#idk the specifics on how having a spirit in ur brain works so i make it up <3 thats iagos emotional support Little Freak in their chest

[accultant]

How Vivienne was able to convince the Circle to let an apostate with a reputation as damning as Iago's roam freely ( yeah, right, they're being watched like a hawk ) is a marvel, but that was easy work compared to what it took to convince Iago.

It's the first time they've even stepped foot into another circle since they left their last one with blood on their hands. The spirit of Chaos within them is already grumbling, threatening or perhaps demanding a repeat of this last escape and they've only just arrived. It hated the imprisonment of the circle just as much as Iago did - You can't very well contain a spirit of chaos and expect anything less than rage and destruction to gain their freedom back. Now, willingly walking into one of those places again, Iago can feel their ghastly companion clawing at them from the inside, pacing like a caged tiger. It goes without saying that Iago feels much the same.

They can't stop looking over their shoulder, eyeing everyone they pass, noting every possible exit and threat, and they refuse to step further than a few feet from Ameridan's side. If there's anyone in this whole place that they feel they could trust, it would be him.

They nod curtly in agreement to his sentiment. Prison was a perfect word for a place like this, regardless of how content some of the mages seem to be.

"I feel like I can't breathe in here," they confess, quietly, anxiously fidgeting with their hands. Their skin crawls as their imagination runs wild, comparing every perfect, pristine inch of this place to the one they ran away from.

"We could leave right now if we so wished," their half-serious suggestion is to only Ameridan, though they're sure Vivienne is listening to them as they trail after her. Staring at her back, they can only guess that she must be rolling her eyes at Iago's grumbling. The Inquisitor is supposed to be brave. The Inquisitor is supposed to be a leader. The Inquisitor should put aside petty fears and focus on the bigger issue at hand. The Inquisitor should get over it. But Iago is horrible under the limelight, and they never even asked for that awful title anyway -

They can't rehash that here and now of all places. Cutting off that train of thought, they rephrase to a response that sounds not entirely like what a spiteful, runaway coward would say, "I'll make sure this does not take long. Every second spent lingering is one second closer to this place going up in flames." okay, still very spiteful, not their best,

They're certain they see an eavesdropping Vivienne finally twitch at that comment, and they hiss an addendum, "On accident."

"You see what this place does to people?" ( for ameridan ? )

Ameridan never saw the insides of any of the first Circles of Magi. He had been invited, but between duties to the Dales and battle against the darkspawn there'd been no time. He'd made no time. He'd had no desire to see what he had fought so hard against, and moreover there had been a thought --- irrational, but still --- that if he went, the doors would be closed behind him and he wouldn't be allowed out. Despite being a citizen of the Dales, allowed free passage through the ciriane lands by the emperor's decree, despite the templars in charge having been under his command only recently, he hadn't fully trusted them.

The Circle of Montsimmard, last loyal Circle in Vivienne's words, probably has little in common with those first iterations. He doubts the first Circle mages in Val Royeaux walked on brightly coloured carpets, or had shelves up to the vaulted ceilings filled with books. Some of that may be Vivienne's doing, but it fits with what he has heard about other Circles. There was a quiet splendour to many of them, a subdued luxury.

Gilt cages. The bars wrought in such fanciful shapes it is easy to overlook the fact that they are bars. As they pass through the halls he notices how high up the windows are located --- too high to be opened or broken and climbed through --- and how heavy the doors are, how massive their locks.

"This is a prison." He tilts his head towards Iago so that he can speak quietly. "Whether its captives acknowledge it or not. Let us not linger any more than necessary."

As he says that, even with Vivienne leading them with the air of a queen returning to her court, even with the might of the Inquisition at their backs, again he has that thought: what if the doors do not open again. What if they turn around and are met by a row of templars, all stern faces behind their visors, steel arms crossed. It's a thought he suspects any mage has had who once had a taste of freedom: what if someone means to take it away? How many would I have to kill to escape?

[yunalinwrites]

jjk fics i'll never write (but maybe you will!)

i have a bunch of fic ideas i dont think i'll ever get to bc saved by the bell is taking rlly long and i don't have a lot of time (╥﹏╥)

i still wanna see them come to life tho so i think im just gonna throw them out there for anyone who wants to use lol

idk maybe ill write these eventually but even in that case im not gonna stop anyone else from using them as well

go ahead and alter however u like, but tag me if u use!! im letting u peek in my brain >:)

and even if ur not a writer these can just b like imagination prompts for when u go to bed LMAO

"love is work" - nanami kento x reader

summary: title is self-explanatory tbh--the idea that nanami kento views love as work could be applied to any scenario. but, i think it would be interesting for the reader to be the person he meets at the bakery. maybe the bakery is a family business, so the reader's work is literally driven by familial love. although, im not sure if that means they agree or disagree with nanami about love being work.

alternatively, the reader could be a co-worker of nanami's.

conflicts/themes:

serving oneself vs. serving others

what makes love/work worth it?

"meet cute" - fushiguro megumi x reader

there are so many canon strangers to lovers opportunities with megumi lol.

like, being the person "hitting on" (asking for directions from) fushiguro during that one juju stroll.

or the person getting robbed and saved by the 1st year crew, also from juju stroll. (also applicable for yuji and nobara x reader)

there's also the light novel chapter where megumi and yuji stalk gojo at a maid cafe, so maybe the reader works at the maid cafe, and the very stoic but handsome megumi catches their eye. this scenario could also be applicable to yuji x reader or gojo x reader.

there's also an original scenario i was thinking of cuz megumi likes reading (specifically non fiction) so what if the reader was a worker at a book store or a librarian. maybe they know about sorcery already because they read a non-fic book about it and recognize his uniform when he walks in.

also i haven't seen a megumi x tsumiki's friend!reader, esp considering that one girl when tsumiki is confronting megumi about bullying lol. this one could have an interesting conflict bc that girl urged tsumiki to do the test of courage that ended up getting her cursed! so then how would megumi deal with his love interest (the reader) also being the person somewhat at fault for his sister's demise?

not a meet-cute prompt but generally i think it would b interesting in any megumi fic for gojo to be a conflict. like, as megumi's father figure, he doesn't want megumi to end up like him and suguru, so he's very hesitant about letting megumi fall in love with someone since "love is the most twisted curse of them all." but i think in the end, he might realize that love/the reader is exactly what will stop megumi from turning into suguru, so gojo ends up giving the reader his blessing.

"sugar makes blood thicker" - geto suguru x reader

tw: spoilers for gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel/premature death arc, angst, DARK CONTENT, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, eating disorders

summary: reader is a student at jujutsu high in 2006, alongside geto and gojo. reader is from the kamo clan and uses blood manipulation. they've been taught to keep a very strict diet to optimize the viscosity of their blood. just like how geto hates the taste of cursed spirits, reader hates the taste of their diet. they fall in love with each other, because they've finally met someone that makes them feel understood.

if you want to go even darker, the reader's technique may involve cutting (kind of like marie from gen v)

conflicts/themes:

what's the point of fighting for a world that's done nothing for you in return? ("what has the world done for me lately?")

sugar makes blood thicker, which i can imagine is harder to control for a blood manipulation user

gojo satoru is the opposite of the reader: he eats however he pleases, which includes lots of sweets, so it's hard for the reader to be around him/doesn't like him. as a result, it's also hard for geto to have to pick sides between his best friend and the reader

ending: canon ending; geto chooses reader over gojo; they turn evil and run away together with nanako and mimiko. although it could also be interesting for geto to choose gojo over the reader, or if there's somehow a happy ending for everyone here.

I have no title for this one but gojo x megumi's older sister reader

self-explanatory. during the 2006 arc, after gojo kills toji. they raise megumi together <3

"if only i could go back" - any character x reader

summary: this is pretty self-indulgent lol this one's for everyone who wants to heal everyone's trauma and just have a happy ending lmao. i had this idea of the reader either being a sorcerer or a curse who has the power to grant one wish but in doing so sacrifices themselves (they die). so, obviously, they're in high demand by everyone:

megumi wants to heal his sister

gojo wants to bring suguru back

geto wants to rid the world of non-sorcerers

toji wants his wife back

shoko wants her friends back

etc

some situations the reader may find themselves in are being held at the school so that nobody can use their power unless absolutely necessary. or maybe they were captured by the curse users.

technicalities about the reader's power: they can't grant their own wish, but they have full autonomy over whose wish they can grant, meaning the only way that someone could get their wish granted is through befriending and persuading the reader.

conflicts/themes:

characters having to choose between their wish (which kills the reader) and their fondness of the reader (wanting the reader to stay)

will they truly be happy if their wishes are granted?

how does the reader feel about being the method of people's desires but not actually being the desire?

***

alr im done yapping

[haemosexuality]

I SPENT LIKE AN HOUR THINKING ABOUT A LN NIGHTMARES X MAGNUS ARCHIVES CROSSOVER  🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 AND THEN ANOTHER HOUR WRITING IT DOWN 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥

specifically like, what entities would each character be part of

first off: in my brain this is like, a world in which the powers succeeded at coming into reality, and the different places we see are kind of like.... different domains? but overall less separate than they are in the tma canon, its all sort of a mess. also obv since its a crossover au its quite different from my interpretation of how the ln world works.

PALE CITY

mono/the thin man: obviously my first thought was immediately "EYE" but if you think about it he's WAY more spiral than eye. he can mess with reality, with perception. quite literally he distorts things. he is glitches and time fuckery. 100% spiral

the signal tower is a SpiralxEye mix, with the physical location of the tower itself being a manifestation of the Spiral, while the weird eye flesh thing is an obvious mix of Beholding with a touch of Flesh.

the tower fucks up reality, time and space, its full of impossible geometry and distorted things and time not working right. it wants to confuse and trap you, and unless you know what youre looking for (mono following the music box), ur gonna be running in circles in there forever (like how michael and helen managed to overcome the distortion bc they had maps).

the flesh walls does surveillance, it can watch the whole city through the televisions, it gets people by Knowing what they want most and showing it to them, and eventually pulling them through the TVs and into itself (the Flesh part). it watches the entire city and no one is safe from it.

the city is then mixed Spiral-Beholding domain,  the signal tower spread fear through the city with the transmission, distorting it, and then the flesh wall came in and hijacked it a bit, starting the surveillance.

the doctor: 100% stranger. its mannequins come to life cmon. the people that went to him tho were mostly affected by the flesh, unhappy w their bodies and wanting the doctor to "fix" them (the part of the flesh that deals with body dysmorphia).

hunter: the hunt. obviously

the teacher/school: this one im not sure, but i think Eye? not so much for six and mono who just kind of passed through there, but for the porcelain kids living there. like think about it, theyre all terrified of the teacher bc they know shes watching them and could get them doing something wrong. irl too, the fear of school comes from the paranoia that youre gonna be judged by other students, or Found Out by the teachers. so i like that as my final answer

the viewers: i have no clue tbh. they could be so much. they have both the eye and the spiral hypnotizing them, they fit the stranger cuz well theyre fucking weird, the whole hive mind thing they appear to have going on and the lack of free will reminds me of the web, and the mindless violence is very slaughter? i actually rlly liked the slaughter answer bc the tvs, the things hypnotizing them, are often playing music which is a common way the slaughter manifests? but that would mean tvs are slaughter ON TOP of everything else so idk

THE MAW

obviously its the flesh. theres not much going on in here besides cannibalism. Six, the chefs and the guests are also flesh.

shadow six could be a manifestation of the spiral, it Was created in the signal tower after all. its there to make six question her sanity. six's hunger exists for the same reason as it does in game (surviving the tower when people Definitely are not supposed to made her lose part of herself, like her spirit or soul or whatever, and so her physical body not being able to process something metaphysical like that, seeks to fill that empty space somehow. hm losing a part of your Self after surviving an encounter with an avatar is a thing that happens in the podcast actually, georgie and her fear. its kind of like that)

the lady tho, initially id say shes flesh too since she runs the place, but idk how much she actually... does? the maw seems to have its own force going on, shes just kind of there. strolled in one day and said Hey I Rule This Now and everyone just went Sure. and she herself doesnt seem to have much interest in the whole cannibalism thing going on? she doesnt Partake she just oversees it. I think the lady fits the dark very well, she can disappears into shadows or even kind manipulate them. she also fits the end since she literally has the power so suck life force out of ppl. which is probably how she survives, like that one statement giver who kept dying and stealing ppl lives. WAIT I JUST READ HER WIKI PAGE AGAIN AND SHES DESCRIBED AS "CASTING A HYPNOTIC SPELL THAT KEEPS [THE MAW] RUNNING" THATS SO WEB. theres so many possibilities aaaaaa. wait i have an idea.

"The Lady has been in The Maw for a long time. She’s learned all sorts of unpleasant things during her residence. It’s best that we don’t scratch the surface.". what if she's like mary or leitner? she has a huge fuck off library, which might be where she learned so many things from. she could be someone (maybe an avatar of the web) that learned how to use abilities of all the fears without falling into them. which is why she can sap out people's life like The End, manipulate shadows like The Dark, rule a domain of the Flesh, watch over people with the Eye (the cameras and overall eye imagery) etc. i really like that actually.

the janitor: idk stranger? he works at the maw but he also doesnt seem part of the whole cannibalism thing. hes mostly portrayed as a creepy guy (not in a great way bc the game is just like. wow look how weird blind people are with the way they. are blind. but it does end up being all he does in the game). plus he has dolls

runaway kid wasnt part any fears; he was just a victim.

more random stuff:in general, the way the game makes the kids really small and everything else really really huge to show just how powerless they are is like, capital v Vast. the nest is a domain of the stranger but idk enough about the lore of that place to ascribe fears to indiviual characters. also i havent read the comics in a while but i might do that at some point and then ill give fears for those characters too. thats all i thought of i think

[thistidalwave]

questions for fic writers

wow just noticed @softbrah tagged me in this....how fun! let's go!

How many works do you have on ao3?

120! that's since 2011.

What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,222,928. dear god.

What fandoms do you write for?

currently we deep in the k-pop trenches, collecting lil blorbos with compelling narratives and dynamics to smack together like dolls. specifically i've been writing for Seventeen lately, and previously for TXT and BTS, and because i am me, i write niche inter-band shit and collected a couple soloists to throw in for seasoning.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Addicted (to loving you) (Teen Wolf scott/stiles. no, idk either. please don't read it.)

pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks (checkpls bitty/jack/kent. pure fluff no substance the people love it)

love doesn't come in boxes (checkpls bitty/jack)

something good and right and real (hockey rpf benn/seguin, cowritten with @aperfect20)

drop everything now (hockey rpf bgally/agally, cowritten with @aperfect20. listen. these hockey fics are of their time and now they'll never leave the first page sorted by kudos.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes, all the time! it takes negligible time and brain power for me, and i like to let people know how much i appreciated hearing their thoughts, even when it was just a thank you and then we're in a lil awkward thanking circle.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ok, i think it just has to be a tie between "only time is ours" and "34 Days", which are check please kent/jack fics about the same pre-canon break-up events, the first from jack's pov and the second from kent's (tho iirc they have different interpretations of events beyond the pov switch, too). they are inherently angsty bc absolutely nothing is good at the end of them.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

this is so hard to decide, bc i primarily write romcoms and by the end of them if your teeth aren't rotting i did it wrong. i will give a shoutout to "doesn't matter what we do", a bts jimin/j-hope that is all about just Letting Urself Be Soulmates and then grossing out ur bandmates about it.

Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god.

Do you write smut?

yes i have been known to write filth. sometimes the romcom plot calls for it. i'm horrible at pwp bc i'm always giving it plot, but u kno, sometimes the spirit moves me and i manage it.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

crossovers of fandoms that have nothing to do with each other actually kind of squick me - i'm talking crossovers where characters who have never and will never meet are there for no reason (think superwholock tbh, tho i was uncharacteristically a lil into that at the time), not fusions or big universes with diff shows or whatever. it's just not for me!

but in terms of things where it's less drastic (crossing over bands in k-pop, for example) i am all over that, bc there's interesting stuff from real life there! my craziest example atm is a baekho/jun fic, and like, it's not that crazy!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, it's always so awesome that someone wants to take the time to do that.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yessssss, my favourite way to create fic.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

this is an extremely insensitive thing to ask a ship whore like me. there are some ships that REALLY set my brain on fire over the years, though. check pls kent/jack drives me insane to this day. harry styles/nick grimshaw was So compelling. 2012 oilers "kid line" (nugent-hopkins/hall/eberle) went off.

often fandom really makes these ships worth it to talk about and inspires me to contribute. i am often very compelled by one character in particular and just ship them with everyone possible so i can examine all their sides.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

hmmmm if i WANT to finish it, i probably will. there are things that i ended up abandoning, though. one of those i'm still kinda sad about was a dylan/mitch/auston sequel to my connor/rystro.

What are your writing strengths?

i write realistic dialogue and i'm great at characterization (shoutout to the mean comment i got circa 2010 telling me to get good at characterization. i did. thanks.) my voice has always been strong, too.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i sometimes slack on depicting the interior emotions of characters. i'm not great with setting or exposition because the brand of fanfic i tend to write isn't a great place to practice those skills. i try to find places to do it, though!

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

it's the norm in k-pop fandom to drop in localization things like honorifics, and i like it because it can communicate relationships between the characters and so that it's not SO divorced from the context the idols actually live in. this is such a weirdly specific question, idk what else to say about it lmao

First fandom you wrote for?

twilight. bless her.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

choosing between my children? ok. at the moment i'm quite fond of too real to call it magic, a contemporary fantasy au where the main character is stuck in a dream. i felt really good about what i did with the themes and setting of the source material (a mv, so you're only 3mins and a quick google of the main characters' names away from reading this fic!) and the way i developed the relationship. it's underrated af bc it's a niche pairing.

i will tag @aperfect20 since i already tagged her in the text of the post. no pressure tho.

[iiasha-archived]

Here’s another ask game for ya! Assign your moots as seventeen comeback aesthetics (can include solos, OSTs, collabs, Japanese comebacks, etc) and say why you associate them with that aesthetic! Some can overlap too!

ooo okay.. i’m really bad at these kinds of things but i’ll try my best ❤️ i would have loved to do all my mutuals but my brain isn’t strong enough for everyone so i’m so sorry ahead of time if i didn’t get you!! 😭

edit: also i just realized this said COMEBACK aesthetics but i just did svt. well. anything lmao

@s0ftbb as clap: c just gives me such wonderfully colorful and bright vibes (esp with the use of the colored text lmao it always adds such a nice extra flair to all ur posts <3) and also all her creations and videos give me such HAPPY and LET’S HAVE A GOOD TIME vibes u know what i mean 🥺 and also just that splash of insanity that we all love <3 in particular i’m thinking of that montage scene near the end where there’s like confetti flying everywhere and it’s in slow-mo and stuff lmao

@rosevlolets as fallin flower: alexis gives me super soft and refined and of course flowery vibes! i think it also helps that all her tags for the svt members are literally flowers so it always feels like a cherry blossom breeze every time i see her on the dash or in my notifs <3 (oh gosh i hope that wasn’t TOO cheesy lmao) hehe but yeah i always think flowers when it comes to alexis which is perfect for fallin’ flower

@scoupsy as fear + fearless being the sister song: not because dreamy is intimidating or anything LMAO but i think this association immediately came to mind because of her astounding and beautiful graphics, i feel like they match the fear aesthetic super well. there’s like kind of a dark and elegant atmosphere i always associate with her gfx and in turn her but in like that really beautiful way <3 but ALSO fearless comes in bc i find dreamy’s personality super, well, fearless LMAO and just badass. i really love how she doesn’t hesitate to speak up for herself ❤️

@jonghan as (never-ending) aju nice: GO CRAZY GO STUPID GO WILD LOSE YOU’RE FUCKING SHIT AS WE GO WILD EVEN MORE!! i think yza perfectly encapsulates the never-ending aju nice stage as well as all the crazy antics that come along with it especially as of late LMAO. and again i tend to associate people’s content with their i guess. being? lmao but aju nice is equally as colorful and vibrant as her gifs PLUS she’s so prolific (e.g. never-ending but in the best way) like god damn idk how you keep up with it all afjksldjf

@soonhoonsol​ as healing: idk man chey just gives me very... lmao HEALING vibes :D seeing you on the dash and in my notifs fills me with this very feel-good “ahhh it’s chey!!!” and upbeat feeling hehe <3 and you almost always have such nice tags as well that i read them sometimes and i’m like 🥺🥺🥺 my soul = cleansed. but there’s also this sense of like... i hope this is for the long run you know? LMAO by that what i mean is the whole thing of healing is like DON’T stop this healing right basically i hope you continue to bless the dash for a long time whether it be with your creations or simply good vibes <3

@gotseventeens​ as change up: i don’t really have a reason for this other than vibes? LMAO i’m using vibes all over the place but yeah like for some reason the vibe i get from belle reminds me of the bold colors and suave/cool nature of the change up mv hehe ❤️ i think it’s because belle’s vibes also strike me with this air of confidence that is still kind of chill/lowkey about it lmaooo like YEAH you totally got this ;D

@tzhao12 as 2019 TTT (camping ver.) but specifically when they’re talking about their feelings at the end: because what speaks better about everlasting friendships than the friend i’ve been blessed with for what. is it 12 years now. she’s probably not even gonna see this for like 3 months bc unlike me she escaped tumblr. anyways tiff i’d die for you can’t wait for y’all to jumpscare me this thursday <3 i’m gonna cry i’m serious <3

@vernons as any vocal unit song: oona gives me very soft and gentle vibes which is a lot of what i get from most of vocal unit’s songs! if i had to pick exactly one maybe we gonna make it shine but that’s probably just influenced by me having listened to it recently hehe <3 also a lot of the nature aesthetics and makeup looks i see you post on your main blog feel like they fit in as the visual side of the aesthetic the vocal unit songs give me if that makes any sense??? LMAO

@heartgyus as snap shoot, + the creative process behind it: so in my heart rhys is like a leading mingyu stan here so naturally i had to pick something with mingyu’s entire heart and spirit behind it LMAO but in general rhys vibe and aesthetic gives me SUPER happy/fluffy upbeat like “whoo hoo!” vibes??? afdjklajf a little silly a lot of cute and a lot of fun :D  

@haniehae as pinwheel: for some reason when i think of anna i get this sense of a breath of fresh air??? idek why this is another one i can’t really explain hahaha but yeah pinwheel is what immediately came to mind! i think also because when i see a lot of your moodboards pinwheel kind of naturally comes as like the backtrack for a lot of them??? i think it’s something about the instrumentals of the song. anna just overall also gives me very relaxing vibes whenever i see her on the dash hehe <3

@xuseokgyu​ as when they were filming the 2019 gose intro: okay this is really specific but for some reason that’s what came to mind afjkadslj MY REASONING is that belle just gives me the vibes of being like. super enthusiastic and supportive about EVERYTHING whether it be her own work or the work others are doing!!! also lowkey i get parental vibes from her LMAO so it somehow reminds me of when they were in the house and seungkwan was like “OKAY KIDS... GATHER AROUND...” lmao but in general the whole energy of that entire thing where they were like “okay here’s this thing we’re gonna DO IT” but in a enthusiastic/happy way is why i picked this jfaksldf

@17hateblog as seventeen’s humor: kay and i don’t really talk but she consistently has the funniest fucking tags ever known to mankind. it might not specifically be the same as the humor seventeen show us in, say, gose, but the way they both make me die laughing is the same <3 it doesn’t even matter what the post is everything she puts on her blog is an adventure and i am fucking here for it. AND she’s a jun stan so what’s not to love <3

@vixenjun as light a flame: because kaya and her blog literally embody sexiness + junhui in that choreo....... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> everything. i also really feel like her aes kind of fits that dark mysterious too-good-for-you beauty vibe that i also get from light a flame lmao (but underneath that kaya is obviously a sweetheart <3)

@happysmilebtr as hitorijanai: anna is just like. genuinely one of the most supportive and happy vibing people i’ve met on here? lmao and i feel bad bc i basically have now left you on read KJFDLAJDS but all our dms have been so much fun like i love just talking about anything <333 but yeah the way you’re so open and loving and supportive 100% gives me hitorijanai vibes and the message behind it :D

[partyinthemysterymachine]

🌻🌻🌻🌻 🚜 it's like a little garden!

hello lil garden <3 im gonna pick all the floweurs :3

there are like two dreams i remember pretty vividly: one, i had stigmata. (fun fact: i’m a jew) i woke up and i could feel the pain in my palms and feet. i was like. maybe in fifth or sixth grade. everything happens when i’m 13 or 14 because i have exactly zero memory and Bad Brain Disorder Origin Years just makes everything a sad mockery of mashed potatoes

the second dream i remember vividly was essentially that i discovered a door to Wonderland (and listen here u lil shits: i’m not a big Wonderland person, not even a Mad Hatter kinda gal despite whatever my past has said about me, and also my Jervis Tetch is super valid and prob one of the best out there you’re welcome) in this honestly gorgeous old mansion. the kind that’s just. tons of dark wood, narrow halls, winding and yet there’s a lot of natural light, like gorgeous. and i found a door to Wonderland and holy fucking shit

what i would give to actually find a door to that Wonderland, bye y’all peace it’s been a gas but i gotta run

so after i left i wanted to go back, and i had a rough time finding the portal and ok long story short it turned out i had to go deal with a unicorn cult (it was more intense than that but hey, cults amirite) in order to get the reagents to go back to Wonderland and i suddenly found myself falling in a huge cave and the spirit healer from WoW was there so that says a lot about where i was in my life at the time

still tryna go back to Wonderland

i made this guy in Sims4 and he’s really fuckin cute and i named him Lane Morgans. i’m gonna put his tag on this post so maybe you’ll go take a look at him and see how amazing he is but i’m just gonna jerk myself off here too

(also sidenote, Salutations (my farmer in sdv, also top notch) is his uncle and when i wrote up his first char sheet i fucked up his last name bc his last name can’t be Morgans, but i’ll give him another one Soon(tm) (no i won’t))

Lane is a retired rollercoaster engineer who is now writing romance novels. he’s doing absolutely amazingly and his twitter a mess in a good way. he wishes he was Chuck Tingle’s bff. his novels aren’t modeled after Tingle’s (hehe), he writes very well rounded, interesting, and diverse romance that doesn’t take itself seriously. because i do what i want, he’s pretty well known and on several bestsellers.

he’s like in his 40s by now i think and he’s a late transitioner. he’s a divorcee (he and his ex wife are really good friends it’s all good) and he had his son Ellis awhile back (who is just a whole dutch cookie tin of crayons and then some). at a singles mixer he met a gardener who would be his future husband and everything is amazing now

also side braids and ponytails run in the family i guess

(actually Salutations has been side ponytail like all his life and Lane was enchanted by it so he side braids. Salutations is very proud)

i still think about it honestly i was really into keeping up to date with junk food news and food product for a while there but the popular sites were starting to piss me off with their rating systems and reviews like holy entitlement and superiority complex, batman! so i dropped out of it, like the only one that is still super valid is onsecondscoop.com tho it’s been a real hot minute since

i have a lot of my parents’ vinyls and that includes The Beatles white album with some water damage bc i guess my dad knocked something over at some point but also the good stuff like Fleetwood Mac, Linda Ronstadt, America, Seals and Crofts, a lot of musicals, James Taylor, Gordon Lightfoot, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf), Earth, Wind, and Fire, Marvin Gaye and more!!! (and i left a whole shitload in chicago too) and it’s very telling about my musical tastes. 

i had ordered Arctic Monkeys’s AM album and it skipped on No. 1 Party Anthem and some other song and so i was like :\ and ordered another and you’ll never guess,

a few songs stand out to me:

Gordon Lightfoot’s Approaching Lavender 

Seals and Crofts’s Hummingbird

Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs

James Taylor’s Never Die Young, Line ‘Em Up, Shower The People

(the Fleetwood Mac and James Taylor songs are specifically the ones i was introduced to with, as in the Live versions of Silver Springs and Shower The People)

for those who don’t know i’m also a huge Enya fan (LOTR was good to me) and Dark Sky Island was sick af btw, and also Donna Lewis’s entire Now In A Minute album is pretty fuckin close to my soul

however probably my favorite song, most sacred to me, hard to explain it but just the. whew the memories attached is I Love You Always Forever

furthermore a song that still really creeps me out (that also has an origin story attached to it) is 98 Degrees a cappella cover of She’s Out Of My Life (yep! still no thanks)

i grew up around a cappella since my mom is like a lifetime member of the Sweet Adelines womens a cappella organization or w/e so yeah and i’m not ognna link this on bc it’s a bitch to find just by itself, but Lida Rose from The Music Man is also a fist clench...

now on a more depressing note but one i have mention, Spice Girls’s Viva Forever is uuuhhh hhhhhhhhh hhhhhhnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm 

anyway my dad used to travel overseas for work and when i was younger he went to Germany (and he’d go back there several times after) and he brought me back my first jar of Nutella. naturally i lost my entire shit, and imagine my surprise when Nutella got really big in America lmao he’d brought that jar home like. uh. 7, 9 years prior?? idk guys, ages and math, but it was funny to me

best fucking gingerbread recipe is by Nigella Lawson and i found it in her book How To Be A Domestic Goddess and it’s right fucking here ur welcome 

i’m definitely one of those people who picks a book with a cool cover, reads a couple pages and then decides if i’m taking it or not and that’s how i found like so many good books

ask me about The Passage series and how i am both in love with it and kinda mad (also lmao @ the failed TV show y’all fuckin dumb as hell)

[emsartwork]

ask dump! Separated loosely by topic 

Questions and Comments

1. is this a homestuck thing. this is a homestuck thing isnt it  2. lol i love doing both!!! i love world building but i also like trying my hand at redesigning the mess that is canon fashion. @theoretical-artist​ 3. thank you!!! oritel and marion are in this post! 4. ayyyyy inginio hit me up (thank you lol) 5. Thank you! 6. maybe? i’ll see if i get around to it, i still have a few characters to get to so the school fairies and the last two selkies might show up with them 7. probably not.... it would be super fun but unless it was a commission i don’t feel like i have time haha 8. I’ve seen their blog around!! i can’t remember if i follow or not but i know who ur talking about and they cool @winxy-writing @winxys-written-world

Character and Worlbuilding

1. My brilliant nerd daughter!!! She sometimes gets so into coding or a video game she forgets to eat or drink so the girls watch out for her. She’s prone to dissociating, especially if the situation is emotional. Her hair is really soft. she actually loves sappy romantic things but has trouble accepting them or vocalizing that she wants them because they’re impractical/illogical. she discovered romcoms when she got to alfea and they are her ultimate guilty pleasure(only flora knows abt this and is always slipping recs to her) 2. They’re weirdly one of my fav couples??? like maybe its because i relate to and have projected onto both of them lmao. but any ways. Daphne and Thoren actually met when they were kids, but didn’t spend much time together because it was at a formal event. Daphne is technically 20 years older than Thoren(only a few years older than Sky), but they’re the same physical age because Daphne spent so long as a spirit. They probably wouldn’t get married as quickly in my version, especially with Daphne’s trauma. Daphne will have nightmares sometimes and Thoren has a whole routine for comforting her and helping her feel safe and grounded. Thoren gets anxious easily, and Daphne will use her magic to subtly change the environment so he feels more comfortable. they like to watch reality tv together and yell at dramatic people. 3. omg yes. this was the most frustrating thing i was watching through winx with my dad like a month ago and every time bloom called her adoptive parents by their first names i yelled at her lol. she would call Vanessa mama and Mike daddy(if you make a kink joke i will eat your liver). She would call Marion and Oritel mom and dad.  4. Yeah kind of! part of her exhaustion in Dowlland was the fact that she had been in fairy mode for so long, hiking underground, and tossed around in a river like??? anybody would need a pick me up after that. She (and all solarians) do have to live where there’s a lot of natural light as they require a high amount of vitamin d(or the equivalent of it for solarians). short trips usually aren’t a problem, Stella is just hella unlucky in the second season lmao. @moonpeachblossom 5. the short answer as to why she’s a blond (scottish??? in one of the dubs???) in an asian inspired culture/planet is because racism (or not so short bcus its a lot to unpack honestly). the answer in my version however is a pretty simple fix. She bleaches her hair. she’s paler than musa but she aint white.  6. I haven’t really yet!! Helia is struggling with his two fairly opposed cultural influences, trying to figure what he wants and whats right for him. He was raised on Lynphea but had frequent trips to Vaonaa. Lynphea is very grounded, they’re slow and steady and stubborn. Vaonaa is much more flexible, they’re flighty and spontaneous and easily adaptable. Helia’s dads love eachother and helia very much but they are VERY different people and both want different things from Helia(they try not to pressure too much but the expectations are still there). Helia’s Vaonaaj dad wants him to pursue magic, specifically wind or air magic. Helia’s Lynphean dad wants him to become a warrior. Helia feels like he’s kind of a misfit in both Vaonaaj and Lynphean culture. It took a while, but he did finally confide his feelings in Flora and she encouraged him to talk with his dads about finding his niche.  7. oooooooh fun fun relationshipsssss Bloom and Sky: so bloom and sky aren’t the most stable couple, and in my version it would take bloom a little longer to be ok with dating a prince. Bloom is fairly insecure in her relationships because of self worth issues, and tend to run away from problems instead of dealing with them. Sky on the other hand is confident but doesn’t really know how to handle people’s feelings and tends to push confrontation. I do believe that with better writing Sky and bloom could be a dope couple but as is in canon they’re VERY problematic.  Stella and Brandon: babies. they love each other so much its the best omg. Stella finds her worth in her appearance but she always seems to take brandon’s complements in a less.... arrogant way? if that makes sense? like she truly appreciates them and wants his support. i wish we knew more about Brandon but he’s legit such a good boyfriend. I think they fight mostly when Stella is being a little selfish, or when Brandon is too busy to meet her emotional needs. Flora and Helia: MORE BABIES. so Helia is more of a drama queen in the comics but we’ll ignore that for right now lol. Flora and Helia are probably the least problematic couple in the entire show. They met. Flirted a little. Confessed. and started dating with out any major problems. if i can remember correctly they don’t even really fight??? unless icy has frozen helia’s heart or something lol. I think both Helia and Flora’s love language is quality time so they’re fairly low key and just like to be in the same space and each other.   Musa and Riven: boy oh boy. Ok so, ignoring the several times Riven was LITERALLY MIND CONTROLLED his character is still difficult to deal with. I think Musa and Riven are both very intense people, and while that can be super fun and develop into a good relationship, it can also lead to LOTS of problems. I think my major problem with how they broke up was that Musa didn’t support Riven’s training? like i understand being upset you can’t see ur person often, or if they’re really busy, but Riven supported Musa’s music several times in the previous seasons it just seemed weird Musa was so unfairly demanding of him? Tecna and Timmy: nerd babies. They’re super cute honestly. I think Timmy was probably the one to instigate the relationship and bonded with Tecna over technology since she wasn’t super emotionally available at first. They have issues when Tecna is unable to voice her emotions and timmy needs to know what she’s feeling mostly, but after the first few times they’ve both learned to give the other space to figure their stuff out. Aisha and Nabu: ugh perfect couple. minus the kind of sketchy beginning lol. Aisha and Nabu generally don’t fight once they get used to each other. Nabu is a focal point that aisha is kind of bungee corded to if that makes sense? like obvi not in a restricting way. its just Aisha is hella active and needs her own space to explore and grow, but Nabu is her solid ground that she relies on.  Aisha and Nex: i actually don’t hate nex as much as the rest of the fandom lol. so like i said Aisha is an active, independent woman, and if Nabu was a separate, stationary, focal point for her, I think Nex is related, moving, counter point. So like Nex can actually keep up with Aisha, and push her and challenge her. Which isn’t a bad thing in relationships so long as a mutual respect is there.   8. well. canon is a little..... messy. My version of the girls definitely retain their individualism. for other differences... they’re just a little more fleshed out? i guess? like Bloom’s moody behavior in the show i think is because of her insecurity issues, so that plays a part in how i draw her and think of her.  9. ok wow this is gonna be tough well here we go Sky: I think sky is an ESTJ he’s not super emotional(inf Fe) but can lean toward controlling(dom Te). he seems to like tradition and think social promises are important(Si). Brandon: ESFJ. Brandon is the mom friend of the boys ok. He goes along with sky’s crazy plans, tries to subtly set Riven up with musa(season 1 i think?), some how managed to land a social butterfly like Stella and seems to just navigate social situations REALLY easily(dom Fe). he also seems to hate being disrespected or taken for granted(Si) stella does this occasionally.  Timmy: ISFJ???? thats the vibe i get hear me out ok so in season 2 Timmy gets tecna the exact computer part she needs because 1. He knows they both like things to be practical(Si) 2. He knows and remembered the part she was talking about and filed it away in his brain(Ti) and 3. He and Tecna bonded over tech (Fe) Riven: honestly he’s a tough one.... Maybe a really stunted and angry ISFJ? (speaking from personal experience i am an ISFJ) i don’t have a real reason why but riven’s behavior is really confusing in the show so it makes typing tough..... possibly INTJ as well....... Helia: ISFP. Lmao I might be basing this entirely off of stereotypes but helia has a strong pacifist belief and can be moody(Fi, and more in the comics lol) is attuned to his surroundings(Se) seems pretty focused??(Ni) and i can’t think of his Te showing up be it is an inferior  Nabu: ISTJ weirdly a good fit with Aisha(ESTP) tho?? even though he’s an Si dom, he doesn’t go along with the arranged marriage because its not what he believes(Fi) and he’s stubborn about it(Te). Roy: ENFJ honestly just a cutie. He’s personable(Fe), focused for the most part(Ni), and is comfortable in his environment(Se).  Nex: ENTP? maybe?? He’s pretty impulsive and has that “work around” mentality I associate with ENTPs.... idk this one doesn’t seem to fit super well...  Thoren: Maybe INFJ?? i mean thoren honestly doesn’t have a lot of screen time but he’s attentive(Ni), and tries to take care of people(Fe). most of the infj’s i know are fun but weird lol, but i think thoren has anxiety so that could play into him being less “out there” in his behavior.  if any of yall have input on this feel free to let me know. 10. ooooooh good question. So I’m basing these on their parent’s name and the names of people from their planet. Bloom: Hestia or Enya, i also think she got sent to earth with an article of clothing or a blanket that had her name on it, which is why her name is the same lmao Stella: Stella is actually named pretty appropriately considering the other names we have are Luna, Radius, Nova, Chimera, and Casandra, all of those are fairly latin/roman based names.  but she could also be called Clara, Aura, Venus etc. Musa: Her mom and dad have very asian sounding names but the princess of melody is named Galatea, so honestly anything is on the table. Aulos, Hee-Young, Jia Li, Kaida, etc. Tecna: lol everybody on Zenith has ridiculous names so im just loosely basing them off of sciencey stuff. Nobelia, Xenon, Titania. Aisha: I actually really like Aisha’s name! Ayize, Sizani, Mehrbano would work tho. Flora: what even is the naming system of Lynphea i don’t understand it. Im gonna make them vaguely naturey and European-ish?? Calla, Terra, Rowan, Willow, I could go on and on there are so many plant names. 11. Hmmm yeah, so basically in my world a person with TOO MUCH magic gets overwhelmed and kinda goes a little crazy(the ancestral witches) the same thing happens with tritannus when he gets the emperor's throne power. He’s loyal to icy and she to him until he looses his ability to think clearly and turns on icy, icy gets freaked out and leaves with her sisters when they swoop in to rescue her. they don’t so much “break up” as they are “broken up” by the circumstances. In general Tritannus does really like Icy, hes attracted to her ambition and powerful personality. Icy started out just manipulating Tritannus but caught feelings oops 12. Yeah so, humans in general can withstand a lot of wild magic as their body “metabolizes” it quickly. Kalshara(the cat lady you don’t know the name of) used extremely concentrated samples, combined with other spells to keep the wild magic in her body permanently. If a human with out a properly developed magic biome (a lot of earthians only have a low functioning one) get exposed to a wild magic source they would probably gain some aspects of fairy animals, probably not like, fur, or anything but eye and hair color changes, maybe some patterns on the skin. but there’s also the chance that they would just.... die..... cus that happens with animals too lmao sry. @weirdghostly

[dibidibidismol]

do em all, coward

on the one hand: yay! i get to do the ask game! on the other; @acutest-angle, i’m so sorry for doing this to you. i aint gonna fill nobody’s dash, so the qna is under the break. these are like really undetailed. ill be more specific for individual numbers

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? im pretty happy being 163

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) i love my lil baby so much. i wouldnt trade my pupper for the world

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i wear a lot of black, and generally dress such that i would be good to go for any job interviews/public speaking events. this is in large part to make up for the fact that my go-to shoes are heelys. like i wear my heelys during professional presentations that count for a large part of my grade. my teachers think im “something else”

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? idk. we didnt do all that media shiz. maybe pvz.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my doggo, my child(useless friend needing guidance) and my tumblr-famous friend. hmu for her url. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?absolute weirdo, but like in a socially acceptable way. can and will debate you into submission.7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?i support gays.8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] 

9: Are you ticklish?a bit10: Are you allergic to anything?some cats, all homophobes11: What’s your sexuality?ace, homoromo12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea babe. like i have so much. like a cubic yard. its a problem.13: Are you a cat or dog person?im multifandom(not a furry)14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?amber liu16: How tall are you?160cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?my chinese name18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]102-105 i’m smol.19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?normally no. when im home alone….a lil.20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i have a large fear of the ocean. 21: Are you religious? no22: Pet peeves?poor work ethics/mansplaining/poor hygiene.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?diurnal24: Favorite constellation?orions belt25: Favorite star?shinee26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?not particularly27: Any phobias or fears?germs, the dark, men, large non-pools bodies of water, spiders28: Do you think global warming is real? yea, but “climate change” is more accurate29: Do you believe in reincarnation?no30: Favorite movie?tangled, the lorax, shawshank redemp. , hairspray, legally blond, mulan, mama mia, in that order.31: Do you get scared easily? yea32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?3 fish 3 dog33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] im gunna rate @acutest-angle cuz she did mine. 10/10 would be 11 but she aint stannin shinee.34: What is a color that calms you? purple35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? oregon suits me fine36: Where were you born? oregon37: What is your eye color?brown38: Introvert or extrovert?idek. im really good at people, but idk abt energy gaining or wtv.39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?no40: Hugs or kisses?hugs41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?my doggo.42: Who is someone you love deeply? see above43: Any piercings you want? i already have doubles. might get belly button in the future.44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? hnngg45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? hell no. i take drugs/alcohol v seriously.46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! gorl. so beautiful, so smart, so utterly perfect. also taken.47: What is a sound you really hate? the whit boi in class mansplaining shit to me.48: A sound you really love? pitter pat of paws on hardwood.49: Can you do a backflip? no.50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress?idkrn52: Favorite movie? see 3053: How are you feeling right now?tee hee54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? i really like my hair as is.55: When did you feel happiest? talking in front of many peeps.56: Something that calms you down?tea57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]  none diagnosed. ask me about my brain later for more deets. 58: What does your URL mean?that i smol and i luv shinee59: What three words describe you the most? witty, caring,quick.60: Do you believe in evolution?yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog?too many posts/mediocre content/no longer aligned interests.62: What makes you follow a blog? posts63: Favorite kind of person:girl64: Favorite animal(s):dogs/cats65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @lolfunnykpop @acutest-angle @27-umbrellas66: Favorite emoticon: thumbs up67: Favorite meme: ive connected the dots68: What is your MBTI personality type?pic69: What is your star sign?my wut?70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?yes71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?its black, its formalish, its a pushup bra, dress, and heelys.72: Post a selfie or two?i like dont have any, and im in no statye to be taking them rn.

73: Do you have platform shoes?no?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?i forgot a wholeass language75: Can you do a front flip?no76: Do you like birds?y77: Do you like to swim?ew78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?no79: Something you wish didn’t exist:homophobia80: Some thing you wish did exist:universal translators81: Piercings you have?double in each ear82: Something you really enjoy doing:read83: Favorite person to talk to:dog84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?no rules here.85: How many followers do you have?all together, a thousand or two?86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? idk87: Do your socks always match?no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?ill cry89: What are your birthstones? the lite blu one90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?i aint no furry.91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?a rose92: A store you hate? chick fil a93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?  i got addicted, so ive been coffee free for 3 yrs now94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly95: Do you like to wear camo? no96: Winter or summer?winter97: How long can you hold your breath for?40sec98: Least favorite person?trump99: Someone you look up to:amber liu100: A store you love?office depot101: Favorite type of shoes? heelys102: Where do you live? oregon103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian, environment/animal right, eggs for health.104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? sparkle105: Do you drink milk? yea, calcium.106: Do you like bugs?i respect their existence but stay tf away107: Do you like spiders? no108: Something you get paranoid about?spiders, water, germs109: Can you draw: sure110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?do you shave ur vag?111: A question you hate being asked?whos ur boy friend?112: Ever been bitten by a spider?no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?yea, from a distance114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?sunny, from a distance115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: doggo116: Favorite cloud type:cotton candy?117: What color do you wish the sky was?this is fine118: Do you have freckles? like two.119: Favorite thing about a person:personality120: Fruits or vegetables?fruit121: Something you want to do right now:crochet122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?sky123: Sweet or sour foods?sweet124: Bright or dim lights?dim, i have oddball vision issues.125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?love126: Something you hate about Tumblr:no dates on anything/ALL THE FREAKING PORNBOTS THAT ARE STILL FOLLOWING ME REGULARLY127: Something you love about Tumblr:shitposts128: What do you think about the least?i feel like this is a paradox129: What would you want written on your tombstone?list of my achievements in life(born:xxxx died:xxxx)130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?ice131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?how my brain occasionally forgets to filter132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?sometimes133: Computer or TV?computer134: Do you like roller coasters?ew, all that sweat and vomit baked into the seats.135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?no136: Are your ears lobed or attached?lobed137: Do you believe in karma?idk, i like to be nice but secretly with passive aggressive motives.138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?7139: What nicknames do you have/have had?dictionary, lee, tumblr girl, dibi, mom, my child, heely girl (i have a reputation at school)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?yea, i dont remember them, but apparently i invented myself a butler.141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?way back in the day142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?giving144: What makes you angryamerica145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: figure/hair149: Favorite thing about your personality:   i think im funny150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my friend’s mom/my coach, my rolemodel/friend, my past self.151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? all the eras sucked for people like myself152: Do you like BuzzFeed?love/hate153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]sexy free and single154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? o yeah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yessss156: What embarrasses you?my mouth157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:the internment camps158: Biggest lie you have ever told:so many159: How many people are you following?153160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?10000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?1000+162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?how do i find this?163: Last time you cried and why: today. latest superstore episode.164: Do you have long or short hair?long165: Longest your hair has ever been:2.5 ft166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?like the community it provides, dislike a lot of values taught, dislike the exclusivity, dislike the way religion is treated as a default. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? only in regards to what we can do to save it.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i like sparkly eyeshadow n mascara. but dont wear regularly.169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yea sure.

[12000years]

ive been taking psychic development classes and its been really cool seeing how i work with spirit and how others do as well, the very first class i was able to pick up specifics on this ladys dog and what he likes to do, i was also able to pick up on someones car troubles, the class is over the phone i cant see these people and theyre from all over the world so yeah

i had a pretty intense class yesterday, usually i’ll ground myself afterwards but all that energy came back later when i told my sister about that it, i felt like i was going to have a panic attack and it took a while for me to ground myself. i had to eat shitty food watch tv and scroll through instagram at the same time in order feel normal

ive had profound realizations while using psychedelics before, ive felt weird and anxious for a day or two after those experiences bc my mind is in another space while the world continues to do its thing around me, yesterday felt a lot like that. its not just a feeling but the thoughts that come through, like the “this is all temporary” “theres so much more to this” “theres a limit to what i can understand bc my human brain can only do so much”, and that can get really overwhelming

idk man im here having fun. my dreams are more clear now, ive been getting direct messages along with the metaphorical ones, one was “why do you seek love from those who dont know how to love” and that sounds logical like duh but its one of those things you need to feel in order to for realsies get it, i woke up crying from that one

later while meditating i got the numbers 11:44 i was like uhm? the time??? angel numbers??? wtf u mean 11:44???? i looked it up nothing was clicking and i was like hold up…not a fucking bible verse… fuckin “I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves along the ground.”, dont care abt the first half but that unclean line 😮‍💨

ive been dealing with step dad shit and i feel like that lind applies. he has zero intention of stopping his abuse towards my mom and sisters and im not gonna let his threats towards me stop me from helping them. the 12 year old is acting up in school and im dedicating my afternoons to helping her with homework and giving her creative outlets to focus her energy on while also teaching her to go to bed on time helping prep breakfast and school lunch for the next day etc

i kno what ur thinking wheres my mom in all of this, bitch im teaching her too!!!!! she gets overwhelmed so easily, like youd think by her age shed figured something out, but denial has a grip on her, and the way my step dad treats her doesnt help

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

yO i was abt to write to you abt the new modc ep (what's going on with the weird cuts at the beginning jcbjfbjb im crying) but i saw your post so!!!! tell me abt your dream bro i wanna hear abt it!!!!!! -✨

OH I HAVENT SEEN IT YET RIGHT I FORGOT IT CAME OUT TODAY!!! Let me watch it then we can talk abt it !!

And well my dream is pp long so bear w me 😔 i don't have the 'read more' function on mobile so i apologise in advance for everyone who comes across this !! I'll edit the 'read more' into it when I can 😊 ( i hav edited it hehehehe )

SO . actually there are several parts to this dream and I woke up between the first two parts but ... YEA.

At first I was home but a cat had gotten inside my house, I already had two cats ( my current cat and the one that will have died one year ago exactly tomorrow... yes five days after my birthday december is a cursed month for me. but if u wanna know abt him just search 'tchoupi' on my blog ) and I don't think my girl was okay w that new cat ? also new cat looked wonky sjhsjsh ? I wasn't sure abt its behaviour bc it seemed like it cld get irritated fast. In the end my mother told me to throw it out so I did against my will but when I saw it walk away... it had a missing leg.... I was like oh shit dude no come back... so I went and opened the front door and it came back running !!! I couldn't leave it like that w/o food if it already was incapacitated in a way. so that was my new cat. everything ends well ( I'm pp sure I forgot a part of that part but it's not the one I'm interested in )

SECOND PART... THE CÅSTLË. i was in a castle that was more medieval than renaissance styled or whatever the fuck i didnt study architecture but yes this. it had a courtyard with a fountain and that courtyard had a beautiful view on The Unknown ( aka fields and forests and stuff yknow just. The view ) but there were also bridges ( not the rock kind the "we use it in movies to make a character dramatically fall after the villain cut the rope" kind ) and little paths to go to The Unknown. there was a built-in church ( not a christian but i guess that was a smart choice given most attendees were fire emblem characters and they were definitely christians ) and also stables i guess ? but the front stables were empty and i didn't get to see the actual stables. the front stables had a pathway going around them ( there was a front stable on the left and on the right, with the courtyard being a little pushed back ? like if you left the end of the stable pathway you were already past the courtyard )

so now picture all ot this but suddenly the sky is super dark and everything is grim and gloomy. like a typical halloween movie. everything that was neat feels now worn out and the pathways are definitely scary, nobody wants to go there !

i was looking for my friends ( aka mercedes from fire emblem three houses ) but somehow couldn't find them, a fight broke out between ingrid and annette ( also fire emblem three houses ) and i don't like rich horse girls nor do i like racists so i was about to beat ingrid's ass. this big dude comes in and threatens me so i scold him and he and ingrid both go away. i win. i talk to more people but they're all acting weird except annette i guess. whatever weirdos i'm out

next i keep looking, but now i'm not alone - i'm not sure of whether it's a real presence or just a spirit until the end of this sequence where this boy tells me where to go and what to do to fix things a little, so i go into both stable pathways and end up being possessed twice ( demonic possession isn't as bad as they tell you i turned out fine ) so when the boy tells me where to go next i'm like "are we getting possessed a third time ?" he chuckles. ( i am gay so that was cute )

but we don't get any time to do that third thing ! we get out of the pathways and everyone is planning to go fight whatever is beyond The Unknown ! i look at the boy and awake me now pictures him as kraam from the stranded. cool i have a nice partner in crime i'm okay with that. the others leave, there's a lot of them but a second group is getting ready ! so kraam-but-not-quite grabs my arm firmly but like he doesn't hurt me or anything and we start going into The Unknown as well. im like hey wtf do we do now. and he tells me oh these two groups are going mad that couldn't be us let's go find the stray kids ( awake me now realises this is ~cringe~ but dream me was like whoa a solitary group of ppl who fight bigger evils ! BC YES THAT WAS WHAT SKZ WERE DOING IN THIS DREAM but i never met them ) so we can join forces w them and defeat these ppl. i look back. i see the second group from afar bc they have torches. im like wow this is like beauty and the beast.

something happens, idk what, but kraam starts running ! i'm a slow runner so i thought oh fuck not again but i ran after him anyway, the next bit is us running through a sort of jungle ( the sky is clear again ) and like its CRAZY i fucking loved that bit bc WOO ADVENTURE !! ( im a sagittarius )

then we slip between two trees' leaves and end up in a facility. we keep running bc if we stay there We Will Die. suddenly i am slowed down ( which leads me to believe before that he was holding my wrist but released my wrist when he slipped between the trees ) but he checks on me which i appreciate because that means he would rather die with me than survive without me, romance luv

his father ! the bastard. tries to kiss me in front of his mother. im like lmao dude thats disgusting die n go to catholic hell. i push him away and tell him off, he gets pissed but i cant go look for kraam bc his brothers r telling me abt how we're gonna go on a road trip. im like ? the world is abt to end tho ? but apparently my dream rly wanted a drama plot so fine.

his brothers have, allegedly, caught on to an alleged potential relationship between us. no im not gonna complain abt it im lonely and sad and gay so my dream fills in for me. theyre talking abt how theres not enough room for all of us in the van unless i sit on kraam for the trip but they ( specifically the one brother who oddly reminds me of dbk rain ) somehow make it into a sexual joke ? being me tho i didnt get it KSBSKDH... they were like talking abt legs ?? i remember it was abt how it wouldnt work with smth with four legs 'unless i could go with three' and like i dont even know what the hell that was supposed to mean we're talking abt a van not a horse ygwim ?

idk if i woke up after that but my brain did picture both me complaining to kraam abt his dad doing that and him getting quietly angry and just telling me to not come close to him again just in case hed try it again AND the beginning of the 'road trip' where i was indeed using kraam as a seat. and i was sleeping bc idk maybe i was tired from the running ! i hope my next dream is the continuation bc boy that was a whole drama episode

also i gave up and started calling him just kraam but it wasnt kraam ofc he just had kraams face from what i remember ! but he wasnt kraam at all

[miahqs-blog]

mm can i jst start by sayin how stoked a bitch is ??? k so whats good yes people it is me.. bombay + she/her, 18, pst, 70% misc fruit juice and 30% headass,, straight coloring my hair as i type this rn and the timer just went off so i gotta make this short but u can read about my lil sag princess mia below!! i usually dont plot w people until the second week but thats just bc i like to feel out chemistry before i decide on a connection bUT if u guys think of anything specific/have a wanted connection that u feel mia would fit well in definitely dont hesitate to lmk :’-) or idk even if u dont wanna plot u can always message me i have no friends lol!!! but if not u will definitely be hearin from me about plotting around the 30th or so,,,  luv y’all,, definitely gonna reply to some starters as soon as i rinse this shit out my head  

♥ mia’s dom qualities source from the flaws in her upbringing. being of old money, she was sheltered and set free in all the wrong places. the common mindset of wealth, that prosperity is one’s divine right, fueled her disregard to detail and blatant ungratefulness in the face of grandiosity. overstimulated and easily bored, mia has yet to come to the realization that the consequences of her actions (negative or positive) were never luck; they were luxuries; and that there is a clear difference between the two. on an similar note, this blissful ignorance has truly blessed mia with a creative freedom that allows her to see no fixed destinations in life, ergo no obstacles. through rose tinted lashes, she sees life like a good novel or a video game, where second chances are limitless (not that she’d ever need one) and finales are never the end.

♥ her origins bio is a work in progress but elaine was a racecar groupie during her schoolgirl days and would pursue whoever headed the competition each season so she would make connections from there for the most part??? ancient or nouveau rich, elaine knew how to work crowds bc 1. she was raised on $$$ and 2. charm schools instilled a v specific skillset that meshed well with her already coquettish personality?? but mostly everything she did had pointless ends bc none of it was for gain or esteem,, she already had plenty of that being who she was but it was a priority to know where the next big party/rumble/freakout would b and that info remained with the big dogs… bc without somewhere to target her restlessness she would get bored and elaine HATES being bored,, none of it mattered to her, predictability simply made her sick and i think thats ultimately what drew her to adriana and vice versa??? they met at this one function, and adriana had been ‘observing’ her & noted that elaine’s skills would fit very well in her line of business and in exchange she would get what she wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else: unpredictability.. it was a fair trade to her

♥  Ok speaking of skills hot damn can my girl FINESSE !!!! like thats her central,, talent?? sweet talking bouncers and cops are elementary, sis will make connex with half the guest list of an event she wasnt invited to in the first place, pick pocket ALL their cash and drugs, snatch the address of the next party and then dip tf out lmao.. her shiftiness is 50% of what makes her such an artful escort, the other half being her ability to adapt to her environment via new personality/identity (see also: the fact that she uses a fake name)

♥ honestly if you knew elaine’s family (who i will flesh out alongside her character,) you would understand why she uses an alias. BUT!! IT ALL HAS!! MEANING!!! mia was the name of her first/only cat, who she had to give away a few years later because her newborn sister ended up being allergic. and ‘henley’ is the last name of the writer of one of her favorite poems, invictus :-) yes ok thats the one with the famous:

beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find, me unafraid. it matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, i am the master of my fate: i am the captain of my soul.

bbgirl lives by those lines, and always has. and she really misses her cat lmao

♥  #spoilt and doesn’t know it,,, but def tries to stray from the snobby rich girl archetype as well?? you wont catch her being all condescending and knockin the way another cat swings so if ur that type of person you two WONT vibe forsure… she prioritizes open mindedness (mostly bc its the exact opposite of how her parents/most of her childhood peers and mentors are n she was always the one that NEEEDED to swim against the current, it gave her a rise idk) and is 10000% ok with being vulnerable ?? like she sees no shame in it because she always felt ‘safe’ to express herself growing up bc she could afford to lmao, unlike a lot of people in the gang who are definitely more detached and dark in substance than she is?? she’ll definitely be one of those people in the whole dynamic who overshares and invades other ppls comfort zones… is probably considered the annoying one….u know wassup… But she’s sweet,, sweet as sugar and cares a LOT and loves TOO MUCH and loves IT !! yes.

♥  like i said i dont consider mia very ‘dark’ but there’s definitely some depth to her chara?? u know,, being a rebellious spirit born into a limitless world can be VERY conflicting ok? cause then u need to establish a machine to rage against. which is what mia does. she seeks out situations/people/experiences that present the most limitations and caution signs bc she loves acting without permission but that would entail the existence of something to ask permission for. so being a part of an illegal throng is forsure giving the bitch her kicks for now… but adriana’s strict rules and schedules remind her of school, and.. well.. she’s forsure on dish duty a lot lmao… my bbs poor manicure..

♥  from a more negative viewpoint, mia takes her life experience for granted in every direction,,, where she lacks life, she creates fallacies and where she knows plenty she drives herself dumb and that never really occurred to her until the bust. how little she took seriously. her job description comes very naturally to her, she prides herself in being a distraction; showing up high on the job was pretty routine to her at this point. but that night, she definitely got too loaded, and lost sight of her objective. or at least that’s how she felt when twenty people she had spent the most exciting fragments of her life with, ceased to exist :”-// over the past few weeks the betrayal hasn’t irked her more than the reality of the situation she got herself into… she had never given true thought to mortality and how at this moment, even she was decomposing. it scares her. u know mia’s just been trying to stay in her own space this whole time without her brain blowing up and i think that at this point she’s been spending lots of time in her room, definitely more quiet as of late. how she’s going to act from this place in the main trajectory of the plot rlly depends on the rp chemistry u feel me?? but yea thats my girl so far !!!

[accidental-butt-touch]

Multiples of 6, because I do hate you as much as you hate me

bitch. you made me do actual math

3: Zodiac sign?

Aries

5: Book/series I reread?

I attempted to reread the Leviathan trilogy but the only one that I have actually reread was A Series of Unfortunate Events. I reread books all the time (although lately i haven’t been able to finish books anymore lol)

6: Aliens or ghosts?

Aliens are real. Ghosts are not

9: Favourite flavour of anything?

I don’t think I have a favorite flavor of anything but usually cherry is a safe flavor

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

fantastic

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?

what’s ur name?

15: Last song I listened to?

Sidewalks - The Weeknd

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

my favorite ones, jurassic park and the fifth element

20: Favourite video games?

i’m not really a video game player but I loved my psp game Daxter and Sims Castaway so much. i wish my psp still worked…

24: Cats or dogs?

i’m a dog person tbh

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

used to be Robin Williams but i guess now it’s…

27: Am I in a relationship?

HA! i never been in a relationship in my entire life

28: Something I miss?

being able to stay home

30: Eye colour?

Dark brown

33: Someone I trust?

i trust different people for different things but i trust my mom for most things

36: My current obsession?

killing stalking…

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?

no not really

39: Am I superstitious?

nah

40: What do I think about most?

mostly i’m calculating when i can get free time

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

definitely behind it. i hate pictures of myself so much bc i hate myself

45: Last film I watched?

i didn’t get to watch the whole thing bc i had to get back to my homework but it was national treasure

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?

50: How do I destress?

i take long showers and stay up late fucking around in the internet

51: Do I like confrontation?

no

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?

shroud me in darkness

55: Play any sports?

HA no

57: Favourite drink?

iced tea

60: Pet peeve?

i CANNOT STAND IT when people make noises with their mouth while eating or chewing (not even myself)

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?

i wanted to be a paleontologist

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

66: Something I worry about?

if i’m gonna finish my work on time

69: What do I admire most about others?

depends on the person

70: Can I sing?

I wish i could

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

depends on the amount but if it’s a substantial amount i’d pay off my loans, buy my parents a car, then save the rest

75: Where do I want to live?

i don’t necessarily have a specific place that i want to live but i really want to get out of florida. it’s too damn hot

78: Early bird or night owl?

100% night owl.

80: Can I drive?

yep. drive to class at least 3 times a week

81: Story behind my last kiss?

never been kissed

84: Story behind one of my scars?

i’m gonna give you two cause i’m feeling generous

The one i have on my right knee was because I was being a dumbass and was “interpretive bike dancing.” I was twisting gracefully on my bike and then i either hit a small pebble on the road or turned wrong and just splatted on the road lol

the one i have on my left eyelid was when i was four and i was at my babysitter’s house. she was also taking care of her granddaughter at the time and she was the same age as me. she wanted to cut my hair so she took a pair of scissors and tried to cut bangs. she but both my hair and my eyelid open. fun times

85: Favourite genre of music?

I don’t necessarily have a favorite but lately i’ve been really into electronic music

87: Favourite comic book character?

harley quinn

90: Favourite sporty activity?

staring at the ceiling. it’s pretty athletic  

93: Siblings?

1 little brother

95: How tall am I?

5’2” lol

96: Can I cook?

i can cook some things but I’m no chef

99: 3 things I hate?

snoring

thanksgiving/holiday scented things

country music

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

i have more girl friends. i have no idea what happened to all of my guy friends lol

102: Where was I born?

Florida

105: Last person I texted?

this group chat i have for a group project i have for tv class

108: Favourite Youtuber?

TerryTV

110: Do I like selfies?

no lol

111: Favourite game app?

words with friends, although i haven’t played it in a while

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

Japan

115: Favourite number?

5

117: Am I religious?

this is kind of a difficult question. I’ve been raised in a strict christian household so i do hold some of those beliefs but i’m kind of in a spot where i’m not sure what my beliefs actually are. so i’ll get back to you on that

120: Am I much of a daredevil?

i can be just to spite someone

123: Can I wiggle my ears?

actually this is a recent skill that i have randomly developed. so yes

125: The Beatles or Elvis?

I was raised with the Beatles so the Beatles

126: My current project?

technically it’s an edition of drypoint prints in printmaking class AND IT’S KILLING MY WILL TO LIVE

129: Forest or beach?

i like and hate both

130: Favourite piece of advice?

i’m not sure

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?

friends say i’m a ravenclaw. I actually passed to Dauntless but i was one point away from Erudite. i have no idea how you find your district but i want to know now

135: Do I like gossip?

not really but i am guilty of partaking in it sometimes

138: Do I believe in second chances?

yes

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?

find who lost it. look inside for the id and see if there’s a number to call if no one claims it. if they never respond i’d figure out where i can turn it in to

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?

yes

141: Have I ever been underweight?

i have never been a normal weight no

144: Have I ever been on a plane?

yeah. when i was extremely young tho

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

let them be my actual family

147: Do I have any piercings?

i had two in my ears but i think the second ones closed up cause i lost the earrings

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

i don’t know

153: What was my first car?

2008 nissan sentra

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

leah @trashcanbees

156: My most embarrassing memory?

why tf would i put that on the internet and let that be used as blackmail

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?

black, grey, and blue

162: What do I hate most about myself?

EVERYTHING

165: Do I believe in fate?

not really no

168: Have I ever been on TV?

technically yes. when i was a baby, my dad when he worked at the local fox station  put a clip of me sleeping in my crib for a local commercial

170: One of my favourite quotes?

i had an answer for this and then i lost it

171: Do I hold grudges?

not normally i don’t think

174: Best gift I’ve ever received?

this light up cherry blossom tree that sarah got me for graduation and an infinite CD that leah got me when i first got into kpop

175: Do I dream?

yes and either they are weird as fuck or very violent

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?

i used be able to remember my dreams a lot but lately it’s not as often

what comes to mind are the ones that had to do with showers

180: Do I like shopping?

i abhor it

183: What is my spirit animal?

idk

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

to speed draw and have it look good af

186: What is my greatest failure?

attending college

189: Love or career?

i don’t understand why you can’t have both??

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

i’d be afraid bc time travel could mess up shit but i’d go to the future to see if the world actually does go through an armaggedon. either that or just see if i do end up being alone for the rest of my life

192: What is “home” to me?

my house???

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

no cause i’m almost sure they would be hostile

198: Zombies or vampires?

……vampires…..

200: Dragons or wizards?

dragons?

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

i haven’t had any real traumatic nightmares lately so idk

204: Have I ever had my heart broken?

no i don’t think so

205: Do I like my handwriting?

my handwriting is shitty but i’ve just learned to accept that

207: Worst job I’ve had?

i am a potato and have never had a job

210: What is on my bucket list?

to go to France to see the gothic cathedrals and to go to Japan to see the cherry blossoms

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?

nooo

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

apparently i make really good coffee??? but i don’t do anything to it???

216: Favourite fictional character?

Spencer Reid from criminal minds

Walter Bishop from Fringe

Nozaki Umetaro from gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun

honestly i have no idea if i chose the right ones bc towards the middle i kinda got confused

[chuuyazai]

the overly positive anon: i only send asks so i can read ur reps n those r the cutest im srsly in tears like wtf Sara?!? why u gotta come for my life lika that ahjd i alr knew ur the cutest. i just love reading them sm so im back with another one: when was ur coming out story if theres such thing? or maybe just tell me abt ur day?? update: im done w finals soooo mood is like 24/7 watching ur recs. have a good day as always!!! 💘💘🌟🌟💘💖

My dude, my friend, my love, you don’t know how much these messages mean to me like I had a really shit day today (yesterday?) and seeing this made me cry from happiness like I’m not even kidding you make my days so much brighter! There are so many things I want to tell you like how these messages make my heart flutter and how my face hurts from smiling so much when I read these but it all seriousness you are an amazing and beautiful person and I cannot thank you enough for this! And if anyone’s cute it’s you no doubt about it;)

(also if you want an accurate face I make whenever I get a message from you it looks a little something like this):

YAYAYAYAY FINALS ARE DONE!!!!!!!! CONGRATS LOVE!!! I BET YOU DID AMAZING!! AND NOW GRADUATION! (i think if i did my math right but it’s 7am and I’ve been awake for 23 hours so who knows at this point lolol) YOU ARE GOING TO DO SO MANY SPECTACULAR THINGS AND YOUR FUTURE IS BRIGHT!!!!

So as stated above, I had a really bad day. It all started on Saturday (yesterday but I’m going to call it today cuz I havent slept so it’s still saturday to my brain). I had to work my first job at Taco Hell from 11:30a-7:30p. So i got there and absolutely NOTHING WAS DONE so I had to do the work of 3 people and I got pissed but I was able to calm down (slightly). So a few hours pass and it’s now 2:30 and this bitch is late for her shift. She strolls in an hour late and clock’s in but doesn’t. start. working. She sits there and eats and that just makes me even more mad like I’m sitting there getting my ass kicked and she can’t be a decent human being?! So I do what I always do when I’m mad…I get super hella quiet vocally and I start banging stuff as I make the food and at one point I slammed a cabinet door and this other person told me I had to chill and you can imagine how that made me. So my boss pulled me aside and I broke like I started crying out of frustration for about half an hour and then I was just drained. Thankfully she let me go home at 6 instead of 7:30 but at that point I was just an empty shell of a worker.

I go home, eat, and relax before I had to start my second job at 9:30p. Nothing really happened and my second job was nice and slow and relaxing so it wasn’t bad….until the morning person decided not to show up on time (6am) so I had to stay a little longer but my boss said fuck it and sent me home at 6:30a so I showered and now I’m here! And I feel so much better! You really know how to lift a person’s spirit;) now lets see if I can go to sleep before I have to go back to Taco Bell at 2p today…..

Ahhhh yesss…my coming out story….I’m going to put that under the cut for length and (warning before you decide to venture down the path of my past) trigger warnings! (suicide and slight homophobia)

I HOPE YOU HAVE AN  AMAZING DAY MY FRIEND!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND DESERVE SO MUCH GOODNESS IN YOUR LIFE!! STAY AWESOME LOVE!!! (PS I hope you like the rest of the anime I recommended!) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Aiiiggghhhhtt this is a dosey. So I’m going to start at the beginning. At one point in my life i thought i was straight…and then a girl asked me out when i was 12(? close enough). BUUTTTT of course I thought I was straight so I told her I wasn’t into girls (whoops) and that I was sorry. The thing was, when she asked me out I got nervous, like butterflies in your stomach kind, but I thought that was just because someone asked me out and was unrelated to the gender of said person. I was just unused to getting asked out.

Fast forward to high school. It was pretty uneventful except for the fact that I started to realize that I thought girls were hot just like i thought guys were hot. Idk exactly when that happened but it did. I never put a label on it because I didn’t really care. I liked guys, girls, and anything in between and I was okay with that.

You see, I grew up in a VERY catholic home but I never believed myself. My parents never talked about homosexuality so I was never taught that it was a bad thing, meaning that no matter how my parents felt on the matter i never knew about it and I was able to form my own opinion.

The summer before my freshman year of college I went to a camp held by my college and I met a guy who is a good friend of mine now. We bonded over anime (more specifically Attack on Titan) and I found out he was gay. He asked me what my orientation was and I said that Im attracted to any gender but I didn’t know what that would label me as and he said (enter drum roll here) PANSEXUAL!!! So I looked it up and it fit pretty well and I just decided to go with it. 

Fast forward another year and I started to question gender. I’m biologically female but most days I don’t feel female but I don’t feel male and I still don’t know what that means (im still exploring and doing research so she/they pronouns work for now (but i’m leaning more towards “they”)…I am debating changing my name at this point but I’m fine with Sara for now lol).

I don’t keep in touch with friends from high school really so none of them really know but all of my college friends and other friends know. I just casually bring it up in conversation. Like someone will be like “oh whats your idea guy like sara” and ill basically say that i like my guys to be taller than me but my girls/nonbinary partners to be any height and anything other than height makes no difference to me and everyone’s fine with it.

Alright, now the sad stuff. End of July 2016 I came out to my parents. My mother thought that meant that I was a pedophile and that I was also into be bestiality because she read somewhere that pansexual means that you’re sexually attracted to ANYTHING (like WTF mom?) so i explained (aka looked up the definition for her cuz she wouldn’t listen to me). After an hour of me crying because I was terrified of not being accepted, they decided that this was just a phase and I’ll find my real sexuality when I have my first relationship (I’m 20 and havent even been on a date…im hopeless at this point lol jk). My dad said that i’m just too nice and accepting of everyone and that I would only date a girl because I would be too guilty to turn her down (WTF dad?). I gave up at that point. That entire conversation left me drained and depressed so I tried to kill myself. I had to be taken to the hospital and not I can’t take certain medicines (aka my migraine medicine) cuz my stomach is fucked up now but eh. Only my parents know in my family and I’ve been debating telling my brother (the 19yo one)(the 7yo and 11yo i don’t really care if they know or not) but idk how he is with homosexuality and we arent really that close but we have a good relationship but idk….

I also accidentally came out to my boss at work today (when I was having my breakdown) and she smiled and said “well thats just more love you have to give to the world!” and I’ve never been more appreciative to my boss than at that moment. 2 other people at my work know too. I don’t really broadcast it unless people ask (or im on Tumblr cuz I can proudly be myself here lol)

I hope this wasnt too sad of a story to read (or too confusing….my hands are shaking as I type this and my grammar probably got a lot worse…I need to sleep fam lolol)

HAVE AN AWESOME DAY LOVE AND THAT YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE AGAIN!!!!!!!