#if I had them all live in the same world I’m gonna need EA to make another Windenburg 😭😭

[fallstaticexit]

Hey, I got a lil curious after seeing the new Missing Moments. What worlds do all of your Briars live in?

Hi! Thank you for asking! 😊

Ezra, Adrianna, Orion, Noa, Adie, Sonny, Vera, Amir, Rhys and Ellie all live in Henford

Mel and Nina live in Sulani but have an apartment in Del Sol Valley, for work.

Selene also lives in Sulani but travels a lot for her competitive surfing career. (she use to live with her fiancée in a cute little RV but I guess she better think about where she wants to live now 😖)

Olive, Lyric, Kris and Mateo live in San Myshuno.

Myrah lives in San Sequoia.

Willow and Elliot moved from Windenburg to Mt. Komorebi to be with Benji, Ami, and the new bush babies, Finn and Saori. (Also because in my COTF storytelling save , I turned Windenburg into the magic realm so I evicted them lol)

Silas and Sebastian use to live in Henford briefly but they’ve moved to Chestnut Ridge where they’re growing the devil’s lettuce together with their horses lol

Whew

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Brothers and Side Characters Play the Sims

I don’t know what possessed me to make this but WHATEVER. I’ve been playing the Sims since I was a wee little girl, and I’ve seen my fair share of weird Sims stuff that I feel would fit these bozos perfectly.

My Sims have a Functional Family Life Because I Don’t (Lucifer)

God dammit Levi’s obsessed with another game... ugh.

Spends 5 minutes in Create-a-Sim and hops into a starter home.

Lucifer’s the type to start with all the average stuff and then build their stuff up as his sim gets promotions.

It’s just... so peaceful...

...he’s adopting a dog.

Look at his new little virtual family... his sim-kids are self sufficient and getting A’s in school, his Sim spouse MC or Diavolo take your pick loves his Sim-self, his sim-dog-

WAIT NO- THE DOG’S AN ELDER?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

...

He’s fine. It was just a virtual dog. *sniffle*

He’s now spending his free time drinking Demonus and playing the Sims.

What’s a mod? Levi why does your sim have gun?

Behold, My Gorgeous Home... It’s a Box (Mammon)

Mammon, like the rest of the HOL, is mooching off of Levi’s Origin account.

“AW SHIT! This house looks awesome! I’m gonna build it for Sim-me to live in!”

Mammon proceeds to build a box with rooms. Yay...

He just picks the funnest sounding job if he picks any job at all for his Sim. That’s how he ended up making 9 dollars an hour in the criminal career.

Didn’t stop Mammon from buying that solid gold bathroom set from Get Famous... a box with solid gold bathrooms.

His Sim is broke send help-

“Leviiiiiii my sim needs money... the people my sim kidnapped and is forcing to paint aren’t making enough money...” “Ugh... press control shift C and type ‘motherlode’.”

...Levi made a mistake.

“FUCK YEAH! MOTHERLODE!”

His sim’s life is so chaotic, he has a piranha pool that his sim has almost died in twice, the sim is carrying on several torrid love affairs, his sim got struck by lightning, his sim has nearly died in a grilled cheese making accident twice... in the same day.

At least once Sim-Mammon and Sim-MC get married things calm down a little.

Mammon finds out what custom content is and proceeds to download EVERYTHING HE CAN FIND.

And now he’s asking Levi why his computer is running so slow.

Expansion Pack King (Leviathan)

He got into it back when the Sims 2 was new, he’s a veteran fan.

“Bro remember when Agnes Crumplebottom would show up and whack the shit out of your sims if they were flirting?”

“Remember when that witch would show up randomly on the lot you were on if you had Makin’ Magic?”

“Remember when Bella Goth was abducted by aliens and we just... didn’t question it?”

He whines about the Sims4 and how crappy it is but still buys every expansion pack, game pack, and stuff pack.

This boy watches like 40 hours of built tutorials and ends up sobbing over his weird roofs.

“WHY DOESN’T IT LOOK AS NICE AS THE ONE I’M LOOKING AT?! THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

The mod folder is so full istg-

Levi gets custom content for the sole purpose of making his favourite fictional characters.

This is why Henry and the Lord of Shadows are married and Ruri-chan and Sim-Levi are roommates.

Oh my god they were roommates-

Levi also added his brothers to the world and uh... Sim-Mammon died in a tragic pool accident F.

Levi then proceeded to befriend the Grim Reaper.

He’s anxiously awaiting the release of Paralives.

Wait Gameplay? In This Build Simulator? (Satan)

Satan’s here to build and leave. Gameplay who?

Our favourite bundle of rage is a master architect and the amount of followers on the Gallery he has shows it.

He takes up those build shell challenges and always ends up making them look positively perfect.

Asmo’s always using his houses, and Satan often takes requests when he gets bored.

No Mammon, he reserves the right to refuse to build a golden castle for you- YOUR SIM HAS 40 SIMOLEONS-

No mods, no CC, he’s building with what EA gave him.

...and EA gave him debug objects, and he’s not going to explain how to get them.

The one time he did actually play with a family... it was one sim and seven cats.

He tries to play without cheats... and ends up getting frustrated and turns on cheats.

All hail the Pets Expansion Pack.

Custom Content Soap Opera (Asmodeus)

Asmo spends 5 hours in Create a Sim then just... clicks out of the game.

That’s how it goes most of the time, buuuuuut when he gets super invested in a family he’s made, boy howdy is he INVESTED.

Sim A is carrying on an affair with Sim C who’s in love with Sim B who’s married to Sim A but Sim D wants to kill Sim A and C even though they’re the illegitimate child of Sim C-

When Asmo realizes that in the Sims 4 he needs to manufacture all the drama himself and he can’t just sit back with a glass of wine and watch the fireworks, he switches to the Sims 2 and 3.

“...why is this old lady beating up my Sim..?”

He immediately recoils in horror upon seeing how ugly the Sims are pre Sims4.

HE NEEDS TO FIX THIS-

Ah, there we go, perfect. Custom Content to the rescue!

He ends up remaking the entire world just so he doesn’t have to look at weird looking Sims.

Asmo is the only one to have finished a proper Legacy Challenge, but it gets crazy chaotic after gen 3.

“My sim just got abducted by aliens and now he’s pregnant- WHAT?!”

He has about 40 saves and only two he actually plays.

Just a Big Ol’ Happy Family (Beelzebub)

Beel found the game, proceeded to make everyone in create-a-sim to the best of his abilities, and made everyone get along.

That’s why Sim-Lucifer and Sim-Belphie are on a swing set together, they’re friends :D

“Hey Luke do you think you can make this?” “I-is that a cake shaped like a hamburger?” “Yes. Please make.”

He took one look at the cooking options and decided to max out his Sim’s cooking skill to unlock all the options.

Beel proceeded to drool all over his keyboard. Gross...

Boy howdy did he have some crazy dinner suggestions!

Overall, very wholesome Sim-life, except for the time Sim-Levi died because the toilet caught fire, don’t worry, Sim-Beel knows how to make ambrosia.

All is good in the Sim save...

...until Sim-Beel ate pufferfish nigiri and fuckin died-

Wait Did I Not Pause- (Belphie)

Huh, this game looks fine... I’ll play for a little- *SNORE*

Belphie makes some sims, plops them into a starter home, plays for an hour, then falls asleep.

He wakes up five hours later to absolute carnage.

Three sims have died because someone decided to make Mac and Cheese and the oven caught fire, the kids were taken away by social services, and the dog ran away.

“...heheh, holy shit everyone look.”

He doesn’t play often, but when he does, death occurs. He has found out every death method for every game from Sims 2 to 4.

And that INCLUDES the Sims Medieval! You guys remember that game?

Sometimes it’s not intentional, but Belphie got bored with the totally normal life his sims were living and decided to spice it up.

“Why are the ghosts breaking my showers..?”

Help There’s a Bug- (Diavolo)

The Crown Prince started playing when he noticed Lucifer was playing it.

He was immediately obsessed.

Dia mostly plays the Sims Medieval because he likes the feeling of achievement after completing a quest!

“Barbatos... why isn’t my Sim completing their task? The icon won’t show up.” “My lord it appears the game is bugged.” “:(“

No one thought to tell Diavolo that EA doesn’t plan on offering bug support to a game made in like... 2009

This doesn’t matter! Look at how great his kingdom is doing- oh no his hero has the plague-

He plays through the Pirates and Nobles expansion and manages to get the peaceful ending, he’s so proud of himself.

“MC! Look! My Monarch’s sword is permanently on fire and I’m fighting an evil wizard!”

When he does play the other Sims games he’s pretty basic, though, he does a great job at furnishing!

Dia gets crazy sad when his Sims die... he turns off aging.

Builder no. 2 (Barbatos)

Barbie doesn’t have time for this... but when he does, he builds.

No create a sim.

No playing the game as intended.

Just builds.

It’s relaxing, okay? A nice little suburban house he’s never going to play in, maybe a treehouse, maybe a big Hollywood Mansion...

The only time he actually plays the game outside of build mode is when someone needs his help to fix something in-game.

He does download custom content build items if he feels bored by the current selection.

Oh Crap What Am I Doing?! (Simeon)

Help him. Please.

He’s so confused.

“Luke, why is my sim upset?” “He’s hungry, Simeon.” “Oh, how do I fix that?” “...Simeon-”

There’s a toilet in the middle of the living room.

The fridge is facing the wall.

There’s no bathtub or shower.

The house is on fire- there is no god- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay, once he gets the hang of it he’s sitting pretty. His sims have good jobs, the kids are getting good grades, everything’s fine.

...

But Simeon won’t forget the nightmares.

What Even is This Save? (Solomon)

Solomon’s save is the definition of chaos.

One sim’s a vampire, the other is a spellcaster that really wants to fight the Callientes for some reason, there’s one normal sim that’s always sick for some reason,

It gets weird, confusing, and horrible.

Just how Solomon likes it.

His house makes no sense, like, what even is architecture?

Money cheats are needed because Solomon‘a goal of chaos and confusion is proving to be kind of expensive.

Square up Mortimer Goth, Solomon’s sims are here to steal your weird knight statue that’s worth a shit ton of simoleons for NO REASON.

He joined the scientist career for the sole purpose of getting to the alien planet and kidnapping adding an alien to the household via cheats.

The vampire ended up dying on their wedding day because Solomon forgot that he gave them the sun weakness.

Oh well, the ghost got added to the household! VAMPIRE GHOST!

The Child (Luke)

Before you say Luke’s too young to play the Sims, you should know that I was nine when I first started playing, and I turned out fiiiiiiiiiine.

He’s just happy to be playing.

Look, his sims are gardening :D

Look, two of them are getting married :D

Look, they had a baby :D

Look, his sims are building a rocket ship :D

Look, his sims’s rocket just crashed-

The concept of death hit the little angel right in the face that day.

“*sniffle*... my sims...”

Don’t worry, with tears in his eyes, Luke quit without saving and everything was fine!

Speaking of My Sims, Luke played MySims Sky Heroes and that was when Luke had his first bout of gamer rage.

MC came over to hang out with Solomon and Simeon, and in the distance they could just hear:

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY TIME WASN’T FAST ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!? I’LL SHOW YOU FAST ENOUGH TIME!”

Okay, maybe Simeon should take the game away... just for a bit... he should take heed not to be bitten by the incredibly angry chihuahua.

Bonus:

MC: Why are our Sims married?

*Insert Boy Here*: Uh... that’s weird... I have no clue why they’re doing that...

[spencers-dria]

Can you maybe write something where the reader meets spencer in prison and when they get out, they meet up and they have really rough and kinky sex like you can literally go as dirty and kinky as you want

Four Feet Apart

🎉150 follower celebration! Day 6

Spencer x fem reader

Content/Trigger Warnings: 18+ Smut, oral female receiving, anal play, blindfold/sensory play, and handcuff/restraint use, protected penetrative sex, mentions of murder, prison

The beginning is a little angst, little fluff, plenty of smut!

“Alright inmates, listen up! There’s been some budget cuts. For the time being, the old west wing building will be taken by overflow from the women’s prison.”

The guard’s voice was overtaken by wolf whistles and hollers.

“That’s enough! Now you will not share a building with them. You will not see them during meals. However the courtyards do share a fence. If you are caught harassing them in any way, you will be punished accordingly!”

The announcement had caught the attention of just about every inmate, except one. Spencer Reid had bigger problems to worry about than women. He didn’t get them outside of prison, so why should he worry about them on the inside. He needed to worry about how to stay safe, stay alive until his name was cleared. That is, until he met you.

_______________________________________

I sat on the bleachers, popping some bubble gum as I searched for some worthwhile eye candy. The sun was a bit hot so I shrugged my button down off my shoulders, opting to tie it around my waist, leaving me in a white tank. This of course leads to many wondering eyes and a few whistles from the men’s side of the fence. I’m not even sure what i’m looking for, but none of the men giving me the time of day have it. I finally notice a slender man sitting on the men’s bleachers, just a few feet away from the fence on his side. I scoot up , slipping my fingers through the women’s chain-link side. Of course I could never touch any of them, with each side having about four feet between their respective fences. But there were no rules against looking or talking even.

“Hey. Think too hard and you’re gonna mess up that pretty face of yours.”

He looks up a bit startled, but his posture changes once his gaze lands on me. He almost looks shy, which seems in direct contrast to his rugged look. But once I look in his eyes, I see depth and warmth and kindness that belongs far away from this place, and it hurts me for a moment, to think of what will happen to him here.

“I don’t bite. The name is Y/L/N. Got in for killing my ex husband. How about you?”

He blinked, speechless at first.

“Doc- I’m uh, Spencer Reid. They think I killed someone too…”

“Well, didn’t you?”

He shook his head. Based on the look in his eyes, I want to believe him I really do.

“Did you know that incarceration of women has been growing at twice the rate of men’s incarceration?”

“Now how in the world would you know that?”

He simply shrugged.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just looked like you could use some company is all.”

He looked like he wanted to respond, he really did. But before he got the chance, the women were called back inside.

I give a quick salute. “Nice meetin ya Spencer Reid. See ya when I see ya.”

___________________________________________

The next time I saw him he looked different. Scared, fragile, and a bit bloodied up.

“Hey- what uh- I mean, are you okay?”

He refused to look up or give much of an answer. But he was sitting in the same spot, close enough for us to have another conversation so I have to believe he wanted to talk again.

“I’m guessing you’re relatively new. It happened to me too ya know. Especially when I wouldn’t just go along with everything they asked.”

That drew his attention, and I could see tears in his eyes.

“You can’t let them see they get to you, that you’re scared. I learned that long before I got here though. That’s why I killed him ya know- he hurt me and I couldn’t just take it anymore. Police wouldn’t listen. I just wanted it to stop.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I shrugged it off. I’m paying my time but I’m safer in here than I ever felt with him.”

“Can you keep a secret?”

Now he has my attention. I nod, trying not to seem too excited to be sharing schoolyard secrets with the handsome stranger.

“I uh, was in the FBI. I was framed by a, well you can almost call her an arch nemesis of sorts.” He laughed to himself. It was a warm sort of laugh that filled me with butterflies. “I was just trying to get medicine for my mom. She has Alzheimer’s and schizophrenia. She was getting worse and I-“ his words are quickly cut off by the sounds of sniffles.

“Why are you telling me this?” I don’t mean it to be rude, but I had to know.

“I guess you could say I’m good at reading people and- you’re not a bad person. I trust you.”

In that moment, our eyes met again, but something new was there. Desire? Lust? Caring? Who knows. But that was the start of something. Of daily meetings, and quiet longing.

Day after day we would sit by our fences, sharing stories of our lives before prison. I learned that he was kind, hard-working, and actually quite funny. Spencer Reid was the best company I’d had in years, and not just within the prison walls.

He also told me about the rough time of it he was having on his own side. I gave him pointers where I could. How to get in with the right people, how to avoid the wrong ones, and how to get himself safe when necessary.

At one point, the politics on his side did endanger his life, and that’s when we came up with the plan together. A plan that would help take down the very man targeting him while getting Spencer somewhere safe for now. This meant I wouldn’t see him while he was in solitary, but we both knew it was necessary.

We never spoke about exactly what it was we wanted but- it was there. We devoured one another with our eyes. Biting and licking lips, drawn out breaths, and lingering gazes. We knew.

I watched him change overtime. His hair and beard grew yes, but so did this darkness in his eyes. The soft, Bambi-eyed boy was seemingly gone, replaced by a man who needed to hurt someone, anyone. And oh was I ready to let him hurt me.

I waited by the fence each day for his return, but it never came. I finally decided to ask around until I heard something that thrilled me but also left a huge gaping hole in me.

“He left.”

I couldn’t be happier for him. Had they cleared his name? From the sound of it, federal agents, friends of his had come to retrieve him. I could only hope that he was safe and happy.

Then one day I received a letter.

Dear Y/N,

I miss you. Just you. You made my time there worthwhile, worth missing. There’s so much more I wanted to say to you, and a letter just won’t do it justice. I have a feeling you’ll be out on parole sooner than you think. Come find me when you can. I’ll be in D.C..

Counting the days,

Spencer

____________________________________________

Parole? I had at least another year before that could even be a consideration. But I started counting too, which didn’t last long. Imagine my surprise when I got out on parole only two weeks after receiving the letter.

Did he- no he couldn’t, could he? Spencer had been gone for months. Clearly he had cleared his name, thank goodness. I knew I needed to see him as soon as possible.

I couldn’t leave the state, but luckily I didn’t need to. With what little I had, I made my way to D.C.. I figured I’d start out at the return address on the envelope, the one I clung to like my life depended on it.

With a bag slung over my shoulder, I raised my hand with the letter to hesitantly knock on the door, completely unsure of what to expect on the other side.

My mouth fell open at the sight before me. Spencer Reid in a cardigan, a tie? I had never seen him outside the prison. He looked so put together. And all I could think about was how much I wanted to tear him apart. I did my best to suppress my lust in hopes of a civil and normal greeting.

I don’t know what I expected. Tears, hugs maybe? We stood there staring at each other for who knows how long before I finally spoke. I’d had a well rehearsed speech in my head. One I’d had two whole weeks to work on since he sent the letter. But that all went out the window the second I saw his face again.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

Who was I kidding? We could see it in eachother’s eyes, the same desire from before, but stronger somehow. Maybe because it was quite literally within reach. Months of daydreaming about what it would feel like to touch him, kiss him, get absolutely railed by him.

The man I had met initially was so gentle, timid. I watched him change in that prison. I had initially imagined ruining him, breaking him for my own pleasure. By the time he left I wanted something completely different. I wanted him to do the breaking. I wanted him to use me for his own personal pleasure. And he knew it.

He grabbed my face to pull me in for an all consuming kiss that quite literally took my breath away. I had to pull back, gasping for air before I could get any words out.

“Missed you too.” I smiled.

“Can we take this to my bedroom?” The words came out rushed, as though he might die if he couldn’t have me in that very moment.

I give an enthusiastic nod. A small squeal and uncharacteristic giggle leaves my lips as he scoops me up in his arms, whisking me away to his bedroom.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” he pants, frantically removing his clothes. “Can you get undressed and lay down on your stomach for me?”

I follow his orders without question. He leans down by my ear and asks one question. “Safe word?”

“Cherry blossom.”

“Anything off limits?”

I don’t even have to think. “No, I trust you.”

Next thing I know I feel soft silk over my eyes as he ties a blindfold in place. This allows me to focus on the sounds of whatever else he is preparing. I hear a distinctly familiar jingle of metal, which is confirmed as it touches the skin of my wrists. Handcuffs. I wiggle my hips in delight, which earns me a playful spank.

“Like what you see?”

“I definitely can’t complain.” I can almost hear his smirk.

His fingers dig into my hips before pulling them up in the air. I feel cold air hit my core immediately.

“Fucking beautiful.”

Without any warning I feel a finger coated in cool lubricant coating my other opening.

“Try and relax for me, beautiful.” His fingers run through some of my hair, dragging across the skin of my back and I feel my muscles immediately follow his command. I attempt to mentally and physically prepare for whatever could be coming next.

I feel him work in what feels to be a decent sized anal plug. I’ve tried them before but only by myself. I’m already enjoying the added stimulation. My hips jolt when he suddenly brings his head down to lick up through my slit and I can’t help but yell.

“Fuck!”

“Mmm you like that, dirty girl? You’re quite literally dripping for me.”

He says it so calmly, I can hardly wrap my head around how smooth he’s being.

“Yes sir, please!” I beg.

“Please what, hmmm? What do you need?”

“Need you to eat my pussy please sir!”

Damn I sound absolutely pathetic. To think I ever considered myself a feminist. So much for my leg up on domineering men. Here I am willingly let one take me, have me anyway he wants. And that’s just the way I want it too. For Spencer Reid, I would be anything he needed.

“Good girl.” The two words have me writhing in pleasure with the combined sensation of his tongue back on the place I need it most. He sucks and laps at me like I'm his favorite dessert . He reads my body like a book, every movement and moan. He knows just what I need, when to let up, when to push harder. It’s unfair just how talented his mouth is.

And then, I’m coming undone on that beautiful mouth of his. Too bad I can’t see it. But oh it’s all I can imagine as waves of pleasure wreck my body and he’s running his fingers down my back, squeezing my ass as he gets in his final victory licks.

There’s a distinct sound of a condom wrapper, and I appreciate the consideration. I feel him sit on the bed next to me, against the headboard perhaps?

“Come sit on my lap.” His voice is dark and commanding, and my body is already responding with a fresh dose of arousal.

“But I can’t see sir.”

“No excuses. Come sit on my lap or you won’t get to come again.”

Not only can I not see, but my hands are still handcuffed behind my back. Not to mention my knees are weak from my most recent orgasm. This oughta be interesting. I try to scoot on my knees towards where I had heard his voice, only to lose my balance once I bump into his legs. I fall face first into his lap. Not the worst position to be in. I hear a soft, dark chuckle above me.

“Poor pathetic thing, are you already too weak? Can you handle another one?”

I swear, I never knew I was into degradation and humiliation. I don’t even know if I truly am, it's just something about him, about Spencer, that turns me on with everything he does.

“Yes sir, please! Please I can handle it! Let me try!”

I feel his fingers grasp my jaw, pulling my face up till I’m sitting on my knees again. I can feel his breath on my face and I wish I could just lean in and feel his lips on mine. My wish is granted for just a second. I feel his plush lips brush against mine, but they’re gone just as quick.

“Pretty thing. Let me help you, hmm.”

His long fingers wrap around my hips and guide me till I’m sitting in his lap, one leg on either side.

“Do you think you can ride me without your hands for balance?

“Yes sir!” I nod with an embarrassing eagerness.

“Show me, baby.”

I raise up and with his guidance again, lower myself until he’s making sure my other hole is filled as well.

Each bounce against his lap is adding pressure against the plug, combined with the bump of his cock against my cervix. With no sight, I’m so in tune with every sensation, especially the way his fingers feel roaming every inch of my body. He’s pinch my nipples, grabbing my ass, tugging at my hair. I may have been the one begging but he was clearly just as desperate.

When he decided he needs more, Spencer grabs my hips and starts thrusting up into me at a completely

ridiculous pace.

“You look so pretty bouncing on my cock. See for yourself, little girl.”

Before I have time to realize what he means, his beautiful fingers are ripping the silk away from my eyes, only to be met with absolutely heavenly eyes. They’re golden, warm, filled with lust but also something kinder. They devour my body like I’m his goddess. I absolutely love watching him enjoy the view. He licks his lips hungrily as he watches my breasts bounce and the way he looks sliding in and out of me.

Spencer pulls me in so he can leave a trail of kisses along my shoulders and neck. I love the way my face feels buried in his soft curls, he smells of lavender shampoo and it’s intoxicating. When he pulls back he’s got a knowing smirk on his face.

“What?”

In seemingly one move, I’m off his lap, on my back, with my hands pinned over my head.

“But the hand cuffs? How did you-“

Instead of answering he silenced me with an all consuming kiss. We’re biting, sucking, moaning, on one another like animals in heat. I can’t help but feel sorry for his poor neighbors.

He keeps my hands pinned above my head while realigning himself ready to pick back up where he left off. Before I can even register what’s happening he’s pounding into me like it’s his fucking job.

“You feel that? You feel how perfectly I fill you up? So pretty with my cock in you. Fuck- you take it so well!”

Words are gone from my mind. I’m left with moans, tears, and one name. Spencer.

“Spencer!”

He lets go of my arms and they instinctively wrap around his neck as I use my legs around his hips bringing him close.

“I’ve got you pretty girl. I’m here. Be a good little thing and come for me. Come on.”

I’m wrecked, shaking and moaning, unsure if I’ll ever be able to stop. He’s right there with me, filling me up in the best way. The pleasure is intensified by the extra pressure from the plug. I cling to him for dear life as I ride off my high, enjoying the way he looks above me. He’s angelic with the light sheen of sweat causing his skin to glisten in the low lighting, the natural sparkle of his eyes, the way his curls fall in his face, the pretty pink lips softly parted as he pants.

He’s dominant but also so soft and kind with me. It's clear tonight he cared about my pleasure just as much as his own. Maybe I don’t ever have to let him go. Maybe we can just stay here, twisted up in one another, blissfully unaware of all our troubles and the world around us.

I’m embarrassed at how much I whine as he gets off of me and slips away into the bathroom. I don’t know why I was surprised when he returns with a warm washcloth and lotion. He’s cleaning me up, tending to my wrists and any other spots sore from friction, and removing the plug. All the while he’s littering my skin with gentle kisses, all along my back and shoulders, my hips, my chest, my face. I’ve never been so pampered.

“Are you okay?” His voice is sweet and smooth like honey, leaving me tingling in the wake of its sweetness.

“Never better.” I leave kisses across his knuckles and he gives me that look again, like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

After some convincing, I get up to use the bathroom, returning to a very sweet looking boy waiting for me under the covers, looking up with puppy dog eyes. I see the man I first met in the courtyard months ago. The one that stole my heart. I slip into the spot next to him, and we tangle back together, skin against skin. It’s so warm, soft, inviting and I think I’ll stay forever.

[andreafmn]

Running In Circles - Chapter 4

Word Count: 3,783

Characters: Female Reader Rossi Character, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ”Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia

Story Description: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Criminal Minds, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and CBS Network. The only thing I own is Arden Rossi, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 4/?

A/N: These next chapters are really just gonna be the necessary episode that contributes to the character's storyline. I'll try my best to compress them into fewer chapters but some I do need for my storyline. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 4

It’s funny how life moves so quickly, but agonizingly slow at the same time.

We had been on the hunt for the prince of darkness after he resurfaced 26 years after what we thought was his last crime in California. He had been across the 48 continuous states, leaving his mark of crimes all over the map. Initially, we were confused as to why he would reappear in Los Angeles if he never hit the same city twice until we noticed a pattern. Billy Flynn was recreating his original murders to taunt Matt Spicer, a survivor, and tell him he’d be going after Spicer’s family because he wanted recognition for the murder that had made Spicer a “city hero”, he wanted to be part of the story. They were horrible and vile crimes one after the other and we were working nonstop to catch him. The case took a turn when we found out he was going after Ellie and Kristin Spicer, Matt’s daughter, and sister, respectively.

The case took a turn when we sent Spicer and Morgan to retrieve the family thinking Flynn was going to take them from Matt’s house. But it was too late, he had gotten there before them. The duo decided to go to Kristin’s house believing he needed privacy to conduct whatever he was planning. Hotch, Prentiss, and I were in a car as we got intel from Morgan, waiting on the address of the sister’s house. But it didn’t make sense, that wasn’t personal enough for him. It didn’t tie into the story. Being stuck in traffic was exasperating, and it only got worse once we lost cell reception in the middle of a call.

Against my better judgment, we headed to Kristin’s apartment where we found out she had been gone for hours and Morgan had never arrived.

“Something must have changed,” Emily expressed.

“The cells are down,” Kurzbard chimed. “Now how the hell do you find them?”

“What would cause Morgan to change his like that when he knows he can’t tell us?” My father spoke up, worry evident in his eyes.

“The unsub had Spicer’s sister and daughter; Morgan knew he didn’t have a lot of time.” Hotch analyzed.

“So, his first guess had to be right.”

“The unsub attacked Spicer specifically through his family,” Emily commented.

“How long has Spicer’s sister lived here?”

“6-7 months.”

“Well, that’s why they didn’t come here.”

“If the unsub wants to hurt Spicer, hell do it someplace that means something to him. Morgan must have realized the same thing.” I thought. “The unsub and Spicer do share one place in common.”

“Santa Monica.”

“Where he killed his parents,” I finished.

“Let’s go.” Hotch started the quick walk to the cars to speed off to Spicer’s childhood home, where we hoped to find Morgan and the Spicers.

Once we arrived the front yard was covered with emergency vehicles, my mind spiraling to the worse possible scenario. We were already one man down; Flynn had gotten to Spicer. Kristin was in rough shape and Flynn had taken Ellie. Morgan had a pretty nasty head wound, but being the strong-headed man he was he just wanted to get back to work.

“Guys, I’m not going to any hospital until we find that little girl.” He directed himself to the EMT. “Now, please just put a bandage on it.”

“Morgan, what’s the notebook?” I motioned to the small book in front of him.

“I asked the sister to tell me everything she could remember about the unsub.”

“And what’s her condition?”

“It’s bad.”

“I’ll go check on her,” Emily offered. She left with the ambulance and hopefully we could get more information out of her.

Everyone knew Morgan wasn’t in perfect condition to continue working, but we also knew he wouldn’t allow us to make him rest. JJ and Reid arrived at the scene with satellite phones to allow communication to continue while the phone towers were down.

“Any word on Ellie?” JJ asked, clearly worried about the innocent little girl that had been brought into this tragedy. Morgan glared at her with such an intensity we all got uncomfortable. “I was just…”

“It’s not you,” I comforted, going out to follow Morgan, Hotch trailing behind.

Outside he called Garcia, asking for her to run the plates on the RV, treating her coldly. I knew he was desperate, but Penelope was worried, as were the rest of us. Something much worse could’ve happened to him; he could have ended up like Spicer.

“You know, she really needs to be more professional sometimes.” Derek turned.

“She gets the job done every time,” Hotch defended.

“I told him, Hotch.” His voice cracked. “I told him that we should wait for backup but he wouldn’t listen to me. We split up and he headed around back before I could stop him.”

“Morgan, sometimes when it comes to family common sense and procedure go out the window.”

“You do the best you can,” I comforted, laying a hand on his shoulders to let him know he wasn’t alone.

“This unsub raped the aunt and then beat her for no reason. She didn’t resist, guys. And he still pistol-whipped her until her ribs were crushed. He killed Spicer while he was on his knees. He was unarmed. This guy’s a pure psychopath. I want this guy.”

“And we’ll get him.”

“Well, we better do it fast. Taking Ellie was like a game to him. The sick bastard thought it was funny. He’s gonna get pissed off at her, she’s nothing but a little girl. She’s gonna show him fear, and when she does… he’s gonna kill her.”

“Then, what are we doing standing around? Let’s go,” I tried my best to encourage.

We all quickly headed back to the precinct, needing to calculate what his net moves would be. He changed his methods suddenly; all patterns were out the window. Flynn wasn’t devolving he was becoming more calculate, we had to find the ends to his means. And Derek’s attitude wasn’t helping to ease the tension we were all feeling. Thankfully, Emily entered at the right moment. We couldn’t run the plates, possibly Kristin had gotten them wrong, but she remembered something crucial. The radio. Flynn listened to the radio following the sound of his name in the mouths of newscasters, and although this could help us, the LAPD had released everything we knew about the RV, about Ellie, and about him.

“That might force him to dump the RV,” my dad said.

“Or kill…” Spencer started but quickly stopped knowing this wouldn’t help appease the strained situation.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“He could’ve killed you and the sister, but he didn’t. He kept you alive, he can’t be surprised that we know what he’s driving and that he has a hostage,” I explained, my father nodding his head in agreement.

We knew he listened to the radio but not which station, but an idea surfaced in JJ. We could try to work with the Emergency Alert System. Quickly, she got to work to be able to get out a message that we were sure would reach Flynn. On one side of the room, Emily and Morgan were talking about Kristin and what she had made him promise her. The safekeeping of Ellie. Kristin said it wasn’t fair of her to ask that, but Morgan wouldn’t break that promise.

As JJ worked the bureaucratic sinkhole that was the EAS, we got word that Flynn was currently in another house with Ellie. When we arrived at the scene, he was gone, but not for the lack of trying to from the neighbors. They had tried to stop him, but he had already taken that family’s car and was able to speed off. We needed to work even quicker than before, he was getting desperate.

Inside the RV he discarded, Ellie’s hair was found on the floor. Derek got enraged, but Spencer reassured him: “Why would you disguise someone you were going to kill?”

Looking for clues inside, Derek found a pipe and I found a newspaper. As they fixated on more clues from the underlined words on it: “bright, happy child,” Spencer pointed out, Derek thought back on what Flynn had said back at the Spicer house. Flynn was after Ellie all along.

One thing we were wrong on the profile, he was stuck in the delusion of believing he was some sort of grandparent to Ellie; she wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t let Matt survive. In a matter of seconds, the gears in the case started shifting at full speed. Once JJ got through to the Madame Secretary, Hotch assigned her to hostage negotiation through the system, trying to find a way to draw him out. On the other hand, Reid and I were looking over some newspapers that were stored in the RV, the murders we might have thought were his first might not have been. As soon as the lights came back on and the cell towers were up we were contacting Garcia to check the records on a murder investigation from 1968.

Garcia has always worked fast and well, this time it was no different.

“So, Nora Flynn was a prostitute and a drug addict living in a desert community just outside of Los Angeles. It appears bikers were her stock in trade, rough bikers. And one fateful day she and a client were murdered by her 13-year-old son Billy. Shot to death. The costumer, ironically named John, was able to tell the police before he died that Billy made him beg for his life and then shot him anyway.”

“That’s him,” Morgan commented.

“And he was convicted, but...”

“He’s a juvenile,” I said.

“Right. So at 18, he was released in 1973, never heard from again,” Penelope continued.

“Oh, he was heard from,” Emily spoke up.

“And he never released a statement as to why he killed them, although it does appear his childhood was horrific. I’m sending you a picture of him on the day he was released to your PDAs.”

“make sure you send the files to JJ,” Hotch instructed.

“Of course, my liege. Garcia bids you ad…”

She was cut off by Morgan, hopefully, so he could apologize for being so cold. “Garcia, wait a minute.”

He took the phone and left to a more private corner to talk to our tech genius. Also, Hotch had gone outside to help JJ with the tough job she had to do; I did not want to be in her shoes right now. We were all standing around in a circle listening to JJ, we could tell she was nervous and picking her words carefully. At first, it was a little rough, but as soon as she tapped into her motherly instincts it was going way smoother. Hopefully, it hit the nail on the head.

Then we received some unfortunate news, Kristin had passed away. The look of defeat on Derek’s face was painful, Ellie was alone now. But there was some hope – Flynn had let Ellie go. JJ had succeeded. We sped off to the house where Billy Flynn was hiding. Upon arrival we were met with the LAPD, they had a direct line to Flynn sent in and were waiting for contact. It rang as soon as we got there, he was watching us.

“He wants to talk to you,” Kurzbard extended the phone towards Derek.

“What?” His tone was pointed, laced with anger and desperation. “He wants me to come in.”

Morgan started walking towards the house after exchanging some words with Hotch. My heart was beating a million miles an hour and I held onto Emily to stabilize myself. We had no eyes or ears on the inside of the house, and anything could happen whilst we were outside and Derek inside.

A couple of minutes went by until ten shots rang through the house. My heart dropped and tears spilled from my eyes unconsciously. I was expecting for the worse as my hands flew to my gun, ready to enter the house, but Emily held me back as Derek calmly walked out of the house. Emily and Spencer accompanied officers to survey the scene and I stayed behind with my father and Hotch to make sure Derek was okay. My father hugged my shoulders as we watched the reunion between Ellie and Morgan, who thankfully came out of the house unscathed.

On the flight home, I couldn’t help but shed a few tears as the adrenaline from the case was wearing down. Next to me, Derek noticed my mood shift and sat closer to me.

“What’s up, baby girl? What’s got you like this?”

“I don’t know, it’s just back at the house we didn’t know anything and all we hard were the shots; I just thought the worst had happened. I’m just being dumb,” I chuckled, trying to downplay how I was feeling. He was the one who went through the traumatic experience, not me.

“Oh come on, you know it would take more than a couple of knocks and a crazy unsub to take me down. You’re gonna have to put up with me for a long time. All of us,” he motioned to the rest of the team. The ones who were still awake nodded and smiled.

But the team would suffer a huge loss before we knew it. This morning JJ, Strauss, and Hotch had been in Hotch’s office right before we were meant to be on the plane to Atlantic Beach. No one knew what they were meeting about, but it had to be serious.

We all left to the case with the underlying question of what the meeting was about. On the plane we stared at JJ until she confessed about the meeting; the Pentagon had offered her a job twice and Strauss wanted her to take it. As much as we wanted to pick her brain about it, there wasn’t too much news. She had a job offer she didn’t want and our boss wanted her to take it. We needed to focus on the case.

At the moment there were two men in custody, 20-year-old Sid and Jimmy. They were claiming they both had consensual sex with our 19-year-old victim Kate after she left a bar with them. Highly doubtful. The need to break them down psychologically became apparent when there were no plot holes found in their stories by the police. We had no body, two suspects, and a limited amount of time.

As soon as we landed, the team got busy with their assignments. JJ was to stay with the parents, Emily and Morgan were in interrogations, dad and Reid to the bar, and Hotch and I to review the interview videos to find any nonverbal clues to disrupt their story. As quickly as we could work so did Garcia. In minutes she gave us a big background into the kids, criminal troublemakers since their preteens.

We watched intently both interviews, Syd’s directly and Jimmy through recording. Syd was prepotent and standoffish since Derek walked in, not much perturbed him, Jimmy on the other hand had a tell.

“He never mentions her by name,” I said as we watched the interview Emily was carrying out with Jimmy.

“Why not?” Detective Mathias asked.

“He’s distancing himself,” Hotch added. “Depersonalizing the victim.”

“Look at the way he shifts his weight and cracks his neck. His behavior was consistent until Kate was mentioned,” I noted and Hotch nodded. Mathias seemed very interested in the way we analyzed every single movement.

Then, both asked for a polygraph test. As we waited to hear from the polygraph results we got to work on theories.

“So, what if they didn’t do it then we’re back to nothing?” Mathias doubted.

“One of them knows where Kate is,” I said nonchalantly.

“How can you be sure?”

“Because an innocent person doesn’t sit quietly for three days. They get angry and defensive.”

“These guys are going out of their way to appear calm and in control,” Derek added. “They’ve got something to hide.”

We knew they were stalling with the polygraphs, all we had to do is figure out what they knew about Kate’s whereabouts. Hotch then sent JJ back to dig into the parents a little, why would have Kate gone with these two boys if everyone else says she wouldn’t have? JJ adamantly turned and headed to the Pearson couple.

“Hotch, we can’t lose her,” I whispered.

“Strauss thinks we’re all replaceable. I went over her head to try to explain that we’re not.”

It wasn’t the answer we wanted, but it’s the one that we got. At the end of the day, we could be short a team member. And worse, our family would be separated.

But we had to continue working, they had passed the tests. We needed to continue the interviews. Something they were counting on. Dad went in to talk to Syd and Reid talked to Jimmy, the latter having a bit of a short fuse. We were going to continue on and on until they broke.

We had less than three hours until they were released. We needed everything we could get. As Derek pushed Syd, and Emily left Jimmy, Hotch got a call. I quickly picked at his cell and the screen read Strauss. So, I excused myself and left Emily to analyze the pictures that were on Syd’s phone of that night.

“She’s leaving, isn’t she?” I asked, reading Hotch’s defeated posture. He nodded. “There’s nothing you can do?”

“They’re not asking. It’s a direct order,” he rubbed his temples.

“So, she’s going to DC?” He nodded once more. I knew it was hard on him the most. He was the person we all looked onto to keep us united, but this really was out of his hands.

“I really wish there was more I could do,” he sighed. We shared a quick hug in the empty hallway, a way of reassuring him that he didn’t have to carry this news by himself. As we detached, he shared a small smile of relief, a small weight lifting off his shoulders.

“Well, come on. There’s no good in dwelling on it right now. Let’s catch these scumbags and bring back Kate.”

The interviews carried on. We couldn’t be distracted by the sad news. We were picking apart every breath, every movement, every word. Then, as she perused the pictures, JJ noticed in a Kate-less one her phone was present. But, Kate’s phone was in possession of her mother since it was recovered from Kate’s hotel room. The girl had made it back to the hotel.

We started forming our hypothesis. Most of the story they believed to be true because it actually was, they did take her back to the hotel, and they did leave. But Jimmy had felt rejected by Kate since she didn’t pay him much attention, and he had the perfect excuse to come back. So, when he left Syd back home, he went back with Kate’s phone. He lured her outside, possibly drugged her, and took her to his boat. Spencer pointed out that Jimmy was obsessed with the details of the port and Mathias added that at that time of night the blood from the catch would attract hundreds of sharks.

“We asked him if he killed her,” I sighed. “He didn’t. Asked where her body is.”

“He doesn’t know,” Emily added, following my train of thought.

“Technically those aren’t lies,” Spencer stated.

“How can you prove this?”

“We’ll get them to admit it,” Hotch answered Mathias.

Back into the interview room we were. We had our bait, and we were gonna reel in the answers.

After we pushed and got no concrete answers, we knew we had to search the ocean. I left with JJ ad Hotch to the port in hopes that she would be found. The Coast guard was 70 miles out and there was no sign of the young girl. We were getting worried.

“Kate’s an amazing swimmer. If he didn’t kill her when she hit the water, there’s still a chance,” JJ hoped.

“JJ, that’s three days in the ocean,” Hotch stated.

“I know,” she said in a defeated tone.

“This might be a long shot, but she would have been thrown near a dangerous area, which would mean there would be buoy markers. It could be possible that, if she was still alive when she hit the water, she swam all the way to a buoy, and since it’s been three days and hopefully, she has no major wounds, there’s a high probability she could’ve survived.” JJ looked up at me and gave me a small smile.

“Nice catch, (Y/N).” Hotch quickly punched in the number for the helicopter and told them to look closely at any buoys they saw around the area.

“I have a feeling about this one, JJ.” She hugged my shoulders. “We’re gonna find her.”

It wasn’t long until we got the news. Mathias came back to tell us they had found her hugging a buoy, alive. The three of us let out a breath of relief, and the unit chief and I stayed back as JJ went to tell the parents the good news. Although no words were exchanged, when we both looked at each other we knew this victorious feeling would be a short-lived one for the team.

Now that it was over JJ would be gone. When we got back, everyone else knew. JJ came out of the briefing room with a defeated look in her eyes, after a mad Hotch had stormed into his office. It didn’t take long for these brilliant minds to figure out the exchange.

“It’s done,” she sighed.

“It can’t be that simple,” Morgan protested.

“It is,” I said.

“You knew?”

“Figured it out back at the precinct,” I answered JJ. “Hotch got the call while Derek was interviewing Syd. It wasn’t too hard to map out.”

“This job is hard enough. What’re they trying to do, bury us?”

“She’s too good,” Emily said.

“She’s on everybody’s wish list,” dad added. “Our loss is somebody else’s gain.”

“They can’t just take you away,” Spencer said sadly. But they could, and they did.

It was a hard goodbye. She wasn’t truly gone but she wouldn’t be with us anymore. There wouldn’t be a need for a true grieving period, but the JJ-shaped hole that would fall upon the BAU team would be impossible to fill. Our family would not be fully complete until hopefully one day she came back.

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Tag List: @wanniiieeee @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @ssamorganhotchner

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #537

Top Ten Games Shown at Not-E3 2022

I wasn’t going to do this. I had another Top Ten planned out. I felt that the disparate nature of “E3 Season” this year – the lack of One Big Show to tie it together, the fact that many big publishers have decided not to show anything at this time, etc – meant there was no need to do a big list of revelations. There was little in the way of spectacle, no real hardware news, no outrageous dance numbers or massive live cock-ups on stage. No one told you how you can share games on PS4, or told us we were breathtaking. It was just games.

But then two things happened. One, I’ve been really busy so haven’t written – or really even researched – any of the other ideas I had for this week’s list. And, two, there were actually a lot of games shown. Some brand new that I’ve not heard of before; others that we just saw more of and that looked really good or intriguing. And I started absent-mindedly listing them. And wouldn’t you know it? Soon I had a Top Ten.

So that’s what we’ve got this week. No bells or whistles, nothing fancy. These are just my ten favourite games shown in the last week or two, during these various summer gaming showcases. No Nintendo, no Sony, no EA, no UbiSoft. Will I do another list like this after they all show their wares? Almost certainly not. Which is a shame, because I bet Nintendo in particular would have some good stuff. Maybe even a title for their new Zelda! Maybe – maybe! – it’ll be in the Nintendo show where we finally get to see that GoldenEye remake/re-release. Maybe!

And that’s it, this week. Just a list of games that I like the look of. Please do enjoy.

Starfield: fun fact: I’ve never played one of Bethesda’s big RPGs. Not Morrowind or Skyrim or Fallout. I always wanted to; they looked right up my street. I just never had the time – those things are pretty epic, yeah? Anyway, Starfield is hitting at a good time, and I’m very interested. And I think it looks great! I love the “NASA punk” aesthetic, and I just really want to play it. Pity it’s not coming out till next year, but all the same, this feels like my Next Big Game.

Ara: History Untold: another fun fact: I really love the Civilization games. So a new spin on the formula excites me. And even though concrete details are thin on the ground, this one seems to offer up the prospect of mixing and matching histories and eras – or at least I think it does. Anyway, it’s gonna be free for me to play thanks to the wonders of Game Pass, and I can’t wait.

Pentiment: now this one looks wild. Like a medieval parchment come to life, it’s some kind of adventure game or something, but really it’s the aesthetics that set it apart. I like adventure games, I like games will a cool and unique look. This fits all the bills.

Agent 64: Spies Never Die: where is GoldenEye?! I want my GoldenEye! In the meantime, we’ve got this, a spiritual remake. Very cool! They’ve done a great job modelling the aesthetic of the classic N64 game, so hopefully they’ve done as good a job with the gameplay and mission structure. And hopefully it’s got all kinds of funny cheats and stuff too.

Lightyear Frontier: I like Stardew Valley. And this game is basically a bit like Stardew Valley, except you more or less play a Transformer. Did you hear that? It’s Stardew Valley with Transformers.

High on Life: I’m not the world’s biggest Rick and Morty fan, but I have to say it’s much better than its fanbase. So hopefully the writing here will be up to snuff, because the concept of an FPS with a bevvy of humorous talking alien weapons is very intriguing.

As Dusk Falls: like I said, I like adventure games with cool aesthetics, and the painterly graphics on show here look really good. Like a Netflix drama or gritty graphic novel, hopefully it tell a compelling story and also just, y’know, play really well.

The Plucky Squire: now this one looks cool, and by that I mean looks cool. A really fantastic art design sees a kids’ picture book come to life, and then vibrantly explode across a 3D world. I’m not the world’s biggest fan of 2D platform games, really – I find them gorgeous and compelling but fiddly and difficult to play, despite more or less growing up on them – so I hope the gameplay is just as good as the graphics.

Laysara: Summit Kingdom: I do love a good strategy game. This one looks great, a sort of Settlers in the skies, a medieval Sim City up a mountain. The vertiginous locale seems to offer quirks and twists to the gameplay, and just generally it’s really pretty.

Forza Motorsport: I prefer my racing games to be more arcadey and fun; I’ve always preferred the Horizon games over mainstream Forza. But I still quite enjoy driving round tracks, even if I couldn’t be arsed with how the cars actually work. What excites me with this version is just how bloody good it looks; seriously, have you seen the graphics? It’s stunning.

There we go, ten cool games I’d like to play. Sadly no room for the full release of Ooblets, or the visually intriguing Scorn, or stuff like the kaiju dating sim Kaichu, or the fact that there’s a Moomin game coming out! Moomins, people! MOOMINS.

[dindjarindiaries]

Thunder - Chapter 8: Hail

summary: Time winds down until Frankie has to leave Luciana, and suspicions start to grow as to what’s going on between them.

warnings: anxiety attack, angst, fluff, mentions of death, references to sex

rating: R

word count: 4.82k

masterlist

chapter 8: hail

Waking up the next morning, Frankie’s almost certain he’s ascended to heaven. The warm glow of sunlight’s peeking in through the window of the guesthouse bedroom, bathing the woman who lays asleep on his chest in an angelic light. Frankie feels more at peace than he has in a long time, even with the prospect of what’s to come nagging at the back of his mind. He knows he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than where he is in this very moment—even in the air.

But then, it all sinks in: he’s still here, with Luciana, in the guesthouse, in the morning—and not with everyone else.

Frankie curses under his breath and gently starts to sit up, stirring Luciana from her sleep. She looks up at him through her lashes, eyes half-lidded in a way that Frankie thinks is adorable but can’t dwell on right now. “It’s the morning, Luce,” Frankie informs her, his voice soft yet panicked. “The guys could be up, and they might be looking for—.”

He’s cut off by Luciana leaning in swiftly to kiss him, her hand brushing over his cheek in a way that makes him forget everything else he’d been worrying about. When she pulls away, she stays close, her nose brushing against Frankie’s as she looks him deep in his eyes. “Relájate.” Luciana adds a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. “It’ll be fine. We’ll just say we woke up early and decided to go for a walk—and we brought the umbrella in case it rained again.”

Frankie takes a deep breath and nods to agree, earning a smile from Luciana in praise as she kisses him one more time. “You always think on your feet,” he tells her, earning a soft chuckle as she moves off of him. She frees herself from the sheets and stands, and Frankie can’t help the way his gaze admires her body once again. In this light, where it’s brighter and even more angelic, he can see more of the outline he’d tried to burn into memory last night, and he can’t help his heart from beating faster at her sheer beauty.

“Now, don’t relax too much, Morales,” Luciana warns Frankie, pulling him from his trance. “I don’t think we have time for another round before things start to look more… suspicious.”

Frankie ignores the blush on his cheeks as he shrugs, starting to untangle himself from the sheets. “Are you sure ‘bout that?”

Luciana raises an eyebrow at him as she starts getting her clothes from the night before back on. “Don’t insult yourself like that, babe. I’m sure you could last much longer than what we’re being given.”

Frankie scoffs and shakes his head, trying to hide his smile of amusement as he also dresses himself back up. Once they make the room neat to the way it’d been before—including new sheets as provided in the closet of the room—they walk out hand-in-hand to the main part of the guesthouse. Frankie reaches for the umbrella and, before he can reach for the door, Luciana pulls him into another kiss. It’s deep and full of the desperation of not knowing when they can share another, lips parted and tongues dancing like their bodies had during the later hours of the night. Frankie’s hand cups her cheek as they pull away, a thumb brushing over the skin there as he watches the light dance in her brown eyes. “I love you,” Franke confesses in a voice that’s hushed yet honest, “and one day, the whole world will know it.”

“All in time,” Luciana assures him, a phrase that he knows he needs to hear because the guilt of not being more public with their relationship has started to eat away at him. She gives his hand a squeeze and presses a kiss to his knuckles. “I love you, too.”

They share a gaze for a few lingering moments and then they open the door of the guesthouse, making sure none of the guys are around before they pretend to return from a morning spent walking through the trails of the surrounding wood. Thanks to their chemistry not only as lovers but also as friends, it’s easy for them to begin making light and casual conversation, making things look natural as they walk back up to the main house. Once they walk inside, they’re met with surprised exclamations from the guys who sit around the kitchen table, except for Santiago who works some eggs in a pan on the stove.

“We all thought you were both asleep, gonna be honest,” Benny admits, drawing a sip from his water with a raised brow.

“Us? Up later than you?” Luciana lets out a playful scoff as she teases him. “You should’ve known better. We were up early and decided to go for a walk. It’s beautiful around here.”

It’s true, Frankie thinks to himself, wishing he could say it to Luciana. My view this morning was really beautiful.

“I’d say that surprises me, but it doesn’t,” Tom mumbles, a small smile growing on his lips as he looks between the two of them. “One day, we’ll switch it up on you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Luciana demurs with a chuckle. “Maybe after you���re done with bootcamp.”

And, as much as that’s meant to be a joke, those are the words that make Luciana’s mind take a darker route the rest of the day.

It continues just like the day before, the majority of it spent down at the dock—swimming, boating, kayaking, whatever else to have fun and cool off in the midst of the summer heat. She’s allowed herself a few extra drinks, which she realizes now likely wasn’t the best choice. Luciana sits here in one of the Adirondack chairs, taking a moment to bathe in the sun as she watches the boys toss a football around in the shallower part of the lake, and lets herself think too much.

She’s the only one being left behind. Luciana will have to stay here while her brothers—including one by blood—go off to serve, losing any kind of the contact she’s had with them ever since they all met and gelled together. This includes the love of her life, a man she’s known for longer than the rest aside from Santiago, someone she’s not sure how to live without anymore. Even before the love bloomed, he was the crutch she didn’t realize she was leaning on, the other half that kept her in check and balanced and excited to grow in life. Luciana knows she’s been the same thing for him. She doesn’t often think about what could happen to him while she’s away—not just in the line of duty, but in his mind and his heart. She knows there’s darkness there that even she hasn’t gotten to fully explore, hurt from the things that’s happened to him that he shouldn’t have to deal with on his own. Now, he has to be alone.

Her gaze jumps from person-to-person as they jump and move around in the water—from “grumpy” ol’ Tom, to young, wild, and free Benny, to less-wild-but-still-kinda-crazy Will, to her dearest and fiercely protective Santi, and finally to her entire heart, the caring and kind Frankie—and she can’t help picturing what would happen if this was the last time they were all together. If something happened and she lost one of them, or even all of them. If this little family of theirs that’s dysfunctional yet beautiful in its own unique way was harmed in any way, shape, or form. Luciana’s not sure how she’d be able to carry on. Picturing a life without them, one without Tom or Benny or Will or Santi or Frankie, is enough to knock the breath right from her lungs.

And that’s exactly what it does. Suddenly, Luciana—the one who’s been revered as never being afraid of anything—feels more fear than she’s ever experienced before in her life, and now she can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

Luciana tries to take a deep breath but it stalls. The place where she’s supposed to feel the soft rise and fall of her chest is instead engulfed in burning flames, feeling as if they’re full of sand as she tries to get the air in. A cold sweat breaks out on her forehead as she blinks a few times, trying to compose herself because she doesn’t want to break down like this, to show that she’s weaker than everyone thinks she is. But then she tries to breathe again and she still can’t.

She moves to sit on the very edge of her seat, hoping that’ll help somehow as she tries to expand her lungs. It does nothing. Instead, the heaving of her chest becomes more obvious, the cold sweat providing a glare of the sun’s rays, and she realizes she’s drawing attention.

“Luci?” her brother’s voice calls to her, but it feels far away, much further than the few feet he stands in the lake away from her. “You okay?” Santiago comes closer, stepping out of the water as his brow furrows in concern. Luciana looks at him and sees his eyes widen upon viewing the horror in her eyes and the evidence of struggles that go deeper than he was anticipating.

She shakes her head.

Santiago runs over, now, kneeling in front of Luciana and taking one of her hands in his. “What is it, hermanita?” he panics, his free hand touching her cheek and grimacing at how flushed it is. “How can I help?”

“I can’t breathe,” Luciana manages, the image of her brother blurring before her thanks to the tears of fear, shame, and stress that cloud her eyes, now. “I—Santi, I can’t breathe.”

Luciana sees Santiago bristle with more panic as he turns and addresses something to the boys that Luciana can’t take the time to listen to now, fully capturing their attention.

And when Frankie sees what’s happening, he just about feels his heart drop out into the water. It takes everything in him not to sprint over full-speed and take Luciana in his arms right then and there, instead rushing out of the water with the guys to better see what’s going on. Frankie instantly recognizes the behavior because it’s something he’s not unfamiliar with: an anxiety attack.

“Don’t crowd,” Frankie instructs the guys, shooing them to somewhere further off on the dock. He kneels beside Santiago in front of Luciana, placing a hand on her knee as he looks up at her calmly. “You’re having an anxiety attack, Luce. You just need to breathe in time with me, okay?” He earns a struggled nod at that, and he gives her a smile of praise. Santiago looks nervously between his brother and sister. “Breathe in real deep with me, like this.” Frankie takes a deep breath in, and he watches as Luciana shakily does the same. He holds it for a few seconds before going on. “And now let it out.” He exhales as Luciana repeats his motion. He smiles again. “Good. Keep it up.”

Frankie breathes with Luciana until her heaving diminishes and she’s able to get the air in on her own. A few beads of cold sweat still cascade down her head, though Frankie can only see her gaze looking into his—one that’s full of horror and longing, a longing to be comforted by him. But he can’t.

“You’re alright, hermanita,” Santiago assures his sister, hands reaching for the sides of her face as he brushes his thumbs over them. “Feel a little better?” Luciana just nods at him, eyes flickering between her brother and her lover. Frankie tries to ignore the heavy ache in his chest. “I’ll take you to the house and we’ll get you some peace and quiet.”

Luciana nods again to agree, letting Santiago help her to stand up as they start to walk up to the house. Her gaze lingers for just another moment on Frankie when Santiago stops to place a grateful hand on Frankie’s shoulder, and he feels helpless as he begins to stand up slowly from where he’d been kneeling, wishing more than anything that he could be the one going with her—and needing to know what was going through her mind and heart in this moment. Though, he’s pretty sure it has to do with the words she’d cried to him last night, and that thought alone breaks him into pieces.

Once Santiago and Luciana are further out of sight, Frankie walks himself to the edge of the dock, sitting with his legs in the water as he rips his hat from his head. He kneads the material in his hands, his gaze looking endlessly into the rippling water ahead of him. It’s at times like these when he thinks that she’s worth the sacrifice of losing flying. That maybe he can find another skill, another passion, so that she doesn’t have to be alone here and suffer like this. He’d be more than willing to try for her. But she’d never let him.

This is just the first time of many where Luciana will have to suffer without him—and Frankie knows he has to get used to this feeling of pain.

Frankie’s slightly startled when the dock rocks next to him, his gaze looking up to its source as he watches Will sit gingerly beside him. He lets out a heavy breath before he meets Frankie’s gaze, his brow lifting. “You okay, Fish?” Will asks, his voice full of genuine concern as he folds his hands in his lap.

Frankie offers a nod. “Yeah,” he tries his best to assure him, smoothing a hand over his hair before placing his hat back on his head. “I’m just glad that she’s alright. Anxiety attacks are terrifying.”

“Yeah, me too,” Will agrees, his gaze shifting out to the water. “It was scary for me to see her like that. I can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like for you.”

Frankie furrows his brow, his heart starting to beat a bit faster as he looks over at his brother. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Will looks back at Frankie, his expression of nonchalance never changing. “Well, you’re both really close, wouldn’t you say?”

Frankie looks between the water and Will’s gaze. “Uh—yeah, we are, I guess.”

Will remains stoic for one moment but crashes into soft laughter in the next one. He shoulders Frankie in a playful manner. “Fish, you’re a fuckin’ terrible liar.” Frankie can feel his eyes widening as Will raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re in love.”

Frankie’s mouth goes dry as he seeks some kind of response but can’t find one just yet. When he does, it’s incoherent. “I’m, I-I’m in—what?”

Will laughs again. “Don’t worry. She loves you, too. And that’s why you’re together. As you should be.” Will then offers a smile, one that isn’t cynical or threatening. It’s genuinely friendly and warm, as if Will’s been waiting for this to happen as long as Frankie has. Thinking about it, he probably has.

Frankie’s in such shock that he truly can’t speak, now. His lips are parted, but he can’t even begin to think of what he can say. He thought he and Luciana had been doing a good job at keeping things under wraps, but they must’ve slipped somehow. He guesses it was this morning. He wonders if Will’s the only one who knows.

But, just as any good brother would, Will practically reads Frankie’s mind as he continues on. “We all know—everyone except Pope, and I’m pretty sure that’s only ‘cause he’s in such denial of it happening that he refuses to see it.” When Frankie’s eyes only widen more, Will chuckles again. “It’s alright, Frankie. We saw this coming for years. It’s about damn time.”

Frankie finally thinks of something to say, swallowing hard as he tips his hat on his head. “How did you find out?”

Will looks out at the water, pretending to ponder greatly for an answer. “Let’s see.” He hums, and Frankie can tell it’s all an act as he chuckles under his breath. “Leaving all the parties together? Well, that’s just how you two are. No, it was probably when I saw you two dancing at the bar.”

Frankie nearly chokes on air and he feels his cheeks and neck burn red as he runs a hand over the skin there. “You, uh… you saw that?”

Will looks back over at Frankie. “Don’t worry, Frankie, I didn’t stop and stare. And I was mostly drunk. But how could I forget it? My long-time dream couple finally taking their first step together?”

Frankie shakes his head slightly, trying to hold back a smile that’s growing on his lips. “And you didn’t say anything?”

Will shrugs. “I thought you two would be all lovey-dovey after that, but you seemed… normal. So, yeah, I didn’t.”

Now, Frankie’s too curious for his own good. He furrows his brow as he faces his brother. “What else did you see?”

Will’s gaze drifts up to the sky as he thinks again. “I saw your looks at each other on the semi-formal night. I saw you dancing together there. I think that’s when I really, really knew.”

“And the guys did, too?”

“Oh, yeah. We all talked about it when you and Santi and Luci weren’t around. We wanted to help make it happen.”

Frankie feels a realization hit him as he sits up taller towards his friend. “You purposely made sure Luci was left alone in the house the day of my mom’s anniversary, and threw the party the night before graduation at Benny’s frat house so we could be alone, and covered our asses for Pope whenever we snuck away after that.”

Will nods once to agree. “Yep.” He pops the “p.” “And don’t forget the guesthouse.” He gestures towards the path in the woods with his finger, and Frankie can already feel his face turning more red than the color of Will’s swim shorts. “Going for a walk so early in the morning, huh? On the same trail as the guesthouse? What a coincidence.”

Frankie laughs a bit and sighs in defeat, nodding as he looks at Will seriously. “Yeah. We’re together.”

Will slaps a hand on Frankie’s shoulder. “It’s been a long time comin’, brother.” He then wrinkles his brow in concern. “But why’re you trying to be so secretive about it?”

Frankie lowers his voice, gaze falling to his hands as they play with the hem of his t-shirt. “Pope.”

“I figured. But… why?”

Frankie takes a deep breath, looking back up to meet Will’s gaze. “A little while before that night at the bar, Santi, he uh, talked to us. Luci and I. Separately, of course. But he told us that he doesn’t think we should be together because it’s too risky for the dynamic—you know, our family thing we got going on. He’s afraid that if something goes bad between Luci and I, it’ll tear us apart from him. So he made us promise not to get together.”

“And now, you’re together.” Will finishes the idea for Frankie and he nods. Will curses under his breath. “Shit. That’s a dick move on Santiago’s part.”

Frankie shrugs. “He’s just protective of his loved ones.”

“But that doesn’t mean you should have to hide your relationship in the fuckin’ shadows, Frankie. You two are made for each other. We’ve all known it since day fuckin’ one.”

“Then why do you think he made us promise that?”

Will shakes his head, looking at the lake. “Like you said. He’s probably afraid that the closer you two become to each other, the more you’ll drift away from him.” He looks back to Frankie. “He’s afraid of being alone, Frankie.”

Frankie understands that fear. He’s lived that life, experienced that feeling of being so utterly alone and abandoned in this world by everyone he’s loved. That’s why he can’t bring himself to be mad at Santiago, and that’s why he keeps bending to his will and keeping his love hidden.

“You gotta tell him eventually, Fish. He deserves to know. She’s his twin sister for God’s sake, and you’re the closest brother he has out of all of us.”

“I know.” Frankie feels the guilt from earlier resting heavily on his shoulders, now, a hand wiping down his face as he watches his feet kick in the semi-clear lakewater. “I just… now isn’t the time. We’re about to go to basic training and he doesn’t need this shit in his head while we’re doing all that.”

Will nods understandingly. “I get it, Frankie, I really do. But the longer you wait, the worse his reaction will be—especially when it comes to the guesthouse.”

Frankie’s eyes double in size. “He will not be told about the guesthouse.”

Will laughs at Frankie’s panic. “An unnecessary detail. Your secret’s safe with us.” Will places his hand on Frankie’s shoulder yet again, giving his brother another warm smile. “I’m real happy for you both, Frankie.” Frankie returns his brother’s smile. “Just make sure we’re in the wedding. Alright?”

Frankie burns red yet laughs, standing up along with Will as they walk back towards where Benny and Tom are seated in two of the Adirondack chairs. Benny tilts his sunglasses down his nose upon their arrival. “What were you two ladies gossiping about?” Benny jokes, causing Will to snort. “The fact that we know this man’s fuckin’?” He gestures to Frankie who just about adapts red as the permanent color of his face at this point.

“Now Benny, what did I tell you about reducing the state of their relationship to sexual intimacy?” Will retorts, raising his brow at his brother.

Benny blinks a few times at his brother. “Was that English?” he finally asks.

The guys laugh, and Will nudges Frankie’s shoulder again. He points up to the house. “You should go check up on her,” he says lowly. Frankie nods to agree, the ache for his lover still prominent in his chest as he starts off towards the pathway that leads to the house. “Tell Pope we’re ready for another round of tossin’ if he’s up to it.”

Frankie holds up a thumb in acknowledgement, refusing to do anything to slow his movements towards Luciana as he heads up to the house. Once he’s made his way inside through the sliding glass door, he sees Santiago standing by the fridge in the kitchen, pouring a glass of water that’s no doubt for Luciana. He doesn’t see her around, though, and he wonders where she’s gone.

“Hey,” Frankie greets gently, not wanting to startle his brother. Santiago looks at Frankie with eyes still panicked for his sister, but they relax a bit upon seeing Frankie. “How’s she doing? How’re you doing?”

Santiago shrugs as he closes the fridge door, resting the glass of water on the counter as he crosses his arms over his chest. “She’s alright, I think,” Santiago informs him. “Good enough to not want her twin brother fussing over her anymore.” Frankie chuckles softly at that, as does Santiago. He then grimaces, though, a sigh falling from his lips. “But she said it was because she’s worried for us, Frankie—all of us. That makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to have to leave her behind.”

Frankie’s own heart breaks apart at his words. “Me neither, Santi. None of us do. But she’s strong, and a moment like this doesn’t change that. I’m sure that once everything falls into place, we’ll all be a little more at ease.”

Santiago nods to agree. Frankie hates the way his brother seems so down and guilty still, so he walks towards him and holds out his arms, accepting him in a tight hug as he pats his back a few times for reassurance. No words are spoken as the two brothers share a moment of strength, trying to comfort each other over the same woman—to one a dear sister, and to the other a passionate lover. Frankie has a feeling everything will be okay even as he pulls away from the embrace, smiling at Santiago.

“Will said they’re ready for another round if you are,” Frankie informs him. “I can keep an eye on her if you want me to.”

Santiago returns his smile. “That’d be great, Frankie. She’s sick enough of me already.”

Frankie chuckles again, shaking his head as he takes the glass of water off the counter. Santiago steps outside and heads back down to the dock, and Frankie tries to compose himself for what’s to come as he looks around for Luciana. He assumes she’s upstairs, now, and so he heads in that direction with the water in hand. When he comes around the corner of her room, he gently raps his knuckles against the doorframe.

“Santi, for fuck’s sake, I already told you that I’m fin—.” Luciana cuts herself off when she sees Frankie’s image appear in her doorway. She’s since slid on a sweatshirt following the incident, her arms hugging over her stomach as she sits with her legs criss-crossed on the bed. Her brown eyes twinkle at his presence. “Frankie?”

He doesn’t speak just yet as he walks closer to her, setting the glass on the bedside table as he seats himself on the edge of her bed. He reaches a delicate hand to brush away a loose piece of hair from her face, and she leans into his touch without ever breaking his gaze. Frankie can feel his eyes softening at her. “You alright, baby girl?” he finally says, his voice so soft that he wonders if she’s even heard it.

But she must, since she offers a light smile in return. “I’m fine,” Luciana assures him, one of her hands covering the one he still has on her cheek. “I just… got a little too lost in my thoughts.”

Frankie shakes his head at her. “You don’t have to keep it all in here, Luce.” He takes his free hand to gently tap his finger against her temple, earning a larger smile from her. “You have me, too. And Santi. And your other brothers.”

Luciana sighs. “I know. I just don’t want to look…”

“… weak to them?” Luciana nods, and Frankie shakes his head again as he holds her face between his hands. “Luci, having anxiety like that and thoughts like those doesn’t make you ‘weak.’ It just proves how caring and protective you are over all of us. We’re all feeling the same things you are even if we’re not vocalizing them. You being able to say them aloud would prove that you’re actually much stronger than all of us.”

Luciana grabs one of Frankie’s hands to press a kiss to his palm upon hearing that. “Thank you.” Her voice is quiet but never falters, her mesmerizing gaze settling in Frankie’s as she continues smiling at him. “I love you, baby.”

Frankie beams and his heart warms at her endearment. He leans forward to press a gentle kiss against her lips, one so soft that it can barely be felt. He pulls away and rests his forehead against hers. “I love you way more.”

With those words, he wraps his arms around her and shifts his position on the bed, encouraging her to lean into him as he strokes her hair softly. Frankie hopes it can bring her even more peace that she so desperately needs right now—as does he. Yet, he also knows he needs to get his recent conversation off his chest and inform Luciana of what’s been said.

“By the way, Luce… the guys know.”

Luciana lifts her head momentarily from Frankie’s chest, her brow furrowed. “About what?”

Frankie’s eyebrow lifts. “Us.”

Luciana doesn’t even look surprised as she lets her head rest against his chest again. “Oh. Yeah, I figured.”

“You did?”

“We’re not very good at being secretive, Francisco.”

Frankie chuckles at that. “I guess you’re right, Luciana.” Luciana wrinkles her nose upon hearing her full name. “But… your brother deserves to know. Soon.”

“Like I said this morning, babe… all in time.”

Frankie nods to agree with that, planting a kiss in her hair before resting his chin against her head. He continues to stroke her hair as he closes his eyes, absorbing the touch and close intimacy while he still can. The future’s unclear as of now, between his flying and her working and whatever the hell Santiago’s gonna do when he finds out about this, but he knows one thing for certain: Luciana will always be there. “All in time.”

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[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Sorry! Lehner had around a 10 minute rant today about how he feels like the NHL lied to the players about loosening up the restrictions placed on teams and forced teams to get the Covid Vaccine. ESPN and the New York Post released an article about it today.

(this is a follow-up on this ask)

Ah okay, I found a TSN article about it, which covers the fact that he also apologized for some of his remarks (mainly comparing the restrictions to being “like prison” which is a bit cringe when you’re a millionaire in a free hotel, yeah), and also significantly clarified some of the intent behind what he was trying to say at the presser:

I’m gonna put my full thoughts this under a cut because it’s ended up running pretty long and rambly, but tl;dr: after considering his more precisely clarified points here and with the perspective I know he’s coming from, I can honestly see and empathize with what Lehner seems to be expressing here about how the NHL has chosen to handle player vaccinations and informing them about what that means for the restrictions on their lives, and I actually don’t disagree with his criticisms overall. Some of the phrasing could have been better, but he’s acknowledged that too.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL may have done a poor job of honestly managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the extra restrictions placed on the players and their families with each team, and that they’re also up to some version of their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

Right, so, long thoughts are down here. Also gonna copy the majority of his comments directly because I think it’s worthwhile for people to read exactly what he said:

"As I’m frustrated like a lot of people in the world right now everything didn’t come out of today’s press in the right way," Lehner wrote. "Main point is that we need to start take the mental health important as well In this situation. It has a huge impact on everyone in society right now. To put competitive edge before well being of people's lives is wrong. As I said, people are struggling with many different things mentally and we need to consider that, as well. Then, being lied to makes it worse."

I love hockey and the league has done a lot of good things," Lehner continued. "But this missed the mark. My bad to say it’s like prison and I apologize, but with mental health issues that are developing in the world, it develops problems mentally. We will see exactly how this affects everything with time. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I hope we can all work together to help people that suffer through mental help from this going forward. I’ve heard how a lot of people are doing through this as people talk to me about it."

During his briefing, Lehner said that the league has misled the players about how vaccination will lead to the loosening of restrictions.

"They told me yesterday that they're surveying all of the teams to see who has taken the vaccine and who has not taken the vaccine and they're not going to change the rules for us as players until all of the teams have a fair [amount] of [vaccinated players] at the same time, so there's not a competitive edge," Lehner said. "And that made me go crazy, to be honest."

Lehner said the league is failing to look at its players as people first and lied to them about taking the vaccine.

"These are human lives and people are struggling with this stuff a lot in society and we are humans just as everyone else," Lehner said. "So there's a twofold problem for me here - the first one is we got promised something to take something that not necessarily everyone wanted. So that was lie - a blatant lie. Second, to put competitive edge over human lives in terms of going back - and I'm not saying we're going out to a party or whatever, but we had a meeting when the season started, at the beginning of camp, that pretty much told us we can't go outside of our house, can't do anything, can't go to the grocery store, can do nothing on the road. You can take a meal out of the meal room and go sit up in your room, don't be with your teammates, don't do this, don't do that. Nobody thinks about the mental impact."

The Gothenburg, Sweden native says his peers are struggling through this pandemic season.

"I know people will say, 'Oh, you're millionaires' and this and that or 'What about these guys?' but we care about that, too, man," Lehner said. "No matter what people think, this is a society problem. But when government, corporations, NHL, whoever are taking decisions in terms of irrelevant things like competitive edge over the human being? It's not okay."

It seems pretty clear to me from this article that his main issue isn’t really with getting the vaccine or being required to do so (my understanding is that it is still opt-in for all players, not mandatory. It’s that he doesn’t view the League as having provided players with a realistic expectation ahead of time for how being vaccinated would or would not change their daily reality. That they were led to believe that getting vaccinated would lead to things that didn’t end up happening, and therefore weren’t empowered to make an informed choice about when to get vaccinated.

The way he describes it, the League was not clear enough ahead of time about the fact that individual players being vaccinated would not make them individually exempt from league-wide restrictions, and this created a feeling of false hope about what getting vaccinated would mean in terms of not just having to stay in your house or hotel room literally all the time. If you were looking forward to getting vaccinated because you were led to believe it would mean finally not having to live in that isolated, mentally draining environment all the time, and then only found out at the last minute or after the fact that no, you actually still have to keep following all these rules that are making your life so isolated and difficult, that’s gotta be pretty emotionally jarring. If you were a player who was a little unsure about getting vaccinated quite yet (for whatever reason, including possibly being in a risk group for side-effects or just not wanting to get waylaid for a week with the smile symptoms it induces during a crucial stretch of games), but decided it was worth it for the tradeoff of getting back to a life that was less of a strain on your mental health, and then got told AFTER you made that decision and got the shot that no, that tradeoff isn’t happening the way you were made to expect it to, I think it would understandably piss you off.

It also sounds like part of what he has taken issue with is that, from the sounds of it rather than ease internal restrictions on a team-by-team basis as determined by each team’s vaccination rates (which would mean that if for example the Wild had 95% of their team vaccinated, the Wild only the Wild would get to start living a life with slightly less restrictions), the League is instead opting to say “no, we’re only going to ease the rules for EVERYONE at the same time once all teams have reached similar numbers of vaccinated players and staff to ea other, because we would see having different rules for different teams as giving some of them an unfair competitive edge”.

Lehner takes umbrage with this approach, because he thinks that focusing solely on “competitive edge” by making more-vaccinated teams keep having to live incredibly isolated lives (even isolated from vaccinated teammates) is a case of the League prioritizing parity over the toll that barely being able to interact with other people or leave their houses is taking on players’ mental health. And I can really really understand his point here. We have all seen what quarantine has done to our individual mental health, and even if they are millionaires, those impacts also exist for the players.

I actually just recently re-read the Athletic piece about the intense mental health and addiction struggles Lehner has gone through and done the incredibly difficult work of getting help for in the last five years. This man has fought incredibly hard and done a massive amount of therapy and other work to sort out his head, deal with his demons, and get himself to a place where he can cope and wants to be alive. That kind of recovery journey is a battle which will continue for the rest of your life and requires constant maintenance practices (again, speaking from experience). He also spent most of this season not even getting to be around the team at all, stuck at home recovering from a concussion (which usually involves doing frustratingly little and waiting around impatiently in dimly lit rooms for your brain to heal). And now, upon returning to the team, road games mean more time spent sitting in a room trying not to be bored out of your skull, while possibly also having to have some limits on things like screen time as a post-concussion precaution.

Imagine being somebody like him, who has spent a lot of time working very hard to build up a lifestyle and a system of coping mechanisms in recent years which have allowed him to live a healthier and happier life, to then be thrown back into an isolated and highly restricted new lifestyle where probably at least half of all those habits and norms and support systems are taken out of reach, that has to be incredibly difficult (I’ve experienced something similar myself this year). Especially when you haven’t been able to even go and be with the team in the dressing room, or probably even do anything with your family that classes above “mildly strenuous”, because you’re out for six weeks recovering from a concussion, which is its own mental and physical health battle. And then, you are apparently given the impression from the League that “hey, if you’re willing to get vaccinated, that will lead to you being able to return to some semblance of a life that is less taxing on your psyche”, and you agreed to do so even if you were perhaps cautious about getting the vaccine before, because you’d rather accept whatever risk comes with the shot than gamble on keeping your sanity together for however much longer this isolation drags on, only to then find out that “actually no, even if your team and staff is entirely vaccinated you still have to spend most of your time sitting alone in rooms trying not to sink into a spiral of dangerous depression until other teams in other states with different vaccination programs are also immunized to similar levels, and our only real reasoning for holding that mental relief out of reach is mostly based on ‘competitive parity’”.

Yeah, I absolutely understand why he would feel very frustrated and even betrayed by that course of action! For Lehner, it’s not about competitive edges or the game on the ice, it’s about having made the decision to get vaccinated at this time with the understanding that it would allow access to an at least slightly less mentally taxing lifestyle, only to find out later that the League seemingly never intended to follow through on providing that despite you holding up your end of the deal. And it sounds like he is speaking for a number of other players beyond just himself who are also struggling with their mental health in these conditions. Even if he himself is managing to cope because of what he’s learned in his recovery, he would certainly be well-positioned to recognize signs in the people around him that they are struggling in ways that may be similar to what he went though before, and know how dire that can spiral into being.

Look, I don’t think Robin Lehner ever expected to be allowed to go out and lick people’s eyeballs or wander the supermarket maskless once vaccinated, but you heard the description of how intensely restrictive the NHL’s rules for players off-ice lives during COVID are. They are far more intense than the rules being enforced for non-NHL individuals in many of the same cities and states, because the NHL is trying to bring risk as close to zero as possible. And if you were a player told that being vaccinated was going to reduce contagion risks enough to mean that right away the NHL would finally let you and your teammates from “can’t go anywhere or see anyone, eat your dinner in your hotel room and try not to be depressed about it” to “you can go to the store with a mask on. you can eat meals with your also-vaccinated teammates. you can visit your parents or siblings while social-distancing/masking. you can spend free time around other people and/or in more public spaces without being chaperoned constantly by team staff. you can sit next to your also-vaccinated teammates on the plane/bus. you can hang out with them in their room”, and THEN later were told “sorry, we’re not actually going to let you do that yet. not for COVID reasons but rather because we worry not being totally miserable shut-ins will give you a competitive edge over that team in another state who aren’t getting vaccinated as quickly”. That has to feel like a slap in the face in terms of how much the league actually cares about your well-being or about being honest in its role in your personal medical decisions. Perhaps when he says “forced” he is expressing a feeling of being stuck between choosing “either get vaccinated or let your mental health keep degrading in isolation”, only to find out that making the deal doesn’t get you the relief you were promised.

Idk I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot here trying to circle in on my precise point bc my brain is a little scrambled today, but like. If the players made their decisions to consent to vaccination (at this time, with whatever version of the shot was offered, under whatever circumstances they may have going on personally or medically) based on one understanding of the situation, and then NHL really said “lol NOPE actually that was a false premise” and changed things after the fact, that’s kinda an informed consent issue and I think he’s right to call it fucked up! And everything he says about how mentally taxing such a super-isolated lifestyle is honestly only repeats worries I myself had right from the moment the “stay in your hotel room alone” rule was announced — that the League may be underestimating the toll (especially with some of the long road trips this season) that forcing players to live in total isolation like that was going to have on individual wellbeing and team morale.

Robin’s comments this morning could have been put better, but as somebody who has ADHD and who knows about bipolar disorder, I know emotions for folks with brains like ours can run fast and intense and sometimes lead to not always planning out every word as precisely and you might later have liked to once that moment has passed. The fact that he apologized for the less tactful part of the comment and sought to clarify his words tells me he’s thought a lot about this and wasn’t happy with how he expressed his thoughts initially. Also, while his English is very good, you can sometimes forget it isn’t his first language, Swedish is — some thoughts don’t translate exactly as they sounded in your head. That said, also Robin Lehner one of the more outspoken NHL players about mental health issues in recent years, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of guy to mince his words or tiptoe around a point — I’m not surprised he’s the person expressing these concerns about mental health, and I’m not surprised he was a bit blunt about it either lol.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL did a poor job of managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the players and their families, and that they’re also up to their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

(also: the New York Post is a right-leaning sensationalist rag 90% of the time. take all spin it puts on things with a grain of salt)

[musette22]

Hey! For the future prompts: Bucky liking more feminine thing or liking to wear makeup maybe? And Steve being a supportive and loving boyfriend to him

Illuminations On A Rainy Day

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes (Stucky)

Word count: 5.4k

Warnings: Mostly fluff but eventual smut. Since the smut is explicit, 18+ only please! Addition warnings for slight feminization and makeup use.

A/N: This is my first time writing anything like this, so I hope it’s what you had in mind, anon! I loved writing it ❤️

Summary:

Bucky bites his bottom lip, trying to find the right words to explain this to Steve but coming up short. “Sometimes I just like to feel – pretty. You know?”

Steve looks very serious when he says, “You look plenty pretty to me, Buck. Always have.”

And Bucky knows he means it. He can see it in Steve’s eyes every time he looks at him.

“I know,” he says softly. “But I just like making myself look nice. There’s something about the process, the pampering, the grooming… I can’t really explain it, I just know it makes me feel… good. About myself.”

“Okay,” Steve nods. “That’s great, Buck. You should do whatever makes you feel good.”

Read on AO3

Bucky Barnes isn’t vain, exactly. He just enjoys taking care of his appearance, that’s all. Back in the thirties, that meant making sure his work shirts were ironed, his shoes were shining, and his hair was slicked back with pomade. Today, in 2016, his hair is too long to slick back, but that’s okay. He’s not the same Bucky anymore, anyway.

Of course, for a long time after escaping Hydra’s clutches and returning to Steve; his best friend and the absolute love of his life, Bucky didn’t take care of himself at all, let alone of his appearance. During the long and arduous process of recovery, which most likely is never going to be fully completed, Steve even had to remind Bucky to eat and take showers. To his credit, he never once grumbled about it. In fact, over the past two years, Steve displayed levels of patience Bucky never would’ve dreamed he was capable of, based on the scattered memories he had of the perpetually sickly and prickly firecracker he lived with back in the thirties.

But with time, lots of therapy and a little help from Wanda, Bucky had slowly started to become more aware of himself again. Started to realize (even if he didn’t always believe it quite yet) that what had happened wasn’t his fault, and that he was worthy of the second chance he was given. So, eventually, he started treating it as one, too. He began to do the things he’d always wanted to when he was a young man growing up in the Depression and times of war, but hadn’t been able to due to lack of funds or rigid, intolerant social norms. The most important of those things, of course, was openly being with Steve. This entailed announcing to the team and eventually the rest of the world that they were together, holding hands when they go for a coffee run, and giving Steve a good luck kiss before missions.  

In addition, Bucky also got a cat, bought himself a heated blanket even though he didn’t really need it in the Tower where the heat was always perfectly regulated, and started indulging in frequent movie marathons from the comfort of his own couch.

More importantly, Bucky also slowly but surely began to enjoy taking long showers and baths again. He used fragrant bath salts and shower oils and bought specialist products to make his shoulder-length hair soft and shiny, with just the right amount of volume. If he shaves, he likes to use a nice aftershave after, but more often than not he chooses to keep a short beard – a designer stubble, as Nat calls it. He couldn’t have a beard back in the day, but he’s found he likes the way it looks on him (just as he likes the way his stubble makes Steve’s pale skin look after Bucky’s been loving on him for a little too long).

About once a month, Bucky, Nat and Wanda treat themselves to a spa day. The three of them have struck up a friendship which, based on the similarities in their backgrounds and history, was more or less inevitable. Spa days are heaven, since Bucky doesn’t only like to take care of himself, but also very much enjoys being taken care of. After a day of being pampered senseless in the spa, he returns home to Steve all loose and relaxed, smelling like massage oils and with silky soft skin, which Steve appreciates possibly even more than Bucky does.

Today was a spa day. The three of them have just gotten dressed and are getting ready to head home. Wanda sits down in front of the dressing room mirror to put on her makeup, and Bucky, towelling dry his hair before putting in some argan oil, watches her as she re-applies her smoky eye.

After a minute or two, their eyes catch in the mirror.

“Would you like to try?” Wanda asks.

Bucky blinks. “Try?”

Wanda shakes the little tube of eyeliner at him by way of explanation.

“Oh,” he breathes, eyes widening.

Would he like to try some makeup? He’s never really thought about it before, but now that Wanda’s offering, he finds that he’s… not unamenable to the idea. Still, part of him wonders if wearing black eye makeup will make him look too much like the Soldier, decked out in war paint. He’s about to decline the offer when Natasha, who as always seems to be able to read Bucky’s mind, speaks up.

“You’re not him anymore, Bucky.”

Bucky gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment. “I know,” he says finally.

“You’ve made incredible progress. A bit of eyeliner isn’t going to undo that.”

“I know,” he repeats. He straightens his shoulders. “Alright, let me try it.”

Wanda gives him a soft smile, turning towards him as he settles on the chair next to her. “Okay,” she says. “Sit still, please.”

Unconsciously, Bucky holds his breath as Wanda fusses over him. It doesn’t take as long as he imagined, and when she tells him she’s all done, he slowly, with no small amount of apprehension, turns towards the mirror.

That’s – not bad at all.

Bucky leans a little closer, turning his head this way and that, inspecting his reflection from different angles. Finally, he decides that he likes it. A lot. The dark outline makes the slate blue of his eyes pop, makes his eyes somehow look bigger. He smiles at Wanda.

“It looks nice,” she says, brushing a lock of hair off his face. “Should we try mascara, too?”

Emboldened by the unexpected success, Bucky replies, “Sure. Why not.”

It’s hard to keep your eyes open while someone is more or less poking at them with a brush, as Bucky finds out, but fortunately Wanda is quick and efficient and manages to apply the mascara with minimal casualties. When Bucky looks in the mirror next, he’s actually shocked by how long is eyelashes are. Who’d have known?

“I look –” Bucky starts.

“Yes?” Wanda asks, an amused glint in her eye.

“…pretty?”

“You do. Very pretty.”

Nat stands up then, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Alright, guys. I’m meeting Fury in forty minutes. Let’s get going.”

“Like this?” Bucky splutters. “Shouldn’t I take it off first?”

Natasha shrugs, unconcerned. “You could, if you want. Do you?”

Bucky swallows, considers the question. He darts a glance in the mirror again, fascinated by his reflection. He still looks like himself, only nicer.

“No,” he says finally. “I don’t.”

“Great. Let’s go then.”

***

Despite his earlier burst of confidence, Bucky feels himself growing nervous as soon as he steps through the door of their apartment. The light in the living room is on, indicating that Steve is home. For a moment, Bucky contemplates making a dash for the bathroom so he can scrub off the makeup before facing Steve, but then he shakes himself. He’s faced hairier situations than these (boy, has he ever) and besides, Steve would never laugh in his face. At worst, he’ll be a little confused, and if he doesn’t seem to like it then Bucky will just save the makeup stuff for the days he hangs out with the girls. No big deal.

He takes a deep, bracing breath, and steps into the living room.

Steve is stretched out on the couch, sketchpad in his lap, dressed in a pair of loose, grey sweats and a dark blue hoodie. He looks up when Bucky walks in.

“Hey, Buck,” he says, already smiling. “How was the spa?”

Bucky doesn’t reply, just stops at the end of the couch, nervously waiting for Steve’s reaction.

After a few moments of silence, a little frown forms between Steve’s eyebrows, and Bucky holds his breath.

“What is…” Steve mutters, looking at him intently, and then his eyes widen. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Bucky says finally, fiddling with the hem of his sweatshirt. His voice comes out a little weaker than he’d like. He clears his throat.

Slowly, Steve gets up off the couch. He walks over, just as slowly, and it’s only when he comes to a halt right in front of him that Bucky remembers to breathe.

Lifting his hands, he cradling Bucky’s face between his big palms.

“Oh, Buck,” he says softly, his thumbs caressing Bucky’s cheekbones. “You look…”

“– ridiculous?” Bucky interrupts, the word little more than a whisper.

Steve frowns a little. “I was gonna say nice. You look real nice, baby.”

“Oh.” From one moment to the next, Bucky deflates, his shoulders relaxing as he leans forward, into Steve’s touch. “You really think so?”

“I do,” Steve smiles, with those laughter lines that Bucky loves so much. “You have such pretty eyes, Buck.”

Bucky looks into Steve’s sky blue ones, searching for even the slightest trace of insincerity, of Steve telling him what he wants to hear just because he wants Bucky to be happy, but finds none. There’s just love there, and maybe, definitely, a little bit of adoration.

“Thanks,” Bucky mutters, relieved. He closes his eyes as Steve leans in and kisses him, ever so carefully.

Bucky hums into it, tries to follow Steve’s lips as he pulls away.

Steve just laughs silently. “Come on,” he says. “Sit with me. I missed you today.”

Taking his hand, Bucky lets himself be led towards the giant couch in the middle of the room. Steve lets himself flop back into the cushions, pulling Bucky on top of him. Bucky goes easily, nestling against Steve’s chest.

“Hmm,” Steve hums, burying his nose in Bucky’s hair. “Your hair smells nice.”

Bucky just grunts in reply, rubbing his face into Steve’s pecs like a cat. Steve, attuned has he is to each of Bucky’s gestures and silent commands, takes the hint. He lifts a hand Bucky’s head and starts to gently run his fingers through his hair, separating the silky soft strands and lightly scratching at his scalp. After a few moments of that, Bucky almost starts to purr. It just feels really nice, okay? He loves being petted, always has, and fortunately, Steve loves petting him.

“It’s getting really long, Buck,” Steve says after a while. “I bet you could wear it in one of those hip bun things guys tend to wear these days. Maybe even braid it.”

“You think so?” Bucky mumbles after a second, letting the idea roll around in his head.

“Sure, yeah. It’s past your shoulders now.”

“Can you braid?”

Steve’s hand stills his hair. “Me?”

“Yeah, you,” Bucky huffs, rolling his eyes even though Steve can’t see him do it. “I don’t see anyone else here, do you?”

“I mean, I can give it a shot,” Steve muses. “How hard can it be, right?”

—

Turns out, it’s pretty damn hard. Steve does his best, and to be fair, what he ends up producing is more or less a braid, but it’s not what Bucky expected.

“I can practice,” Steve says stubbornly, standing behind him in the bathroom while Bucky inspects the damage in the mirror. “I’ve learned how to drive a stolen car in Nazi Germany in an afternoon and mastered several martial arts. I’m sure I can learn how to braid your hair properly.”

Bucky just pulls a face at him in the mirror. “I dunno, honey.”

“Just you wait,” Steve says, sticking out his chin just like when he was a hundred pound asthmatic kid who was told he couldn’t join the army. “I’ll have this down by the end of next week.”

—

Six days and many a pained grunt on Bucky’s part later, Steve does actually manage to weave his hair into a tight and complicated braid that looks, if Bucky may say so himself, pretty damn amazing on him. The two of them spend a good fifteen minutes admiring Bucky’s ‘do in the bathroom mirror, a smaller, handheld mirror that he borrowed from Nat enabling Bucky to see the back of his own head.

“You did it, Stevie,” Bucky says proudly, putting down the mirror on the counter to turn around and wrap his arms around Steve’s neck, leaning in for a kiss. “It looks amazing.”

“Told ya I could do it,” Steve replies, before regretfully adding, “Shame you’re gonna have to take it out again for bed now.”

Bucky bristles. “The hell I am. I’m meeting Wanda and Nat tomorrow morning. They bet me you couldn’t do it, so I have to show them my man can do anything he sets his mind to. And also cash in their loser money.”

Steve snorts. “Can I just remind you that you didn’t think I could do it either?”

“Nonsense,” Bucky replies, giving a curt shake of his head. “I’ve always believed in you.”

“Sure, Buck,” Steve concedes, smiling down at him dopily before leaning in for another kiss. “Whatever you say.”

***

A week or so later, Wanda comes up to Bucky after a briefing with a little bag swinging from her wrist, which she hands to him with a flourish.

“What’s this?” Bucky says, curiously peering into the bag and finding only a small, nondescript box.

“Just a little present,” Wanda says enigmatically. “Open it when you’re home.”

It turns out to be a starter set of eye makeup; a few different mascaras and eyeliners, and a scary-looking contraption that Bucky later finds out is meant to curl his eyelashes. He spends the rest of the afternoon in Steve and his bedroom, trying out the different products. When Steve comes back from training with Thor that night, Bucky eagerly shows off his efforts. Steve duly tells him he looks beautiful, and any doubt Bucky might have about his sincerity disappears when Steve proceeds to kiss him breathless on the couch.

From that moment onward, Bucky’ll put on a little eye makeup on good days, or, perhaps more accurately, on days when he doesn’t actively hate himself.  

The first time he wears eyeliner on a mission (because he’d been having a good day until some idiot with lasers decided to cause trouble down town) Tony and Bruce look at him a little strangely, as if they’re noticing something different about him but can’t quite put their finger on it. When Tony finally catches on, Bucky tenses.

“Are you wearing mascara, Buckinator?” he asks gleefully, and then Bucky has the pleasure of seeing him visibly wither when Nat gives Tony a truly terrifying look that shuts him right up.

After that, no even so much as blinks when Bucky occasionally shows up to kick villainous ass with a neat cat eye.

—

On a dreary afternoon in October, Bucky and Steve are once again stretched out on the couch together, Gone With The Wind playing on their TV set as Bucky dozes against Steve’s shoulder,

“Buck?” Steve says suddenly, keeping his voice low so as not to startle him.

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever, like…” He trails off, letting the unfinished question hang in the air.

“What?” Bucky asks, lifting his head to look at Steve.

There’s a frown on Steve’s forehead; not the one that means he’s upset or worried, but the one that means he’s thinking about something really hard. Bucky lifts a hand to smooth out the lines with the pad of his thumb. “What is it, Steve?”

Steve takes a breath. “Well, I was just wondering… I might be way off, of course, but I just want to make sure.” His frown deepens. “You know I’d give you anything you’d ask for, right?”

“Steve” Bucky sighs. “You’re not making any damn sense. Just come out with it, will ya?”

“Right,” Steve nods. “Of course, yeah. What I mean to tell you is, um, if you ever maybe, like, wanted to wear something a little… different. That would be perfectly fine with me. Just so you know.” He presses his lips together nervously, watching Bucky for his reaction.

Bucky, meanwhile, still doesn’t have a clue what his idiot of a boyfriend is on about.

“Something different?” he asks, puzzled. “Do you… do you not like what I’m wearing?” He looks down at himself, and has to admit that, okay, maybe this stretched out t-shirt and faded blue sweats combination isn’t his biggest fashion success. But to be fair, Steve himself is wearing a very similar outfit, so it’s not like he’s really one to talk.

“No, that’s not –” Steve sputters, “I don’t mean there’s anything wrong with your clothes, baby, I swear. I just meant, if you maybe someday felt like wearing a – a skirt, or a dress or something, that would be totally fine. Of course.”

Oh. So that’s what Steve was trying to get at.

Bucky smirks. “I know it would be,” he says, “but I don’t. Want that.”

“You don’t?” Steve watches him closely. “You sure? You can think about it for a while, if you want. You don’t need to tell me anything right away, I just wanted to get it out there – you know, just in case.”

Bucky gives Steve a small, reassuring smile and squeezes his ankle. “Nah. Dresses and heels are nice and everything, but they don’t seem very comfortable. As you know, I like being comfortable. ‘Sides, I can’t exactly fight baddies in heels, can I?”

Steve snorts. “I don’t supposed that’d be very effective, no.” He pauses for a moment, before adding “Though I’m sure Nat and Maria could do it.”

“Yeah, well. I’m not Nat and Maria,” Bucky huffs. “I’m not a woman, and I don’t want to be one, either. I just…” He bites his bottom lip for a moment, trying to find the right words to explain this to Steve but coming up short. “Sometimes I just like to feel – pretty. You know?”

Steve looks very serious when he says, “You look plenty pretty to me, Buck. Always have.”

And Bucky knows he means it. He can see it in Steve’s eyes every time he looks at him.

“I know,” he says softly. “But I just like making myself look nice, you know? There’s something about the process, the pampering, the grooming… I can’t really explain it, I just know it makes me feel… good. About myself.”

“Okay,” Steve nods decisively. “That’s great, Buck. You should do whatever makes you feel good.”

They’re silent for a moment after that, both of them ruminating on their conversation.

“So,” Bucky starts after a minute or two, “I know I said I’m not a woman and I don’t want to wear women’s clothes…”

“Yes?” Steve prompts him when he doesn’t continue, prodding his thigh with his bare foot.

Bucky bites the inside of his cheek, gathering courage. “Well,” he goes on, “say I maybe wanted to try wearing some pretty underwear someday. Would that be – weird?” He shoots Steve a tentative glance, trying to gauge his reaction.

To his relief, Steve doesn’t look shocked or appalled – though maybe his eyes do grow a little bit darker. “Why would that be weird, Buck?” Steve reaches out to brush a stray lock of hair behind Bucky’s ear. “I’m sure you’d look stunning in it.”

Bucky can’t help his pleased little smile as he leans into Steve’s palm. “Okay,” he says, satisfied for now. “Let’s go to bed?”

“Sure, Buck. Whatever you want.”

—

That Wednesday, Bucky and Steve find themselves on the couch once again. Bucky sometimes wonder why they even have other furniture in their living room, because this couch seems to be the only place either of them want to be.

Bucky is watching some spy thriller that he keeps scoffing and rolling his eyes at, because that is not how you do spying, for god’s sake. Meanwhile, Steve is drawing again – drawing Bucky, to be precise. He can feel Steve’s eyes on him constantly but he doesn’t mind because he’s used to it. The gentle scratch of his pencil over the sketchpad only audible when there’s a lull in the explosions, and seriously, no spy worth their salt would let that many things explode; the whole point is to go unnoticed.

When the credits finally start to roll, Bucky sits up, stretching his arms above his head.

Steve puts away his sketchpad, too. “So,” he says.

Bucky turns to him, and finds Steve looking a little hesitant. Bucky cock his head at him questioningly. “What?”

“I sort of… got you a present?”

That makes Bucky perk up. “Really? What is it?”

“I’ll just go get it,” Steve says by way of reply, getting up and heading to their bedroom before returning with a beautifully wrapped, rectangular flat box. It’s glossy black with a red, silky bow tied around it, giving it the appearance of an exceptionally fancy box of chocolates.

“Ooh, chocolates?” Bucky asks eagerly. “And it’s not even Valentine’s Day.”

Steve chuckles and tilts his head as if to say, hmm not quite.

“Not chocolates?” Bucky checks. “Then what is it?”

“Open it.” Steve hands him the box and sits back down on the couch. He wrings his hands nervously as Bucky lightly shakes the box, trying to determine what’s inside.

“Just open it, Buck,” Steve says, fondly rolling his eyes at him.

“Fine, fine.” Placing the box in his lap, Bucky carefully unties the red ribbon. He lifts the lid, pushes aside the tissue paper, and then stops breathing entirely.

Inside the box are three pairs of beautiful, black lace boxer briefs.

“Steve…” Bucky breathes, reaching out to reverently run his fingertips over the delicate fabric. “They’re beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks tentatively. “You like ‘em? I wasn’t sure what type you’d like, so I figured I’d start with something simple but beautiful, y’know?”

Tearing his eyes away from the gift, Bucky looks back up at Steve.

He makes sure to look him in the eye before saying, “I love them. They’re really gorgeous, Steve.” He leans in, putting a hand on the side of Steve’s neck and placing a kiss on his lips. “Thank you.”

Steve’s eyes remain closed for a moment after Bucky draws back. “You’re welcome, Buck. Wanna go put ‘em on?”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Now?”

Steve shrugs. “Why not?”

Bucky steals another quick kiss. “Okay. Let me just…” He swallows down his sudden nerves. “I’ll call you when I’m done?”

Steve nods, and Bucky disappears into the bedroom, clutching the box like it’s precious. Which it is, kind of. To him, anyway.

He turns on the bedside lamps, then strips naked, carefully folding his clothes and putting them on the chair next to the wardrobe. Next, he gingerly takes out one pair of briefs and carefully steps into them. When he turns towards the mirror to looks himself over, he sucks in a sharp breath.

The briefs fit him like a second skin, perfectly hugging his hips and ass, easily accommodating the slight bulge of his already half-hard cock.

He looks… sexy. He feels sexy. A little bit nervous about Steve’s reaction, still, but the little voice in the back of his mind whispers to him that there’s no way in hell Steve isn’t going to like the way he looks in these.

Taking a deep breath, he walks over to the bedroom door and opens it. “Steve?”

He doesn’t have to wait long: Steve appears in the doorway approximately one and a half second later. With one look at Steve’s face, all of Bucky’s worries are erased. His expression is one of adoration mixed with naked desire, and it takes Bucky’s breath away.

They stand there, looking at each other, Steve’s eyes roaming up and down Bucky’s body, and Bucky has never felt more desirable in his life. It’s a heady feeling.

Finally, Steve breaks the silence. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he says in a gravelly voice. “Look at you.”

Bucky lowers his gaze, then coyly looks back up at Steve through his eyelashes. Steve, as if pulled by an invisible thread, walks over to him, only stopping when their faces are mere inches from each other.

Bucky can feel Steve’s quickened breath against his lips, that’s how close he is, and despite the fact that they kissed not ten minutes earlier, it feels as though they’re about to kiss for the very first time. He feels inexplicably nervous, his stomach roiling with nerves and excitement. When he locks eyes with Steve, his breath hitches in his throat.

Steve’s looking at him like he wants to devour him, his eyes burning as they flick between Bucky’s lips and his eyes, until finally, he closes the distance between them. He presses a hot, eager kiss to his mouth, deepening it immediately, and Bucky moans, swaying forward into Steve’s sturdy torso. Steve’s hands come up to wrap around Bucky’s biceps, keeping him steady, and when he breaks the kiss and pulls back, Bucky feels bereft. He makes a pleading sound, something between a sigh and a whine, making Steve lean in again, if only to brush his lips, feather light, over Bucky’s.

“You look gorgeous, Buck. Let me take care of you, alright?” Steve’s voice is low, heavy with the weight of his devotion.

Bucky lets out a shaky sigh and nods. He lets himself be steered towards the low bed, Steve sitting down on the edge of it and looking up at Bucky. His wide, blue eyes are framed by those long, long lashes, and despite the arousal burning low in his belly, Bucky lifts a hand to tenderly brush Steve’s golden hair back off his forehead.

Putting his hands on Bucky’s waist, Steve slowly sliding them down his sides until they’re resting on his hips. The warmth of his palms burn on Bucky’s skin through the lacy fabric. He almost wishes they could brand him; how he longs to have Steve’s handprints on him forever, like a mark of ownership.

Steve’s thumbs press in just below the jut of Bucky’s hip bones, rubbing slow circles into his skin that have Bucky breathing faster and his cock filling up to full hardness.

Leaning in, Steve presses a kiss to Bucky’s belly button, then noses down the fine trail of hair that disappears under the waistband of the panties. Pressing soft, teasing kisses to the sensitive skin below his hipbones, he finally ventures even lower, nuzzling at the outline of Bucky’s dick through the fabric. Bucky groans, his hands coming up to settle on Steve’s broad shoulders.

“Steve,” he sighs, fingers scrabbling at Steve’s shirt. “Take this off.”

Steve grunts, leaning back a little to whip off his shirt in one quick move. Much better, Bucky thinks as he smooths his palms, one flesh and one metal, over the gentle slopes of Steve’s bare shoulders.

As if he hadn’t been interrupted, Steve leans back in, mouthing enthusiastically at the hard line of Bucky’s erection, wetting the fabric. He’s making pleased little sounds that Bucky savours, wants to store in the back of his brain to brighten up his darkest days. Steve’s hands start to wander, running down and up Bucky’s thighs, thumbs brushing the insides before they end up on Bucky’s ass. He kneads the firm flesh, making the lace scratch a little roughly over Bucky’s skin, and Bucky is unsure whether to push back into Steve’s big hands or forward, towards the warm, wet heat of his mouth.  

Opening his mouth further, Steve moans against Bucky’s dick, his fingers digging into his hips almost painfully. Bucky shudder, his hips stuttering forward.

“Steve,” Bucky whimpers again, “please, Stevie.”

“What do you need, Bucky?” Steve asks, like he doesn’t know full well.

“Your mouth-”

“Yeah?” Steve says, looking up at him with dark eyes. “Tell me what you want me to do, Buck. I want to hear you say it.”

Bucky groans, his cheeks burning hot. “Want you to – want you to suck my cock, Steve. Please.”

“Whatever you want, pretty baby,” Steve says, and then he’s ducking his head to run his tongue teasingly over the leaking tip of Bucky’s dick where it’s peeking out over the waistband of the panties.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathes, his fingers digging into the hard muscle of Steve’s trapezius.

Slowly, inch by inch, Steve starts to pull down Bucky’s briefs until they come to rest below the swell of his ass. Bucky’s erection springs free, hitting Steve’s cheek, and Steve hums appreciatively. He starts to mouth along the side of it, torturously slow, before he finally closes his red, plush lips around the head of Bucky’s cock. Without further teasing, he sinks down on it, taking him deeper and deeper until he hits the back of his throat.

Bucky swears loudly, his left hand tangling in Steve’s soft, blond hair, messing it up. “Jesus, Steve. God fucking dammit.”

Steve makes a throaty sound, one hand coming up to wrap around the base of Bucky’s dick as the other keeps kneading his ass cheek. Bucky watches raptly as Steve begins to bob his head; red, wet lips sliding along Bucky’s shaft, creating the most exquisite suction that has Bucky’s bare toes curling against the carpet. Steve’s wicked tongue curls around Bucky’s cockhead each time he comes up, teasingly tonguing the slit before he sinks down again, taking him all the way to the root. His eyes are closed in bliss, as if he’s enjoying this just as much as Bucky is, which, to be precise, is a helluva lot.

”Oh, Stevie, uhh,” Bucky pants, closing his eyes too and letting his head fall back, giving himself over to sensation. “Feels so good, baby, so fucking good. God, your mouth.”

Steve hums with a mouthful of cock, the vibrations skittering up Bucky’s body, making him shiver. Seemingly just as worked up as Bucky is, just as eager for it, he starts to speed up, swallowing him down over and over. He makes it wet and sloppy, clearly not giving a fuck about what he may look like, which only makes Bucky burn hotter. Steve lets his left hand dip into the cleft of Bucky’s ass, fingertips just skating over his tightly clenched hole before he starts to rub at it with more intent.

Bucky groans loudly, fire licking up his spine as he’s gripped by an all-consuming lust, a need to claim or be claimed, he doesn’t know, and wanting to come so badly now he can taste it in his mouth. His fingers tighten in Steve’s hair unconsciously, pushing his head down further on every downward stroke, until he can feel Steve’s throat clench around the head of his cock. The pulsing sensation nearly breaks Bucky’s brain, and then Steve pushes the tip of his finger past the tight ring of muscle of Bucky’s asshole, just pushing inside, and Bucky is done.

He shouts, doubling over as his hands scrabble at Steve’s shoulders and head, pushing into Steve’s mouth as deeply as he possibly can while Steve groans and shudders underneath him. Bucky comes so hard he sees entire galaxies, gasping as his cock pulses on Steve’s tongue, spilling hotly down his throat until he’s completely, utterly spent.

It takes a few long moments for some of his brain to come back online, but when it does, he hastily pulls back.

“Shit, fuck, Steve. I’m so sorry.” He falls to his knees in front of Steve, hands coming up to cup Steve’s cheeks. “Are you alright?”

Steve’s eyes are watering. A few tears having spilled over, making glistening tracks down his flushed cheeks, and his hair is an absolute goddamn mess. He looks as if he just thoroughly got his throat fucked.

“I’m fine,” he rasps, licking his lips. “Don’t worry about me.”

Bucky scoffs, barely refraining from cuffing Steve on the back of the head. “I just nearly choked you with my dick. Of course I’m gonna worry about you.” He leans in to kiss the tear tracks on Steve’s cheeks and adds, more softly, “Time for me to take care of you now, honey.”

Somehow, the flush on Steve’s cheeks deepens. He clears his throat and says, “No need, honestly.”

Bucky frowns, his eyes flicking down to Steve’s lap – and his mouth falls open.

“Did you…” he starts, eyeing the large, dark patch spreading out on the front of Steve’s sweats. “Did you come?”

Steve gives a sheepish nods. “Uh, yeah.”

Holy fucking shit. “You came untouched, just from me fucking your throat?” Bucky asks incredulously.

“To be fair, the panties helped.”

Bucky snorts. He shakes his head, leaning up to press a kiss to Steve’s bruised, red lips. “They really did, huh.”

Steve hums against his mouth. “I think we should get some more.”

“Let’s do it, baby.”

[murfeelee]

TS4 Werewolves - Rant Alert

I got this one comment that sent me off on a whole tangent, so I decided to reply to it separately.

slade-the-neko replied to your photoset “The Wolves:This world is slowing down How can I fight it? How can I?...”

Dang Murf, that's very impressive! Really makes me wish Sims 4 had werewolves. I'll definitely try porting the Skyrim model to TS4 if they ever add them.                    

Y’all know TS4 is my trigger -- wtF is EA even doing over there? That Tiny Living Stuff Pack was a JOKE, like....seriously? o_O For as much money as they’re swindling y’all for TS4, EA’s Sims team is creatively BANKRUPT. ZERO innovation, intuition or inspiration.

EA just takes popular concepts/crazes like the Tiny House Movement, Baby Yoda, and Harry Potter, and waters it down to the barest of minimums: tiny homes with huge AF Murphy beds instead of bunk beds or convertible futons/sofa-beds; a decorative Baby Yoda you can’t even interact with; no school of magic sims can go to (and no magic for kids YET). I’m so tired of them!

People keep comparing RoM to TS1′s Makin Magic, and I keep going WHERE? I said in my initial trailer reaction for RoM that it made zero frikkin sense for the RoM magic land to have that perma-nighttime full moon, without even bothering to have werewolves in the so-called realm of magic.

RoM would’ve been the PERFECT chance to add werewolves. What better way to have a magical pack than to also introduce werewolves as the local denizens of Glimmerbrook’s forests. Missed opportunity, EA. (－‸ლ) 

They could’ve added a werewolf household living in the woods, that your sim either befriends or gets bitten by, so your sim goes to the Magical Realm to either find a cure for lycanthropy (for the werewolves or for THEMSELVES if they’re bitten and are gonna turn in a couple days), or wolfsbane poisoning if one of the wolves is made sick by the brand new harvestable Wolfsbane *cough cough!* (Wolfsbane comes in the Vampires GP, but they could‘ve totally made more types of Wild Wolfsbane, Yellow Aconite, Purple Monkshood, etc.).

Either one would give your sim a REAL impetus and incentive to go learn magic and talk to the RoM residents and mess with potions & alchermy. Which is another reason I said (I’ve BEEN saying) I wanted HEDGE WITCHES, who could do HERBOLOGY. U_U

The RoM Game Pack NEEDED to be its own Expansion -- it wasn’t a realm at all; it was a Diagon Alley ripoff and everybody knew it. HELLO, EA! Part of worldbuilding is creating a EFFING STORY that gives your game a FRIKKIN PURPOSE. EA didn’t go the distance at all; they did the mere basics of adding magic to TS4, with a lot of style but not much substance. But ironically they did the same with the mermaids, which did get their own EP, and everyone agrees that TS4′s Island Living was worse than TS3′s Island Paradise, so wtf. (－‸ლ) 

But I doubt werewolves would get their own Game Pack like the Vampires & Spellcasters -- EA would do Faeries/Elves before wolves, I suspect, cuz faeries are in a sense easier. Wings, mushrooms & flowers, glittery magic, LOTR-esque art nouveau inspired furniture, etc -- everyone knows the standard faery.

But if TS4 werewolves got a pack all to themselves it would force EA to effing give a crap about lycan culture & lore, and the complexities of things like pack dynamics (alphas, betas, omegas, etc), moon cycles, transformations, lupine physiology & locomotion; diet & hunting (adding new flora & fauna), etc.

While heavy in gameplay expansion, with werewolf-specific abilities, interactions & animations, what other stuff could you stuff into a werewolf stuff pack? Y'all saw how in TS3 the Supernatural EP didn’t give wolves a single bloody thing other than their CAS stuff -- for build/buy mode wolves got ZILCH. We didn’t get busted furniture or shattered windows or blood splatters or more fur patterns -- NOTHING. Everything in build/buy mode was for witches & faeries--all wolves could do was tear the crap up with their claws.

And even their CAS stuff was lackluster - no hairy skins, makeup or tails, but we got body hair & face sliders, claws, fangs, etc.

I like TS1's werewolf design from Makin Magic the most, since their heads/skins looked like wolves.

TS2′s was the biggest downgrade in terms of the LOOK of werewolves, in that it was just a skin.

If EA does do wolves for TS4, I’d hope they make it so the werewolves look like effing WOLVES. At least let them turn into animals, like the ones in TS2 PETS. (WHY TF was TS2 the only time Sims had ACTUAL magical pets!? >_< TS3 has dogs! TS4 has dogs! DO IT ALREADY.)

Considering the cartoony PG13 angle EA insists on keeping TS4, I don’t imagine they’d EVER make wolves look like @camkitty2​’s amazing werewolf mod at MTS:

And certainly not the scary Skyrim werewolves that I converted.

Or even the ones from EA’s other property, Dragon Age (which are effing ugly, IMO).

(The ugly anthropomorphic bipedal version, btw, not the more wolf-like version.)

TBH, If TS4 did werewolves at all I BET YOU MONOPOLY MONEY the template EA’d use would be a lot like Bigby Wolf’s design from the Wolf Among Us video game:

Bigby goes through 4 phases, from man to gradually being an actual wolf in his 4th phase/Final Form. His 3rd phase has a face that not really wolf-like so much as Jekyll/Hyde; beastly enough that you pretty much know Oh that’s a werewolf they’re doing, without it actually looking like any animal.

It’s big and scary with muscles & claws & hair, but cartoony enough that it’s not drastically different from a regular sim. EA’s wack enough to pull something like that, rather than going the extra mile to give us the kind of Skyrim-esque werewolves many simmers want.

Or the full-shift magical WOLF that I personally want.

Don’t get me wrong; Bigby has a great design for Wolf Among Us, made by AA developers Telltale (who do The Walking Dead video games). But Electronic fArts is a AAA developer, with billion dollar budgets, massive teams & bookoo resources. But by god EA’s the laziest AAA company around; just the kind of twats to do AA level work with AAA finances, as we’ve seen in TS4 and TS3.

Bigby’s 2nd phase is basically what TS3 did for werewolves, with the scrunched up brow/nose, pointed ears, hairier face, etc.

This kind of werewolf design is fine, but it leaves A LOT to be desired, especially if it’s the only form you see in certain werewolf franchises. It reminds me too much of how Teen Wolf makes werewolves -- basically as hairier vampires from Buffy (which makes sense). But come on EA, go the distance; go FULL WOLF SHIFT or go home.

In Eastern Europe werewolves ARE vampires/witches -- they’re connected to nature magic, druids & wicca, neopaganism, etc: magic runes & symbols, stones & metals, scyring, bonfire festivals (having Celtic holidays would be so cool!), enchanted woods & nemetons & ley lines, the effect of moonlight on water #TuckEverlasting style, shamanistic sacred animal totemic power and such. Tap into that tribalistic Slavic, Norse & Celtic lore on werewolves, EA, you effing COWards!

In TS1′s Makin Magic and TS3′s Supernatural, witches and werewolves came in the same pack, and had gameplay elements tied to each other -- in TS1 it’s the Beauty & the Beast charm that magical sims can use, and in TS3 werewolves can be used as witches’ assistants to Gather harvestables/collectables used in alchemy potions. So for TS4, having werewolves in RoM would’ve made SO MUCH sense. Hell, they could’ve fit into the Vampire GP, too -- why was wolfsbane even IN that pack? o_O

So if TS4 adds werewolves, I hope they add something NEW to the lifestate, and do more research into other portrayals & iterations of werewolves.

Everyone knows about Norse Berserkers (were-bears), but less attention is given to the Wolves of Odin, the Ulfhednar/Ulfhedinn (werewolves). A lot of Nordic neopagans are into them nowadays.

A werewolf GP would make it so EA would have to flesh out werewolves -- if they live in the woods, give them woodland build/buy mode CC. Let them live OFF THE GRID as technophobic naturists, cuz electronics like tvs, PCs & radios hurt their sensitive eyes & ears. They could be more modern, sure, but it would be so much cooler to have sims who only use well water and hot springs and compost toilets and woodfire ovens.

Bring back hobbies/skills like bone/woodcarving, gem cutting, basket weaving & looms, soap/candle-making, pottery, horticulture, tree-cutting/tree-hugging, animal husbandry (could you imagine werewolf shepherds? XD), sparring, (arm) wrestling, boxing, hunting, bird watching and more. Basically: fullblown medieval-rustic hunting lodge aesthetics: animal pelts, antlers, mounted taxidermy, COME ON, EA, stop being boring!

[harmoniouspixels]

Nina Sykes’s Interview

Let’s finally sit her down for this, shall we? Chances are this will not have been closely proofread, so typos and mistakes may be present. Feel free to ask anything about them to clarify! CC: @toxoplasmajuice​

[The In-Character Portion (questions written by Clyde Atkins himself):]

Tell me a little about yourself. Y'know, name, pronouns, age, where you’re from, anything else you might say if I asked you, “Who are you?”

Hiya! The name’s Nina. I’m 19, from a small town named Arcadia Peaks, and I’m currently, er, was studying to become an astronaut. I was also going to run for one of the officer positions at my sorority! I’ll miss those gals.

Before the world ended, did you have any long-term goals? Where would you picture yourself in the future if the future didn’t crumble in front of our eyes?

Like I said, I was looking to become an astronaut! Dabbled with a communication minor before deciding to major in biology and minor in astronomy. Would’ve eventually gotten my masters and prepared for the incredibly rigorous tests you have to go through to become an astronaut.

Any talents or skills? What about hobbies?

[Laughs] does my athleticism count? I’ve been training for so long I can lift about anything, and I hold several track-and-field records. I also love to read, if that counts as a hobby! Same goes for table-top games and going for a run or walk.

If you feel like sharing, what was your love life like before this? Totally fine if you don’t wanna talk about it.

I’d say it was good! I had a boyfriend in high school, but we broke it off after we realized that our lives were heading in different directions. I also dated this lovely woman in my first year of uni. We were the same age, were paired up at orientation, she had gorgeous red hair and was just fun to be around. We broke up at the end of the semester because both of us weren’t feeling the best about continuing the relationship when it felt like there wasn’t a spark.

Besides the sanctuary part, what made you sign up for this BC?

Clyde, duh! He’s cute. Plus with my uni ex, we used to watch BCs all the time. Sure, they can be cheesy, but they look like a lot of fun.

Okay, okay, hot take: this question is fucking stupid. First of all, MMBCs have happened even with this question, so it’s not even protecting anybody. Second, if we really needed this information–or if the network did–there’s better ways to do background checks. You can just lie here. You can literally just lie. Third, it’s just so vague. Sure, if you’ve got some degree of murder on your record, maybe that would be important, but–what, being caught with a gram of weed in the summer of ‘15 is supposed to tell me you might be a murderer? And, most importantly, it blatantly contributes to the stigma against felons. Non-violent criminals, people who’ve changed for the better, people who were falsely accused–we’re basically saying all of them might as well be murderers. And I’m not for that. But the program we’re doing this through is requiring that I ask, so, whatever: do you have a criminal record?

Nope! I don’t have one.

Anyway. Random fact about you?

I DJ a bit on the side! It’s a lot of fun, even though I’m still learning it.

Is there anything important I should know about you? Health-related stuff, ancient curses following you, that sort of thing?

Nope! Well, actually. Sometimes I get really anxious? Nothing diagnosed, but papa* always sad I probably got some of his.

[*Papa refers to Parker. She called Mitchell, her other dad, well, Dad.]

Is there anything or anyone you had to leave behind to come here? (This one’s optional, too.)

My dads and my little sibling. I hope I can see them all again soon.

What’s the first thing you’re gonna do when things calm down and we can leave the BC house again?

I think I mentioned it already! [laughs] But I also want to try and find some of our extended family we’ve lost touch with too. Heard they were going to an island with someone by the name of January Wallace? But that’s all I know.

The Out-Of-Character Portion (questions written by toxoplasmajuice themself):

Usual OOC question 1: may I draw your Sim? (No one’s ever said no to this, but it never hurts to ask, right?)

Hell yeah you can! 8)

Usual OOC question 2: do you have any tips for writing your Sim that you feel the interview and/or your intro post don’t already give me?

While she doesn’t have the charismatic trait, Nina is very outgoing. No matter the person, she can find a way to hopefully click with them, even if it isn’t on a deep level (so like, friendly acquaintances type of deal).

Time for some new, spicy OOC questions! First of all: I want to start decorating contestants’ rooms this time around. Do you have any pointers as to decorating your Sim’s room? General themes are fine, and if you have any specific objects you want me to put in your Sim’s room (EA content or CC), that’d be great.

So I was trying to get inspo, but unfortunately I gave her a white room in the legacy aslglksjda. SO! In rewriting that bit of canon, I’d say colors that pop? Or even some sort of black and white mashup that’s accented with red. Make of this unintended Monokuma what you will.

And for the other new, spicy OOC question: will you generally be around for random questions I have regarding your Sim? I might need random bits of information from everyone from time to time… for reasons. :)

Ofc! I’m always here for building that Lore(TM) and fleshing out my characters more.

[frenchtoastpanda]

The Leverage finale

Gonna rant in public because @rainaramsay expressed interest. I have no theme this is just my thoughts as I rewatch this episode. Idk why I’m doing this. (Also I don’t know how to format, so sorry about that)

Oh right I forgot that this is a fucking sad episode why am I doing this to myself

Ooh the return of the Steranko! I am very glad they brought that back

I just love when they bring things back in general, like in the white rabbit job all of the companies looking to buy dogson are previous marks and how they have like three brand names for safes that they reuse a lot. It just makes it feel like a real world that people live in.

The theater! Perfect for Sophie! And the mentioned the tunnels, which I believe we encountered in the gold job

Sophie says “I have just the thing” and my immediate response is always “the play’s the thing” even though I know it’s from a different play than the one they are doing

And can we talk about how they are doing the same play as the pilot? Actually I will probably yell about that closer to the end

Parker being all emotionally cognizant and Nate just reciting physics formulas in response

God I love this bit (and I love that they are still including references to Nate’s alcoholism)

Just, Parker, the new mastermind, who doesn’t “let feelings get in the way” (like Hardison - this is the reason he can’t be the mastermind, much to his chagrin. He’s too much of a cinnamon roll)

Nate says she spins problems like puzzle pieces until they click, but I think it’s more like juggling all the fiddly bits inside a lock until it clicks open

HE TRUSTS HER HE TRUSTS HER HE TRUSTS HER!!!!!!!

Zachary is the lead! Love him!

Sophie saying she doesn’t miss acting at all 😏

She is a good director, though

"I'm exactly where I belong" I'm gonna die I am so happy for all of them

Oh no here we go

Cut right to Nate covered in cuts being interrogated about the mistakes he made

"Mr. Ford, how did your friends die?" CUT TO COMMERCIAL

This must have killed me the first time around

I do love this investigator though. I think I remember from the commentary that it wasn't originally supposed to be her, but it worked out really well

Nate looking around like he's confused (and trapped) while not being able to put together a full sentence (I'm not sure if I ever developed a solid headcannon for how much of this scene was him faking and how much was actual injuries from the actual crash) (I'm open to ideas!)

Ellen giving a vicious predatory little smile when she says that she's here to help him

I wish I could do gifs or screencaps or something. This is one of my absolute favorite callbacks! Parker in that little black bonnet thing jumping off a building having the time of her life and the boys do their "twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag" thing (whuch my autocorrect recognized as a phrase for some reason? Do I really yell about that but enough for it to suggest those words in that order? Fantastic)

But this time their faces and voices are full of affection. She may be an insane thief/mastermind, but she's OUR insane thief/mastermind

And coming after the white rabbit job where we had that line about how she's not and never has been crazy, the fact that you can tell they are saying this as a callback without meaning the crazy part is just perfect

It makes me wonder how many other times they have repeated this, because you can't convince me they haven't

Aah Sophie's horrible rendition of Lady Macbeth! Same speech, different ways of doing it just as badly (props to Gina Bellman)

Is this the same outfit? Hold on I need to check.

Y'know, I didn't think they changed that much physically over the years, given that they are adults, but going back to the pilot, I keep going awww look how tiny they were! (Especially Aldis. Like I know they had problems because he was getting too hot and ripped, but Damn)

Anyway, the dress is very very similar, same color and pattern, but it very slightly different. I will maybe post my very very horrible pictures after I finish this

Parker is so good at computers now that she has this adorably bored face when hacking! I love that they taught each other their stuff!

Using chaos as a distraction and co-opting the expected response as a cover! One of my favorite tricks!

Parker changing in the elevator! And the boys turning to give her privacy! And this isn't even the first time they did a callback to this! I love my respectful boys! Remember when Hardison turned the David around? So pure!

Ah, we are setting up for competency porn and then it all goes bad! Aah!

I love Eliot's little "wassup?" Before fighting the guy. Points for intimidation, Spencer

My stronk babies opening an elevator with their fingertips

And Hardison's recurrent fear of heights combined with Parker's love of them

She says "I got you" (twice)

Oh god Beth's acting in the elevator shafts

Oh I'm gonna cry

Oh and a "dammit Hardison"

Oh Gina's face

Even in a situation as tense as this, Eliot still takes the time to empty the gus and toss it away

I don't think I've ever seen him check for an ankle piece, actually. How has that not come up before now?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Age of the geek, brother" I'm sobbing

I mean, so is everybody

Look at this acting!

I love that they didn't go for the clichéd established couple dying in each other's arms, but instead put Eliot in the middle, giving us our yummy hurt ot3 goodness

And Parker sitting up so she sees the other two go

Ugh. Where's that poetic cinéma image when you need it?

Anyone remember the perfectly timed bridge from the pilot?

What number Lucille are they on?

I love that they actually stop in from of the barrier at the bridge, then take a moment to decide before just going for the crazy impossible stunt because why the hell not at this point

Ah Nate and Sophie are holding hands on the way to death too!!

And cut the scene before they reach the top of the bridge. Time to see Tim show us why he's an academy award winner

Ooh and here's where we find out she was lying! (Should this be the part where I started wondering if Nate knew? Probably. Did I? Not even a little)

There was a big twist where the person Nate was facing off against was playing him in the pilot too

But John fucking Rogers didn't play ME in the pilot. I take that personally.

Ooh hints at the true story are being dropped

Ellen is almost adequately suspicious

JUST WALK TWO FEET FORWARD ELLEN! LOOK AT THE STAGE! COME ON!

"You loved them very much" Yeah he did. They all did! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

She knows he's lying, I love that (just like Dubenich knew Sophie was manipulating him)

"The only thing I ever had"? That's intense, Nate

God Tim is a good actor

(Like I low-key don't like Nate at all, but Damn he is well acted)

And he just turns it off, just like that

Wow

I am really into her little impressed face when he goes all Sherlock and explains how he knows they are at interpol

The glass! Of course Sterling brings him the glass! Not a pilot callback, but a good callback nontheless. The commentary says it's literally the same exact glass every time. I will have to go back and verify that at some point. I swear it didn't have those ridges around the bottom in at least one episode, but I also trust John Rogers, so idk

I love how sterling knows everything from the moment he appears, and Ellen doesn't even know what the black book is

"That's why you joined Interpol? Screw justice. You're the order guy?" What a good line for Nate and Sterling's relationship

Nate's not even interested in hearing Sterling's evil speech of evil about the bailouts

I actually really love the little exposition flashbacks

Her look of horror and dawning comphrension when he explains why he is there is fantastic. If we bring this show back, can we have more of this lady?

Yeah, Ellen, why IS he still lying to you??

Sterling remembered to be cautious about the coroner's van, but not cautious enough!

That's some timing. How did Nate arrange that ? Oh right, this was triggered by the arrival of the van, which he probably set the timing of

Nate's face after "Parker's still in the server room." Yes, sell that fear to Sterling! Make him believe he's right! I wouldn't have thought to fake a reaction to that. But that's why I'm not a griffer

And he trusted sterling to have a snark remark so that he could have an attention-stealing reaction to distract him

I try every time to see the kids going in, and I never manage to catch all of them

Why does Nate turn away here?

God, that really is a terrifyingly lifelike Hardison face

I gotta say, the first time I saw sterling shoot the Hardison corpse, I was really convinced that he was right and he was really killing Hardison for the first time

"Second question... No, Nate, why don't you tell her what my second question is?"

Honestly, the first time around, I had forgotten about that secret meeting between Nate and Hardison

"The plan's the thing" A callback to earlier in this episode. I'm dying. I love this show so much

And they can do that without being annoying because every leverage episode is like three or four episodes rolled into one. Sometimes more!

That's one of my favorite parts, but also one of the very few downsides

I get so excited watching the flashbacks that show how it all happened

Omg I love the thing where they stack! Parker crouching, Eliot just above her head, Hardison looming tall! It reminds me of the princess bride for some reason

Sterling is the Trojan horse, the way out is the way in...wait, didn't they do that with at least one other episode, where the floor was a horrible way in, but last minute they used it as a way out?

Are these callbacks or parallels at this point?

Sophie taught Nate how to act! "She found her calling." Yeah she did! So proud of her!

"Your ride to a life sentence in a secret prison has arrived" So dramatic for someone who knows Sophie is behind the wheel

Ooooooohhh he called him James!

"You and I are not the same" okay sterling

"Justice is always easy" YES GO STERLING wait that's a callback to the justice vs order thing earlier in this episode. I just got that

I have seen this so many times and I still notice something new every time I watch it

Does John Rogers have a tumblr? I want to tag him but I don't think he does

What is Parker wearing? Why is one sleeve randomly yellow?

I can't believe Nate is proposing in a hoodie

I love how the kids pop in with insults and Nate just agrees. He knows it's true

That's a huge fucking rock

"Did you steal it?" "No." "Oh, cause that would have been more romantic"

"I'll steal the first anniversary ring" lol I love these guys

Parker insists he follow the proper procedure

Oh wait, the ot3 are gonna branch out with other crews?

Y'know, in an alternate universe I could have shipped Eliot and Sophie

GOD

I'M CRYING AGAIN

"You're the smartest man I know" where have we heard that before?

Parker recognizing her feelings! (And they've been preparing her for this the longest)

Aah, the circle shot from above and the breakaway, but this time not everyone breaks away!!!!!!!!!!

"You do know that Laura is not my real name, don't you?" Sophie I'm gonna kill you

And then the big obvious callback to the pilot, where Beth meticulously studied Tim's acting to recreate it

Loving the look of this scene. The costumes, the blocking, all of it

And they made sure to switch which parent was crying

Very excited for leverage international. Gimme!

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Smashilton: My Shot

*There is a long moment of silence as Link, Roy, and Little Mac all crowd around Joker, but Joker quickly regains his confidence and breaks into song*

[Joker:] I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot! *Jumps onto the table* I'm 'a get a scholarship to Peach's College I probably shouldn't brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish The problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish I gotta holler just to be heard With every word, I drop knowledge! *jumps off the table and onto a chair which tips off balance but Joker expertly uses the momentum to swing it around and face the others*       I'm a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal Tryin' to reach my goal. My persona of speech: unimpeachable Only nineteen but my mind is older These New Donk City streets get colder, I shoulder Every burden, every disadvantage I have learned to manage, I don't have a console to brandish I walk these streets famished *Jumps off the chair and walks towards the group* The plan is to fan this spark into a flame But damn, it's getting dark, so let me spell out the name I am the [Joker/Link/Roy/Little Mac:] A-K-I-R-A, A-N-D—we are meant to be… [Joker:] A game company that runs independently Meanwhile, EA keeps shittin' on us endlessly *Shot of An EA logo with a body flipping off the audience* Essentially, they microtransaction us relentlessly Then King Dedede turns around, runs a spending spree *Shot of Dedede on a pile of gold* He ain't ever gonna set his descendants free *shot of Dedede suddenly surround by angry soldiers* So there will be a revolution in this century *Joker pushes the image a side so the present dominates the screen again*

Enter me!

[Link/Roy/Little Mac:] (He says in parentheses) [Joker:] Don't be shocked when your game journal mentions me! I will lay down my life if it sets us free Eventually, you'll see my ascendancy

*Joker and Roy start singing together* [Joker (Roy):] And I am not throwing away My shot (My shot) I am not throwing away My shot (My shot) Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot (And I'm not throwing away my shot)

Joker and Roy stand at the table where Link and Little MAc join them, all three standing around it* [Joker/Roy/Link/LittleMac:] I am not throwing away my shot *Little Mac pulls out a bottle of whiskey* I am not throwing away my shot *Link puts down four shot glasses* Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot *Little Mac fills the three shot glasses* It's time to take SHOT! *Roy expertly slides the shotglasses to each man at the table* [Link:] *quickly downs his shot* I dream of life without a monarchy Hyrule’s unrest will lead to 'onarchy? 'Onarchy? How you say, how you say, oh, 'Anarchy'! When I fight, I make the other side panicky With my [Joker/Little Mac/Roy:] SHOT! [Little Mac:] *downs his own shot* Yo, I'm a boxer's apprentice And I got y'all knuckleheads in loco parentis I'm joining the rebellion 'cause I know it's my chance To socially advance, instead of punchin’ some tramps! I'm gonna take a [Joker/Link/Roy:] SHOT! [Roy:] *quickly downs his shot and stands up* But we'll never be truly free Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me (That's right!) You and I. Do or die. Wait 'til I sally in On a stallion with the first indie battalion Have another [Joker/Roy/Link/Little Mac:] SHOT!

*Dark Pit shows up and slams his hands on the table* [Dark Pit:] Geniuses! Lower your voices You keep out of trouble and you double your choices *Link, Roy, and Little Mac all advance on Dark Pit who throws up his hands defensively* I'm with you, but the situation is fraught You've got to be carefully taught: If you talk, you're gonna get *Joker pops up between his three new friends and Dark Pit* SHOT! [Joker:] DP, check what we got *Points at Link* Mister Chosen One, hard rock like Lancelot *Link preens* *Points at Little Mac* I think your pants look hot *Mac cries tears of joy* *Points at Roy* Roy, I like you a lot *Roy blushes* Let's hatch a plot blacker than the kettle callin' the pot... *Joker jumps up onto the table* What are the odds the gods would put us all in one spot Poppin' a squat on conventional wisdom, like it or not A bunch of revolutionary manumission abolitionists? Give me a position, show me where the ammunition is!

*Joker suddenly realizes what he just said and collapses in on himself, terribly nervous, and his volume drops immensely* Oh, am I talkin' too loud? Sometimes I get over-excited, shoot off at the mouth I never had a group of friends before I promise that I'll make y'all proud [Roy:] Let's get this guy in front of a crowd!

*The new squad explode onto the streets out of the bar* [Joker/Link/Little Mac/Roy/Ensemble:] I am not throwing away my shot! *People begin to sing along* I am not throwing away my shot! *People begin to dance with them in rhythm* Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot! [Roy (Joker/Little Mac/Link):] *Roy jumps onto a large pile of crates* Everybody sing: Whoa, whoa, whoa (Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!) Hey! Whoa! (Whoa!) Wooh! Whoa! (Whoa!) Ay, let 'em hear ya! (Yeah!) Let's go! [Roy (Company):] (Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!) I said shout it to the rooftops! (Whoa!) Said, to the rooftops! (Whoa!) Come on! (Yeah!) Come on, let's go! [Roy:] *jumps down from the crates into the crowd* Rise up! When you're living on your knees, *helps the Ice Climbers rise from the ground where they fell* you rise up *points at Nana* Tell your brother that he's gotta rise up *points at Popo* Tell your sister that she's gotta rise up [Roy and Ensemble (Company):] *Roy rejoins his friends* When are these colonies gonna rise up? When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) When are these colonies gonna rise up? (Whoa!) RISE UP!

*the scene suddenly freezes and goes black and white, everyone frozen in place. Only Joker remains in color as he begins to soliloquize through song* [Joker:] I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory *quick shot of Bayonetta, and little Joker dying in bed* When's it gonna get me? In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me? *Quick shot of Dark Pit before going back to Joker* If I see it comin', do I run or do I let it be? Is it like a beat without a melody? See, I never thought I'd live past twenty *shot of Joker as a little kid* Where I come from some get half as many *shot of Joker and a bunch of other little kids who turn into headstones* Ask anybody why we livin' fast and we laugh, reach for a flask We have to make this moment last, that's plenty

*Joker swipes his hand, dispelling the memories* Scratch that This is not a moment, it's the movement Where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went. *shot of Joker, Link, Roy, and Little Mac all standing together* Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand We roll like Reggie, claimin' our promised land And? If we win our independence? Is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood we shed begin an endless Cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?

*color returns as the world resumes and Joker begins storming forward* I know the action in the street is excitin' But Jesus, between all the bleedin' 'n fightin' I've been readin' 'n writin' We need to handle our financial situation Are we a nation of states? What's the state of our nation?!

*Joker turns to face his friends, the sun at his back casting a golden glow around him* I'm past patiently waitin'! I'm passionately Smashin' every expectation Every action's an act of creation! I'm laughin' in the face of casualties and sorrow For the first time, I'm thinkin' past tomorrow. *pumps his right fist into the sky* [Joker and Company:] And I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Hey yo, I'm just like my series I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot

Joker leads the company forward, back into the bar* [Joker/Roy/Link/Little Mac (Ensemble):] We're gonna rise up! (Not throwing away my shot) Time to take a shot! *Little Mac grabs a bottle of whiskey* We're gonna rise up! (Not throwing away my shot) Time to take a shot! *Roy grabs four shotglasses* We're gonna (Rise up! Rise up!) It's time to take a shot! (Rise up! Rise up!) *Roy slams the glasses on the table* It's time to take a shot! (Rise up!) It's time to take a shot! (Rise up!) Take a shot! Shot! Shot! A-yo it's time to take a shot! *Little Mac quickly fills them* Time to take a shot! *All four grab their respective glasses And I am not throwing away my [Company:] NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT! *all four drink at the same time*

[furbyq]

get to know my playstyle

i wasn't tagged but you know what? fuck you, tumblr. not any of my followers or acquaintances, just this damn site. i hate it.

family size at the start:

in ts2, i like starting with single sim households. literally anything could happen. they could marry anyone. if i ever do make multiple sims, i'm either townifying them or building small nuclear families for basically townie purposes.

in ts4, it wildly varies because of the way the worlds work. sometimes, i make singles, sometimes i put ten sims in the same house (using a mod) just to see what happens. ts4 has the benefit of me not having played it for more than ten years, so everything is relatively new and exciting.

the lifespan of my sims:

in ts2, whatever aging mod i use keeps the amount days lived concurrent to actual life years. so like, three sims days is equivalent to three actual years. most of my sims die at 65-85 days old, depending on their aspiration fulfillment.

in ts4, i play with the aging off right now. at some point, i'm gonna start a zombie invasion to cull townies.

favorite family i have played:

in ts2, the bakelites have been fun, but i probably had the most fun playing the gen 3 house where ruby, garnet, and tourmaline lived for a while. they were incredibly dumb. like, above average dumb. ruby heat-stroked in the backyard once and wandered into the street to pass out.

in ts4, everyone fights and i hate all of them.

am i a malevolent or benevolent god:

as far as ts2 goes, i want my sims to have good lives. however, i also want to be entertained, which is bad for my sims. so catch them having existential crises with full platinum bars.

in ts4? i fuckin suck. the sims i make suffer, the townies suffer, everyone suffers and it's GREAT.

what i like best about the current version of sims i play:

can i just like. admit that i accidentally opened ts2 and ts4 once and bsod'd myself into an oblivion realm? no? well, strike it from the record.

i love ts2 because of its world customizability. neighborhoods aren't necessarily going to feel SUPER different in ts2, because there aren't as many neighborhood-diversifying functions, but i still appreciate being able to use sc4 to lay roads and make something that is truly mine. also, the ability to prune premades from ever spawning out of the premade ether. godspeed, ts2.

i love ts4 for completely different reasons. i do mainly use it right now to make ocs interact so i can practice dialogue, but the sheer sim customization is so neat. would i be happier if they maybe implemented a slider system that let you really fuck up their faces? probably. i think you can extend the radius of the push-pull sliders, but like. sometimes i go to change something, and i can't fuckin find the right spot. sometimes selecting the cheekbone instead of the orbital bone is like a five minute process.

what i am most anticipating for the current version of the sims:

i want ea to add more supernaturals so that my sims can fight them. not like "oh this is a damn werewolf and it's evil" but like "oh this is a damn werewolf and it's fuckin there to be fought with my bare hands".

on a more serious note, i still want supernaturals. i want goddamn werewolves, give me werewolves. give me werewolves with tons of customization options. i want a pink werewolf.

i’m not gonna tag anyone. experience any tumblr meme you need.

[stylesgalaxy]

mastermind; chapter 2

"Every character in a book serves a purpose." My creative writing professor covered that with us today. "We may not think much of their existence but at the very least, they leave our main character with an idea or a thought that could alter their path."

Next to Julia, I never really felt like the main protagonist of my own story. I was the sidekick, the supporting actress. I was the character who's existence was overlooked, but I played a major part in helping the main character. I don't know if I minded it very much. I don't want to call attention to myself, but introverts also deserve to be the main character in their stories, right?

Maybe.

But the story I wanted to live in right now, unfortunately was not mine. It was Julia Tate's and Harry Styles'. They were meant to be. They were like the type of characters you took years to write and develop so they can come to their happy ending and the world would tear up in joy. They were like the couple who the entire theatre stood up to clap for when they finally kissed.

Who was I to stand in the way of that? Not to mention, that was my own best friend's boyfriend.

You saw him first though. The jealous voice inside my head spoke.

But this isn't kindergarten. I would reply back. Those aren't the rules to the real world.

Sadly, the real rules in this world stopped me from even getting close to Harry. In another world, Harry and I easily could be best friends, something about him drew me to him and it's hard even in this world to keep us apart. But I need to keep us apart because Harry and I getting close would never lead to anything good for as long as I was friends with Julia.

"I'm home!" Julia's cheerful voice rings out as she steps in. The door to our apartment closes shut and she stands by the kitchen, grinning. I notice the copious amounts of shopping bags in her hands.

"Daddy sent you more money?" I ask bringing my coffee mug up to my face to hide my smirk.

"Oh, shut up," she grins wider, setting her bags down and opening the fridge door.

"What happened this time?"

Since Julia's parents divorced, she had been staying with her mother which meant she didn't see her father as much. She saw both of them even less since her and I moved out for university. Her father was really rich. And because he hardly heard from her, anytime she called him upset, he was quick to send his personal assistant with gifts for her or money.

He was actually the one who got us this apartment. It was in the nicer part of town and had a concierge and 24-hour security. The apartment itself was not too big though. The front door opens up to our kitchen on the right, and the living room straight ahead. If you go past the kitchen, on the right theres a very short hallway that leads straight to the bathroom, with my room on the left and Julia's on the right. Her mother had to fight her father to not get a bigger apartment because while her father was actively trying to buy her love, her mother was actively trying to keep her from getting more spoiled that she already was.

My parents on the other hand, were very grateful that Mr. Tate allowed me to stay with her and offered to pay rent but he dismissed the idea, saying I was like his own daughter. (I don't know how that works since he probably doesn't know how tall his real daughter is, much less what I look like, but I'll take it.) But I told him I wanted to pay, so he let me saying that learning how to manage your money is very important. Living with Julia was like being married. She shared her money a lot and paid for small things so I didn't have to. She had always been very cool with spending her money on me, ever since we were kids, it's just something I'll be forever indebted to her for.

"I told him I'm stressing about failing my midterms," she says, fishing out a slice of cheesecake from the fridge.

"That's all it took?" I ask in shock. If I called my father and told him I was stressed about failing my midterms he'd tell me to hang up and go study.

"I may have cried a bit."

I roll my eyes at her.

"Hey!" she exclaims, "I am stressed! I needed that money to go shopping and de-stress."

"And did you?" I smirk, knowing Julia was insatiable.

"Partially. I'm meeting up with Harry tonight, that should help loads," she says giving me a knowing look.

My gut wrenches. They've been going out for nearly two years and still, my gut wrenches.

"I'm going to go over to his, you wanna come?" she asks subtly, but it's not lost on me. Harry lives with his friends, Louis and Niall. Julia is under the impression that I have a crush on Louis and her and Harry have been trying to set us up since the semester started.

"Don't think so. I really should finish my sculpture prototype," I reply.

"Aw, come on! Louis is going to be there."

"Well, obviously. He lives there."

"It's gonna be fun! We can play a board game—"

"I thought you were gonna be fucking your boyfriend," I mutter.

"I will! After I get you and Louis talking," she says casually and digs into her cheesecake.

I shake my head and start walking back to my room.

"Wait no, don't leave! I need help," she pleads. I sigh deeply and turn back around, resting my arms on the counter. "It's Harry and I's second anniversary next week."

I know.

"I don't know what to get him," she pouts.

I know that, too.

"He always gets me such nice things, even on random days! I want to do the same for him."

I look into her sad eyes, and sigh again.

"I'll think of something," I say quietly. Julia was the worst at keeping relationships. I wasn't, and as her best friend I was obligated to help her out when she began dating. Except, "helping her out" turned to a way bigger thing with Harry. No longer was I telling Julia what she should do. Now, I just did whatever I could get away with, without Harry finding out it was me. Julia was grateful for my help and I couldn't lie and say I hated knowing I contributed to Harry's happiness in some way.

"Ah, Thank you!" Julia exclaims, running to hug me. "You're the best."

***

"Hmm, can you hold up the green one again?" I ask the lady at the gift wrapping station. She puts the bronze ribbon back and brings the green one to the light brown box. As cheesy as it sounds, the green colour reminded me strongly of Harry's eyes. I guess it's a good thing I won't be the one giving it to him. "Yeah, I think I'll go with the green one."

"I have these silver artificial flower decorations, do you want me tie it in with the ribbon?" she asks.

"Yeah, sure, that'd be nice," I say after thinking on it for a bit. They seemed a bit girly, but I knew it was something Harry would like.

She finishes wrapping the gift while I open Julia's text messages. Her last class of the day finished half an hour ago so she was home.

I'm hungry, she texts.

I'm on my way home, do u wanna order take out? I reply.

chinese?

sure.

I enjoy cooking if I'm not busy, but I've been out all day so I wasn't able to make anything. And the most Julia can cook is a box of mac and cheese, so I'm assuming we're out of that which is why she's hungry.

The lady hands me the gift in a brown paper bag and I thank her, trying to catch a bus before rush hour hits. I check the bus app and see that it's going to arrive at 5:25, so about twenty minutes. Great. Twenty minutes in the chilly fall air, with nothing but a thin jacket. I didn't realize it would be so cold today or I would have at least brought a scarf.

I start pacing and shuffling to keep my self warm. My hands are stuffed in my pockets with the bag hanging from one of my wrists. I shouldn't be here right now. I'm supposed to be working on my cardboard sculpture prototype, so I can get it done and make notes for my history seminar, and then start on my calligraphy prints. At least it was Monday which means I don't have to go to work until the weekend.

Just as I continue cursing the bus for taking so fucking long, another gust of cold wind blows in my face. My jaw locks in anger. I hate everything about this moment.

Next thing I know, a black Range Rover car pulls to a stop in front of me. I freeze in shock as the window rolls down.

"Aria?" Harry smiles at me. "What are you doing out there?"

"Freezing my tits off," I mumble quietly. Can't he see I'm waiting for the bus?

I'm not sure if he hears me or not but he chuckles and leans forward to open the passenger door.

"Get in," he says. I immediately start feeling bad.

"No, it's okay! My bus is," I check my phone for the time, 5:11, "two minutes away!"

"Don't be silly, I can't leave you out here!" he shakes his head. "I'm going to your place anyway."

Hesitantly, I step forward and get in his car. The second I shut the door, I feel the warm air from his heater surround me. I glance at Harry who gives me a small smile before driving.

It's silent between us.

For the past two years, I've tried not to let Harry get too close to me. It would be detrimental in my plans to keep him and Julia together if we became friends and he were to suddenly realize I played a bigger part in their relationship then Julia herself sometimes. I've tried countless things to shake him off. I've pretended to be super shy and quiet to get him to leave me alone, but he was simply gentler and constantly made sure I felt comfortable around him. I've tried pretending to be weirdly obsessed with odd things, but he actually found interest in the fact that male giraffes drink a female giraffes urine to ensure she's ready for mating. I've tried being a downright bitch to him, that even made Julia intervene, but he made excuses for me saying that I was just going through another phase. Nothing worked because Harry was the kindest and sweetest soul there ever was which made me sadder than it made me mad.

"What's in the bag?" he says suddenly. I stiffen for a moment.

"Uh, just some things I need for my sculpture," I answer shakily. Immediately I knew that wasn't the right answer because for some reason my art fascinated Harry.

"That's cool, can I see it?" he asks eagerly and even reaches over to peek into the bag. I slap his hand away quickly.

"No!"

"Why not?" he looks at me sadly.

"It... it can't be exposed. It's special... clay. And if it touches air it'll be ruined. I just don't want to risk it," I lie.

"Oh, ok I get it."

I lightly exhale in relief.

"Wait," he says suddenly. "Then how do you use it? If it can't touch the air?"

Fuck.

"Um..." I start sweating. "You need to work with it in a special room."

"Like a dark room?"

Not at all.

"Yes."

He nods and the conversation dies. Thank fuck Harry is a business major and has no knowledge of anything art related. He doesn't question me again until we get to the apartment.

"Harry?" Julia asks, when we walk in. "What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," he says giving her a peck on the lips. Her arms wrap around his neck. I look away and grab a plate to take some food out for myself. "Is that Chinese food?!"

"Yeah it just arrived, you want some?" I hear Julia say as I make a beeline for my room with my plate in hand.

"I'm going to be in my room," I call out and shut the door before any of them can respond. I hear Julia's loud giggling from the living room and sigh deeply before pulling my headphones over my head and blasting music.

Harry leaves a few hours later and Julia barges into my room without knocking. If it was anyone else I would have thrown a fit about my privacy, but there's nothing in my room I need to hide from Julia, and I'm used to her ways.

Julia slumps down on my bed with her head facing me. I turn around from my desk in my swivel chair and look at her expectantly.

"I have so much shit to do," she states.

"Then why are you here?" Now that I know it's nothing serious, I take this moment to unlock my phone and check my social media.

"Let's watch a movie."

"Julia, I'm busy."

"You're on your phone."

"'Cause I'm hoping you'll get the hint that I don't want to talk to you."

She throws a pillow at me and I laugh.

"Go do your work," I tell her.

"Okay, but in exactly one hour I'm dragging your ass to the living room and we're watching a movie. I don't care how much work you have to do. We need to relax."

"Fine, fine," I say waving my hand to shoo her away. She makes it just out the door before I remember. "Wait!"

I roll my chair over to my closet and fish out Harry's gift.

"Here," I say, handing it to her.

"Aria, thank you so much! I owe you!" Julia says gratefully and comes over to hug me.

"You don't, I used your card to pay for everything."

"Not that! You went out of your way to get this for me! Let's go for lunch tomorrow, I'll pay."

"You know you don't have to," I assure her. Besides, I'd gotten Harry plenty of gifts on Julia's behalf.

"No, we're going. It'll be fun!" she smiles eagerly so I nod. Julia lightly shakes the box. "The wrapping is absolutely gorgeous. Even prettier then the one you got for his birthday... what's in it?"

"Uh, a Tom Ford cologne... it's something a little new but still similar to the scents he goes for," I start but then realize what I said and look up at Julia, "... I think." She doesn't seem fazed, so I continue. "A framed photo of you two and his favourite chocolates."

"Wow, that sounds amazing... thank you again, Aria, you're a really good friend," she says sincerely. I smile shyly at her. "I might have to take you out for dinner, too," she teases.

"Okay, but only if it's that new Italian restaurant."

She nods excitedly. Then she pauses, "Can I ask you something?"

I freeze for a second, dreading the worst.

"Sure."

"Why do you avoid Harry so much? I think you two would get along so well."

"I don't avoid him," I say dismissively.

"You do!" she insisted. "Look, I'm not mad at you, it's just that... I think it's hurting his feelings."

"Really?" I ask quietly. My insides feel like lead. I hurt his feelings? All these years I put him through my stupid phases to shake him off me to protect (mainly) myself, and not once did I think about what he would feel like.

"He hides it pretty well, but I see him looking at your door sometimes, wondering why you never hang out with us," she says.

"Okay, wait—I'm not gonna sit there and watch you guys make out like a third wheel in my own home," I argue.

"We wouldn't make out if you were there," she rolls her eyes. "And not only that, you always run to your room when he's here. And he told me about your conversation on the way here. He senses that you don't want to talk to him."

I sighed heavily. The last thing I wanted was for Harry to feel bad. I don't care if I felt bad because I was the bad one for loving my best friend's boyfriend, he was completely innocent. But Harry is also a grown ass man and there's only so much I can do. I hate to think this, but he's going to have to deal with my cold behaviour because I clearly drew the short stick in this situation.

"Can you just at least try to make an effort to be friendlier to him?" Julia pleads. "Please? It would mean the world." I look at her forlornly. "I just want to know that my best friend and boyfriend get along! I mean we're about to celebrate our third anniversary! He means a lot to me."

I shouldn't be surprised, I really shouldn't. They'd been dating for two years and Julia has never stayed with any guy for more than a few months. And from what I heard about Harry, he hadn't either until he met Julia. They belong together. But that doesn't make it any easier for me.

I choose my next words carefully.

"The world doesn't revolve around Harry," I say simply. "I'm sorry if his feelings got hurt, but I can't cater to everyone's needs. Sometimes I just have to do what I do."

"I understand," she whispers sadly. "Thank you."

"I do get along with him, though!" I say, feeling bad. It was tough enough seeing him in love with her, and being the one to tell Julia how to love him—I didn't need to add being his friend to the list.

For fuck's sake, when am I going to catch a break?

"Okay, I can try to be nicer, but don't hold me to it if I can't. And certainly don't tell Harry about this. I don't want him to get worked up over my actions, you know how unpredictable I can be," I say eventually.

"Yes! Oh, thank you thank you thank you! I won't tell him, and I won't hold you to anything. All I'm asking for is for you to try!"

***

"Aria."

I nearly jump at the sound. It was way too early in the morning to deal with Harry, who was apparently behind me in the line at Starbucks.

"Harry," I turn around and greet him with a tight smile.

"Julia told me that she talked to you about being nicer to me," he says and I inwardly roll my eyes at Julia for doing exactly what I asked her not to.

"Harry—"

"I just want you to know that I didn't ask her to say any of that! I-I know you probably don't like me very much, but it's not something I'm holding against you. I like Julia a lot. And you're her best friend, I'm always gonna try to be friends with you, but I don't want to pressure you into anything. I don't want to cause any trouble," he says with the cutest frown on his face. He looks so adorable with his slightly ruffled hair and tired eyes. I want to wash away all signs of uncertainty from his face and have him smiling again.

"I do like you," I manage to say. "You're a really good guy, Harry, and Julia is very lucky to have you."

He stares at me intently and I have to force myself to not melt under his gaze. How does Julia handle this? I've never stared into his eyes this long and I think I'm already developing some sort of breathing issues. But he continues to stare at me, waiting for an answer. I decide I can't stand to see him displeased.

"I'm a very reserved person, I'm sure you've noticed." He nods, eager to get me to open up to him. I move up a spot in the line up. "I just have some difficulties showing my kindness sometimes, and it's something I'm trying to work on. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything—if I did."

He shrugs and grins.

"It's okay," he mumbles. I feel like shit at the fact that he didn't deny me ever hurting his feelings.

"I'm sorry for being so difficult. I do want us to be friends," I say. He smiles wider now.

"Don't apologize for being the way you are. I don't mind. I'm just glad you don't hate me," he chuckles and I shake my head. Hate him? Boy, does he have it wrong.

It's my turn to order so I walk up to the register. After I tell the girl my order, I look back at Harry and wave him over. He immediately walks up to me and reaches for his wallet.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yeah! I was just gonna ask what you're getting," I say. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face because he's standing centimetres away from me and he smells so good.

"Oh, you don't have to–"

"I insist," I say. He looks at me for a while, biting his lip. "I'm trying to be friendlier, remember?"

"Alright," he gives in, turning to the lady. "Could I please get a Skinny Cinnamon Dolce latte?"

I have to fight Harry to pay for the drinks because he keeps insisting that he can't let me pay. I press my hands to his side and push him away but he pushes me back with his hip and hands the girl his money. While she gets his change back, I give him my meanest glare.

"Stop that, you're not scaring me," he chuckles.

"I'm not?" I question, glaring harder.

"No, because you just told me you like me," he smirks.

My heart jolts. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the way he talks about me "liking him" so casually that it lets me pretend for a moment that we're in a relationship.

Ugh, Aria, you're so pathetic.

Nonetheless, my expression shifts slightly and Harry notices.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry! I only said that because you said—"

I roll my eyes at him.

"Relax, Harry, I'm okay," I say. He breathes relieved and I take a moment to think about how happy he'll be when he learns that I'm way more easy going and chill than I let him believe I was for years.

We grab our drinks and leave, I try not to think about us parting soon because this run in has brightened my mood so much.

"A frappuccino?" Harry asks in disbelief when he notices the iced drink in my hand. "In this weather?"

"What? It's delicious," I argue.

"You'll get sick."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will."

"No, I won't."

"Whatever, it's your problem. Though you can count on me to have a nice laugh when you do get sick," he smirks.

I grin and push him off the sidewalk. "Go to your class, Harry! I've had enough of you for today and it's not even eight yet."

Harry bursts into laughter and yells out a goodbye before walking away. My smile grows wider as I make my way towards my class. This has been a wonderful morning so far, I really hope the rest of the day goes by just as nice.

***

"Quick! Which dress?!" Julia yells the second I step into our apartment. She's holding up a navy blue, maxi dress and a light pink, off the shoulder, knee length dress.

"Pink!" I choose quickly.

"Okay, good, I like that one too."

"What's it for?" I ask, properly stepping in and putting my keys away.

"My anniversary date with Harry obviously," she says absent-mindedly, stripping in the middle of the living room to change into her dress. I mentally slap myself. I completely forgotten that was today. My morning with Harry distracted me from remembering what today was. "Can you zip me?"

I walk over to zip up her dress. Julia lets her long, curled hair fall down her back. She turns around and I inspect her flawless makeup. She looks beautiful.

"You look amazing," I say.

"Thank you!" she kisses my cheek and then picks up her clothes to take to her room. I sit down and watch as she fiddles around with the straps of her shoes, then triple checks that she has everything she needs in her purse. She checks her phone about four times to ensure she hasn't missed a text from Harry. The fact that she's been on countless dates with Harry and she still gets nervous before she sees him only proves how much she loves him.

I have to admit, when she first started dating Harry in first year, I hoped it wouldn't last long like all her other relationships have. I hoped that they wouldn't click and would break up and I'd wait the respectable amount of time before seeing if it was okay with Julia if I started talking to Harry. I was so stupid in first year. Why did I think I even mattered when it came to them? They were the main characters, I was the secondary. Nothing I wanted would matter in regards to their relationship, and if they ever were to break up Harry would never move on to me. Not after Julia. Julia was gorgeous, she exuded perfection through every pore in her body. And me? I was plain. Plain brown hair, plain brown eyes, plain clothes, plain personality. I didn't stand out in any way.

I wished one day to be able to walk in Julia's shoes. Just to see what it's like. To have people look at you like you're the prettiest person they've ever seen, or to bump into you simply so they can talk to you.

God, Aria, stop being so pathetic.

I shake my head to get rid of those thoughts. There were more important issues in everyone's lives than my selfish desires for being more attractive.

"Okay, I'm all ready. He should be here soon," Julia starts tapping her foot impatiently. "What do I say to him when I give him the present?"

"Say the cologne reminded you of him," I start. "The picture is of you two at your nineteenth birthday, say that was one of the happiest nights of your life—because he was with you." She's listening attentively and nodding along. "If you want to get corny, tell him you chose the green ribbon on the box because they reminded you of his eyes."

"Okay, thank you," she breathes. I grab her hand and squeeze it.

"You'll be okay, why are you so worried?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just don't want anything to go wrong," she looks into my eyes. "I really, really, like him. I don't want anything to go wrong, I don't want to lose him."

I gulp.

"You won't," my voice comes out croaky. "He loves you."

She takes a deep breath and nods again. "You're right. Thank you so much. Aria, I seriously have no idea what I'd do without you. I just get so nervous with him sometimes... You'll have your phone on you, right? So I can text you?"

"Of course."

"Good."

***

I'm in bed. I've finished my calligraphy prints and even had time to make extra ones. I've watched everyone's stories on Instagram and Snapchat. There was only one that I cared about—Julia's. Harry doesn't post much so she was all I had to clue in on their date.

How was it going? Was Julia saying the right things? Did Harry like the gifts? What did he get her? Did she at least pretend to like it?

Pfft. Of course she liked it. Harry knew Julia well enough to know what she wanted before she even knew.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I quickly unlocked it to check the message.

aria. he keeps choking up and tearing a little, i dont know what to do, im nervous

I paused for a moment. Choking up and tearing? Was he emotional or did he hate everything?

is it good choking and tearing or bad choking and tearing??

i dont know!!!!!!

does he keep staring at you, like, intensely??

yea, he keeps looking into my eyes

where is he right now?

bathroom

ok i think hes just getting really emotional

good emotional

nothing to worry about he just loves u a lot

what do i do?

if he's getting really emotional, he probably doesn't want to be out in public anymore. suggest that you guys leave to go home or anywhere else im sure he just wants to be with you alone

ok, will do. thanks!!

g2g hes coming

I lock my phone again and leave it on my bedside table. Things were going good, I can breathe again. Tomorrow Julia will tell me everything about their date, for now I'm going to sleep.

***

Thanks for reading!

I updated this one cause i made a lil mistake, but also if there are random "_" in the text thats from when I italicized words and the website I wrote it in left them when I copied it over here, it's so annoying. I thought I got all of them out, sorry if there's any I missed!

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[petersshirts]

Abroad | Part 1

pairing: tom holland x reader

summary: tom takes off three months from work to travel through Europe. on the way, he meets a girl that has a lot of burden on her shoulders, but tom just can’t get her out of his mind.

warnings: swearing, sadness and angst

words: 2123

A/N: So here’s the first part of my new series, I hope you like this, please leave me a comment if you liked it! x

Series Masterlist | my masterlist

„Do you really think this is a good idea?“ Harrison stared at the laptop screen that was sitting on the dining table of Toms’ apartment. He read the flight information again, confused how his friend had changed his mind in the last 24 hours. He had been away at his families’ house and when he came back, Tom had booked a flight to Germany that was leaving in five days. And the return flight was in three months.

Tom shrugged his shoulders and smiled at his best friend. He was never somebody who was spontaneous; he always needed all the information about any meetings a week prior, but this time, he had just clicked the ‚Book your flight‘ button without really thinking about it.

But to be honest, he had thought about this for a few weeks now. Tom was now 22 and in his opinion, he hadn’t seen a lot of this world. Sure, he travelled around the world for his work but this was just work and not enjoyment. He had been so busy for the last two years and now he had a free months off to finally do something with his life. And why not travel around Europe to learn more about new cultures?

He had been home for a week now after he had finally finished his last movie project, and he was exhausted. His sleeping schedule was non-existent and it didn’t really feel like he was living anymore. And when he sat at home for a whole week, he was bored. He always needed something to do; and now with him having no movies coming up in the near future, there was just nothing for him to do. And that’s how he found himself in front of his computer on the British Airways page, looking for flights.

When he saw Hamburg as one of the options, he remembered that one of his mates, Dave, had told him that his cousin lived there. Maybe she could show him around and also help him with the language. And in the next moment, the flight was booked.The return flight was for the end of January, so he had three months to see more of Europe, a place that was so close to his home but he had actually never really seen. His family holidays had only been in Scotland or South England.

„Tom, this is on really short notice. You know that you have to pack up all your stuff! And where will you even live?“ Haz sounded like Toms’ mum; Tom stood up and patted his friends’ shoulder. „It’s gonna be fine, man. I will figure it out. And I’m not disappearing - it’s only a one hour flight.“ Harrison only shook his head because he knew that there was no way that he could change his best mates’ mind. Tom was stubborn and he would always get what he wanted. So he would not stand in his way - he would fall down all on his own.

„And besides, Daves’ cousin lives in Hamburg. I’ve already talked to him and she will show me a bit of the city and the culture, I will be fine, mate. Don’t be such a baby.“ Harrison shoved Tom and they both burst out into laughter.

Tom would be fine.

———————————————-

The next five days were filled with packing and explaining to every single person Tom knew what the hell he was doing. He had to tell everyone the same old thing; that he was just tired of work and that he needed a little break. He felt confident in what he was doing - even when he didn’t really know what was waiting for him. But he was going to normal western countries, what could go wrong?

The ones that struggled the most with Toms sudden departure was his family. When he came over for dinner and told them that he was leaving them for three months after he just came back from months of filming, his mum started crying while Paddy just stared at him for a few minutes. He knew that it was hard for them to let him go ever since he was around 15 years old, but he needed to do this for himself. And there was no going back.

He had talked to Dave who had given Tom the phone number of his cousin; she was just one year younger than Tom and had a bit of free time to show Tom around. He had already send her a message telling here when he would land and where he would stay for the first week, and they had already arranged a meeting. Her texts were pretty short but Tom was fine with that; as long as she would show him the nice place in this new city he had never been to before.

Finally, it was the day of his departure. The whole family brought him to the airport and it just felt like he was leaving for work all over again. But this time, there was excitement pumping through his veins - he would see new places, meet new people and enjoy his youth. And there was nobody holding him back.

His mum cried at the airport and Harry just told him to not sleep with too many girls - which only got an eye-roll out of Tom because he was famous for being way too shy to ever talk to a girl. He was actually proud that there was a girl that would show him Hamburg and not a guy. There were a lot more hugs and kisses before Tom grabbed his huge backpack, the only luggage he would take with him and waved good-bye before disappearing behind the security control.

A breath of relief left his mouth when he was finally alone and on his way to a completely new place. The next few hours went by in a blur - the flight was over pretty quickly and when he arrived in Hamburg and called a cab, he realised that Germans were really good english speakers. He only knew that ‚Guten Tag‘ was a more formal Hello, but that was it. So he was quite impressed when the cab driver talked to him in fluent english.

He brought Tom right into the centre of Hamburg - he had rented an AirBnB there - a small apartment where he could make himself comfortable and feel more like he had a real home. He didn’t like hotels anymore - he literally lived in them for a few months when he was filming and he just didn’t like the cold atmosphere in there. He could never make himself at home. So he was quite happy when a young man opened the door of the five-store house and showed him the small apartment where he would spend the first week of his travels.

It felt cosy right away - it only had one bedroom and a small living room with a kitchen, but it was enough for him. He didn’t plan on having a party here. The friendly guy showed him around and when he left, Tom could only stand there and smile. It felt so good to finally do something that would bring him further in life - he sometimes felt like he was stuck while filming. He loved making movies, but sometimes it was tiring. It was tiring to cry out for help and do flips every few minutes; he was so happy that he could be himself for a longer time and not worry about how it looked to others.

When Tom put all his stuff in the small cupboard in this bedroom, it was already dark outside. He was pretty tired but he was way too hungry to go to bed. The meeting with the girl was tomorrow and until then, he had no idea where to go but that didn’t stop him at all. He grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and walked out to the streets that were still full of people. Christmas season had just started and everyone was already looking for gifts for their loved ones.

Tom got a bit lost while wandering through the streets, but found a cozy restaurant after some time. Like all the other germans he had met, the waiter talked in perfect English and Tom felt bad to not even say ‚Thanks‘ back to him in German. Hopefully, Daves’ cousin could change that.

After he finished dinner, he wandered around the streets a bit. It had gotten a lot calmer but it was pretty chilly so Tom got his phone out and opened his navigation app, trying to find back to his apartment and get the sleep he craved to be ready for a long day tomorrow.

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The moment you agreed to show a stranger around your city, you knew that it was not the right decision. But when Dave asked you to help his friend out, you just couldn’t say no. You were a very kind person and it was just way too hard to deny somebody something that they asked you for. So here you were, walking through the streets of your hometown with a weird feeling in your stomach. You didn’t know that guy even when Dave had told you that he was really nice. You were very shy but when your brother had told you a hundred times that you could do this, you tried to be a bit more optimistic and just do it.

Walking through the city felt so strange to you; the last two years were spent with learning and burying yourself in that work to forget what had happened. There was a crack in you and you were sure that nothing or nobody could ever fix it. And now here you were, finally talking to someone other than your family and your very close friends. You felt brave yet so insecure like you never did before.

You found the address of the AirBnB pretty quickly. Tom, the guy from London, told you just to ring and after you contemplated to just go back home and tell him that you got sick in the last minute, you finally rang the door. You need to get out of your shell, the words from your brother echoed through your mind. You were just not sure if this was the way to do it.

But now it was too late to turn back; it was just one day where you would show Tom the beauty of your hometown. And hopefully, you would never have to see him again after that.

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The first thing that Tom noticed about the girl were her eyes. They were something between green and blue and Tom just couldn’t stop looking at them, even when she averted her gaze. She had dark blonde hair and stood there like she wanted to be somewhere else - bent forwards and hair in front of her eyes.

„Hi, I’m Tom, nice to meet you.“ he stretched out his hand and after a few seconds, she took it and shook it lightly. She sent him a small smile and Tom felt completely awestruck - he would give a lot of things to see her smile again.

„I’m Y/N, but I think you know that.“ Her voice was quiet and it sounded like she didn’t talk very often - Tom hoped that she would talk to him a bit more than that through the day. Tom grinned at her and waved his arm towards the street, gesturing for her to start walking and start this  city-tour with the girl he wanted to know more about. But he was not sure that she would let him. She was a hard nut to crack and only one day after his arrival, Tom had found his first mission.

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