#idk that felt important to include
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am i late to the billford fanart party
#cant believe toxic old man yaoi was what pulled me out of art block#billford#gravity falls#the book of bill#bill cipher#ford pines#stanford pines#disney tva#idk that felt important to include#my art#art#doodle#original art#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#gravity falls fanart
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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#i feel like im categorizing tcg cards by rarity#tbh im in the super legendary camp. these guys are too important to not have some sort of connection#also bc i also theorize a subspecies of “fake” astrals#that includes prince fluff and keeby and most of the gsa#anyways i post this because i see a lot of puffball ocs and im like. woah. there are more.#i felt like i should take a group consensus here lol#kirby series#kirby#damn idk what to tag here#also!! all opinions and hcs valid!!#i love reading them
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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read the beginning of a popular book out of curiosity and something happened in the first few pages that made me realize it might be least For Me book ever written
#there's a list of characters at the beginning of the book and only 4 out of 28 were women#but one of the female characters on the list sounded slightly interesting to me so i was like 'i'll find out what her deal is'#she showed up at the very beginning and her entire appearance consisted of being murdered. no actions and no dialogue#she is not important to the plot and is never mentioned again (i searched the rest of the book for her name)#i have no idea why the author felt the need to include her in the dramatis personae#some of the men on the list are also dead before the story begins but those are like. the family members of major characters#it's almost worse that this character is on the list than it would be if she weren't. it's fine to have a background character who dies#and whose only narrative role is to die#but the fact that she was on the list of characters at the beginning made me expect SOMETHING from her#i just ended up feeling tricked idk skjdfhkjg#anyway it quickly became apparent that the author and i care about completely different things when it comes to stories and that's fine#but i don't think i've ever given up on a book so quickly in my life lmao#fandom musings
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lilith pleasant - calliope hearst - marvel pleasant - angela pleasant - dustin broke - delaney broke - dulcet pleasant
dulcet is last bc she’s my fave so she deserves to be on her own
#lilith pleasant#calliope hearst#marvel pleasant#angela pleasant#dustin broke#delaney broke#dulcet pleasant#angela is a bitch in this au#she and lilith do not get along as per sims 2 lore#dustin and angela are married#delaney is their daughter#anyway just felt like posting them#i love them#pleasant#dustin is the kind of blue eyed bitch who always has his eyes wide open#idk why i needed to include it but i need y'all to know that#he thinks he's the main character#like babe you have maxis eyebrows you are literally not important at all
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Got my score back for my presentation, & it was About what I was expecting. I knew the weak point of the presentation was how dense it was + how much I had to cover, and as a result I did end up largely reading off of the slides. Tried to insert some extra information about the stuff, but didn't have much in the way of discussion built into my slides. So like... I can accept that criticism lol (even if it does sting a lil 😭)
Overall tho I got an average score of 8.6, professor score of 8... I'm not sure actually what will count for my grade. Is he including his score in the average at the top??? Also 8.6 is also not right. When I calculated my score from the tallied numbers, I got 8.31 for class average, 8.29 if I include the professor's rating in there as just one. For some reason, what he wrote is higher than either?? I certainly won't complain about a higher score, though I'm confused lol
But yeah people in general praised my research and preparation. Also video choice. Yay!
I will now try to focus on the good points and not worry so much about the bad. Regardless of any of it, 8.6 or 8 (out of max 9) is generally Pretty Good. Might as my professor for clarification on the grades when I next see him.
#speculation nation#which will probably be on...monday. he said it doesnt rly matter if i get the thing in on friday or monday#so since i'll already be on campus monday for class. also gives me more time to do it. it just makes sense.#oh also i was praised for the use of my quiz at the beginning hfksk yayyyy#gonna be looking thru my classmates reviews again i think. theyre generally nice.#i got 9 scores of 9. 4 scores of 8. 2 of 7. and 1 of 6. (again. where 9 is the top score)#the funny thing is. well the two 7s have valid critiques on them (primarily my delivery lol)#the 6 doesnt really?? have any criticisms in it. which is strange. like girl why did u give me a 6 😭😭 tell me pls 😭😭😭#another praise i got was for including both sides of things. which tbh that was a big part of what video i chose over ERA#bc when i looked at that i was like 'why in the world would people protest against the Equal Rights Amendment?'#so i felt like it was an important thing to include. found a video that included perspectives from key figures on either side.#bc i dont Agree with the ppl who oppose it. but i think the context is important to understand Why we dont have the ERA yet.#ok looking thru all the things again makes me feel better about it all. overall the criticisms are valid lol#i definitely dont prefer the presentation style i had. just. ya kno. god there was so much to cover.#i will accept this deduction... as it is fair. also tho i do not know what my final score is 😭 professor please#'well prepared but weaker in delivery' was my professor's summary of it. yeah . yeah😔#oh well at least it's over lol. and even if it's an 8/9 thats not bad. would love the 8.6/9 to be my final score tho lol#idk i'll ask for clarification. later.
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my ‘church girl era’ bc that’s when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i weren’t baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didn’t know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#that’s when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldn’t go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didn’t really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but it’s interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i can’t see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just can’t get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just can’t see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like i’ve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i don’t want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isn’t any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in i’d love your thoughts#lj.txt
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my gf is in a server with some British dude (hes actually Irish but he’s such a suck up to England and the crown that he gets upset if you call him Irish) Anyways, dude got mad bc ppl were roasting how bland British food is and his response was that there was a Mexican restaurant near him that’s “probably more authentic than anything you’ve had”.
so eventually he sends a pic of something he got from there and it was literally just pita bread with pasta sauce… he did not win that argument
For a while in my life I legitimately considered moving to Germany. There’s multiple reasons I inevitably ended up staying in the US but one of the big ones was that one time when I was in Germany and wanted some salsa the closest thing I could find was basically just tomato sauce.
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BIRTHDAY WISHES ★ F1 GRID
PAIRING ✦ f1 grid x platonic fem!wolff!reader, max verstappen x fem!wolff!reader
SUMMARY ✦ it's your birthday, and some of the drivers of the f1 grid take to instagram to post you on the day. [ SMAU ]
WARNINGS ✦ none, i think!
REQUESTED ✦ here!
NOTES ✦ i didn't include all of the f1 drivers but i included as many as i felt were suitable! reader isn't susie's biological daughter, but they're still very close!! the fc i've used is blanca soler, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)
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yourusername finally 22, might get a tattoo idk💜
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user1 AHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N
user2 PEOPLE'S PRINCESSS HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
susie_wolff happy birthday y/n!! love you ❤️
yourusername love you mama 💜
user3 THEY'RE SO CUTE WTH
user4 i literally can't wait to see all of the f1 drivers post her.
user5 NO FR so excited
sabrinacarpenter MY GIRL FOREVER HAPPY BIRTHDAYY 🥳💗
yourusername LOVE YOU SAB THANK YOU SM💜💜
user6 this friendshippp omg
lewishamilton HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO YOU Y/N love you lots kiddo ❤️
yourusername love you lewis!! 😘
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tagged yourusername
mercedesamgf1 It's a very very special day today...happy birthday Y/n! From all of the team at Mercedes ❤️
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user7 happy birthday y/n!!
user8 she is glowingggg
yourusername 💜💜
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user9 i just know toto went to admin and said 'WISH MY DAUGHTER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY'
user10 their father daughter dynamic is everything to me
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georgerussell63 throwback to 2022 where me and y/n went on a day trip around paris and she changed outfits THREE TIMES in accordance with where we were. anyways happy birthday y/n have the best day!! 🥳
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yourusername CALLING ME OUT IN THE CAPTION HELLOOO?
yourusername I SWEAR IT WAS IMPORTANT I HAD TO CHANGE
georgerussell63 WHAT WERE THE REASONS.
yourusername 1) we had gone into that dusty vent thingy and i had to change my top 2) someone (naming no names) spilt WATER DOWN MY NEW TOP so i had to change 3) we were going out at night i was not about to wear that green shirt.
yourusername *y/n and i, not me and y/n
alex_albon oh dear the grammar police is back
yourusername year older but still not shedding the role 🤷♀️
yourusername thank you curious george very much appreciated 😘
landonorris how many nicknames do you have for him??
yourusername g-man, curious george, georgie porgie
georgrussell63 you can tell she truly values our friendship!
user11 i actually haven't stopped laughing why are they so siblings
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landonorris happy birthday to the girl who introduced herself to me by spilling her pepsi max over my fire suit. never change y/n 🔥
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yourusername AW LANDOOO THAT'S KINDA SWEET
georgerussell63 and mine wasn't??
yourusername lando's my fav 🤷♀️
charles_lerclerc @/landonorris thoughts on this??
landonorris y/n is a woman with taste what can i say?
yourusername wait when did you take the first pic...
landonorris at that bar in london
yourusername LOVE YOU NORRIS 😍
landonorris LOVE YOU WOLFF 😁
georgerussell63 the bias is actually crazy i'm in tears right now
yourusername awww georgie i love you too!! 💜
maxverstappen1 no one can separate y/n from her popcorn
yourusername he speaks the truth 🤷♀️
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alex_albon happiest of birthdays to the best third wheel money can buy ( please let me out of your basement 🙏 )
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alex_albon ALL JOKES ASIDE love you y/n have the best day!! 😁❤️
yourusername AW ALBONOOOO
yourusername you and lily are my parents😘
lilymhe i prefer you to alex ❤️
alex_albon HUH??
yourusername i will always take my mother's side 💜
yourusername best third wheel money can buy is CRAZYYY YOU KNOW FULL WELL.
alex_albon well you did third wheel at one point, not now you're with him 🤷♀️
user12 WITH HIM? MY WIFE IS TAKEN?
user13 NOT ALEX BEING CRYPTIC W IT.
logansargeant the american flag in the last pic RAH 🦅
yourusername relax logan babe it's a brandy melville sweater 💜
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carmenmmundt MY Y/NNNN!! meeting you in the mercedes paddock back in 2022 was truly the best thing that could've ever happened because now you're stuck with me!! my little sister forever, hope you have the best birthday ever ❤️❤️
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yourusername CARMMM IM CRYING WTH
yourusername MY SISTERRR I LOVE YOUUU
carmenmmundt I LOVE YOU MORE ❤️
user14 the way they get on so well acc warms my hearttt
yourusername you're the only reason i can tolerate george 😊
georgerussell63 i beg your pardon??
yourusername oh dear the british dialect came out
charles_leclerc understandable 🤷♂️
georgerussell63 NOT YOU TOO??
user15 y/n honorary wag confirmed
alex_albon or real wag 🤷♂️
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user16 SO NO ONE SAW ALEX'S COMMENT?? WAG ALERT HELLO??
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alexandrasaintmleux the only girl i trust to go to galleries with me ❤️ happy birthday y/n love you sm!
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yourusername ALEXXXX I LOVE YOU SM
yourusername MY ANGELLL
alexandrasaintmleux ❤️❤️
yourusername forget charles run away w me 🙏
alexandrasaintmleux @/charles_leclerc sorry baby i'm leaving you for y/n!!
charles_leclerc how have i been replaced...
yourusername with ease 😘
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charles_leclerc she might prefer my girlfriend to me, but she will forever be my baby sister 😘 happy birthday y/n!!
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yourusername MI HERMANOOOO!!
charles_leclerc that's not french??
yourusername i know carlos was teaching me spanish so have that instead
carlossainz55 viva la españaaa! 🇪🇸
yourusername i definitely do prefer alex but this post is very much appreciated!!
charles_leclerc why must you replace me.
user16 WHO DOESNT PREFER ALEX?? SHES STUNNING
yourusername LOVE YOU ECLAIR
user17 HELPP SHES A REAL ONE
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lance_stroll "if you post any ugly pictures of me lance i'll kill you" - y/n today when i wished her a happy birthday. have a good day loser 👌
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yourusername WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME OUT AS WELLL IT'S MEANT TO BE MY SPECIAL DAY
georgerussell63 y/n when something doesn't go her way:
yourusername GO AWAY PISS FACE ☹️
yourusername my favorite canadian 😊
yourusername also the only canadian i know but wtv
lance_stroll i appreciate the sentiment y/n??
yourusername THANKS LANCELOT LOVE YOU BBG
lance_stroll maybe it's time to retire the nickname now??
yourusername noooo i don't want to! and it's my birthday sooo :)
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oscarpiastri happy birthday y/n!! have the best day ❤️ ( last slide is from when you took my phone and sent lando pictures of yourself saying you were under his bed. good times as always )
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yourusername OSCAHHH THE FIRST NICE-ISH CAPTION!!
charles_leclerc mine was nice as well???
yourusername yes but oscar's just nicer in general so it sort of evens itself out
user18 HELPP
yourusername i KNOW lando appreciated the pics of my flared nostrils😘😘
landonorris yes thanks y/n ❤️
alex_albon bet your boyfriend didn't appreciate that one 🤷♂️
yourusername DO YOU EVER SHUT UP ALBON. and for ur information i forwarded them to him as well so.
user19 okay but WHOOO IS THIS BOYFRIEND WHEN'S THE REVEAL
user20 NO REAL IM GNAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE
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carlossainz55 y/n in her natural habitat: on a farm 👩🌾 happy birthday mi hermana!! ❤️
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yourusername VIVA LA ESPAÑAAAAA
carlossainz55 SIII SIEMPRE
yourusername THANK YOU CARLOSSS 💜💜
carlossainz55 ❤️
georgerussell63 she's one with nature ❤️
landonorris HAHA
yourusername I KNOWWW YOU ARE BOTH NOT TALKING WHEN I HAVE KILLED SPIDERS FOR BOTH OF YOU.
user21 THE RECEIPTS
maxverstappen1 picture credits for half of these??
carlossainz55 i took the first one though?
maxverstappen1 but i took the others??
yourusername guys stop fighting this isn't you ☹️☹️☹️
maxverstappen1 yeah yeah whatever
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maxverstappen1 forever thankful for the day you accidentally ran into the red bull paddock and i fell head over heels in love 🙏 happy birthday to the girl who makes it all worth it, love you always ❤️
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user22 THE HARD LAUNCH????
user23 WAS NOT EXPECTING THISSSS
user24 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP
user25 MERCEDES GIRL X RED BULL GUY
yourusername MAXIE AW
user26 MAXIE MY HEARTTT
yourusername LOVE YOU FOREVER 💜💜
alex_albon ew get a room
yourusername as third wheel of you and lily for basically the past two years, LET ME HAVE THIS ONE.
landonorris so like is it just me who's single now??...
yourusername keep enjoying the bachelor lifestyle norris 💜
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yourusername thank you all so much for the birthday wishes!! decided to get me a tattoo, and woke up to my boyfriend hard launching us on social media! love you max, but please stop winning races so my dad doesn't get angry 💜
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maxverstappen1 unfortunately, i have to keep winning the races to win your respect. thanks for the request, though! 🙏
yourusername papa wolff will NOT be happy.
maxverstappen1 ❤️❤️
user27 THE LITTLE WOMEN TATTOO??
user28 I HAD NO IDEA SHE WATCHED LITTLE WOMEN
user29 she mentioned on live once that it's her favorite movie!!
mercedesamgf1 If he hurts you Y/n, we'll be at his door 🦅
yourusername you'll be the first ones i contact x
user30 Y/N DEFENCE LEAGUE HAS ARRIVED
georgerussell63 *get a tattoo, not get me a tattoo
landonorris shhh let her have this one it's her birthday weekend
yourusername damn right it is mr russell remember ur place here. which of the two of us is the boss' daughter??
georgerussell63 🤐🤐
yourusername exactly what i thought!
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#f1 x reader#f1#f1 imagine#f1 imagines#f1 smau#f1 x you#smau#formula 1#f1 fanfic#f1 social media au#max verstappen#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x female reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x y/n#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#f1 x female reader#mclqren
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It's time! For Room Fic Part 4 Part B! Of how many parts? IDK ANYMORE
This is the longest part of the fic yet, and it's also the most... talky. But I felt like this was a part of the recovery everyone wanted to see so I thiiiink it's fine.
Content warnings: vomiting, HEAVY discussion of eating issues (including calorie counting, done purely as a recovery mechanism in this fic but still worth noting), mentions of the non-consensual voyeurism that happened in the first part, and as always, anxiety and aftermath of torture
If you're lost, start here!
I'm soooo tired I only proofread like half of this. it'll go through full editing when it goes on AO3
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Leo crashes into his room and grabs anything within arm’s reach to pull over himself. The blanket from his bed. A cardboard box, contents dumped on the floor. His skateboard, a beach towel, a plank of wood used to prop up action figures.
He cowers into his claustrophobic, makeshift nest, clutching his ill gotten gains to his chest. He doesn’t know why he bothered, because there’s nowhere to hide in here, and then they’ll…
They’ll do what? It’s his family. And if they’re upset with him for stealing the chips, well, he deserves that. Who is he to take food, when they’re running low already?
That’s what he expected, actually, when the lights flipped on and Raph was standing there. To get yelled at, chewed out, dressed down - the way he’d been waiting for Raph to do this whole time. Why can’t he just do as he’s told? Why does he always make the wrong decisions?
But Raph hadn’t yelled. He ran off. And now Leo doesn’t know what to expect at all.
He assumes Raph went to get their dad, or even Draxum. He waits in his hiding spot, heart pounding in his ears, and listens for the call of his full name, the surefire indicator that he’s in Big Time Trouble. He stole food, food he isn’t even allowed to eat, and when they’re running low, too. He doesn’t know what the punishment is going to be, and the fear of not knowing pulls him deeper into his nest.
He wants to know. He dreads finding out.
Time passes. He has no idea how much. There’s no clocks in here (there hadn’t been any clocks in there), and his phone is on the nightstand, hooked to its charger. To get it he would have to leave his hiding place. And he’s scared.
So he waits and waits and waits. Until his limbs grow uncomfortable and cramped, until no amount of shifting dulls the pain. His heart is still rabbit quick in his chest. (He may be a turtle but call him the hare-)
No one comes for him.
Finally, finally, when his body physically can’t take this position anymore, he scoots out of his hiding spot and gets to his feet, bag of chips clutched in his fingers. He walks to the curtain over his doorway - though “walks” is really overselling it, with the way he pauses for hours between every step.
When he makes it to the doorway, he peeks out.
The lair is quiet. Everything is dark. No one is stirring.
He makes his way back to his bed, and looks at the bag in his hands. He feels so anxious that he’s nauseous. And he can’t eat if he’s nauseous or he’ll lose his dinner.
So he can’t even eat the damn things. The irony would be funny if he could laugh.
He kneels down and fishes around under his bed for a box he knows is there. It’s full of little toys and trinkets from childhood - things he saved from the old lair that he couldn’t bear to throw away, but is too embarrassed to be seen with.
He dumps the contents of the box into the bigger one he hid under earlier. This is more important.
Then he hides the chips inside and scoots the box under the bed.
He climbs back onto his mattress, cringing when the bed springs creak. His blanket is still on the floor, but he doesn’t want to get up and risk making more noise.
So he curls up on his mattress and stares at the wall and tries futilely to sleep.
Donnie’s brand new curtains don’t even help. Maybe that’s part of his punishment.
-----
Somehow, he manages to make it to breakfast. He doesn’t remember who poked their head in to tell him it was ready, or how he picked himself up and walked to the kitchen. He just ends up there.
Mikey greets him with a sunny grin and the announcement that he gets oatmeal today, along with his scrambled eggs. There’s even some banana on top of the oats. He should be excited for the variety, but he feels numb. Still, he smiles as he’s expected to and thanks Mikey and hopes it passes scrutiny.
Draxum comes in, and then his dad. He stiffens up for both, muscles tense while he waits for the yelling to start. But no one starts yelling. Draxum sits and eats and Leo hears him give a reminder to take vitamins. Splinter reads out the shopping list, and everyone scrambles to add last minute items.
Normally, this is where Leo would be chiming in with all the snacks and junk food he wants, but he knows if he says anything he’ll be turned down, so he doesn’t. He can feel the weirdness of it, but he doesn’t take his eyes off his food to see anyone’s appraisal.
Donnie’s last in; he drinks his coffee fast and tries his luck with adding uranium to the list. He grabs a granola bar instead of eating what the rest of them are having, then tells Mikey to meet him at the entrance in five minutes and leaves. Mikey piles the dishes in the sink, then rounds the table to give everyone a hug goodbye, Draxum included.
Leo smiles when Mikey gets to him. Says, “Have a good day, Mikester.” Swallows down the impulse to grab on and beg him to stay.
He finishes breakfast, then goes to the TV room and settles into the recliner. Raph comes by and pats his shoulder and tells him to call if he needs anything. Splinter hops up and pats his head before following Raph away.
He’s alone now. Alone, with Draxum, who’s currently in the kitchen doing who knows what.
(Leo doesn’t like leaving him alone in there. All their food is in there.)
(Well, not all of it. Leo’s made sure of that.)
He lays in the chair and pretends to be asleep. And he listens.
To be sure that his brothers and dad are really gone, and aren’t coming back for a forgotten wallet or phone.
Until Draxum leaves the kitchen and moves for the train car he’s taken over as his own.
Until he’s sure no one is watching him.
Then he gets up. He goes to his room. He’s not sure why he feels like he’s sneaking, when he’s obviously allowed to be there.
He makes sure all his windows are covered, curtains or otherwise. Makes sure the curtain over his door is stretched as far as it will go.
Then, as silently as possible, he reaches under his bed and pulls out the box. Opens it to reveal his stolen goods.
He unrolls the top of the bag, wincing at each crackle of the plastic. His eyes dart to the door, to the windows, to make sure no one is there, no one is watching him.
Then he reaches his hand in and grabs a chip in his fingers.
He’s not sure if he should do this now. Maybe he should wait, save this when things get dire. But everyone is gone. They’ve left him alone, with Draxum. What if Draxum doesn’t let him eat, with no one here to step in?
He’s scared of being hungry again. He doesn’t want to go back to that place.
Just a few, he tells himself. Just a few, and then he’ll stop.
He pulls the chip out of the bag, and takes a bite.
-----
They’re at the local grocery where no one asks questions, basket half full and three minutes in to Splinter trying to decide if the Buy One Get One Half Off deal for frozen dinners is really worth it or not, when it occurs to Raph that maybe they shouldn’t have all left at the same time.
Of course, in normal times this wouldn’t have been a big deal at all, especially with a nominally responsible adult in the lair. But times haven’t been normal for over two weeks now. The thin shell of his little brother, once always the biggest and loudest in the room, now trying to make himself as small as possible, isn’t normal.
They got Leo back, but it still feels like someone else has him.
And now Raph feels guilty. He’d been so desperate to just get away, from the feeling of being inadequate, from the fear he’d make things worse, that now he’s probably made them worse anyway by leaving Leo alone with a guy he does not like. Raph should have stayed home. Or told Mikey and Donnie to wait until he and Splinter were back before leaving.
(That worries him too, for different reasons. He knows he can’t lock his brothers up in the lair to keep them safe. But he kinda wants to.)
But he didn’t do any of that, and now they’re out and Leo is alone. Raph thinks of the chip bag and sighs. He just can’t seem to make the right decisions. The calculus is overwhelming, and Raph’s always left math to Donnie.
“Hey Pop,” he says, watching Splinter flip his fourth TV dinner over to look at the nutritional information. “Do you think… Leo is gonna be okay?”
Splinter pauses, then gingerly puts the box into their basket. He pats Raph at the knee, and Raph feels the overwhelming desire to be small again.
“...Yes, I do. It will take time and care, but I think, one day-”
“No,” Raph cuts in, “I mean, do you think Leo is gonna be okay today? I mean, we kinda just ran off and left him alone.”
“He is not alone.” Splinter makes a face, at odds with his words. “Baron Draxum is the most annoying man in the world, but he would not let harm come to you boys.”
Raph rubs his neck. “Sure, but… Leo’s not exactly Draxum’s biggest fan. Especially not now…”
“Blue does not have to like him,” says Splinter airily. “He just has to eat the food Draxum gives him.”
“Yeah, but that’s the whole problem,” Raph insists. “He’s bein’ a huge jerk about it.”
“Ah… I know. I have spoken to him about his… tone.” Splinter waves a hand. “He is trying to be more polite.”
Raph thinks back to breakfast this morning. He’d laugh if anything were funny right now. “Is that why he was all “please” and “thank you” and “sorry” this morning? He looked like he ate a lemon.”
And judging by how distant Leo was acting, he doubts any of it made an impression.
“It just proves that the man is incapable of being nice!” Splinter chuckles. “Do not worry, Red. We will only be gone a few hours. Most likely, Blue will sleep until we are back.”
“Raph hopes so…”
They continue moving around the aisles, crossing things off their list as they do. It’s normal and boring and Raph thinks he needs that right now. If only it distracted him from the thoughts in his head…
There’s so many questions to dwell on. And the biggest one looms over them all, constantly drawing Raph’s attention back to it.
They’re in the soup aisle when he speaks up again, saying, “Hey, Pops, do you think…” and then flagging out before he can voice it.
“Often,” says Splinter, reaching for a can of tomato bisque. “But at my age, it can be difficult!”
Raph snorts despite himself, grabbing the soup can and passing it to his dad’s fingers. “Come on, Raph’s trying to ask a serious question here!”
“Hm.” Splinter puts the can in their basket. “Then I will give a serious answer.”
“Do you think…” Raph shifts the shopping basket from one hand to the other, and resolves not to chicken out this time. “Do you think Leo did the right thing? Not talkin’ to that Bishop guy?”
Splinter goes quiet for a long time. He points to a can of alphabet soup, the kind Leo insists he’s too old for but will happily eat when he’s sick, and Raph dutifully puts the can in the basket.
“…I think he did the brave and noble thing,” he says at length.
“That ain’t the same,” says Raph.
“I do not know if there was a right thing.” Splinter’s voice is sad, fingers idly stroking one of the soup cans. “It could be that if Blue had talked, he would not be as hurt as he is now. Or it could be that Bishop would have… disposed of him, once they had what they wanted.”
The idea of Bishop “disposing” of Leo steals Raph’s breath. But it’s not like he hasn’t thought of this before.
“April said pretty much the same thing.”
“Oho! April is very wise.” Splinter nods in satisfaction, affirming for Raph once again that his favorite kid is definitely April. But then he looks up at Raph sidelong and says, “But that answer does not satisfy you.”
Raph sighs. “It’s just… what if he thought he had to stay quiet, because of something I- because he thought it’s what he was supposed to do?”
A furry hand lands on his. Raph takes a deep shuddering breath, and uses his free hand to scrub at his eyes. They’re damp, suddenly, and he’s not sure when that happened.
“…I often worry the same thing,” says Splinter, “about all four of you.”
Raph doesn’t know what to say to that. He already knows that their dad would give anything for the four of them to not have to fight; he also knows it’s out of his dad’s hands.
Why can he accept that, but not accept the same for himself?
“I’m afraid I do not have an answer for your question,” says Splinter, pulling Raph back to the grocery store. “I want you boys to be safe. But the situation Leonardo was in afforded him no safety. I’m not sure there is a choice he could have made that would have helped him. Still…” Splinter sighs. “It could be the reasons he made the choice he did are troubling.”
“Yeah,” says Raph. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Mm.” Splinter pats Raph’s hand. “Your questions and worries are wise ones, Raphael. Meditate on your answer, and when you are ready, share it with Blue. You will find your path forward together.”
Raph chews on his lips. “I’m scared I’m gonna mess up,” he admits.
“Sharing the truth in your heart is never a mistake,” says Splinter, “so long as you are doing it with love.”
Raph blinks at him. “Pops, isn’t that a line from one of your movies?”
“It is a good line! Very heartfelt.” He picks up another can of soup and tosses it into the basket. “As long as you are talking to Blue with love, you will do just fine, Red. And remember, this is not your sole responsibility. We are all here to help each other.”
It should be self-evident, but the reminder pulls some weight off Raph’s shoulders. It’s not just up to him. Everyone is coming together to help Leo. That’s why Donnie and Mikey are at the scrapyard, to finish making curtain rods for Leo’s room. That’s why Draxum is always researching and scribbling in his notebook, refining his meal plan for Leo’s recovery.
It’s not just Raph against the world. He isn’t alone, and neither is Leo.
“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Pops.”
“Of course, Red. Now, let’s keep moving or we’ll be late getting back!”
On their way to the checkout line, Raph spots the candy aisle, and a bag of hard, sour candies. He stops, reaching out and brushing the bag with his fingers.
“Mm… that is Blue’s favorite, isn’t it?” asks Splinter.
“Yeah.” Raph pulls the bag off its hook, holding it over the basket uncertainly. “I know he can’t have ‘em yet, but he’ll be able to eat normal stuff soon, right?”
“Right.” Splinter nods. “Put them in! We will hide them until Draxum says it is okay, then give them to him.”
Raph grins and drops the bag into the basket. At least it’s something to look forward to.
-----
Leo is halfway through the bag of chips when the curtain to his room is pushed aside and Draxum is standing there.
He was saying something about the vitamins Leo forgot to take as he came in, the little blue pill organizer clutched in his hand. But now he freezes, taking in the scene: Leo with a handful of sour cream and onion chips, his cheeks bulging slightly, the salty evidence tracking up the sleeve of his hoodie.
He’s crossed the room before Leo can blink. He grabs Leo’s wrist, and Leo cries out, twisting his arm to try and free himself.
But he can’t, he’s weak, he’s so weak-
“What are you eating!?” Draxum bellows. He tosses the pill organizer onto Leo’s bedside table; one of the lids pops open and there’s little plinks as vitamins scatter. “How much of this have you had!?”
He wrenches the bag out of Leo’s grip, and Leo yelps again as he loses the food. The only food he had, and now Draxum has it and Leo is going to-
“This bag is over half empty,” snarls Draxum, waving it in Leo’s face. Leo doesn’t have the presence of mind to defend himself, because he’s still trying to wrench his wrist free. He claws at Draxum’s arm with his free hand, and somehow it gets Draxum to let go; he jerks away with a gasp, dropping the handful of chips to the floor, and at the same time the ones already in his mouth leave painful scratches down his throat and lodge there. Leo doubles over and wheezes in a desperate attempt to get air.
“Are you- Leonardo!” Draxum looms over him, and Leo doesn’t have the strength to flee. He can’t do anything as Draxum strikes him, once, twice, three times on the shell in big, open-palmed slaps.
A white-hot cough rips up Leo’s throat, and he spews the half-chewed potato chips across his blanket, bits of drool and spittle dangling from his lips and tears rolling down his face. He sucks in a deep breath as feeling returns to his limbs.
The hand that hit him moves toward him again, and Leo dodges this time, flinging himself off his bed and into the floor, scrambling backwards to put distance between himself and his attacker.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” he shouts, hand flailing for his swords and not finding them. Where did he put them? Where did they take them?
“Leonardo-”
Draxum takes a step toward him, and Leo pushes to his feet, grabbing for anything nearby to defend himself. But there’s nothing, nothing, where are his swords-
“Leonardo,” says Draxum more firmly, and he takes another step forward. “Stop this, you’re going to hurt-”
“No!” Leo presses himself back against the bookcase on the far wall, the metal shelves biting into the skin of his arms. “No,” he repeats, and a high, manic laugh bubbles through his throat. “You took my food.”
“This,” Draxum shakes the bag, “is all empty calories. This is not going to help your recovery! Why can’t you just do as you’re told-”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Leo spits. He feels stronger than he did a moment ago, pushing himself off the bookshelf and standing on steadier legs, squaring up against Draxum. “Just do as I’m told?” He laughs, a cold sound. “Just like Bishop wanted.”
Draxum stiffens. Something about his expression is… weird. If Leo didn’t know better, he’d almost say Draxum looks scared. “Do not compare me to him,” he says, and his voice is much lower than it was a moment ago. “I am trying to help you.”
“Help me?” Leo holds out his hand, taking a step forward. “Then give me my food back.”
Draxum watches him, gaze unwavering. He holds the chip bag closer to his chest. “I cannot.”
Leo barks out a laugh, high and cold. “I knew it. You’re just lying to me.”
Now he’s the one advancing on Draxum, slow but strong steps, one at a time. Draxum does not move.
“Leonardo-”
“I’m on to you,” says Leo. His voice is a chilly sing-song. “You’re sooo happy to have everyone out of the house. Now there’s no one to stop you from torturing me. Now you can watch me suffer.”
“I do not want you to suffer,” says Draxum, his tone measured. He still hasn’t moved an inch, even though Leo is right in front of him now, within striking distance.
“Then why did you take my food!?”
“This is not good for you,” says Draxum. “I’ll feed you a healthy lunch in two hours.”
“Yeah?” Leo shakes his head. “What do you want me to do for it?”
Draxum’s eyes widen. “What do you mean?”
“Come on. Tell me.” Leo grins. It hurts his face. “Want me down on my knees? Want me to beg?”
Draxum’s face goes a shade paler. “No,” he says, firm. “You don’t have to do anything.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Leo. He laughs again. “I don’t. I don’t BELIEVE YOU!”
His fist connects with the glass- but it’s not glass, it’s Draxum’s face, and he goes sailing across the room like a rag doll. He slams back first into shelving, and there’s a clatter as Leo’s possessions tumble and fall around him.
He looks at Leo, eyes wide but expression steady, despite the fact that Leo just…
Leo… doesn’t know what just happened.
He shouldn’t have been able to hit that hard. He shouldn’t have been able to hit at all- Draxum should have blocked that, should have fought back, should have… should have…
“...What?” says Leo, and it comes out with a crack down the middle.
Draxum watches him a moment longer. Then he sighs and pushes himself off the shelves, getting back to his feet. He doesn’t come closer. “I cannot give you these,” he says, indicating the bag. “But I will not fight you.”
“...Why not?” Leo asks, because it just doesn’t follow anything he thought was happening here.
“Because I care for you,” says Draxum simply. Like it’s obvious.
“...I don’t understand,” Leo says, because he doesn’t.
Draxum nods. “That’s because I haven’t properly explained it to you. I didn’t think it was necessary… but it was. Is.” He sighs, rubbing his cheek, starting to glow red from Leo’s punch. “I’m very sorry for that, Leonardo.”
Leo stares. Draxum is… apologizing? He should be attacking, fighting back, not apologizing!
The adrenaline leeches out of Leo, leaving him sagging in the middle of his room - his messy room, with everything thrown around like it’s in an active war zone. A million emotions are running through him, his dying rage warring against the confusion and the beginnings of remorse, a roiling mix that leaves him feeling sick to his stomach.
…Oh wait, no. He’s actually sick to his stomach.
Leo clamps a hand over his mouth, and Draxum is moving again - more calmly, this time. He drops the chip bag on the floor and grabs the wastebasket Leo has sitting by what could generously be called a desk. He holds it out, just in time for Leo to lose his breakfast and all the chips he just downed.
Leo hovers over the wastebasket until he’s empty, until he’s spit a few times to try and get rid of the taste. Then he wipes his mouth on his palm and looks up at Draxum warily.
“Are you finished?” Draxum asks.
Leo shrugs. Draxum takes that as an affirmative and lowers the wastebasket to the floor by the doorway.
“Why are you helping me?” Leo asks.
“I’ve been helping you this whole time,” says Draxum, and it’s only the exasperation that manages to break through that makes Leo think it’s - maybe - not a lie.
“Why?” he repeats, more urgently.
“Because you are my son.”
Leo steps back, his knees knocking into his bed. He sinks down onto the mattress, balling himself up until he can wrap his arms around his knees.
“No,” he says. “Mikey’s your son. Raph and Donnie, they’re your sons.”
A look passes over Draxum’s face. It’s… sad.
“You are my son, too.” Draxum takes a step toward him, then seems to second guess himself and stops. “I know we don’t get along. But the fear that froze my chest when they told me you were gone couldn’t mean anything else.”
Leo stares at Draxum, searching every part of his expression for any hint, any suggestion, that he’s lying. He waits for Draxum to change his tune, to start yelling again, to hit him, to do something.
Draxum doesn’t. And Leo sags on the bed. The feeling of fear with nowhere to direct it leaves him floating.
“I’m going to explain everything to you now,” says Draxum. “But I need to get a few things first. Will you be alright on your own for a few minutes?”
Being alone for a few minutes sounds great; Leo needs to pull himself together. He nods.
“Good.” Draxum stoops and picks up the wastebasket, then the bag of chips, and the chips that fell on the floor. “Answer your phone,” he says, “before your brother comes back to skin me alive.”
Then he leaves the train car. It’s only then Leo realizes his phone is ringing - has been ringing.
He scrambles to pick it up, seeing Raph’s name and picture lighting up the screen. Raph, who is supposed to be getting groceries, because they’re running low.
Raph, who apparently didn’t rat him out about the chips.
Leo shakily presses the answer button. Then he takes a deep breath and swallows to try and calm his voice.
Then he does what he does best and starts talking.
-----
“Heeey, bro,” says Leo, and Raph wants to weep with relief.
He’s two full blocks away from the grocery now, headed for the manhole cover closest to the lair. Their groceries are somewhere on the street behind him, and Splinter is held tight in his other arm. When Leo didn’t pick up right away, Raph started moving.
He felt it, after all: not as strong as the first time, not as desperate or afraid, but still there. Leo, terrified and alone and angry, crying out for help.
Leo hadn’t answered the first four calls, and the worst scenarios are still playing out in Raph’s imagination, even though he can hear Leo now.
“Leo!” he cries, and nearly fumbles the phone. He hits the speaker button, lowering it so Splinter can hear, too. “What happened!? Are you okay!? We’re on our way back right now!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” says Leo, and his voice is scratchy and hoarse, but trying to be placating. “What are you talking about, big guy?” He sounds shaky, like saying those words in that tone is taking so much effort, and Raph wants to hit something until it breaks.
“Just tell me what happened,” he says, trying to sound calm and failing. Splinter pats his arm and speaks up.
“We just need to know if you are alright, Blue.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” says Leo, his voice cracking a bit on the last word. He clears his throat. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Raph falters, staring at the phone. Does Leo not know? Could Leo really not feel himself doing that?
He gives his dad a helpless look. Unfortunately, Splinter looks just as helpless. Raph dithers on his answer too long, finally choking out, “Raph just… got a bad feeling.”
“You get bad feelings over everything.”
(Raph wishes he did. Then he would have gotten a bad feeling when Leo went to Run of the Mill on his own.)
“This was just… a real bad feeling.”
“Leonardo,” says Splinter softly, “are you certain you are okay?”
“Yeah,” says Leo, and he doesn’t sound like he’s okay, but like an actor pretending to be someone who’s okay. “It’s… Look, me and Drax got in a fight, but it wasn’t a big deal.”
“He fought you!?” Raph shouts. Someone across the street gives him a weird look.
“Not physically!” says Leo hastily. “Not- I mean- he didn’t- it’s not like he would hurt me, right?”
It sounds a little too much like an actual question, and Raph feels queasy.
“He better not, or Raph’ll hurt him.”
“Red,” says Splinter softly. Then he says, into the phone, “No, Blue. He will not hurt you.”
“...Right,” says Leo quietly. “Yeah. He won’t.”
Raph breathes shakily, trying to quell the urge to pummel a car parked on the side of the road into scrap metal. “Listen, we’re on our way back right now, okay? Just give us-”
“You got the groceries already?” Leo interrupts. He sounds so fragile.
Again, Raph looks helplessly at Splinter. This time, Splinter steps in.
“We’re getting them right now, Blue. Then we’ll be on our way back.”
“...Yeah. Cool. Good.” Leo clears his throat again. “Then… see you guys in a few?”
“...Yeah,” says Raph, at a loss. “A few.”
“Okay. Well. Bye.”
He hangs up. Raph doesn’t move the phone, staring at it long after the screen goes dark and Leo’s smiling face disappears.
“Pops, we’re not really going back for the food, are we?”
“He’ll be upset if we come back without it.”
Raph knows he’s right. He knows that. But everything in his body is screaming to get back to Leo right now, not to leave him alone for another second.
“We can’t all run off and leave him again,” he says.
“Yes,” agrees Splinter. “You are right.”
Raph nods. Then, even though it tears him apart, he turns around and starts walking back to the grocery store. He hopes no one spotted their bags and took them, or they’ll have to start over. They’ll have to leave Leo alone even longer.
“He hated being alone as a kid,” he says.
“I know,” says his dad.
“We shouldn’t have left him today. I knew it.”
“Yes. You were right.”
Raph feels a little mad at Splinter then, that he didn’t think through the consequences. Splinter said this isn’t on Raph alone, but if he’s the only one thinking about the wellbeing of his brothers…
His brothers.
He puts Splinter down, then unlocks his phone again. “I’m gonna call the other guys. They probably felt that, too.”
“A good idea,” says Splinter. Raph nods at the approval, then clicks Donnie’s contact.
Thankfully for Raph’s anxiety, he answers on the second ring. “Hello you are now conversing with Donatello,” he says in a rush, following up with, “What happened to Leo!? Are you home!?”
“No, but I talked to him,” Raph reassures him quickly. “He says he and Barry got in a fight.”
“A fight!?” Donnie echoes. “Aha! I knew he’d turn back to supervillainy one day! You owe me twenty bucks!” A pause, and then Donnie says, “Wait, is Leo okay!?”
“No,” says Raph honestly, “but I think it’s just a normal sort of bad. It wasn’t that kinda fight.”
“Ah. An emotional fight…” Donnie sighs. “But it was bound to happen, I suppose.”
“…Yeah,” Raph agrees, even though he thinks there must have been something they could have done to prevent it. He thinks about the chips again. He doesn’t know what the right thing was, still. “You felt it, right?”
“Yes. It wasn’t as strong as the first time, though.”
“What about Mikey, did he feel it, too?”
“Probably.”
Raph frowns. “You don’t know?”
“I am not Micheal.”
“…So can you ask?”
“I suppose I can text him for you.”
Raph nearly drops the phone. Then he glances down at Splinter, looking for any hint that he’s listening into Donnie’s half of the conversation.
“Why don’t you ask him, since he is right there with you where he is supposed to be!?”
“H-huh? Oh. Oh, yes!” Donnie chuckles nervously. “The buddy system, where he is my buddy, and stays in the same place as me and doesn’t go anywhere else.”
“Right,” hisses Raph. “That buddy system.”
“Yes! Well. He iiiis…n’t with me, but! He is. Here. On the other side of the junkyard!”
Raph rubs the bridge of his nose. “Well, tell him to get back from the other side of the junkyard right now so he can be with his buddy!”
“Yes, I will do that. Right now. And then we’ll be together because we’re in the same place, haha, but I’m so very busy right now goodbye Raphala!”
He hangs up the phone. Raph scowls at it.
“Is everything alright?” asks Splinter, and Raph wants to rat them out, just for a moment, but he ain’t a snitch. Even when he thinks his brothers are being unbelievably stupid.
“Everything’s fine, Pops,” he says, quickly opening his text thread with Mikey.
boy you better get your butt back to D right now or so help me you will NOT like what comes next
Then he gives Splinter a strained smile and repeats, “Everything’s fine! Let’s get those groceries!”
-----
When Draxum comes back, he’s carrying a plastic baggy, a bottle of Gatorade, and a whiteboard under his arm. He requests permission to sit on Leo’s bed, and Leo nods reluctantly.
He sets the whiteboard to the side, then opens the Gatorade and passes it to Leo. Then he opens the plastic baggy and holds that out, too.
There’s crackers in the bag. Leo takes them, a little stunned.
“I can eat these?” he asks.
“They’ll help settle your stomach,” says Draxum. “It’s not good for you to eat too much, but it’s also not good for your stomach to sit empty.”
Leo cautiously takes one of the crackers out, watching Draxum as he does. When no hand reaches to stop him, he takes a bite, chewing slow. He still feels a little nauseous, but the familiar texture and taste of the cracker soothes him somehow.
“Good,” says Draxum, propping the whiteboard on his knees and popping the cap off a marker. “Take sips of the drink, too. You need the electrolytes.”
Leo does as he’s told, alternating bites of the cracker with sips of the Gatorade. His stomach slowly unknots, and the tension in his shoulders relaxes.
He wasn’t expecting a snack, but Draxum brought him one.
On the board, Draxum has written the days of the week, and drawn out a grid underneath them. Leo eats his snack and watches as Draxum fills each square on the grid with a number.
“Where’d you even get that?” he asks after a minute.
“I borrowed it from Donatello’s lab.”
Leo whistles. “Without asking?”
“I don’t think he will mind.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Leo points at the numbers. They aren’t times, or prices, so… “What are these?”
Draxum lowers the board, turning to look at Leo. “Do you know what refeeding syndrome is?”
“…Should I?”
Draxum shakes his head. “No, there’s no reason for you to have known. I should have explained this sooner, but it didn’t feel necessary. …And I thought it might scare you.”
“Scare me?” Leo repeats. He’s not sure what could be even more scary than the fear he feels all the time now.
“I am not telling you this to scare you,” Draxum stresses. “I am telling you this so you understand what is happening now.”
Leo slowly nods.
“Right. So, do you know that when a person is starving, their body changes how it processes nutrients?”
“Yeah, it’s like, starvation mode.”
“If you must call it that,” says Draxum with a nod. “The body stops relying on carbs and glucose and uses fatty acids instead. This helps preserve the muscles, but causes a severe depletion in intracellular minerals.”
That sounded like a Donnie-level infodump to Leo. He stares at Draxum blankly. “Can you say that again, en Ingles por favor?”
Draxum actually makes a noise that could almost be a laugh. “Alright, think of it this way: a painter wants to use purple, but their purple paints are running low. So they start using red and blue mixed together, which solves the problem of preserving the purple paint, at the cost of running low on red and blue.”
Leo raises his eye ridges. “Is this how you explain stuff to Mikey?”
Draxum shrugs. “He understands art metaphors.”
Leo settles back a little more comfortably on his bed. He munches on a cracker. “It’s fine for today. Think of a comic book metaphor for next time.”
Draxum gives a long suffering sigh and says, “Fine. But do you understand now?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. So when a person eats again after a long term starvation event, their body won’t start relying on glucose again right away. It’s still in “starvation mode,” as you called it, and switching isn’t easy. The painter buys a new purple paint, but the color is different enough that they will have to use more red and blue to blend the two together.”
“I’m starting to lose track of the art metaphor here. We added purple, but we’re still low on red and blue, right?”
“Yes, precisely. Your body is low on critical minerals, and those need to be replenished at the same time it is given more carbs to convert to glucose.”
“But I still don’t understand why that means I have to eat less,” says Leo.
“Digestion itself takes energy,” says Draxum. “And the body isn’t using the tools it’s being given properly yet. So it is using more and more minerals without replacing any. The imbalance leads to stress on the body, which has negative downstream effects.”
“So, TLDR, if I eat too much right now, my body can’t handle it and I’ll get sick.”
“I have no idea what TLDR means, but yes, simply put.”
Leo looks at the cracker in his hand thoughtfully. “So all the times I’ve puked are refeeding syndrome?”
“No,” says Draxum with a shake of his head. “That is because your stomach has shrunk, and you’ve overstuffed it.” A pause, then Draxum adds, “Though I believe what just happened was a stress response.”
“I’m not stressed,” says Leo. The look Draxum gives him is not convinced. “Sooo then what is refeeding syndrome if it’s not barfing?”
“The lack of minerals causes severe stress on all parts of the body, especially the organs. This can lead to a number of disorders… including organ failure.” Draxum pauses, like he doesn’t want to say more, but he still adds, “In extreme cases, it can lead to heart failure.”
The cracker Leo is holding slips through his fingers. He feels his pulse speed up, something cold and terrible sliding through him.
“If I eat too much my heart could stop?” he asks, and his voice is small.
“In extreme cases,” Draxum repeats. “If you began showing symptoms, we would take you to a hospital. Even in the Hidden City there is no mystic cure-all for this, but they could at least reduce the stress on your organs.”
Leo shakes his head. His hands are trembling. The words feel like they’re coming to him through thousands of feet of water.
“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
“I did not want to scare you,” Draxum says again. “And I did not think it was necessary. Refeeding syndrome is entirely preventable, if precautions are taken.”
It barely penetrates. All Leo wants is food. All he wants is to eat. But now food somehow feels like the enemy. He suddenly queasy again. Should he even be eating these crackers? What is safe? What isn’t?
“Is this forever?” he manages to ask.
He doesn’t know how to take it, if it is.
“No,” says Draxum quickly. He raises his hand and reaches toward Leo, but Leo flinches. Draxum lets it drop again. “…No, Leonardo, it is not forever,” he says, and his voice is more soft than Leo has ever heard it - more soft than he thought Draxum capable of. “The most critical time for refeeding is the first five to seven days. You are almost clear of the danger zone now. And your enhanced biology may even mean we’re already past it… though I am still being cautious.”
Leo lets out a breath. So it’s not forever - it may even be over. It doesn’t calm the racing of his heart (at least he knows it hasn’t stopped, ha ha), but it does make him feel like he can pick up the cracker again.
“Then what happens once we’re past it?”
“That is what this is for.” Draxum lifts the whiteboard again, perching it on his knees. “Even once you’re out of danger of refeeding syndrome, we’ll still need to build your daily food intake up gradually, until you can eat like you once did. These,” he taps the board with the marker, “are my calorie goals for each meal and snack. As you can see, every day it goes up.”
Leo looks over the counts. They don’t really mean anything to him, but he can at least see how the number increases across the seven days on the board. “How many calories is normal?”
“Based on calculations I have done, going off what I have seen you boys eat as well as my own estimates for your growth, you and Donatello eat roughly five thousand calories a day, sometimes going as high as six thousand when you are particularly active.” Draxum scribbles the number in the corner of the whiteboard. “It’s high compared to humans, but within perfectly healthy limits given your mutant biology and high metabolism. Raphael eats more, and Michelangelo eats a bit less, though not by much.”
“Yeah,” Leo gives a chuckle, “kid can put away a whole large pizza by himself when his blood sugar’s low.”
“Unfortunately, I have seen him do it.” Draxum sighs. “But right now, you are averaging much less.” He taps the numbers. “Our goal right now is to get to where you are eating around twenty two hundred calories a day steadily, without getting sick.”
Leo has never been the math guy, but even he can handle some simple division. “Less than half? Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. That is why ensuring that your meals are as nutritious as possible is important.” He nods at the pill organizer. “And why the vitamins are important.”
Less than half as much as he used to eat… It leaves Leo feeling a little dizzy again. Nine days without food wrecked his system this hard?
“Don’t panic,” says Draxum in that soft voice again, and Leo feels a little resentment for how it pulls him out of his ensuing spiral. “You can see that your counts are going up steadily, and as we reintroduce solid food it will get even easier. And this is not hard and fast. Going a little above this is not an issue. And I am constantly readjusting as we go. It will take time before you are… putting away entire pizzas.” Draxum scrunches up his face in distaste. “But in a few weeks, you will be eating a much more normal diet than you are now.”
Leo rubs his hand up and down his arm. “Normal like, I can eat potato chips without getting yelled at?”
Draxum sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you to begin with.”
“Yeah, well…” Leo fishes his last cracker out of the bag and rubs it between his fingers. “I gave you a black eye, so I think we’re even.”
“Hmph.” Draxum almost sounds amused, though he doesn’t let his lips quirk up even a tiny bit. Leo thinks he might be allergic to smiles, unless he’s doing something evil. “Still, I hope you understand the situation now.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Leo takes a small bite of the last cracker. Takes his time chewing and swallowing it. “The main thing is you’re going to keep being a pain in the butt for the next few weeks, right?”
“Yes, you’re stuck with me.” Draxum watches him take another bite of cracker, then says, “There’s something else you need to understand, Leonardo. The goal of this,” he taps the whiteboard, “is to keep you from getting sick. It is not to keep you hungry.”
Leo stares at the board, and the calorie counts, all laid out neatly. “Sure,” he says, and he doesn’t feel it.
Draxum hesitates, then taps each row, reading off, “Breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. Smaller amounts of food more frequently, to keep your stomach full without overstuffing.”
“Makes sense, I guess.”
“And this can be moved around. If you eat breakfast earlier than normal, you can have a snack in the morning instead. But you tend to sleep in, which is why I structured it this way.”
“Nine’s not sleeping in,” Leo grumbles.
“Nine is- no, this is not the point.” Draxum gives his head a shake. “The point is, if you want to move your eating times around, we can. The goal of this is to keep you from getting sick. It is not to keep you hungry.”
“I heard you the first time.”
“No, I’m not sure you did.” Draxum again uncaps the marker, then writes across the top of the board five simple words:
If you are hungry: eat.
Leo stares at those words. It feels like a trap, a trick - Draxum’s being all nice right now, but the way he ripped the bag from Leo’s hands…
“I was hungry when I ate the chips,” he says, and it’s a little bit of a lie, but that’s not the point. He watches Draxum carefully, for any sign that this is all fake, and Draxum really does want him to suffer.
Draxum’s brows furrow. “You are not in trouble for eating,” he says. “You’ll never be in trouble for eating. It is just good for you right now to eat healthy things.
“I know it isn’t fair,” he adds, voice blunt, “but life rarely is.”
Leo studies his face. And the amazing thing is, he doesn’t think Draxum is lying.
“So… if I want a late night snack, I can eat some crackers?” he asks, waving the empty baggie.
“Yes. Or a banana, or some yogurt… If you feel very hungry, you could even eat some egg, or leftover soup.”
“And you’re fine with me just eating… whenever?”
“If you are so hungry you need to eat an extra meal, I just ask that you let me know, so I can adjust.” He taps the board. “But yes, I am. You know the stakes now. I trust you.”
Trust. Leo’s never had much of that from anyone. He looks down at the empty bag and wonders if it’s really true.
“…Is there anything you need right now?” Leo lifts his eyes back to Draxum’s face. “I can get it for you.”
Leo thinks about it. “When did you say lunch is?”
“About an hour and twenty minutes, now.”
“Then… I’m fine.” Leo pushes himself further back on his bed, dropping his trash into the space between them.
“Hm. I will bring you some more juice to drink.” Draxum nods at the pill organizer. “You still need to take those.”
Leo shoos him off. “I will, sheesh.” Now that he knows how important it is.
Draxum rolls his eyes and gets up. He takes the trash, but leaves the white board propped against the wall at the foot of Leo’s bed.
He’s almost to the door when Leo clears his throat and says, “Hey Barry?”
Draxum pauses, hand grasping the curtain. “Yes?”
“Any chance we can skip telling my dad and brothers about… everything?”
Draxum looks back at him. “Trust me when I say that I would like to omit this as much as you… But I am going to have to tell your father, at least.”
Leo groans, letting his head fall back on his pillows. “This sucks.”
“Then I will try to think of ways to make it suck less.” Draxum pulls the curtain aside. “Rest, Leonardo. I’ll bring your juice.”
Then he’s gone, leaving Leo alone.
-----
Raph puts the groceries down in the kitchen, then looks toward the escalator leading down. He should stay and help put everything away, but all he wants to do right now is rush to Leo’s side.
“Go,” says Splinter beside him. “I can take care of this.”
That’s all the permission Raph needs; he takes the escalator steps two at a time and crashes down onto the lower level.
Draxum is there, standing outside Leo’s train car and looking at one of his notebooks again. When he hears Raph, he closes it and looks up.
Raph’s eyes catch on the bruise forming on Draxum’s cheek and eye - it’s just starting to darken, but Raph can tell it’s going to be a plum shade of purple by the end of the day.
“He told me it wasn’t physical,” says Raph immediately. A little dangerously.
“It wasn’t, on my end,” says Draxum.
Raph finds that he believes that, and he can’t help the way his lips quirk up at the news.
Draxum scowls. “Yes, yes, very funny.”
Raph claps him on the shoulder. “Come on, Barry. You know you deserved it.”
“We can debate that later,” says Draxum, dry. He nods at the train car. “He’s in his room.”
“Raph figured.” He locks eyes on the room, wishing he could see past the curtains to know Leo’s state. “When you guys were fighting, he… called for us again.”
Draxum’s expression turns more concerned - nearly imperceptibly so, but Raph knows him well enough by now to see it. “Yes, I know.”
“You felt it?”
“No.” Draxum pulls away. “I have things to discuss with Lou Jitsu. Is he in the kitchen?”
“Yeah.” Raph wants to know what Draxum saw, but he always wants to get to Leo as fast as possible. In the end, the draw to his brother is stronger, and he steps forward. “Help him put the groceries up.”
“If I must,” says Draxum, and then he walks away toward the escalator. Raph doesn’t hang around to watch, instead hurrying to Leo’s room.
The room is a mess, even more than normally. His action figures are scattered everywhere, comic books have been knocked from the shelves, his blankets are on the floor. Leo himself is in bed, vacant expression staring at nothing Raph can see, and it’s an eerie way to see his little brother, usually never without his phone or a comic book in his quiet moments.
He clears his throat, and Leo’s eyes flick his way. “Hey, Leo.”
“Hey.” Leo rouses himself to alertness, like he’d been sleeping with his eyes open. He shifts on his pillows so he can better see Raph. “You guys got the groceries?”
“Yeah, we did,” he assures Leo. He walks in, standing over Leo’s bed. He’d been so anxious to get back here, but now he finds himself trapped in the same place as always, unsure what to say or do.
Leo stares up at him. “…Everything okay, hermano?”
“I came to ask you that.” Raph sits down on the edge of the bed, then startles when something hard falls against his arm. He looks and finds a whiteboard, with numbers that make no sense to him written in neat columns (not Leo’s handwriting), and, across the top:
If you are hungry: eat.
Raph can’t help but stare at those words a few seconds longer. Is this something Leo needed to be told?
Beside him, Leo is saying, “Me and Drax got in a fight, but we worked it out. It’s fine.”
“Yeah.” Raph grins, tearing his eyes away from the whiteboard to look at Leo. “I saw the shiner you gave him.”
He’s expecting a grin back; for Leo’s expression to turn mischievous, or cocky. For Leo to proudly take credit for punching Draxum right in the eye.
He’s not expecting Leo to flinch and look away. “I thought he was better at dodging than that,” he says.
Raph falters, not sure how to respond. He knows Leo; his little brother would never hit anyone for no reason, even someone like Baron Draxum. Leo might playfight, Leo might even throw things at them from time to time, but he never aimed to hurt, only to irritate.
Once again, Raph doesn’t know the right way to approach this situation. Should he try to talk to Leo about this? Is he the right person to try? Would Leo even want to hear it from Raph, who so often struggles with his own anger responses?
(He thinks about the fight again, and feels a rush of shame.)
He’s still trying to work it out when Leo changes the subject.
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Leo picks at some fuzz on his sheets. “About the chips.”
That’s something else Raph has been trying to figure out. But now, for this question at least, he has an answer.
“They didn’t have anyone’s name on ‘em.”
Leo’s fingers pause. “But you know I’m not supposed to eat those.”
“Yeah, well… I still wasn’t gonna tell. Raph’s not a snitch.” He shrugs. “Look, I know Barry’s right and you gotta be careful about what you eat so you don’t get sick. But this is still your house, Leo. We agreed a long time ago that unless food has someone’s name on it, it’s fair game.”
Leo actually smiles just a little at that, and Raph feels his heart leap at the sight. It’s not quite a full, big Leo smile, but it’s something. “And sometimes the name doesn’t stop us.”
Raph laughs. “That’s just because I got three little brothers who are a pain in the shell.” He reaches out to rub Leo’s head, and is a little surprised and a lot pleased when Leo doesn’t duck it.
(It wraps around to concern again, when Leo seems to chase the touch like he’ll drown without it.)
“Listen,” he says, “Draxum gives you any more trouble and you just come tell me, okay? I’ll deal with it. We’ll get it worked out.” He moves his hand down to scratch the ridge of Leo’s shell, right where he can’t easily reach himself. “Raph’s got your back.”
Leo goes tense under his fingers, and Raph thinks he’s said something wrong. But the soft little, “Oh,” Leo says after isn’t upset. It’s just… surprised.
But why would he be surprised by that?
But when Raph thinks about it… when’s the last time he told Leo that? When’s the last time he felt like Leo had his back, too?
Somewhere along the way, he and Leo lost what made them them. Best friends, friendly rivals, brothers through thick and thin. It all got swallowed up by their fights and disagreements. And then Leo was taken from him.
But Leo isn’t gone. Leo is right here.
And suddenly Raph doesn’t know how he’s made it this long without hugging his little brother. He should have already. That should have been the first thing.
He moves the hand that’s scratching Leo’s shell to more firmly grab his back, watching close to see Leo’s reaction. Leo’s eyes flutter closed, like he feels totally safe, and Raph doesn’t waste the trust that’s been given to him.
He lifts Leo up and pulls him into his lap, wrapping his arms around in the safest bear hug he can give. Leo melts into it, his head leaning against Raph’s plastron, his arm coming up to loosely hook itself around Raph’s neck.
“I gotcha, Leo,” he promises, cradling him close. “I gotcha.”
“I know,” says Leo, but Raph wonders if he really does. Raph hasn’t done a great job of showing it.
He still doesn’t know his answer. He still feels a stab in his heart when he thinks of Leo saying he did what a hero would. But April was right. Leo doesn’t need big emotional confrontations right now. He needs his big brother.
And Raph can do that. It’s the thing he’s best at.
“Hey,” he says, “wanna come watch Jupiter Jim: Venture to Venus with me?”
Leo opens his eyes to squint up at him. “Dee’ll hate it if he misses the sing-along parts,” he says, but now, finally, a little bit of his mischievousness is back.
Raph grins. “What Donnie doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
Leo laughs then, small and tired and hoarse but there. Raph gives him another squeeze, then stands up and takes Leo with him.
He’s still unsettlingly light, like he was when Raph lifted him from the cot. But there’s a little more of him back.
If they get a little more of him every day, eventually, his little brother will truly be home.
-----
Leo stays in his lap for the movie. He makes no attempt to leave and Raph makes no attempt to remove him.
Splinter brings them lunch around the halfway mark: the alphabet soup they bought at the store for Leo, with bread and more banana for after. Leo complains that he’s not a little kid, but out of the corner of his eye Raph catches him industriously fishing around for the letters L, E, and O. He gets a little, self-satisfied smile on his face at his accomplishment, and Raph has to force his eyes to focus on the screen before he squishes Leo like one of his teddy bears.
After lunch, Leo dozes off. It’s not a surprise, especially given how eventful the morning was. Raph’s just glad it’s actual sleep and not that scary, blank-eyed stare he saw Leo with earlier.
Raph stays there after his arms fall asleep, after the movie ends, after he hears Donnie and Mikey come home (together, at least). He’d stay there all night, but Splinter comes in and puts a hand on his arm. He’s carrying a plate with a snack for Leo.
“Draxum wants to talk to you and Purple and Orange.”
Raph looks at Leo, still curled up against him, and shakes his head. “I don’t wanna leave him.”
“It’s alright. I will be here with him.” Splinter pats his arm again. “Take a break and stretch. You can sit with him after you’re done.”
Reluctantly, Raph gets up. He shifts Leo to the chair as carefully as he can (Leo murmurs in his sleep but doesn’t wake), then looks back at Splinter.
“You’ll be here when he wakes up, right?” he asks again.
(Maybe he’s still a little mad.)
“Yes,” Splinter promises. “I’ll be here.”
So Raph leaves. He shakes out his arms and legs, stiff from holding Leo, then swings by the bathroom before making his way to the kitchen. He can hear Mikey there already.
“-tell us what happened,” Mikey is saying, standing with his arms crossed and face angry. This is the most frustrated Raph can remember seeing Mikey act toward Draxum. Beside him, Donnie looks equally agitated.
“I have told your father what happened,” says Draxum, looking much more calm by comparison, “and we have agreed to maintain Leonardo’s privacy for now.”
“Is it about Leo’s privacy or do you think we just don’t deserve to know?” Mikey snaps. Raph knows that tone, and he knows this is about to turn into a fight.
He steps into the middle before it can. “Hold up, Mikey. Let’s hear him out.” His little brother does not seem happy with that, and he opens his mouth to argue, but before he can Raph refocuses on Draxum. “Tell us what’s goin’ on, Barry.”
Draxum’s eyes move slowly between all three of them before landing on Raph. “As I was telling your brothers, Lou Jitsu and I have agreed not to tell you all the details of what happened earlier, primarily because we are not sure how much Leonardo himself is comfortable with you knowing.”
It stings, but Raph knows he’s right. It’s like the security tapes Donnie chose not to watch. They have to let Leo decide how much they know and how much they don’t.
Still, Raph has his concerns. He folds his arms, mimicking his brothers behind him, and stares Draxum down. “Alright,” he says, and ignores the indignant noise Mikey makes behind him, “but did you tell Pops everything?”
“Yes.”
“Everything?”
“Yes,” Draxum repeats. “He needs to know, so we know how to care for Leonardo going forward.”
Raph isn’t as good at reading people as Leo, but it’s not like Draxum is an enigma, either. He doesn’t think the old goat is lying, so Raph relaxes his posture.
“Okay,” he says. “As long as Dad knows.”
“He did something so bad Leo punched him!” Mikey argues. “Leo doesn’t just do that!”
“In his defense,” says Donnie, “Draxum’s face is very punchable.”
Raph snorts at the indignant look Draxum gives that remark.
“Honestly,” says Draxum with a sigh, “all four of you boys are the same… But I can tell you that much.” He looks down, not meeting their eyes now. “I took food from your brother’s hands, before I realized what an error that is.”
All of them stiffen. Behind him, Raph senses Donnie shifting his weight in agitation.
“You took food from him!?” cries Mikey. He sounds so betrayed. “Why!?”
“I was worried about him making himself sick,” Draxum explains. “But I did not handle it well. I have already apologized to him.”
“You better have!” Ah, there’s Doctor Delicate Touch.
“I have,” Draxum repeats. “And we have reached an understanding… which is what I need to talk to the three of you about.” He looks at them now. “There are going to be some new rules around here, at least for the duration of Leonardo’s recovery.”
“What rules?” asks Raph. “Besides don’t yank food out of Leo’s hands?”
“Well, that is an important one.” Draxum nods. “But we have also decided to adhere to a more strict meal schedule than you do normally. If meals are coming at regular, predictable times, we think this will reduce a lot of stress for Leonardo.”
Raph thinks of the words on the whiteboard. Of the neat rows of numbers. Does Leo wonder when he’ll be fed next? Does it scare him, not knowing?
Doesn’t he know his family would never let him go hungry?
“It makes sense,” says Donnie behind him. “We usually eat whenever we feel like it, but if Leo has to be careful with his diet, having a routine will make it easier.”
If Donnie thinks so, it’s probably right. Raph nods. “Yeah, sure. Whatever we gotta do to help Leo.”
Draxum nods back. “Right now, we’re planning for breakfast at eight, or whenever he wakes up, lunch at noon, and dinner at six. Leo will get regular snacks as well; smaller, more frequent meals are better for him right now than three large ones. Of course, the three of you can still do what you feel like; if you want your own snack, or want to eat later, you can.”
“Let’s all try to eat with Leo,” says Raph, looking back at his brothers. Donnie nods immediately; Mikey hesitates.
“Will Leo be in trouble,” he asks, “if he eats snacks when you didn’t tell him to?”
“No,” says Draxum. “I have already told him this. If he’s hungry, he can eat; he doesn’t need anyone to tell him he can.”
Raph’s glad to hear that; he knows he wouldn’t have been able to play food police. Mikey seems to calm down at this reassurance, too, and he nods.
“Okay. Then, we’re starting tonight? Dinner at six?”
“Yes.” Draxum seems relieved, that Mikey doesn’t look so angry anymore. “You can help me, if you want.”
“Duh,” says Mikey, and Draxum cringes. “I’ll be here!”
He and Donnie leave then; Donnie says he’s going to finish Leo’s curtains, and Mikey goes to his room. Raph hangs back, watching Draxum.
“You sure you didn’t touch him?” he asks, once he’s sure his brothers are out of earshot.
Draxum looks at him, open, not hiding. “I did not. I acted rashly, but I would not lay a hand on him.”
“…Okay. I believe you.” Raph folds his arms. “But if Leo ever tells me anything different, you know what happens next, right?”
“I do. But I would not hurt him.” Draxum looks nonchalant, despite the conversation. “Despite my best efforts, I’ve grown fond of all of you. I’m here to help him.”
Raph can’t help but smile at that. It’s probably as close as Barry will ever get to being affectionate.
“Thanks, then. For all you’re doin’.” Raph turns to leave. “But don’t yank food out of his hands again.”
“I won’t. You have my word.”
Raph decides to take it.
-----
“Blue…? Are you awake?”
Leo blinks his eyes open to find Splinter peering down at him, a plate in his hand. Blearily, he sits up in the recliner. It takes him a moment to realize he’s by himself now - Raph has gone.
It makes him feel a little sad. He knows Raph still has something he wants to yell about, but there for a short while, it was really nice to just be his little brother.
Now his dad is here, with food. Leo remembers the chart Draxum gave him - breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, snack - and feels his heart relax.
“Hey, Dad. Yeah, I’m awake.”
“Very good. I have brought you some more yogurt and fruit.”
“Yippee,” says Leo, tone flat. “I’m gonna be the most regular guy on the planet after this.”
Splinter laughs at that, and it makes Leo feel a little sense of triumph. “Cherish it while you’re young.”
“Ew, gross,” he says, and Splinter laughs again.
Leo eats his snack. The projector skips on the screen, still on but with nothing set to play. Splinter settles in on the arm of the chair and waits until Leo’s almost done.
Then he says, “Draxum told me what happened earlier.”
Leo goes stiff. He swallows his bite of banana around the knot in his throat.
“Yeah, he… said he was going to tell you.”
“I’m sorry that he was so harsh with you. You are not in trouble for taking the chips. The food in this lair is as much yours as it is any of ours.”
“I know,” says Leo, even though he’s not sure of anything anymore. But it’s what Splinter wants to hear.
“I won’t be leaving you alone with him again.” Splinter pats his arm. “He may be reformed, but he is still stupid, and not at all fit to take care of children!”
“Which is what makes him perfect for a public school lunchroom,” says Leo, and grins when it gets another laugh out of his dad.
Leo finishes his snack. The projector is still skipping. It makes a little clicking noise every few seconds.
“...Leonardo,” says Splinter, and Leo tenses up again.
“Oh no, full name…”
“You are not in trouble,” says Splinter again. Leo wonders why he keeps saying that. “But I have to ask you this again. When you were… with the EPF. Did anyone touch you in any way?”
Leo stares at him. Why are they having this conversation again?
“No. I told you that, remember?”
“I remember. But I have to make sure.” Splinter puts his hand on Leo’s. Leo stares at it. “Did anyone… make you do something you didn’t want to do?”
“Uh… besides stay there?”
“Leonardo.” Splinter’s tone is not angry, but Leo still winces. “I understand that this is uncomfortable to talk about. But I need to know for your safety. Did any of them do anything to you? Or make you do something to them? To yourself?”
Leo stares at his dad’s hand. He thinks of getting down on his knees and begging.
“...No.” He gives his head a shake. “They didn’t even hit me or anything.” And it’s the truth.
They didn’t really do anything to him at all.
“...Alright.” Splinter leans over and presses a kiss to the top of Leo’s head. Leo keeps his eyes on their hands and listens to the skip of the projector. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Yeah. Sure.” He hands the empty plate over and sinks further into the recliner cushions. He wishes the conversation hadn’t curdled the snack in his guts. “Uh, can we… turn on something so the projector isn’t making that sound?”
“Oh, yes!” Splinter sets the plate aside, then grabs for the remote. “It is aaalmost time for Scorpion Treadmill!”
Leo snorts despite himself. “Sure, sounds great.”
Splinter finds the channel and settles into the chair next to Leo. Leo closes his eyes and listens to the Japanese he can barely understand and his dad’s laughter, and tries to ignore the way his own skin feels slimy.
-----
After dinner, and after his snack, Donnie shows him the new curtains.
The new rods are just as makeshift as the ones from the day before, with the same color and the same details. Leo loves them. He tells Donnie so, and Donnie grins big and happy, and Leo feels happy, too, that he can still make at least one brother look like that.
“Oh, I’m so glad you like them!” says Donnie, for what must be the fifth time. “But seriously, if you want me to add some smart tech to them, just say the word.”
“Thanks but no thanks, Dee. I don’t want my curtains to gain sentience on me.”
Donnie pouts, but it’s good natured. He comes over and sits on the bed next to Leo, the two of them looking around his room. It’s crazy to Leo, how different it looks now. Though, maybe the mess is contributing to that feeling…
“It’s so dark in here now,” Donnie observes. His tone is totally neutral in a way Donnie could never hope to fake, so Leo doesn’t take it as a judgment.
Which is good, because Leo doesn’t know how to explain that he likes it that way. That the dark makes him feel calm and safe. Hidden.
“I could always add more lighting,” he says instead. He has his lanterns and a desk lamp, but he has to admit, some things will be harder without the ambient lights from outside.
“Oh, I can do that next!” says Donnie. “What kind of lighting do you want? I can see what I have in the lab-”
“Whoa, hey,” says Leo quickly. He reaches over and flicks Donnie on his big forehead. (It lacks any force, because Leo is still weak, but Donnie says, “Ow!” exaggeratedly anyway.) “I get that you’re trying to help, but you’ve done enough. I know you must have some battleshell or robot or nuclear bomb you’re dying to work on instead.”
Donnie falters at that. He eyes Leo, the same way everyone does lately, like he’s some kind of timebomb that might go off.
“I just want you to be comfortable,” he says.
“What do you mean? I’m super comfy!” Leo waves the sleeve of his hoodie in demonstration. “It’s the lair, Don-ton. Same as always.”
Donnie’s expression goes even flatter. He turns his eyes on the train car walls. “Same as always? It hasn’t even been a year.”
Leo flinches. Right, well… So it’s not the same as ever. But it’s the same as the one he was stolen from, and that’s all that matters, right?
“You know what I mean.” He bumps their shoulders together. “It’s home. It’s where you guys are. I’m totally fine.”
And he means that.
He means it, he means it, he means it.
“...Right.” Donnie is trying to sound like he believes Leo. “Well, if you change your mind about the lighting, you know where to find me.”
“I sure do, hermano.” He bumps their shoulders again. “Thanks, though.”
They sit for a moment in silence. Leo wonders if he should offer a late night movie session, or if he should send Donnie on his way. He’s torn. He doesn’t really want to be alone. But he doesn’t want to bother Donnie more than he already has.
Before he can decide, Donnie’s phone dings. He picks it up and clicks something on his screen.
“What’s up?” asks Leo.
“Oh nothing.” Donnie waves a hand. “Draxum just finally decided to leave. About time…”
“Huh? How do you… know…”
Leo leans over on his shoulder to look, and answers his own question.
Cameras. Of course Donnie has cameras. This one is outside the entrance to the lair from the sewers, and Leo can see Draxum’s retreating back as he heads for the nearest manhole.
“The camera alerts me whenever anyone other than one of the five of us leaves,” Donnie is saying. “It’s part of the security upgrades I’ve been working on.”
“Security upgrades,” Leo repeats, feeling a little faint.
Donnie doesn’t notice, jumping on the chance to infodump. “Yes! I’ve added more cameras, and proximity alarms, and I’ve been working on more upgrades to our trackers, like I told you. Oh, and new security measures for my baby, of course. And once Shelldon’s new body is complete, I’ll integrate him with the system as well, and…”
Donnie’s still talking, but Leo can’t hear it. His eyes are tracking all around his train car - the dark corners, the shelves, the nooks and crannies.
Donnie has cameras all over the lair.
Where are the cameras in here?
-----
For another night in a row, Leo doesn’t sleep.
#rottmnt#room fic#dandy fanfiction#rise leo#rise raph#rise donnie#rise mikey#rise splinter#cw food issues#cw vomiting
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understand? pt. 2 | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,,
summary - you’re a polyglot translator assigned to work for the bau in a cross-national case, and there’s an officer who’s less than friendly.
genre - angst, fluff, good ending, fem!reader, both of them are awkward nerds, they both dig each other’s intelligence
warnings - mild racism, basic cm file details, so many inaccuracies regarding translating, languages, and crimes, no where do i specify which language r is translating because i don’t want to include wrong translations, please let me know if i need to add anything
w/c - guys idk count the words yourself
a/n - part 2!! if i didn’t add you to the taglist i apologise pookie.
part 1 (must read first!)
Spencer called Morgan and you into a small interrogation room that was being used as a temporary evidence locker. Books and documents were strewn across the room, Spencer had one opened in his hands, one finger dragging down a page.
“What’s up, Reid?” Morgan asked, eyes scanning the messy room. You bent down and picked up a book that seemed to be a diary, and inside was the sole reason you had been assigned to work the case.
“The diaries kept by the mother are all in english, so I’ll go over these, the rest are in a foreign language that L/n can go over.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow, “And me?”
“Oh, I was wondering if you could make me a coffee?”
Morgan scoffed and walked away.
You settled on the floor criss cross style, noticing the diaries had been organised in order of when they were written. At least 40 diaries had been filled, and you wondered how someone would have that much time to fill these out. Spencer watched you as you read the accounts written on the pages, but had to rip his eyes off of you once again if he wanted anything to be done.
His stack was much higher, that only becoming apparent to you after you took the courage to look at him.
“How are you going to read all of that?” You asked, cutting the silence like a knife. He looked around him and smiled slightly.
“I can read pretty fast,
“Oh, wow. That’s impressive. Are you a genius or something?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Oh.” You smiled tightly, grabbing the small notebook from your back pocket to start writing important details in english. He gulps, barely audible and squeezes his eyes in courage to talk again.
“Do you like reading?”
You lifted your head again and nodded, “I like sci-fi, maybe with some romance.”
He nodded and smiled, before clearing his throat and saying what he truly wanted to say this whole time, “I think you might have to keep distance from Sheriff Stevens.”
Your gaze flickered up at his brown eyes, swirls bringing you in like an optical illusion made for hypnotism. You shrugged and put on a reassuring smile, “It’ll be fine. He probably just didn’t expect me to be here, I’m not a part of your team so.”
“You’re a part of it now. At least for this case.” Spencer said softly, going back to dragging one finger down the scribbles in the book.
His words warmed your heart and your cheeks, causing you to look down after he did to hide the pink painted against your faded freckles. Suddenly, Agent Hotchner appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat - maybe he felt the same tension you did.
You stood up immediately, patting down your pantsuit trousers, Spencer’s eyes latched onto your hands.
“We need you both at the tip line immediately, they’ve called us.”
“They?” Spencer stands and follows Hotch out the room and into a smaller office with only a desk and phone in it, and that same sheriff from before.
You trail behind them, eyebrows furrowed before you realise the situation.
“The Unsubs. Y/n, we need you here to translate and scribe, I’ll be talking and if they end up speaking their first language,” Hotch pierced his gaze to yours, “you’ll be speaking.”
Your eyes widened, glancing between Spencer and Hotch, raising your hands in your own defence, “Oh, no. I don’t know how to- I don’t even know what to say-“
Hotch hovered a hand over your shoulder and nodded, “We’ll tell you what to say. All you need to do is what you do best, and listen.”
The sheriff lifted himself to where he was leaning on a wall and crossed his arms over his uniformed chest. He stared at you and then at Agent Hotchner. “This is who you’re trusting classified information with? Someone from the country we’re going against?”
Emily and Morgan entered the room then, closing the door, both of them nearly shivering at the sudden gloominess of the room - not that making contact with criminals was all sunshine and rainbows.
“Excuse me?” Hotch raises an eyebrow and puffs his chest out.
“I’m not from that country, sir, I simply understand the language.” You defend yourself as Spencer moves closer to you, shoulder to shoulder. Hotch moves away slightly, obviously thinking that was the end of that misunderstanding, but the sheriff speaks over any orders the SSA Chief.
“That’s what you want us to think. I saw how you scoped out the office, not to mention you look exactly like those people. How can we guarantee this girl doesn’t tell us lies? How can we guarantee she doesn’t tell them the truth?” His face was turning red and he had started moving towards you, before Spencer put out an arm in front of you and positioned you behind him.
“Agent L/n is a trained translator and has been for more years than you’ve been a sheriff. If you want any chance to find the kidnapped girls, you need to get over your ego. Maybe if you actually listened to her and let her do her job, you’d realise how stupid you are.”
The sheriff stood in shock, so did you. Your neck reddened and you took a step back, Spencer’s cologne overwhelming you. Morgan grabbed the man by the arm and forced him out of the room.
It was silent only for a second before Emily started, “Well, now that we’ve gotten him out of the way. Why don’t we take this call?”
They spoke english for a large portion of the call, but there were other people on their side who were speaking another language in the background that you got to work on translating. The call abruptly ended, and everyone’s shoulders slumped, the call was nearly useless. Hotch glanced at you and you took that as an invitation to begin reciting what they were saying.
As you went down the list of phrases, you paused and looked up to the BAU team.
“There’s a foreigner working with them.” Spencer furrowed his brows which caused you to explain quickly, “One of them had a strong english accent, and only chimed in a couple times. He was telling the caller what to say… I think.”
Hotch nodded and lead the team away from the room with the phone and into the room with the bulletin boards full of crime scene photos and maps. Spencer stood behind you slightly, and when your temporary boss started explaining the situation to the still-red sheriff, he turned your shoulder to face him. You searched his face confused before he spoke up,
“You should be more confident. Don’t say ‘I think’ at the end. You’re the only one who knows you’re right - plus me.”
You smiled and nodded. Spencer scanned the room, only to make eye contact with a smirk-faced Morgan.
Spencer conversed with Hotch after the sheriff went off to do who knows what, and Hotch agreed that he shouldn’t be left with you at any point in the case.
After 10 more hours of translating, driving, and analysing, the case had been closed and now you were back on the plane. The uncle of the girls had hired the kidnappers, wanting money from the parents that he felt was stolen from him when his parents died and his brother got most in the will.
This time, you took an empty seat at the back, not feeling like hovering for the full plane ride like last time. Your legs hurt, your social battery drained and your was energy at its lowest, and yet when Spencer took the seat in front of you, you felt a rush course through your body.
His cologne was back, and he held two books in his big hands. Tucking a short strand of hair behind his ear, he cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly,
“Hi, Y/n.” Your first name, not your last, and not Agent L/n. Your first name.
“Hi, Spencer.” His first name, not his last, and not Agent Reid. His first name.
He gulped, eyes darting from your face to the books on the table between you. “I brought you a book from my library I thought you’d like.”
Your eyes widened and you smiled, looking down at the blue covered book he held out. In your hands the book was still warm with his touch as you let your fingers trail the title and authors name.
“Well, I don’t actually know if you’ll like it. But you said you like sci-fi romance so- And I know you can speak that language so.” He rambled and you giggled smally, causing him to pause and stare at you in awe.
“Thank you, Spencer. This is actually the second language I ever learnt, I learnt it from my grandmother.” You told him, opening the book to a random page and smiling at the language printed on the off-yellow paper.
Spencer heart swelled, and it felt foreign. You had told him a piece of you, a tiny piece, but it felt like enough confirmation that you didn’t think he was weird, or too nerdy, or not outgoing enough.
“I’m glad.” He whispered, eyes scanning your face like it was the last time he would see you. It worried him slightly. “Do you want to um… go somewhere?”
“Like in general?” You titled your head.
He laughed slightly, “No, no. I mean like, with me?”
You cheeks reddened immediately and you unconsciously held a hand up to your face to hide your flustered expression. You took a breath and nodded, “Yes, I’ll go somewhere with you.”
perm taglist (open!!) - @jeffswh0re @reap3erslov3 @candyd1es
taglist - @0108s22m @aurorsworld @gghostwriter @khxna @reeseisinapiece @bibissparkles @pinkpantheris @theognatster @webbluvrkleo @sneak-fic @jiuseoks @geepinky @darling006 @adissonsss @iniyalovesall @danilewis @radiantdanvers @bibiznbyler @butternutter6779
#criminal minds#spencer reid#cm#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid oneshot#criminal minds fluff#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x you#spencer reid angst#criminal minds x reader#🍵 —☆ pia’s pages
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henry danger kiss headcannons!
navigation!
including : henry , ray , charlotte , jasper x reader (seperate)
(written with fem presenting/ fem reader in mind, but no specification)
wanings : tiny lil make out (jasper) , cursing (me) , no use of y/n , 2nd person (you , yours , etc.)
notes from dice! : hope someone likes this bcz i have no other ideas and two other drafts
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henry • peck
he's always on the move, whether it's as he's leaving for a "quick" mission with ray he'll give you one both as henry and kid danger
has to give you at least one per conversation, so if you talk alot just be prepared for a bunch of kisses
also kisses you as he's talking like he'll kiss you and then start talking and then kiss you and start talking again and repeat
"Oh, today me and Ray went to stop jeff-" he gave you a quick kiss, "From robbing the nice Nacho Ball-" He gave you another, which left you giggling.
you honor, he's a loverboy
honestly i feel like no matter what, he'll always say his favorite thing is kissing you. even if someone asks him as kid danger, he can't help but be honest!
ugh he so fine
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ray • head
bro if SO fucking domestic for no reason??
like no matter what, he'll refer to you as his wife. to everyone. and GOD FORBID someone corrects him
idk i just kinda think he likes seeing you as a staple in his always-changing life, like YOU are the only thing that stays the same
whenever yall are just like chilling or something i feel like he'll put an arm around you and just press a little kiss to your head
As you listened to Charlotte ramble about truly anything, you felt a pair of arms snake around your middle. "Hey, babe," He pressed a kiss to your temple.
yeah, he's domestic as fuck
he can't help it, whenever he sees you standing or sitting without him he feels the need to just make sure you know he loves you
even if you're like doing something really important, no matter who's there, it really shows everyone how much he cares.
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charlotte • face
you already know
charlotte would most probably love to just pepper your face with kisses all the time though she doesn't like pda too much
if you like/ want pda though, maybe she will from time to time (esp if it's an important event/ your friends are there)
"Hi, my love," You greet as she walks theough your bedroom door. She sets her stuff down and crawls beside you, cupping your face, ready to give you as many kisses and she can, "Hey."
she honestly doesn't care what her firemds think, she'd (probably) fight for you
so even if everyone is in the man cave, she will still be kissing your entire face the whole time
until- she's never gonna fucking stop. nice joke, though.
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jasper • hand
my boy just wants to feel chivalrous(?)
he loves just walking while holding your hand, and randomly bringing it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles.
he's just happy your with him, happy that he gets to call you his.
he tries to be polite and stuff 24/7 but with how much time you're around each other, it's hard not to get comfortable.
Slow kisses had eventually developed into hungry, fast kisses. While you were kissing on his neck and jaw, his attention was somewhere else. "So pretty darling," He spoke as he brought your hand to his mouth.
it doesn't matter when or where, as soon as his thoughts drift to you he can't help but put a kiss on your hand
if you touch his face at all, expect one on your palm- if you touch him literally anywhere other than his own, he will grab you hand just to kiss the back of it.
why is my boy so fucking underrated.?
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#HELP why did i loose my shit omg#guys trust me#im not crazy#chat#henry hart x reader#henry danger#ray manchester#ray manchester x reader#charlotte paige#charlotte page#charlotte paige x reader#jasper dunlop#jasper dunlop x reader#henry danger x reader#chat i put my whole diceussy into this trust#im clinically insane#guys this made sense to me#does this make sense
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gym teacher patrick! moodboard & headcanons
– thank you for 400!!! this is long overdue but i just had so many ideas for it, i had to write them all down. all hail gym patrick teacher anon. slightly proof read idk also i just kinda went ham on this so apologies if it's very out of character or slightly different from the ones i've posted before.
ꢾ꣒ the first time you saw patrick, he's walking down the hallways beside the principal. a very casual fit, jeans and shirt, because he doesn't have much going on in his wardrobe. (having sold his expensive clothes to afford gas and food)
ꢾ꣒ you were asked to give him a tour so when you were introduced, his first thought is how much you give miss honey from matilda vibes.
ꢾ꣒ your personality wasn't far from it as well– selfless, passionate and caring, everything he wasn't and hadn't witnessed in years.
ꢾ꣒ you've heard about him, of course. the teacher's lounge was filled with excited since the news of pro-tennis player patrick zweig coming to work in their local school.
ꢾ꣒ when you gave him the tour, he seemed a little jittery and ended up overcompensating with jokes and compliments. which he knows definitely weren't the right things to say but it's his first job, an actual job that he felt he had no qualifications for.
ꢾ꣒ you were understanding though, didn't judge him so quickly which he was extremely grateful for.
ꢾ꣒ he quickly got on well with the students because well, he's young, cool and funny. he was definitely not that great when it comes to paperworks and lessons during his first few months at school but he learned eventually.
ꢾ꣒ the students love calling him mr.z because they somehow end up butchering his last name plus he thinks it's very validating when teens think you're cool enough to give you a nickname.
ꢾ꣒ he loves making the kids play dodgeball because it's brutal lol
ꢾ꣒ he would always come by your room during short breaks, shamelessly sticking his hand in the fishbowl filled with candies for your students.
ꢾ꣒ he would always try to sit with you during lunch in the teacher's lounge because he claims you're the only sane one besides him. he'd ask questions about you or tea on the teachers...
ꢾ꣒ you tried putting distance between the two of you at first because you're professional and have boundaries and he's ... patrick and new. but you soon realized how fun and comforting being in his presence is. you love your job but dealing with kids five days a week is stressful and he helps make it bearable.
ꢾ꣒ during assemblies, he'd always stand next to you with his arms crossed. pretending to watch over the students and keep them behaved but in the end, he's the one who ends up misbehaving by trying to make conversation with you, he's not that good at whispering.
ꢾ꣒ he'd always say hi, compliment your clothes or pop into your classroom to rile the kids up and annoy you. he'd come up to your desk saying he has something important to tell you but it's all nonsense, and it's only when the door closes behind him that you noticed the post-it note he left on your desk. "dinner?"
ꢾ꣒ things start to escalate more when you two were tasked to chaperone a field trip. on the way back, everyone's knocked out including you. he lets you rest your head on his shoulder, his hand itching to grab yours and keep you close.
ꢾ꣒ he'd tap you awake when he notices you're getting closer to the school. dazed, you lift your head up. accidentally just centimeters away from his. after realizing you've just been staring into each other's eyes, you both look away with a light shade of red dusting your cheeks.
ꢾ꣒ after that moment, he'd try to convince the other staffs to plan a work dinner or a night out just to get close to you and talk without all the awkwardness.
ꢾ꣒ he'd be rushing to sit next to you, doing everything to keep your attention on him. he's handing you the things you're asking for, putting more food onto your plate, refilling your glass.
ꢾ꣒ by the end of the night, you mention how you were planning to uber home but he insists that he drives you, to be safe. and he definitely didn't plan for it because his car is a mess, he opens the door to the passenger seat and tosses a bunch of stuff to the backseat before stepping aside to let you in.
ꢾ꣒ you ask him if he wanted to go for post-night out burger before driving you home and of course he's not going to say no to more time with you.
ꢾ꣒ you get your burger and fries then he drives you to a small cliff he found when he first moved here, telling you the story of how he ended up in this town in the first place.
ꢾ꣒ he was surprised to see you tearing up, you say its because he's gone through so much and found the strength to start over again but he's downplaying it, saying he's sure other people go through much worse
ꢾ꣒ and you're like, no don't say that. you're valid, everything you've gone through is valid and i'm so proud of you for striving to be better (miss honey mode activated.)
ꢾ꣒ his heart swells, staring at you with a surprised expression because he hasn't heard that in so long, that someone was proud of him.
ꢾ꣒ fast forward, you're sharing a cozy apartment after you proposed being roommates, saying rent in this economy is really bad and with your pay, you're not sure how long you're gonna be able to keep a roof over your head. it was hasty, sure but it felt right. now you've made a home together.
ꢾ꣒ he gets up atleast half an hour before you, kissing you on the forehead before getting up to brew some coffee. you two live such a domestic life, different from what he's had before you.
ꢾ꣒ on weeknights, you get a lot of take out– mostly chinese, indian and thai because you have so much work to do. sitting together to prepare lessons or grade papers.
ꢾ꣒ if you're not busy, takeouts while rewatching sitcoms (i feel like he watches full house or b99). sometimes you'd play recordings of his games and he thinks you're doing it to embarrass him but really you love tennis era patrick.
ꢾ꣒ during the weekends, you would either go out (outside the city) and explore, hike maybe or just walk around. or you would stay in and make a full course meal together, with candles and music.
ꢾ꣒ you agreed (mostly you) to keep the relationship a secret for a while and he knows how important keeping your personal life from your work life separate is to you so he respects that. and also because you don't know how workplace romance is perceived at work so better safe than unemployed.
ꢾ꣒ he drives the two of you to school so you make him wait ten minutes after you go in before he can. after work, he'd drive over a few blocks from the school and wait for you there so people don't see you going in his car.
ꢾ꣒ he tries to act normal, like you two are just friendly coworkers but he can't help going out of his way to touch you or talk to you. sliding past behind you when you're in the lounge to place his hand on your back. standing beside you and touching your arm with his when you're making coffee. secretly holding your hand under the table when you're sitting down for lunch.
ꢾ꣒ the two of you think you're so slick but literally everyone can see that you're flirting, you're in your honeymoon phase– constantly smiling and whispering to each other, blushing instantly when you make eye contact from across the room. you're not very subtle.
ꢾ꣒ while hanging out with other teachers, someone casually mentions your relationship with patrick and you're like, "huh? what relationship? we're friends" and they're like girl cut it out, we're not idiots.
ꢾ꣒ patrick is so relieved to know that they know because he's tired of (badly) pretending that you're just a coworker. he wants to be able to tell and show people that he's yours and you're his.
ꢾ꣒ the students, of course, find out eventually and being teenagers, they're shameless with their teasings. wolf whistling and squealing whenever patrick would interrupt the class to tell you something (which you know he does on purpose because he's an annoying little shit).
ꢾ꣒ he loves giving you flowers and buying you books, massaging your feet after a long day, setting a bath for the two of you to relax in. his love language is quality time and acts of service.
ꢾ꣒ he couldn't believe how different the life he's living right now from the life he used to have. he's living in a stars hollow-esque town, has a proper job that's not about tennis and has a beautiful partner he comes home with.
ꢾ꣒ he can't wait to marry you in a church and raise a family with you, have kids that will eventually go to your school and he'll teach :")
#I HOPE THIS IS OKAY#saintzweig moodboard ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅#saintzweig writes ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅#challengers#patrick zweig#challengers x reader#challengers headcanons#patrick zweig x reader
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Satoru being utterly obsessed with boobs since he has mommy issues??? 🤭
He finds them so comforting and maternal, soothing the negligence and being unloved as a child, only viewed and spoiled for his powers/strength..
Thus he finds them so loving and comforting, wanting to smother himself in them/suckle them all the time…
Maybe even help in getting milk outta them iykwim 🫣
(lowkey embarrassed sending this without anon 😭 but love your input sm ai <333)
you are onto something!!!
this has been a hc of mine since forever and i’ve talked about it, that satoru was neglected growing up. but like, in a way where he was pampered and taken care of plenty — whatever he wishes is immediately dealt with, he’s spoiled with the good stuff only etc etc so the attention and the “care” he gets is all very superficial.
he was never genuinely loved by anyone, including his parents and especially his mother. like, if someone were to see him dozed off someplace they’d immediately rush to put a blanket over him but NOT bc oh, he might catch a cold, but rather how can you leave The Gojo Satoru unattended like this, do you know who he is? idk if that makes sense to you but it does to me, like more or so he was viewed as this great asset for the clan that everyone felt obligated to look after and not as a dear son they were to nurse with care, and love, and warmth.
so yea i completely agree :/ that he was never given that deep, unconditional mother love, but the need, the craving, for it resurfaces at some point. maybe this is exactly why something switches in his brain each time the clothes peel off your skin, leaving your breasts exposed and naked. and he gets that very intense urge to just latch his lips on your nipples, and he does. bc he associates them with the nurturing that comes along with the maternal love he was deprived of. this hits even harder if you are the one to take off your bra yourself before the intimate act. like in his eyes, for a moment, you look like a mother that is getting ready to feed their child. and his mouth just instinctively wraps around your nipple — it’s pure reflex tbf and i don’t think he realizes it. he’s just hungry, he’s been deprived of that love, and he is going to take it from you. and he’s sucking with desperation, trying to really get something out of your nipple, while kneading on your other breast, playing with the nipple on it, squeezing it between his fingers to try and get it all hard and ready before switching….
this is why he is absolutely obsessed with your breasts when you’re expecting. bc at some point you start lactating…..and he’s about to get the whole experience…i will lose my mind bye. the way he seeks in you the love and warmth his mother never gave him......that all-acceepting and unconditional love and devotion, this is why he worships you actually...it is bc you give that to him..kdjkfgjsd.....
and omg please no need to be embarrassed !!! 🥺i am glad you enjoy my silly rambles regarding this precious man, he is sooo important to me 🥺
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“the valiant bison. it leaps to protect its fellow creatures, but not you.”
hooved
2 power - 8 health - 3 blood
protector - when a creature on this card’s side of the field is about to take damage, this card will jump forward to take the hit instead.
sharp quills - once a card bearing this sigil is struck, the striker is then dealt a single damage point.
BISABEAU!! YIPEEE! and a fancy custom sigil to go with him! wow! writeup below, as always
that custom sigil huh!! i had to rewrite that description SO MANY TIMES and it STILL ISN’T PERFECT GRAAAA. i couldn’t fit it into the proper description, but isa’ll return to his original spot after taking the hits. he basically redirects all attacks on his teammates to himself. like a moleman but in reverse.
also ^ he won’t try to protect terrain cards! because that’s a boulder. not his friends. the entire concept around the sigil is based around him protecting his friends from harm.
sharp quills is there to let him counterattack while covering for his allies! fun fact, in my original concept for this card, this was replaced with the mighty leap sigil?? for some reason??? even though airborne cards can’t attack cards on the field?????? idk what my thought process there was. thank god i caught that before finalizing his card
don’t ask how he has sharp quills btw. it’s uhh. his horns. yes. the quills are his horns.
i went back and forth between calling him a bison or a buffalo. his design was based more on water buffalo than american bison? but i ended up going with bison just because it was shorter lol. plus the bisabeau pun. i am beholden to the pun.
you might’ve noticed that the patch is in a different spot here! i couldn’t find a spot that didn’t cover an important part of the card. so i had to go through the miserable experience of moving the patch and cutting it out even more thoroughly to prevent it from messing up the pixels around it. somehow that damn patch was harder to make than the CUSTOM SIGIL.
speaking of the sigil patch. he gets burrower! which makes him move to any empty space that’s about to be attacked. functionally, this means that ALL damage on the board will get redirected to him. except for airborne attacks i guess
this card doesn’t have a hidden trait! and there’s a reason for that! because…
“a meek, unassuming calf. it has not yet learned its own strength.”
hooved
0 power - 2 health - 2 blood
fledgling - a card bearing this sigil will grow into a more powerful form after 1 turn on the board.
clinger - when one of your creatures is placed in a space, a card bearing this sigil will move towards them as far as possible.
TWO CARDS!! he gets to have a fledgling form :3
fledgling is self explanatory i think? i wanted to keep some kind of reference to his Change and this was the best way i could think of! lil baby thing based on his past self…
clinger is a sigil from act 3! it’s like. only on the lonely wizbot i think. initially i was just going to give them sprinter (which makes them move to a different space after attacking) but it felt… too similar to the elk fawn for my liking. and it felt more appropriate character-wise
this card is also part of the reason why i went with bison. buffalo calf is a long name!!!
idk how well it comes across but they have their lil braid!! i wanted to include the glasses in some way but it felt a little out of place with the card design. so they only have the braids. a necessary sacrifice
i realize that burrower is a TERRIBLE sigil for this card but! i had to keep it consistent with his mature form. hope your bison calf doesn’t fling itself into danger and die! oops!
that’s everything to do with these cards! phew! that was a lot of text. here’s the patchless versions!
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#inscryption#isatscryption#in stars and scrybes#HHHH this was a LONG ONE#goddd i should not be writing these all in one go. these’re gonna have like 3 hour gaps between each post i think#but i’m writing them all at once. my head hurty#i was thinking of separating these into 2 different posts#but ehh… they’re too Linked for me to post them separately. they’re the same card!!#isa’s card art definitely pushes the pseudo-inscryption art style a bit but he looked too pretty for me to change him#out of all the cards i think he took the longest? don’t quote me on that#the custom sigil + patch issues inflated that a bit
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