#idk. I looked esp bad last night
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Saw a very attractive person last night and I was like... what if??? all night, but I'm also like, wow, I don't think we would work out and I'm also really ugly so that's a for sure no!
#josh screams#idk. I looked esp bad last night#my friend was having a birthday party and her friend's band was playing and one of the band members was so hot#my friend very much was like 'You need to go get their number now!!' and I was like 'I am not going to.#please ask your friend if they're single. I'd rather die than approach someone like that who's in a relationship' also how would I even do#that?? like hey. you're really hot and out of my league! can I get your number?#I say nayyyy.#but they also look like the person that would do things that I just wouldn't be able to vibe with#also like everyone is way out of my league lmao#I need to get my hair cut again and redyed#I think that my help with my self esteem just a tiny bit#but I can't do anything about my face#I'm just so ugly man...#vomits and dies to death#whatevaaaa#hard to be josh : /#approaching people is hard when you look like me
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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Thoughts on latest HB ep "Ghostf**kers" (*now that I've regained a bit more energy post-Halloween weekend lol*):
So the newest ep of HB has came & went from what I've seen- aaaand naturally feels like the best time for me to finally ramble about it now that its settled in my brain some more .3. Thoughts (+Spoilers) below~ NOTE: Most of this -does- get a lil rant-y below sooo... read at your own risk lol .w.;;
First things out of the way to start things off on a good note, the Pros:
To start off with... FINALLY we got some Millie focus for a major episode plot (-or more specifically, focus that doesn't get revolved back to Moxxie somehow lol)😭👏👏. Even if Millie's spotlight here did have to be shared with Blitz for a good chunk of the ep, their friendship was actually genuinely sweet & compelling to watch (esp. their backstory & how Millie was allowed to stand up for herself, give him space, BUT also coming around to acknowledging the good in Blitz, when it all came down to it🥺👏). Which ngl, after these previous episodes reigning down HARD on this dude... idk, just felt refreshingly wholesome to see for this series, yknow?😊
New villain Rolando was pretty cool, and surprisingly spooky to watch as the second-half went on oml- .o.;; While I'm still a teensy bit confused how his powers/demon lore work (at least to what we already know about Hell limitations crossing to the human world, ex. succubi & their crystals), his underwater monster vibe gave some fun visuals to watch up until the climax. I'm not 100% familiar with John Waters' works, but damnnn he should take up voice-acting more often ngl~ 👀
FINALLY MAMA TILLA MAKES AN (on-screen) APPEARANCE 😭😭Her whole vibe & Blitz's clear love and regret over what happened to her... hhhhh my whole heart ;n; 💔
That pink client lady (Rita, I think her name is?) who assigned the hotel mission? I dig her vibe, its cute~ :3
I.M.P. feeling like a legitimate workplace family for once, with even Loona & Moxxie getting a nice lil moment towards the end?? More. Of this. Please. 👌👌
Even with the lil undertones of the Stol*itz drama from the past couple eps, I very much appreciate Blitz (+the show itself) acknowledging that what's been going is NOT a breakup ('cause... yknow, they never actually dated to begin with lol🤷♀️). It may not 100% fix how messy that particular narrative's been handled as of late (which I'll get to in a sec-), but eh... its a start in the right direction, I guess? .3.
Enjoyed all the colorful flashback looks given, never would I have thought I needed mercenary!Millie with a fluffy ponytail til nowww hlkjlk😩❤️
Aaaand as for the not-so-good bits (imo), aka the Cons:
Pacing felt kiiiinda all-over-the-place, I'll admit; like one min we've got a whole intro & a half to deal with Blitz's whining fest (+some other pointless banter at the hotel)... then the next it feels like we're breezing past Rolando's whole presence as the "big bad" villain. Which... idk, I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on given the production drama behind-the-scenes (aka: the leaked content that had to be cut & redone awhile back)... buuuut yeah, its just one of those things you can't help but take notice of, critique-wise lol 🤷♀️
The humor wasn't... exactly at its strong point here, mainly just a lil overdone in the sex joke department imo though I guess thats kind of "par-for-the-course" in the Hellaverse series nowadays, so lol
Now, idk if this may be an unpopular opinion or not; but was I the only one who felt like Blitz's month-long mope fest over Stolas was rather... OOC, all things considered? .-. Like, okay its one thing for Blitz to still be (understandably) upset over how the last two eps went down (but being the "boss" he is, continues working anyway to keep I.M.P. afloat, like in the latest HB shorts)... but for Blitz of all people to just randomly use ALL his company's funds on useless junk, force his daughter Loona to stay up all night/not go home, drive Moxxie in a panic from all the budgeting issues this past month was just... wut- 🤦♀️ ...Mind you, this is meant to be the SAME Blitz who not even a few episodes ago begged Stolas to not take away the Grimoire (aka the key to his + his employee's livelihood), clearly being willing to do anything to not lose all that he holds dear. You seriously expect me to believe he'd be the type to throw that all away (for a WHOLE month)... all to simply whine over some blue-blooded bird not noticing him? ...Yeaaaaah sorry, but I'm gonna have to call bs on that, chief- 🙄
Kiiiinda tying in the last point, but as much as I enjoyed the tense thills gained from the "Rolando enters Blitz' mind to make him see his own flaws/past mistakes" sequence... I do have a few issues with some of these other "flashbacks" added to the mix: 1) Loona's groin kick towards Blitz in "Seeing Stars" (*wasn't Blitz's fault since ALL he did was tell her to be nice to clients... and was right about to apologize to Loona just seconds before the kick 😒*) 2) Blitz pushing Stolas' hand away in "Ozzies" (*which Blitz only did after Stolas hide his face/didn't defend Blitz during the song*) 3) Stolas' hurt expression at the end van scene of "Ozzie's" (*mind you, taking place while Blitz is rightfully standing up for himself/telling off Stolas for being a privileged creep all of S1*) 4) Stolas trying to present the Asmodean Crystal gift in "Full Moon" (*a whoooole mess in of itself I already covered prior-*) 5) Stolas angrily walking away from their pool fight + trash-talking Blitz in the "Motherf**kers" song + drunkenly dumping his problems on him + making out with a whole other dude in front of Blitz (*again, a huge mess I covered prior but TL;DR... most of that WASN'T fully-Blitz's fault in those instances??😑*)
Like... I dunno man, I don't mean to sound like I'm just ragging on Stolas per-episode as of late... but these last few points just keep giving me mixed signals than any genuine idea as to WHY Blitz even has these "feelings" growing for Stolas, atm?🤨For any canon couple in fiction, I WANT to see reasons for why they work best together, what kind of interests/aspects they've got in-common, what special "spark" is there that helps them stand out above all the other dynamics in-canon... but from what I see so far on Blitz's end (& the narrative continuing to guilt on him being "the problem")... it honestly feels more like he's only now fallen for Stolas out of pity... not because of any genuine affection or attraction :/ Which... ngl, sounds like a really sad precedent to send for a main-endgame couple, regardless of series genre imo... 🤷♀️
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Soooo yeah, all that rant-y rambling aside... not a bad ep in the grand scheme of things! 👍👍Here's hoping the last few remaining eps (+possible shorts) for S2 keeps up the good work! 🙏
#helluva boss#hellaverse#helluva boss opinions#helluva boss review#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss critical#(*this ain't meant to be a full-on critical blog btw- but for this review in-partular... yeaah it may be best to just mark it as such lol*#(*I -did- still enjoy the ep nonetheless btw so don't be too mad pls TwT*)
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hi haitch 😩 i love ur work and kinda look up to you as a person bc your tenacity and fierce protectiveness over people you love/people in need. i wish i had more people in my life like that :( bc i suffer from really bad anxiety. sometimes i think it’s not so bad but then (like last night) im laying in my room and suddenly i can’t breathe n the walls are closing in n im bawling my eyes out. im scared to be on my own in college and idk how to deal w this esp when its hard for me to ask for help
Firstly, and most importantly, your own ability to act as an agent of change is greater than you believe.
When you're stunk in the anxious, self-loathing spiral of feeling convinced that you're powerless, or thinking that your improved well-being relies 100% on who you have around you, you do yourself a disservice.
How far have you gotten with identifying the triggers for your anxiety? I know that's hard when it's generalised anxiety, but hear me out; I'm sure you have that constant background anxiety, and then spikes of heightened anxiety, right? What sets off the spikes and panic attacks (as it sounds like you have them)?
Have you approached doctors for help? If so, have they been useful? Have you tried anything in the way of cognitive behavioural therapies (there are loads of free apps and courses)? Have you stopped hating yourself for long enough to realise that you deserve to be helped? And that this isn't just how you are, and you can find a way out?
This is all visceral to hear, I know. But hear me out. Identifying the pathological thought patterns that anxiety shoves onto you, and looking at them objectively, can be quite freeing.
Write down what you notice when you're anxious; "self loathing", "claustrophobia", "perceived inability to interact with others". Stick it somewhere private, then when you're ready and feeling your strongest, stand back and look at it. Identify your symptoms as symptoms, and not personality traits. Because anxiety symptoms are not your personality, and that helps in knowing that it's fixable, and not just 'who you are'.
Being on your own does not always need to equate to being lonely. I think being on your own can feel like an enormous burden, if you believe that others around you are a reliable tool for easing your anxiety...but if I know anything of suffering it myself, and caring for so many who have suffered it, the true core of anxiety is within.
You need to build the self-care the infrastructure, before you can invite workers to the site.
Quite honestly, I believe you can do this. The ability to overcome anxiety and panic attacks can be in your hands. And this isn't in some toxic positivity, privileged or naive way. As in, it genuinely is. Being able to see my own anxiety in this way has been life-changing.
You can want your life to be better and make that happen.
You're at college...have you found any societies? Any hallmates or housemates? Anyone at all? People are kinder than you think. Reach out.
But, you are in charge. That's a good thing-- imagine your life being in the hands of unreliable others? No. Better off in yours.
You can do it, baby. Promise.
Love, always,
-- Haitch xxx
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ok here are my opinions of nocturne s2 as someone who rewatched all 4 seasons of castlevania and the 1st season of nocturne for idk how many times
spoilers below the cut
so i did not know s2 would come out bc netflix decided to stay quiet and not advertise it! 😍 lovely
it's almost 8 months since the last time i watched season 1 so i did not remember all the details but i did not enjoy it like i did with all 4 seasons of castlevania. i watched season 2 today and i already prefer s2 over s1
good parts
the animation is soooo good even if i prefer the old art style over this new one the animation is soooo much fluid esp in the last 2 episodes
alucard is finally here !!! my fave from the main series and seeing him made me so happy :( his scene talking about da vinci... u 2 had gay sex say it . also the scene of him getting out of the river wow
also alucard mention of trevor :( stop
droltas backstory !!!! i love actual character building instead of just throwing characters into the narrative !!! the fact that she was the big boss instead of erzebeth made so much sense !!!! and she got her ass in the end !!!
the night creatures revolution !!!!! i love a story that happens in france around the revolution (im obsessed with innocent for this reason) and seeing the night creatures fight against erzebeth people while eduard sang a song he heard in HAITI????? wow
ofc annette is one of the best things of this show by far, i love her journey of finding her powers, even tho she did not show up her power as much as last season her arc was soooo good to watch i love her sm seeing her hugging her mother :((((((
and my favorite part of this season by far, MARIA!!!!! MARIA MY BELOVED DAUGHTER !!! her struggle with her powers and her mother becoming a vampire was sooooo idk how to even say it!!!! also the fact that as soon as she discovered that she had more powerful beings to conjure SHE WENT AFTER HER FATHER!!!! GET HIS ASS!!!! GIVE YOUR FATHER DAUGHTER ISSUES BY KILLING HIM !!!!! also her relationship with juste :((((((( so cute
mid parts
idk how to feel about richter so he's here. hm he's a good protagonist. idk what to say about him he's just cool
olrox and mizrak... i adore them but idk i feel like they could be so much more this season. also no gay sex. i know they're in the middle of war but why. also mizrak had to be transformed last minute? also couldn't they show it in full? like why cut it i loved that scene but why can't u just show the full moment
bad parts
olrox spent the season doing a whole lot of nothing??? last season he was actually doing something but from ep 1 to ep 6 he's just there. well at least he slays in the final battle
marias father whose name i forgot and i don't care enough about him to remember died in such a cool way and just. died. where's haunting the narrative? he was a forge master i thought he would try to at least protect maria in his ash form?
getting the story behind erzebeth and drolta just now kinda made s1 look like shit bc these 2 were just the villains and in s2 they are, yk, characters with motives and such
alucard seemed so weak for some reason? like yeah it was obvious that in castlevania he was going to not be the strongest in the room but how many years have passed since then?
also something about him giving his sword to richter made me mad for some reason like idk if he would do that...
annette leaving the spiritual world bc of ricther did not made me happy like girlie is SO POWERFUL she has the blood of OGUM SHE COULD DEFEAT THE BEAST BY HERSELF AND RETURN NORMALLY
some people commented that this season feels rushed and i am lowkey inclined to agree, some of my problems with this season could be fixed by just making it 2 episodes longer
overall i did enjoy it i am just really picky i give it 3,9/5 :D
here's my final ranking of all castlevania seasons:
castlevania s2
castlevania s3
castlevania s4
castlevania nocturne s2
castlevania s1
castlevania nocturne s1
that's it um ... thank u for reading c:
#ill be surprised if someone actually reads this#castlevania#castlevania nocturne#rant#jully opinions#castlevania spoilers
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hi thinking pred/prey thoughts again. we kinda talked about this a little but what are your thoughts on the dynamics between the mafia members. obviously farfa on top and sap on the bottom of the totem pole as the prey/newest member... do u think the dynamics between the guys & if they interact with outsiders are different? like public v private perception of the hierarchy if that makes sense?
ooh okok this is interesting, i was thinking about this last night and had to sleep on it, but i think alongside farfadox at the top is spreen. the way i see it, farfadox is a leader in the strategic sense, where he's always grinding, always has information, always has some important role in dungeons, stuff like that. whereas spreen is the leader in the social sense, in that he's more like a figurehead and a representative of the group as a whole.
as for the rest of the group, i have a vague idea of where people fall. idk if you know this copypasta: "Crisgreen, farfadox, conter, serpias, giaantv, amilcar y shadoune, todo ese grupito encabezado por Spreen. Si asi se comportan como seran off stream." but i would put the people mentioned here closer to the top (aside from giaan, i dont think he played in dedsafio 2?), and the rest of team mafia would be in the lower half of the hierarchy.
when it comes to how they interact with outsiders, i feel like they definitely wouldn't come across as affectionate or soft or loving as they actually are. i think i've kind of mentioned before that they'd be territorial over food/affection/territory, but i also think they'd also be really possessive of each other, esp the higher members of the lower members (and even more so with sapnap). this possessiveness ends makes them behave a little more aggressively with outsiders, especially when those outsiders are coming to their base (i.e. That One Person u complained about who wouldn't leave despite like 3 people telling them to LOL)
i think their possessiveness could also come across as being controlling. like if an outsider is getting a little too close to sapnap, and they start growling and posturing and drag him away, it definitely gives the impression that they're micromanaging his interactions with other people. also that their hierarchy is worse than it is, that it's actually a really bad thing to be at the bottom, when in reality it doesn't really mean all that much. the members towards the bottom still get treated well, no different than a higher member, it's just that they tend to be more looked after when they're in public, it that makes sense.
#i loveee the idea of them getting possessive over each other though#like as much as most of them aren't pack animals#they still have extremely close bonds with one another#pred/prey au#limitless asks
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having finished episode eight i can definitely see the frank/karen thing a bit more.
i was also not upset when karen found out about elektra oops I WAS WAITINGGG for it to happen
i don’t like to be a hater but i love the chemistry they have as friends, the scenes where it’s just the three of them being happy are some of my favourites 😭
my love for elektra only continues to grow. i love her dynamic with matt (it is not healthy at all but it’s so captivating to watch 😭) and i know she’ll end up breaking my heart lol. i think i spoiled myself here on tumblr and apparently she dies? i’m still not sure cause i didn’t read the entire thing so don’t confirm it i’m still holding on to hope cause the post wasn’t that clear and i scrolled away so fastt. we’ll see.
i definitely thought ‘oh, this is it’ now on episode eight when they katana-ed her 😔
also i am so intrigued now that fisk has appeared again and wondering why frank did what he did !!!
hope my daily episode rambles aren’t annoying :’))
p.s: how’s ur day been? <3
omg yay! i just finished the punisher and suffice it to say youre in for some rlly good karen and frank moments... also quite a bit of angst.
i love when the three of them are friends 🤗🤗 like theyre literally my babies. matt and karen are so... complicated. like it all comes down to him being unable to prioritise but trust he gets better at in s3. i dont know where they end up tbh, esp with the new show coming but we just have to wait i guess
also found this on reddit a few weeks ago. interesting... i think.. idk 🤔
right!!! like shes just so cool tbh and to see someone from matts past is super interesting and theres so much depth to her character and sooooo much lore. i love elektra lore.
ohhhhh i hate fisk. i think hes an incredible villain and character. but hes SUCH a cry baby. like bitch stfu
theres a rlly good fight scene in ep 9 that im looking forward to you getting to. def one of my favs in daredevil even though its a frank fight scene. rlly highlights him as the punisher. and its also just rlly fucking cool. the violence kinda gaged me! like you ate that up frankie.
honestly franks entire story is just devastating to me and i lit finished the punisher last night so its all so fresh in my mind. like you think its bad. from what you learn in daredevil but it gets SO MUCH worse 😖😖
im loving the rambles tbh. i only have one other friend to talk about dd to so this is super beneficial. i love talking about stuff too so not complaining!!
days been good! apart from the fact that i started my period but oh well. hope your days been good!!
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I have at least read TLP 3 - thrice 😭😭
and each read gave me butterflies im ngl
CAUSE YOU ATE SO BAD WITH THIS DEE! Swear to go I had my snacks ready when I started reading it.
SPOILERS BELOW-
during the start of the fic, i was NAWT expecting that shower scene 😭😭 but the writing was immaculate
and oc’s mama knowing the tea was so!!! like finally our girl started realising that it’s always been jaykay.
AND NAMJOON AND DOYEON WAS SO !!!!!!!!!! I loved it so much 🥹🥹🥹 she’s slick af
and our oc having heart to heart talks with both the girls and mingyu kinda realising his mistake (still don’t like him tho) and yk telling her about his insecurities and our girl oc realising all this while she has been dense af (even tho in her heart she knew)
AND THEN THE DANCE SCENE AND THE SCENE AT NIGHT WHERE THEY SLEPT TOGETHER WAS SO FUCKINH WHOLESOME AND NEXT DAY HER JUST- gave all the 2000s vibe you were going for!!
also these 2 are cute and hot af together 😫😫 and her joking around during sexy times and him just saying “not rn” was so on brand of them. ALSO NAWT HIM CRYING, HE IS SUCH A LOSER IN LOVE, I LOVE IT🤣 (I loved it sm)
when they said their Ilys and then she couldn’t stop saying it was so😍😍😍😍 like yes FINALLY. Jk’s 8 years excile was OVER.
and then the last part where she realises the love she has wanted and all that it was honestly such 2000s teen movie vibe where the main character repeats the line but now with a different understanding idk if you got what I’m trying to say but yeah it feels full circle.
And then after completing the fic, I read some of the extras and it all just blended well so together
In all, im so glad i bumped into TLP and followed you!!! Love every single one of your works !!🖤
take rest cause girl that was a roller coaster ride 🫶🏼🤓
Real image of me reading TLP 3-
sometimes i receive an ask and dont wanna post it bcs i just wanna keep it in my inbox forever so i can reread from time to time and this is def one of those!!!
i LOVE YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SCENE FOR SCENE REVIEW!!! YOU JUST GET IT SO MUCH !!!!!
alsooooo tlp oc and jk are def the type to crack jokes during sex lmfao esp oc!!! meanwhile jk looks constipated most of the time cos what do u mean im balls deep in you and ur cracking jokes.. be so for real.. but oc thinks making her boyfriend blush is the hottest thing ever and jk def gets all red when she cracks jokes during the nasty😑 so she def does it on purpose 😭
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AWESOME CHAPPY KAI!!!!!
i’m so happy you showed what a healthy relationship looks like. esp when yn called up toji just to let him know the situation. as well as told him all about what happened in the morning. that’s what being in a relationship is all about, being there for each other no matter what! i’m glad yn is safe and comfortable with toji, it’s what she needs and deserves.
gojo’s mom is- oh man. my poor yn and poor yui. oh man idek what type of trauma that situation can cause to a kid. shes right tho, bad meemaw, bad smh
am i a bad person if i say i dont really care that naomi is feeling that way? LMAO sorry HAHA okok but likeee whatever shes feeling is still a million times less than what yn was feeling when she was a gojo? dont get me wrong i was STARTING to feel bad but like she called up gojo’s mom. like ok u just lost sympathy from me LOL. imagine ur bf’s mom likes u so much that u can call her up and ask for advice (yn cant LMAO im sorry bbgirl i love you im sorry HAHA)
even if gojo’s mom spill the beans on what happened that night i feel like yn cant do anything abt it?? LMAO like what do u want her to do? she’s literally happy w toji, megs, and yui idk what she has to do w gojo. it’s literally gojo’s problem he’s still in love with her. she has moved ON boy! and shes doing her part in the co-parenting, shes civil with gojo and naomi, and shes HAPPY! is that such a crime?? sure they can have a convo but leave yn out of it? she literally just moved on, is that so bad? must she suffer for u guys to be happy?
they’re gonna make the convo abt yn tho ofc they are. if they dont, we wont have a story LMAOO but i do hope that things turn out well for yn. she cant even be happy without this turning to shit bc of fuckin gojo
but! the drama is to live for, keep it coming (less yn slaps tho, pls leave my girl alone 😭😭)
as always, amazing work kai! mwah mwah mwah, love u sm angel <3
xoxo
the last part LMAOOO 'if they dont, we wont have a story" 😭 kinda true tho, what are we gonna do without the mess !! the drama !! JSKSKSKSDH i find it so funny plssss💀and if u realy look at it, yn's got nothing to do w it, bc satoru just confessed. yn didn't intentionally do anything to make him feel like that :> anwww thanksss so much muchh, much love to uu~<33
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OMGOMG SAFI congrats on 100 ml !! hihii im here to participate in your cute slumber party event ! (i even brought my fave pillow and totoro plushie)
okok soo yk i'm dria 🩵 black / caribbean, around 5'1 (i promise im so close to 5'2 don't @ me haters will hate i drink my milk and eat my veggies) i have huge hair!! like very big hair, too many curls!! it's alot! i love reading, i write plenty of poetry, which is what i use most of my time to do — i lovelove r&b and early 2000s rap music. however, if u open my spotify rn and shuffle my liked songs it would go in order of hip hop, rap, afrobeats, classical music bcus my taste is all over the place. (i also keep a folder of edit audios for my own maladaptive daydreaming purposes lmao)
im rlly a baby blue girlie, fave flowers are tulips (idk my brain js thinks they look yummy), fave season is autumn ofc bcus rainy weather and i have an excuse to stay inside under my blankets 😭 fave animal would beee a black panther or a tabby cat! (my bby bella is a tabby lmao) i love vintage shows (rlly old noir films of all types of genres) i love cinema and visual art it stimulates me sm (im autistic btw i forgot to say mb) i've watched almost every wes anderson film in existence i love soft color palettes in film so bad <3
i enjoy watching old cartoons to relive my childhood nostalgia, jewelry (esp rings i never go anywhere without one or two on), rainy days, late night car drives, baggy shirts, scented candles, afrobeats n anything astronomy related.
im very much a social science n humanities junkie - yearning to be a clinical psychiatrist or complete my dream of teaching literature / psychology. i cry very easily (im js a crybaby istg) - in general im just very very emotional and more often than not i forget common sense and instinct are a thing bcus wtv i feel i just go with it - though i am extremely introverted and freak out when overstimulated in huge crowds and whatnot.
for the event im picking toji bcus that man is the love of my life bye ☹️ the epitome of sunshine and sunshine protector - tiny human and big scary guard dog ! in terms of our compatibility, we're so opposite it's insane! but we balance each other out well. sometimes i have to serve as toji's brain bcus this man is spending money he does not have on all sorts of things for me js cause i looked twice (my sister hced that he'd go below bankrupt buying me sanrio plushies and rings) he works mostly off instinct where i go completely off emotion so we butt heads alot in terms of decision making but he does not know how to tell me no, all i do is sigh once and HES DONE FOR.
i stress this man out like hes my full time babysitter pls
we acc spend alot of time having deep talks about the world and life in general, (i told him ab the backrooms lore and it messed w his head for weeks) which is a side of him he rarely shows to anyone (also he listens to me rant abt daily pop culture developments bcus he lowkey loves the celebrity drama) he's rlly protective, and even moreso bcus of how my anxiety gets. in a crowd this man is standing in front of me and blocking my view of everyone (he also subconsciously pulls me into his side when we're walking in public bcus my autistic ass will see one thing and wander off never to be found again) im always talking like talk talk talking and he pretends he isn't listening but he's literally able to repeat today something i mentioned two weeks ago - he's attentive, shows his love through actions rather than words. if i even make a face that gives away that im uncomfortable being somewhere, or my social battery is dead, hes taking me home no questions asked not a care as to who says what.
im an affection junkie - physical touch is my thing ! and hes so big! so im always pouncing on him for bear hugs and he acts so unimpressed and cocky abt it like "oh you missed me? im not goin anywhere relax" but he acc melts bcus when was the last time someone gave him affection?? he prob thinks im a figment of his imagination lolol
days off / dates would mainly be : window shopping, grocery runs, sitting in the park at sunset, indoor ramen dates n movie marathons and cuddles !!
AHHH sorry if i ranted way too much omg i can't wait to see what you do safi, i'll love anything u write ily so baddd <33
note: hihi dria, thanks for bringing your fave pillow and your totoro plush to the slumber party.
dria x toji — ꒰ tojria
“in this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and i will not abandon you. unwrap the worst things you have done. watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.”
height differences, cinnamoroll x badtz maru, protective touches, 3 am conversations about life, romantic picnics at sunset, shopping together, opposites attract, shy x protective, princess treatment, introvert x introvert, buckling your seatbelt for you, tired bf x hyper gf, teasing remarks, day x night, accidental eye contact, blushing, midnight walks, late night phone calls, giddiness, sunshine x sunshine protector, stealing his clothes, late night drives, deleted texts, holding hands under the table, "mean to everyone but her" bf, head pats, she fell first, he fell harder.
being with toji is not always as seamless or easy as you make it look. He's gruff and protective and difficult and incredibly stubborn. like that time you two fought because he was ignoring what you were saying and he flat-out refused to acknowledge your demand when you called him out on it. to be fair, he'd come home after an eight-hour shift and you'd started talking his head off, but it wouldn't kill him to listen. he wasn't paying attention when you were talking about that new hello kitty cafe with the fun milkshakes and the mini donuts that you wanted to try. hell, he ended up falling asleep on your shoulder after brushing off your argument and as much as you wanted to remain angry at him, you'd softened immediately upon seeing his tired face, all eyebags and troubled frown. and he did make it up to you later by taking you to said cafe and proving that he had been listening, though when you brought it up to him, he pretended not to know what you were talking about. but deep down he cares for you and he's trying — you know he's trying and you don't want to make him feel bad for things he can't control. a lot of the concerns you should bring up to him, you don't — you want this relationship to be easy and safe. you want him to feel comfortable with you the same way that you feel comfortable with him. even if sometimes he comes home with a busted lip and bloody knuckles and sends your heart skidding against your ribcage. but what matters is that he comes to you first and he comes home to you. so you know that no matter what, no matter how he's feeling, if he thinks he can talk to you or not, he'll always come home to you. and even if you doubt his commitment sometimes, he knows that you're home to him and he'll do anything to keep it that way.
NOW PLAYING
the way i loved you, enchanted, daylight, afterglow, how you get the girl, treacherous, sparks fly, so it goes...
join safi's perfect slumber party event — requests are open for everyone!
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really long ramble inbound about my current state of mind
tl;dr the blorbo of the night is somehow the seventh doctr. idk man.
u kno whats so . crazy . i watched the first doctr's last serial tonite . and also rewatched the first two eps with fifteen. and and so i go to my brain tonight like . "ok , who r we fixating on tonight ? im going to eep soon so i need to pick one" (becasue if im not fixating on a blorbo by the time im putting myself into bed it gives me mental troubles its a whole thing)
and . and my brain looks me in the eyes and goes .
"Seven."
AND IM LIKE ??!???@?$@? SEVEN???@!??!?!?!???!?!???
LIKE . I NEED YALL TO KNOW THAT IVE NEVER SEEN A SINGLE FULL EPISODE WITH SEVEN. MOST OF WHAT IVE SEEN IS BEHIND THE SCENES PICTURES, AND GIFS. AND LIKE..... MAYBE ONE CLIP. AND FROM THAT I SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY REMEMBER WHAT HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE.
but i think its because i use one seven gif in particular as a reaction gif so often and i used it so many times today . and it just... it put him in my brain.
WHICH I THINK IS SOOOOOOO FUNNY BECAUSE ITS THE EXACT INVERSE OF HOW I WAS WITH THE FIRST DOCTR. WHEN I SAW ONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT . I DO NOT REMEMBER WHAT MY INITIAL REACTION TO ONE WAS BUT IT DEFINITELY WASNT "IM IN LOVE WITH HIM."
WITH SEVEN HOWEVER, THE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS SO FUCKING TERMINAL THAT IT ACTUALLY HAS ME LIKE... CLAMBERING OVER HIM. SO BAD. LIKE.. IM SO HYPER RIGHT NOW . LIKE I FREAKING NEED HIM . IM TYING MYSELF TO A TREE HOLDING MYSELF BACK FROM WATCHING A SERIAL WITH HIM BECAUSE ITS LATE AT NIGHT RN AND I CANT DO A WHOLE DOCTOR WHO SERIAL RN. ESP WITH A NEW DOCTOR. AND ESP BECAUSE I DONT REALLY SKIP AROUND LIKE THAT. i i ok one of these days i might , for seven . but . but not now . not tonight . but oh man . he . ... . he is the blorbo of the night . gah.
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.
was in such a crazy bad panic last night like on the verge of puking waking up in a cold sweat every 10 seconds for multiple reasons but one of the big ones was i dreamt that all the horrible things my friend had said to me--all the things i pretty easily handwaved because i knew they were all said with the intention to hurt me rather than with the intention of being truthful--were said by him instead and THAT made me start to question if they were true. because he would have no reason to bring me down in those ways. and i woke up crying at the thought i may never be important to anyone in the way i want to be and was additionally upset that any part of my mind would use his likeness to self sabotage. like it feels so mean to imagine someone who has been nothing but kind as anything but that. and admittedly he was kinda distant this weekend (because allergies were kicking his ass and he just was not running on much physical or mental energy) and i was sitting there mentally doing damage control while my body reacted as if i was continuing to spiral. it just felt so stupid sitting there thinking "none of this is real and also even if him being distant this weekend DID mean something it's not like i wouldn't be mostly fine lol" while trembling uncontrollably. anyway this morning he was so sweet to me (esp after i mentioned i couldn't sleep bc my nerves were going crazy over everything with my friend) and when he dropped me off for the train he hugged me so tight and kissed me and said he was sorry he'd been so distant (i didn't mention my dream to him and i also wasn't actually bothered by him being distant in any real way so i didnt mention it either, he did this of his own accord) and looked like he might cry and idk man it just gripped my heart in such a way. i thanked him for always being so sweet to me and theres no way he can know just how much i mean that. i hate that any part of me is suspicious of his kindness and i resent the fact that these recent experiences are causing a kneejerk reaction of distrust that i cannot physically quell. at my core i try to always be trusting of other people's intentions and it sickens me that this is impacting my ability to be that way.
#like ive gotten quite good at doing mental damage control 90% of the time#theres still that 10% where the dam breaks because i need things to change desperately in that moment#but most of the time im good at it#the physical reactions though? havent figured out how to control those#like even 8 years later i still an as tense as a steel cable whenever i have sex with someone for the first time#because of what my ex did. and mentally i wont even be remotely nervous or stressed#but last night was just so crazy#it felt like i had a fucking fever#and one voice in my head was bouncing off the walls neurotic while the other was just saying 'who caaaaaares'
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Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....
I don’t mind this question at all :)
Long answer under the cut!
Books:
The Hunger Games Series
The ACOTAR Series
For the Wolf + For the Throne
This is How You Lose the Time War
1984
The Fault In Our Stars
I read fanfic on AO3 about every day, it’s not often I read physical books
Looking at this list, the underlying theme for most of them is romance. I have a preference for fanfics because I can pick characters I already like and choose what I want to read. They have tags for anything and I can pick how long of a fic I wanna read. It’s just convenient and I can do it on my phone so I have reading content anywhere I go!
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Manga:
Toilet Bound Hanako Kun (this is the only manga set I fully own)
Danganronpa (not just the manga but the game and show too, I love it!!)
Steel Ball Run
Jojolion
Bungo Stray Dogs
Vanitas No Carte
Blue Period
idk if this counts but I read bl manhwa (ex Pearl Boy, Painter of the Night)
I haven’t read a whole lot of manga. Most of what I’ve read has been online. I have a few manga from BSD Beast, Danganronpa, CSM, etc. The only manga I have loved with an absolute passion is TBHK. I am in love with the story and art style so I had set out to collect all the books! I recently just got the last one I needed for my set :)
———
Anime:
Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Haikyuu
Bungo Stray Dogs
Chainsaw Man
Demon Slayer
Mob Psycho 100
Banana Fish
Cowboy Bebop
The Disastrous Life of Saiki K
Short Romance Animes give me LIFE (ex TONIKAWA, Horimiya, OHSHC, My Happy Marriage)
I have seen a lot of anime so it was very hard for me to not make this list longer. My all time favorite is JJBA. Honestly it has changed my life. It was the first anime I really got into and now everything is a jojo reference. Haikyuu, MP100, Saiki K and Cowboy Bebop are just easy shows to watch. They have good arcs and fun characters but don’t make we want to d!e (I’m looking at you JJK and CSM). Banana Fish is incredibly sad but I simply reject canon events and make my own truth. Actually I do this for just about every show with major character deaths lmao. All of my faves live, says me.
———
Movies:
The Twilight Saga
Anything featuring Steve Carell (esp Get Smart)
Howl’s Moving Castle
The Hunger Games series
The Star Wars Saga
Harry Potter (4th and 7th are my faves)
The Labyrinth
If you take nothing else away from this list, PLEASE watch The Labyrinth! Teenage me had absolute brain rot of David Bowie and his grey leggings (who approved that costume lmao). It is just so fantastical. I wanted to be the goblin queen SO BAD. Anyways, read The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and then go see the movie next month!!!
———
TV Shows:
Criminal Minds
The Office
Pretty Little Liars
New Girl
Only Murders In The Building
Outer Banks
Any True Crime Shows
As far as shows go, I either love mindless comedy or crime shows. OMITB is a delightful mix of both.
———
I hope this answers your question!! Feel free to message me with any questions, suggestions or even just to chat :)
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Watchlist tag game!! ✨
thank you to @dribs-and-drabbles for tagging me (ily💕💕). tbh im not watching a lot at the moment bc there doesn’t seem to be a lot airing, and even less that I care about, so im just gonna be honest
Currently watching
A boss and a babe: I’m like… ok with this. it’s nice and cute and easy to watch and I like it more than I did enchante. book and force are doing a great job with their characters and have great chemistry but I just don’t care about the plot. like it hasn’t grabbed me at all, and it’s one of those shows for me where it feels like nothing is ever really happening, or they’re repeating the same thing of theme or plot point over and over. so yeah… it fills my friday
Bed friend: similar to a boss and a babe, but I do like it a little more (and no, not just bc it’s spicier). net and james have such incredible chemistry and I am more invested in the story, but idk… it’s giving mame, and I can never get too invested in these stories that touch on heavier themes when it feels like they’re just doing it for plot reasons and not to actually explore that kind of trauma. which is not to say they’re doing it badly, it’s just not my vibe for a show to get invested in. so again, fills my saturday
Our dining table: watched the first 2 eps of this and am loving it so far as a pure comfort show. the premise is so lovely and im excited to see how the romance plays out within the story they’ve established. the little kid is so adorable and im a sucker for a found family troupe
Me, my husband and my husband’s boyfriend: don’t ask me why I started watching this show but I watched the first 2 eps last night and it’s interesting to say the least. I kind of have no idea how the story is gonna pan out but like… the possibility of an unconventional 3-way relationship is at least worth sticking around for, and I’m glad it’s exploring adults navigating relationships. plus… and don’t spoil… but why do I feel like the main chick has a thing with that other friend… just me?
The eighth sense: what more is there to say? this is literally the only thing I care about airing at the moment, and between the boys planet finale this week and this show ending the week after, im literally gonna have nothing else to live for. like my whole personality is these two things, and I’m gonna be empty afterwards. anyway, this show is a masterpiece on every level in every sense and literally occupies my mind 24/7. honestly the most obsessed I’ve been with something in a while and I need to shut up before I start rambling all over again
Looking forward to watching soon:
Our skyy 2: im excited to see all my favourite people again, esp bad buddy and msp and the eclipse, and I just want all the levels of cute and fluff and low stakes good times
jack o frost: idk why I didn’t watch this while it was airing but now I have time and nothing to watch, im just going through my back catalogue to fill time. and I’m excited to see what they do with this whole amnesia plot? plus i usually like japanese bls bc they have such nice vibes
To sir with love: in a similar vein to above, I didn’t watch this when it aired but I saw it pop up on my dash and people raving so might as well catch up and see what it’s all about. I am literally going in blind so…
Would like to watch but can’t for region locked/subscription reasons:
Blue sky complex: i had this in my plan to watch on mdl for some reason and didn’t know why I didn’t watch it until i realised I don’t think it was released on a streaming site like viki or gagaoolala??? maybe I’ll find it on a random site and see if it was any good, but again I’ll watch any japanese bls bc they’re usually sweet and inoffensive even when they aren’t incredible
Utsukushii kare eternal: i will be screaming internally until this is released internationally
tagging anyone that wants to do this that hasn’t 💖💖
#god I miss when there was a show airing every day#like sorry I just am that person that needs constant content
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rumble thots :)
IDEAL SCENARIO is iyo wins and goes after giulia
+ WOULD BE SOOOOOO CUNTTTTTTT❣️
+ there is precedent since charlotte went after rhea's nxt title in 2020 ("how dare you wave around the title that EYE built in MY face" god that build was so good)
+ iyo vs utami last year shows iyo can still must still should still and will still wrestle at full throttle joshi speeds and i think she'd love getting to do a match that intense on da grandest stage of dem all babey. giulia would love it too and i think it'd be such a fab way of cementing what her title reign looks like
+ they could build to the match by having a lil crossover programme with marigold :^) esp since it'd be an nxt crossover, i think wwe would be more willing for that
- ^ delusional. wwe never even talked about that iyo vs utami match (thinking about you forever queen of queens <3......) on wwe programming so i don't think they give enough of a shit to build something like that because they're a bad company and they hate women and wrestling. sicksadworld.
i still think iyo is a safe bet to win the rumble, but they'd probably be setting up for iyo vs rhea
+ they have some history from nxt, and they had some good matches iirc. that io vs rhea vs charlotte match from in your house was sooooo fab, ive been wanting to rewatch it recently
+ ive been wanting to see more of a story with them since survivor series and they were all over each other during the victory poses lol. iyo jumping into rhea's arms at every chance, she's so cute..
- i don't know what they'd do for a storyline esp since wwe keeeppppssss dropping the ball with iyo especially. i really don't want them erasing this face run just to have her haphazardly turn heel again for a "they used to be friends now they hate each other" template storyline
otherwise they might do iyo vs tiffany
+ moonsault vs moonsault
- :/
wwe is wayyyy more invested in the men's rumble than the women's this year (more than usual), so i think they're either gonna go with the safe pop in iyo or they'll give it to aj lol (99% of aj truthers give up right before aj's rumble return NEVER STOP AJ TRUTHING).
charlotte's also a safe enough bet. it would be fine, just boring if they're just building to tiffany vs charlotte, like we don't need to waste charlotte's second rumble win on that esp when it was SUCH a gag she used the first one to go to nxt
there aren't many standout options for rumble winners this year...... maybe jordynne grace? i do want jordynne vs rhea sooner than later because it'll slay and also because im trying to get my normie lesbian friend into wrestling since she keeps getting rhea on her fyp. im hoping some exec at netflix claps triple h on the back of the head and makes him realise they need a muscle mommy vs muscle mommy match for social media engagement. it's the only way to get normies into wrestling, this booking shit is easy.
i really hope the bayley/iyo tease from the other night leads to something and we get some slayful interactions during the rumble :^)
i hope jade comes back too and we get some throuple drama with her bianca and naomi <3...... idk on the other hand i want them to be like the new day and just share the tag titles between the three of them because theyre such a force to be reckoned with together. i love factions i love stables i love polycules!!!! bianca vs naomi vs jade is gonna be soooo good eventually, but it might be too early pulling the trigger on that for this wrestlemania. i don't trust wwe with anything
i hope we get a jazz return...... nikki bella would be SO cunt and smart too. lita still has unfinished business with becky. i need a maryse return at one of these fucking things i swear
okay that's it mwah
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Was awake thinking about the citizenship order... one person shouldn't have the right to change something so fundamental, no matter what you think about the subject.
The expansion and connected abuse of power makes me feel like this is the whole country. That there's nothing we can so and more will keep happening and getting worse and worse.
Perhaps I should do something. It does get worse if no one does anything. But I have almost no power. Plus-- if I think about this at all, it stresses me do I don't sleep,and when I don't sleep, such as 5 hours last night, I can't think and am not effective in anything and start emotionally falling apart really easily. So... it's a self defesting cycle.
Perhaps all I can do is ignore. Or leave. Not accept.... I ignored last time and look what happened. But at least for me, perhaps my instinct was correct. I get too stressed out. When its something encompassing the whole country.... it feels like it's everywhere and could get me at any moment. And more things may happen that actually ruin my life. They could take away my free insurance or make it so it's harder to do my own business-- even if I do nothing.
Perhaps should concentrate on just doing what I can... surviving which i barely am doing rn. What happens when it comes for someone barely surviving??? If I can somehow just get to the point I can get some money.... be able to escape anything bad... try to achieve my dreams and ignore everything.... then perhaps later have more mental ability to deal w standing up for democracy through writing... I want to but i can't think without sleep and I can't sleep while thinking about it. I can't sleep anyway! I have to renew my sleep somehow... reduce stress so I can earn a living and live on my own... just the basics.... yet I was going to do something... not strong enough... to not do what's in the core of my being erased a huge part of me. Yet I need to just live rn...... :(
I wish I could get enough money to go to another country.... if that's even possible anymore. But i would probably be too stressed out and not sleep enough to survive if I went to another country... I'm trapped. In my current incarnation I get too stressed about everything not just this and idk how to stop it. I told myself a million times to just stop thinking and sleep, but my mind wouldn't listen to me!!
And I cant talk to anyone. No one cares about me. A few family... idk if they'd understand. Some are sympathetic to the current administration.
Idk how to connect to ppl and get a support system. I have almost nothing. It's hard for me to get traction when I get stressed easily ... and even harder when I can't sleep. I feel like im almost nothing. Mind stops working. I may not even be able to write today bc mind is bad. I'm just floaty out here... in a daze..... all i can do is talk on Tumblr then watch TV shows.... not affect anything. Barely alive, don't even have basic foundation of health (arm pain off and on and this other weird thing plus bad sleep out of nowhere.... dreaming my way thru life trying to avoid stress then want to do things to help.. to really live how I want and support what I care about-- but i find I really can't meet challenges esp if can't sleep.... at 40 earning barely enough and barely skills except writing and have a Pol Sci degree... trying to learn more skills and build career/entre now but moving forward is stressful.... hard to see future.... I want a degree but I need enough $ to pay for it... survival all I can do but want more... need sth to live for, not suppress what's in heart.... but need to just live.... barely do more in this state... which is even less than what I've always been... hard seeing your true self and how inadequate you are-- can't even survive on your own--
Ignore it to survive
Sleep! Plz!!
Write
Try to get money
This month
School?
Travel?
House???
Help Ukraine
Fight injustice and for freedom -- could I ever do that even in writing bc im so.... inadequate
#stop typing or arm will get bad again!#help#nonperson#horror#heart#sleep#plz at least let me finish this story#and not get sent to jail for traffic offense i didnt even know i did#life#why
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