#idunno if ill ever do it but one day maybe

[dynahops]

the bros staring lovingly into each others eyes after surviving the zombie apocalypse

---

i have a comedic comic planned out but its reaaaaal long and its a headcanon anyway

- where everyone survives and theyre all living in new orleans

a post post apocalypse headcanon yknow

the sketch:

[mokacheer]

hahaha thanks for the mass tag game @ruanbaijie this shall be fun!

aka: nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? - no idea, my theories are that i was obsessed with rosario + vampire so i took moka, and since moka is cheery/happy i just bam. i honestly don't know 💀

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. - i used to have a ton because younger me dabbled in the RP world (lets not remember those times but remember the cool people i befriended) but right now no just this blog and the other blog i help run <3 @otomokatsuhiro (if you love old anime youll immediately follow ;) )

3. how long have you been on tumblr? - since may 2012 😵 (save me)

4. do you have a queue tag? - nah

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? - an old friend of mine told me about it and actually made this blog for me. now thinking about it idk if it was her that came up with the name, if i had a different name to begin with... no clue :s

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? - its yuki!!! must i explain why?! (plus it matches my vibe here alot of mutuals say im super sweet or a ray of sunshine ((ily it makes me happy everytime i get that hehe)))

7. why did you choose your header? - it just matches the overall pink cute vibe :p

8. what’s your post with the most notes? - still to this day its a 29 frame gif of a phone ending call... here

9. how many mutuals do you have? - i counted at the beginning of the year and i believe i had 108? but now obviously its 108+ :D

10. how many followers do you have? - 17.2k+ x-x

11. how many people do you follow? - 544! i remember at one point i wanted to keep the number limited but thats so stupid!!

12. have you ever made a shitpost? - uhhhh probably when i was younger. i used to constantly post #personal text posts so idunno

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? - help me

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - yeah a small amount of times, most would be reposters telling me "no this is my gif i made this! i wont remove this from my blog!" with my watermark clear as day in the corner lol..

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts - meh it's your blog at the end of the day, if you want to reblog something do it, if you dont dont. it's sad to see most people just like posts but they come from different platforms and fail to realize what kind of site tumblr is. hopefully eventually they will get it tho! amen

16. do you like tag games? - yes! i love that i get tagged in them but also forget alot of the time to ever get to doing them so i apologize for being late on this one hehe

17. do you like ask games? - plsssss i love seeing that notification light up in my inbox. it fills this bloggers heart with joy.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - oh i got a few @gojosattoru (where have you been ;w; </3), @hanae-ichihara (ill always miss you <3), DEFINITELY @taohs hehehe

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? - nope, having a crush on here has never happened for me :p

20. what is the last song you listened to? - charli xcx speed drive EASYFUN remix, its sooo gud

21. what are you currently watching? - the magical girl and evil lieun. are archenemies, fairy tail 100 years quest, maybe some other misc. stuff i cant think of rn.

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? - all of the above, i love sweet + spicy

23. what is your current relationship status? - single times *salute emoji*

24. what is your current obsession? - SMILING FRIENDDDSSSS asjdiaoshjdajsid

25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately? - aprils-bloom by julie areyouhome? by juno britpop by A.G. Cook right back by Frost children i like it by Frost children spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth by Caroline Polachek magic sword by 4s4ki tome by veltpunch 365 by charli xcx

tagging: @taohs @cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga @oneechangoddess @yuujies @scary-friend @fuwanek0 and others that wanna have fun

[viksalos]

6, 7, 10, 33, 37

Heyo sorry again for getting to this late! Busy day at work yesterday and then I had horror movie night with some friends in the evening lol

6.) if you could choose any place in the world to visit, where would it be? why?

Italy! Kinda dorky but I’ve been trying to visit ever since Assassin’s Creed was still doing the Ezio trilogy. I *almost* went in 2020 but the pandemic shot that plan in the foot; now I’m just trying to hunker down and finish grad school. I might go as a post-graduation present to myself but we’ll see

7.) what advice would you give your childhood self?

It does get better. Try to eat healthier but forgive yourself if you can’t; there’s only so much you can do while living under your parent’s roof. You will lose the weight but when you do, do NOT get the skin removal surgery, you have a chronic illness that is manageable rn but will get exponentially worse afterwards. If you keep on your current path you’ll eventually be given the opportunity to study for a PhD; the PhD itself will be miserable but you will build a group of friends there that have bonds stronger than your family’s ever had. Choose wisely.

10.) what’s one book you’d suggest every person should read?

Augh I’ve had so little opportunity to read for pleasure for a very long time so I’m kinda struggling with this one... The first thing that comes to mind is that every scifi fan at least should read Dune, which isn’t to say that Dune is a flawless book beyond reproach but that it was foundational to modern scifi in many ways; like once you read it you can see its fingerprints everywhere

33.) your personal favorite oddity about yourself?

I’m a little bit shredded lol. Have abs and delts and forearm veins that come out sometimes, stuff like that. Seems like such a dork ass gym bro thing to say but people are always shocked bc it’s not relevant to most other spheres of my life and my diet/fitness routine is pretty settled now to the point I consider it boring and don’t talk about it much.

37.) do you have any strange habits?

Idunno? I eat more or less the same thing for breakfast every day if that counts. I notice the chronic illness symptoms are a lot better when I do. Maybe just keeping up this blog is a strange habit at this point tho lol

(ask game)

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[linogram]

50 questions tag

tagged by @chngbok

1. what takes too much of your time?

school

2. what’s makes your day better?

music

3. what is the best thing that happened to you today?

that ask, where someone said they were also ace and I was the first ace stay they'd met

4. what fictional place would you like to go to?

in a ghibli film

5. are you good at giving advice?

yes, but i'm bad at following it

6. do you have any mental illness?

I mean yeah, like I'm not gonna say, but u could probably easily figure it out

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

no, tho I think I used to have night terrors where I would scream out and scare my cousins, those were fun times

8. what musician inspired you the most?

if we wanna get all deep n personal n mushy gushy n stuff, then my cello teacher and a rlly close friend of mine, but like not as deep n mushy gushy n stuff, suga, day6, and skz

9. have you fallen in love?

nope!

10. what’s your dream date?

hmm, ig like a walk and just wandering around

11. what do others notice about you?

uh, I've had someone say that when I play cello I act differently, does that count?

12. what is an annoying habit that you have?

talking way too much when I'm w my friends, tbh I need to just shut up when I'm w them and only speak to when spoken to

13. do you still talk to your first love

never had one so, nes

14. how many ex’s do you have?

none

15. how many songs are in your playlist?

uh main one about 2390

16. what instruments do you play?

only cello and piano, tho im trying to learn acoustic and bass guitar, and I do chorus (if u count that)

17. who do you have the most pictures of?

oof I have a fuck ton of skz and suga

18. where would you like to go before you die?

out of the US

19. what’s your zodiac?

aries

20. do you relate to it?

meh, sometimes, usually when I wanna fight someone

21. what is happiness to you?

uhhh,,,, ermmm, I wanna think of some cheesy ass shit, but nothings coming to mind :/

22. are you going through anything right now?

I sure am buddy boy! :)

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

uh, deciding to bottle up my emotions in like 8th grade (or maybe 7th), rlly fucked me over tbh

24. what’s your favorite store?

this music store called opus

25. what's your opinion on abortion?

pro-choice

26. do you keep a bucket list?

nope

27. do you have a favorite album?

it's not stray kids, but mitski? be the cowboy? absolutely owns my entire heart

28. what do you want for your birthday?

it'd be nice to see skz live and thank them, yknow?

29. what are most people’s first impression of you?

that I'm younger than I am and I'm quiet, tho idk if that's right bc thats wha I assume is their first impression of me

30. what age to you seem according to most people?

ayy!! I've already sorta hinted at the answer in this in the last one, like I'd say 15-16, tho I've had someone think I was like 14/15

31. where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

next to me, I listen to music through headphones while sleeping

32. what word do you say the most?

not to sound like a stereotypical teenager, but "like"

33. what’s the oldest age would you date?

so, I'm 18 rn, probably like 19 maybe 20

34. what’s the youngest age would you date?

like 17

35. what job/career do most people say sould suit you?

tbh, ppl don't rlly tell me things like this, but when I tell ppl im doing music they're like "yeah, makes complete sense, good choice", so ig music?

36. what’s your favorite music genre?

pfltlbenr, beats me idunno

37. if you would live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I have never actually been outside of the US, but maybe like uh,, idk some place in Europe? where I could go to different countries easily as I pleased?

38. what’s your current favorite song?

nfwmb - hozier

39. how long have you have this blog for?

for a while, but I just started posting on this one in like January and I had another (same blog I just moved, so it'd be my main) that I started in like july/August of last year (so 2018)

40. what are you excited for?

this year to be done so I can finally be some w high school

41. are you a better talker or a listener?

uh, tbh I keep being told I talk too much, so ig a better talker (even tho im shit at talking)

42. what is the last productive thing you did?

hmm, probably get up and use the bathroom this morning

43. what do you want for Christmas?

uh,, tbh idk

44. what classes do you get the best grades in?

music, hands down

45. on a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

like a solid 4

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

music teacher? maybe?

47. when did you first get your heartbreak?

tbh, never, I mean i pair a grandparent I was sorta close to, but like that was more of a long term thing, so ig if that counts as heartbreak, then that

48. at what age do you want to get married?

lol. never

49. what career did you want to have as a child?

anything and everything, like for a while I wanted to be a firefighter

50. what do you crave right now?

validation

tagging: @honeyboyfelix @jal-hago-isseo @hwangwhatjin

[hostile-southern]

Long Time No See

Quarantine has been pretty surreal, but it's not unlike my normal life. So, most of all, I feel drained from all the anxieties around me. 

Pup is really bad on that front. I'd like to say I'm in love... Idunno, maybe I’d like to say it. But, I'm not. My relationship with P has shifted in that they're the dom now, but "sub" and "dom" are superficial concepts to P. 

Sometimes, I think they think one is simply universally better than the other, as if I would ever allow that to happen. It's complicated, but I don't think I have much of a relationship at all with P. I can't talk to them, and they don't let me be there for them. To be honest, maybe I don’t want that kinda situation.

I definitely don't buy all of P's story; it's pretty obvious they're lying to me. For instance, they told me they had a fever of 107° the other day and claim to be in the medical field. Yeah. There are plenty of other stories, but meh. The truth is I do like them, and that's why I ignore the many red flags. I don't want a boyfriend, anyway. I like having their attention, though I feel that fading lately.

I wonder if I'm lying to them by not telling them everything about me, so it kinda makes me feel better that they're lying to me, too.

Besides, I have nowhere else to go or anything better to do. I could get back to waiting for my Competitive Friend to grace me with his presence or chat with my Best Friend, if I still deserve to call him that, about movies, shows, and games I haven't experienced; but that was getting really depressing. 

And, with the world in its current state, I can't stand to be "me" for people, even if the life I've come into is also not pleasant. I mean, it's been pleasant enough, and maybe it will be again. If not, I truly have nothing left to lose.

I don't feel I'm actively lying to P. We don't say we love each other; we don't call each other boyfriend. They're a little possessive, and honestly, yeah, that gets annoying. But, otherwise, everything is very low stakes, and I like it like that. 

If that were to change, then I don't know how I'd feel, but eh, I don't think I could play with someone's emotions like that. I don't know. I'm watching the situation, and I'm being true to myself. That's all I can do. Occasionally, I wonder about what I deserve and what I don’t, but I try to keep it real with myself and just live.

Oh, we even voice chat sometimes; we used to do it all the time. I still hate it. I avoid having to use my voice, and P's friends are... okay. Many of them are females who role play as gay males, but as far as I know, none of them claim to be male in real life or try to deceive anyone. So, who are they hurting? 

Individually, some of their personalities clash with my vibe, but I can usually turn them off and on or avoid them, if need be. Overall, I wouldn't say I'm thriving; I wouldn't say I'm unhappy, either. I'm comfortable enough in this existence, which is the ultimate goal with a "terminal illness," isn't it?

[newhologram]

If I've learned anything about having a lifelong illness, it's never stop looking and pushing for solutions if you know in your heart you could be functioning better. Of course we'll never be cured but I think a lot of doctors see a diagnosis and go, oh okay you have that. That's just how you function now. And of course we're taught to trust and have faith in our doctors so we just go along with what they say. It's tough.

Exactly, never stop pushing. Even if a procedure like this can’t 100% cure some of the stuff I have that’s hereditary or that I was born with, if it gives me like a 40% functioning boost because now my body is better able to HANDLE those illnesses, then that’s absolutely huge and I can catch up. I just feel so behind, I didn’t get to have so many “normal” life experiences because of illness, and I know better than to compare myself to others but I still just feel it, man. I just turned 27. I’m old now??? I feel so old, oh God, I know in reality I’m still a spring chicken but Jesus, Joseph, I feel like a cruster on this site, hahahaha

Like, I was always sick and uncomfortable as a kid, as a teen, and then as a young adult it just got so bad that my body buckled under it all, and dragged my brain down with it. I feel like I’ve just been so developmentally delayed because I grew up ill and maybe that’s why I have such a hard time feeling like an adult or relating to people. I feel like a Martian and it upsets me a lot. I feel like I didn’t have a 20′s. But I know that’s not true, I had one, but it was different. My hologram is different and that’s okay.

And there are probably millions just like me who feel this way. It’s incredibly lonely being sick, a lot of people stop bothering with you, working is hard, dating is haha no, and being strong enough to hold yourself up through this is something to be so proud of. We wear invisible badges. Don’t be afraid of speaking out.

It’s like a cat ran by and unplugged a bunch of vital things on a robot and no one thought to check back there and instead just kept patching up little spots uselessly while he broke down over the years because they still expected him to function like his peers and called him a whiner, a hypochondriac who just wants attention, lazy, “ugh, but you’re always sick!”, and then they’d called the tech guy and he’s just like *opens robot* “hmm well I see some things are not working but I don’t see WHY, so, what do you want me to do?” and he also never checks to see if something got unplugged. 

This lady plugged my spine back in correctly, basically, because she knew how to look “back there”.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s like, it’s so simple

The first vertebrae that touches your head, when misaligned, compromises the flow between your brain and your body, and over time you get sick. Whether you fell and broke a bone, got into a car or skiiing accident, got hurt on an intense rollercoaster, got punched too hard... I mean, these horrible symptoms and intense illnesses sometimes take 10-15 years to actually fully turn your body into a failing mecha suit while you burn up inside alone. 

No doctor ever told me about it, ever. I never knew about this and neither did my dad and neither did so many people. If it was more common knowledge to check the health of the cervical spine because it can cause and exacerbate so many illnesses, then it would be checked more after accidents and injuries.

And even though they kINDA looked because I had to harass doctors into doing it (literally what the fuck!!!! over periods of MONTHS! “please check my spine, please do an x-ray or something, please get me to see a chiropractor, please help me, please” UGH), they didn’t see it because I guess this really stupid simple obvious solution is just not a thing, according to our healthcare system. It doesn’t occur to them to check for the very mobile and important literal first piece of your spine!!! For misalignment.They think chiropractors, especially ones who specialize in the atlas, are witch doctors. That’s what it boils down to. And if I could’ve just gone to one of those, had insurance cover it, and continued with my life, then I wouldn’t be in constantly needing help. 

They turn spoonies into cash cows because they can. But, it’s the ones without a lot of money who are suffering horribly because like. Listen, I had to accept that the paychecks I always work so hard for end up just going to constant appointments to try to lower my pain levels because high pain levels equals... well, you guys know the drill by now.

My dad is so excited and telling absolutely everyone just about how different I look visually now that my spine has been fixed. I’m taller, the world looks higher up, my face even looks a little different somehow. I should try to take some proper pics for before and after. I’ll definitely try to get better pics of the x-rays at least after my next appointment so I can show just how drastic this change is. And I didn’t even need surgery or anything scary. She saw me, talked to me in DEPTH about literally everything, took x-rays, took time to educate me on everything about how this specific thing, atlas subluxation, makes people very very sick over a long period of time and ends up wrecking their body. 

For a while I thought I had to accept that by my 40′s my condition would be unmanageable. I had to just accept whatever time I could and do my best and work hard and even though I’m pretty open about my illnesses, I still have this complex like I have to be really strong and perfect all the time. But I fall apart hard like everyone else. My body was trying so hard for so long to work for me to take me where I need to go in life to be happy and to achieve my dreams, but it couldn’t keep up anymore right as I transitioned into adulthood. 

I’m sorry, body. :( I just feel so sad for it, like. I FEEL IT obviously it’s how I feel the world. But it just tried so hard. If you’ve been following me more than a month you know already just wrecked I always am from such little activity. 

I mean, imagine if you knew you were gonna work 5 hours you had to take it super easy and rest and medicate all day long beforehand. And the 5 hours is agonizing, it’s glass in your feet, it’s acid down your spine, it’s mood swings you do your best to keep zipped away WHILE providing emotional and physical labor for customers and being watched like a hawk by bosses. 

I did all that for so long even though my body was fuckin’ just

ALL THE TIME

I’m so sorry, bad me, mean to body. But I had shit to do, like. I didn’t know! I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know.

I felt strongly that this year was gonna be different for me but I didn’t know in what way, I was just ready to work through tears for another year and repeat the cycle and try not to give in to the despair of hurting so badly literally 24/7 

I gotta take it easy, I can’t push myself too much. That many years of illness, Idunno how under-used my organs are. *sweats* I just gotta let it take its time.

But yeah, it’s gonna be a good time. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ATLAS CHECKED

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spoonie, Newaka Lord Bitch Skeletonaka SPINE MOM SUPREMEaka Lamb: Resurrection 

P.S.

Beloved spine witchdoctor says I am not allowed on coasters anymore...... sob. I was really post-procedure high when she was telling me this but I’ll ask again if like. Disneyland ones at least are gentle enough. Wahhh, I love coasters so much. I asked if I could do archery and she said NO LOL not for a long time, and she was so funny when I asked if I could do martial arts bc I want to sooo bad.

Also my dad and I were talking and he was just like, “you’ve always had bad posture. I’ve never seen you standing up like this.”

Dumbass doctors omffff g bless

[nxctvrnaltrippyhippie-blog]

Getting to know some of me

1: Name: Danny 2: Age: 19 3: 3 Fears: Lonliness, Death, Waste 4: 3 things I love: Adventures, Food, Doggiess 5: 4 turns on: Talkative, Compassionate, Different 6: 4 turns off: Close minded, Two-Faced, Selfish 7: My best friend: No one.. 8: Sexual orientation: Tbh, I only fall in love with woman but the pleasure of what a man holds for some reason turns me on 😞 but once it happens at the end i feel disgusted and dont even wanna look at him .-. Nor fall in love. The desire pops up but to love a guy no.. sounds weird but trust, it even confuses me.. 9: My best first date: Honestly wish someone would ask ME out for once ;-; it would be the best just having someone ask me o": 10: How tall am I: 5'1 ;-; 11: What do I miss: Enjoying life 12: What time were I born: What is this 13: Favorite color: Omg 14: Do I have a crush: Yeah.. i guess.. its weird..😞 15: Favorite quote: not sure atm 16: Favorite place: my beddddd or in cuddles 17: Favorite food: ITALIAN 18: Do I use sarcasm: No i rather speak to people in precise terms when they ask “what” to a dumb question. Jk, hell yeah im sarcastic. 19: What am I listening to right now: Empty Camps by Cemeteries 20: First thing I notice in new person: Personality or Smile. 21: Shoe size: 7 22: Eye color: Brown 23: Hair color: Black 24: Favorite style of clothing: My own kind of style 😋 25: Ever done a prank call? Yes 😑 27: Meaning behind my URL: I like psychedelics and weed and i love to love, plus i dont sleep 😂 28: Favorite movie: I dont really watch movies tbh 29: Favorite song: Luna of Claiming 30: Favorite band: Circa Survive 31: How I feel right now: Crazy 32: Someone I love: My dog ;-; 33: My current relationship status: She isn’t my gf and she is straight.. i am in love with her i guess…. i guess.. but she does not feel the same.. but she wouldn’t like it if i saw other people.. 😞im so dumb but its really confusing. 34: My relationship with my parents: My dad was abusive and me and my mom are alright, just not close like some moms and daughters are lol. Its weird. 35: Favorite holiday: Does the Fall count 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: Tattoo on my neck of 3 purple moons, Gages, and i have my mouth and nose pierced many times but i fucked them up or school in the past (bitchass dresscode) 😭 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: Split tongue, eyebrow, cheekbones, Chest piece idea i had since 8th grade, moon and sun on my arms with falling stars ending the shoulders, sunflower on my leg with an eye, many ideas tbh 😂 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: Stop posting my feelings and personal thoughts and agreements on other media with friends who just see me as a depressed whiney little baby so now they think im better cuz i stopped expressing to them how i feel ((: now they complain i dont talk and i need to.. too late. Thought i could trust them and that i would never be a burden how they arent for me .. i was wrong and for that here i am. But god i do love tumblr and i dont regrer it. 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Yes.. she doesn’t care about me and never did. How she ended it showed that evil shit i didnt want to see. Now idk.. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? From lucero sometimes.. 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Yeah. 42: When did I last hold hands? I dont know 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Just to get ready i could get ready in like 5 minutes but if i have all morning ill spend it all changing outfits till my whole closet is rampaged 😭 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Not in MONTHS 😂 45: Where am I right now? My bed 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Lucero..? My mom..? 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOOOOUUUUD 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mom and stepdad 49: Am I excited for anything? I guess art if i make it 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? No XD aint no dude wanna hear about my feelings unless he likes me lmfao 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Everyday /: 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Idk 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Idk… it would break me.. but i should have seen it coming if it did .. 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? No.. idk.. 55: What is something I disliked about today? Everything.. 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My love. 57: What do I think about most? Being happy 58: What’s my strangest talent? I honestly don’t know lol 59: Do I have any strange phobias? Bugs bugs bugs ugh i reeeeallly hate bugs 😭 im scared a camera watches me idk if thats a phobia. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Either or 61: What was the last lie I told? Im doing good c: 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chatting maybe idk maybe a call tbh idk ill freak out unless i known you foreverrrrr i csnt talk on the phone with anybody tbh. Or even talk idk Dx 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? YESSS 64: Do I believe in magic? YESSS 65: Do I believe in luck? Sometimes 66: What’s the weather like right now? HOTTER THAN SATANS BALLS IN CALI 67: What was the last book I’ve read? Milk and Honey 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yesss /.0 69: Do I have any nicknames? Le Dan Dan, Dannehhhh, Mac Daddy Danny, Nena 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Brain 😂 71: Do I spend money or save it? SPEND 😭🔫 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Nah ): 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? No 0.0 74: Favorite animal? PUPPERRRRS 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? I don’t remember 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Satan Natas 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Capital Cities Safe and Sound 😂 78: How can you win my heart? Be there for me, take me on adventures, love me when i cant and let me love you when you feel you can’t.. be crazy wildin with me lmao. Patience with me. 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Idk ): 80: What is my favorite word? “Nah” 😂 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idunno ;^; 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Treat me the same way i treat you, and we will see. 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that i know of 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Self-trip on my own without needing tabs 😂 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? How do you feel 86: What is my current desktop picture? Ganja girl animation. 87: Had sex? Yes 88: Bought condoms? Yes 89: Gotten pregnant? Noooooo 90: Failed a class? Many 91: Kissed a boy? Yes 92: Kissed a girl? Yessssssss 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yes 😭 94: Had job? Yommmp 95: Left the house without my wallet? Many times 96: Bullied someone on the internet? Fuck no .-. 97: Had sex in public? Yes 😂 98: Played on a sports team? No 99: Smoked weed? ALL DAYY ERRDAYY 100: Did drugs? Why yes 101: Smoked cigarettes? Still do 102: Drank alcohol? Once in a while 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? MEAT LOVERRRR, Althought respect for vegetarians/vegans 104: Been overweight? Yeah. 105: Been underweight? Idk lol 106: Been to a wedding? Noo e.e 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Maybe 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? No 109: Been outside my home country? Once but mexico =.= 110: Gotten my heart broken? Yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? Yeah i think 112: Broken a bone? Helll nooo 113: Cut myself? Yeah 114: Been to prom? Lol no i didnt go 115: Been in airplane? Fuuuuuuck noo 116: Fly by helicopter? I wishh 117: What concerts have I been to? Too anxious to attend one 😞 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Of course 😂 119: Learned another language? Yeee 120: Wore make up? Yes 😑 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yeah ); 122: Had oral sex? Yepppp 123: Dyed my hair? Hellll yeeee 124: Voted in a presidential election? Yomp 125: Rode in an ambulance? Many times 126: Had a surgery? Nopee 127: Met someone famous? Nopee 128: Stalked someone on a social network? Yeah xDDx 129: Peed outside? No e.e 130: Been fishing? No ;-; 131: Helped with charity? I am charity jk 132: Been rejected by a crush? Yeahh once xD 133: Broken a mirror? Yes ._. 134: What do I want for birthday? Loveeee Send me some? <3

[shadyparakoopa]

All of them

CMON. REALLY. WHO IS DOING THIS

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? M-maybe

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? I guess

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in? A year

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yep..

5: How is your relationship with your ex? I’m still good friends with one of them, but not with the others (like my recent ex)

6: Have you ever been cheated on? Not that I know

7: Have you ever cheated? God no

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating? No

9: What's the most important part of a relationship? Trust i suppose

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"? My ex believed that I didn’t really

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? 3

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? Not standing up for anything

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? 18 or whatever 

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"? What the fuck no

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"? Yeah

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet? Yeah

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? idunno

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship? When things are fallling apart or somthing

20: Are you currently in a relationship? I wish

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? Yes

22: Do you think people should date their friends? Sure

23: How many relationships have you had? 3

24: Do you think love can last forever? Yeah

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? That’s cornybut sure

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of? Nah.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? Don’t be an idiot Josh

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Yeah

29: What do you notice first about another person? What they usually like

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? Bi

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? Nah

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Ehh..questionable if my previous one was

33: Do you want to get married one day? I just want a relationship in the first place

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed? i dont really want tattoos in the first place

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? Sure

36: Are you still a virgin? Yea

37: What's more important: Looks or personality? personality

38: Do you enjoy love films? ehhhhhhhhh

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? No

40: Have you ever had a valentine? No...

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"? Anything is fine, dinner, a movie, playing games. I’d just want to spend time with ‘em

42: Have you ever read "Romeo &Juliet"? I’m sure everyone has?

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends? Both

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"? Idk

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? I guess :u

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"? Wat

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite? wat

48: What's your favorite love song? wat

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart? I doubt it

50: If you're single, why do you think you are? Cause I’m bad at confessing anything/ I dont think anyone has a crush on me 

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy? Poor but a nice guy, duh

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? Idk

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single? Not really

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? Idunno? I rarely even use FB

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"? Fuck idk, clingy? attached? whatever sounds less creepy

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship? idk

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? Whud

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship? this is getting kinky

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary? Nah

60: What's your opinion on open relationships? idk

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family? Partner but its good to equalize both to an extend? iunnoo

62: How do you define "cheating"? How everyone else does

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? Nah

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated? Y E S >:T

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?  Sure.