#idk. clearly my brain is really fucked up
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#187 days clean but im gonna relapse tonight#made it to 6 months so that's good i guess#wish me luck not needing stitches🤞#tw self harm#personal#i want to only do a few but not too shallow or too deep#i know how it goes tho and it's really hard for me to stop once i start#ugh i hate myself#i still have 3 reddish scars on my arms from my last relapse ugh (most are white tho)#need to stick to upper thighs but that's what i said last time too but it wasnt enough#maybe i shouldnt relapse. scars are annoying and dealing with the bleeding is annoying#but im doing badly in one of my classes because i turned in multiple hws late#and i have so many exams and assignments this week and yet i've been so unproductive the last several days#and i need to like express that self hatred somehow i guess?? or like punish myself?#idk. clearly my brain is really fucked up
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Y'know one of the fun things about having dyspraxia is the way my brain can just completely bork up sequences of actions I've been doing for the last 30+ years, especially if I get distracted at all.
The other day I went to get undressed for bed while I was watching a youtube video and instead of taking off my shoes and then socks, I took off one shoes and the corresponding sock and just ??? That is not how the sequence goes! Sitting on the edge of my bed feeling like a lemon with one fully booted foot and one bare to the world.
More than a few times of a morn, I've gotten dressed and stuck my feet in my shoes only to stop and think "nope, trousers first, then shoes".
Cannot tell you how many times I've poured cold water into a mug because I filled the kettle, put it on the base and just forgot to actually turn it on. I come back a minute or two later and assume it's boiled, but no, it was never on.
One time working in a restaurant I scraped a plate over the bin, and then went to drop the cutlery into the bucket on the far side of the bin, as I did many times every day. Except this time I just let go of the cutlery over the bin and then extended my empty hand over the bucket. Just straight up did the moving my hand and opening it steps in the wrong order.
Anyway, dyspraxia is ridiculous. And so co-morbid with ADHD if you've got one it's definitely worth knowing about. Especially if you were diagnosed with dyspraxia before like 2000 or something - I was diagnosed with dyspraxia aged like 7, and they didn't catch my ADHD until I was about 24.
Tbh, a bunch of the symptoms of dyspraxia I grew up knowing about and suffering with I now think are actually just ADHD. That they're commonly observed in dyspraxics because over half of us have ADHD. I was always told that dyspraxics often struggle with internal organisational stuff, timekeeping and attention and it's just like...yeah I don't think that's the dyspraxia actually.
#dyspraxia#adhd#actually adhd#honestly the number of things I was taught early on that were dyspraxia things like memory issues and attention problems#that were well established as being issues I suffered with#idk how they missed my rampant ADHD#except I *think* at the time people didn't really know about the link between it and ADHD so it was just like#oh yeah that's the dyspraxia we know what's going on#instead of hey this kid clearly has adhd lets get him some drugs#anyway it's still funny sometimes the way my brain can just totally whiff basic sequences#I'm 35 I really shouldn't fuck up getting dressed 🤣
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i think about the whole "love that" exchange a lot.
#i think i already have a post about this somewhere im just. rotating it#they realize they just kinda revealed a bit too much in front of Trent Crimm (Formerly) The Independent#and he does the whole biting wind-up to a question you know is going to be sharp as hell. bringing in that heat#and rebecca just. doesn't even try to get out of it#is she taking a leap of faith? is she just tired of spinning a whole yarn? testing him? giving him a chance?#and his response is just. simple. a real smile--almost conspiratorial and they're both in on the joke--and 'love that.'#sincere and almost warm. love that. bc that's what he actually thinks. not asking what he thinks he should#what he thinks the crowd wants to hear. but just. god her ex husband is a dickhead. absolutely you should try to fuck him over. love that#and rebecca all but beaming at him in response#i wish we'd gotten more of their dynamic tbh. i think that interaction probably helped soothe any anxieties she had about the whole thing#i think the next time we really see them interact is just the girl talk thing#where she's gleefully including him on the gossip and he's SO fucking pleased to get a good grade in girl talk something both normal to w#but like them developing an almost easy banter Fast. please. and like. him letting himself be. himself. in front of other people#not just ted. and rebecca GETS that if anyone gets getting flayed by the lasso effect it's her#so like. IDK MAN I JUST THINK THEY SHOULD BOND#also keeley. DEFINITELY keeley. all three of them. FUCK#trent crimm#rebecca welton#gertspeak#god. him being so pleased about the girl talk comment too. lives in my brain rent free#rebecca or keeley pays him a genuine but offhand compliment and he (and clearly completely unconsciously) just#fully does a pleased little wiggle in his seat. and they're like hmmmm
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Persona romance routes are all pretty bad but damn they really hit rock bottom with p3p femc route like the misogyny is very blatant and it’s almost hilarious like look at the Shinjiro romance. When you do his social link he’s like very clearly respectful of Kotone as a leader and explicitly says stuff like "oh yeah you’re clearly the best fighter we have, I don’t really know much about fighting like you do, I hope I’m not dragging you down, you’re doing a good job as leader just remember to take care of yourself, everyone looks up to you I know you can rely on them" etc. like he has faith in her leading abilities. But then when you romance him he’s like got dialogue like "bwah bluh i gotta look after you because you’re a GIRL and you need to stick by me, a big strong MAN so you don’t get hurt" and "don’t wear that revealing outfit in front of other guys 👺" and it’s like. Does he respect her or not and also like it doesn’t make sense for him to look down on her for being a girl cuz he literally has never not been led by a girl leader during his time in sees and Mitsuru in particular really has her shit together when it comes to being responsible and a good fighter and she’s always known the most about Tartarus
It’s also like. Idk maybe its just me I’m not a girl so FUCK IF I KNOW but to me the appeal of romancing Shinji is the fact that he’s sweet and sensitive and gentle and has respect for you despite the fact that he acts all scary. That’s like, what made me like this character in the first place. But the writers seem to think what women want is for a BIG STRONG MAN to protect them because they are just DELICATE WOMEN who are inferior in every way it’s like. Shut upppp thanks
#persona#persona 3#shinjiro aragaki#this is soooooooo obviously not the only romance route that sucks in this game yall know which one im referring to 🤨#and i actually tend to think of the shinji romance as the best one in the series cuz at least his confession scene is the only unique one#that really highlights who he is as a character and goes with the story#but ughh just idk its so annoying how the writers cant decide if hes sexist or not its really weird and its like#really shows how poorly the writers think of women playing their game its like all the romance options are trash and then your boyfriend is#sexist to you and its so clearly done in a way thats supposed to be romantic which is. ew#like idk if my partner was like talking about how i need to stay close to them because im a weak girl and they are strong man#especially when im literally the leader of the team and have been doing perfectly fine thus far and am clearly the strongest here#id simply run him over with a bulldozer#and its like this will all the guys in this game its like girl shut up and eat glass#meanwhile when youre a male protagonist your gf will kiss your ass to the point its infuriating#and their character arcs can never be too grand cuz then they might not wanna fuck you if they realize they have worth#uh sorry my brain is all over the place basically i hate persona romances lol and i hate how they wrote shinji in his#like dammit i dont want him cuz hes gonna protect me like a man i want him cuz he isnt great at fighting and prefers cooking and puppy dogs#and has respect for me and trusts my judgement and asks me to talk about my life and interests and smiles sweetly#but god forbid a woman in this series be respected i guess
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Oh I IMMENSELY fucked up this morning now I'm gonna be almost an hour late to work 😭
#i found out like 10pm last night the car rego expired so id have to make my own way#shift starts at 8. takes about an hour to get there. i checked transport times#tired brain somehow fucks up and ig sets 8 as the 'leave at' instead of 'arrive at' time#i think ok awesome i will take this bus at 8:06 that will get me there 8:47 a whole 13 min early....m#i guess i was also mixed up bc i take that bus in the morning to school at a bit after 8#first thing this morning i got up and got pancake batter and half asleep and glasses-less i dropped an egg on the floor#but anyway i left with my tea and my pancakes and my wits intact....#until i looked down at 7:58 and thought WAIT WHAT THE FUCK I START IN TWO MINUTES WHAT#so i ran. slowed. called my store. thankfully the manager on is really nice but idk if i clearly communicated the scope of my lateness#i just said id be 'pretty late' and he said its alright buddy take your time#god im glad i got him hes a really nice manager very chill#but AHHH MY GOD HOW DID I MESS UP TIMES THIS BAD#I LEFT AT 7:56 INSTEAD OF BEFORE 7!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!#anyway my bus got me to the station now im waiting for my train. it should be fine-ish but manbhhdhdhehfhf my god#idk if ill work 50min less or stay back an extra 50#but avdhdvhehfhfdbhdhd DUDE IM SO PISSED AT MYSELF
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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Did that fav pkmn thing on a whim and I'm sorry for all my babies I didn't choose bc I really like too many by some.
Love how it's mostly pretty ones and then there's clodsire. Even tho I got it in my team since the beginning of violet do I continuously forget its name bc I just call it by the nickname blobby (one of the rare times I didn't spend hours googling the perfect nickname but it nonetheless is a perfect one)
And for fun without any legendaries as fav
Reg nicknames I even write all down so I only spend decades once for each pkmn (unless I don't like the prev one anymore). Need to update that someday since it's mostly old revolution ones but hey. Blaze do I use for arcanine nowadays more and ninetails got others. Gardevoir got soteria nowadays which I prefer more. Etc.
#a wild lux appears#(made this in december but for whatev reason left it in drafts until now. prob bc I wanted to limit non important posting idk)#Maybe you think garchomp is there bc of other reasons but I use it since dpp bc cynthia made kid me go 'woah!'#I remember having looked up as a kid to cynthia and juniper a lot and that fact n reason behind it makes me also go yeah no I was a girl wh#one day decided to be happier otherwise. Bc the reason was 'oh wow female and cool so I can indeed be that :0' most importantly with junipe#bc I never cared for battles. ye ye ignore fictional professions I was like 8. reason I loath alola tbh I missed doing non battle side stuf#I vividly remember picking my first pkmn game up (hg) and just immediately going fuck being a trainer let me be a prof and it's so funny ho#my horrendous sieve brain has that laser ingrained. Sometimes still brainstorm and I would prob study ghost pkmn tbh who by sheer luck isn'#dead yet. That and maybe being v charismatic to that type idk. Why bc I like those lil fellas.#What I also find extremely funny is having went by sonia prior to swordshield and there being a prof sonia. Wish I still went by it when it#dropped. Imagine. Kid sonia wanting to be a prof and meeting swsh sonia being on her way to be one. I either would've made her my#personality (which I think I nonetheless did I think I changed my icons to her) or would've wildly shaking her going 'it should have been#meeee'. which ig I mentally do by every rival or friend group person that takes that route like take me w you I hate battles please. Insane#that only blueberry academy me start to hate em slightly less. After over a decade of battles. Ig alpharad's n others streams w nuzlockes n#all started to also show me the appeal of actually strategizing instead of brute forcing which I did.#*that only blueberry academy MADE me#Whatev. Also no I don't got anything else that another pkmn would kickstart talking abt. Just know I drag my 2013 xerneas everywhere w me#and it is a fucking crime that I can't throw it into violet. What is this. You clearly don't mind throwing others into regions they don't#belong to at all (which I personally really dislike hc lore wise but gameplay wise whatever let new trainers catch old legendaries)#To come back to fav pkmn yes I'm in the dragonair boat. I hate evolving mine. Dragonite is fine I like it standalone but I like the#aesthetic of dragonair more. Idfc abt logic or whatever this is aesthetic talk. Yes I prefer some fan evos more.#I keep wanting to play that fusion fangame and if you want to know what pkmn I like I found out I have a huge overlap w alpharad there#Which sucks for us both! We adore pkmn that get lewded the most and I hate my life. You do you idc some are humanoid I have to admit that#but I personally would prefer to not see any art or even just jokes abt ANY of that. Humanoid or not I Do Not See.#I don't block let alone report over that just. tag and don't bring that to my doorstep thx.#What I will at most block n judge is if you touch any of the kids idc in this franchise if they're just pixels.#Can you tell I am writing this close to midnight anyways this is all. This became like a completely dif post in the tags welp
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So like I am very, very, very late to the dating apps shit and I was so worried about not having enough photos and shit but honestly ...
Does ... anyone? Put effort into their profiles? Like at all? Sure heaps of photos but then it's like Bio (and this is a real example): I like dogs :) Interests: Dogs MA'AM THAT TELLS ME NOTHING ABOUT YOU. MY ENERGY RESOURCE IS PISS I AM NOT WASTING TIME ASKING 50 QUESTIONS TO SEE IF WE'RE EVEN COMPATIBLE.
Idk maybe I'm the weird one out here with the goddamn essay profile but man ... give me something to work with here. Like physical attraction is great and all but that is not going to carry it for me just going off photos and jack shit. 🤷♀️
honestly where is my tumblr dating. the tumblr girlfriend. I feel I could tell heaps from someones tumblr, sick of this 500 word limit deserted page shit
#kerytalk#kery tries to date#lol idk maybe an ongoing tag#I am not having high hopes#either my bar is so high it's on the roof or like ... regular people are boring?#problem is I clearly gravitate towards more tomboyish athletic women who spend a lot of time outdoors attraction wise#in reality I have the energy quotient of a cat I could not keep up#and none of them play videogames 😔#also jesus christ why are these apps so fucking EXPENSIVE for basic fucking features good lord. Really feeling the tech dystopia here.#I guess no love for you if you're poor#... think only tumblr gf that'd be a near no for me is exclusively aesthetic shit and nothing else#I ... cannot relate#I mean look at this chaotic mess I run lmao#but it's pretty accurate to the inside of my brain so 🤷♀️
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I love you normal post with long gibberish ramble in the tags
#basically my brand maybe no definitely not do I even have a brand I like to think not a brand really but like a signature whatever#a signature Thing.#once again it’s 11:30 pm and I am looking to be seen from the outside and told what is really visible#anyone else forget constantly that people cannot see your traumas. and that maybe. that’s okay? and you don’t have to blurt it out instantly#blahhhh idk I feel like I always talk about my grief trauma anxiety depression shit so often around new people that it scares them away but#that’s such a big part of my life and like idk I assume it’s written all over me. in my brain I am rotten like clearly broken apart and#struggling but like I bet if I ever just shut the fuck up I could appear to blend in and be normal almost undetected by the general public.#I’m like a specimen. I can appear normal from afar (LIE) (BIGGEST LIE EVER) I can appear normal from a very skewed queer perspective. but#once someone tries to talk to me it becomes clear that I am a sinkhole of a person.
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the great and wonderful thing about having adhd is constantly feeling like you're an annoyance and too much for everyone and so you will see any sort of response that seems even the slightest bit negative (even if it isn't) as reason for you to just shut up because clearly you're annoying the person but they're just too nice to tell you to shut the fuck up and even if they say you're not annoying or bothering them you are convinced they are just lying to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings or be rude (this is not great or wonderful at all)
#🔪#adhd#rsd#looooove rejection sensitive dysphoria sooooo much (i hate this)#like man idk what to even say#like i don't want to make them feel bad because i know it's not their fault and they aren't doing anything wrong#my brain is just fucked and is perceiving a negative response that probably isn't actually there#''you're not being annoying''#yes but see i think i am because i am overreacting to your responses and fully believe that you are not interested even if you are#because you are not giving the most engaged response physically possible and so that must mean that you don't care#even though it's totally unrealistic to expect someone to drop everything they are doing to solely focus on you#and continue to only pay attention to you and never anything else for hours on end#but rsd sees this and goes ''ah. i'm annoying and i should shut up for forever because you are clearly not interested and don't like me''#great experience. really great experience (it is not)
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dude I'm fine I don't know whats with the big deal people make about not sleeping for 3 days straight lol (shaking, trembling, can't breathe smoothly, at risk of passing out at any moment now, oh no)
#weirdly enough my brain is thinking pretty clearly just fine#though thats probably the sheer panic that has been running through my veins for over 8 hours now keeping me going#and honestly i would be like ''bro i feel normal''#if it werent my body physically showing me that its all fucked up rn lmao#though idk if the shaky breath is the exhaustion or the sickness i have rn that's making me cough and sneeze a lot#could be both!#anyway the only reason i am acting fine about this is bc my professor took pity on me and is giving me more time to complete my shit#so i am okay now! i just havent gotten my body to be ok again yet but it will be fine. eventually#sometimes it does pay to be a goody two shoes like me and forcing to walk into finals knowing i would fail#bc that convinced my professor that i deserved that second chance#there are ppl who did not show up at all so. me being here on the brink of death means a lot i guess#idk the lesson here is give a shit bc ppl will realize ur not fucking around + have a good opinion of ur integrity#time manage better#and also coffee apparently does taste good it only took me being so fucking desperate to not let myself sleep to enjoy drinking it#anyway really looking foward to sleeping again when i get home tonight#rando thoughtz
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don't hold your breath(nobody's home)
ft. leon kennedy x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, dead dove, uncle-niece incest, non-con, loss of virginity, very minor blood description, forced alcohol consumption, alcoholism from leon ofc, reader gets slapped, age gap, guilt, one threat, fingering, p in v, non-consensual creampie, crying, idk leon feels entitled cause his brother sucks, reader hinted at having nice tits idk
a/n: sorry if this sucks ass... my motivation for writing has been non-existent w real life stuff n all the drama so... i feel like this is awful but here we are. title from razzmatazz by idkhbtfm... not proofread i'm sorry </3
word count: 1.9k words
Leon knew he had a drinking problem. He just hadn't realised it had gotten this bad. He couldn't even get his dick up with viagra anymore. He frowns as he looks down at the brunette he was planning to fuck, tempted to try and just push it in soft.
He ends up just kicking her out to drown his sorrows. He wasn't dealing with this shit tonight, not when he was seeing his asshole brother tomorrow. Pretty wife, perfect kids. His job pays better than Leon's ever will, and he didn't need to undergo years of trauma. Lucky bastard.
Leon does what he does best that night and drinks enough whiskey so he can pass out without worrying about the nightmares coming to ruin his night.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
He hasn't seen you in a good six years. You were still playing with dolls and shit when he last visited. Makes him feel stupid when he brings you a plushie as a gift. Clearly he forgot how time worked, cause he still expected you to be thirteen. You still hug him and say thank you, sweet as ever. When his brother said he'd be watching the house and looking after you, he didn't expect to see you so... grown. Too old to need a babysitter, really. Even if your parents are gonna be gone for a week.
He gulps as his hands settle on your hips, trying to prevent you from pressing against his hardening cock. Down boy. At least his dick still works. It just took his college-aged niece to get it up. Doesn't help that you've got your tits smooshed against his chest.
Therapy was gonna be a doozy this week.
He could only pray that this doesn't turn into anything. The last thing he needed was his dick being the thing that got him thrown into prison for doing something stupid to you, no matter how cute that body of yours is. That's a new one, he thinks, mentally slapping himself for even thinking about touching you like that. He'd never do it, of course. That's sick, and he knows it. He's just so frustrated. And you're hot. A total babe. Somehow, you managed to get a better rack than your mom. Must be the Kennedy genes coming in. Leon's got tits for days.
He knew he had a drinking problem, but he never thought he'd lose himself this much. He never thought about hurting anyone. He's not a bad guy. It's just that every time he tried to be with someone, he just couldn't get his body to react the way he wanted. That's what the oxytocin was for, he thought, already thinking about taking a swig of whiskey from the flask in his pocket. If only that fucking stuff worked on him. The part of his brain that controlled his cock seemed to be permanently on vacation, and his wires clearly got crossed somewhere if he wants to fuck his own blood.
Whatever. He could get through a week alone with his niece without any trouble. He's faced worse monsters than the ones making themselves present in his mind right now. He'd keep his distance, and all would be okay.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
That didn't work. Of course it didn't. You were just as clingy with him as you were when you were a kid, following him around like a lost puppy. He's convinced he's clutching the glass of whiskey in his hand hard enough to shatter it as you curl up against his side. His cock is throbbing, and he seriously hopes you don't notice how the fabric of his jeans is getting a little strained.
You really need to stop with those tits. He's gonna lose it if they brush his arm one more time. He's not sure what it is about you, particularly, that has him acting like a teenage virgin again, but his self-control is wavering by the second. He hasn't paid a single second of attention to the movie he was meant to be watching to keep his mind off of you.
Fuck this.
He takes a swig of whiskey that drains half the liquid in his cup in one gulp. Liquid courage and all that. Maybe he'd drunk a little too much while he was here, ‘cause his brain clearly isn't working right. Not when he's pinning you to the couch, kissing your neck despite your protests.
“Leon… Leon, what're you doing?” You force out, small hands pressing at his chest as if you'd be able to knock him off. Cute. He'd fought creatures six times your size. You didn't stand a chance.
He starts undressing you, and you start writhing and crying, hitting his chest with clenched fists. He swallows the lump that builds in his throat, wiping the tears that fall down your cheeks.
“Shh… it's okay, I'm… I'm gonna take care ‘f you.” He murmurs, his voice slightly slurred from how much he'd drunk. You cry even harder when he presses a finger into you, making the guilt rise up faster in him. That's not fair. He's being nice. God didn't bless him with much, but at least he gave him a fat cock. You should feel lucky he's prepping you. Not making him feel bad.
“Hey.” He warns, shoving another finger in just to shut you up. You finch when he scissors you open. Poor thing. “That's enough. One more complaint for you, and I'll just force myself in.”
Shit. Now he really does feel like a monster. He's not drunk enough to handle the pure terror on your face at his words. He fumbles on the coffee table with his free hand as he lazily pumps into you with the other. Glass? No. Bottle.
Maybe you need some, too. Get you nice and pliant so you'll take his dick without bitching. Not a bad idea. He twists the cap off with his teeth, gulping some of the liquid down himself. He takes another mouthful before leaning down to kiss you, spitting the liquid into the back of your throat. He keeps your mouth on yours even as you try to jerk away, making sure you swallow it.
You really are adorable as you start coughing and spluttering. Such a sweet thing, you probably hadn't even drunk before. He lifts the bottle to your mouth, pouring some more into your mouth before setting it down, covering your mouth. “Swallow.”
He starts thumbing at your clit as he fingers you, relishing in the ways your whimpers turn into soft moans, your hips bucking against his hand. He manages to coax an orgasm out of you with a few more touches, a big smile spreading across his face.
“There we go, sweetie. See, that wasn't so bad, was it?” He coos, unbuttoning his jeans. The sound of the zipper has your eyes widening in horror, and he tuts softly. “What're you giving me that look for? It's your turn to take care of me now.”
There goes the begging and pleading again. It has his brows pinching together as a frown tugs at his lips. You really are his brother's kid. So goddamn ungrateful. He just took care of you, and now you just want him to… what? Fist his dick in the guest room?
He smacks you so hard your head snaps to the side, your breaths coming out in short gasps. You look better like that, tears stinging your eyes but your body completely limp. He can see the fight draining out of your eyes.
“I was gonna be nice.” He mumbles, brows furrowing as he lines his tip up with your entrance, forcing himself inside in one thrust. He groans loudly, shuddering as your tight heat envelops him. His eyes look down, locked onto your cunt as he fucks into you with long strokes. He freezes when he notices blood. He's not sure if he's happy or disgusted that he's your first. No wonder you put up such a fight.
You keep weakly begging him to stop, but your pussy is gushing all over him. It's not his fault he can't stop – you're giving him the hottest look he's ever seen, and your puffy cunt is so fucking greedy for his cock, sucking him back in everytime he starts to pull out.
“S-sorry… I'm so sorry…” He grunts, picking up the pace of his thrusts, groaning at the sound of your punched out moans as he drives into you with as much force as he can muster. You almost sound like you're enjoying it, but you're still fucking crying and he can't take it. His heart hurts.
“Baby, please…” He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn't have to see the betrayal on your face. His arms tremble as he holds himself up, sloppily fucking into you. “I'm sorry… just stop cryin’, please…”
Every time his hips smack the fat of your ass, you're moaning out a ‘please’. With his eyes shut, he can pretend you're begging for more. That you like this. That is, until you start saying ‘stop’. He winces, but the movement of his hips doesn't falter.
“Fuck, baby… please stop begging.” He pleads, throwing his head back as his tip kisses your cervix. He whimpers as it makes you tighten around him, angling his thrusts to hit that spot each time he fully sheaths himself inside of you.
“I-I can't stop…you feel so… fuck. So fucking good. M'so close.” He groans. He can't even find the strength to pull out anymore. He buries himself balls deep in your cunt, grinding himself into your tight heat.
“L-Leon… please.” You say weakly, chest heaving with heavy breaths as panic sets in, your hands pushing at his chest. “Y-you gotta pull out, you can't… you can't.”
“What?” He breathes out, cracking his eyes open to look at you again. He looks genuinely confused. Why would he ever pull out when you felt so good? He can't bring himself to. “Baby, no. I'm cumming inside of you. Can't pull out now.”
That seems to bring your fight back. You start struggling under him again, punching him with all your strength. Luckily, that's not a lot. Especially when you're sluggish from your first time drinking and getting fucked. It's Leon's lucky day.
“Shit, baby. Don't look at me like that.” Or do. He's gonna cum if you keep staring up at him with that wide-eyed expression. “No need to be so scared, princess. I just… shit. Can't help myself.”
Doesn't take longer than a minute after that for him to finish. He buries his face in your neck, whining as he cums. His cock kicks inside of you, the warmth of his release filling every inch of you. You start sobbing all over again, slumping weakly against the couch.
He lies on top of you, his weight pressing you down into the couch. He pets your hair like you're a doll, his fingers carding through your hair.
“I'm sorry, baby. Forgive me. I'll be so good. Do whatever you want. Didn't mean it.” He murmurs, kissing your cheek over and over as if he's trying to get you to relax. He keeps it up until you fall asleep, wrapping you up in his arms.
When you wake up in the morning, you're fully dressed in your bed. You almost think it's a dream until you feel the dull throbbing between your legs.
#leon s kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x you#leon s kennedy x you#leon kennedy smut#leon s kennedy smut#leon kennedy#tw dark content#dark content#dead dove do not eat#dead dove fic
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Idk if this is a hot take of any kind but I actually really like that Astarion's romance starts off in an unhealthy way and evolves. That's like ... the point? Ya know?
It's interesting. It adds layers and conflict. It allows for growth and evolution. And Larian have claimed multiple times that it was on purpose, that many video game romances have sex as the culmination while here, some characters will fuck you immediately but then what? What happens after? Sex isn't the reward, but part of the relationship. There is more beyond. But people think that there being stuff beyond sex means that that's the only value that exists, and that the sex adds nothing. But in Astarion's case, it's extremely important?
It's complicated. His relationship with sex is complicated. They did it on purpose. That's the point. So what if it's not "uwu soft trust me I don't want sex please let's just hold hands" from the start? He doesn't trust the PC from the start, so why the fuck would he agree to that? He doesn't know them at all. He needs to do things his way because he's not ready for anything else yet. And if you feel sad for him, that's fine, because it's meant to be sad? But to the point of it becoming anger at the people who wrote it? That's weird, man. Astarion isn't real, you're not hurting a real person, and he literally asks Tav for it? In my case, he asks them twice before they say yes. They're not forcing him into anything. The only time you can force him is after the Araj scene, and he immediately breaks up with you after. So he's clearly perfectly capable of ending things if they get too toxic.
I swom to Jon just romance someone else at that point. Idk if this is my romance writer brain talking but well-written, not contrived, and non-abusive conflict is actually rare and sometimes difficult to write, but IMO every good romance needs conflict. Because at the end of the day, it's also a story?
It's not perfect because it's not meant to be. It's meant to be a starting point to evolve from. Sometimes things can be unhealthy without being abusive or problematic TM.
Anyway. Yeah I like how fucked up it is. Because Astarion is fucked up. It makes it more real and more compelling. I made my Tav fucked up to match.
"Well my Tav wouldn't fall for it and would realize ...!" Roleplay harder. Clearly Tav/Durge aren't meant to pick up on his manipulations from the start, or overlook them, or fall for them. There's a bajillion different ways to justify it. If you can't see past your own meta knowledge, romance someone else.
But if you really want the relationship to start without sex then just write that fic? Why are you demanding that Larian caters to your specific tastes and sensibilities? They had a story to tell and they told it. You not liking it is neither a personal a slight against you nor their problem.
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#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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CAN U DO COOL SEXY HOT READER TAKES SCHLATTS VIRGINITY?! but aged down like they’re both in college together
this one had me giggling and kicking my feet when i received it
reader and schlatt are both 20 (my age :3) (ok so i have/will never go to college so i hope this makes sense also lc!schlatt because he will not leave my brain)
CW: breeding kink if u squint, does this count as corruption kink? idk
you had a few classes together, ended up being partners for a project
actually got along surprisingly well
hung out a few times a week for a month or two
and then it was more frequent
almost every day this dude would just show up at your apartment; you have no idea how he came to know your schedule
if it wasn't him you'd be scared
and like, it's not because he doesn't look scary- he does, he's tall as fuck and has this serial killer stare
but you're not afraid of him because every time he's around you he acts like a complete loser
he stares at you when he thinks you aren't looking, a look of obsession in his eyes
the focus he has on your reflection as you put on lip gloss in the mirror is unmatched in any of his classes
you were supposed to be going to a party together, evident by your outfit that he can't decide if he likes or not- it shows a lot of skin, and while that'd be fine if it was just you two, there's bound to be lots of other guys eyeing you up all night
and he just can't stand the thought of that!
so what is he to do but fake receiving a text saying some faculty were crashing the event and it would be best to stay home?
and you were astounded at this boy's nerve, you got this dressed up? you looked this good? and he pretends the function's cancelled?
but you go along with it, pretending to be bummed out, playing his little game with him
"damn. was really hoping to get some dick tonight," you sigh
his brain kinda short circuits
and he mumbles something
hook, line, and
"what? sorry, i couldn't hear you, the music's loud," you tilt your head, turning down the volume
"i said i'm right here."
sinker :)
you snort derisively at him
"what makes you think i want you?"
you two had talked a lot in the months you had known each other, and sex came up a few times
you knew (before even talking to him) that he was a virgin
and he knew (before even talking to you) that you were a slut
but god, he needed you the second he saw you- needed you to be his first. his only.
so he swallows his pride and looks up at you from his spot on your floor with the most pitiful eyes
"i don't think you want me. i think i want you and you need a service for the night."
"a service?? jesus, schlatt, don't kid yourself. you wouldn't be doing shit, i'd be the one doing all the work because you have no clue what you're doing."
"then teach me," he begs. his voice is like you've never heard it before, whiny and breathy
and you roll your eyes before giving in, reaching a hand down to help him up
you guide him to lay down on your bed and he just sits there all tense, unable to relax because he's so nervous
until you tell him to take his pants off
and he's tearing them over his thighs, and they're down on the floor
and the tent in his boxers?
jesus christ
you figured he would be on the bigger side, but he looked massive, and you couldn't even clearly see his length yet
you sit there for a bit, taking in the sight of him splayed out amongst your stuffed animals
only hot bitches have stuffies on their beds, btw
and his face is sooo red, his breathing is uneven, his eyes are running all over your body
"have you like... ever been touched?" you ask him, unsure of how gentle you need to be
but gentle is not what he wants, not at all
"yeah. just... not all the way."
he can't meet your eyes now
so you smirk and climb over to him, hopping on top of him and savoring the whimper he lets out when you sit down on his clothed bulge
"and you want me to be your first time going all the way?"
you use one finger to tilt his chin to look at you
and he just melts
nodding while he stares into your eyes with pure adoration
the eye contact is intense, you find it hard to tear your gaze from his
but eventually you lean in and kiss him, taking his head in your hands
schlatt moans into your mouth when you slide your tongue in, giving in completely and letting you explore his mouth
and when you bite his bottom lip slightly when you pull away?
he moans sooo sluttily
you're grinding down onto his lap at this point, enjoying the constant noises the friction pulls from his lips
he's fucking mortified but he has to grab your hips super tightly and try to get you to stop
because if you keep going like this, he's gonna finish in his boxers and he thinks he would have to leave and never see you again if that happened
so you take pity on him, stopping your movements to press kisses to his neck
which he finds out he also loves
"is it okay if i leave marks?" you whisper in his ear
and his dick throbs so hard
"please," he responds in a quiet voice, staring at the ceiling while he pictures his friends seeing the evidence of him fucking the hottest person on campus
you oblige wayyy too eagerly, biting down hard and sucking deep purple marks all over his exposed neck
only pulling away when he was littered with dark bruises and teeth marks
the whole time he was letting out the cutest noises, gasping and groaning and sputtering how good you felt
silly boy, he has no idea what he's in for
once you're done having fun marking your territory, you scoot back and peel his boxers off
and you try not to react, but your eyes widen at the sight of his cock springing up and smacking his abdomen
he takes in your hungry expression and mistakes it for something negative
"what? wha's wrong?"
he sounds so scared
it takes you a few gruelling seconds before you shake your head and respond
"nothing, just. holy shit," you mumble
"what???" schlatt asks, sitting up slightly
"you're fucking huge, dude!! that's all, jesus... i just needed a second to process, sorry."
ego boosted
you will never hear the end of that
but anyways
he stutters, unable to finish whatever he was saying when you take him in your hand and stroke him gently
your eyes are trained on his groin, his on your face while you greedily watch as you play with him
he's so fucking loud
bucking his hips up into your hand
you're barely doing anything, he's that desperate for your touch
when you take his tip in your mouth, he lets out a strained gasp and tries to cover his mouth with his hand
you laugh mockingly and pull it from his face
"i wanna hear you!! this isn't as fun if i don't get to hear those pathetic noises you keep making," you tease
he just groans, eyes fluttering, and tilts his head back, giving in to how good you're making him feel
you smile at him and take as much of him into your mouth as you can, plunging him deep into your throat and making sloppy noises as you suck on him
he sounds like a fucking WHORE, whining and fucking up into your face
you let him have his fun, but pull off when he starts breathing a lot faster
he opens his eyes in surprise and cries out at the loss of contact, chest heaving
"why the fuck would you stop???"
he's so desperate, it's adorable
"can't have you cumming down my throat, then i can't ride you, can i?"
you raise one brow as you ask him, and he reaches his hand to hold yours subconsciously
a glance at his large fingers intertwining with yours stirs something in your stomach and you realize for the first time that you're really enjoying this
"please..." he trails off, unsure of what he's asking for
you watch his face for a moment, inspecting his needy expression, and decide to take pity on him
he watches you so intensely as you take off your jean shorts
and nearly creams himself when you just rip a hole in your fishnets instead of properly taking them off
and the seconds are dragging by so slowly as you position yourself on top of him
until you meet his eyes, asking for permission, and he nods vigorously
and you just sink down onto him, plunging his entire length between your velvet walls
schlatt's eyes glaze over as he stares up at you; he's never felt anything so good
you give him a few minutes to take in how soft you are on the inside before starting to move your hips
he groans with every bounce, so loud that you make a mental note to apologize to your roommate later in case they're home and hearing this
"you can touch me, y'know? you don't gotta just lay there and take it," you pant as you work masterfully on top of him
a more passionate grunt than usual leaves his lips and he immediately snakes his hands up to rest on your ass, squeezing and kneading it like he's holding on for dear life
and, maybe he feels like he is. you're riding him so fucking well that he swears he's dreaming, and his grip on your behind may well be the only thing keeping him grounded
it doesn't take long before he tells you what you had expected, but what he adds at the end throws you for a loop
"i'm gonna cum, but please, please don't stop. just keep going, i can go a few more rounds. please, y/n, i'm begging you," he stutters out
you clench around him and he yells, nails leaving deep angry crescent marks in the flesh of your rear end as he paints your insides white
about a minute later, he catches his breath somewhat and asks, "can i fuck you now?"
he sounds so sweet
like he really wants to make you feel good
so you let him try, positioning yourself on your hands and knees in front of him so that he can hit from behind
takes him a second to get the position right but he slides right in and starts going at you hard
you can't help the moans that slip out, and every noise you make spurs him on to keep going harder, faster, deeper
he's trying so hard to make you cum, you can tell, but he's so inexperienced that he finishes in you again before he can get you anywhere close
so when he lets out a frustrated, "fuck!" you reach behind you to grab his hand and bring it around to your front, lining his fingers up with your clit
"feel that? that's what you're looking for," you pant, pushing your ass as flush against him as you could. "play with it, see if you can figure it out on your own, and it's okay if you can't, i'm here to teach you."
he lets out a deep breath and starts thrusting again, rubbing circles into your sensitive nub
you continue to let out noises so he knows what works for you and what doesn't, and you've gotta hand it to him, he's a really fast learner
because it takes like five minutes before him slamming into you combined with the pattern of figure-eights he settled on tracing on your clit makes you cum
you get unbelievably tight around him as you climax, and the sound of you screaming his name makes his eyes roll back into his head while he spills in you one final time
you collapse when he pulls out, instructing him to help you to the bathroom
gotta teach him the importance of aftercare, right?
so he picks you up and carries you to the toilet, setting you down gently on your feet before stepping out and closing the door behind him to give you your privacy
best believe he stays right outside the door, though
he's not going anywhere for a long time. you're his now
#x reader#jschlatt x reader#schlatt x reader#jschlatt x you#schlatt x you#jschlatt smut#schlatt smut#jschlatt x y/n#schlatt x y/n
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Okay let me resend this. Ahem!
I want to hear your opinion on Alpha!Big bro! Bakugou with an omega!little sister! Reader who’s in heat and she is in so much pain that she will let anyone fuck her stupid but he won’t let anyone near her so she demands him to fuck her.
I know I said it was dub con but is it really? Idk-
I am eating this tf up omfg <3
TW Dark Content
He couldn't help it. He physically couldn't help the way growls escaped him anytime an alpha tried to go near you while you were in heat. You were his precious baby sister and this was your first heat. No one was going to take advantage of you.
Meanwhile you were dying with need. Howling out of desperation in a way that made Katsuki's heart clench. He gulped before stepping into your room, needing to make sure you weren't actually dying.
"Brother please, please please, need your knot I can't--" You were instantly babbling as soon as you smelled him, his spicy sweet scent calming you down as he came closer.
He should say no, right? He should be the bigger person and leave. Let some other man fill you with his knot and pups just to make his little sister happy.
The thought made him nauseous.
"Please, brother, please, I can't do this anymore it hurts and and I just want it not to hurt anymore," you were on the verge of tears and Katsuki wanted to kick himself. Didn't matter that his stomach twisted knowing what he was about to do. Out of guilt or shame for actually wanting it he wasn't sure.
"Alright, sis. Alright omega. Present for me." He shuddered when the words left his lips, he never thought his fantasies (the perverted ones he kept locked away from the light of day) would come true like this.
You scrambled to obey him, your hips up in the air and your thighs wet with your slick. His mouth ran dry at the sight of your folds glistening and your hole clenching on air.
"'m a good omega, need it, please, I'll be good." You moaned as you felt him climb onto the bed behind you.
He was hard as a rock, wanting nothing more than to feel your wet heat wrapped around his dick. He could tell you were lost to your heat becaues even the sound of his zipper being undone had you in hysterics. Your omega brain had clearly taken over.
"Alpha, need you, need you, need my alpha." You whimpered, moaning loud and long when finally, finally you felt the tip of his dick pressing into you.
You were impatient and thankfully he didn't make you wait any longer, starting to fuck you at a furious pace right from the start.
You were both lost in each other then, your eyes crossing as your cheek was pressed against the bed finally full and soon to be knotted. His cock was pushing into you so deep it felt like he was in your throat. He was losing it because of how wet you were, every squelch of your pussy on his dick made him growl.
"Good omega, so fucking wet for me. Never letting you go. Gonna fill you with my pups and make you mine."
"Yes, brother please, alpha, knot me knot me knot me-"
"Then take it." The swelling at the base of his dick was starting to catch on your rim as he pushed it into you. You keened from the lovely stretch that finally made you feel complete.
When it popped inside you both moaned, your lovemaking complete. It wasn't long before he was pumping his cum into you, his knot keeping every drop locked up inside your pretty pussy.
#bakugou#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#katsuki x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou smut#katsuki smut#alpha/omega#a/b/o#omegaverse#tw omegaverse#tw dark content#tw incest#jasmina writes 🌸#asks#.shameless Saturdays
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