#idk tho I'm no doctor
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
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My neurons randomly zipping around. I've seen people comment that Amy and River have this stilted relationship. That Amy is always called by River with a stiff and formal "mother". But! keep in mind that just like how a huge part of the Doctor and River's relationship plays out off screen, the same goes for Amy and Rory and River's relationships. Saying River calls her "mother" only is not entirely true anyway since in The Wedding of River Song, we see her call Amy "mummy".
I think the reason why people think Amy and River's relationship is stilted is because they only refer to their dynamic in The Angels Take Manhattan. Which was the reason why my brain suddenly starts yapping again lol. But I'd like to point out that a few episodes earlier, we saw Amy and Rory's almost divorce (still hurts me to this day). And I think it has mostly been forgotten that it's not just Amy and Rory anymore, you know (glares at writers). River would have been affected by their fallout. River would have been so guilty over their almost divorce. River, who, as Mels, pushed them together because it wouldn't be a universe worth living in if Amy and Rory weren't together. Because it would always be Amy and Rory. Together. Always.
"But, Tia, she did that to ensure her own existence!" Nuh uh! Nuh uh. Nuh uh, my beloved idiot. While there will be people who'll argue that River and Mels are different, I scoff at that notion. Sure, they look different. Sure, their mannerisms may differ a bit. But they're still the same person! It's like that argument that 12 loved River more than 11 lol don't talk to me. They're the same person, dude.
Anyways, point in case is Mels/River/Melody loves her parents dearly. In Time of Angels/Flesh of Stone, she shows off for Amy. Not the Doctor. But Amy. And it worked, Amy's admiration clearly shows on her face. She always makes sure Amy is alright. She comforts Amy when the angel in her eye is taunting her. She makes that teleport thing work to save Amy. She makes sure Amy holds on tightly. In The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon, she does the same. Always checking on Amy, holds her back when the Doctor is shot, tries to comfort her as she mourns the Doctor's "death". Idk man there's so much. It's all laid right there. In A Good Man Goes To War when she comforts Amy first before giving the Doctor what I like to call "The Talk". In The Wedding of River Song where Amy kept her own timey-wimey diary and brought out wine because there was a freak meteor which was her usual indicator that River would be coming around. That doesn't speak of stiff and stilted. To know someone at that kind of level.
Remember, darlings. Context is important. The dynamics between River, Amy, and Rory in The Angels Take Manhattan should be looked at in the context of the elder Ponds' near divorce. It doesn't mean that it represents the entirety of the dynamics of their relationship.
#doctor who#dw musings#amy pond#river song#and a bit of#rory williams#my focus here is mostly on amy and river tho#idk if that's coherent cause i'm currently feeling like i'm shaking rn which doesn't really make sense#have i made my point? idk. i hope i did.#the ponds#i think i'll expand on this later#i love my ponds
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Am I the only one who thinks Kes feels like a Doctor Who character ? Like she has strong Classic Who companion energy
#Idk just the way she looks#her story#her voice#and I'm not even saying that because she became the assistant of a man literally called The Doctor lol#idk its just the feeling I get#she feels like a companion from the 70s/80s#keep her origin story the same and she'd work better in dw than in star trek I feel#tho I guess in that case you'd need to have neelix as a companion too... uuh#anyway don't ask me why I'm thinking about doctor who today lol#star trek#voy#voyager
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Late to the game as I’ve kinda been kinda non-here for a minute but I scrolled through the Dot and Bubble tag, and thought I wanted to write this post into existence.
There's this part in Doctor Who Unleashed where RTD says this:
“What we can’t tell is how many people will have worked that out before the ending. Because they’ve seen white person after white person after white person, and television these days is very diverse. I wonder, will you be ten minutes into it, will you be fifteen, will you be twenty, before you start to think, everyone in this community is white. And if you don’t think that — why didn’t you? So, that’s gonna be interesting. I hope it’s one of those pieces of television you see, and always remember.”
And I'm like. Yeah. But the reason this works even as well as it does is largely thanks to the work of the previous showrunner with the previous creative team, which was notably the first era to have any writers of color (amongst other firsts in terms of inclusivity in directors, composer, actors). While Chibnall fumbled whenever he tried to write about race himself, he did have the self-awareness to have Black and South Asian writers writing the episodes where race is the focus (and a female writer for the episode where sexism is a focus; my point is, he seemed to know his shortcomings).
I wonder what the current creative team looks like? (not really, but I wasn't 100% sure for all of them)
To quote RTD:
“...before you start to think, everyone in this community is white.”
This is pretty non-self-aware, right? It's pretty “It is said, and I understand this, there was a history of racism with the original Toymaker, the Celestial Toymaker, who had ‘celestial,’ and I did not know this, but ‘celestial’ can mean of Chinese origin, but in a derogatory way,” right? (from The Giggle Unleashed) It's pretty “and I had problems with that, and a lot of us on the production team had problems with that: associating disability with evil,” right? (from Destination Skaro Unleashed)
—none of which are issues that should be overlooked, but think how much exponentially better they might’ve been addressed if he’d consulted with Chinese writers and wheelchair-using writers before going straight to giving the Toymaker weird fake accents and making Davros walk?
How many Black or non-white people do we think saw the Dot and Bubble script before it landed in Ncuti’s hands?
And this just keeps happening.
And like, from some of the shocked responses I've seen from white viewers to the ending of Dot and Bubble, maybe the episode's unsubtlety was needed? From the way RTD talks about it in Unleashed, the episode was written with a white audience in mind, Baby's First Microaggressions (where of course the microaggressions come from people who are pretty self-admittedly white supremacists). Ricky September, a more seemingly normal depiction of someone in the racist bubble of Finetime, seemed like an interesting element, up until the way he died.
The ending worked for me, because I do think the Doctor's reaction is true to how the Doctor would react. I just keep thinking of how much better the core themes could've been handled by someone with actual lived experience on the subject matter.
#dot and bubble#fifteenth doctor#rtd critical#anti rtd#ricky september#lindy pepper bean#dw negativity#racism#antiblackness#words by seaweed#not to be anti rtd. im just very critical. Anti RTD is just a tag which people use or block#every showrunner has their flaws but RTD is the only one self-righteously virtu signling over NOTHING. which is why im more critical.#plus the on-set sxual hrassment and what happened with Chris Eccleston etc. it vindicates me. idk. not tryna be a hater#ALSO dot and bubble is leaps and bounds better than any racism commentary I expected from Russell T Davies. so theres that.#can you tell I'm shy abt making long posts that someone is likely gonna be not happy about-#I usually search tumblr for posts to rb and talk in tags. but I couldnt find any posts about this this morning! tho I think ppl have since#etc its fine to critically appreciate imperfect media etc I do it all the time (as a Black fan) (who also thinks Rosa has Flaws) etc#I did see someone on twitter pointing out the hypocrisy of all white writers but twitter does not have space to talk about things#also love that The Church on Ruby Road has Mark Tonderai who became the first black director w The Ghost Monument. I love his directing#but that's the Christmas special. it is not part of this season. and honestly fr it's not close to enough#love the inclusivity in front of the camera. lets get some of that in the writing team NOW. it's hurting for it.#bring back Charlene James. can you hear me? was the best episode of Season 12.#the ep felt like a commentary on the “RIP Doctor Who” ppl under every official Doctor Who post? hence social media?#it does work best that way!! it just felt a little off of that way in rtd talking#idk im rambling. I did enjoy it tho. I just wish. but well.
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w. were you born without legs?
i don't even know what to say when people ask me where I'm from. all i know is i was born near kyoto but when we moved i was less than a year old so i remember nothing
#I'm fairly certain most babies already have legs when they're born#idk tho I'm no doctor#miuposting
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HEY people with morton's foot, prokinetics is having a sale on insoles!
It's only %25* off, but the insoles are already cheaper than ones you'll get anywhere else (except typical store bought insoles, which don't do anything except add padding to the shoe). the code is CHRISTMAS24 and you can buy them here!
My recommendation is the ultrathins on the page i linked. they have a deal where you can get the insoles with 3.5mm padding (under the big toe, like I've mentioned in my posts) and then swap them in for 6.0mm free of charge.
I wouldn't bother with arch support unless your feet are very weak/have collapsing arches, and honestly you could probably go straight for the 6.0mm if you don't want to bother with the hassle of trading them in. when I first got them I went straight for the 6.0mm and it worked out fine for myself, but I'd already been using the moleskin beforehand so! ymmv!
(they also have distributors for countries other than USamerica here (but not Canada 😭😭))
*I WROTE 15 but it's actually 25%!!
#i'm gonna order some#send my partner across the damn border to pick em up. only saving grace for them not shipping here#neander foot#fatals physio corner#highly recommend these tho they're not what most drs would prescribe but ime work much better#idk what the hell foot doctors are doing that they need to prescribe 300 dollar insoles when these shits do the job#but ive not had the chance to talk to one so!
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I am rotating and contorting him in my mind
#had to practice anatomy#and he's the only thing my brain will draw#so uh... happy birthday...?#the autism made me do it#im actually so proud of these tho#sorry guys but the hair#and the waist#mm#I'm winning actually#idk if you knew that#doctor two brains#dr two brains#word girl#wordgirl#doctor two brains word girl
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I'm so sorry to hear you were in an accident im glad you are alive and feeling okay again <3<3
I'd love to send you a lotura prompt, hopefully it lifts your spirits to be back on that sweet ship.
How about Lotor and Allura talking about weapons? (i.e. Like how Allura prefers a staff and Lotors sword designs (like the one he was first shown with) )
Hey, good to hear from you and thanks for your super kind note!! I'm doing a little better each day and am excited to get back to regular routines! While I was on hold over the phone about paperwork today, I managed to exercise my brain with the prompt you gave me! <3
Staff vs. Sword
Emperor Lotor leans against a wall, crossing his arms and quirking a slim, white eyebrow at the princess before him. “Surely, you jest with me,” he murmurs. “A staff again?”
Princess Allura beams, and she grabs her favorite staff from the blunted practice weapons with a solid grip, fingers tight. With a quick flick of her wrist, she spins it and sets the end solidly on the ground. “My bayard for Blue Lion also turns into a whip,” she says nonchalantly, “but that seems entirely unfair to use against you, as it produces an electric shock.”
“Ah, yes.” His eyes crinkle, his slit pupils dilating with softness. He adds dryly, “Because we do not already create enough sparks on the courts.”
She brushes back her long, thick braid and waggles her eyebrows. “You said it, not me.” And then she pokes his chest plate with the end of her staff. “Do tell me you’re not afraid of a second round after I defeated you.”
“And nearly caused an intergalactic incident,” he says, voice halted. “The training grounds are intended for practicing the art of combat—not the art of catching one’s opponent off-guard with a kiss.”
With a giggle, Allura pulls the staff back, her Altean markings glowing a bright pink. “Yes, well, we Alteans have a saying that all’s fair in love and war. Now, pick your weapon, dear emperor, so that I may defeat you once more. And do choose something other than a sword this time—at least mix it up for me?”
Lotor eyes her before grabbing a blunted sword from the wall, inspecting its balance. His long fingers grip the hilt tightly. “A sword is the best extension of a warrior’s will,” he declares, raising his chin with a petulant chin. “It is simple. It is efficient. It is my favorite weapon.”
Allura sighs dramatically at him. “It does not have quite the—” she waves her hand—“the impact of a staff, though.”
He raises the silver sword to her. “The staff is an impact weapon,” he says dryly. “You simply seek to showcase your Altean strength to the Galra who prowl these courts, and that is why you prefer it as of late."
“Tish tosh,” she says, planting her feet properly on the training mat and eyeing him with an increased wariness. She knows Lotor likes to strike unexpectedly. “I also happen to like the way training robots crumple to bits beneath a staff. It relieves the stress I feel after a large conference with intergalactic leaders.”
A tick of silence stretches between them.
And then in a blur, Lotor races toward her, slashing down.
She blocks with the staff and swings, and he ducks smoothly before stepping back, flipping the sword in his hand.
He paces the mat, the overhead lights capturing the glow of his eyes like a predator in the dark wilderness. “Poor Princess Allura,” he teases. “All the power in the universe, and yet you fear the peace we have wrought together, instead longing for means of violence. Are you certain you are not of Galran blood somewhere in that long ancestry of yours?”
Alura’s voice strains as she circles him as well, resetting her staff. “I can’t think of a single species that doesn’t enjoy a rough tumble now and again, in a safe, non-war environment. Why, the humans even have something called, um—” Her concentration breaks as she pauses, snapping her fingers. “Um, wrestling. And something called rugby. And then they have a very large, worldwide competition for their various violent sports, called the Olympics.”
Lotor pauses.
His slit pupils widen in curiosity of other cultures. “Olympics? Is that similar to a Kral Zera?”
“Somewhat,” she nods, “but instead of choosing a world leader by, um, killing everyone, these tournaments are for medals that they wear around their necks and then bite in front of cameras. And no one dies generally.”
He lunges again, and in a blur, wrenches the staff away from her hands and presses her up against a wall.
Allura squeaks, eyes wide.
His nose is inches from her own, his breath a hot puff against her face. “How very curious.”
Her breath stalls as her cheeks heat hard enough to radiate to him. “Um, y-yes.”
Lotor’s wide mouth splits as he whispers against her mouth, “Fortunately for you, princess, I’ve no intent to fight you truly, or you would already be dead with your silly staff. And if it were these Olympics, you would have no medal to bite.”
Face flushed, her eyes narrow to slits, and before Lotor can avoid it, she hooks her ankle against his and unbalances him. Surprised claws protract from his hands, gripping into her practice armor and his eyes widen.
And the two royals fall in a pile of limbs upon the mat, with Allura sprawled on top of a stunned Lotor, his sword clattering to the mat beside them.
“Oh, no,” she says with a triumphant giggle, hands planted over his chest plate. Her curly flyaways are an angelic halo around her face. “You lowered your weapon but did not fully secure me, so I still win.”
Lotor grumps beneath her, his lavender cheeks flushing as he grips her forearms.
And despite Galra leadership watching the courts and murmuring with gossip in the far distance, Lotor softens. His rough, calloused thumbs stroke a pink marking along her bare forearm. “Best two out of three, then? I promise to secure you fully next time and cause another scandal for it.”
Allura leans forward, eyes sparkling. “Very well, Emperor Lotor. You’re on.”
#Voltron#Lotura#Lotor#Allura#writing in present tense bc it's all my brain wants to do rn idk why ahhh#thank you for the note and the prompt!#This was a fun exercise for the day!#yeeee it does lift the spirits to get back to fun hobbies!#I was off work for a long time too so I'm trying to slowly ramp back up on that side of things too#would rather write lotura fic tho lol#thank you again! <3#super curious if anyone notices any other changes in my writing style since the accident#I'm still having trouble remembering words sometimes#lotura really challenges me tho bc they talk so posh all the time XD#my doctor said try to challenge myself so here we go lol!
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I have abs not from working out but from coughing so much all the time for like a decade that I might as well have been doing crunches
#I've been to multiple doctors about the Unending Cough that I've had since i was like 16 and they're all just like idk bro#I've had xrays so probably nothing dangerous. so i just have to deal with the cough forever i guess#it's fine? I'm used to it. annoying mostly. sometimes i do think damn it would be convenient if i didn't cough all the time tho#esp for going to sleep. or in a quiet public place that's the worst#i think it's genuinely gotten worse though bc like#the kids always bring home 7 different colds at once and those linger for me way longer than everyone else#like there's the default cough and the advanced one. colds just make it 2x bad for like a month#and after a month they come home with a brand new cold#but you know what at least it gave me abs as a consolation prize#not like a 6pac to be clear im not ripped its just 11s lol
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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Patrick Troughton guests as ruthless racketeer George, out to silence the man who can identify his brother as a murderer, in Dial 999: Key Witness (1.26, ABC, 1959)
#fave spotting#patrick troughton#dial 999#doctor who#classic doctor who#two#abc#key witness#1959#as with other Dial 999 posts‚ the episode number and year of transmission are more in the way of educated guesses#tho two separate sources identify this as ep 26 so that's good enough for me#yes it's been a while‚ i got very distracted and wandered away from Dial 999 but I'm mopping it up now#this was a very pleasant surprise‚ not least because Pat had already made two appearances in the series: a minor role as a heavy in 1.5 and#an uncredited appearance as a tramp in 1.16 (both can be found if you follow the fave spotting tag) so i wasn't really expecting him to#turn up again. but he does! and he finally gets a real meaty part! he's the villain of the week‚ a criminal of vague occupation (he has#something to do with gambling? race tracks maybe? idk it kind of gets glossed over) but when his kid brother kills a rival and is easily#apprehended‚ Pat decides it's time to silence the witness... cue a tense cat and mouse as Pat and goon tail their mark as the police tail#them. genuinely one of the most enjoyable episodes of this funny little series i think‚ and a lot of that is down to Pat giving it his#all as a dangerous gangster. he lounges around in a dressing gown‚ he slaps his bro around‚ he jeers at the cops and he#threatens his lawyer with a watery sack grave. he's gone full villain! and it's delightful!
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Susan Foreman Susan Foreman Susan Foreman
#I go insane every time there's a classic who reference#so is it her or is it just ruby suspecting it's her and it's gonna end up an entirely different susan#idk we'll see#who gives a shit tho this is the second time this season they're mentioning her#so I'm happy#susan foreman#doctor who#doctor who liveblog#dw#the legend of ruby sunday#cal's basement
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Just some more Still Wakes the Deep blah blah, but omg having just been diagnosed Diabetes type 1 myself recently, it makes me only love and feel for Roy 10X more...
This shit is litteraly poison, but so does the food we eat with how much sugar there is in ugh OTL
Never thought in a million year I had DT1, I had 0 symptoms and am in pretty good shape, but then suddenly, organs are starting to hurt really badly out of nowhere...
Don't wait too long poeple and check with your doctors even if there's ''nothing'' T0T and to all Diabetic ppl out there, keep on fighting 💪✨
#random#delete later#first 2 weeks of diagnosis i didn't realized what it meant to live with this#but the 3rd week it really sinked it and i couldn't stop crying everyday#i felt even more like a failure and it made me even more angry that my biological parents left me with that#being adopted i have no medical history and i was already living a quite healthy life style#ofc it could have been even better but now i have to do many extra steps#everything's back to normal now but holy shit that hit me like a truck#plus it was urgent since it had been MONTHS it was left untreated and my family doctor just never told me or bothered to check my blood tes#so ughh idk it sucks with life being already hard as it is#high blood pressure now this... tho theyre probably related#i prepared my bucket list sooo i guess LET'S GO?! jk jk#i'm scared to have a heart attack or stroke in the middle of nowhere where no one i love is around... and that'll be it#but i mean if it happens it happens i guess XD#i'm hopefull now but holy shit... fucking pancreas who just decides to stop working#when you read more about DT1 it just feels like a bad employee who suddenly doesn't want to work anymore#and the good boss cant do anything about it#oh well#as long as i can still create art i'll be fine and happy#diabetic? more like diabethicc
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duck list chuck list fuck list muck list
#What do we think bout luck list wrt to health. Is the doctor going to be mean to me#😗 hey hey hey hey hey hey hey. Does my bad luck mean I Shouldn't try to fix problems. WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN#Should I continue obsessing about st and then feign obsessing about a different thing in a nonsensical way forever to cope#But also like fr tho does the unluckiness imply u Shouldn't act. Or just....... But also I'm not fr that first fr I was jk. But I'm not.#😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗 *** ******* ** **** *** *** *** ***#Jokes aside doing whatevs but I am sober! so I'm just. Rawdogging the obsessive feelingssss no relief 😞 that celeb idk ig cap of the lady#From girls like ''i think you're all thinking of yourselves too much'' or however it goooooooooooeeeeeees#And it's true but if it's all set in stone anyway action over inaction forever I suppose. I guess pray the doctor doesnt dismiss me pray ev#N if I'm hit w ''oh ya it's joever I mean we can give u a ibuprofen but good lu- *checks bday on clipboard*#oof I mean keep ur chin up'' that I don't drop it like I'm inclined to and I keep seeking treatment hit me w a prayer love beam#THAT ASIDE epicmobile is back in business getting new tires soon. Shoe shopping :)#In limbo in every which way rn ITS SO BORING ITS SO FUCKIN BROKNG I HAVENT RELT ALIVE IN 10000 YEARS but it's cool 😎😃
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So... I might have to get off the w/ellbutrin entirely and try smth else 😬 I really didn't want to bc it was helping more than the ssri's I was on before I think, but last night I just had a serious medical issue for the 2nd time while I was on it so. I really shouldn't risk it again I guess. Seeing my doctor tomorrow so hopefully we can figure smth out.
#really glad i was not alone either time when it happened but lord#i'd gone months since the 1st time so I thought it wasn't related. but it HAS to be the wellbutrin I'm starting to think#tho i have also had a possible uti (ironic i know) both times so also like??? could be that???#but on god idk why I've been getting those a lot lately too. can that be a side effect of the meds?#not omo#bear txt#anyway i might be quiet for a while bc i need to get this sorted before every doctor closes for the holidays 😭
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u ever have one of those moods where no matter how much water you drink the state of your soul is still Thirsty but at a certain point you've chugged enough water trying to satiate the Thirtsy Beast that you start to feel queasy at the thought of drinking more water even though u still Thirsty or is that just me
#this brought to you by my soul being in the thirsty state#maybe I've had a lot of sugar and this is my brain trying to balance it out???? I'm not a doctor idk#but I've drank an entire water bottle a sprite a cup of coffee and about two more glasses of water and I'm still thirsty#omw to have my nightly cup of chamomile tea tho maybe that will fix ti (it won't)
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