#idk what’s even wrong
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heh heh heh…I’m going to make lain feel really BAD!!!!!!!!! -my body. My heart tummy
#idk what’s even wrong#it feels like my heart is messed up#but I measured my pulse with my blood pressure thing#and it’s 81#which is apparently normal-ish#so idk…..#well it said I’m like pre hypertensive or whatever#but it always says that shit#I’m over it#lain speaks
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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Never drawing again
#literally#bc SiLvEr WAS NOT WANTING TO BE DRAWN#Idk what I was doing wrong but silver was not silvering#it was horrible#it’s 3 am I’m tired#good night 💪😔#twisted wonderland#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#kalim al asim#jamil viper#floyd leech#jade leech#twst silver#malleus draconia#I don’t even like these anymore that’s how long I took aughh lol
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Funniest bit of the dnd movie is Xenk clearly being an NPC the DM introduced for lore and plot purposes who’s a competent fighter because of course he is, his reputation and backstory require it. But whoopsies the DM made him too powerful, the whole party likes him, and now they want him to come with to fight the BBEG which will completely and utterly fuck up the encounter balance
So instead of there being any actual plot reason he can’t join Xenk just says “I can’t. This is something only you can do.” And then walks off, never to interact with the party again because the DM just knows those little shits will find a way to use their OP creation against them
#but this movie was fun! clearly understood and had fun with its source material without being pure fan service#like don’t get me wrong there was fan service and jokes but I feel like even not knowing dnd you could enjoy it#I also really liked how you could tell what each spell was as it was cast even if they weren’t named! my wizard main self was so excited lol#xenk yendar#dungeons and dragons#honor among thieves#dungeons and dragons honor among thieves#dungeons and dragons movie#dnd#idk what we’re tagging this with gang so I went with all of it
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it's so SO fucked up that the buddie thesis of the show has been there since s02 e08 with Thomas telling Buck "you don't find it, son, you make it", and ever since then Buck has found person after person and has kept reaching and reaching for one of them to love him, not understanding why he can't make it work, while at the same time building a home, a haven, with Eddie. he's been making it this WHOLE TIME and 6 seasons later, he STILL thinks he doesn't have it
#and i am going to TEAR MY HAIR OUT#realizing next episode is mid season finale AND also episode 8. like Buck Actually.#which probably means nothing. yeah it means nothing thats reaching even for me#911 abc#buddie#entry#evan buckley#idk if this makes sense. imdubious of my use of ''thesis'' here but i cant think of better phrasing#also it is 5 am. i am going to sleep they are making me CRAZY#og my GODDD what the fuck is wrong with them. good sir open thine EYES.
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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Cain instinct strong enough to traverse time and space
#submas#EMMETS MUFFIN#poor ingo wont even know what he did wrong random man attacks him in a snowland#violance again#like cain and abel brothers idk i dont subscribe to the lore#'sir ingo is gone :(' poor coworkers are like now theyre BOTH gone
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"While all this is happening, Orym has gone full shell shock mode. He's not talking anymore. He's going to go slump down onto a rock and is listening to all the debating at this point and he doesn't know what to do. He's been so sure for so long, and doesn't know what to do. Going in feels so wrong to him. But he hears the logic that it's only a matter of time before someone or something, a day from now, a year from now, six months from now. And just let's them figure it out, because he's took all his energy to make it to this point."
- Liam, C3E118
#some people heard “he hears the logic” and ran away with that#this is not orym changing his mind#this is orym not knowing what to do#i interpreted “hearing the logic” as understanding the logic#just because he gets the reasoning doesn't automatically mean he agrees with the idea#i can sum it up as “i get that someone will go in eventually but idk if that means we have to go in because it feels like a bad idea”#at least that's how i saw it#i could be wrong#he has no energy to think and will let the rest of bh do the thinking#and orym will follow along#similarly to a soldier#reminds me of episode 39 when he said that he “wasn't paid to think”#i haven't even talked about orym being shell shocked yet#it makes sense of course he's shell shocked#in his shoes#i can picture this little soldier with a thousand yard stare#also i love that liam used that specific term#because while everyone uses the term#it originates from wwi to describe soldiers#orym of the air ashari#orym#c3e118#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers
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the whole "jason rules crime alley and none of the other bats are allowed there!!1!" thing is so funny like. tim LITERALLY lives in the theater where bruce's parents died,
#rimi talks#sorry. thought about tim doing that again. what is WRONG with him kfjshakjdshfkjd#WITHOUT EVEN TELLING BRUCE UNTIL AFTER HED ALREADY DONE IT TOO.#TIMOTHY. WHY.#this is the other thing abt why i just dont like seeing jtodd in fanwork#whenever he appears like 99% of the time its in a way that is directly contradictory to actual comics#the 1% of people who actually read the comics and write him in such a way? fine great awesome!!#however i still am filtering that bitch out because hes kind of a catch-all for the most annoying batfanon tropes.#because. yknow. theres no other tags to filter out bc they dont Fucking tag it#alas. oh well. anyways can we go back to going hey tim what is wrong with you#because for real i think he got off way too easy for this one.#forget identity reveals i want the core four sleepover where tim's apartment gets its lore reveal#give me cassie doing such a dramatic spit take that she gets ice cream on the ceiling. picks up tim like a weasel. and goes WHY???#and hes just like. idk seemed like the right thing to do :)#tim
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hello everyone please accept this as my apology for disappearing off the face of the earth for a second time <3
NO SHIP HATE IN THE NOTES PLEASE this is meant to be silly
#i know creek is more popular than style but i simply HAD to put them as random canon yaoi because that’s literally what they are#and kyman isn’t really tragic or canon but it made me laugh to put it there soooo#NO HATE TO HEIMAN the ship is actually so interesting and i know there are people who enjoy it#never seen a tolkole or bunny hater but i could be wrong idk#don’t mind me casually pushing the revin agenda#i know i used their breakup picture BUT ITS THE ONLY ONE I COULD FIND#matt and trey should make them stand next to each other more often#i actually love firkle x ike and karen x tricia but it is objectively silly#i don’t even know what i mean about cartman and butters but i know i’m right#stendy#style sp#sp style#fike#sp fike#kyman#heiman#tolkien x nichole#karen x tricia#sp bunny#scyde#sp creek#revin#sp revin#cartters#sp buttman#south park
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scenes that make me wanna eat drywall dust
#qkdraws#id in alt#haikyuu#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#tumblr can't even handle 4k images i had to compress this one. smh#did some layer fuckery to get the motion blur to work. the screenshots of this fuckery r kinda silly#this bitch rly is pieced together like a puzzle. kageyama himself is like.sliced in twain.#twain.that's a fun word#i've learned from past projects that blurring specific parts of an image is more complicated than just pressing the blur button#example: the blurring around lumen's hands in that suncaster pic of them all lying down in the grass#(i recognize a lot of people who will see this will see it in the haikyuu tag and have no idea who that is.roll w it)#the edges of her hands r still sharp in that image bc <3 i did it wrong<3#idk how to explain it but like#if u don't Also draw what's underneath whatever ur blurring it will not look right#especially if all ur colors r neatly snuggled up together and not overlapping (which i tend to snuggle them instead of overlap)#then the colors ur blurring have an empty Canvas Color beneath them that pokes out#this is prolly common knowledge to most people. in retrospect it seems like common sense. however (doesn't elaborate)
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im so bored so AU lore drop in the middle of the night
I did this in ms paint and yes I was lazy so it looks shitty a bit on purpose
does this mean anything? no. I will continue to draw feral lesbians ripping each other apart because this is just a dumb comfort au
#any questions or anything through my pipebomb mail please#art#fanart#my art#doodles#lore stuff#splatoon#splatoon art#splatoon fanart#splatoon fan art#splatoon au#splatoon fuzzy au#fuzzy au#au lore#splatoon marina#splatoon pearl#splatoon acht#splatoon mr grizz#splatoon callie#splatoon marie#splatoon shiver#splatoon frye#splatoon 3#splat 3#octolings#inklings#yknow this is a bit cringe to me for some reason. idk I feel like a child with their crazy nonsensical stories#I was one of those when I was younger. Always made creatures and even entire worlds#With their lore and their abilities and their stories n shit. I miss being that kid and not fearing anyone saying my story is shit#i kinda don't want to post this bc it's so lazy and there's info missing but oh well what could possibly go wrong lol
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oh no people don't know that one billion lions vs one of every pokemon is literally just sharks are smooth as hell 2. it's put your finger in the barrel of the gun to stop the bullet 2
#words from the monarch#its obvious if you think abt it for even a moment that one of every pokemon would win. sayinf 'but its one billion lions' is the joke#like 'sharks are smooth as hell' and 'put your finger in the barrel of the gun to stop the bullet' you are arguing with a brick wall#the joke is Yes Obviously the one side is wrong. obviously sharks arent smooth and obviously the gun would blow your hand apart. they ar#they are brick walling your explanation with 'idk whats wrong w your hands sharks are smooth' and 'no your finger would stop it'
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what do you mean I'm not actually watching two beautiful women on the stage right now??
#gosh they just play women characters soooo well#also love how Tom as Amanda was like 'gay? they want me to be gay? OKAY IT'S SAPPHIC PINING TIME'#THE KISS ON CLARISSA'S SHOULDER I didn't even notice before#idk why when I think about the title my mind does shit like “Clarissa's final petal” or “Clarissa's secret pocket” what is wrong with me#anyway I love this play#Clarissa's DIY Wedding#shoot from the hip#sfth#shootimpro#luke manning#tom mayo#sfth luke#sfth tom#own post
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It’s been a long dry spell for WinterHawk!
#bucky barnes#winterhawk#clint barton#marvel rivals#please read the tags#you guys liked the “wrong colored white suit” i made Clint wear so here's more#the poll wanted more winterhawk thirst traps so um here to deliver#guys i hope you are feeling like a fish in the desert in hell#hawkeye#the winter soldier#I just idk.... I tried to make Bucky look super frustrated from the phone call to the sparing where he delayed to let Clint go.#Like he wasn't paying attention to what Clint was saying at the moment because he was lost in his mind.#But this time it was about Clint's body and not his angsty reasons that made him unable to sleep at first.#And I wanted Clint to be chill at first with his buggy shirt and coffee. And I wanted the moment of realization....#about how hot clint is under the buggy clothes. And I wanted to do also the white suit that I mistakenly did the previous time.#Also they were both awake. Clint was drinking coffee when Bucky called#And I just wanted to show that conection before I showed you the sparing pictures. Because they have that conection.#Bucky isn't feeling good and his head is a mess. So he called Clint.#Bucky would be even more frustrated when he'll notice what Clint is saying#and would imitately let him go when Clint said “enough sparing for today”. Bucky probably wouldn't know what to do after.#thats what was on my mind when i made this#clintbucky#marvel#fanart
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I actually really love that we see Helena's palpable hesitation about going back to the severed floor. We know that this has all been a publicity thing for her and it's about helping Lumon, so she's really invested in the outcome, but like. from her POV, she's literally letting someone who actively hates her and everything she stands for, and also has a proven willingness to hurt herself if it means hurting Helena, who now knows who she is and her significance to Lumon, pilot her body for 8 hours every day in an environment where they've repeatedly failed to control her. If I were her, I'd be genuinely surprised to wake up with my limbs intact.
You already questioned why on earth she'd come back after Helly's suicide attempt, and the identity reveal explains the reasoning, but on a human level that's still a wild thing to have to think about. This person (who is you but also isn't) almost succeeded in killing you, and like a week later you let them pilot your body again like nothing happened. How could you not be terrified?
#they might play this as like disgust at being an innie or fear of failure or whatever later on but that's how it seemed to me at least rn#like dont get me wrong what helena is doing/supporting is evil this isnt me feeling bad for her im just glad they're actually showing the#reality of how that would feel on a human level and adding that dimensionality to her character. like the mark and gemma thing was more#immediately striking to me psychologically but i feel like the helly helena dynamic has such rich potential. you see how intense and#headstrong helly is and you have to wonder a bit about what she's like on the outside and where this fire comes from and then you see#outside her and its like. oh. of course. there's the exact same intensity and energy its just projected the opposite way. of course someone#like helena would refuse to cooperate and be ready to burn this place down and even end her own life to get at the person who stuck her her#its like the most literal version of the 'the things you hate most in other people often reflect what you fear being/dislike about yourself#idea except in this case you literally share a body with that person#idk there's just a lot there#helly r#severance#severance season 2#helena eagan
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