#idk trying to do stuff in general when i needed to be reeling it back and eating and sleeping

[sharksa-shivers]

Hi lol

My name is Sharksa Shivers or Tiff, whatever, either works lol and i am migrating here now. I still have a twitter (i am not calling it X, fuck that lol, you know it's a twitter) The muskrat has been fucking up alot of shit over there so uhhhhhh might as well make another page online so people can find me cuz idk how long a burning building can stay standing so yknow...

Just in case tho- twatter: https://twitter.com/Sharksa_Shivers Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ02ooJ9RYKAV9uIUQum1Gg Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/sharksa-shivers (ima be honest lads, i ain't reposting every art ever on here so check my DA for my full art gallary lol. All my art garbo is there lol)

I'm p friendly but snarky and sometimes i got no chill but cuz of anxiety, that will probably be reeled in alot but i'd love to talk and make some more internet friends cuz i'm a lonely motherfucker, that'd be nice lol... Guess i will be trying to learn how this site works cuz i have no clue lol...Never had a tumblr before so uhhhhh yeah lol... Also i like to swear and say fuck and be edgy so uhhhh hopefully you're alright with self end life jokes and uhhhhh other stuff like that cuz otherwiseeeeeee you probs wanna head on out lmaoooo If you decide to show up and be a lil shit, i will not hesitate to use that block button lololol...Also if you decide to take my sfw art as weird fetish shit cuz i've had that prob on DA, that will absolutely earn you a block. Also peeps that make me uncomfy in general/spambots also will get hit with the blocc. I'll talk to anybody usually but if you wanna be rude, i'll probs block you if you decide to do that lol. Just be a normalass person and we won't have any issues. Do not start shit with me about my interests plz, i just want happy brain chemicals for like 5 minutes fdhjkfdjhfdhdf plz, lordt

My serieses and whatnot lol A NOTE: MY STUFF IS NOT FOR KIDS...SO PLEASE JUST BE LIKE...RESPONSIBLE. I'M NOT POSTING NSFW SHIT BUT LIKE I'M NOT GONNA CUT OUT MATURE THEMES EITHER SO PLEASE LIKE...VIEWER DISCRESTION ADVISED...THIS GOES FOR LIKE ANYTHING I MAKE IN GENERAL.

--- Kidnapped revolves around The Trio, a team of 3 demon fighters in training. Consisting of Sharky Sharkson, Max Bone and Kristy Miller, these 3 teenagers work towards the goal of defeating a genocidal immortal cult leader shadowdemon known as Demon Drop whenever he comes back from an alternative dimension. Training The Trio, powerful fire mer Orange Hair does her best to provide The Trio with the skills and resources they need to take down Demon Drop when he returns...Why is it called Kidnapped then? Because Orange Hair kidnapped Kristy to make this team happen and that's when our story begins, with Kristy having to come to terms with all of this...

Roomies --- Skylar is a loud and asshole-y chameleon with dreams of becoming a musician. Axel is a very nerdy and nice dog dude whos trying his best to live a good life. Together, these 2 are polar opposites and roommates...Maybe even something more in the future if Axel can figure out his true feelings for Skylar over time. These 2 get into quite alot of shenaigans and have to deal with whatever life throws at them both.

(Note: Roomies is my side series and it's undergoing some major needed work over time. It's probably not gonna be updated a ton as a result but i am working on it on and off whenever i get more inspired lol.)

Plz tag art as #KidnappedSeriesFanart or #RoomiesSeriesFanart if you wanna give me fanart or something to...Or tag me, whatever, i'd love to see it!!! (am not expecting but people have wanted to a few times and i'm cool af with that as long as you aren't...Yknow, gross and whatever lol...)

ALSO!!!! Just cuz i post dialog stuff/rambling stuff from/about Kidnapped/Roomies doesn't mean they will be in the final projects...But it doesn't mean it won't make it in either lol so take it with a grain of salt. I needa share more stuff to get any sort of audience imo sooooooooo ima share these cuz these get the points across more then random artpieces in my mind so yeah lol... EVERYTHING IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND...

Ik fandoms are a big thing here sooooooo here's some stuff i'm super into lol: -Regular Show (hyperfixation atm) (Also simp king Mordecai is my fave character, argue with the wall lmaooooooo) -Owl House -Steven Universe -Final Space -Tangled The Series -Amphibia (less so after the finale tho, ngl, oof) -Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (both lol) -If it's animated, i'm probably gonna be super into it lmao, i don't watch alotta live action stuff, i'm sorry oof X-X

Will say tho, i probably won't interact much other then like...Maybe an opinion here or there or just...Sharing art i like lol, i ain't lookin for drama or fights, plz no, i do not need it over silly cartoon shows that make my brain make seratonin juices lol

Other shiz i like: -Hiveswap (Homestuck too but Hiveswap moreso ngl lol) -Castle Swimmer -BIG into Elemental rn, we'll see how long that sticks lol -Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (fave internet story, god, i love the cosmic abomination, horror pit lol) -If it is shark/ocean/mer related, yes i want to see it, give it to me NOW... -Roblox (fave games are Tornado Alley Ultimate and Royale High atm lol but i play other stuff at points) -Mouthwashing (fuck jimmothy, all my homies fuckin hate that roachman)

Uhhhhhrm, will update more later lolololol

If you needa contact me, hmu lol (tho i am usually easier to reach later in the day/at night tbh...Ima lil night owl buttttttt sometimes i do have to get up earlier so yknow, i could surprise ya... XD I am in the central US timezone for ref as well...

Dividers are NOT MINE; Go check out cafekitsune for these, they got some really pretty ones lol Link to the galaxy banners: https://www.tumblr.com/cafekitsune/727305515676418048/%F0%9D%90%8F%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%93%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%8D-%F0%9D%90%81%F0%9D%90%80%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%8D%F0%9D%90%84%F0%9D%90%91%F0%9D%90%92-galaxy

Commissions? Nope, not atm. Idk if i will ever do those tbh lol... Art trades? Depends on the timing but hmu and we'll see!! Usually I'll say yes cuz it's p fun lol. (I would prefer to know the person/be mutuals tho so i am not doing free art for Johnny Mcrando yknow?) Gift art? I am always open to peeps making art for me so you can if you want. On my end, depends lol...Maybe if i'm up for it. Do you ever do fanart? I would do so much Regular Show fanart if my brain was not fried 24/7 with Kidnapped stuff so...dfhjfdhjfdhfd I wouldn't follow me for the hopes of that alas but perhaps someday, i have done it before!! :p When tf you gonna upload you twat?? Whenever i have stuff, do not stress me plz, i beg lol. I do gotta draw, it keeps my mental health stable but also uhhhhhhhhh it's done when it's done babycakes uwu

[jenanddomo]

6.28.23

11:39pm

hey, its been a long time since i actually put something!

lets start w love life

so i got w my bf lol in early april! he so sweet n cute. he fr has the best version of me he so lucky

the reason y i say he so lucky bc i fr try my hardest not to be ugly or mean to me, he doesn’t deserve that. me n him r doin well :) prob bc it jst the beginning still but even then i tell him everything lol , i told him my darkest secrets n stuff (i thought he was gon be a stranger) but we always havin convos. i sleep w him once a week sometimes two, he so comfortable to sleep with.! i love to be ard him, we do little cute dates n i drove us to the movies to watch elemental it was so cute! so rn thats good

i treat him super good, im super honest w him n i jst cant lie to him:( i tell him the truth eventually. i only lie to him to mes w him like sum stupidddd

but thats that

mentally

i have been doin great actually! i dont feel miserable or depressed, empty, like im so happy now! life is great, i love everyone ard me :) every1 so great their hasnt been anyone so negative uk? im also very real to myself i accepted n jst found peace within myself

so thats good

pets

my two og cats died my spooky n kingking:(

i miss them very much i miss my black n orange cat they were like ying n yang . i miss their cute little personalities they were the best

but now a general

post

lets talk abt what i think and stuff

so i moved on lol as i said i found peace within myself , lookin at the old posts,, gosh who let me cook,,, i saw old posts, messages, and everything n its so crazy how much i changed in 5 months really. lookin at how immature i was , i was so clueless and stupid and lookin back at it now it likes been there uk? it was never a good thing from the get go:) i accepted that, i also accepted i used to be a bad person to but ik i got so much better, the guy im w he makes me want to be a better person.

eating? i dont eat anymore lol, i still eat below like 1000 cals , like every 2 weeks i will eat above it butttt idk! honestly in only this month i lost 8-9 lbs:) so now im 142 yippe yayayay my goal weight is 120-130 so in total i lost 38 lbs which is crazy. when my bf met me i was above 155 so im pretty happy w that

my life been so peaceful and im jst so glad alot of ppl left my life this year before i graduated, n im thankful for those ppl too without yall i wouldnt be who i am today uk? yes i was mad, childish and everything, that part it jst sum i still need to work on bc i do have anger issues. but even then i dont like arguing anymore or jst fightin in general, yea thats what i learned what to do but its not worth it uk? on my insta reels i see some relatable posts that i relate to so much im jst like awh:3

im glad im jst not how i was before uk? rn im jst so calm, i dont feel empty no more , i actually starting to feel motivation to do sum, i want to do sum w my life and i want to help others ard me.

when it was my last day of school, it was supposed to be “sad” but i was so happy bc i donated blood n my blood helped someone:D i was so happyyy like jst helpin other ppl makes me ecstatic.

i also quit smoking so im proud of myself for that:) i do have moments where i wan do it n stuff but im like no drugs bad n the only bad thing i do is drink, but even then im trying to stop that too bc their was one week were i drank everyday but i told myself i dont wan be like my dad so i kind of stopped.

my music taste is different then it was 5 months ago.

i have 2 new cats gizmo n walter.

im jst so happy rn lol i dont know what to say:3

but im glad for what happened to me , im glad i went through stuff when i was a kid, im glad i finally even opened up abt it to someone im jst so glad everything happened bc i jst wouldnt be who i am now

i guess

im just tryin to be a bigger better person

i dont want to be childish no more i dont want to fight i dont want to hit or argue or cause shit on purpose

lately i been emotional but i think

i jst need it bc im jst so glad how open i am w all that stuff rn

i also finished king of the hill lol i dont know if i put that

[1d1195]

Hi Sam, just wondering what’s on the menu for this week? I just need to know what to look forward to: it’s just past 9AM and I’ve been crying for ten minutes cuz I saw two insta reels of people fulfilling their dreams (like a little boy got to the train announcement in my cities system and he did such a good job) and I am sobbing. I’m not sad my heart is like full and happy for them but it’s brought me to tears. I feel like as hysterical as men think women get when they’re on their periods. But also I’ve never had this happen to me before. I’ve never been brought to tears cuz my period. I’ve been close to it but usually I toe the line between rage and fiery rage. I want that back. LMAO!!

Sorry for trauma dumping. lol I also have barely slept, I think I might’ve fallen asleep around 4AM the pain was insane; just feeling all the things. I had the hiccups this morning but my nausea was so bad that it was tortuous to try. 🙃🙃

To quote that one tiktok sound, “oh how I love being a woman”—which I do, idk how I’m gonna survive another 2-3 days of this.

Thanks for reading. I know it’s a lot. Can’t wait for whatever you’re cooking up. I already love it. -🐱

OH HOW I LOVE BEING A WOMAN

Don't apologize at all! Periods are the worst in any form. I'm loving the concept of rage/fiery rage. I feel that! My bf says I'm a totally different person when I'm PMSing (and tbh he's not wrong at all lol) Every one of my emotions is connected to my tear ducts so even when I'm rage-filled I'm still crying most of the time. So I also understand the crying when you're really not even sad.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to get something ready for this afternoon :( I saw Niall over the weekend and then dealt with Father's day stuff and that pretty much absorbed most of my time. BUT I'm writing now so we'll see what I accomplish in the next few hours!

I have a one-shot planned. Very fluffy little to no angst (and if it is, I think Harry's going to be a little on the jealous side). I've got a general outline for it of a bunch of things that I want to happen but I'm at a stage where it's a little tricky to connect the pieces so I'm hoping with a little more time to use my brain and focus on writing, I can get point a to point b. Regardless, I do believe it'll be ready to go for Thursday at the latest!

I hope you're feeling better after a tough morning. Thanks for checking in, you know I love hearing from you 💕

xoxo

[simp4thedemonbros]

Playing Mario Kart with the brothers

Hey gang! It’s been a while huh.. A lot of stuff has happened in the past year and I was burnt out with life in general, lmao but here I am, trying my best.

This is short and stupid tbh, but I just wanted something to help me get back into writing about my fav boys, I hope you enjoy :)

I love you all v much 

_____

masterlist

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Pairing: Brothers x gn!MC

Word Count: 1061

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Lucifer

Mains as Bowser (he's tryna be so big and scary smh)

Surprisingly good

You expected him to be like a 90 year old that has never seen technology in his life, but he knows all the controls AND starts picking up on how to drift

I'm not saying he can beat you but he's usually coming in a steady 3rd place when you race.

Even sometimes comes in 1st if you're having a bad round. ("WHY IS THE GUY IN 10TH PLACE THROWING BLUE SHELLS HOWS THAT GONNA HELP HIM AT ALL?!") (......guys am i ok??????)

Enjoys it a lot more than you thought he would

It started out as him finally giving in to you asking him to play but over time he finds himself asking if you want to play.

It's a fun way for him to wind down

Enjoys seeing you get competitive, and loves seeing you blush when he compliments your skills out loud.

Mammon

Mains as Wario (I can not justify this I just think it’s funny)

Is pretty much on par with your skills

You're both constantly overtaking each other in and out of 1st place

You are both ABSOLUTELY jumping on top of each other, trying to block the other from seeing the screen. (THE SQUID IS NOT ENOUGH!)

"Hey knock it off would ya the Great Mammon is kicking your ass fair and square"

Immediately does the same to you the second you're in 1st for more than 5 seconds.

You're both on a mission to ruin the CPUs life the moment it overtakes you both while you're arguing.

You spend loads of time watching the highlight reel because something stupid happened and you both think it's the funniest thing ever.

You pretend to hate each other during the game but immediately return to being super close and cuddly after the game is over.

He absolutely makes bets with you - "MC if I win this you have to do WHATEVER I say for the whole night!"

Leviathan

Mains as Yoshi (idk why I just think it fits him) or Link ("bc he’s so cool" (so true bestie))

A monster

Impossibly good (He's had years of racing game practice so idk what you expect) but BOY does it suck to think you're good at a game and then have someone prove to you you're just average at it.

It's good to see him have so much fun though, and trying to cause blue shell chaos from way back in the CPU pack is pretty fun.

He’s definitely helping you to also get impossibly good at the game, you're already able to beat everyone but him when you start picking up on some of his skills.

He knows every shortcut.

Idk bro I just think some cheating is in order. Maybe congratulate his win by kissing his cheek and watching him stutter and fumble through the next round.

Satan

Mains as Dry Bowser (tryna be better n cooler than Lucifer oops)

I'm not gonna lie to you, his wrathful side will 100% come out when you start kicking his ass.

Is the death glare you're receiving right now worth the victory?? YES, ABSOLUTELY

This is what the game is about BAYBEE

Maybe you give him a few wins so he doesn’t kill you though, you'd never tell him you LET him though.

Games aren't really his thing but once he gets the swing of things and you give him the few wins he finds it much easier and starts to enjoy himself a bit more, and definitely chills out on the death glare.. especially when you're kind enough to not only celebrate your own wins but his as well.

After playing definitely apologises if he made you uncomfortable or upset and absolutely lets you do whatever you want.

Want him to read his favourite book for you?? Cool. Get you some tea?? He's on it. Give you some kisses?? He might need to get over the sudden boldness but he'll happily oblige.

Asmodeus

Mains as Princess Peach (the pink gold one tho yk) or a mii as himself.

Listen not to conform to the "pretty boys don't play video games" stereotype but he probably doesn't care all that much about the game.

Mostly wants to play to see you smiling and laughing as you have fun. That's when you're the most attractive after all.

Surprisingly likes rainbow road. (Sadistic idk what to tell you..) but also it is a pretty track, and he enjoys the colours.

Honestly he likes any tracks with bright colours and nice/fun music.

He's not that competitive, he went into the game knowing he wasn't going to be that good at it so he's just there to give you company.

After all the fun of it all he definitely asks if you want to come into his bathroom to unwind with him and relax.

Beelzebub

Mains as Donkey Kong

You're absolutely sitting in front of him in between his legs while he has his arms around you with his own controller.

There are so many snacks.

You're both pretty average at the game so it's honestly more like both of you trying to be as problematic to whoever is in 1st place as possible.

And having fun doing it.

He's always loved doing chill nights like this so having you to enjoy them with just makes them even better.

Will celebrate any and every victory by kissing your forehead and then offering you a snack while he begins eating his own, ignoring how flustered you might be.

Will apologise if he hits you with a blue shell even when you tell him "It’s part of the game Beel, don't worry"

Belphegor

Mains as Waluigi (Me, personally… as a Waluigi main I wouldn't let that slide)

Chaotic

Will cause problems on purpose.

If he ever overtakes you/hits you with an item/comes in first and you complain he will say something along the lines of "then get good" or "skill issue"

His behaviour makes you SUPER competitive but also makes playing the game with him super fun because of it.

It's also super fun to hit him with items and then overtake him last minute when he thinks he's going to win.

You probably don't play for that long and end up cuddling up for a nap together instead.

[yonemurishiroku]

how do you feel abt dark!percy

specifically, annabeth dying n percy losing his shit

Hmm.

Well, ngl, it’s quite a popular theme in fanfictions, btw. I have encountered a few even when my reading rule is ‘if it isn’t about Nico then I don’t care.’

Though, most of them are Percy killing Anklys and Annabeth being scared of him, thus resulting in his descend into darkness. Huh. How interesting is that.

Tbh, I do sometimes see Percy with a hint of anger issue. As in: when he blows up, it’s just straight up catastrophe. And I suppose it fits him, really. There’s someone (it’s Happy) who once compared Percy’s rage to tsunamis, and ngl I have a whole thesis lined up for that statement, but let’s just keep it there.

Anw. What I’m trying to say is that: the idea I have about Dark!Percy is, in general, him already having antagonist materials which are simply waiting to be unleashed.

It’s not totally baseless, btw. Percy canonically tried to annihilate Anklys - and he might have succeeded had it not been for Annabeth. And afaik, Percy has to constantly keeps his water-bending in check and even then he sometimes blows up the toilets?

Furthermore, if we’re really looking into it, Percy didn’t volunteer to be the hero. Not by his own will, I meant. Doing it to protect someone is not by his own will. Idk. My recollections of PJO might be a little bit fuzzy - but Percy has always existed in my mind as someone who have been forced into the position of a savior despite the fact that he was still reeling from life back then.

He literally called out the gods. Fought Ares. And probably have sassed some to the moon and back.

What I mean to say is that - Percy, imo, might not be fully bound to goodness the way an all-glory hero is.

So really, I don’t blame him if he decides to lose his shit someday. He’s the ocean. He deserves to rage.

It’s quite a magnificent sight, ngl. The whole blood-bending and stuff. My point of view is downright bias bc I love Nico too much but yeah, I suppose Percy wasn’t born a child of the Big Three for nothing.

That’s Percy for you. I’m sorry but if you’re looking forward to me talking about Percabeth, I can’t. I just cannot. I’m a petty, vengeful being. I have nothing against Percabeth - please, by all means, get marry and be happy - but I would refrain from focusing on them as much as I can. I don’t have a reason and I don’t need one.

Love you tho, I’m sorry I can’t give you the answer you expected.

[haliyam]

No matter what

eren x historia; yeager bro moments (or zeke wishes lol)

Summary: The time has come for Marley to choose its new Warriors, and Eren has a decision to make. (Also, "some things never change.") Warriors AU for erehisu day.

AO3 link if you prefer to read there

--

Happy erehisu day! I saw this amazing erehisu art by beforelightsout on twitter where Eren and Historia are Warrior candidates + Eren became a shifter. Since it's erehisu day and everyone has come out with such wonderful stuff, I wanted to contribute somehow and write something for that AU. I've been dying of work and a covid scare so I was running on the fumes of my love for this ship and everyone else's stuff and also VIBES while writing this in the last hour, so, it's barely edited, if it even makes sense. Sorry in advance. I hope you enjoy though! 

Also, for this AU (or really for the fic to work lol), my headcanon is that the war keeping the previous Warriors dragged on, so Reiner's generation don't get selected until they're this age (Historia and Eren are 17). As for Zeke... idk. Maybe Mr. Ksaver had more time too. Anyway who cares about Zeke here!!! (me I still do)

No matter what

“You know this counts as cheating.”

Eren shoots Zeke a look. They’re standing at the courtyard in HQ, watching the younger candidates wheeze through their training while Magath and his assistant instructors bark orders in the background. Days before selection, and with Zeke already holding the Beast Titan and Colt preparing to inherit, their generation doesn’t need to be put through their paces as often anymore—or maybe Commander Bruning is just letting them off the hook for the week.

They both doubt that. 

Up ahead, Falco trips over an unseen pebble, and Zeke sighs. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” he says, out of misplaced brotherly affection. Eren appreciates it, but that’s not what he needs right now. “You already have the armband.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“I know,” Zeke raises his hands in surrender, but the playful gesture doesn’t take away the scrutiny in his gaze. For all his levity, he doesn’t once glance away. Eren knows he’s seeing their father in him, trying to decide whether that’s a positive or a negative. 

“So?”

Zeke scratches the back of his ear. “You already know you’re in the running for the Attack Titan and the Armored Titan. Porco and Reiner are on your heels for the Armor. As for the Attack Titan…”

Zeke tilts his head in a shrug. Eren exhales, and then nods. “Thanks.”

His brother peers at him, a small smile curling at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks what?”

Eren is grateful, reassured, but not that grateful. “What am I, ten? I’m not calling you big bro.”

Zeke lets out a long-suffering sigh this time, the kind he uses to guilt trip the others into helping him with paperwork at his age. “You used to be such a cute kid.” He’s quick enough to reach over and ruffle Eren’s hair, and then withdraw before he can smack his hand away. “Now you’re all grown up.”

Eren rolls his eyes, but claps a hand to his brother’s arm in earnest. “Thanks, Zeke.”

The man gives him a thumbs up, and Eren belatedly catches a sliver of gold pass one of the windows behind the courtyard ahead of the other girls. His feet take him forward before he can bid his brother goodbye.

“Go on,” Zeke says, right as Eren catches himself almost sheepishly. He goes to her without another thought.

--

There’s no big to-do when it comes to the selection process. Apart from their generation of candidates, there’s only Zeke, standing to the side with the other instructors who assist the captain, while Magath and Commander Bruning themselves stand together, as imposing as the day they first met.

Maybe a little less now that they’ve earned their stripes, training for a decade with the extension of the war in the South, but Eren can feel the pressure of this moment bearing down on him. 

The others have been chosen. They stand at the other side of the room, putting on their most dignified expressions and trying to contain their shock at their commander’s question. 

“There remain two Titans, Eren Yeager,” said Commander Bruning seconds, maybe a minute ago. Eren’s mind is still reeling. “Which of them, in your estimation, best suits you?”

“Me, sir?” he had asked dumbly in response. Bruning had only nodded.

It isn’t supposed to happen like this. From the group ready to receive their red armbands, he feels Marcel’s eyes burning into his side. Marcel, who was pulled aside by Magath and Bruning earlier today. Eren expected the same treatment—not this. Is this a test? 

Porco and Reiner stand to his left, behind him because he’s stepped forward, and he feels hazel daggers ready to strike at his back. He doesn’t care about them right now. It’s the blue to his right that envelops his all. The air is replete with Historia’s expectation, drowning out all the others in the room. He feels weightless in it, a drop in the ocean that is her existence to him. 

Eren knows he could be more. If he gives the right answer, she might just see him as more.

But Historia isn’t the ocean to these people. She’s a tool, or she could be, and he cannot let that happen. Eren remembers the ground under his feet and peers into the commander’s eyes.

“If I may, sir, I believe Braun has always had the most endurance among the candidates,” he says clearly, just like he’s rehearsed with Marcel. He tries not to imagine the way Historia’s stomach drops. “Nowadays he takes Leonhart’s hits like they’re almost nothing. And for myself—I’ve come to specialize in close quarters combat. The Attack Titan would suit me best.”

Reiner sighs in relief not far from him. Porco and Historia are utterly silent. He can’t even hear them breathing.

Bruning and Magath seem not to notice. They only exchange glances, and if they think anything of Eren answering more than what was asked of him, they say nothing. 

After a few nods, Bruning turns toward them with pride. “It’s as we thought. I see no reason why we should delay for pointless suspense or further deliberation.” With a small motion of the commander’s hand, Reiner steps forward. “Congratulations, Yeager. Braun. You have earned the honor of becoming the new sword and shield of our great motherland Marley.”

--

The room erupts with excitement as soon as the Marleyans are surely gone from the hallway. Eren is already headed for the door when Porco tries to grab him by the shoulder.

“Eren, what the hell? You know this asshole isn’t better than me!”

Reiner sneers at him from behind before Eren can even shrug him off. “Apparently the brass knew different, Pock. Don’t take it out on Eren—he only affirmed what they were already thinking.”

Porco growls, turning on Reiner instead, which means it’s going to be one of those afternoons. Eren is happy to turn back for the door—he feels bright blue trained on him now, and it’s all he can do not to scamper for the exit.

Clutching the cigarette pack in his uniform pocket, he manages to get as far as two floors down before Historia catches up. She’s been calling out to him since she gave chase.

“Hey!” she yells. He was stupid to head for their usual spot. There’s a corridor in this building that’s gone unused for a while that they found, once, when it was their turn for cleaning duty. It’s been theirs since then, and one of the windows has the best view of the city right outside the internment zone’s walls—and the zone entrance itself. So they don’t forget what they’re supposed to do. 

“Eren!”

She’s starting to lose her breath, unable to match his longer strides. His footsteps start to slow, right as they reach that window. He turns around when hers stop too.

Hands still in his pockets, he stares down at her. “What is it?”

Historia glares at him, dignified even as she tries to catch her breath. “What the hell are you doing?”

Eren fishes out the cigarette pack from his pocket and shows her. It’s really Zeke’s, but he figured he’d need it after today. He isn’t wrong. 

She scoffs. “Since when do you smoke?”

“I’m going to be a shifter,” he shrugs. “It doesn’t matter much now, right?”

Historia shakes her head, smart enough to ignore the diversion. “Eren, what the hell was that? I thought… I thought we understood each other.” Always to the point. “I thought you and I would become Warriors together. Change things from the inside and convince the others to do the same.”

The truth of her confusion, her frustration and growing anger pulls at him. She’s everything she didn’t used to be, back when she was still playing the perfect little Warrior who unnerved him so much. It’s exactly why he needs to keep a straight face. 

“Ah… yeah. Sorry about that,” he murmurs, his tone completely level, fingers pinching at the cigarette pack in his fist. “I just gave it some thought, and… I think Reiner would be better as the Armor, not me. So—that left me as the Attack Titan.”

The pain in her eyes is almost too much for him. If only they were cold, just like she’d been the moment he saw her true self for the first time. That way he could crystallize himself in them and shatter instead of having to face her like this. But she hasn’t been cold for a long while, and the warmth in her gaze even after his betrayal does him in. 

“You’re lying,” she realizes the moment his gaze flickers away from hers. Eren curses himself for it. “You once said you could always tell when I was being fake. You think, after everything we’ve been through, that I wouldn’t know it with you either?”

Eren bites his tongue and forces himself to meet those eyes again. He reminds himself why he did it. It’s all that keeps his hands steady as he carelessly flicks the cigarette pack open and reaches for a stick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Historia swipes her hand at his, knocking the pack from his grasp. It hits the ground with a pathetic smack. “Don’t lie to me, Eren!” she says, pleads even when she’s angry, because they’re friends, aren’t they? If only that were all she is. “You know I deserve more than that. Why are you doing this!? We were going to become Warriors together. We were supposed to have thirteen years together!”

She’s free to vent her frustrations in the hallway like they always have with each other, voice shaky and shakier still as the grief escapes her. By the time she mentions that number, Historia is on the verge of tears, but she blinks them away with the fury that remains. How unlike him, who wants to fold more than anything, feeling like the slightest breeze, the slightest word from her can knock him over. He can only stare at the ground as he swallows down the emotion rising in his throat, and that’s when he realizes it. She’s right, like she always is. He can’t stand lying to her. 

The prospect of having to utter his next words terrifies him more than the idea of paradise. But he manages it, because she deserves to know the truth.

“You know why,” he says, trembling only at the last word. Shamefully, face red with self-disgust, he lifts his eyes to hers, fearing the worst. 

She catches his meaning. Of course she does—she knows him best. He expects her to leap at him, punch him, anything that will make the guilt of his selfishness ebb even just a little, but she only stands there. Shocked, and then her cheeks flush in only the most beautiful way. He already knows he’ll never forget how the light from the windows illuminates her face like this.

But then her brows furrow, shoulders raising angrily, and she stomps her foot on the ground. “Am I supposed to be grateful for that?” she snaps. “Should I say thank you for making this decision without me? What about what I wanted?”

“No!” Eren stammers, hands up in submission as if that will placate her. “Of course not! I didn’t do this for your gratitude!” 

“Then why did you do it?” Her voice is still raised, but her tone is resigned. Historia knows that even if she gets the answer, Marley’s decision is set in stone.

That’s the thought Eren takes comfort in. The tears that dampen his eyes are tears of relief, no matter his shame, no matter his remorse. And here he thought he’d grown out of this when he turned sixteen. 

Pressing his lips into his teeth in an attempt to maintain his composure, Eren lets his gaze drop again. “I want you to live,” he admits, so quietly she almost misses it. “I want you to grow up and have a family like you wished you could, if you weren’t pushed into this when we were children. Get married, have children you’re free to love the way…”

He trails off. The last thing he wants to do is mention her mother. He knows she understands when she doesn’t press him to finish.

“I want you to grow old,” he continues. “Live past thirty. Get to fifty, seventy… Then you can be as grumpy as you want to be without anyone saying it doesn’t suit you. I want you to be happy.”

A slight hiccup leaves his throat, one Historia misses only because she does the same. Eren swallows it down, but his nose is already stuffy. When he looks at her again, he’s the most serious he has ever been, and it’s no performance. He reaches for her hands. 

“I’m not prepared to sacrifice your life for our cause,” he confesses. Eren imagines he could bear never to look out that window and see the walls torn down, the way they’ve dreamt together for the past few years, if it means she will live to see it herself long after he’s gone. He’s not articulate enough to say it, his ears and his throat so full with everything he wants to tell her in this moment that he’s speechless. How can he be otherwise, when she’s looking at him like that? All he can blurt out is, “I’m sorry.”

A silence brews between them. Eren wonders if it’s time to step away, to leave her to her thoughts. Maybe he can still beg for forgiveness later.

He loosens his grip on her hands, meaning to wipe his eyes, and that’s when she seizes his. “You stupid crybaby,” she murmurs quietly, fondly, “do you really think I’d be happy knowing you sacrificed yourself for me? Why do you think I promised you that we’d complete our mission within the next thirteen years?”

Eren can only look dumbfounded. 

“I wanted to spend them with you, you idiot,” she gives him, even as her voice quivers with the same desperate longing he’s felt ache in his chest for as long as he can remember now. “I would have been happier spending thirteen years with you, fighting together, than sitting out the fight and living the rest of my life without you. Isn’t that what we agreed on? To work toward what we promised? Together? What did you think I meant by that?”

Eren opens his mouth, body drained of the cool facade he’s found solace in the last few weeks since he came to terms with his greed.

“Historia,” he breathes. Remembers to. “You—?”

She’s had enough of him, he can tell by the look on her face—but he’s wrong again, because Historia grabs him by the collar and pulls him down to her, meeting his mouth with hers in a bid to help him see the truth. His fingers find her face on instinct, lips parting as they kiss so he can partake of her further. 

A moment, a hum from her and something stirring deep inside him, and Historia pulls away as if in punishment. She’s flush again, glaring until those blue eyes soften at his stupid expression. 

“Get it yet?” she asks.

His thumbs slide across her cheek, a small grin pulling at his mouth. She really is the ocean, Eren thinks, and dives in again, drinking of those soft lips, drowning in the scent of her hair, the feeling of her hands sliding down his chest. She’s everything.

What feels like both a moment and an eon passes as they stand there, him bent down as he kisses her, her tiptoed to grant it to him, until they eventually part. Only a little, because they can’t bear the distance just yet. Just so their foreheads are pressed together.

“I’m sorry,” Eren murmurs, before he’s lost in her again. “I didn’t know.”

Historia’s lashes flutter as she blinks away her own tears. This doesn’t change the consequences of the decision he’s made on his own, but she knows she can’t give him up, either. When she opens her eyes, she’s more resolute than he’s ever felt in his life. “There has to be a way,” she tells him. “Go to Paradis. Retake the Founding Titan… and come back. Then we’ll do as we promised.”

“Change the curse,” he replies, like they’ve planned, looking out at the stars from his roof in the zone. “Free our people.”

Historia nods. “No matter what.”

“No matter what,” he agrees. 

She smiles, and he can’t help that the way her lips purse when she tries to stifle it moves him. Eren draws closer—

“There you are!”

—and nearly stumbles as he and Historia untangle their limbs from one another, practically standing at attention when they hear his brother’s voice and Marcel’s surprised ah.

Unfortunately, not even the most perfect posture can erase the affection still blooming in their cheeks, or the slight swell of their lips resulting from that affection. Or the smiles they just can’t help for one another.

Zeke squints. Also unfortunately, nothing gets past this asshole. “Oh, so it finally happened?”

Marcel glances between the two of them, coming closer. “Seriously?”

Zeke snorts, palm open to the new Jaw. “Pay up, Galliard.”

Marcel scoffs. “Come on. Is it really fair if you had inside information?”

“Are you kidding? My baby brother tells me squat.”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean I guess I understand that…”

Historia lets out a very audible sigh. “Can we help you?”

Marcel meets Eren’s gaze, gratitude and apology in his smile, while Zeke tries on his new Warchief role for size. He clears his throat.

“Now that Porco and Reiner have settled down, Bruning and Magath want to see us again. Discuss our steps going forward, run tests on the new Warriors… The works. Time to go.”

Marcel sighs. “Talk about eager.”

“All right,” Eren says, finally, because he prefers serious Zeke to his annoying brother right now. He feels vulnerable enough, and he doesn’t care to be that way in front of these two. Or anyone else but her, really. “Lead the way.”

Zeke and Marcel turn to leave, starting to argue the terms of their wager as they disappear around the corner.

Historia and Eren look to each other. A shy smile finds its way to his face as he offers her his hand. 

“By the way, Eren,” Zeke pokes his head into the corridor again, finger waving at the mess of sticks on the floor, “you owe me a new pack of cigarettes. And clean that up.”

Eren groans. “Shut up!”

“But that was my favorite brand! The things I do for love,” his brother whines, to Marcel’s quiet chuckling, and finally they leave for good. 

“Sorry about that,” Eren mutters. Not that Historia hasn’t seen him like this before.

She only laughs as she accepts his hand. When she shakes her head, smiling as she pulls him forward, he feels like they might actually do it. That they might be able to find a way past those thirteen years.

And even if they don’t, he can’t feel regret. As long as they’ve managed to accomplish their mission… No, as long as he can ensure that Historia lives on, he’ll pay any price.

No matter what.

//

I'll take any opportunity to give Marcel more screentime. Well, I actually debated with myself whether it would be Marcel or Bertholdt in the last scene, but Marcel made more sense so that Zeke could whine about being an older brother to someone who could relate. (And yes, Marcel and Eren made a deal to have Reiner become the Armor. I’M SORRY REINER)

Writing Eren's parts made me realize how much I'm in love with Historia??? Like I've always loved her but I guess I realized I'm IN love with her XD Also my hc is Eren here likes to think he's the strong one protecting them both or he at least likes to project that image to the others, but really he takes his cues from Historia who is much stronger emotionally and mentally imo. Idk, I just think she's the boss in this relationship (though of course they are able to be vulnerable with one another which is the biggest thing for me).

Anyway. Thank you for reading! Happy erehisu day!

P.S. I forgot to mention that 'Commander Bruning' in my hc is the guy who tells Magath that it's a good idea to use child soldiers as their Warriors. I imagine he was in charge of a certain number of Eldian soldiers, including the Warrior program, while Magath was the 'captain' who directly managed the kids until his and Bruning's eventual promotions when they were able to conquer nations with such success.

[electraheart2012]

have you ever explained your different tags and where they come from? they’re so ~aesthetic~ and each capture a mood perfectly but i’m not really sure what they’re Meant to encapsulate

THANK U and nope i haven’t! lemme do that now, buckle in >:D ok im back up here to say this got very long but i hope it helped dkdjfkd 

in our lives is a common sense - 1) comes from a pin-light bent by joanna newsom, “in our lives is a common sense / that relies on the common fence” 2) pretty much just stuff about the connection btwn ~humanity, and just things that make me feel warm inside. tl;dr to quote ANOTHER joanna newsom song, ben wyatt.jpeg it’s about the sweetness of being 

heart is a bird - 1) comes from how long from hadestown (the concept album version, idk if the bway version is different bec i refuse to listen to it <3), “all of his sorrow won’t fit in his chest / it just burns like a fire in the pit of his chest / and his heart is a bird on a spit in his chest” 2) this one is probably the most vague tag i have, it’s just a catch-all for a like.. i hate to use the word feral, but more feral/dark aesthetic i guess? or things that feel like some kind of catharsis. basically just twisted cycle path things😩😫🤯😫😫😤😤

if i only could - 1) comes from the electronic bit at the end of running up that hill by kate bush, “if i only could, be running up that hill, oh if i only could” 2) basically anything that reminds me of adolescence or girlhood or teenagedom and the rush that comes with “we’re reeling through the midnight streets / i’ve never felt more alone / it feels so scary getting old”, but it’s kinda just become a catchall for all that and also vaguely alt/2000s stuff 

im no prophet im your friend - 1) from identical by phoenix, “tell me you’re trying / trying to regret playing all night those video tapes / i’m no prophet i’m your friend / take my advice make your mistakes / i’m right beside you, unfold that i know you / i’m told that it’s my fault / i’d rather fall and lose control again” 2) on friendship @_@ 

if you ever were to find your way back home - 1) from the transcendental song 1995 by the radio dept, “1995 seems like a long way to go if you ever were to find your way back home”, one of my fav songs and one of my fav lyrics ever 2) p self explanatory, just things that remind me of home or are about being/make me feel homesick

how the earth did shake - 1) from we the common by thao and the get down stay down, “how the earth did shake / and tumble and tremble for what the people did take” 2) just stuff about like. life/love as political things? and just general things about protest that aren’t, like, actual resources and stuff. im not 100% on this tag asdskdj 

what lies under the city - 1) from sapokanikan by joanna newsom, “wait for the hunter to decipher the stone / and what lies under the city is gone” i wish i had chosen "lost in the idling bird call” or literally any other line from the song but as the french say celebi :pensivecowboy: 2) cities tag! 

our dreams on the windowsill, see those trees turning gold in the hills - 1) from the ending of all shades of blue by gregory alan isakov, 2) this tag is the bane of my existence its so long but yeah it’s an autumn tag but also just kind of a nostalgic tag 

when the redcheeked dancing girls trip home - 1) it’s a paraphrase of a moby dick quote, “for as when the red-cheeked, dancing girls, April and May, trip home to the wintry, misanthropic woods; even the barest, ruggedest, most thunder-cloven old oak will at least send forth some few green sprouts, to welcome such glad-hearted visitants” 2) spring tag! 

youre the only warm thing for miles - 1) from i’m going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense by danez smith, 2) winter tag~! 

barbed spined hold us close forever - 1) a paraphrase of emily by joanna newsom, “the ties that bind they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever” 2) stuff about family/so far mostly siblings 

siren's song take me home - 1) from a map a string a light by yvette young, "siren's song take me home / where the stones can cover me" 2) i can have a little fantasy tag.. as a treat

n - nostalgia and on childhood 

glowing pink in the night - 1) from the mitski song duh 2) for that hashtag moment when you glow pink in the night in ur room, blossoming alone over uuu. i don’t really know abt this tag it kind of pisses me off i can’t decide what it’s supposed to be

heart has no home - 1) from “to the bone” by the queen of haunting songs, mirel wagner, “my heart has no home / you’ve bruised me to the bone” 2) it was a vampire tag but i think it’s just going to be more monstrous people now

sounds of people - 1) MYYY GODD IM SO LONELYYYY SO I OPENNNN THE WINDOW!!!!! 2) it’s like supposed to be urban loneliness but i need to brush it up a bit o_o i also might just merge it with heart is a bird

i think those are all the tags i use most often? but yeah i hope this answered your question n i hope you’re having a good night djfdj <3

[michipeachiii]

Hoo boy. So remember that text message? I sent it Friday night. And SO’s mom facetimed us like... 5 minutes after I sent that shit lmao. 

Uh. Idk how to explain how it went. Because.... it was a lot. In way, I do feel like I was forced to have a conversation I didn’t want to have, but I also got the opportunity to get things off my chest. Unfortunately my face got mega puffy after this. Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid ya know? It’s better now but I don’t say the shit I say for no reason... 

Anywho, I got to mention the things SO’s dad said that I found particularly hurtful. SO’s mom said that she wasn’t aware that some of those things were said. I... can’t blame her? She was really sick and out of it that day, I wouldn’t be surprised if her memory of that day was warped in some way. But I guess me saying that those things were said made her feel really bad. Because she kept saying “you know that stuff isn’t true, please. I love you like I would my own daughter.” 

And ya’ll... It’s so fucking hard. It’s hard to not be hurt, it’s hard not to be mad, it’s hard to no be confused. Like I don’t want to be mad at them... But I also can’t ignore the hurtful nature of what was said. 

I got frustrated during several points because it really did sound and seem like she was trying to make excuses for herself. But I guess that’s what happens when you love someone... I understand that SO’s dad was extremely traumatized growing up, I understand that he’s grown as a person... but I also need them to understand that despite those things, what SO’s dad was really uncalled for and undeserved. 

And she got frustrated with me at one point as well because she felt like I wasn’t accepting her apology? And I explained like, an apology doesn’t erase the hurt that was generated in an instant, it still takes time and I’m trying to explain my frustrations and how I was hurt and why it’s so difficult for me. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want things to get better or move past this. Fortunately SO’s brother caught a lot of this conversation since it was a group text & he was able to join the call for most of this conversation. 

I confronted her on the whole “I don’t do enough” thing, and really she had no response. In the sense that like, she admitted that I am a great help, like she couldn’t back up the initial accusations. 

She also said that she didn’t realize that she was pressuring us into having a conversation because, in her mind, her only focus was trying to fix things. And I can’t blame her? She is constantly facing her mortality on a daily basis and I think she just doesn’t want any of us to be on bad terms, or like full of regrets or resentment? And I get that. So many people get into bad fights and then don’t resolve it, and then just spend a lifetime beating themselves up because they wish they had the chance to make up. And she broke down and said that she doesn’t think she has much time left. 

Which... she’s right... it doesn’t look very good right now. She needs another blood transfusion. Her veins keep collapsing. She needs a bone marrow biopsy. It’s... a lot. She’s scared and I don’t blame her. 

SO and I have been talking about this for a while... but we’re considering getting “court married”... like for their sake and ours? So that we can experience his parents seeing us married and that we don’t feel like we never had that opportunity? I told his mom today like, I don’t care if we have to call the hospital chapel and do that shit right there... I know it’s something she wants to be there for and we want that. 

We also talked about the house. She said that they would never try to kick us out. And sure but idk lmao. She did talk about putting the house in our name. Which is nice but we also need them to take care of all the stuff they still have in storage here. And we’re trying to.. I guess make that a condition of ownership? But we’re still split because his parents are in so much debt right now that it may be better to (1) buy the house off of them for the amount of their debt or (2) just sell the house anyways so they can use the money to pay off their debt. 

I think really, it’s a time will tell thing. She wants us to sit down with SO’s dad to try to patch things up but she’d like to be there in person for it, but... we don’t know how soon that’s likely. 

I’ve just been kinda reeling from all this. It’s a lot to take in. 

[ardenttheories]

vriskas-8log replied to your photo “@vriskas-8log While I'm not the person who compiled the original post,...”

i mean im gonna be honest here, I'm a transfem vriska kinnie, and while clearly vriska has done a whole lotta shit wrong, i dont find specifically the trans reading of the tavvrissprite scene objectionable? like clearly it wasnt intended as a trans narrative, hussie was not at all thinking about trans stuff when writing homestuck, least of all with vriska, but it is completely fair to read some aspects of her story in-comic as trans coding.

like do not get me wrong i fucking despise homestuck 2, honestly mainly because the way its treating vriska is awful and out of character and uncritically idolising her, but like vriska trans is fine actually. and kate is a piece of shit but like idk, i dont really care that she hates gamzee who very much is a shitty character (though like the way the epilogues treated him as even more of an awful anti-black stereotype is uhh, fucking yikes can we not)

and holy shit that fucking charlotte clymer take holy shit what the fuck news flash: trans women can have bad opinions kate, ~~you do it all the time~~ also like, is blaire white a CIA psyop? no shes just a shitty person who happens to be trans it fucking happens

Sorry about the delay, I had to find an actual, working computer since mine seems to not want to find the internet.

I definitely don’t think transwoman Vriska is an objectionable concept. Reading her as a transwoman in Homestuck is a completely valid potential, and in general I don’t actually object the idea that people pick up things that stick out to them as experiences they share, even if Hussie didn’t code them that way (I mean, for the longest time, that’s the best way we got any gender-based representation, and as a transman you can sure as fuck bet I clung to any vague potential of a person being coded as transmasc). Vriska does share a lot of trans experiences, especially pointed out in her Pesterquest route, and I think in general the idea that she’s being more canonically accepted as transfem is cool as fuck. 

What I do find objectionable, however, is Kate taking a scene where Vriska is clearly uncomfortable being near her abuse victim, thinks so lowly of him that the idea of being fused with him is outright despicable to her, and then says it’s actually about Vriska being trans. Not that it could ALSO be seen as evidence of Vriska being trans, but that it is the ONLY interpretation of that scene. The implications it hosts there, especially ABOUT transwomen, are not great. It inherently associates transwomen with abusive women and their discomfort of facing their victims. It also completely overwrites the fact that Vriska, as a person, still views Tavros as sub-human. It completely overwrites Tavros as an abuse victim and Vriska as his abuser.

While it can definitely be evidence towards Vriska being transfem, the idea that Kate is saying “actually, you CAN’T read it this way, it has to be done THIS way or you’re transmisogynistic” is just. Deeply sickening. It’s just her once again trying to overwrite the fact that Vriska has done some extremely shitty things with something completely unrelated because she refuses to acknowledge that Vriska can actually be a bad person. It’s that sort of rewriting of Homestuck that really rubs me the wrong way, not so much the concept that someone is reading Vriska as a transwoman. 

To be completely honest, I gave up trying to keep up with HS^2 a long time ago. I’ve sort of blanked anything Gamzee did because it made me deeply uncomfortable and just felt like a bald-faced mockery more than anything else. But hm!! I might need to go back over it again since you pointed out he’s used as an anti-black stereotype. I know there was an ask I got once about the inherent racism of HS^2 and its writers, but the person never got back to me with evidence - but that seems like a good fucking place to start.

Yeah I’m! I’m really still sort of reeling from the whole “this woman is a cis woman, actually, and it’s a CIA coverup” thing. I’ve got no idea who she’s talking about, which is partly why I didn’t go over it in depth, but. That’s a pretty bold conspiracy theory for her to be spouting. Also highkey deeply transphobic, which I’m still kind of fucking losing my mind over. She suffers from such deeply mired internalised transphobia it’s not even funny, and then turns around and claims everyone else, actually, has internalised transphobia. Like you can’t just. Devalue an entire person’s gender identity because you don’t agree with them. 

[firelord-frowny]

Some of y’all might have black friends who seem to be ~lashing out in anger~ because of all the shit that’s going on, and when someone is lashing out in a direction that maybe comes really close to where you’re standing, I know it can feel hurtful and confusing, and it can be hard to know how best to respond. 

So, I wanna kinda explain that right now, and all throughout ~american~ history, really, black people have had to suffer PROFOUND psychological wounds. And it might not always seem that way bc I mean, most of us are otherwise ‘normal’ people just going on about our lives. It’s not immediately obvious how hurt we are. But if you’re observant, you can notice big differences in how black people respond to hearing about heinously bigoted acts, vs how white people respond to them. 

For example, I somehow wound up talking to one of my violin teachers about eye color. I don’t remember how we got on that topic, but it prompted me to casually mention how my mom was born with blue eyes, and that when she was a baby and her mom would bring her on the bus, the white passengers would coo over my mom’s blue eyes, ask to hold her, and then take her to the front of the bus to sit with them while her mom stayed sitting in the back. Now, obviously I know that’s some racist-ass-shit, but like... it’s not shocking, and I’m pretty desensitized to those kinds of things in the sense that I obviously know it’s horrible and upsetting, but also, I’m not gonna mope about it at all.

But my teacher had this horrified expression and he went, “That’s... sick!” 

So, think about that for a minute. Think about exactly how much trauma and abuse a culture would need to suffer generation after generation after generation in order to not even bat an eyelash at an incident that would cause most decent people to reel in disgust. 

That’s the trauma. 

You can see it demonstrated in Jane Elliot’s “brown-eye-blue-eye” experiment, where white children were scarred for life after enduring only a few hours of a very watered-down version of what black people have to go through for our entire lives. 

That’s the trauma. 

Trae Crowder, “The Liberal Redneck” summed it up nicely in one of his recent videos: “I mean, black people catch all this shit for rioting, but really, given the circumstances, they almost never do it, you know? But you can only push a people so far, and apparently they draw the line at wanton public murder at the hands of the law.” 

We go through so much ugly shit every day, and sometimes it’s small things like being condescendingly described as “articulate,” and sometimes it’s bigger, scarier things like being pulled over because the cop thought the car we were in was Too Nice to belong to a black person, or a professor accusing you of plagiarism because they think you shouldn’t know any words with more than two syllables in it. And this is stuff that more often than not, we just bend over and take it. We just smile and nod. Because I swear, our only real concern is getting home safe. We will put up with the most demoralizing shit if it means we can exit the situation alive and unhandcuffed. 

Sure, we go home and lament to our families or friends in private, but we have to “Behave” out in the real wold, because we know that there are people out there just looking for their chance to either ruin our day or end our lives, and we have no way of knowing who those people are until we’re already in danger. It’s a constant state of fear and hyperawareness. But we don’t really call it fear or hyperawareness. We just call it part of the black experience. These anxieties are built-in. It does not go away. It’s not always at the front of our minds, but it’s always present. It’s a miracle for some of us if we can go a full day without having to consider how our blackness someone’s racism may negatively impact us.

So when shit like these most recent murders happen... 

it’s essentially tearing into a tender, festering wound. It’s the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. It’s the tectonic pressure, built up for millennia, finally unleashing an earthquake that yanks the ground right out from under everything and everyone, and the only thing anyone’s experiencing is chaos.

That’s the trauma! Your black friends are reeling from pain and grief and fear and frustration that is centuries old, and to be blunt, some of us ain’t coping. I mean really, this is some shit that can’t be coped with. I don’t think there’s a “healthy way” to deal with seeing people in your community being killed in public on camera, and not being able to escape having to see the footage over and over and over again. There’s no “healthy response” to having to witness, time and time again, people keep their freedom after they murder us. There’s no “correct” way to react when people in positions of power proudly defend and even praise the people who threaten and kill us, while demonizing and punishing us for getting angry and demanding change. 

So, all off this what I want you to think about when you catch yourself feeling hurt and attacked by some of the things you might hear your black friends say. Try to remember that when a person - any person - goes through so much endless trauma, it’s not always possible to refrain from lashing out. And if you feel yourself wanting to interject with statements about “not all white people” or anything of the sort... try not to do that. Try, instead, to express compassion. Try to BE that hypothetical white person you reference when you say “not all white people.” Don’t TELL us about them - BE them! When you hear your black friends expressing their grief and anger, listen to them. Tell them that you’re here to help. Let them know that they’re safe with you. Let them know that they deserve justice, and that you’ll do your part to shape the world around you into something better. Tell them that you’re sorry for all the pain that’s being inflicted on them. Tell them that you care how they feel, and you care about their safety, and that you know they’re right to be angry. Tell them that they can call you if they ever feel there’s anything you can do to help keep them safe. Be available. Be kind. Be patient. Be sad and angry with us. 

I know during times like this, obviously we want the focus to be on all the hurt that’s being done to the black community. And I mean, obviously we do get the worst end of this shit. 

But like. 

Every decent person suffers from this crap. All of our lives are made worse. All of us are stuck having to fight for shit we should have never even had to ask for. It’s not fair to anyone, and it sucks for everyone, but we all have to deal with it, and we all have to make it stop. 

Idk, I guess my point is just... be compassionate. Be a good person. Be one small reason why your black friends maybe don’t have to feel quite so scared. 

[purplesurveys]

1029

[found at: zelthie]

What were you doing before you got on the computer? I took a long-ass shower after the humid nightmare that was today.

Is there anything you really want right now? I wish I had some pastry to go with my iced coffee. I miss my studying sessions at coffee shops :( and it’s not like I’ll get to have them again once Covid is over, because I’m not even in school anymore. Sigh. Also, a longer weekend. I can hardly believe it’s Sunday again tomorrow, and that after that will be Monday again. I love my work, but I also want to reeeeeeeeest.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Probably the front-row concert tickets my dad got me for Paramore. Outside of my parents, I really appreciated the scrapbook Gabie made for me three years ago. It turned out to be the first and only handmade gift she’d ever make for me, so I think of it fondly.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? Idk, people have different tastes and so it may not be possible to name a song that would successfully appeal to everybody.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? As much as I like to firmly believe that regretting friendships should be avoided as much as possible because those people made me happy at one point, I’ve got nothing nice to say about Marielle.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I don’t know anything anymore.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? No thanks, please don’t ask me to be creative any time of the day.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream, and recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I have not had one but should I do, I’d love to go somewhere non-beachy for a change.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? Spelling difficult words. English (the language, not literature) was my favorite subject in middle school and I always liked the pop spelling quizzes we had. There are some words I could still remember getting wrong, like ‘rendezvous’ and ‘coup d’etat’ but I was always excited about learning their correct spellings so that I could start using them on my own time as well.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog for sure.

How do you want to be remembered by people? [trigger warning] Idk. Whenever I think about...leaving, I always also think about leaving some kind of note instructing whoever’s in charge of stuff to keep things hushed, because I don’t want the whole thing to be a big deal and for it to spread. I don’t really want to be remembered for anything.

Do you like road trips? Yaaaaaaaaas. As long as I’ve got the right playlist that’s also long enough as well as several seasons of Friends, I’d be good to go.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t read much about it and that topic in general is still widely taboo over here, but I personally have nothing against it.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? Brown.

Excited for anything? My first paycheck :D :D

What do you think of your parent(s)? They’re doing their best.

Are your grandparents dead? Just one.

What celebrity do you think should have never become famous? Amber Heard and the Paul brothers.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Watch stuff on YouTube. These days I’ve been revisiting wrestling again so I’ve been watching loads of matches and promos I enjoyed throughout my teenage years. I’m scared to dip my toes into today’s content though, because I barely know anyone anymore and there would be a lot of storylines I’d have to get acquainted with; but idk, I might get there someday.

Are you glad George W. Bush is out of office? I didn’t know his presidency all that well because I was way too young when he was still in office. Apparently he’s not very popular.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? I’ve always wanted to try out The Amazing Race. I was definitely hooked to that show as a kid.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? Rby.

Your mood summed up into one word? Emotionless. I’m literally not feeling anything at the moment, but this is still a lot better than being miserable so I’ll take it.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? Only when we’re experience extremes, like if it’s painfully, annoyingly hot out or if there’s a bad typhoon. Otherwise I try to find something else to talk about.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Nope, my full attention is on here.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? At this point, I’ve learned to be okay with my name and don’t feel the need to whine about it anymore.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My mom jeans or denim jacket.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? Boring, mostly. I grew up with boys, so we had more toys marketed for boys and those are what I ended up liking more.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Not really.

Do you currently have a job? What kind of job do you *want* to have? I do. I’m already in the job/career I had wanted and aimed to be in.

What do you like to do on your free time? Being on YouTube, playing with my dogs, surveys, eating.

What's your relationship with your parents like? With my mom, it’s permanently strained after years of verbal and emotional abuse, but at some point I just learned to live with the trauma – it’s like, we get along these days and we barely get into screaming matches anymore, but at the back of my head I’m still constantly reeling from the hurt she had put me through when I was younger.

My dad and I act like each other’s buddies, but we silently look out for one another. For example he’ll sometimes make a plate of corndogs just for me while I’m at work, and that’s his way of saying “Are you ok? Here, have this. I’m worried about you” without ever having to say it to my face.

Do you own any pets? Yes, I’ve got two dogs.

How many places have you traveled to? Six countries and all over my own country, except Mindanao.

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? iPhone 8.

What are your goals for the future? For things to fall into place, whatever that would bring me.

What's your favorite kind of drink? Just plain old cold water, or coffee.

Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? I was (and am, heheh) into Twilight; I wasn’t into Harry Potter.

Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? My mind tends to make space for all three of these.

What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any films recently but I am planning to watch Ammonite, which I have high hopes and expectations for.

Are you happy where you are right now? Career-wise, yes. As for everything else...could be a little better.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? AHHHHHHH SATURDAY.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? Ask how they were able to get such an ability.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: I’ve been watching Friends all day so the first set of quotes I thought of upon reading this question was, “I just don’t want to face three failed marriages.” “At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?” hahahahaha.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? Like it, but sometimes can be too sweet.

What about Dark Chocolate? I don’t like dark chocolate bars themselves – too bitter; but I don’t mind it being incorporated in other sweets, like cookies that have dark chocolate bits.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yes. But it’s my favorite kind.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? If they mention it excessively or if they name too many unfamiliar bands, then I’m likely to get annoyed, yeah. But I skim through potential surveys anyway, so if I observe that a survey has too many music references I can’t relate to then I just don’t take it.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Cool song and ahead of its time tbh, but she has so many other better singles.

What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni, beef, and pineapples.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Don’t care.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Bingo for the latter.

What's your favorite social website? Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? No. I associate heaven with gods or higher beings, so believing in it would just kill the point of being atheist. I do like to find comfort in some sort of afterlife where I’m not in pain and am reunited with all my loved ones, though. I don’t necessarily believe in it, but it’s just comforting to think about and makes death a lot less scary.

What's your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. Brawl would probably be my all time favorite. I do plan to get Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch, so that might get dethroned soon.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? Yes.

What's your opinion of high school? It only got fun once I found the right friends. Without them, I’m sure my experience would have been miserable.

Do you prefer the country or city? City.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It can be all of these things depending on the context of the conversation.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? I’m mainly on Gmail. I have an Outlook account that’s still active, but I’ve been listing it less and less for social media sites.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? I don’t do pick-up lines, really. I find the entire concept pretty lame.

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? I got hooked to Friends again, so I’ll probably continue watching for the whole of tomorrow. For Monday, I’ll be at work again.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? Yes. I lovedddd those books, but I always had to read them in secret (my cousin owned the books and I just asked to borrow) because my mom disapproved of them. My favorites were the Flip-O-Rama sections.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’m not aware of the new version, so that leaves me with one choice. Generally, though, Cartoon Network was my least favorite channel out of the big 3 of kids’ channels.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? The ones they air today are, but maybe I’m just saying that because I’m already outside of their target demographic.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I can’t think of a reason to dislike them. They’ve always been likeable, whether as individuals or as a band.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? Beyoncé, Paramore, Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Against Me!, The Japanese House are the main favorites I like mentioning.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition?! Probably because they’re the ones mainly heard. I always recognize all the members in my favorite bands, though.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did, but when I didn’t receive any money  after placing my tooth under my pillow, my hopes and belief got shattered pretty quickly.

What's your favorite type of weather? Cold, cloudy, and rainy.

What's your opinion on reading books? I think it’s great when people are able to find the time to read books, and lots of them. I wish I didn’t grow out of it.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood Blockbuster! Would you accept? Nope.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) He ranks pretty low for me. He’s a great director and I respect his craft, but his filmography is not a personal favorite of mine.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I wish I can have it more often, but we only have two branches in the Philippines and they are both far away.

Are you hungry right now? I can honestly go for a snack right now :/ Like chicken tenders or pad thai. I’m super tempted to order from Grab since I have more than enough cash on me, but I don’t want to be irresponsible with my money so very early on lol

How often do you go on to Youtube? Everyday, and most of everyday.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Curry.

What's your opinion of Wallgreens? Unfamiliar.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Yes, it was my favorite cartoon.

What's your dream pet? Dogs.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Think that it’s probably a social experiment and let them be.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My music teacher always gave amazing life advice alongside her lessons, and she was so graceful and so classy and she simply invited respect everywhere she went. I’ve always wanted to be like her.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? Yes. I watched the anime and collected Pokemon pogs and cards. My cousin had a lot of the video games and I’d watch him play those, while my sister had a couple of Pokemon books that explained each Pokemon.

How often do you get headaches? These days, everyday. Hahaha work is super hectic.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House.

[opalgelance]

thoughts on steven universe future

td;lr overall opinion: steven universe future is better than most of the original steven universe, especially seasons 3-5, but there are still some real iffy plotlines in future

i hate that the diamonds were redeemed but at the same time, the happy clouds blue and yellow putting gems back together scenes were so pure

it simultaneously warms my heart and infuriates me 

but we finally got a blue diamond song, god i love her voice

EDIT: also steven basically tortured white diamond and nearly killed her and it was pretty disturbing bc steven is 1. in a really bad mental state, like way darker than i thought they’d show him go, since this is technically a kids show and 2. was also kind of trying to hurt himself, which both hit me really hard bc i had similar periods of blazing anger, wanting to self harm and harm others that i felt had wronged me when i was a teenager, but its also what white deserves

ncsndlljklkcndkls i want to enjoy this show so bad but,,, steven having ptsd makes him a violent douche??? diamonds killed who knows how many gems in their reign and never really felt bad about it in original su but now they’re supportive life coaches??? no thank you

on more positive notes, i loved how priyanka described mental health and how she treated steven throughout the entire check up, she was so nonconfrontational and whenever he felt stressed she deescalated the situation,,, it was so good

the animation is the best its been since season 2. the poses are clean, very well drawn, and on model. there are more action scenes than like 90% of steven universe and they’re animated way better, like theres actual fighting and motion asjksacbcbj no one is stiffly posed, no one has strange proportions, no one is drastically changing sizes in between shots (well besides steven in growing pains onward but when he does change size its supposed to be like that lol)

i liked seeing the real roses but didnt love it? i wish we saw more of the roses designs up close, and i wish they fit a little more with the other quartzes? it might be just because its era 3, but the roses were all way more unique than jaspers and amethysts generally seem to be. i like that they were more unique designs and had different personalities, but surely the diamonds wouldnt have tolerated that back in era 1 or even era 2, had the rose quartzes not been bubbled? also i get that they’re reminiscent of pink bc she created them, but hippie and superfan were so naive, more so than other quartzes. if each quartz group was slightly different, it would make a little more sense tbh like if quartzes were the entire gem army, but each group was slightly different. i always liked the idea that rose quartzes were either the defense or the healers of the gem army.

little homeschool and guidance were fun and genuinely enjoyable, considering not a whole ton happens in them. i wish townie episodes had been more like them. like you could replace the gems with random humans, but it would still be a fun episode? idk, maybe involving the humans in gem stuff wouldve made better townie episodes, like lars and the cool kids. it wouldve probably helped steven feel more “human” too, if the human and gem worlds collided a bit more in the series.

bluebird was... an ok episode, but im not sure how well it will fit into what i feel like the end will be, where every episode of future featured someone steven helped or affected in some way, and they all come together to help steven when he corrupts. or rather, i guess if bluebird did say something, it would feel more hollow bc steven didnt help them lol the gems and universes were just friendly to them, and thats it. it wasnt as bad as a very special episode (my least favorite episode of future), but it felt like a townie episode with no townies LOL at least we got a new fusion i guess

a very special episode was just,,, infuriating. there was that weird football scene where they just like,,, talk about screen resolution for a minute then play the full commercial for little homeworld we just saw last episode???? i did genuinely enjoy the rainbow scenes, but it just built up to not nothing. oh no, it was something alright. the whole episode was just future vision and then theres like a minute long psa??? it felt like that wacky randomness that would have happened in like, ok ko, teen titans go, or clarence jaskjcbkcjbskb

mr universe is tied with dear old dad episode as my least favorite greg episode. i get how both of them feel. greg wanted to tell steven about how he escaped from his miserable childhood and remade who he was, no longer a demayo but a universe. the problem imo was that greg became way too absorbed in the past. it reminds me a bit of s1 pearl, how she’d proudly recount gem battles and basked in the glory of fighting for their freedom, but she struggled when she had to recount the more unsavory parts of war. and that really affected amethyst, since she didnt fight in the glorified war pearl told her and steven about. amethyst was the byproduct of one of the bad parts of the war, and that became part of her identity, until on the run, where pearl finally realized that she needed to tell amethyst that she wasnt bad. amethyst’s creation may have fractionally hurt the earth, but that wasnt her fault. it wasnt her fault that she emerged too late to fight either. and it wasnt her fault that she existed. sounds familiar to to stevens rant in the van. 

steven didnt ask to be made. he didnt ask to be the half gem half human son of a diamond. but he grew up being told about how great his mom was, and that while no one would ever say it, she was gone because of him. to create steven, rose had to die. it was roses decision, but as the product of that decision, steven feels responsible. not only that, but being told constantly about his amazing mother, steven felt like he had to live up to her, had to be like her, had to replace her in the gems and greg’s lives. throughout the series, steven is constantly either trying to be like his mother, until he realizes its ok to be himself. but then the question is posed; is steven even himself? or is he still part of rose? and once he finds out that he’s steven, and has always been steven, he’s still reeling from the realization that his mother was pink diamond. and that really shows in future, where steven is becoming like pink. at first he doesnt even know, because besides the jungle moon dream, him and the audience never knew about this side of pink. this angry, short tempered, diamond who lashes out mostly physically. and unlike before, no one’s telling steven about pink (besides pink pearl) hes finding out firsthand, and this pink mode is basically being forced on him by his gem. steven has little to no control over this form. hes not trying to live up to his mother, or wondering if he is her, like before. now, he’s losing control to whatever programming is in his gem.

but back to mr universe. in the van, greg is going on and on about how lucky steven is, and how free steven is, but how can either of them compare their lives to each other? the similarities just arent there. steven is right, greg and pink were “raised” in very similar “households”. both had their wishes and desires suppressed by controlling, abusive parents. we know pink was abused mentally, verbally and physically (being physically dragged away from the screen by yellow in jungle moon, stevonnie being grabbed and thrown into the time out cell by yellow, when she still thought steven was pink), but greg at the very least was mentally assaulted. but they diverge from here. as greg said, he thought disco was back. rose started a war. you cant compare them any further. 

but at the same time, steven was raised completely differently. he was raised in a home with love and freedom, but he was also not given the opportunity to be a normal kid. theres a difference being forcing your kid to do something and not giving them the chance to try something. steven was never given the option to go to school (well in the comics he was but i guess thats not canon now since it seems like steven wishes he went to school?) he was never given the option to live in a house, or go to the mall with friends. the only other kids he knew were the boardwalk kids, but even then, he doesnt seem very close with them. for such an outgoing, friendly kid, steven wasnt given many opportunities to make friends. steven’s upbringing was very relaxed, yes, but it was too relaxed. he needed more structure, and more importantly, more humanity. i always thought it was weird, how little steven seems to have interacted with humans before connie, considering that his mother so desperately wanted steven to experience being human. yes the show is about gems, (and yes, i dont like most townie episodes), but steven was never shown doing a lot of “human” kid things inbetween episodes. the episode never started with him coming home from a friends house, he hardly ever spent time with friends other than connie in little scenes. like he was never called for a mission while playing cards with peedee, or coming home after an after school activity. any scenes like that were either just steven by himself, or with greg, and occasionally connie. but connie is a new addition to his life. how many years has he been doing fun stuff with only his dad for company, or by himself? yknow, “non traditional” childhoods and living situations are becoming more and more common in media, rather than the “two parents in a suburb house” thing, but steven’s life is beyond any unusual childhood any other kid would have. i mean he’s never even been to the doctor! which is probably for several reasons, like the fact that he apparently doesnt have a ssn, he can heal himself, has a damn gemstone in his stomach, and is half alien. but still, thats not something he has in common with other kids. no matter how much love and freedom he was given, steven was raised as an outcast.

i agree with the notion that both greg and steven were both right and wrong in mr universe. i guess they both have that in common with rose lol 

greg should have read the room better, realized that his pep talk wasnt the support and apology steven needed to hear. but steven shouldnt have acted out in the way he did. i get that’s the “theme” of steven’s spiral, maybe for the younger audience to better understand how steven is acting? but crashing his dad’s van that gregs been living in for like 20 years? fucking SHATTERING jasper? that’s going way too far to prove a point. it would have been better to maybe mirror story for steven, where marty and greg are arguing, marty is watching the road and they narrowly avoid hitting a car. but crashing the car could have been pretty serious, especially for greg. now jasper, that episode shouldnt have been approved. steven should not have shattered jasper. he fucking killed her. rose/pink didnt even shatter anyone. and if it wasnt for steven getting another superpower out of nowhere, jasper would have stayed that way. he should have just cracked her gem, poofing her in the process. the rest of the episode wouldve played out exactly the same.

anyways ive been writing this for like 2 hours but i feel better letting it all out. if you enjoy future keep enjoying it! it’s definitely more like a B+ compared to season 3-5′s general C-/D+. but please take into consideration future has some themes that people personally relate to, like mental health, and that you shouldnt shit on someone elses opinions that are based on their own personal experiences. especially if you dont have mental health issues, dont keep pushing your opinion and telling people that personally relate to future’s themes that they’re wrong? thats fucked up man

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching JIBcon videos (part 1 of ?)

Cockles panel

in which Misha still has an unapologetic pee kink and Jensen is way more submissive than I remember him being

03:44pm (may 24th nz)

i legit don’t know if i have the energy to watch and type about this but i’ll try. might pause and come back a different day if i need to

watching this first

“JIB10 - Jensen Jared and Misha panel part1″

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRPKIAeNoFA&ab_channel=thiniassk

-

03:54pm

needed a break already but hi i’m back feeling less sick

LET’S BEGIN

-

03:55

misha: “he was like “let’s do this”... and i went on stage and... jensen went to the bathroom”

pfft

-

FINAL JIBCON??? OH NO??????????? OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

;n;

i’m sad now

aw

-

danella: “some issue backstage, we don’t talk about what happens backstage”

misha: “did he not MAKE it to the bathroom?”

misha !!....

mishaaaaaaaaaa

i wanna squish his face between my hands and just sigh lovingly

kinky little asshole, i love him

-

seriously he’s been on stage less than three minutes, jensen’s not there, and he’s already pulling stories out of nowhere implying that jensen pissed himself 

i can’t even

-

04:02pm

https://youtu.be/fRPKIAeNoFA?t=2m54s

jensen: “do you need help?”

his voice is so gorgeously deep and warm

-

misha: “do you need a pair of dry pants?”

i can’t think of words but

//clutches my head and whines

does jensen have context? does he just get on stage and the first thing he’s asked is whether he needs fresh pants??? whY DOES HE THINK MISHA IS ASKING

-

jensen: “i’m not wearing any pants”

T

THEY

ALL THEY DO IS FLIRT

-

04:08

this was such a soft and submissive hug??????????/ jensen just??? slid up and???? aWWWH

-

AND THEN HE JUST

“I LOVE YOU”

RIGHT OFF THE BAT

OKAY

OKAY I’M ON BOARD

GIVE ME MORE OF THIS X10000

-

jensen: "and there’s a reason i haven’t told you that today”

misha & jensen: “”’cause you/I don’t”

STOP THIS

jensen: “I’M KIDDING”

CEASE AND DESIST

misha: “about what”

EXACTLY

misha looks at jensen like., oh man. :c he laughs after but he’s a tiny bit jilted there. love is always a joke ;<

but also misha gets it, jensen’s a wee bit awkward in front of an audience but he’s MAKIN’ AN EFFORT DAMMIT

-

04:14

they’re sitting so close

-

jensen: “alright, driver, what are we listening to?”

DID HE JUST

(i mean, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole, obviously)

jensen just gave misha the driver’s seat

he’s so goddamn submissive????? i just

i haven’t watched or seen anything with fresh jensen in like. months. MONTHS. maybe a full year since the last jibcon. and i completely forgot he was like this

especially with misha

i know i often interpret dean as submissive but actually?? in comparison to jensen those lil occasional traits are nothing. jensen’s just openly and unapologetically putting misha in charge with words and with the way his body moves

he’s so soft.

SO soft.

-

and when misha doesn’t answer for a few seconds, jensen looks over, first into his eyes, then down to his lips, checking his expression

misha was kinda stiff before but he got stiffer, ponderous

i honestly, HONESTLY didn’t think i’d be analysing body language this time round but i can’t help it, its so obvious to me, more obvious than it ever is with ANYONE else

these two just give off MASSIVE signals, all the time. maybe because they’re actors and they’re not currently acting, but are performing their own selves, so they perform a heightened version of their personality. but there’s so much to see

plus like. you can see in the background how jensen holds the mic. both protective and phallic at the same time. flirty and nervous and relaxed

-

and THEN MISHA SAYS “we’re listening to the song “why are there so many songs about rainbows”

everything is not-so-secretly gay

this is a rainbow bullet train heading for rainbow city and there’s no stopping it

-

04:26

https://youtu.be/fRPKIAeNoFA?t=5m5s

misha pushed the mic down to whisper to jensen, then jensen’s like “no~. no~!!” and then flirty and winky and “teeease”

WHAT DID THEY TALK ABOUT

maybe about how far they wanna go on stage idk. THIRD BASE MAYBE

or how much of season 15 they can talk about

either way misha was tryna keep it private and jensen was literally broadcasting his answers into the mic. jensen is 100% an exhibitionist.

you know what, i love that look he gets in his eyes when he’s flirting with misha in front of people. you know the look. dark eyed, uncontrollable smile, head set a little down. really open shoulders, probably swaying hips, if he’s standing. ugh i love that

but like. i’m pretty sure he flirts different if nobody’s watching. i think if nobody’s watching (or if he doesn’t realise people are watching) he’s just a regular guy talking to his best friend/wife. except his wife is sometimes misha. some of that big smile, definitely some unnecessary touching and preening and back-of-neck-holding

the crazy thing is i’m essentially making that up, but we all know his movements and behaviour with misha so well i don’t think any of us would struggle to imagine it was true

idk

-

04:37

i will never get tired of seeing them lay their heads on each other’s shoulders

also sidenote: in my opinion this is the best beard + haircut combo jensen has ever had

-

04:39

jensen: “misha......... what’s your latest dad joke?”

-

jensen: “we’re telling stories about CARPOOL now”

i love that they already know each others’ stories and jensen’s like OOH THIS STORY and comes back to sit down to listen

-

04:41

crowd: “we love you misha”

jensen: “thanks, misha’s mom!!!”

and then he looks at misha so softly and so lovingly, he’s not joking any more, he just loves misha as much as the rest of us, maybe more

someone called “we love you jensen” but he didn’t react at all because he was appreciating misha, didn’t even blink

(also as i re-read this post i realise he said “misha’s mom” in a way that’s like “hey stop flirting with him, he’s mine” not in a “dear misha’s mother, thank you for giving us misha”)

-

jensen: “you speak in more puns as a dad. yeah~”

the way he says that with a smile and a nod. like he observed that in misha and also in himself maybe

but he just finished misha’s sentence

they are MARRIED

but i for one ADORE puns and even if i was the only one in my year 10 economics class who laughed at my teacher’s puns i STAND BY THAT LAUGH

-

“when salmon spawn in a stream, and then they die, and an otter eats the carcass”

HE’S TALKING ABOUT HOW HE MAKES MORE PUNS NOW

AND HE’S RELATING IT TO THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

MY LOVE FOR HIM GROWS BY THE HEARTBEAT

-

04:48

there we go, hand on the back of the neck/shoulder

-

THE FIRST QUESTION WAS “can you maybe take a sip of the apple juice”

GET DRUNK !!!

AND THEN MAKE OUT !!!!

yes please

jensen looks at misha checks with him, and then says “no!!!!!”

because he knows flirting will happen

BUT THEn MISHA

GETS UP

GET THIS BOY DRUNK

HELL YEAH

nesnej is much flirtier and we all enjoy it

but like. jensen said no but then he shuts his eyes and shakes his head when misha gets up, knowing what’s gonna happen. ‘cause like. he could say no again. but he already consented to misha leading this thing, right? and if misha hands him a drink he’s gonna drink it. that’s just what’s gonna happen.

and he knows misha’s not getting up just to get himself a drink. there’s something very specific about getting jensen drunk. he knows what he’s like drunk. and so does misha.

i just need to enjoy for a moment how jensen’s vehement resistance to getting himself a drink is immediately completely overridden by misha’s choice to get a drink for him, and jensen gives zero argument. the moment misha moves jensen’s gives over to knowing he’s gonna get tipsy

i have literally never in all my life seen anyone as easily and happily submissive as jensen is with misha

-

05:00

HE COULD SAY NO. HE COULD SAY NO

BUT MISHA DOESN’T EVEN FORCE HIM HE JUST OFFERS IT AND SAYS NOTHING

AND JENSEN GOES “awww mannnn” buT THEN TAKES IT with an “alright~” before he’s even done complaining. as though the complaints were all a farce to begin with and he was eager to say yes?? maybe he likes being drunk and flirting with misha, no surprises there. maybe the look he gave misha before saying “no!” was a permission look saying “yes but only if you make me”? they clearly communicate a lot unsaid, i wouldn’t be surprised by that either

i swear to god this is a sex scene. i’ve written this but with water instead of booze. nobody can convince me they don’t do this in private, drink a lot so they need to pee and get drunk and flirty. *o*

and i am kind of reeling right now. i should sound like i’m making this up but OH BOY THE WAY THEY TALK. THE WAY MISHA OBSESSES WITH PEEING (and has done so consistently for years, especially with jensen). THE WAY HE JUST HANDS JENSEN AND DRINK AND JENSEN TAKES IT. misha wants jensen flirty and REMEMBER THAT TIME HE WAS DIRECTING AND HE MADE JENSEN DRINK THE SAME DRINK ON CAMERA 20 TIMES OVER

-

jensen watches misha drink first

and then he drinks

-

i’m so wrecked by all of this right now

legitimately

their energy is so sexually charged??? and so comfortable and so loving

this is not at all the same aggressive sexual energy jensen brings to the stuff we see in the gag reel, i.e. “pranks” i.e. flirting. but it has equal magnitude imo, it’s just quieter because he’s being himself, not dean (and jared’s not there)

misha knows jensen so damn well and even that bullshit about whether or not jensen loves him was understood to mean “i do but i’m self-concious about being firm about it in front of an audience” and then jensen shows his love instead of saying it (but even then he made a point of saying it straight away)

but oh LORD the biggest thing i’m getting from this so far is that jensen is indeed misha’s princess-slash-cabin boy. and we should never ever doubt that misha used those terms in an affectionate, dominant sort of way. (on the one hand i’m wary about the use of a ~feminine~ term as a means of domination, in general, but on the other hand, I AM SOOO INTO IT for them specifically. maaaay have written "princess” into a destiel fic that one time)

-

anyway where was i

oh yeah jensen just agreed to get drunk because misha wants him to

-

05:25pm

you know what, i’m gonna stop here and come back maybe tomorrow. i didn’t finish this video yet but there’s still a part 2 of this panel, and then other panels and i’m definitely not getting through them all today, these last 11 minutes of footage have taken me almost 2 hours to watch

i’ll post more of my reactions under #Elmie watches things so ... stay tuned!!

[criticalrolo]

2, 6, 8, 13, 20, 25, 28, 33, 41, 43, 46, 48, 49, and 50 for Thalia and Limwen (I tried to keep it short, honest, I did! But the questions were just too interesting to avoid asking!)

STRAP IN FOLKS

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Thalia: Nope!

Limwen: I’m sure she had some ranking in the army? Idk I made her when I was like 14 I didn’t know anything. She’s Ranger Limwen

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Thalia: She was homeschooled by her dad and her stepmom. It was pretty basic stuff that morphed into an apprenticeship as a healer with her stepmom. She was average at all the technical aspects, but really took to the more human side of keeping patients calm and knowing how to cure them or keep them comfortable. She enjoyed learning about how the different herbs and medicines her stepmom used worked the most. 

Limwen: She and her brothers were tutored together, but it was never her favorite thing. She’d much rather be running around outside playing or training with her weapons than reading books inside. She liked learning about nature, biology, etc., but didn’t care for mathematics and didn’t come to appreciate things like history and literature until later in life. 

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? 

Thalia: She has a cat named Tulip at home :)

Limwen: No pets since she can’t bring them traipsing around the universe. She likes animals for the food they provide jlaksdkfas but could probably be convinced to get a dog if she ever finds a way to settle down.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Thalia: Anything overly bitter is Thalia’s ENEMY. So like vinegar on salads is the worst thing ever

Limwen: If something is way too sugary it sends Limwen reeling, like if it tastes like it’ll give her a heart attack it’s a NO from her.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Thalia: I don’t know if she’s ever had the chance to see a musical performed, but she does like music. Her little sister Gili has a really beautiful singing voice which she loved getting to hear. She’ll probably sing along if she likes the song.

Limwen: NAH. Music in general is fine but I’m trying to picture Limwen sitting through a musical and I can NOT see it happening

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Thalia: I think she would find something like Parks and Rec hilarious. Nothing too edgy or dark, but things that are exaggerated and ridiculous are pretty funny to her. She’s got a sense of humor and laughs pretty easily.

Limwen: She finds gallows humor funny and is the type to make jokes in the middle of fighting for her life and like, never at any other time. So like things that are BORDERLINE straight up tragic but really walk the line between super sad and funny. Otherwise she’s not very funny alkdsjfasd

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Thalia: Oh her biggest fear is that she’ll never rescue her parents and her family will be broken forever :( In general she’s scared of being alone and failure. When she’s scared she really tends to knuckle down and push through until she either feels better or cracks. 

Limwen: She’s also scared she’ll never get home and she’ll basically die alone on some strange planet so far away from everything she knows. In general she’s always on edge waiting to get phased away at any second. She tends to shut down when she’s nervous, like laser focus on whatever is causing her fear and ignoring everything else until it goes away. 

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Thalia: Bisexual! She finds… competence attractive I guess? She finds someone attractive when they can get shit done. I would say she’s also got a thing for Tall People, which could be a lot of people since she’s pretty short herself. In a relationship, she would need someone who is good at Listening, for sure. Also, if this person would keep her from pushing herself too hard and remembering her limits, that would be great too.

Limwen: Also bisexual. She’s currently head over heels in love with Cassiopeia, someone who is really In Love With Life and finds joy in just existing in the world. She’s pretty and lovely both physically and emotionally. In a relationship, she needs someone who won’t let her get away with wallowing, who is willing to call her out on her bullshit, and someone who will let Limwen also take care of them. She feels better when she can help someone else so if they won’t let her in then she won’t make much progress in the relationship you know?

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Thalia: For all her involvement with angels, the celestial plane, and her own Divine Soul status, she actually never was very religious. I guess it’s different when you can just talk to an angel when you need to. She sees religion as a curiosity, since her own experience with the Divine has been so different, so she’s pretty ambivalent about religious people but thinks some of them can end up going WAY over the top.

Limwen: She’s not religious. She’s been chucked all over space and no god ever stepped in to stop any of that, and she’s seen a million different religions that all seemed pretty much the same to her: lots of rules, not a lot of payoff. She doesn’t have a very high opinion of religion or religious people.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Thalia: She usually does! (we love a 20 Charisma BABE) She definitely made a good impression on the party since they showed up in the middle of a fight she was having, the monk died, and she brought him back to life with Sariel’s help (pretty great way to get her foot in the door). She usually introduces herself with a handshake and a smile, she’s friendly.

Limwen: Significantly less friendly than Thalia. She usually comes across as gruff and like she’s on edge, so she doesn’t make fantastic first impressions. Which is usually an accurate impression. She comes off as someone worried about something all the time, which is true.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

Thalia: Loves parties! She likes gatherings of people and is comfortable making small talk and putting people at ease. She’d make a great host if she wasn’t Off Adventuring. If she was at a party against her will, she’d probably try to make the most of it and find a convenient excuse to leave early when she could.

Limwen: Oh god she’s being forced to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being Seen and possibly Known. She is an INTROVERT who can barely come up with things to say to her best friend, parties are NOT her thing. She was definitely dragged there by Cass and she’ll do her absolute best to have fun for her, but afterwards she’ll just probably go lay down outside all night lajkdsfad

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Thalia: Most valued object right now is her sword, which is essentially an anchor for her connection with Sariel while he uses her as like... an angelic horcrux. Other than that, she has a drawing of her family that her sister Wyn did when she was little. She looks at it when she’s feeling particularly lonely. She’s very sentimental, and takes this stuff with her everywhere.

Limwen: She has her bow which is the only constant between all these different dimensions. She didn’t have anything else on her when she got zapped for the first time, so she doesn’t have anything to be sentimental over. 

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Thalia: Sword, family picture, first aid/herbalism kit, bedroll, rope, diamond to Revivify, plant identification book, anything sariel could conceivably give her/direct her towards

Limwen: Bow, arrows, notebook to keep track of jumps, photo with Cass, probably pressed flowers or anything else Cass has given her, rope, first aid kit, tinder, compass

[rhapsodics]

oh hi there, welcome to holiday, GABRIELLE RIVERA. you’ve been here for THREE DAYS? awesome! you look just like JEANINE MASON, it’s crazy. oh, so you’re a 29 year old PARAMEDIC. and you’re FEMALE and use SHE/HER? okay, just checking! oh, people say you’re CALM & ALLOCENTRIC but CAUTIOUS & PEDANTIC? well, i’m sure that you can prove yourself here. you’re looking forward to the NEW YEARS celebration? that’s a good one, you’ll love it. i have to get going now, bye! 

i’m here with baby number six, and there goes my plans of only having like two characters in this roleplay. basically, my name is lily: impulsive as fuck. but here’s my baby gabrielle. i adore her to pieces and i’m hoping you will too! she’s got a looooong intro because i basically just word vommed it all out...

so, essentially –– gabrielle was born in chula vista, california on october 27th 1989 to roberto and kara rivera. she was their first child and has one younger brother, raphael, who is four years younger than her.

she was always a pretty happy-go-lucky child and was always a happy person. she had a generally happy childhood and considered her parents and her brothers to be the best of the best.

she was really, really clever when it came to school and always got top of the class and aced all of the tests, which pushed her parents into pushing her into something like law school or med school as soon as she hit her teen years. but that was never really something she wanted to do because even though she was a girl who always loved helping others out, she never wanted to make a living out of it.

during high school she mostly focused on her school work and never really rebelled or did anything out of the ordinary.

when she was seventeen, her parents decided to whisk her and her brother away in the summer and go to visit holiday, maine, a place that one of her fathers colleagues had been telling him about. and since gabrielle was about to start up her last year of high school, they figured it would be a nice break.

during her time in holiday, gabrielle met and befriended bennett hadland. the two of them grew rather close and by the time it came to leave holiday, gabrielle was pretty sure she was experiencing her first love. she vowed to keep in contact with him.

but when they got back to california, her father pretty much told her that it was just a summer thing and that even if she kept in contact with him, it was just something silly and that she just needed to focus on school and only school. she tried to keep in contact and talk with him for a while at first, but things just fell apart from there.

after graduation, and much to her parents dismay, gabrielle took a year off before college and worked as a waitress in a local diner in town to earn some money – her mind was still set on one day paying her way back to holiday.

but when she eventually started college (studying history, again to her parents dismay), gabrielle pretty much fell head over heels with a guy named eddie who lived on the same floor in her dorm and those plans fell apart. 

when they graduated, gabrielle and eddie got married and everything was going great for a while. they moved to san diego together and gabrielle got a job in a museum in the city. but after a year, gabrielle wanted to be challenged in a way her job wasn’t doing, and she hated the feeling that she was settling for something less than she wanted, and even though she knew she was kind of going to be throwing away her degree, she started studying to become a paramedic.

but eddie wasn’t a big fan of this idea. he wanted to settle down with her and have children, to start a family, even though gabrielle was insistent that she put her career first before children. and that was when the marriage started to break down.

she tried to tell him countless times that she did want to settle down and start a family with him one day, but he just didn’t listen. and, naturally, that got annoying quickly. but she tried to put up with it, and she became a paramedic, quit her job at the museum and started working, having found a passion for something that truly felt right. 

about eight months ago, gabrielle filed for divorce. eddie was reluctant at first but eventually relented because he realized there was just no point in trying with her anymore – that and he didn’t really want to be married to someone who had such a chaotic job.

it’s been about five months since the divorce was finalized. she’s been working and living with a friend in san diego for the whole time. but even though she loves her job, things don’t feel right anymore and she feels so out of place.

while unpacking some of her stuff into a new place, gabrielle came across a letter from bennett, and things just seemed to fall into place. she piled together all the money she could and bought a ticket to holiday. 

and that’s where we we are now: with gabrielle back in holiday, still reeling from her divorce, not feeling like she’s comfortable anywhere and dealing with her impulse decision to disappear to a place she visited years and years ago.

and that’s gabrielle! i really wanna do all the plots with her so please slide right into my dms with your characters. i’d love maybe a friend she met in holiday back when she was 17, and maybe someone she’s met this time around and they’re just like fast friends and they’re someone gabrielle feels close to straight away?? idk, soft friendships. 

[its-love-u-asshole]

Twelve Hours [Ch. 1]

Pairings: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei

Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou has dealt with a lot since he was eighteen, each year bringing the same depressing challenges on the same depressing night. He expects this time to be no different, but the universe is trying desperately to prove him wrong in the most bizarre ways imaginable. So screw it, Kuroo’s only choice is to buckle in and hope he doesn’t die. Easy enough. And hey, with some new allies at his side, maybe he has a chance. Who knows? At least Kuroo is sure of one thing in life when it comes to March 15th, and he stands by this unwritten law, no matter what happens:

If you try to kill pizza delivery boys on Purge Night, you’re irrevocably a bitch. 

Rating: T

Tags: Purge AU, mentions of violence but nothing graphic or too bad, no character deaths here okay, this is borderline crack and idk what I was thinking, first meetings, other characters, shenanigans and just...a lot of fun (it seems angsty but its not)

Note: I said I had a new weird au and I do not lie. This au....is so fun to write lmao I got the inspiration from a writing prompts blog (they always work wonders, I swear) and I'm so glad I actually sat down and produced this, no matter how crackish it is lol. I hope everyone enjoys! I already have 2 more chapters written so 'm going to try and be frequent with the updates (as much as I can anyways), so expect those every other week ^^ Thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over! 

AO3

Sec. 175. In accordance with national law and employment regulations, no government corporations, hospitals, schools, or select businesses are to remain open on the night of the annual Purge. Should a private chain or entity choose to conduct themselves, all labor codes must be adhered to, and employees are to be compensated with a wage fifty times the normal hourly rate, as well as provided with basic equipment needed for protection. Any businesses found to be neglectful of such policies will be examined and penalized.

--

March 15, 2020

1:00 PM

6 hours until the Purge

"Shit."

A shrill, joyless tune rang through Kuroo's room, and his eyes snapped open. His first mistake of many.

The sound of his alarm and his general grogginess had him rolling right out of bed and onto the floor in his piss poor attempt to reach for the snooze button (for real, how had he fucked that up?). His limbs acted like hooks, bringing his bundle of blankets and pillows down with him.

It wasn't that different from a regular morning, in truth. The only difference was that this time, he was ashamed by how late he'd managed to sleep in.

Kuroo prided himself on being an early riser. He had his good name to defend. At this rate, even Bokuto would be up and about (or in the midst of his first nap), that log.

"Dammit," Kuroo muttered, reaching up to silence his phone. The end of the stupid ringtone didn't end Kuroo's suffering. The sun shone through his window, making him squint, and that, along with his mind beginning to power on, reeling with dates and to-do-lists, became far too much stimulation for the morning.

Er...afternoon.

Kuroo sprang up, unaware he'd collapsed the previous night in such exhaustion he hadn't been able to pull his jeans all the way off his legs.

The result? He fell face first onto his unvacuumed carpet once again, and okay, out of all the days of the year, this was not the day for him to be so clumsy. It probably hadn't been a good idea to work a double shift the day before at the pizza parlor, but there was a gaming console he really wanted (not to mention his strong desire to keep his savings growing), and he was so close to being able to afford it.

And make no mistake, Kuroo didn't like stealing, sanctioned crime or no sanctioned crime.

So he was saving up, like a high schooler or something. Oh well, it beat the alternative...

On autopilot, Kuroo fumbled for his remote, groaning as his hand touched something mushy.

Oh god. Gross. Gross and weird, what the fuck--

Clearly, some spring cleaning would be in order for tomorrow. The world ‘tomorrow’ made his heart stop for a second in fear of the unknown, but he got over himself quickly. He had to. Today he just had to.

After some deep breathing, he managed to pry his eyes open enough to find what he was looking for: the remote. Switching on the television, because that's what he did on a normal day, he couldn't help but groan at his mistake.

Routines could be his downfall at times, especially when his television automatically turned onto the news station. He should really know better by now…

This was the one day where he preferred to not watch the news while he got ready. Kuroo would've much preferred some B movies, or even better, a documentary on how to make soap.

Not caring enough to switch the set off, he threw the remote to his bed, and waited for the coverage to begin. No point avoiding it now. In the meantime, he figured he really needed a quick rinse, and a good brush through his hair (it wouldn't look any better afterwards, but it was the thought that counted).

Kuroo had to return to work by five anyways, as was policy. Even though the pizza place he worked at wouldn't start accepting orders until the start of the Purge, they had to be there to lockdown, take inventory, prepare their cars, and get their gear on.

So basically, Kuroo would have to get gas, organize his artillery, and make lunch all before then.

I want ramen...no...fried chicken.

Fuck it, he was getting paid fifty times his usual wage tonight, he could afford to treat himself to both.

The news logo flashed onto the television, gaudy and bright. On screen, two anchors sat, the countdown clock framed innocently in the upper right-hand corner.

"Good afternoon and thank you for joining us on the eve of our nation's 7th annual Purge! I sure hope everyone is excited. What should we be expecting from tonight Kudobera-san?"

Before closing the bathroom door, Kuroo glanced back, catching the far too cheery smiles of the news anchors giving their annual spiel.

"Well Takigawa-san, we expect a much higher turnout than last year. However, reports show that a lot of businesses have upgraded to new top of the line security systems. It'll be interesting to see how these changes will affect the crime rates tonight.

"But in celebrity news, idol Fuwa Reiko's Purge bash is said to have a guest list of over fifty people this year, and prizes will include..."

Kuroo rolled his eyes, grabbing the nearest bath towel, and shutting the door.

--

The Purge began when Kuroo was eighteen years old, and it was truly a terrifying and horrific time and blah, blah, blah, blah...

Yeesh.

Look. Kuroo could go on and on about the corruption and politics surrounding the Purge and how it came into being. He could then spend another few hours about how it ended up impacting him personally. His newly formed anxiety, his suppressed fears, the fact that many people he knew and met sometimes didn't survive the year.

Very grim stuff. No fun.

Tonight wasn't about any of that, and Kuroo wasn't going to waste time on detailing the Purge and all the blood-chilling and fucked up things which happened during it.

No one had time for that.

And yeah, one day Kuroo dreamed he'd be rich enough to move away from this cursed nation, safe and healthy with all his friends without the Purge looming over him every month until March rolled around.

But, it was not the time for escape quite yet, so Kuroo refused to dwell on the subjects of blood and gore. No time to reminisce over his childhood, no reason to recount his tragic backstories or feelings on the matter.

Not tonight. Maybe next year.

Tonight, he had a twelve-hour shift, and he was expecting to be paid well.

The point of all this? (Aside from the gaming anyways...) Simple. In order to one day achieve his dream, and keep himself alive until then, he needed money. Purge night, as shitty and immoral as it could be, let him earn enough money to cover three months’ worth of rent. That was without tips too.

That was his only focus.

So in short, in order to keep himself sane, Kuroo worked hard, and had no problem with diverting his internal angst into jokes at any given moment.

Liiiiike now.

Kuroo kicked open the door to Bokuto's bedroom, where he was still cuddling Akaashi against his chest. One of their infamous afternoon naps. How cute.

They were sickening. "Hello naughty children, it's murder time!"

The couple jolted awake, and while he might deny it later, Bokuto totally screamed. Kuroo smirked as Bokuto flailed on the floor, reaching for a nearby water gun to defend himself.

Given that Kuroo knew Bokuto was quite skilled with actual guns, it was a sight to see.

Akaashi glared at Kuroo from the bed, eyes full of pure, empty disgust, like Kuroo was a dead bug on the windshield of Akaashi’s life. Kuroo's joy was not deterred, and in a sudden moment of bluntness, Akaashi uttered his first sentence of the day: "Kuroo-san, I hate you."

"Is that any way to treat your best friend who woke you guys up in time for your flight?" Kuroo wiped his fake tears, gesturing to the bundle of suitcases Akaashi had packed dutifully two nights prior.

"I had an alarm set--"

"And your best friend, who made you guys lunch and drives you to the airport every year," Kuroo continued, not willing to wilt under Akaashi's piercing stare. Bokuto stayed on the floor, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes.

Kuroo could defend himself alright? Being a cunt was a defense mechanism he used so he wouldn’t just start fucking crying all over how much he loved his friends on the worst day of the year, so he was sticking with it. They knew of course, but maybe they didn’t say anything for Kuroo’s sake, and he loved them for it.

Akaashi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he channeled his inner anger management guru. Kuroo liked to poke fun at the fact that maybe Akaashi needed to purge more than anyone, but they all knew the raven abhorred violence.

Well, most of the time.

Without another word, Akaashi chucked a pillow directly at Kuroo's face (with impressive force he might add), and Bokuto became aware enough to tackle Kuroo to the ground two seconds later.

And though Kuroo whined and complained, eventually crying his surrender after Bokuto had him pinned down long enough, he couldn't help but smile at how much he cherished these moments.

Bokuto and Akaashi would only be gone for a week, but he would miss them. They always picked the time of the Purge to take their yearly vacation.

It was...better that way.

They could afford it too, being players for the national team. Bokuto got nervous and overly protective whenever the Purge rolled around, and though Akaashi wouldn't admit it, they were both scared of ever being remotely close to a situation in which they might lose each other.

So, they decided to travel to a different country every time the heinous event rolled around, one where the Purge had no weight or influence.

As Kuroo made them their pancakes and helped them with their bags, he couldn't help but doubt himself, like he did each year.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us Kuroo, we can still get you a ticket, we can figure something out!" Bokuto's concerned look almost had Kuroo giving in. He slammed the trunk, putting Bokuto's suitcase down next to him.

The airport was never that crowded on Purge night. Guess people trust their security systems enough to not leave the county.

The couple never failed to offer Kuroo a ticket. They cared about him, didn't like the thought of him not being safe. Kuroo agreed. That's why he'd begged his family to move out of the country years ago, why he encouraged Bokuto and Akaashi to leave around this time as well.

But Kuroo...Kuroo was stubborn.

He hadn't finished school yet, and his savings weren't where he wanted them to be. When he moved, he wanted to be secure. Plus...Kuroo could be kind of dumb about these things. He got a twisted sense of pride when he survived Murder Night™ every year, even more so now that he chose to work during the event.

Yeah...that was a whole different story.

Kuroo shook his head, smiling easily. "We've been over this man, you don't have to worry about me. I refuse to die."

Akaashi curled his hand around Bokuto's before the other could begin to protest. Akaashi disagreed with Kuroo's decisions too, but he knew arguing got them nowhere. "You are like a roach."

Kuroo stumbled back, as if punched. "Ouch. I'll try to take that as a compliment."

"It wasn't."

"Akaashi."

They all laughed, and as the clock struck four, he watched them disappear into the airport, after a painful, drawn out embrace, waving at him one last time.

He smiled through his misty eyes, and couldn't help but feel relief knowing they'd be far away by 7 PM.

--

Now generally, it was pretty agreed by all that during the Purge, people shouldn't target delivery boys. Out of all the people to kill, you're gonna go after Papa John? Get fucked.

Who the hell was shitty enough to murder some sad minimum wage worker?

Well, a lot of people actually. People were cruel during the Purge, that was sorta the point. But, in Kuroo's experience, the freaks with knives and masks would often overlook him and his crappy pizza delivery uniform.

Some things were worse than death, they probably thought.

Kuroo wouldn't complain. The less trouble for him the better. While he did occasionally have to fire warning shots and rev his car at people who were a bit bolder and more bloodthirsty, he stayed fairly safe.

Or as safe as one could be, surrounded by crazed people wielding machetes. He was more than fine with ignoring the screams and explosions by turning up his stereo to inhuman levels, bottling up his inner hero.

Because in reality, Kuroo had never managed to shake his core beliefs, no matter how fucked up the system was. He was honest, valued good work ethic, respected his elders, all that jazz.

Yes, Kuroo Tetsurou was the guy who helped old ladies cross the street. Definitely not someone who should be working during the Purge. But, well, his mother always told him people would underestimate him if given the chance.

Kuroo's natural instinct was to defend, to protect. However, during the Purge, it simply wasn't practical, and he was forced to hate himself for it later.

At least he had Matsukawa and Semi to keep him company.

"Happy Murder Night, would you like to hear about our specials?" Matsukawa deadpanned as Kuroo walked through the front door of the parlor. The blast shields were already up, and the shop was technically closed. The only occupants of the booths were his fellow coworkers, the other people insane enough to be working that night.

Semi rolled his eyes, greeting Kuroo without a polite nod. He assumed Kyoutani was in the back, making breadsticks. Again, normal day, if he didn't count the various rifles and bulletproof vests spread out on the counter. Backup measures, in case somehow, the titanium doors were broken down.

Kuroo laughed, walking over to where Matsukawa sat perched behind the register, and picked up the vest with his nametag on it.

So much to do, so little time.

He clipped the vest on securely, holstering two of the guns and a knife.

"I don't know how this place stays in business," Semi muttered from where he polished the counter. "Why would people order pizza on the most dangerous night of the year?"

"You say that as if we don't get at least ten or so orders every year," Matsukawa reminded.

"Robbing and plundering does work up an appetite," Kuroo agreed.

"Like you'd know," Semi said with a snort, throwing the dirty dish rag at Kuroo's face. All this disrespect today.

"Hey, I'll have you know, I once stole a bag of chocolate coins from the discount store." Kuroo crossed his arms, his grin wide and triumphant.

Matsukawa squinted, tapping his hands on the bright red countertop. "It was an accident, wasn't it?"

"..."

"Did you cry afterwards?"

Fuck.

Kuroo said nothing, and Semi looked two seconds away from laughing his ass off. Wankers. All of them. Nothing but wankers.

"I'll take that as a yes," Matsukawa said, ducking just in time to avoid Kuroo's headlock.

It was at that moment Kyoutani made himself known, asking if Kuroo had ever done jail time for a crime so heinous.

"You've got jokes now? What's the world coming to?" Kuroo cried, falling to his knees.

"Given what day it is, should you really be asking that?" Semi said, and man, too far.

They all stared at each other, letting the dark foreboding and realization settle over them. The thoughts sprang up like they always did, violent and despair-riddled, before Kuroo defiantly squished them down.

Then, they all broke out into laughter, the kind which brought tears to the eyes.

Yeah, the Purge was fucked up, but it brought them closer together.

And honestly, grease stains or not, Kuroo was glad to wait out the Purge in the company of these assholes.

After all, it was the best he was gonna get for now.

--

Kuroo's car was geared up and ready to go.

The delivery vehicle given to them for Purge night only opened from the driver's side. The rest of the car was plated with a lightweight metal, armor essentially. The front behaved more like a battering ram than a hood, in case of extreme circumstances, like having to get through a crowd of attackers. The mirrors were shatter resistant, and the tires were as slash and puncture resistant as possible. Still, the car came equipped with a set of spares just in case.

They kept the car in a special fortified garage which was only accessible through the parlor. The garage door into the parlor locked every time it was closed, a security measure for if someone tried to break in while Kuroo was leaving for a delivery.

All in all, Kuroo felt safe at his workplace. Outside though...he didn't trust anything, and for good reason. Better safe than sorry.

After helping with food prep, checking the car's interior, and filling up the tank, hours had gone by. Looking at his clock, Kuroo's heart skipped a beat.

6:50 PM. Ten minutes until the Purge.

Dread coiled in his gut for a moment before it was gone. Kuroo never got used to this, but he knew what to expect now after seven years.

"Kuroo c'mon, time to get inside," Semi said, poking his head through the garage door. Kuroo was technically safe in the garage but...they just liked to all be together during the opening broadcasts.

Taking a deep breath, Kuroo followed after him, just in time to catch the start. The large flat screen in the dining area which usually played sports games and cheesy commercials lit up blue, the emergency broadcast text slowly beginning to scroll up the screen.

"This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by your government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes. May God be with you all."

The classic pause.

The silence.

Kuroo never got why there had to be the brief stall before the alarms began, but he despised it. Everyone in the parlor remained stone-like as the chilling sirens began echoed in the distance. They were ghostly almost, unreal, like a thick fog no one could escape from. Sometimes, Kuroo could hear them in his dreams, and he’d wake up with two pillows pressed against his head, as if trying to block the sound.

Kuroo couldn't help but laugh bitterly to himself.

Guess the walls aren't that thick.

As the sirens began to fade, none of them moved. Yeah, it never stopped being sort of surreal. They waited for the telltale crash of store glass or gunshots in the distance, but for now, things had yet to get into full swing.

Or so they'd thought.

Life was weird and unexpected. That much Kuroo knew. But if someone had told him all the twists and turns he'd go through over the course of the next twelve hours, he would have laughed in their face.

He'd be wrong though.

Now, it wasn't abnormal for them to get orders later in the night, usually from families waiting out the Purge or from rich assholes throwing Purge parties. Kuroo didn't get it, and he didn't appreciate the calls, but it was his job.

But again, the calls normally came later. Like, much later.

So when the phone on the counter started to ring not even two minutes after the sirens stopped, only Kyoutani managed to find his voice through the shock of it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"