#idk where i'm going with this tangent i just feel like saying whatever i think

[marc--chilton]

i watched migration and i can not stop thinking about this frame of this parrot. i do not like his design but i really vibed with his energy here

[sexydreamgirl]

hey heraa, i would REALLYYY appreciate if you helped me out on this one question that has been killing me rn (it’s in bold on the bottom just incase u want to skip the tangent)

honestly, if i succeed in fulfilling myself that you replied, it'll raise my faith a little bit when/if I see that you replied.

I've been on this journey for the longest time I'm talking divineangelbee, planet, cine, bibi, dreamgrlsworld, daphne, the void obsession, the alpha waves, the mindless or just feeling while affirming, the self and void concept challenges for 2 weeks, and now applying states after edward art and neville and having things click with aphroditeapprentice and blushydior etc ; applying for months. But guess what idk what is happening and what's holding me back!

i know that if i was in the state, I obviously wouldn't be sending this message but since it doesn't matter what I do in the 3D and my human self wants to ask for help, I will ask for guidance.

I've even fulfilling myself, returning to the wish fulfilled whenever I think of my desire, I prioritize the inner man over getting physical results but you know, if someone was doing it right, it would reflected by now right? of course it would because it's the law.

I don't why it hasn't done so yet and l'm slowly and at the same time very quickly losing my faith because it's been like what, 2/3 years since I found out about the law from tumblr? I KNOW I'm meant to be living my dream life in a little cottage in Europe or big mansion in LA, I KNOW I was meant to succeed and live a life of my dreams because I deal with hard things in my life, I AM! MEANT TO SUCCEED. but what am I doing wrong if it's been months of fulfilling myself that it should've been my dominant state already? I feel good and every time I doubt, I know and tell myself that I ALREADY experience my desire in imagination and it HAS to reflect?

thank you, if you answer this I really would appreciate it :)

I'm going to try my best to answer this without further confusing you so sit tight and in the case that I do bring forward any confusion, do let me know.

In a nutshell, the point of manifesting (or moreso the purpose of life itself) is to appease hunger. That is, to free yourself from the feeling of desire (wanting something) by giving it to yourself whether it's money, the mansion, the dream life, appearance, I could go on and on because whatever you want to acquire is possible of being acquired (because imagination is limitless). If you know the law, you know imagination creates reality so imagination will always be your workshop and that is essentially how you change self (I AM).

Imagination isn't separate from reality because imagination is reality itself. Man's greatest downfall has been to separate the two as completely independent when that could not be further from the truth. When you turn to imagination and you use it to think about what it would feel like to have the face card and the mansion and the dream life, you are present in that moment to the point where it feels like a real experience. If you allow yourself to bask in the feeling of the wish fulfilled, it's as real of an experience as you reading this very post. Neville has previously discussed procuring the wish fulfilled in a way as if you are traveling through time to the end and witnessing the outcome firsthand, then you make your way back to the present and trust that it will unfold as you experienced. It's like when you watch a film you've previously watched and you already know what the ending is, you don't stop to think what could happen, you already know what will because you saw it yourself.

If time is a relevant concern for you and you're looking around to see if it's there, I'm afraid to say you haven't fully yielded to it. You simply thought of it and not from it. If you experienced it and knew that it was done, you would be appeased from hunger and you wouldn't desire it anymore. How could you want something you already have? Time is an obstacle that is standing in between you and the state of consciousness that asserts you as being someone who has the desire in question already in their possession. When you nail yourself to that state and I mean you fully yield yourself to it to the point where you don't feel separate from it anymore, the feeling of desire will vanish. You don't care about time, you don't care about the senses, nothing moves you. Why would it if you know it's yours? (Hint: this is the Sabbath)

I constantly receive so, so many "I did all of this, why hasn't it happened?" questions and I believe you when you say you really gave it your entire heart, but you should sit and ask yourself genuinely if you actually focused more on the thing itself versus quenching the desire you have for it.

I'm here once again to swear by the State Akin To Sleep and why I love it so much. I won't repeat the process since I went into it quite extensively so I highly suggest you read the post.

“Whatsoever you desire, when you pray, believe that you have received it, and you will.”

When I started understanding the SATS through the idea of it as "praying", it made so much more sense to me. You're not visualizing to get, you're visualizing to feel its reality so desire vanishes. If you use imagination to feel its reality (believe that you have received it), the 3D will follow and it shall materialize. This is one of the reasons why I love the state akin to sleep so much. It's such a simple and easy way to define the end and identify yourself with it.

When I use the SATS, I let myself sit with the wish fulfilled by thinking of what the end would look like, what would I hear, who would I be with, what would I see, etc. and I focus on it until I'm consumed by the feeling and acceptance of it and then bring myself back. I trust that my prayer has been answered because I felt the reality of it, so that must mean it's already mine. If for some reason I would feel doubtful or separate from that state of consciousness, I would simply induce the state again and focus on its reality. Do this as many times as you need to until you no longer feel compelled to because you're certain that your prayer has been heard (See: the Sabbath).

I highly encourage you to assess how you're going about manifesting and to use the State Akin To Sleep to catch the mood so you can nail yourself to it. You said it best yourself, you were meant to succeed and live the life of your dreams. Remember that failure is only an option if you let it be one. Don't give up, my love <3

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 abby anderson as a gf hc's 】

a/n: this is just super fluffy and cute <333 i wrote a lot so it's below the cut

first and foremost, lots of ppl make assumptions about abby and what she's like because of her appearance. she has somewhat of a rbf, and she's insanely buff, so many ppl are intimidated by her automatically.

that being said, abby looks to be understood and known at a deeper level, and wants to be treated like anyone else no matter what she looks like

i think she's the typical "intimidating but a huge softie" type like HEAR ME OUT

anyone can look at her and know that she's insanely strong and that she could easily take them out, and while true, underneath all that abby is extremely kind and caring

she may look scary, but she loves reading, she loves animals, she loves nature, she has a soft spot for lev, she's grown to understand the world outside of herself and that there is more than what meets the eye, she's learned from her mistakes, and she's deeply loyal

so while, yes, she is tough and strong, she is much more than that and wants to be seen for all parts of herself rather than the surface; she wants to be understood and she wants her partner to be someone who isn't intimidated by her and is willing to look beyond her exterior

so while everyone else avoids her and you willingly approach her despite what ppl say? and you treat her like a person—like she were anyone else? that immedately gets you on her good side and gains you her respect

you two begin to seek each other out more and more bc she enjoys your company and begins to open up to you

she lets you see every side of her, even the ones she typically wouldn't let others see

other ppl may be confused as to how you joke around with her so easily when they'd fear for their lives if they did, but that's simply bc you're close enough to her that you know how much of a huge softie she is

okay okay enough of my intimidating softie abby agenda and now time for more interesting stuff

im FULLY convinced that in a modern!au and college!au she'd be in pre-med studying to be a doctor or a surgeon; she'd do it bc she wants to help ppl but also bc she loves and admires her dad for his work

bc of this i also see her bragging to you all the time that she'll be your doctor wife who makes big money so she can spoil you

(and she lives up to that promise)

when she comes home late from work she's quick to make it up to you

ABBY IN SCRUBS

knowing her love of novels, i feel like she struggled to pick between pre-med and english as her major, but at the end of the day being a doctor called to her passions much more so she chose english as her minor

HOWEVER, i feel like her brain is so sexy especially when talking about novels she's read

like imagine her going on tangents about the book she's read and what she thinks the meaning is, then bringing up the story's historical context, and then interdisciplinary studies and just being like "omg she's so sexy i'm going to take my clothes off rn" bc of how smart she is

her book collection is HUGE and she lets you borrow whatever you want from her shelves, and you can see all the things she's scribbled in the margins, her silly annotations, small drawings in the corners, her cussing in her notes about the characters saying stuff like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" so seriously

she'll find poems she really likes and tell you about them especially the ones that remind her of you

i feel like she'd love emily dickinson and the bronte sisters idk i can see it

she's SO excited to introduce you to her dad

she's a huge family person and wants you to feel like a part of her family too

in a modern!au lev is probably a kid who lives next door to her that she babysits and tutors sometimes but she absolutely adores him and sees him as her brother

can you imagine how much of a hopeless romantic she is

she's probably so cheesy and loves romance and being cute with you where if it were anyone else it'd be cringy but its HER and she's just so sweet and so endearing how could you hate any of it?

asks you to be her valentine every year even if you're her gf bc she still feels the need to romance you

will make a spectacle of every holiday in order to treat you somehow

okay maybe gift giving would be a love language of hers too i can see it

but i feel like her top love languages are physical touch and acts of service tho

she's definitely the type to cherish any moment with you, and values being able to sit with you in silence in general but also while you do your own activities together (so parallel play basically)

.... i think she'd love to play video games to destress but not necessarily violent ones i think she'd play more calm games like animal crossing to relax or maybe minecraft where yall can build a world together and have a little farm bc she thinks its cute

teases you when you get lost or when you die in the games tho bc she's a bully (jokingly) like that

definitely the type to be like "only I can bully you"

very protective in general she wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on you and she'd take such good care of you

worries about your well-being (physical, emotional, mental) all the time and will do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay

if you need her at 3 am, she doesn't care she goes to your place right away

if you're sick she won't hesitate to buy you medicine, clean up your place, make you soup, whatever you want

when taking care of you while sick she calls you her number one patient and her favorite patient bc she's corny like that

there's nothing she wouldn't do for you bc when she's committed, she's committed

she's such a devoted and loyal person in general that when she cares about you, she cares about you, and there's no bluffing involved

just a very sincere and honest person who is willing to grow and learn, especially with her partner

i bet she's VERY open to communication and to talk things out with you she's the type to listen to you wholeheartedly and give you all the reassurance you need

she's the type of partner who's SO open to communication and good at it that you're like omg??? how are you so calm??? i'm screaming and crying and shitting my pants rn???

she's a huge softie and such a loving person who looks to be understood the way she understands others; she craves unconditional love and wants to give to others

she's just gf (and wife) material like come ON

[bonesandthebees]

man ive spent the past few hours going over everything (i just found out abt this, ironically, cus of el's mod post in your discord lol) and honestly just fuckkkkk himmm.

im so mad abt it. like how could he fucking do that. not only to us, his fans, but to his friends????? how do people just. idk i just dont get how people can do that, look at their actions and go "yeah that was measured and not fucked up"

feel free to ignore this but i wanna say thank you for being open and honest abt this situation and your thoughts. im hoping we as a community can learn to grieve 🩵

and any way your writing turns know you'll have people behind you the whole way

ok real talk abuse is a complicated thing. often times abusers don't even realize they're abusing someone. this is in NO WAY a defense of abusers and certainly not a defense of wilbur fucking soot, but it is important to note. abusers are not wholly evil and terrible people. they are human beings who often don't realize the degree of harm they're causing someone else, either just through being too self-centered to notice, or because they're so blinded by their reasoning for their own actions they think whatever they're doing is justified, or they think they could never be an abuser because they're not trying to hurt the person they love.

I do think any human being can be redeemed, including abusers (with the caveat that no matter what a victim is never obligated to forgive their abuser no matter how much work they've done to redeem themselves), but the first step involves actually recognizing what you did and owning up to it. wilbur clearly cannot own up to what he's done. so fuck him for that. the therapy has clearly done jack shit.

anyway, sorry, tangent over. I'm honestly just so glad to hear how much my asks have been helping people. more than anything I just love this community and want to offer advice where I can, or offer comfort where I can't. just to remind everyone that we're not alone in this.

I'm so lucky to have readers like you guys <3

[all-pacas]

can you imagine what it would be like if cameron and chase had children on the show?

hilarious. liver lesbians two point oh

no okay! ok. SERIOUS ANSWER.

First of all, I don't think they'd be bad parents. It also seems to have been something they discussed off screen and decided they were going to do. In a way, it makes sense for them both, yeah? A lot of their relationship seems to have been… both of them sort of cosplaying "an adult relationship," ignoring the looming issues and hitting those Milestones. That's not to say I think they were like… faking it, but. I think both Cameron and Chase liked being people who were in a successful relationship, proving they could do it and sustain it. And that kind of "ignore the problems" attitude got them through a few years!

I'm gonna do a quick tangent! IDK if you know Elementary (if you don't, it's incredible, please watch it). But a major thread for Joan's character on the show is that she feels like she should pursue romance and date and have Serious Relationships, because that's just what you do, and she's very good at following society's rules. Except she doesn't actually like romance. She enjoys sex. She enjoys friendship and companionship. But she's pretty damn aromantic, and her development essentially is her coming to terms with that fact about herself: that wanting to want relationships isn't the same and it's actually fine. A lot of Joan's development is her embracing the idea that she can be whatever and whoever she wants to be, she can be a consulting detective, instead of fitting into a little box.

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say Cameron is aromantic, but it's very, very true that she wants love. She defines herself as someone who loves, someone who would love a dying man, someone who can love and fix House, and a lot of her relationship with Chase actually sort of tiptoes around the idea that maybe she's not correct about her self perception. She is almost always presented as "in the wrong" where Chase is concerned, subtly and less so. (She is told to compromise and let him move in. She is told to destroy the sperm. She is told to stop passive-aggressively ghosting him and get engaged.) I'm not sure that Cameron really learned anything about herself in all of this, but I do think that a) Cameron absolutely has a five year plan for herself that involves Marriage and 2.5 Kids and a House, because it's what you do and because she defines herself as a person who wants all that, and b) she probably does not want all that, because time and time again she struggles with the gap between how she wants the world and her life to be, and how it actually is, and never quite seems to be entirely happy with who she is and where she is in life.

So of course she wants kids. And I think she'd be a good mom, to be clear. But I think she'd like being a mom a lot less than she expects. She absolutely imagines some sort of… wearing a long dress and everything is perfect and floaty and soft focus, you know?

Obviously, Chase gets along great with kids. He bonds with them, he's good at talking to them. The S8 sister retcon makes perfect retroactive sense: of course he basically raised his younger sister, because he knows how to talk to kids too well for a spoiled rich kid only child. I actually don't know — he alludes to Cameron that they're planning on having kids, but I can go either way on how much he'd actually, personally want them, you know? Getting along with kids is different from having them, and he has so many issues with his own parents it's easy to imagine he'd be pretty wary of the idea. And while he comes off as more committed than Cameron when they're together, he doesn't have any serious relationships or desires to settle down before or after her. But when they're together, he is totally all in on the relationship, and what do you do when you get married? You have kids, obviously.

So I think they absolutely were planning to have kids, and had the divorce not happened, they definitely would have had one or two, and I think it would have majorly freaked them both out (Cameron, who has a history of picking up and moving cross-country in the face of trauma, can't leave once she has a baby; Chase, who has all the parental issues in the world, probably terrified of letting his kid down like his parents did). And I think they wouldn't be able to talk about it with one another, because that would be admitting doubts. And I think they'd probably both double down on being good parents, because if you admit this isn't what you want you have failed as a person. I think it's quite possible they might have both (to circle back to Joan and Elementary) been happier and lasted longer if they never got engaged, if they could just… be together with no expectations or pressure or kids. I think there's no way either of them would ever consider it. Cameron idealizes marriage too much. Chase is too incapable of admitting his insecurities.

I think I've joked before: AU where they don't divorce still ends in divorce. I think their best case scenario is they split up when the kids are older. They manage to be pretty amicable about it, they actually do remain friends and decent co-parents. They're both deeply, deeply relieved to call it quits.

Also, their kids would be really pretty.

[twistedastrology]

🌊my take on neptune🌊

---------------------------------------------------------

LOOK at that gorgeous fucking planet man-

i wanna start this with a little tiny disclaimer that my take on neptune is very different from the usual and kinda flips a lot of shit on its head so my bad if this makes no sense to u but i wouldn't be uranus ruled if i didnt do shit crazy different would i 💔💔

THAT BEING SAID!!!!!! LETS GET INTO IT BABEY!!!!

let's start with what I'm dismantling-

in modern astrology, neptune is often considered the higher octave of venus and is known as the planet of spirituality or higher love. ive seen a lot of ppl say that neptune is associated with hollywood, which makes no fucking sense to me but whatever yknow to each their own-

neptune is also known as the ruler of pisces, and is exalted in cancer, the sign the moon rules.

I am about to flip a Whole fuckton on its head here so strap in and give me ur brain for a second 💔💔

neptune, the god, is the roman counterpart to poseidon, and poseidon rules over the sea, storms and earthquakes- generally very chaotic stuff-

poseidon's egyptian equivalent would be Seth, or Set. Seth was the god of chaos, storms, earthquakes, generally very chaotic stuff again.

Seth was also a trickster and, in egyptian mythology, overall kind of an asshole (since he literally chopped up Osiris into like a billion pieces and then scattered him across the earth so- idk kind of a dick move ngl)

but that's what he did!! that was his thing!!! he was the god of chaos!!!! gods of chaos are gonna be kinda assholes!!!!

But what does this mean for neptune- well this means that Neptune would be Seth (and neptune is known for it's deceptive qualities)

now keep that in ur brain as i go off on another tangent that will eventually circle back around to this one-

another proposal i have that may be shocking is that to me, Neptune is the one that rules Cancer, and the moon is the one that rules Pisces.

stay with me here hold on hear me out 💔

since ive been quite literally twisting the fuck out of astrology in my head and debunking cancer myth after cancer myth, I've come to find that cancers are a much more volatile sign than we give them credit for- or at least Can be-

they're not crybabies by any sense of the imagination, and like i said in my post abt cancers and rage, they feel anger more heavily than anything. they can also be very chaotic because they're cardinal water (think tsunamis).

now they're not all bad, dont think im tryna paint em as villains dawg i am literally a cancer rising/mars- but they have a distinct dark side to them that is Not to be fucked with.

cancers are often considered the "mothers" of the zodiac, but that has been watered down to "they're good with kids and probably want kids"- when cancers were Initially considered the mothers of the zodiac, they were talking abt cancers are the Guardians of the Zodiac.

not the galaxy-

now i will say, if a cancer has children, they will be VERY protective of them, but not in a helicopter-y way. more like in a "if you say something bad about their children or threaten to harm their children in any way, they will most likely punch you in the face and knock you out."

they wont bitch at you or be polite about it, they will probably break your face- BREAK YOUR FUCKIN FACE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!

now, where do cancers get that rage from? who around here borders on being or Is a god of chaos in the zodiac................. seth.

neptune is a much darker, more volatile planet than we give it credit for, just like cancers can be the same- But at the same time, they can both be very pleasant entities-

cancers can easily be some of the nicest people you've ever met, they're incredibly loyal and would probably go to war for you if you meant a lot to them, and they can be VERY and often times Are creative and artistic in some way.

neptune can be a very rewarding planet to work with, it can be incredibly creative because of the depth it represents, and it can put you and guide you on your path to and through spirituality.

neptune ruling cardinal water makes much more sense in this light than it ruling mutable water in my opinion. a planet as potentially volatile as neptune would NOT be mutable.

all of this also comes partially from my slightly different idea of what higher octaves really are- ive seen people say they're the "large scale influence" planets, but i think they're quite literally just the more powerful versions of the planets they're the higher octaves of (so they can and do affect the large scale, but that's not ALL they are).

so the moon in this case would deal with our conscious emotions, our humanity, that level of stuff- which makes more sense for pisces in my opinion- the moon would be more along the lines of the emotions we Think we should feel (mutable) and therefore do- the moon is how we may have Learned to feel, among many other things.

whereas neptune is our deep, inner self. our subconscious emotions, the feelings that penetrate our very soul. neptune is our shadow self, but it's also our higher self. just as the moon has a dark side, neptune has one too, but neptune's dark side is infinitely more painful.

this role switch also makes much more sense at least in my chart, because when looking at the moon as being my chart ruler, my co-ascendant would be pisces, which never made any sense to me- so i chalked it up to "oh well my moon is 1° pisces so it's basically aquarius i guess" which DID make sense

but my moon is still in pisces. My neptune, however, is firmly in aquarius, which explains perfectly why i feel so much more aquarius coded than anything else.

im also like 99% outer planet ruled, mercury being the only inner planet that dominates my chart- my most active planets are mercury, saturn, uranus, neptune and pluto 😮‍💨

HOWVEVEVR!!!!!!

i wanna say that whenever i switch everything up like this, i still find value in normal astrology and often combine it with my twisted version to get the most accuracy possible- so while my neptune and uranus are in mutual reception (aquarius/pisces) but i believe that neptune rules cancer, i still feel that mutual reception but i also still feel the neptune/cancer influence, especially since my ascendant literally starts in the neptune decan of cancer.

and this makes my chart make a lot more sense in terms of neptune too-

if this makes absolutely no fucking sense at all to you then that's fine!!! this is just my personal view on neptune and i honestly still associate a lot of My View of neptune's traits with the moon, which is why i incorporate a multitude of different perspectives into how i interpret everything and it gives me accurate meanings so i see no problem with it-

once it stops being accurate, then there's a problem, but we're not there yet so it's ok 🙏🙏

ultimately u can kinda just take this as food for thought if nothing else!! and if u read this far into my yapping session, god bless fr 😮‍💨 (i am not religious. HAHAHHAA)

[bloodgulchblog]

Have you seen that YouTube video where some guy reads every Halo novel back to back and then reviews them? If so what did you think

The Brian David Gilbert one? Oh yeah, all my friends showed me it when it came out. (It was honestly kind of cute seeing how many people thought of me immediately.)

Rewatching it to refresh myself because it's been a couple years and a full-novel reread for me since the last time...

High fiving BDG because the Master Chief parts of The Flood were definitely the most boring parts.

He didn't have anything to say about First Strike which I think is a shame because I think it's better than The Fall of Reach and actually has A Theme I Find Interesting.

Rightful recognition of Contact Harvest as pretty damn good.

Rightful recognition of the Forerunner Trilogy as dense oldschool-style SF with deep worldbuilding. (Also the San'Shyuum thing.)

I disagree with him about, and have significant problems with, Kilo Five. He is correct that Kilo Five actually delves into some of the dark places in Halo in a way it really needed, and I would even say that its writing is extremely engaging by Halo novel standards. However, while he does notice the obvious parallels between what ONI is doing post-war and the kind of shit the CIA has pulled again and again irl, I think he misses some of the subtext I see where it feels like it justifies some shit a liiiiittle too much if you know the author's irl politics re: the military. He also doesn't seem to notice the character assassinations (particularly of Catherine Halsey) that I and a lot of other fans see/object to in those books. I kind of gaze into the middle distance with a haunted expression at the suggestion that these are the ones to read if you don't touch any of the others just because they are, ironically, so heavy-handed and feel like they treat certain kinds of evil as inevitable in a way that actually feels way worse to me than the excuse plot offered by the earlier/lighter Halo novels. (But idk, that's me? Nobody is committing a crime if they disagree with my frenzied insane person red string diagrams about Kilo Five.)

I'd swap Pariah for Dirt in the Evolutions anthology if it were me, but I think these are solid standouts.

Broken Circle is neat but really nonessential he's not wrong.

A one-sentence review of New Blood is probably not enough space to get into how fucked up the Spartan-IV program is, but yeah. New Blood is fun if you don't find Buck's first person narration annoying. (It comes and goes for me in that one.)

BDG you're an absolute sweetheart, I think Hunters in the Dark is kind of goofy in a way I cannot in good conscience ignore if I'm gonna review it. But it really really is so much fun and I love that one a lot anyway. The "it's like Halo 3... 2" observation is solid.

High fiving him again because I also found Last Light disappointing. And it is also a me problem.

Fractures!

Hell yeah these are all good pulls from Fractures, I would say Shadow of Intent is the pick of the litter in that anthology for me. Interesting that as a Kilo Five enjoyer he didn't single out Rossbach's World, which is the last we've heard about Osman and Black Box. (Also, that one is good.) I think Oasis is worth an honorable mention because I'm an Envoy stan, and the Forerunner stories are interesting but I wouldn't go for them if you don't already have a healthy interest in the trilogy.

This tangent is so fucking funny now that we know more things:

Oh BDG, oh buddy, it's really not for the people like you and me huh. (Disclaimer: I have no idea if BDG likes the Halo tv show or not and I have no desire to dig up evidence about it.)

Also, while you're here, this is the bloodgulchblog origin story:

Smoke and Shadow is fun so it's a little sad that when he ends that sentence with "whatever," I can't actually say he's wrong to. (Sorry Rion your part of the lore just.... hasn't... touched anything that touches anything else anymore.)

ENVOY IS GOOD AND EVERYONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT IT okay okay I'm cool I'm normal, anyway. Envoy is the Halo novel that restored my faith in reading Halo novels and reminded me that authors can care and know how to do nuanced, interesting themes in this space. It's great. Everyone in this book has war refugee trauma (except the Spartans which have Spartan trauma) and that's incredible to me. Please care about Envoy if you have spare room in your heart for Halo side characters.

I am cheered to see someone indifferent to the Veta Lopis stories, but I still feel petty for feeling it.

I don't have a lot to say about Legacy of Onyx here but it's always so fun seeing someone else suffer and care.

Bad Blood, the Blood is Bad now is a fun joke but lol yeah. It does have this very vital moment where Chief and Arbiter talk, though. For the first and only time in years.

PROPS FOR NOTICING THE YA NOVELS they're actually pretty nice.

"The Master Chief is the protagonist and boy does he shoot some people" is most of how I feel about Silent Storm and Oblivion too, I know they have their fans but Troy Denning's Chief books don't do much for me personally.

Renegades hadn't had its followup Point of Light yet but yeah, Spark stuff is interesting.

I had to remember that oh yeah, there are multiple books now that didn't exist when this was made. I wonder if he read them?

OKAY I THINK THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SAY as always if y'all want specific book opinions, I might have a tag for them. Or just yell in my ask box, I'm sure I can scrounge up some thoughts.

[prince-liest]

Hey I just read your Lucifer/Angel Dust fic and omg, I loved it so much! You really, really nailed down Lucifer's awkward personality so well! You know his characterization is perfect when you can't help but cringe at him a little, lol.

I really like the fact that Lucifer was so in his head in the fic, like, he frequently "checks out" in a sense and goes on mental tangents. This makes sense since he's so unused to talking to anyone that he doesn't really know how to be "present" in a lot of moments. Like when Angel takes Lucifer into his room and Lucifer immediately zones into the photo of his daughter. Him struggling to not think about Charlie was also really sweet, and a little pathetic as it's clear that she's really the only person Lucifer is close too lol.

Also, I wasn't expecting Angel and Husk to be dating in this fic - but it was very much a welcome surprise! I really like the idea of the two of them having an open relationship, since I bet the last time Husk would want to do is control who Angel can and can't sleep with, since Angel has spent so much time not choosing for himself.

And omg, the smut was so good! I liked how nervous Lucifer was, even though he has (had?) A wife, it's been so long since the two of then were together that I bet he's a little out of practice. I really like that Angel was so prepared to let Lucifer take the lead, only for him to realize "oh, this man is the subbest man to ever sub".

I never really thought of Angel as a dom before, but man, if this while fic didn't convince me the line - "Dollface,” Angel says, “I’ll call ya whatever you like.” - did.

And omg, Lucifer purring. I actually squealed. I never thought of purring to be an angel thing but now I can't unsee it. Angel immediately wanting to make Lucifer purr again after he learned what it was was simultaneously really sweet but also a little sad. Especially as Lucifer thought that it was obnoxious, even though I doubt anyone would have told him anything like that. Assuming all angels purr, so they wouldn't knock it, and Lilith and Lucifer were once in love, so I doubt she would make any comments.

Idk, I just thought it was a really good characterization moment, and showed how "differently" Lucifer sees himself from his "people", how he's insecure about something that sets him about from everyone around him.

Also, I really like how Lucifer's depression has affected his sexuality. Like how he finds it difficult to get hard in the past, or how it affects his purring. Idk, again it's just a little detail I'm glad you included, it really makes it help like you took the time to analyze Lucifer and how his problems would affect his sex life.

And Lucifer crying during sex, I think that's the most in character thing for him to do in this entire fic lol. He's a cry baby, I can feel it in my bones. The second most in character thing for Lucifer is having a daddy kink lol.

(Also, I wasn't sure where to put this in the asks but I found it really charming how... low? Lucifer puts himself compared to others? If that's the right word? Like he never even thinks to use his status. For example when he thinks he ruined the encounter with Angel he immediately starts worrying about how awkward it would be to see him again, even though he's like, the King of hell and if he didn't want to see Angel again he could literally tell Angel not to be in presence.

He's so blase about his role as ruler of Hell, that I can't help but speculate that that's where Charlie got it from.

I mean, it's not as though Lucifer is a stranger to using, or even abusing, his status. In the sing "Hell's Greatest Dad" he literally takes about rigging the game for Charlie because he's the "ref". Idk where I'm going with this, but again, it's a neat character detail we briefly see in episode 5, and I'm really glad to see it expanded on here!)

(Also, also, I know this wasn't included in your fic at all, but I find it a little funny that Angel now has Lucifer in his corner, purely because how fucked this would make Valentino. Like, I think Lucifer is really the only character who can make Valentino actually listen to. I know in your other fic - Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy - Alastor does help Angel out in the Valentino department. Yes I do consider all of your fics to be in the same "universe", even though I'm aware you probably didn't intend that to be the case.

But I'm just not sure if Valentino would really listen to Alastor? I mean, he did see him get his shit wrecked by Adam, and run away. Plus it takes a whole lot of manipulation from Vox to get Valentino to not do something he wants to.

But Lucifer is in his reputation, and I know Valentino wasn't willing to listen to Charlie, but Charlie was bring a bit timid. We have seen Lucifer being confrontational - and protective - before. So I bet he wouldn't mind actually pulling rank and Valentino to chill the fuck out. Idk, it's just a neat thought exercise.)

Sorry for rambling in your inbox, I just have a lot of Thoughts!

Ahh, this ask was so lovely to read! I like to say that my fanfics are basically my versions of character essays, or my love letters to characters that I like, and it's true in how I write them, so it's always extremely gratifying to see people not just enjoy them but specifically pick apart the things I put into the fics! Especially because I slam my writing style pretty heavily into the "show, don't tell" basket out of personal preference, so it's really delightful when people DO see those things!

Bonus thoughts under the cut so I don't totally kill people's dashboards:

I find writing characters who go on overthinky mental tangents so enjoyable (shoutout to Meng Yao), and Lucifer in particular struck me intensely as that kind of person because even in the show itself he goes on occasional little tangents to himself out loud, mid-conversation. He really acts like someone who hasn't been very well-socialized in recent times, and it's fun to elaborate on! And also a really fun way to show a character being anxious, depending on how you write it, without ever actually mentioning anxiety.

And YES! From what I can tell in canon, Charlie is really, truly the only person that he socializes with! And it's just him calling her once every several months! It's not like Alastor, who maintains an air of mystery - Lucifer just strikes me as someone who's been self-isolating very intensely at the very least since his wife left if not earlier!

It's not in the fic, but I kinda like to headcanon Husk as demi or ace, but very invested in the romantic aspect of his relationship with Angel Dust. My best friend and her future husband are also super poly, and she specifically is very bi and very open to having a good time with various people, so I think my default perspective on monogamy has been shaped a lot by that the past few years, haha! I feel like I can see huskerdust as being cute in love (after they're done with their slowburn in canon) and very comfortable about Angel sleeping with other folks while Husk just does his own thing in that department.

I like to assume Angel is a switch and vers, just by virtue of his job and past experiences, and I think I also see him as genuinely not really having much preference one way or another besides to have a good time. He definitely makes assumptions about the preferred dynamic in this fic at first, both about Lucifer but also because of the assumptions that clients make about Angel Dust himself, but it's far from his first time around the block.

I HAVE! NO CANON REASON FOR THE PURRING. SOMEONE MENTIONED IT ON DISCORD AND I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CUTE AS FUCK. And I immediately needed it to be fucked up demonic rattle-purring, not something actually cat-like. This one's all on me, y'all, HAHA.

Lucifer's relationship with his role as the king of hell is also really interesting to me because he's very blase about it canon while, yes, totally using it when it suits him. I think it's pointed moment that the first time he actually brings it up himself is when it's something he can leverage to help Charlie out. He reads to me like someone who objectively knows that he's hot shit, but also just doesn't consistently think of himself that way, probably partly because he's always been "Lucifer Morningstar, exiled from heaven" with the other seraphim as his point of reference for power levels, and also probably partly because he demonstrably doesn't have a fantastic mental health situation. Being king of hell didn't un-fuck his family life, except for when suddenly it might in fact help un-fuck his relationship with his daughter.

And yeah, Lucifer could probably actually have literal words with Val and put a stop to the heinous shit. For what it's worth, though, in Happily Ever After: an actual conversation not what Alastor means by "a very firm reminder." He's gunning to kill two birds with one stone by curb stomping the person who has one over one of "his people" and also re-establishing himself as the biggest fish in the Pride Ring pond bar Lucifer after everyone seems to have forgotten who he is and after his defeat at Adam's hands. Can he actually do that? I like to think that he can, but between the mysterious constraints of his contract, the undefined rules of hell regarding interference in other people's contracts, and the fact that Alastor is a grade-A bullshitter when it comes to convincing me personally that he's overpowered, who really knows! But, uh, suffice to say, whether Valentino is inclined to listen to him is not a concern of his, haha.

And thank you very much for this ask! ^_^ I was very fun to read and chat about! <3

[halojalex]

Lets hear that essay

oh man i kind of wasn’t expecting to get any replies to this LMAO bUt here we go. strap urselves in this is gonna be a long one

i won’t share the whole document i wrote bc it’s really long and i go off on a lot of tangents but here’s the general idea

for starters, i believe g&c is absolutely about jalex. we already know it's about a gay couple, so with this in mind, alex telling jack that it's about him is enough to at least consider what that means. granted, i know many believe that he was joking, but i've always thought his tone and general demeanour seemed far too sincere for him to be joking; we've seen how alex acts when he jokes around with jack, and this was different.

furthermore, it's also worth pointing out that jack and alex specifically wrote this one song on their own in a cabin (?) away from everyone else; i know this may not seem important on its own, but it's always worth keeping in mind. ie why would two friends go off to write a song about a queer relationship on their own?

adding onto this, there was that interview with kerrang where alex talked about wake up sunshine as a whole and how it’s about discovering yourself and coming to terms with who you are (i’m paraphrasing but that’s the general idea), so to have a song about a gay couple on an album that’s all about alex discovering who he is seems to me like he wrote it from personal experience.

secondly, i feel like it's important to note that, while jack and alex have always been closer than the average friendship, always bordering on acting like a couple, this closeness was especially apparent during the time that alex was separated from lisa and was living with/near jack. people have commented before on how 'dependent' they were on each other back then, so it's clear that the bond between them was especially strong at that time. of course, i'm sure many will say that it could've been bc alex needed jack's support/bc he was living close by so spent more time with him/whatever, however i feel like there's more to it than that, given all the other reasons. i think they were more than friends.

i'd also like to bring people's attention to one particular incident - that photo of them spooning on a beach. frankly, i've always been a little surprised that so many people have skipped over this without blinking, bc that photo to me has always seemed so intimate and domestic, i find it really hard to believe that many friends would casually sit like that.

and of course how can i forget to mention alex's bday post for jack in 2021? that caption haunts me. "what's there to say that isn't already tremendously obvious? you're a bright light in this weird world my dude. love you times a million" how does that not scream a bday post for a partner? "love you times a million"??? bye they ruin me. all of it just seems so,,, romantic?? idk but i feel like if my closest friend wrote something like that about me i'd find it just a little too much. but maybe that's just me. but also i've seen/heard people say that that caption sounded a lot like something they would write/have written for their partner so,,,,,,, make of that what you will.

ofc honourable mention of the time they went to a gay bar together and karaoke. i realise it’s only from word of mouth that we know that it was a gay bar, but it seems a well-enough-known fact that i feel like i should include it.

i’m sure there’s more i could say, it’s just hard to keep track of everything, especially without making this ten pages long. but another thing i believe is that jack has always had feelings for alex, long before they ever got together. granted, that on its own doesn’t necessarily mean that he and alex dated, however it’s important to note. one thing that sticks out to me with regard to this is how andie once made a post commenting on how jack never looked at her the way he looked at alex. this is interesting to me bc it just seemed like she was implying that she was competing with alex in a way. maybe it’s just me, but i can’t really see that post any other way than that tbh. i mean why else would she have said it? if jack didn’t have feelings for alex, then why would it matter how he looked at him?

furthermore the fact that jack wasn’t alex’s best man at his wedding fr keeps me up at night (i mean not literally but u get the idea). like everyone knows how close they are, alex has literally called jack his “best friend in the whole world” (brb while i cry over that), so why wouldn’t he choose jack, his closest friend, to be his best man at his wedding? i always feel like he did that intentionally to spare jack’s feelings. as if he’s always known that jack has feelings for him, and as such he knew he couldn’t put jack through that, as presumably the best man would have had to give a speech etc. just something else i think about a lot.

anyway, all of this was probably very confused, i hope it makes sense as i have a tendency to waffle sksjsksj but yeah, this is my general idea! lmk if anything doesn’t make sense djskdjsk

[ihopesocomic]

As a bi and nonbinary person i feel like lgbt media that doesn't make romance ina homophobic society or a coming out story is geniunely refreshing. Im really tired of the same old stories that are like that. So i really like i hopeso a lot better than mypride... Like

If you guys want homophobic or transphobic "realism" idk go watch mypride or whatever. Im geniunely tired of having to experience and having media reflect real world prejudice that has an effect on people.

So anyways ihopeso is really good in terms of being an lgbt friendly comic. I hope more stuff like yours comes out soon.

Also I don't know how they did it but they seriously wrote nothing and hover with the charisma of an obligatory heterosexual couple in every piece of media ever. Thats all ill say on all of that

Thank you! Just based on personal experience, enjoying a thing without it having to be bogged down by rampant bits of bigotry just makes it all the more enjoyable. Right from the start I wanted to make it absolutely clear that homophobia/transphobia/ableism/etc was just not a thing in this world. Not only do the readers not have to stress out about whether it's gonna happen, but look at that, the main couple also has a brief Romeo & Juliet moment. But it's because they have different cultures, and not because they're two girls who are romantic.

Since there's no "cishet default", there's no "corrupt religion", so why include something that only exists because one sector of humans decided to hide behind religion to justify oppression? Starts not making sense when you think about it.

Unless the point of someone's story is to deconstruct discrimination or just generally speaking about one's experiences, there's no reason to include it. Animals or fantasy or whatever. Your fantasy world has Off-brand Catholicism in it to justify discrimination against queer people? Then why are you boring, that's my question. It just especially doesn't make sense with animals. It's a good fuckin way to take any queer readers you have right out of the story. Most days I just put it down and never look at it again cuz I'm fuckin tired. It's 2023, queer tragedies are old hat, no one cares.

And if someone's one of those people who thinks it doesn't make sense to not include it, then you need to assess why you think this way because it's not normal. Or if you don't wanna do that, then yeah, go back and watch MP, cuz an off-putting amount of people bug us about why characters aren't ableist or homophobic. Y'all want homophobic lions, go watch MP. That's clearly what some of you want LOL And you're not gonna get MP 2.0 out of IHS, as much as people want it to be.

As for Nothing and Hover, there's a strange phenomenon in queer media where they have to include one or multiple bad sapphic tropes. Specifically where one is the "meek feminine one" and the other is the "boistrous masculine one". Essentially making them a poorly-written cishet couple. MP just has the extra bonus of Nothing being disabled and Hover being ableist. They complete each other/sarcasm.

And to go on a bit of a tangent, homophobia and ableism doesn't even make sense in the context of My Pride lol I know what they were trying to do, but in simplest terms, woman-haters don't worship women. And it just becomes even stupider when you remember that they're trying to explain "realism" in lion behaviors. - Cat

[artichow]

Hi, how are you doing?

My sister seems interested in doing commission work, and she's asking me for help with it, but I don't know anything about it. Could you help me help her?

How does the process of commissions work?

There any tips/recommendations you could give her?

Hello!

I'm definitely not an expert and definitely winging it as I go and taking what i see other artists do into consideration, so bear that in mind and take what i say with a grain of salt! I also assumed while writing this that this is about art commissions? If it's not sorry I kind of went on a tangent at the end about it but most of the advice still apply!

I'm guessing your sister has a product in mind they want to sell. Most people make a little website either pointing to the platforms they use to sell or to google forms they have for clients to fill out. I use carrd, there's a free option that lets you have a lot of creative freedom and enough elements to make a good website, and boom! Now onto selling commissions. To sell those you can either use a platform for selling stuff online, i use ko-fi because it's the most practical option, there's also v-gen, which i haven't tried but heard good things of. With that option it's easier to have fixed prices, so if something seems to hard to draw for that price it's harder to ask for more but most clients are okay with tipping an additional fee through that same platform. You can also just have a google form available where you ask the potential client to describe what they want, leave their email adress and you can get back to them and offer an accurate price for their commission idea. If they want to purchase that commission you then can send them a paypal invoice and they can pay it.

Most people I know use paypal, I saw people using Stripe or Venmo too. Ko-fi only allows you to link a Paypal or a Stripe account though. While using Paypal i would advise you to find a website that tells you how much Paypal will take from the commission, because they have a fee, and it usually stings. That way you can take that into account and raise your prices according to that so you still get the amount of money you need by selling your service. However I gotta say that Paypal always takes more than what those paypal fees conversion websites say it will, idk why.

Another website i use a lot to do pricing is calculpourcentage.com (sorry it's in french but i'm sure there are varients in other languages). It's pretty handy to calculate pricings along with the good old trusty phone calculator.

A very, very important part of selling commissions online is to have a solid Terms of Services written and available for clients to read through. It's like when you download a software or game and you have to check the litte box that says you agree with their terms of services. I know we pretty much all just scroll down and tick the box without reading but commission clients should never do that. Read the TOS!!! In your TOS you should put anything you need to make sure the client knows what their getting, any behavior or commission inquiry you will not accept, your rights to decline any commission for any reasons, your rights over the finished product, etc. I know it sounds daunting said like that but don't worry too much, it takes some time to put together but most people take whatever they need from other artists' TOS, you can frankenstein them and tadaa! perfect TOS for your needs and what you offer. You can and should absolutely update it whenever you want or need to. Here is a link to my TOS for inspiration if your sister needs some, but again, I think it's best to look for other artists TOS to maybe find some points I didn't write in mine.

Finally, to talk about the action itself of doing commissions for people, I have some advice as well. Firstly if you can, only offer things you feel up to doing. This might seem like a given but anything that makes the process less stressful and puts less pressure on yourself, you should do it. Commissions should be fun, especially if you're starting out. I know not everyone has the luxury or privilege to be able to, but if a commission inquiry makes you uncomfortable for any reason, don't accept it. I've had mostly good experiences with clients so far but there are stories going around online about scammers or people who ghost commissioners or clients, so my advice is to stay informed about possible scams, stay honest and communicate with your clients about possible delays and stuff like that.

And very important point that I almost forgot, commissioning art is a luxury, and any work needs good pay, no matter your skill level. I think every commission artist starts out by underselling themselves, and you probably will too, and it's okay. My advice is still to try and look at the price you settled on for a commission and add a little more. Keep in mind how much time you're taking to draw, gather references and so on. You will probably have to adjust your prices as times goes on. Everything I listed so far are things that can and probably will change with experience, it's how most of us learn and adjust the way we work.

Another thing is that for the majority of artists, commissions we do get are very sparce and for artists who can make it their job it's an immense workload and very hard to manage. I know it's easier said than done but my advice is to try and not let your commissions order number get you down or reflect your art's worth in your head. In my opinion art is priceless and deserves all our love and time regardless of if it's "good" or "bad", but it's pretty antithetical with literally putting a price tag on my work :') Anyway, commissions can feel demotivating or have a negative impact on your health in many ways, so if you can feel free to close them anytime you want to and try to keep time to yourself for your personal art too!

I think that's all I can come up with right now, I hope it helps you or your sister, and good luck to them if they do try out offering commissions!!

[asterzratz02]

BIG MAGNUS PROTOCOL SPOILERS FOR EP 1 AND 2! YOUVE BEEN WARNED!

Ok I have a theory. Has this already been posted? Probably, but I'm brain rotting.

It's mainly based off of this bit in the transcripts (pls note im getting my transcripts from the unofficial transcript archive, however as far as I know these transcripts are still accurate and the the same as the official transcripts)

This is literally from the first episode, the first non-spoken lines are about a computer listening. No, sorry not listening eavesdropping. As a writer you wouldn't use the word eavesdropping unless it was ment to personify something. Maybe I'm looking too much into this, but like- this is only where my decent into tmp madness starts. Ofc Norris and Chester being voiced by Jonny and Alex heavily implies that some part of Jon and Martin's soul has been transferred into the computers, or programs, files, or whatever you wanna call it. There's not quite enough info to determine how much of them is trapped in the computers, but im quite certain more than just there voice is trapped. There's emotion in the voices, especially Martin's (because ofcourse there would be, my favorite poet-) once again personifying the computers. Now, im not sure if the eavesdropping computer was 'Norris' or 'Chester' or even 'Augustus.' At first I though 'Oh well lots of people are theorizing that Augustus is Jonah and I was convinced. Not the mention that supports my connection to the eavesdropping computer. Because ofcourse, Jonah would be eavesdropping, especially seeing as we're all theorizing that Gwen is related to Elias. (Bouchard lastname)

NOW. HEAR ME OUT. The Bouchard lastname isn't inherently connected to Jonah Magnus. Before Elias was possessed by Jonah, he was just some guy. I can't remember excatly what ep of mag that's in, but I distinctly remember someone mentioning how odd it was that Elias went from a low level position at the institute with issues of some kind? I forgot what kind? Anyways what I'm trying to say is while yes, it makes sense that Elias and Gwen are related, that doesn't mean Qwen has anything to do with Jonah. Especially since as far as I know, Jonah was obliterated. Like... he's gone gone- and this universe were listening in on is most likely (this might have been confirmed, I'm unsure) a whole alternate universe from the one the magnus archives took place in. Wait I think it was confirmed? Seeing as it burnt down in 1999 in this universe as far as I recall, and the tma podcast takes place in the mid 2010's. So pretty sure tma and tmp take place in different universes, tied togethor via the web. Think spider man into the spiderverse if your confused. (Sorry im really just rambling at this point)

Anyways. Now I'm thinking, the Jonah Magnus in the tma universe was destroyed.... meaning Augustus probably isn't Jonah? HOWEVER. I just though of something. Was the Jonah Magnus in the tmp universe destroyed??? Maybe he's just some guy who died before coming to use the power of the watcher, but... maybe not? Ok so... the main question I'm left with then is who's useing the computers to eavesdrop? Maybe it is this universes Jonah, whoever he's possessed this time... my bets on Lena, but that's a whole other theory that I don't feel like going on a tangent about rn. Maybe it's Chuch, Norris, and/or Augustus. Maybe Augustus is Annabelle? Idk.

Anyways, I'm gonna use this as a thread and add onto it the more thoughts I have on this :3

[ace-was-already-taken]

Fuck it, man, I'm doing my FIRST VENT POST!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm SO not okay 👍)

TW: sh mentioned

I doubt anyone's gonna actually read this fucking post lmao

ANYWAY where do I start?? What do I even say??????? I guess I'll just get to the point???? In all seriousness, I barely know my own personality anymore. I mean, I THINK I'm just a quiet and reserved person? But that's only in public, then when I'm talking to someone, I say what they want me to say (+be who they want me to be, as in, making a whole personality for them) And if they ask for my opinion, I say it, but add a bunch of shit like "but that's just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt" and shit like that. I REALLY just want to be myself outside of the internet, but I just can't. The only time I'm 90% myself is with my friends tbh.

And then I have my rock-bottom self-esteem and shit. Like, I can barely think of anything good about myself, and I don't believe 99% of compliments I get. I'm self-deprecating asf. I feel like I look like shit. Just pure shit. And that I'm worthless, don't deserve anything nice, shit like that, yk? I don't wanna end it all, but I have no way of letting out my feelings either. I did go down the path of sh, but then my parents took away the object I was using for it (the blade of a taken-apart pencil sharpener), but they somehow don't know I was doing sh. And honestly I feel like doing it again, but I don't have any objects to do it without making it obvious.

The only things that make me happy right now are, like, Project Sekai (which includes my yt account that I post on sometimes), Tumblr, Pinterest, Character.AI, drawing, music (specifically listening to music + daydreaming to it to escape reality) and talking to my friends.. All of this is online for the most part. Also, like, one moment I'll be happy asf, having the best time of my life, and then I just randomly feel depressed- Also goes the other way around, mainly the other way around (One moment I'll feel depressed, and then I feel happy asf)

On a little side-tangent, I'm SUPER detached from reality, if that's the right phrase. Everything feels fake and scripted, like some twisted RPG. Things feel and look too complicated to be possible, and other things just feel fake. Idk how to explain it.

My life is shitty. I can't even tell my parents any of this, I don't trust them. My stepdad has the mental maturity of a toddler, and my mom would probably not give me the support I need, and just say "well it's not like I can get you therapy right now" or something like that (or just mention her own issues and not give any advice to mine). But hey, if someone is reading this and has some advice, feel free to say it or whatever lol

This post is getting long, so I'll end it there lol

lowkey considering deleting this lmao

[kuromi-hoemie]

🌻

lol it being completely open ended to talk about whatever i want, i went on a tangent (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) I'm putting it below the read more

i think.. it'll be funny, how when i move and finally say goodbye to this city, people on here who don't know we're in the same city will probably think “what that's where u lived?? why didn't you say anything sooner!!”

buddy i have been here for 8 years and completely lost faith in everyone here, this is a uniquely terrible area with somewhat friendly but extremely impersonal people and i don't care for it or anyone in it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't want someone to change my mind, I don't want to suddenly find what I'm looking for; I learned a lot professionally and about myself and life in general while living here but its time is up, the people here suck compared to literally every other place I've been to lmfao. I'm sure there's a few gems out there but they aren't worth what it takes to live around here.

when i was trying to figure out where i wanted to move next, I was going to give this place another year since that would arguably the best opportunity I'll have to enjoy it if i move somewhere cheaper (I've had a long complicated journey here).

but then i really thought about it, and being here — trying to chase happiness feels like swimming upstream towards something that's forever just out of reach. and then i thought about the city i decided I'll move to next, and there are so many people there who are always really happy to see me and always inviting me to stuff. and it's not just me, but they're all rly chill with each other and hang together too.

and it felt silly to think of suffering through another year here. why should i fight so hard to find what's already waiting for me somewhere else? life does not need to be this hard and i don't have to suffer another year here actually ✋🏾😭

very cool that i have some mutuals in the area who don't know this yet, but I'm not trying to spend an hour+ in traffic and have to pay to park just to hang out with them lol. wish i knew y'all like a year and a half ago but it's too late for me to really get attached to anything here.

there's literally (1) thing i care about in this city and it's the best friend i have. and being completely real, i love her very dearly but if i felt supported enough as i need from even one person here i wouldn't feel the need to leave. we talk thru text Sometimes very briefly, mostly to just send stuff to each other and ask about hanging out, and we hang like once a month or 1½ months.

like.... this is as good as it gets? 😐 there might be something better but it's going to take a significant amount of time, effort and frustration to find. and i just... do not think it's worth the effort, actually. sometimes taking the easier path is the correct choice.

I've made so so so many friends here that have all fizzled out. everyone I've become friends with will speak to you once a week or two or three maybe. MAYBE!! And it doesn't matter if you sent 1, 2 or 10 messages, it's not just a matter of where you are sending those messages, it doesn't matter what you are talking about or what you may need, you are just not hearing back from them. i could die here right now and no one would even begin to think something might be wrong with me for god knows how long, if ever.

so like. idk. i am extremely over this city and could not be convinced to stay. I'm the kind of person who needs to be talking to 2 or 3 friends every day, i need to be in one or two small but active group chats with people who are dear to me, I need to hang out at least twice a week at one of our places, i wanna go out to something together every two weeks at least.

it just seems like if i move somewhere where people take it a little slower and are more personal, I'll be able to get back into that kind of life i miss. it's so fucking easy to feel like the problem is me somehow until i drive like 25 miles away from here and suddenly the difference is like night and day (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) like oh i don't suck actually, and I've become much more sure of that over the past year-ish i guess, but the problem still remains and i just have to suck it up until i leave.

also yeah I'll name drop it while I'm at it lol DO NOT MOVE TO SEATTLE 🙅🏾‍♀️ no one here drives, most people hang out in the pay to park/HEAVY traffic areas and everyone here is friendly but VERY very impersonal. if what you want is someone to hang out with every once in a while and to live a hermit lifestyle then it's probably perfect for u but if you want to meaningfully connect with your friends you are swimming upstream here do not do it. this city SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the most trash ass city I've ever been to and I've been up and down the west coast and to other inland states!!!!!!!!! this is not normal!!!!! you people are not normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people from here get pissy when you bring up the Seattle freeze but it's real actually you guys do suck supremely and anyone from any place with even a shred of warmth between people in its community can tell you that, and i can say that bc i remember how often I'd be willing to say hi back to people when i took public transit and they'd immediately clock that I'm not from here because No One wants to talk to them otherwise.

i don't know wtf the deal is here but i don't need to navigate it or fight it 🚶🏾‍♀️ I'm just moving to the kinda place you can both live and work in, which is what all the other places I've lived at have been like. I'm sorry y'all live like this and think it's normal, but i don't think locking yourself away for weeks at a time not talking to anyone because of depressive episodes and always feeling lonely is like.. normal.. it's not. and you genuinely do have a lot to be fairly depressed about, and so do i tbh and i fight it so fucking hard but I'm just removing myself from this 😶‍🌫️ good bye and good luck.

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 11

all right let's do this wretched thing

i don't even know where to begin. i'm trying to weigh it against season 6 as my least favorite season, but it's difficult. season 6 was bad because it was scattered, poorly written, poorly paced, and terribly executed. but season 11... i just really hated it conceptually. it was really hard to get over the hump and ride this whole darkness thing out—there's always a limit to suspension of disbelief, and i think when you're dabbling with real-world mythologies that limit is lower than usual.

now i think there were ways they could have executed this intelligently. like my comment a few days ago about how adding this The Darkness(tm) to the story recreates judeo-christian mythology into a form closer to proto-indo-european mythology, i think if the writers had known about the PIE creation myth and actually used that to inform their writing, they could have done something really cool, and at the same time maybe return to its "all mythologies are equal" roots instead of... whatever the fuck kinda christian supremacy propaganda they were selling this season.

not to go on a tangent, but say they cast god as manus and amara as yemo, they could have actually made a statement about the interconnectedness of (IE) religions and made the story less christianity-centric through that acknowledgment of non-abrahamic religions. i mean that's the root of all these religions in the first place. i mean the leviathan is tiamat, genesis is fix-it fic of the enuma elish, etc etc you already have the PIE influences in the old testament. the roots are there they just had to be aware of them and use them creatively.

so that's deeply disappointing. they were so close and instead of making something really cool, all they did was push some agenda that the judeo-christian god is the ultimate god and yknow i really can't respect that, especially after all the work kripke era did to dismantle that bias. it feels disrespectful to the original show and i'm not very happy with it at all.

i could go on and on about this in particular because i have so many thoughts about how it could have been handled better and more respectfully, but i'll stop there because that's the gist of my argument and ideas. outside of this i guess the seasonal plot was decent? it's hard to really gauge my opinion on it because i really just did not like this season conceptually, and my thoughts are skewed against it as a result. up to now i've at least been interested in the ideas they were putting forth, and my issues have been with the technical aspects of writing. this is... a doozy.

i'll critique the amara/dean thing. because actually this is my kink. or one of them. or an aspect of it. whatever. so i should like it. the whole "i'm being forced to love someone i don't or wouldn't otherwise" is LITERALLY my kink. i go nuts over this. but um. yeah it really did nothing for me. the blank stares and nonexistent affections between them did absolutely nothing to sell me on this bond between them. actually i liked amara's side of things a lot better, i thought she really put her at least 75% of her pussy into seducing dean, and i liked the innocence with which she approached him, like it was a given that he loved her as much as she loved him. that was good. i liked that.

dean on the other hand? really did not sell this. idk if it was jensen's acting or the writing itself or what, but i felt absolutely nothing from his end. not even a hint of his internal struggle, no fight or even desire, just total absence of anything. like he turned into a wooden board whenever she was around. really disappointing actually!! because it was such a gimme to get me to like this. i'm literally hardwired to go nuts over this exact type of plot at its worst or cheesiest or most poorly executed, and they still fumbled it hard. no chemistry, no struggle, no tension, nothing. disappointing!!! i feel like i got left high and dry here.

also after the incestuous high seasons 7-10 left me with, i gotta say s11 really flopped on the brotherfucking. there was stuff here and there, but they had so many opportunities that they completely passed up on. if you're going to have sam exclaim in his fit of magic-induced despair "you were going to choose amara over me" then idk man could you give me SOMETHING to lead up to it? obviously you can get it from context clues. the qareen episode has the ending scene too. but outside of that? really not a lot of substance there. where's sam's anguish? his despair? he's about to lose his brother, the man he married in a church and then cured of demon-ness and destroyed the entire world for, to some fucking lady, and he acts so impassive over it the whole time except like. twice? okay. i don't think it would have been so disappointing if the past four seasons hadn't been about sam and dean getting married and divorced and remarried and redivorced over and over again. it went from 100 to like. 30. sooooo quick and i felt that. i felt that.

now you could have fixed THAT by paralleling amara with sam instead of chuck (????seriously????) and having dean's central emotional conflict be about choosing amara or sam (sam being a metaphor for the world, life, creation, etc). keep the tension high by making it be a front-and-center decision dean has to make. he wants to choose sam, but it's hard because his soul wants amara and he doesn't have a say in the matter. she's bewitched him and sam is fighting to take him back and dean is clinging to sam while also reaching out to amara and it's messy and painful and sam has to watch his brother be torn out of his grasp. it would be a perfect way to continue the conflicts set up by the previous seasons, it would have made the plot stronger, and it would have fixed probably all of my gripes about the dean/amara stuff i just complained about because there would have been some externalization of this struggle instead of forcing the audience to watch dean stand woodenly in place for several minutes at a time while amara monologues at him.

like come on.

okay. i'm trying to tally up the episodes i actually liked in this season so let's see. baby was good, very creative and i respect that and what it was trying to do a lot. idk if i'd say i liked thin lizzie, but i appreciated the fact that the show returned to the roots of what soullessness means as established in season 6 through len. it felt kind of insane that every soulless person turned into a volatile killing machine when we had 11 full episodes of soulless sam showing us exactly what removing a soul is supposed to do to someone. it also might be one of the first times, if not the first time? that this show has acknowledged its insane lore retcons and tried to reconcile it with current lore. so i'll give it a gold star for effort. plush was good, as always i'm a big donna fan; into the mystic was inoffensive. i LOVED don't you forget about me because i will always be jody's #1 stan forever. love hurts had the extremely psychosexual samdean moment at the end BUT it also embodies everything i hated about the amara/dean romance so that's a hard pass for me sorry. the chitters was good—had a lot of good psychosexual samdean as the emotional core of the episode and there was that insane conversation between jesse and sam in the car that drove me bonkers. definitely my fave of the whole season, probably.

so 6 episodes? yeah okay. that sounds about right for the amount of agony i was in while watching this season. checks out. okay. (clutches my head miserably)

the finale dragged on for too long. i can't even blame it because it pretty much needed all four of those episodes and i don't even think they were particularly badly written, but four episodes is a lot of episodes to tie up the season. i also think i'm biased against this because i just really did not fucking like this season, oh my god. every second longer i spent on the plot was kind of agonizing actually.

and all the brothers stuff at the end just did not make up for what the season put me through. it felt... idk not flimsy, but in comparison to what the season gave us, neither of them seemed like very active participants in any of this and so the emotional moments just didn't hit for me. i can see the development on sam's end from "i would destroy the world for you" to "ok maybe i shouldn't have done that; i'll let you die now" but i don't really agree with it given that there are still 4 seasons left in this show. if they start getting healthy about their relationship now, there isn't going to be any intrigue left, no tension left to propel them forward into unending codependency and enmeshment. "we have to change" except they can't because the narrative requires them to be psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent because this is a show about their relationship. you have 4 seasons leading up to sam's total and complete dependency on dean only for him to become normal about him within a single season? not only does it not work like that, but it shouldn't work like that. the show has done nothing but reward them for choosing their codependency (emotionally, that is; whatever happens to the world is not their problem tbh) over everything else. to pull an about-face that hard and not even have sam break down sobbing when he thinks dean is dead is just.

well it's just.

i'm just saying. if your entire reason for living, the only thing that matters to you in the entire universe, just fucking obliterated himself, i don't think you'd be fully functional and just a tad bit sad over it. sam got half his soul ripped out of him (they are soulmates after all) and he's fine? he can walk on his own, hold a conversation, barely even cry? after all that? after dean became the foundation of his reality, after he almost killed himself because he thought dean didn't love him The Most, after he tried to make a deal with the devil to bring dean back to life, after he caused the apocalypse 2.0 because dean was a bit cranky? so he just says "this is a problem and we have to change" and it's all fixed now? ok.

i'm not saying it's 100% bad (though i certainly don't like it, and this is definitely not the reason i'm watching this show lol), but it just doesn't feel coherent with the story so far, and it doesn't have enough support for it either, especially with 4 more seasons ahead. again: if they get healthy and normal about each other now, then what in the hell are these last 4 seasons even going to be about? it really kills my motivation to keep going, i'm not gonna lie.

i didn't mean to go off on that tangent. anyway i think i'm going to be petty about this and say it's my least favorite season so far. because at least season 6 had good ideas and its issues were almost entirely with its piss-poor execution. this? just felt insulting if i can be quite honest. i worked myself up writing this but i feel more confident in my evaluation of it. from the centering of judeo-christian mythology over all others, to the lack of focus on sam and dean's relationship and their spontaneous borderline-normalcy about each other, to the total flop of what should have been the easiest goddamn plot to sell to my kinky ass, i just thoroughly did not like this season. good fucking riddance.

i'm going to read some wincest fic. wincest writers always give me what i want 💖 i'll pick a show to watch during my detox later, i haven't really thought about it since i was so focused on finishing this season before my birthday (and thank god for that too, if i'd had to watch this then i would have been miserable). anyway that's all i'll stop complaining now :)

[jeglly-bean]

could i ask a bit more about the jade & prospit designations for maruki? i'd found purple & derse to be very telling but i haven't looked at the lists in a while shdjfkgky

minus the 2 points about "dryly macabre" fatalism and "will say out loud what everyone else was thinking" (he tends to hide what he thinks), i say every other sentence really, REALLY with what maruki is like (shibusawa even calling him the most stubborn man in the world).

he's deeply workaholic, will NOT stray from the path he has in mind, and only opened up to why he was really doing all of this to joker in rank 9 (slow to trust). deep down he knew his dream was out of reach but still tried anyways..... not to mention we had like 5 separate bossfight phases around 1) his mind being very difficult to change, and 2) trouble admitting he's mistaken and upset. "strictly monogamous & fiercely devoted" is a given, thinking about anybody besides rumi is impossible for him

(also i wanted to give screenshots as evidence for all these points, but the post would be horrendously long lmao). and of course the derse one is also debatable, but "so much of their identity is built on control" feels like a deadringer idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"rebellion is in their blood" might seem a lil weird at first glance considering he's closer to *imposing* some kinda dictatorship over toppling one, but it just reminds me how from his POV he's "rebelling" against the cruelties deemed acceptable by society (enough to manifest a rebellion outfit like the rest of the PT in the metaverse)

"constantly look towards the future & analyze the past" is also very prevalent with his lofty plans for utopia and his treasure literally being the newspaper of rumi's parents dying (he cannot get over the past, it infests his every thought). throughout his confidant it's incredible how often his insecurities are quickly covered up with self-deprecation, tangents about work, etc. (again, so many screenshots but they aren't worth the length lol)

and of course the "one true path he sees" amongst all the wrong ones is the path he tries to impose on everyone else! at the end of the day hope is 10/10 his aspect i gotta agree tho, absolute bang-on. and since i'm frankly horrendous at designating classes i think whatever u said about sylph probably works??? he's definitely likely to botch up whatever healing he tries to do tho, so rip him i guess lmao

~~~

I totally see where you're coming from tbh. Personally, it didn't feel right making any of the thieves any higher on the hemospectrum than Haru being an indigo, as being a highblood comes with a certain degree of social power, even if the system still oppresses them in some way. While I still believe Maruki is jade, him being purple makes an equal amount of sense given your explanation. You could even go further by stating his minor rewriting of cognitions early on could be a form of reverse chucklevoodoos. The more I think about it, the more purple maruki seems like a reverse dirk strider to me, which is as horrifying as it is hilarious. It could really go either way, but if I were to write a session, I'd still probably keep maruki as a middle-of-the road jadeblood.