#if I can i'll try to post it by this weekend
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hey guys!! thought id post a little clarification for my sparse activity after my four days of constant activity!!
i've got a day job and a very involved personal life, so a lot of my week is spent worrying about those things, which makes my responses take much longer than they otherwise would. the reason i was so active from the start was my four day weekend, which is Not a very common occurence. i promise i'm reading your asks and i'll respond as soon as i can, but if i try to do it at work it ends up rushed and clumsy, and i don't wanna post things that i'm not fully confident in posting!
also, i'm doing the au/normal fanart entirely for fun, so if something seems off or inconsistent, that's why!
anyway, i'm really glad you're all so interested in what i've put out, and i hope to keep posting as much as possible, but it's been so incredibly hectic lately that it may take a while to get into another groove. i appreciate everybody who's stuck around!
#txt#not woy#i am also anxious and scared of everything on account of many many things in my brain#so i'm very quick to distance myself from the internet when i feel even a little embarrassed or afraid#basically i am a hot mess
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I think I'll keep you:
c.ai bot drop
a/n (please read!): Hiya! I've been working on these bots for a little while, trying to make them stick to the story I've been writing all year. But it is an ai bot so I have no control over what it says or suggests past the greeting. It might not stick to the story exactly. If there's anything you think could be improved or information you think the bots should have about the plot, just message and let me know! I hope you guys have fun kiss kiss!! đđŹ
These can all be found on my profile: sweetimpurity đ
I think I'll keep you
Miguel has no interest in a relationship. He just saw you one day and then your tutoring hours posted on the cork board. He knew he had to have you for one night. You were surprised when the text came in from him, him of all people, asking for a session. But he quickly got you on your knees and then in his bed. This one night would turn into much more.
âOh, godâŚâ You pant and whine, your head leaning to the side to rest on his head.
âFuck, you feel so fucking goodâŚâ He curses through a heavy breath against your neck. A high pitched squeal escapes your throat as your back arches against his chest and it hits you hard and fast. Your squeals turn into cries of his name, how good he feels.
He doesn't know what's come over him. He doesn't form attachments like this. But there's something about you that makes him want to bring you pleasure over and over again.
Youâre babbling and thrashing in his arms and Miguel smiles, finally getting what he wants. Hearing your sweet innocent voice whining out the dirtiest things. You're a soft warm mess as he chases his own release.
He holds you tightly against him as you both stop moving and start panting to catch your breath. Youâre glad heâs still holding you because if he let go, youâd surely face plant into the mattress. Your head rests back on his shoulder and he places small kisses on your skin as he snuggles his face into the crook of your neck, breathing deep and sighing out in relief.
âWill you be mine?â He asks softly and kisses your cheek. âMine onlyâŚâ He whispers and his gaze meets yours when you lift your head, turning it so you can look in his eyes. His finger strokes your cheek softly and itâs like heâs looking at the sun. He can try to close his eyes but the memory of you will always be seared into his mind.
âI want to be yoursâŚâ You whisper and watch his eyes as they light up a bit, a grin playing on his reddened lips. âGood. I think Iâll keep youâŚâ He smiles and holds your jaw in his hand, kissing your lips once more...
I think I'll keep you 2
You've been gone only three days and he's losing his mind. Everything was so good before you decided to go home for the weekend. Miguel had you every night he wanted, every morning too. Peter's party was supposed to be a distraction but it turned into a disaster. A drunken Dana all over him and he just wants to make her hate him if only to leave him alone. He doesn't want her. He wants you back to campus.
Not hearing from you for three days is making his head spin, and he canât help but picture you with some guy thatâs not him. He throws Dana on the bed, pulling her by the ankles and grabbing her face. Could she handle him if she tried? The answer is no.
âYou really like to get on my nerves, donât you?â He seethes. But even Dana loves the attention.
Ding!
His red hot rage is interrupted by his phone going off. His face softens and his heart skips a beat just like it did when you said youâd be his. He canât control that feeling. Miguel picks up his phone, seeing your name pop up and his eyes dart around the screen reading it.
{{user}}: âCame back early :)â
âComing nowâ He texts right back.
He sighs audibly, a mix of relief and frustration at the same time. âWhat is it?â Dana whines, sprawled out on his bed, getting her loud perfume all over his sheets where the smell of you should be. âGet out.â He demands, stepping back and going to put on his jacket again to go. âWhat?! Are you serious?â She scoffs, sitting up on his bed.
"Yes! GET OUT!!" He shouts, making her flinch. She scurries off, out of his dorm fighting back tears. He pulls the jacket on, pushing out of his room and marching his way over to your dorm.
I think I'll keep you 3
Miguel pushes off the wall, going to the library door and seeing youâre finally alone. His heart thumps in his chest. Clenching his swollen bruised hand in his pocket. He sighs and forces himself to walk inside.
You suddenly look up. Stopping him in his tracks. And itâs like he feels like heâs doing something wrong. He told you, you were never supposed to happen for him. That what happened between you for an entire month was a mistake. To not let your messy feelings ruin everything. Itâs been four days. Not a call, not a text. Nothing. And now heâs here. You look away first. Back down to your laptop to continue typing. And he continues walking, stopping at the edge of the table across from you.
âI need to talk to you.â He speaks, towering over the table. Thinking back to all those moments itâs like none of that ever mattered because it didnât matter to him. How can you trust him again when he treated you like he wanted you and then told you, you were never supposed to happen. And you gave him your body, your heart everyday for a month already.
âIâm busy right now.â You say softly, keeping your eyes locked on your laptop screen. While this time away from him has been hell and youâve been heartbroken over this, heâs also been a total dick.
Heâs been trying all week to find you. To talk to you. Trying to find sneaky ways so that he doesn't have to beg for your attention. He wants things back the way they were. He wants you back in his bed. He doesnât know what he feels.
He walks around the table. You donât look up, not even sparing him a glance. Glaring at your laptop screen and seeing his movement in your peripherals. He silently walks to the seat right next to you. Slipping down into it to sit beside you. His hands shoved back into his pockets.
"{{user}}⌠hey...â He says gently, trying to get your attention. Turning in his chair slightly to face you more. He can see your anger, he can feel it too.
âIâm not talking to you.â You say without looking at him.
âWell Iâm talking to youâŚâ
I think I'll keep you 4
â...his hand, heâs been having swelling and bruising for a few days nowâŚâ You explain kindly to the receptionist once youâre both in the waiting room, standing at the front desk. Miguel standing a bit like a lost puppy behind you, listening to you talk to the receptionist there.
âAlright, the doctor can take a look once sheâs done with another patient. If you can just fill out these forms and have a seat, it should be about 30 minutes.â She smiles and hands you a clipboard and a pen.
âThank you. And could he please get some ice or something?â You smile and ask. The woman nods politely and going to grab an ice pack from the other room. You both start walking over to the waiting room area, looking over the form in your hands. Taking a seat by the fish tank and settling in to wait a little while. Miguel sits right beside you, running the good hand through his dampened hair from the rain. He glances down at the form in your lap. Then up at the side of your face. Wanting to reach out and touch your skin. Kiss your cheek. Remembering what it feels like to melt into your arms. Thinking of all the ways he can beg for, earn your forgiveness. Just as heâs about to speak-
âHere you goâŚâ The receptionist is there, an ice pack outstretched for him to take, breaking him out of his thoughts. He forces a smile, taking the ice pack and setting it over his hand. âThank you.â He smiles gently. Watching the woman walk away.
He feels like shit. Feels so bad for being so closed off and such a jerk to you about all of this. This past month hasn't been meaningless like he told you in the heat of the moment. It's meant something he just doesn't know how to say it. It's hard for him to put his feelings into words. For you it seems so easy, why can't he just be like you?
He looks back, watching you write down his name on the form. Thinking he can probably do this himself. Before he can interrupt youâre asking him for the information on the form.
I think I'll keep you 5
When the athletic door swings from someone else leaving, he catches a glimpse of you through the opening. The bright lights from outside assault his eyes as the door swings again. Seeing you for just a moment. Just a split second. Talking with Peter against the fence. He stops. What is he walking into? Whatâs about to change? Youâre gonna be there right when he goes through that door. He stands in the dim concrete tunnel, feeling his heart race. He doesnât like this feeling. This is the loss of control.
âMiguel!â Peter smiles, making you turn to look back. And there he is, walking out the door. You want to just run into his arms and tell him how great he was. Even though he didn't get to play he still coached very well and played his part in the victory. But Peter is talkative and gets in there before you can. And you don't really want to interrupt when he's talking with his friends. Since this is the first time you've been around his friends with him.
âWeâre gonna get drinks, you have to comeâ Peter says, ushering Miguel over to where youâre standing. âThis is {{user}}⌠{{user}} this is Miguelâ
âYeah we know each other.â Miguel says immediately. Not a hint of a smile on his face. Heâs annoyed with Peter. Annoyed that itâs not a known thing. He wants it to be known that you two are an item. Or⌠that thereâs something going on⌠heâs not even sure of at the moment. At least that Peter should know to back off. âOh cool, so drinks?â Peter asks you.
Miguelâs a little astonished with how easily Peter just brushed that off. Eyes flicking between you two and hoping to god you donât accept the drink invite. But he bites his tongue. Friends. Really good⌠friends.
#i think i'll keep you#miguel ohara#miguel spiderman#miguel spiderverse#spiderman 2099#miguel o'hara x reader#artists on tumblr#smut#artists on tiktok#miguel fanart#miguel ohara smut#miguel o hara#astv miguel#atsv miguel#miguel atsv#miguel o'hara#miguelohara#spiderman itsv#atvs#spiderman 2099 x you#spider man 2099#miguel 2099#character ai bot#character ai#character design#ai chatbot#c.ai chats#c.ai#c.ai bot#c.ai shenanigans
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I am working on two Mel/Ben fics
One short one where Melanie is in episode 5 and one longer one that takes place post season 4
#i woke up this morning and wrote 900 words on a short fic before getting out of bed to go to work#very productive half an hour#i had an idea and i started typing#it's 1400 words now and will probably stay relatively short#if I can i'll try to post it by this weekend#i'm busy thursday saturday and sunday though in addition to regular work#so maybe not#or i take a half day on friday just to finish this fic - i'm not above it#the other one i've been working on for several weeks and it's about 11k words now#not going to start posting that one until the season is properly over#snowpiercer
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jorge martin is just an off-brand motogp version of george russell. both incredible qualifiers, hard racers, have issues sometimes keeping their tyres together, have stayed in a satellite/backmarker team for three years begging the big manufacturer to accept them into the main fold and will randomly decide that they are actually done with race by beefing it into the gravel/walls on the last laps.
this is why ducati did not hire martin, he hasnât done the power point presentation
strong last line but hm... do I agree with this...
I don't entirely disagree with the profile of racer, though jorge's a bit more in the flame bright and early mould (partly also just because of the different rhythms of those two racing series). he cut his teeth not just on being an exceptional qualifier but also a starter. even though this year, you do kinda have to say pecco's just?? uh?? he's never been a BAD starter but I swear he didn't used to be this good? some of his starts from the second or third row this year have been genuine works of art. this isn't relevant, just needed to mention it. that's part of why jorge does so well at sprints... he's really good at that abbreviated format, where it's just all out from the very start. mr russell was considered quite a poor starter in his williams days (though lbr that may have partly been car characteristics) - the qualifying's very strong and very consistent, but for a while the question was of capitalising off the line. he's got a few more drives that are about working his way through the field... like qatar last year. I just don't really associate jorge with that?
the bottling thing is debatable and we could get into that debate, but like, never mind that. we're leaving sports analysis now and getting back into vibes territory. the thing about jorge is that he has had a competitive bike from the word go. mr russell, whatever you think about how clutch he is or isn't, did not set a foot wrong in terms of making the mercedes case for himself. what happened with him was basically just... a series of unfortunate events that got him stuck in a spectacularly uncompetitive car for three years. got one shot in a good car in said three years (sakhir 2020) and delivered the perfect performance. but jorge!! jorge had 2022!! he blew it!! he did get unlucky with the gp22 vs the gp21 comparison early that season and how bastianini was able to take advantage of the early stage factory spec malaise, and he's far from the only gp22 who was struggling early on (cf one 'pecco bagnaia'). but still, some of his rides that year were. truly horrendous. and the way the whole thing played out left him with a massive chip on the shoulder.... that's the thing, right, I think what's so key about jorge is that sense of grievance, the fact that he was rejected for that factory seat and we're now several years on from that. and it's a really thin line between that being a good thing and a bad thing. like, anything that's a potential source of motivation fundamentally can be helpful, right? in 2007, casey showed up at ducati as not their first choice, kinda a stopgap, and also after yamaha had pulled the plug on a potential contract not once but twice. he has spoken again and again how yamaha and honda's behaviour towards him made him want to show them exactly what they were missing out on. he used that! it was good for him as a competitor that he had something to get worked up over! he's done it throughout his career! but on the flip side, if you're so busy feeling victimised that you're kind of already... primed for failure, then you've got a problem. like, if the takeaway is you're probably screwed anyway because you're being sabotaged by the factory, then even if that were true you're fucked before you start competing. you've already lost in your own head, you've made excuses before you've even started. it's a thin line! thinking the world is out to get you can either be a good way to get yourself to going, or it can be a loser mindset
quickly circling back to georgie boy, my main feeling is that they kinda have a different type of malaise. one is an overthinker and the other is at times very much an under-thinker. grussy actually shares the overthinking trait with his fellow 63 more than anyone else... all three kinda have this fun meeting point of a lot of cockiness and a lot of insecurity - they just balance them in other ways. and russell reminds me more of pecco in that kind of... being constantly thrown up against a Big Legacy of someone you admire, being in the shadow of greats and having to make your own name... you're very much part of a succession plan that leaves you with massive shoes to fill... (though admittedly grussy has also gone through the unenviable experience of getting to work closely with his hero and eventually having most of said hero's fans absolutely despise him. can happen, I suppose.) jorge is a bit more baggage-free. he's very much the main character in his own story, not so much faffing about with the narrative implications of all this shit. more straightforward! if jorge wins, it's about him. if he loses, it's also about him. ducati has been his world for the past few years, to the point where he's gotten a bit parochial about the whole thing. early this season, he was talking like - sure, the championship lead is important, BUT this is also giving him power in contract negotiations!! which... yes, that's true, but also that should be way down the order of priorities my man. jorge martin might be the only person in this universe who... genuinely might be more obsessed with beating pecco than marc? like, beating the marc marquez would be great and all, 8x world champion bla bla, but pecco is his personal antagonist! he's known him for years! that's ducati's golden boy! he needs to beat pecco so badly! there's something really fun about a rivalry where it feels like at least one side's feelings towards the other... kinda go beyond a personal relationship, like at a certain point it becomes about what the other guy Represents. jorge isn't worried about legacy and the shoes he's got to fill and can he truly live up to all those expectations as much as he's worried about himself and also occasionally pecco bagnaia
anyway, I've been thinking about the bottling thing... what jorge said about it earlier's been rattling around in my head since I saw the quote
man, it must be really tough, right? like, you don't know why it's happening... it's not just cockiness - though there is an element of someone who's kinda used to bulldozing his way through problems with sheer obstinacy and stubborn self belief (another distinction with the 63's, who are more introspective and prone to self-flagellation following mistakes). but it's also just... you can't figure out why it's such a fundamental shortcoming of your game! today, from the way pecco and also luca (apparently) were talking about it, it seems like there was something noticeable about how jorge was gradually losing a bit in his control and precision as a result of how the tyres were going off, as a sort of precursor of the fatal error. which... well, it's at least a somewhat understandable mistake, because it comes from pressure? it's not just the tyres going off each time - the mugello sprint crash was lap four, jerez was lap ten. but an interesting thing about his big errors this year is that they have all come as a result of serious pressure - as a result of pecco directly behind him in the case of jerez and sachsenring and like... in anticipation of the massive points damage he knew he was probably going to take in mugello. it sounds obvious to say pressure is more likely to generate mistakes, but of course that's not always true of our title contenders! pecco only really wakes up when he's already dug a hole halfway to the centre of the earth - but when he faces actual pressure, his track record is mostly very strong. his biggest howlers this season, portimao + catalunya sprints, both came when he was leading comfortably. martin has also made these pressure-light mistakes in the past, most memorably indonesia last year but... well
one of the most fascinating bits of sports are like... limits and ceilings and how your build-up as an athlete kinda determines what's possible for you. like, sports is sort of where you experiment with notions of fate and inevitability and all that, where you question whether it's possible for anyone to ever really change. is it once a choker, always a choker? if you know that you have this problem, this flaw that is always just there in the background, waiting to be actualised - what can you do? does it give you more or less hope that there's not a clear root cause? how debilitating that must be for confidence too, always knowing that you could cause everything you've worked for to crash down in a moment.... this is where. y'know, the thing with pecco, right, is that he's now gotten to a weird place where psychologically he has to be wary of the mistakes he himself makes - but he knows that he can also bounce back from them. he has that muscle memory, because he's done it before. he chucked it down the road in india and he won the title! jorge did it in thailand and he didn't! and the problem is that it becomes a self-reinforcing cycle of sorts, because even though the margin between the two of them at the end of last year ended up being relatively slim... one of them still won and one of them still lost. which actually means that even though pecco and jorge both have made serious mistakes this year (though pecco's track record is cleaner - in portimao the points punishment didn't quite fit the crime and in the jerez/le mans sprints he was kinda just unlucky), only one of them knows they can do this shit and win the title anyway
and now jorge has an entire summer break to go away and think about that. can be a good thing, get some distance, and it's easy to slip into a run of bad form that you can't escape if there's no interruption. can be an awful thing because you're sitting with your mistakes for weeks on end with no chance to rectify them. I'm naturally a pessimist on the 'can any athlete ever really change' question because life has very much worn me down on this topic over the last few years (aka some sports results made me really sad). but I always want to be optimistic! I want to believe athletes can fix their fatal flaws! I want to believe they can get better at managing their tyres and not folding under pressure. and pressure works weirdly... sometimes it's not really a test of 'mental strength' as much as it is of what kind of in-built margin an athlete has (btw this is my best guess for what goes wrong with martin). sometimes it's beneficial in sharpening the mind and erasing the possibility of you just... not being sufficiently concentrated (which is my best guess for what happens with pecco when he's not being pressured). can you truly get better at dealing with that? or at a certain point, have you already accumulated so much mental scar tissue that you're always going to get in your own way? who knows! maybe we're all doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past forever and ever. who knows
anyway. in response to this ask. I do think it's more a case of 63's aligned in being too stuck in their own head, too concerned with legacy, and walking a very thin line between arrogance and insecurity. all three of them, though, have a bad case of 'coming through the ranks in an era of greats they'll always be disparagingly compared to'. what's new can never be as good as what came before, right? and they're constantly struggling to manage or maybe even overcome basic flaws that seem to be embedded in their make up as competitors... maybe they'll make it, just a little. maybe they never will. but it sure is fun to watch them try!
#bloody hell anon he had a mechanical dnf at his home race give him a moment#real talk he's george lawrence#the unbearable agony of not QUITE being able to come across as authentically yourself... sure you want to win but you also want to be loved#but. BUT. when it comes down to it. you'd always take the winning over being loved#revered teammate with an.... enthusiastic fanbase be damned#and eventually you will be able to make the team your own when the legend goes off to the red flop team#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#also I resent the notion we have the off brand version of eff won's anything!! our freaks are all 100% organically grown I'll have you know#can't believe I posted before this weekend going 'well I hope they don't prove me wrong about this serious title fight business' ffs#sachsenring last year is arguably still their best duel I REALLY felt like we might be building to that but OH NO#I feel hugely defensive of that rivalry and their stupid fucking title fights but some days they do NOT make it easy on me istg#I STILL think it's a bit unfair to them that they're being given twice as many chances to chuck it down the road#but like... can we please try to do our title fight momentum shifts on track and not in the gravel...#remember le mans... don't you want to do another le mans... please do another le mans... even a catalunya... come on... please#current tag
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hello treasured mutuals! if you have not absolutely had it up to here with me for fixating so heavily on the vampire armand lately.... if indeed you are here for the armand content ..... and we don't have any threads underway, today i offer you STARTER CALL FOR ARMAND. tomorrow? who knows...
#capping at 5 for now but if i'm agreeable and get them all done & posted over the weekend i might open it back up for more on monday#length and verse variable! if i'm unsure what verse to go with i'll hit you up for light plotting <3#actually tomorrow i'm going to throw up a poll for which other muse people are most feeling#so i can try to concentrate my scant non-armand energies into something productive for that lucky character :)#||x come to me [ armand: starter call ]
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Question: Should I make Friday an official update day? I've been thinking about this for a while since at the moment it's one of my days off and since it falls at the end of the week, I usually have something ready to post that I've been working on all week.
This doesn't necessarily mean I'll always have something to update since sometimes writing takes longer but it would mean some consistency. It's either this or Monday but I don't know if I want to do that.
#raccoons rambles#technically chapter 5 of tna is done#i'm just working on some extra art to post with it#i'm going to be busy this weekend tho so it may not get posted this friday#i'll try to have it queued up if i can though#this probably wouldn't apply if i did some random doodles#i used to update thwbd every friday and monday so it makes sense to me
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I don't have any asks to post this weekend because of the PMV I've been working on, but I figured I'd at least share a few frames from it!
#bonus points to anyone who can guess the song i'm using!#since for the most part i'm trying to stick pretty closely to the song's original video. both style and content-wise#not a comic or an ask#art#kirby#magolor#first time using the new posting schedule for asks i decided on with a poll a while back!#so this'll be reblogged later tonight as well#technically it's not an ask but i also already have the kirby remake poll queued for today at 1:30-ish so. ye#also i do at least have all the rough sketches for the next ask done finally? so there's a chance i'll be able to post that next weekend#kirby (character)
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Hi! Been a reader of warm au since 2019 and suddenly missed her then I just learned she deactivated already đ. Thank you so so so much for this account. I just want to ask if you also happened to reblog her posts/works from 2019 too?
Hi!! I don't really remember when I started this blog so I'm not sure, but I know there's a master list somewhere on here... it's probably pretty far back but you can try to look for it if you want? I also know that qtfighter has a lot of her posts but idk how far back their posts go sorry ><
#I'm gonna go through this weekend and try to make finding things easier so if I see it I'll pin it#I hope you can find any posts you're look for!! đ¤
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late night thinkin about what if i did art streams again :0c
#i used to do this A LOT with join.me but it was usually with like two of my friends YEARS ago (2010s)#sometimes i would make a deviantart journal and post a link for others to join and it was always fun !#i tried streaming art again maybe 1-2 years ago and felt under prepared but hrmmmm#i would like to interact more and keep video record of my art again so i'll think about it#i think making a streaming overlay and icons sound super fun too ! i can revamp my old ones#hopefully if i have time :0c im super busy lately#maybe every now and then i do gaming and utau streams alongside art hrmmm MUCH to think about#might try randomly one day for the hell of it ! they would def be on Fridays or weekends tho#ehn rambles
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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everyone HELLO how are we doing :)
#mädch rambles#IVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG IM SORRY i moved in with my bf recently and my schedule has been crazy but i'm trying to reel it in im TRYING#i haven't been posting on mxinfo either im so sorry su if you see this IM SORRY I WILL GET TO U LOVE lemme get thru this week#i also work this weekend so ;____; sigh#but guys IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET BACK INTO THE KPOP SCENE ive missed so many music cbs but#BUT#CAN WE FREAKING TALK ABOUT AESPA ..... WHAT THE HELL#they're just ....... eating ....... slaying#supernova on repeat ok ......#also my boy lee taeyong enlisting god help me my ults are all leaving me its hard out here lkfsdlfjsldkf#I MISS YOU ALL IM SORRY I LEAVE WITHOUT WARNING EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS i'll be better after this weekend :')#love you all hope you're doing well!!!!!!!! MWAH <3
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I genuinely don't know what's wrongn with me. I'm trying to fogure this our. First I thought I was wronged and now I feel ashamed of my horrible luck with people. People who call themseves my friends all seem to have out of sight out of mind attitude with me.
Noone in rela life seems to remeber I exist. If it's not me trying to organize a meetup â they don't text me, they don't ask me to their houses or to have a coffee on a weekend. And if it is me tugging on them and suggesting things â in most cases they are Busy even if I text a month in advance or they are hanging out with Better Friends.
It's not even about getting set up for a date anymore. I'm genuinely freaking out that I'm secretly a horrible person that noone wants me unless it's work-related where most my acquaintances these days come from.
Is it me not being on social media? Is it me not being able to give them my insta where they could comment on my photo of a coffee I'm getting? Is it me being opinionated?
I'm doing fucking everything I ever heard as an advice on being personable charming agreeable people-person. I notice their interests, I smile and give compliments and give praise when warranted and make sure all proper people get proper credit for their achievements, I recommend things I know about and am curious about things they can recommend, I've had one person not believe me saying I'm a lonely introvert, I look at baby pictures and congratulate people sincerely on getting their house or having their wedding, I have colleague who shares stories about her teenager kids and I listen and I offer advice and symathy. I'm fat and have been fat as a child so I had to be a clown to be accepted so I can make people cry with my jokes and I know it's not faked and it doesn't matter.
And yet none of those people want me elsewhere. Even if we have each other on whatsapp and with some we are even in group chats, but if it's not me tugging and timidly asking if they'd like to go somewhere sometime, maybe check out that new coffee place â it's radio silence. I try to start a concersation on how Someone is â I get an answer that they're fine, busy, and nothing else, not even a question back, no details, no offer to discuss over a drink or even have a bloody phone call just to chat away.
Noone tugs on me, noone asks me out, noone wants to make plans, noone wants me at their houses or in their existing friend groups, noone even sends any memes or anything. Nothing that I was told would happen if I learned to make friends.
I don't understand what is so horrible about me or what am I doing wrong or not enough of. Do I need an instagram account to be considered easier to reach or what? What is the secret that I'm missing?
#and yes i do openly express my enthusiasm#oh you do rock climbing? i've never tried it but can I tag along sometime to try it?#or you're throwing axes today? well maybe next time i can come to try? let me know!#they never let me know#you go on walks on weekends? wish we could go now that the weather is nice. let me know if you want some company#i haven't been hiking since summer camp! sounds so fun I'd love to check out that track you've found!#when you're going to a play next time - let me know i love thatre#and nothing nothing nothing#tumblr mutuals from 749394737 miles away will send me a post at least once every few weeks#i don't get it#i'm willing to work hard and break myself into pieces and put myself back into a different person#i effectively did that at the start of my 20s#but it doesn't work#nothing works#i've smiled my face into hurting and it works just as good as my resting bitch face#what is the science behind it#someone tell me the steps and i'll take them#i'm going insane from loneliness and shame
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hiiiii i just had a really good job interview this morning so i am in a GREAT mood 2day ^_^ and now im really in the mood to draw so. Iâm thinking i might stream l8r
also i wanted to do a 48 hour zine challenge so. im makin a lil sprina fanzine 4 fun lol... hereâs a sketch i did 4 tha cover so far
#pentababbles#pentadraws#general hospital#art#fanart#sprina#i had an interview with this commercial trailer company this morning and i knocked it outta the park#they see a lot of potential in me and think i'd b a good fit 4 several positions so. YIPPIEEEEE#aside from that tho. ive been saying i wanted to make a sprina fanzine for a while now so. letsa go#specifically im doin a 48 hour challenge bc this weekend is the sprina fan meetup in nj#and i wanna be able 2 give nic and taby physical copies of the fanzine#and maybe have them autograph a copy 4 me?#also i'll def release it digitally when i'm done with it. prolly post it on itch.io or smth#i chose the NYE britch fest almost-kiss for the cover bc i thought that was such a cute scene#i'm still trying to think up a good quote for the zine title tho.#maybe ''you mean too much to me'' or ''is this what you want?''#idk! im happy working on it tho and doing such quick sketches#anyways i'll probably work on the zine on stream tonite if yall wanna watch me work#and i'll put on some eps of sunset beach as well so we can continue the story where we left off
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so it turns out we have covid again (I think this is the 7th time? despite us not going outside) but we had it in February as well and we feel nowhere near as bad as we did any of the other times we've had it.
like we're on the 4th day of having symptoms and we pretty much feel like when we're getting over a cold and just feel kinda rough from it so I'm hoping we'll feel alright in a few days? maybe?
we got the cough and sore throat on Thursday, and the cough was worst on Friday, then on Friday night we got the fever and joint and skin pain which ended up being worst yesterday, and then today we don't really have the skin and joint pain, the fever's calmed down a lot, and we do have a cough but it's nowhere near as bad, and this is a wild progression of symptoms for us given that having a cold usually completely wipes us out for over a week
#personal#thoughts#đŹ post#I really want to be able to go outside next weekend but I also don't wanna go out if I'm ill especially if it's covid#it's just really fucking shit timing but hey at least we don't seem to be doing as badly as usual#last time we had it we were sleeping all the time and completely fucked up our routine and struggled to function#meanwhile this time we've been able to keep dping most of the stuff we can normally do#but we've been trying to rest more because that seemed like a good idea#it's been very weird and confusing but I'll take that over feeling as bad as last time#I'm just frustrated with getting ill right before something I was looking forward to#like the one fucking time I have something planned that involves going out I get covid like a week beforehand
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okay, chapter eight progress update:
-chapter is basically fully complete. maybe 99% because i still want to potentially tweak one paragraph, but that's nbd
-little over 5k words (somehow that's still one of the shortest chapters in the whole fic)
-i've had the art sketched and lined for months but then i wasn't happy with it, so i lightboxed it to tweak part of it (since i'd already lined the original.) but now i'm like. still unhappy with that, unsure of where to insert it without ruining flow? i might save the idea for this artwork as a piece unconnected to the fic
-i need to take a look at the chapter, determine if any artwork should even be made for it, and where.
#i JUST got an idea for another piece of art while writing this post but it's probably like so far out of my comfort zone i cant execute it#pondering....yeah no i dont think i can draw that. unfortunately.#maybe i'll try this weekend and hate myself for it LOL
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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