#idk what the ship name would be so lets just say…
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friends!
i got a chance to get a commission done by Timiko! look!
im so in love with this!
thank you again @timietate! i can’t express how much i love this! 😭🩷
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watched brokeback mountain yesterday.... mid as fuck. i think it wouldve played out a lot better if the main characters were yuri and jimmy from yarichin bitch club. do u see my vision?
#brokeback mountain#yarichin bitch club#yarichin b club#toru fujisaki#yuri ayato#ybc#ybc jimmy#yuritoru#idk their fuckin ship name#im a gay male im allowed to say brokeback mountain actually fucking sucks#i get what its doing yknow time period repression tragedy wrong time wrong place BUT GODDD I JUST DONT CARE#I DONT CARE IT SUCKS AND CHEATING TURNS ME OFF SO BAD#its like good in a technical skill way okay its a well made movie but my enjoyment was a solid 2/10 i could only watch it wif my friends#main way this could be improved is if the main characters were jimmy and yuri#if yuri and jimmy were doing this shit.... lets just say they wouldnt be hatecrimed to death for being gay#theyd be begged to leave town purely bc theyre both batshit insane and jimmy would accidentally kill 17 people via homemade cookie poisoning#draws#**obama voice** just to be queer. i traced over screenshots for this shitpost. that is all
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bro is inquisitive
#thinking of the possibilities of how it could be worse it's funny how you start to get addicted to thinking like a danmei writer#you are like anddd what if this person was (insert a guy who coughed once in chapter 15) anyways#i managed to not get many spoilers bc i hate it but i have always suspected that shi mei had a thing for cwn firstly bc i once saw a ship#tag and was like ?? well that is not uncommon as people ship shrek with chanyeol (im people) but secondly after that scene where mo ran#pinky interrogated him i was sooo 100% sure of it. but then there was nothing much so i let it go. the one mini spoiler i saw was#the enemy on pinterest who replied to a pic of a character saying it was shi mei/other name (didn't look at it) so it was why i knew#he was classically someone else. but even without that his ass was raising suspicion just for the way how blank he was#and i knew it was intentional so i kept thinking who he could be and my guess was xu shuanglin (rest in pieces poor guy)#bc i thought that both of them had the same spiritual essence or something. also the guy in the motel at the beginning who also had water#essense could only be either of them. but this is not the point bc then i was thinking that shi mei was simultaneously mo nian#bc why would he have the reason to be annoyed with mo ran to that extent. and also bc i knew there was a fire and hua binance has face burn#but mo ran chopped his head off bless his souls and good for him so how else can that be worse#he could also be that child of nangong yan who had his mother die bc of mo ran and mom he would also have a reason to try and compare#himself to mo ran in every way and hate him but why would he need to store nangong blood for mount jiao is he is nangong himself#but that would be great for disgusting points bc he would be mo ran's half brother doing all that ??#im just taking a break from throwing up bc of his ass trying to assault cwn every chance he gets and idk anything yet#so it would be interesting to keep guessing his motives as i do not get it yet but also (procceed to throw up)#also his interactions with corpse taxian ?? god tier. taxian is in the middle of diss battle drops his mic after every sentence#the crowd (me) cheers. moving on but i really enjoy insane plot twists i wish i remembered well what i was thinking while reading tgcf#the widely known thing is that i didn't even consider that fu yao and nan feng were fengqing it's my favorite thing bc i wholeheartedly#believed the little guys just loved their generals way too much#00
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OHHH ANOTHER THOUGHT!!!!!!!
idk how the porn community works HALSJKS but if its a thing to like ….. ship them ig??? … how would rafe react to r’s video with another dude being posted on twitter (maybe the first vid she’s made since her vid with rafe) and everyone’s in the comments being like “omg yas this is so hot!!!” “omg this is so much better than her and rafe!!” BALJEKS IDK
the first time someone’s talked negatively about him and it’s actually effected him 😅 he doesn’t like this ego being bruised
It was rare that Rafe checked social media, he just didn’t care about what people thought. He was pornstar and was used to being judged for his career choice and especially for the brutal way he fucked his costars. It was the Twitter notification he got though, with his name and your name tagged along with someone else’s who he didn’t know that caught his attention.
He opened the video, his blue eyes darkening as soon as he saw what it was. It was some nobody with a dick half the size of his, trying to make you cum. He could tell by the moans you were giving that it was all an act, and it ignited something in him he didn’t like. Watching another man fuck you, even if it was your job wasn’t something he particularly was a fan of. He had always loved pussy and money, and never once thought of ever quitting his rather successful porn career for anyone, until you started occupying his mind all day every day. He just couldn’t bring himself to end it yet, his addiction to sex and money way too deep.
As he went to exit out the app, a comment caught his eye. “Wow. She’s a pro at taking dick.” He scoffed as he read it out loud. What dick were you takin? That clown was the size of a pinky compared to him. It was the next one down that had his head raging in a way he had never experienced. ‘Her and @therafecameron video was weak compared to this. 🤣’ He seethed, these stupid idiots comments getting to him and bruising his extremely high ego. His knee bounced rapidly, thumb at the edge of his mouth as his mind raced wildly.
It was the phone, turned into landscape mode as Rafe’s long arm aimed it down to let it capture you taking dick. His free hand was wrapped in your hair, yanking your head back as he drilled into you at a brutal speed. The makeup you had on was smeared, tears streaming down your sparkly cheeks as he had some point to prove. He didn’t exactly say what, but it was a chance to get fucked by the man you were becoming obsessed with.
“Who’s fucking dick are you takin?” Rafe asked, his voice dripping venom as he yanked your head to make you look at him. His blue eyes, peered down at you in a predatory manner as he forced you to give him an answer.
The answer you gave was incoherent, your words coming out in babbles as an insane amount of pleasure was taking over your body. Your eyes rolled back, his huge dick tearing you apart as he wrapped his fist around your hair even harder. The phone that was recording the raw homemade scene was now shoved in your face, his hand on your head forcing you to look at the lens.
You were still so pretty, completely cock drunk off his monstrous ways as you were being his good personal whore. He leaned down, mustache brushing over your ear as he looked at the camera. It was quite a sexy sight to see his wild hair and striking blue iris’s making eye contact with the phone. “Tell them who’s dick your fuckin takin.” He spoke lowly, eyes watching your face through the screen. “Don’t make me repeat myself, I swear you’ll fucking regret it.” He gritted out, toned hips slapping against yours.
You cried out, his hand removing itself from your head to force your chin to look at the camera. You had no choice but to let out a loud whine, screaming the man’s name that you just wanted as yours. “Rafe Cameron! I’m t-takin Rafe Cameron’s dick!” Your voice cracking as you clamped down onto his cock.
As soon as heard that, a smirk came to his face and his nuts tightened. He tilted your chin towards him, sloppily kissing you with his tongue as the camera caught something Rafe never did with anyone. If the kissing wasn’t enough to make people a little shocked, it was that he posted it to his Twitter account, caption reading ‘The only dick that can get her screaming 😱 remember the fucking name bitches.’
#rafe cameron#pornstar!rafe#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron concepts#rafe concepts#outerbanks rafe#rafe outer banks#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#obx#obx smut#outer banks
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I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.
A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.
However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.
I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."
I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.
I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.
While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.
I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.
Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.
AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.
What are these acronyms?
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Hehe imma send multiple
Maybe something like bf Jungwon & y/n being shy w skin ship but like both of y’all are clingy idk how to explain it
HOLD ME TIGHT
a/n: why is this me. like I am clingy but I am so shy on skinship and plus I constantly overthink things😪 also so sorry if this was bad 😭
both you and jungwon were currently at a cat cafe. since, you wanted to play around with the cats. jungwon nuzzles his nose right on the kitten in his hands. He smiles and continues to do so over and over again as the kitten attempts to lick his nose. All of this happening right in front of you and you can’t help but feel a little sad.
well the better term would be jealousy. as you could say since the kitten was pretty much getting his attention way more than you. you were just a witness to the cute action that was happening in front of you. you craved for this type of cute affection with jungwon. however, you weren't that brave to voice out your own thoughts.
while other couples in public could easily display affection, you can't help but get shy over it. it made you feel disappointed in yourself. why couldn't you over come this awkward feeling. you had a boyfriend that was probably more than ready to give you affection you craved but you always hesitated to do so.
"(name), look. this kitten keeps meowing back whenever i meow." jungwon calls out, seemingly pulling you out of your small bubble of thoughts.
he meows and the kitten meows back. he laughs before pecking the kitten's small head. oh how adorable he was. you didn't understand his cute little tangents he liked to go on whenever you two hang out. sometimes, you even wondered if he was a cat. he seemed so...cat-like and playful.
you opened your mouth to say something but nothing really comes out, it was like the words that you wanted to express to him were not coming out. "jungwon?"
he hums, "yes, baby?" he continues to give the kitten a little more attention but stops a to look up at you.
"i- nevermind." he could sense the slight hesitation in your voice and so he carefully puts the kitten down.
"is there something wrong?"
"it's nothing. just something stupid." you brushed it off but jungwon goes to hold your hand which he rarely does since he too was shy with skinship. this was a big step that jungwon took and it was completely out of concern and love.
"tell me, i want to know whenever you're struggling." he lightly squeezes your hand. his adorable cat-like eyes staring into yours.
"i- can we cuddle?" you hesitantly voiced out.
"of course, we're dating. why can't we do that?"
"i know but...i'm scared that you might not want to cuddle. besides, we are still early in our relationship." you pout.
jungwon tilts his head. "are you kidding me? of course i do. you're my girlfriend. i wanna cuddle with you."
"what if you don't like it?"
jungwon playfully scoffs, "how could i hate anything about you? you're just saying random things now." he gets closer to your face. "i like everything about you. now, will you let me be your first ever official cuddle buddy?"
you nod and so jungwon goes to wrap his arms around you. you laid your head against his chest as the multiple cats were lazing around the both of you. jungwon's heart beats were calming. it actually made you sleepy. you could feel jungwon leave a small little peck on your forehead. just a light one.
"we should back to your home. you look tired." jungwon whispers.
"mmm, we should." you tiredly mumbled.
and so you and jungwon went back to your apartment.
"we're taking steps to our relationship. i'm proud of you for voicing out what you want to do." jungwon says.
"i tried to. i don't know if i'll be ready to fully voice out. after all, you are my first boyfriend and the only person i've done some sort of affection."
"don't worry, if you can't do it. i'll initiate it first. i tried my best today too. i'm not that great at showing affection too." jungwon admits.
"really?"
he hums, "yeah, i usually some sort don't do affection. you can ask the hyungs. they probably can tell you about it."
you blushed. "so this is a first time for you too?"
"yup. honestly, i think i'll do my best. i wanna see you blush and get flustered more often. it's cute." you groaned at jungwon's words. "that blush is reserved only for me, right?"
"yes." you looked away from him. jungwon laughs.
"good. now, let's get you to sleep. my little princess."
my little princess...
you liked the ring to it. jungwon's little princess. you couldn't wait to see how the next few months and even years would go with him.
#i didn't know how to end this off T_T#so sorry#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen imagine#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen x reader imagines#jungwon#jungwon imagines#jungwon imagine#jungwon angst#jungwon fluff#jungwon x reader#yang jungwon#yang jungwon imagines#yang jungwon imagine#yang jungwon angst#yang jungwon fluff#yang jungwon x reader
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✩Your Galaxy✩
✩ ✩
Abby Anderson / Mandolorian AU
Summary: Abby as a Mandolorian. No specific relationship to reader yet (will obv get into if this turns into a fic).
Warnings: smut, MDNI, some fluff holy fuck Madda wrote fluff?? Fingering, cunnilingus, switch!abby, switch!reader, cannon typical violence, no y/n, only description of reader is having hair, making up shit about space and Star Wars uni that I don’t know!!!it’s fine!!!
A/N: hey babies, so I’ve been sittingggg on this idea for a sec and idk if it will gel with you guys so pls lmk if this would be something you’re interested in. I guess this is a blurb?? If you wanna see it turn into a fic pls let me know:))
✩ ✩
Mando!abby who takes off her gloves so she can feel how wet you really are, even when you promise her.
Mando!abby who let’s you trace your fingers along her face in the darkness of the night so you can imagine what she truly looks like. The first time you weren’t expecting her vulnerability, she had just fucked you senseless as you laid there heaving when she pulled your shaky fingertips to her defined face, allowing you to let them roam freely.
Mando!abby who took her helmet off for the first time when you were laid inbetween her thighs, lapping at her swollen clit. She wanted you to hear her pathetic whimpers that no one else had. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly when you heard the rustling of the helmet come off, but she trusted you… “k- keep going baby I- jus’ wanna watch you”
Mando!abby who couldn’t help but to admit her real name with you as she had you bent over her bed, helmet off heavy breathed over the shell of your ear, driving her soaked fingers into your needy cunt. “F-fuck Mando…” you pathetically breathe out, muffled by the thin white fabric of her bed. “Abby,” Mando remarked flatly. It took you aback at the unrecognizable name, your body froze as your mind raced, did she call you the wr- “call me abby,” she corrects herself. A guttural breath you didn’t notice you were holding escapes your lips. Abby…Abby. A delicate name for the otherwise ruthless murderer. The name swirled aimlessly in your mind over and over again…abby.
Mando!abby who’s secret you knew. She was able to go unrecognized as a woman in her field, tweaking her modulator so her voice came out husky, her build making her larger and more threatening than any other mandolorian you had seen before. She didn’t want them to treat her differently, think less of her ability. You accidentally stumbled upon her well held secret when she came back to the ship with a gash across her abdomen. She tried hiding it from you, but it came up so close on her chest you unknowingly forced it out of her. You froze at the sight of her black bra peeking under her tunic, cheeks flushed. “Don’t say a fucking word,” she bit under her breath. You internally pulled yourself together with your new found information on the mysterious killer, wild eyed averting your gaze back to her cover eyes, eyes that you’ll never see. “Okay.” You said with an attempt at confidence. An attempt at reassurance. She had no reason to trust your word, but she did.
Mando!abby who insists on showering your body even if the lights are on. A stupid fucking ship. If the shower was running the lights had to be on. This was an automatic off zone for you when things started with you and abby. Not only could you see her face, but her entire body would be revealed to you in the intimate space of the well-lit shower. Her body that you had only seen bits and pieces of in desperate, heavy breathed moments, but never her face. But when you had returned from a rather brutal hunt, blood caked in your hair, she insisted to clean you off. “B-but abby-“ before you can protest she began removing your blood soaked clothing out of your sight behind you, “just close your eyes, I’ll stand behind you. I’m not leaving you by yourself for another moment,” the tang of her sweet voice fluttered your ears, unmarked by the hardness of the modulated voice of her visor.
Taglist: @wishbones999 @bookpagecandlescent @littlegingerperson5 @lookforthelight1 @fict1onallyobsessed
#abby anderson#the last of us#abby anderson smut#abby x reader#abby the last of us#abby tlou#the mandolarian#mando fanfiction#mando smut#abby anderson tlou2#sub abby#abby angst
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✌︎ Sitting in Zoro’s Lap hcs ✌︎
I just felt like doing these<3 I don’t usually do concepts and I’m testing out the waters so they’ll likely be short ;3 also I wanna do more than just relationship hcs bc it’ll be more fun ✌︎
enjoy zoro simps cuz y’all definitely be on my acc 💖
At first he feels it’s kinda pointless
like he’s thinking “why would you wanna sit on my lap?!—sit on a chair or- just- somewhere else!...even the floor or something idk?!!”
but however you somehow convince him to let you, whether that’s bribery (swords or alcohol), sitting on him anyway or schmoozing him over into letting you,
you did it!!
And that’s all that matters :)
he probably got tired of your relentless request and just let you eventually
While you sit on him he’s usually sleeping sitting up, drinking alcohol or just relaxing with his eyes closed
When you sit facing him it’s a little more comfortable for him
he prefers it that way
sometimes you lay your head on his shoulder/chest and fall asleep on him
he’ll scoff either way but he gets a bit annoyed if he was trying to do something that requires getting up
Like training for example
If he wasn’t too busy in the first place then he just scoffs and probably takes a nap himself
if he’s not tired he waits for you to get up
he doesn’t like to stir you from sleep but if it’s important like a ship attack he’s kinda rough about doing so- 😀
bro he basically yanks you up and yells your name
not because he’s trying to be mean 🤷♀️
Just the fact that if an attack comes your way you won’t be able to dodge—and protecting someone isn’t his thing when fighting, he always tells you to go hide if your weak
uh anyway 😗
When you sit with your back to his chest its comfy but like don’t be surprised if he picks you up and turns you around (i don’t wanna hear anyone saying they’re too heavy bc you obviously must not have seen the weights he lifts on a daily)
sitting like that’s kinda annoying bc having to crane your neck back and to the side is not fun 😬😀
plus you probably hit his jaw a lot-
Or things like
1) he bites his tongue
2) his teeth hit your head (and it hurts for both of you)
3) he spits his alcohol in your hair (when you hit his jaw with your head)
4) you hit your head on his nose
So yeah this position is less common for you guys
Bonus if your hair is long
then he gets his fingernails stuck to it too :)
he prefers you don’t sit on his lap in public
mostly because he doesn’t like the stares that come with it 💁♀️
he just feels awkward
If you once again somehow convince him to let you in public however…..
it’ll be the type where he man spreads and you sit on one leg facing him
that way he has a bit more space to move and one of his arms is free
just in case an attack comes that he needs to block
orrrrrr just for simply drinking alcohol 😋
on the merry/sunny he’s more likely to cave in
especially since it’s just the strawhats
unless they make fun of him or smth (especially robin) then he doesn’t mind as much
plus y’all can have some privacy in the crows nest most likely
ngl he pretty comfy to sit on
unless your really tall or smth he’s prob bigger than you
so it’s not like y’all are uncomfortable or squished
zoro after time skip is low key more comfy because you know that dark green coat he wears?
yeah it like bends to create a little chair when he manspreads
and idk if you know what I’m talking about but those who get it do 💗👍
Does he end up liking it?
yes :)
yes he does. :)
Im trying to branch out and do more concepts because it’s more interesting for me to write, and you to read so why not 😊
Hopefully my zoro stans enjoyed !! <3 ⚔️🗡
#anime#anime and manga#luffyvace#anime headcanons#fluff headcanons#fluff#one piece#one piece headcanons#straw hat pirates#one piece x reader#zoro#zoro x reader#one piece zoro#roronoa zoro#op zoro#pirate hunter zoro#zoro one piece#zoro x gn reader#x gn reader#gn reader#gn s/o#gn guys#gn <3#gender neutral reader#gender neutral post#one piece x gn reader#x reader#x you#x y/n#x male reader
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Before I start, I want everyone to know that I respect all ships, but these are just my preferred ships uwu
So I made ship childs for Sadness x Embarrassment, Joy x Anger, and Anxiety x Fear OwO
Before I explain anything about them I also wanted to say that Phobia is inspired by other Anxifear ship childs, mainly ones that belong to “aislep_”, “rosatoons”, and “katra_the_drabbit” on Instagram. So please go check them out because their art is awesome!
OK so now for the explaining uwu
Here are which child belongs to who:
Sadness x Embarrassment: Insecurity (male)
Joy x Anger: Passion (male)
Anxiety x Fear: Phobia (female)
I wanted to create my own children for them that wasn’t more emotions because that didn’t feel right to me XD So I made up these little bby creatures uwu
Here is when Anxiety and Fear first meet Phobia úwù
I like to image that the “married” emotions get their own wing/room connected to HQ and there’s a little crib-looking compartment on the wall inside each of their rooms and that’s where their child appears and they appear overnight so the couples wake up one day and are suddenly parents OwO
Also I put “married” in quotes because I like to call it “connection” or “connected” emotions instead because I think marriage is for humans and it sounds weird to me to call emotions married idk why XD but “connection” is the same thing as married uwu
So these children are each made of a different material:
Insecurity: gummy
Passion: fire
Phobia: goop
And they have their own way of using the console and they basically can stretch their body to cover the console and the parents of the child are the only ones who can get the child to let go of their grip of the console because I thought that’d be cute uwu
When they do let go of their grip, they leave a residue on the console that can cause their “trait” to linger in Riley for a little while after, but if the emotions clean it off right away then it won’t XD
Also, Phobia has a teddy bear named GABA because that’s the name of the chemical in our brain that calms us down and so it’s the only thing that calms her down when she’s scared úwù
She’ll be having a melt down and be like “GABA! GABA!” Q^Q and Fear will be freaking out trying to find her bear like “WHERES HER GABA?!”
It’s hard to see but here’s Fear holding Phobia in one of those baby carriers because he would XD she also has her teddy and Fear is feeding her what I like to call “mind milk” because I don’t know if there’s milk/baby formula in the mind XD I guess if there’s coffee… but mind milk sounds fun so we’re sticking with it uwu
Anyway that was a lot sorry XD Here is a cookie for your time ówò 🫴🍪
#fear x anxiety#anxifear#panicfrog#anxiety x fear#inside out#inside out 2#inside out 2 fanart#inside out 2 ship child#anxifear ship child#sadness x embarrassment#sadness#embarrassment#fear#anxiety#joy#anger#joy x anger#anger x joy#embarrassment x sadness#sadness x embarrassment ship child#joy x anger ship child#anxifear child phobia
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hi!!! i love your writing!!!! idk if you’ve done this yet but maybe…. a nsfw alphabet with hotch 🤭🤭
I BEG
omg yesss
nsfw alphabet ☆ aaron hotchner
ship aaron hotchner x afab!reader
warnings smut (duh), mention of sex toys, implied unprotected sex (practice safe sex please!), size difference kink, thigh fucking, mention of degradation and spanking, masturbation, office sex, oral (mostly f receiving), rough sex, quickies, shower sex, phone sex, teasing, mentions of haley (rip queen)
a/n i need him; also sorry this took so long !!
A = aftercare (what are they like after sex?)
it’s like a half-half thing; sometimes he’ll run the shower for you, get you some water, etcetera — or he’ll just lay in bed with you and hold you. either way, you’re not complaining.
B = body part (their favourite body part of theirs and of yours)
aaron hasn’t really thought about a particular body part of his that he likes more than others, but he does sometimes favour his hands. a size difference kink might come into play with this preference, but he just likes stroking your cheek or thigh, or maybe just holding your hand.
as for you, it’s no contest that he loves your thighs the most. it’s obvious to you, but he honestly also hasn’t thought about his preference for your body parts too. but during sex, you notice how his hands tend to trail down to your thighs, or he would pay extra attention to them when he’s eating you out.
C = cum (anything to do with cum)
buried in you; that’s how he likes to finish. he loves cumming in you and filling you up to the brim, it’s a mouth-watering visual for him.
D = dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)
with other partners (mostly haley), he’s definitely vanilla; like definitely, no degradation/dirty talk either. however, with you, he’s been thinking about discussing trying more spicy things in the bedroom — namely things like degradation and spanking.
E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
ahem, haley. most of his experience with sex is with her, so after she died and he had time to heal and go back into the dating scene, he experimented a little more with different types of partners; he’s probably more experienced than you, at this point.
F = favourite position (this goes without saying)
prefers missionary for more control and intimacy but if you wanted, he would be more than willing to let you ride him.
G = goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)
serious both outside and inside the bedroom; he’d definitely take sex much more seriously at the beginning of your relationship. as you both grow much more comfortable with each other, he’ll make small quips of humour during the act.
H = hair (how well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
just look at his hands — you can tell that he has a lot of body hair without even seeing him naked. definitely has a mouth-watering happy trail.
I = intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)
he absolutely does not do one night stands or hookups, so romance is a necessity for him to even think about having sex with someone. expect a lot of “i love you”s during the act and expect to return them.
J = jack off (masturbation headcanon)
he does it, but not as often as other people might. probably would do it on a case in the hotel/motel if he really misses you :(
K = kink (one or more of their kinks)
before you, aaron didn’t really explore the kinky side of sex, so he always remained pretty vanilla in that department. one kink that you noticed he has but he himself would never admit to is a size difference kink.
L = location (favourite places to have sex)
as much as he would love to fuck on the desk in his office…yeah, he prefers to keep it in the bedroom. he has yet to tell you about his office sex idea but knowing you, you’d be onboard for it.
M = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
doesn’t have any specific things that turn him on — except whenever you wear his work shirts. they look loose and a tad too big to be form fitting, but he absolutely loves it and can’t wait to rip it off you.
N = nope (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
as much as he would like to experiment with kinky sex, he really objects to being too dominating; he wants you to still have some level of control so if you want, you can take the helm anytime you so wished. of course, he’d also never want to hurt you, and he might not want to experiment with possible bondage until a while later into your relationship. also, he absolutely does not want to be called any dominating title in bed, like “sir,” “master” and especially “daddy.”
O = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
aaron’s a giver, through and through. there are times where he does like getting a blowjob, he likes eating you out way more. probably because you tend to bury your hands in his hair and tug a little bit to signal something you like him doing.
P = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
it does depend on mood and the reason you’re having sex, but typically the pace is slow and deep. this can change since — considering how stressed out he usually is because of his job and workload — some cases would just get to him, or his job gets to be too much. so he would take it out on you by going fast and rough.
Q = quickies (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
doesn’t particularly favour them, but what can he do when he’s on-call 24/7? the only time he likes quickies are when you’re showering together and he just can’t handle how good you look soaking wet. first round in the shower, then the second, third, or even fourth round(s) in the bedroom.
R = risk (are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
later in your relationship, he does want to experiment with kinkier sex, but risks are a hard no.
S = sexts (yes? no? pictures?)
aaron wouldn’t be into sexts and nudes so much as he would be into phone sex. considering how often you’re away from each other, and you both have the opportunity to be alone with your phones, he would 100% take it.
T = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
he knows the different types of sex toys, but he doesn’t own any and has never used them. but sex toys are definitely on his list of things he would like to test on you during sex. only if you’re up for it (who are you kidding, of course you are).
U = unfair (how much they like to tease)
again, depends on the mood, but sometimes he does like to tease you. only sometimes though; usually he just wants to get right to the fucking just in case he gets called in.
V = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)
unfortunately, aaron’s the type of guy to mostly be quiet and not outright loud. he also doesn’t moan; he sticks to grunts and groans (they’re still hot to listen to).
W = wild card (get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
he really wants to try thigh fucking. seeing his cock push and drag through your closed thighs, getting lubed by a combination of your wetness and his precum is a visual that turns him on so much. he has yet to tell you though, but he’s been hinting at it…
X = x-ray (dick size)
girthy, above average, and not one, but THREE prominent veins (good lord…).
Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive? how many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)
not that high, unfortunately; you definitely have a higher sex drive than him, that’s for sure. rarely, he’s one and done, he does tend to aim for two or three rounds if possible. if he’s worked up or stressed out, however, he could probably go all night.
Z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
he tries to keep himself awake until you fall asleep. he wants to make sure you’re comfortable and content with the outcome of the night’s activities before he can relax; you’re a top priority to him.
#✩ ⊹˖ ꒰ aaron ꒱ ୨🎧���#★ sei’s lexicons#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds x you#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch imagine#aaron hotch x you#aaron hotch fanfiction
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leveling the playing field XI
summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 3.3k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there
masterlists // nav // requests
a/n: nothing much to say other than thank you guys and i hope you like it :)
next part
"You can't call me that here!" You hiss, taking the final steps out into the summer nights breeze.
"Never mind that, what are you doing here?" Coriolanus asks as soon as the door to the back of the building shuts behind you, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet alley behind the Hob.
You groan, dragging your hands over your face. "I had nowhere to go."
"Well, I... what happened?"
"Does it really matter?" You just shake your head looking up at him now, face red with anger. "If we're gonna talk, how about we talk about how you tried to drag me down to hell with you, huh? How about we talk about you showing up after trying to ruin my life and kissing me like I'm some kind of object to you! After all this time! Let's talk about that!"
Coryo takes a sharp breath in, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "You're not an object." He says, a hint of disgust in his voice, upset that you would even imply that he felt that way.
"Funnily enough, that is the bottom of my list of concerns right now!" You laugh dryly. "I thought we were friends! I thought you cared! And maybe that was stupid of me but don't come back now saying that you do." Your narrowed eyes are rimmed with tears now, and he can see that you're hurt despite you trying to shield it in anger.
"We are friends, I-"
"No, Coriolanus, we aren't, because friends don't do that!"
"Will you stop fucking interrupting me!" He shouts, making you jump. He's fed up with you always having to have the last word. "For once, just one time, will you let me explain?"
You just stare at him, jaw grit as you look up at him. You've never looked softer, your clothes and your hair are so loose and freeing and unlike you and you've somehow never looked more like yourself.
"I'm sorry. Okay?" He says, taking a hesitant step closer to you.
"Is that all you've got?" You scoff, nodding to yourself and pushing past him to walk back inside.
He can't let you go again, he just can't. He grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks.
"Y/N, listen, I'm sorry. I regretted it the moment I said it, I shouldn't have pulled you into that but they already knew and I just wanted to be able to help you." Internally you roll your eyes, relaxing your arm so he knows you won't run. You'll hear him out. "All I wanted was for you to come with me, I thought they would ship us off together."
"Me? As a peacekeeper? Un-fucking-likely." You reply bitterly. "Did you think that through for even a second before you decided that I would be better off with you? Or were you just scared of being alone?"
The question makes him pause, which was enough hesitation for you to pull your arm away and start walking off toward the street. "Tigris wanted me to tell you they love you, by the way!" You call back over your shoulder, turning the corner and disappearing out of his view.
You walk around the building and back to the front entrance, hoping you could lose him in the crowd if he decides to follow you. You were no longer in any mood to dance, that's for sure, so you would just wait for the show to end in the back where you first talked to Lucy Gray again. You push through the abundance of people dancing, the music blaring in your ears. You make it to the desolate hallway, attempting to gather yourself before you really start to cry.
"Y/N?" You hear someone call from behind you, and you turn at the use of your real name. It didn't sound like Coryo, or any of the Covey band.
"Sejanus!" You squeal, running back toward him and tackling him in a hug. "God, I have never been happier to see your face in my life." You sigh, resting your chin on his shoulder.
"Likewise." He chuckles, rubbing your back. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm great." You grin, taking a step back to talk to him face-to-face instead.
"We have to find Coriolanus, he'll be thrilled to see you." He says, looking over his shoulder to see if he could spot the blonde anywhere in the crowd.
"Ugh." You groan, rolling your eyes. "No, I saw him."
He snaps his head back, looking at you confused. "You don't seem happy." He observes, stating the obvious.
"Tell me, Sejanus," You muse, resting a hand on your hip as you shift your weight. "If you had someone you perceived as more than a friend take the liberty of framing you for something that could cost you your whole life when they knew you were innocent, would you forgive them if their only apology was a kiss?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him. You knew you were stretching the truth, but Coriolanus had done the same thing, clearly, so what was the harm in wanting Sejanus on your side?
"I... what? No, he didn't- he didn't tell me that." He looks shocked, looking back again to see if he could see him.
"Well. That's what just happened, weirdly enough." You laugh, shrugging to try and portray that you don't really care much more than that.
"I- um... We were told you were sick." He changes the subject now, something you're happy about because one more thought about Coryo and you might be in tears; or you might start throwing things.
"Sick? No." You shake your head. "I ran because if I hadn't, I'd be six feet under in the Capitol cemetery by now, no doubt. That or I'd be lacking a tongue."
"Oh, wow." He doesn't know what to say, so you just hum in agreement. "Coriolanus almost convinced me you were dead, but I knew better. They couldn't kill you if they tried, I don't think."
You chuckle, shrugging slightly. "Well, yeah. So that's been my life recently. Now I'm staying with Lucy Gray." You explain. "But what about you? You follow out here Coryo too?"
"More or less." He nods, a slight smile on his face. "Hey, uh, I've got to go, got some business to take care of but we'll get together again soon, okay? I'm really glad you're alive."
You nod, hugging him again. "Yeah, of course. I'm staying at this ugly, old grey house at the edge of the seam, past the end of the road. There's goats out back, you can't miss it. You'd think there's nothing out there, but trust me, we'll be there. Come by sometime when you're free, okay?"
"Will do." He agrees, hugging you back for just a moment. "I'll see you soon, Miss Sage." He teases, giving you a polite bow before turning to return to the party. You furrow your brow a bit as he almost directly approaches Billy Taupe, Lucy Gray's ex alongside one of his scummy friends, but you decide to mind your business. Sejanus was always too nice to everyone for his own good, anyway.
"Y/N's here." Coriolanus states, both him and Sejanus helping to carry their intoxicated bunkmates back to the barracks. "You see her?"
"I did, yeah, I talked to her." He nods, eyes straight ahead as their shoes crunch over the gravel.
"You talked to her? When?"
"A little after her performance, she was heading to this back room. Seemed awfully upset."
Coryo sighs. "What did she tell you?"
"That you betrayed her." Sejanus answers simply, adjusting his friend's arm over his shoulder. "That she was going to be killed or worse if she stayed."
"That's not-" Coryo thinks it over. "I didn't betray her, Sejanus. We know one baseline thing about Y/N Y/L/N and it's that she is, if nothing else, dramatic."
"Really? I wouldn't describe her that way." Sejanus argues subtly. "She's outspoken, maybe slightly obnoxious at times, but I feel like I am too. The one thing I know for sure about her is that she's not a liar, Coriolanus."
Coryo doesn't know if he's more angry about Sejanus calling you 'obnoxious' or framing it so nicely that you don't keep your mouth shut when you probably should. You were his girl, his. No one should talk about you like that but him- praise you or critique you all the same. You didn't know it yet, necessarily, but you were his to protect and to fix, if need be. You were rough around the edges, that's for certain, but you would mellow out eventually if you ever forgave him. "She wouldn't let me explain."
"Oh, was this before or after you kissed her as an apology?" Sejanus matches the heavy statement with a laugh and Coryo rolls his eyes at his response.
"I just, I needed her to know I did it because I care. I thought she was dead."
"Okay, well, she told me where she's staying. Told me to stop by on a day off." Sejanus admits. "Maybe you should come with me."
"Maybe." He agrees.
It was another week of torturous loneliness before Coriolanus was graced with a day off, and not even so much graced as he had to trade with one of his bunkmates to have the same day off as Sejanus. As soon as they ate they grabbed a couple bags of ice to bring with them to help you and your new friends beat the heat- a peace offering, of sorts.
The early August sun beat down on their backs as they walked through the Seam, a decrepit and rundown residential area that Coryo had no doubt had never seen a single air conditioner in all its days. There's no way you were happy here. Even with the lightness of his t-shirt and the early hour, he still had to fight the urge to remove it and instead drape it over his head to shade his skin from the sun.
"There's nothing down here. She lied to you." Coryo mutters as the already crumbled road falls into nothing more than a trail.
"Y/N said we had to keep going past the road." Sejanus says, looking back at him over his shoulder. "You want to hate her so bad, but you can't."
"I certainly can." Coryo grumbles in denial. "She's giving me the runaround. Obviously, she gave you fake directions-"
"Are you sure about that?" His friend replies smugly, looking through the overgrown trees ahead at a small grey house circled in by a white fence that hadn't seen a wash in years.
Coriolanus doesn't say anything, mentally rolling his eyes at being proven wrong. "Alright, go knock, then." He gestures for his friend to go ahead.
"This is your big plan to win her over? Hide in the bushes while I go in?"
"No. I'm just sure she lied and a local drunk is about to open the door with a gun pointed at your head."
"Suit yourself." Sejanus replies lightheartedly, practically skipping up to the door and giving it a few gentle knocks before taking a step back.
It's only a few moments and lots of chatter from inside before the door is swung open. "Hello there, what can we do ya' for?" Lucy Gray grins, and Sejanus looks pointedly over his shoulder at Coryo.
"Hi, I'm Sejanus, I'm a friend of Y/N's from back home." He explains and she smiles.
"Of course! I thought I recognized you, come on in, she's out in the back but you can just pass right through." She lets him in, looking at Coryo standing just outside of the fence line.
"You coming, Coriolanus?" She asks, raising an eyebrow as she holds the door, leaning against the frame.
He plasters on a smile, nodding and walking up to her on the porch that he's shocked doesn't collapse under his feet. "How are you?" She grins at him. "It's good to see you."
"You too." He nods. "I'm glad to see you made it home safe."
"Hey, well, welcome to the club." She chuckles, closing the door behind him. "Y/N's just out back." She points toward the back door. "But she's not too keen about seeing you, you know."
"So I've heard." Coryo sighs. "The feeling is mutual."
"Then why are you here?" She asks her previous mentor calmly. He's stumped by this, unsure how to respond. "Well, if it helps, I'm real glad you're here. I missed you." Lucy Gray promises, leading him to the back door and swinging it open.
Your head turns at the appearance of Coryo's silhouette on the back stairs. You internally groan, of course Sejanus would bring him. "And you brought Coriolanus." You smile bitterly at your friend, sliding an ice cube from the bag across your bare collarbones over the shirt you had now cut the sleeves off completely to turn into a tube top.
"Yeah, well, I figured you might want to actually talk." Sejanus offers, raising an eyebrow at you.
"We wanted to make sure you were doing okay here. Living up to your high standards." Coryo replies for you.
"Do I look uncomfortable to you?" You ask, placing a hand on your hip. "Well, now you've seen it all. Thanks for coming, Coriolanus, but I'm clearly happy here, so you can be on your way. Don't you have a rebel to shoot at?"
"Hey, woah-" Sejanus chuckles, holding his hands out to you in mock surrender. "Y/N, we just wanted to visit. I know I speak for both of us when I say that we've missed you."
You sigh, rolling your eyes slightly. You were nothing if not polite, raised to be a flawless hostess in your own home. "Alright. Sit." You gesture to the patch of grass next to you, by the little garden you're digging into to start some fall flowers. You've always wanted to try a garden, but your family paid people to do that and you didn't have the time, so why would you?
Lucy Gray and Sejanus do most of the talking, and you try to avoid looking up much from the dirt you're digging up and the small seeds you're planting. Coriolanus is sitting too close to Lucy Gray for your comfort, but you've been working on your temper, and until he showed back up it was going really well.
"Lucy Gray!" Billy Taupe calls from the front of the house, drawing all of your attention. You'd seen more of him than you have cared to since you've been here, he just won't leave her alone.
"Oh lord, here we go." She huffs, standing up and brushing off her skirt.
"I'll come with you." Sejanus offers quickly, standing as well. You're reminded of how, apparently, he and Billy Taupe know each other but you still can't understand why. The two of them disappear around the side of the house, and you're left alone with Coriolanus.
You keep a straight face, continuing with your cycle. Dig a hole, move the dirt, bury the seed, water it, repeat.
"What are you planting?" He decides to break the silence, moving a little closer to you and leaning back on his palms.
"Flowers, some fruit." You mumble back, keeping your focus on your hands.
"Isn't it a bit late in the season?" He asks, head tilted as he watches you.
"Raspberries are perennials." You reply plainly. "And roses bloom until late fall, do they not?"
"They do." He nods in confirmation, smiling a little to himself. Raspberries and roses together. He wonders if you even know what you're doing, or if this was a subconscious yearning you didn't know you had; to be with him in every form.
"Then there's no harm in planting them now." You say, stopping to take a quick break. You lean back on your calves where you were kneeling, grabbing the ice bag that is now mostly melted to drink out of. You hold it out to Coryo when you're done, shaking it when he hesitates to take it from your hand. "Drink. It's hot, you'll get dehydrated quickly even just sitting out here."
Coryo takes it at that, looking away quickly when he catches that glimpse of pity in your eyes, the same look that plagued him in the weeks leading up the the games and after he thought you died. He hated it until then, but now, maybe it wasn't so bad. At least you were looking at him, and it seemed like it was some kind of inherent need you had to take care of him. The thought of that made his stomach flip.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you." You say suddenly, catching him so off guard he almost spits out his water. District life really must have been changing you, and it was worse than he imagined. It wasn't just the loose-fitting clothes that were one stitch away from falling off of your frame, however breathtaking they may somehow look. Now, Y/N Y/L/N was in the business of issuing apologies? Someone call a doctor. "I shouldn't have said... that. It was cruel."
Coryo nods slightly, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "I figured you didn't mean it."
"You were lucky they had already decided my guilt. I would have torn your head off by now, otherwise." That's the Y/N I know.
"Sejanus told me they were going to execute you."
"Well, not necessarily." You sigh, pulling your skirt back out of the way before digging your hands back into the dirt. "It wasn't stated, but it was service that was suggested. Possibly nursing, probably under my father back home. When I climbed out my window, they were discussing the possibility of having me turned into an Avox. Highbottom said I knew too much, but I know my father would rather shamelessly bury me than have his oldest turned into a symbol of rebellion." You explain, now seeing no harm in telling him the full story.
"What do you know, anyway?" Coriolanus asks. It had been bothering him for a long time, and up until a week ago, he thought you took those secrets to the grave.
"That he and my father are proprietors of the largest drug ring Panem has ever seen." You answer simply, a smug smile taking over your features as you press some dirt carefully over a planted seed. "The main storage is in a secret room in our wine cellar, an old bunker from the war. I stumbled into it when I was thirteen-ish. I mean, you wouldn't believe everything they had down there. I haven't seen anything like it. Actual gallons upon gallons of morphling, other addictive crap that'll ruin your life, even weed." You giggle, sitting back again to gesture with your hand how big everything is.
Coriolanus can feel his eyes going wide at your confession, and he stammers. "I- wow, uh..."
"Come on," You chuckle, tilting your head at him like it was obvious. "Doctors don't have that much power unless they're a game maker Like Gaul, or have that money to start. They make money, sure, but not like that."
"Well," He swallows, nodding slightly at the intake of information. "That explains you being able to walk all over Highbottom for so long." He chuckles. It all makes so much sense now, how both you and Highbottom have a seemingly endless supply of morphling on you, and your father had a decently sized sought-after medical practice, but nothing that could add up to the amount of power and influence he possessed back home. "And the weed you brought to Livia's seventeenth birthday party."
You laugh. "No one even knew what to do with it- we were all so damn sheltered." You hum, matching his smile. "Still, don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Wouldn't dream of it." He shakes his head.
"You sure? Because last I recall, you did snitch on me, Snow. And frame me, if I’m remembering correctly…"
Coryo sighs. "I know, I know... But I did mean what I said. I just- it was stupid, but I thought I could protect you. Genuinely."
You don't seem mad anymore, just smiling at him. "I know." You say, voice so sickly sweet and soft in a way he had only ever heard from you once before; when he was on the verge of a panic attack in the arena. You had told him that soon it would all be over, simultaneously you were right but you also couldn't have been more wrong.
You needed him to believe all was forgiven, and the small look of satisfaction on his face proves to you that it has worked. From here, the games were back on.
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i've closed my taglist for coryo now!! sorry to everyone who wanted to be added, but unfortunately there was significantly more demand than i expected and i sadly just can't tag everyone. BUT! if you still want notifications when i post for this fic, please turn on my post notifs!!
#tbosas#tbosas x reader#tbosas fic#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus snow#coryo snow#the hunger games#thg series#thg#thg fanfic#thg fanfiction
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consequences be damned
Wolffe x F!Reader
word count: 3.3k
description: commander wolffe likes to berate you when you go against his orders, but this time, you can't supress the visceral reaction it brings.
warnings: not necessarily enemies to lovers but... a decent amount of arguing, mentions of negative clone treatment, i think that's it? idk man I'm tired
a/n: this is for all the girlies that cry when someone raises their voice at them! (me) anyway... i get nervous when discussing the treatment of clones and other kinda touchy stuff bc i just have this nagging feeling that i'm always interpreting stuff wrong, so I hope the stuff wolffe says at the end makes sense lmao
You heard your name called after you before you managed to make your escape to your quarters, desperately trying to avoid confrontation. Ignoring the Commander’s calls, you hurried down the hall, your strides much wider than your usual gait. You managed to get the door open, but a large hand wrapped around your wrist before you could evade the uncomfortable conversation.
“Where do you think you’re going?” The Commander snarled, tugging you back into the corridor and slamming his fist into the control panel to shut the door.
You lifted your eyes to his for a moment, your head still angled to the floor as if it would shield you from his foul temper. You had never seen him so angry.
“I asked you a question, soldier” He said, his voice dangerously low as his face drew near to yours, “Did you really think I’d let you off after what you just pulled?”
“Sir, I didn’t mean to—”
Wolffe interrupted you with a sarcastic laugh, “Didn’t mean to? You’ll have to do better than that”
You couldn’t look at him. You knew he’d react like this when he found out, but you still hated when he was angry with you. He was more hard on you than his brothers, he always had been. So much so that you felt there was something unsaid between the two of you, that there was some itch that he wouldn’t stop scratching even though he wouldn’t acknowledge what it was.
“I’m sorry sir” You peeped out. It was the only thing you could say.
You had no explanation for your actions. You had gone directly against his orders, knowingly, deliberately. You knew he would find out, you knew he’d berate you for it, and you did it anyway. You’d do it again if you got the chance.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it” He began, and you let him scold you without interruption, “I have told you, countless times, you do not get involved in the conflict. No matter what. Do you know how it makes me look?”
He paused, but you knew the question was rhetorical. In that silence it was hard not to think about the feel of his hand wrapped around your wrist, still keeping you in your place.
“I makes me look like I can’t control those under my command. If a medic can go against my orders then what’s to stop the rest of the men? Or the other nat-borns? I mean, do you even think? Clearly you don’t. You don’t have combat training, you could’ve been hurt, or you could have died”
He continued on, but you tuned him out. You had heard this barrage of demeaning comments more than once, and it was starting to feel like maybe it had become one time too many. If you had any more backbone you would’ve told him how much you despised when he did this. Although, Wolffe — along with almost everybody aboard the ship — was above you in rank. You couldn’t possibly give back to him this belittling commentary, so once again you stayed silent.
The worst part was that most of the time, Wolffe wasn’t even unbearable to be around, far from it. At any other time he was kind, in his own way. It wasn’t a way in which you’d seen anyone else express kindness, but you’d come to understand the way he operated a little by now. For example, something you had retroactively realised was a display of compassion, was that when you first joined the 104th, he had checked up on you everyday, albeit not in a particularly cheerful way. He had made sure you were comfortable in your new quarters, the ones you were now stood outside of being reprimanded.
There was something gnawing at the back of your mind, the feeling that you shouldn’t have to put up with this. You could hear your father in the back of your head, telling you that you had to learn to stand up for yourself. You hadn’t looked up at Wolffe once through his ranting, and you didn’t plan on it either, especially now as you felt your eyes becoming heavy with tears.
It was a natural response. You never liked being told off, and right now you felt as if you were a child again, your parents giving you a lecture about your shortcomings. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks in a similar manner, silent and unacknowledged.
You didn’t know when Wolffe had finished laying into you, but when you stopped reflecting on the past and came back to the present moment, you realised that he wasn’t speaking anymore. You hazarded a look at him, once again keeping your chin pointed down. He was just staring down at you, his scowl replaced in favour of a more uneasy frown, finally removing his hand from your wrist.
“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, clearly unsure of how to even approach the situation.
“I’m fine” You replied, and your voice was surprisingly even.
He was still just peering down at you through his creased brow, frozen in his place and out of his depth.
“Why are you crying?” He addressed the situation head on.
“I’m not crying”
“You are”
“I’m n—”
“You are”
You looked to your feet, feeling absolutely infinitesimal under the full scrutiny of his commanding presence.
“Alright fine, maybe I am” You admitted in a whisper.
“Why?” He asked firmly.
“No reason”
“No reason?”
“Yep, no reas—”
“Stop it” He interrupted again, “What’s wrong?”
You let out a long breath, your chest heaving before it escaped your pursed lips. You could taste the saltiness of your tears, and you lifted a hand to wipe one of your cheeks.
“I just don’t like being told off okay? I can’t help it”
“I wasn't telling you off, I was—”
When he didn’t finish his sentence your eyes flicked back up to his. His frown had softened, and he was now chewing on his lip as if he was looking for something to say. You huffed quietly, your cheeks scorching with embarrassment at the whole situation.
“If it's alright with you sir, I'd like to retire to my quarters now” You spoke quietly, trying to escape this situation that was nothing if not awkward.
Wolffe stepped back from you, clearing his throat, “Yeah, go ahead”
You turned back to your door and opened it up. You had only taken one step inside when Wolffe spoke up again.
“Wait”
You turned around, your eyes finding his, flitting between the cybernetic and the natural. His usual scowl was nowhere to be seen, and he just looked at you with a plain expression, something unreadable.
“I don't want to have to tell you off” He said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.
You mustered up a little courage after his change in demeanour, “Then why do you?”
His throat bobbed as he gulped, “I just want you to be safe”
The way that he was staring at you was entirely too much for you to cope with, so you lowered your gaze once again before you replied.
“Thank you sir, I appreciate that”
Wolffe reached up slowly, gently taking your chin and guiding your eyes to his. He gazed upon you with the utmost sincerity and apology as his thumb swept across your still-wet cheek.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you”
“That's oka—”
“It's not” He spoke resolutely, with no room for argument, then softened his voice a little, “You understand that I don't like to be angry with you, right?”
Something about your expression must have conveyed a sense of doubt, because Wolffe frowned when you didn’t reply.
“Do you really think-?”
“I don't think, remember?” You replied, in a oddly humorous way, despite the previous tone of the conversation. Wolffe gave you a disapproving look, and you backtracked, “Sorry Commander”
Wolffe was still holding you face, and the way his eyes were searching yours was making your stomach erupt into butterflies. His gaze was captivating, cementing you in place and rendering you speechless in a completely different way to when he had been scolding you earlier. You didn’t want to be the first one to break away, and thankfully Wolffe came to his senses soon enough.
“I should go”
He dropped his hand from your chin and stepped back. You nodded subtly in reply to his words, still unable to form your own, and he turned to leave with haste.
You watched him walk away as you leaned on your doorway, stalking down the hall with a pace to rival your hurried steps from earlier. His head turned back to you briefly, and you both instantly looked away, you stepping back into your room and closing the door as you felt your cheeks burn hot from being caught watching him.
It felt like something had shifted in your relationship, like something significant had happened. Perhaps it was your inadvertent show of vulnerability, perhaps it was the way his touch set your skin alight. Whatever it was, it was something that you couldn’t take back. Whatever was unsaid between you was coming to light, and you cursed your racing heart for getting ahead of itself.
You were crouched behind cover, your eyes locked on a trooper that had been knocked to the ground. He wasn’t moving, but going over to see if he was still alive was too risky, even if the focus of the enemy’s fire wasn’t in his direction any longer. You lingered, waiting to see even the slightest twitch of his fingers. He continued to lay motionless, his body sprawled in an uncomfortable position from the heavy blow he had received. You hoped, prayed, and they were answered in an instant, the man’s body curling in on itself as he groaned in pain.
You gulped, and slowly turned to look over your shoulder, only to see Wolffe watching you like a hawk.
“Don't you dare” He shook his head slowly, his voice low, almost a growl.
You hung your head a little, squeezing your eyes closed for a brief moment.
“I'm sorry Commander”
You rushed out from behind the cover, hearing your name being screamed after you in a desperate plea for you to do anything else. You didn’t pay attention, you were solely focused on making it to the trooper.
You pulled the man to his feet, throwing his arm around your shoulders and making your way back to cover, but you were not so lucky as to evade danger. Blasterfire ripped through the air surrounding you, causing you to duck out of its path, and take the injured man down with you.
“Get out of here!” The Commander shouted at you, stepping in front of you and shooting at the droids that had focused their fire in your direction.
You dragged to man the short distance back to cover, and as you were giving him a once over, assessing the issue, Wolffe ordered another medic to take over and tugged you further back from the front lines, around the corner of a crumbling building.
“What the kriff is the matter with you?”
He was angry. More angry than he had ever been, more angry than the previous rotation. And yet, there was a far clearer emotion swimming in his non-cybernetic eye, dripping from his pinched brows, washing over you with every heavy breath he exhaled. Worry, concern, utter distress.
“I thought I made it pretty clear that I don't want you anywhere near the action” He growled, evidently struggling to keep his emotions in check.
Despite his afflicted demeanour, you didn’t feel like having a repeat of the previous rotation, and the adrenaline coursing through your veins only sought to heighten you irritation.
“And I thought I made it pretty clear that I don't appreciate being told off” You grumbled back to him, not feeling brave enough to say it with your chest.
“Then stop doing stupid things!” He rebutted, his voice conveying every inch of exasperation he felt.
You shook your head as you dragged your gaze from him, starting to walk away. You weren’t going to be talked to like this again. For the second time in the last rotation, Wolffe’s hand shot out and wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back.
“I'm talking to you”
“Well I'm not talking to you” You snapped, snatching back your arm and finally letting your irritation take over.
At first, Wolffe appeared to be taken aback. You had never so much as argued back at him before, but something about the fire burning in his eye told you that it was welcomed. He wanted you to fight back. He liked that you were fighting back.
“I refuse to be reprimanded for doing the right thing” You continued, letting him hear your true feelings on the matter.
“You refuse?” Wolffe seemed almost amused.
“Yes” You replied, but your confidence was slipping, “I refuse”
Wolffe laughed, taking a step towards you, “And I suppose you think you have the authority to refuse my orders? Seeing as it's the only thing you can seem to do right”
You stepped away from him, but with every step you took, he followed after you. It wasn’t long until he had backed you into the wall, and was towering over you with a challenging look on his face.
“I have free will, is what I have” You puffed out your chest in defiance, causing it to come into contact with his chestplate, “And I will use it to do the right thing, consequences be damned”
“It must be nice to be you, huh?”
You just frowned, not entirely sure what made him say that.
Wolffe’s face became stern, “You just get to flit about, playing the hero when you could so easily become the martyr acting the way you do, claiming it's all about ‘free will’ and ‘doing the right thing’. Well guess what? I don't have those luxuries. If I disobey orders, I get court martialled. I don't have free will, and I don't get to do the right thing, I get to do as I'm told”
You swallowed thickly as your body recoiled from his in shame. From his perspective, your actions certainly seemed silly and plainly misguided. Perhaps they were.
“I'm sorry Commander, I didn’t think—”
“No, you don't think, do you?” He retorted quickly.
You frowned deeply, drawing an enervated sigh from Wolffe.
“I would love to be able to consider what is right and wrong, but I am simply not allowed. Having the ability to think, to form thoughts unique to myself, but not get to enact any sort of ‘free will’, it's—” He breathed deeply, his forearm coming to rest on the wall beside your head, “Oh, the things I would do if I had free will”
His eyes bored into you through heavy eyelids, his self control hanging by a thread. He was so close to you, his body pressing yours into the wall, and it was taking all of your strength to not melt against him.
“What would you do?” You spoke softly, guiding him in the right direction.
He didn’t waste any time in replying.
“I would tell you that the reason I don't want you around the action, the reason I can't stand your stupid moral compass which makes you do stupid things, is because the idea of you getting hurt is my own personal hell. I would grab you and hold you close and keep you safe, I would never let you go. I would—” He puffed out a quick breath, mingling it with your own as he drew impossibly closer, “I would kiss you, and do every other thing I've been dreaming of since the first moment I met you. I would throw all of this away, if I got that chance”
There was not a single one of his words that were processing in your brain. For a moment you just stared at him, shocked, before the surprise melted from your face and you offered every measure of tenderness within you in a single look.
“Wolffe” You whispered, reaching up and placing a hand on his cheek.
His eyes closed at your touch, and his troubled expression eased slightly. He let out a shaky breath as he took in the warmth of your skin on his, but as soon as he had revelled in it for a moment too long, he put up his walls again.
“But it doesn’t matter, because I don't have free will” He stepped back from you but you were determined now, following after him.
“Well I do”
You practically leapt at him, your hands finding the back of his neck and pulling him against you, bringing him into a searing kiss. His hands instantly flung around your waist, tightening around you and drawing you into his body as if he was never going to let go, just as he promised. It was as if he only needed you to be the one that initiated it, and now, he had forgotten everything that was stopping him in the first place.
You let your fingers tangle in the curls at the base of his neck, and he pushed you backwards into the wall again, a soft groan sounding in the back of his throat. One hand came up to cup your cheek, and you were surprised at how softly he held you, a direct contrast to the way that he was devouring your lips, consuming your very soul with only his mouth and tongue.
You had to pull away, gasping for breath, and he did the same. He held you close as you both caught your breath, staring into each other’s eyes with a newfound fondness. It was intoxicating, to see him like this; his chest heaving from having kissed you with such an intensity. You felt like your psyche was being ripped from you with each heavy exhale, and you were watching from outside of your body.
“I'm never letting you go now” He continued to hold onto you like his life depended on it, burying his face in the exposed skin of your neck.
“I thought-”
“Don’t” He rumbled, “I don't care what I said before, there's no going back now”
You sighed blissfully and mirrored him, and coiling your arms around his neck and holding him tightly. The feel of his breath against your neck was heady, deeply exhilarating, but in the quiet of the moment, you couldn’t help but remember you were in the middle of a battle.
“Maybe we should-”
He lifted his head and cut you off with a deep kiss. You were powerless to stop him, but you didn’t care to anyway.
“Just a little longer” He pleaded, his eyes soft and slightly widened, “Please”
You let a small smile lift the edges of your lips, enamoured by the soft side that this kind of treatment brought out of him. It was almost amusing, how different he was acting as compared to his usual authoritative demeanour. He was putty in your hands, and you didn’t quite know how to handle it.
You brushed your lips lightly against his and spoke with a teasing edge, “Yes sir”
taglist: @darthnihila @cdblake1565
#trex writings#star wars#the clone wars#clone troopers#tcw#star wars clone wars#clones#star wars the clone wars#clone trooper#clone wars#clone commander wolffe#commander wolffe#tcw wolffe#wolffe x reader#clone trooper wolffe#sw tcw#104th battalion#divider by saradika
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can you do a Tom Blyth x reader where they are filming like a romcom or something and they fall in love over the course of filming? i was thinking fluff but i would not be upset if it somehow ended up with some smut in their trailer ;) , just follow your heart!! lots of love ❤️
ofc! I’m absolutely shitty at smut tho i might try with this one but idk so fluff it is❤️ it’s gonna have 3 parts bc it’s definitely gonna need more than a short post!
this first part isnt really when they're filming i just wanted Tom to have a slight crush after seeing ur story and wanted a small scene with Rachel and Josh!
So long I've been out in the rain and snow.
But the winter's come and gone, and a little bird told me so.
Part 1/Part 2/
(Tom Blyth x actress!reader)
summary: you and Tom meet for the first time while Josh is in the middle of the livestream. It's become the new famous ship of the internet.
You were one of the newest actresses in Hollywood and luckily you managed to grab a role with one of the most famous actors right now, Tom Blyth.
Ever since he starred in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, people have been thirsting for him like he was water.
You wouldn't lie, you were one of them, but you two were supposed to meet in a coffee shop, reciting your lines and you were late.
" Oh you're [Name] [Last name], nice to meet you! Sorry, my friends decided to follow me here. "
Tom grinned, blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight, an apology gleaming in his pupils.
"No worries, it's fine! I'm so sorry I'm late, it was just traffic!"
" Don't worry, I'm just glad you made it!"
You took in a deep breath and extended your arm for a handshake. Surprisingly, he hugged you instead. You met the two 'friends' who are actually fucking Josh Rivera and Rachel Zegler who were seemingly livestreaming on Instagram.
" And here is the new couple! Say hi, you two love birds!"
Tom rolled his eyes before letting you go to tell Josh off.
" We aren't dating, we actually just met."
Josh turned, confused for a second before gazing at Tom's phone that was left on his chair.
"Wait, seriously? Didn't you see a post of her being your new co-star in that rom-com you're doing and started bragging a lot to Rachel and me? What's it?"
He thought for a minute before his eyes lit up and he smiled brightly.
"Oh, yeah! Sweet truth, where a girl had a bunch of exes tell lies and cheat but then finds a man who tells her nothing but the truth?"
Tom hissed and shut Josh up by covering his mouth, before he noticed Rachel leaning toward confused you, beginning to tell you the whole story.
His panicked face turned red.
" So it was a couple weeks ago, we were just calmly hanging out after reshooting some Ballad scenes when Tom showed us your Insta where you were like, I don't know, talking about the movie you're gonna be in! He was literally obsessed, I am not kidding."
She shrugged as Tom glared at her for spilling his secret.
"I'm sorry, I mean you're beautiful and I-"
He cleared his throat, unable to continue because of his embarrassment.
You giggled, shrugging.
" It's cool, I mean I think you're hot-I mean handsome too."
Inside you were literally screaming at yourself for exposing the fact that he's your celebrity crush.
" Uh, guys, I hope this isn't method acting because I'd be really disappointed in you, Tom" Josh snickered, sharing a mischievous glance with Rachel.
Tom rolled his eyes, smiling at you before beckoning to the chair beside him.
" Let's, uh, practice...?"
#tom blyth smut#billy the kid x reader#coryo snow x reader#bosbas#william h bonney x reader#coriolanus snow smut#billy the kid smut#hunger games fanfiction#tom blyth imagine#tom blyth#tom blyth fanfiction#tom blyth fluff#tom blyth x you#tom blyth x reader
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You Weren't Mine To Lose
They think they're so good at pretending when all they're really good at is pining.
(In which a masochistic writer puts her beloved ship through hell until giving them their much deserved happy ending)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Pining and a teensy bit of Fluff
Words: 8.2K (idk how this happened but oops? 🙈)
TW: Implied sexual content, mentions of panic attacks, small mention of blood, alcohol, and lots of swearing
“I think that maybe we should end this.”
Azzi Fudd had been on the receiving end of plenty of harsh sentences. And she’d been certain that there wasn’t a sentence left on this planet that could hurt her more than the one the doctor had used to tell her about her torn acl. Until now, until Paige Bueckers, eyes drifting everywhere but towards the girl in front of her, had said those eight words.
“I just,” Paige pauses, rubbing her face, “I think I need something else.”
The words hit Azzi like acid rain, burning into her skin and infiltrating something she can’t quite explain in words. This wasn’t what she’d planned when she’d come searching for her best friend. No, she’d had an entirely different conversation in mind. She swallows the I love you, let’s be more, that had been on the tip of her tongue and chases it down with the carefully constructed speech of wanting forever and happily every after she’d written in her mind. The voice in her head shouts I fucking told you so, she was never yours and Azzi wants to scream.
But what comes out is a quiet, feeble, “okay.”
“That’s it? Okay?”
“Okay,” Azzi repeats, clearing her throat, trying to make her voice sound cavalier, “we said no strings and that means you can end it whenever you want. You don’t owe me any explanation and I won’t ask anything.”
“Right. No strings.”
It had been Azzi’s idea really, her stupid dumb self-preservationist idea that had led her to this moment. They’d been drunk the first time it had happened but she remembers it clearly.
Remembers the way an inebriated Paige had clung to her, eyes shining with lust.
Remembers the way Paige had whispered her name, desire clinging to each syllable.
Remembers the shivers that had crept up her spine as Paige’s hands had gone on a journey starting at her shoulders, and then down her arms, before finally rubbing circles around her waist.
Remembers the moment she decided fuck it.
But most of all she remembers the morning after, remembers the questions written all over Paige’s face, remembers making another decision. Just best friends who occasionally fuck, no strings, just fun. She’d been stupid to think that if she ignored them, the strings just wouldn’t exist. That if she pretended it was just sex, that she wasn’t so completely in love with her best friend, she would get over it. Newsflash: she hadn’t gotten over it.
“Well that’s that then,” Azzi says with a brightness she doesn’t feel, as she heads towards the door, desperate to get away, “I forgot Carol needed help with something so.”
“Azzi.”
She hates the hope that rises in her at the sound of her name. Tell me to stay. Tell me you didn’t mean it. Tell me you love me too.
“We’re still us right?” Paige asks quietly, her voice filled with uncharacteristic vulnerability.
“Of course Paige,” Azzi says, her back still turned towards Paige, knowing if she turns, if she lets Paige see her face, her best friend will see her words for the lies they are, “we’ll always be us.”
***
Azzi doesn’t know how she manages to get to Caroline’s room without falling to pieces. Her legs feel like they’re a second away from giving out and her arms shake uncontrollably. The dull beat of stress headache pounds in her skull.
“Ah Mrs. Bueckers,” Caroline smiles jubilantly as Azzi lets herself in, “did you guys finally figure it out?”
It takes her a second to catch her breath and to understand the meaning of Mrs. Bueckers. And then, Azzi breaks. Laughter erupts from her body and suddenly she’s cackling like a woman possessed. It sounds like shattering glass to her own ears and this is it, she thinks, I’ve officially reached peak madness. But she can’t stop, her body doubling over as she clutches at her stomach, tears beginning to leak from her eyes.
Caroline’s eyes widen, her smile slowly slipping off as the realisation that something has gone very wrong settles in.
“Azzi, fuck, what happened,” she asks, unsure of wether to approach the distressed girl, who, instead of answering, starts laughing harder, “shit, should I get Paige.”
Something shift’s at the mention of Paige’s name. The laughter dies away and instead, an unsettling panic takes birth in Azzi’s stomach at the idea of Paige seeing her like this.
“No,” she chokes out frantically, “don’t get Paige.”
Caroline’s concern grows at that. It had become a rule of sorts, if one of Paige or Azzi seemed to be going through it, then the best thing to do was to go find the other. They knew each other’s wants and needs better than anyone else could ever hope to. And what they wanted, was usually the other to hold them through the pain. So this, Azzi not asking for Paige, Azzi actively denying her need for Paige, this was bad, very bad.
“What happened Az?”
���She ended it,” the words leave Azzi’s mouth in tandem with the air leaving her lungs, “oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. She ended it. Fuck. She wants something else, something more and that’s not– I’m not– oh my god.”
“Az-”
“I knew this was a bad idea but- oh my god. She ended it,” tears wrack through her body as reality crashes and burns around Azzi, “I was so stupid, so, so stupid. I told you this would happen Caroline. I told you she didn’t feel the same. Oh my god, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.”
“Azzi,” Caroline grabs at the brown-skinned girl, spotting the tell-tale signs of panic attack, “breathe with me Az, come on, it’s okay.”
“No it’s not,” Azzi manages to get out, gasping for air, her body vibrating with sobs, “it’s not going to be okay because she doesn’t love me. She doesn’t love me and I don’t know how to live with that because all I know is how to love her.”
Azzi feels the energy leave her body as she goes limp in Caroline’s arms, letting the taller girl anchor her. She’s not ready yet, not ready for tomorrow when she’ll inevitably have to play pretend. She’ll have to stand in the same room as her best friend and put on a smile and pretend that she wouldn’t rather be anywhere but there. She’ll have to bicker and tease and laugh with the girl who broke her heart and pretend that she’d never given her the power to break it in the first place. And Azzi would do it all, because that’s what she’d promised Paige. She’d looked in the blonde girl’s eyes at the age of fifteen and swore to her that no matter what happened, the two of them would always be them. They would always be okay. And Azzi was going to do everything in her power to keep that promise
***
The first few days are fine and Azzi almost deludes herself into believing that she's okay. They fall into their old rhythm of being just best friends almost seamlessly, at least they do when they’re with their teammates. She’s not ready to confront the fact that they haven’t been by themselves, just the two of them, since that night. And if Paige notices the way Azzi avoids being alone with her, she keeps it to herself.
The same way they didn’t tell anyone they were more, they don’t tell anyone they’re less. They don’t need to; the team just knows. Even the coaches, who knew but never said a word, can tell something’s off. It’s in the little hesitations before the smiles, the moments of pause before saying something. But most of all it’s in the way Paige and Azzi don’t touch at all anymore. There’s no more Paige making it a mission to find ways to let her hands linger just a little longer on Azzi’s body when she’s in defending her, no more not-so-subtle brushes and linking pinkies as they walk past each other in the hallways, no more “just another one” pecks in the training rooms as everyone else waits for them.
Nothing changes on the court. Paige passes the ball, a pass only she could see, and Azzi shoots it, a shot only she could get off. They play in tandem, their backcourt chemistry still perfect. But the slap of their hands after the ball goes through the hoop, is half-hearted and formal, like teammates. Less. So, maybe Azzi’s wrong. Maybe they haven’t really fallen back into their old patterns and maybe everybody knows it. But in the bright lights of the gym, as she and Paige argue over a defensive play, and the game of basketball keeps them tethered to each other, she thinks that this will have to be enough.
***
And then, things go from okay to very much not okay. It’s after practice and they’ve chosen Paige’s apartment as their relaxation spot, except Paige isn’t there. She’d snuck away after practice and Azzi had pretended, it’s all she seems to do these days, not to notice. She’s not used to not knowing where Paige is but she’d quenched the overwhelming need to ask the blonde girl where she was going while completely ignoring the part of her that wanted to ask if she could come along.
“And that’s how your brain eats itself,” Amari finishes a long winded explanation with a triumphant smile. There’s dead silence as the rest of the team looks at each other before they all burst into laughter.
“How the hell do you even know that?” Aaliyah manages to get out through peals of laughter.
“Y’all don’t google?” Amari asks incredulously, and the way her face scrunches up causes a brand new wave of giggles to flood the room.
“We google,” Azzi says and she hasn’t smiled like this in days, “we just don’t google things like that.”
Amari lets out an indignant squawk at that and Azzi feels a sense of calm that she hasn’t in a while. It lasts about a minute until two voices, one unfamiliar, one too familiar, begin to invade the room. Paige stumbles in a second later and fuck. Azzi’s breath catches in her throat as she desperately tries to look away from where Paige’s hand is firmly intertwined with someone else’s. It’s a mistake because her eyes land on Paige's face instead and that might be worse. She’s met with a glowing smile and bright eyes, none of which are directed towards Azzi. Instead, all of Paige’s happiness is for another girl.
“Layla,” she hears Aubrey say and oh. Because Azzi knows exactly who Layla is, or at least who she was. There had been a freshman Paige that Azzi had never really known beyond the phone calls and facetimes with her Paige. But she’d known that Paige had gotten around and she’d heard of Layla. They told each other everything and hookups fell right into the scheme of things. Layla had been Paige’s go-to on nights she’d been too tired to go looking for someone else. She’d been such a constant, that she’d slowly become a friend. Things had changed gradually from the moment Azzi stepped on campus. Even before they’d brought sex into it, all of Paige’s time had been Azzi’s, well, until now.
“Hey guys,” Layla smiles and is greeted back with a chorus of not so enthusiastic “hello’s”
“Lay, let’s go,” Paige whines impatiently.
“Give me a second Bueckers, I’m trying to be polite,” Layla rolls her eyes but Azzi doesn’t miss the fondness in them and everything burns again.
“Be polite later,” Paige tugs on Layla’s hand. In turn, Layla gives the team a slightly apologetic smile before letting the blonde girl pull her away. The bang of Paige’s door closing behind the two of them reverberates around the pin drop silence of the living room, that had been filled with laughter only mere seconds ago.
Azzi finds herself suffocating under the sympathetic glances her teammates send her way. She digs her fingernails deep into the palm of her hand, forming dents she knows will bleed. If it hurts, she doesn’t feel it over the reckless thumping in her chest. One, two, three, breathe, she counts to herself, refusing to break down in front of her teammates.
“It’s called phagocytosis,” Amari says after a second, trying to fill the silence, “and I mean it’s not really the brain eating itself but it feels like it.”
“So you just technically lied then.”
“I did no such thing. It was a slight exaggeration maybe.”
“Phagocytosis sounds like a really weird disease.”
“Yeah, maybe Amari has it.”
The team dissolves back into giggles, not quite as rambunctious as before but it’s enough. Enough for them to be distracted. Enough for Azzi to escape. Not enough for Caroline to not notice but Azzi knows her friend will give her a moment. She takes the stairs almost three at a time, flinging the door to her apartment and then to her room. The force of it creates a circle of wind around her and for a second, to her dizzy brain, it feels like Azzi’s floating. She doesn’t bother with the lights, flinging herself onto her bed. Pressing her hands to her forehead, she desperately tries to block the constant stream of thoughts in her head about Paige and Layla. It doesn’t help. And in the familiar comfort of her bedroom, Azzi curls into herself, and lets herself fall apart.
***
The ball passes right through Azzi’s hand and rolls out of bounds. Azzi curses to herself as she hears Coach yell her name. It’s almost the end of practice, and she can hear the disappointment in his voice as he subs her out of their scrimmage. She’d been distracted the whole time, a step too slow on both sides of the ball. It was a novel thing. Azzi had bad games sometimes but she rarely had bad practices. As she walks off to the side, she can feel Paige’s eyes glaring at her. It had been her assist after all that Azzi hadn’t converted. She shrinks into herself, disappointment and shame colliding into one, because they’d done such a good job at not letting their personal havoc impact their game. And she’d blown it.
“What the hell was that,” true to what she’d expected, Paige turns on her the minute they enter the locker room after practice. They’ve barely spoken in the last couple of days and Azzi closes her eyes, letting herself revel just for a second in the feeling of having Paige so close.
“It was an accident,” she replies, turning her body so she’s face to face with her best friend.
Paige scoffs, “which one?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Which one was the accident? That perfect pass you just let go to waste? Was it that wide open three you missed? Or the blind drive to the basket into three defenders for no reason? Oh wait, maybe it was when you completely lost yourself on defence?” Paige rants, anger coating every word. It’s not new for Paige to hold Azzi accountable and god, maybe Azzi’s even missed it a little bit but she can’t help feeling annoyed that this this is what had triggered the old Paige.
“I had a bad day. It happens,” Azzi’s voice is colder than she means for it to come out but all the emotions she’s been suppressing are bubbling at the top of her throat.
“Well it can’t happen. You do that in a game and we’re fucked,” Paige retorts. The rest of the team continues to do what they’ve been doing, occasionally glancing at the two arguing girls. It’s another of those unspoken rules, don’t interfere when Paige and Azzi are fighting.
“I didn’t do it in a game.”
“But you could. And if you keep practising like that you’re going to end up embarrassing yourself in a game.”
“Again, it was one bad day Paige, I’ll keep it in mind and I’ll be better tomorrow,” frustration seeps into her tone and Azzi hopes that her words are enough for Paige.
“You better because that can’t happen again Azzi,” Paige says.
“I just said it wouldn’t,” Azzi’s voice rises, throwing her hands up in irritation.
“Don’t yell at me, I’m-”
“Paige?” a new voice cuts in and both girls reluctantly look away from each other to see Layla, “hey, you okay? You wanna get out of here.”
“I-” Paige lets out a breath, looking back and forth between Azzi and Layla. And Azzi waits, waits for Paige to tell the new girl not to get in between Paige and Azzi, like she always had when anyone else had tried to step into their fights. She waits for Paige to tell Laya that she’s fine, and that she and Azzi just need to talk it out. She waits, and it never comes.
“Yeah, yeah I do,” the blonde girl says instead, giving Layla a small smile. She looks over at Azzi, something unreadable in her eyes, before grabbing her stuff and walking out.
“Shit,” Caroline whispers under her breath, a sentiment clearly echoed in the rest of the team’s faces. Paige and Azzi didn’t leave arguments unfinished. They'd been in uncharted waters with the two girls for a while now, and this feels like yet another turning point.
Anger and frustration course through Azzi’s veins. She just left her brain sneers at her. The hurt and pain fade to the back of her mind, as Azzi lets these new emotions settle all over her. She’s cried more in the last couple of weeks than she ever has in her life and she realises slowly, letting this new volatility swarm her, that she has no more tears left to give. She left. And then a new voice enters her brain, and you let her go.
***
A knock on the door shakes Azzi away from her thoughts. The book on her lap that she’d been pretending to read, falls unmajestically to the floor. Through bleary eyes, she sees the 10 o’clock on her watch and confusion settles into her. She’d been clear before leaving the locker room that she wanted to be alone tonight and while her teammates had protested a little, they’d eventually agreed to give her space, although Caroline had been adamant on coming to wish her a good night. It was far too early for that. She sighs, ready to huff at whichever of her teammates had ignored her pleas. Instead she’s met with the sight of a sheepish looking Paige.
“Hey,” the blonde girl smiles and it’s small and slightly cautious but it’s so genuine.
“Hi,” Azzi says softly.
“I think I owe you a little bit of an apology,” Paige says.
Azzi’s eyebrows furrow at that, “since when do you apologise for holding me accountable?”
“I- well,” Paige stutters, “Layla said I should.”
“That’s what Layla says is it?” Azzi can’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. They’d never apologised for critiquing each other’s games or practise before and suddenly Layla had said Paige should and Paige had listened. Azzi hates everything about that.
“Is me apologizing a bad thing? What’s with the attitude?”
“No,” Azzi sighs, not having the mental stamina to deal with right now, “I’m just tired. I appreciate the apology and I’m sorry too.”
It sounds so formal to her own ears, like two acquaintances writing emails to each other. As they stand face to face, separated by mere inches, Azzi realises the depth of the chiasm between them. And she doesn’t know if she has the strength to build a bridge to go over it.
“Do you want to watch a movie,” Paige asks finally, her voice tinged with hope.
“I don’t know Paige. I’m tired and-”
“Please,” there’s desperation in Paige's voice now, “we haven’t done anything just you and me in a while and,” she stops, her eyes wet as they come up to meet Azzi’s, “I miss you.”
I miss you too, Azzi wants to stay. She wants to throw herself at Paige and wrap herself in the comfort of her arms. She wants to massage away the stress lines on her forehead and kiss away the tears threatening to fall from her blue eyes. Instead, Azzi simply manages to nod and steps away so Paige can come in. She’s rewarded with a smile so bright, it makes her heart ache.
As Paige enters the room, Azzi’s reminded of the last time the two of them had been there together and she can’t help the faint blush that rises up her neck into her cheeks. That night had been different, Paige had been softer, slower. She’d taken her time with every touch, every kiss; her every move had been sinfully deliberate. Through all of it, she’d kept her eyes locked with Azzi’s, making sure she could see how desperately Paige needed her in that moment. And Azzi, hands fisting sheets, had let her take whatever she wanted. She wonders if Paige knew that would be their last time, if she’d already decided to end things. I’d have held on longer if I knew.
Paige’s eyes linger on the bed for a second, before she decides to sit on the couch and Azzi follows her lead. They both curl up as close to the arm rests on their side as they can, leaving an unfathomably large amount of space between themselves for two basketball players who had been attached at the hip since they were fifteen. The awkwardness is palpable as Azzi picks a random comedy movie, the two of them making a subconscious decision to not revert to their normal routine of arguing about what to watch.
It takes a quarter or so of the movie before they find some semblance of normalcy. Paige finally lets out a laugh, after having reined it in during previous funny scenes and it sets Azzi off. And then they’re both giggling messes, feeding off of each other’s infectious laughter. The tension eases and they both unconsciously let their bodies uncurl, letting their legs tangle with each other. It comes so naturally, they don’t even really notice that they’re touching for the first time in weeks. They’re too busy laughing, and when they’re not, there’s a comfortable silence and it’s just, it’s them. Azzi doesn’t know when she falls asleep, she just knows it’s the best sleep she’s had in a while.
***
Azzi stirs awake to cold hands caressing her face, Paige’s touch ever so familiar. She keeps her eyes closed, scared it’s a dream. She’s had a lot of those lately.
“I wish you felt the same,” Paige whispers, pressing her lips to Azzi’s forehead and Azzi swears she feels a teardrop fall on her face. But before she can react, before she can reach out for the figure she can feel hovering above her, she feels it retreat away from her.
When she finally opens her eyes, she’s all alone.
***
Azzi’s on edge. The team had chosen a bar in a random town in Connecticut tonight, instead of going to Ted’s as usual. It was meant to be a change of scenery and they were unlikely to be as recognized in such a random area. In theory, it sounded like a good idea, but the combination of a brand new place with people she’d never seen in her life, made Azzi far more tense than she had thought it would. On top of that, she hadn’t wanted to go out tonight in the first place. It had been two days since Paige had left her cryptically, and with the way the blond was vehemently avoiding her, Azzi was partially convinced, maybe she had dreamt the whole thing. The exhaustion of it all had desperately made her want to simply lie in bed and do nothing for hours. But if she’d stayed, one of her teammates would stay behind for her and if there was one thing Azzi didn’t want, it was to be an inconvenience.
And then there was the Layla of it all. Because apparently Paige didn’t go anywhere without Layla anymore. Remember when it was you, Azzi’s brain reminds her scathingly. From where she sits at a table with the rest of the team, she has a torturously close view of the two of them dancing together. It’s nothing scandalous, in fact to anybody else it’s probably the definition of friendly, but Azzi’s head is clouded with jealousy, and the three shots of vodka she’d already downed to ignore it.
“I think I need another round of shots,” she announces, noticing Paige and Layla start to make their way back to the table, “one of you come with me.”
“Is that a good idea?” Caroline asks tensely.
“Of course it is. Shots are good. Shots are fun,” Azzi wraps an arm around Caroline’s shoulder, her words coming out slightly slurred, “come with me pretty please.”
“Come where?” Paige’s voice interrupts.
“Nowhere you need to be,” Azzi retorts harshly and a flicker of hurt passes across Paige’s face. Azzi almost apologises, hating seeing Paige sad, but then her eyes focus in on where Layla’s hand is carefully placed on Paige’s bicep, and the sorry dies on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she roughly grabs Caroline and pulls her to the bar. She doesn’t get drunk often, hadn’t planned on doing it tonight but she’s so tired of feeling.
“Maybe we should cut you off,” Caroline says softly and Azzi pouts, “c’mon Azzi drinking so you don’t have to deal with your feelings is never a good idea you know that. You know I’m right.”
“I’m really tired of doing what’s right,” Azzi says despondently, waving the bartender over, “a shot of tequila please.”
Caroline sighs but seems to think better of trying again, shaking her head no when the bartender asks if she wants a drink of her own. She watches silently as Azzi downs the shot, concern and sympathy for her friend keeping her from snatching the shot away from Azzi.
“On me,” a deep voice echoes in Azzi’s ear as she pulls out her card to pay for the shot. She loses balance trying to turn around, but a pair of unfamiliar hands grab at her waist to keep her steady. Through the fuzziness in her brain, Azzi finds herself staring into green eyes; green eyes that belong to a pretty girl with blond hair and strong arms. And she’s tall, a voice in her brain says appreciatively. She looks just like Paige, well except the eyes, another less-amused voice points out. But she’s not Paige is she, the other voice reminds her snarkily.
“Oh you don’t have to do that,” Azzi hears Caroline say from behind, her voice weirdly pitched.
“I want to,” the pretty girl says, eyes never leaving Azzi, as she hands her card over to the bartender “I’m Stephanie.”
“Azzi.”
“And is the girl behind you, your girlfriend Azzi?” Stephanie asks, but her tone suggests she already knows.
“Who? Caroline. Oh absolutely not. Just a friend.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“I don’t dance with pretty girls with girlfriends,” Stephanie says, emphasising the word pretty.
“We’re not dancing,” Azzi replies dumbly.
“Well let’s fix that,” Stephanie whispers and oh, she’s flirting, Azzi realises. It’s not that Azzi’s never had anyone hit on her. No, there’d been plenty of men but there hadn’t been a girl before, well never a girl that wasn’t Paige, “dance with me Azzi.”
Behind Azzi, Caroline chokes on air.
“Azzi,” she hisses, her eyes flickering over to where Paige is sitting, back turned to the bar. The point guard hasn’t seen what’s happening yet but Caroline knows the moment she catches wind of it, things would go up in quite literal flames.
Azzi stares up at Stephanie’s expectant eyes, before letting her gaze move to Paige, Paige who’s engrossed in a conversation with Layla, who’s laughing at something Layla said. She turns back to Stephanie, a shy smile playing on her lips.
“I’d love to dance,” she says softly, ignoring the groan Caroline lets out behind her and letting Stephanie pull her to the dance floor. Two can play the move on game.
Dancing with Stephanie is different. Her hands feel different against Azzi’s skin, a little too rough and yet still too soft. Her smile is different, sexy and sultry but missing an innocent frivolity that Azzi had become used to. But most of all it’s the eyes. The mysterious green, a sharp contrast from the calm, familiar blue. She pushes the comparisons to the back of her mind, determined to enjoy the way Stephanie twirls her around then pulls her in. And then they’re suddenly so close, noses almost touching. Azzi knows what’s going to happen and she can’t shake the feeling that it’s not right.
“I’m going to kiss you,” Stephanie whispers and the voices in Azzi’s head battle, her heart beating to a chorus of she’s not Paige. But the final nail in the coffin is an image of Paige and Layla that her brain conjures up and in an envious drunken haze, Azzi makes another of her not so great decisions. She nods her head yes.
It takes a second of Stephanie’s lips pressing against hers for Azzi to know it’s all wrong. As she starts pulling away, the sound of shattering glass wreaks havoc in ears. Eyes blinking rapidly, she follows the path of familiar voices shouting to locate the noise. Paige stands, a little distance away from the dance floor, face fuming red. A litany of broken glass shards surround her feet and a gush of red flows from the patch of skin where her left thumb meets her left palm.
“Paige, fuck,” concerns flows through Azzi but before she can make her way to the bleeding girl, Stephanie pulls her back in.
“Meet me outside in a bit yeah,” she says with a devilish smirk. She doesn’t give Azzi a chance to respond, before disappearing out of sight. Azzi blinks dumbfoundedly at the spot where the girl had previously been, the alcohol catching up to her brain.
“Paige oh my god you’re bleeding,” Nika’s voice shakes Azzi out of her trance, “can someone get a band-aid please.”
The crowd parts seamlessly as Azzi rushes towards her best friend, grabbing for her injured left hand.
“What the hell Paige?” she’s incredibly sober now, as she inspects Paige’s hand before it’s yanked out of her grip.
“I should ask you that. What. The. Hell. Azzi?” fury laces every word as Paige stares her down.
“I– what?” Azzi asks quizzically, still focused on trying to grab Paige’s hand again but the blonde girl is determined, despite wincing, to keep it out of her reach.
“Tell me, was she a good kisser?” Paige asks, eyes narrowing dangerously, “did you enjoy the kiss?”
“That’s–I–it–that’s not important,” Azzi stutters, “you’re bleeding Paige.”
“And I’ll keep bleeding till you answer the damn question,” the blonde girl says, unveiling a side of herself Azzi's never seen, “so tell me Azzi, was it a good kiss?”
“Paige,” Caroline says firmly, noticing the crowds that are building up around them, “I don’t think now’s the time.”
“No, I think it’s the perfect time actually. If she can kiss a stranger now, she can answer a question about this kiss now too,” Paige sneers.
“You’re making a scene,” Azzi whispers.
“I’m making a scene?” the laugh Paige lets out is borderline manic, “I’m making a scene? You’re the one borderline dry-humping a stranger in the middle of a random bar and I’m making a scene?”
“Excuse me?” Azzi recoils.
“Just telling the truth. Where’d she go then? Is she waiting for you outside?” when Azzi doesn’t reply, Paige find her answer in the silence and let’s out another laugh, “she is, isn’t she? Well then what the fuck are you doing here Azzi?”
“Paige,” Azzi says softly, eyes brimming with tears now, “you’re bleeding. Let me help you.”
“No, I don’t need your help Azzi.”
“Paige,” she tries again.
“No Azzi. I don’t need you. Go get fucking laid,” the words snap something in Azzi that has been on the edge of breaking since Paige had told her she wanted something else. She steps back from the blonde girl, blood boiling.
“You know what Paige,” her voice is far stronger than she feels, “maybe I fucking will.”
***
“Fuck,” Paige curses, fisting her palms and then hissing when her left hand aches. Regret pulsates through her head. She hadn’t meant it, any of it but especially not the last part. The last thing she wanted was Azzi to go after that girl.
Watching Azzi kiss someone else had been enough torture, the idea of her doing anything more would be the end of Paige’s sanity. It was ingrained in her brain now. She’d been laughing with Layla, hands encased around a beer bottle and then her teammates had gone oddly quiet, their eyes focused on something behind her. Confused, Paige had turned and immediately wished she hadn’t.
Standing in the middle of the dance floor was her Azzi, in somebody else’s arms. Layla, the saviour she’d been the last couple days, had immediately tried to distract her but Paige’s gaze was transfixed on Azzi. Her best friend twirled on the dance floor and a dagger twisted in Paige’s heart. And then, time seemed to slow down as the other girl brough Azzi impossibly close to her. Don’t you fucking dare Paige had thought, squeezing the glass bottle like a stress toy. On the dance floor, someone else, someone who wasn’t Paige, pressed their lips to Azzi’s and on the other side, Paige’s hands crushed the glass bottle into a thousand pieces.
When Azzi looked over, her lipstick slightly smudged, her eyes glassy, Paige had wanted to die. And when the girl had the audacity to pull Azzi back into her, Paige had wanted to commit murder. Misery and fury raged a battle in her head and when Azzi had rushed over, the gentle touch of her hand had been too much. And then Paige had taken it too far.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” she repeats, ignoring her teammates as she fights through the crowd to chase after Azzi. Some people move easily, others glare and some flat out yell at her but Paige doesn’t care; she focuses solely on getting to the girl she’d just let go.
“Azzi?” she calls out, stepping out of the bar into the cold breeze, “please, please, please don’t go. Azzi?”
She scans the parking lot for the brunette, frantically pacing around the entrance but there’s no sign of Azzi. Paige hasn’t cried since the night she’d ended it, throwing herself in work and basketball and Layla but as the realisation that Azzi left, that maybe it’s too late, hits her, the tears she’d so carefully kept at bay, traipse down her cheeks like a never ending waterfall.
***
The whole team is silent in the living room as Nika bandages Paige’s left hand. The tension in the air is palpable as Amari paces the room, the sounds of her feet moving matching the rhythm of Aubrey nervously snacking on a packet of chips.
“Are you going to explain yourself,” Aaliyah breaks through the quiet, her question directed at Paige.
“It was an accident,” Paige doesn’t mean to get defensive. She’s aware she fucked up tonight but there’s too much going on and her head is still stuck at Azzi. Azzi, who had left with a random girl and only texted Caroline the words I’m fine after Caroline had blown up her phone with concerned texts. Paige’s I’m sorry, hadn’t gotten any reply.
“An accident,” Aaliayh says slowly, raising an eyebrow, “that’s what you’re going with?”
“I didn’t purposely break a glass bottle and fuck up my thumb Aaliyah.”
“Coach is going to kill you,” Aubrey says nervously, “this is not good Paige.”
“Did I miss the gang up on Paige memo? Because why am I the one being yelled at right now?”
“Who’s yelling?” Amari supplies unhelpfully.
“That’s not the point,” Paige glares at the taller girl who puts her hands up in defeat, “Why am I the one getting this responsibility lecture? I’m not the one who just made out with a random stranger in a bar and then just fucking left with them. We don’t even know where the hell she is.”
She knows she sounds bitter but the hurt of the night still stings and she doesn’t have the mental capacity to deal with her teammates being mad at her rightnow. Tomorrow, she’d apologise and own up but she’s feeling reckless tonight. Her teammates are silent and Paige thinks, maybe they’re going to drop it too. And then Caroline speaks, her voice steely in a way that doesn’t match her normally soft sweet self.
“And what’s wrong with that?” she meets Paige’s eyes with an unexpected fierceness, “she’s single. Stephanie as far as I know is single. Azzi’s a grown adult who can hook up with whoever the hell she feels like. It’s not just something you can do.”
“That’s not the point,” Paige growls, “”you guys always know where I-”
“I know exactly where Azzi is actually,” Caroline rebuts , “so what exactly is the problem here?”
“She– I– It’s,” Paige bumbles on, not having an actual answer.
“You’re the one who ended it,” Caroline says, her voice accusatory, and the whole room seems to hold their breath at that, “you ended it and you don’t get to question what she does now. It’s over Paige and that was your decision.”
Paige gapes at Caroline, “how can you, of all people, say that to me?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re the only one who knows Carol,” Paige says slowly and it’s Carol’s turn to be confused now. The rest of the team shoots each other questioning glances, things suddenly seeming even more puzzling than before.
“I heard you that night,” the blonde girl says, her voice breaking a little, “I heard you and Azzi.”
“Paige,” Caroline says, always quick to catch things, “what exactly did you hear?”
“I heard enough,” Paige says, closing her eyes because she can still hear that conversation in her head, “I heard her telling you she was going to end it, that she was tired of our arrangement. That she wanted– she needed– something else.”
“Oh Paige,” Nika says softly, putting an arm around Paige’s shoulders and her twin practically melts into the comforting touch.
“But I know her. She’s not good at that stuff. Always such a people pleaser. It was gonna be too hard for her to say it to me, so I said it for her. I broke my own heart, so she didn’t have to.”
A heavy silence follows Paige’s words as the blonde girl lets the tears fall for the second time that night. Her teammates are lost for words, the gravity of the situation, of Paige’s feelings, too much for all of them. A myriad of emotions flitter across Caroline’s face before finally settling on a saddened sympathy.
“Paige,” she says softly, coming to sit in front of the sobbing point guard, “you didn’t hear the whole conversation. God you’re such an idiot, the both of you are honestly.”
“Talk about kicking me when I’m down Carol,” Paige jokes.
“That’s not– Paige I can’t tell you the whole conversation because you deserve to hear it from her and she deserves the chance to say it to you. But Paige, Azzi wasn’t going to end it because she wanted less, she was going to end it because she wanted more. From you, for both of you,” Caroline says, hoping against hope that Paige understands what she means.
The realisation hits Paige in waves. She wants more. The words echo through her head and carve out a place in her heart. She wants more. Azzi had wanted more and Paige had wanted more and oh, they’d been so fucking stupid.
“I pushed her too far though,” Paige says as another realisation, the fact that Azzi isn’t here hits her, “she’s gone. Fuck, I need to be alone.”
“No Paige wai-” Caroline begins but Paige is gone out the door before she can tell the girl where Azzi is. She considers going after Paige but decides that maybe she’s revealed enough today. Maybe they could figure out the rest of it by themselves.
***
She’d meant to go to her own apartment, to her own room but her feet had a mind of their own, bringing her to Azzi’s instead. It was muscle memory really, her finding Azzi when she needed to be held. Except, there would be no Azzi to hold her tonight. Still, being in her room, where it smelt like her, Paige could pretend. She’d gotten pretty good at that.
The door opens smoothly as Paige slides into the room. And she almost gasps.
In the dim light of the night lamp, Azzi lies curled up in bed. She’s cuddling a pillow to her chest, her blanket pulled up to her neck with one hand slightly out of it. And she’s wearing one of Paige’s shirts,
She’s the most beautiful girl Paige has ever seen.
Carefully, trying to make as little sound as possible, Paige creeps closer to the sleeping girls. She can vaguely make out the tear tracks running down Azzi’s face and the guilt of it runs through Paige. A part of her thinks, maybe she should leave, wait til tomorrow. But she can’t. Instead she grabs one of Azzi’s shirts that lay scattered on the bean bag chair placed at the end of the bed. Quietly, she changes into it, breathing in the scent of all things Azzi.
“Paige.” Azzi whispers groggily as Paige slips underneath the covers, lying down facing the sleeping girl.
“Yeah,” Paige replies softly, caressing Azzi’s cheeks, “it’s me.”
“It’s not,” Azzi says wistfully, eyes still closed, as she wraps an arm around Paige’s torso, “it’s just me dreaming again.”
“You dream about me?” Paige asks, hating the hurt she can hear in Azzi’s voice.
“Mmm,” comes Azzi’s answer as she snuggles further into Paige, “all the time. I’ll take you however I can get you Paige. Even if it's a dream. Even if you’re not here in the morning.”
“I will be tomorrow. I promise,” Paige presses a kiss to the top of Azzi’s head and the darker skinned girl lets out a content sigh but Paige can tell she still thinks she’s dreaming, that she still thinks she’ll wake up alone tomorrow.
But Paige Bueckers doesn’t break promises. She’d be right there with Azzi tomorrow morning and if things went the way she wanted them to, then she’d be there for every morning after.
***
It’s the best sleep she’s gotten in weeks and Paige wakes up in a complete state of serenity. It doesn’t last long when she blindly feels around the bed for Azzi’s warm body, only to find the cool of empty sheets under her head instead. She jolts up frantically, mind going million miles an hour thinking up the worst possibilities. Her heartbeat begins to calm down as she finally finds the brunette curled up on the bean bag chair with her knees pulled to her chest.
“Hey,” Paige breathes out, unable to stop the smile that spreads across her face. Azzi doesn’t smile back
“What are you doing here Paige?” Azzi asks warily and Paige is instantly defensive.
“What are you doing here Azzi? Didn’t you say you were going to get laid?”
“And what if I did?”
“Well it must not have been very good if you came home that early and put on another girl’s shirt,” Paige says pointedly, amused by the pink that appears on Azzi’s cheeks. She knows the other girl’s lying, it’s just a matter of how long she’ll keep up the ruse.
“I grabbed whatever was closest.”
“Is that so?” Paige quirks an eyebrow, “I wouldn’t stand for it, letting the girl I’d just fucked wear someone else’s clothes. You know that.”
Azzi’s blush intensifies and she’s quick to change topics, “does your girlfriend know you snuck into another girl’s room last night?”
“I wasn’t aware I had a girlfriend,” Paige says, confused by the question.
“So what exactly is Layla then?”
“She’s a friend.”
“Yeah right,” Azzi scoffs, rolling her eyes. Paige stares at her best friend, wondering if she’s gone insane. Her and Layla? Even thinking about it felt a little insane. Sure, she’d slept with the girl a couple of times her freshmen year but even that had felt insanely platonic.
“Az,” she says softly when the realisation sinks in, “Layla is not my girlfriend. She’s– well, I guess she’s my escape? I just– I needed a friend who wasn’t also your friend and she was there and it was easy. You really thought she was my girlfriend?”
“What was I supposed to think Paige?” Azzi says miserably, voice rising with each word, “you said you needed something else and Layla’s something else so I put two and two together and apparently came up with five.”
“I didn’t–,” Paige takes in a deep breath, it was now or never, “I thought you were gonna break my heart.”
“What?”
Paige sighs at the incredulity in Azzi’s voice, “I overheard you telling Carol that you were gonna end it with me, that you needed something else.”
“Oh,” she can see the clogs in Azzi’s brain turning, remembering exactly which conversation Paige is talking about.
“Yeah. So I ended it before you could. I couldn’t let you– I didn’t want you to break my heart,” Paige says, averting Azzi’s eyes.
“So you broke mine instead?” Azzi whispers and Paige doesn’t have to see the girl to know there are tears in her eyes.
“I didn’t realise it was mine to break,” Paige shrugs brokenly, eyes finally looking at Azzi through wet eyelashes.
They stare at each other in silence, hearts beating erratically, both of them waiting to see who’ll make the first move. Finally, Azzi stands up, and for once second, the fear that she’s about to walk away, that it really was too late, fogs Paige’s mind. But she doesn’t and instead Paige watches mesmerised, as Azzi slowly climbs onto the bed and then onto Paige’s lap. She arranges her legs so she’s straddling Paige’s thighs and her arms fall naturally around Paige’s neck. Immediately, Paige’s hands move to grip Azzi’s waist. They stay there like that for a while, foreheads resting against each other, basking in the warmth of finally being so close.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you,” Azzi confesses finally and Paige lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, “I thought about it but then I was in her car and all I could think about was you. I think you might have ruined me for anyone else.”
“Good. Because this is it okay? You and me forever,” Paige juts out a pinky and Azzi immediately links it with her own.
“Forever,” Azzi whispers back and it’s not clear who surges forward first but then they’re kissing and it feels like a brand new adventure and coming home all at once. They melt into each other, gripping each other as close as possible, the overwhelming need to be touching everywhere taking over their senses.
“Azzi,” Paige pulls away and almost laughs at the way Azzi pouts, “I need you to say it.”
Azzi’s eyes twinkle with happiness, a spark only Paige can bring out in them. She leans in, the feel of her breath sending shivers of anticipation up Paige’s spine.
“Wanna play ball?” she whispers sensually. Paige lets out an irritated whine and Azzi bursts out laughing, hiding her face in the crook of Paige’s neck.
“Seriously,” Paige groans, pinching Azzi’s waist, but she’s unable to keep the amusement out of her own voice. She hasn’t seen Azzi this happy in so long and if Azzi’s happy, well then everything in Paige’s world is going right. The younger girl’s giggles slowly subside, as her face takes on a more serious expression.
“Paige Madison Bueckers,” she says, cupping Paige’s face, “you’re my best friend, my soulmate and I’m pretty sure you’re the love of my life. And I’m about to be real cliché here so don’t laugh but baby, I want your face to be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. I want you at your best but even more at your worst. I want everything as long as it’s with you. Because I am so completely, and utterly and ridiculously in love with you.”
“When did you become such a poet Azzi Fudd,” Paige says, her smile widening when Azzi laughs again, “I’m so completely and utterly and ridiculously in love with you.”
Paige recaptures Azzi’s lips with her own, pulling her girl as close to her as she can. The kiss is sweet and a little salty from the happy tears running down both their faces. It’s innocent and lazy, and still sloppy and passionate. It’s everything.
“If you ever break up with me again, I’ll kill you,” Azzi says, only half joking.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Paige promises, “you’re stuck with me for life.”
***
A/N: Congratulations on making it to the end of that! I'm ngl, I love the concept but I don't think I wrote it out particularly well but I had fun writing it so hopefully y'all enjoyed reading it. I promise the next one will be more happy. But for now, I hope this was worth it <3.
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Hai! This is my first time trying to request anything so please let me know if im doing it wrong >_<
I was wondering if you could do headcanons about sir pentious with a gn!reader who has wings? (like angel wings but they don't necessarily have to be an angel)
I think it would be really cute :)
feel free to ignore this if you dont feel like it!
Also idk if you do emoji anons but if you do could i be 🎸 anon?
Again please let me know if im doing this correctly tumblr is so confusing 😭
Sir Pentious x Reader who has wings
No need to apologize, you worded this request excellently! As for emoji anons... hmm.. I'm a little new to tumblr, what exactly is an emoji anon? Is it just a means for an anon to identify themselves without exposing their blog name? If so I don't mind one bit!
I hope you enjoy this, Guitar Anon!
He enjoys when you wrap your wings around him. During cuddling, during sleeping. To shield him from the rain or from any stray attacks that come his way. He thinks your wings are beautiful, regardless of what covers them. Fur or feather, he will go on about how gorgeous they are as he runs his fingers through it. On the chance that you have feathered wings, he may incorporate one of your fallen feathers into something; an outfit perhaps? Tuck the feather into the trim of his hat, maybe...
Depending on how much space the base of your wings take up on your back, he may have to readjust himself for hugs until he grows used to your anatomy. If they're small, then he will not have much of an issue! But say, they go from your shoulder blades to lower back... that may take a little while longer...
Imagine flying around and tapping on the glass of his ship... oh he'd be so startled... He's happy to see you, of course! He simply wasn't expecting to see you in the sky with him.. outside!
If your feathers ever ruffle from surprise or anger, or anything else really; he might subconsciously lean over and smooth them out... almost petting them. It feels nice, so you allow it!
Sometimes uses your wing as a blanket when the two of you are sleeping in the same bed together. Snuggles himself close to you under it, too.
#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel imagine#hazbin imagine#hazbin x reader#hazbin x you#sir pentious x reader#sir pentious x you#sir pentious imagine
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expectation
expectation - chaewon x 6/7th member! reader
synopsis: you always had expectations
genre: be warned there is a kiss, angst, idk this timeline a bit weird, fluff at the end?, it's so long..., not very obvious pinning 1.9k words
money, power, and influence
3 most used words that everybody uses to describe you family. smart, blessed, and private were often the words that media would use to describe you parents. your three siblings all accomplished people in their field achieving the highest prestige of each field.
your eldest brother, a 26 year-old astronaut. he is the youngest person in asia to be sent up to space, having a masters in aeronautical engineering. before heading to space he was considered one of the best engineers making and fixing space ships.
followed by your second older brother, a 24 year-old surgeon who works with doctors without borders to help refugees in 3rd world countries to offer free health care. His public image is to seen as the perfect with his "dreamy visuals" and "charming" personality he was seen as the perfect son in law to many moms.
your older sister, a 22 year-old genius at business marketing and an well respected entrepreneur. she was dubbed with the title of "iconic", and "genius" as she made her way up the ranks of one of koreas billionaire without the help of her family money or name.
then there was you, a twenty year-old who had just finished their masters in biology engineering and a producer. but the difference between you and your sibling was that they were claimed by the 'choi' family once they had been successful. This insane drive to be able to receive validation from your parents had led down your siblings of trying to top each other.
when you had study abroad at MIT you had a chance to meet some awesome people realizing how unhealthy your family situation was you wanted to be able to pull away from it. so that's what you did, doing what your family hated the most becoming an idol. oddly enough, you were pretty competent at dancing due to your past in figure skating. passing the audition at source music and being added into a group in the works called 'le sserafim'. Getting along with the members well before the debut, filming the documentary hyping up the debut, and of course learning the choreo.
eventual, a year the time came where you were revealed to the public to as the final member of the le sserafim line up. to say your family was livid at you for becoming an idol, let alone one in a group. parents yelling at you over the phone just beside the room where the fimmies were celebrating the final member debut. multiple text flooded your phone with angry message from your siblings all but one oddly enough, your second eldest brother congratulating on your debut. those words were able to make you release the dam of tears you were holding from frustrations, wrecking every fiber of your being. you had responded with a calm text of 'thanks.'
soon falling asleep on your bed fimmies checking in on you seeing if you wanted to celebrate but was met with you sleeping. assuming that you were just tired from all the stress of debuting soon. closing the door quietly they headed over to the other dorm to celebrate.
it was a year after you debut where you had been last contacted by your family aside from your second brother. apparently, the last child of the esteemed 'choi' family not being claimed had started to make other people feel curious about the last member remaining identity. the hunt for the last child was on, each news outlets all clamoring to get any information about the last choi. searching through many choi who were extremely accomplished at anything eachtime getting repeatedly rejected. People even started claiming that they were the long lost choi. With rumors being shut down official by the statement of the family 'we will not be claiming our last child as they have done something to dishonor our family. until, she has properly return to the path that is right we will not be making any statement regarding our child.'
with that statement you had felt like all of the media eyes turned towards the celebrities because the choi family was well known to dislike the entertainment because of their cheap nature. The only people they liked in the entertainment industry was well established and talented people.
the media teared through the entertainment industry pass making sure they had fit the regulation of being born after 2000s, female, and choi as a last name. you saw as the number dwindled slowly winding down the guesses to lia (itzy) and you. Both companies were pestered to make statements regarding their artists but only jyp had made a statement denying that lia was not apart of that 'choi' family.
which had just left you, and you had not told the company about you being related to that 'choi' family. the issue had become so big that you were eventually called into a meeting with mr.bang about how to address the issue. you had came clean about being related to that 'choi' family but what you had never expect was bang si-hyuk agreeing with you to not say a word to the public business as usual they say.
now the other problem your family. All mad at you for choosing to go into a career path with fake prestige attached to it. Never caring or understanding enough to figure why you had did this. The constant insults of your members and yourself berating you from your family was slowly grinding away at your nerves.
“hey y/n? you good?” asked the korean a bit concerned as you haven’t been your usual self in the while. She dipped her tea bag in her cup wiping the tea bag at the edge of cup after she was done.
"yea," you huffed out not wanting to burden her with your family problems. the members knew aside from the youngest's that you always had family problems regarding becoming an idol but they would never understand how deep hatred ran. chaewon could never understand why you had isolated yourself, but she knew the only one you would open to would be yunjin. it was always the expectation that you would open up to her first as she was the leader, the backbone of the group. but for some odd reason you never did.
if chaewon could describe you with one word, it would be troubling. no matter what she did, even with other members help, you would never talk with her. when push came to shove, both chaewon and you kept shoving each other, always harder than the last. she couldn't put a word on you before; she always admired you from afar before debuting, noticing how you always trained constantly, always striving for perfection.
but this trait eventually became the downfall between the two of you because when you were confronted with your unhealthy training habits, you always shut her out. which had led you to almost shut her out of every aspect of your life she wanted to talk about: family, training progress, song progress, dancing, even the seemingly most random things. whenever, there was a conversation that was had between the two of you, one would always leave frustrated. she just couldn't understand your reluctance to take criticism from her, have a conversation about anything, and how you could never fit her expectations of how to take care of a member.
this led to chaewon talking the ear off of her former member and now soloist, kwon eunbi, about what to do with you. "she's just so closed off and frustrating," chaewon huffed out while punching a pillow beside her.
"have you ever considered why she wouldn't talk to you?" eunbi questioned the small figure huffing on her couch.
"no?? how am i supposed to even think about that when she doesn't even give me a chance to talk to her?" she complained as she finally stopped punching the poor pillow and laid down.
"phrase it this way. why do you have this expectation that she has to be open to you?" eunbi questioned the younger.
"when we were in iz*one, you helped everyone with their problems as a leader should. meaning ... that for me to be a good leader, i should also help the members with their problems, but she never let me do so," chaewon huffed out while hugging the pillow.
"first off, i didn't help everyone with their all problems. i allowed everyone to come to me at their own pace, never setting an expectation for anybody," eunbi explained to chaewon but was interrupted.
"but-" chaewon said as she was about to refute each of her eunbi points but was cut off.
"doesn't mean that because you came to me with your problem, all the members did. we all have our way to cope, and it may be different from other people's, but as long as it's healthy, i see no reason why to intervene," eunbi said while sitting beside chaewon now holding her hand.
"fine, i'll let it be," chaewon huffed into the pillow while squeezing eunbi's hand.
slowly but surely, the more chaewon had backed off. the more you opened up to her, the fewer the yelling matches you both had every day, and slowly came the calm. it was odd for chaewon, she was never used to both of you coexisting peacefully, you on the other side of the kitchen buttering your toast for the morning before going to the gym. when practice came around, it took chaewon every single ounce of her being to not be critical of your every move and to allow the choreographer to point out mistakes, which allowed you to put more of a groove into the dance to fix the problem.
it was odd; it made the choreography more balanced, and you seemed happier with it and yourself. the nights where you had stayed back had lessened, and you were slowly opening up more to her, telling her about the little problems you had throughout the day. which led her to open up to you about the small problems she had throughout the day, and both of you slowly became closer to each other through the happy days.
she noticed a pattern with you. whenever you had expectations placed upon you, you always rebelled and defied those expectations. however, when you had zero expectations, you excelled and thrived in the environment.
until it was in the middle of promotion. you as a part of your family because your family had owed a favor to distract the public. the headline had said
'the choi's family finally claims LE SSERAFIM CHOI Y/N as the last and final child. Hybe has yet to confirm the family's claim. do you think this is true?'
she noticed that you had run out of the room as soon as you saw that headline with a sick look on your face. all of your members except yunjin looked wide-eyed as her eyes darted around the room for you. chaewon slipped out of the room, walking to the washroom, where she knew where you had always gone to hide.
"it's ok." were the only consoling words. then, a minute later, she noticed that the tremors had settled down. you were looking down with your eyes red, biting the tip of your thumb. "hey," the word she mumbles up as she tilts your chin in her direction, "it's going to be okay." the next thing she knew, your lips were on hers, and she was kissing back.
you had defied every bit of her expectation.
a/n: bro i'm actually so addicted to rhythm hive its a problem. been playing super shy and unforgiven on it so much... unforgiven jp is so good stream it- (AND IT HAS ADO-)
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