#idk wearing clothes that actually look good take so much mental drain out of me because im adjusting them constantly

[gaynarutodude]

My

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[maybe-a-fangurl]

The Moon and the Sun (Zuko x Reader) part 8

I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long I had family visiting and idk about how everyone else family is but when mine is visiting there isn't much down time. Hope you enjoy and have a wonderful day!! 

Part 1 Part 7

Masterlist

“Here’s your food.” The waiter said as he placed your plate down on the table in front of you.

“Thank you.” You said with a smile before turning to the plate of food. You had been walking around the middle and lower ring for hours asking people about anything that could lead you to Appa but of course you hadn’t found anything out.

Katara wanted you to dress up with her and Toph to sneak into the party but you knew that after them sneaking into the party that Joo Dee may never let you out of her sight so if you wanted any information that tonight was your only chance. So, after hours of getting no answers you found yourself in a small restaurant in the lower ring eating by yourself.

You turned your attention back to your food before you heard yelling outside of the shop and you turned to see two Dai Li agents run by. You quickly stood up and put some money on the table before going outside and following the yelling until you were outside of a small tea shop where a crowd was standing around two people fighting. You watched as the Dai Li agents pushed their way through the crowd until they were at the front.

“Arrest them, they’re fire benders.” Someone said, and you mentally thanked yourself for wearing your pouch of water as you started to make your way to the front of the crowd, wanting to help if there really were fire benders.

“This poor boy is confused. We’re just simple refugees.” A voice said but you knew by that voice that they weren’t simple refugees, and they were fire benders.

“This young man wrecked my tea shop and assaulted my employees!” Another man said and as you got to the front of the crowd you seen Iroh and Zuko standing there, Zuko holding two blades.

“It’s true, sir. We saw the whole thing. This crazy kid attacked the finest tea maker in the city.” A man said, and a smile came to your face when you realized he was talking about Iroh.

“Oh, that’s very sweet.” Iroh said but your attention was drawn to the Dai Li agents who started to step forward.

“Come with us, son.” One of them said as they grabbed the guy who was standing across from Zuko. He swung at them, but they were quick to block his movement and restrain him.

“You don’t understand! They’re Fire Nation! You have to believe me.” The guy said as they started to pull him away. You turned to look back at Zuko and Iroh, who were now talking to the men that spoke up for them earlier.

You started to think of what you were going to do, and you suddenly realized that you couldn’t do anything. With how creeped out you were over the thought of the Dai Li, Joo Dee, and how no one would tell you anything around here, you weren’t’ going to risk exposing them as fire nation. So, you decided that you wouldn’t see them, you wouldn’t talk to them or let them know you were here, you would just make sure they were okay from afar.

-

“Y/N wake up, we’re having a girl’s day out!” Katara said excitedly as she walked into your room, opening your curtains to let the light in.

“A what?” You asked with a groan as you sat up, pulling the blanket with you to block out some of the light from the window.  

“A girl’s day out. I want to take Toph to the spa and I figured why not make it a girl’s day.” She said as she turned around from the curtains and when she looked at you her excitement quickly turned to worry. “You look exhausted, have you not been sleeping again?” “Not really.” You said as you tried to think of an excuse, but you couldn’t think of anything, so you decided to change the subject. “So, spa day? Toph really agreed to that?” “Yeah kind of, I think it would be good for her.” She said as a smile came back to her face. You knew that Katara and Toph had their differences, especially at first, but they still cared about each other and it was moments like this that showed it. “And with how tired you look it would be good for you too.”

“I think it would be.” You said with a smile before you stretched and stood up. “Let me change and I’ll be ready to go.”

Katara nodded before she walked out of your room and once she was out you let out a sigh and put your hands over your face. You were completely drained because truth was you hadn’t slept very much for the past few days, you had been sneaking out at night to go see Zuko and Iroh. You had just been going by the tea shop they worked at every night to make sure they closed and got home okay. They were fire benders and you knew they could take care of themselves but after learning about the Dai Li you were terrified something would happen. You usually made sure they made it home okay and then would come back and sleep, but last night you didn’t come back until the sun was coming up.

“Can I come in?” Sokka asked as he knocked on your door, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Hold on.” You said as you quickly changed your clothes before walking over to the door, and when you opened it you seen Sokka leaning against the door frame. “Yes?”

“Are you going with them to the spa?” He asked as he crossed his arms and looked at you. “Well I guess if she could convince Toph she could convince you.”

“Well, it didn’t take much convincing on her part.” You said as you sat down and started to put your shoes on. “I used to go to the spa with Azula once a week and I haven’t been since I left the Fire Nation, so I think it’s time.”

“Yeah maybe it is time.” He said with a laugh before he looked down at the ground. “Do you want to do something tonight?” “Do something?” You asked as you looked at him confused.

“Yeah like you’re going with Katara and Toph to the spa, you went with Aang the other day to get tofu, so I figured maybe we could do something too.” He said with a shrug as he looked back up at you. “We could go bag shopping.” “That would be fun.” You said with a smile as you thought about the last time you had gone with him to get a bag, and how the whole day turned into running from fire nation soldiers.

“And we would be back in time for you to sneak out.” Sokka said, completely catching you off guard.

“I don’t sneak out.” You said defensively.

“Yes, you do, but it’s okay because I know it’s probably for a good reason.” He said with a small laugh as he looked at the panicked expression you were trying to hide. “But we are going bag shopping so don’t stay out with Katara and Toph too long.” “I’ll try.” You said with a smile as you got off of the floor and walked out of the door and down the hall to where Toph and Katara were.  

You walked behind Katara and Toph as the three of you were making your way to the spa, and you kept thinking how you wished you would have just stayed in the bed last night. You had planned on just making sure they got home okay but when they got home, you heard Iroh talking about a date, so you decided to stay. You respected Zuko’s privacy and you didn’t follow him on his date once the girl showed up, instead you waited until he got back and once he was back you went walking, unable to even think about sleeping. When the sun was rising you found yourself sitting by a pond, like you had many times before only the pond used to be in the Fire Nation.

“So, what were you and Sokka talking about?” Toph asked and you looked away from the ground to see that Katara was looking at you.

“Oh, he wants me to go bag shopping with him tonight.” You said and Toph let out a small laugh at that.

“He’s getting another purse?” Toph asked as a puzzled look came to her face. “What happened to the last one?”

“I’m not sure, but I thought he just got a new one.” Katara said and you just shrugged as you looked back down to the ground.

“That’s what I thought too, but I guess not.” You said as the three of you got to the spa.

It went a lot better than you thought it would, you thought that Toph would complain the whole time, but she actually seemed to be enjoying herself. She even opened up some with you and Katara after she dropped the girls into the water and you and Katara sent them down the river with a wave. You had never seen Toph and Katara get along so well, even Sokka didn’t believe you when you told him about everything while the two of you ate dinner.  

“Okay so now that we have the new bag, I wanted to ask what happened to the last one, we were talking about it on the way to the spa and we couldn’t figure out what happened.” You said as the two of you were walking back to the house, it was dark out now and while you wanted to go check on Zuko and Iroh, you were exhausted from the day and you didn’t think you wanted to risk seeing him go on another date.

“I lost it the other night after everything happened at the poetry place.” He said as he let out a sigh.

“Oh, I forgot about that.” You said and thought about how Toph and Katara would get a good laugh out of that.

“So about you sneaking out, where do you go?” Sokka asked and you looked at him to see that he looked more curious than upset, which was a good sign.  

“I found someone I knew, they’re a refugee now. I haven’t talked to them or anything I’ve just been checking up on them every now and then to make sure they’re okay.” You said after a moment of silence between the two of you while you tried to get your thoughts together. “I think they’re happy here.”

“That’s great.” Sokka said as a smile came to his face and you just looked down at the ground.

“Yeah it is, I’m just upset that I can’t be a part of their life now.” You said as you thought about how Zuko went on a date last night. It made you think of when you fought

“Why can’t you? There’s nothing stopping you from talking to them.” He said as if it were such a simple thing when it wasn’t.

“Because I don’t know where we stand, if they don’t want to see me things could end badly, and they lose this new life but if things go good? We won’t be in Ba Sing Se forever and they may have no other choice.” You said as you thought about all of the possible ways that things could go either way.

“I think Aang would have an actual meaningful way to say this but here’s how I’ll say it, if it’s meant to happen it will happen.” Sokka said with a shrug as if it was such a simple thing. “I mean look and me and Suki, I thought I wouldn’t see her again for a long time but then we seen her a few days ago, and I have a feeling I will see her again.”

“You really think things will just work themselves out like that?” You asked as you looked over at him and he just looked back in front of you, the two of you were back at the house and almost to the door.

“I think they will, look how things worked out with me and Katara meeting Aang, you, and Toph.” He said as the two of you reached the door and he paused before opening it to look over at you. “I even have a feeling things may work out between you and Zuko, especially after you healed his uncle.”

“I hope so.” You said as you gave him a smile and opened the door.

Part 9

@tpwkatsumu @caswinchester2000 @frickin-bats @winchestergirl907 @eridanuswave @the-firebender-girl @myarthetics @royahllty @izzieserra @akariblue  @coldlilheart @thirstyforsometea @cirtruss @lammello @bigbuckyenergy @aangsupremacy @lozzybowe @duh-dobrik @emogril @justab-eautifulmess @whalerus @im-me-and-noone-else @nataliahaslosthershit @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak @slytherky

[creepypocky]

Hello! How are you? I was wondering if I could get a romantic matchup and a friend matchup. If not then feel free to ignore this!

I use all pronouns and I’m omni with a preference for men.

I’m 5’0, pale, have long, curly dark brown hair, brown eyes, glasses (though I’ve been wanting contacts for awhile), and a bit of acne (one of my core insecurities).

My style is mostly vintage streetwear. Lots of graphic t-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, and loose jeans. Every once in awhile, I add in some elements of dark academia and cottagecore. I wear lesbian earrings a lot too.

My hobbies are, listening to music, reading (mostly fantasy and historical fiction), karate, singing, playing video games, and instruments (I play the violin, saxophone, and keyboard).

One of my biggest interests is history. I like learning about all types of history and different periods of time but my overall favorite thing to learn about are revolutions, like the American revolution, French, and Russian.

My biggest goal in life is to make my family proud. My childhood wasn’t exactly the easiest, to say the least, and I just want to prove that it won’t keep me down from achieving great things. I hope that makes sense. Anyways..

My favorite kind of person is someone who’s patient and outgoing. I rant a lot about things I’m passionate about, like history for example. My favorite kind of person is someone who well just listen and not just straight up ignore me when ranting about something. I like someone is is outgoing too since I’m the opposite, and need someone to push me out my comfort zone every now and then.

The kind of person I hate is someone who is self-centered, judgmental, and dishonest. Not much to say here since I think it’s pretty self explanatory. This kind of person is just not good to be around.

Things I like are: rainy weather, nature, books, animals, music, picnics, stargazing, libraries, and coffee shops.

Things I dislike: hot weather, insects, seafood, my indecisiveness, loud noises, crowded places, and arguing.

My sun sign is pisces, rising is libra, and my moon is scorpio.

I’m 100% an introvert. I like being around friends and family but I like my alone time more. When I’m with people people for a bit too long, I start to feel drained.

First impressions.. I’m not good at them. When meeting someone, I’m very shy and quiet. They have to be the one to lead the conversation and when they ask questions, I 9 times out of 10 will respond in short answers. I also stutter and fidget a lot.

When I’m with people I know and trust, I’m loud, energetic, and like to make a couple jokes here and there. I only make jokes every now and then since I’m scared they won’t laugh. But when they do, I feel really proud of myself for making them laugh.

Okay, I think that’s about it. I’m sorry that this is long, I got a bit carried away. I hope this all makes sense. Thank you so much! Take care and have a great day/night! :)

Hi hi! Thank you for sending me this. :) I don't mind at all that it's long, in fact, the longer it is the better. This allows me to match you in more detail.

I am well, thank you for asking hon. <3

It was difficult for me to figure out who to match you with, but-

Romantic:

|| I match you with: Homicidal Liu! || (I won’t include Sully because I’m not sure how to include him into this, but in the future I will practice writing that!)

This is exciting, I've never matched anyone with him before, but I'm going to make it work.

First of all, he lovesss your hair and how curly it is he just wants to run his hands through it.

Maybe sniff it too idk...

He thinks everything about you is cute even your acne so you shouldn’t feel insecure about it, he loves you regardless!

He loves to chill with you and hang out with a book, he’ll buy all the fantasy books you want tbh and will love to point out interesting stuff he finds in them. I honestly canon Liu as a bit of a nerd. Lmfaoo

Bro, you like karate?? Watch this guy study karate as much as possible just for you. Maybe even learn it for you, hell, if not knowing some himself already. Let this hot nerd hear you sing for hours it will brighten his day up, honey. Please teach him how to play instruments, he has a hard time learning them even though he’s so interested. Regardless though, he loves to listen to you play and will even ask you to write songs if you’re up for it.

Liu was great in school which means he knows a lottttt about history since he was interested in it too and always studied history, so he could just talk to you on and on about history all day and you both could even learn from each other.

He totally gets wanting to make your family proud as a goal, he also had a very rough childhood due to his abusive dad and growing up with Jeff who was mentally ill at a young age, all he ever wanted to really do was show his family he could be someone better than that. So he completely supports you.

He is most definitely patient and outgoing. He will always let you take your time on things and would never pressure you into doing something, as long as you treat him with that same respect. He’s a really good listener, hence doing really well in school, so he’s willing to just listen to you rant on and on about things. He wants you to feel like you can talk to him about anything as long as you want to, and if you don’t he’ll respect your space. He’s pretty extroverted so he’ll try to help you get along with others more and make more friends.

He really hates liars and judgemental people too, he was bullied a lot by people like that in school so seeing people like that is like a reminder for him. He’s good at keeping his composure though and will simply ignore or avoid the people he encounters that are like that. If they hurt you though, he’s more than willing to put them in their place.

He is pretty indifferent about nature, he’s honestly more of an inside guy and just loves the comfort of inside despite being an extrovert. But he’ll go outside with you to look at nature if you asked him to.

He always loves to take you out and go on little coffee shop dates with you because he loves the sweet smile that comes up on your face. He’ll just sit at the table with you and a coffee and read a book with you if not just talk about random things.

He will squish all insects just for you honey.

If your indecisiveness ever gets to you, he’s willing to help you make a decision so it’ll be easier for you because he doesn’t want to see you upset. He always has an open mind and leaves options open but still gives you context on which would be best.

If you’re ever feeling drained from being around people all day he will let you have your own space and leave you alone, unless you want to spend some cuddle time with him. Otherwise he understands.

He gets being bad at first impressions because even though he’s an extrovert he can still be a bit awkward, but he’ll be willing to start conversations for you when you’re in groups or egg others on to start a conversation so that you don’t feel too nervous.

He loves seeing you loud and energetic and going out of your shell, and your occasional jokes are funny to him not always because the joke itself is funny but also because he thinks you’re a total goof. (In a good way bby) <3

Best friend:

|| I match you with: Masky! ||

Our good ol’ friend Tim here comes across as a rough guy, and is horrible at first impressions too. But to be honest, he’s actually much nicer and outgoing than people think he is.

His style is pretty much the same as yours kinda so the two of you get along over things like matching clothes sometimes. He also thinks it’s really fun to watch you do karate if you demonstrate it to him, but will absolutely refuse if you tell him to do karate for you because he knows he will fail miserably. He does know how to play a couple instruments though and will play the guitar for you if you ask him to. Or he’ll just do it anyway because he feels like it.

He’s honestly a total history nerd too but doesn’t show it, but if you mention history around him he will just “happen” to know the answer or what you’re talking about. Eventually though he’ll come out of his shell and have a conversation with you and maybe Liu if he joins in about history and stuff.

he doesn’t know much about making a family proud, but he does know how it feels to want to meet someones expectations through hard times, especially considering his job and Slender being his boss. He’s constantly having anxiety about wanting to be good enough for him as an employee and he’s scared to death of failing him or not fulfilling his job enough. So he sort of understands your goal and will support you the best he can.

He really doesn’t seem like it at times, but he can be patient and outgoing if he really wants to be. He can have anger issues at times and has trouble communicating with people, but once the two of you get closer he’s a lot more patient with you and is usually the one to start a conversation with you if you’re unable to.

He hates dishonest people too, honestly. Mostly because he has experience with constantly being lied to and betrayed and he is so sick of it. Please never betray him, he doesn’t seem like it but he’s so fragile. ;-; He trusts you as a friend though and he knows you would never lie to him or do something to break his trust.

He doesn’t like crowded places much either, he finds them really stressful and can trigger his anxiety at times. He’s just used to being on his own and in his own space and has trouble going out of his comfort zones when there’s crowds. He totally gets feeling drained when around people for too long, he doesn’t mind being around people in general and interacting with them but he’s still a bit of an introvert and likes to just do his own thing. He loves to go in a quiet room with you and play some kind of board game with you or share books.

When you’re loud and energetic, he really enjoys being around you and you don’t drain him as much as other loud people do because he’s closer to you and just likes to see you have fun. He is the teasing type though and if you joke around he’ll pretend to not think it’s funny while trying not to crack up.

~~~

I hope this was good enough! Thank you for sending me this, it was lovely to write for. I hope you’re having a great day/night and make sure to take great care of yourself, hon! <3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #385

“I am a human being, capable of doing terrible things”

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) Uhhhh. I don't know. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What’s your favorite movie series? I think Shrek when you consider all the movies' (well, I haven't seen the last one, but...) quality. No memeage here, I just genuinely love Shrek, haha. I would say The Lion King, but miraculously when you consider the focus on meerkats, I actually don't like 1 1/2 much. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? Hm... I think I got purple highlights? Do you want to move anytime soon? Even though we haven't even lived here a year, yes. I don't like living in an urban area, and I also reeeeaaaally don't like our family friend being our landlord. I know that sounds very weird, but she's just a very controlling person who forcefully inserts herself into my family's lives now more than ever, and I have a pretty deep fear that a potential argument finally erupting will lead to us being kicked out. I genuinely don't think Tobey would ever do that, but the fear is still there. How good/bad was the quality of education you received in high school? Average, I guess? What was the most interesting year of your life, and why? "Interesting," maybe... 2017 or 2018? I learned a lot about myself in that time range. But at the same time, my life was (and still is) VERY uneventful. Just a lot of mental stuff went on. What was the first social media site you ever used? Myspace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? REALLY regret? No. I wish I'd never dated Tyler, but it's not a massive regret or anything. He was still a cool guy that I have a few nice memories with. Have you ever lied on a resume? Or even in a job interview? Ha, I'd definitely stretch the truth about being more of a people-person than I am. I couldn't go too far with lying, though; I'm just not comfortable doing that, 'cuz like, they're gonna find out eventually that it's not true. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Maybe my friend Summer. Her room has always been super cool. What brought about the end of the worst relationship you’ve been in? Apparently, not talking to him every second of every day two weeks into a relationship was a no-no. Where was the last place you spent the night other than your own home? The sleep study building or whatever it's considered in the medical plaza. Do you have any step- or half-siblings? I have both. What do people always seem to think is weird about you? The fact I don't watch TV. Do you ever braid your hair? It's way too short for that. Even when it was long, I didn't do it frequently at all. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Roman, in particular. What was the last thing you gave up on? uhhhhhhhhhhh If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? I don't. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I'm not really into DIY stuff, honestly. I'd rather just buy products that were made better than I could, or commission someone who can. What's a song that makes you feel happy? I dunno. It's rare a song alone makes me happy. What is your favorite clothing store? Rebel's Market. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it was a more social platform. What is something you do well? Catastrophize any situation. Assume the worst of everything. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably to re-engage with a calorie-counting app I used to use. I'm back to trying to use it consistently. Do you like to wear high heels? Does ANY person LIKE to? How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three depending on my appetite and the size of the pizza. Do you play any instruments? Not anymore. Do you always smile for pictures? Not always. What are you most excited about right now? To see the results of my TMS therapy. What's the last song you listened to? "Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King. What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching an Erosium livestream rn. Newest channel binge, haha. Do you know anyone who's died in childbirth? No. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. I don't want to leave my family. Do you wear foundation? No, I hate the feeling of that crap. Do you know anyone who has run for public office? No. Do you have a cartilage piercing? I used to, but the hole closed when I had to take it out for the hospital. :/ I plan on getting it repierced. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room or urgent care? If so, why? Yes; for being suicidal, a suicide attempt, and when I had a horribly infected cyst and just existing made me want to sob with pain. Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital? Yeah, a few times. What is the most pain (physical, mental, emotional) you've ever felt? Physical: having the aforementioned cyst drained when I was not nearly numbed enough. Mental and emotional (what's really the difference?): my breakup with my first real boyfriend. What is the longest time you've spent crying? Oh, hours on end, fluctuating with intensity. Have you ever been stolen from? Yes. Have you ever been to a ghost town? No, but I would FUCKING LOVE to. Let me bring my camera and it's a field day. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this current house. Have you ever been inside of a vacant house? No. Have you ever been attacked by a dog? No. What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? The massive cyst my late dog Teddy developed on his lower belly. That fucking thing hung on by a THREAD and was absolutely nauseating to look at. How old were you when you learned how to read? I don't recall, I just know it was earlier than most children. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Cats. Which book series was the first you read? I want to say Hank the Cowdog. I was hooked on it. Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Haha, what a question, as I've considered both of these as potential careers. I think write a book. What dream that you’ve had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: A nightmare about my dad that I'm not going into. What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I'm very uncomfortable revealing jealousy or envy. How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? Extremely. What is the most fun game to play? Shadow of the Colossus, probably. What is your sense of humor like (dry, dark, sarcastic, etc.)? I don't know, maybe dry. How many languages can you say "hello my name is…" in? Two. What language do you think sounds the nicest? I don't know, it's not like I've heard every language be spoken. What language do you want to learn more of? German. Do you have any form of OCD? I'm diagnosed with OCD. Do you make promises often? No. I take promises VERY seriously and am not about to make one unless I'm certain I can keep it. What is it that you are responsible for? My pets, keeping my room clean, stuff like that. Do you have a lot of secrets? Not "a lot," no. Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? Verbally. I'm only physically aggressive in my nightmares. What warning has someone given you that you wish you’d have listened to? Hm. What warning has someone given you you are glad you didn’t take? I also don't know. What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I can't pick just one. Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? Maggots. Just the word makes me squirm. What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? My signature. Have you ever watched Breaking Bad? No. Are your fingernails always painted? They never are. What color is your bed frame? A rich brown. Did any of your neighbors come over to welcome you when you moved into your current house? No. What's something you didn't realize how bad it was until it happened to you? Heartbreak. Do you like Taylor Swift's singing voice? No. It's squeaky and annoying to me. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Why the fuck would it bother me? Let people be in touch with their emotions. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Ummm I want to say Starbuck's w/ Mom after my TMS appointment. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural "things?" No. Does your house have any unoccupied bedrooms? Yes. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and she personally suspects something's up with Dad, but idk. He's never seen a doctor about that kinda stuff. What fun things are there to do where you live? Ha! Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? I know many like that. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? My parents owned it. Can you see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't paid attention at this house. I'm certain it'd be harder now living in an urban area, though. What job do you know you'd be terrible at? Like, everything? I'd probably be worst at promoting stuff to people and trying to push them into buying something. No being a salesperson for me. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Who doesn't? And now, for the greatest question of all time! Toilet paper- should it go over or under? I literally couldn't care less about this. Fun fact though to "end" the argument, the original concept art of the idea (the word for that is evading me...) has it designed to go over. Are you afraid of mice? Not at all, they're adorable. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I don't have a specific "type" of thing I get, really. It depends. Do you vacation often? Not at all. Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? It depends on the place, really. Generally, I really don't care, so long as I put a bra on. What’s your favorite candy bar? That one that's a bunch of Reese's squares composed into a rectangle. It. Is so. Fucking. Good. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Do you own a helmet of any sorts? No. Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? Just for Christmas, really. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I'm not a soup person. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? I saw one or two episodes with Sara. If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? N/A Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No.

[gay-jesus-probably]

Non-Ridiculous Cold Weather PSA

Because I’ve been seeing a lot of hysterical PSA posts about surviving the cold weather, and while watching americans be terrified about negative temperatures is deeply amusing to me, the polar vortex is still dangerous and some of the ‘advice’ going around has been useless, stupid, or just straight up wrong.

So. Some calm advice from your local canadian that’s actually helpful, because let’s be real here there’s a reason that all this panic has been aimed at American’s, and that’s because we’re already used to this shit so we’re not freaking out.

First, debunking the stupider advice I’ve seen:

You don’t have to sleep naked. That’s weird and unnecessary, but I’ve actually seen people advising that. You’re not going to freeze to death in your sleep because you sweat. Wear your damn pajamas. Wear socks and a hoodie to bed if you want. Pile on the blankets. You don’t need to take survival precautions overnight in a heated building, and even if you did, nudity wouldn’t do anything.

Don’t build an igloo. Why the fuck have I even been seeing that as a suggestion? If your home loses power for heating, first step is to pick a single room, and have everyone in the house cuddle up together under a mountain of blankets. Body heat, yo. And if you still feel there is a legitimate risk of freezing to death, leave the building AND GO SOMEWHERE WITH HEATING. If you try to build a fucking igloo to survive, you’ll waste your time and energy getting cold and wet fucking around in the snow, and if you manage to actually create a structure (which is unlikely), it’s probably going to fucking collapse on you when you try to use it, and then you’re freezing cold and soaking wet. And that’s if you don’t suffocate under the snow. Don’t build a fucking igloo. I don’t remember who was suggesting that, but I’m going to kick your ass.

Your dogs can still go outside. Obviously, not for long, and under supervision, but you don’t need to get a fucking kiddie pool full of grass for them to go in. Seriously? It’s not a hurricane. You're not in mortal peril the second you step outside. Your dog is covered in fur, it can handle going outside for a few minutes, doing its business, and then coming back in immediately. If you’re that worried, get a dog coat and put it on them, or cuddle your dog to warm it back up once you’re back in. If you have to go out along with your dog... well sucks to suck, but you can also put on a coat and handle a few minutes of cold.

And now the actual advice that you need, that I haven’t seen anyone getting.

Wear a hat. Cannot emphasis how important a warm hat is. Canadian’s aren’t wearing toques as a fashion statement (tho we do look good), it’s cause your head is a major heat loss, so you stay a lot warmer if you cover it up.

Anything wet will drain heat. If you have the choice between wet clothes and nothing, take nothing. Do not leave a heated building with wet/damp clothing. Do not leave a heated building with wet/damp hair. On that note, if you DO leave the house with wet hair, it will freeze, and it can break. That’s not a safety thing thats just a tip, don’t touch your hair if it freezes, just wait for it to thaw on its own unless you want an impromptu haircut.

Wool/fleece/any fuzzy thing isn’t always the best idea. If it’s dry? Perfect, excellent insulator, good warm winter gear. But it gets wet, which it easily does, you’re fucked. Mitts/gloves, coat, boots, and snowpants should all be waterproof. Everything else, there’s not really any point lmao. Non-waterproof gear is better than nothing, but be careful about getting snow on it.

There is no style to winter gear. There is no shame in wearing weird shit to stay warm. There is no such thing as too bundled up. Seriously, when it’s this cold, ideally you’re not exposing any part of your body to the outdoors. I live in the prairies, and regularly see people wearing ski goggles out and about during cold snaps. Myself included. Seriously, you don’t need to look good, you just need to be warm. I promise anybody looking at you is just wishing they’d thought of that. ...Just remember to remove all facial coverings the moment you enter a bank, or any kind of business establishment, because otherwise you will be giving the wrong impression about your reasons for being there.

Do not sleep in shoes/boots. Never do that. I don’t care how cold your feet are, put some socks on and suck it up. Sleeping in boots messes with your circulation, and makes it worse. Take em off.

Do not use alcohol to warm up. It will seemingly induce warmth, but it actually leaves you colder. ...That’s not a metaphor, that’s just a fact, it will feel like it’s warming you up, but it doesn’t actually help. Go for an actual warm drink or something.

Bring your cats inside. You shouldn’t have outdoor cats at all! Do you know how much shit can kill them out there? More than that, they’re an invasive species, they’re devastating the ecosystem. But they’ll freeze to death in the cold, so bring them in and (ideally) never let them out again, you’re an irresponsible pet owner.

On that note, stray cats often use cars for shelter in the cold. Before starting up your car, check the wheels, and then bang on the hood. I’ve seen warnings about checking the wheels already, but cats can also get under the hood, and will curl up there for warmth. If the car is turned on while a cat’s on the engine block... well, I think you can guess it’s not pretty. Smack the hood of your car before you get in; anything in there will wake up and bolt, or at least announce its presence. Either way, you don’t accidentally shred a cat. Apologies for that mental image.

If you’re homeless: I can’t give you any specific locations cause idk, check other posts for that, but seriously you do not want to be on the streets right now. Libraries are good, as are coffee shops/restaurants that are open 24/7. Libraries you can’t get kicked out of, but businesses... worth a shot, honestly. You might need to try and buy something, and honestly I would advise just straight up asking the employees if you can camp out there all night despite only buying one thing at the start, but strong odds says they’ll let you stay. Be honest and polite, apologize for the imposition, and you’re more likely to be left alone all night. The employees had to go through the cold to get to work, they know it’s miserable out. Or go to a shelter or warming station or something. Seriously. DO NOT SPEND THE NIGHT OUTSIDE.

If you have exhausted every single option and are stuck outside overnight. Do not sleep. Do not stop. It is going to be the most miserable night of your life, and you will be lucky to survive, but it’s not impossible. Keep walking. Doesn’t matter where you go, just that you are on your feet and moving. Movement creates body heat, and that is desperately needed. If you fall asleep, you will never wake up again. You’re probably going to be tempted to do it anyways, you will definitely cry, and it will literally feel like torture, but keep going. Survive. Nobody should ever have to endure an ordeal like this, but if there’s no other options, staying on your feet is the only way to survive. If you pull through the night, find a local library, and go in the second it opens; you’ll need to warm up and get some sleep, and a library can’t kick you out.

I know that last one sets something of a grim tone, but seriously, stay calm. You’re going to be fine. That’s the worst case scenario advice, and I hope to god nobody needs to use it. If you’re homeless, yes you should definitely be worried about this, and take every possible precaution to avoid being out on the streets overnight. If you’re not homeless... Seriously calm the fuck down, you’re okay. I know, for most of us it would literally be warmer in Antarctica, or on fucking Mars. But what else is new? Up north we’re surviving this shit every year. The only time frostbite isn’t on the table is May to August, and I mean really even then.

Anyways, stay calm, stay safe, and stay warm. Worst case scenario, you can always try singing the Canadian national anthem, it gives you an automatic resistance to cold. If nothing else, you’ll definitely come out of this understanding why Tim Hortons is such a Thing here. My condolences to all of you for having to endure this cold without any timmies. We’ll pour one out in your honour.

Oh yeah and if you start hearing things like gunshots, despite it being America it may not actually be gunshots this time; when it’s really cold sometimes trees explode. Liquid expands when it freezes, so if enough of a tree freezes... boom. Don’t approach until the trees stop exploding, tree shrapnel can fuck you up. Have fun!

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 32 - 33

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Aedion had been up half the night, debating the merits of every possible place to meet his father.

I am such a sucker for good parent/child relationships in fiction (extra bonus points if it’s adopted parents/child relationship) but honestly Assdion needs to stay the fuck away.

Beforehand Assdion put Lysandra to bet after she shifted back from some other form.

[Aedion] flipped back the crisp cotton sheets with one hand and then laid [Lysandra] down, her once-again long hair covering her high, firm breasts. So much smaller than the ones he’d first seen her with. He didn’t care what size they were—they were beautiful in both forms.

Uhhh does SJM not get how creepy this sounds? Lysandra is asleep and Aedion is staring at her boobs thinking about how beautiful they are?? God damnit SJM just stick to erotica if your characters are gonna be horny 24/7.

Lysandra made [Aedion] change out of his dirty travel clothes, barged into Aelin and Rowan’s room wearing no more than her own bedsheet, and took whatever she wanted from the Fae Prince’s armoire. Aelin’s barked Get out! was likely heard from across the bay, and Lysandra was smirking with feline wickedness as she returned, chucking the green jacket and pants at him.

This sounds like the beginning of a college fic where all the characters live in the same dorm. Not a fucking epic fantasy series constantly compared to LOTR. Tolkien must be rolling in his grave.

Dorian stirred, a cool breeze fluttering in as if his magic awoke as well, squinted at them both, then at the clock atop the mantel.

WHAT. Is this a medieval settings or not? The characters all use swords and bow and arrows and there’s hints of medieval Britain monarchies everywhere but the characters have clocks? What is this word building?

Gods, the females in his court ate more than [Aedion] did.

This is prompted after Lysandra eats breakfast. After we have already been told she burns a lot of energy with her shape shifting. Go fuck yourself, Assdion.

Aedion opened the door, finding the cadre precisely where he’d guessed they’d be at this hour: eating breakfast in the taproom. The two males halted as they entered. And Aedion’s eyes went right to the golden-haired man—one of two, but … there was no denying which one was … his.

I am actually so stressed. Either A) Aedion is gonna act like a dick to his poor father and be treated as right for it, or B) SJM is gonna turn Gav into a dick just so Aedion can angst over his daddy issues. Place your bets, folks.

“You look … ,” Gavriel breathed, sinking into his chair. “You look so much like her [Aedion’s mom].”

HHHHH SJM STOP I HATE THIS SHITTY BOOK AND ASSDION I DON’T WANT THESE FEELS....

“They could have cured [mama Aedion] in the Fae compounds, but she wouldn’t go near them, wouldn’t let them come for fear of Maeve”—[Aedion] spat the name—“knowing I existed. For fear I’d be enslaved to her as you were.”

I wish Assdion’s mom could’ve been a character, but nope, gotta kill off potentially awesome characters for the sake of main character pain. I know that’s just a thing that happens in 95% of stories at this point, but SJM literally only brings these dead characters up once or twice and it has no other impact on her main characters or the plot.

“I’m sorry,” his father said, those Lion’s eyes full of such grief Aedion wondered if he’d just struck a male already down. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” he said, turning toward the door.

Am I a dumb dumb, or... who the fuck is Assdion talking about? Is he talking about apologizing to.. Assdion’s mom? I’m so confused.

Assdion stomps out after his little tantrum. I mean, I understand why he’s upset, but... I need context? Was Gav forced to take the blood oath to Maeve, or was it his own choice? ‘Cause if it was the latter yeah he’s kinda a shitty dad, but if it’s the former, it’s not his fault??? This series is batshit confusing.

“We need them to work with us. I might have made an enemy of him.” [Lysandra] tucked her hair over a shoulder. “Trust me, Aedion, you have not. If you’d told him to crawl over hot coals, he would have.”

HHHH FUCK IT GAV IS A GOOD DAD..... I just feel so so sorry for him. He’s just a punching bag for everyone else. Protect Gav 2k18

He laughed, surprised he could even do so. “He’s a handsome bastard, I’ll give him that.” “I think Maeve likes to collect pretty men.” Aedion snorted. “Why not? She has to deal with them for eternity. They might as well be pleasant to look at.”

I mean a lot of those men have confirmed that they were forced to take the blood oath and are now basically slaves to her but sure, tee hee oh Maeve that slutty bitch, collecting only the hottest young men to enslave! Fuckin’ end me.

Bearing both Goldryn and Damaris for once, Aelin walked into the Sea Dragon two hours later and wished for the days when she could sleep without the dread or urgency of something pulling at her.

Greaaat, back to Alien’s POV.

A grand total of five minutes before Lysandra barged in, Rowan had awoken—and begun the process of awakening her, too. Slowly, with taunting, proprietary strokes down her bare torso, her thighs, accented with little biting kisses to her mouth, her ear, her neck.

EWWWWWWW if I wanted to read this shit, I’d go look up fanfiction. Preferably fanfiction with characters I’m endeared to and actually ship. Skip!

Gavriel and Fenrys were now sitting with Rolfe at the table in the back of the taproom, no sign of Aedion, both a bit wide-eyed as she swaggered in.

This is a nit pick but Gav/Fenrys always being described together irks me. They have the literal same reaction to everything. Like, are they doing this all in unison? Actually, that’s a pretty funny mental image.

Rowan took up a spot beside [Aelin] his knee brushing hers. Like even a few feet of distance was unbearable.

GDI. It’s a meeting. With a Pirate Lord. And all Rowboat can think about is getting his dick wet inside of Alien. I’m almost ready to tap out.

“What is this,” [Aelin] said, stabbing a finger near the main line of figures stretched across the middle of the continent. “It’s the latest report,” Rolfe drawled, “of the locations of Morath’s armies. They have moved into position. Aid to the North is now impossible. And they stand poised to strike Eyllwe.”

Ooo, action scene? Please action scene, I cannot handle any more scenes of these assholes being horny around one another.

Next chapter!

“Eyllwe has no standing army,” Aelin said, feeling the blood drain from her face. “There is nothing and no one to fight after this spring—save for rebel militia bands.”

Starts right where the last one left off, as per SJM’s protocol

Rowan said to Rolfe, “Do you have exact numbers?” “No,” the captain said. “The news was given only as a warning—to keep any shipments away from the Avery. I wanted their opinions”—a nod of the chin toward the cadre—“for handling it.“

??? Is it me or is this expression really fucking weird? Was “a nod of the head” not good enough?

“Why attack Eyllwe, though?” Fenrys asked. “And why move into position but not sack it?” [Aelin] couldn’t say the words aloud. That she’d brought this upon Eyllwe by mocking Erawan, because he knew who Celaena Sardothien had cared for, and he wanted to break her spirit, her heart, by showing her what his armies could do. What they would do, whenever he now felt like it. Not to Terrasen … but to the kingdom of the friend she’d loved so dearly.

Once again, we’re about to witness the destruction of a kingdom and all Alien cares about is her stupid feelings. Go fuck yourself Alien.

“You are the heir of the Mycenian people,” Aelin said. “And I have come to claim the debt you owe my bloodline on that account, too.” Rolfe did not move, did not blink. “Or were all the sea dragon references from some personal fetish?” Aelin asked.

SJM JUST USED THE WORD “FETISH” IN HER EPIC FANTASY SERIES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

[Aelin] allowed a flicker of her magic to rise to the surface then, allowed the gold in her eyes to glow like bright flame. Gavriel and Fenrys straightened as her power filled the room, filled the city. The Wyrdkey between her breasts began thrumming, whispering.

I’m sorry, lovely readers, I keep ragging on about this, but holy fuck. I hate it so much. SJM wants this scene to be all epic and show what a special snowflake badass Alien is but then she undercuts all that supposed tension by drawing focus to her boobs I just. ajhdafdfagfds dj hdsa im b rea kin  g

Alien lets loose some of her power that literally shakes the world and rings bells or some shit? idk i guess its 2deep4me

“What the rutting hell was that?” Rolfe at last demanded. Fenrys and Gavriel became very interested in the map before them. Rowan said smoothly, “Milady has to release bits of her power daily or it can consume her.”

ROWBOAT CONFIRMED FOR NICE GUY HOLY SHIT

Aedion and Lysandra arrived after some time—and her cousin only spared Gavriel a passing glance as he stood over the map and fell into that general’s mindset, demanding details large and minute. But Gavriel silently stared up at his son, watching her cousin’s eyes dart over the map, listening to the sound of his voice as if it were a song he was trying to memorize.

Gav deserves a better series than this. I want to take him, Manon, Darrow, and Rolfe away so they can be at peace. How does Darrow/Gavriel sound to everyone? Pure old dads who rule their kingdom fairly, bringing peace and prosperity forward. What a lovely image.

SJM described the meeting rather than shows. It’s basically 90% everyone gushing over how powerful Alien is. Skip!

“You once said I would pay for my arrogance. And I did. Many times. But Sam and I took on your entire city and fleet and destroyed it. All for two hundred lives you deemed less than human. So perhaps I’ve been underestimating myself. Perhaps I do not need you after all.” [Aelin] turned again, and Rolfe sneered, “Did Sam die still pining after you, or did you finally stop treating him like filth?”

Dick move, maybe, but I mean... he’s not wrong. The Assassin’s Blade is literally just Alien being pissy towards Sam for no reason and then he gets angry when their master beats lAlien’s face in (you know, what any normal functioning human being would react like) and she’s suddenly frothing at the mouth to fuck him. Maybe I should review TAB next.........

Rowboat chokes Rolfe and throws him down, and everyone smirks. How are these characters adults? They’re all written like immature teenagers. Anyways, a bell rings out, signifying something bad.

Aelin watched as black - darker than the ink that had been etched there - spread across [Rolfe’s] fingers, to his palms. Black such as only the Valg could bring.

Please action scene I can’t handle one more “witty’ “banter” conversation between these assholes

The door banged open, and Rolfe’s towering figure filled it. “You.” Aelin put a hand on her chest. “Me?”

Pfft. I hated that I snickered at this, but I always laugh at the “dramatic hand on chest” joke.

“And what of your idealism—what of that child who stole two hundred slaves from me? You’d leave the people of this island to perish?” “Yes,” she said simply. “I told you, Rolfe, that Endovier taught me some things.” Rolfe swore. “Do you think Sam would stand for this?” “Sam is dead,” she said, “because men like you and Arobynn have power. But Arobynn’s reign is now over.” She smiled at the darkening horizon. “Seems like yours might end rather soon as well.”

Sam deserves better than this. He was an okay guy to my memory - not a poisonous fuck boy like Rowboat.

“Eight warships teeming with soldiers —at least a hundred on each, more on the lower levels I couldn’t see. They’re flanked by two sea-wyverns. All moving so fast that it’s like storm winds carry them.”

FUCK YEAAAH SEA DRAGONS LETS GO

Rolfe finally breaks down and agrees to join Alien’s war effort. Love it when one of the few good characters is kicked and beaten down to prop up the despicable protagonist. Then we swap to Dorian’s POV.

Aelin was insane, Dorian realized. Brilliant and wicked, but insane. And perhaps the greatest, most unremorseful liar he’d ever encountered.

Dorian, honey, you okay? Blink twice if Alien is holding you captive.

This war would not be won on smiles and manners. It would be won by a woman willing to gamble with an entire island full of people to get what she needed to save them all.

Yeah, doesn’t that make Alien likeable! I know war involves sacrifice and death but Jesus, could she feel even a little remorse? Innocent people may die today but Aelin’s head is so far up her own ass she doesn’t even care.

Fenrys kept at a distance from the others, but Gavriel remained close, his gaze still fixed on his son. Gods, they looked so much alike, moved alike, the Lion and the Wolf.

Stop ittttt Gavriel deserves better.....

Aelin tells Dorian to stay behind and the chapter ends. God, that was a lot of bullshit in two chapters.

[builder051]

Maybe something about Bucky's triggers could be interesting... like steve knows what they are and tries to avoid them at all costs without bucky realising and is kind of overprotective in a way- idk where it could lead imma just put it out there, could get angsty, fluffy whatever

Here’s what I came up with.  I like plot, so… yeah.  If this didn’t quite hit it for you, let me know and I can unleash a bunch of headcanons in non-story format as a sort of companion to the Stucky stories.

This is powers/no powers choose your own adventure.

___________________________

Steve glances sideways as he ticks up the speed on his treadmill.  He catches Bucky’s eye, and he can tell Bucky’s doing the same thing on his own machine.  Steve ticks the speed up another notch and pumps his arms at his sides, propelling his body to move faster.  Bucky’s already breaking into a sprint, his chest open forward and his quads gripping with visible musculature.

“What’s your distance at?” Steve pants, trying to see the display on Bucky’s treadmill without losing concentration on his own movements.

“Five point six,” Bucky reports.

“I’m at five point six one,” Steve says with a smile.

“Race you to six miles?” Bucky asks, raising his eyebrows and sending a bead of sweat down the side of his face.

“You’re on.”  Steve ups his speed again.  So does Bucky, and the sound of sneakers slapping against the treadmill belts increases to a frenetic pace.

At their speed, it only takes a couple minutes to finish the last mile.  Lactic acid burns through Steve’s legs.  The distance counter on his machine flicks to 6.00.  “Done,” he exhales, looking at Bucky again.

Barely one second later, Bucky echoes, “Done.”  They both slap the speed down and slow their sprints to a softer jogging pace.

“Ah.  You win,” Bucky concedes, wiping his forehead to displace the fine hairs that have escaped from his ponytail.

“Barely,” Steve breathes.  “You’re getting good.  I’m going to have to step up my training to stay ahead of you.”

“Naw,” Bucky says.  “I’m just happy to be in shape again…”

“I’d say it’s come back to you pretty easily,” Steve compliments.  “But then again, we’re here a lot.”  He gestures around at the small 24-hour gym, which, as always, is deserted at this hour.

“What time is it?” Bucky asks, slowing his treadmill to walking pace and looking over his shoulder for a clock.

“Almost five,” Steve replies, looking down at his watch.

“Fuck.”

“Well, we’ve been here since three,” Steve says with a shrug.

“The day has…too many hours.  Like no matter what I do, I can barely get time to pass,” Bucky mumbles.

Steve isn’t sure how to respond.  Bucky’s right.  When they’re up hours before sunrise to dampen the nightmares, first instinct is to expect the day to start.  But when work and other activities don’t start until at least seven or eight, something has to be done to goad the clock into moving forward.  The gym’s become their go-to activity following pre-dawn wakeup calls.  It gives Steve hope that Bucky has so much energy and drive, but it doesn’t take away the fact that he’s been shouting his way through paralyzing bad dreams almost nightly for the past few weeks.

Both of them have gotten stronger physically, but Steve can see the subtle wear and tear the schedule’s having on Bucky.  Faint shadows show beneath his eyes.  He’s quieter.  Twitchier.  His forehead sometimes wrinkles with what Steve knows is a headache and Bucky insists is nothing.

“Well,” Steve says, dropping his treadmill speed down to zero.  “You about done here?”  He steps to the carpeted floor and leans against the wall to stretch his calves.

“Yeah, I guess,” Bucky says.  He surfs his treadmill belt for a few seconds as the machine turns off.  The expression on his face looks upbeat enough, but Steve doesn’t like the pallor of Bucky’s cheeks or the micro tremble in his fingers.

Steve claps his hand down on Bucky’s stump shoulder.  “You doing ok?” he asks quietly, wanting to check in without being overbearing.

“Sure, yeah,” Bucky murmurs, a little distantly.

“Hungry?” Steve continues.  “I think we’re out of eggs.  But we could find something to eat at home, or we could go out.”

“What’s open this early?” Bucky asks, flipping up the hem of his shirt to wipe more sweat from his face.

“24-hour places.  IHOP,” Steve offers.

“Ok.  That sounds good.”

They’d walked to the gym, so they end up walking a few blocks out of the neighborhood to a street of restaurants and shops.  It’s still completely dark outside, further confusing the precarious concept of time.

Steve steps up under the IHOP’s blue canopy and holds the door open for Bucky.  A sleepy-looking hostess takes them to a booth in a windowed alcove and hands them menus that are slightly tacky to the touch.

“Two coffees,” Steve orders when the woman asks if she can get them started with drinks.  “And two waters, with no ice.”

Bucky’s absorbed with the menu, so Steve isn’t sure if he’s listening to the exchange.  Steve’s gotten good at avoiding Bucky’s triggers, even adopting some of the habits as his own just to make things easier.  Up until this most recent string of night terrors, Bucky’s been flourishing.  Navigating life easily as long as certain things are avoided.  They haven’t actually talked about it in a while, so Steve can’t say clearly whether or not his protectiveness is embarrassing to Bucky, but he has a feeling it probably is.

The dining room is empty except for a group of drunk-looking young people a few tables over.  Steve glances at them with a disapproving look for a moment, then he realizes it’s Saturday morning.  They’re probably the leftover stragglers from some Friday night party.  He remembers himself and Bucky doing things like that years ago, and a single sniff of a giggle escapes him as he turns his attention to the list of omelets.

“What?” Bucky asks, giving a confused smile at the look on Steve’s face.

“Was just thinking…” Steve says.  “About us as kids.  Going out drinking and stuff.”  That feels like so long ago, before the war came in as an unwelcome interruption.  Now, sitting face to face in the restaurant booth, it’s starting to feel overwhelmingly like a date despite their gym clothes and sweaty faces.  It feels like they’ve been together for a century.  But before the war, it was in the closet.  And now, it’s an awkward domesticity.  Steve can’t drudge up a single memory of them actually going out.

“God, I barely remember that far back,” Bucky says.  “We’ve gotten old.”

The waters and coffees arrive.  Steve sees to rehydrating himself with the clear fluid before attacking the caffeine.  Bucky takes one halfhearted sip of his water, then wraps both hands around his steaming mug. The water’s still cold even though it doesn’t have ice in it.  Steve makes a mental note to ask for room-temperature next time, even though it sounds nit-picky.

The waitress comes around a moment later, and Steve selects an omelet.  Bucky goes for plain pancakes with eggs and bacon, stuttering a little over his order and training his eyes downward.

“I bet you could make that,” Steve says, pointing at an advert on the wall for pumpkin French toast.  Now that his menu’s gone, Bucky’s picking at a crack in the tabletop, and Steve’s reaching to give him a distraction.  Bucky’s recent infatuation with the Food Network seems like a good choice.

“I bet it’s too sweet, though,” Bucky says, looking up at the pile of whipped cream and candied pecans topping the image of orange-brown toast triangles.

“But if you made it yourself, you could have it be however sweet you wanted,” Steve reminds him.

“Hm,” Bucky muses.  “Might be fun.  We could have breakfast for dinner, maybe for Halloween…”

“Yeah, I’d been meaning to ask, what do you want to do this year?  How’re you feeling about the doorbell and stuff?” Steve poses, draining his water glass.

Bucky looks into his coffee cup.  Last year, Steve’d tried putting up a sign imploring trick-or-treaters to skip their door.  He and Bucky’d ended up sitting against the wall in the master bedroom listening to the doorbell ring on and off for the entire evening.

“I don’t know…” Bucky says.  “I’m not…really wanting to do the same thing again.”

“I could ask Clint if they get a lot of traffic in their neighborhood.  Since it’s a lot more rural than here,” Steve suggests.  “Or we could get a hotel.”  He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

“Didn’t know it was that kind of holiday,” Bucky jokes.

Service is quick in the almost-empty restaurant, and their steaming breakfast plates arrive.  The waitress generously refills their coffee mugs and leaves a collection of ketchup and hot sauce on the edge of the table.  Steve adds some condiments to his hash browns, then tucks in.  The workout’s left him famished. Bucky’s slower in his attack on the eggs and bacon, but nods enthusiastically when Steve asks if his meal is good.

Bucky switches back and forth between his savory plate and his pancakes.  Steve directs him to the little cart of flavored syrups.  “The original’s probably the least sweet,” Steve says.  “But there are fruit-flavored ones, too.”

Bucky scoots down the length of the booth to investigate, accidentally knocking his napkin off the edge of the table as he moves.  He’s about to change directions and lean down to pick it up when one of the young men from the drunk table passes by, likely on his way to the bathroom.  His foot lands squarely on the white paper napkin, and he slips, reaching blindly for anything to break his fall.

It’s no use.  The young man hits the floor, along with the ketchup and Steve’s coffee cup.  The sound of glass shattering mixes with swearing, and the waitress rushes over to pull the kid off the floor and survey the damage.

Steve looks at Bucky, who’s wide-eyed and ghostly pale.  “I…what did…?  I didn’t mean…” Bucky’s stammer-whispering.  His gaze is trapped on the young man, who’s dabbing ketchup off his jeans, and the mass of glass and ceramic and muddled red-brown liquid on the tile below.

“Buck, it’s alright,” Steve says, reaching for Bucky’s hand across the table.

Bucky retracts, hunching his shoulders.  “I didn’t…I didn’t pull the trigger,” he mutters.

“You didn’t do anything,” Steve says firmly.  He rounds the table, trying to avoid the mess on the floor. Bucky’s covering half his pallid face with his hand, and Steve reaches for both shoulders.  “Come on.  Let’s go outside for a minute.  You’re safe.  It’s ok.”

He pulls Bucky out the front door and off to the side so they can lean against the building’s brick façade.

“I didn’t meant to…to shoot him,” Bucky breathes.

“You didn’t shoot anyone,” Steve firmly reminds him.  “That was a stupid drunk kid knocking stuff on the floor.”

“It’s my fault…”

“No,” Steve says, grounding Bucky with gentle pressure on his arm and stump.  “It was an accident.  That guy wasn’t paying attention.”

Bucky tips his head back against the wall and takes a gasping breath.

“Alright, get your breath back,” Steve encourages.  “You’re at the IHOP in Falls Church.  You’re close to home.  You’re with me.  You’re gonna be ok.”

“Steve,” Bucky mutters.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Steve says.  Bucky’s white face is illuminated blue with the glow of the restaurant’s sign. His jaw’s hanging slack; Steve wonders if he’s feeling sick.

“Sorry,” Bucky whispers.

“It’s ok.  Don’t worry about anything.  You’re gonna be fine.”

“Can we…please go home?”

“Yeah, of course,” Steve says.  “We’ll have to walk.  Are you feeling up to it?”

Bucky swallows hard and nods.

“Ok,” Steve says.  Then, “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut and seems to battle for coherency.  “Like…kind of sick, but…still really hungry?” he tries.

Steve chuckles at the honesty, relieved Bucky’s able to get in touch with his own feelings.  “How about we take breakfast to go?”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #247

“i tried to choke my mom with my umbilical cord, the doctor was too busy amputating my horns.”

Have you ever had confetti pancakes? I don't believe so. Do you obsess over your appearance? To a degree, ex. in regards to weight. Are you responsible for stuffing someone’s stocking? No. What’s your favorite romantic comedy? Ah man, idk. I like romcoms, just none are coming to mind right now. Do you stock up on make-up palettes during November? ????? no????? Have you ever taken a class online? Yes. Do you have a Neopets account? Omg I have so many piled up, I'm sure, lol. Loved that shit and kept going back. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you think time really does heal all? No. Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? HEAT, FUCKING CHRIST. Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? Mom helped me search for one of my mood stabilizers that the cat got out of my basket... We never found it. A new bottle. Thank god my psychiatrist just gave me a sample pack til my prescription can be refilled. Is anything in your room purposely hidden? Yes. Do you get a cold around the holidays? I rarely get sick, regardless of the season. Does it snow where you live? Rarely. Have you ever been pranked via hidden camera? No. Is hair gel a turn off on guys? "Not necessarily, but too much can be." <<<< This. Do you think cursing makes people sound unintelligent? Lol fuck off. What’s something you can cook extremely well? The only thing I CAN cook is cheesy scrambled eggs but I mean they're exceptionally good lol. Have you ever been bitten by a snake? Nope. How about a spider? Possibly at some point. If you don't want kids, was there ever a time you did, and vice-versa? The only time I ever wanted kids was deep into Jason's and my relationship. It's funny because I wanted three and now I'm just all NOPE. I stopped wanting kids after him. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? Idc. Do you ever count sheep to help you fall asleep? No. Do you have a youtube channel? If so, when did you start it? Yeah. I was on YouTube real early... don't remember the actual year, though. Do you have a secret crush right now? No. When was the last time you called customer service? I haven't. Do you take birth control pills? Not currently for mood reasons, but with my incredible fear of being raped, I kinda wanna go back. Do you like chocolate cake? Yeah man. Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? Plenty of people, myself included. Do you regret letting a certain guy or girl slip away? Ugh idk. There's no telling how awfully or well that path would've gone. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you consider yourself a good artist? Decent, anyway. Do you ever play board games anymore? Not really, I don't enjoy board games. The only time I ever really do is if Girt's over cuz that's like our "thing." Who was your first celebrity crush? Whew, Jesse McCartney. Who in your family did you get your height from? Mom. Who did you get your smile from? your hair color? your eye color? Smile, idk. Hair, also unsure. Dad was born dirty blond like me, but his hair turned black. Meanwhile I think Mom has always had brown hair, but hers is very dark/almost black. My maternal grandpa had blue eyes like me. Do you have big or small hands? Idk, normal. What was the name of your first imaginary friend you remember having? I never really had one. Do you pray to God regularly? Considering I don't believe in Him, no. What is your favorite version of the Bible to read? Even growing up religious, I sure never spent time reading various versions of the Bible. Have you been baptized? If so, how and where were you baptized? I was as a baby in a Roman Catholic church. You know, the traditional baptism with being dipped in water. Do you eat meat? Sadly. What college did you go to? and what was your major? I'm not sharing what college I go to, but my major is Art & Design. Do you miss living with a roommate? I look back on living with Jason, Jacob, and Amanda fondly most of the time, but idk if I can say I miss it. I at least don't miss my mental health. Have you ever been abused in any way? I feel incredibly thankful that I haven't... It seems like most people I know have been in some way or form. Do you like unicorns? Yeah man, they're dope. How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? Idk, some year in elementary school. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Ha ha no, I've got a cat for that. He insists on being cuddled most of the time. Name 3 things you are allergic to. Just pollen and silver. Oh, I do get headaches from artificial sweeteners, but "allergic" seems like the wrong word. Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? The only two books I know I've read more than once are Because of Winn-Dixie and the Meerkat Manor book. Who was your favorite Rugrats character? Uhhh I think it was just regular ole Tommy. Which fairytale resembles your life the most? Uh idk. Do you play games on your phone a lot? No. What’s your favorite thing to do on your phone? Text Sara. Where do you buy most of your clothes? Wal-Mart or Hot Topic. Who is your favorite cousin? I don't have a favorite. Do you have family that lives in another state? Oh yeah, we're all the hell over the place. What states have you lived in? Only NC. Do you watch birth vlogs on youtube? bitch what the fuck What is your favorite type of cake? Red velvet. Favorite arcade game? I neeeeeed to find an arcade one day that actually has the Silent Hill game. It's so rare. I'm sure I'd love it. Have you ever found a roller coaster relaxing? Uh no, but I've never been on one, nor can I even imagine one ever being relaxing. Have you ever seen a spirit? I believe I have. Have you ever been kidnapped? Yikes no. Is there a running trail near your house? Not that I'm aware of. A game you cheated on in elementary school? None that I remember? Do you wear a retainer at night? I'm SUPPOSED to, but I haven't in so long that it doesn't even fit anymore. Where is the last place you had a kiss? The airport. When was the last time you cried out of physical pain? I think it hasn't been since that infected cyst was drained in like late '16. FUCK that. Have you ever done anything to Support the Troops? No. Do you donate blood? I did once, but now I'm too nervous to because I know I don't drink enough water and don't wanna faint. Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? Ha, yeah, my sisters and I did. They were just a silly gift sometimes. What were you the last time you went trick or treating? WOW I couldn't even try to tell you, that's reaching far back. What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? The badass names lmao. Where did your mom go to high school? Somewhere in NY. What’s a subject you would never major in? Mathematics. Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? No. I'm only EVER capable of doing so with Mom, but even then I don't like it. Have you ever swam in a river? Yeah, as a kiddo. I don't think I would now. What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? Cinnamon rolls omfggggg. What food do you hate the smell of uncooked? Fish, I guess? Has a bee ever stung you? Yes, once. Where did you last go camping? Never been. In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I can't Christmas shop considering I don't have an income. Have you ever slept in a bed with someone with bad BO? Yes. Do you have a favorite flavor at Baskin Robbins? No. Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? HUNNY Hannah Hart is a GODDESS godDAMN What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? I'm too lazy for a garden. Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I would definitely inform them of it being a completely valid and safest form of STD prevention, but I don't believe it should be what is "right." What's important is educating them on safe sex and to choose whom they're intimate with very carefully. I absolutely encourage them being taught what being "too young" means, too. Now what "too young" is can be argued, but let's be a late teen at least. When’s the last time you went to Chuck E. Cheese? Boy, I don't have a clue. What’s your favorite cheese or cheese flavored food? American. Cheese-flavored food is absolutely impossible to pick. Do you like black licorice? I hate licorice. Do you watch anything on the E! network? No. Have you ever tried out or thought of trying out for American Idol? Nope. Did you keep any momentos of high school dances? I had my... what's it called? The flower band on your wrist? Whatever, I had that for a long time. Do you still have clothes from your high school dances? I have both prom dresses. I'm probably gonna try to sell them this prom season though because I have absolutely no reason to keep them, and I'm poor lmao. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. Ever been to the original 13 colonies? I live in NC so like,,, Have you ever been to a concert that got out of control? Nope. Can you jump rope double dutch? I used to be able to as a kid. I loved jump rope. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? Eek... idk. Actually, I might know. I want to know, but also don't, if whether or not how I treated Jason after the breakup was abusive or not. I've asked people in my life, old therapist included, if it was from what I told them (which was honest), and the unanimous answer has been no, that I was sick/actually insane and heartbroken beyond words, but yeah. I still wonder about it. Do you have a bucket list? If so, what are the top three things? Not really, but I mean of course there's things I wanna do, top two (idk about three) being to meet Mark and visit the KMP to photograph and pet the meerkats. Do you feel you had a happy childhood? For the most part, yeah. When did you last cry in front of another person? Last week when I was having a meltdown about school. How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? Explain. I LIVE!!!!!!!! FOR THEM!!!!!!!! As someone who never felt totally comfortable in her body, one thing that has always helped me has been new tats and piercings. It's like a more permanent form of make-up, you could say. All they've ever done is make me like a part of myself. Do you wear a lot of makeup? Why/why not? I almost never do unless I want to take a "pretty" picture. Talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. JINKIES!!!!!!! UHHHHHHH man that's hard 'cuz there's a whole whoppin' load. I guess I can talk about some lyrics from Ozzy's "Life Won't Wait" that used to make me really emotional back in the dark days: "Every day that you wait, you're falling faster / no sleight of hand, no twist of fate, no ever after / when it's gone - it's gone, a fight to the bitter end." Just that whole song used to sting so much when I felt like I really was just entirely wasting my life being sad every day. Just like... a lot of Ozzy's lyrics have really resonated and stuck with me. I still have the hardest time believing the Parkinson's news. God, life's cruel. Poison a legendary singer's voice. I hope, so long he feels truly capable, this concert still happens so I can actually hear and see him one time and literally sob and okay I'm getting emotional basically I Love Ozzy Osbourne. List the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. Ha, speaking of concerts. Only seen Alice Cooper, but it was aaaaaaamazing! Outside in a (mostly light) thunderstorm playing some classic good shit. It was a fun adventure, especially having my younger sis, a full-on redneck, come along just because she was bored and came for the ride. She was so, so, SO confused and creeped out and was NOT fucking happy when he brought his python on stage as he usually does. We were absolutely drenched when it was over; the ride home, we were freezing, and changing out of those soaked clothes was like a holy experience. Who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? Jason telling me he forgives me and doesn't hate me. Do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized? I don't, sadly. My bed is where I do like... everything, which I hate. I'd love to turn my sister's old room into like my "work" room, where I do homework, draw, etc., but I can't for a number of reasons. What is your night time routine? Go to the bathroom, take my meds, go to bed. Not very complicated. What’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? Certain places I've "done things" oops. If you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? I wanna dye my hair lilac currently. I wouldn't change the style. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? N/A What’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Murder, to name just one. If you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? If you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? My hair is short now. What is the most important thing to you in your life right now? My mental health.