#idk. i fit a niche area of the fandom lol

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapped" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao

#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend

#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)

[danieyells]

Me, going into the obey me tag and reblogging stuff from out of there because i feel like my dash and blog has insufficient obey me content?

Yes.

[snellyfish]

oh good lord--

To preface, it’s impossible to keep this as short as possible while still getting my point across clear enough, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the Danganronpa fandom it’s that people love misinterpreting the Hell out of each other. This is not meant to be the public’s issue, I wanted to keep this quiet because it literally does not concern anyone else in the slightest, but I’ve been hearing more and more instances for the past few months of me being repeatedly slandered and shit-talked in both servers AND in public posts (vague or not), and my refusal to feed into the terminally online community’s craving for niche fandom discourse is not helping my case, since no one’s getting a chance to hear my side. But my desire to keep personal issues personal does not equal blind racism. Lol.

To put this into context for anyone who’s unaware:

AS FAR AS I’M AWARE-- The only claim of racism towards me is about me feeding into Angie’s islander stereotype in the content I have made about her in the past. Which I understand, I see, I’ve heard people with islander ancestry’s take on it and I hear them, I’ve heard both sides from islanders and I don’t know what to think in the end. It’s a much greyer area than one white internet activist would think.

Ultimately, Angie is not a character I want to make in-depth content for anymore, (been that way for a while, honestly, dunno how obvious that’s been) I don’t know how to properly handle her but some people seem very confident they’re doing it perfectly right, so I’ll just let them do their thing I guess lmao. I’ve heard out one islander, who said that her entire character in general is bad, making content for her character is bad, liking her in any form is bad, to them she is entirely irredeemable. And I respect that. The white person who started this spiel about me is an avid creator for content of her, (last I saw? I personally don’t hatestalk them back so idk) but they do it in what they deem a more acceptable way. Are they right to still make content about a character that islanders are horrendously uncomfortable with? I don’t care at this point, I really don’t have a say in this, I am white, too, afterall! But if I’m gonna be put down for my portrayal, I only hope they’ve listened to actual islanders too.

I entirely stopped making blood sacrifice/ritual stuff with Angie for almost a year at this point and people still aren’t happy. I have avoided the word Atua for most of my time in the fandom and people still aren’t happy. Who am I making happy at this point? Literally just myself? The handful of people who tell me so? My followers who only care that I’m drawing their blorbos and will happily skip over a post like this?

Angie is a sensitive character. Characters representing any harmful stereotypes are sensitive. POC characters in general are sensitive--especially if they’re dark skinned and foreign to their setting.* I understand this, and I don’t wish to try and portray these characters beyond a simple drawing because I like their designs, personalities, ships, or whatever else.

*Sensitive as in they HAVE to be handled by the right person who understands all the nuances and good representation, not to mention some cultures should exclusively be written by those who live(d) that life. I don’t think I’m fit for that as of now but I’m learning, (Only took a LOT of vagueposts, anon hate as well as direct hate, and no one trying to Actually listen to me or explain to me what I’m doing wrong before having it dramatically blow up but...alas) I only ask people to have patience with me (and anyone for that matter!) trying to better themselves, and let the past be the past.

I have trans friends who are entirely uncomfortable with any mention of Chihiro or Mondo. I have trans friends who embrace both of them.

I have lesbian friends who are uncomfortable with Tenko. I have lesbian friends who embrace her.

I’ve listened to an islander talk about how they’re entirely uncomfortable with any mention of Angie. I’ve seen islanders embrace her.

I understand now that my attachment to Angie and lack of public acknowledgement of the clear racism in her character that I somehow overlooked for a long time is...well... kinda bad. To be as honest as possible, I feel obligated to admit the first thing that made me love Angie when I first played V3 was that she was a quirky sacrificial freak, because I LOVE that in fictional characters. I LOVE weird characters who stand out like that with taboo themes. So...after realizing how harmful that is, being informed it’s a stereotype, and coming to terms with the fact my favorite thing about her ended up being something racist, it’s very difficult for me to actively enjoy her because sometimes people even get upset at the portrayal of her literally just being a “weird girl.” Hell, I’ve seen people completely erase religion from her character in an attempt to “fix” her even more!

I’ve had people of color inform me my Angie portrayal is their favorite they’ve seen. I’ve had white people inform me my Angie portrayal is racist. And without cherry picking, I’ve heard it the other way around for both sides, too. I know I’m a broken record at this point so I’ll wind this down, but I don’t think anyone is anymore right than the other, no matter how much each party vehemently believes otherwise. I just don’t like how elitist this fandom can be, man. I’ve always tried to portray Angie in a significantly brighter light than most anyone else I see, so I think my initial stubbornness with this whole situation was caused by how everyone just sees her as an evil antagonist, and I thought that they thought I was doing the same? I dunno. Maybe that’s unrelated at this point. Either way--

I am sorry.

I apologize to anyone who might be personally offended by my portrayal of an islander, if anyone wants to talk to me about it and help me see any clearer, please do! That being said, I do NOT apologize to the non-islanders (mostly white people) who attack me for this and won’t accept someone trying to move on from their wrongdoings. Thank you for reading.

TLDR;; Is Angie’s character inherently racist? Yes. Have I drawn and written into that stereotype ignorantly? Yes. Did I initially handle this wrong but have now realized my mistakes? Yes. Have I apologized for this already and acknowledge what I’ve done? Yes! Am I free from this year-long hell yet? No, but hopefully soon. 🥴

Also...

I appreciate the apology, thank you, this ask honestly gave me a chuckle because I read it before the first ask LOL. I only pray next time you come to anyone with super serious claims you have something to back it up, or any context. And to keep it in a DM where it’s less hostile. I don’t think anyone’s going to get mad at you for genuinely wanting their input on something wrong they may or may not be doing. Doing it anonymously feels aggressive and careless, it forces it to be public discourse.

Hatestalkers if you’re reading this, can you PLEASE leave me alone, you already blocked me man, let me go,, the crash was 9+ months ago 😭😭😭 if you guys aren’t letting go of this I can’t really either