#idk why but this ask made me imagine eating an entire bar of soap...

[commandertartarsmoocher]

I've also thought about tartar sanitizing me, other anon. Let's be soap zombie buddies

Soap zombie buddies sounds really adorable!

No thoughts, head empty but still full of

🌈✨friendship✨🌈

Sounds like the type of world Tartar envisioned!

If everyone becomes a soap zombie buddy then there will be no reason for any conflict in the world!

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Oneshot: “You’re perfect. Which is beyond annoying. I can’t look at you.”

Steve Rogers X Reader

A/N: Day 4 of the countdown to summer, people! @bettercallsabs and I are doing this together! Go check her out! This was supposed to be done and posted hours ago, but… I may or may not have gotten myself on a Youtube binge session. LOL Not edited at all! Sorry! I just wanted to post it and go to sleep! It’s 5am! Idk, does anyone actually read my author’s note? 

Warnings: Steve comforting Y/n’s drunk ass, lots of slurring and repeating, swears n shit, me not knowing what to write so I choose some random shit, etc.

Word Count: 1650ish

Main Masterlist

 ‘Why the hell did you agree to this?’ You thought to yourself as you tipped your head back, shot glass pressed against your opened lips, face scrunching in disgust when the alcohol burned your tongue and throat. Your stomach lurched for a moment, while you slammed the thick shot glass down onto the wooden table of the small town bar, and your free hand flew to your chest. You coughed, feeling a shiver run down your spine when the alcohol warmed your belly, “Holy shit. That’ll put hair on your damn chest.”

You felt your head swim, heat smoldering in your stomach and radiating to the tips of your fingers and toes. It was an idiot decision, thought of by one Tony Stark. He thought it would be great to show up to a random bar in the Midwest, after a mission. The bar – which was decorated with barrels as tables, had a mechanical bull, and served amazing burgers – had graciously accepted the team, who were littered throughout the small building.

You, being a complete dumbass, were standing with a group of college girls. 

Taking shots. 

You were properly fucking drunk.

“I can’t believe you’re dating Captain America!” One of the women slurred, slamming her shot down on the table, pointing a finger at you. “You’re one lucky girl!”

“Don’t I know it.” You grinned, pointing back at her. You were starting to get way too drunk, too quickly. You were not a huge drinker, but you’d let the women con you into no less than 3 shots – on top of the few drinks you’d sucked down during dinner. “He’s my favorite supersoldier.”

“Don’t let Bucky hear you say that.” You heard a familiar, feminine voice next to you. “You’d break his poor heart.”

“I love him, too, Nat!” You giggled, wrapping your arms around her and laying your head on her warm shoulder – which was bare from her tank top. “Just like I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She snorted, wrapping an arm around your swaying body, so you wouldn’t fall off your barstool. “How many shots have you ladies had?”

“Too many.” One of the other ladies laughed, leaning her face into her hand, elbow on the wooden bar. “She’s fun. We like her.”

“Awh. I like you guys, too.” You moved from Natasha, wrapping your arms around two of the three women. “I paid your tabs.”

“You didn’t have to do that!” The third one shrieked, hand flying to her chest in shock. “You’re so sweet!”

“Okay, Y/n.” Natasha laughed, rolling her eyes with a smile. “Let’s go find Steve.”

“He’s at the other end of the bar.” You grab her cheeks, squishing them together as she raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re so cute, do you know that?”

“Shanks.” Her voice is muffled from her cheeks being pushed together. You notice her eyes flick over to the side, and – following her gaze – you see your favorite supersoldier attempting to make his way over.

You let go of Natasha with a small gasp, joy rushing through your veins, “Steve!”

Saying goodbye to your new friends, you hopped down from your stool to go see the gorgeous man. His hair was getting long, falling a little too close to his baby blues. The stubble on his face was starting to fill out, making him look more rugged than usual.

Fuck, he was so hot.

You stumble over to where he was standing, talking to an older couple, and wrap your arms around his waist so you could rest your head on his chest. “Hi, honey.”

You felt his chest shake as he chuckled, wrapping his arms around you to hold you close. “Hi, sweetheart. Having fun?”

“Too much fun.” You sigh, closing your eyes when his hand brushes over the back of your head. “I think I’m getting drunk?”

“Getting drunk?” He snorted, leaning his head down to press his warm lips to the crown of your head. “I watched you ping pong your way over here, Y/n. You’re drunk.”

You shook your buzzing head, nuzzling as close as you could. “Mm-not.”

Liar. You totally were.

“Alright, beautiful.” His hand continued to run through your hair, as you hummed in content. “Do you want to leave?”

“Steve, nooooo.” You whined shifting so you were looking up at him with your chin pressed against his large chest. “We’re having funnnn.”

He shook his head, warm breath washing over your face as he chuckled lowly, hand coming up and poking you in the nose. “You’re adorable.”

“I’m a fierce warrior princess, and you should fear me.”

The couple behind you chuckled, which you chose to ignore. You opted to lay your ear against his chest, listening to the low vibrations of his voice as he continued his conversation. You continued to breathe in the woodsy scent of his soap, melding with the citrusy scent of his aftershave. It was your favorite scent. One that you could never get enough of.

You shifted, sliding your arms up and around his neck so you could watch him talk to the nice couple. You watched the movements of his pink lips, imagining the way that they moved against your own when he kissed you.

Another rush of warmth shot through your veins, and you bit your lip.

He was so attractive.

God, you loved this man.

This perfect, attractive man.

“I love you.” You murmured when he looked down at you, after ending his conversation with the couple. You felt tears well up in your eyes, lip starting to wobble.

“Hey.” His hands moved from around you, cupping your face. “I love you, too, silly girl.”

“I’m not silly, I just… I just really love you, you know?” Your tongue felt heavy, but you continued to slur, “I’m not drunk, I just love you.”

“Come on.” He laughed, pulling you along with both arms towards the back patio of the bar, where the smoking section was located. He ignored a large cloud of smoke that someone had accidentally blown his way, pulling you towards a metal firepit and pulling you towards a chair. He sat down in one of the chairs, pulling you into his lap. “Why are you crying?”

“Be-because you’re the best boyfriend in the world and I love you.” You sniffed, snuggling up under his arms trying to ground yourself from the spins. You felt like you’d done about 400 rounds on a tilt-a-whirl. You felt tears fall from your eyes, leaving cold trails down your hot cheeks. “I think I’m getting drunk.”

He ignored you, probably thinking that you were definitely three sheets to the damn wind. “I love you, too, sweetheart. You’re my best girl.”

“How- how can I be you’re best girl…” You hiccupped, halting your words for a moment while Steve’s warm hand gently ran along your back, “How can I be your best girl when I am not the best?”

“Honey, you’re the best girl I could ever ask for.” His lips brushed against your temple, curled up in a small smile. “I’ve loved you since the day I met you, when you told me to fuck off.”

“You said a swear.” You giggled, turning your head so you could press a sloppy kiss against the underside of his stubbled jaw. “I’m telling Tony.”

“You are the best, sweetheart. Please don’t think otherwise.”

“Ugh.” You groaned, wrapping your arms around his neck and jutting out your lower lip. “But you’re perfect. Which is- which is beyond annoying.” You hid into his neck, lips brushing against his neck as you continued to slur. “I can’t look at you.”

He pulled you away from him, so he could look at your face – using his thumbs to wipe away any trace of tears. “Come on, sweetheart.” He leaned forward, chastely pressing his soft lips against yours for a moment, squishing your cheeks together so your lips were puckered. He pulled back quickly, leaving a tingle on your lips as his forehead pressed against yours. “I’m far from perfect. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ll probably continue to make mistakes for the rest of my life.”

You didn’t reply, swallowing down a thick lump in your throat.

Oh, god…

Oh, no….

You pulled away as quick as you could, hand flying to your mouth as you stumbled off his lap and towards the side of the building.

You barely made it out of sight before emptying the contents of your stomach all over the wood siding of the bar, retching drowned out by the loud crowd inside and the loud music. Steve, who had followed you with a look of concern, hastily held you steady, grabbing your small purse so you didn’t vomit all over it.

“Jesus, sweetheart. How many drinks did you have?” He chuckled, brushing his hand up and down your back as you dry heaved.

“I-” You stopped to retch, spitting the acid from your mouth before continuing, “I told you I’m a lightweight. Someone gave me tequila.”

“Alright, let’s get you back to the hotel.” He sighed, wrapping his arm around your waist and dragging you towards the car. “You can shower, and I’ll order pizza.”

“You mean it?” You hummed, a smile on your face as you wobbled along with the greatest boyfriend of all time, stumbling in your heels. “With pepperoni and sausage?”

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“You’re the most- the most perfect boyfriend in the whole- the whole entire universe.” You huffed as he lifted you into the passenger seat, your world spinning around and around and around… “I love you so much, and you’re the best.”

“Wow. You really love me when you’re drunk.” He laughed when he hopped into the driver’s seat, shaking his head. “I’ll make a mental note of that.”

“I’d love you even more if you ordered breadsticks with the- with the pizza.”

“Deal.”

------------------

LOL! This is how I get when I drink. I repeat myself, love everyone, cry, puke, shower, eat pizza, then sleep! (Sabrena, don’t say a damn word LOL)

Forever Tags (OPEN):

@bettercallsabs @luckynumber1213 @sassyandclassyx @mrsnegan25 @impossiblepizzapeace @glitterquadricorn @pigwidgexn  @iamnothereimnotlistening @saltymaddiee @ladyxred @pabegay1 @kgbrenner @nataliehasgrace @mellorine-paprika @i-just-wanna-run-hell @igiveupicantthinkofausername @goshdarnitthatsalongname @trashimaginezblog @ssweet-empowerment @thefridgeismybestie @wildefire @httpmcrvel @geeksareunique @whatmakesmebeme-tblr @breezy1415 @saltyy-fresh @artemis521 @usetheforce3434 @aparadoxsstuff @iamwarrenspeace @gaining-confidence-for-life @come-with-me-and-imagine @courtneychicken @impalatobakerstreet @tbetz0341 @softlysgtbarnes @castellandiangelo @churchs-little-girl @sophiealiice @sea040561 @jurassicjosie @punkrockhufflefluff @thatoneboredkidhelp @riseabovetheexpectations @revivedrumble @cordelia-sagewright @readeity @fuckthatfeeling @greeneyedsuccubunny @theglowstickofdestiny @krazyk99 @demonspawn2468 @randomfangirl101things @iamzion-therealhabesha @wildlingsandcoffee @the-criminal-soldier @purpstraw

[evenstevensranked]

#25: Season 1, Episode 12 - “Deep Chocolate”

LET THE TOP 25 COMMENCE!!! 

Louis and Twitty’s friendship is put to the test when they end up competing against each other in the school chocolate sale. Meanwhile, Ren has made a deal with her parents to be nice to Louis for a week in order to get her own phone line. 

This one opens with Ren giving a presentation to Steve and Eileen on why she deserves her own phone line. Yes, phone line. As in... a LANDLINE. Crazy how today she probably would’ve already had her own iPhone since the ripe ‘ol age of 8! But, yes. It’s 2000 and Ren wants her own landline in her bedroom. 

Louis interrupts the presentation by running through the kitchen like a tornado and Ren naturally starts complaining about him. That’s when Eileen gets the smart idea to give Ren some incentive “If you can not put your brother down for a whole week, we will give you your own phone line.” Good idea, tbh. 

Cut to school where Louis, Twitty and Tawny are in the auditorium for a chocolate sale assembly. This is one of my favorite bits ever omg. A rip-off of the 20th Century Fox jingle plays as this scam artist with a rats tail hairdo(n’t) named Wallace Randall from Real Good Chocolate Industries walks out on stage. He tries way too hard to motivate the kids -- telling bold-faced lies like “Zeus sold chocolate!” Sounds legit. He announces that the grand prize is this fancy motorized scooter with a cheetah print butt seat. Snazzy. Mr. Randall says the person who believes they were put on planet earth to sell chocolate is the person who’ll be the top seller and win the prize. Louis' mind is so clouded by the scooter, he feels the spirit. 

I always crack up when Louis dramatically mumbles “that’s why I’m here...” to himself. I also love how Mr. Randall uses Shaq in “KAZAAM” -- a cinematic classic that boasts a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes -- as an impressive example.  

Louis really, really wants that scooter. So he decides that he and Twitty should team up to sell 400 freakin’ boxes, ensuring that they’ll be the top sellers. Yeah, I don’t remember chocolate sales working like that? I remember every student was given a suitcase-size box of assorted chocolates and that’s it. What the hell is this 400 boxes nonsense?! Then again, I mostly remember doing the Hershey’s Fundraising sale. Obviously, this episode is a spoof on the “World’s Finest Chocolate” brand -- which I definitely remember selling at one point, too. I checked their website and it seems like they cap it at 25 boxes, although you CAN order more than that if you want. But, who would??? 400 IS SUCH A STRETCH. 

I tried to check out with 400 boxes, and it said “TOO MANY ITEMS IN CART” ..........ya don’t say. Imagine paying $12,000 for chocolate. 

Ren struggles to be nice to Louis throughout the week. It’s pretty funny. She’s constantly yelling at him, and then following it up with an awkward compliment lol. She also thinks selling 400 boxes is asinine “You actually think you’re going to sell 400 boxes? You are a total and complete........ i...nspiration to all of us.” Good save, Ren. 

The next day Louis and Twitty are at the Stevens house trying to come up with creative (and insincere) ways to sell their 400 boxes, trying make the product seem amazing to prospective buyers. I think this is freaking hilarious. Louis says “I hand you the chocolate, you eat it, and then you say...” Twitty looks at his hand for the words “It’s a miracle. I can see again” which he repeats super robotically. Louis kills me here. “No... that’s not what ya say. ‘Cause you were blind -- and now you can see. That’s a miracle!!! YOU CAN SEE NOW.” He says that Mr. Randall said you have to make people feel that chocolate has changed your life. So Twitty dramatically falls to the ground shouting “IT’S A MIRACLEEEEE! I CAN SEE AGAINNNNNN AHHHHH!” and I die every time.

I’m pretty sure if one bite of chocolate could restore your eyesight, it would cost a little more than $1 per bar. 

Just then, Mr. Randall unexpectedly visits to personally deliver and congratulate them for setting out to sell an ambitious 800 BOXES. Yeah. Turns out Louis ordered 400 boxes and Twitty also ordered 400 boxes. So now they’re stuck with 800 boxes they obviously will never be able to sell. This is where the drama really strikes. I love Louis’ face when he realizes the problem: 

That zoom in, lol. It needed to be gif’d. 

Mr. Randall goes on to tell them they’re financially responsible for every box they ordered. Are you kidding me? That’s roughly $24k according to the World’s Finest prices. They’re 13. I love how Twitty says the title of the episode here! “Louis, we’re in deep...... chocolate” haha. Louis gets super angry at Twitty for ordering 400 boxes without consulting him because that’s how all the great duos work according to Louis Stevens: “Batman, he rescues people. And Robin... Robin... checks with Batman before he orders 400 boxes of chocolate!!!” I love that line. This leads to an all out war between Louis and Twitty. Louis takes his 400 boxes, and Twitty takes his. They’re officially competing against each other now. Twitty even says “this friendship is over!” Yikes. Let’s take a moment to appreciate Twitty’s face as he tries to talk while carrying large boxes tho:

The next day, Louis wakes up to find his family tap dancing in the living room. The usual. He’s up at 6am ready to start selling some chocolate, but Twitty is way ahead of him. Eileen already bought 6 bars from Twitty not knowing that they’re no longer working as a team! I love two things about this scene. Louis says “Me and Twitty had creative differences -- Because I’m creative and he’s different,” which is incredible. I’ve used this line irl before. And the second is Steve tap dancing while passive aggressively telling Louis to get his 400 boxes of chocolate out of the garage so he can have his parking space back. 

“I’m not gonna ask you again... *jazz hands* GET THEM OUTTA THERE!” Tom Virtue is hilarious. 

Louis then sets out on his chocolate selling mission and he’s absolutely terrible at it. He’s breaking into people’s homes, jumping on their beds... I can’t. Meanwhile, Twitty is THRIVING and coming up with much more creative ideas than Louis. Which is ironic because Louis just said HE’S the creative one, lol. Twitty’s ideas include a tricycle cart shop and a “Chocopalooza” performance -- a spoof on Lollapalooza obviously. 

Not sure how his fake Jamaican accent and hat with mock-dreads would go over today though. 

Twitty’s raking it in, and Louis has yet to sell one bar. He goes to Tawny for help but she refuses to buy from either of them because 1. The chocolate tastes like dirt and 2. they’re ruining their friendship over nothing basically. 

I love how Louis has a girl take a bite of the chocolate and asks her “Is that the best chocolate bar you’ve ever eaten?” and she says “That’s NOT the best chocolate bar I’ve ever eaten.” World’s Finest happens to be quite nasty tasting too apparently. Well, according to their Amazon reviews at least. So this episode is pretty much true-to-life all around, lol. 

Back at home, Donnie has turned their bathroom into a steaming hot sauna. This ain’t good because he blasted the hot water heater to do so. Which happens to be located in the garage.......... where 400 boxes of chocolate are stashed. 

It’s like that trope where someone puts too much soap in the washing machine and then leaves it unattended... except with chocolate, because this is Even Stevens. 

Louis and Ren notice some chocolate leaking into the driveway and panic. I mean, how do you stop 400 boxes of melting chocolate? “WE GOTTA EAT IT!!!!” is Louis’ suggestion, which is so funny omg. The chocolate leaks EVERYWHERE and we get this terrible CGI aerial shot to prove it: 

Mr. Randall decides to conveniently show up here and demands money for the chocolate. Of course, Louis doesn’t have the money. Steve comes waltzing over as well and both he and Mr. Randall start slippin and slidin all over the place. It’s a little annoying but... hey. Steve, being an attorney, threatens to shut down Real Good Chocolate for being a scam. One thing I do not understand: Steve says that Mr. Randall will get his money back. (WHY?! I’d refuse.) And he also tells Louis that he’ll be doing chores for the next few months to pay for the chocolate. Does he mean he’ll be doing chores for the entire neighborhood? No amount of chores would raise the $1,000s of dollars Louis needs, lol. (Again, I’m overthinking this. I know.) 

Naturally, everything works out in the end though. Louis and Twitty make up. Twitty ends up winning the sale and gets the fancy scooter, which Louis is cool with because he at least gets to ride it now. 

The last minute of the episode is Ren talking on her ~new private phone line~! Except it ain’t so private. Louis has rigged her conversations to be broadcast through two megaphones outside. 

I love how everyone and their cousin decided to walk through this residential neighborhood right as Ren declares she has a “major crush on Bobby Deaver.”

And that’s it! I just really like this episode. I always have. Idk what it is about it! There are quite a few things I find hilarious, which I’ve mentioned here. This one went by lightening fast when I was re-watching it, which can only mean one thing to me: It’s entertaining! I like how this episode actually deals with Louis and Twitty’s friendship as well as a bit of the sibling rivalry between Louis and Ren. I just think this one is solid all around and a good one to kick off the Top 25! Ayyyyy! Can’t believe we’re at the Top 25. Wow. 

Thanks for reading!!

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