#idk where i was going with this it's kinda stream of consciousness but.

[huntershowl-moving]

i find it so fascinating the way seph's ships tend to skew masc. i want to say wtf, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. like — idk my first thought when opening her up to romantic dynamics is that she'd skew femme, because she does have an immense soft spot for women and femmes just in general (more likely to trust, protective of, etc.) but i realized all at once when writing out their bnha verse that like. i don't think she has any goddamn clue how to ACT with girls. at least, the ones who haven't also cut their teeth on violence/crime/etc.

part of it is gender stuff, she never feels fem enough to be One of the Girlies and gets a little bit dysphoric with it even though it's not the girls' fault for just Existing as themselves.

there's also like, this romanticized (but also. tragedized?) view of girlhood in seph's head because of everything she's lost and seen other people lose. they've been forced into a more feminine role than they were comfortable with and witnessed the world from the underestimated, infantilized eyes of a Wife(tm) and they did not like what they saw. girlhood is something that doesn't belong to her, doesn't belong near her, but something she FIERCELY wants to protect.

that's the thing though — protecting something, for persephone, usually means from afar. this especially applies to girls because she had to MORDER her first love on orders from her fuckin boss!!! how do you move past that!!! the reminders are less severe with neutral or masc people, so it's easier to stay close to them.

anyways omg. it's no accident that seph's two girlfriends are like, two of the most physically or magically powerful people she's shipped with LMAO

[funtheysaid]

IWTV 2x02 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)

- ooh the title card changed! I’ve been wanting to see the Eiffel Tower as a “fang” since season two was announced. WE IN PARIS BABY!

- ayooo three-way (interview) incoming

- Daniel’s “Paris sucks” aka “Paris is where my ex-bf is from and he sucks (dick), but not mine anymore, and no, I’m not bitter abt that, his city just fucking stinks (literally)”

- not two minutes in and Devil’s Minion is already flirting bickering

- ALICE MENTION alice!armand truthers are gon love that shit i just know

- “I’ll tell you what a woman is” That’s my sapphic-coded queen!!! 🕯️ pls S2 give me claudeleine 🕯️

- “Gauche” well, yes.

- Loumand: 🥰🥰 Daniel: 🙄 he‘s so second-hand embarrassed for them I can’t

- I mean, it’s crazy. What? We finish each other’s- I WAS WITH HIM FOR LONGER THAN LESTAT WAS WITH HIM WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN DANIEL PUT IT ON RECORD WEVE BEEN FUCKING FOR LIKE DOUBLE THE TIME …that’s what i…was….gonna say?

- Louis would be that faux-intellectual hipster who has his own darkroom full of overexposed and blurry, unfocused photos that are his “art” bc he took them on film (affectionate)

- Not claudia calling him out on it in the next scene “let me think I’m deeper than I am” okay honey you do you

- “She’s miserable but she doesn’t want to fuck with your too delusional left bank dilettante vibes” ahh the narrative foils are foiling, I see

- The show: Alice was pregnant, My dumb ass: OMEGAVERSE DEVILS MINION !?!?

- “joyfully joyless” MOOD.

- Claudia looking at Madeleine like “I don’t know if I want to be her or be with her” Dw babe it’s a rite of passage for all of us you’ll figure it out

- “Your French is ugly” 🥹👉👈 weally?

- “the dress for my body” LOOK I know what she meant, but I can’t help it that my mind is perverted

- LMFAO NOT GLORYHOLE PARK

- okay why Loumand playing with my heart “I will never harm you. And I never have” wtf wtf wtf

-Oh no the ole business card trick! we all know that’s Louis’ kryptonite he loves a man with credentials

- i like girls, but why is santiago kinda…

- Woah the Annika scene was really hard to watch which I think was the point but goddamn idk if I’ll be able to rewatch that part

- Estelle is my self-insert. I’m claiming her.

- “You both fucked Lestat!?!” HOW DID THEY KNOW WE WANTED HIM TO SAY THAT!?

- “He tasted of vermouth and annihilation” We both know you have no earthly idea what that man tastes like, Armand. Be so fucking fr right now.

- Did Armand just casually drop that he had a threesome with a father and son? I’m sorry, sir????

- “Now I know what two blood fat cocks slapping hands feel like” When I tell you my spirit left my body

- oh shit here we go. I’m a caged animal and it’s time for my weekly enrichment. give me my loustat.

- there’s a letter !?!? Wait wait I wasn’t ready for something like this wait stop stop please

- “all my love belongs to you. you are its keeper” just take me out back and shoot me at this point

- “it is a thin veil” fucking fuck why was that so romantic??

- the blood tears welling up in Lestat’s eyes I’m-

- “Rebound of my life” and in that moment, he spoke for the people

- WHAT IS HAPPENING???? Jesus Christ, they were talking about Alice and then it cuts to FUCKING ARMAND!?! This is not a drill. Everyone to your stations, this is not a drill.

- “You sold your Dad’s playboy magazines at recess” Hmmm? You’re telling me a “straight” teenage boy sold porno mags instead of keeping them for himself??? Yeah, I call gay on that one

- “she wanted to say yes” you motherfuckers.

- Oh shit Louis is pissy tonight rawr kitty got claws

- Devils minion girlies are thriving, skin glowing, hair silky, breath minty, pillow cold, stomach full, dreams sweet, and by Jove, we fucking deserve it !!!!

- daniel’s shaky “um- gulp” …….guys this is gonna sound crazy but i think there might actually be a god

- ooh the camera/photography being like a divide or barrier between Louis and his present situation. Like he wants to capture the moments, but only as if an onlooker and not a participant… interesting!

- “Who?” will never not be funny

- “Mon ami” in the same episode as “Mon Cher” FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

- “Armand for you” nah nah nah i changed my mind, you can do like Leatherface and shove that chainsaw in rough and hard

- Close up on Louis’ conflicted face, fire blazing behind him…. That’s not foreboding in any way. I’m sure they’ll all live happily ever after from now on :D

What a ride! Until next week! 🧛‍♂️🩸

[hexgaywire]

LUXIEM Bedtime Routine

Writing type: Headcanons

Rating: SFW

Total Word count: 1036≈(before edits)

Other notes: Implied some sort of established relationship with the reader (you can interpret as platonic or romantic, it's up to you)

Featured?: Ike, Myta, Vox, Luca, and Shu

Author comment: HA! with a blog name like mine you'd expect a XSOLEI headcanons first but gotta keep them guessing ig.... Please enjoy;; my headcanons are a stream of my consciousness if anything; I haven't written anything publicly in like a year ahaha (killme)

Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

Bedtime routine:

Always has a cup of sleepy time tea before bed

Will force you to drink one too (because you both have no sleep schedule <3)

For nights where you both go to sleep on time, skin care routine

Hear me out.... I'm talking face masks, creams the full sends baby

Once all of that is taken care of y'all will eventually change into whatever you sleep in (Oliver-sensei outted Ike the other day for sleeping in only boxers lmfao but that's not relevant)

He will spend at least an hour reading in bed before falling asleep, be prepared with a sleeping eye mask maybe?

Or start a night time books club with him because he will not change this

He is a novelist after all

Once he's done reading and the glasses come off, one of two things will happen

He will fall asleep immediately

Or you guys will be up for the majority of the night talking about deep stuff

You know those sleepovers you have with your homies where it gets deep, that's what I mean

Regardless what time you pass out you are sure to sleep safe next to Ike!

Extras:

Ike doesn't strike me as a guy who likes to cuddle in bed, if anything you accidently snuggle up to him he'll shuffle away from you

He sometimes will fall asleep at his desk which is a habit he only started since streaming, back when he was novelist he didn't have this problem for some reason

Ike sleeps with like one blanket? I hope you like the cold &lt;3

Bedtime routine:

I feel like Mysta's bedtime routine is a wildcard, you never know what he's gunna be doing to eventually end up in bed

You brush your teeth and he goes "OoOOoh I knew I was forgetting to do something."

Sleeping feels more like a chore to him then a necessity

You'll catch this man up at 3 am playing Minecraft and he'll still be like "Oh shit, is it bedtime?"

He's a piece of work to even get him to start to migrate towards the bedroom

Once he finally changes and lays down; he's kind of like Ike, where he'll immediately pass out or will spend hours talking to you

However the conversations are more like "Why is cheddar cheese orange do you think?"

GOOGLE IT IDK I'M TIRED

Once he finally falls asleep he 100% mumbles in his sleep, you find it endearing as you slip on a pair of headphones or earplug's

Extras:

Opposed to Ike; you will wake up either cuddling or being cuddled by Mysta

Despite the struggle to get this man into bed, he sleeps better next to someone

Known to occasionally sleep walk

You found him in the bathtub one time it was kinda scary

He firmly denies this ever happened

Bedtime Routine:

Vox is very ritualist when it comes to bedtime

He's also a very sleepy demon and enjoys maximizing his sleep to its full extent

So with him it's very "no nonsense"

He takes a shower

Blow-dries and cares for his hair

He brushes his teeth (While still in a towel)

Again h e a r m e o u t....

He's a voice demon that came back to life, he has a skincare routine for bedtime (Still in a towel btw)

All luxury products of course

After that he change into something comfy

For some reason after all of that this man sleeps in mismatched socks like a sociopathy

Once y'all lay down he'll watch some stupid memes on his phone of a bit or do some light reading

There is no in between

Once he's done however he is out like a light, usually within an arms reach of you

Extras:

Similarly to Mysta, you will wake up in his arms

It's funny because he insists it's entirely your doing

On the rare occasions where he can't sleep he'll get up and cook something

He says it helps him relax

The delicious aroma however wakes you up and the two of you share a lovely midnight snack

Bedtime Routine:

Luca tends to stay up really late

This is partial because of old work habits (if no ones awake to see you get rid of a body then it isn't a problem)

Luca like Vox though has bit of a ritualist bedtime getting ready routine though

Shower

Brush teeth

Change

Without fall no matter how late into the night (morning) it is

Once in bed, he crashes

The man is out like a light

I think because his bedroom is definitely his own space he feels at ease and can just doze off

It does help that he has a very nice bed I guess too

Once again you know you can sleep safe next to Luca, he wouldn't let anything disturb you

Extras:

Like Mysta, Luca does occasionally talks in his sleep, but not nearly as loud as Mysta does

He doesn't strike me as the cuddling type either, i think if you tired it wake him up

Despite being able to sleep easily he also wakes up super easily

Again probably due to his pat

Fear not though, once Luca let's his gaurd down again he passses out pretty quickly again

Bedtime routine:

Shu, like Ike, has a big cup of tea before bed

He swears up and down that drinking something warm before bed gets you to sleep faster

He's also diligent with his night time hygiene needs

Once again; for the final time, I'm asking you to hear me out

Skin

Care

Routine

You cannot sit here and tell Mr. Shu Sorcerer Yamino (eyyyyyyyyy) doesn't take good care of his skin

Off track but anyway

Kind of like Luca, once he's in bed he is out

I also feel like Shu snores but like not loud? It's kinda like white noise (like listening to ocean??)

Sleep well sweet sorcerer

Extras:

Shu is also not a cuddler, he's more the type to like accidently fall out of bed if you snuggle up to him

He doesn't like feeling the extra body heat on him while he sleeps

Off topic again but he also has a strict morning routine which consists of him getting up early

He's be trying to get you on board but like sleep ya know?

(My request are open plz send me some)

[skuntank]

Random stream of consciousness sex headcanons regarding Karlach and a little bit of Lae'zel and Shadowheart

Even tho Sam Béart has said that Karlach really got around before being sent to Avernus, I have been trying to find where I sit in terms of sexual experience/confidence with Karlach. I definitely do not subscribe to the idea that she's inept in bed, I mean she's definitely more than likely pretty rusty but I feel like she engaged in a lot of casual sex when she was younger so I feel like for her it would be like riding a bike. Clumsy and definitely out of practice, but her enthusiasm and eagerness to make up for lost time would bring her experience flooding back fairly quickly I think.

I also have a VERY hard time seeing her as bashful. Yeah I think she'd be nervous about hopping into the sack with anyone again after so long but I don't think it would really slow her down much. I def think she'd be more on the confident/cocky side, but more in the way that makes you kinda cringe bc she'd have this edge of desperation that she can't really do anything about. Cringe cocky queen who's trying to be suave but is about as smooth as sandpaper. She tries to dirty talk and you have to just kiss her really hard to get her to stop without hurting her feelings. (Why don't I see enough people comment on how silly "I want to ride you till you see stars" is?? Who the fuck says that and thinks it's sexy?? Oh Karlach....)

Ultimately I see her dripping in sincerity and wanting very badly to impress and woo you and coming off as very charming and alluring but not at all in the way she's intended to. Definitely service top material.

I also really enjoy the thought of her having a Dom/sub dynamic with Shadowheart. However I think in terms of BDSM, I can see Shadowheart being the much more experienced one of the two. Imo Shadowheart is a sub (maybe a bit of a brat?) and Karlach getting really excited about the prospect of Domming her but not really knowing what she's doing and Shadowheart being very patient with her and helping Karlach find her footing. I think Karlach would be a bit more anxious than usual starting out but still just as eager as ever. I think it would be fun for her to channel her sexual confidence in this way.

Idk I am just very fond of the idea of an inexperienced Dom finding their way with an experienced sub who is willing to be patient with them.

Unfortunately going back to the whole cringe bit, I think I can see Karlach bumbling at first into the corny Dom persona (comparable to Tumblr daddy Doms perhaps...) and Shadowheart is just. Oh dear oh Karlach sweet girl no please no.

If we were to add Lae'zel into the equation, I think Karlach would be more of a switch, and I've been on the fence about Lae'zel being a switch who leans more towards being a Dom but that's not yet stuff I've completely ironed out in my mind yet

[strang3lov3]

hey i hope youre doing well! would you ever be open to explaining your writing process? i was thinking ab getting back into writing and youve inspired me a ton 🩵 - 🦋

Well hey, I think that’s wonderful 🩷 I’d be happy to share.

1. Inspiration

Everything has to start somewhere. When something inspires me, I jot it down. My notes app is full of weird ideas lol, but it’s helpful to be able to write shit down so I don’t forget anything. I write down ideas, write down dialogue, stuff like that.

Example lol

Lots of things inspire me as a smut writer. Most of the time it’s my own brain, I’m always thinking about dirty disgusting things that I can make my characters do to each other. But I’m often inspired by porn gifs and horny/kinky text posts here on tumblr so I reblog those to a separate blog so I can just scroll on through whenever I need the inspo. It’s like horny Pinterest lol.

2. Play the movie

I spend time envisioning my fic. I make it into a movie, and I make sure I can see and hear everything from beginning to end. I think about details, I think about the way my characters feel. If I can see it clearly in my head, I can write it.

2.5. Talk it out

It’s kind of a floater step lol. Meaning, it’s a step that can happen at any and all points in my writing process. Or perhaps not at all!

I talk to a friend about my idea. Sometimes it’s just that I’m excited and I wanna talk about it, other times I’m looking for their input, sometimes I’m stuck and need help.

But talking about the idea helps me make it even more concrete in my head. Sort of realizes it, in a way. I think my work often benefits from having another pair of eyes or another brain take a look at it.

3. Outline

I’ve talked to a lot of other writers and not everyone does this, but that’s okay. It’s a very important step for me, though.

My outlines aren’t pretty lol. But they look like this:

It’s just my stream of consciousness. I don’t worry about making it pretty or anything like that. I’m just kinda…prewriting? Getting myself comfortable with the fic, writing everything down so I know how it’s going to go. It’s kind of a combination of the movie in my head + the fuck ass notes I’ve jotted down. But it helps, you know? It helps me feel like my idea is solid, gives me something visual to follow along with, which is important for me as a visual person. All of the ideas are there. And if I have more ideas, I can just toss ‘em in the outline too.

3.5. Moodboard

Another floater step. It can happen at any point in the writing process for me.

But making a mood board helps me get inspired. I’ll scroll Pinterest to find pictures that tie into my story, turn them into a pretty little collage thing. It’s another step of the visualization process.

4. Write

Plain and simple. I just write. As I’m writing, I usually find a sort of flow and I just follow that, lose myself in the story.

Sometimes I write in silence, sometimes I listen to music. I have a couple of playlists on Spotify I really like for writing. A lot of the time, I have YouTube on in the background. And I just write, beginning to end, sometimes bouncing around the doc to flesh out certain parts, add notes here and there. It’s a very….idk. Feel it out sorta process.

I think about these things as I write.

See - What do the characters see? What don’t they see? What do I see? What do I want my reader to see?

Hear - What makes noise here? Maxhinery, technology, nature. Who is making noise? What kind of noise?

Taste - Does something taste significant? A kiss? Someone’s skin? Weird taste in the mouth, the air? Does it taste sweet, salty?

Smell - What does the room smell like? What does a character smell like? Perfume, shampoo, sweat, etc.

Feel physically - Where are character’s hands? What physical sensation do they feel? What does their environment feel like? Temperature, is something warm or cold?

Feel inside - Feelings. How characters feel a situation differently. Nervous, dizzy, delirious, happy, etc. What are their thoughts?

Mannerisms - Are they making faces? Pacing? Itching, squirming, showing desire? How do they walk? How do they carry themself?

5. Edit

Once my story is written, I go back through and edit things. I add on, I take away. Stuff like that. Depending on the story and how writing it went, I either do a lot of editing or only a little. Another thing I just feel out.

I’m a firm believer that Times New Roman is the only acceptable font to write in. But this weird thing happens when I’ve been working on a story for a while, where my eyes don’t catch mistakes and I feel like I’m looking at what I think I’m seeing rather than what I’m actually seeing. So I change the font to something new, and it’s kinda like looking at it with a fresh pair of eyes.

I will also have a trusted friend edit. They’ll offer feedback, they offer compliments, reactions, questions, suggestions. We are very up front with each other with expectations. Before editing/betaing, they’ll ask me if I’m looking for constructive criticism or just support + fixing clerical errors. I’ll say “I need you to be gentle with this one” and I can count on them to be gentle. Or I’ll say “I don’t feel confident in this, and I think I need some direction” and they’ll offer suggestions. Or “right now I just need some compliments” lol and they’ll compliment my work and help me feel confident in it.

And that’s my process! I hope this helped 🩵 I think it’s really important to keep reading. Reading helps us write better, helps us better understand what we like and don’t like to write/read.

[tartigglez]

HIIIII CAN I BE 🫧 ANON?? ILY THANKS!!!

could i get diluc (+ ur favs!!) assisting reader who’s hurt in battle :(( jus want my darknight hero to come rescue me 😮‍💨😮‍💨

hi nonnie! sorry it took me a while to get this done. i honestly don't really like what i've come up with but i hope its something along the lines of what you were looking for! also, i decided to make this a oneshot as opposed to hc's, so enjoy!

"do not concern yourself with such matters"

diluc x gn!reader

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort (???)

word count: 900-ish

tags: lol get rescued ig, diluc doesn't know how to interact normally which is lowkey kinda funny, reader gets injured, physical contact/being carried?

tw/cw: cuts, wounds, generally just,, pain? also diluc lowkey just takes the reader to his house while they're unconscious (no negative intent), idk how to put this other than "examining the thighs" of the reader but he's TREATING A CUT OKAY? i think that's it?

a/n: eek this took to long to write bc i was being lazy, so it might feel a little disjointed or as celeste would put it: "might read like a wet dog"

cryo abyss mage.

23:00 

200m from dawn winery.

you awoke with a pounding head, and little to no feeling in any part of your body, blurry vision and barely any consciousness, just feeling icy, freezing. you noticed nothing but pure, vibrant vermillion, before closing your eyes again, not knowing at all what was going on, completely unaware.

23:35

50m from dawn winery

slowly willing your eyes open, in a daze, with your head resting against something warm, comforting, you could hear loud breathing, and some sort of fast movement… running? someone was… carrying you? with it being far too exhausting to stay awake, you closed your eyes once again...

00:30

dawn winery

you awakened in a warm room, in some sort of bed. a cosy blanket covered your legs and waist, and your head rested on soft pillows. you had very little recollection of anything that happened, but still felt oddly safe. upon looking around the room, you saw a few dimly lit lamps, oak furniture, some sort of grand vanity set, and wooden floorboards. 

the stream of thoughts running through your head was interrupted by the entrance of a tall, handsome man, dressed in a black t-shirt and some sort of lounge trousers, wearing thinly rimmed glasses, sporting the same vermillion locks you had envisioned earlier. and he was… carrying two glasses of water? this man was… what was his name? the bartender… ah, yes!

“master ragnvindr? what.. are you doing here? what am i doing here? what happened?”

“there is no need for being so formal, since we’ve spoken before. then again perhaps you don’t remember, you were rather intoxicated. call me diluc. as for what i’m doing here, this is my home, why wouldn’t i be here? as for what happened, and why you are here… i think you might need a lesson on why we shouldn't approach enemies alone, hm?

“but… the abyss mage. it was outside th-”

“i took care of it. don’t worry”

“i-okay”

there was a silence in the room, which was somewhat uncomfortable, awkward, but not unbearable, and you knew it was up to you to break it. 

“what…”

“what happened?”

“i presume from your injuries, and the fact that the mage was no longer shielded that you managed to break its shield before it hit you with an attack. judging by your current symptoms it seems that it hit you with some sort of direct cryo energy to the head, which explains your lack of consciousness” 

“but… why were you…?”

“do not concern yourself with such matters”

“i… but–”

“here, i brought you water. you should focus on recovering for now. how are you feeling?”

he moved himself to sit next to you on the bed, as you sat up to take the glass out of his hand. 

“thanks… i’m okay, just a bit achey”

“achey? did you sustain any other injuries?”

“uh, my leg feels a little weird, but don’t worry about it, i’m sure it’s fine”

"if you are injured, you must tell me.”

“i think it might be cut but… it’s fine, i’ll deal with it”

“where?”

“oh… uh-”

“where.”

his tone was stern, but certainly not angry. somehow gentle but assertive at the same time.

“uh, somewhere on my thigh, i think-”

“give me one moment.”

he got up and abruptly left the room. this diluc -as you now called him- certainly was a strange, strange man…

you then heard the door into the room click closed once again. the man was now holding a first aid kit, and what looked like a pair of shorts… how odd. 

“here, change into these and i’ll have a look at it.”

“but… master diluc, don’t you think that’s a little-”

“a little what?”

“uh, nothing, nevermind…”

“i’ll be back in a few”

“oh, uhm, okay…”

and so, seemingly having no other option, you slowly, somewhat painfully changed into the shorts, noticing a lesion on your right thigh. it wasn’t particularly deep, but it was long, and still bleeding a little bit.

a knock on the door put an end to your thoughts.

“are you done? may i come in?”

“uh… yeah.”

he slowly opened the door, you sitting on his bed looking at your wound, and him looking concerned. he then sat down on the bed beside you, after lifting the first aid kit from the dresser where he had left it. he proceeded to lift some antiseptic out, to start cleaning the wound. 

“here, this might sting a bit”

he pushed the hem of the shorts up your leg a bit so he could have full access to the cut. he then began dabbing at it with the cotton.

“agh, it hurts”

that feeling was immense pain, and you felt a little childish, having your injuries tended to like this.

purely by natural instinct, diluc moved his free hand to one of yours, interlacing your fingers with his and squeezing gently. his hand was warm and calloused, and he was extremely focused on the task at hand, so he didn’t seem to notice you admiring his rather striking features.

“you’re okay, i’m almost done”

you hissed in pain, burying your head into his shoulder out of instinct. thankfully he didn’t seem to mind. 

“there, done. are you alright?"

“yeah, yeah, thank you”

“not a problem. do you need anything else?”

“uh, no, i don’t think so”

“alright, in that case then, i'll be going to bed.”

“wait”

“yes?”

“uh…”

“uh?”

“can you… stay?”

“i was waiting for that”

(au where diluc is secretly a flirty bastard)

[teekays]

so sorry if you don’t want to talk about this, but what’s up with mtkachuk? I’m not really in any of those circles so I don’t see much of him (other than commercials, because one of my greatest passions is watching athletes fail to act after a lifetime of being filmed). I just love it when you go into hater mode, but totally get if this is a “_____ literally doesn’t exist don’t make me think about them” hater beat. keep going strong with your lover and hater lifestyle!!! your passion always makes my day, please keep talking forever and ever

first of all this is VERY SWEET and i appreciate it 🥲💖💐 it always always makes me happy to know people enjoy my goofy little stream of consciousness on here!!! and to answer your question, honestly it's kind of a nebulous, unspecified haterism-- there's no one concrete reason i dislike him, really, and on paper he should be my exact Type Of Guy (annoying, complicated relationship with his dad) it's kinda just a combination of a rancid vibe (to me!!! idk what it is) and also the fact that. and this is perhaps the most hatery part of it. i feel like people mishandle him on a Character Level and that repels me 😭😭😭 like i think he could be deeply interesting and appealing to me but he's been very Fandomized in a way that makes me not very keen on him which is DEF not always a make or break factor (in some cases this can kind of paradoxically make people more interesting to me, as in the case of someone like tz11) but combined with aforementioned rancid vibe... im just not a fan! also i think the florida panthers in general have a smug aura about them that i don't enjoy..... where is your earnest whimsy!!!!! HARD agree on the commercials though i think we need to be making athletes act soooo much more often... sean avery in oppenheimer you will ALWAYS be famous

[spacelazarwolf]

wow this is a stream of consciousness night but also like. i think another reason why a lot of younger queer people didn’t really like bros is bc it’s not for young queer people. it’s for older queer people. and i don’t mean like late 20’s. the main character, bobby, is 40. he grew up in a very different time, and i feel like this line of dialogue kind of explains it:

it sounds kinda harsh but like……it’s true. it is a fundamentally different experience to grow up during a time where gay marriage was being legalized and pride parades were happening than when queer people across the country were dying by the thousands and the rest of the country — and the fucking government — said “good. let them die.” i grew up in the 90’s and 2000’s when the aids epidemic was dying down but homophobia was still very much the norm, and i sometimes feel some of the same cynicism as bobby. and tbh i imagine kids growing up now, particularly trans kids, are going to struggle with this same cynicism as they get older.

which is why i honestly really liked this movie, bc it did start to address this queer cynicism a lot of us struggle with. we’ve fought so hard for decades to be recognized, and where are we now? thousands of us are dead and we still have to put up with the same bullshit. dating is hard because not only is the dating pool smaller but you risk dating someone who hasn’t unpacked their own internalized homophobia, or maybe you still haven’t unpacked your internalized homophobia (which i think is a problem for way more of us than we’d like to admit), and the constant tightrope of demanding to be seen while being told to tone it down. idk. as i get older, i want less of the heartstoppers and more of this kind of messy shit. everything has its place and time, but i think i’m in a place and time for the messy shit.

[ivy-meshle]

Okay I said on Tuesday in the tags I might talk about plurality n stuff wrt myself. Right now this is more stream of consciousness than anything polished, and idk if I’m going to be up to talking about it with people for a few days.

This is gonna get pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut:

(FWIW, I'm mainly using 'I' here, but that's because I've spent so long trying to make sure I keep plurality stuff off of this blog it feels weird to write 'we').

I think it was... fuck, six or seven years ago now? that I first learned what plurality even was, then another year and a half where I just kept thinking about it for weeks on end before I started to maybe consider that the reason I couldn't stop thinking about it was maybe the same reason I couldn't stop thinking about transness after I'd learned about that.

Even now, I'm still hesitant to claim plurality. It feels like a step too far- like I’m overstating things. I don't feel like one person, but I don't know that I feel like more than one, either. Certainly I don't have clear boundaries between one self and another. It’s more akin to distinct patterns of thoughts and behaviors that I feel like I snap between. Neural pathways that open and close.

There is one consistent pattern I've noticed though: when I'm in a period of stress, those distinctions become a lot clearer, and they tend to stay clearer than they were before even after I can unwind. Which is part of why I'm feeling more comfortable talking about plurality now; I know I'm going to be more people, more clearly, in the next four years.

The other major reason is that I want to not feel doubt every time I talk about us, that I'm just deluding myself. And that means that I need to get more used to talking about us.

So, uh, introductions, I guess? I've opted not to introduce characters (fictives(?)), since they tend to come and go more frequently- usually as I write about them. I think it's something about trying to get into their perspective that creates some of the same sort of neural pathways. If they stick around for longer than three months after I stop writing about them, I'll introduce them then. The sole exception here is Nensa, who meets that requirement.

For now: Hunter, 'me', host(?). He/it. Mostly responsible for getting people and things to where they need to be to work. Emotional regulation and planning type things.

Asher. He/ey. Math/physics nerd, problem solver. He handles the homework :Þ

Nensa. They/she. Minecraft Warden hybrid, stoic, helps with handling sensory overload mainly.

Miranda. She/her. Customer service voice social butterfly. When I need to talk to people at the bank or on the phone, she’s the one who takes the wheel.

Blake. He/him. Punk aesthetics and paranoia. He’s the one who keeps us from doxxing myself every other day, but also he keeps us from opening up to people. It’s a balancing act. (He’s very resistant to posting this.)

Dakota. She/her. Probably the first distinct self I identified; basically the face of my RSD. Very sensitive, cries frequently.

Ulyssa. She/it/void. Goth and angry and rude. It formed semi-on-purpose when Hunter decided to treat the negative self talk while I was spiraling like it was a person he could talk to and well. Now she is! Hunter tries to keep it and Dakota separate as much as possible.

Qwerty. It/she/he. Online persona, kinda? It only shows up when we’re on the internet. He’s more in tune with the social norms of the web than the rest of us are.

Anyways. Yeah. IDK. Life is weird and brains are weirder and I don’t necessarily think of myself as a system, but I would count myself as plural. That’s about the long and short of it.

Feels like I ought to say more, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m going to schedule this for, like, 9am my time so that I don’t have to actually hit that post button myself (scary). I also probably won’t be up for talking about this with other people (sorry mutuals!) for at least a few days. Thanks for listening.

( @ivy-meshle so I can rb this in the future )

[wolfofcelestia]

I’m gonna agree with you on the Sylus card cause it was kinda halfassed. Decided to watch it on YouTube since I wanted to save on Zayne’s card but omg it seemed kinda boring. Just my opinion though. The kindled memory was cute but they basically showed the whole memory when they revealed the trailer. Dialogue seemed kinda weird, idk how to describe it but it felt off to me. And several parts when Sylus was speaking were rushed, like at least more than three times. The story seemed kinda rushed too. Idk if it’s just me but it feels like Infold doesn’t know what to do with Sylus’s character which sucks because I really want to know his lore.

AAAAAHHH WOW I didn’t expect it to be that bad

I had a weird feeling when they showed his sped up voice in the PREVIEW but the rest of it sounds horrible, especially since people are paying real money for this halfassed shit

I’ve heard people say that they’ve been starting to use AI for some of the lines. But I do agree some of Sylus’s lines in other memories sound like they weren’t written from the same context/stream of consciousness. Like it was either a really bad translation job or humans didn’t even write it but I’m sure it felt weird for the VA to voice it because it doesn’t sound like a real conversation

I want to believe that this lack of nuance is another instance of mistranslation, but if the whole card was short and halfassed, maybe they are kinda confused about where to take his character

It’s clear that they wanted to make him the big bad sexy guy at first but I think after Nightplumes, people wanted more of his soft side so they kinda don’t know what to do with him anymore

People want to know him on a deeper level, but it feels like they didn’t completely plan that out yet. And if the last event story was anything to go by, the writers for Sylus seem a little… lackluster compared to the writers for Zayne

This newest card looks like it had so much potential, but if they just showed everything like they always did, that’s really disappointing

That’s pretty much my main feeling about infold recently: disappointed

[13eyond13]

For book ask game, no. 13, 14, 18, 25, 26. Thx :D

Ooh thanks for sending me more book asks!

13. Name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaptation:

Watchmen (2009) by Zack Snyder was a pretty mediocre adaptation of the graphic novel by Alan Moore, from what I remember of both of them (haven't revisited either of them in a long time, but distinctly remember having this opinion back when I first read it... like oh ok, so THIS is what it's actually supposed to be like).

I feel like as a director Zack Snyder is very good at creating epic movie trailer moments or music videos with stylish visuals (this trailer for it looked pretty exciting to me at the time it was new):

BUT then once you go to the theater and try to sit through one of his movies they usually just end up being just the most soulless drawn-out superficial and boring stuff, like watching a 3 hour long commercial. From what I remember a lot of the creative and innovative storytelling and the depth in the original Watchmen comic comes entirely from how it is presented to the reader on the page, too (with stuff like the layout of the panels and the stories-within-stories "Black Freighter" chapters that were cut out of the film entirely that cleverly parallel the present-day action, etc). Definitely recommend reading the graphic novel over watching this movie!

14. Name a book where the movie/tv adaptation is better than the original: Requiem for a Dream (2000) was a better experience as a crazy edgy depressing movie than it was as a novel by Hubert Selby Jr. to me:

I first saw this movie without having any idea what to expect when I was about 16, and even though it's pretty shocking in parts and upsetting to watch I remember really loving it back then and thinking of it as one of my favourite films at the time (I think I had a higher tolerance for certain kinds of edgelord stuff in my stories back in those days sometimes too, haha). This movie has always felt bit like a comic or a live action horror cartoon to me somehow? I think that it kinda goes too far a bit and nearly verges on comedy instead of tragedy at the end due to just how absurd and nightmarish it gets, but perhaps that almost unbelievable heightenedness of it all is kind of why it often feels a bit like a comic or a cartoon to me, too. And I still think there's quite a bit here to enjoy even despite the edginess as well. I think the acting is often very good, the soundtrack and the sound effects and the stylish visuals are great, and that the whole thing effectively creates a lot of very strong emotions like tension and dread and tenderness and wistfulness and loneliness and horror. It's maybe the only Darren Aronofsky film I actually like?

HOWEVER whenever I read the book that it was based on a few years ago I could barely get past the stylistic choices of the writer to enjoy what was being said (he wrote it in the 70s in sort of a dated stream-of-consciousness type writing style without many paragraph breaks or any quotation marks for separating the dialogue or the inner monologue from the prose, which I just found really annoying and off-putting to read). And the part about the book I liked the best, which was the colourful and extremely memorable dialogue and the slang that the characters use, was taken almost verbatim from the book and brought to life well on the screen too, so the whole time I was reading it I was just wanting to hear it said by the movie characters again instead. idk, I think it's a movie I'd definitely watch again sometime, but not a book I'd ever read again. Just more entertaining and less of a slog that way.

18. Which character from a book is the most like you?

Oh, very good question! Hmm... there are certain characters I relate to a lot for various reasons, but i don't know if anybody would say I'm extremely like them, probably? Of the books I've read more recently I feel like I'm sort of a bit of a Frodo character or something, maybe... his personality and his peaceful lifestyle before he gets sent on his adventure just feel very much like how I'd probably be living and socializing with everybody in the Shire myself, and the way he handles stuff like the burden of the ring on him and his reasons for doing things and how he worries about his friends who insist on sticking by his side and acts sort of secretive and more reserved feels relatable to me as well.

25. If you could be a character from a book for just one day who would you be and why? (Bonus: any specific day in the story?)

I want to be Wilbur the pig from Charlotte's Web getting a buttermilk bath and then eating the trough full of leftovers he gets (as a kid I remember thinking the lengthy descriptions of all the table scraps he was eating sounded really good for some reason, and the buttermilk bath sounded delicious to me as well lol).

26. If you could be a character from a book for their entire life who would you be and why?

I think it'd be pretty fun to be Lestat from the Vampire Chronicles because from what I remember he never feels guilty or angsty about much for too long, and he just knows how to have a good time no matter what. Even when he gets super bored or super depressed and then goes catatonic for a while he always eventually manages to bounce back and find something or someone new and interesting to get enthusiastic about and involved with again. He experiences things deeply and in an open-minded way while still never getting too burnt out by it or jaded about it either. If ever I were cursed to become immortal then I think his is the kind of personality that would make it the most enjoyable, anyway.

[bookish asks]

[gcldfanged]

Meet the Writer

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

(CANON MUSES) -

Genesis: I actually HATED Genesis initially in the og CC game. I thought he was a lame addition and just like… idk, they wanted Gackt in the game so they made his presence plot relevant? OOOUGH, I was so mad… But then I saw how the rpc and fandom treats him, which is honestly even WORSE SOMEHOW??? So I decided to try writing him seriously and what do you know, I actually kinda like it.

Verdot: I literally have to make the content I wanna see in this rpc, such is my burden. my curse...

(OCs) - I wanted to write about the themes I have on my pinned and honestly, there were so many Tseng rpers who I am friends and mutuals with that knock it out of the fucking ballpark- I just didn't feel like I'd have ANYTHING new or good to contribute to the exploration of his character? So I made an OC :P And he's really changed so much! I remember when I was still making my own art for him and he wasn't QUITE like there the way I wanted him to be, but I didn't have anything better to employ as a faceclaim or reference to draw from. And then Cas was like "btw here's a manga about your HYPERFIXATION" and Kokonoi's general appearance and vibe was a great starting point to go off of instead.

Anyway, There's always things I had planned for Jae in the works or on the backburner, but he has really evolved over the span of years I've been writing him, so I really appreciate every person who took the time to check him out and build something with him.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

You know, I have been becoming more lenient with allowing myself to write certain things. I always end up being afraid of how people will react to certain themes I explore because... let's be real, a lot of people are pretty intolerant to opinions that are different than theirs. So long as whatever I and/or my partner explore is handled with the care and respect it deserves, I don't really see an issue with much anymore. Hell, I was terrified to post that one drabble fleshing out Jae meeting Veld for the first time because I was afraid people would see Jae's reaction to killing someone as somehow 'excusing abuse' because he wasn't dancing on the guy's corpse and actually showed remorse for what he did. It's fears of what I write about being misconstrued like that that really makes me hesitant to even talk about certain ideas with partners. But I'm getting over that, little by little and step by step.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

I actually love writing (as you can tell) introspective pieces. Something where you're really getting inside the character's head for a moment to see past all of their walls and facades, or sometimes you're still seeing what they tell THEMSELVES is the real undiluted truth, but isn't. I just love that kinda stream of consciousness really dig deep into the VOICE of a character exploration. Makes me feel lots of emotions.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

Usually I'll be doing something else like watching a piece of media or listening to a podcast and start to think "Ooh, my muse would love this" or "this makes me think of xyz muse wow", and it just kind of expands organically from there.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

Music helps get me inspired initially, especially since I make spotify playlists for all my muses (and ships :P), so generally I'm cool with music, but usually I zone in too much on my own writing to pay attention. It's like my sense of hearing turns off.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

Both- There's always a general sort of... idea or outcome that me and my partner would LIKE to shoot for? And sometimes we just don't get there, because it really depends on what the characters do/say and how it's taken by the other muse.

For example, I was roleplaying a thread with @steeleidolon's Kunsel where he and Jae are trying to broker a deal and Kunsel ends up saying something to the effect of "your people" and he means the Turks. Jae, on the other hand, hears 'your people' and assumes Kunsel was bringing up his race and the perception of fellow people from Wutai or Hanuel being unfairly insular. So, it kinda went to shit, LOL.

It's little things like that that can color your muse's reaction to sometimes very different degrees than what you plan for!

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

I like complicated dynamics and no, I will never shut up about them. Ships for me don't even have to strictly be romantic or sexual in nature, so like- I have some interactions I'm still feeling out with @saishuu-heiki that are platonic but leaning in a distinctly enemy/frenemy/challenges other person kind of vibe? And I think it's great! They don't HAVE to be like "we're friends, we're lovers, or we hate each other'- Like, limiting all your interactions to one of those three options gets really boring for me...

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

King_Kkeungi is my mangaka pseudonym for the Silent Manga Audition that I tried submitting to last year. People have called me just "King" (if they didn't know how to pronounce Korean) or "Kkeungi" before, so I tend to go by these handles now.

ᴀɢᴇ?

30s, I'm like Dagon: ancient and evil, spoken about in hushed whispers that the zealots who follow my dark lore worship-

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

May 10th

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

Blue-greens like teal and turquoise, soft pastel mint, and pinky-purples

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

Currently? PRIMADONNA by Kedarui! It's a sequel to their other song, Femme Fatale and has amazing lore and characters. It's just got fascinating kinda themes and imagery when you watch them back to back.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

The 2nd DUNE movie, holy crap, I was blown away!

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Hell's Paradise, which I am still TRYING to finish.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Philip by millenium parade, my new go-to Jae song

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

Thai or Vietnamese food *drools*

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Summer... I just love the heat and the sun and the iconic imagery/sounds/themes like eating watermelon and wearing floppy plastic sandals, melting ice cream, hearing the chime of our furin while sitting outside on the porch of the house.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

I talk to regularly (like near every day): @ceaselxss, @annjiru, @phoenixshards, @sadistpet, @nightiingaled. Like talking with a lot: @speedchasing, @ofdeference, @hisnewera, @cwarscars, @contemptim, @steeleidolon, @altrxisme, @hxbiris & @hxvemxnd

The people who have known me the LONGEST are mostly discord only rpers now, but Tricky, HD, Kit, and Vixen I consider to be extremely close to me since we've been friends for... like over or around 6+ years and are still ongoing buddies who have met face to face before.

Then there's my ex-fiancee, but he doesn't do tumblr rp anymore.

This list also doesn't even cover ppl I write with/ooc interacted with over a long period of time like @ivory-paragon, @poeticphoenix, @reapersxfolly, @endweapon, @chthonicsurge, or @dcviltriggcr, so- I like reaching out to people and developing bonds! We don't even have to be on discord capslocking at each other, it's really cool when you can come back to an RPC and still have that connection without any awkward small talk?

[melonyfelonyfellonme]

Cerys thoughts (under a cut bc it's kinda long lmao)

This is just a big stream of consciousness really lol (can u tell I kinda really enjoy character planning lmao, I have so many notes on Cerys alone, it's a bit sad hahaha)

Yes she had a lottt of friends growing up, both in her clan and also in the city itself. It's where she began to feel that tug of doubt over who she really is, what she really believes, etc

She'd seen city elves being treated horribly, been at the receiving end of racist treatment more than once, and honestly, I think if she didn't join the Crows, she'd have likely been a Shadow Dragon (had she also been closer to Tevinter, I guess). Her clan had taken in many elves who needed the support. Some stayed, others left for pastures new (including following Fen'harel, as mentioned at the end of Trespasser). Some tried to get her to follow, but she really wasn't certain that was a good idea (plus, given her own identity crises, adding "possible agent of ancient Elven god she'd been warned about" to that would have.. not gone well lmao)

She talks a lot when she's nervous, and for someone who already has a reputation in her family for being a bit gregarious, let's just say it's an almost endless stream of consciousness

Honestly her clan aren't too happy at the idea of her dating/marrying a Crow, never mind being one.. but the income's decent

The marriage was spur of the moment, and neither of them planned it well. Does it hold up legally? Probably not, but it was an impulsive decision on both of their parts (bc they were young and foolish)

After her husband's death, she confides in his best friend, who tells her that should she find someone again, they should be someone normal: someone she can come home to, who is stable (in that, they won't be randomly sent to idk Tevinter and not come back), etc. Yeah, that worked out well(!!)

She does love an argument though; all through her life she just enjoys a battle of smarts against people (again, likely due to that uncertainty of whom she is, so if she challenges someone on their beliefs or viewpoints, she can become more certain in hers; if she challenges authority, she can become more certain that she's doing the right thing if they appear certain of themselves. It wins her no favours with her Keeper nor her Talon)

I'd say around the time Veilguard begins, she's a bit less trusting of people than she used to be. She's polite enough but it takes a while for her to be fully trusting. That doesn't mean she isn't going to talk their ears off though

She used to be a lot more bubbly and energetic, but as she's gotten older/experienced more grief and uncertainty, she became a bit more reserved and sarcastic. A bit moody.

As much as she likes to argue with authority, she does actually feel incredibly anxious about if she's even competent at what she does. Fine as an apprentice, but your first two missions go incredibly wrong? Okay sure, made it up a little with the next mission but it's hard not to feel like you've let your house down a bit

(More to be added probably)

[liam-zor-el]

stream of consciousness ramble post about about james gunn's dc universe and my low hopes for supergirl in it ahead!! you've been warned

i know it's been soo long since the whole james gunn announcement but man do i have low hopes for supergirl in the new dc movie universe. like im open to being surprised but. from the info we have i just dont think it's gunna be great.

like just for starters i dont think woman of tomorrow is a good comic to adapt, especially in live action. if it were animated i suppose it could work? but the comic itself just relies so heavily on bilquis evely and mat lopes' art that it just. i dont think it can work without it. also the narration feels like it works best in the comic and i dont know how they would do it in a movie. i suppose there is a way they could adapt it into live action? but i can't really think of one and honestly at base level i don't really want them too. it is good as a comic idk. it doesnt need an adaptation.

i also just think woman of tomorrow is a terrible first movie for supergirl. because the options are 1) they introduce her as a teen and then timeskip to woman of tomorrow which. would suck. why would you skip all that. 2) she comes to earth as a grown woman which i suppose could work as an approach? but also i think it takes away a lot of interesting parts of her story and character and also the kinda. buildup necessary for woman of tomorrow to actually be impactful. or 3) they make woman of tomorrow happen when she's younger. i do not like this idea at all. many reasons. but just. dont like it at all.

so yeah! just at base level i think wot is a terrible way to start off kara's character and doing it first very much limits the possibilities for her (also because it hasn't been that long since it happened in the comics so they dont really have a reference on where to go from there but. whatever) and my hopes are not high!

....... aaaaall that being said i will be first in line to watch the movie no matter what because i am ride or die for kara so in the end my complaints dont really matter because the movie is getting my money anyway!!

[gayskogul]

So I would like all your thoughts on Andrew's letter at the end of The Charioteer....

If this is your way of saying "I know you just stand on the sidelines and never join in our discussions bitch. pspspsps lets talk about andrew," know that it's gonna work. Let me preface this with 1) I'm illiterate hehe and 2) I didn't do the re-read this year, and the last (and first!) time I've read TC was aug 2022. So this is gonna be me noting stuff down as I re-read the passage now. There will inevitably be some context and earlier moments I'm forgetting, sorry bout that.

So the first thing I'm noticing is that when Laurie disguises his letter with his paper, Mary's been kind enough to tell us that it's right next to a list of downed planes and lost pilots. Thanks for setting the tone, Mary! Now I know how this is gonna sting lol. Next, I notice that by god does Andrew ramble! After his introductory bit where he's saying he's tried writing a couple of times and is moving to London, the words really tumble over each other. It feels very verbal to me; he really writes like he speaks, doesn't he? But I'm guessing that's because he's anxious to put such dangerous thoughts on paper. He's just decked a fella, become disillusioned in his beliefs abt pacifism etc., admitting he has romantic feelings for another man, and quite overtly at that. And then he's like "I thought you felt the same", and that it's all confusing to sift through that without Laurie there ("I found I couldn't see things so clearly when I was alone"). It's all so... raw and earnest, which is just so Andrew imo. That said, him only snapping after Bunny taunts him about Ralph and Laurie's relationship is low key very funny but yeah- he's probably had these home of sexual thoughts swimming around, then had them plucked out of his heat and then thrown back at him by (who he thinks is) his love interest's boyfriend. That must have been mortifying to hear aloud, and it must have sucked to realise that Bunny's taunt was true. These couple of lines, "But it taught me something. The thing you want to kill is really in yourself", is so heartbreaking idk.

Then he goes on to say "ok cool im gay. i guess. my pacifism is a lie. Maybe it always was? anyway im gonna go throw myself under the worst of the blitz, thanks for the kiss." To which I think... girl, same. (stream of consciousness tangent: laurie why do all your boyfriends keep trying to off themselves? Can someone go check up on charles????) And then he's ending his letter begging Laurie to deny his relationship with Ralph and my heart just fully breaks for him. I know I'm notoriously sympathetic to Andrew but imagine writing that kind of thing in a letter to somebody! Something I hadn't remembered is how assertive he is that there's nothing happening between Laurie and Ralph. "Will you please tell me yourself that there is nothing in what he said about you and him? Of course I know there isn't." Now that I read this back, I reckon it has the potential to come off as quite arrogant, depending on how one feels towards Andrew. But then he writes, "But somehow it has got a hold on me; I can't get it out of my mind", and I swing towards thinking that oh noooo, he's so not coping. The whole thing is just kinda painful to read through - but it's such a strong read!

Fig. 1. August 25, 2022. A second plane his hit the Quakenation towers.

I think why Andrew's ending sits with me like a sad, little icy splinter in my heart is because I just feel bad for the poor guy. He basically falls in love with a man, and then quite rapidly undergoes loads of realisations about that (and other beliefs about himself), and then has them violently blow up on him. Then he kinda... doesn't really get any closure? Not that we can see in the text, anyway. Like who knows if Laurie ever does write, even if it's just to follow Dave's (cold imo) advice of writing to him "when you feel he's needing it, not when you feel you must".

I'm not sure if this is just a madman's ravings at this point, clutching at straws for a reading but it boils down to me acknowledging how difficult it can be to come to terms with your queerness (and most of us have got it much easier, comparatively), and I know Laurie knows that, and could probably have helped Andrew out. Let him know he’s not alone, or whatever. I'm not saying he should have ended up with Andrew romantically—nor does he have any obligation to do anything, really—but he's been in that place mentally fairly recently and he's just seen that Dave's a bit weird about it. Considering that he'd felt so strongly about Andrew, it's a bit of a bummer that he just goes along with what Dave says and heads off. It's very sweet and poetic to leave him the copy of the Phaedrus, but girl... how well adjusted did that make the other two, lmao. Ultimately, that might keep Andrew out of trouble, but we know he can be quite stubborn and I reckon it'll probably not make it much easier for him in the long run. Dave and Laurie keep trying to be so protective of him that he doesn’t really get a chance to do anything!

[violet-moonstone]

got lost in a daydream today about my httyd oc (who im thinking of naming Amani? I have a list of names I typically go with for self insert characters in fantasy and that's one of them. let's go with that for now)

anyway i really wanted to write down the full scene but i lacked the energy so now i just have a vague recollection of it. i could turn these scenes into a multichapter fic but honestly idc how interested people are in reading a story thats essentially a self ship with dagur and sometimes hiccup

the scene takes place in the midpoint of the story, where dagur has just gotten himself locked up in outcast prison and the council on berserker island has just found out. amani (his wife) is freaking out because they dont have any heirs (yet - shes believes she's pregnant but pretty much no one knows yet) and she has a growing suspicion that some of the more powerful berserkers are going to try to get rid of her so that they can rule.

more below the cut that gets increasingly stream of consciousness

during the meeting she's trying her best to make herself look like a strong candidate without just outright making it clear that she knows most of them arent behind her. she announces the pregnancy and dispels any worries about how sure it is that the baby will make it to adulthood.

one particularly unpleasant member of the council makes a comment about barbaric archipelago winters being harsh - perhaps it is easy to survive in whatever sunny part of the world she's from, but in the north, babes must be hearty and strong to survive past infancy and childhood.

she demands if he's questioning the strength of dagur and oswalds bloodline and that makes him back down to a certain extent - but the reality she has to face is that dagur's gone and she really has no guarantee that the pregnancy will go well. and even if it does, just one heir with a mother most view as an outsider is still shaky ground

when council members question who will lead in dagurs absense, she says the council will lead until the situation with dagur is figured out - she has a plan to petition alvin about his imprisonment, but this is shot down because "berserkers dont ask for things - they take what they want" - this of course coming from someone she suspects has no real interest in dagur's freedom. if they were loyal to him, they might form a rescue team or even declare war - but she doubts that that will happen.

as the meeting goes on she can feel herself losing a good portion of the room. she also feels increasingly sick and she cant tell if its from worry or the pregnancy.

finally when the meetings finished she goes back to her house. and theennn there are some details i dont have figured out - theres an attempt on her life thats interrupted by a loyal guard or council member who then helps her find safe passage to an island somewhere further away (but still in or near the archipelago? idk. she doesnt go back to her homeland...perhaps because she doesnt want to risk travelling long distances and especially not while pregnant...but also...i kinda want her to be relatively nearby for the story)

uhh yeah i need a name for this story. realistically i wont have time to type it out in prose any time soon but i might make summaries of the most important moments and post those. maybe with some art? idk. i just really really like it