#idk. I'm thinking about it
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I'm thinking about gender in ORV, which is always a dangerous game
#orv#orv spoilers but sometimes i think about the fact that yoo sangah ended the novel in a body that belonged to a man when he was alive#and no attention is called to it- shes just yoo sangah#and comparing with how jang hayoung and nirvana are treated by the narrative but also different translations#and now the side story with all the different gender body swaps#i find the absolute lack of consistency interesting#thinking about the motivations of how different characters get gendered by the author/translator/narrator#and more how they get misgendered#like with kyung sein whose original name i am struggling to find#iirc takes being referred to with a different name and she/her in stride#and most of the readers go by different names and are trying to act as the people they appear to be#and gender is just another thing like height and age that's different now#idk. I'm thinking about it
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.
(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#unique magic posters#this was so unforseeable!#i hope malleus gets pumpkinified immediately and sebek has to carry him around on a little velvet cushion#i hope jade puts his plant knowledge to good use by being extremely judgy about the firmness of everyone's rind#i hope that everyone is still wearing their silly little hats as pumpkins#(i know they won't. but if we don't have hope we have nothing.)#and i'm still feeling like oogie's gotta show up later and menace jamil just by existing#perhaps we'll have to team up against him with the scullsman or something 👀#also just to get it out before being proven entirely wrong#my theory is still that he's from the past and we gotta teach him about the True Meaning of Halloween (aka candy and funtimes)#so he can go back to his own time and become the founder of modern-day candy and funtimes halloween or something#bootstrap paradox be damned#i could be entirely off-base but that's what i'm thinking right now#idk he just has the vibe of an old-timey boy to me#he's had the great misfortune of being born before there were hot topics where he could meet other jack skellington fanatics#too late for the black plague too early for the black parade 😔
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I am such a big Werewolf Stan advocate I had to jump on this particular train 🙏 (but I didn't really wanna commit to full line art, you guys understand)
Oh, and you guys aren't gonna believe this, but here's part two 🙌
#I've been really enjoying the vampire/werewolf FiddleStan#which i think.... is for some october thing? uh fiddlestantober? or uh fiddle... idk i know it's because it's october!!#and I'm very glad for it#i love werewolf stan so much 🙏#i never really thought about vampire Fiddleford but yeah I've been enjoying that part too#anyway keep making that thanks guys 😋#I KNOW IT'S NOT SUMMER but wouldn't it be funny if they met outside of the fall months#put those bozos into situations 🗣️#this is why summerween exists in this AU guys TRUST 🙏🙏#cole's art#art#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#FIDDLESTAN ‼️‼️🗣️💯💯💯#best ship in this fandom NO COMPETITION 🙏#werewolf stan pines#werewolf stan#vampire fiddleford#fiddlestantober2024#yyeeahhhh that thing#i am not a part of it i am hijacking just this one thing 🙏#i use the praying hands emoji too much sorry guys#gravity falls halloween au
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I'm going to say something that will make sense to the Fandom Olds and will probably be slightly controversial to the younger crowds, but I'm going to say it anyways
TPTB becoming increasingly aware of fandom and fanfiction over the past two-ish decades and thus, the spawning of the expectation of your ship going canon has ruined fandom a little bit
I mean, fandom does a great job of ruining itself a lot of the time, but this idea that a ship isn't "real" or "valid" if it isn't canon
or the idea that one ship is superior to the other because one is canon and the other isn't?
it's absolutely bananas
I grew up in an era of fandom where characters didn't even have to be from the same media source to ship them. I mean, do you know how many BtVS/HP crossover fics I read back in the early 2000s???
That shit was never gonna be canon, but we had fun with it, anyways
Like. Yeah, a lot of fanon speculation is bullshit, but it always has been and always will be. You have hundreds and/or thousands of people riffing off each other, the observations and the meta will always be deeper than what TPTB intended, and that's okay! That's what makes it fun!
I just think more people would be a lot happier in their fandom experiences if they realized that fandom is supposed to be an escape instead of a crusade
#fandom#shipping#I should be sleeping but I couldn't stop thinking about this#so here I am past my bedtime trying to articulate something that I'm not sure I have the mental capacity to articulate#idk man spread love not hate
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y'know every time i feel guilty about bothering someone by singing along when i'm listening to music, i just remember that i have to tolerate my dirtbag brother screaming at his ps5 for hours every day so listening to muffled off-key fall out boy is probably preferable
#ramble#it's not loud btw it's just like. singing along in the car volume#not to get on my soapbox but there's a literal dent in his wall from his controller. and we're in the uk you CANNOT punch through walls#idk about anyone else but i've NEVER yelled at a video game?? like i'm absolute dogshit at 80% of them#and i've never had a PHYSICAL reaction beyond maybe 'ughh' then turning it off#if you're getting that angry maybe you just need to play different games because you're clearly not having fun#also added bonus that i didn't realise until adulthood. as a former daughter#cis son privileges are CRAZY#i don't even swear in front of my parents and my dude is just screaming actual slurs next door with NO consequences#like you wouldn't do that in public why is it ok to do it here#i think i've said fuck in front of my mum ONCE and i literally couldn't look at her the entire day#this is a box i am not ready to unpack yet akdhdh#is this just a my family thing or is this common
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kabru and mithrun's fun succubus adventure
#dunmeshi#really cool art i thought up#kabru of utaya#mithrun#dunmeshi spoilers#<- idk. anime watchers dont know who mithrun is or what he does so i think it needs a spoiler warning#labru#<- I GUESS..................#I'M SORRY For adding that stupid fucking figure i think it's really funny and i never want to see it again in my life#i don't think his succubus would show up as that thing i think hes more Complex than that it would just be funny#also mithrun's succubus might actually shapeshift who knows?? Thats not what this comic is about though. just My Funny Joke.
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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here
And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:
No, this was not an ISAT reference!
Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT
(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)
If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that
#egg speaks#writing#polls#my writing#egg writes#my polls#poetry#time loops#listen I want to run this again#time loop poll#<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao#unreality#you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this#I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat#we both like the same game#but people keep going “oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing#“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own#I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION#time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru
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im thinking about maybe actually pursuing my childhood dream of being a biologist.......
#it would be so cool. and if i can afford to resume my adderall prescription i might be functional enough to actually do it#i would really really like to do it#i'd get to see so many beautiful things#and push myself to learn new things in new ways#idk. i'm thinking about it#raphael.exe
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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Fancy robe practice featuring Bruce
#dreamer doodles#batman#bruce wayne#brucie wayne#idk i think i did good enough#i stared at so many fucking vintage model photos and movies for this one#honestly i feel like i could do a bit better#but I'm eh about working on this one anymore
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Give him all your heart and I'll do the rest. I can't do that. I'll lose myself in him.
#interview with the vampire#iwtvedit#loustat#otp: all my love belongs to you#my edit#my gifs#idk i'm just... thinking about this kiss...#that little nuzzle........
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what cipher has done to my hands
#gravity falls#stanford pines#bill cipher#ford pines#billford#maybe?#idk#ermmmm anyways i just wanted to draw bloody knuckles 🤒#and also i love love love this excerpt from the tbob i think about it literally all the time#it haunts my every waking moment#'i hope f's gloves will hide what cipher has done to my hands'#like???? are you crazy?????#i'm killing myself asap#this was from a magma doodle that i cleaned up but i think i lost the original vibe 💔 this feels really stiff to me idk#BLEGH feeling. crazy.#okay bye#mods art#mods draws#my art
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Idc what the outcome will be but I'll probably need the motivation
If this post gets:
350 notes: I'll start properly writing the Vigilante AU that I'm struggling to do
500 notes: I'll start to clean my household that's dusty af
1000 notes: I'll start studying for my Journalism(I have to catch on a lot hwlp)
2000 notes: I'll start art studying more on the face
3000 notes: I'll start actually exercising the whole week(I've been needing to take vitamins because of how much I just sit and struggle to do something with my body)
4000 notes: I'll start actually studying for my school
5000 notes: I'll try stopping the voices in my head that says that all my injuries/suffering are just little and actually start trying to ask for help more
10000 notes: I'll go and fight my trauma and start trying to cook more food other than rice and eggs because I still remember that fire back when I was around 5(It's funny because I wanted to become a chef before and now I joke a lot about arson, ironic, ain't it?)
Why so much? I really want to do these and yet there's something in my head making me scared of doing these
No rules, go insane if needed
#my rambles#i need motivation#idk i think i'm overthinking again#no we're not talking about that one time when my mom asked me if I should go see a psychiatrist#no we're not gonna talk about my trauma#it's so late rn#...#mh
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Monster hunter au part 11 (final? I think?)
Did you want to see Drift in a nurse costume?......ahahahahha
Orion: God himself couldn't stop him.
Meanwhile, Ratchet walking into God's room: Polish your glasses and get your robotic liver ready, I've got drinks to share and a great story to tell
Previous
#maccadam#transformers#monster hunter au#drift#ratchet#dratchet#Orion pax#Shockwave#senator Shockwave#Prowl#I think I'm done#at least with Dratchet part of this au#I still have some sketches left maybe I'll post them as extra#It was a great journey hehe. Not very plot driven or complicated#but I had fun so~#I'm thinking of making more stuff in the world of this au#but about different characters#maybe Shockblurr. Or Prowl. Or Orion idk#We'll see👍
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