enough for the mini golf (one of the boys had overshared that little comment). 

“Y/N!” a girl's voice called. You looked that way and saw Sarah Miller walking towards you. A few days out of the week when her dad was working late, you’d go over to their house and keep an eye on her (before you left for college). It was the easiest babysitting gig you ever had; she was polite, always did her school work, and hardly caused any problems. Her dad had raised her very well. 

She looked older than you remembered her being, but you had been gone for both fall and spring semesters—well, you had been home for winter break briefly, but not enough to see anyone other than your parents.

“Sarah, hi!” you greeted, accepting the hug she offered when she got close. “How are you?”

“Good!” she said with a smile. “Are you guys gonna play with us?” she asked you and Bee. “I keep beating them and it’s not fun anymore.” 

You and Bee both laughed at that. “Sure, why not.”

“It feels weird playing with her after talking about how hot her dad is,” Bee whispered in your ear when Sarah went first. “You think he’ll come over here?”

“And what would you do if he did?” you challenged while hiding a chuckle, raising your brows at her.

“Um, probably nothing,” she admitted, cheeks a little pink. “He’s fun to look at though.” 

You hummed. “You’re not wrong.” 

The two of you played a few rounds of ring toss, although Bee got very bored quickly. “Can we go get some drinks?” she asked after not that long of playing.

“Sure,” you decided. You waved bye to Sarah and the others as the two of you walked off towards the cooler.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed some of the other girls in the neighborhood that hadn’t been in attendance before. For a couple that you knew, it didn’t seem like their scene. 

“What are they doing here?” you asked Bee.

“I may or may not have also told them the neighborhood dilf was here. They, uh, wanted to… see him,” she answered, avoiding eye contact.

You raised your brows in slight disbelief. “Are you serious?” 

“I wanted more people our age here,” Bee defended. “I wasn’t sure if you were even gonna show.”

You scoffed out a laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” you told her.

You reached the cooler and knelt down. You handed Bee a water, but she didn’t accept it. You looked up at her.

“Keep an eye out for the dilf, I haven’t seen him in a while. I’ll be right back,” Bee told you, taking off before you could say anything. You guessed the bathroom given her speed walking inside.

You laughed a little to yourself as you stood back up. You kept the water for yourself. You looked out amongst the crowd, realizing you were now on your own while everyone was in groups. You saw a couple people you were friends with and thought of maybe going up and joining them, but someone else spotted you first.

Joel Miller, the aforementioned neighborhood dilf, was walking towards you. Bee would be jealous, especially if she knew you and Joel were actually friends.

You had thought about telling Bee and some of the other girls that you were friends with Joel, given how much they just loved to gossip about him (how he was still single, how he looked really good in his pajamas getting the mail, that one time he took his shirt off while mowing the lawn—that was a big day) but then you thought better of it, not wanting to be run out of town by a jealous mob.

You were already getting glances by the time Joel stopped by your side so maybe your humbleness was pointless.

“Saw you all alone, thought I’d come keep you company,” Joel broke the ice with ease.

How long had he been watching you? The thought made your cheeks feel warm.

“Wow, what a gentleman,” you teased lightly, causing Joel to chuckle.

“I try,” he joked back, shooting you a small wink.

When you had first met Joel you were nervous around him. It was much easier to talk to him now that the two of you had become friends rather than acquaintances. He was an easy guy to get along with and you found yourself genuinely enjoying his company rather than just gawking at him in his yard from your window (like you used to do in high school). Your crush hadn’t disappeared though, so you joked around with him as a way to keep things casual and avoid getting in your own head. 

“Sarah told me you were finally here, she was happy to see you,” Joel mentioned with a light smile.

That made you smile back. “She’s a sweet kid,” you told him. “I was happy to see her too.”

You fiddled with the water bottle in your hand as you spoke, trying to unscrew the cap. The stupid thing was stuck and after a few seconds you gave up.

Joel gave you an amused look, glancing between your face and hands. “You want help with that?”

“Yes, please,” you handed it to him. “There you go again, proving chivalry isn’t dead. Thank you.”

Joel unscrewed the cap with ease and handed it back. “Happy to be at your service.”

“So, you guys been here a while?” you asked, sparking up conversation.

“Not too long, only an hour or so. It’s been fun though,” Joel explained. “More for Sarah than for me,” he admitted, glancing around to find his daughter. He spotted her and she waved, then continued playing with her friends.

“Why’s that?” you wondered, looking up at him just as he looked down at you. 

“Just… I mean, everyone is nice and all,” he started. “But I just feel like I got nothin’ to talk about with them, y’know? Except you.”

“Really?” You tried to not sound too thrown off by that, but you didn’t know he felt like that. It was interesting to say the least. 

“Is that such a surprise?” he wondered, raising an eyebrow curiously.

You shrugged. “Maybe a little. I get it though, I haven’t really talked to anyone other than Bee yet.”

“I don’t know if you’re friends with them, but I saw a bunch of girls your age walking around,” Joel said as a suggestion. 

“Nah, I’d rather just talk to you,” you said casually, before you could even think about what you had said. The look on Joel’s face changed a little, like he was trying to bite back a bigger smile.

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” he said after a moment. Your eyes met his and the way he looked at you made your heart skip a beat. You had to look away to be able to breathe, almost certain you were reading into things. You really, really did not want to be disappointed.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Joel said, making you realize you hadn’t spoken yet.

“Sure, yeah.”

“You know… young person lingo, don't you?”

You laughed at the awkward wording. If it had been any of the other adults here using the word “lingo” you would’ve cringed, but there was something cute about the way Joel said it. You tried to snap that thought out of your head.

“Mostly, yeah,” you replied with a little chuckle paired with a curious tone. “What’s up?”

“Do you know what a dilf is?” he asked bluntly. That alone told you he had no idea. 

You were so stunned, all you could think to say was, “why?”

“Well, those girls I mentioned… I overhead some of them calling me that,” he explained, his eyebrows furrowing a little. “It’s not bad, is it?” 

Was this karma coming back to you for starting the nickname? It wouldn’t have surprised you. 

“It’s not bad, no,” you assured while also avoiding the main question.

“What is it then?” Joel’s interest was piqued now and while you couldn’t blame him, you also couldn’t think of a way to make this not weird.

“It’s an acronym,” you started. Joel watched you intently, waiting for an explanation. “It means dad I’d like to…” you trailed off, hinting at him the word to fill in the blank.

Joel just looked even more confused. “To what?”

Somehow he made cluelessness incredibly attractive.

Screw it, you thought. This was already weird. Rip the bandaid off, right? “Fuck,” you finished before you could think better of it. 

“Oh,” he stated. You knew it took a second for realization to hit. “Oh. So that means they, um,”

“It’s basically like saying you’re hot,” you explained, filling in when he couldn’t. You hoped he wouldn’t find it insulting or anything like that.

Joel looked a little bashful but found amusement in the situation nonetheless. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should,” you suggested, then sipped your water. You looked out at the people milling about rather than meeting his gaze.

“Do you think I’m one?”

You nearly choked on your water. “What?”

“Sorry,” Joel apologized quickly, trying to laugh it off. “I shouldn't've asked that.”

“It’s alright,” you assured him. You paused for a minute, contemplating what you might say to that. You got a rush of bravery. “If you’re asking if I think you’re attractive… the answer is yes.”

Joel couldn’t hold back his smile. He tried, but it was a failed effort. It was like he was trying to contain his anticipation. “What about if I wanted to ask you out? What would your answer be then?”

“Yes.”

Joel grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that,” he admitted. 

“Dad!” Sarah’s voice caused the two of you to look away from one another. You saw her running up to you guys and hoped she hadn’t heard a word of your conversation. “Can you come play with me? Mr. Grant just set up a bean bag toss!” 

“Sure, kiddo,” he told her. She grabbed his hand and started to drag him away. 

You smiled a little to yourself at the interaction—he was such a good dad.

Joel slowed her down a little bit to look back at you. “I’ll call you later, okay?” 

“Sounds good,” you replied, chuckling lightly. 

The Millers disappeared into the roaming people. You tried to follow them with your gaze but your attention got torn away.

“Waiting in a line for the bathroom in my own house is messed up,” Bee said, popping out seemingly out of nowhere. “What’s got you so happy?” she wondered, eyeing the smile on your face that couldn’t be erased.

“You won’t believe what just happened,” you replied. A part of you still couldn’t believe it. “I’ve got a date with the neighborhood dilf.”

joel taglist: @the-ice-frozen-ground-red-rose @dontphunkwithmylove @cilliansangel @amethystwonders11 @frogsmuahh037 @andy-rocks @melllinaa @alitaar @melanie451 @b00kw0rmsworld @reverieisaway @avengersfan25 @aheadfullofsteverogers @strangeh0rizons @spideysimpossiblegirl @shannonmariebee

if you would like to be added to the joel taglist just send me an ask or a message! <3

[refigiowen]

All I Need - A Celebration For A Nascent Butterfly

First 30%

I know not when it started, that agonizing pain within my heart. When i started to feel it, i felt like a butterfly that was soon to be.

Let me tell you about it, about me.

This city is an endless inferno, one even those at the top cannot fully escape. People are desensitized to everything, emotions as a whole, may they be love or fear - death as well has become a daily sight for everyone. The gods of this city, sitting atop their corporate thrones have taught us that the more you dare to feel, the less value you have. After all, emotions dictate the mind to think logically. Such is the biggest thorn in the eye of the corporations. And so many of us have stopped feeling alltogether, without any of us even realizing.

And i too was one of them, until i met her. She, who lit a flame within me that consumed all the grey and burned colors into the darkness that was my soul. But who she was, i cannot tell you. I don't know who she was myself.

It all started on just another, monotonous day at work. I walked into the office of Diveroli Workshop, my workplace, and was immediately approached by my co worker and dear friend Gabriel. I will not lie, i first saw him as a strange man, someone whom i should stay away from. But for some unknown reason i simply couldn't. Perhaps it was his openess to me, the fact that he would ask me about my day and my hobbies that locked away all feelings of negativity towards him and, instead, replaced them with feelings of friendship. Him and i would chat during work about all kinds of things.

And one day he would mention his wife and his son to me. It's not the fact that he had a wife and a son that surprised me, it was the entire concept of a family. A family, in most cases, is built on love between individuals. Love. Love is what stood out to me. What even is that? I did not know. "Say, you love your wife dearly yes?" I said to him, not looking away from my work. "Yes, of course, she's all i could ever wish for." He would answer. That wasn't the answer i was looking for.

"What makes you love her so much, then?"

"Her simply being her true self around me, i guess? We don't need to be doing anything and i would feel at peace as long as she is next to me."

"Just that?"

"Well, i suppose that her showing me a side of her that no one else knows is also something worth mentioning? I fell in love with her because of her true self, good and bad points, and because she felt like my other half. She was like a ray of light in a sea of fog, that fog being my own heart."

What he said sounded like nonsense to me. I could not understand his words, they sounded like gibberish in my ears. I nodded and we dropped the topic. But little did i know, i would soon come to understand them more than anyone else.

But his words kept echoing in my mind. Is that all this thing we call love is? I could not wrap my head around it.

Either way i finished my work and went home, before that i remembered to say goodbye to Gabriel. He told me that people do that.

I often times find myself questioning who i am as a person. I hardly even know what brought me here, to the Diveroli Workshop, and where i am now. I am a woman with a single friend, i make swords and all kinds of meele weapons for a living, and i live in a small apartment on the bottom floor. Truly, this life of mine is almost one which i don't lead myself. And yet i find a strange comfort in this loneliness. After all, this loneliness allows me to focus. But then again, focus on what? I hardly know myself, i hardly am aware of who i wanted to be, who i want to be now. Am i really [BUTTERFLY]? I felt a single tear run down my left cheek as i sat on my bed.

This post will be updated in the coming days. This is only the first 30ish percent of the chapter as this will cover A LOT of backstory for the Butterfly. Thank you.

[turtlemagnum]

so, just had my final driving lesson. here's a summary of all that went wrong:

leg cramps on my driving leg! real fuckin distracting! lemme tell ya, hard to concentrate when your leg feels like it's trying to ouroboros itself. god, i feel like i know what it's like to be my mom now.

didn't knock any cones over but i definitely scraped em a few times! and that's a few more times than i scraped em last time! no clue how i simultaneously performed better and worse than last time! i think it's just that i could deal with mistakes better than before? i dunno

driving instructor who, until now seemed like a relatively chill guy (albeit a bit off), outed himself as a racist, sexist, and climate change denier! all within minutes of each other, even. here's how that went down

so, he casually tells me he's not looking forward to the one scheduled after me, and assuming he's dealt with this person before and had a negative experience i just went "that bad, huh?", to which he responded "oh, well, i shouldn't say this, but... it's a black female, hasn't drove before, so..." so like. look, i understand not being enthused about getting behind the wheel with someone who's never drove before. but aside from like, one time before our lessons, that was pretty much me, and he seemed to trust me pretty quickly. so, yeah i don't think it's that much of a stretch to say that's him being prejudiced, right? even if it's in a somewhat mild, conservative boomer kinda way, that still fuckin sucks, ya feel me? also made me feel a bit relieved that i'm pastier than elmer's glue and was born with a fat nutsack, because something's telling me he might've not been as patient with me if i weren't white or god forbid a Femoid.

so, we finish up with the cones, and right as i'm pulling out he starts talking about the weather, i mention how it's supposed to get colder tonight, he says he's hoping for some snow this year and i casually say that i miss when it'd snow more. this prompts him to ease into a bit of a tirade about how the past couple of years were "unnatural", and that while he doesn't believe in global warming he still thinks something fishy is going on, and how global warming is a ploy by the government to get more tax money (?) and how it was the same in the 70s (???) . and it's like. oh, man, i'm glad you waited for the last possible opportunity to go full mask off on this huh. and like, i feel like i should count my blessings because it definitely felt more like, generic conservative boomer and not like White Nationalist Hate Crimes Guy type, so i guess it could've been worse? like i got the feeling any bigotry he had was less out of outright hatred and more out of a vague discomfort/lack of empathy, which, y'know. still bad. didn't get the vibe that he was a klansman, y'know? could've been worse i guess??? God. guess i'm just glad he took until basically the last possible moment he could've to out himself like that. i'll definitely take 30ish minutes of uncomfortable hmms rather than the 6 or so hours i spent with him total.

anyways my leg still sucks. i need to eat more bananas. or maybe pickles, i hear drinking pickle juice can help with leg cramps. the takeaway i guess is just God I'm Glad That's Over. not even really mad that he technically dropped me off just a bit earlier than he should've

[never-not-ever]

Yes I made an iced vanilla latte at 10:30pm 🤷🏻‍♀️ (it's now 11:30, but I started this post an hour ago 😅). But it’s some instant Maxwell coffee packet which I keep meaning to google to see if there's even any caffeine in these (about 60ish hmmm). I remember last year I was hooked on these when I was inpatient.

Also these are my current nails. Hard to tell in the photo but it's supposed to be a sparkly dark purple. On my other hand it's the opposite. So white on my index and middle finger. I just did these last Wednesday and normally I give them at least two weeks but I have this new Christmasy set I found at T.J. Maxx that I really want to put on...

The green looks a lot darker in person. I guess I'll make this a silly little useless ramble post about nails....

So I've been using nail strips, specifically Dashing Diva for about two years now and I'm still so obsessed. Even during my 10 months inpatient every couple weeks I'd do my nails. It was always a nice little self care.

I used to get acrylics done every 2 weeks with my ex best friend all the time. I'd always tell my nail lady that I had to get acrylics, that my nails were too thin and frail and to be honest they were. But she'd always tell me I hd to just give my natural nails a chance.

I eventually switched to gel and then to dip. When I moved out of my childhood home and had to start paying rent and bills like an Adult ™️ I figured I needed to start saving money and stopped getting my nails done and nails were in the worst shape. It was such a painful transition especially because I worked with my hands in the florist and they were constantly getting wet watering plants and such.

Anywho I'd occasionally get my nails done for weddings but that was it. Fast forward a couple years later, I went to a wedding and tried Color Street nail strips and they were great for the night but they peeled off and didn't last long. But I loved the quick application process and how nice they looked right away. So then I ventured out and tried Dashing Diva and I've been hooked ever since. It's been two years I think.

Like I said they last me about two weeks but I could probably stretch it to three. For anyone who doesn't know, they're a flimsy strip that sticks to your nail and you can file off the excess but over time I've found that using nail clippers works best. Which is why I like to wait at least two weeks cause then it works out that I'm like trimming my nails and cutting off the excess at the same time.

I've ordered from their site where it's priced from like $7-$10 depending on designs but T.J. Maxx and Marshall's always has them for like $5 which is such a steal! Target and Walmart have them too. They also have a nail strip that hardens with a UV lamp and they have press on nails too. I honestly love this brand so much.

They have about 30ish different sizes and it's supposed to be simple that you just find one that fits your nail bed and tada! But about a year ago I started becoming very picky and using nail scissors and trimming it to fit my nail even better. What started out as a quick 10-15 minute process can now take me over an hour lol.

When I was inpatient in the beginning I had to resort back to just matching it as best as I could but then over time I was able to sign out my nail scissors which to be quite honest I am SHOCKED they let me sign out, even during art because those things are sharp as fuck but I wasn't complaining lol.

Anywho maybe I can look back and find some old favorite sets of mine...

Ughhhh that was from 2 years ago and I've never been able to find that set again!! It was one of my favs... Fun little fact.. There's a silver sheet in between the layers of the nail strips and it makes a reflective shadow on the wall which is Jett's favorite thing in the world so whenever I'd do my nails he would join in on the fun....

That stained glass design was another 👌🏻

I'm not much of a mauve colored kind of gal these days but those two bottles at the bottom- I didn't use to use way back when I first started using these. So if anyone is reading this and considering giving it a try these two are a must. The Magic Off is to get the strips off. I used to just peel them off, and boy did that ruin my nails for a bit. That red cap bottle is just a base seal that you put under the strips before you put them on.

I can talk about these things forever. Clearly.... Let me see if I have anymore photos 😅

Using my cat as a backdrop lmao. But another photo of Jett joining me during Nail Time 😭

I swear I had more but oh well. Better to end this long post already. Maybe Sunday I'll redo them with the trees and presents which now that I think of it... kind of ironic since I hate the holidays and am very Grinch like 💚

[marikos-diary]

It has been an eventful day! I have a lot to report.

I ended up going to bed last night around 11:30ish and I woke up just around 9 today. Mom had asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to the outlet mall with her when it opened at 11 and I told her yes depending on when I woke up since things are easier at night right now. So I was really relieved when I woke up at 9! I had set an alarm for 7, but I guess I slept through it. I guess I needed the rest. I’ve been so stressed and anxious lately so I suppose that isn’t surprising.

So, I had coffee and a soda that I had gotten the night before and woke up slowly. I even remembered to take my medicine! I considered taking my as needed one before going out but I was feeling good and not too worried and mom is my safe person so I decided not to.

Mom got us sodas and hash browns from Burger King and I guess there was a long line because I live right down the road from there and she didn’t get here until like 10:45! I was ready and was able to leave the house without much fuss and without needing to take a photo or video of the door being locked. These days I only do that at night before bed anyway.

So, the outlet mall was about an hour away and the drive was nice. We saw two Harris/Walz signs on the way! That was super cool. Presumably they were put up because it is hunting season and people will see them when they go up north. We talked some about the election and I told her about my security camera revelation and how I was sorry I didn’t do it sooner, and she was super supportive. I was worried about being judged for planning on putting one in my bedroom but nope she said she totally understood. I think especially as a young woman living alone it just makes sense.

Anyway I had a smoke when we got to the outlet malls and checked the camera just to see the cats. Callie was fast asleep on the back of the couch, and Boo wasn’t in frame so I assume she was in her tower. I showed mom Callie asleep through the camera and she said that it must be so reassuring. It really really is.

After my smoke we started at the Michael Kors store on the hunt for wallets. We found some good ones but nothing I super wanted, and also I was getting anxious because one of the sales people was kind of pushy so we left and moved on to the coach store. They had some super cute Halloween stuff and a wallet mom seriously considered but we ultimately left empty handed. We walked all the way to the Ralph Lauren store and checked there next. They had a super small selection so it didn’t take long to rule them out. We went back to the Michael Kors store and seriously considered some of them but in the end decided against it. Kind of a bummer, since we drove an hour out, but it worked out because now we each had a better idea of what we want.

We decided to stop in two more stores. I was casually looking for winter sweatpants and saw a store called something something cozy. But it was all leggings :/ no sweatpants in sight. Mom wanted to stop in the Skechers store so we went there, and she did end up finding a new pair of slip ons! She asked me if I wanted to look but I am a dedicated Keds customer because their stuff always fits me in size and style.

Then we made our way back home. We stopped at a Culver’s along the way and each got an order of cheese curds and another soda, as is our usual pharmacy pick up tradition. The wait was longer than we are used to because usually we go around 10am and this time it was 12:45pm but it was worth the wait. After that we made our way back to town and saw another Harris sign and that was really nice. We stopped at the local pharmacy for mom’s medicine and then she took me home.

I got home around like 2ish I think so I was gone for like three hours! Total record! And I hardly felt anxious at all. When I started getting worried about a break in, I just checked my front door camera and could see that it was closed and no one was there and that the system was armed. It really helped a lot.

I found a wallet online that I think I am going to get with the data I gathered while we were out today. It ticks all the boxes for things I want in a wallet, and seems high quality. So I’ll plan on doing that soon.

After finding a wallet and saving the listing I decided to look for sneakers and slip on boots for cold weather on the keds website. And I found both!!!! My sneakers are super sleek and are white with a red and a black accent line, and my boot slip ons are…. Also sneakers lmao but to me they are boots. They are tan suede I think with faux fur lining and a zipper on the side and fake laces. So I’ll just wear those at any time I would preciously have worn my sandals. Which is basically going out for smokes or to get a soda or something, or when it was warmer out actually wearing them out and about to outings. So that was really exciting!

And then I started thinking about how cold my feet have been getting in the house and how it would be nice to have a pair of slippers to wear with wool socks or even without but mostly with because of foot germs. And so I researched high quality slipper brands and found some moccasins from LL bean and got those. They have a real shearling lining and are a very cozy plaid color.

I don’t have anywhere to go now so I didn’t really pay attention to delivery dates since I am 90% sure I will be home to get it right away, but I think both orders are delivered in the next week or so. Maybe two weeks at most. So that is exciting. The rain yesterday really was a turning point for the weather cooling down, so I will be grateful for all my warm shoe options. And also my current sneakers are falling apart. So. I should probably toss them right now but I will wait until the new ones arrive.

THEN I went out for a smoke and had one in my car. I wasn’t as afraid of being caught as no one was out so I just vibed. I’ll go for another here in a few minutes. But while I was out there I felt kind of bad for ashing in the parking lot and tossing the butt there. Like, not super bad, because fuck McKinley, but kind of bad like oh no what if they collect them and dna test them and find out it is me!!!! Totally probably out there stuff but enough to make me feel anxious and think twice. So I went on Amazon and found one of those cupholder car ash trays and ordered it, along with some quality winter sweatpants. I have high hopes for those.

Both of those are being delivered tomorrrow… supposedly to the apartment. But everytime I have tried to have things from Amazon delivered here in the past they get delivered to the office which is kind of far away and really annoying!! And then I have to go there and I get super anxious and it is awful. So I have been getting them delivered to moms house which she is fine with and that’s okay but I also don’t like that because it is just irritating. And also she always asks me questions about what I ordered and I really really hate that because it feels like an invasion of privacy. I ask her not to and she stops for a while but she always starts again. It’s very stressful. SO I am going to try it delivering to the apartment and pray and hope it actually gets here. All of my neighbors get their Amazon to their APARTMENT DOORS without issue it seems. I mean, I see Amazon drivers delivering to the building most days. So why not meeeeeeeeee ugh. I will try and hope and we shall see.

Anyway, I am going to have dinner and then have a smoke. After I am going to watch a scary movie that I have been wanting to see. I am kind of anxious about that and it might not happen tonight but I am really really going to try! I’m going to take my as needed anxiety med and try.

That’s all for now. Talk later!

[siryouarebeingmocked]

mitchels vs machines (spoilers)

didn’t like it

I wanted to watch it when it came out, because I heard the name ‘miller and lord’, the guys who did Spider-Verse and other cool stuff. Then I saw the main character had a Pride pin on her shirt, and I was worried it would be woke.

But I gave it a shot anyway.

Take a look at the main character, Katie. What do you think her core character concept is?

>Ironically post-grunge teen hipster?

Good guess, but no. Here’s a hint; she’s about to leave for art school. Combine that with the Pride pin.

>Her design concept is stereotypical college lesbian?

So I assume.

But okay, it’s a cartoon, they deal in broad archetypes. Whatever. You know what also bugs me about the movie? Much more? As a character designer?

The eyes.

Look at them.

The bodies are mostly realistic, with stylized proportions, but the eyes are just tiny dots in an oval of almost-flat white like a psycho Korean webcomic character. All that’s missing is the fisheye overhead lens.

There’s probably ways to make those work in 3D, but the animators used precisely none of them. They’re barely even 3D.

Okay, okay, I’m kidding. Let’s scale it back. To that horrible Squirrel Girl art.

I browse /r/ImaginarySliceOfLife. There’s a lot of pictures there with a realistically drawn setting, a realistic character/s, and then the face is basically standard flat anime cel-shading. MvstM’s art direction reminds me of that.

Let’s get back to Katie. While she’s chatting with her pals on Zoom or whatever, one of them tries to sell her on the school because it has “diversity”. No backspin or depth, the statement just lays there. This is foreshadowing for the reveal that she’s gay/bi at the end, when she reaches the school and the girl we thought was her friend was actually her girlfriend! What a tweest!

Oh, wait, no, I’m not sure why we’re actually supposed to care about that. It’s not some shocking twist. Is it trying to improve gay acceptance by making us like the character and then revealing she was gay? Because it wasn’t exactly subtle. Or well-written. I don’t see how it recontextualized her character in any significant way. It just feels extremely token. 

...California should’ve been a hint.

Writing-wise, what’s the lie the protagonists believe? The Dad thinks tech is bad. The mom keeps using her phone to compare herself to the perfect Joneses, played by John Legend and Chrissy Teigen basically playing themselves. 

The son is obsessed with dinosaurs and also he thinks the Joneses’ daughter is cute and he’s socially awkward. Katie...well, she feels her small town doesn’t appreciate her and her tastes and her ironic, 30ish-writer’s idea of what the kids like these days, (which is apparently Youtube poops) - and want to go to art school.

Oddly enough, I should empathize with her. I went off to art school. I didn’t fit in at home. We both wear glasses. Heck, she’s even part black, and I’m entirely black. I’m from the Caribbean, so I think that makes me, like, 120% black.

But her story still bores me.

Ostensibly, the idea is “she learns to appreciate her family and her new friends by working together to save the world from the Metaphors.” The mom should learn that the other family isn’t perfect and she needs to accept her own family’s flaws and stop comparing herself to the Joneses’ idealized image. Dad learns tech isn’t all bad. Little brother learns how to accept himself and take his shot and of course it turns out the Joneses’ daughter actually likes to hear him talk about dinos.

Did I mention that I’ve also been writing regularly for over a decade now? On top of being a bibliophile?

These are all good arcs, on paper - I’ve written about and struggled with some of them myself - but I just wasn’t feeling it. I think the script needed more time in the oven.

I stopped watching in one scene where the tech-company-AI’s rogue robots are hunting all humans - yes, I know, the metaphor is very nuanced - and the tech-hating dad takes their phones and gleefully stomps them to pieces, a gigantic smile on his face, insisting he’s not enjoying it.

Then he hands the little pieces back to the son, who thanks him. 

And that’s the joke.

It’s not actually funny to me. It’s just awkward and cringy. Maybe that’s because I spend most of my waking hours looking at a screen, but all I could think of was the hundreds of bucks of electronics he was cheerfully destroying.

Maybe it would’ve been funnier on Fairly Oddparents, in 2D. Maybe it would’ve been funnier without the other three family members watching him in shock and horror.

Now that I’m typing this maybe it reminded me - somewhere deep down - of my own abusive mother, who once destroyed a book I was reading in similar fashion.

Maybe that’s my real problem with the movie.

TEAL DEAR: Movie’s not woke, IMO, just mediocre.

[wukodork]

Good news! The bulk of the last episode is a fight scene, so it’s immune to the worst of the bad parts of the show.

Bad news, not all of it is.

Now there actually are quite a few good moments, but they’re fleeting moments. Hopefully you enjoy them enough that you still enjoy the episode overall. Unfortunately, I’m at a point where I don’t want to see Grogu again. I’ll probably see the next show whatever it is, but I Do Not Care what happens to Grogu anymore. Din has a support system now, they can help him grieve if something bad happens. I might have still liked most of it if the beginning of the episode wasn’t filled with almost everything I didn’t like in the show. There were so many things that were exactly my kind of bullshit.

Fennec does not work as the exposition dump character. I don’t know if it’s the direction, or if Ming-Na decided to give a subpar performance for some reason (if she did I hope it was out of spite). Honestly her exposition scene at the beginning and last episode made me wonder if she’s actually the only one being filmed at the time and they cg’d her in esp since Disney is notorious for cging the laziest things. She’s good in the entire rest of the episode and even has probably the best part in the ep, but the beginning of the ep is just “meh.”

And then Boba. Mr. Fett I love you, but maybe don’t take battle advice from the extremely young biker gang that might be literal children? (I don’t remember how old they are, nor do I care) You don’t.....you don’t protect a city but luring an army to the city. I honestly can’t think of a good doylist reason to have the battle be in the city rather than at the palace where they can control the flow of battle better, especially since by making their stand in the city they’re putting all the civilians at risk. People died because they chose to hide out in the city. Half the city was destroyed by Boba’s rancor because they chose to hide in the city.

Boba does ride the rancor and it is indeed awesome. Other really cool things are Boba and Din vs the Pyke Syndacite’s army, a weird but delightful side character ship (that I honestly hope is broken off before either of them show up again), Fennec showing off why she’s the best assassin, Cad Bane literally just hanging around to bully Boba and Boba busting out his gaffi skills again. There also some moments with Grogu that are genuinely good, but I’m also quite bitter about him and Din hijacking the show for two episodes.

There’s also this line that’s supposed to be super dramatic with Cad Bane going “I KNEW you were a killer!” to Boba and it just...... Look. The first thing we ever knew about Boba Fett was that he kills people. He’s been a killer, this is not some revelation. The show keeps going on about how Boba needs to get his hands dirty and it’s weird but workable with Fennec, because she’s friends with Boba and is aware that he’s trying to change. But from Cad Bane it’s hilarious hearing him call the guy Vader was all “NO DISINTIGRATIONS” at a killer like it was some big condemnation. I guess they never crossed paths in the 30ish years between when they saw each other in Clone Wars and now.

Oh I forgot, even though the writing is rather cringe,  there’s something beautiful about Boba telling Cad that he can’t bully him anymore bc he’s not a little boy anymore.

Ming-Na and Temura deserved so much better. They’re both so good and they really do give much better performances than the crap they were given deserves.

I had thought of maybe doing a rewrite, but I don’t think I could write the changes I’d want well enough to be happy with it and I don’t want to rewatch the show. Maybe I’ll just throw up an outline. Maybe two, one with the same major beats as the show and one with them altered slightly more.

Ugh what was even the point of having the rancor rampage? All it did was undermine Boba and prop up Grogu.

[lovingllix]

[10:34pm]

the work story! sorry i didn’t post it yesterday, i fell asleep. but yeah, here’s the events of saturday night for you all!

-

finally. after an exhausting six hour shift at the restaurant, you’re home. you take your shoes off at the door and catch a glimpse of minho lying on the sofa with his phone lighting up his face.

“hey, i was getting worried about you. you’re over an hour late getting home; were you busy?” he shuts off his phone and sits up, patting the spot beside him for you to sit.

“not exactly,” you sigh. “someone was really rude to me when i was cleaning off a table. you know i was supposed to host tonight, but jisoo and i decided to switch so she ended up hosting and i wait assisted. so-“

“hold on, what’s wait assisting again? i know you told me before but i don’t remember.” he turns to face you, taking your hand in his to let you know you have his full attention.

“basically just running food to tables and cleaning off tables when people get up. so i’m doing that tonight instead of jisoo. everything was going smoothly until like 7:30ish. i was cleaning a table outside and some lady at the next table was like ‘i thought jisoo was wait assisting.’ so then i told her we switched before we opened. super easy explanation right?”

minho nods.

“wrong. yoona, that table’s waitress, comes out and the lady asks again why jisoo wasn’t wait assisting. she tells her again and we start telling her how good jisoo does up front on weekends and i tell her that i get a little overwhelmed and anxious on the weekends when it’s busy. guess what this bitch says to me!”

“oh god.”

“she’s like ‘well if you have anxiety you really shouldn’t be working in a restaurant in the first place,’ like what the fuck? why would you say that to someone? wow thanks that really makes me feel good about myself. so i walk away and she continues to talk shit. so then i’m telling my coworkers about what she said and jisoo comes up and is like ‘you know that’s my mom, right?’ and im just like...uh no i did not know that was your mom, she was really rude though. so yoona goes out and tells them straight up she’s not waiting on them anymore if they’re gonna be talking about our employees like that. so they leave and leave no tip on their $100 check.”

minho’s face morphs into shock, his eyebrows furrowing and jaw dropping open.

“that’s terrible, baby, why would she say something like that to you? to anyone, really. do i need to find her and tell her off?”

you let out a chuckle at his antics. he’s always so protective.

“no, but if she comes in again i may just spill food on her on purpose. then jisoo got pissed at both yoona and me for getting offended at what her mom said. like i’m sorry was i supposed to just laugh it off like it’s okay? she was already pissed that i was wait assisting even though i told her i would host if she wanted me to. so y’know what? she can wait assist all she wants next week because i’m off. we’re going on vacation since you have time off as well and i want to spend time with you.”

minho laughs, pulling you into his chest. he smells like cinnamon and faintly of your perfume. he’d been wrapped up in one of your blankets, for sure. before you know it, you’re both lying together on the couch, hands intertwined. minho loves playing with your fingers, just holding your hand in his, seeing how well they fit together. he runs his hand up and down your side, occasionally sliding under your t-shirt ‘accidentally.’

“anything else interesting happen tonight? why were you so late getting off?” he asks, hoping your night went better after the incident.

“shit.”

“hm?” he looks down at you through his lower lashes, a cute double chin forming with his silly face. he still looks just as handsome as always.

“shit. some guy blew up the bathroom. he’d been in there for a while, left, then when we went in to to the bathroom cleanup, you know siyeon, the one who has the cats?”

minho nods again, remembering when he and siyeon met at the restaurant and talked for about ten minutes about their cats.

“she goes into the men’s room to put the trash can back in the stall. she comes out absolutely gagging saying how terrible it is in there. we don’t believe her, so i go back in with her to check it out and there is shit everywhere. all over the toilet, the floor, minho it was on the walls.”

this time, his face is a mix of shock and pure disgust.

“tell me you’re kidding.”

you shake your head, laughing.

“i swear to god, minho. it was everywhere. how does that even happen? like if your ass is on the toilet how the fuck do you get shit on the walls?”

you both tumble into a fit of laughter, tears running down your faces.

“...and then siyeon, siyeon had to go clean it up! she had to mop the fucking walls, babe, i swear! she had on like three masks! we all promised her she never ever has to do bathrooms ever again!”

minho clutches his stomach and sighs in pain. you haven’t laughed this hard in forever.

“poor siyeon, you guys didn’t even help her? heartless!”

that night, you fall asleep on the couch. you’ll definitely have a crick in your neck, but it doesn’t matter. you’re with the love of your life, your best friend.

maybe tomorrow will be better.

[mackdaddynate]

hurt less: cale makar

Note: this is completely self-indulgent, as well as the first thing I’ve finished in over a year so enjoy! And remember to check in on your homies, things are hard rn <3

Warnings: a lot of anxiety

Cale’s key unlocking the front door woke you from your nap. It was dark now, and the crisp autumn air of Denver rushed through the open window behind you.

“Hey babe,” he said, setting his keys on the counter and walking over to the couch to kiss your forehead.

“Hey,” you managed to say. The words came out much softer than you expected.

“Sorry to wake you. Room for one more?” he asked, gesturing to the couch.

You nodded, rubbing your eyes. You sat up only to lay right back down, resting your head in his lap. He absentmindedly began playing with your curls, gently twisting them around his fingers.

“Cale, what time is it?”

“7:30ish, I think.” He double-checked his phone and nodded to confirm. “Feeling okay?”

He would’ve had to have been wildly unobservant to not notice your tossing and turning before falling asleep or the way you found yourself gasping for air in the middle of the night. You were anxious about pretty much everything recently, and it became nearly unbearable at night, when all you wanted to do was sleep and forget. When it happened last night, he just pulled you closer to him, rubbing your back until everything slowed down again. There’s no way he didn’t feel your heart hammering in your chest, but you’d planned to blame it on a nightmare.

You didn’t want to be struggling, but you really didn’t want to interfere with Cale’s shortened off-season. He was supposed to be relaxing, not keeping track of the bags under your eyes that somehow kept getting even puffier.

“Yeah, just tired. Classes have been a lot of work,” you said.

He sighed, so heavily that you could feel his sharp exhale from your spot in his lap.

“You know you can tell me the truth.”

You cursed yourself for forgetting that Cale has always been able to read your emotions like a book. And you usually thought it was sweet that the two of you knew each other so well, but this time you felt more like a burden.

You turned to look at him, and his brows were furrowed. As soon as he looked back at you, your eyes welled with tears. His features immediately softened. He put your hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean- “

“No, you’re right, I should explain myself. I know you’re just worried.”

He nodded as you wiped the first batch of tears away, knowing that there were more where that came from. He was still holding onto your hand, now rubbing little circles with his thumb.

“Sorry, I- I kind of just feel like I’m running on empty but as soon as I try to give myself a break, I’m too stressed to enjoy it. And classes are hard, but I’m more scared that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. And it’s like I’ve got nothing to look forward to right now and I just wake up so exhausted and it feels like I’m living the same day over and over again.”

You’d been focusing your eyes on the ceiling, tears falling harder now. He brushed them away with his thumb.

“Come here.”

He pulled you into his lap and held you. You wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head into his chest and holding on for dear life. You knew he was going to have your tears all over his sweatshirt, but the only thing you could focus on at the moment was trying to breathe.

“I’m really sorry,” you struggle to say between sobs.

“Just breathe with me for a bit, okay?” He guided you through some inhales and exhales until your breathing was a bit more stable. “Now look at me,” he said, gently tipping your chin up.

“For what it’s worth, you’re the smartest person I know and I’m really proud of you. And I know I won’t fix everything, but I guess I just have to spoil you a little more than usual right now. I want to take care of you, you know? Otherwise I’d kind of be a shitty boyfriend,” he said, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen onto your face behind your ear.

You giggled, “Yeah well, you’re not shitty if I don’t ask for help.” It really was a relief to tell someone, especially your favorite person.

“Tell me sooner next time, yeah? Did you eat today?”

“Mmmm… barely.” You got nauseous when you were anxious, which sucked, but it was cute that he remembered.

“How about a sandwich? And maybe some tea?”

You nodded, “Thanks baby.”

“You gotta let me out first though.” He tapped your shoulder to get you off of him, but not without kissing your forehead first. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Even right now?”

“Even right now,” he said, grinning.

He returned to the couch with your sandwich, tea, and a big glass of water before you knew it. He wrapped his arm around you and inched closer to your side of the couch.

“Cale, I’m super sorry about earlier. Thanks for putting up with me.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. I sort of can’t stay away from you, and you do have a few redeeming qualities.”

“Shut up,” you say, laughing between mouthfuls. After a few more minutes you finish off your food. “Can we watch a movie from bed?”

“Lead the way.”

You head into the other room and immediately flop down on your bed, with Cale immediately doing the same. You curled up next to him, your feet tangled with his and your head on his chest. You got around 20 minutes into the movie before your eyes were drooping. You knew Cale was teasing you, but you didn’t really have the words to stand up for yourself.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you said softly, words heavy with sleep. He laughed at you once again, before giving you a quick peck on the lips.

“God, you’re adorable.”

[yamithediaperdork]

Speed Run (Ben 10, Hypermessing)

it was 9 in the morning when Ben Tennyson opened his eyes while wincing slightly from the bright light coming in though one of the rust bucket's windows. The 10 year part time hero whined softly, reaching blindly for a pillow to cover his face, annoyed to have been woken up from a dream where he was declared most awesome hero in the universe, while Gwen had been declared biggest baby. The irony of the dream wasn't lost on Ben, as his gurgling tummy made him sit up. the Blankets fell back and showed that while Ben was sleeping in a PJ top, he was also sporting a bulky diaper around his hips. Some unknown side effect of the watch had it while Ben could turn into different aliens, it had wreaked havoc with his bladder control. with a small degree of control during the day he could manage on pull ups, but at night he wore thick bulky diapers, made even thinker as he'd started to mess the bed as well. His tummy gurgled and let it know it's demands to be fed, so Ben slid out of bed and waddled over to the table, where there was a note.

'Ben, Me and Gwen went out on a nature hike. it started bright and early and know that's not your thing. should be back around 9:30ish. Change your own diapers and DON"T FORGET TO TOSS IT OUT!! Love max and Gwen.'

Ben chuckled, he kinda deserved that last one after mayybe putting a super poopie diaper in three plastic bags and putting it in a pillow cover..and putting said pillow in place of Gwen's pillow. Still the look on Gwen's face as she went face first into her pillow to relax and got a face of dirty diaper had been worth the spanking and 40 minute time out! But this morning he decided he could be a good boy, in theory at least, and so he could changed and tossed the soaked diaper into the diaper pail. one quick shower and dry off later and he slid on a pair of Paw patrol pull-ups, then his trade mark pants and shirt. Spotting some money on table, Ben assumed it was for him to go and grab something to eat at the little dinner that was part of the information center for the park. Given the choice between Grandpa's leftovers or runny eggs, Ben chose the less then stellar dinner and headed out, making sure to lock the rust bucket, but forgetting his keys inside.

Gwen was in a rotten mood as they headed back towards the center. what was suppose to be a mild and relaxing hike,m with fun facts being told about the area had been instead more of a forced march and no facts. Tired, achy and grumpy and now she got to come back and deal with Ben. 'I swear, if he didn't toss his fucking huggies out again..' Gwen thought, still made about what had happened the other night. gramps headed into the center to talk with the rangers supervisor as Gwen looked and spotted Ben in the dinner though a window. His stupid smug happy face, with his chin glistening with bacon grease while her belly was full of stale and heavy protein bars. Was it really any wonder that in a fit of pent up anger, Gwen might of unleashed a little bit of magical hell on Ben? swamping his fairly strong bowel control with his weak bladder control, expanding just how fast his body processed food, and heightening his ability to feel shame so it could be parleying. with it done, she retreated into the rust bucket, making sure to lock the door behind her and sat by the window as she pretended to read a book. 'And if Benny things this is all, he doesn't know what he's walking into.' Gwen thought with a smirk,.

wiping his chin and letting out a loud burp, Ben leaned back in his booth and patted his belly. "ah..that was good." he mumbled to himself, eyes closed. "uh, aren't you gonna say excuse me?" Came a disgusted female voice. Ben opened a eye, ready to tell off whoever was scolding him but as he looked on, it was a cute Asian girl, about his age and her black hair was in pig-tails. Her arms were crossed and she was giving Ben a look that all but said 'I'm waiting!' "I uh.. Hi my Ben is name." Ben said, giving her his best charming look and holding out a hand. as he clued into what he had said she giggled a little. "well then Name, aren't you going to say excuse me..for the belch." she said when he looked clueless. "J-Just Ben.. and Uh.. excuse me." Ben said and blushed, scooting over and offering her a seat. Or at least that was his intention. what actually happened as he went to scoot over was his guts churned and he let out a massive fart, and the padding in the booth didn't do much to muffle it. "...really?"  The girl asked, holding her nose and waving a hand. "I uh.. excuse me?" Ben said, rubbing the back of his head and then leaning forward and grabbing his tummy as he started farting again "G-gah!" he cried out, then even as the girl went to ask if he was alright, he was sprinting up. "Gotta potty!" Squirming past the girl Ben took off in a dead run, farting every step of the way as he raced towards the Men's room. he tried the handle and it wouldn't open, then he noticed the 'out of order' sign on the door. By this point the farts were totally wet and there was no chance in hell they weren't skid-marked, though Ben had bigger worries as he scrambled for the exit, willing himself to hold onto his back door bomb. the cramps got worse and people were staring and pointing, some of the other kids laughing and it slowed Ben down from a dead run to a brisk walk, sweating and waving as his face was beet red and his farted were coming out non stop. 'I'm not going to shit myself. I'm not going to shit myself. I'm not going to shit myself.' Ben mentally chanted in his head, wobbling as he made his way towards the rust bucket. 'I'm not going to shit myself. I'm going to shit myself. anddd I'm shitting myself..' Ben thought, so close but he couldn't even make it to the door before he finally lost the battle. gracefully going down onto his knees, Ben hunched over and braced his hands on the pavement, then cried out as hell was unleashed in his pants. The pull up put up a good fight but was baseball sized lumps started to come out of the boy, it was only a matter of time before the pull up gave up the fight and ripped, ruining not only the pull up but now his pants as Ben made a massive steaming load. as he finished disgracing himself, Ben looked up to see the girl from inside making a disgusted face as her parents hurried her to the car.

Right about then was when Gwen came out  of the rust bucket. as much fun as that had been to watch, she had much much worse plans for little Benny. "Ugh, really Ben? this is why i told you to wear your diaper, not a pull up.. come on stinky." She said, shaking her head. she was of course hamming it up for the crowd but was pleased when she noted how little fight was in Ben as she brought him inside. "heh, at least your pants are dry." She smirked as Ben looked down, confirming that while he HAD crapped himself, his front was dry. "Oh come on!" Ben huffed. "Look Ben.. were suppose to be here for a few more days..and I don't think that's going away any time soon." Gwen said as Ben huffed and whined. "Normally i wouldn't do this, but there IS a spell i can do, to give you a redo at this. I should warn you though, you have to er.. take on handicaps with it." "Just tell me it'll help me keep from crapping my pants." Ben said. "well yeah. also .the spell will only give you three shots.. soo Don't blown it." "Pffft Like I would." Ben said and Gwen smirked, and blasted him.

Run 1- Padded

Ben blinked, one second he had been talking to Gwen but now he was back in the dinner, and in clean pants. he had the last bite of his egg and bacon sandwich and looked around, spotting the Asian girl and smiling at her. instead of a smile back, she made a face and it was then he recalled he'd had food in his mouth at that point. Swallowing quickly he squirmed in his seat. It was as he squirmed he heard a noise he knew VERY well! The crinkle of his bulky overnight diapers! Squeezing his thighs together Ben quickly confirmed that he WAS wearing one of the DIAPERS in the dinner and hoped no on had noticed! he tried to draw on any memory from coming in and had a faint flash of him waddling over to the booth and the girl having smirked and called over to him to..oh god! Pull up his pants, his diaper was showing! He nibbled on the last piece of his breakfast in silence and blushing as the Girl got up and came over. "Hi I'm Julie. what's your name?" she asked, a pleasant smile on her face. "I Uh..I'm.." Ben stammered, butterflies in his tummy but he smiled back. "I'm Ben! that's right. Ben! B e n! Ben!" they both froze at what he had said, and the toddler tone he had used to say it. 'way to go dork, if she didn't think you were special before she does now!' Ben groaned, rubbing the back of his head and giving a sheepish smile. "Huh.neat. anyways...So my parents have been scolding me for teasing you. They said not to assume your just one of those little diaper boys and uh.. guessing their right. do you know where your mommy or daddy is?" Julie asked. Ben went to tell her thanks, but he could manage on his own when a sharp cramp like before hit him. 'But..but I was just farting at this point!' Ben thought before a thunder poot escaped into his diaper. the thick diaper did help muffle the sound though and Ben whimpered. "Please move hafa boom!" he said childishly, and started to try and get past Julie, ending up shoving her out of his way as he tried to run to the rust bucket. He made it as far as out the front door though as his guts churned and then he fell to his knees clutching his tummy. "Gonna go poopie!" he whined, tears welling up and then he was pushing out his back door bomb. the diaper held onto the load better then the pull ups, and just expanded and pushed, making Ben's pants expand and the seams start to rip as the massive formerly white diaper tried to strain though. The pants lost the war and Ben's bloated and stained diaper was on display for all to see as he started to wail.

Run 2- In the navy

Ben blinked as he was back in the dinner again, but this time he wasn't alone. Sitting next to him and keeping him pinned in was Gwen, who looked just as surprised as Ben to be there. At least until she got a look at what he was wearing and started to snicker. Ben went to ask what her problem was, but Gwen pointed to the window so he could see his reflection. Ben was in a white little sailor suit, with the short shorts and of COURSE was once again diapered. Only the white shorts didn't even try to hide his diapered state. "awww, aren't you just a lil cutie." Gwen teased and then pinched his cheek. "Owww! gweennn cut it out! let's just go back to the rust bucket OK?" Ben huffed, slapping her hand away and then making his demand, arms crossed and looking like a grumpy big toddler. "ah ah ah..Use your manners Lil Benny." Gwen scolded lightly, waging a finger back and forth. "BITE ME!" Ben huffed and glared definitely at her. For al of 3 seconds before seeing the look on her face. "I love you and we're family!" he squeaked out fast and put his hands together begging for mercy. "Anyone here mind if I spank a diaper boy brat? His diaper will be staying on, this is just a little reminding him of his place." Gwen called out. "nah, go for it." "let me get the boys out of her first.." Ben whimpered, but had a glimmer of hope. "Sure, he's been a brat all morning." "Don't bother me." After all, if enough people said no, they could just go to the rust bucket and- "Can I help?" Wait, why the hell was everyone agreeing with her!? and had Julie just asked to help!? "sure, though how much help I'll need depends on widdle Benny here. Are you gonna be a good big toddler and take your spanking like a man and brace yourself on the table. or do me and.." Gwen paused and turned to the girl. "Julie." "ah nice to meet you. I'm Gwen.. anyways Ben, does Julie have to hold you over the table while i paddle your padded rump?" Neither choice was all that appealing to Ben truth be told, but as he went to answer the question anther pressing matter appeared. he hadn't even felt the need before he just found himself standing up up the seat, bending his knees and grunting. eyes closed though whimpers loud, the seat of his shorts started to expand as Ben unloaded a mighty load into the seat of his diapers. Gwen moved fast to save the shorts and yanked them down to around his ankles, then backed away making a face as his rapidly filling diaper almost smushed her in the face. "Gah! Ben! what did you eat!?!" Gwen cried out holding her nose as the diaper sagged. A totally rotten smell filled the room and if Gwen hadn't of used magic to reinforce the diaper it would of leaked for sure. In the end Ben's diaper went down to his Kneecaps in the back, and the front was only slightly higher. "Holy hell little dude!" Julie said, jaw dropping. "C-Can we skip the spanking?" Ben asked while panting. "..yeah ok." Gwen said, eye twitching.

Run 3 - rocking that crinkle

Ben blinked and found himself back further then normal. In fact, he was back to just after shutting the rust buckets door. 'heh.. man. this is easy! I'll just avoid going inside and plant my butt on the pooper!' Ben thought. He tugged at the rust bucket door, and then recalled that he'd locked the door. "no sweat, I'll just reach into my..Pocket.." Ben trailed offed as he went to stick his hand in his pocket and only brushed his hand on slick plastic. and it was at this point the Ben realized he'd been attracting attention in the parking lot, what with being in nothing but a thick white diaper with teddy bears on them and a pair of paw patrol sneakers. "H-Heh.. No. No no no no.." Ben said, a nervous smile on his face as he tried the door again. and again.  "This is NOT happening. it's just not happening." No matter how much he may of wished it wasn't, it was. As he turned and faced the smirking and laughing crowd, Ben's bladder twitched and grew away, making some of the teddy bears vanish off his diaper. He whimpered and started to suck his thumb, tears welling up in his eyes as the crowd reacted as you'd expected. A big collective "D'awww!" Ben's poor mind was going on a humiliation overdose, and he was barley keeping from going to permanent baby brained as he stood there shaking, wishing he could get it together to go and hide at least. It was then as he was trying to avoid a permanent one way ticket to baby land that he heard Gwen's voice, and turned to see her. "BEN!? what are you doing?" She asked, looking confused. whether or not it was legit, Ben didn't care. "Talk later. inside now." Ben said, take a step towards Gwen and then  just popping a squat and grunting. "oh my god, Ben are you crapping yourself?" Gwen asked, wrinkling her nose. "Gross Ben! HEY EVERYONE! THIS GROSS LITTLE FUCK IS NOT DISABLED OR SPECIAL, HE'S JUST A DIAPER BOY WHO WANTED TO MAKE ALL OF YOUR WATCH HIM GO POOPIE!" Gwen yelled as Ben's diaper once again rapidly expanded. Ben went to try and defend himself, but a Pacifier appeared in his mouth and he found himself compelled to suckle on it. he had gone onto his knees since he had started, and leaning forward he found a teddy bear in his arms, anther gift from Gwen. The lumps kept coming out of his behind and in next to no time the diaper had reached the ground, forming a semi bean bag of filth that Ben found himself ridding, hiding his face in the teddy bear. As Ben suckled away in his messy diapers, He looked up with tears running down his cheeks at Gwen. She leaned down, holding her nose and making a scene of having to deal with his smell. "Phew yew Ben! How long have you been holding that in?!" She asked loudly, getting LOTS of laughs from the crowd, then leaned in and whispered into Ben's ear. "Anything of you even left over? Just remember Benny, no more redos. This is your new life. a 24/7 world famous hyper messing diaper baby. Sure I could of left well enough alone or even just let you fix this altogether, but well." Gwen paused and then ruffled Ben's hair. "Like you said after your little prank: Don't be such a baby about it." Ben started to bawl and cry and what was left of his big boy mind ended up in his massive diaper. As Gwen watched her cousin go permanently brain brained, she couldn't help but wonder if Grandpa max was right, and she WAS a little to spiteful.

The end

[chrisevansbabymama]

Daddy Hair Care - Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 - Stop Trying To Make Fetch Happen:

“Your hair looks cute like that,” Chris commented, taking note of yet another new hairstyle Kayla wore.

She and his stylist, Lauren walked into his suite with their kits in tow, ready for his glam session for his final appearance for the day; a magazine press event that his publicist had urged him to attend to crystalise his relationship with the publication.

“I sense a little shade in there, because why are you only just noticing?” Kayla retorted. “Was that a backhanded compliment, Evans?”

“I meant,” Chris paused to rectify his carelessly worded statement, even though he genuinely meant the compliment. “I haven’t seen you with braids before, so I’m appreciating that your hair also looks cute like that. Emphasis on the also,”

“Okay, I’ll take it, only because you’re sweating,” because teasing him was Kayla’s love language.

“And why would I be sweating? You don’t make me nervous -”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Kayla cut him off and smiled at him from across the room.

“Are you going to be annoying again this evening?” he pretended not to like their little quips.

This was just a continuation from earlier when they had glammed him for his Jimmy Fallon interview, where the two went back and forth in their best bid to verbally outdo each other, as usual.

“Hi to you too Chris,” Lauren finally inserted herself, smiling at him knowingly as she brushed past him.

“What?” Chris eyed her, playing dumb.

Ten years of working together they had become best friends and they could literally communicate with just their eyes. This was working to Lauren’s advantage as she often found pleasure in tormenting him about his teen-like crush on Kayla. He would dismiss it with an eye roll, but his body language would always sell him out.

“You know what,” she mumbled but the knowing smile was still plastered on her face solely designed to haunt him.

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Think I could shower real quick before we start? I’m covered in gunk from the Fallon interview,”

“Sure, we have an hour before you have to be out of the door,” Lauren nodded, the clock reading 5:37pm.

“You know, I’m getting tired of you two acting like I’m not around when you flirt,” Lauren said the minute she heard the shower faucet run after Chris had left the room.

Kayla barely looked up as she unzipped her grooming kit bag, setting up near her usual spot by the window for optimal lighting.

“Here we go again with this tired topic,”

“Exactly, guess who’s tired of watching you two flirt and do nothing about it,” Lauren asked rhetorically before imitating Chris, “Your hair looks cute like that,”

Kayla chuckled, not convinced but found her hand subconsciously going to touch her new braids, “He’s mocking me, he saw me earlier before Fallon and didn’t say anything,”

“In his defense, there were a lot of people around for him to say anything, that’d been weird,”

Kayla had been working with Chris as his hairstylist and make-up artist for almost four months now. She had fit into the team so seamlessly, with all credits due to Chris for being so welcoming and warm. But therein lay the problems: he was over-achingly good looking, and by far the best celebrity client she had worked with. So much so that the four months she’d known him breezed by and she seemed to fall for his charm every day. Every morning she woke up, she felt like a teenager excited to go to school because she got to sit next to her crush in class. Except with Chris, she got to play in his hair and get extremely close to his face. And touch him. Getting paid for it was seeming more like a perk.

Everyone around them seemed to notice how well they got along. With Lauren being around them the most, she recognised their chemistry instantly and was the first one to call them out on it. Despite being met with their discomfort and denial, she didn’t let it stop her from continuing her torment. If they were going to flirt and act like she didn’t exist, then she too could have her own fun with them.

“This whole convo is so weird, let it rest,” Kayla complained.

“You like him, he likes you. What’s weird?”

“Sure he likes me, I’m clearly his type,” Kayla rolled her eyes sarcastically. “Seriously, don’t you get bored of this subject?”

“You are his type,” Lauren affirmed with a ‘duh’ tone.

“Okay Lauren, if you say so.”

“Lest you forget his daughter Mya is-”

“Mixed race? So suddenly he likes all black women?” Kayla laughed.

“No, I’m disproving your theory that he doesn’t date black women. Besides, you, have entertained this conversation hence you do care and which means you do like him,”

Kayla pursed her lips before stuttering, “I...look, he’s hot, granted and a nice guy, but that’s about it. Celebs are not my type, too much drama and baggage,”

“That’s a sweeping statement,” Lauren was clearly in defense of Chris.

“Why’d you keep pushing for this anyway? What’s in it for you?”

“He hadn’t been himself for a while, his old self has resurfaced since you started working with him. It’s just…nice y’know? To have the real Chris back,” Lauren said solemnly. “I just want him to be happy,”

“I love my job and would never cross that line with Chris, besides, he’s a good friend,” Kayla said, barely believing herself.

She also didn’t believe Lauren, the last time something of this sort happened, was in high school with the popular kid and that didn’t end well.

So why would it be different with Chris? He was practically the popular guy from the moment the final Avengers: Infinity War trailer was released; the man had been trending on Twitter for almost a week.

After a few minutes, he reemerged from his room from his shower, looking handsome and cuddly as ever, just wrapped in his hotel robe. He sat in the chair by the window, enjoying the view of the city as Kayla began her magic on him, her back to the mirror next to the floor-to-ceiling window he faced.

“How long are you planning to grow this?” Kayla asked.

She raked her fingers through his hair, distributing the product from root to ends. Chris always loved it when she did that. He’d melt into her touch, his eyes fluttering shut as his body relaxed. Maybe Sebastian was right, again; it’d been too long since he’d been with a woman. How could someone simply touching his hair make him lose his mind?

Kayla loved the way his hair felt in her hands; silky and soft. Even better, she liked how vulnerable he always seemed in her chair, which was such a contrast to his towering height, ragged beard and sculpted frame.

He looked vulnerable in her chair because his mind was busy, always wondering what it would feel like to kiss her and have her hands play in his hair. Or tug at it.

It didn’t help that the woman worked in such a close proximity to his face. She permeated every one of his senses…

Her confidence in her own skin was attractive; she had this way about her… a beauty that was very easy on the eyes.

Her soothing voice and hearty, belly laugh was contagious.

Her touch was confident and comforting. It felt like home.

Her sweet but punchy bergamot and neroli scent reminded him of heady summer nights.

Her taste… he always wondered.

“I’m actually supposed to cut it soon for Lobby Hero,” he said sadly. He fished his phone out of his robe pocket and showed her the character mood board for the play. “They gave me this buddy here for reference,”

“Oh,” Lauren walked over and glanced over his shoulder at his phone screen.

Kayla looked up at him from the screen, then back at the phone and him again, as if trying to envision the look on him.  

“Uhmm the moustache...too?”

Chris nodded, pouting as he whined, “I don’t wike it,”

“Oh...” Lauren repeated, stifling a laugh by biting her bottom lip.

“Can you believe it? A pornstache,” he cried.

“Wow, the next few months are going to be rough for you,” Kayla finally commented.

“What, without my hair I’m nothing? Is that what you’re saying?”

No, I just won’t have anything to imagine tugging on...she thought.

“Not what I said, you just said that yourself,” Kayla corrected him. “I’m just saying, the world went nuts over your bearded look in the Infinity War trailer just last week...this look’s gonna be a big middle finger to everyone that supported you,”

“You’re so charming, y’know that?” he said rolling his eyes. “I can say bye to my career, because clearly my hair’s kept me going all these years,”

“You could always try porn? With that beard and all,” Lauren said, back to her station by the rail.

“Maybe you can write my character reference,” Chris shot back.

“Oh, I’m so glad it’s Friday, one more day with you I swear I’ll strangle you,” Laura huffed.

“So it’s BDSM you’re into?” Chris asked.

“Chris!”

“We’re all adults here,” he shrugged.

“You’re lot,”

“I am, you can regroup over the weekend,” He sighed, but he looked smug like he was proud of himself. “Doing anything nice other than getting away from me?”

“My weekend starts tonight, shower, room service, a huge bottle of wine and bed. Then lather, rinse and repeat. I’m staying in bed all weekend,”

“Sounds like a dream,” Kayla moaned. “Can I join you?”

“For which bit; the shower, wine or bed all weekend?” Lauren asked, her sole purpose to get a reaction out of Chris.

And it worked, his breath stilled at the visuals that flooded him, but he quickly composed himself before he breathed an easy laugh to let Lauren know he was unaffected by her antics.

“Girl, no! For the wine and room service,” Kayla scrunched up her face at her. “I’m hungry,”

“What a shame, my bed will be very lonely tonight,”

“Take me out to dinner and I might just come back to your room,” Kayla teased.

“Well, why don’t we all get something to eat tonight, Chris, think you can make it?”

“I doubt it, I finish around 9:30ish. I can’t make you guys wait that long to eat,” Chris said sadly.

The idea of going out seemed very tempting, after his conversation with his mom yesterday he realised he needed to start making a few changes, starting with his social life. Kayla being in attendance was a bonus, if not the main incentive.

“We’ll survive,” Lauren interjected quickly, not wanting to give him a window to bail out because he always bailed.

Chris decided that if he was going to spend the next two hours at a press event, fake smiling the night away at cameras and fellow industry personnel, then he surely deserved a nice private dinner with his team to unwind without having to be ‘Chris Evans,’ the famous guy. He wanted to push the envelope even further and have a drink or two, or even eat from the list of barred food for his Cap diet. Just to prove a point.  

“That works for me. I’ll let Tiffany and Keith know,” Lauren said, considering his assistant and publicist who completed ‘Team Chris Evans’. “Kay, You in?”

Chris surprised himself when he didn’t immediately worry about going back to Mya and Dodger when Lauren extended the dinner invitation. He was going to take his mom and Seb’s advice to put himself out there.

It was about time, he wasn’t getting any younger.

But he wasn’t surprised when he’d found himself holding his breath, waiting for Kayla to respond, because frankly, he knew deep down that her reply was going to make or break the deal. Of course he loved Lauren and she was great company, but she wasn’t Kayla.

“Of course I’m in,”

*

Chapter 4.1

____________

Disclaimer: Gif Not My Own

Tagged As Requested:  @mississippifangirl​ @thinemineours @tessathedragon @thottio​ @caninoona @eratotalles @allonszassbutt @thinemineours @dreamingwithmendes @void-imaginations​ @daybreak96​ @l-auteuse​ @cliffordasparagus @bumber-car-s @lvlyab @melaninmarvel

[nadziejastar]

"Nobodies don't age" is a great example of why WoG is not the same thing as canon. Xemnas is 30ish to Terranort's 20ish, Namine has different models for KH2, and Ienzo was a child in the flashback when he was tuned into a Nobody but Zexion is a young adult. It's more consistent to just declare that interview answer non-canon instead of treating them as exceptions. (I honestly think Nomura just forgot certain details, it happens to the best of us)

Yeah, Nobodies clearly age. Even if you ignore all the post-KH2 retcons, Namine still aged from CoM. I guess she could have been an exception, since she coexisted with Kairi. 

Spurred on by my youngest apprentice, Ienzo, I constructed a massive laboratory in the basement of my castle. Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the "darkness of the heart."

I think the original idea was that Nobodies didn’t age. Like, I think Ienzo was imagined as an adult apprentice originally, not a little seven-year-old boy apprentice. But Nomura obviously changed his mind. I’m fine with that because child Ienzo is more interesting.

With Terranort, they just straight up changed his age, though. Apprentice Xehanort was a 30-something year-old man in the original KH2.

But Terra is clearly 20-something. I think one reason they changed his age is that they wanted Terra to be younger and more good-looking than Apprentice Xehanort after they decided to make him a good guy. Terra’s possessed form can be a 30-year-old man. But when he came back, he needed to be young and cute still. I don’t really mind because Terra’s character model in Blank Points is a lot easier on the eyes than the original Apprentice Xehanort, lol. 

They apparently had something similar in mind with Saix. In the original KH2, he looks like he was supposed to be Xemnas’s age. 30-something.

Then they decided to make him younger, a 20-something, like Axel. And they gave him the Terra treatment where they retroactively made him younger and more handsome looking. He looks more like his teenage self. But, unlike Terra, he didn’t get a new character design/model in KH3, unfortunately. 

[ditto]

wi rehab week 3 review: the Week™. i KNOW this post is long but god please read about my misfortune if yall want a Saga

current status on raccoons: clement

number of monster energy drinks consumed: 2

number of buns directly killed: 1

Days Since Last Diarrhead on: 1

Baby Raccoon Count: 150ish? probably 130 that need to be bottle fed 

new tasks performed:

baby opossum cage maintenance

baby waterfowl cage maintenance

SQ fluid administration on raccoons

SQ vaccine administration on raccoons

What To Do When Your Tire Goes Flat 101

oral medication administration on possums

CHRONOLOGICAL TALE OF MISFORTUNE: i’m not going to do this regularly but the sheer amount of bad shit that happened this week was COMICAL so let me break down everything that happened to me this work week

MONDAY 6/8

got diarrhead on during 6am raccoon feeding

straight up killed a baby rabbit during bun feeding. they stress real easily and i’m bad at tubing so i had him out for a while and he just fuckin. died. from stress. in my hands. directly because of me being bad at my job. so you know that was uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shovelled out wet dirty woodchips out of a walk-in enclosure with like 8 goslings using a snowshovel w/ another baby intern. you can’t put a ton of woodchips into one trash bag so we had to keep changing out the trash bag and it was like 92 degrees out and we were both wearing cloth masks and on god i really thought we were gonna die in there

during the pm feeding i get peed on by the EXACT SAME RACCOON that diarrhead on me during the am feeding 

TUESDAY 6/9: the Day(tm)

i have a therapy appointment scheduled at 2pm. my shift is 6am-2pm. i’ll need to leave at 1:30pm to get to it. i tell my supervisors this. it’s chill. i still feel bad about it, because i have anxiety.

right off the bat, i get scolded by my Actual Boss for doing something i watched one of the supervising interns do 

6am raccoon feeding: get diarrhead on again. 

a rac RIPS the fucking nipple off of the baby bottle we’re feeding them with and formula gets fucking everywhere. i say out loud at this moment “IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK”. one of my supervising interns feels bad for me and keeps trying to cheer me up throughout the day. she does make me feel better.

i get dishes which is fine bc i dont mind dishes for real but my hands turn into sandpaper the day after doing dishes for 2 hours so this is more :| than :/. i make jokes about how bad my week is going. the mood is, generally, looking up.

next raccoon feeding is scheduled for noon. raccoons are housed in a separate building, so it’s about a 5 minute drive to get there from the main area. we get ready to leave around 1pm. recap: i need to leave at 1:30pm for a therapy appointment. i’m planning on driving my own car down there so i can do this. it’s chill.

on my way down there, i start hearing the most godawful screeching of metal. i am, quote, “like uhhh.” when i open the gate to turn onto the highway, i stick my head out the window to look

my tire is flat.

i have a flat tire.

my fucking tire is FLAT dude.

>mfw

>

>

pull over after gate

tell the staff member following me “hey i have a flat tire so im probably not going to make it down to feed today” and shes like flkdjsalfksd okay

call the ONE supervising intern whose number i have, who is the one who heard me say IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK, like GUESS WHICH BITCH HAS A FLAT TIRE LMFAOOOOOOO. just making that one call was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened in my entire life

to quote her verbatim: “i guess you are having a bad week”

call my dad, who as it turns out was actively teaching a class when i called, so i am well and truly facked and am DEFINITELY not making this therapy appointment

ok. take a deep breath. check my car. i have a donut in my car. i have not changed a tire in three years, and have never changed one in the scenario of I Have A Flat Tire. fack. relay this to the one supervising intern whos number i know (i’m going to call her supervising intern 1 going forward here). ask her if anyone knows how to change a tire. 

supervising intern 1 calls back. apparently there’s a guy who lives on the same property we’re on named donnie. donnie is a maintenance worker who helps out a lot around the rehab place. donnie can help me change my tire. apparently someone currently down feeding raccoons is going to come pick me up and bring me over there so i can continue to feed raccoons until donnie can fix my tire. 

get call from supervising intern 2, whose number i did not have, apparently it got relayed. i ask her if anyone down there can change a tire. she says she can change a tire. she will help me change my tire she finishes on raccoon feeding. ok sounds good. someone is still going to come pick me up.

get call back 10 minutes later. apparently donnie is in the middle of a field right now and it is unlikely that he can fix my tire. someone is still going to come get me to feed raccoons, maybe. i tell her supervising intern 2 can help me change my tire after we finish our shift. she says thats fine. ok cool sick.

try to call therapist. i have no signal. send email which is, verbatim: “Hey! I'm currently on the the side of of the the road in [TOWN 30 MILES AWAY] with a flat tire, so I'm not going to make our appointment today. If we could reschedule for sometime soon, that would be great.” signal is bad, so this ends up being sent at 3pm.

(ALSO I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TODAY BUT APPARENTLY IN THE TIMELINE THERE’S A FIGHT HERE BETWEEN SUPERVISING INTERNS 1 AND 2 OVER HOW THE SITUATION IS PLAYING OUT WHICH IS EQUAL PARTS HILARIOUS AND “MAKES ME FEEL BAD”)

one of the other baby interns comes to pick me up and bring me down to racs. i walk in like AYYYYYYY and start feeding raccoons.

i get diarrhead on again.

i get diarrhead on again again. 

apparently 3 in one day is a record.

my shift is supposed to end at 2pm. we usually end up staying until 2:15-2:30ish, because that’s usually when the other team gets down here. since supervising intern 2 is currently my savior, she is going to drive me back over when the other team gets here and she leaves. other baby interns leave at 2:15ish, i think. 

the other team is, apparently, running late. they get here at 3pm.

supervising intern 2 drives me back over at 3pm. we get to my car.

the donut is on.

the tire is in the trunk.

apparently donnie was, in fact, able to come change my tire. no one told me this. 

im like ok. this is fine. i tell supervising intern 2 thank u for my life. i leave.

my donut has a 50mph max speed limit. i tell google maps to avoid highways on my way home. this turns my 30 minute drive home into a 50 minute one, and still ends up with me being terrifyingly tailgated by trucks for going 10 miles under the speed limit. i almost, but do not, run out of gas on the way home.

i get home around 4:10pm. i call the auto shop across the street from me and tell them i have a flat tire, but i need the car by 6am tomorrow. do they think they can have it fixed by then. they tell me to bring it over and they’ll let me know.

i bring the car over. i give them my keys. i say thank you and leave.

i realize that my garage door opener is in my car, which is now locked. i have no other way into the house, because our garage door keypad has been broken for 2 years. the sliding glass door in the backyard is locked.

i walk back into the auto shop 5 minutes later and ask in the Polite But Obviously Having A Day tone if i can have my keys back so i can get it. i get my garage door opener out of my car. i give the keys back.

i enter my home. i lay spread-eagled on my bed for one hour.

auto place calls back and tells me they fixed the tire. im like did you replace it or did u fix it. theyre like we fixed it come on over. i almost cry on the phone.

go back over. guy is like “ya u ran over a screw LOL”. gives me my keys back. i wait to pay

after a bit hes like “you dont have to pay anything. this is on the house.”

almost cry

thank him

get car

go home

eat

shower

go to bed at 8pm 

WEDNESDAY (6/10)

everyone at work is immediately like AYYY and in general just very nice about the whole thing. i thank everyone involved for helping. its chill

dont get diarrhead on this feeding but i do get bit for like NO got dam reason what the fack

next up is cleaning juvenile cages and i swear to god i get the nastiest. fucking. raccoon cage i have ever seen in my entire life. there was an...i wanna say eigth-of-an-inch thick layer of raccoon diarrhea across this 2 foot x 4 foot cage

like on GOD the smell was so bad i was gagging through a goddamn cloth mask just. oh my god. i had to just go stand outside and stare into the abyss afterwards for a few minutes it was so NASTY IT WAS SO NASTY

mercifully, i am spared from further misfortune for the rest of the day. i come home. i am so tired.

WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THAT SUPERVISING INTERN 1 HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FEEDING RABBITS TODAY SO LIKE...my luck is contagious 

notes and observations

anyone who is anti-euthanasia in animal shelters and any other large-scale animal welfare places in general can absolutely suck my dick

most other baby animals will generally have various stages of “baby x”, but opossums look like Adults Except Tiny from a very early age. they have stolen my heart.

birds are poopy little creatures

[firelord-frowny]

so like. I’ve been watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and I love it a lot lot lot but like 

There was this episode where Captain Picard, who’s played by Patrick Stewart, sorta goes back in time to redo some things from his past. The time period he goes back to is shortly after his graduation from the Star Fleet Academy, when Picard is about 21 years old. However, to the audience Picard still appears as his 50+ year-old self. (I didn’t Patrick Stewart’s age at the time bc I can’t do math, but I do know that he was I think 47 when TNG began filming, and this episode takes place in season 6, so I’m pretty sure he’s over 50 by then). 

Now, part of the storyline involves Picard sharing an ~intimate experience~ with one of his female friends who had graduated with him. So, this character is presumably only supposed to be about 21 years old. And they have her kiss Picard! They have this “21″ year old character kiss a character played by an actor who’s over 50. And I mean, okay, that’s weird, but I can live with it, I guess. 

BUT LIKE???

THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYED THE “21 YEAR OLD” WAS ONLY 17. 

They really made a 17 year old girl kiss a 50+ year old man and I CANNOT imagine ANY acceptable reason for that. That is just. Wholly repugnant and inappropriate. What the FUCK. Like. I completely refuse to believe that they couldn’t have found a perfectly fine actress who was AT LEAST over 18, and I’m FAIRLY CERTAIN they could have found a quite young-looking 30ish year old to play the part, but noooo. Noooo, why do that when you can make a fucking child kiss a middle aged man?

I am DISTURBED and DISAPPOINTED! 

[welshdragonrawr]

30-40!

30. Has anything/anyone ever saved your life before?

Uhm, Hospitals a couple times? Haha. A friend did too, once...

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

The thought terrifies me for many reasons but yeah, if I knew for sure I could provide for them/look out for them/give them enough stability (I mean this is me we’re talking about who can’t go one week without nearly dying of something but that aside) then yeah. 

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?

*redacted answer* Umm. Going to the gym? Like, I know I should anyway, for physio reasons, but it really just doesn’t seem like a place for me to be, but I want to change that...

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

Madeira cake? I don’t know, I just like the name, and the cake tbh, I don’t know much about cake other than when I occasionally eat it, haha. 

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

The ring on my necklace that I’ve only ever taken off twice (maybe three times) in the last 8/9 years. There’s a long-winded story behind it that I won’t go into here cuz it’d be like a hella personal essay. 

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

I don’t know about ‘most’ cuz I think almost all memories are important in some way, that’s why they’re memories and not just moments we passed by. I guess one that’s been hitting me pretty hard lately is hugging my old dog one time who came over to me to sit with me while I was crying about something, but he passed away a couple of years ago now.. Still miss him...

36. When was the last time you cried?

Petty cried? A day or two ago. Properly cried? A couple weeks ago, though I’ve been pretty close the last couple nights and it’s a sunday so it’ll probably happen later tbh.

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

30ish I think? I’m working from the maths here...

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

A couple things I suppose. I try not to dwell on them though ‘cuz for a lot of ‘em it’s too late now anyway...

40. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go?

Wow that was a while ago now, and it was freaking awful. For so many reasons but hindsight especially.

Thanks for asking!