#idk. i feel like i become dependent on drugs so fucking fast and when i try to research it i feel like im the one being dramatic

[glitchdollmemoria]

i google how to feel less sick from cigarettes i open quora "first, stop smoking" stop being fucking patronizing. stop it. i know i shouldnt be smoking. i am fully aware of the dangers and it is not enough to stop me because addiction runs deeper than logic. just give me the home remedies and stop acting like addicts are suddenly going to stop just because you tell us drugs are bad for us, as if we havent been bombarded with that information, as if we dont carry shame from engaging in something harmful when we know the harm it causes. stop acting like addiction is a matter of moral and intellectual failure instead of a disease stemming from underlying problems that need to be addressed in order for anything to actually change. stop being patronizing and tell me what tea will make me less nauseous. this is fine to reblog but if anyone tries to fucking lecture me about my life choices im blocking you immediately

[cake-writes]

making the beast beautiful (one)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (cheating); Steve x Reader (married)

Story Warnings: Mental Illness, Borderline Personality Disorder, Splitting, Clinical Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Low Self-Esteem, Cheating, Angst, Drug Addiction / Abuse (Cigarettes, later Alcohol & Pills), Recovery, idk it’s gonna get depressing but we’ll have a happy ending!!!, Eventual Smut, 18+

Summary: Bucky knows the struggle, the pain, the emptiness. He understands. He can relate, because he knows. And some days, he still struggles – even told you once how low he’s been. But Steve? Your sweet, loving husband of a year and a half? No, Steve doesn’t understand. He can’t, no matter how hard he tries. So one day, you finally give up and give in to your most self-destructive temptation of all: your preoccupation with his best friend.

A/N: i know this is another wip SORRY but it’s literal word vomit because ya girl just really needed to yeet these sad bitch feels into outer space lmao 🤷 

Your addiction to him starts slow, like the creep of nicotine through your veins from the cigarettes that he offers you on the rooftop.

Not often enough to do any damage, you try to tell yourself about your smoking habit – or maybe what you actually mean is the amount of time you spend with him. Bucky Barnes. Your husband’s best friend. Your former teammate. Not that it matters, because from one night to the next it’s all you can do to cling to the one good thing you have left, the one ray of light– or maybe he’s the one last shred of hope you’re willing to bind yourself to like a lifeline.

And if it snaps, you’ll fall. 

Too bad the threads are already starting to fray.

And lucky, lucky you that you fall even sooner, because your reality has shifted to one shade off from normal, and you can hardly tell what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. You want to prioritize yourself because you know you should – maybe be a little selfish for once, to combat the awful feelings of self-hate that plague your mind, but you don’t know if that particular affirmation is driven by self-esteem or self-destruction.

You can’t tell anymore. You don’t know who you are.

You’re a mystery, a chameleon, borderline, and the only thing you do know is that Bucky makes you feel again – too much. He makes you feel things you shouldn’t, makes you obsess and overthink and daydream and wonder about what life could be like with him instead of Steve.

Because that’s what you do when you fall in love. You turn into that. A monster. A beast. A siren hell-bent on the destruction of yourself.

So, you fall. You fall deep. You fall hard. You fall fast, but it’s the savouring of the moment that always brings out the worst in you. It brings back the worst part of you that you’ve buried under layers and layers of trauma and depression – the clinginess and neediness and desperation at the center of it all, and every layer covering up the euphoria makes you cry because you have to hide it for fear of losing yourself all over again. Losing that feeling. Losing what makes you you.

You’re happy, now. Right? So why do things you shouldn’t do?

But you just can’t help yourself.

You shouldn’t have accepted that first cigarette.

You shouldn’t have texted him asking for another.

You shouldn’t have talked to him about personal things meant for your husband.

You shouldn’t have talked to him about the most personal of things: your husband. Your relationship. Your insecurities because of your illness.

You shouldn’t have – because Bucky knows. He understands. He’s been there.

He knows the struggle, the pain, the emptiness. He understands. He can relate, because he knows. He’s been there. He’s done that. And some days, he still struggles – even told you, once, how low he’s been. 

He might have a different slew of acronyms to define his own mental state, but they all spell out the same thing: FUBAR. And so do yours.

But Steve? Your sweet, loving husband of a year and a half? The man of your dreams, the one you’d married in the gown of your dreams, in the venue of your dreams? He’s resilient. And let’s not forget your wedding, with Bucky standing right there as his best man – the same Bucky who accidentally caught the bouquet you threw in his direction, because your aim was purposefully off to make him feel like he belonged for once.

Even before you got to know him, you always had a soft spot for him. 

And now? You’re fucked. Completely and utterly smitten.

No, Steve doesn’t understand. He absolutely, fundamentally cannot, through and through. Not for a lack of trying, though, or that’s what you keep trying to convince yourself. He supports you physically: makes dinner when you’re ‘tired’, runs errands when you’re ‘busy’, gives you love and affection just like he always has. You’re his wife; it’s his obligation. He has to.

That’s how you feel, anyway.

He treats you that way out of duty, not love, because Steve always has to put the greater good before himself. He puts your happiness before his own, you think. And he tries so hard – he does. And whenever he tells you he’s happy, you just can’t believe him because you think so poorly of yourself.

Why would anyone willingly want to be around you?

And emotionally? He tries so hard with that, too, but he just doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it. He never says the right things, only well-meaning insensitive ones because he hasn’t been there, he hasn’t done that, and he thinks it’s all in your head – that you’re just not trying hard enough, that you just don’t want to get better badly enough, because if you did then you’d be up and at ‘em already. Then you’d be healed. Then you’d be out of this funk and back in the field with him.

You’re not.

You won’t be for a long time.

You’re not the same girl he fell in love with. Not that he’s ever said that directly to you, but sometimes you think it’s how he feels. He signed up for a wife, not a child. He signed up for the you from a few years ago, now, not the shell of a person you’ve become because of your illness.

Ironic, considering what he was like as a kid, Bucky likes to remind you when you start to hate on yourself because of how you’ve changed – because you’re not normal anymore. He used to be so sick all the time. Then the serum made him right as rain. Don’t take it to heart.

Steve got better because of a miracle. Hard work and determination can only get a person so far, but it was pure luck that got him to the serum. You know that. Bucky knows that. Steve probably knows that deep down, too, but he doesn’t see it that way. All he sees is his hard work.

He lies to himself. He always has.

He probably lies to himself about his love for you, too.

So it’s hard to believe he’s happy. How can he be? You don’t bring anything to your relationship but self-pity and unhappiness. And how can you not take it to heart that Steve doesn’t understand? Your husband, the one who should be supporting you and validating you and making you feel like you’re seen, thinks you’re always throwing a pity party for yourself, thinks you’re just too lazy to get up and actually do the things you want to do, thinks you’re just not trying hard enough.

Come on, doll, he says. Let’s go for a walk.

To you it just sounds like, Walk it off.

Because he’s said that before, too. A hundred times. In the field, and out.

You’re not an agent anymore. You can’t handle it anymore. You can’t handle anything anymore.

Deep down, you’re convinced that Steve thinks because it’s not physical – that because there are no scrapes or bruises or broken bones to prove that you’re in pain – that your depression isn’t real. Not really. It’s an illness, same as any other, and he just doesn’t understand it because he can’t see any physical evidence of it.

Never mind the weight you’ve lost.

Never mind the bags under your eyes.

Never mind the crying spells, the dissociation – but then, you hide those from him the best you can these days. You don’t want him to see how bad you are anymore, because he just doesn’t get it. Because it hurts so much every time for him to look at you with those soft, confused baby blues and act like it’s not a big deal, like a little bit of sunshine’s a cure-all for your woes.

Ironic is right. The boy’s been to war and he hasn’t even processed his own trauma. Hasn’t even been to a shrink despite having two best friends poking and prodding for him to go. He’s in denial.

He refuses to believe that you just couldn’t get to the laundry today because you’re too exhausted from lying in bed all day. He refuses to believe that you couldn’t eat a bite because you didn’t even think to, too busy caught up in your own pain to remember, let alone care. He refuses to believe that you don’t even feel like you deserve to do anything good for yourself, so why even get up? Why bother? Why try to do anything anymore?

Just let the darkness take you away. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. And then, maybe one day you won’t have to feel anything anymore. Maybe you’ll just disappear.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

He refuses to get it, and some part of you feels like it’s because he doesn’t want to. Because he’s afraid to acknowledge that it’s true. That if he starts therapy like you did, then this could just as easily happen to him, too.

But hey, that’s his problem, not yours. You’re still learning to prioritize yourself – to break away from co-dependency and focus on your own needs for once. You’re barely keeping your head above water; why should you have to work on him, too, when he doesn’t offer you the same consideration? You’ve done what you can, and he just turns a blind eye because he doesn’t want to understand your issues. Or his.

So, you’ve given up.

You plaster on a happy face when he’s home – a painful, never-ending reminder that you’re not okay, and you keep your troubles to yourself. You’ve stopped sharing your struggles with the man you married because he doesn’t understand, and it hurts. You try so hard to act like nothing’s wrong that sometimes you dissociate, and you don’t come back to yourself until you have a cigarette hanging between your lips, lit by a Zippo engraved with a clever, If you want to make love, smile when you hand this lighter back.

Seeing the joke on Bucky’s lighter always brings you back, because it’s ridiculous. It’s a throwback to his army days; Steve found it awhile back with Bucky’s old personal effects. Makes you wonder what he must have been like back then.

Cigarette smoke and leather and sandalwood in the dead of night – and you always make a point to smile when you hand it back to him.

Temptation incarnate, now. What a dream he would have been back then.

Sometimes you text him when you and Steve have had another fight.

Sometimes he texts you when he needs you to ground him.

Sometimes the two of you just text each other for the hell of it. It’s usually related to someone’s mental health, usually yours, but occasionally not; after all, over the last few months he’s become your partner in misery and crime. The two of you have shared things to each other that you’ve never told another person, not even Steve; and in some ways, you feel like you’ve bared your soul to him.

It’s intimate.

In other ways, you’ve kept your guard up because you know you’re playing with fire.

It’s wrong.

You know you should really tell Steve about your midnight conversations – that you probably know his best friend almost as well as he does, now, but Bucky’s become a guilty sort of pleasure that you keep near and dear to your heart. He makes you feel things that you haven’t felt in a long time, but you’re not ready to acknowledge what that means. Not yet.

And neither is Bucky, evidently, because Steve’s still none the wiser.

Eight months of this and you still want more.

Your husband trusts you. He never asks who you’re texting or what you’re up to. You’ve given him no reason to believe otherwise. He feels safe and secure in your relationship, but maybe he’s turning a blind eye to that, too.

He shouldn’t. 

You wish he didn’t.

Some small part of you wants him to catch you, and that’s what you resent the most. You’re self-destructive – ready to destroy the one good, stable thing in your life in favour of an impossibility, but you can’t deny that Bucky gives your brain the dopamine it needs, it craves, it lacks.

He’s been gone on a mission the last week and a half, but you saw the Quinjet fly in the hangar earlier in the evening, around six, and you’ve been keen to text him since. You’ve held back for a little while, not wanting to appear to eager to message him – so you’re certainly not too proud of how quickly your resolve cracks.

You, 10:33pm Please don’t tell me you came home with Lucky Strikes again.

Bucky, 10:41pm Sorry, princess. Didn’t realize I was seeing royalty tonight.

And then he sends through a photo of a slightly crumpled pack of Lucky Strikes in his hand – an invitation to come to the rooftop. Judging by the setting, he’s already there.

Despite his choice in a particularly harsh smoke, you’re more focused on the pet name that has your face burning hot. It’s something he’s started to tack on recently – ‘princess’ being most common, particularly when he’s teasing you about being spoiled in some way, but when he slips it in during a real conversation is what really makes your heart pound.

You know you should tell him to stop. You know you should, but, you don’t.

You like how it feels to feel for once.

You’re married. It’s wrong. You need to stop, but you just can’t help yourself. You’re lonely.

Steve’s still away on a mission, which doesn’t bother you nearly as much as it used to – you hope he returns safely, of course you do, but you don’t really miss him. Not like you should. That’s happened more often than not as of late, and you can feel your attention shifting the longer you keep up this dangerous game with his best friend.

If it even is a game, that is. It’s probably not. How could he possibly be attracted to you? You’re depressed. You’re boring. And, to top it all off, you’re his best friend’s wife.

Of course you’re the only participant. Bucky’s just humouring you. That’s all.

And now, as you swipe on some deodorant and attempt to make something out of the rat’s nest that is your hair, you feel a particularly awful level of disdain for yourself. The self-loathing pairs nicely with your poor appearance; you haven’t slept well in days, and you’ve barely eaten in just as long.

It’s only when Steve is here keeping you on a regular schedule that you do. Otherwise it’s a free for all anymore.

Bucky never seems to mind – just encourages you to go do what needs to be done when the conversation’s over. And somehow, you listen. 

Sometimes he texts to ask if you’re doing okay while he’s away on a mission, too – and you always lie, because he can’t prove otherwise. He sends you a couple reminders anyway, because he just knows. He understands that you’d rather not burden him with the truth.

And then, when he comes back, he calls you out on your lie. He calls you out and reminds you how valuable you are – to Steve, mostly, and to the team. You’re irreplaceable. You’re needed.

He never says how important you are to him, but you always wish he would.

It’s stupid. It’s wrong.

You’re married.

Tonight will be no different. Despite your negative beliefs about yourself, he’ll tell you otherwise, but you won’t believe him. You never do, even though you desperately want to.

You’re a mess, so a beanie it is. You pull it over your tangled hair and somehow get your bangs looking presentable, at least; then you give your clothes the sniff test, spritz a little body spray just in case, and head out the door. You had a shower yesterday because even you couldn’t stand it anymore. 

That’ll do.

Fingers tap anxiously at your feed in the quiet elevator. There’s some mild jazz playing, just like usual, but your heart pounds inside your chest – only brings more attention to your nerves.

Bucky hasn’t been gone long, but you’ve missed him.

It’s stupid. It’s wrong.

You’re married.

After exiting the elevator, a short flight of stairs takes you to the roof. Once you start to push, the fire exit door blows open of its own accord; it’s windy up here due to the change of seasons, not that you’ve even noticed it considering you haven’t been outside in over a week. The fresh air shoots straight through your hoodie and sweatpants, and you briskly rub your arms to warm up, immediately wishing you’d checked the temperature before you came outside, maybe grabbed a jacket. You hadn’t even thought of it. Your mind’s a mess.

Hadn’t thought of dinner, either. Or lunch.

That’s when a heavy leather jacket is deposited ungracefully on your shoulders, and you glance up behind you to find Bucky standing there, giving you the look. It’s the one that pre-empts the lecture. “That help?”

You nod, basking in the smell of him – sandalwood and spice. Ah. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He knows.

He can tell with just one look that you’ve been lying to him – that you haven’t been taking care of yourself like you said you were. But he doesn’t reprimand you this time, or offer you platitudes; the disapproving look is enough.

Slippers on your feet, you pad over to the two lawn chairs he set up awhile back near the edge of the eastern wing; it’s got a nice view of the landing pad, but beyond that is the lake, and the two of you have come up here long enough to catch the sunrise once or twice. It’s nice.

“Good mission?” you ask, shoving your hands into your pockets as you collapse into your chair. It’s made of a terrible green fabric, seated low enough to the ground to let you curl your knees to your chest and cry when you want to. And you do. A lot.

This time, however, you’ve got your legs extended far ahead of you. You don’t want to talk about yourself tonight. You want to focus on him.

A distraction. That’s all. That’s what you try to tell yourself.

The other chair, woven blue and white, is where Bucky comes to rest just like always. You suspect that it was the cheapest one in the store, because it creaks and groans and you always think it’s going to break when he sits in it, but it never does. It’s also taller than yours, so you call him old man every now and then for it because that’s just hilarious.

It’s not flirting. It’s not.

Not even when you’ve nearly fallen into his lap on more than one occasion thanks to drinking beforehand.

“Well,” he starts hesitantly, pausing to consider his answer, “I made it back.”

His tone is soft – distant. Not a good mission, then.

“I’m glad you made it back,” you offer, giving him what you hope is a hopeful smile. It feels fake, but the intention behind it is real.

He studies your face for a moment or two, before he averts his eyes. “You’re probably the only one. I had to do some things on the mission that I—” He cuts himself off, then, and pulls the pack of Lucky Strikes out of his pocket to fiddle with. A crutch. “I don’t like to use my strength when I don’t have to. Makes people nervous.”

He’s told you about it before. By ‘people’ he means ‘agents’. Other agents. The ones he was working with, no doubt. As if his arm isn’t reminder enough, sometimes if he doesn’t hold back – well, they start to treat him a little differently after that. It’s a reminder that he’s not fully human.

You can empathize. “It’s a little shocking at first,” you remind him gently, “but you do get used to it. I did. It just takes some time.”

Of course, you also married a super soldier, so there’s that. You can’t really gauge what’s ‘normal’ anymore.

That’s when he cracks open the pack  of cigarettes – half full, which means he must have been smoking on the mission, too, something he doesn’t usually do – and when he meets your eyes, the dark, anxious look there turns your stomach to knots.

“Are you?” he asks, voice low and laced with an emotion you just can’t place – or maybe you’re too afraid to acknowledge that you can, and very easily feel the same way. “I could break you in thirty ways before you could even tell me to stop.”

Your brain halts like a record scratch when the clear implication of his words sends a jolt straight to your core. Not just because it’s true, the threat, but because of the dangerous way he’s staring at you, coupled with the casual authority in his voice.

He could hurt you so easily, but you know he wouldn’t. Not you.

He could do other things, too – something a lot less violent and a lot more pleasurable – but you don’t let yourself consider that. You can’t. Even if it’s what he’s implying.

Is it what he’s implying?

You’re married. He knows that.

There’s a long pause while you try to gather your thoughts, until you finally manage as evenly as you can, “Are you trying to scare me?”

Your voice is still a little hoarse despite how much you willed it not to be. He did scare you a little – not that you’d ever admit it, because he excited you a hell of a lot more, and you hate that, too. But you love it even more.

Your question makes his shoulders slump, just slightly, just enough to let you know that that’s exactly what it was – that Bucky was lashing out, in his own way. That he’s the one who’s scared. That he’s trying to push you away.

Why?

“I’m not afraid of you, Bucky,” you reassure him, because you aren’t. You could never be. Not like that. What you’re afraid of is so much worse than that – because it involves him and you, and you can’t make yourself stop wanting more of this. More of him. More of what he threatened to do to you – the underlying meaning you hope to god you’re not imagining, but you should never, ever want.

It’s wrong.

“You should be,” he responds, quiet, rolling the cigarette he’s half pulled out of the pack in between his fingers like he’s debating whether to light it, but he’s trying his hardest not to this time. “You shouldn’t be up here with me.”

The ball drops.

The truth that the two of you have been dancing around for months finally comes out, and you laugh – you laugh, because otherwise you’ll cry. “What are you talking about?”

“Darlin’, you’re—” he starts, and then lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves the cigarette right back in, shoves the pack shut too for good measure. Blue eyes burn into yours. “You know why.”

“We’re friends, Bucky,” you emphasize, lightly, but deep within your chest you can feel the anger, the anxiety start to burn and meld together into something entirely unrecognizable. It’s the tiniest ember now, but it won’t be if this keeps up. You know you’re married. You know that. You don’t need the reminder. “We’re just talking. What’s the problem?”

“Come on, sweetheart.” He’s calm, too calm, and it bothers you. “Don’t play dumb. You’re too smart for that.”

It’s just pretend. It’s not real. You’re happily married with Steve. You’re happy.

Right?

“That’s all it is,” you argue. “I’m married. You said so yourself. Steve and I are happily married.”

Saying it out loud is just another cold, brutal reminder that you aren’t. Just like the façade you’re forced to wear. 

“Yeah? You’re happy?” Bucky asks, pulling himself to his feet – and you suddenly realize how tall he is when he’s towering over you like this. You’re not scared, no, you love it. And that makes it worse, the way he makes your heart race like this. “Then there’s gotta be a reason why you haven’t told him about our little talks.”

Because they’re more than that. That’s the reason.

“Well, why haven’t you?” you shoot back, finally getting to your feet, too, feeling your face flush with anger. “You haven’t told him either. Why’s that, huh?”

Tense silence falls over the two of you as you glare at each other, the only light illuminating your features coming from the full moon. It’s a beautiful night, clear and chilly and bright, and you originally had hopes of maybe stargazing with him like you’ve done so many times before.

Not tonight.

He’s pushing you away. He wants to push you away. You know he is, it’s obvious – he tried one approach, and when that didn’t work, he went for the thing he knew would invoke a reaction. The thing that would hurt the most.

Steve. Your marriage. Your happiness, or lack thereof.

No matter how many times you try to tell that to the rational side of your brain, you just can’t handle it. It’s another rejection from someone you cared about – someone you felt yourself growing a potentially unhealthy attachment to – and he just had to hurt you like all the rest. He wanted to hurt you. He wanted to see you suffer.

You can’t stand him.

So you shrug off his jacket and shove it at him. “Take your fucking jacket,” you bite out. “You want me gone? Well, I’m going. Hope you’re happy.”

The way he takes it from you catches you off guard, blue eyes wide with hurt and surprise – but you don’t give him another second of your time. Instead you spin around on your heel and stomp your way back to the access door.

You’re not well enough for this. You’re depressed. You’re broken. You’re lonely.

And now, the only person who understands has thrown you away – discarded you like you’re nothing. Maybe because you are. You’re worthless.

Your fingertips just brush against the handle when you’re tugged back by the wrist, and then his arms are around you, his chest pressing into your back.

He’s warm.

It’s wrong.

But it feels right, and you hate how easily you melt into his touch, into the feeling of his lips at your ear.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whispers, and you’re done for.

The heat from your anger warps into something else – something that burns you up in a different way, and you swallow thickly at the feeling of his arms so snug around your waist. “What do you want, then?”

It’s barely audible, your question -- but he hears it just fine. Soft lips drag from your ear to your pulse, and you shiver, lulling your head back onto his shoulder.

“You tell me,” Bucky breathes against your skin. “I need to know what you want.”

The two of you are playing a dangerous game, and the stakes are only getting higher. You both have a lot to lose, but you’re the one taking the higher risk. Not him.

“I want—” His teeth gently nip at your neck and you can’t help yourself. “I want you—”

And then your back is pressed into the closed door, cold metal biting through your sweats but you don’t even notice, too focused on the feeling of his lips on yours. They’re soft and ever-so-slightly chapped, and his stubble scratches just a little, pleasantly, just enough to hurt in the best way.

It’s hot, too hot, god, you can’t handle the heat of his body against yours—

“Bucky,” you gasp against his lips, sliding your arms around his neck, fingers carding through his hair to pull him closer. You can taste with the barest bite of mint from his gum, along with the slightest hint of cigarette smoke, and you realize—

He must have been up here for awhile.

Overthinking. Wondering what to do. Lost in thoughts of you, perhaps.

The idea of it sends a rush of delirium through you, and you open your mouth just enough to let his tongue explore – or dominate, which you soon find you like very much when Bucky does it to you. His flesh hand cups the side of your face as he kisses the breath out of you, and his vibranium one snugly presses into your lower back – purposely, you soon find, because suddenly your knees go weak and your arms tighten around his neck to catch yourself from falling.

A breathy laugh escapes you. “Oh, wow. That’s never happened before.”

“First time for everything,” he teases, kissing your forehead as he steadies you back on both feet – and it’s then that the realness of the situation seems to sink in.

You’ve just cheated on your husband.

He’s just kissed his best friend’s wife.

There’s a prolonged silence as the two of you look at each other, watching, wondering, waiting, and then—

“We have to tell him,” you say, a little uneasily. “Just… not yet. Figure this out first.”

You can feel the desperation to see where this leads, no matter what a bad idea it is.

Bucky swallows. It’s clear that the prospect of lying to Steve bothers Bucky just as much as it bothers you, but you know he feels that same desperation when he suggests, “And if it turns out to be nothing, then…”

“Yeah. No harm, no foul.”

You won’t tell him. Because if it’s nothing, then it’s not worth worrying about. 

Even if it’s wrong.

Right?

two

and a moodboard I made because why not

[chocolatte-and-despair]

Idk if you’ve done this already but swap pap nsfw alphabet..?🙇

((ahhhhh, our rapey boiiii T_T Well, hope you enjoy this~))

((Warning: There are a lot of mentions of rape here, and I do not condone it. It’s just how I write this character. If this is something you are uncomfortable with, please do not read further. If anyone feels offended or triggered, please tell me and I’ll take this post off.))

A = Aftercare

Stretch, of course, is satisfied either way. But depending on how the act happened, he either would get the hell away as fast as possible, or he would cuddle you, giving you kisses and telling you that you were wonderful. 

B = Body part

Well, Stretch would need to say that his favorite part of your body would be your ass. Not only is it soft and nice to hold, but it gives easier access for anal sex, which is his favorite. 

C = Cum

Chances are that Stretch will always cum inside, and when you are topping, he’ll ask you to cum inside too. Seeing as you both are doing anal, he shouldn’t worry about anything. 

D = Dirty Secret

At least once he had thought of raping everyone that he knows, especially people who are nice to him. Of course, he can control himself, and that’s mostly just a fantasy, but he isn’t beyond that if you anger him.

E = Experience

Well, Stretch isn’t the most experienced in receiving, seeing as he only ever played with toys and no one ever topped him, but he had been on the giving side a few times, so, well, maybe he’s experienced? Not by much though.

F = Favourite Position

Scoop me up. Of course, this is only when he is with his partner. This allows him to feel more skin on bone action. It also makes him feel the breathing of his lover and their heart’s beat. He loves feeling this close to his lover. 

G = Goofy

Stretch usually doesn’t think much while in the moment. All that he cares about is that you are there with him, and you both are having the time of your lives. And he doesn’t want this moment to end.

I = Intimacy

Stretch usually never talks or does anything, but if you would ever kiss him or hug him, he would probably melt into your arms, wanting more and more affection, and being very cuddly after the act. 

J = Jack Off

Stretch usually gets off while using his toys (Usually dildos and such), and filming himself. Chances are that he probably filmed you two fucking too. He’s not going to show anyone, of course. Your naked body is for his eyes only to see. 

K = Kink

~  Rape - No, not consensual nonconsent, but actual rape. Of course, he will only do that when you anger him, but honestly, the fact that he even considers that is bad. Of course, he loves the idea of being raped too, that’s why he never locks his doors and is pretty loud whenever he is getting busy with himself. 

~  Somnophilia -  Chances are that he will take advantage of your sleeping form. He might even drug you so you would sleep longer if you two live together. 

~  Anal sex - Honestly, he will rarely do vaginal sex. That’s why anal is just something that he enjoys much more. 

L = Location

Your room. What’s better than having sex with you? Being covered all around by your scent, of course!

M = Motivation

Honestly, you just showing interest or being friendly with him would be enough for him to be ready to go.

N = NO

Talks about his brother. That’s one way to anger him and make him do the unthinkable. 

O = Oral

I think that giving. Be it him forcing himself on you or it being completely consensual, he loves, absolutely adores pleasuring you.

P = Pace

Stretch is pretty fast and frantic, especially if he needs to get out soon, but outside of that, he is pretty slow, wanting to enjoy the moment as long as possible. 

Q = Quickie

Of course! He is game for any sort of sex as long as it involves him too. He loves it. 

R = Risk

Well, he hadn’t tried many things before, but if you know your way around it and you are his lover, he is willing to try it out. 

S = Stamina

Two, at best. Stretch isn’t the most gifted in stamina, let me tell you that much. Chances are that he won’t probably last two rounds even.

T = Toy

Oh, for sure. He isn’t exactly the most desirable, and he has a high sex drive. That’s why he does pleasure himself with toys, but mostly, just training himself on how to act when in a receiving position.

U = Unfair

Stretch doesn’t make it a habit to tease people, but he is a sucker for being teased. But be ready to do something with him, or he will make sure that you do something with him.

V = Volume

Stretch is loud and he loves loud lovers. He wants you to be as loud as him, maybe even louder. He wants everyone to know that you both are together and you love one another. 

W = Wild Card

Stretch will become extremely loyal the moment he believes that you like him, even if only as a friend, and he will always only want to be with you. 

X = X-Ray

Stretch has male genitals in his pants. They are about 7 inches long and 3 inches wide. It’s not too much, but it’s good enough, in my opinion.

Y = Yearning

Oh, pretty high if you ask me. If he can’t do it with someone else, he will mostly play with himself almost every day. 

Z = ZZZ

Stretch falls asleep quickly if what he’s doing is okay. He holds you in his arms and only falls asleep if he knows that you aren’t going anywhere.  

[ayatosmlktea]

Headcannons for Levi, erwin and eren with a s/o who has an addiction with drugs and alcohol? Basically when she was a child her dad would slip in some kind of drug and watch her for his amusement (aka he a piece of shit). So when readers supply of it runs low she starts going crazy and panicking? Thx and hopefully it's not too much!

TW: implied child abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, uhhhh shitty parents 

A/N: I hope this is what you were looking for!

𝑳𝒆𝒗𝒊, 𝑬𝒓𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑬𝒓𝒘𝒊𝒏 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏 𝑺/𝑶 𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒓𝒖𝒈 𝑨𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

- I think all three of them are going to feel crushed that you’ve had to go through something so awful

𝑳𝒆𝒗𝒊

- Levi can sympathize with you the most I think, growing up where he did meant he saw a lot of fucked up shit

- But knowing that you, his beautiful sweet s/o, had to suffer so cruelly like this makes him so angry

- I’m not even gonna lie I think this man would kill your sick fuck of a dad…like he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that someone who had hurt you this badly was walking around with a clear conscience

- Levi isn’t against killing people, not when they deserve it and this was something unforgivable

- He hates watching you become frantic and skittish, it’s nothing like your usual sweet personality and it’s kind of scary seeing how fast it can flip

- It really does break his heart, because withdrawal is such a painful and exhausting process to go through

- Levi’s really conflicted, he doesn’t want to watch you vomit and scream for relief but at the same time he doesn’t want to further your addiction

- He wants you to be clean so you can finally live your life without being controlled by your addictions

- You’re probably going to hate him for a while but he’s not going to let you stock up again

- Its one of the hardest decisions of his life but he can’t sit by and watch you fall apart like this

𝑬𝒓𝒆𝒏

- The first time seeing this side of you Eren doesn’t really know what to think…are you just a really enthusiastic partier? He doesn’t say anything about it until he starts noticing patterns in your behaviour

- Constant fidgeting, nail biting, stress, not sleeping as much, mild panicking that turns into a full on hysterical meltdown at your stash running low

- Your situation scares him because he has never had to deal with this before,

- Needless to say he’s also pissed that your shit bag dad ruined your life

- He’s probably angrier than you are. Poor baby is so soft for you and doesn’t want to see you suffer but he doesn’t know what to do

- He tries his best to be really understanding of the pain you’re going through

- Like Levi he’s really conflicted on whether he should let you relieve your pain but he knows it’s only a temporary solution

- It really breaks his heart to watch you fall apart because he doesn’t know how to help you

- The most he can do at the moment is offer you whatever physical affection you’ll take from him and reassuring words

- Despite his lack of experience with drug addiction he’s going to do everything he can to help you by asking Armin or hell even Levi

- I don’t think Eren will ever give up on trying to help heal you, will probably lay awake at night thinking about all the terrible things you’ve gone through

- Pulls you tighter against him in your sleep, won’t let you see it but he’ll definitely cry at how you’ve been mistreated and vows that he’ll never do anything to hurt you

𝑬𝒓𝒘𝒊𝒏

- Erwin definitely feels sympathy for you

- I don’t know if Erwin would be able to stay with someone who’s too far gone though…

- He really wants to help you break out of this toxic cycle of dependence and he knows that it scares you because it’s the only way of life you’ve ever known but if you won’t at least try and take control then idk if he can stick around

- That doesn’t mean he won’t try to help you, he’s very understanding and gentle when he needs to be but will also tell you the harsh truth when you need to hear it because sometimes you need a wake up call

- Also if you haven’t told him and it’s been a while, like a year and more, that you two have been dating and he finds out this way he’s going to feel really conflicted that you didn’t trust him enough to let him in

- He’s not judging you, how can he? It’s not like you chose to be this way

- Honestly …I think he’d kill your sack of shit dad too…I’m just gonna go ahead and say it

- Every time he thinks about the shit childhood you had he’s going to feel that kind of rage where you’re so angry that you’re calm…

- If you’re going through with withdrawal then he’s going to stay by your side the whole time doing anything and everything he can to be your rock in this situation

- Probably one of the most trying moments in your relationship but you’re going to come out of it stronger

Masterlist

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[sybcritics-blog]

( lee jooheon, cismale, he/him, 24. ) — CHOI JUNGWOO, better known to the authorities as VULCAN, has been working for the kumiho for around SIX YEARS as a JANITOR. rumor has it, they can be DARING & KALEIDOSCOPIC but also IRASCIBLE & SYBARITIC which is why blood-stained hands, all black wardrobes, crooked smirks, and weaponry makes me think of them.

hey  demons,  it  me,  ya  girl,  gem  ...  back  at  it  again,  only  this  time  my  character  is  worst  than  the  first  one.  which  is  saying  something  because  oof  minwoo  was  an  absolute  disaster  !  so  if  that  gives  you  any  idea  as  to  how  this  shithead  is  gonna  be,  that  should  be  a  clue  !  

again,  his  whole  backstory  isn't  completely  figured  out  but  i  have  what  i've  already  figured  out  below  the  cut,  as  well  as  his  basic  information,  personality  &  some  wanted  plots  i  have  for  him  ! 

if  you  want  to  plot  with  this  lil  pyro,  smash  that  like  button  &  i'll  come  to  you  !  or  of  course,  if  you  like  d*scord  better  than  tumblr  feel  free  to  add  me  on  there  (  @𝕨𝕚𝕟𝕂𝕃𝔼𝕍𝕠𝕊𝕊!#9330 )  &  we  can  plot  from  there  !

                                         BASIC INFORMATION.

full  name:  choi  jungwoo. nickname(s):  jun,  woo. age:  twenty-four. date  of  birth:  october  31st. birthplace:  daegu,  south  korea. current  location:  seoul,  south  korea. ethnicity:  korean. nationality:  korean. gender:  cismale. pronouns:  he  /  him  /  his. orientation:  pansexual. crew  position:  janitor. occupation:  instagram  model  /  youtuber.  (  eboy  basically  ig  ) language(s)  spoken: korean,  english,   chinese,  japanese,  spanish,  greek,  thai  &  french.

                                    PHYSICAL  APPEARANCE.

face  claim:  lee  jooheon  (  joohoney  )  of  monsta  x. hair  color:  changes  frequently,  currently  dark  brown. eye  color:  brown. height:  6  '  1  ". weight:  175. build:  athletic. tattoos:  far  too  many  to  count. piercings:  multiple  in  his  ears,  a  tongue  piercing,  nipple  piercings,  a  scar  on  his  right  brow  from  an  old  brow  piercing.

                                                       HEALTH.

physical  ailments:  alcohol  abuse,  drug  abuse  & lactose  intolerance. neurological  conditions:  back  pain  &  occasional  migraines. allergies:  pollen,  mold,  dairy,  shellfish. sleeping  habits: 3-4  hours  a  night,  restless. eating  habits:  mostly  junk  food,  fast  food  &  take-out  but  he  does  enjoy  going  to  fancy  places  every  once  in  a  while  as  well  as  cooking  meals  at  home. exercise  habits:  jogs  every  morning,  is  in  a  boxing  group  that  meets  every  week. body  temperature: hot  natured. addictions:  alcohol,  tobacco,  drugs  &  sex. drug  use: frequent. alcohol  use: frequent.

                                          PERSONALITY. ( PT 1. )

label:  the  cataclysmic. positive  traits:  daring  &  kaleidoscopic. negative  traits:  irascible  &  sybaritic. fears:  large  bodies  of  water. hobbies:  boxing,  card  games,  video  games,  reading,  cooking,  comic  books,  jogging. habits: tbd. quirks:  tbd.

                                                 FAVORITES.

season:  fall. color(s):  black,  red,  green. music:  isn’t  super  picky,  doesn't  care  for  country. movies:  mostly  action,  suspense,  horror  &  comedy. sport(s):  watches  baseball  &  hockey. beverage(s):  anything  but  sparkling  water. food:  fast  food. animal:  dogs.

                                                     FAMILY.

father: tba. mother: tba. sibling(s):  younger sibling, nineteen. children:  n/a. pet(s):  german  sheppard  puppy. family’s  financial  status:  upper  class.

                                                     EXTRAS.

zodiac sign:  scorpio. mbti:  entp-a.  (  the  debater  ) enneagram:  type  eight. (  the  challenger  ) temperament:  choleric. hogwarts  house:  slytherin. moral  alignment:  chaotic neutral. primary  vice:  lust. primary  virtue:  pride. element: fire.

                                                BIOGRAPHY.

born  in  daegu  sk  to  a  lawyer  and  a  police  officer,  jun's  life  was  always  pretty strict.

they  always  made  sure  he  was  living  like  they  wanted  him  to,  cracking  down  and  making  sure  he  was  behaving  &  that  his  grades  were  at  the  top  of  his  class.

little  did  they  know  that  their  son  found  ways  around  having  to  obey  everything  they  said,  sneaking  out  of  his  bedroom  window  to  roam  the  streets  of  daegu  in  the  middle  of  the  night  &  things  like  that.

that's  also  where  he  first  found  his  interest  in  fire,  seeing  people  mess  with  small  bonfires  /  fireworks  all  the  time  caused  him  to  grow  curious.

so  one  night  on  one  of  his  adventures,  he  approached  a  group  of  kids  that  were  probably  only  a  few  years  older  than  him  and  they  allowed  him  into  their  group  &  allowed  him  to  start  messing  with  the  fireworks  himself.

it  was  from  that  moment  on  that  he  started  to  rebel  a  little  bit  more  with  each  day  that  passed,  eventually  sneaking  out  &  staying  gone  the  entire  night  only  to  sneak  back  up  through  his  window,  get  2  hrs  of  sleep  and  then  head  to  school.

parents  never  figured  out  about  it  though,  he  was  good  at  lying  to  them  &  anyone  with  any  sort  of  'authority'  so  he  was  able  to  continue  pleasing  them  &  pretending  to  be  this  pefect  son  all  while  living  the  life  he  actually  wanted  to  live.

the  only  thing  that  came  as  a  shock  to  his  parents  was  him  moving  out  at  the  age  of  sixteen,  getting  his  own  apartment  and  whatnot  so  he'd  stop  having  to  hide  how  he  wanted  to  live  or  have  to  sneak  out  of  his  own  home.

however,  to  them,  they  just  thought  he  wanted  to  become  more  of  an  adult  &  so  they  never  really  questioned  it  or  checked  up  on  him  without  warning.

he  had  just  turned  eighteen  when  he  was  approached  by  the  mastermind  after  getting  into  a  fight  at  a bustling  club,  leaving  the  other  person  laid  out  on  the  ground  while  jun  barely  had  any  injuries  whatsoever.  

the  mastermind  offered  a  job,  keep  people  quiet  or  clean  up  after  the  ones  who  can't  and  you'll  get  paid  shit  tons  of  money...  who  was  jun  to  turn  that  offer  down?

a  few  months  after  that  is  when  his  instagram  persona  started  forming,  posting  his  outfits  on  the  app  started  to  cause  people  to  follow  him  &  ask  for  more...  n  before  he  knew  it,  he  was  getting  agents  messaging  him  offering  to  be  HIS  agent  &  allow  him  to  make  even  more  money  just  by  posting  the  simplest  of  things  on  a  daily  basis.

again,  who  was  he  to  really  turn  down  the  offer?  especially  considering  the  fact  he'd  already  grown  a  taste  for  all  things  expensive.

&  thus,  jun's  double  life  began  once  more,  though  this  time,  both  sides  of  his  life  were  things  he  truly  enjoyed.

                                       PERSONALITY. ( PT 2. )

the  Worst...

short-tempered  as  heck,  will  snap  on  people  for  breathing  in  his  direction  wrong  if  he's  in  one  of  those  moods...

loves  violence... it's  a  problem.  will be  that  asshole  who  starts  bar  fights  just  so  he  can  fight  someone  ksfjghsdf

.... if  you  haven't  figured  it  out,  the  boy  loves  to  play  with  fire.  constantly  burns  stuff,  always  tries  to  take  things  of  other  peoples  to  burn  them.  also  likes  to  ... possibly  set  empty  buildings  on  fire  only  to  watch  them  burn  down.  yike.

can  be  extremely  goofy  &  joking  one  moment  and  then  the  biggest  grumpy  asshole  the  next.  all  really  depends  on  his  mood  at  the  time.

when  he's  in  a  good  mood  though,  he  loves  to  mess  with  people  &  joke  around  or  just  go  explore  the  area.  day  trips  are  his  favorite  thing  in  the  world  even  though  he  won't  admit  to  it.

however,  when  he  isn't.... don't  mess  with  him  bc  he  will probably  try  and  snap  ur  head  off  or  yell  at  you  for  the  dumbest  shit.  probably  figures  out  he's  being  a  dick  a  little  too  late  but  will  still  own  up  to  it  and  apologize  eventually.

a  bit  of  a  wild  card,  honestly.  you  never  know  what  mood  he's  going  to  be  in  or  what's  going  on  in  his  head  at  any  given  moment.

a  heaux,  shock  shock...  but  like  actually  really  bad  abt  it,  constantly  has  some  new  hook  up  or  something  like  that.

this  is  a  work  in  progress  as  well  so  that's  all i've  got  atm

                                                   PLOT IDEAS.

someone  from  his  past  who  knows  that  his  father  is  a  police  officer  &  constantly  gets  on  his  ass  for  all  the  stupid  shit  he  does  bc  they  don't  want  him  getting  caught  let  alone  his  own  father  finding  out.

his  go  to  person  for  all  things  stupid  as  fuck.  getting  high  on  the  roof?  check.  getting  drunk  &  dancing  on  the  bar?  check.  walking  around  seoul  at  4  in  the  morning?  check.

the  fire  &  ice  combination  we  all  want  for  our  muses,  they  fight,  bicker,  try  to  throw  hands  w  each  other  even  but  at  the  end  of  the  day,  they  actually  care  about  one  another.

someone  who's  able  to  see  the  softer  side  of  jun,  either  by  just  being  around  for  his  'down'  days,  or  finding  out  that  a  sleepy  /  just  woke  up  jun  has  a  tendency  to  be  soft  and  a  tiny  bit  needy.

the  jokester  friend  who's  always  pranking  jun  &  jun  tries  to  one  up  them  &  get  his  revenge.

the  LOATHING  plot...  idk  what  it  would  be  for  but  they  just  literally  can't  stand  each  other  &  they  make  sure  it's  known  to  the  world.

someone  who  puts  up  with  his  instagram  persona  and  goes  on  shopping  trips  &  appears  in  the  dumb  videos  he  uploads  to  both  instagram  &  youtube.

speaking of,,,,,  the  'dating'  rumor.  basically  they're  really  close  friends  &  are  seen  by  the  media  together  a  lot  so  people  just  assume  they're  a  thing  &  start  getting  hashtags  about  them  trending  as  well  as  all  the  other  fun  stuff  that  goes  along  with  that.

will  add  more  as  they  come  to  mind  !

[mumpkins]

Private OC Rating

Done by @cho-rates​, I just decided to have the balls to make it public and answer questions! (as well as fix some things)

cho’s comments and questions will be in BOLD. 

My answers and fixed places will be in ITALIC!

Name: Shotaro Kaneda

Hero/Villain Name (if applicable): N/A

Age: 24 ( An aged up verse, he’s a couple years older than 1-A. Though sometimes I will portray his teen years as well, I have more information on his adult verse. I do want to flesh out teen years at some point though lol )

Birthday: September 5 (a virgo eww)

Gender: Male

Orientation: Bi-sexual

Height: 5'7"

Weight: 133 lbs

Hair: ear-length, fixed but slightly unruly, black

Appearance: Athletic agile build, Asian descent, brown eyes, red tinted hands and feet, small red horns on his forehead, long spiked / devilish red tail

Body: Athletic agile build

Quirk: Steam – Kaneda can build up and blow a hot steam that can potentially burn (or even melt depending on the force) his opponents. (Ahaha, the quirk fits the body appearance. I bet this one is going to be a hot head or really sweet)

Weakness: Building up and releasing too much steam at once can cause overexertion to the point where he can and will collapse and not be able to move for a while. Also his fucking ego. (LMFAO, I guess we’re dealing with the former and not the latter!)

Personality: Kaneda becomes the main symbol of defiance, expressing anarchy behavior towards authority and absolutely does not accept blatant disrespect. Kaneda values loyalty and becomes vengeful when trust is broken. He is impulsive, hot-headed, egotistical, and maintains a tough exterior; however, he is brave, independent, and highly empathetic. As a leader, Kaneda will look out for the safety and well-being of his allies, and will throw himself in front of a bullet for them if need be. (This!! I like that you didn’t make him a straight jerk and that you gave him good traits as well!)

Do they work well with others?: You are either with him or against him. By default he will work well if not negotiate unless you have a badge stating your authority.

Family: Parents deceased; family is his gang of brothers, all misfits and loyal to the bone

Friends (other oc’s or in BNHA universe): OC’s; his bike gang

Enemies(other oc’s or in BNHA universe): literally by default does not trust the cops or heroes (LOL)

Romantic Interests: by happenstance, Izuku Midoriya (LOL pt.2)

What do they think about heroes?: Oh shit oh fuck uhhhh

A couple of things about heroes. He sees the rise of fame being motivation for pro-heroes lately. They seem real fake to him, and it runs along the lines of Stain’s idea of “false heroes”. But he also sees them as a bunch of buzz kills when he’s trying to ride out and do his own thing that happens to be illegal. (LOL this guy is so problematic in a very headass type of way and it’s really entertaining. He’s a really fun character to read about.)

What do they think about villains?: They’re somewhat easier to work with, but he does not associate himself with hardcore villains either. As much as he himself could easily be considered one, he considers himself more in a grey area. He won’t kill a hero – actually he hesitates to kill anyone – but he won’t turn on a villain either if only because any of them could either arrest him or kill him. (Ah, he’s smarter than he lets on. I wonder how much of this is empathy and how much of this is him saving his own ass,,)

In terms of villains, he’s very much along the lines of “snitches get stitches”. At this point it doesn’t matter what his views are with a villain or a rival gang, he’s not gonna call the cops or any heroes as that is a lower blow than trying to either run or solve the issue on his own. He would rather risk his dignity than call the authorities. 

Is their first reaction to danger: flight or fright?

Depends on the danger. If he knows it’s an even match, he’ll throw fists. If he knows he has no chance, he’ll turn tail (heh) and run. (i’m actually laughing omg stop)

If they had to be stuck on an island with one BNHA character, who would it be and why?

don’t don’t ever give him the option (brO TELL ME)

Favorite holiday and why?

Halloween. As a child he always loved to dress up as his favorite hero. As an adult, he’s more attuned to the day before Halloween as “Mischief Day” and takes “tricks” to the extremes.

Do they have a certain way of dressing/ style?

His wardrobe is casual and lazy punk clothes. He does occasionally sport a bright red jacket with his gang’s logo on the back.

Pet peeves: Assuming his character for his looks (I mean you right but he hates it) (LMFAO I’m trying to give a serious review here and you hitting me with all this lolol)

Favorite food: shrimp tempura and rice

Favorite drink: Pepsi (ayyeee, pepsi > coke)

What is their favorite season/weather?: Summer

What is their sleep schedule like?: Whenever (mood)

Introvert, Extrovert or Ambivert?: Extrovert

Quickest way to upset them?: Pull his tail (I….I’m so tempted)

What type of student were they/are they?: Given that he only went to school so he didn’t have to do community service… he did the bare minimum, still got held back once (got mightily pissed off about it), and left as soon as he turned 18. Will also add that the school he went to was one step closer to juvie.

Superlative that fits them best (class clown, teachers pet, etc): Most Likely Will Be His Own Boss

A song you associate with them: Survival of the Fittest - Robert DeLong

What’s their diet like?: He will inhale anything in front of him, but he has a real fast metabolism

What’s the last thing they ate?: McDonald’s burger combo

Hobbies: riding his motorcycle and sometimes play video games

Guilty Pleasures: I mean. If you got the dokis for a hero and you’re a real anarchist……..

When and what was the last thing that made them cry?: laid in bed one night. like you do. thought about where his life was. wondered where it was going. you know just one of those fun nights. (this got too real too fast and i feel mildly attacked)

General Extras: In general, he is a real neutral guy that doesn’t play sides unless you’re on his specifically. He doesn’t take being talked down to and will even argue his side to keep himself above it all. Even raise fists. But he is impulsive as shit and does not always think his decision through. Definitely not book smart, but strongly street smart and highly confident in his actions. (I get that vibe from everything you’ve said, you summarized it really well and took the words out of my mouth!)

Do you plan on filling out a roleplay form(No pressure if you don’t want to do it, this is more for me so I can keep your forms together if you send in both): nah I’m just curious about this one

Creator Name (that’s you!): Mumzy

Blog name where I can contact you: mumpkins

Did you have fun doing this?! (pls just say yes so my feelings don’t get hurt): I REALLY DID and eventually there came a point where I was literally like “well shit he’s kind of a dumb bastard what else is there”

PLEASE JUST SEND THE ANSWERS DIRECTLY TO ME I DON’T NEED THIS POSTED 8’D

I’ll post it private and send you the link!

*deep inhales* BOI. Shotaro is such an unintentional meme?? Like big crackhead vibes from him like…he’s really just a lil misfit goin around and doing as he pleases,, so much angst in this one like??? (i hope you dont take any offence to this,, i just really like his character lol) he seems pretty factious to me LOL. I like his quirk, simple and easy and his weakness is plausible, no OP oc’s here! His personality really shined through and you portrayed him well. That little paragraph you wrote summarizing him was a really solid description and would be perfect for a character sheet. The only inconsistencies were, at the top you put his age as 17 but in the “what type of student were they” you mentioned him turning 18 but otherwise he is a really solid character! I’m 20 something so I can’t crush on anyone younger than 20 but he’s really… *deep breath* …moving on. I love his personality and the fact that he’s this punk but in reality he’s an impartial dude who is chill unless something offends him or opposes him but he is also very loyal and empathetic, two qualities that I love!

Idk if you wanted questions since this is a private rating but i’ll put some either way and u can choose to fill em out or nah,, i mainly do it to help develop character and its just fun to talk abt oc’s sooo,,

What job do you see him having in the future? He’s not really here no there so i’m interested!

After he drops out of high school, he flat out does not know what to do. As he is familiar with criminal work, he stays to what he knows with his bike gang... and incidentally gets picked up by mob members. He begins as an errand boy for one organized group, but never is he ever initiated as a member. After having been exposed by a variety of assignments from various villains, by the age of 20 he’s doing all kinds of illegal work. He becomes a man for hire in the undergrounds, helping with drug trafficking, enforcement, body guarding, petty thieving, etc. You name it, he’s probably done it.

But that’s only in the dark. To keep himself balanced, he’s also a bar back for a local bar in the sketchy side of town. An honest job when he meets people and can tell them what he does for work without putting off any red flags.

A couple of reasons why he does shady work is not due to enjoyment. Actually, he wishes he never got involved as everyday feels like he’s at risk of getting killed for angering the wrong person. He doesn’t plan ahead of his life only because he could step outside one morning and breathe his last breath. For one thing, his best friend who grew up with him and is part of his gang is in rehab at this point and Kaneda is the only person who he can turn to for help -- by this, Kaneda opts to pay those hospital bills with the quick and astounding amount of money he receives from criminal work. Another reason is plain and simple: once he has done work for one organized criminal group, once his name is spread around the underground as a reliable hire, there’s no way of suddenly dropping that life without risking it all.

Is there anything in particular he does to relax?? Tv, music, hobbies, etc,

The best way he can relax is riding his motorcycle in the late hours of the night. He loves the city, and will speed through until he finds open road where he will just continue to ride until he feels calm again.

If he’s especially frustrated and the steam has built up in his lungs, he will hold it in until he finds a safe spot (preferably home) to release it all and collapse for a while. Yes, his apartment would be a sauna if he doesn’t open his windows.

Sex also helps.

Is he a pessimist or optimist? He’s very unbiased it seems so I wonder what his personal mindset is,,

More of an optimist, but in a way where he prefers to mask sorrow and tension with humor and a lighter perspective. He can’t afford to not be confident, and he tries his damndest to pass that on given the circumstances. “This will work” he would say to an idea he briefly thought of, mostly trusting his gut and hoping that if he passes on the mindset and convinces others of his confidence, then yes in some way things will work out.

But I also say that he’s not very optimistic of his own future (sorry to bring this back). He lives for the moment, but given the life he lives, he does not trust it will be a long one. 

So it’s hard to explain, but he’d more say, “nothing matters in the end; do whatever the hell you want now”.

[chloe-gayzer]

all of them for mitali (and adora, if you're feeling ambitious owo)

okay this was a lot but i am NOT weak and answered them all for BOTH

Mitali:

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign

She’s almost 33, born April 20th, 2005. She’s a Taurus.

2. Gender Identity

Cis woman!

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))

Lesbian, eventually taken by another OC, Savannah Wright

4. Race and Ethnicity

Mixed; Scottish and Indian.

5. Height and Body type

5’7, fit af

6. Headcanon VA

Haven’t terribly considered anyone but…… Claudia Black, with like, a scottish accent, would be Good

7. Occupation

Captain of Security

8. Weapon of Choice(?)

Bow and shotgun, for more “distance”. But fuck she loves her knifes.

9. Hometown and current residence

Bo’ness, Scotland. Prosperity.

10. Do they have any markings, piercings or scars?

Probably has her fair share of scars (newest one being from that gd crocodile). No piercings to speak of. A tattoo on her back that’s a dahlia and a transvaal daisy. They were each of her mother’s favourites.

11. Do they have any notable features, like horns, tails, or so on?

Not really, ha. Maybe her hair? It’s really long.

12. Own any pets?

A dog and a pig! She loves both Timber and Horatio.

13. Have any kids?

She wants to.

14. Can they cook? Can they bake?

She can cook pretty well but she usually doesn’t have the time. Baking, she hasn’t really been able to try. Not in a long time, at least.

15. Can they sing? Can they dance?

She can sing! Pretty well too! One of her moms was heavy into music and taught her a couple instruments. During their time in the bunker, she was taught a whole lot of songs on guitar. Might know a few dances.

16. Can they drive?

Yup! Best driver in the business ha

17 Can they fight?

That’s her main talent ngl

18. Have any special keepsakes?

She’s got her mother’s wedding rings tucked away. She never lets them away from her.

19. Hobbies

Nothing actually firm. She likes to read and there are times she likes to play music, but it can be sort of bittersweet for her. Hunting maybe, but that’s another survival thing.

20. Clothing/Aesthetic

She likes button-ups and to layer a bit. Enjoys soft blues and deep reds.

21. Fave food(s) and drink(s)

She misses salt and vinegar chips so much. Pretty partial to cider-- not the alcoholic kind-- but it’s harder to get.

22. Fave Color

Purple

23. Fave Genre

Romance lol

24. Fave Season

Fall!

25. City or Country?

Country

26. Guilty Pleasure

Tbh??? Finding someone to fight just to get some anger out.

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

She had two mothers until she was around 16. After they passed, family wise she was alone for a very long time. Now, the Ryes treat her as family and, at some point, Savannah would be her wife. She’s close with Kim and she’d never let anything happen to Carmina. She’s fast friends with Nick when they get him back-- she’s always glad to see a good man who has no issue being soft or saying “i love you”

28. Are they literate? Did they go to school? How long? What level?

She went to school up until shortly before the bombs fell, and her mothers did their best to teach what they could in the bunker.

29. What was childhood like?

The first 12 or so years were in Scotland. She was pretty healthy and well balanced. She enjoyed music, knew some instruments and got voice lessons. She was pretty athletic too, planning to do something military-centric when she was old enough. She and her mothers moved to the west coast of the states when she was twelve. It was maybe a year before the bombs fell.

30. What was adolescence like?

The first couple years were in the “bunker”, which was barely more than a multi-roomed basement shared between her and her mothers-- their neighbor, who’d offered them the shelter, didn’t make it in. He hadn’t been home when the bombs fell. The food ran out maybe two years in and she got to spend a year with her parents above ground before they were killed. The rest of her adolescence was spent mostly alone, living in a small shelter in the woods. She rarely had contact with people, only ever to trade. Once or twice she’d lead people out of the woods. It wasn’t until she was nineteen or so that she joined Rush.

31. What’s their current main conflict?

Loooooooooooots of self-hatred. Sure, there’s the whole highwaymen deal, but her hatred of herself makes it hard for her to make friends because she honestly doesn’t believe she deserves to have them.

32. What steps have they taken to overcome this conflict?

She doesn’t, really, until after that whole deal with Joseph and the apple and the bear. She of the mind it was just a drug trip, but it did make her think about who she is. Made her afraid she really had become something monstrous. After a breakdown and some help from Savannah, she actively tries to be a better, warmer person.

33. How have they changed over time?

Her trying to change helps her a lot. She goes from being pretty quiet, pretty grumpy, and antisocial, to being a happier, more open, but still pretty quiet woman. She teaches Carmina some songs on the guitar and plays more often for the people in Prosperity.

34. What’s their room look like right now?

I mean idk how the rooming situation is in Prosperity, but if she’s able to have a room that’s more private, she probably shares it with Savannah, after a point. Might have some plants and her guitar leaning in the corner. If it’s a shared room situation, she probably sticks to the bare minimum as to not take up too much space. Maybe a trunk under the bed with her clothes and a couple trinkets.

35. What are they like as a friend?

Literally if anything hurts you she will hunt it down. If she considers you a friend, she’ll make sure you know it.

36. What are they like as a partner?

Romantic partner, I’m assuming, she’s loving and protective, but often restrained. She doesn’t like to overstep boundaries.

37. Do they have any phobias?

Water. She can swim but fuck does she hate the feeling of something about to get her. Selene’s quest did not help that.

38. Did/do they go anywhere special for vacations?

Her parents took her to Disney once, but otherwise no.

39. Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

Raspberry hot chocolate.

40. What time do they go to bed, usually?

Whenever she’s done with the work for the day and has the chance to crash.

41. What’s their morning routine like?

Wake up → unbraid and brush hair → get dressed → find out what needs to be done for the day. Food if she remembers.

42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?

Go after Selene’s weed bag and get attacked by a crocodile, what the fuck, we can find you more weed, we can’t casually find Mitali a new arm.

43. What pokemon would your character be?

OOOOOOhhhhhh this is my kind question, I need to go look at pokemon lists. Oh fuck I’m back, she’s a midnight form lycanroc for SURE. Looks sorta scary, is cuddly, has the ability to maim.

44. What’s their pokemon team? Try to pick all 6.

I love these questions holy crap. Midnight form lycanroc because DUH. Houndoom. Pignite. Gengar. Yamask. Zangoose.

45. Theme song (and a playlist if you’ve got it!)

Wolf by First Aid Kit.It’s not a whole playlist but also: She Said Maybe by Steam Powered Giraffe. Lion’s Roar, by First Aid Kit. Ghost by Mystery Skulls. Thistles by Mumford and Sons. For Those Below, also Mumford and Sons.

46. If this character was in a musical, what would their motif be (what kind of instruments do you hear, what’s the tempo, ect).

Oh this is pretty hard.... Violin-centric, maybe. And the tempo would be different depending on which point of her life. A lively one for early life, a mournful one for like…. 16-32. Happier again after that.

47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?

Her mothers dying for sure! She went from being a hopeful young woman to almost spiteful. Killing the men who killed her parents was what sealed the deal.

48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

Yup parent death is still gonna be lowest point. It was sudden and painful and no one involved deserved it. Highest point is when she finally breaks free of that depression and realizes she doesn’t have to hate herself anymore.

49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?

Forgiveness, redemption, hope.

50. What are some motifs associated with your character?

Wild animals (mostly wolves), death and rebirth.

51. What were some inspirations for your character (people, movies, games)?

Big surprise but….. Mitali was definitely inspired in equal parts by Chloe Frazer and Nadine Ross (so Lost Legacy, in a nutshell). Also some great wolf related aesthetic pictures.

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

Well this is an unexpectedly deep question that I’m going to avoid due to my own self-worth lol

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

I expected to have her be very heavily military, but I ended up with a woman who only really wants to be a wife and just love the woman she marries with all of her heart and she wants to raise a kid and just have a good and happy family.

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

She doesn’t know what she wants but she needs love. Any kind. Platonic, romantic, whichever.

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? What happens when these all interact with each other?

Protective to a fault. It can be both their best and worst trait, but their real worst trait is her self-hate. The two things interacting usually lead her to cutting herself off from friends so they’re “better off without her”.

56. What’s your overall goal with this character? Will they get a happy ending or will they succumb to their faults?

FUCK I want her to have a happy ending so badly. I’ll have to see how New Dawn ends first, but end goal is her marrying Savannah and eventually having a kid or two. Maybe twins???

Adora!!!

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign

23, October 22nd 1994, Libra

2. Gender Identity

Cis woman

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))

Lesbian and taken by Jess as soon as she possibly can be

4. Race and Ethnicity

Mixed, Brazilian and South African

5. Height and Body type

Lil bit on the shorter end maybe 5’4, and she's got a swimmer bod for SURE

6. Headcanon VA

Don't have one yet

7. Occupation

Deputy to Sheriff Whitehorse

8. Answered previously!

9. Hometown and current residence

Cascade Valley, Hope County

10. Previously answered!

11. Do they have any notable features, like horns, tails, or so on?

Her hair is big and curly, lovely afro. Other than that, maybe her newly given WRATH scar

12. Own any pets?

She left her pet cat with her dads when she moved, but now she's got a cougar, a dog, and a bear. Peaches is her favourite.

13. Have any kids?

in the future, she has a daughter named Masha!

14. Can they cook? Can they bake?

She's not the best cook, but she can bake pretty well.

15. Can they sing? Can they dance?

She's not a great singer but she dances well!

16. Can they drive?

Yup!

17. Can they fight?

She's really scrappy, and a pretty big threat tbh

18. Have any special keepsakes?

Her dads gave her a star of david necklace before she left. she never takes it off.

19. Hobbies

She loves to fish!

20. Previously answered!

21. Fave food(s) and drink(s)

She's 100% here for pumpkin pie and loves pink lemonade

22. Fave Color

Gold!

23. Fave Genre

Rom coms

24. Fave Season

Fall!

25. City or Country?

Depends on the day, leans towards country.

26. Guilty Pleasure

Taking a break to fish when she should be doing something else. Also taking her hearing aids out when she doesn't want to listen to someone.

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

She's got two dads! They're an older couple who are very loving. One is deaf. Recently I gave her a brother named Adam! He’s a cool dude. Bi and lovable.

28. Are they literate? Did they go to school? How long? What level?

She finished school up to get her degree! Finished at 22

29. Previously answered!

30. What was adolescence like?

She went through a lot of emotional issues during her teens, but her dads got her in therapy and were supportive and loving. A lot of who she is today comes from the love she got then.

31. What’s their current main conflict?

Joseph fucking Seed decided to mess around in lives he should've left alone and now she's gotta clean up after him and try to protect her new friends.

32. What steps have they taken to overcome this conflict?

In the words of the lego movie: “shoot shoot shoot bullet bullet gun”

33. How have they changed over time?

Probably the biggest change was early teens to late. She was angry and spiteful and pretty depressed.

34. What’s their room look like right now?

Her room at home is covered in posters. But her room during 5 is… a bunker she found and claimed. She keeps it stocked, managed to put up a lesbian flag, and brought in the comfiest pillows and blankets she could.

35. Previously answered!

36. What are they like as a partner?

Over affectionate to the max, both with romantic partners and her work partner Hudson. A bit protective. Jealous when it comes to romantic partners.

37. Do they have any phobias?

Most boil down to the death of loved ones

38. Did/do they go anywhere special for vacations?

She used to get to pick a vacation spot once a summer when she grew up. Had to be reasonable, but she got to go to some great campgrounds, a couple good concerts, and Mammoth caves

39. Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

A white tea and cookies

40. What time do they go to bed, usually?

Depends on the day.

41. What’s their morning routine like?

Wake up → try to sleep longer → eventually be convinced out of bed (either by herself or by Jess) → try to manage her hair if she didn't braid it → give up on that and wash face → get dressed → eat → start day

42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?

“I won't get hurt jumping from that height”

43. What pokemon would your character be?

Whisicott! But shiny

44. What’s their pokemon team? Try to pick all 6.

I seriously love these questions. Whimsicott! Of course! And a sylveon. Gardevoir. Shinx. Rapidash. And Cinccino!! She’s fairy-centric.

45. Theme song (and a playlist if you’ve got it!)

Dance Apocolyptic by Janelle Monae.

46. If this character was in a musical, what would their motif be (what kind of instruments do you hear, what’s the tempo, ect).

Hmmm… Piano. Something upbeat, most of the time.

47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?

Therapy in her early teens. It helped her cope with the fact she suffered under her birth parents and realize she’s worth so much more than they tries to make her feel

48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

It’s still gonna be centered in her abuse, but it could also be the grudge she holds on the Seed family (minus Faith). Highest point is probably something to do with Jess.

49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?

Healing, unconditional love, leadership.

50. What are some motifs associated with your character?

Water, guilt, death, freedom

51. What were some inspirations for your character (people, movies, games)?

Adora is named after She-ra! Her brother too. Physically, I’m not sure. Mmmmaybe a little Nadine Ross, but even then, their hair is really the main similarity, and even then Adora’s is more afro than Nadine’s

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

We’re about the same age? We both love Jess Black. That might be where the similarities end.

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

I expected to have a gal who was nursing a crush on her partner in the force but instead i have a gal who’s a hundred percent in love with an archer she found locked in a cage by religious zealots.

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

She wants some goddamn rest and the ability to go on a proper date with her girlfriend. She wants to see her dads again. She wants to be certain she won’t wake up and find herself kidnapped again.

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? What happens when these all interact with each other?

Is “sunshine” a trait? She’s a happy sort of person and likes to show it. Smiles a whole lot. Best trait is her willingness to trust. Worst trait… she can hold a grudge. For a LONG time. Holding a grudge can keep her from mending bridges, so it doesn’t act terribly well with happy & trusting. And when it does, she’s happy to hold a grudge lol.

56. What’s your overall goal with this character? Will they get a happy ending or will they succumb to their faults?

My goal is her to eventually have a happy life. She gets her “happy ending” in the shape of being with Jess until the day she dies, and even taking in a little girl to raise. She passes away in her sleep a long way down the line.

[juliivn-blog]

[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy. 

[studiobeebo]

Hello dear your work makes me smile whenever I see it,may I request some headcannons of Shinsou and s/o who went dark side? (Both villains, s/o has a quirk like psychosis, where they can make whoever the quirk is being used on experience extreme hallucinations/stuff) Are they completely cracked or is it something like Stain's ideology, where they go after the corrupt hero's who don't deserve their title? (The idea of class 1-A dealing with them makes me cackle, cause shit dude, they're screwed)

LISTEN HERE I FUCKING LOVE VILLAIN SHINSOU AND I NEVER FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT HIM TO MY FRIEND @star-sprite SO THANK YOU SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! (ALSO SRRY THIS IS DONE IN A DIF STYLE THAN USUAL BUT I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO ANSWER YOUR SPECIFIC QUESTIONS)…and also i decided to test out my nsfw writing a bit so it might be garbage idk sdhsjd

Villain! Shinsou Hitoshi

First of all, I’d imagine both Shinsou and his s/o are..fairly sane..heh

With quirks that are both very often scene as having villainous or evil intent, they both grew up facing the ridicule and the hatred and this hatred festered once the two of them got together.

Think of it in this way, you know how sometimes you get excited for a thing and you excitedly tell your friend, and they are equally excited so the two of you just become a yelling mess of excitement? That is sort of how Shinsou and his s/o’s hatred grew stronger together. They both saw how the other was treated which finally opened their eyes to the fact that no one deserves that and that the ‘system’ is total bullshit, only allowing those with flashy quirks to have the spotlight while the rest are left to rot in their shadows.

This realization is what pushed them to a life of villainy, though at first in their eyes, they were the heroes for the underdogs. They were going to fix this fucked system and cross the lines that needed to be crossed for the sake of others like them.

At first, murder and anything extreme was out of the question. Like anyone would who wanted a large scale problem fixed, they started out small, leading rally’s or symbolically destroying certain monuments and artifacts. After that things got a bit more intense with either Shinsou, his s/o, or both of them working to influence certain people to get things done. When that wasn’t enough though, ohoh that’s when their lives got fun.

The first time the both teamed up to kill someone..neither of them were really expecting the thrill. It was just some low level pro, the thought was that taking out a few mediocre ‘heroes’ who didn’t deserve the title would stir something, but fuck was it fun for Shinsou’s s/o to cause their target to hallucinate that they were getting away from the two only to have their last view being the blood spilling from the bullet wound in their head.

Shinsou was honestly scared at how much of an adrenaline rush was coursing through his veins and he had to bite his cheek to keep himself from smiling. He felt sick at the idea of enjoying such a thing, but he couldn’t help it, and when he heard a stifled laugh come from his s/o, he knew he didn’t really have to hide it if they felt the same way.

It was after this revelation that sanity became a concern of the past. With the two of them together, they could do a lot and they knew this very, very well. They still had a job to do, sure, but everyone loved to have a bit of fun at work.

It almost became a game to see what fucked up things his s/o could come up with to get into people’s heads, and by that time Shinsou had perfected the art of controlling people while letting them still have their thoughts, so all the while they would be able to know every move they made and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

Now doing this wasn’t something he particularly enjoyed doing a whole lot because it could be difficult to do so for long, but his s/o just always got such a kick out of it that he couldn’t help himself.

It got to a point where he’d pick up ‘toys’ for his s/o that had nothing to do with their cause, but his s/o liked having something to keep them entertained, especially when they were hanging low for a while. Mostly they’d end up just using the people Shinsou controlled as servants, but if his s/o wanted it, he’d get it for them.

Sometimes, thinking back on their high school days, Shinsou wondered if his influence on his s/o was what had made them oh so cracked, but every time he saw that devilish smile on his s/o’s face, everything else faded away and he realized this was ride or die no matter who came to take them down.

On top of that, his dependence on his s/o had grown over the years and his time without them made him feel like he was having fucking withdrawals, so he knew he was hooked, but honestly?? He didn’t ever want to be fixed.

Slowly but surely, Shinsou and his s/o will sort of feed off one another’s lost grip of reality and their goal, and before you know it they are no longer freedom fighters for the underdog’s, they’re just incredible, unstoppable villains.

Things change after this point and their views become more selfish. They start a very ‘if we want it, we’ll take it’ type lifestyle and they end up with a hand in many different types of businesses and such. Drugs, weapons, you name it. With their quirks they can get shit with zero cost and make all the profit they could ever fucking want so they’re living like a King and Queen.

Of course, they can’t let others in the same business know too much about them so they can’t live overly lavishly and they have to seem like they are on the same level as everyone else is in the playing field. This means that straight up stealing is limited, but every once in a while Shinsou will just tell someone to hand over their product without a fuss, or his s/o will make them believe that the products they gave were paid for.

When things get too easy, they both end up itching to go the extra mile to get the same thrill as they used to. This means risky missions, many near death experiences, using some of the ‘products’ they should be sending out to be sold on the streets, anything. It’s almost like they are living only with the purpose of telling death to come and stop them.

It was during one of these ‘risky’ missions when the two of them had run into a group of old pals from UA. Shinsou specifically told his s/o to leave Deku alone, but the rest were fair game.

While it was nice seeing their old classmates crumble, the ones who were always so high and mighty were the best to watch. Seeing fear in the eyes of those who claimed to not know of such things was definitely a treat.

All the while, as skewed as their motives have become, their personalities are the same and Shinsou is the same old snarky, tired eyed little shit and his s/o is the same as they’ve always been. Of course there’s a bit of questionable sanity thrown in there, but that’s totally irrelevant..right?

NSFW

I’m not saying either of them are sex addicts or anything, but when you mix an adrenaline rush with two intense lovers such as themselves, things get very heated very easily.

There is a lot of fucking straight after a mission. Hell, the two of them could be in the lavish penthouse of some poor fuck they just murdered and robbed with the body still slumped in the corner and he’ll have his s/o pinned up against the wall twenty feet away.

Originally, Shinsou was a very passionate and slow lover when it came to sex with his s/o. He liked taking the time to show his appreciation and he’d happily take a half hour or longer to eat out/suck off his lover to his heart’s content because he can’t deny that hearing them beg for release gets him just as excited as hearing a hero with a gun to their head begging to be spared.

He still will do this if he’s got the time, but fuck has he come to love the fast, erotic post-murder/mission fucking fueled by adrenaline and excitement at the previous venture.

During these times, things get rough and Shinsou is absolutely one to leave little finger shaped bruises all down his s/o’s sides from gripping too hard. Oddly enough though, he tries not to leave many hickies because when he sees them the next day, he finds it hard to concentrate just because he wants to bend his s/o over the nearest table and fuck them all over again.

The two of them have also had more time to develop less..vanilla tastes and indulge in likes or kinks that may seem strange to others.

For example, Shinsou stopped being embarrassed about it a long time ago, but a lot of times he’s asked his s/o to wear lipstick because he has an odd fascination with seeing everywhere their lips were on his body after a passionate evening.

E s p e c i a l l y when he has the honor of seeing that ring of red or pink so close to the base of his cock. It’s almost a game to see how far his s/o was able to take it this time around and he’s always hoping that they’ll ‘win’ that game and make it to the ‘top’.

[milesgonzalomorales]

1-50 for studyblr (all or nothing motherfucker ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

I owe you my life anon I wanted to answer these 

What year are you?Third-year as of summer 2018

What’s your major/what do you think you want to major in?Double major in Political Science and History

If applicable, what is your thesis about?                                                        n/a

Do you think you picked the right major?                                                      For sure. At first I was uncertain in my choice bc I switched quite a bit in my first/second year bw English and History, but then I realized that English classes were making me dislike my relationship w/ literature. I love my poli sci and history classes 

Ultimate educational goals?                                                                                 Getting my PhD in International Relations but i have no job to pay for it 

Career goals?                                                                                                         Working with an international organization like the UN or the IMF

Do you think your goals are realistic?                                                                 Certainly. They may be difficult to reach, but they are within my grasp so long as I keep working towards them. 

What classes are you taking right now?                                                             Canadian government/politics, introductory political theory and a comparative history class on race relations in the US and SA                                      

Favorite class out of everything you’ve ever taken and why?                          Introduction to international relations parts 1 and 2, I took them both in my second year back to back (one in the fall, the other in the winter) while I was still in the political science minor. I loved this class for several reasons. First, the content was so interesting that reading the textbook was never a chore and I was always in the first row of the lecture hall ready 15 minutes before classes even started. Another reason I liked this class was bc I had a really good experience with the ta who was my tut. leader in both semesters - there is only one other ta that I’ve had who has been that phenomenal in their teaching. This ta along with another prof have been really influential in my learning and I don’t think thank you will ever be enough for what they both did.  It was actually through these classes that I decided to major in poli sci bc I loved it so much. 

Least favorite class ever and why?                                                                       An Ancient Greek history class bc it was at night and the prof had us read exclusively from a sourebook and his slides sucked.                                

Current favorite class and why?                                                                          Canadian government, I’m learning a lot of cool stuff about my country that high-school teachers never did justice to. Also the prof is really enthusiastic and it’s contagious. 

Current least favorite class and why?                                                                 Political theory… it’s not that I hate it, but some of the texts are really difficult to read at times. Lectures are fun though, the prof really knows how to keep an audience engaged.                                                                                   

Favorite STEM field?                                                                                            I took an anthropology class in first year and loved it, the tutorials were really interesting bc we actually got to handle bone material!! It was nothing like humanities tutorials where you discuss and debate. A fun experience overall and I loved learning about the science parts too even if it was a little complicated sometimes…                      

Favorite humanities subject?                                                                               Political science, hands down. 

Class that you’ve always wanted to take but never had the chance?              I want to take a class on ethnic conflict and security, but it’s a 4th year class and i don’t have the prereqs (yet!) 

Do you use caffeine and if so how much daily?                                                 Never, unless Coffee Crisp counts 

What’s your preferred method of taking in caffeine?                                         ^ see above answer                                                                          

Have you ever tried study drugs?                                                                        Nope, not a huge fan of supplements like that.  

Are you a homework-in-the-morning kind of person?                                       Homework whenever I can type of person                         

Do you listen to music while you study?                                                            Used to, but now it distracts more than anything so I’ll put on some ambient noises or just work silently. 

Crowded area or quiet place?                                                                               Quiet place, but one that has people in it so I feel obligated to work 

What’s your preferred writing implement?                                                          bic gelocity 0.7 black and blue pens. i cannot write w/o them but they run out so fast.                         

Do you need to work out before you can study well?                                        work out??? haven’t heard that term in years 

Describe your perfect study environment.                                                          Idk the specifics, but good lighting, nice temperature, a rolling chair and a high desk i guess? 

Are you procrastinating right now?                                                                     Not really, I have time before assignment deadlines roll in. 

What was the last thing you procrastinated?                                                     Reading Thomas Hobbes Leviathan, the language was too complex and I shied away from it 

Are you a perfectionist?                                                                                        Not really, you make a mistake and you move on, I find that studyblr aesthetic notes are counterproductive 

Do you like easy classes or do you feel bad if you’re not working hard?       I don’t think there is such thing as ‘easy’ classes, it depends on what an individual’s strengths and weaknesses are. That being said, I had a light course load for a first year class where the prof felt bad for assigning us 10 pages of reading a week when another prof was assigning 80-100.    

Are you a good test taker?                                                                                    Most of the time, but with essays, I need to write outlines or I lose my train of thought and get frustrated and anxious about the time and my argument. 

What are you the proudest of out of all the assignments you’ve ever had?   A paper I did for my critical writing for history class 2 semesters ago, I contacted that professor regularly and was in her office all the time working with her to keep making it better and when I saw my final grade of 38/40, I cried with happiness. 

Do you talk to your teachers/professors a lot?                                                  Oh yeah, I’m that student who stays after class, spends half the time at office hours, asks questions during class, you name it. Professors are people too, just really accomplished people. Also they’re pretty cool and they want to see you succeed. 

Describe your favorite teacher/professor and why you like them.                   Okay again not a prof, but this person is training to become a prof and i truly hope he’s successful for several reasons. He has a lot of cool book recs both academic/non-academic, calls out the bullcrap that is academic writing, genuinely goes above the paygrade to make sure that students succeed and most importantly, is enthusiastic about the content himself. (press f to pay respects) 

Describe your least favorite teacher/professor and why you dislike them.     Hnghhhh there was these 2 profs who taught intro ir part 1 and one of those guys was an absolute loser, he constantly made holocaust jokes and other tasteless comments and when i went to talk to him about my final paper, he told me that i’d look like someone who might like to write mine about is/s like ://. never told that prof anything about my academic interests so shut your mouth 

Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher/professor?                         A few times, but I don’t think I could do it. I’d be one of those rambling profs who never end up finishing their scheduled content. 

Most profound thing ever said to you by a teacher/professor?                         Not a prof, but a ta once said that my ideas were worthy of respect and that i shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for contributions (ta: you are valid me: holy fuck i’d die for you) 

Best feedback you’ve ever gotten on something academic?                            Best feedback I’ve ever gotten was on a paper I wrote for my ir class in the first semester where i had a lot of pitfalls in my argumentation style so when i wrote one the next semester w/ the same ta marking it, i got a better mark bc i incorporated that feedback. 

Worst study habit and how are you working on it?                                            My worst habit is lacking discipline and I’m working on it by trying to stick to schedules so I can fall back into routine and ultimately be on top of things 

Are you an in-class fidgeter?                                                                                moment of silence for all the pens i’ve dropped while twirling them/taking them apart. 

How’s your handwriting?                                                                                      pretty neat, not to brag. but apparently my f’s are jumping off the lines practically. 

Write “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” and post a photo.         sorry, too late for that I’m headed to sleep soon. 

Neat or messy notes?                                                                                            A weird combo?? Like messy enough that you have arrows sticking out from all corners and sometimes things are disorganized, but the writing itself is usually very neat unless i’m tired. 

A lot of notes or the bare minimum?                                                                   A lot, for me, the slides are the skeleton and the meat comes from the prof’s mouth. 

Post a photo/scan of your notes from your favorite class.                               I think I uploaded them to my side blog?? anyway it’s late now so can’t do that 

Are you a doodler?                                                                                                I used to be, but I cut the habit bc sometimes I miss key info if I’m not paying attention. 

Post a photo of your doodles if you have any.                                                    lol i used to post a lot under the tag naailah draws 

Do you have pre-test rituals and what are they?                                                Making sure I have more pens than I’ll ever need and checking the ink refills to ensure there’s enough. 

Are you a tangent-question asker?                                                                      Yup, there’s no such thing as a dumb question. Unless it’s answered on the syllabus. That’s a dumb q. 

Do you make jokes in class?                                                                                Sometimes. I’ve cracked some awful puns in my comparative poli class once and the prof’s mic picked up on it bc i sit at the front so you have a room of 200 or so students hearing me laugh about poverty and i swear it sounds bad but it was not as bad w/ context. 

How many hours do you spend on academics per day?                                   A lot… most of my time is spent on studying/procrastinating on it 

What’s something more important to you than school?                                    Life after school and making a real impact in the world, whether it’s small-scale or large. 

[folerdetdufoler]

I found it so interesting what you said of your relationship with your body interfering other parts of your life.. I identify with that, I often put things on hold because of it. I feel like I don't diserve things because of it. I guess I wanted to ask you if you could idk, elaborete on that? I don't know if the question makes sense I just find comfort in reading someone I admire and follow writing about that.

hmm, okay, well yes, i could elaborate. i don’t…i don’t think it’s what you want or need to hear though, because it’s a situation that does not have a solution, and i don’t know how much of a comfort that could be. i do not have hope.

i have type 1 diabetes, and i depend on an insulin pump to stay alive. it delivers a steady dose of insulin that gets me through a fasting day. if i eat, i’m supposed to dose out additional insulin. i eat. i do not take more insulin. i pretend i am normal, that my body is not broken, that i do not need the little blue box clipped at my hip, the drug that my body can’t create and dose on its own.

i’ve lived like this since i was twelve, this pretending. because it’s been so long, my eyes are starting to fail and i need glasses. my kidneys are struggling. my skin is dry and cracked, and the slightest scratch becomes a wound that doesn’t close for months, a dark scar that will constantly remind me of how broken i am. i do not care for myself because the damage is done. no amount of care will get me back to normal (and this world profits off of my disease more than its cure, which means it will never come), so there is no point in that effort. i will do what i need to do to remain alive, but i will be tired, thirsty, hungry, and bleeding the whole time. and slowly everything else will fail too.

i’ve never been touched, kissed, because this body cannot be desired. it is broken and scarred. i have desires; i want to be touched and kissed and undressed and fucked, but i know no one wants to do that to this body, so i do not pursue it. i do not let myself believe i am worth something, because then i will not let myself get disappointed or rejected.

the only reason i had a career was because i knew i needed a job when i graduated college. if i didn’t get a job i wouldn’t be able to afford health insurance, and without health insurance i wouldn’t be able to afford insulin. i got a job and stayed there for many years. i quit when i decided that i didn’t need health insurance because i didn’t need insulin because i was going to die.

this body is a burden to me. it is a shame. but i will not let it be a burden to anyone else. the company can hire someone else to do a better job; i will no longer hinder someone else’s success. if anyone was ever interested in me, they are free to find someone else who will love them the way they need to be loved; i will never drag them down. if i shrink my burden, my self, down to nothing, then there is space for someone else to thrive, room for a better life. so almost every decision i make is in service of that: to be less.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #135

“on a collision course to hell we march.”

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later?  Right away because otherwise it'd fuck with my OCD. Do you like to have croutons in your salad?  Ew no. Which do you find more irritating - sunburn or bug bites? Sunburn. What shape/type of fry do you like best [waffle fry, curly fry, steak fry, sweet potato fry, tater tot, etc.]?  Just.  The normal kind of fry. What’s your favorite type of bird?  Barn owls. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 110. How many contacts do you have in your phone?  15. What pet names do you use with your significant other? The usual sweetie, hunny, etc., but then there's "honeybee" and "bubblebutt." cB What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries?  Wal-Mart. Do you carry any means of protection on you while out in public?  No, although I do wish I had pepper spray. Have you ever been inside of a cave?  No, I wish. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker?  No. Did your parents ever show you pictures of you when you were a baby inside your mother’s tummy?  I know some exist and Mom was probably pregnant in pictures I've seen in old photo books, but I don't remember any in specific. When you were in school/if you are in school, do you actually share your grades with your parents? If you got/get a bad grade, do you hide it from them?  I always shared them regardless. Have you ever learned to play a song on an instrument just by listening to it and not looking at sheet music? No. Is anything hanging from the doorknob in your room?  My purse. Your first love walks up to your door, what do you do/say?  Considering he has no way of knowing where I live, probably, "And I thought I was the obsessive one" before closing the door. Do you honestly think you could last a week without a computer or cell phone?  Oh yeesh no. Do you know anyone who does cocaine?  No.  At least I hope not. What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you?  Given my current weight, that I'm a vegetarian. What’s your longest road trip?  Like... 11-12 hours? Do you have any videos on your phone? If so, of what?  I have one video saved of Sara playing with Jem.  It's the cutest thing ever. Do you think that your bedroom is a reflection of your personality? Or would people look at your room and misjudge you?  It's a good reflection. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground?  No.  Food falls, not touching it. Does it bother you when people make weight comments? This depends.  Your doctor?  Without being condescending or anything, of course they should.  Otherwise, unless you are asked by this person to give your genuine opinion, keep your mouth shut. What’s a quality that your sister has that you absolutely can’t stand? I won't say which sister, but she's not appreciative enough of what she's given. Have you ever been caught right in the middle of a rain storm outside?  Yep.  In the summer afternoons especially, it can start pouring down within like five minutes of clouds forming. When was the last time you visited the park? Who did you go with?  February to take anniversary pics for Ash and Nick.  Mom and my niece and nephew were there, too. Do you live in a town where basically everyone knows everyone else?  No, we don't really live in a "town" area. Are your grandparents the kind who are very protective of you?  No. Which singer’s vocals would you love to steal?  I've only heard "Skin and Bones" by her band, but probably Layla Brooklyn Allman.  Fucking gorgeous voice but also has one badass roar. Have you got a hairdresser that you can trust?  Yeah, I've seen the same woman since like middle school. Do you like the smell of BBQs?  Yes, even though I hate barbeque. Who would you really like to become better friends with?  There's a lot of people.  But of anyone, probably Priscilla. Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos?  Yeah. How big is your bed?  Queen. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party?  No. Do you think it’s important for children to have a father figure in their life as they grow up?  ...it’s more important the child grows up feeling loved and valued than exactly who is doing the raising. <<<<< This. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? No. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone?  Yes. /v\ Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little?  Yes. What is the population of the city you live in? Around 5,300 lmao.  We're tiny. If you could have one more pet, what?  If I didn't have a rat the answer would be a cat, but since I do, another ball python. Something you want to buy real bad?  Gimme another plane ticket and the money for the tat I want. Something you would NEVER buy?  Drugs. What do you think will happen when you die?  Hopefully I'll see a peaceful, beautiful afterlife where I'm with all I love who've passed. Could you wait until marriage for sex?  I tried to.  Now I kinda just shrug at the idea of being abstinent.  I mean if you're in love with the person, stable in your HEALTHY relationship, and use protection, go for it. What was on the last sandwich you ate?  A pb&j forever ago.  Aaaand now I want one, but fasting hours have started. What pet names do you use with your significant other? Oh god I call her a lot.  "Pretty woman," "honeybee," "love(ly)," "sweetie, "hunny," "baby/babe," aaaand "bubblebutt" will always be The Supreme. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We have an OOOOOLLLDDD-ass toaster oven, idk what it is. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you?  For less than a day, and now, no. How would you describe your sense of humor?  Sarcastic, I guess. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings?  Yeah, Nicole. Do you currently have any bruises on your body? Yeah, my knees are pretty bruised from getting down daily to exercise. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage?  No. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse?  Ye, multiple times. A solar one?  No. Do you know anyone who writes huge essays when they message you?  Lmao Sara and I can both do that sometimes. Do you think your first love still loves you?  Nope. Are you a money saver or spender?  Quickly learning I'm a saver.  It's so, so rare I obtain money so I save that shit for something I really want. Do you know anyone who has been arrested?  Yes. Are you someone who has to analyze everything?  More like over-analyze. What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Hm... that REALLY scared me that bad, probably when Sara was having a strange health issue. Who is the last person you pushed out of your life? Why?  My old best friend because she's honestly a toxic piece of trash towards others. Do you have any awkward music downloaded on your iPod?  Lol yes.  People would raise eyebrows. Have you ever been to church? What was it like?  I grew up going to church and did sometimes with the family as a teen, and I always thought it was boring. Has a member of the opposite sex ever seen you naked? Yeah. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? No, unless one's available and it's pouring. What articles of clothing have you been wanting to buy/did you buy recently?  Homie I've wanted a leather studded jacket since middle school. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  No. Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences?  YEAH. If you could either be fire resistant or breathe underwater, which would you rather be capable of? Breathe underwater. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Ugh yes. If you have any piercings, who did them?  Different people, but all professionals. Have you ever cried while watching a movie trailer?  No. Do you know someone who had completely changed for the worse when he/she started hanging out with another person? If so, who?  Yeah, his name's Jason. Have you ever been pulled over, but just let off with a warning?  No. Have you ever taken shots? (of alcohol)  No. Have you ever had to evacuate somewhere do to a fire/flood/some sort of threat to safety? If so, what happened?  No. Do you like mash-up songs?  I don't listen to them enough to know. Have you ever played a real pinball machine?  Pretty sure yes. What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? Attempting suicide. What about the happiest?  Realizing my ex no longer had any power over me. What do you consider to be a bad grade? Low C. Who was the last person you slow danced with?  Jason. Do you say "like" a lot? No.  My younger sister can say it in almost every sentence and it drives me insane. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness?  I wouldn't be able to.  As someone who knows the pain of them, I just couldn't handle it. Do you ever go into photobooths?  I have before. Have you ever pole danced before?  No. Have you ever seen a live bat?  Yes. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it?  No. Are you more comfortable kissing a boy or a girl? I haven't kissed a girl on the lips yet, but I can almost guarantee I'd be more comfortable kissing one than a boy. Are you waiting for something? Come.  On.  June.  12th. Have you ever kissed someone and hated it?  He kissed me and I hated it. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. Who in your family is the hardest to please? Nicole, probably. Would you ever pierce your “private” areas?  NONONONONONONONO WHY DO PEOPLE- What type of humor do you find funniest?  Dry or clever. What types of things fascinate you? BOY.  Nature, CAVES, space, oceans, certain animals... lots. Are you ever rude to people on purpose?  Depends on my mood/the subject...  If you're being a piece of shit to me, I may be unpleasant back.  Or I kill with kindness. What kind of place would you want to raise your children?  I already want to live in the woods, but if I had children, it'd be even more important to me to live with an abundance of nature.  I'd want to raise them to enjoy it and ESPECIALLY respect it.  I'd also want to teach them to have fun with other than just technology, and giving them a big chunk of the outdoors would help. Will you hold hands with the last person you held hands with again?  YEAH. Has your father met the boy you currently love?  *girl.  Not yet, but hopefully will next month. Why did you last cry?  I was extremely lonely and sick of how dull and repetitious my days are. Do you eat raisin bran?  Omg I hate raisins. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad?  Either one. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?  I'm not very educated on serial killers.  Isn't there one who wore other people's faces?  That'd be high on the list. Have you ever written or received a suicide note?  Ugh.  I wrote one. Do you have the same color hair as your siblings?  Yes.  I think we ALL have brown hair. Do you have the same color eyes as your siblings?  My only siblings who has blue eyes is Bobby. What is your favorite type of cat?  Persians. What’s your opinion on tattoos in the workforce? How about piercings?  Get the fuck over it.  They have no impact on the person's personality and work ethic.  It's WAY past time we drop that shit. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not?  *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* IF A CHILD IS HUNGRY FUCKING FEED THEM LIKE GODDAMN HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHAT BREASTS ARE FOR. How many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears?  It was done once, but it closed when I had to take it out at the hospital.

[dapperfvck-arc]

BASIC.

FULL NAME. John Constantine NICKNAME. officially, Conjob, mostly from his days on the punk scene. On the esoteric side of things he may be referred to “The Laughing Magician” or, more derisively “a petty dabbler”. BIRTHDAY. May 10 (by original Hellblazer canon, he was born in 1953, but I’ve taken it upon myself to adjust his birth year to some time in the early 70s give or take) ETHNIC GROUP.  Caucasian NATIONALITY.  English (with strongly implied deep Russian roots) LANGUAGE.  English, basic grasp of most major European languages, profound fluency in dead/magical/infernal languages SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Bisexual af RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse/continuity dependent, though this blog is fairly heavily multi-ship. However, it should be noted that on the MCU continuity, John is in an exclusive, committed relationship with Matt Murdock ( @dcviltongued ) CLASS. Middle to lower class. Is very good at getting fast money (scams, gambling, dealing in magic artifacts/antiques of questionable quality and veracity) so may appear to be better off at certain times HOME TOWN / AREA. Liverpool, England, but has been living in London since leaving the family home at 17. CURRENT HOME. Heavily verse/continuity/thread dependent. John is a frequent traveller. PROFESSION. Somewhat verse/continuity dependent. Really it’s just a matter of whether or not he charges for exorcisms or magic rituals. My personal endgame for John is legitimacy. Like becoming a preternatural PI (and sometimes mundane) for hire or whatever. As a general rule though, his profession is con artist. He’s never worked a honest day’s work in his life. The closest he ever got was when he was a “rock star”. He could also be considered a professional gambler, patronizing horse tracks, underground card games, legal casinos, and I imagine can hustle at pool. Scams range from blackmail to using his reputation as an occultist to take advantage of people willing to pay for spell work.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR. Short and usually rather messy. He rocks bedhead pretty aggressively. May be shaved and very short on the sides and styled into a faux to actual mohawk. He’s very blonde despite not getting very much sun as a general.  EYES. Electric blue, often almost fever bright. Deep and captivating, extremely intense straight on. NOSE. difficult to pin down due to the range of styles in which John have been drawn. Usually broad and more or less regular, occasionally somewhat crooked from being broken, though by and large, it’s portrayed as straight. Some artists, such as Moriat and Sean Murphy have drawn it as narrow and somewhat aquiline. I guess, I tend lean toward the former despite my deep love for Murphy’s interpretation of John, simply because I feel like my choice in FC is somewhat based on Tim Bradstreet and Leonardo Manco’s artistic interpretations of John, both of which I honestly adore just as well. FACE. Yet another loooong explanation here, I’m sorry. Artists tend to lean between giving him either a square face, classically handsome appearance (Steve Dillon, John Higgins, Ron Tiner, most of artists that have drawn him in the DC titles he’s appeared in), a broader, more every man appearance (Sean Phillips, Leonardo Manco to some degree, though later proved quite capable of drawing him stunningly handsome, and Tim Bradstreet), however still attractive but somewhat more haggard, stubbled, and/or slightly seedy in appearance, and finally a sharper, more diamond shape to his face featuring high cheekbones, a pointed chin and fine bone structure (Sean Murphy, Marcelo Frusin, and Moriat). Once more, in reference to my face claim for John, I suppose I tend to favour a more classically handsome appearance, simply because I like the idea of him having a pleasant, almost trustworthy face given that he is a con artist and considered an extremely good one (sometimes even the greatest con artist alive but idk whatever), and I feel like looking as dodgy as say, Frusin’s interpretation, I can’t imagine him being as successful as he is, you feel me? That guy looks like he’ll fuck you over for a corn chip. LIPS. Sensuous, faintly lined from his his smoking habit COMPLEXION.  Like any good Englishman that tends to move about by night and quite a bit dressed, John’s very pale. I do think he has a faintly pronounced undertone of pink. This colour will get brighter when he gets drunk, aroused, angry, or the exceedingly rare instance that he’s embarrassed  BLEMISHES. None SCARS. Aside from the scarification, which is better off detailed in the next section, and I ALWAYS FORGET TO MENTION THIS, he definitely has a long scar over one eye from a demon trying to cut it out with a blade. Since many magic rituals call for blood, I head canon that he also has faint scarring on his arms because he doesn’t practice human or animal sacrifice and his own blood instead.

TATTOOS. Arse tattoo of pine tree courtesy of Swamp Thing being a punk bitch, ritual tattoos faded into appearing as scarification. HEIGHT. 5′11 (184.34 cm) WEIGHT: prolly ranges between 150-160lbs (140 at his lightest) BUILD.  Long legs, somewhat of a broad upper torso, can be a bit soft in the middle. In general, he’s rather thin but his musculature is not usually very defined. In other words, no big, sexy pecs or cut abs. If anything he’s more sleek lines and narrow planes. ALLERGIES.  none USUAL HAIR STYLE. Freshly fucked USUAL CLOTHING. Dark suits, usually dark blue or black and trench coat, usually tan, has also been portrayed as black, yellow, or a mossy kinda green. In theory it could be said that these aren’t just differing interpretations from artists but that John owns coats in different colours, styles, and fabrics, but his favourite is the tan, longer style

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR. abandonment, amounting to nothing, not being able to protect those he cares about ASPIRATION. survival, making some kind of mark on this world, a measure of contentment POSITIVE TRAITS. Compassionate and determined, above all. Though not about to admit to it, he's still deeply idealistic. Strangely forgiving. He doesn’t really keep grudges. Loving, considerate, understanding, and rarely judgmental  NEGATIVE TRAITS. Those good things up above? They’re encased in a shell of harsh cynicism and apathy. Depending on his mood or particular part of his life depends on how hard a shell he is to crack. He may also experience depressive periods where he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything and just wants to drink. VICE HABIT.  Chain smokes, drinks, frequency dependent on what’s up in his life, though I do not believe he’s an alcoholic, sorry, because lol look, drinking a lot doesn’t mean you have a dependency. Indulges in drugs infrequently, mostly hallucinogens and weed, though I also tend to head canon that he flirted with a cocaine habit while fronting Mucous Membrane.  FAITH.  It’s complicated GHOSTS? Duh. He sees them plain as any living person AFTERLIFE?  Yeah, but uh, he doesn’t consider them eternal respites. They’re just planes of existence that he can either enter, leave, or pull people out. REINCARNATION? Maybe? ALIENS? I meeeeaannn....technically in DCU he’s acquainted with the concept of aliens and may or may not have fucked Hal Jordan POLITICAL ALIGNMENT. Liberal ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. comfortable  SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. working class warlock EDUCATION LEVEL.  Predominately self-educated. His frightfully intelligent and has been cited as having genius level intellect. Although I’m not sure I’d go so far as confirm that, I do thing he’s extremely clever and pragmatic. School bored him to tears and he was the type of kid the counselors and teachers say “exceedingly bright but unwilling to apply himself”. He reads voraciously, has an eidetic memory, and isn’t afraid of putting himself in new situations.

FAMILY.

FATHER.  Thomas (dead, murdered by the Family Man) MOTHER.  Mary Anne (died in child birth) SIBLINGS.  Cheryl (murdered by husband, currently residing in Hell), an unnamed twin brother referred to as the Golden Child or Boy, the true heir to the Laughing Magician (stillborn, soul was later absorbed by John in trippy magic ritual, only to be expelled later in life when it was revealed that...uh...he was influencing John’s destiny to be perpetually sabotaged. Hellblazer’s a weird comic, you guys) EXTENDED  FAMILY.  Gemma, his niece. They have a rather stormy relationship. Chas, his best mate. Lovers may also be included in this. NAME MEANING. John: Jehovah has been Gracious/Shown Favour (lmao) Constantine: Constant, steadfast, generally referred to as “The Constant One”

HISTORICAL CONNECTION. Is strongly implied that John’s related, if perhaps distantly, to Constantine the Great.

FAVOURITES.

BOOKS.  Prefers non-fiction MUSIC. Rock music, most notably 70s and 80s era punk rock. Likes the Pogues. Given the stack of evidence that John skirts the edge of the Goth scene cos he likes the aesthetic on women, I have a feeling he’s adopted into his music tastes. The Cure, Smiths, and Cocteau Twins in reference to an 80s mixtape John might make. Which i question the Smiths heavily, but The Cure and Cocteau Twins seems fairly legit. I bet Kit loved the Cocteau Twins. In that same vein of thought, although I tend to think John doesn’t like electronic music, he may have adopted some industrial bands into his preferences but he’s not about to talk about ti any time soon. DEITY.  Whichever one doesn’t hate him HOLIDAY.  doesn’t care MONTH. same SEASON.  Fall PLACE.  London or New York, in the case of sentimentality that he will never be able to get back to, the years when he was bumming around Ireland with Brenden and Kit WEATHER. Overcast SOUND.  He’s a city boy through and through, even if he may get frustrated with society on a whole, so he’s comforted by city sounds more than silence SCENT.  A freshly poured pint, the first cigarette of the day, skin and sex sweat TASTE.  Gin FEEL. He’s a sensualist. Body to body, breathing another person’s breath, his please, another person’s pleasure, his pleasure, all that good stuff. I also feel like he enjoys being drunk or stoned for the sake of having his thoughts dulled to a degree. He’s the sort of man who has lots of thoughts and situational observational input. John is basically perpetually mentally overstimulated and he likes the relief from that in inebriation. ANIMAL.  Fox  NUMBER.  hahaha idea numerology man COLOUR.  warm and neutral tones

EXTRA.

TALENTS. So many. He’s a jack of all trades in a lot of ways. He can pick a lock, displays some artistic talent in that he can draw very intricate magic circles and sigils, if you consider that John wrote Venus of the Hardsell, he’s clearly got some ability to express himself in lyrics and words, i like to think he can play guitar, is apparently good with delicate craftsmanship (he used to help Dani build furniture for her dollhouses. This is canon by the way), suppose you could say he can sort of sing, but that’s debatable, and of course he’s very manipulative and speaks very well, is educated enough to be able to bullshit through various situations. TURN ONS. Total ass man, loves a great ass on a man or woman, dark hair, dark eyes, strong men, he’s a switch, but loves being manhandled and dominated to a degree, by either gender, honestly, danger, open affection, being wanted, loved, and cherished. So many things, honestly. John Constantine is easy. TURN OFFS.   Hardcore kink HOBBIES. Sleep, pub crawls, pretending he’s normal, reading TROPES. Con man with a heart of gold, charming bastard, unrepentant rogue, urban magician, supernatural detective, living legend AESTHETICS. smoke, chalk dust, wind and rain swept streets, London after midnight, narrow, dark alleys, haunted places, rumpled bed sheets, messy hair, dive bars, wicked smiles, deep kisses

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC. Ewan McGregor // comic caps from various issues he’s appeared ALT  FC. Keanu Reeves for my filmverse OLDER  FC. Don’t have one as yet YOUNGER  FC. Ewan McGregor   VOICE  CLAIM.  Jason Stathem

Tagged by: @vamptrampbamf Tagging: lmao fuckin everyone.

[italian-shitstorm]

Is it too much if I ask all the OC questions for Frank? Lmao

It is 3 in the morning, you are lucky I love you and love talking about my OCs haha also this one is super long so it’s definitely going under a read more. Sorry I couldn’t do that to the last one.

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

He has an older brother but they do not get along at all. They honestly hate each other so. But he does have two younger cousins, Mariposa and Santiago, who both live in Spain and he talks to them a lot and they visit as often as they can. Also Cassandra isn’t really his sister but he likes to think of her as his younger sister and is very protective of her.

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

When he was younger he loved his mom a lot and wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. As he got older and his parents started leaving him alone with his brother fro longer amounts of time he began to slowly start disliking his mom. When they found out he was gay she kept blaming him and saying that he was sick and they could fix him. After that he just started hating his parents so much and wanting nothing to do with them.

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

See above. He doesn’t get along with his dad either. It’s probably a lot worse. His dad was the one who mistreated him the most and was definitely the most abusive to Frank. When his dad found out he was gay he threatened to kick Frank out of the house if his relationship continued. When Frank’s grandmother (his dad’s mom) was in the hospital and really sick, Frank’s dad showed up unexpectedly and ended up getting in a fight with Frank. That got him kicked out of the hospital and he wasn’t allowed to come back and long story short Frank literally hates his dad so much.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Mmmmm boooyyy this poor boy has seen so much in his life it’s a miracle he’s even able to function. He’s been through so much with his family and all the shit his brother has dragged him into. But things are turning out great for him right now and his life is finally becoming more normal.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

His cell phone, and an extra pen and maybe some crumpled papers if he’s at work. If it’s a normal day and he’s not at work it’s still his cell phone and his wallet. Also his keys if he hasn’t lost them yet.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Dreams?? Food??? Ethan??? Idk man 

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Being alone, people leaving, thunderstorms, police sirens and lots of gunshots

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

He has and he honestly does not like guns at all. It was probably some target his brother had set up when he was trying to teach him how to shoot.

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

No, he’s still rich. Maybe when he was younger he wasn’t as worried about money or material things, but he definitely is now.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Um? I’m really not sure what this means? Like I guess it depends on the day and his outfit?

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

When He ended up having to leave and he was worried that something would happen to Ethan and Tyler. He tried to break things off with Ethan and told Tyler he couldn’t be his friend anymore than just disappeared. Alex was holding both of them over his head and Frank was so scared what would happen to them if he didn’t comply. It was literally the hardest thing he��s ever had to do and he hated himself and his brother so much. It took a long time for him and Ethan to fix things and get back together and it took a long time for Tyler to forgive him.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

I can’t think of a specific time but when he bakes it calms him down. Frank is a stress baker and so he bakes to help himself relax and it usually works and chills him out enough for him not to be scared or anxious anymore.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

When he was younger he was but unfortunately now he’s a lot more desensitized.

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Definitely faces. He sees a lot of people a day as a waiter, but he remembers a lot of faces.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Yes, both, because he’s a greedy asshole who likes to show off

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Both??? maybe?? This is a bit hard. He wants to be happy more than anything, but he wants to fight that urge deep inside that keeps telling him he’ll always be a failure and never amount to anything.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

????? he probably had way too many

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Boy howdy. THis boy is an attention whore. It has definitely caused a lot of problems between him and Ethan and caused a lot of problems with himself. It’s also put a strain on his friendship with Tyler after he started dating Haven. It’s just because he was ignored by his parents so much and now he just constantly craves attention from his favorite people. And when they don’t give it to him he freaks he fuck out.

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

It depends. Most of the time he’s comparing himself to others it’s to make himself feel better. He’s really bad about that and likes to think that he’s better than everyone else (even though deep down he really knows he’s not.)

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

When he was younger he always used to blame himself. But now if something bad happens, it’s usually Alex’s someone else’s fault and he will definitely blame them.

22. What does your character like in other people?

He doesn’t like a lot of people tbh. He’s super suspicious of everyone and the only people he really likes are his friends, select family and probably the lady who cuts and styles his hair.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

Everything. He hates everyone

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

He’s not. He doesn’t trust really anyone that he doesn’t know

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

He starts off always suspecting everyone but if you get closer to him he might trust you a little more but that’s highly unlikely.

26. How does your character behave around children?

He doesn’t particularly hate kids, but he’s uncomfortable around them

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

He will jump into a fight so fucking fast it’s ridiculous. He’s always DTF (down to fight)

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

He will jump up in your face but when it comes to a fight but he doesn’t particularly like to resort to physical violence. He will never be the first to throw the punch if that’s really what this is asking. Because of his past he is very defensive and doesn’t like to physically fight or hit people.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

He wanted to be an astronaut tbh. He loved learning about space and was super into learning about the solar system. But as he got older he realized that it was just a kid’s dream and he would never become one. That and it took way too much school and he ended up hating school.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Liars what a hypocrite. Drugs of all kind. Alcohol. Bugs. Also people that sit on kitchen counters. Don’t ever sit on the counter in his house or while he’s there. 

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Whenever he’s able to just relax with Ethan honestly. Although Ethan can get on his nerves sometimes, he’s really the only thing that can truly make Frank feel comfortable.

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Being around people he doesn’t like. When people yell at him or start arguments with him. When he gets caught in a lie. When he gets super anxious and unsure about what is going on.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Very defensive. He hates being told he’s wrong.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

It really depends on what it is. He doesn’t have a lot of patience tbh so he would probably give up super easily.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

If he likes you he will joke around a lot and tease you, but he doesn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s how he shows his affection. He will honestly let his walls down when he’s just with his friends. And maybe, once in a great while, someone will get him to smile.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

If he doesn’t like you you better run

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Again, not really sure what this means???

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

depending on the situation, he removes himself hoping it will make the threat go away. Is he gets hurt, he could care less, but if it were Ethan, Ty, or Cass, he would definitely fight to keep them safe.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

I don’t know?? Never thought about this

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

He’s a server and his fiance works at an auto shop. He knows how stupid people can be and he knows how frustrating it is when you have to deal with them. He is always polite to service workers and tips very generously from the fact that he does the same exact thing.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Honestly, he feels like he’s been through so much shit already in his life that he deserves everything he wants. His motto would literally be the Treat yo self line.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Tyler’s mom and Ethan’s mom both acted as moms to him since his own was never there for him. Every year for mother’s day he buys them bouquets and makes them cakes.

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Cass is very dependent on him and Ethan. Both boys treat her a lot like a younger sister and she lives with them after she had no where else to go.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Boy howdy he sure can say it without meaning it. But in all honesty it’s really hard for him to say it out loud. The only person he says it the most to is 1) his grandma and 2) Ethan. And even then he doesn’t say it often. He doesn’t have to though because once you get to know Frank you realize that he says “I love you” through his actions and I think that means a lot more than him saying it.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

He’s really not religious, but he is very scared of dying. Growing up, his Grandma would always tell him that he would go to heaven after he died. When his parents found out about his sexuality they said he was damned and would go to hell. He didn’t really believe them but he’s just scared because he doesn’t know what awaits him. And he’s really not eager to find out any time soon

[bambl-ing]

I'm…going to ask for all the get to know me asks, haha. ^^;

I WONDERED IF YOU WOULD BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

alright get ready for wAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

1. What is you middle name?jokes on u I don’t have one

2. How old are you?20, but I feel eternally 17 which grows more and more awkward with each passing year

3. What is your birthday?10/05/1996

4. What is your zodiac sign?Libra !

5. What is your favorite color?it’s a tie between orange and purpleI also like blue 

6. What’s your lucky number?5

7. Do you have any pets?a dog, two cats, and a snake!

8. Where are you from?like where was I born ? I was actually born in Korea, but I moved to the states when I was 2

9. How tall are you?like maybe 5′7″ or 8″ idk it’s been a few years

10. What shoe size are you?Sometimes 8, sometimes 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?more than I ever thought I would, probably not as many as other people

12. What was your last dream about?I was at my old manager’s house and she had me doing laundry, but when I put the clothes in the dryer it started filling with water and I was like “um I don’t think it’s supposed to do that” and she was like “oh no I know what’s going on” and she told me about this time in ‘86 when all across the country, everyone who had washed their clothes with a certain kind of soap went to bed and were rudely awoken by their clothes just randomly flooding water out ? 

so then she was like “that’s what’s happening but it should stop soon, so if you could just take apart the dryer and let it drain before putting it back together and drying the clothes that would be great” but then she also had a really old shelf unit that she wanted me to build but I had a thing I had to go to in like, an hour? and there just wasn’t enough time to take apart and rebuild the dryer AND the shelf, so I was a little annoyed and also like “crap, which one should I do first”

13. What talents do you have?uh. nothing out of the ordinary really ?14. Are you psychic in any way?nah (at least not that I’m aware of and nobody’s mentioned anything)

15. Favorite song?The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

16. Favorite movie?uhhhh…I guess right now Arrival? I just REALLY want to see it again alsdfh

17. Who would be your ideal partner?someone who respected me and who I could trust completely 

18. Do you want children?NAH

19. Do you want a church wedding?don’t really want to get married either? unless like, the benefits…,,

20. Are you religious?Not really 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?yis

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?I mean I went to Warped Tour and met a bunch of bands does that count

24. Baths or showers?you know if I had an actual nice big bathtub in which I could actually submerge myself without my knees awkwardly sticking out and getting cold, I would probably really like baths?? I’d definitely shower first though, baths would be for soaking in warmth

25. What color socks are you wearing?I’m wearing two pairs, white and the other is white and blue

26. Have you ever been famous?LOL NOPE

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?not really, all that attention…………

28. What type of music do you like?all of it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?nah

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?4 ( ᐛ )

31. What position do you usually sleep in?I can and will sleep in any position, lately I’ve been falling asleep on my back though because Jack’s been sleeping by my pillow and I like to shove my face in his fur, nice n soft

32. How big is your house?not that big, but big enough

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?cereal of some kind or a bagel and butter, sometimes a cheese omlette if I have enough time

34. Have you ever fired a gun?nope

35. Have you ever tried archery?yes ! and I loved it

36. Favorite clean word?a few, serendipity, soliloquy, and haphazard just off the top of my head

37. Favorite swear word?I can work pretty well with any of them in the right mood

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?maybe like two days ? maybe a lil more I dunno

39. Do you have any scars?a few here and there

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?well if they’re secret i wouldnt kno would i ( ᐛ )

41. Are you a good liar?unfortunately I think so, as long as like…the benefit of the lie outweighs my guilt over lying

42. Are you a good judge of character?I got no clue

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?really badly sure

44. Do you have a strong accent?I mean I don’t think I have any kind of accent ? 

45. What is your favorite accent?Cajun( •⌄• )✧

46. What is your personality type?like the MBTI? I’m an INFJ

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?as if I’d remember (probably nothing that expensive tho)

48. Can you curl your tongue?yeah but I can’t do the clover thing

49. Are you an innie or an outie?innie

50. Left or right handed?Leftie !

51. Are you scared of spiders?yeah but I don’t like killing them unless they’re in my room and I don’t have a jar

52. Favorite food?how do people pick one food like,,, there’s so much good food, food is so good??

53. Favorite foreign food?again, how ????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?more messy than clean, but I also get really annoyed with too much mess and then angry clean

55. Most used phrased?if I’m counting everything I say out loud AND what I just think to myself, probably “you’re stupid,” “shut the fuck up,” “fuck you,” and “I’m going to stab you” 

…all of these are aimed at myself, and it probably makes me sound really self-hateful? X’D but I’m not, I just get frustrated with myself and am always 100% done with my shit

56. Most used word?probably “I” “a” or “the” going statistically lmao

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?depends, I usually shower at night but my showers are usually 15-20 minutes, and for work I have to put my hair up and also a hat, and I’ve got blunt bangs that I have to make sure are perfect, u know? so give me another like 8 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?no, not really at all

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?suck, then when they get small it’s been a few minutes and I’m impatient so I crunch ‘em

60. Do you talk to yourself?oh yes

61. Do you sing to yourself?me and only me

62. Are you a good singer?no? maybe? average? I’m probably not that terrible but when other people are around I become terrified and choke up and die

63. Biggest Fear?People™

64. Are you a gossip?only with my close friends who I know won’t spread the gossip

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?hlkfshdfos I don’t watch enough movies and my memory isn’t that great 

66. Do you like long or short hair?long !

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?give me a pencil and paper and like an hour

68. Favorite school subject?English and PE

69. Extrovert or Introvert?Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?I’ve been snorkeling, close ?

71. What makes you nervous?A Lot

72. Are you scared of the dark?yes, but sometimes nah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?mostly no if they’re strangers (it’s terrifying to do that okay), but occasionally yeah

74. Are you ticklish?very, don’t touch my sides

75. Have you ever started a rumor?not that I can remember, and I don’t think I ever would intentionally?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?define authority

77. Have you ever drank underage?in the presence of my mother, yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?nah brah

79. Who was your first real crush?probably like…third grade, this kid named Micah. idk if it was a “real” crush, but like I really liked him and wanted to hang out and talk about dragons

80. How many piercings do you have?4, double piercings in my ears

81. Can you roll your Rs?yep

82. How fast can you type?I actually knew this at one point in like sophomore or junior year? it was either 86 or 96 CPM, smth like that

83. How fast can you run?fast, but not super fast, so like…kinda fast. I’ve probably gotten slower cause I don’t run regularly tho

84. What color is your hair?brown and really nice in the sunlight, I love it

85. What color are your eyes?brown again. sometimes I’ll just remember “oh yeah I have brown eyes!” and I actually really like them too, I think they’re a nice brown

86. What are you allergic to?I honestly haven’t run into anything yet

87. Do you keep a journal?I keep like an angry journal? but not just ordinary anger, it’s when I’m REALLY in a shittastic mood

88. What do your parents do?my mom’s a transcriptionist/editor/proofreader and my dad own a secondhand store

89. Do you like your age?I mean,,

I don’t hate it, but it makes me really uneasy when people are like “oh you’re 20 you definitely do 20-year-old things and you are an Adult” and I’m just like “no not really actually”

90. What makes you angry?some stuff, but I don’t like getting angry so a lot of the time I’m able to reason with myself

91. Do you like your own name?well enough

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I will birth no babies ever and I have no desire to raise any real children, but if my OCs count as my babies then shit tons and counting

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?again, OCs? all of them. actual real, breathing, sticky children? none

94. What are you strengths?I know my weaknesses ?

95. What are your weaknesses?sighs

96. How did you get your name?I think like…it was my grandmother’s middle name? 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?not that I know of

98. Do you have any scars?déjà vu

99. Color of your bedspread?which one LMAO uh the top one is blue, the one underneath that is pink, then a blue/white/gray patterned, a darker pink knit, white, then a white knit

100. Color of your room?orange ! a really nice light orange that can look yellow in some light >u