#idk what else to say theyre hot... thats really it lmao

[arcanegifs]

#idk what else to say theyre hot... thats really it lmao

[randomsufff]

Ok fuck it- I keep seeing the Great Gatsby pop up (thanks Gravity Falls lmao) and recently saw The Great Gatsby on Broadway and I need to spill out my thoughts on this musical

I’ll hold off my grips with it compared to the book till the very end- since I know a lot of argument around this musical is that it’s an adaptation and the adaptors are liable for taking creative liberties. Which- yeah! That’s valid! But I’d argue that in order to adapt something successfully, if you’re gonna make huge (and I mean HUGE) changes to the source material, it’s gotta somewhat follow some reason that makes sense for the characters and/or adds some layer or depth to the story or else you get something like HBOs Velma. But more on that in either an entirely other post or later depending on how long this gets

Read bellow if you want a really fucking long, detailed description of the show and what I think it did right and very, very wrong.

I will say- as a TLDR rn- I thought the show was just…ok. Like- “yeah that show sure was a musical.” kind of ok. The good songs and amazing spectacle of a few of the numbers kinda cancel out the bad pacing and really questionable narrative choices the show made. Also- hearing Eva Noblezada sing live changed my life.

OK- so I’ll start out by saying- I believe we had basically all the original current cast except for Jordan Baker was played by Traci Elaine Lee (who was absolutely phenomenal so I’m not too sad about missing Samantha Pauly)

I really thought the show was ok. Like I don’t hate it vehemently but I don’t love it either. I feel like the only reason it’s so famous is because of its two powerhouse leads (Hot take? Maybe.) Anyways, I don’t know how to go about this so we’ll go list form

1) PACING WAS ATROCIOUS

Again, not even comparing it to the novel- the pacing felt really off and didn’t even make much sense story wise. Like we would rush past certain information and then linger on scenes that didn’t really need to be lingered on? At least to me, I felt like there was other stuff the show should have prioritized showing- CAUSE THATS THE THING WITH THIS SHOW- is that they TELL not SHOW a LOT of information- so it kinda just feels like you’re being tossed plot without experiencing it.

For example, literally as soon as the show starts, Nick and party goers just throw all the information about Gatsbys party and being mysterious at the beginning by telling us and not showing, like he never shown to be cryptically hanging around in the first like 20 minutes of the show (at least that I remember- there was a lot happening in the opening number 😭) . Which sucks because they did this REALLY COOL thing right before the show started where Gatsby was standing there and was immediately gone as soon as a screen passed. LIKE YOU COULDN’T HAVE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN WHEN THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT HIM???

(Also- recently saw a rehearsal (?) video where Gatsby like actually opened the opening song “Roaring On”, and that would have been great if they kept that! Because looking back, I felt like Gatsby had the least amount of stage time. Which probably I sn’t actually true, but it really felt like it. Like where is the main guy??? His first appearance (after his little disappearing act) is like, 20 minutes into the show. Idk for something that’s called “The Great Gatsby” he sure wasn’t on stage a lot. )

Then a couple scene later, Gatsby reveals to Nick- a man he JUST MET FACE TO FACE- that he’s in deep love with his married cousin and asks him TO HIS FACE that he wants him to set up a meeting with her. And then they move on. Like???

If you watched the show, maybe this’ll make sence to you, maybe this won’t, but it feel like they rushed past everything in the original source material, and only expanded and talked at length the aspects they wrote in.

Also the ending was so. Incredibly. Rushed. Like we don’t even get to see Daisys reaction to killing/hitting Myrtle. As soon as the fight at the Plaza ends everything else happens in like 15 minutes. Are you kidding me. WE DONT GET TO SEE DAISY ACTUALLY HIT MYRTLE. They did the ol’ “Bright lights get shined at the audience as character pretends to get hit” but that’s it! Literally THE REASON why Gatsby is killed and we don’t get to see it or their reactions in the moment. They just… tell us what happened instead of showing it to us. (“Daisy tried to swerve to the next lane but there was a car coming- and then… she just peeled off. She’s packing now…” YOU COULDN’T SHOW THIS TO US???) No idea of how Daisy or Gatsby reacted immediately after, only the next day. No rambled and frightened dialogue of their game plan, no glimpse into Daisys psyche where it’s shown she’s not going to choose Gatsby after all. Nothing.

Oh! And guess how long Gatsbys funeral was? Like a minute long. Just Nick sitting next to a casket in the background while party goers, Jordan and Wolfsheim dismiss Gatsby with a throwaway line. Like bro… that’s your main lead character… shouldn’t you give him, idk , at least more than a minute on stage when he dies? And like yeah I get that that’s the point that he’s forgotten, but I thought it was going to be more prominent than that! Give me Nick standing solemnly next to a casket thats dead center on a completely empty stage while he narrates how no one showed up. How despite the riches and infamy, no one, not even Jays own father (cause literally no one was by the casket on stage but Nick) showed up for his funeral. Instead of weirdly dismissing it like it’s not important?

2) NICK AND JORDENS “RELATIONSHIP”

Nah this actually pisses me off because there’s literally no point in this being so highlighted when it literally goes fucking nowhere.

So their relationship arc goes like this: Jorden says relationships sucks because she wants to be an independent woman in the 20s. Nicks like, I am not looking for a relationship but if we were in one I’d let you do all those things. They flirt, almost kiss, flirt more, do kiss, Nick says “let’s get married /j” Jorden says “yeah let’s get married /srs”, they get ENGAGED, they fight after discussing if they inadvertently caused Myrtle’s death (Jorden intentionally let Myrtle know where they were going that night), break up, and never speak to each other the rest of the show.

HELLO? What the actual fuck was the point of this then? If you wanted to expand Jorden to be the independent, feminist, girlboss *cough lesbian cough* that she is, just let her stay single?? She doesn’t need to be with Nick if you want her to be a part of the main cast.

The main problem I have with this is that the musical put wayyyy too much emphasis on it. And it’s so funny because there’s this big, dramatic, movie-esc pause Nick does after he says “I don’t want to marry you”, and sorry to the people who genuinely gasped, but be fr, are we surprised??? Jordan has been saying from literally her first line that men/marriage sucks, and that she would never do that willingly- then when she get married to a guy she knows for, at most? 1-2 weeks (idk how long the musical take place over), I’m supposed to take that relationship seriously????

In fact, I felt like their relationship often overshadowed Gatsby and Daisys, which shouldn’t happen, because the whole fucking shows about Gatsby.

For example, they steamrolled Gatsby and Daisys reunion with a budding Jordan and Nick plotline, for some reason??? Like they literally show Gatsby and Daisy seeing each other, have them say a few sentences wistfully reminiscing their first meeting, then have them go inside the house while their silhouettes are shown talking while the audience stays with Nick and Jorden OUTSIDE as they joke and almost kiss each other. HUH??? How are you going to literally push your years-long, slow burn yearning MAIN ROMANCE reunion to the side for a budding relationship that came out of nowhere and frankly dosent need to exist? And since we’re not going book accurate, you can actually SHOW how Gatsby and Daisy fall back into each others orbit, how their conversation went. But no.

It got so bad that I honestly can’t tell if one of the themes of this musical is something about marriage because of how much they pushed the “married/ people in a relationship” dynamic. Like what are you trying to tell me? All marriages are doomed??? I don’t even know (mayhaps just me being aroace)

What grips me the most is that they don’t even get any closure. Like they literally never speak to each other after that night Myrtle is killed. (Mostly cause the show ends literally 5 minutes later). The whole show they put these two together, build up their romance, show them having cute and funny moments together… all for what? For nothing?

AND I DID LIKE THEM. They were a cute couple, and their chemistry and jokes together were funny and charming. Their dynamic was interesting too, with Jordan wearing the pants, so to speak, and insisting she maintain her freedom while in marriage/ a relationship which wasn’t heard of in the 20s. But for all that to end because Jorden didn’t want to tell the cops Gatsby and Daisy possible ran her over/they’re partially responsible??? Like they INVESTED. SO. MUCH. in this relationship (to the point where they got ENGAGED???) that it feels so stupid and dumb for it to end like “wow you’re heartless :c I don’t want to marry you anymore :ccc” “well too bad, L, you’re guilty too asshole. Bye.”

AND what really grinds my gears is that if they cut this whole shit out, or at least made it more in the background, it would give more time to flesh out the few other problems I have with this show

3) SONG… EFFICIENCY (?)

Ok last point that’s not as much of a complaint as the others, but it was still something that bothered me. Some of the songs just say nothing/ repeat stuff we already know. Mainly thinking of (and sorry to people who like these songs- I’m not saying they’re bad! They’re just not a lot of info there) “For Her”, “Go”, or “Shady”

Like “For Her”, he’s just saying “I did [list of things involved with his fame/money] for her” for 4 minutes and you don’t even know who “her” is until like, the last line. Like this could have been a perfect opportunity to deep dive into Gastbys upbringing/ past, but the most the musical goes into Gatsby’s past is that he was in the war. Like you don’t get the sense that this man worked his way literally from the ground up for this woman. It’s just so repetitive that, even though it was Jeremy Jordon, I was getting bored halfway through.

AGAIN, this is not slandering Jeremy Jordan (JJ stans please spare me), you could have the most amazing Broadway singer sing with the best technique, but if it’s a dull, repetitive song, PERSONALLY, I’d be bored. They could have just combined this with another song, or as I suggested, add more purpose to the song and maybe put it later in the musical.

Similarly, “Go” (and, AGAIN, love Jeremy and Eva) was super repetitive and could have just been reduced to dialogue.

And “Shady”, though also a really good song, frankly could have been cut out. For some reason the musical really wanted Wolfsheim to be a main antagonist/prominent character and gave him this song- but there’s nothing in it that wasn’t already implied in the first Act and it really has nothing to do with any of the other characters, other then a vague “Jay and Daisy” gotta keep their affair secret (which… yeah I think we know that, but also to compare that to… hiding dead bodies and minding your own business- it’s???? Idk what they were going for)

(Tbh- I conversed with my dad who also mainly wanted to see the show for Jermey Jordan and Eva Noblezada and he said that none of JJ songs were that memorable, which I kinda agree with. He’s a great singer, a very talented man, but the songs he was made to sing in this show were not it. Just nothing of substance or catchiness. Which SUCKS. Because how are you going to get someone like Jeremy Jordan and not have him sing an absolute banger? But weirdly, none of his songs (maybe except “Only Tea” which I really liked) stood out which I’m so disappointed about.)

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Ok that’s all just as it’s own thing (mostly) NOW MY FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH IT COMPARED TO THE BOOK

1.B) NICK AND GATSBY’S FRIENDSHIP

THIS IS THE BIGGEST ONE- Nick and Gatsby friendship is so fucking integral to the original, and it feels like it didn’t even exist in the musical.

Like regardless on whether you ship them or see them as friends- Nick was Jays only fucking friend. He was the ONLY ONE who truly cared about him and went to his funeral when no one else did. In the book, Nick did So. Much. just because he wanted to for Gatsby. Gatsby had to ask Jorden to ask Nick to set up his tea meeting, he attempts to charm and lavish him in trips, and even tries to pay the man to get him to agree. But Nick refuses and is even offended that Gatsby would pay him money for such a thing and immediately accepts the night he finds out. And they actually hung out! Like a lot! At least before Jay asks him for the tea request. And though it could been because he wanted to make it easier for Nick to say yes, they were friendly with each other, and felt like actual pals. Nick genuinely was worried about Gatsby at the end, and even tried to warn him about what he was attempting to do multiple times.

In the musical that bond is just… not there. They rush past meeting each other, they never hang out one on one, and any interaction between them seemed slightly aggressive or politely concerned, like one would be to a stranger, which they technically are!!! The only reason he agrees to Gatsbys plan is basically petty revenge against Tom for punching Myrtle and being an asshole to Daisy/ in general. (Which- I feel like a move thats so out of character for Book!Nick cause he also dislikes Daisy.) Like Nick never learns Gatsbys backstory here (I don’t think he ever tells it, not even to the audience).

The “ you can’t repeat the past” line seemed more aggressively exasperated in delivery then the more soft concern for a close friend I initially read it as. And the “you’re worth more then whole rotten crowd put together” line didn’t really hit as hard because they don’t feel like close friends and nowhere in the show has Nick expresses this pedestal he puts Gatsby on like in the book.

Literally the only times they’re together alone is their initial meeting, and setting up for tea at Nicks. Every other time either Gatsby is with Daisy or Nicks with Jorden. They could have at least put together a cool ass montage of them hanging together, using those moving panels, going through diffrent activities as Jay introduces himself with his Oxford and army line, instead of dumping it all on him on their literal first meeting in his study.

(Also noted that they made it so Gastby owns the property Nick lives on and is renting it out for the man. Idk why they did this- to make it so Nick is indebted to Gatsby??? Also Gatsby vaguely threatens/ says something with a condescending/threatening aura (???) before Nick leaves after Jay ASKS A MAN .5 SECONDS AFTER MEETING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME FACE TO FACE for the tea set up. Like there was a moment where he held onto Nicks hand as they shake goodbye, held his eye and said a line (I forgor) and kinda stood there staring him down before Nick awkwardly left. LIKE WHAT WAS THAT???? WHO ARE YOU???? WHY??? Literally doing everything to make sure no one can ship them)

2.B) THEY STRAIGHT-IFIED MY BOY.

NICK WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU. It felt like they wanted to take away any whiff of an implication that this man is gay. Like literally no build up to Jay and Nicks friendship, no meaningful scenes between the two, going head first and completely committing to Jordan, AND THE MR MCKEE SCENE BEING LIKE THAT.

AND MR MCKEE, IM SO, SO SORRY WHAT THEY’VE DONE TO YOU. They made him to be some predator who harasses Nick the whole party scene. And this could have been so. easy. to fit into the queer lens if the actor who plays Nick (Noah J Ricketts, fucking what a talented man) acted interested in Mr.McKee but was actively restraining himself and trying not to engage in order to save face in front of Tom and Co. (Please, please, please- making a prayer circle and manifesting that one of the later actors does this down the line) But noooooo, Nick is shown to be mildly uncomfortable while McKee follows him around (in an unfortunately a banger of a song) EVEN THOUGH IN THE BOOK NICK ACTIVELY ENGAGES WITH HIM IN HOMOEROTIC DIALOGUE AND EVEN GOES TO BED WITHBNANJSBSJB

3.B) Jordan’s Purpose

Already touch this before but what the hell was the point of Jordan here. I love the “cool independent woman in the 20s” angle they were going for, but then why the hell would you immediately shackle her to a romantic relationship with Nick when that goes against literally everything she stands for. And I’m not saying she can’t get in relationships, but the speed in which SHE of ALL PEOPLE, was like “Yes I want to get married to you for real” make me…

Sure it was said in the novel that Nick and Jorden were together, but he was always flighty about her; saying he was attracted to her but also hated some of her qualities (dishonesty and heartlessness). It wasn’t the main focus like it was here (I can’t even remember much of their relationship in the book tbh) and they didn’t invest so much in it as they did in the musical that it didn’t feel out of nowhere or too much of a big deal when they broke up. Like it fr felt like the musical held up a “Gasp Now” sign when Nick said he doesn’t want to get married to her cause they wanted that moment to hit so hard for some reason???

AND. There was an ACTUAL PURPOSE to Jordan relationship with Nick in the book (a representation of the wealth he was attracted to then repulsed by [*cough* also contributing the “Nick is Queer” lens *cough*]) they… kinda? did it in the musical? And it would have been boosted by Nicks new naivety in the musical, but it falls short because they never speak again, or really explain Jordan’s value on wealth and herself is why it went wrong other then a “you’re heartless” line that feels out of nowhere. (Idk maybe I was too focused on how pointless that relationship felt that I failed to noticed if Nick had a Big RevelationTM here on Wealth and Jordan)

4.B) Character Differences

Some of them are great, like there’s more dimensions to some, but some character choices, I’m like- that goes against everything they’re supposed to represent in the book.

Like I found it so weird how willing Daisy was to run away with Gatsby in the musical when in the book it was more obvious, at least I read it so, that she was holding back a bit and was never going to run with Gatsby that far. Like wdym Gatsby could have had it all if he just ran with Daisy then, WDYM HE SAID NO BECAUSE OF HIS PRIDE???? HUH? WHERE did this priority of PRIDE come from???? When Daisy’s RIGHT. THERE. Like she was sobbing, begging him to run with her. In what universe would Gatsby turn that down???

Like many people say, this seems like it’s supposed to be a love story between Gatsby and Daisy, but in the book it’s pretty obvious how Daisy isn’t as committed to Gatsby then she is Tom cause of their Old vs New money.

And Myrtle? Why did she suddenly turn back to George? I felt like the only reason why that happened is cause the creators wanted shock and tragedy factor. Like “aw she finally found peace in where she is but oops now she’s dead”

And it would have been good if they actually showed why she thought this beyond the 3 minute song, cause that’s not enough time for someone who only chased after money to do a 180. Like, sure she figured Tom would just move on from her (YES EVERYONE CHEERED, GREAT CHARACTER MOMENT) but George isn’t shown to be that great either in his last moments with her. I mean he locked her in the house? Bathroom? and was pretty violent towards her. Sure we learn earlier that he’s doing a lot for her but we never SEE it. He sings to US the audience about his dream to move them out and live a nice life but not to HER which could have been a cute point of connection but nooooooo.

They also made Nick like, kinda naive. Like he really likes Daisy and Jorden and I guess Gastby (though it’s not shown) compared to his counterpart who know how money corrupts and kinda hates everyone (even Gatsby at points). Any I feel like they could have done well with making him naive to that fact, to really make this a tragedy (like Hadestown esc) but they fell short somehow. I think it’s cause the ending was so rushed. Like there wasn’t enough time to show the consequences of everyone’s actions and how hurt and changed he is. It all flys by in like 7 minutes.

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Ok now we’re done being cynical- here are the good things I liked

1.C) The woman are 3-Dimensional yay/ Nicks also here

Myrtle’s song (Second-Hand Suit) is phenomenal. Great way to introduce more character and backstory to someone who originally had none.

Also, again, loved Jordan’s independence angle (if only they WENT SOMEWHERE WITH IT) and I lowkey loved the “well Tom cheats why can’t you” line and Daisy’s whole attitude as she one ups Tom in the dinner table scene. Also Daisy was already kinda complex in the book, but it really shows how turmoiled she is here and that’s interesting,

And despite how I kinda ragged on it, I really did like Nicks personality throughout the musical. He was sooo humorous in a way he wasn’t in the book. Also, thinking about it, his nativity is an interesting spin on his character that I really would have liked if it was executed properly.

2.C) The songs fucking slap

I can’t lie, most of these songs are bangers. I have half of the songs on loop. Not to mention the actors who sing them are absolutely incredible. I won’t lie, I was mostly interested in this musical cause of Jeremey and Eva; and Eva, holy shit, is an absolute powerhouse to witness live. I was So. Surprised by how effortlessly she sang notes and how clear and crisp they were (“Absolute Rose” was… idk what it was about that song, but I’m obsessed with how she sang that song, [except the “open” part? Idk it grates me for some reason???] even though it’s not my favorite song) Like she truly embodies Daisy Fay and it was incredible to see that in person.

However, the rest of the cast was so incredible too, ESPECIALLY MYRTLE (Chilina Kennedy). Holy Fuck is that woman amazing at singing. Her two songs she sang absolutely ate, like I’m obsessed with her voice. Wolfsheim (Eric Anderson) and George (Paul Whitty) also had amazing voices.

Also NICK??! Holy shit, I’m so sorry you’re not in like any promotional stuff cause you fucking killed it. The way I’m obsessed with how he sings “If only I’d knew then, that I would never be the same” in “Roaring On” and how he sings “The Met” is amazing

3.C) Visuals- kinda

Some of the visuals were ok tbh- kinda boring- but the ones that went big, WENT BIG. Of course “New Money”, “Roaring On” and “The Met” are the ones that stand out the most in my mind. “New Money” and “Roaring On” are exactly what you probably think it is, big dance numbers with sparks and huge lights. But I loved “The Met” cause the furniture slid around and literally moved around Nick while people drifted in and out of the room. It was just great to watch visually.

4.C) THE ENDING NUMBER HOLY SHIT

I. Love. Love. LOVE. How they brought back the opening number, and the theme of party goers going on from party to party to show how unimportant Gatsby was to the world, and how everyone moved on.

Like, Nick stood in the center of the stage, reciting the end of the book, in tears and voice cracking, as the ensemble in the back slowly get revealed and are just having a grand ol time looking for the next party. Just- chills. It was amazing conceptually and they pulled it off so well.

If the musical got nothing else in terms of structure going for it- at least they got the last minute right cause omg, I love when media has opposing moods in the same scene, and they did so well here.

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Overall, yeah. Not horrible but I don’t love it. The lack in plot and nonsense relationships and complete disregard of the book didn’t totally ruin the musical cause I had a good time and liked the songs and such but I would not go back and re watch it.

I think of you know nothing about the book or anything about The Great Gatsby other then there’s a guy named Gatsby and he’s great and you just want a nice sounding show, you’ll probably like this, but people who are burdened by the knowledge of the book will be hung up on a lot of things I mentioned here.

Always, long ass post, congrats to anyone who actually read this real informal review. I haven’t gone into how this is a pretty bad adaptation, but I’ll have to do that in another post (if people want to see that) and another time cause this took my literal hours to type out.

(Tbh I might just do the adaptation essay anyways, cause I’ve written at least 4 papers on adaptation in media [and how Groundhog Day the musicals the best Movie to Musicals adaptation] and I love that shit)

[oexen]

cw hoarding + mentions of animal and child neglect

is it really gonna take me telling my mother its extremely concerning to have PILES of cat waste just. around. in the house

like i know shes going to flip the fuck out at me in some way or another, be very angry or sad or hurt or some secret other option and like. she misgenders and deadnames me as if i never shared the info with her, the crux of our relationship is financial and thats even pretty minimal. like yeah maybe its sincerely not my problem and i KNOW you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but i dont want to inherit a cat piss soaked infested brick.... thing. no fucking way dude. that shit realistically probably has to be gutted ngl, its fucking awful. shes a hoarder and never really touched my old bedroom so i have some stuff there, stuff id actually like to take even, but the smell is literally pervasive to the point that books smell like it on the fucking inside.

like shes actually at the point her neckbeard nest doesnt register as a problem to her. even with... another person who is not me having to actually go inside of the house??? i like cannot fathom whats going on inside that god forsaken head of hers, she asked me why i was wearing a mask inside and turned around and walked away before i could even say anything, lmfao.

i couldnt spend more than one night in her house and had a mask on the whole time because it fucking blew so hard to be in there. this fucking idiot got 3 huge WORKING dogs (pyrenees and a burmese mtn dog) because its "in her life plan" (news to me lmao!) and tldr she impulse bought them because theyre cute. shes never fucking home, works 9-5 and theyre crated a lot of the time and its fucking horrible to see, i freaked the absolute fuck out on her when i first heard that she had new puppies like what 2 years ago? fucking neglecting the elderly dogs she already had in favor of getting these for some fucking reason, "no more dogs after this one dies" turns into 3 giant stupid fucking untrained, neglected mistakes. the singular saving grace is that they have a big yard to run around in, but that doesn't do a hell of a lot of good when it's hot and this idiot refuses to walk them when shes home anyway. couldn't possibly be because theyre untrained and will drag her stupid ass down the street fr. i think im going to literallt snail mail the next door neighbor or maybe even both of them because like.... what the actual fuck is she doing with these dogs. GET HELP.

ive been telling this absolute knob for YEARS she needs to chill out and do something else (like 3 of her closest blood relatives died in the past several years, 2 of which she was literally caretaking, and she still volunteers at a fucking hospice and has NEVER SOUGHT BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING, LET ALONE COUNSELING IN GENERAL), she keeps saying shes fucking fine and we have LITERALLY had the exchange where she says it to my face and i gesture around and say CLEARLY!!!!!

Anyway. the dogs. shes going to get worse and i know it and im just so disgusted by the prospect of having to like lay it all out probably because no one else will, and i guess i care because its literally affecting me, i sat and wrote all this because im cleaning stuff i took from her house like books and SEALED ITEMS THAT ALSO SMELL LIKE CAT PISS ON THE INSIDE OF THE PACKAGING????????? and got triggered. but whatever. this woman treated me like shit and neglected me for my entire childhood and turns it around and goes WHATDIEVERDOTOYOU if i so much as refuse a hug even this far down the line, its been nearly 10 years since ive lived with her, and like. holy fuck. and she doesnt have a single fucking clue lol like idk its also just like pathetic and sad to see a person go through this, even though she gives me mmmm essentially nothing but feelings of disgust when i really think about it. its just fucked and everyones dying or doesnt care or doesnt feel like they can say anything and im like. idk. i could literally bring this up to lots of people she knows, i could find a damn way, but like yaknow..... it fucking sucks so hard to have to do all this bc this woman is literally severely mentally ill and needs a fucking hand but it sure as shit isnt going to be mine, at least not physically. god.

[straycalamities]

ive been thinking a lot about the nitty gritty of my attraction and gender and the only things im sure about are: 1. i'm absolutely graysexual 2. my gender is pretty majority male but not entirely so like...85% male or smth but male enough that i don't want any other descriptors or pronouns outside of strictly masculine ones (i mean if u call me "girl" or whatever jokingly i get it but when ur being serious i mean.) 3. i'm attracted to masculinity but androgyny is also super duper hot.....................that's why its like?? am i gay? or bi?? bc when i say i'm bi i mean like....i'm mainly attracted to men but if someones androgynous or masculine enough, even if theyre not a man, im attracted so??? what the HAYL am i??? bc im not rly...attracted to feminine ppl like ever....

but also is it romantic? or sexual? is it aesthetic? do my romantic and sexual attractions line up? does it matter? @_@ ARGH

my dating history has been 6 dudes and 1 genderfluid person (plus 2 more dudes who were BASICALLY dating me we just didnt call it official) and i feel like thats a pretty good representation for what im attracted to

but ive also had a few crushes on like...okay 4 girls? and then one who when i crushed on him he was fem-presenting but turns out he was a trans guy lmao

but also were those REALLY crushes? because 1. we were close friends (besides 1 and idk if she even counts bc i mighta just been in a desperate period of my life tbqh) and 2. at the same time of thinking about all this madness i'm like...am i on the aro spectrum as well??? do i get platonic/aesthetic feelings confused for romantic? what ARE romantic feelings? what's going on? and how can i even have someone explain it bc romantic feelings for one person might not be romantic feelings to someone else

idk man im just lost

so i sit here in my graysexual trans man comfort blanket and try not to think about anything else i just wave the bi flag bc its the prettiest one but it goes so deep dude...so deep...

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

[ha-youwish]

Obligatory "The World Ends With You" for the fandom ask

oh HELL yeah twewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewy time

The first character I first fell in love with:

hm i think joshua used to be in the top spot in my favs

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:

neku <3 literally the brainrot is real

The character everyone else loves that I don’t:

hm i dont think i could ever day i dislike any of the twewy characters, especially the popular ones bc theyre popular for a reason lmao. i guess i’d say that i dont think minamimoto is hot (sorry sho fans).

that being said he Is the tumblr sexyman of this fandom tho and i am sticking by that opinion. i’ve seen how yall act you aint slick

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

hm is there a largely hated character for this fandom? at least for the og twewy (idk anything about neo lmao)? theres like general joshua discourse a long time ago but that doesn’t count does it? i think a long time ago people really didnt pay as much attention to rhyme or even beat, but ive loved those two <3

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

shiki what happened to me and you we were supposed to rule the world girl and all you gave me was [Plot Device]

The character I would totally smooch: 

platonically? give beat a little smooch on the forehead for me. romantically? i think Uzuki is Very pretty (and as far as i am into neo i also think kanon deserves a smooch)

The character I’d want to be like: 

mr hanekoma or beat. mr h bc he actually has (most of) his life together and i want him to be my second dad. beat bc he can skateboard and thats really fucking cool

The character I’d slap: 

joshua no hesitation

A pairing that I love:

neku and Being Aroace. neku is aroace or he’s ace depending on if i want to put him with someone or not. but seriously i think we should push the nekubeat agenda more, and i think shiki and eri should kiss

A pairing that I despise:

i also saw this one think with josh/rhyme and that was a huuuuge Nope for me so that i guessss? i mean its not big so hm.

just anything thats generally icky for the most part? shit that makes the characters be ooc is also weird for me. like what are you doing to them lmao put them back. the twewy fandom is relatively tame with this stuff and im not too involved with shipping as i am with other fandoms (see neku and aroace above)

ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ᵘ ᵃⁿᵒⁿ

[albedos-experiment-gone-wrong]

marching band leaderships: demon slayer edition

Giyū: Flute, But Muichirou made him play piccolo (Giyū wouldnt have agreed but he like the mini flute so he did it), Chill, Quiet, Gets onto other sections and then apologizes because thats not his section (etc: ““TRUMPETS SHUT UP DRUM MAJORS ARE SPEAKING! omg Kocho Im sorry thats not my section hhh” (yes it had to be some low brass bc they never shut up smh), other Leadership Love Him

Muichirou: Flute, kicked Giyū out of his own leadership role after he taught him how to lead smh, “fLuTeS pArAlLeL tO tHe GrOuNd”, Will yell at you, Leadership but doesnt carry the flutes???, Everyone looks to him for notes but then hes like “idk” (he actually knows hes the leader that makes you figure it out 😭(

Obanai: Clarinet, But the High School type. Chill, Pretty helpful, Complains about how hot his clarinet gets, Always has extra water Kochou: Trumpet (Everyone thought she was flute and then she pulls out her trumpet and theyre all: o.o) Loud, Like Giyū shell get onto other sections but won’t apologize lmao, has bug spray but ONLY for band as colour guard never offers band bug spray, the runner

Rengoku: Trombone. Chill, Can read everyones else music, when marching drill hes the one singing the part

Tengen: Percussion. Self explanatory.

Mitsuri: [Former] Colour Guard, the only one that the Band will look out for. She left for Trombones. 

Sanemi: Drum Major “HEY THE BAND INSTRUCTORS ARE SPEAKING YOU NEED TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN”, does not give a single shit lmao but still loves the entire band

Im missing someone but idk their name so :/ guess they can be an instructor :) 

———————————————————————————————————

Band Sections: Demon Slayer edition bc I do have SOME consistency :/

Tanjirou: Trombone, it burns Giyūs grits that hes not in flute-piccolo :( but hes cool (for the most part)

Inosuke: Flute :), (okay flutes are the meanest instruments youll meet in band, were all heartless and would kill younwithout second thought) he seemed like a trumpet but you saw what Kochou did :/ Inosuke  likes flute because its a chance for her to show her girly, delicate side without needing validation, also flute looks like a sword hehe

Zenitsu: Clarinet, he just cluldnt play anything else but ended up being really really good

Genya: Clarinet, (first chair btw) (Hc Sanemi plays clarinet and is the clarinet DM so he just kinda stood and watched him practicing and picked clarinet bc it sounds cool and ((like all younger siblings do)) wanted to follow on his footsteps) (((Sanemi says he cant stand it but it makes him super happy and really proud)))

Kanao: Colour Guard freshman, hasnt learned how rude CG coaches are (IN MY EXPERIENCE THEY ARE ALL SUPER MEAN) but band looks out for her <3

Nezuko: Flute, but shes that one kid with a coloured flute so she sticks out :( but she doesnt care she likes her pink/purple tinted flute. 

Might write more of this AU

[denkilightning]

Yo drop the shinkami smut fics please

lmaoo i got u (undercut cus i dont wan’ everyone to just see the smut i read)

before we got to these ill just say: watch yo kinks. like read the tags before-hand. on every. one. of them. thats called self care

also i dont like shinkami smuts unless theyre a) absolutely whipped for each other b) the room is filled with so much chemistry you can cut it with a knife c) both

feeling good (like we should) by cosmicdazel - THIS FIC. THIS FUCKING FIC IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST READ. THIS IS MY COMFORT FIC. LIKE T H E COMFORT FIC. AAAAAAAAAAA.

Unphased by DramaqueenNmber1 - three chapters, porn with plot, and i love it. they love each other so fucking much. AND theres a proposal. i love it

Hot For Teacher by chamibii - this is the only coming of age story i stan. its that one where denki wears skirts and he isnt made fun of for it. truly iconic. and its technically a teacher/student dynamic but the author makes it work so its not gross??? amazing (like tbh if it were anyone but tosh and denks i woudl probably find it gross but w/e)

Something in Your Mouth by ReadOrDie - i am genuinely down for the headcanon hitoshi has an oral fixation, like i like it. and denki in this fic is just <3

sick note by kaacchaann (brummiebex) - this one is very heartwarming like <33333

A Little Distraction by cym0n - this one is one of the very few trans denki fics that actually tackle the concept of denki being trans instead of just ‘oh yeah denki has a cunt’ to the point where its lowkey fetishizing ykno. and here its so sweet!!!! like yeahh!!! respect and care for each other!!!!!!

Lemme Smash by Xsyrenn - personally i dont really like the ‘everyone fucked with everyone at least once’ cus like?? idk where yall live but shit aint working that way at my high school, but the ending of this one is So So So adorable. AND THE CHEEK KISS. i am,, but weak and soft (and hungry. im hungry rn)

Stay (take your time) by kopycat_101 - denki kills not one but multiple guys!! how cool is that!!! but he feels guilty about it. and this one is pretty long, and theres quite a lot of miscommunication so if thats a turnoff for you (which is very valid) then this fic aint for you. its also not smut focused, and its more on the heavy/angsty side so read the tags!!!1

Good Morning Call by Chokemeplease - as i said, i am but weak and soft and they are,, adorable. but this one is pretty kinky so yeah watch the tags

Let's Play A Love Game by orphan_account - this one is also pretty cute!!! like theyre in love and denkis jealous and how can you not love it

Silk by thatswrathbaby - feelings!!!!! so!! much!! feelings!!!! and denki is high so that too

Hi, Husband by TempeTot - they liked each other!!!! from the start!!!! and then they lost contact for 5 years!!!!!! and theyre so in love!!!!!!!!!! AND A PROPOSAL!!!!!!! if there is one way to break and defeat me its by shinkami calling each other ‘husbands’ and guess what this fic is about!!!!

mind running round him by beetime - theyre in love my honor

Pretty Blonde Bunny by NyanMandine - the ending!!!! absolutely adorable!!!! also one of my comfort fics

The Taste of Ink by JesseKun - toshi is SO whipped for denks AND denks being a competent human being!!!

We're both nervous idiots, huh? by Lerin - another theyre in love my honor

storm clouds by secondhxnd - i stan the author so hard just because they made this pwp a quirk science thing. like, the absolute royalty

now cue on me finding that one kinktober fic with that one shinkami chapter-

and found it!!!!

Kinktober 2020 by quietfaun, chapter 7 - everything about this fic, i like it. AND theyre in love like i dont want anything else lmao

[freunwol]

do you happen to have any more phanlumi food i'm so sorry but i'm starving dfgkjdfkjdfg

YELLS UH its been a hot minute but i will provide uwu

- i stand by them not telling the other heroes abt them dating for like way too long, i think eventually phantom would just wanna keep it quiet to fuck with them when they finally did reveal it however much later (”ive had so many conversations with you two how the fuck did you keep it secret” “honestly i dont know either”)

- i also stand by lumi writing shitty poetry with his whole heart, like super stilted but he means it so much...idk that hed be bad at poetry in general but when it comes to his own feelings he doesnt know how to express them aside from Very Literally or not that much at all

- which on the topic of that, makes properly opening up abt his own stuff hard, both out of embarrassment for being too honest AND potentially initially feeling like he should be able to shoulder phantoms weird bull and not burden him...that falls apart as they like talk n shit but i think when theyve just done that Single Genuine Convo i mentioned he’d still have that feeling.

- phan prolly feels like utter trash when lumi explains how much finding out he’s part bm fucked w him...like he thought it would just get on his nerves but no he was having an existential crisis Oops

- lumi doesnt rlly blame him tho...not really. like he knows holding it against him would be silly considering tensions were high at that point and phan didnt know, but... :thinking: (ik thats not happy but even for a while lumi likely still shoves any resentment down, force of habit yknow? and hopefully eventually he’ll feel comfortable enough knowing phantom wouldnt hate him for bringing up past stuff that he could properly communicate stuff that hurt)

...im curious how much of this will change once they rewrite stuff LMAO that whole hc was based on the hom encounter and how much i dislike it kfjdghskfjdshgfdjsk

- tho BASED on the hom encounter, taking it at face value, phan would prolly understand more why lumi snapped back since phan happened to swing a bat at a hornets nest. and given how phan is he may just forgive it on that since lumi would honestly never say something like that unless he was really at the edge of his rope (THESE ARE ALL SO SERIOUS BUT INSECURITIES AND COMMUNICATION ARE IMPORTANT PARTS OF A RELATIONSHIP YKNOW UR GONNA KNOW SOMEONE MORE THAN LIKE ANYTHING ELSE OK THEY HAVE HURDLES!!!)

- i think if they have an argument every sentence is preceded by like “you know i love you but that chair does not fucking go there”

- phan goes between growing his hair out and having it short, and when its long lania braids it and stuff. lumi never comments on it but he thinks it cute

- phan tries to convince lumi to grow his out but lumis afraid it’ll make him look like wm so he tells him to dye then grow it which prompts an eye roll followed by a slightly too serious deliberation on what color would be fitting (brunette lumi? :eyes:)

- phan tries and completely fails to teach lumi how to dance

- oh my god there was a fluff text abt lumi and lania making a cream cheese spread and i cant entirely remember it but its dear to me and wait ho0ly shit

- they prolly cant cook like ~20 star michelin chefs~ on the lumiere but having just a plain ol homecooked meal would prolly send phan into tears when he first tries it

- and he cherishes all the little snacks and bits and stuff lumi and lania makes and tries to help out but aside from like chopping vegetables he doesnt rlly know what hes doing

- fuck super domestic phanlumi melts my heart im just picturing him and lumi gathering apples from nearby trees and theyre chatting and the light through the trees catches on lumi perfectly and phans heart melts hOUGH good shit

- and on the flipside i mentioned him and phantom looking at the moon on the lumiere and one particular night even tho lumi never rlly paid any attention to his looks it hits him perfectly and he just understands what ppl see all at once

- and he cherishes the nights they can do that even more now

- these have been kind of phantom centric oops but i think, again, lumi really cherishes being able to talk honestly with him and understand him- and being able to express that even in a minor way. hes a very caring person T~T

i wrote so much more than i thought i would and i can prolly write more but like. soft idiots

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[lavellander]

more bc i am unstoppable now

I Am Thinking About My DA Protagonists’ Taste In Romantic Partners both their “usual” type and why they’re drawn to their canon love interest (and the hypothetical ones from other games). i expect no one to give a shit abt this except me lsdfjd but im on a roll and its a good exercise or whatever. i’m sure i’ll use it eventually?????

once again. i know no one gives a fuck but if anyone DOES happen to want to torture themselves and read this pls know all my ocs are bi except zaniyah, who is a lesbian<3

sarenan: 

general disclaimer that “in the circle love is just a game” etc etc etc so while she definitely is more inclined to romantic relationships, she only really had friends w benefits at most

she likes smart people! she likes fun people, she likes people who can get on board with her fucked up sense of humor. she’s witty and charming and loves to flirt just to flirt, and in the circle that wasn’t much of an issue lol. leliana is the first person she ever feels like...foot-in-mouth around, bc suddenly she likes and is attracted to someone and...that’s allowed? it’s all very foreign to her but she falls Real Hard, Real Fast

in a hypothetical da2 romance obviously isabela is extremely hot but also sarenan canonically has a foursome w her, leli, and zev so dLFKKDS it makes sense that bela’s the love interest of choice<3 (but also i think it would be like...friends-to-friends with benefits-to-lovers lol)

in a hypothetical dai romance once again josie is very hot and also so sweet and cute and delightful !!!!! idk if its just me but i see similarities bw origins leli and josie so again it just makes sense to me that josie is the LI for an inq romance :’)

(BUT for the most part. it is pretty hard for me to imagine sarenan w anyone but leli, bc they are the only couple i have that like. makes sense. lmfao)

maeve: 

actually doesnt often have romantic relationships? she has ~flings~ and rarely catches feelings. she describes her type as “anyone sexy” 

(her and isabela do in fact have a brief Thing but strictly no strings attached; this is bc i was very very adamant about romancing isabela when i played da2 and then anders fucking SNIPED me. so i incorporated it into canon i guess. lmao)

her attraction to anders is originally just “sexy tortured man” and then “sexy tortured man that gives free healthcare to poor people!!!!” and then - after it’s clear it won’t be a fwb situation - she realizes she has Actual feelings for him and is like well. its been a good run. guess i’ll die! until he reciprocates dflksdjf then they are kirkwall’s weirdest couple to everyone except themselves :’)

in a hypothetical dao romance her and zev would be classic fuckbuddies who accidentally start having a crush on each other, absolutely refuse to acknowledge it, then someone else in the friend group is like “oh my god PLEASE just kiss we are all going insane watching yall do this” <3

in a hypothetical dai romance im still torn bw sera and bull. maeve would just keep hitting on sera until sera did something about it; bull would be similar to zevran in the fuckbuddies-accidentally-caught-feelings dynamic

alani:

i feel like (depending on the size of the clan etc) alani was prob mostly involved w people she’d known almost all her life. she’s obviously attracted to other ppl who like to learn and stuff, but other than that it’s equal opportunity crushes ykwim. she doesn’t even Know she has a thing about people who are like. puzzles to be solved until solas lol

in a hypothetical dao romance she’d be drawn to alistair bc...who wouldnt be. hes adorable. they’re both warm friendly charming sunshines and i think it’d be natural for them to be drawn to one another. once she realizes he has Baggage she’s like oh. OH. i have to defend you against the world now

in a hypothetical da2 romance i thiiink it would be kinda similar to solas. like oh this bitch has a lot of emotional walls up, he’s got some real shit going on. I Like That. also mage rights, hes a sad sexy doctor, we love a revolutionary, etc. it makes sense imo

zaniyah:

similar to maeve i think she’s more of a fling person than a relationship person, but she has had a couple gfs. she’s not very comfy being super serious but she’s a good gf and is very devoted. generally speaking i think she just likes Hot Ladies but is esp drawn to quirky / weird ppl lol

in a hypothetical dao romance she’d like morrigan bc 1) she’s hot and 2) she’s standoffish lol. she’d take it upon herself to get morrigan to like her as like, a personal triumph, but then along the way realize she has a real crush on her and be like shit? fuck? (the same goes for morg. it would be an oh shit oh fuck moment on both ends)

in a hypothetical da2 romance i think her and merrill would be more like friends to lovers :’) zaniyahs immediately like “youre weird. i like you” also they bond bc dalish etc, and over time she starts liking her more and more. eventually zaniyah just cant take it anymore and kisses merrill, apologizes profusely, etc, and merrill’s like “oh. i thought we were dating?” sldkfjsLDKFJds i care them

(josie is kind of an outlier bc she’s so graceful, collected, knows what to do/say always, etc. i dont believe in love at first sight but if i did thats what zaniyah and josie would be<333)

ranae:

she doesnt like. have a type really. because she’s just been in love w her childhood best friend since forever and doesnt think of what she might like in other ppl bc well. he’s right there? she assumes they’ll be together forever, even if only platonically :( 

when she meets morrigan she’s like oh i like women too apparently. cool?? when she meets alistair shes a little put off by the fact that hes a golden retriever, then clings to him bc Trauma, then VERY begrudgingly realizes she has a crush on him but feels like shes betraying tamlen 

eventually she comes to terms w the fact that like. theres nothing she can do about tamlen unfortunately, and alistair is here and Loves Her and he’s been the only person to make her truly happy in a very long time. it takes a lot for her to think she deserves that, but she does, and the rest is history :’)

in a hypothetical da2 romance it makes perfect sense to me that she’d latch onto the other Elf Who Is Full Of Rage immediately. they are both very intense and it can put other people off sometimes but they dont really care! die mad about it, shem! etc

in a hypothetical dai romance she’d be drawn (platonically) to blackwall bc grey warden stuff, but subconsciously they both kind of feel like frauds, like they dont deserve happiness, etc; theyre both kinda brusque, at least at first, too. she just kinda sees him as a buddy til she watches him bonding w sera or with some kids or something and then shes like  😳 😳 😳 and then angry that shes like that lmao

[mousehole5000]

tgcf lb the fourth chapter 23 - 33

“hmmm looks like theres people in the fertilizer. i shan’t say a word” ok king of minding your business i guess

oh looks like it has a long tongue. oh i dont care for that at all

The build of their bodies were similar, and atop their shoulders, all of them carried cudgels that were densely covered in sharp wolf teeth. It created an illusion that a pack of wolves had transformed into people. attack of the furries? okay.

It was easy to comprehend after thinking about it. This person had been buried in the desert sand for fifty to sixty years. The flesh of his body had long been transformed into nutrients for those Kindred Moon Herbs. He had been entirely consumed until the only thing remaining was a mere skeleton. when this book isnt being very funny its being very grim!!! yikes!! also this was an episode of hannibal 

Ke Mo definitely had never heard someone ask to go first in this place. His eyes widened and looked like bells as he asked in astonishment, “You want to go first? For what reason??” Xie Lian naturally couldn’t reply and say it was because he wasn’t scared. Thus, he chose an answer that conformed with the norms of society. “General, these are merely innocent merchants just passing through. They even have a child amongst them.” - love watching the immortals trying to act like humans. would have been funny if xie lian had just hit em with “well i cant die so its chill”

That young man had crossed his arms. With an indifferent gaze, he thoughtfully sized up the deep Sinners’ Pit.　　 A bad premonition sprung up unbidden in Xie Lian’s heart. “San Lang?”　　 When he heard Xie Lian call him, San Lang turned his head. He smiled faintly and said, “Everything’s fine.” - edgy bastard lets go

What Ke Mo had been cursing was, “It’s this slut again!” - me when a corpse gets up and knocks all my soldiers into the sinner’s pit what a relatable reaction

oh now im switching translations here we go

does hua cheng just straight up transform in the darkness? edgy bastard. also  hualian having their little discussion while ke mo keeps trying to attack im still amused by these kinds of shenanigans

banyue guoshi ma’am your backstory.... rough. im on your side im sure you had your reasons

why do the soldiers keep her up near the top of the pit of death if she keeps getting up and knocking them all in? am i missing something? or are they just that dumb/dead fjdf;adjsf

fu yao: y’all alive? lmk. if not ill guess ill go back to the the merchants who totally promised to stay put in the circle. in case its not clear i do not care what happens to said merchants.

hua xie... of course thats the fucking name he picked. also looks like that wasnt so much a parallel being drawn between xie lian and the general as it was the same exact line

fasdlkfjsldfdsf god xie lian really has a hard time. you help some orphans, you try to keep people from dying, you try to save an orphan and you trip and get trampled but you cant die so you wake up in a river full of corpses and just float away. actually tbh i really appreciate him as an immortal character this is the shit i like to see. love xie lian ready to defend himself from the slander of being completely flattened. he was only mostly flattened

cunty vibes so strong all the wildlife in a 10 foot radius just chuck up the deuces and split

ITS RAINING SCORPION SNAKES. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PUSH A REVEAL. love that the umbrella is just always on hand

okay i guess fucking. everyone is here now why not. we’re all in a hole covered in scorpions and everyone knows each other but not everyone is admitting it but we know. we know. still not 100% sure what is going wrt pei su/pei ming/general pei/pei junior im a bit confused idk

okay i cant explain it but im attached to him now.

i like banyue. i feel like theres going to be a few background female characters i really like but im not so sure theyll get a lot of development. wind master come back you and your lady friend i would like to know more of you. anyway fuck this pei guy(s?). also they just put banyue in a jar? fair enough

is xie lian another mc who cant cook? so much so that everyone who knows him just leaves if he offers? love that for him

okay we’ve got ONE identity admitted. i liked how casual it was. i wonder if hc was waiting for this bc yeah he was not subtle i feel like he definitely wanted xie lian to know. if he didnt then bruh. get lessons in how to act human please

screaming. no words. cant wait to meet him. and hua cheng please keep up the good work. i love that now we’re just. sitting. chatting. chilling. okay.

yeah it makes sense that hes an immortal i think you would have to take this attitude after 800 years

this authors note about not writing ugly characters.... fjkdalfdjfa obviously i dont think holding beauty as such high standard is good it warps our views and values etc etc but also i would expect nothing less from a story like this. yes we know everyone is going to be beautiful theyre immortal and beautiful and young forever

lmao at exile being a temporary banishment for crimes.... yeah that sounds about right tbh. rich elite fuckers

oh good we haven’t forgotten about human face disease boy. im wondering when we’re going to find out how important he will be bc he clearly matters otherwise he’d have been resolved already also yeah how tf does he have that disease that sure sounds like an issue

i dont like him. pei ming i also wish you to die of syphilis. also of fucking COURSE xie lian’s cultivation method doesnt let him read dirty books

im just saving this because its funny

okay lang qianqiu i see you falling asleep at the meeting. i like you already but you are not above suspicion. actually you know what i suspect you already. crown prince of the kingdom that conquered xianle? idk if youre good or bad but you know something i learned this lesson from beloved morally grey huaisang

okay last comment for this post. mxtx’s little authors note about everyone being straight except for hualian but you can make up headcanons as long as you dont split hualian up fjdlfakdj. i just find it silly to write a story thats so clearly for an audience that understands shipping and ships often and say not to split a specific couple up but i mean to be fair i kind of get it that sentiment as an author and not wanting people to do certain things with your work, although again i think its silly

i guess the point of this note is just to be clear that no one else is going to get together so no one argues about it and i dont actually know much about how this was published but it seems like it was serialized so i can see why that would be an issue. personally i dont really care for knowing stuff like that ahead of time but i know a lot of people do and it seems to be thing in other cnovels ive seen to know whos going to get together as far as major characters are concerned i guess thats part of the draw and i guess i kind of get it

not sure how much other romance will be in this but also i think its kind of ridiculous to be like ���these are the only two gay characters” in a cast that just keeps growing but whatever shes really leaving that work up to the readers to make it happen which they’ll do anyways so whatever. also there had to be at least one of the 33 officials who fought hua cheng who thought he was hot. theres no way that didnt happen

[subidol]

Jaemin NSFW A-Z

Warning: 00 LINE SMUT! DON’T LIKE DON’T READ!

THIS IS MY OPINION BTW!!

SORRY FOR MISTAKES I DIDN’T CHECK LOL.

FML IF I FORGOT A LETTER 

A- Aftercare

Na Jaemin is amazing at giving aftercare. Firstly, he’d just cuddle with you for a few minutes, stroking your hair peacefully. If you didn’t fall asleep already, he’d definitely get up and make you a hot drink. He might run a bath for the two of you, where he’d already decorated the bathroom with petals and candles. It’d be so cheesy but thats Nana for you. Then to settle you back to sleep after a long round, he’ll sing you to sleep quietly, kissing your forehead every once in a while.

B- Body (Your favourite part of his body and his favourite part of yours)

Well, i can’t exactly guess your favourite part of Jaemin’s body, but i sure as hell love his arms.

Like...how dare he attack you like this?? They may not be the most muscled arms in NCT, but they are nicely toned and you just adore laying your head on them, and giving his shoulders and biceps kisses. His favourite body part of yours is most likely your cheeks (face cheeks lmao); he loves squishing them and kissing them, pinching them, you name it. But he also loves your breasts, whether they’re big or small, because he wants to reassure you that he loves them. Also uses them as pillows ehehe.

C- Cum

When you’re comfortable, and on the pill, he prefers coming inside of you since he feels it is very intimate. However, he knows how risky it is so he will only do this every once in a while. He’d be really tidy though. His pullout game is strong lol. 

D- Dirty Secret

Secretly up for having a threesome/foursome with either Jeno or Jeno and Renjun. But we all knew that, didn’t we? Only if you were up for it though.

E- Experience (how experienced they are)

Obviously, Jaemin is an experienced flirter, but hasn’t has much experience with sex, since he’s only just legal. My belief is that he’s probably had blowjobs, fingered a girl, etc but never gone too far. However, i believe he’d be a natural in bed. Freaking perfect at eating you out, cockwarming, and doing all the right things to turn you on. Thrusts like a god. 

F- Favourite Position

It depends on the mood, but he likes it when you ride him, since he gets a nice view of your face and breasts bouncing up and down. He does enjoy missionary though, since Jaemin likes to take control over the situation so you don’t have to worry about anything. He will never try positions you weren’t comfortable with. If you were up for it, he’d try anything new if that’s what you wanted cause he’ll literally do anything for you.

G- Goofy

Jaemin is like a lightswitch; one moment hes all giggly and cute, but as soon as you get into bed he’s as serious and sexy as ever. He doesn’t want to ruin the hot mood. He’ll be really romantic though- constantly asking you if you’re okay or if you want him to go slower or faster. 

H- Hair

He keeps it messy, but not too uneven. His hair tends to stick to his neck when he sweats, so just like he would practice a choreography,his hair would be all over the place when you’d get intimate, too, which you didn’t mind.

I- Intimacy

Jaemin loves being romantic and sees sexual acts as a way to bond passionately as well as expressing how much he trusts and wants you. He’s the type to lay rose petals on the bed or in the bath. Might even leave you cute little notes leading to the bed, where he’d be laying, waiting for you.

J- Jack Off

Nana probably masturbates quite a lot, since he’s a hormonal teenager, what else can i say. Honestly, he’ll just think of you as the one who is feeling him up, as he touches himself. Probably does it after fan meets, performances and practice, which makes him feel really turned on after hours of hard work.

K- Kink

Hmm...Nana seems like the type to have a thing to be dominant (not that he wouldn’t like being submissive) but not to the level of bondage, daddy kink, etc. Idk, he just seems too sweet and caring to ever tie you up or degrade you, even if its what you really wanted. He seems like the type to adore body worship and leaving hickies/scratches. He’d love leaving hickies on your neck, but would make sure not to go too rough unless you said so. No matter what, Nana lives for scratches on his back. Gripping his hair and raking your nails down his backis HIS THING OKAY. HE FUCKING LOVES IT COME @ ME.

L- Location (Favourite place to have sex)

The bed- it’s the most comfy, and all Nana cares about is your comfort, what a sweetie. I think he’d never have sex in public, but might finger you underneath the table or something. Loves bath sex too, since the water’s warm and has a nice aroma, which hightens the mood. 

M- Motivation (Turn Ons)

Seeing you in frilly clothes. I feel like he’d be attracted to lighter coloured clothes on you, like white and pink? Definitely gets him hard. Will like it when you play a  little hard to get, since he adores teasing you. Plus, if you rake your hands through his hair, squeeze his thigh and biting his ear, etc...you’re getting him worked up with those dangerous fingertips. When he really needs you, he ends up sexting you. A lot. Especially in class so be prepared lmao.

N- No (Turn Offs)

Strange kinks. They aren’t romantic. Things like foot fetish. Erm..yeah he isnt into it. He doesn’t like degrading, whether receiving or giving. He wouldn’t understand why you’d want to call each other such horrible names.

O- Oral

Jaemin, when receiving, is a whole hot mess. With his head thrown back, sweat covering his body, and his arm over his eyes, he looks fucking delicious.When hes giving oral, he literally will do anything to hear your cute moans, which often leads to him making you feel extreme pleasure. This boy is perfect at giving and putting on a show when receiving.

P- Pace

If you’re not the one setting the pace, then he prefers to keep it steady. Not slow exactly, but not speedy either. He wants to make sure you feel him, and he stretches you in all the right places. He loves slowly kissing you as he thrusts, but will end up bucking his hips and going faster when he’s building up to his climax. It’s not hard to tell when Jaemin’s close to an orgasm. He’ll mutter out things like ‘I love you, Princess.’ or just will simply let out a string of moans and pull you closer.

Q- Quickies

Jaemin’s the type to really crave quickies. Anytime really. However, if you’re not a fan of them, he’ll give himself major sexual frustration, and will eventually beg you to suck his cock later when the two of you are alone. But they’ve happened in recording studios MANY times before. 

R- Risk (His comfort zone)

He does enjoy doing it in front of other members, but doing it secretly, like underneath the blankets or something. Anything like knife or blood play is a big NO. He will NEVER take the risk. As i’ve said before, Jaemin likes cumming inside of you. He won’t ever do it without your permission though.

S- Stamina (How many rounds)

Jaemin thinks that one round is enough, but he’ll do other stuff with you after. Make out, spoon, give you hickies and will then give you a bath or watch tv you you. He likes to make the first round last, and for it to be as perfect as possible, which wouldn’t be a problem since hes amazing at sex.

T- Toy (His favourite sex toys)

Doesn’t mind vibrators being used on him, but finds it addicting when they’re used to torment you. Especially when you’re studying. He’d turn it on ad off repeatedly, getting you hot and bothered while in your lessons.

U- Unfair (How they tease you)

Nana is a whole tease. He’s a brat, okay? He’s a playful, teasing bratty switch who most of the time gets challenged for dominance because you plan on giving him a hard time for all of his flirting and relentless teasing. He does shit like wear sleeveless shirts on purpose, and biting his lip waaay too many times. Winks often and generally gives you the ‘I know you want to fuck me’ look. Also, Jaemin has a habit of getting you jealous by flirting with fans- you fucking hate that.

V- Volume (How vocal they are)

He struggles to be quiet sometimes, especially when you kiss and suck his body, near his arousal. Whines like hell when you scratch down his back and kiss his jawline. He tries to make his moans pretty and loud, since he knows its a turn on for you. Nana isn’t afraid about letting you know how good you make him feel. Always breathes heavily after his release, which is even hotter.

W- Wild Card (Author’s Choice)

Jaemin wouldnt be nervous having sex at all. The only time he might slightly panic is when it’s your first time. He wants the experience to be as pleasurable as possible, but then again, he is very confident, so there’d be no need to worry. He’d be extremely honoured if he was your first, and would prepare the entire thing leading up to it. He’s so sweet and gentle.

X- X-ray (Their Package)

You’re fucking welcome. I don’t own the vid.

Y- Yearning (Sex Drive)

Jaemin has a high sex drive, what can i say? He craves for your touch 24/7, and constantly thinks of fucking you at the most random of times. Touches himself twice a day when you’re not around, watches porn like any other boy, and looks at pictures of you. It takes a lot of courage for him to NOT fuck you in the dorm rooms.

Z- ZZZ (How fast they fall asleep after)

Nana falls asleep so fast. He has such energy before and during sex but as soon as he reaches his climax, hes exhausted from all the stimulation. All he’d want to do is cuddle with you after. Make sure you get him up at the right time though...or another member will. Eek.

Hope you enjoyed!

fuck this took ages

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i preplanned those tunnel tweets + made a list of specifically what pictures i wanted and finished making the worms earlier this morning so like i wasnt Winging It at all but it sure felt like it! bc weve only ever gone to the tunnels as a group before, but today the only time i could go was in the 25 minutes before my evening class and no one else was free then so i was like whatever ill just go get my pictures and then to class and it’s fine. so i put my little sandwich baggie full of worms in my pocket and went over to the machinery building, which is where the tunnel entrance is, but the entrance is in the basement and there’s two ways to get into the basement both of which are almost always locked so i was like well i’ll just check and see if either of them are open. and it turned out the freight elevator was allowing trips to the basement so i got in and went down

the freight elevator spits you out in like this really cluttered and fucked-up looking storage basement basically which is where the tunnel entrance is and while the tunnel is dark the basement itself is usually lit by these shitty fluorescents HOWEVER! today when the elevator doors opened it was absolutely completely dark in the entire enormous basement. but at that point i was like i made it over here, i have my worms, i have my photo list, i have time before class, and what are the odds the elevator will be working again, ill just use my flashlight who cares. so i turned my flashlight on and started picking my way through to the tunnel entrance, except i stopped and made a detour to take pics in that little office room because i thought it would sorta look like the room where they found gertrude’s body and i could make a fun joke about it  ANYWAY as i’m coming out of the office room i notice that the stairway door directly across from me is open, which is weird because they’re Never open because they don’t want us to go down there. so i was like, shit, maintenance and/or security are down here and my only way out is the super obvious elevator so ill just wait them out so i like turned my flashlight off and crouched behind a bunch of shit

anyway i just sort of huddled in the dark for a while and soon enough it became clear that no one was actually coming so i took advantage of my proximity to the ground to scatter some worms and take that first worm pic where im pointing. and then i was like okay, might as well get the tunnel bit over with. so the area of the basement where the mouth of the tunnel is is closed off with this big metal fence and there’s like a wire-mesh on the front with a huge padlock only years and years of horrible college students have managed to sort of beat the bottom half of the gate a few inches outwards + compromise its integrity enough that its easy to pull far enough open for someone else to slip through. however my problems today were 1) like i said ive only ever gone with a group before, meaning i’d always had someone to hold the gate open for me, and i had never attempted to get through without assistance before let alone back out and 2) the gate is RIGHT next to the stairs that i mentioned earlier were open when they usually never are. so i stood there for a minute like... okay, say i DO try to get through myself, and i get stuck. OR, say that happens and THEN whoever was working down here comes back and im stuck so i get caught and in trouble.

and then i was like actually fuck it we ball so i like. sort of just got down fully on the ground (which was gross btw do not recommend) and like rolled and twisted and pushed myself around until i wiggled through. that was the moment when i sort of started to accept just how much tunnel dirt i was gonna be covered in by the end but it was so far past too late to back out so i headed into the tunnel entrance. it gets TRULY dark like really really soon after you walk in also like i thought the basement outside was dark because the lights were off but the tunnels are like....  DARK. anyway i stopped halfway down the entry tunnel to try and set up the like “worm door outline” thing from after MAG39 and like initially i had thought that i could figure out an okay way to at least temporarily get them on the wall bc theyre made of latex and super light but it was quickly apparent that that would not be the case so i found a patch of the floor that looked smooth enough to be a wall and set it up on there instead. so i’m like. squatting on the floor in this very dark and kind of gross tunnel, and i have my phone laying on the ground next to me flashlight-side-up so i can see as well as use both hands to dig cold little latex worms out of a sandwich baggie and arrange them in a pattern on the ground and the flashlight was lighting up the tunnel in the most fucked up way and it was dead silent and the WHOLE time i was like, and this is the moment when like a maintenance worker turns the corner and finds me and is just like, hello??? theres some clown playing with worms in the tunnel????

anyway that did not happen and instead i got my little doorway set up and then it was time to take the first pic (of the worm door by itself without me in it) which was when i realized that when i open my camera app my phone forcibly turns the flashlight off so every time i wanted to take a picture in the tunnels i was gonna have to turn my light off and just like chill alone in the pitch dark in a tiny tunnel for however long it took me to take each photo and i was like hm okay wig i guess so i took the door pic and then it took me like four tries to get myself positioned right for the cringe ass fail worms one because, surprisingly, it is difficult to position yourself directly in the center of an archway of worms that you cannot see, and while i was doing all those failed tries i got to spend a lot of time laying splayed out on my back in the dark on the tunnel floor anyway i got it finally so i just sort of kicked the worms to the sides and kept going in further. to get to the pit you have to turn left at the first fork and then take a right and then theres this weird like step? thing? in the middle of the tunnel and if youre me you have to do a super awkward crabwalk limbo step thing to get over it because the pipes on the ceiling above it are hot and the step comes up to like 6 inches below the pipe but also i dont like to touch the top of the step because its gross. so its always a production. this time i think they had worked on that pipe recently or something because it was leaking so the step was wet and the pipe dripped hot water onto my neck while i was crawling under it LMAO

anyway from there its a straight shot and it opens out into this like larger room near the entrance to the engine room and the pit is right at the edge of where the dirt of the tunnel turns into the concrete of the room floor. and theyve like half-covered the top of it in wooden planks but theyre not held down so when you have to step on them just for a second to get out of the tunnel its so nervewracking. theres overhead lights in that room though so that was nice idk if i couldve managed the flashlight-camera-transition in the dark AND one-handed. so i took my from-above tunnel pic and then i was like (checks my photos list) “well...... i did say id get two from inside the pit.” i had actually never been in the pit before because the other two times i’ve gone to the tunnels i’ve been with other people and they would barely even let me get near it let alone get on the ladder. so i was like well i guess there is a first time for everything so i put my phone in my back pocket and ducked under the little yellow chain they have up and started going down the ladder and i got like 8? maybe 10? feet down before i thought to look down again and let me just say..... all the times we had looked into that pit from above we had never guessed anywhere CLOSE to how deep it actually was. thats all. so i was like.... um i was expecting to be able to like, stand on solid ground while i take this pit selfie, but that was clearly not going to be an option, but also i had committed this far already to getting these pics from the pit so i was like ugh i guess and hooked my one arm over the ladder so i could get my phone out w the other hand and take the pics from in there. and then i climbed back out. the ladder rungs made my hands SO gross and dirty with rust i was like eugh eugh.

but after that the only picture left to take was the one w my pen and the only way for me to go was back out towards the entrance so i was like its fine im almost done. so i went back out until i got to the tunnel after the first fork and i was like cool here’s a good a place as any so i got my pen ready + went to get my camera out, and literally RIGHT as the flashlight went out and the camera app opened i was like SO sure i saw something move vaguely in the darkness to my right like REALLY close to me shoulder height so i was like uhhh no and took a flash photo more out of reflex than anything and i didnt see anything but also the flash lit up for like,  one second and then it was dark again so i like switched back to the flashlight really quick and obviously it was just a normal tunnel and i was the only one there so i opened the camera app again to try to take the pic again and literally just like the first time right as the flashlight turned off i was soooo sure something moved right next to me like so close but i was like “nell. youre being insane.” so i didnt do anything and i just took like three more possible variations on the pic i wanted and then i turned my flashlight back on and once again obviously nothing was amiss so i was like epic win and went back out the tunnel entrance. and then i was like............. oh god i have to do the gate squirm again. but there was no other way so i just did it really fast before i could really get worked up about it lol and then i went back over to the freight elevator only when i pressed the button it would light up and then immediately go dark when i unpressed it and i was like oh fuck because 90% of the time when you get in on the ground floor this elevator literally refuses to take you to the basement and i was like oh no it re-locked while i was down here and now i can’t get up this way so im just like in this basement for the foreseeable future but then of course as i was going down that tangent the elevator doors opened and i stepped into the fluorescent light and looked down and was like wow i am just so thoroughly, completely, orangely covered in dirt. but i made it home with like 5 minutes to wash up a bit before my evening class so that was a win! i did learn however that i should never take my evening dose of adderall directly after a bit of minor breaking&entering while the adrenaline is still there because when i got to class i almost jackhammered a hole through the floor with my shakyleg

[morganisboringg]

Omegle friendship story ;-;

Stranger: m

You: hiya

You: f

Stranger: bonjour

You: hola

Stranger: im 18 bitchh

You: im 14 hoeee

Stranger: shidddd

Stranger: 😂😂

You: yeah im a childdd

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but im not a creepy guy so ur good 👌🏼

Stranger: hahaha

You: yeah ie had a 20 year old try to keep talking with me

You: and a 17 yr old ask if i have a nice ass XD ive delt with creepy guys XD

Stranger: hahaha dudes are horny

Stranger: used to be like that too but i realized its wrong

Stranger: so yeah just vibing rn

Stranger: 😤😤😤

You: yeah they are, i be vibin too im watching sky high B)

Stranger: lol

Stranger: im watching rick&morty

Stranger: im the ultimate virgin

You: lmaoooooo , i mean u have to also like game theory and film theory for that but ur close XD

Stranger: never heard of that

Stranger: 😂

You: theyre nerdy yt channels, they make theorys on games and films and shows and stuff

You: they have a bunch on rick and morty

Stranger: oh

Stranger: i watch some of those

Stranger: 😤😂

Stranger: im an ‘adult’ child

You: yeah i do too, i literally have their merch

Stranger: hahahaha

You: oh i hope to be an adult child bc gRosS adults

Stranger: yeah i dont wanna be an adult

You: me either, adults get stares when they only dress in hot topic clothes why would i want that

Stranger: hahahah yeah

Stranger: thats the reason i dont have a gf

Stranger: bc im too childish

You: well then u just havent found the right childish girl

Stranger: that is a fact

You: might i reccomend the single rider lines at like amusement parks XD

Stranger: hahaha why

You: ive seen plenty of dudes shoot there shot there bc the girls are by themselves then they get to ride a rollercoaster together

Stranger: hahah yeah thats fun

Stranger: maybe i wikk

Stranger: :)

You: yeah XD then if it works out a cute date at an amusement park!

Stranger: hahah yeah

Stranger: do u have a amusement park obsession

Stranger: lmaoo

You: uh- thats uniMPORTANTTT

Stranger: hahahhah

You: theres food and adreniline whats not to love!

Stranger: i love them too

Stranger: i once forced my cousin to ride the same coaster 12 times in a row

You: ive ridden king da ka the tallest rollercoaster in the world XD

Stranger: he puked after

You: lmaoooo sounds like smth id do

Stranger: hahaha

You: but then id just say again and go again XD

Stranger: hahahah same

Stranger: adter he threw up i went alone

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: dude i need some advice

You: sure

Stranger: my friends sister (shes 15) has a crush on me

Stranger: what do i do

You: oh shit uh- tell her shes too young

You: or like take her on a cute date but say its a friends date

You: thats a nice way to friend zone sm1

Stranger: yeah true

Stranger: its kinda weird

Stranger: my friend says he doesnt mind

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: but still wekrd

Stranger: weird

You: well thats uh getting to chris hansen levels so gotta shoot her down lmao

Stranger: yeah hahaha

You: but like yk when like a little sisters older siblings s/o would take them on a "date" to show them how to be treated u could do that- idk

Stranger: yeah idkk

Stranger: we shall see

You: we shall broski, just uh dont do anything that chris hansen would ask u to sit down with him over XD

Stranger: hahahah

Stranger: i have no idea who that is

Stranger: oh i looked it up

You: yeah XD

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah like it is weird but not the age difference

Stranger: 3 years is not a lot

You: oh abt the friends sibling thing? XD

Stranger: ya

You: ik 3 years isnt alot in like the grand scheme of stuff but NOW 3 years is the difference between 6th graders and freshman and thats really weird

Stranger: yeah true true

You: and abt them being a friends sibling, um dont pull a kissing booth and be all dating behind everyones back- that movie was weird in general smh

Stranger: hahah

Stranger: yeah i wont

Stranger: his mom told me i would be a good son in law

You: LMAO too soon??

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: yeah right ilnow

You: 1) u arent even dating and 2) u think its weird

You: that would creep me tf out

Stranger: yeah but i dont really care

Stranger: i take it as a compliment

Stranger: it means im nice

You: yeah, im just a generally akward perso so XD

Stranger: hahahaha

You: but like uh if u dont wanna date a friends sibling dont, in most movies thats like number one best friend code no dating sibkings

Stranger: yeah i dont really care if my friend doesnt mins

Stranger: but i dont like her

Stranger: i like someone else

Stranger: and she doesnt like me back

Stranger: 🙃🙂

You: oh cool, aw that suckss u seem really chill and have a good personality so idk whats not to like thats prob my pansexual talking tho XD

Stranger: hahha

Stranger: ur attracted to pans?

Stranger: thanks lmao yeah idk

You: no i came out of the pantry smh

Stranger: 🤯🤯🤯🤯

You: common misconseption XD

Stranger: yeah shes my girl best friend

Stranger: so thats why she doesnt like me

Stranger: but maybe some daaaaaayv

You: oooo thats a hard place to get out of the f r i e n d z o n e

Stranger: ivee been tryyiiiiiiiing

Stranger: to make u love meeee

Stranger: but everything i try

You: *blasts u belong with me by taylor swift on a boombox* now go stand outside her window

Stranger: just takes you further from me

You: XD

Stranger: ghost town by kanye west is such a good song

You: oh i dont think ive listened to it lmao too much emo music and musicals

Stranger: you like kid cudi

You: who..? ugh i feel stupid not knowing stuff

Stranger: ur too young

Stranger: hes a legend

Stranger: makes good music u should listen to him

Stranger: kind of drug/depresion related

You: oh okay, that sounds like smth id listen too XD

Stranger: listen to love. by him on youtube or soundcloud

Stranger: it isnt on spotify

You: oh okay, i use amazon music like a loser XD

Stranger: oh

Stranger: yeah its only on yt or soundcloud lmao

Stranger: hahah doesnt matter right

You: yeah lmao

You: u wanna be friends? its ok to say no cause im 14 XD

You: im morgan btw whats ur name?

Stranger: hahaha aw thats a nice thing to ask

Stranger: but i just came on here to twlk to random people :( sorry

You: im not good at the whole "making friends" thing so idk what to do but ask lmao

Stranger: my name is julian

You: oh okay

Stranger: im sure u will make friends some day

You: OMG ofc its julian- i meet guys with m names or julius/julians never anything else

Stranger: hahaha what do y mean

You: i mean in the past week ive met a mike, mikey, and a mick then ive met like 4 julius' and 2 julians

Stranger: ahhaha wow

Stranger: thats funny

You: i swear idk what is up but smth is

You: my fbi agent is on smth ig

Stranger: hahahhahaha

Stranger: tryna set u up

You: yeah they want either an m&m or m j XD just m&ms or michael jackson IDFK XD

Stranger: haahahah

Stranger: so when did u find out u were pan sexual

You: uh when i was 11 i thinkk

Stranger: wow

Stranger: when i was 11 i was eating boogers out of my nose

You: yeah i knew i wasnt straight since like pre school girls are just too cute lmao

You: lmao thanks for sharing

Stranger: that is a facr

Stranger: women are cute

You: yeah they are XD

Stranger: hahaha

You: ummm idk what to talk abt now lol

Stranger: yeah me too lol

You: uh do u like heathers? like the movie or the musical

Stranger: never heard of it

You: REALLY??

You: my friends saying to skip u smh but i wouldnt dare

Stranger: what do u mean hahah

You: heathers is like a cult classic 80s movie like breakfast club or 16 candles or the outsiders

Stranger: ohh ok hahah

Stranger: i dont watch a lit of old movies

You: u know what those are right? especially the outsiders?

Stranger: only fiction

Stranger: never heard of them

You: U HAVENT???

You: OMG I SWEARR IF I KNEW U IRL ID LIKE FORCE U TO WATCH IT ITS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD MMMMMMm

Stranger: whats sliced bread

Stranger: 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: i swear i dont watch movies

You: like a loaf of bread XD its an expression

Stranger: oh lolllll

You: but like look up dallas winston MMMMM I LOVE THAT MAN

Stranger: hahah ok

Stranger: this was a fun talk dude hahah

Stranger: i ahve to go eat rn

You: okay byee nice talk too bad we cant be friends i wish u luck <3

Stranger: were kind of stranger friends

Stranger: so count me as a friend

Stranger: :S

You: okay too bad after this we'll never talk again

You: S?

Stranger: idk lmao

Stranger: yeah but thats life

Stranger: byeee 😘

You: yeah it is byeeee

Stranger has disconnected.

[hhhongseok]

PENTAGON: First Impressions VS Now! 

   since it's ptg's 3rd anniversary, and i've been an uni for over a year now, i thought it would be a fun idea to compare my first thoughts about all the members to how i think of them now! i got the idea from i got7 inspirits on youtube, so check them out if you're interested!

OT10

then:

I first heard "gorilla" back when it released, but since i avoided stanning rookies at the time- i decided to give it some time before stanning. flash foward to august 2018 where my interest is piqued again. at that time last year, i had thought that they were pretty cute but having literally only heard gorilla and then shine, i was caught off guard by their sound change. It wasn't bad per say- just different. overall, i knew pentagon would be a group that i'd like- but more along the lines of a casual thing. 

now:

y'all already know how whipped i am for these idiots!!! their music and videos and even choreos are my style completely, especially their cute concepts!! we love dancing infants! and also, they're all such throughly good people which makes me so happy. this isn't a casual stan thing in the slightest, and it's funny to think I ever believed it would be. 

Hui: 

then:

when i saw him in shine, i thought he was a d o r k. i think it was the way they styled his hair, but i was just very convinced that he was pretty lame lmao. after that though, i saw how cute he was and he became my bias for a while. i remember thinking at one point that he seemed like an exasperated dad?? i didn't really have any basis for it but that observation was there nonetheless. 

now:

exasperated dad? more like hyper 3 year old. hes literally one of the loudest and most energetic. what was i on. but i think hes the most precious and clingiest little toddler now!! i was right about the dork thing though, but its super cute how goofy and lame he is. also!! talent for days!! his dancing, singing (his falsetto is !!), composing is all incredible. the most important thing though? a godly leader. he's so caring and kind and full of love for his members it hurts me. we don't really see a serious leader hui, but thats okay because i think it means he tries to keep uni and ptg in good spirits by showing them cheerfulness. and that's amazing to me.

Jinho: 

then:

my most notable thought about jinho in shine was "how is he that small". i remember thinking it was cute how he pushed the giant one too, lmao. i didn't think much else of him beyond that, other than noticing how adorable he can be. 

now:

ok yeah, jinho is cute and tiny and whatever- but now i Understand the power that he holds. how he looks with his hair pushed back for example. or how about that bruno mars cover he did with hui. (hhhhnngg). also?? he's not even That small. the ones that make him look itty bitty are Literally just giants. but aside from his appearance, jinho is probably my favorite vocalist like!! i appreciate him s o much. (listen to his cover of gethsemane and last night of october for clear skin) of course jinho is also very cute though!! so i was right about that at least! he just also has many other great sides to him that i worry are overlooked!

Hongseok: 

then:

i didn't,,,notice him. at ALL. like i just glossed over his existence completely when i first saw shine. and even after that- it took me a minute to pay him any mind. when i did finally notice him though, i noticed his smile. i remember i was watching videos with my girlfriend and i pointed him out to her! that was mostly because i felt bad for not really having any strong opinion on him though oops. anyways i ended up just thinking he was a mom. and i was really impressed by his english and strength.

now:

real talk, it pained me to write all of that out!! bc now?? omg hong is my everything- but thats kind of obvious. anyways!! hes so  f u nn y !!! its absolutely a stupid kind of funny and hes definitely annoying but i adore it. also the mom thing is only kind of true. he has the capacity to be maternal and take care of them, but he's way more likely to make fun of literally every single member. he's more like an older brother that never leaves his siblings alone and thinks he's funnier than he is. and we hate him for it. anyways, his voice is So underrated im. angery. he has such a beautiful voice, just in general, and on top of that- his singing is lovely. like yes, more hong solo please. 

Hyojong: 

then:

i definitely took note of him immediately! his voice is very distinctive, and he stands out a lot in shine. which is really saying something. i thought he was really talented for sure! and i almost felt he was too cool for me to be looking at. i kind of got the vibe he'd be pretty icy i guess? 

now:

he's not intimidating at all. like not even a little bit. bc he's not taking himself as seriously as i thought he was lmao. also hes so   l o u d . and a plant man. but i think the best thing about edawn is his unpredictability! i never really know what to expect from him and i like that. 

Shinwon:

then:

i thought he was HOT. i already thought he was handsome in the 0.3 seconds of screentime he got in shine. but a friend of mine showed me clips of him from that couples game video and. o o f. i really couldn't get over how pretty he was. it didn't help that this was the same video where him and kino were doing that dance. personality wise, i don't remember much standing out to me. other than how easily scared he is.

now:

shinwon is soooo embarrassing. i wouldn't say hes completely shameless about it though, but he's shameless to the point of actually doing the stupid shit so im. still enraged about it. he legitimately makes me physically look away sometimes when im watching a video and he's being weird. theyre all my kids, and i love them. but he's the child im ashamed of lmao. moving on, hes a real cutie pie. that fact that he gets so scared so easily is both really funny and super endearing. but he's just a playful baby and im honestly glad that hes has so much fun.

Changgu:

then:

i noticed him less than hongseok. like i dont think i had a single notable first impression of him. 

now:

past dess was one entire Doofus huh. like changgu is a whole ass blessing to this planet and you mean to tell me that she overlooked him??!! anyways, though, he has an elephant heart for sure. such a genuinely empathetic and truly kind person!! he never fails to warm my heart with his sincerity and i love that about him. he's also part of the idiot squad though, with how he goes along with hong's antics. we hate that. and all his impressions + dumb faces. speaking of faces though,,, his acting?? i love it!! he's really talented, like when i watch pretty pretty i kind of forget that changgu is even playing a role. and his d a n c i n g!! underrated dance king! underrated king in general, how about that. 

Yanan:

then:

my first bias in ptg!!! i fell in love with him instantly! i loved how tall he is, and the white hair and his  i c o n i c "my baby"!! like i was whipped from the gate. i remember liking his duality back then too!!

now:

ok so, since he was bias immediately, i noticed more about him than anyone else. which means i have less to write oops. but thats okay because at least i had a bit of taste back then. but, yanan is hilarious. he's so clever and funny and you can tell how effortless it is. most iconic ptg sayings are something from yanan and thats just amazing. the big thing i notice now that i didn't really before, though, is that fact that his duality is so shocking because he's literally just as unpredictable as hyojong. its impossible to really tell what hes going to do next, and i think it catches people off guard more with yanan because even that aspect of him is unexpected. 

Yuto:

then:

i thought he was kinda scary!! idk he seemed so cold and i couldn't really relate to that so i didn't grow very attached to him. 

now:

he's so pure!!! hes said that he has a hard time expressing his feelings but i don't really see it? because he always seems so happy to be around ptg and having fun with them even if he isn't usually the one playing around!! he loves them so much tbh and its the sweetest thing :( everything about yuto is so sweet, because he cares a lot about the people around him and doesn't want anyone to get hurt- even if its fake or a joke. and like, he's really hardworking too!! ptg have said multiple times that he works the hardest, and that really is saying something imo! and like, you can just see it even without being told that. whether its his workout journey pentory or the fact that he's literally been learning guitar. also!! omg the lyrics he writes?? heartwarming, romantic and life changing!! seasons and cosmo made me a different person. but yeah, he's such an amazing, warm person and i cant believe i found him scary. 

Kino:

then:

i thought he was the main vocal. like no joke, he was so charismatic and flaunting so  much in shine that i was like "ah yes. the main vocalist" hhhggg. i remember thinking he was pretty though, and that his stage name was super cute. but i wasn't very interested in learning about him, despite how he really caught my eye. for some reason, though, i eventually got the thought that he was really pure.

now:

main vocal hdzfhh kino relax you're confusing ppl. of course he has an amazing voice and it always sounds incredible but!! what amuses me is the way he sings always sounds kinda like he's trying to be sexy and?? its so funny in ballads and stuff imo. but yeah, that "sensual"?? singing is what threw me off back then. buf more importantly, i just wanna mention the pure thing- because its a confusing situation. on one hand, kino has a heart of gold that not only adores uni but is also accepting. as well as how he's constantly bringing light into the world with his words and truly bright outlook. but on the other hand he's a demon that dances like That and is so dangerous when he wants to be!! so!! what's it gonna be kino, make up your mind :( anyways, listen to knnovations. esp bad timing and 224.12!!

Wooseok:

then:

i loved him instantly. he looked like an overgrown 10 year old in my eyes and that's just. precious. i thought he was pretty funny too!! 

now:

if i took off my hong glasses for long enough, id be able to say that i think he's the funniest in ptg. because he's so hilarious in my eyes like? he makes me do an ugly wheeze laugh, and a lot of my favorite ptg moments involve him in some way lmao. but he is actually a baby, so i was onto something there with the overgrown 10 y/o thing. despite being really funny though, i do think he tends to be quiet more often than like hui or shinwon and he hardly ever smiles, unless he's like laughing and thats makes me think that he's kind of awkward?? not in like a bad way, but i just kind of see that i guess. but!! something that i think is passed over a lot with woo is the fact that he usually has a hand in composing, and also that he writes his raps?? like that's so cool, we love that!! 

ok! so that was my lame little essay lmao. i hoped you liked if you read it all! im just glad to say that i really appreciate pentagon as a whole, and how much joy they bring into my life nowadays!! i feel like ive found a place to call my own with uni and with pentagon :)