#idk. i just don't want to be lumped in with the ''i hate this female character because they get in the way of ships'' kind of people

[zoomzooml]

Concept doodles of The Nine Realms dragons because I fell into spiral with those lmao. I have no idea what to do with Feather so I'm ruling her out for now lmao.

I feel that one of the main problems with D:TNR is that this original dragons are done in one style, dragons from previous series are done in another style and dragons from yet another (Bubblehorn is from some series for really young kids from what I know) are done in yet another style and the creators lump it all together.

And the fact that I'm not fond of The Nine Realms artstyle at all is a private opinion. Mine doesn't rally fit HTTYD universe either but I think it's not hard to translate these design so I hope it works anyway lol

Most important text from pics under the cut:

WU 'N' WEI

I feel like two heads don't work for that dragon but I tried to roll with that.

I give them spinosaurous-like snouts bcuz I wanted to keep it round but non-deformed lookin' (lmao).

Catfish-like whiskers on both jaws and in front of eyes.

Knee bends forwards now (why do they bend backwards in canon design??? I don't understand)

More Zippleback-like legs and body.

I hate their colors and tried to improve it but my brain can't do colors either ಥ_ಥ I feel like it all crashes together...

Personal note: I don't like designs of animals who have colors 50/50 at all but I want them to be recognizable. Color pattern like this feel super unnatural unless it's mutation. Like those birds or butterflies who are half male, half female. It's also my personal headcanon for these two lol

I don't like pattern of their wings bit idk what to give them. I just don't want wings to be solid but different than body color, it just looks kinda awkward??

PLOWHORN

In my opinion, because only her wings are covered in armor they look out of place. Rumblehorns' armor looked more conected to it, because head also looked hard/armored. So I tried to connect her armor to her body a bit more

Horn is no longer made of crystal.

She doesn't grow crystals. Crystals grow on her because of her natural habitat

I give her a bit smaller head

Details of her unique wings. They are still made of skin and bones but folds in more bug-like style

BUBBLEHORN

Bodytype similiar to Terrible Terrors, maybe a bit shorter.

Horns like those of Deadly Nadder.

Eyes like parrots'. Idk why lol

Spikes and scales on legs and tail similiar to those of Night Fury

[transgenderpolls]

I also want to say this as a transmasculine nonbinary person that I’ve seen a LOT of trans men be uncomfortable with the term being universalised to include them. Transmasculine started out as a nonbinary label (I think, I could be mixed up) that described enben who were transitioning to a more masculine point instead of a neutral one. Obviously trans men can use transmasculine if they feel like it fits, but still I think it’s best to not just lump us together with the label because there are so many trans men who aren’t comfortable with it (I’ve actually seen a lot of people saying that it straight up makes them dysphoric because they take it as being seen as less of a man)

Same goes for non-transmasculine afab nonbinary people— there’s actually a lot of people calling to just get rid of the terms because they see it as just an indicator of agab. I’ve actually encountered more transneutral afab enben who hate being called transmasculine than I have trans men who hate it. It makes sense, the entire point for transneutral enben is transitioning to some sort of complete middle, or outside of gender alltogether, and aligning them with a specific gender is not only just incorrect but also very uncomfortable and dysphoria inducing for a lot of them. A lot of people also really don’t like the idea of t being ‘transmasculine transition’, which I totally get because I feel the same way when someone says that t is inherently ‘male transition’

(btw this is all stuff I’ve heard from these groups, I’m not just saying what I think goes through their heads or anything)

On a personal note, I also don’t like the universalisation of it because it feels like aligned enben can’t really have a term to describe ourselves— like, being a transmasc or transfem nonbinary person is a very complicated experience, most of us really struggle with this sort of balancing act of androgyny and maleness/femaleness, we’re like an in-beteeen of an in-between and it’s really fucking hard to deal with. It would just be nice if we could have our own label and space to discuss it and help each other with it. But I also get that now a lot of trans men resonate with the term and it would very much be a dick move to just say ‘nope, you can’t use this anymore, fuck you lol’, like, no

idk, I think about this a lot and the topic comes up quite frequently so I have a lot to say on it, but I can’t exactly articulate it, so I hope this made sense sorry

if anyone has sources to show otherwise i'd be happy to see them but i've always been under the impression that "transmasc(uline)" and "transfem(inine)" were umbrella terms first and foremost, with origins in the world of medical transitioning, particularly HRT, that sought specifically to include non-binary people and therefore not imply that everyone going through [medical] masculinization or feminization necessarily identifies as a man or a woman. whether the end goal is conceptualized by the individual as a masc/fem role, it's just a matter of having useful, succinct language to describe shared experience. i really don't see it as denoting agab any more than the term "trans man/woman" does. like if you really are not comfortable denoting your agab at all, it sounds like you're not comfortable talking about being trans period.

as for the binary trans men who hate it i'm gonna be real, i cannot comprehend being mad about someone using an umbrella term simply to address you and others who have significant things in common with you in one breath. i'm a binary trans man and i won't lie, i have had my phase of whining about being "lumped in with non binary people," but like... that's what it was. it was a phase that i'm over because i've grown up and now realize that it doesn't actually dilute my identity to simply have things in common with other people. it would be like a square being mad about being called a rectangle because "you're erasing the fact that i am SPECIFICALLY a square!" literally no, no one is erasing anything. especially not in the context of a poll that's just trying to not draw really arbitrary lines, and which you also literally don't have to answer.

i think it's completely valid to be made dysphoric or uncomfortable by any terminology, but there's a point at which you kind of have to accept that that is a you thing? if a term's literal function is to be inclusive and you feel excluded somehow bc you don't like that you're not being acknowledged as fundamentally different than the others who that term applies to... like i'm sorry, that's kind of ridiculous. you have to accept that it's ridiculous and not anyone else's problem.

also i truly think that if it's coming to contentions such as "just because i'm a man doesn't mean i'm masculine" or ppl otherwise trying to draw hard lines between masc and man/male as definitions... i truly think you are just trying to make this more complicated than it is. like we do need words to describe things, lol.

in any case my thing - at least on this blog - is always gonna be in the context of making polls. firstly i'm working with a character and option limit. secondly, the questions being asked make it sometimes relevant to use some terms that lump groups together, denote agab, etc. the more i think about it, i don't think there's going to be a solution that satisfies everyone, and i also don't think that there's a huge problem with that.

(btw none of this is directed at anon, you articulated yourself fine, i'm just jumping off of your talking points)

edit: irt anon not liking the universalization of "transmasc" - it just occurred to me, would "transmasc nonbinary" not simply work? like it seems to me that you just need to add the word nonbinary and now you're gucci

[legallybrunettedotcom]

i want to know everything omg! what are your favorite characters on gossip girl? who do you hate the most? and what your opinion about this show in general. 💓

I really need to do a rewatch, I probably forgot a lot of plot points, but... Blair was always my favourite, my number one girl. I didn't like Serena, I think I just didn't like Blake Lively, and I hate to be that person that's like oh she always had bad vibes, I knew it from the start, but idk I just never got the hype around her and her acting was so bad. I think I end up disliking a lot of characters on any tv show just bc I hate the actor's acting choices, like why are you doing that face? that was so unneccessary lmao. I think I also maybe projected onto Blair a bit, like someone who is always trying their best, putting in 110% and someone else just swooping in and winning with zero effort, but... let's not unpack that here. Them together are obviously one of the best frenemies put on screen and I suppose both the tension and love that can exist in female friendships was portrayed really well imo so I don't really want to point fingers at either of them as like the root cause of the friendship problems, like one of them being the shitty friend and other the martyr. Like sometimes you are a shitty friend and sometimes your friend is the cunt, that's not the end of the world. I can see the same thing happening now that there's been a sort of SATC renaissance if i can call it that (even though SATC is a show that is consistently popular, like I don't think it has ever fallen off and then had some sort of resurgence but ygwim) where ppl are aggressively hating Carrie, like she was the devil. Plus I find it difficult to look at fiction through real life eyes, like asking why would this person do this? well they did it bc this is a show and we need an inciting incident to move the plot forward yk?

Blair and Chuck were made for each other, I loved their dynamic. With that said, Chuck is obviously not a good guy. I think at the time, as a kid, some things flew over my head, but looking back he is scary and creepy and you'd feel unsafe in his presence. I suppose he was entertaining, like you got this 15, 16 year old kid talking about stock exchange and dressing like Hugh Hefner, it kinda is funny. Even though I was rooting for Chair (was that their ship name I can't remember) endgame, I did actually enjoy Blair and Dan together, I think it was a cute moment and they worked well together. I don't think their relationship was for shock value, they actually had kind of a proper enemies to friends to lovers arc. I liked Dan, but also looking back... kind of a creep as well, his obsession with Serena was weird and the reveal of him as GG was disappointing. I gotta admit I never watched the show with anticipation of GG being revealed, I personally was like ok if it happens, happens, if it doesn't, fine. I never was interested in looking for clues on who GG might be. I think the show would've been fine ending without that reveal tbh. Definitely one of the more underwhelming and disappointing show finales out there.

I loved Jenny, I loved Juliet, I think she was the best antagonist. I kinda didn't care about Nate that much. I loved that the show delved into the life and drama of the parents as well, sometimes more entertaining than teenage lives. Honestly, can't say I hated anyone, which... funny considering I opened this with a politer version of calling Serena a bitch lmao. But despite GG being looked at as a silly teen show, I think all these characters were pretty complex and no one was really entirely good or entirely bad. I think what carried that show was great costumes, great set design and charismatic actors. I actually read some of the books and yk they're fine, can't remember much of the details, but I think actors made it much more than it is on paper, which also I feel is a sign of times. Like not to lump these actors with actual movie stars of the past, but we can definitely see an actor is not a star anymore, they're a product. The show had a lot of plot holes, but... idk I can't say I'm intense abt plot holes unless it's truly insanely dumb and demeans the audience.

I don't know if you've checked out the reboot, I watched like first half of first season and it wasn't good. They tried to fix a lot of problems of the original, especially in matters of diversity and class consciousness, but the problem with a lot of "socially conscious" media nowadays is that their writing ends up consisting of slogans instead of yk actually good writing and dialogue. The original was quite scandalous for its time, like I've seen ppl say their parents wouldn't let them watch it. It was like SATC for teenagers. The reboot didn't have that edge, but I also don't think this is a uniquely GG problem, I think it's just the times. Television doesn't connect us anymore. Which I know is ironic saying this on Tumblr, on a fandom site, in an era where there are so many streaming platforms producing many many many tv shows and programmes and it all being actually more profitable than films, BUT you can't tell me our relationship to TV is the same as it was 20, 30, 40 etc years ago, or even just 10 years ago.

But yeah, all in all, I love the show, I love the fashion, I love the bitchiness and I think it came at the right moment in my life. If you want to share your own opinions feel free to do so, my inbox is always open. Like I said, haven't seen it in a long time, so my memory isn't super fresh, but I think I'm due for a rewatch. <3

[mzannthropy]

I saw a Daisybilly tweet on Pinterest, and there was a comment saying they were finnick and Annie in another universe, and idk why but I just had to share that bc what? Daisybilly could never be Odesta.

Let me guess, one of Reese Witherspoon book club alumni? 🤣🤣🤣

Okay, I know it's mega deranged--my first reaction was: oh Christ Almighty *headdesk*--but when you look at it from the POV of Realm of Bad Takes on Sam Claflin, it's actually pretty standard. Your ask isn't about Sam, but I hope it's okay that I'm going to make it about Sam, bc he's the reason that person even made the comparison in the first place (as you no doubt deduced yourself, bc he plays both male halves of the ships) and why you had to see it. The biggest downside of being a Sam Claflin fan is other people's comments and opinions and their ignorance of Sam's filmography. This person probably only knows Sam for being Finnick in Hunger Games and now they saw them in DJATS (which would otherwise be fine, not everyone has to watch everything, I've not seen many actors' films either) and unfortunately has no imagination and/or very narrowminded view and so has to look for a connection between those two characters, instead of thinking of them as two different roles that happen to be played by the same actor. (Look, I know I might sound presumptuous, but what the hell am I supposed to think of someone who says a thing like that?) They also sound like someone who only looks at fiction through the lens of shipping only. It's a disservice to Sam and all four of the named characters (and quite an insult to Annie comparing her with Daisy).

I find a lot of parallels in unlikely places, I like parallels. I have a #parallels tag. I understand someone might see patterns where I can't see any, bc I see patterns in things no one else sees. But come on...

Yet there are comparisons you can make between Billy and Daisy and another pairing from Sam's filmography--not one, in fact, but two, Book of Love and Their Finest. In both we have Sam working with a woman in a creative field (novel writing and screenwriting respectively) and them falling in love. I don't lump DJATS in this bc it's a slightly different type of story and, most of all, I fucking hate the d/b ship, as you know, and I like the other two. Also, in neither of these is Sam married or in a relationship with another woman. It's the female half that has a douchy ex-partner/partner; in fact, if in DJATS Billy was unattached and Daisy was involved with guys like Nicky or those creeps from music industry, that would make it a strong parallel. But that was not the DJATS story.

So yeah, that's just what it is like with people and their takes on Sam online. Welcome to Samlandia! *pulls out a chair... actually, are you sure you want to stay, lol?

[yesmissnyx]

just something to note from your last poll… personally as a binary trans person i find it uncomfortable to be grouped with nonbinary people as opposed to cis people. because to me as a binary trans man i am a man the same way a cis man is, but not necessarily in the same way a nb man is. idk how others feel about it but to me it just feels othering, saying that we’re any different gender-wise. it would probably just be safer to have two more options, just an fyi :) also not meant to be any hate towards the nb options!! sorry if this is worded weird lol its late

Okay so. As a disclaimer, this might come off as condescending or snappish, but as a queer (vagueness intentional) in my 30s who's seen all kinds of identity discourse rise and fall since the 00s...I have a lot of feelings about orthodox terminology.

So. Forgive me if I'm being needlessly spicy.

It's going behind a cut, since this isn't the kind of energy I want on this blog, and I'm likely going to delete this later because I don't need T//er/fs and Tr//usc//um crawling around here if they find it 😤

This might be controversial, but I meant the slash as an and/or.

Because for me, and a lot of others, transness (and nonbinariness) IS inextricable from our binary gender experience.

I've known (and know) multiple people who identify as trans, nonbinary, AND male/female. (Myself included, depending on the day, weather, how the stars are aligning, etc. FYI.)

And...I think it's important to remember that something like a simple, quick-and-dirty poll like the one I ran...just plain isn't going to encompass the tapestry of how everyone experiences gender. And like? I think that's fine.

Expecting everyone (trans or cis or otherwise) to always express Gender Stuff in a way that fits OUR personal needs is, IMO, unproductive at best. And invalidating/hurtful at worst.

Not to mention, it's impossible. I'm not saying we can't try to be nice and accommodating toward others, but there is no simple set of rules that everyone has agreed on.

We can make requests and enforce our own boundaries, but the uncomfortable fact is that we all have our own needs, and those needs often compete.

Something that causes euphoria in one person is going to cause dysphoria in another. We all experience our transness differently, especially including the words we use to describe our experiences.

I certainly don't think the added "trans" in front of man/woman makes someone less of a man/woman. The same way I don't think lumping oneself in with nonbinary men/women does either.

Like...if you ID as a man/woman, you're a man/woman. If you ID as trans...you're trans. I separated out an individual NB option specifically because it excludes the male/female aspect, rather than includes it. (And that's not to say it even includes all the myriad nonbinary options out there, as well as people who don't use NB as an umbrella, etc.)

It's complicated. Intersectionality is complicated. Far more complicated than I'm qualified to get into, save for citing my own experiences and the experiences that have been shared with it.

Aaaand, that's all I'm going to say! Because this is something I can get really heated about, and I'm not about to go off in my happy feel-good horny time space any more than I already have!

[aingeal98]

Long rant post but stepping outside my fandom bubble and seeing people call stephcass sisters is always so jarring like I could be wrong but I feel like most of the people saying that haven't actually read the comics they star in and just consume fanon content where the "batfamily" is a monolith. That or they're just throwing the generic homophobic dismissal at them.

(Disclaimer that this is not me saying everyone should ship stephcass and that they hate the characters if they don't. I know a lot of cool Steph and Cass fans who don't care for the romance between them, and that's fine. People are allowed have different opinions and readings on characters and this is not a personal attack on any individual, just a late night ramble on an annoying fandom trend I've noticed.)

No one should be forced to like a ship and I understand complaints that recently they're treated as a bland duo with one personality trait each instead of the complex characters they used to be, but at the same time... Based on canon storylines so far for the past 20 years or so I genuinely can't think of a better love interest for Cass. I can't think of anyone who moved her development along more as a character outside of her actual family. And for Steph, I understand if people like Timsteph, but the feeling I got reading Batgirl-2000 compared to Tim focused stories is that the writers and the narrative respected Steph more. Even after she died. Also its like. Ridiculously easy to read most of their storylines as romantically coded. (batgirl 2000 mostly accidentally, future state deliberately like they were literally canon in that au, batgirls deliberately while also insisting that they're just besties) And even if you don't want to see it that way, saying they're sisters when a) they're not. Like canonically, they are in no way related they're just best friends who hallucinate each other and die in each others arms. And b) Cass explicitly defined Stephanie as a relationship outside of her familial bonds to Bruce, Babs, Tim, etc is just... Idk I've been in too many fandoms that hated f/f ships it gives me the ick.

Harper comes second imo in terms of best Cass romances based on what we've actually seen in comics, and recently yeah stephcass is being marketed as a duo to try and justify the lack of care towards them individually. But it just frustrates me that a decent amount of the dismissal towards them as 'batcest' or 'sisters' comes from the same place as the general dc fan attitude towards them. Which is that it's not worth it to actually get to know these characters and their stories outside of their assigned place in the batfamily fanon. It's why so many fans like to lump Steph in as another one of Bruce's kids and ignore her actual family and the complex and fraught history she has with both them and Batman. (DC does this too sometimes, but imo fanon did it first back during the Dickbats era.)

Obviously a lot of it is general stigma towards female characters and especially female friends who always get hit with the "let gals be pals" trope, but idk. I guess I'm just tired of seeing people talk about stephcass when they don't even care about them as more than side characters. If you're going to say you hate the ship because they're better off as besties at least give me some actual interesting thoughts on their dynamic beyond "Cute sisters who never fight or cause drama! We love women supporting women platonically 💜💜"

[alien-slushie]

In my opinion, this is what Ash felt towards his female companions:

Misty: Best Friend/First Crush

May: Best Friend

Dawn: Little Sister

Iris: Annoying Twin Sister

Serena: Friend

Lillie: Littler Sister

Mallow: Friend

Lana: Friend

Chloe: Friend

I don't really ship him with anyone romantically, because according to cannon hes 10(which is bs but that's another issue) and no one needs to date at age 10. If I had to choose between girls, I'd say May because I think they had good chemistry.

I do like Misty, but looking back at the original seasons I don't like how she treated him, and vise versa. I do have to admit that I think she was his first actual crush, but at the same time he was with her for an extended length of time, so he kind of had no one to compare her too.

May is my favorite Girl Character, but despite her having a crush on him early on, I don't think he felt anything romantic for her. I think he saw her as a best friend, and when her feelings faded I think she saw him as a best friend too.

Ash always had a supportive role in Dawn's life since he met her, and he kind of took her under his wing for some things. He taught her quite a bit, and was there to catch her when she fell. Like a slightly older big brother.

Iris I didn't really like because I felt she purposefully poked at Ash when she really had no reason to. Yeah she was speaking her mind, but I also think she was needlessly rude. That being said I think Iris and Ash had a annoying twin siblings relationship. They annoyed, and relied on eachother but neither one was above eachother in skills.(except now shes champion I guess so who knows)

I hate anime Serena. I love manga Serena, but anime Serena annoys me. However this is not a Serena rant. I don't think Ash ever saw her more as a friend. I think Serena held herself back a lot to try and look good in front of Ash, but in turn that made Ash not really able to see the real her, and put up a slight wall between them, so all he saw her as was a friend.

I'm lumping Lillie, Mallow, Lana, and Chloe into one section. I haven't seen much of Sun and Moon or Journeys(mostly because the art style throws me off), but from what I have seen Mallow, Lana, and Chloe are simply friends to him, and Lillie is his littlest sister, seeing as he seems to teach, and help her a lot from that I have seen of Sun and Moon.

All this being said, here are the Ketchum siblings Oldest to Youngest: Ash & Iris, Clemont, Dawn, Lillie, Max, Bonnie, and Lei. And I will go down with that mentality when when the Neather from Minecraft freezes over.

Idk what the point of this was, I was just feeling ranty I guess. Anyway these are my personal opinions, oppose if you want, but don't be rude about it.

[maplecornia]

chapter 15

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.04K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: these next few chapters i really like, they're a LOT of connection time between tae and yen. plus idk why but since a majority of this chapter happens in the rain it just makes it ten times SPOICIER

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear |@mangminnie | @pixiekooo

They leave you behind.

As you watch them go, you can't help but be reminded of that which you have lost. The sight of their hand linked together shocks you with a pain deep in your heart. Ignoring the lump turning in your throat, you bat away your memories, and try to rise and wave goodbye.

Keyword….TRIED.

“Oh, no you don't,” Taehyung says as he pushes on your shoulders, sitting you back down.

You plump down on the wall, tilting your head up to glare at him. He meets it with a look of his own, before slowly bringing the ice up to his face, and grinning almost manically. You roll your eyes, leaning back, and he chuckles, positioning himself on the ground with the ice.

“So, what were you telling those kids anyway?”

You sigh, taking out your sketchbook once more as he tries his hardest to open the bag. You only need one pencil at the moment to finish the drawing, so as you bring it out, you smother your smile at his struggle, resisting the urge to mutter karma underneath your breath.

“Nothing much….just a story they asked me to tell.” You explain, not wanting to draw attention to your drawing or have him looking at it any closer than he has to. There’s something about him looking into it, about him seeing what you can see that scares you.

“Are you okay?” His voice breaks you out of your thoughts and you blink, looking up at him, and finding his eyes mere inches from yours. His hand rests on your knee as he pushes himself up to meet your gaze, his long dark eyelashes fluttering as he blinks. As you slowly nod, he pulls away, chuckling. “For a moment there, I thought I lost you. Where did you go?”

“Nowhere. I was just...spacing out I guess.” You say, shrugging it off, and resuming your preparation. You twirl your pencil in your hand, smirking as Tae finally opens the bag, the contents inside spraying out in an explosion. He lets out a surprised splutter, and you release a small laugh before turning away and starting your lazy task of filling in the last minute details of your work.

He brings some of the ice out of the massive bag and places it inside one of the many plastic Ziploc bags he had hidden in his backpack. Why he has Ziploc bags in there, you don't know, but who are you to judge when you have “emergency towels” in yours? Once he closes the bag, he turns to your foot, which you have delicately placed over your right leg to rest it. He reaches for it, but hesitates, looking up at you.

“Ummm...may I? That is to say, is it okay if I….ummm…” he asks a bit uncomfortably, and you raise your eyebrow at him over your sketchbook, smirking a bit just to tease him. He doesn't move, his hand held in an awkward hovering position over your foot, and you try to resist the urge to laugh at the uncomfortable look on his face.

“I suppose. That is if you don't mind the stink.” You remark, and he wrinkles his nose at you. You chuckle as he turns away, preparing to pull off your shoe.

He zips down your wedge and pulls it off of your foot, gently. Almost as if you were Cinderella. As he pulls off your shoe, setting it beside the rest of the ice, he makes a big show of how “stinky” it is, pinching his nose. You laugh, hitting him on his arm, and he laughs too, flinching away.

“I’m just joking! I'm just joking!!!” he cries, laughing before you end your attacks, giving him the stink eye. It's pretty futile, considering you can't stop the grin from spreading on your face.

As he works, examining your leg, his hands explore the space between your calf and your foot. With a soft touch, they tenderly search for any sign of swelling, anything that might indicate a trip to a hospital, or something worse than a mere bruise.

As they touch the space between your tights and your foot, where the material breaks and his soft fingers brush over your bare skin, a shudder passes through you. Your heart accelerates, and you can feel it as your face flushes beet red. Immediately, you hide behind your sketchbook, clenching your eyes tightly shut. You try to tell yourself to ignore it, that they are just fingers, just the touch of someone who's trying to help you out.

However, the fact that they are his fingers, the fact that it is his touch, refuses to be ignored. Finding your breath has come short, you glance at him, hoping that he hasn't noticed. Thankfully, at the moment, he is too distracted by his inspection.

Eyebrows furrowing in concentration, he decides to pull off your sock to get a better look, this time not even asking your permission. As he does, you hiss in pain, his fingers passing over a tender spot on your ankle. He immediately stops moving his hands, flinching off you as he looks up.

“Did I hurt you?” he asks softly and you shake your head, pulling back a bit and swallowing hard. Now you're worried, you didn't think it would be this bad.

“Can I…?” he inquires, gesturing back to your leg, where his hand rests carefully underneath your ankle. You nod mutely, swallowing hard, as you set your drawing aside and position yourself securely on the bench. You brace yourself for the next time he touches you, pulling the sock completely off and setting it inside your wedge beside him.

This time when you feel the sting of pain, you merely wince, sucking in a small intake of breath. He looks up at you, as though asking if you're okay, and you shake him away. He nods before inspecting your ankle. As he angles your foot to the side, your eyes widen at the sight of your ankle.

Curse that damn suitcase.

When you fell, you felt your ankle twist beneath you because of the suitcase behind you, but you didn't imagine it would have this much of an impact.

The entirety of your outside ankle is discolored, a mixture of blues, purples, and dark greens to show you that it is a bruise. It's begun to swell, turning into an ugly injury, one that you can't possibly walk on. When you tried to walk earlier, you only made it worse, making it swell and discolor; hardly giving it any time to heal. Your tight shoe put only more pressure on it, which didn't help matters.

“Taehyung….”

“I told you.” His voice is soft, but you can hear the frustration behind it. The anger which makes his words sting, which makes you wince. As he looks up at you, you can see the irritation clear on his face. Accusing you, forcing you to admit that you were wrong.

“Why didn't you listen to me? Now….” he breaks off, shaking his head as he swallows hard and picks up the Ziploc bag of ice. You stay silent, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to apologize for your pride.

Taehyung carefully wraps your leg in the ice, bringing out the athletic tape he keeps in his backpack. Truth be told, he had almost forgotten that he had it with him. He silently thanks Jungkook for convincing him to carry athletic tape with him. Who knew that he would have to use it to treat an injury that a stupid girl refused to treat herself?

Watching you do this to yourself...

It's almost as though he were watching Jungkook tire himself out to reach perfection.

As though he were watching Jimin starve himself, or work himself to exhaustion because he never believes himself to be enough.

As though he were witnessing JHope sacrifice his happiness just so that everyone else can be happy.

As though he were watching Namjoon and Suga work so tirelessly to produce their music, just to make it as perfect as they believe it should be. Sometimes sleeping at the studio, or staying awake through the night.

It’s even worse when he sees Jin in you.

When he sees how you give everything up. How you give yourself up just because you’re trying to hold everyone else together. Just because you’re trying to hold yourself together. Just so that you won’t break. You feel as though your pain is nothing, as though you are nothing compared to everyone else and that to fix yourself, you have to save others.

Tae sees that in Jin every day.

All because he wants their happiness over his.

Tae hates that.

It's almost as if, watching you, he were watching his friends waste away just so that they can succeed in a life that won't last forever.

It angers him, that he can't protect them from a pain that isn't so easily cured.

Now...he's feeling the same anger towards you.

You regard Taehyung with wary eyes, watch as he secures the Ziploc bag around your ankle with athletic tape. Something he had randomly in the simple black backpack which rests on his shoulders. He has to make at least two more bags of ice before your entire ankle is covered, the ice offering a sweet relief from the pain you were experiencing before.

You have to refrain from letting out a deep sigh of relief as it immediately begins to erase the pain, but you manage, biting your bottom lip softly. He nods in satisfaction as he finishes, letting your leg rest gently back on the ground. As he finishes, his eyes rise to yours.

“I'm sorry.” You whisper, and he looks away, as though reminded of why he was mad at you. His hands release your leg and he gathers all the materials he used to help you out, starting to put them away. You continue, trying to explain yourself, as though that will somehow make things better. “I guess I didn't want to trouble you, I didn't mean--”

“Why?” His question is soft, but immediately cuts you off.

“What do you mean?” you ask him, as he puts away his supplies and scoffs.

“Why was it such a problem?” he asks as he raises his eyes to yours. Despite the hat, you can see how his eyes pierce into yours. How they tear down every wall you have ever built and shock you deep into your core. When you don't answer him, he continues, tying the large bag of ice once more, and leaning it against the park bench.

“Why did it matter if I wanted to help you? It was my choice, my issue. So why did you try so hard to walk away?” as he picks up your shoe and offers it to you, he rises as well, holding it to you. Slowly, you take it, placing it on top of your satchel. There’s no way you're going to fit that around your ankle now.

You sigh before answering, almost unsure of what to say.

How to answer.

You’ve always been like this. Never accepting help, wanting to do things on your own….it's just how you are. It wouldn't change just because you meet someone slightly more famous than everyone else out there, that's just not how it works.

At least, not for you.

“I didn't feel like I should burden you.” You murmur.

As you say the words, he can't help but stare at you, all of his frustration fading away. He can't help but feel surprised at the answer.

“You're not a burden,” he says softly, drawing your eyes to meet him. He smiles kindly at you. “I wasn't obligated to help you, I wanted to. So don't worry, you aren't a burden.”

Lost in the moment, neither one of you looks away.

So lost in him, you almost don't hear the thunder before the first lightning bolt strikes the sky.

You both break away at the sound, staring up at the sky.

The rain starts as a mere trickle of sprinkles but soon grows into a roar of harsh, pounding droplets of tears from the sky within a few seconds. You flinch away from it, immediately dropping your head and shielding your eyes from the rain. Taehyung does the same, flipping up his hoodie over his hat, as though he needed more protection.

People are running from the rain, heading for cover. There are shrieks everywhere as the downpour begins, and surprised bystanders try their best to hide from it.

You take it all in with wide, dazed eyes, but honestly, you can’t feel anything.

Maybe you should be panicking, maybe you should start moving, trying to find some kind of shelter, but you just sit there. Your eyes glazing over, the rain around you reflecting your hopelessness, your despair, your pain. It all combines into a cold numbing feeling that resounds through your body, makes you go still, makes you retreat into the flaming chaos of your mind.

Taehyung starts saying something as he turns from you, surveying the rest of the crowd.

You try to hear him, you do, but as your eyes wander over to the bench beside you, they are lost, in the roar that starts to grow in your ears. Your heart immediately drops to your stomach in disappointment and panic, as you see it.

Your sketchbook, open and bare, on the bench next to you.

It lies there, vulnerable, as the raindrops desperately soak up the page.

Frantically, you snatch your sketchbook off from the bench beside you.

Biting your bottom lip, you hide it in your massive coat which still hangs around your shoulders, trying your hardest to dry it off in frantic fear. You try to ignore the lump turning in your throat, try to ignore the burning behind your eyes.

Was it all for nothing?

You swallow hard, holding your sketchbook safe to your chest, your coat protecting you so far from the rain which has fallen. You would have stayed there through the whole storm, wallowing in self-pity, if not for Taehyung.

As the rain pelts down, the storm growing fiercer by the minute, he literally has to take you by the arm, and shake you before you awake and finally register what he's saying.

“Did you hear me?!” he shouts, his hand tight and cold around yours. It's drenched, and his hat is dripping as he leans in front of you, shouting words you barely register. It's only then that you hear the deafening roar of the storm, the faint screams, and shrieks around you, and his panicked voice. It’s only then that you feel the cold, the water running off of your body, the shivers coursing throughout. It’s only then that you awake from the thoughts consuming your mind.

Looking up at him, you allow yourself to be a bit amazed.

He woke you up.

“Come on! We have to go!” He shouts as he tries to pull you up. His slick grip tightens around your hand, as his urgency grows. Pulling on your arm, he tries to drag you along with him as he walks away, but you stop him.

You tug back, your hand slipping out of his. Pausing, he turns to you, confused. Raising your eyebrow, you mutely gesture down to your ankle, at the melting ice pack and makeshift compress he made for you.

His eyes darken with understanding as he moves back beside you.

Placing your arms around yourself and holding yourself in a tight embrace, you shiver in silence. You have gotten used to the rhythm of the droplets which fall on your head, drenching you from head to toe, and plastering your hair to your face and the back of your neck. They uncomfortably roll down your skin leaving behind small paths of rivers on your skin as though branding you with its mark.

You carefully slide your sketchbook into your satchel, closing it up tightly along with the rest of your art supplies. You stare at it, swallowing hard as you try to ignore the tears which threaten to spill on your already wet face. The trees' dense leaves have succumbed to the weight of the rain, and no longer offer much shelter for you, but as of this moment, you could care less. Smiling slightly, you bow your head, already resigned to waiting here through the rain.

As you clutch your coat tighter around your body, it takes you a moment, but soon you realize that the steady drum of the rain is no longer playing on your head.

Confused, you lift your bowed head and find Taehyung before you.

He stares down at you, those hazelnut eyes regarding you with guarded pain. Inches away from you, his hands are extended so that they rest on the tree trunk directly behind you. You share the same breath, the same heat, the same protection. He has provided a haven, a place where you can be safe from the storm around the two of you.

You meet his steady gaze with one of your own, a bit surprised.

“We have to go.” He whispers, his lips looking more glossy than ever amidst the humidity and the rain dripping off of his face. You swallow hard, forcing your eyes away from them and meeting his eyes, desperately trying to ignore how the rainwater has made his face shine in a very distracting way.

“I know that you can't exactly walk right now, but I’ll carry you.” He offers, pushing himself off of the tree trunk, and holding his hand out to you. You don't take his hand right away, regarding him with wary eyes. Tae grows impatient and bites his bottom lip with anticipation as the wind starts to blow harder, the storm growing worse by the minute.

“What are you waiting for?!” he shouts over the deafening gusts.

You hope your hesitation isn't too obvious, but Taehyung notices.

Of course, he notices.

If Jungkook were here, would things be different? Would you trust him to take you to safety?

He’s always felt as though he weren't good enough. Not for ARMY, not for his hyungs, not for his family, and now…

Not for you.

“What about your backpack?!” You call out to him from your perch on the bench, trying to distract from the real reason and bring up a new problem. A bit confused, he looks at his back as though he had forgotten it was there. He ponders the question for a moment before shrugging it off his shoulders and holding it out to you.

“You could carry it instead!” He responds, and you slowly take it, securing it around your shoulders. When you're finished, he looks at you expectantly. “Are you ready?!”

“Are you sure?! Wouldn't it be better to wait for the bus to come back?!” You cry out over the start of the storm. Taehyung, drenched already from standing in the rain for too long, rolls his eyes almost before taking you forcibly by the hands and lifting you off the bench.

Not expecting the action, you jump to your feet. Your foot failing you once again, you fall into his waiting arms, your hands resting securely on his chest. Shaking your head slightly, you raise your eyes to his and falter. The fact that he’s so close to you, that he’s holding you, causes your heart to soar with unimaginable emotion so much so that it's near impossible to pull away. His arms are secure around your waist, hands pressing against your back as you lean on him.

His eyes stare profusely into your own as you gaze at him, searching his deep pools of color. You're able to see the tiny raindrops which have caught onto his thick eyelashes, the smooth angle of his cheekbone, the defined muscle of his jawline.

You're lucky your hands are clinging to his chest because if they weren't, you might've gotten too close for comfort.

On the other hand...perhaps you're already too close.

You avoid his eyes, biting your lip furiously, as you command yourself to hold back. Now is not the time or place for your imagination to run wild.

His hands respond to your touch, wrapping themselves around yours as though instructing you to keep them securely on his chest. As though refusing to let you fall.

Breathing heavily, you look up at him at the touch, your wide, hesitant eyes searching his.

“Trust me.” He says, close enough now that he doesn't have to shout, recreating a space for the two of you to exist in. “I promise you won't fall, so trust me, please.”

When he looks at you that way, beautiful hazelnut eyes staring deep into your soul, it's hard for you to say no. You nod, mutely, and he smiles. After a moment, he slowly releases his hold on your waist, wrapping his hand around yours and directing it to rest on his back as he kneels on the wet, dirty concrete sidewalk, his back broadening as his muscles stretch to fit the position. Gathering your emotions, you hesitate, wondering if this is a wise idea, but Taehyung cuts through your thoughts.

“Just hop on! Act like it's a piggyback ride!” he instructs from the ground, causing you to smirk before you raise your coat over your head and prepare to climb on.

“Isn't that exactly what it is?!” you bring to his attention.

He smirks, unable to prevent the soft laugh from escaping his body. Letting out a soft sigh, you prepare to board him, as though he were a train, analyzing the best way to get on. You secure your injured foot first, and he wraps his firm arm around it, making sure that it's safe from the rain. Your other foot comes next, and you wrap it carefully around his waist, in the little bent position like most piggyback rides. With the other leg, you pull your entire body weight on him, wrapping your hands around his chest, right where his collarbone meets his pectorals.

As your entire body rests on him now, he is acutely aware of it. He tries his hardest not to blush, reminding himself that this was his idea, that he was the one who pushed for this. He tries to ignore the fact that when your hand accidentally slides up a bit and grazes his throat, he can't help the shudder that passes through his body as he immediately looks to the floor. He swallows hard, his eyes burning a hole in the ground as you pull your coat over the both of you, offering a sort of canopy or umbrella against the rain.

Once you've finished, you position yourself so that you're secure on his back, your face resting in the crook between his neck and shoulder. An action which he certainly feels as his heart seems to drop to the bottom of his chest at a million miles an hour. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself before turning to face you as best as he can. You pull back your face a bit as well so that you can get a clearer view.

“You ready?” he asks you, half teasing, an inquiry which makes you smile.

“Are you?” you ask in turn, and he looks away, laughing a bit before rising to his feet with surprising swiftness. You almost fall with how fast he stands, and you have to scramble to secure your hold around his neck. He laughs hysterically at your reaction, and you have to fight to keep your smile at bay before you smack him on his shoulder. You can feel him laugh beneath you. It's a warm sound, something that resounds throughout his entire body.

“Don't do that!” You demand, pouting almost before his laughter subsides. He glances at you once more over his shoulder, smirking at your pouty expression.

“I thought you said you were ready.” He challenges, raising his eyebrow, and you roll your eyes at him, lifting your head off of his shoulder.

“Correction. I said, ‘are you?’ Technically I never answered your question.” You retort and he chuckles, nodding as he turns his head to the road before the both of you.

“Is that so?” he asks and you nod. Finding it more comfortable to rest your head on his shoulder, you lean forward, your hands sliding down his chest with the movement. He falters at the touch and tries to drown out the incessant pounding of his heart with his voice. A futile effort, but an understandable one.

“Well, now's the time. Here, I'll ask again.” You roll your eyes at his condescending tone.

“Are you ready now?”

You wait a bit before answering his question, if only just to get on his nerves a bit. Overdramatically, you raise your hand to your chin, pondering the question and making a sort of humming sound as though you're thinking hard about it. He notices the sarcastic notion and scoffs. You pause for too long, however, and he grows tired of waiting.

After a moment, he raises his eyes to the warm canopy of your coat that you have offered, and pretends to drop you once more. Leaving you to cling to his neck frantically and him dying in a fit of laughter. You hit his head in retaliation this time, and he ducks, unable to stop his laughter. You can't help but laugh as well. When you gain your composure, you raise yourself a bit, by placing your hands on his slick head and pointing forward.

“Onward!” you cry. Taehyung chuckles to himself from underneath you, trying his hardest to gain his composure but failing miserably. “Go to Narnia!”

When you tap his head slightly as though they were the reins of a horse, his laughter fades and he smirks at you over his shoulder. At that look, you automatically wish you hadn’t said anything at all.

“Oh no.” You groan before he turns back to the road, and breaks off into a run down the street. You let out a startled laugh, barely managing to secure your hold around his neck before he’s speeding off into the distance. As he runs, you cling onto him for dear life, smiling with content as you rest against the crook between his neck and his shoulder.

A small space, yet you fit perfectly.

As though it were made just for you.

You hold tighter to him, and close your eyes, trying to convince yourself that this isn't a dream; that this is all real. That you are this close to Taehyung and it's not just something you made up in your mind.

You try so very hard, but when you open your eyes when you see his grin…

You are shocked all over again.

Once more, you find it hard to believe.

In an impossible situation, is it okay to believe that it's not all in your head?

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: so when i was reviewing them, i was like omg, i did NOT realize how many intimate scenes i put in there so ;-;

chapter 16 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

[personuhh]

i think.... the reason i'm not a huge fan of kan///nao is because like.... you can't really just have one character without the other, i guess. i find the same thing happens with sou///yo but definitely to a lesser extent (because yu is mostly silent and yosuke is such a standout character on his own). with kanji and naoto it honestly feels like they get lumped together by fandom and kanji gets reduced to the Big Buff Blushy Baby (tm) while naoto is just. a doll for him to fawn over. Idk. It's a lot more rare for me to find kan///nao i really like. naoto's personality is pretty.... muted, and personally i don't really see kanji's crush being reciprocated on naoto's part at all; they're pretty upfront about not wanting a relationship (the spinoffs ovbiously push the idea of shipping them but the OG game there isn't really anything there at all). IM RAMBLING NOW but yeah fuckin. i dunno. i really hate when shipping ends up taking away a "female" character's agency (what NAOTO wants) just because the other half happens to have a crush. they can be cute if its done right, but it kinda.... squicks me honestly. i see way too much of it just being accepted as canon because kanji is showing attraction when naoto's opinion matters too lmao

[i-write-sometimes-blog]

Cold Eyes (Dark Rey x Reader) [Part 12]

Summary: After Rey opened up with you she is still conflicted with your words and you discover an even softer yet passionate side of her.

Words: 3, 250

Warning: slight smut, not descriptive. And not really good to be honest. awful to be honest

A/N: why did this take me so long? And why is it easier to write smut without fearing screwing the plot? Idk but enjoy. Please pretend you didn't know this was coming.

No nightmares. For the first time in a very long time there were no terrifying images hunting you in your sleep, no painful screams rumbling in your ears, no the dreadful pain that came after. The nightmares were gone, all thanked to the woman who originally caused and starred them. Instead of hurt you like it always happened in your dreams she held your body in a delicate and protective way that allowed you to have some rest, real rest in months.

But now her warmth was gone, leaving you alone under the cold sheets. Half asleep you searched for her on the other side of the bed finding only the memories of the previous night. It was still hard to believe she was there talking with you just like the old times and it made a warm sensation filled your body.

“I see you’re already awake.” you heard Rey said while you were finishing getting ready for a new day in Mustafar. She was on the doorway with a soft smile on her lips.

“Sorry, I know we had training this morning” you told her “Won’t happen again.”

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry” she said “I had some… work to do anyways.” she said as her eyes darted at her hands, you didn't need to ask what she was talking about you knew what she did. “I have a tactical meeting, can you come with me?” she asked.

“I’m not sure your generals want me there.” you said to her “Specially Hux.”

“I don’t care if they don’t want you, I want you. And you’re my apprentice, therefore they should respect you as much as me.” she told you and you smiled for a moment “I’m going to make sure they understand that. Now, come on.” she told you offering you a hand and after a brief moment you took it.

"Okay" you murmured.

How strange was it to hold her hand as you walked through the dark hallways of the fortress. It seemed so childish in this time of war, and yet it was a really simple action that denoted such affection, you liked it.

Eventually you made it to the meeting room where at least a dozen of generals and commanders waited patiently for their leader, some of them shivered in fear when they saw her stepping into the room. She let go of you to take her place in the head of the table but pointed one of the chairs for you to use.

“Shall we begin?” she said rather serious, a woman stood on her feet and activated the hologram table that revealed a system, some planets had the First Order’s on them, their conquest probably.

Across the table you felt an intense glance laying on you. General Hux stayed focused on you, watching your every move, his green stare letting you know how much he distrusted you. When he noticed your the killer stare you gave him back he grinned at you before he turned his attention back to the matters the meeting was discussing.

****

It was already night when you headed to your room, hoping to have a rest after the long and tedious day, already wondering if Rey would come this time just like she did the day before but probably not, you haven’t seen her after the meeting, she was out on a mission or so she told you moments before you saw her disappearing into a dark ship.

As you approached to your room you noticed a couple of stormtroopers waiting for you outside the door. They rose their weapons as a greeting, the same way they greet a general or even the Supreme Leader herself when they saw you. One of them spoke before you could asked them something.

“Supreme Leader asked us to take you to your new quarters, Miss.” the female voice under the helmet. It was still very strange for you to be treated as a superior, specially by the troopers that you used to fight.

“Why’s that?” you asked perplexed.

“We don’t know, Miss. Just following orders.” the other trooper, a voice that sound rather like a teenage boy told you.

“Lead the way.” you said to him and both of them started to march guiding you to your new room, why? You expected a cell, you’ve been in one before and you stayed there for a quite amount of time but there was a reason way. Now, now was different, you didn't know why would she wanted to change your room or where. This was nothing compared with what you expected as the troopers stopped in front of Rey’s personal chambers.

The soldiers gave you a small bow with their heads before leaving you in front of the big heavy metal hatch that opened slowly before you.

“Y/N” you heard Rey inside the room “Come in, please.” she said and you stepped inside. The room was incredibly big and yet so empty, a big bed was pretty much what was there. Rey was watching outside a big window that revealed the dangerous landscape of the planet.

“You’re back.” you said.

“Easy target,“ she told you “didn’t like the planet, a desert.” you nodded understanding why she came back so soon but didn’t realized how much of an effect it had on her until now. She was quiet, distant, lost on her thoughts as she kept staring at the big window. Rey looked at your for a moment, you were still standing close to the door that closed immediately after you were inside.

“Your room was so small” she told you changing the subject, answering a question that never left your lips. “I thought you’d be better here, with me.” she said returning her sight to the window, she looked beyond affected by this mission.

“Thanks” you said and she nodded slowly, her eyes never meeting yours, you felt the need to make sure everything was right with her even if she was the big bad woman you still hated to see her upset. “Something’s bothering you, Rey. What is it?” you asked softly. You noticed her jaw clenching as she swallowed uneasily.

"I've been thinking" she said looking at the vast darkness in front of her, the red of the lava seemed to trace deadly figures on the ground. "in what you said. I can't stop thinking about those questions, I don't know why, they just keep repeating I'm my head" she told you.

"What do you mean?" You asked confused, many things had happened recently and so quickly.

"A few days ago, you asked me if I regret my actions. Never really answered you."

You remembered the fight that day after the training, you asked her if she felt any remorse of what she had done, that time seemed to be a very long time ago in way different circumstances.

"I do" she continued "I regret a lot of it, but there was not other way."

"There's always another way, Rey" you murmured glancing at her.

She gave you a humorless laugh and then she looked outside the big window again. "You know what's funny? I never considered Jakku my home, it was just sand everywhere and bad people doing whatever it took to survive another day… and maybe it's what I regret the most."

You observed her, the way she was struggling with her words and she kept admiring the dark sky full of stars.

"It was a horrible place, but it was the only home I ever knew" she said, you caught a single tear running down her face that she rushed to clean away. "Sometimes I watch at the sky and imagine it's still there but I know it's not" she gulped trying to contain the lump in her throat "I destroyed it" she looked at you then as a new tear watered her cheek "and I destroyed yours too, Y/N"

Quietly you moved next to her, you felt her eyes laying on you as you were standing next to her. You glanced outside for a moment, to the sky and the void where you supposed your home planet used to be and sighed.

“Feels so strange to watch at the stars knowing it’s no longer there.” you told her as you keep staring at the emptiness of the space.

“Did you had family there?” she asked doubting a bit though she already knew the answer. You gave her a tiny nod and swallowed hard before you rose your voice again.

“My father was a mechanic, he taught me everything I know” you spoke as slowly and calm as your body allowed you. “And mom was a pilot, one of the best I’ve ever know” you told her trying to remember their faces, but you had left them a very long time ago and the memories were blurred.

“And I killed them.” Rey said as she silently cried, her voice was serious and yet there was pain in her too as if every one of your words felt like a dagger on her chest. You had the only thing she ever wished for and she took it away from you. A family. “You have all the rights to hate me after everything I’ve taken from you, I understand it now, Y/N” she told you.

“I don’t hate you” you told her, Rey turned her head in surprise but it was you who was more surprised by your own words. She gave you a bittersweet look.

“I’m in a war with your friends, who used to be mine too.” she added “I held you as a prisoner and I killed not only your family but the whole planet” she said as the tears pooled on her eyes “Why wouldn’t you hate me?”

That was a big question, one you haven’t really ask yourself until this moment. You didn’t need her to remind you the terrible things she had done, you’d probably never forget them and still you didn’t hate her, you couldn’t, not even after all you’ve been through, you were still seeing her as the girl who stole your heart a long time ago in a planet very different from this.

You couldn’t deny the dreadful things her actions caused, not even tried to justify them or thought on forget them, you knew sometimes she looked like a whole different person rather like a monster but deep down she was the same scared girl from Jakku and right now she was next to you sobbing slightly.

“I thought it was clear.” you looked back at this journey and it wasn’t nor an easy one nor short either, felt like years had passed and not even that could erase the feelings for her that were buried deep inside you, covered by the fear and the pain. “You mean so much to me, Rey.” you confessed “I’m in love with you, since the first day you came into my life.” the words left your mouth with honesty and yet your were surprised to admitted it, the first time you confessed your feeling for her was in this same fortress a long time ago.

“The Rey you fell in love is gone, Y/N.” she told you. Carefully you cupped the side of her face, softly cleaning the tears off her face with your thumb.

“No, she is still here and I’m looking at her right now.” you murmured as her hazel eyes admired you for a moment, filled with a mix of emotions that made your heartbeat race a little. Hesitating you leaned closer to her, lips closer to hers for a few seconds before capturing her lips carefully, you kissed her sweetly almost shyly for a moment.

Then you broke away just enough to see her reaction, she kept her eyes closed enjoying the ghost of your lips on hers. When she opened them again you saw astonishment over them as well as tenderness and even for a moment you thought it was love what made her eyes shimmer softly.

She couldn't find proper words to express how much your action meant to her, what it made her feel. She didn't know who to trust in a world of liars and yet your kiss felt real, authentic.

She leaned to brush your lips again, long and delicately while her arms slowly wrapped around your waist pulling you close to her body making you smile between kisses, you enjoyed her closeness, her warmth against your body. A warm shiver ran down your spine when her lips traveled to your jaw and then to you neck, leaving subtle kisses there as well that made you softly gasp.

“Rey” you softly whimpered as she found that sweet spot in the side of her neck and you could feel her smirking against your skin, delighted with the way her name sounded in your lips. But still she stopped her work on you for a moment, a bit of shyness in her voice.

"Sorry" she said "we can just leave this here, if you want"

"No" you mumbled with a smile "I want this." You assured her and gently guided her lips back to your own kissing them passionately as every cell of your body started to urge to meet more of this woman.

You felt your body warming up with every move of her lips on your skin, feeling the need in you growing with each passing moment that seemed like a dream for you.

Kisses became deeper, faster, filled with desire. The gently touches became more intense, eagerly pulling each other’s bodies close until you couldn’t resist more the growing need inside you and the heat between your thighs, a longing to meet her skin, never really realize how touch starved you both were until this moment. You wanted her and you wanted her now. You guided her towards the big bed on the other side of the room, and she seemed so surprised with the unspoken invitation you gave her.

“Are you sure?” she murmured inches away from your lips.

“More than sure.” you told her and a big lustful grin curved her lips and suddenly she didn't seemed shy anymore but way more passionate.

"As you wish, then" she said, a big smirk on her face as her hands roamed gently over your body, tracing figures as they traveled down your back fastly working on your clothes and moments later they laid messily across the floor.

You wanted to help her out, take her out of the long dress she that covered her body, clumsy hands wandered over her back searching for a way to free her body. Rey gave you a small laugh, you were sure she enjoyed the way you were looking so desperately for her.

The moment later the black dress fell to the ground gracefully pooling around her feet leaving her vulnerable and defenseless in front of you, you admired her slim figure covered only by a few pieces of cloth that you were already yearning to take off too.

She crawled on top of your and she gave you a glance full of love before her eyes scanned your exposed body her features filled with desire as she that only made your cheeks flushed red

“You're beautiful, Y/N” she murmured staring down at you before she captured your lips once again hungrily making small whimpers leave your lips.

“And so you are.” you mumbled between kissed,

“But I’m going to make you feel way more beautiful” she told you with a smirk darkened with lust she started to make her way down you body taking her time to leave little pink marks all over your body, from your neck to your breast where she sucked gently and careful on them making you gasp and moan before she keep her way to the middle of your body.

Her hot breath in the lower of your abs made you shiver as her hand went teasingly over your heated core massaging in circles carefully torturing. She stared at you as with such intensity that ignited every hidden passion in you as your chest rose and fell each time faster.

“Rey!” you breathed out as your hips bucked up urging for her touch.

Skilled fingers moved gently in you already heated core as she traced delicate figures in an intoxicating rhythm that poisoned your body with a new wave of pleasure with each stroke and every caress and eventually turned you into a whining mess. She kept you steady into the mattress, hearts thundering, breathe quickening a your combined moans and groans filled the big room completely with the sounds of the lover’s ballad.

A few weeks, even a few days ago the simple idea of this would have seen rather crazy for you, blinded for your pain and fear you wanted to be as far from this woman as possible but now you yearned to feel her closer. Now things had changed, after she opened up with you you couldn’t see her as an enemy but as the woman you once fell in love with. This girl who were taking you closer and closer to your high. Having her between your thighs was the most beautiful image you’ve ever seen and it pleased your senses more than you've ever felt before.

Your high took the breath from your lungs, you could hear yourself calling out her name as your fingers grasp into her hair as the waves of pleasures spreaded all over your body in an euphoric moment.

Slowly she kissed her way up your still shaking body taking care of the sensitive spots on your thighs, your belly and your neck until she finally met your lips again and let you taste yourself before she smiled down at you, with her messy hair and panting on top of you as she admired you with such tenderness in her eyes that made you fall once again for her.

****

Calmed down and with your heartbeat and breath finally coming back down to normal, you laid just a little later huddled up to Rey’s side beneath the dark blankets, you looked at her with a content smile as you softly ran your hand through her soft hair.

"Y/N" she muttered.

"Mm?" You hummed.

"I know this isn't enough and it may mean nothing but… I'm sorry, really" she said looking uneasily at you.

"About…"

"Everything" she cut you off "all the terrible things I've done to you, I'm sorry." She murmured.

She was right, apologizing wouldn't solve anything, nor bring back all those people back to life. The things she did you knew you could never forget or at least it would take time. But it was a start.

You gave her a tiny nod accepting her words.

"The other day in the battlefield I made you a promise, Y/N" she muttered laying a hand on your cheek.

"Yeah, I remember" you told her and you did remember the day she saved you from those troopers.

"I mean it" she said caressing your face "I won't let anyone hurt you again." She told you sincerely. For a moment you just stared at her as a warm sensation grew in your chest. You closed the distance between you to pull her into a sweet delicate kiss before you shifted a little closer to her feeling how your tired body started to melt in her arms and soon you were asleep.

Tagging: @cpt-bolter , @elvencantation , @jay-birf03 , @x-a-gay-disaster-x , @redleysjazz , @hstoria , @iamafangirl-fightme , @leilei-draws , @hayley-the-comet , @snoot-snoot-toot , @1-800-depressedlesbian , @empresspalpatinee , @xgaygremlinx

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Looks like they dead name Sah in this Saturday's Casualty and and turn Sah into someone into someone who's violent to patients (from the preview clip).

Yeah, I've seen.

I honestly don't mind the violence towards the patient. It's someone who's been a dick to them and bullying them since they were at school. I think the context makes it fine (...I mean, unprofessional, but "fine" as in "not problematic writing"). If it were a transfem/trans woman character then I'd call it an issue but transmasc people (IDK if Sah identifies as transmasc but their actor does) don't really have that stereotype in that sort of way. So to me this is just giving a trans character flaws - something any good character should have (I'm sure my followers know that I hated Louis McGerry because he was so goddamn perfect).

I absolutely hate that they're going to get deadnamed though. Can we not have ONE fucking trans character in media whose deadname isn't revealed eventually? Whose storylines don't revolve around "look how hard it is to be trans"? I'd also complain that Sah just shortening their deadname is too stereotypical but then, like, I also just shortened my deadname so maybe I don't have a right to complain about this haha.

Also, one fear: the Casualty fandom starting to lump Sah into discussions about female characters because “but they were assigned female!!”, calling them “an AFAB” or “female socialised”, or doing other transphobic shit like that. This is exactly why I didn’t want the show to reveal Sah’s assigned gender. Goddammit.