#idk why i'm convinced he took it down bc of me i'm sitting here like 'omg did he think i was mad...' like girl what

[babymadeofbones]

dude tommy from smosh posted my comment (among others) on the newest bit city on his instagram story and i saw it 2 hours later and replied to it like "omg hi that's me love u!" or whatever and MINUTES later it was gone 😭 it doesnt say seen on my message so idk if he deleted it bc i messaged him but i literally felt crazy LMAO this screenshot is all i have left 💔

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[csykora]

I'm so sorry, I feel like an idiot, but apparently I missed Brett Connolly? Or I can't recall who he is off the top of my head, which is shameful. Um, he won the cup with us, right? and I think maybe was friends with Beags? Something about Beags? idk im so sorry, I feel embarrassed about this but no embarrassment for being on 4th can of mt rush, hands shaky and thoughts are going so fast

Please take a gentle breath and look at these photos.

Brett Connolly played with the Capitals for three seasons and helped them win a Cup. He also one of my personal favorite humans in the NHL.

Brett Connolly was born 28 years ago in northern British Columbia, and almost immediately got injured.

When he was five, he tried to climb over one of those big metal vehicle gates to get to the lake to swim, and it crashed shut on his right hand.

“I remember that day,” Brett said. “I obviously squished my hand. It was pretty sore.”

“I’m glad there were good surgeons on Vancouver Island*, and they could repair my hand. It was a freak accident. Thankfully, I have a hand today….I was so young I didn’t really realize the seriousness of the whole thing. Looking back, obviously it could have hampered my career if I didn’t have my hand.”

He describes the surgery as “pretty long.” x

Those quotes might give you the impression that Brett Connolly doesn’t give a fuck about anything. That is not true. 

Brett Connolly loves 1) his wife 2) popped collars 3) Devante Smith-Pelly.

Conno played very well through most of juniors and played for Team Canada in World Juniors, where he won silver and also took a bad hit and injured his hip. He played just 16 games with his junior team in his draft year. He managed 10 goals and 19 points in those games, though, convincing Steve Yzerman to draft him 6th overall for the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Conno debuted with the Lightning, before Yzerman decided to send him down to get more minutes. He scored 31 goals in 71 games for the Syracuse Crunch his first year, and then got loaned back to Team Canada. The only other NHLer on that Junior team was fellow 19 year-old Devante Smith-Pelly, on loan from the Ducks.

Devante broke his foot their first game, so then he just had to hang out. Bonding happened.

Back on the Lightning, Conno got traded to the Bruins, and broke his hand.

BOSTON (CBS) — The newest Bruins winger just became the latest Bruins winger to suffer an injury.

Brett Connolly, acquired early Monday morning in a trade with Tampa Bay, was hit by a puck during Wednesday’s practice. The Bruins announced shortly after practice that Connolly will be out for six weeks with a displaced fracture of his right index finger.

Connolly had just skated in his second official practice with the Bruins, who sent two second-round picks to the Lightning to acquire him on Monday.

That six-week timetable could have Connolly ready to rejoin the lineup just before the regular season ends. 

x

Brett left the Bruins, and signed with the Washington Capitals. He hit 15 goals for the first time in the NHL. He liked it so much that the next summer, when Devante was facing free agency, Brett called and told him he would love it in Washington, too.

“I thought it was a good fit for him, and I think with the team and how everything is run here, it’s a good spot for guys to just be themselves, show their personalities in whatever way and just play and not really put too much pressure on anything,” Connolly told Japer’s Rink later. “It’s a good environment to get better and just play and have fun.”

“It’s funny how things work, I mean, that was a long time ago and now here we are,” Devante said. “Moved from Toronto together, started working out together and became good friends, great friends... it ends up being a small world but we’ve come very close.”

Partly through their wives’ friendship, Brett had gotten close with John Carlson, who would end up being a friend of Devante’s as well. Devante was already friends with Tom Wilson:

“I remember [he] used to watch my games, I think it’s funny to think of now; he’s a grown man, he’s a big boy now,” Devante said.

“[Wilson and Connolly] are two guys, if I need anything, to get anything off my chest and vice versa, we can go to each other. We can all be very honest with each other, always go to each other since we’re such good friends.”

That was the start of the 2017-18 season. Conno scored 15 goals again in the regular season and bumped up the assists. Devante scored a chill seven goals in 24 playoff games.

Twice in the first round, twice in the Eastern Conference final, then in the Game 3 3-1 victory over the Vegas Golden Knights and in the Game 4’s 6-2 blowout, then when the Caps were down a goal halfway through the third period of Game 5, he scored the tying goal on an assist from Brooks Orpik of all people**.

(Brett, the slacker, only scored 6 playoff goals.)

"He’s probably the reason why I have a ring,” Conno said last summer.  “There’s no question, with that goal he scored in Game 5, and all the goals he scored all the way through. That’s something that’ll never be taken away from him."

Another thing we will all always have is this photo of Brett Connolly eating pizza and getting a bicep tattoo (which Devante then paid for a Caps fan to have tattooed on his bicep.

When Devante announced he would not visit the White House because of the president’s “racist and sexist” statements, Conno said he would support him, adding, “It’s not about ‘politics’. It’s about right and wrong.” After discussing with the rest of the team, the two of them both stayed home.

On his Cup day, Conno took it to the retirement home where his mother works, then to meet youth players and then a photo session with thousands of fans in BC, where he raffled jerseys and other Caps items to raise money for the Brock Hirsche Memorial Scholarship Fund at the University of Lethbridge. Hirsche was a friend and teammate who had recently passed away from cancer.

Conno went on to score 22 goals the next season, and doubled his assists for almost 50 points. When Tom Wilson got suspended, Conno got his first line spot. Which is why the Florida Panthers now pay him way more money than we did (he was already sitting at 19 goals in 69 games for them when the season ended). Devante has left us for the KHL, but Conno believes he’ll be back.

"Whoever does end up signing him, they’re going to get the best Devante Smith-Pelly that Washington got a couple years back….There’s a team that’s going to get a really good player."

In conclusion, love and decency are good for your skin. So is sleep. 

*Vancouver is about 9 hours drive away: presumably he was sent by air. I.e., it was a pretty bad squish.

**if anyone has forgotten Brooks Orpik, please @ me

[ladyalice101]

week 7. 

Jonsa week S L A Y E D me. seriously, thank you so much to all the amazing fic writers out there, I had such a shitty week last week, but it was amazing to come home in the afternoon and know that I had a variety of fics waiting to be read! 

considering there was so much content this week, this list is ~long~ (well, for a weekly fic rec it is anyway) 

this week I loved . . . 

something a bit different this week. I'm not reccing one fic, but an author. 

@missfaber wrote my favourite fics this week. her ao3 is here, where you can read all of her glorious fics. but here is the list of my faves from this week (which is like all of them).

anchor up to me, love

an amazing au, set in the 50s, in which sansa is a marine biologist, jon is her colleague, and they go on a deep sea expedition to find a giant squid. sounds niche, but like ... if you love “and there was only one bed” and “and they were roommates” tropes, then this fic is for you (and don’t fucking lie to me, everyone loves those tropes, so I'm expecting ya’ll to read this) 

it was a stained glass variation of the truth

this is a fake dating au, but like . . . filled with pain. jon and sansa are broken up (currently for unexplained reasons), but it’s thanksgiving and sansa doesn’t want to tell her family yet that they’re not together. so jon agrees to come and pretend. it is . . . oof. like. wow the emotional beating my heart has taken. but ALSO it’s amazing and I already know that once it’s done I'll be rereading. 

oh moon be still, she is aching

jon and sansa run an inn together. this is a wip, and I think going to be quite a few chapters, so it’s only in the setup stages atm but it’s already featuring protective jon 👀

Wolf's Teeth

a super repressed sansa undergoes a sexual awakening at a sex dungeon. need I say more? 

honourable mentions . . . 

I’ll Be Coming for Your Love, Okay? by @carbonitekisses (I'm so glad you found this list and that I could tag you!)

Willas walks ahead and Sansa hesitates before following suit. Normally Sansa would stop by and chat for a bit with Jeyne at the reception desk but she doesn't want to interrupt. She's ready to walk by and head straight to her office when Jeyne calls out her name in obvious relief.

Frowning for the first time today, Sansa redirects her route. The man Jeyne had been speaking to turns around to face her so quickly it's almost comical.

She would laugh to herself but then she see his face. Dark hair. Grey eyes. Full lips. For a second (or two or three...) Sansa's reality shatters before piecing itself back together into a kaleidoscope of bright colors and pure light.

a reincarnation/time travel au, in which Melisandre and the lord of light do some devious things and bring sansa back to life after she dies in canon-era. except it isn’t canon-sansa that’s brought back, it’s modern sansa. 

this features SO MUCH ANGST from jon. seriously that boy is just one big pile of melancholy in this fic, because he longs for sansa. but never fear, there is a happy ending, and while it certainly soothes your heart after this fic stomped on it, honestly the angst is the best part. Jon’s love for sansa really jumps out of the screen, and there were so many times that my heart ached for him. 

Swarovski Crystals by jeynestheon 

Jon has a type.

The other girls.

Short, lean, and brash, with mouths bigger than his father’s ego. Tomboys. He dates girls that make their own shorts by tearing apart their winter jeans and always wear the same battered pair chuck taylor’s. They like when he takes them hiking for the first date, and they don’t act shy when he fucks them in the car afterwards. They prefer cheap 24 hour diners to the best italian restaurants in town. Their nail polish is always chipped when they grasp his hair as he moves down between their legs. They have random stick and poke tattoos. They snort when they laugh. They have families that they will inevitably hide him from. Rich boyfriends don’t gel well with their real world. He is a fantasy. He’s a way to pass time. And that’s fine. He likes it uncomplicated. That’s his type, all in all—un fucking complicated.

And the girl sitting at the end of the bar—she isn’t Jon’s type in the slightest.

jon meets sansa in Paris, has a dirty one night stand with her, and then can’t stop thinking about her.

THIS FIC CAME AND TOOK NO PRISONERS. hOnEsTlY, I can’t rec this enough. it just fucking . . . took me by the throat and didn’t let go. jon is a rich playboy (kinda) who is utterly in over his head when it comes to sansa, and like . . . who doesn’t love jon being confused and shook by sansa, no matter how rich he is? 

A Dress of a Different Kind by @jade-masquerade

Jon isn’t so sure about a gift Sansa receives courtesy of one of their visitors from Qarth until she convinces him otherwise.

this fic is exactly what you think it is AND IT’S GLORIOUS. CUE AMAZING SMUT. 

With Joy by @alltheprettylittlewolves

By mutual, unspoken agreement, Jon spends years avoiding Sansa. Yes, she’s his soulmate, but to say it’s complicated is putting it mildly. They are finally brought together by a gift from Sam.

Written for Jonsa Week 2019, Day 2: Tropes

modern au, in which jon and sansa are soulmates but think they’re half-siblings. except they aren’t. 

speaking of fics that S L A Y E D me. now, I love a good canon-set sibling kink (holy shit that’s weird to write) as much as the next jonsa, but I don’t like reading fics in modern settings where they’re related in any way, even just cousins. idk, call me old fashioned. 

but THIS. YOU GET ALL THE ANGST BUT NONE OF THE ICK. WHO DOESN’T WANT THAT?! (no seriously, tell me, I just want a few words ...) 

Roses by @jonsastan

“Stark could be right.” One said, biting into something that had been cooking in the fire. “We never see him south of the Wall, and he never fights those fuckin’ crows like his father used to.”

Jon stood, burying his knife into the elk flesh before moving to the fireside.

“What does that southern kneeler say about me?” He asked, meeting the eye of every man and woman there. The freefolk had no monarch, no royal family, and yet Jon had become King-beyond-the-Wall after his father.

King of Stone and Ice and Snow.

- - - - - - - Jonsa Week - Day Four: Songs - {Myths} - Lies

jon sneaks into winterfell under the guise of being a bard. sansa knows he’s lying. 

honestly, I hadn’t intended to read this. Idk why I'm not a fan of wilding!jon fics, but I just don’t read them. I clicked on this bc I saw a snippet of it on Tumblr, and I don't regret it! not only that, but I obvi liked it enough to rec it! 

A Revelation by Janina 

Based on a prompt on Tumblr: cruyffsbeckenbauer asked: Could you write something angsty where Jon realizes he loves Sansa differently once Arya returns?

an oldie, but I rediscovered it this week and immediately fell in love again. most of ya’ll have probs read this, but if you haven’t, get on it. it features jon awkwardly trying to do with Arya the things he does with sansa, and realising that it is . . . NOT the same 

ok, that brings the list to a close! congrats if you got all the way through it, and I'd love to know which of them you read. 

thanks again to all the amazing jonsa fic writers out there, ya’ll kept us alive after the series ended. 

[weedplantar]

Okay, so a few things before I start.

At the time I had just turned 16. This was my very first job and it wasn't even the job I had applied for (bussing tables at a mexican restaurant. I applied for dishwashing bc I didn't want to deal with customers.) and I was so scared of messing up because I had no clue what to do for customer service.

I was very insecure at the time and wanted to avoid people being upset with me at all costs. Now I'm able to accept that not everyone will like me, however back then I had the "everyone needs to like me so much all the time or I will DIE" mindset

I had really hurt my foot the night before this happened and if I stepped on it a certain way, I would get severe shooting pains in my entire foot, and I was in a lot of pain towards the end of my shift being on my feet all day.

I have a special gift where in any given situation that's even slightly awkward or uncomfortable, I somehow choose the dumbest thing possible to say.

Once I commit to something, I commit HARD. A panicked lie is no exception.

Okay so now you have that context, here's the story.

It was the last hour of my shift, my foot was hurting, and I was super anxious and tired. This guy and his elderly mother come in, I sit them at a table, and I bring them menus, chips & salsa, and we make small talk.

The guy was dressed head to toe in US veteran merch and he mentions he was in the army. Now, as soon as he says that, I step on my hurt foot the wrong way, and get a severe shock of pain. I grimaced, and I have no control over my facial expressions on the best of days, so it seemed like I was grimacing at what HE said.

This guy seems intense, his mom seems confused and sort of offended, and I'm thinking "fuck, now this guy is going to think I hate veterans and I have his table for the next hour"

I could have communicated this, I could have mentioned my pain, I could have said ANYTHING normal.

However, I panicked. Now, I fully meant to say that I have a FRIEND in the military. Why? Idk, it just seemed like the kind of lie that would convince them that I have positive feelings about the military. And I thought by saying I have a friend in the military, they wouldn't ask any questions because the word friend is pretty vague. I looked mid high school age, it's perfectly plausible that I would have a friend who graduated that year and enlisted at 18 (a common thing where I live).

But I misspoke. What I ACTUALLY said was "Oh that's awesome! I have a fiancé in the military!"

Now, fiancé is an entirely different level. It makes it so much more personal. A reasonable person would have either not lied in the first place OR corrected themselves. But I think I have established that I am not a reasonable person. So I double down.

The mom asks me how old I am, and I panic again. I was barely 16, but I'm tallish and I had makeup on and my hair up, so I took the chance and said 19. She asked me if I'm in school. I said yes, I go to Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa virtually (a school over 100 miles away in a city I did not live in. I lived in that city for 1 year when I was 6. It was the first school I thought of. I literally was actually attending a college nearby and could have said that, but I didn't for some fucking reason).

Then her son asks me what part of the military my imaginary husband-to-be is in and I said the first that came to mind: the Navy. He asks me where he's stationed. Now, keep in mind, I have ZERO information about the military. I had no idea where the Navy was stationed. So I decide to chance it again and I said San Diego. APPARENTLY god was listening that day and was amused at the situations I regularly find myself in because there actually IS a Navy base in San Diego?? I had no fucking idea. Luckiest guess in the world.

Then he asks me what he does in the Navy, and I, having no idea what the navy does, say "Oh he doesn't really like talking about it whenever we call. It's stressful for him yk ://"

And then the guy starts talking about how hard it is to be in the military at times and how some soldiers get bad PTSD and he starts telling me about HIS ptsd and I'm standing there super awkwardly because he thinks he's confiding in someone who Gets It and I am actually a 16 year old with social anxiety who girlbossed way too close to the sun and is now facing the consequences.

How did it end? His mom ordered a margarita and since I was actually under 18, and not 19, I couldn't handle alcohol orders. So I gave the table over to my coworker, and hid in the back for the rest of my shift.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I lied and said I was 19 and had a fiance in the military because I wanted to clear up a miscommunication at work with a customer and instead of being normal about it, I chose the weirdest lie I could think of and committed to it?