#idk that sucks and this sucks but we'll fucking see
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This is after me calling Orym an FFA kid with his green and brown aesthetic
#silver sending stones#dorym#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#i started thinking of a highschool au and got sad.#Imogen and orym are in ffa together#ashton and laudna are the punk/goth kids who are too fucking weird to sit at anyone elses table#i hadnt gotten to letters or chetney yet#dorian is tory bolton#im only half kidding#i was thinking new kid who was a sports ball player at his old school but since changing he thought itd be a good chance to reinvent himself#and he had a good excuse not to be on a team because moving in the middle of the year does that. so he takes theater and thinks about#starting a band. and ultimately finds his way to his people#and orym#the sad thing is#orym and will were childhood friends right?#the question is. in highschool. why is will not there?#which i was thinking natural disaster took out a chunk of oryms neighborhood. like a tornado tearing through#and will and derrig... well...#idk that sucks and this sucks but we'll fucking see
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while I'm waiting to finish up some shop stuff, more things prototyped 👏 I really like the wooden charm so I wanna try out more stuff like standees n things
#the morning glories came out mad fucking dark so I gotta adjust that cuz blue and purple suck ass to work with lol otherwise I love it#I also just ordered a prototype of my goromi miku art as a standee so we'll see how that turns out#idk if anyone would even want that I don't care cuz I do KLDSGJKLLK#blog mod#my merch
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...
#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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okay so i’ve been gone all day so i’m finally posting my fionna and cake initial thoughts. and since i’ve seen only a few people talking about my second favorite alternate finn, i’d thought i’d share the big thing i was thinking about during episode 5.
how the fuck does farmworld finn have that many kids???????
so i’ve always thought that farmworld and ooo operated on parallel timelines, and the show seemed to follow this too, but literally how does a 29 year old have a dead wife and a preteen kid, especially fw finn, who i seriously doubt was mentally and emotionally ready to start a family so soon after the crown was destroyed. so unless the show changed its mind and farmworld is suddenly farther in the future than ooo, i have no idea how fw finn has such a big family (cause like. the show clearly wants us to think that they’re all biological kids as opposed to adoption).
let me share my initial theory for who jay was. when i first saw him i thought he was going to be little sibling.
i mean. the years match up perfectly here, so i have no idea why they went with the option that completely messes up the timeline.
also to clear up a misconception the flashback at the beginning is almost definitely during the year ice finn spent alone freezing people (between jake the dog and crossover) before prismo's meddling destroyed the crown in the nuke, so that part holds up at least.
i could be missing something that makes all of this make sense. i'll probably rewatch this episode tonight if there's any info i missed i might add it idk
#side note adult farmworld finn is so fucking cool#my man was forced into being an ice wizard and got himself a flamethrower arm to cope#godspeed buddy#also the man's raising 5 kids BY HIMSELF. please help him#where the fuck are his parents????? where's little sibling?????#it sucks cause we'll probably never see him again#i love fw finn sooooo much you guys AUGH#he just needed to talk to simon for like 5 seconds and then simon would've realized how stupid his plan is#okay yeah i'll make a meme of that later#anyway maybe i'm missing something but idk#jay should have been little sibling end post#adventure time#the rest of the kids are fine they're clearly younger#but jay's like. as old as the timeskip what the fuck happened#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#farmworld finn#ice finn
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meant to leave work early bc first day back post being on sick leave for a week.. instead ended up staying an hour late AGAIN when I already have too many hours built up, bc there were a bunch of accounts that needed to be set up for folks starting work tomorrow
which.. obviously no one had done while I was absent, amazing. my filter list went from 34 tickets (which I've been keeping it steady at) to 60 in a week and most of the entries are way behind schedule already, jfc you'd think none of the people actually employed to do this shit are doing anything at all, so it all just lays dormant until I get around to it
it's gonna suck for folks when I'm gone for exam prep for a month and half in a few weeks... urgh
#I like doing it when I know what to do and how to do it. but seemingly doing it by myself fucking sucks#idk what the hell she's been doing at all lately but it's clearly not a lot of this smh#so I can't get around to doing any of my other tasks bc ppl at the hospital can't work if I don't do this first#tomorrow needs to be focused on project stuff tho so I have some semblance of a clue by the time my boss returns on Wednesday#fuck I'm tired tho#and bc why not part of my chin/lip is starting to get even worse sensations back. I hate it here#feels like it's burning atm and it's def warmer than the other side. I just wanna be back to normal please#a day in the life of..#(I did manage to set up the monitor/tv stand tho so things are starting to get more order again#so I would in theory now have space for a PS5 if I manage to get one in October. we'll see. until then it just looks neat#and it's higher up now so the remote should finally work better again since the signal won't be as blocked)
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THIS SUCKS!!!!
#SORRY I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM#she's not gone yet but. very soon.#if i had to guess i would say sometime during the night or tomorrow. very very soon.#ive already said all my goodbyes and we sang around her bedside one last time and i think im as ready for it as ill ever be#but that being said. how the fuck do u get ready for your mom to die.#but it's not all bad.#my aunt was sitting by me while we sat at my mom's bedside and just shared stories between singing#and she wiped the tears off my face and traced my veins and held my hand while we both cuddled my dog#and idk. im the black sheep of the family but that doesn't mean i'm not part of it. even when shit sucks.#and these last couple months have been rough because first i lost my friend suddenly and now the thing we've been waiting for#for 3 years is finally happening#and idk. in a way i'm glad it's happening because i won't have to watch her suffer anymore. and in a way i won't suffer either.#just kinda ripping the bandaid off yk.#anyway i am contemplative and mostly at peace this fine night. we'll see what the morning brings.#winter speaks#personal#grief tag
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The next ADKoE chapter is currently at 7.8k words with a bit more of the smut to write and ofc a convo afterwards.
#ive made some good progress this week#and i think its the cooler weather!#summer just fucking sucks and i dont work as well in it#i would live to get this finished if not posted by the end of the month#but thurs and fri are the busiest days at work so i have less chance to do my own shit#do idk we'll see#it should be soon tho
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ahahaha what if i got back into inscryption wouldn't that be crazy. ahahaha what if
#shakign the bars of my enclosure i can feel my interest in this game returning. im not sure how to feel about it quite yet but we'll see#i might reblog a few posts here then disappear or straight up start posting art again depends on if this is my hyperfix coming back#or something else. idk!#ALSO SIDE NOTE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO TUMBLR the new layout sucks so fucking baddd#kal moment
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stressed
#the london weekend has me pulling my hair out a little tbh#so revpro announced the meet and greets like two days ago. and the times horribly overlap with the all in fan event#which means i gotta miss one of them. and it sucks cause i need to know asap if im ditching half of the fan event to go meet ppl#an hour away from wembley and who knows how long tickets will be available for that with whos annouced to be there#but also idk whos at doing meet and greets at the fan event. cause im obviously prioritizing kip and penny if they show up so like#but we dont know until maybe next week. who knows cause aew is so bad at announcing these things ahead of time#i just have to make decisions and its infuriating#i might be able to do both if aew meet and greets are early enough and its not that many people#but again copper box is an hour away. and the meet and greets end at 2.30 so :)#its fucked up. i hate it#anyways. we'll see i guess. sorry just had to get this out its so frustrating#the worst aew could do is not put kip and penny on this event either tho so like 🤷♀️#but again i wont know until much later. and then its ticket roulette with revpro potentially. who knows#its just irritating how these things are organized ugh#at least im still seeing both shows on good seats but. yeah#ANNOYING#night is an absolute mess on main
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if it isn't asking for tmi what's your band called like starting one with your cousins is so wicked im so interested and i you don't wanna answer that like what kind of stuff do you write/make instead :()
NOT TMI AT ALL I LOVE TALKIGN ABOUT MUSIC FUCK YEAFH
our band's called "et un cheval" which means "and one horse" in french. i wish i had a cool backstory for why we chose this name but in reality it's kind of an inside joke that came about while we were all laughing our asses off at 3 in the morning, sleep deprived out of our minds. you know when youre so tireed that everything's funny? that's kind of how it originated, cause our original name was going to be the four horsemen (theres 4 of us), but there are like a hundred bands with that name . i rlly dont remember how we got "and one horse" from "the four horsemen" but one of my cousins studied french and shes like "hey it would sound rlly cool if it was in french" and she was RIGHT. so ...yeah! et un cheval, that's our band name :)) it makes no sense but we've embraced it <3
as for music, we're hoping to be indie rock at best. we're all still fairly new at our instruments cause we're all self-taught (me with guitar + ukulele and the others with guitar, bass, and piano) so we're still trying to find our sound at the moment. none of us actually played instruments until a few years ago, so we're learning how to write songs as a BAND with INSTRUMENTS. which is hard. but fun ! :D
right now to help us figure out how to play instruments together as a band, we're working on covers of songs instead of writing original songs. so like right now, we're working on call me what you like by lovejoy and trying to learn our individual parts on our instruments + how to play them together with each other. and dude. LET ME UFCKING TELL YOU. THIS SHIT IS SO MUCH FUN. IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT WE'RE NOT THAT GOOD YET BECAUSE I'VE LITERALLY DREAMED OF BEING IN A BAND SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID and now it's finally coming true :)))))
thank you so much for asking i love lovel ove talking about music & my band and my cousins i love it more than anything :')) <3
#frankcuntstein#what im not going to add in the main post is that we're only going to be able to practice together until june#idk if you remember that post i made a little bit ago where i was like. a Really Fucking Big Life Changing Thing happened to me that's rlly#sad and depressing but basically my cousins are going to be moving permanently to texas in june and we likely wont be able to see each othe#on a weekly basis for. probably ever.#so we're just trying to spend as much time together as possible until they have to leave forever.#i get rlly sad thinking about it so i try not to focus on it but yeah. our band'll prob be short lived.#so i'm trying to enjoy as much of it as i can before they leave.#really sucks cause our families have been living within 30 min of each other since 2005 and now we'll be apart indefinitely.#okay enough of that. tldr i love my cousins and my band and music is so fun etc etc :)
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Sometimes you just have to bounce your boob like a baby because you have crippling anxiety and you've downgraded to just friends and it was after a week of not talking and you just. Idk man it just kind of sucks
#no one look at this#I'm sad#not just bc I've been downgraded. I've actually been really sad lately#but like. it hurts that I'm not even good enough to be with benefits#I'm just. only a friend.#and possibly never more. it sucks#and I'm scared#but I'm venting here. and anxiously bouncing my boob. because Someone has to now#we'll probably hopefully be back to it in a week or something idk we'll see#fuck#txt
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my favorite worldbuilding website keeps changing its UI, and every time they make it worse (for me, at least) :(
#dark rambles#like yes yes change bad. but also these changes are bad for me specifically. don't like it#they keep turning things from a page / page element into a dropdown/overlay#which is ugly. shows less stuff in one go (because huge squares). and even removes some info#I already hated the change to the world picker but the new changes to the dashboard? terrible.#you have to hover over every template to see the information???#and you can only fit four templates on your screen at once because their squares are so fucking big. there are 7 rows to scroll through!#also because it's part of an overlay instead of its own page you have to be hovering over that bit if you want to scroll#and it sucks so bad to be paying 63 euro a year for a website that makes itself more and more unpleasant to use#and sure part of that is getting used to the changes. but idk. it just seems harder to use now for someone who uses it off-and-on#supposedly they're gonna be doing more updates so we'll see how I feel after that#but I fear it's gonna be like the world viewer update. make it harder to get a clear overview of what's what because everything is so big.
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My boss said nobody is working tomorrow so she asked if I can come in anyway like 😭 I'm gonna die fr 😭
#not snz#this is my ranch hand job btw#she said gm can cover the early morning but there's nobody there the rest of the day#and the babies all have to eat and get looked over so I'm gonna have to 😭#biggest fear is that the super creepy dude shows up bc he comes unannounced#like working there while feeling bad is already shitty but I'll actually freak if that guy shows up#like he scares all the women there but with me specifically they're like he can't be alone with me under any circumstances#he hasn't done anything but he makes weird comments and asks kinda uncomfortable questions#nothing to warrant not letting him come back but enough to put everyone on edge and keep a close eye on him#he's asked me like the most invasive questions and won't let them go even when i say i don't wanna talk about it#and he usually comes sundays so I'm ✨ afraid ✨#can't even ask any of my friends to come for a bit to help out just in case bc I'm still fucking gross 😭#just gotta hope he doesn't show up and also that my reflexes will still be sharp enough to survive the animals 😭#hopefully that's muscle memory at this point ahskaksml#like I'm tired and don't feel great but i worked after my very first covid vax and honestly that's the worst i can remember feeling#fever damn near 102 nauseous as hell splitting headache#rn it's like bad allergies with a slight fever which sucks and is making me miserable but at least it ain't that lmao#idk i told her I'll go in if she really can't get anyone else there but there were two last minute call offs not including me so#we'll see tomorrow i guess 😔
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bro like idk why can't I be satisfied being single. I was up until everything felt... not perfect but like. good! excellent! bright and wonderful! and now it's like. OK why am I bothering to wake up in the morning. why an I bothering to eat. why do I bother to brush my hair or shave or wash my face. none of it makes ME feel better about MYSELF.
God. fuck man idk. get me in therapy for the love of God so I can make friends without spiraling for 2 weeks after a really great connection and then cutting all ties and beating myself up about it for the next . 4/5+ years lol.
#like yay yippee i love my friends! we'll be together forever#is alone for 5 minutes with my thoughts.#everyone will leave me everyone is goijg to die i will either have to arrange their funerals myself or not be allowed to have any say what#so ever on their final rights and being friends will not give me the privelege of seeing them on their death bed#and regardless i know i am never the most important person in someones circle of friends. i never will be and i have to accept that.#it just fucking sucks. its not like i can live common law or get married any way. so none of it fucking matters. i just wish#idk. i just want to feel desired i want to feel loved i want to feel wanted in the most uncomplicated way possible. i want to#laugh into someones neck while i ride them and feel SAFE and WANTED and TRUSTED and DESIRED#UNFORTUNATELY. COMMA. I CANT HAVE GOOD THINGS.#idk#maybe i just need more pillows on my bed.#i cant have stuffed animals bcus they creep me out. and make me upset.#idk. ill never be loved the way i want to be loved because i cant fucking let myself be happy. lol.#im going to fucking explode. i hate this body i hate this mind i hate this face and these hands and everything about myself#ill never be able to look in the mirror and see Me#any way.#more pillows and 6mg dose of shrooms all at once would probably fix me.
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i hate that any time i look for botox stuff w/ migraines ppl are like : it cured me
goddamnit is anyone else seeing auras
#is it just me.#did it just give me migraines with aura finally#i mean good for those people but yknow. id like to know how someone else felt#i did call my dr about the auras but my neuro fucking sucks at answering/replying so. we'll see ig#idk if he doesnt answer i'll probs just cancel my botox stuff#i dont think its doing anything except changing how my migraines work lol
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