#idk that feels vitally important to me

[watchmakermori]

picked up attack on titan again after stopping for no reason (why do I always just randomly stop watching things even when I’m enjoying them) and I am really liking season 4 so far. the writing feels as good as it ever has, even if it’s a very different feel to the earlier seasons - which it needs to be, given how much we’ve learned about the world and how much the characters have changed

i think there’s a really interesting conversation to be had about the conflicting interpretations of this series, especially with regards to whether it is facist/antifacist and the complexities of using persecution against fantasy races as an allegory for real-life prejudice. I can definitely understand where the view that AOT is antisemitic comes from, and to some extent I agree with it, but I think the discussion needs nuance. the portrayal of the eldians has a lot of layers and grey areas.

i’ve never come across a series where people interpret the themes in such polarising ways, and that’s very interesting to me. AOT is problematic and should be watched with a critical eye, but it still does some really interesting, valuable things in its narrative - especially with regards to how it subverts its own premise by turning the ‘kill the mindless, invading monsters!’ trope on its head. I’m going to wait until i’m caught up on it before i post any thorough analysis here, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot already

[buried-l0cket]

I love millymeryl and I love vashwood I just wish y’all let the four of them actually hang out and be important to each other instead of segregating them into couples who occasionally reference the other pairs existence

[autisticlee]

I hate when someone vents about things they struggle with, and someone replies "be grateful for/focus on the things you have" yeah I get it. but that doesn't cancel out things you DONT have but need. it doesn't make your needs that arent being met just go away or suddenly be met!

[bluesidedown]

Hi friends I am going to my visa application appointment in a couple hours and am suddenly struck with terror can you pray for me that all would go smoothly I would have all the paperwork I need in proper order and also ideally that I would not have to do an interview or else would have a very very quick one with questions I can answer easily and confidently thank you

[fiercestpurpose]

cannot stand post-canon fics where sam & dean do not live together. i don't care if sam is with eileen and dean is with cas, sam and dean would both have a breakdown if they even had to begin to process what it would mean for them not to live together. they live together!! they're weirdly codependent and totally reliant on each other. they live together!!

[pegging-satan]

Hmmmm I think people often forget that Mori is terrified of Dazai

[malachitezmeyka]

Since I posted my mermaid AU fic 38-ish hours ago I received three comments on it from people I don't know and I honestly have no idea how to react to it

[miamicommune]

cannot wait to submit this essay so i can inch closer to ▀▖┗▛▄▖▜▚┣ ▜▚┗┣┗┫┓┏┓ ▛▄▖┅┗▖. ┣┗┏▛▄▖▜┏┣ ▚ ▖▞┣┗▖┗┣. ┣┗▖┃▀▚▗┏┏┓. ▖┛▀┗▞┃┏▄ ▛┏┗▄▖▜▚┣ ┅▖┗━▖ ▖┓┫▞┣ ▚ ▛▄┅┗▖ ▚ ▖▞┣┗▖┗┣ ▚┛▘▞━▖when i finally manage to ▛▖▚┣ ▜▚┗┣┗┫┓┏┓ ▛▄▖┅┗▖. ┣┗┏▛▄▖▜┏┣ ▚ ▖▞┣┗▖┗┣. ┣┗▖┃▀▚▗┏┏┓. ▖┛▀┗▞┃┏▄ ▛┏┗▄▖▜▚┣ ┅▖┗━▖ ▖┓┫▞┣ ▚ ▛▄┅┗▖ ▚ ▖▞┣┗▖┗┣ ▚┛▘▞━

[exoexid]

i won't let anyone tell me ever again that my history degree is useless. i won't allow anyone to say that humanistic and social sciences don't count under capitalism, and aren't able to help us all """progress""", or bring significant changes to our reality. we are seeing the roots of the "no one of us can be free until everybody is free" quote (thank you maya angelou!!), and how it all comes down to learning and studying and listening to our past and the people all around the world affected by a (western established) multifaceted system that is failing now more than ever because thanks to social media and the global connection it's giving to all of us it cannot look away anymore. a system (and its enablers) that slowly but surely are being exposed and forced to take responsibility in such a impactful and inescapable domino effect.

you start by reading about i/p and then you find yourself reading and informing yourself about yemen. about the ethnocide of the uyghurs. about armenia. about sudan and tigray and the congo. about why namibia is responding to germany. about south africa, and about the numerous human rights violations north american first nations have been suffering for centuries (about the residential schools, about how many reserves don't have clean drinking water...). about thousands of refugee camps and dangerous migrations and why people risk their lives to cross the mediterranean.

it all comes down to caring, even if just a little bit, about things that happened not too long ago actually. in history terms some of them practically happened yesterday. it's beautiful to see so many people fighting for justice and for a better future, but that can only be achieved if we know our past. one of our uni professors used to tell us that we don't study history because of that saying about how a society that doesn't know its past is condemned to repeat it, but because the day might come in which someone might try to deny a fact or event that definitely happened and definitely affected some group of people, and we have to be able to identify it and correct it. we have to be able to identify if oppressive tactics of any kind are being established and pushed again, even if they aren't exactly as they used to be (because they never are) to stop them. we are here thanks to our ancestors, and we owe it to them. we cannot, we mustn't forget.

[schrodingers-romy]

You Don’t Gotta Hold Me Down, Baby (I Know How to Sink) [Shidou Ryusei x Reader]

Pairing: Shidou Ryusei x GN!Reader Word Count: ~1800 [Ao3 Link]

Summary: Ryusei is used to feeling empty at the end of the day; at least, until he has you.

Warnings: crying, some light depression i think from shidou, kisses, reader and ryusei are both lonely and weird idk what to tell you, no gendered pronouns/terms used for reader, gratuitous petnames, some innuendo but nothing sexual/heated happens

Notes: I read in the character book line where he 'cries at the end of the day when he becomes nothing' and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I sincerely hope it's in character but idk. I love him anyways tho and I had fun writing this <3 Title is a lyric from RELAX AFTER WORK WITH A DRINK by Lilyisthatyou.

At the end of the day, Shidou Ryusei becomes nothing.

During the day, lit by the radiance of the sun, he was something. He was in control of his own destiny, a daredevil chasing the high of the next explosion. Whether that explosion came from kicking a soccer ball or kicking some slime’s face in was irrelevant; it was the rush of endorphins it gave him that was important. He was in peak form, the predator at the top of the food chain, devouring the opportunities the world had gifted him, glutting himself on whatever adrenaline high presented itself. But it never lasted; the explosive energy he had faded to nothing at the end of the day, pleasure slipping through his fingers like smoke in the wind, escaping him with the escaping daylight. After sunset, he was left empty, void of any sort of vitality; like a combustion engine with no fuel to light, he was left stiff, and cold, and useless. Forgotten.

He didn't even bother trying to stay up much past sunset, most days. Even with the sun’s lingering warmth rising from the earth during the night, it was always too cold for him, without the light shining on him. He was a photosynthetic organism, relying on sunlight to create his own sustenance in the form of his explosions.

Ryusei liked to think that the faster he went to sleep, the faster he would see the sun again.

It even worked, sometimes.

But sometimes it didn't. Sometimes he lay there for hours, too tired to do anything, and too tired to sleep. It was a bone-deep exhaustion, one that made his joints ache dully, and his eyes stay stuck open, as tears dripped freely down from them onto the thin and faded material of his pillowcase. Those nights, he desperately waited for the sun to return, so he could come back to life. So he could go back to seeking some way to make himself feel. And maybe he would be lucky enough to somehow make his mark on the world, so he would no longer fade from it every night like a mirage.

But he hadn’t made a mark on the world yet. He had yet to make something of himself.

So, at night, Shidou Ryusei would cry as he became nothing.

-

You were both a particular brand of lonely.

Something in the both of you had noticed each other; like calling to like. You were too close for people who had known each other for such a short period of time; it would be concerning, if either of you cared. But you didn’t, so you spent your days attached at the hip. Gorging yourselves on the attention of the other, desperate creatures starved for the acknowledgement and understanding that you had only ever found in each other.

It wasn’t an understanding borne of explicit conversation; the two of you had discussed almost everything under the sun and moon, but you both excelled at skirting the razor’s edge of baring your issues fully. Whether it was because neither of you understood your own mind yourself, or because some sort of animal instinct in you just understood each other without having to spill the gore of your worst feelings, it was unclear. It didn’t really matter, anyways. You were two sides of the same corroded coin, two pieces of a defective puzzle that could only ever fit together.

-

It was past midnight, and you were exhausted. The noise from the television was nothing more than the canned background hum to Ryusei's presence. The true focus of the scene was his flickering gaze and the hot press of his thighs against yours. You were sitting so close you could nearly count every single one of his numerous blond lashes. The shadows they cast on his cheeks were hypnotizing to you, and you found yourself leaning into him, with a combination of your own sleepiness and the dizzy, floaty sensation you always felt when you were this close to him casting you off balance. You could not help yourself from leaning further in, until you were falling into him. Your cheek landed pressed onto the warmth of his exposed collarbone, where his oversized shirt collar had slipped down to reveal tanned skin. You let out a heavy sigh, nuzzling into him, as he wrapped his arms around you to pull you ever closer to his heated body.

“Tired, babes?” he asked, the uncharacteristic deep, slow tone to his voice betraying his own sleepiness.  

“Mhmm hmm,” you mumbled. “Too tired to go home. I’m staying here tonight.”

With anyone else, you wouldn’t have been so bold as to invite yourself to stay the night for the first time. But everything was different with Ryusei. You could be as bold as you wanted, take what you wanted, without fear of ridicule or rejection or anger. He would just give you a particular feral grin, when you asserted yourself, that made you feel confident and on top of the world.

It’s only because you’re so close that you felt the slight hitch in his breath. He covered it nearly seamlessly with his usual attitude. “Of course! I’d love to have you spend the night with me, sexy~”

You nipped lightly at his collar bone, chastising. “Just sleeping, Ryu, no innuendo intended.”

“Aww, how can you say that, after putting your teeth on me,” he whined, teasing. “You know that gets me going, sugar…”

“I want you to get going. To sleep,” you retorted. “I’m tiredddd.” You let your voice trail into a childish whine.

“Can’t have that, can we?” Ryusei shifted, sliding one arm underneath your thighs and one behind your back to lift you up into a bridal carry. “Do I have Your Highness’s permission to take you to bed? I promise not to have my wicked way with you there. Knight’s honor.”

“Ah, why would I not trust my most loyal knight? Take me away, good sir.”

Ryusei grinned wide enough to show gums, before carrying you out of the living room with surprising gentleness.

(Though it wasn’t entirely surprising, to you.)

-

The room was dark, aside from the weak, silvered light of the moon and stars that leaked from Ryusei’s uncovered window. It was just bright enough for you to see the faintest details of his face.

He looked softer, hair down, kohl washed away, venomous pink eyes half-lidded; a sort of physical representation of how he bared himself to you. You were compelled to pull him closer to you, until you could bury your face into his product-free hair. You let out a contented hum at feeling the abnormal silkiness of it.

You were so comfortable; you felt like you were melting into the mattress. It had been forever since you had gone to sleep feeling so relaxed (and safe, and not alone); you couldn’t be blamed for nearly drifting off the second you laid down with Ryusei in your arms.

You were almost gone, slipping into dreamland by the pull of the gentle hands of Morpheus, when you felt Ryusei begin to tremble in your arms.

It was like a switch had been flipped, removing sleep from the edges of your mind like the swipe of an eraser on a chalkboard. You were immediately focused on him.

“Ryusei? Are you okay?” you whispered, a sliver of panic slipping into your voice.

You could feel him shaking slightly in your hold, arms wrapped in a vice grip around you, face pressed tightly into your neck, hiding his expression from you. You felt a drip of wetness fall onto your skin and slip down.

He was crying.

“Baby,” you murmured, hugging his lax body even closer to yours, like you could tuck him away into your ribcage, safe and sound. “Ryu, darling, what’s wrong?” You felt off-balance, perhaps for the first time since you had met. Your understanding did not extend to this, not when he had so carefully pirouetted around any true pain he felt when you talked.

He gripped you tighter for a moment, fingers digging into your skin hard enough to leave bruises, before he relaxed his hold. “Nothin’s wrong.” He lifted his head to look at you.

The tear trails on his face were lit up like liquid drips of mercury in the moonlight. But he didn’t look devastated, as you expected; instead, he had the smallest, softest smile you had ever seen him wear. Even in the half-light, his gaze was soaked in so much affection, he looked love-drunk. It rendered you speechless.

“Y’know,” he laughed wetly, “I usually cry, at night. When I become nothing.” He took a deep, shuddering breath.

You lifted one hand to his face, wiping away the fresh flow of tears that leaked from his glittering eyes. Your eyebrows were creased, a pang going through your heart at his words.

But he wasn’t done, pausing only to nuzzle his cheek further into your hand, like a housecat. “Still cryin’, tonight, but I’m not sad. Y’see babes? I’m not sad. I don’t feel like nothing, I feel happy. Happy tears, sweetheart, just cause tonight I’m with you.” He giggled, hiccupping slightly as his laughter caught on the tears still welling up.

You gaped at Ryusei for a moment, before you yanked him into a kiss. It wasn’t the best kiss ever, still wet with his tears, barely more than a firm press of mouths together before you release him.

He grinned at you for a moment, before dropping back down onto you, boneless. “I feel drunk. Like I’m high. Crossfaded. On you, babe!~” he blabbered, sing-song. “It’s not an explosion, it’s a bonfire inside of me! Shit, this might be better than playing. Or fighting. I might even be a little horny right now, I can’t tell.”

“God, you’re so weird, Ryu.” You punctuated your statement with a firm kiss to his forehead, making an exaggerated ‘mwah’ sound that drew a giggle from the man on top of you. “I love you. I’m gonna be with you forever. I’ll move in, and we’ll sleep together every night, you’ll never feel like nothing again.”

“Maybe I AM horny…horny off of love…emotionally horny?” he rambled. “Fuck, I don’t know, babe, but I love you too, and I’m never gonna let your pretty ass go now, y’hear?”

“Perfect. We’ll become one organism. Symbiosis. Like lichen,” you breathed.

Ryusei let out a lovesick sigh. “Love it when you talk sexy to me.”

You felt one of his hands drift down to squeeze one of your ass cheeks.

You let out an exasperated, but fond sigh. “Ryusei. Go to sleep.”

“Okay honey~” he said, letting out a little giggle into your collarbone.

(And for the first time in years, neither of you fell asleep feeling empty, or lonely; and you would wake up to find joy in the sunrise together.)

[starryeyedstray]

my thoughts on dbh as someone entering the fandom in 2024

so just got into the dbh fandom like in aug 2024. i have watched too much gameplay, read the wiki extensively, read an obscene amount of fanfics on ao3, and am in the process of writing my own. here are some of my thoughts (that no one has asked for):

every fanfic writer who started in 2018 and is still updating their works in 2024 are literal saints and some of the best damn writers i ever did saw and the dedication is fucking unreal. one fic had almost 2 million words??????? like BRUH. some are still ongoing and updated this year?? the dbh fandom in ao3 is not thriving as much as it was in 2018 (i say this purely as someone who's looking at the hits/kudos/comment ratios on older v. new works) but they are still alive!!!!

i am puzzled with the obsession with gavin reed. there are like a million fics that feature him and rk900. i am confused bc he did not seem like a redeeming character at all in my opinion and idk, i think he's just an asshole. i like the redemption arcs some ppl write for him but i just can't with him. i mean you ship who you wanna ship but i am not a reed fan and i am confused how he became so popular when all he did was bully our poor boi connor.

i personally don't ship hank x connor bc they give strong father-son vibes in the canon. however, i am obsessed with how jolli_bean writes the pairing on ao3 since its usually a canon divergence or an AU so the pair meet later in life. there are some fics that follow the canon and do a pretty good job with the pairing, but i just tend to keep it familial between them in my head. (but like i said, ship who you want to ship)

i am glad there's a vague consensus that we all wished alice stayed a human bc i feel like that lends itself to a more interesting narrative post-game. tho i guess her being an android is fine bc now kara, luthor, and alice can live as one happy family in canada forvever lol

i am literally obsessed with bryan dechart's acting as connor. like if you haven't seen him play connor in real life for the interactive #detroit2038 premiere event, then you gotta watch some of the live stream. like he doesn't break character the whole time and his physicality just screams connor and i just really appreciate how much effort he put in as an actor to really embody the character. just so impressive and i wish there was more bts of him acting as connor bc its just so nuanced and ugh *chef's kiss* if they ever made a live action dbh it would be impossible for anyone else to play connor

i love the 28 stab wounds meme. when i watched that scene for the first time it was so jarring lmao

i also love how everyone is like yes, we all know connor likes dogs but he also likes fish bc of that one fish you can save in the very first minute of gameplay hahahah. (his name is dewey and it is vitally important you save him). i also appreciate how the "i like dogs" line will undoubtedly find it's way into every fic possible lol

i think the love for simon is very good and well and amazing but i think josh deserves more love in fics too

it bothers me that when north tells markus "i love you" at the church, MARKUS DOESN'T SAY IT BACK??? LIKE BITCH SAY YOU LOVE HER BACK DAMMIT DON'T JUST WALK AWAY

i love how the fandom just latched onto rk900 and rk800-60 and fleshed out their personalities and i love reading ppl's interpretation of these characters and how they incorporate them into their stories. it's funny they only show up like one time and ppl just ran with it and it's so fun and creative and i love it.

i love the hc that chloe deviated when connor chose not to shoot her. that's the best hc. like it's canon in my heart idc

bless all the fic writers who have mastered the art of explaining how androids mind and bodies work bc there are so many gaps and possibilities left open in the lore and it's incredible to see what ppl come up with or interpret based off the canon. (i still feel 50/50 about when they make deviants feel pain cause like androids not feeling pain is such a big part of the canon and yeah i'll give it a pass if the fic does it for the whumps and the angst but i prefer when a fic finds a canon-compliant reason for deviants to feel pain, even if its just like they got a chip or software installed that makes them feel pain or something)

every pairing that i find in this fandom, i tend to be like... "yeah i can see that." (with the exception of hank x connor for reasons i stated in #3). i'm still like ehhh on reed900 or even gavin x connor bc i just don't think it makes sense in the canon but if it's written well i just shrug and say yeah i guess i could see that. some rarepairs i ended up absolutely adoring were chloe x north and rk900 x north (i realize they're both north but she has such good potential for character dynamics)

idk if it's just me bc i specifically look for fics centered around connor, but i feel like there's not a lot of love for kara at least fic-wise. ig it's cause she kinda just leaves so it's easy to not include her. tbh, i am quite well-versed in markus' and connor's stories but i haven't really explored a lot of kara's. i plan on playing dbh with my partner when i see them again in a couple months and i wanted us to take turn playing different characters and i wanted to play kara's storyline so i've been avoiding it for the most part so i can be surprised with my options. plus, in my wip fic, kara is in canada so she's not really relevant to my story which is why i have in depth knowledge about markus and connor and less on kara.

the music in this game fucking SLAPS. 10/10 kara's theme makes me wanna cry.

okay, there is a common trope in the dbh fanfics where connor loses his memory and that shit gets me everytime. i'm always bawling and anxiously waiting for him to fucking REMEMBER and i hate and love it and eat it up every. single. time. usually, the memory loss happens early in the fic and it's pretty expected but sometimes i get blindsided and i'm like FUCK not this shit again but i can't stop reading it and the angst is so palpable.

i think it's so interesting how ra9 is just like this mystery in the lore that never gets entirely explained in the game. it's like something you can totally kinda ignore but it does have interesting lore implications if you decide to really think about it.

i adore all the characters in dbh equally except for connor who is the certified best boi and my absolute favorite (no one is shocked by this declaration). and the characters on my shit list are zlatko, todd, and sometimes reed.

this is an obnoxiously long post and i apologies. i haven't been on tumblr in years and i just had so many thoughts about dbh and i have no friends to talk to so i decided to dump it all here. i still have more thoughts but those are the ones that come to the forefront of my mind.

tldr: i love dbh and its fandom and i have many specific thoughts about it and you should just really read my post if you care about any of it

[starlit-typewriter]

As a proud Fontainian citizen (lol), I love to see Fontaine's involvement in sagau. However, it's always only the ones with political power so basically Neuvillette, Furina when she's still acting as the Hydro Archon, Arlecchino (+the Fatui) and Wriothesley. I love them all dearly, but I wish to see more about Navia and Clorinde, they were both very present in the AQ and have both their own undeniable influence in Fontaine (one is THE Spina Di Rosula's boss and the other the #1 Champion Duelist in the whole country +Furina's bodyguard) (+they're both my pookies) Idk, it always feels weird not to see them, like the Creator/Impostor is around and you don't even see two of the most important people of Fontaine get involved??

(tbh I really want to see the others too, even if I have no idea what they could bring to the plot but Charlotte trying to uncover the truth and unexpectedly bumping into the Creator or finding out about Neuvillette & cie's plan and either joining in or info-dumping everything in the Steambird???? Why is nobody talking about Charlotte????)

Oooooh that is a very good point.

Honestly considering how new they are as characters I’m not surprised at the lack of content regarding them.

The arc on Fontaine is an interesting one to be sure.

I’ll see what I can do to include these ladies into the story.

I have plans for Navia and Clorinde, I’m unsure whether or not they’d end up as POV characters, but they will be there.

The most interesting thing about Fontaine is that it is very much a land of humans, or more precisely a land without “gods”.

Even during the rule of Furina, she was less of a figure of authority and worship in the same way the other Archons are.

No churches or shrines in her honor unlike Barbados and Raiden Shogun.

No festivals or events like with Kusanali and Rex Lapis.

While there is the Furina film festival, that’s named after her skill as an actress rather than her position as their Archon.

It is so very human.

Of course there are Melusines, but they’re not creatures of legends such as the Adepti, the Youkai, four winds of Mondstadt or the Aranara.

It is truly removed from The Seven.

Which makes sense as it is ruled by the Hydro Sovereign.

But that also means it’s humans are much more removed from the Archons and as a result, Celestia.

What that will mean for this story you’ll just have to wait and see.

There is a theme for who gets blessed. It’s not based off of what characters I have, at least not completely.

Clorinde and Navia are both so intrinsically human and have such vital roles in the community that, well. . .

It will be a very interesting dynamic for character development.

Because there will be character development, believe me.

My only concern is with Charlotte. Since she’s such an Ace reporter, should our lovely Creator bump into them, well I mean it’s a scoop but it will also rock the foundations of Teyvat and might lead to ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ .

But I do have a couple of ideas for an extra featuring her. No promises though!

However since you are a fontainian I do feel the need to warn you of the oncoming weather.

I fear once the Fontaine arc begins you’d best shut your doors and prepare for rain.

[seretoningghost]

Tomura Shigaraki x Male Reader

WARNINGS : LIME! BLOWJOB! Mild sizeplay(?) Small cock appreciation for Tomura😊💕. TOP MALE READER.

Haha. This one's a bit short but its cute.

Idk if you'd call this a lime cus like - blowjob? But Idk? No sex happens.

Ha- Imagine Y/N having a quirk that causes him to overheat when he uses it.

Quirk not mentioned.

(I HAD TEXT TO SPEECH READ IT BACK TO ME SINCE I WAS BUSY- AND YALL- WHY DOES IT MAKE EVERYTHING SOUND SO BAD😭)

THIRD PERSON POV

Y/N huffed, walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge.

Panting quietly as sweat dripped down his body, grabbing his waterbottle.

Tomura slugged into the kitchen, bored and not sure what he wanted to do.

He thought he'd maybe look for a snack - and oh, looks like he found one.

Grinning as he spotted Y/N, eyes gleeming mischievously.

Tomura stood beside the island table, suddenly feeling quite aroused - damn stupid horomones, no matter, as he was lucky and had a boyfriend.

Tomura arched his back slightly, sticking out his ass as he put his elbow on the countertop, propping up his head with his hand.

"Oh~? Overheating again? You know that is really some pathetic quirk you have~.. Being driven to even pass out from such a pathetic side effect~.." Tomura teased with his raspy voice, with a shit eating grin.

Knowing fully well Y/N was a important and vital member to L.O.V, and that it pissed Y/N off more than it rationally should.

...

That and Y/N could pound his ass sore in a fucking instant- a blush rose to Tomura's face, still not loosing his gusto.

It was still so entrancing to him that Y/N was bigger and stronger than him, and Y/N was immune to his quirk - so Tomura couldn't stop him even if he wanted to.

Y/N, who was chugging his ice cold water, huffed - pulled his water bottle from his lips and growled.

Having heard this teasing before he was so fucking done with it.

"Shigaraki you better shut your mouth- because I swear to god if you open your mouth one more time you'll regret it." Y/N glared.

Shigaraki grinned wider, eyes glinting happily, he tried to play it off - but his body collectively shivered.

Shigaraki calmly opened his mouth, his smugness still apparent as he kept his mouth open.

...

And that's how Shigaraki ended up laying on his back on a bed - head hanging off the edge, face dripping with drool - and completely getting his mouth fucked out of it.

Shigaraki would be giggling and moaning in gleeful lust - had he space in his mouth to do much more than let out a guttural moan with each thrust.

Shigaraki most certainly didn't expect this to be his punishment - but he didnt exactly object to his empty mouth being put to use.

If anyone had asked him before this moment - Shigaraki would have asked to be fucked, but Shigaraki had never like this before experienced the sheer joy and sexual enjoyment there could be in giving a blowjob.

Shigaraki was beginning to question his ability to ever again not have something stuffing his mouth.

Shigaraki had his tongue lolled out against the topside of Y/N's cock, loud lewd blowjob and instinctual gagging noises leaving his throat.

It was messy, and that was making him so horny.

A whine leaving his throat as Y/N roughly and quickly throat fucked him.

He wanted to touch himself so bad - but each time he tried Y/N said no and moved his hand away.

Shigaraki's cock throbbed against his pants, a rock hard tent pert in his pants, his cock making a large wet spot through his boxers.

He was so close to cumming - and he wasnt even embaressed at that anymore.

Shigaraki shifted his legs again, having them propped up and bent at the knees.

He didnt care how pathetic it made him look - he wanted to cum so bad - and keep cumming, Y/N was fucking his throat so good.

His eyes were practically crossed he was so fucked out of it.

There were almost no thoughts behind his eyes.

Just one remained, cum.

Whether he came - or Y/N came, he didnt care anymore. He wanted cum.

Shigaraki slowly and feebly shifted his hand - reaching for his zipper - as if being slow Y/N wouldn't see him in the lit room.

"Shigaraki.. Stop that. I said that t-this is your punishment. You can't touch yourself." Y/N groaned.

Shigaraki shuddered, feeling Y/Ns cock fuck his throat somehow deeper - it was like all the smarts in his brain were being fucked out of him.

He moved his hand away, gripping onto the bed - his gloves really coming in handy now.

Tomura suddenly bringing his thighs together and rubbing, Y/N grinned, panting as he watched.

Tomura was being a obedient little cock slut - keeping his throat open and staying still - despite how hard Y/N fucked his throat.

It was even more cute and demeaning that Shigaraki was following his commands and instead rubbing his thighs together like a bitch in heat.

"You wanna cum so bad don't you~?" Y/N teased with a grin, he was close, he just wanted to see how easily he could get Tomura to cum.

Y/N could tell by the loud moan Shigaraki made each time he got the chance that he was affirming Y/N.

"Yeah~? Yeah~? Using nothing but my cock ramming in your throat to get off~?" Y/N whined, feeling closer than he was before.

Tomura's eyes rolled back pleasurably - not that Y/N could see at his angle.

"Alright then slut... Cum~.." Y/N purred, taking a firm grip around Tomura's throat.

Shigaraki's thighs shuddered hard, a loud high pitched whine exiting his throat.

He creamed in his pants, hard.

His cock sore and throbbing from the lack of stimulation, already shuddering from the gross feel in his pants as the wettness stickily webbed between his cock - abdomen - and boxers.

It quickly getting colder.

Y/N groaned, the sight alone of Tomura convulsing on his cock causing his to cum.

Jizz shooting into Tomura's mouth.

Shigaraki moaned pathetically, his cock feeling overstimuated by the soreness.

Enjoying the large mass of sticky cum in his mouth.

A soft shudder racking down his spine.

After a few thrusts Y/N pulled out, panting loudly.

Tomura pawwed at the cum in his mouth with his tongue, soaking in the favor before swallowing.

Dribbles of cum leaking out of the corners of his lips, but he didn't care.

"Oh my... What a good boy~..." Y/N teased with a grin, putting himself back inside his boxers - still leaving his pants unzipped, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Tomura's head.

Y/N ran a hand through Tomura's hair - Tomura letting out a soft 'ghhahh' of a sigh as he finally caught his breath.

"Your still hard~... I'll just take care of that~.." Y/N grinned, licking his lips as he leaned over.

"N-No!"

Y/N looked back to Tomura.

"I-Im just so... S-sensitive - I-I can't..." Tomura whined.

Y/N was shocked, usually Tomura had a high libido and was ready to go at practically any time.

Y/N smirked, and cooed.

"I'll be gentle.. I promise~..." Y/N said as he leaned closer - undoing Tomura's zipper.

"A-Ah... N-No- please... Y-Your tongue is just so-"

Y/N wide swipe licked Shigaraki's cock from tip to base.

"W-Warm! A-a-and b-Big!" Shigaraki shuddered - cock twitching wildly against Y/N's tongue.

Shigaraki shifted on the bed whining as his cock ached against Y/Ns tongue.

"Such a big messy load this time~..." Y/N praised, gently lapping against the side of Tomura's cock.

"P-Please..." Tomura whined, looking at the ceiling.

He didn't know if he was asking for more, or begging for Y/N to stop.

But Y/N didn't pay heed, Tomura knew his safe word.

"I think this might be your biggest load yet~.." Y/N cooed as he happily licked another broad stripe on Tomura's cock.

"b-big..." Tomura squeaked - feeling Y/N's large tongue swipe against his member.

"I'm not big, your just small.. Just like your cute handsome cock~.." Y/N purred, gently taking hold of Shigaraki's base with his index and thumb - tilting his cock to lick at the topside.

Y/N always loved Shigaraki's 3-4" cock, easily being able to envelope him in his warm mouth and get whines out of him - pleading how it was too warm or stimulating.

Y/N was standardly a big guy already - but something about the exaggeration between their sizes was super hot.

Y/N opened his mouth wide - making unnecessarily lewd wet noises - spit webbing between his teeth and tongue.

Y/N was horny all over again, he wasn't hard - but even if he did get hard it would be enough to just please his lover.

Y/N made sure to flatten out his tongue as he licked stripes across Tomura's pelvic section - making his tongue as wide as possible as he lapped up the thickening cum.

Once that was all done now he just had to finish off Shigaraki's cock.

"Juuust a bit moooore~.." Y/N teased with a grin, opening his mouth noisily wide.

Shigaraki's cock twitched - before Y/N knew it Shigaraki's hands were intangled in his hair - pushing him down roughly.

Holding his head in place as Tomura fucked his mouth hard and frantically - his hips bucking up forcefully.

Y/Ns body getting hotter at how sexy it was, pushing down and doing his best to suck and swirl his tongue.

Shigaraki was huffing and whining frantically, his cock throbbing and aching from abuse - but Y/N's mouth felt so warm and soft and so good.

Shigaraki didn't care how desperate or premature it seemed - Y/N was just so hot and he wanted to cum so bad.

Letting out a sudden moan he threw back his head - Y/N placing a hand on Shigaraki's hip as his back arched.

Y/N making sure to lean in even further and lap up Shigaraki's load.

Y/N pulled off with a pop once Shigaraki had rode off his high, grinning as he looked at Shigaraki.

"Satisfied~?"

Shigaraki was panting softly, but he shifted his gaze to Y/N - seeing Y/N grin - with cum dribbling down his chin.

"Would you stop doing that!" Shigaraki whined - covering his face as he blushed.

"Doing what~?"

"Leaking cum and spit on purpose!" Shigaraki groaned.

Y/N chuckled.

_________________________________________

Hello! You made it to the end! :3🎉

Also thank you to everyone liking my stories you mean the world to me!😘 You would not BELIEVE the amount of motivation it gives me!

[irondad-and-spiderson]

Hi! Sorry to bother, idk if you take asks like this (if you don't feel free to ignore!) but do you know any good fics where SI employees bully/threaten/mistreat Peter and Tony comes to the rescue? Thank you so much for your time 💙💙

Hi! I absolutely do! I might just take forever to respond and take your prompt a little loosely 😃 The three under the cut are employees with (valid) security concerns. I know there are more that I can’t find, so anyone feel free to add some 😉

A Big Security Issue by FotiBrit

When Peter lost his Stark Industries Staff ID, Tony handed the kid his own. That was never an issue, until Peter had to check in at the front desk.

-

The Cusp of a Breath by SpaceCowboysFromMars

“That was the most stressful thing I’ve ever experienced.” Peter says as he and Tony make their way into the crowd. He wipes his sweaty palms on his thighs, cringing when he remembers how much the suit costs.

“You got shot on patrol last month.”

“This was worse.”

Or; Peter is introduced as the official heir of Stark Industries, but not everyone is completely welcoming of his presence. Luckily, he has a pretty awesome mentor to keep him on track.

-

the love (and other things) you inherit by ironfidus

“Which is why,” Catherine says, unblinking, as delicately as she can, “the board requires that you name a successor in the event of your untimely demise. The risk has simply become too great for us to ignore.”

Tony Stark’s spent a large portion of his life thinking about legacy: his legacy, his company’s, Iron Man’s. He’s spent a lot of time fighting to protect his legacy, too. But today, with a lawyer as his witness and FRIDAY as his one-AI cheerleading squad, he stops, takes a step back, and lets go instead—because for the first time, his legacy isn’t about him, not really.

And as FRIDAY would say: it’s about damn time.

Alternatively: Tony updates his will and gets himself an heir, Peter gets a promotion (for lack of a better word), and the rest of the world gets a wake-up call—in that order. Ft. an impatient board of directors, a Stark Industries charity gala, and a universe in which Tony Stark gets to be happy.

-

Security Bias by Sara (ctrsara)

Happy Hogan asks Daren Anderson to help him out with a little project.

My take on idk-bruh-20's irondad fic ideas #128: Fic where, after a security incident in which some bozo accused Peter of trespassing at Stark Tower, Happy holds an emergency briefing for the entire SI security team.

The topic of the briefing? The absolutely untouchable, vital-to-know-if-you-want-to-keep-your-job level of importance of one Peter Parker.

:)

Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited by kingdomfaraway

While Leroy didn’t like gossip, he wasn’t immune to it and he’d heard about a young boy claiming to be Tony Stark’s intern showing up randomly throughout the building. He just figured it was some random mystery, a Stark Industries cryptid if you will.

Never did he think he’d have a sighting.

“Are you Peter Parker?” Leroy questioned, narrowing his eyes at the young boy, looking for any signs of deceit.

“Oh yeah, that’s me, hi!” Possibly Fabled Intern Peter Parker reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge and lanyard, this one with his face on it and INTERN written underneath it. “Mr. Stark got me a badge so I can get nachos whenever I want.”

-

Chapter 1 of 200 Park Avenue (5+1) by Sara (ctrsara)

Peter hasn't seen Mr. Stark, or been able to go out as Spider-man since he turned down his invitation to join the Avengers a few weeks ago. He ends up at Stark Tower rather randomly, finding an unlikely hero in Mr. Stark's AI, then keeps returning for different purposes.

The first chapter is a short I did for Comfortember 2022 that I've just kept thinking about. I'm building on that story and creating a 5+1 to explore the new dynamic (post-Homecoming) in another way.

Or

5 Times Peter Visited Stark Tower and 1 Time He Stayed

-

Home by patrochilles_trash ((it’s less angsty than it sounds))

Tony had been out of the country for weeks on SI business, and Peter was having a hard time. He missed him, plain and simple.

Okay. Maybe not so plain and simple.

Peter had a rough time in the weeks and months that followed the final defeat of Thanos in the ruins of the Compound. Thrust back into life, only to be forced to fight for the lives of the entire universe for the second time at only sixteen-years-old, and then to be told that his last living relative died in a crash during his five year absence did wonders for his psyche.

He developed a nasty form of separation anxiety toward his mentor-turned-adoptive-father -- not that Tony fared much better himself -- and his therapist had said it was a side effect of PTSD and that it would get better over time.

OR

A small field trip fic to SI where Tony has been out of the country for a few weeks, and Peter isn't handling it well.

Don't be fooled. This garbage fluff to avoid my other fics that I'm writing

[causeilikelix]

Rose Garden - Part One - Lee Know Smut

↳Pairing: Prince!Lee Know x Maid!afab reader

↳Words: 7,800

↳Warnings: SMUT 18+ only!!!!! Minors DNI!!!!!, Lee Know has a dirty mouth, unprotected sex (we all know the drill), inexperienced virgin!reader, Lee Know also might be a virgin but idk, pretty vanilla stuff, power dynamics, creampie, multiple orgasms, multiple (2) positions, semi-public sex, they almost get caught but aren't, angst, a mention of throwing up but no one does

↳Summery:  You are a maid for one of the ladies eligible for a chance to see if they are the prince's soulmate. You join your lady and attend the tea party but you grow bored and wander off. After a while, you stumble across a beautiful rose garden and an even more beautiful man- though he's not very nice.

TAGLIST: @ohmy-moonlightx , @junebug032 , @giyusatorou , @skzfelixlove , @kittkat44 , @nap-of-a-starr, @ventitto , @blankdyean , @lethallyprotected , @poisonivy21 , @nobody3210 , @chuuswifereal , @hisokasimp1

(Strikethrough means unable to tag)

↳Notes: Long story short, I work a lot and I'm tired but I'm trying to get these written!!!

↳Ready on my AO3: Here

Part One

“MOTHER!”  JOY COMPLAINED loudly, “Do I really have to go to this ridiculous ball?” 

“Yes, darling,” Joy’s mother, Mrs. Park, flitted around the room and checked each of the offerings of the maids, “Tonight is vital.  You must catch the eye of the Prince!”

“What if he's not my soulmate, though?”  Joy pouted, which you caught through her vanity mirror as you carefully curled her hair. 

“Darling, when you’re this high up in society you can’t be concerned about all of that soulmate dribble!  You are a lady!  You are out in society and your position matters!”  Mrs Park insisted.  She made her way over to the vanity and gestured for you to move aside. 

Wordlessly and obediently, you stepped aside to let Joy’s mother take over your task of doing Joy’s hair.  You backed away to stand with the other maids who were holding various jewelry options for this afternoon’s tea party.  

Joy looked absolutely stunning, which was truly no surprise.  As one of the higher ladies of the court, she had to be.  Whenever she went to these tea parties or balls, it was part of your job to make sure she looked her best.  You did her hair, helped her into whichever gown was chosen for the event, and applied the perfect amount of rouge to her cheeks.  As her dedicated ladies maid, you also had to cater to her every whim.  

Technically, you weren’t allowed to be friends with the lady you served but you and Joy had gotten rid of that ages ago.  As her mother rambled on about the importance of holding the family’s position in society, Joy locked eyes with you through the vanity mirror and rolled her eyes.  You had to stifle your giggle into your hand and pretend it was a sneeze in order for the other maids to ignore you. 

“Mother, the prince does absolutely nothing for me.  We would be an awful match!”  Joy whined. 

“Joy, I won’t keep telling you why you have to attend this event.  This is your last chance to catch the Queen’s eye.  If you don’t then they will choose a bride for him this evening at the ball.”

“But every eligible girl in society will also be peacocking around!  There’s no way I could ever stand out.”

“Joy!”  Mrs Park scolded with a light smack to her shoulder.  She moved away and gestured for you to continue your task.  “Ms. Y/N, please do your best work.  You are serving the potential future princess of our fine country!”

“Mother!”  Joy screeched, but Mrs Park made her way out of the room before Joy could whine much more.  “Y/N, you’d better make me look like a monster!”  

“Ma’am, I’ve heard that the Prince is a fine young man!”  You chimed in as you went back to putting small crystals into Joy’s dramatic updo.

“Oh, come on, please don’t call me that when mother isn’t around.  It makes me feel like an old maid.”  Joy pouted. 

“Of course.  Which jewelry set do you want to go with your dress?”  You waved over the other maids, who hurried over to present their offerings.  Joy perused them for a moment before pointing at a silver and blue set to complement the rich navy she had on.

“I don’t know why mother insists on jewel tones.”  Joy sighed, “She knows I prefer pastels.  All the other girls will be wearing pastels to tea!”

“Or maybe they won’t!  This is the last chance to impress the Queen before she makes the decision for him.”

“I hope she’s decided already.  I think I’d hate being married to a prince.  What if he’s dull?”  Joy sighed.

“Honestly, they probably chose his intended ages ago and they’re doing all this for the sake of some social events and entertainment,” You suggested innocently.  

Joy gasped in horror and turned to look at you.

“How dare you insult the royal family!”  She exclaimed.  Her eyebrows furrowed and your heart dropped into your stomach.  You hadn’t meant to-

Joy cracked a smile.  She giggled openly, which helped your muscles relax.  She was just joking.

“Don’t frighten me so!”

“I will never reprimand you for voicing your opinions, even about the royal family.  I believe we are well past that, don’t you?”  Joy turned back to the mirror and you got back to work on her hair. 

You were able to breathe a little better. 

Once Joy had her hair done and her jewels put on, she got up and started towards the door.  You bowed as she left and mentally ran through the list of duties you had to attend to once she left.  Tidy the closet, dust the shelves, make her bed, wash her pillow cases and-

“Oh,” Joy sighed, her hand on the doorknob, “I do wish you could come with me.  You make much better company than any of the other ladies.”

“I wish I could go too, Miss.”  The formality slipped out, but she allowed it. 

“Maybe you could go.”  Joy mused, “I could demand you accompany me in case I have a fainting spell or something.  I suddenly feel one coming on.”

She shot you a mischievous grin.  

“You just want to paint all afternoon."

For almost ten years she’d been faking fainting spells in order to either get out of an event or get you to go with her.  You were surprised that she hadn’t faked one today.  Despite the dramatic navy gown and the sparkly jewelry, Joy preferred to spend her days with you in the greenhouse painting away.  Each year for your birthday she gifted you a blank sketchbook and some pencils and often invited you to paint with her.  You weren’t nearly as good as her, but it allowed for you to have something to do together.  An even playing field.  No titles. 

“You caught me.  What can I say?  I prefer painting with my best and only friend in the ton over mingling and pretending to hope for the Queen’s approval.”  Joy mused for a few long moments.  Then, terrifyingly, her eyes lit up.  She opened the door and called out into the house.  “Mother! Y/N is joining us to the ball today!  I shall require her assistance changing into my other gown for the ball.”

“What?”  You gawked.

Joy closed the door and turned to you triumphantly.

“Crystal,”  Joy turned to one of the other maids, “Please prepare my pink and blue gown with the flowers and sapphires on the bodice for the palace with the fullest underskirt you can find.  Oh, and the pink set of jewelry that Papa gave me for Christmas!  Y/N, go prepare your best dress!  You’re going to the royal ball!”

~!~!~!~!~!~

Joy’s scheming got you right where she wanted you.  If you had the chance, you definitely would have stayed home but you were in no position to refuse her.  Joy’s mother wasn’t thrilled that you were there but at this point she knew that there were some battles you just don’t win.  

It wasn’t as if there was much for you to do at this party anyway.  Joy made you change into your event uniform, which was really just a cleaner black-and-white version of what you normally wore.  Today you wore a long black dress with a white lace apron layered over the skirt, with a white collar and cuffs.  

All well and good if the tea party wasn’t outdoors.

By all means, the temperature outside was quite pleasant unless you had to stand off to the side with the other ladies maids in direct sunlight.  All of you had delicate sheens of sweat along the backs of your necks as you waited to be summoned by your respective ladies.  Some of the maids you’d seen before and had decent friendships with.  The great part about being a maid is that almost all of them were into gossip, as if they were reading a dramatic-real life romance novel. 

“Ryujin, you’ll never believe it!”  Yuna exclaimed, “Mr Lee proposed to Lady Shim last week!  They had a few moments together in the garden and he got down on one knee and he had a ring prepared and everything!”

“How romantic!”  Ryujin squealed, “Did she accept?”

“Honestly, I’m in disbelief!  She didn’t refuse him but she said she needed time to think.  It’s possible that she’s hoping to be chosen by the Queen but she can’t be selected if she’s betrothed.”

“Have any of you actually seen Prince Minho?”  Ryujin sighed, “I mean, Mr Lee is a catch.  Why would she turn him down?”

“I saw the prince once!”  Lia, another maid into all the gossip, chimed in eagerly, “He is unbelievably handsome.”

“Oh, shove it.  You only saw the back of his head once.” Yuna rolled her eyes, “I saw him once a few weeks ago.  He is, without a doubt, one of the most handsome men I’ve ever set my eyes on!”

“What about you, Y/N, have you seen the prince?”  Ryujin turned the attention onto you.

“No, I’ve only heard about him from Lady Joy.  She has no interest in him.”

“Well, I think he actually plans on attending this event alongside the Queen, so hopefully we should get a glimpse of him soon!”

“Why aren’t they searching for his soulmate?  I heard that a soulmate match makes for more successful breeding.”  You asked.

“That was the purpose of these parties all month!  They’ve been bringing in all the ladies and the princesses of neighboring countries to each try their hand at being his soulmate but no one suitable has been found,” Ryujin explained, “If he doesn’t find his soulmate tonight then the Queen will choose one of the offers submitted by various other royal or noble families.”

“This is all so dull,” you sighed, “Who cares about soulmates and politics.  All we can do is watch!  At this rate I’ll die an old maid.”

“If you find your soulmate I’m sure your lady will let you marry!”  

“Only if he’s someone of my rank.”  You rolled your eyes, “It looks like Lady Joy is enjoying herself so I think I might go for a walk, care to join me?”

“Goodness, no.  I would get in trouble if I ever left my lady’s sight!”

“Well, tell her I had to find the servant’s quarters if she asks about me.” 

You didn’t know why Joy wanted you along so badly if she was only going to get caught up in the other ladies she was friends with.  You figured a turn around the gardens wouldn’t be such a bad thing, especially since no one was paying any attention to you.  Also, this might be the only chance you ever got to see the royal garden.  

Quietly, you slipped away from the other maids and turned to venture deeper in the gardens.  The party was relatively localized so there were acres of untouched flora to explore.  Maybe, if you were lucky, there would be a pond or a fountain to sit by and watch.  Something about water always fascinated you. 

The sun warmed your skin as you walked through the hedges and trees.  The cobblestone paths crunched delicately beneath your shoes.  Flowers and shrubs lined the path, allowing for a delicate floral scent to fill the air.  You sighed happily when a light breeze helped the aroma into your nose.  

By all means, this was the perfect day for a tea party.  The only thing missing was the tea.  The more you thought about it the more a cup of tea sounded wonderful, but you would have to wait for a cup until you got back to the house and put Joy to bed.

As you walked you occasionally passed by other maids or servants of the palace but they paid you no mind.  Your finer uniform gave the impression that you belonged within the palace walls, but you knew you did not.  Your family was intimately entwined with the Park family.  From birth you were predestined to be Joy’s lady's maid.  You feared that you would never do anything else. 

When you were a little girl you used to dream of entering the palace.  As a child, it was as a woman of nobility who got to wear all of the pretty dresses that Lady Joy got to wear and dance at all the balls.  However, as you got older you figured that the more realistic track would be for you to enter the kitchen and work as a servant.  There was little to no chance of changing rank and now that you were a proper soulmate-seeking adult, you had to accept your reality.  Nothing would ever change for you.

Then the gardens began to change. 

The standard hedges turned into lofty lattice structures.  The wood was painted white and the structures created square arches over the path.  Lattice fences lined the walkway as well.  Vines snaked up the structures and overhead, creating lovely shadows that helped to soothe the sweat pearling at the back of your neck.  The white gravel turned to cobblestones under your feet.

Soon, however, flowers began to appear on the vines.  As you ventured deeper into the garden, roses of every color began to decorate the lattice and the arches.  There were several stripes of color.  Several feet of white roses, then orange, then red, then purple.  The soft aroma of the roses wafted into your nose and you sighed happily.  The occasional iron bench lined the path and you had half a mind to sit down and take a rest for a while. 

“Goddamn it!”  A voice carried from a crevice in the hedges and you jumped.  The exclamation was soon followed by a loud thump and a groan of pain. 

On instinct, you gasped and went to find the source of the noise.  The second groan of pain helped you navigate the maze of lattice fences with roses on them.  The path curved into a generous arch before an opening into the center of the garden appeared.  You dipped through a circular hedge gate until you emerged into probably the most beautiful place you’d ever seen in your life. 

In the center of a generous opening was a stone gazebo with lattice fences lining it.  Those, of course, had large rose bushes wound throughout making the gazebo feel like a proper enclosed building.  A delicate trickling stone fountain of a woman pouring water into a basin sat in front.  A plethora of garden trimming tools like shears and a basket of weeds sat at the stone woman’s feet.  Along the back wall were more fences lined with roses so you supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised to see the man on the ground near them. 

The man wore a pair of brown trousers and a white flowy top that hung off his shoulders and showed off his milky collarbones.  He wore a pair of black boots that went up just below his knees.  You couldn’t see his full face but you knew only from his profile that he would be beautiful.  He groaned and wiped his hands on his pants before standing back up.  He sighed and fixed his cuffs before turning and seeing you at the entrance to the small garden.  Instantly, his face morphed into one of horror and he backed away from you slowly.

“Leave immediately!”  The man commanded in a sweet and melodic voice that was a strong contrast to his barked orders, “And tell no one what you saw!”

“I… I’m sorry!”  You dipped down into a low curtsey, even though you couldn’t tell who he was.  Judging from the dirt on his pants and the trimming shears on the ground by your feet, you had something of an idea. 

“Didn’t I tell you to go?”  He asked again after you hesitated to move. 

“I do apologize but… I appear to have lost my way and-”

“You lost your way?  Isn’t it required of the help to know their way around this oppressive castle?”  The man rolled his handsome cat-like eyes and he tossed a hand through his rich brown locks. 

“I… Well, I am just visiting.”  Your throat closed as you spoke.  He glared at you, making you feel small under his intense gaze. 

“Ah, you’re just visiting then?  For the party?  Well, that makes you forgiven for your presence here.  You shouldn’t be away from your post.”  The man scoffed, making you doubt that he was serious about his words. 

“Sir, I’m truly sorry.  I got lost.  If you could tell me the way out then I will-”

“I will tell you.”  The man sighed in defeat, “but only if you tell no one where you were or what you saw.”

“Sir, no one would believe me anyway.  If you wish to escape then it’s none of my business.”  

“You are just a ladies maid, I suppose.  Fine, if you go back through the arch and turn left then-”  the man paused.  

He finally looked up at you and straight into your eyes.  You were shocked by how strangely warm his eyes were, despite the neverending glare.  The sunlight was hitting them just right and making his eyes a swirling exhibit of chestnut and gold.  The crease between his eyebrows softened after a moment before his entire face relaxed and he sighed.  

“Sir?”

“Look, I’m…”  he winced before he forced out the next words, “I’m sorry.  I am under a lot of stress right now and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

“What kind of stress?”  You blurted out your question before you could stop yourself.  You knew you had to get back to your duties but something about this man kept your feet glued to the ground. 

“Have you ever had a huge obligation?  Like, something that has been planned practically since your birth that you can’t get out of?”  He paused to gauge your reaction.  You shook your head.  “I suppose not.  Anyway, it’s like there’s all this theater to pretend like my life is up to me but I know that it’s not.  I will be the subject of command my entire life and I can’t take it anymore.  I need to get out of here before it’s too late.”

“And you’re trying to climb the rose bushes?”

“Not successfully, I might add.  Those bristles are sharp.  But it’s the only place in the garden that has any sort of structure that can get me out.”

“Do you need some assistance, sir?”  You took a bold step deeper into the garden and towards the beautiful man. 

“Assistance?”  he chuckled, “You mean you would help me try to get over this fence?”

“Well, if you truly don’t want the life that’s been planned for you, why go through with it?  I believe that everyone should have a chance to live the life they want.  Granted, that’s not completely realistic in this society…”  

“It’s not?”  The man blinked at you in surprise, as if he was genuinely learning of hierarchy for the first time.

“Well, no.  Everybody has their master.  There’s no room for dreaming.  So, I think that if you have the opportunity to escape and follow your dream then you should.  What is your dream, if not this?”  You gestured vaguely to the flowers.  

“I want to live a simple life.  I want to be in control of myself and who I love.  I don’t want anyone to decide for me who I’m supposed to be with.  I don’t want anyone looking over my shoulder all the time.”

“Then go!  I’m certainly not stopping you.  It looks like there’s a place to grip the fence up there, if you want me to give you a lift?”  You moved a little closer, tearing your eyes off of the beautiful stranger and up at the lattice fence.  

“You?  Want to give me a lift?  Are you sure you wouldn’t be crushed under my weight?”

“I am a ladies maid, sir, I would sooner be crushed under the laundry I must do after the ball this evening.”  

The man smiled at you.  The first warm gesture since you’d met.  For a moment, the smile almost seemed… endearing.  

You couldn’t deny that being under his gaze made you weak in the knees.  Whoever this escapist gardener was, he was handsome.  You enjoyed the sound of his voice as it wafted through the air.  It sounded sweeter than the scent of the bold blooms surrounding you.  Sunbeams that were cast through the flowers landed on his golden skin, making him practically glow.  Your time together was fleeting… and you wanted more of him.

“Come,”  he gestured with his hand for you to move closer.  You appreciated the contrast from only a few moments ago. 

You followed his command and floated closer to him.  Your feet practically moved on their own, as if you were being drawn to him like a magnet. 

“You’re so obedient when you want to be.”  He complimented.  He turned towards the wall and put his hands on his hips.  He scanned it until he found the patch of white wood that wasn’t covered in the thorny flowers or their leaves.  “I think that will work, like you said.  Why don’t you come stand right here and-”

He turned and suddenly put his hands on your shoulders.  You gasped at the contact but let him move you into position by the wall.  As he dropped his hands from your shoulders, the tips of his fingers grazed against the back of your hand.  The man stopped speaking at the skin-on-skin contact, but he also didn’t stop touching you.  His fingers lingered there for a few seconds before he pulled away entirely. 

“I’m sorry, do forgive me.  I know that was careless but-”  He began but he was cut short by a gasp.  

You both gasped at the same time when the tell-tale arousal ripped up your spine.  It was practically instantaneous how you went from completely normal to, in a matter of seconds, dripping and empty.  You watched as his trousers grew tighter as an erection swelled under the fabric.  Both of you stared at each other for a few horrible seconds.  Of all places to meet your soulmate, why here?  Why now?

Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his mouth and you almost audibly groaned.  His pretty pink lips were parted slightly and they looked shiny with spit.  All you wanted to do was taste him.  From the way his eyes flicked down to your lips, you could only assume he wanted the same.

“You?”  He breathed out. 

“I could go,” you offered, though you could barely recognize the sound of your own voice.  He stared at you for a few long seconds.

“Don’t you dare.”

Then his mouth was on yours.  No ceremony, no build-up, just pure urgency.  His hands circled your waist as he waited for you to respond to his kiss.  Your eyes were open for a second as you contemplated the new situation, but before you knew it your eyes closed and you kissed him back.  He wasted no time in twisting his head and deepening the kiss.  Your inexperience didn’t seem to bother him as he worked his mouth with yours.  

He kissed you as if his life was on the line, as if this was the last time you would ever see each other.  For a moment, you wondered if that was true.  

The thought left your mind the moment his tongue swiped at your lower lip, requesting entrance.  You wasted no time in parting your lips and pushing your tongue against his.  You wondered if he really did taste like honey or if that was the soulmate hormone talking.  Your hands curled into his hair and he moaned at the contact.  Gratefully, you swallowed every noise that came from him.  

“I need to have you now,” he mumbled against your lips, “Please, let me have you.”

“I’m yours for the taking.”  

He wasted no time at all.  

In an instant, he was pushing you into a corner of the rose garden that was just out of sight of the entrance.  There wasn’t a bench or anything to sit on and he didn’t have anything to cushion the ground, but it didn’t really matter to either of you.  The emptiness between your legs was probably going to kill you if you didn’t have him immediately, so you pulled him to the ground and straddled his lithe hips. 

He gasped in surprise when his back hit the ground, but he grinned at your enthusiasm.  The kiss broken, you worked together to get your skirts out of the way and he tugged at your undergarments.  He glared at them like they were offensive to him personally.  He shot you a quick smirk before the sound of tearing fabric met your ears.

“Hey!  I kind of need those.”  You protested.

“I want to see what’s mine.”  

He lifted his head off the ground to gaze at your dripping sex.  You wonder if he could tell how wet you were just by a little kissing.  He moved one of his hands towards your center, shooting you a quick glance as if to ask permission.  The moment you nodded, the tips of his fingers grazed your outer sex and you gasped at the touch.  The mere touch alone tasted sweet.  

His fingers explored further, slipping beneath your lips to prod at your drenched hole.  He sucked in a sharp breath when he pushed his index finger into the first knuckle. 

“Damn, angel, you’re so wet.  This is all for me, hm?”   He pulled his fingers away and you groaned at the lack of contact.  Your eyes widened when he slipped his pointer finger into his mouth and lapped at your essence.  His eyes rolled into the back of his head at your taste before he looked up at you with eyes clouded with lust.  “Angel, I wish we had time for you to sit on my face so I can drink you up but right now I think I’ll die if I’m not inside you soon.” 

Honestly, you shared the sentiment.  You reached for the laces on his britches and tugged at them.  He leaned back and watched you wrestle with his pants for a few minutes.  However, it didn’t take him long to get needy himself and soon his fingers were joining yours. 

Together, you freed the laces and pushed his pants down just enough for his cock to pop out and slap onto his lower belly.  You were thankful that his shirt had ridden up a little in your efforts.  His dick, while being the only real one you’d ever seen, looked perfect.  It was thick and long and the head was a gorgeous shape of pink that matched his kiss swollen lips.  Since turning twenty one and being told about some of what to do, you had an idea of what was about to happen.  

“Have you ever seen one before?”  He grasped his cock with one hand and stroked it a few times.  His other hand gripped your waist and maneuvered you into place above him. 

“No, I’ve only heard about them, sir.”  You gasped when something hot and wet glided through your lower lips.  

“They really don’t teach you girls anything, do they?”  He tsked and pressed the head against your dripping hole.  With how wet you were, it could have slipped right in with no resistance.  “I’m going to put it inside you now.  There might very well be some discomfort, but you’re so wet I think you’ll drown my cock, so I think you’ll be fine.”

“Please, put it in.”  You practically begged, lowering your hips and accepting him into you.

You let out an embarrassingly loud moan when the head breached your entrance and began pushing inside you.  Your swollen walls stretched to accommodate him readily.  Like he said, there was a little discomfort from the initial stretch but there was no pain.  He moved the hand that was on his dick to your waist and used both hands to help you descend onto him.  You squeezed your eyes shut and let it happen.

When your hips were flush with one another, your thighs were shaking with effort.  You dropped your hands to his chest and held on for stability.  You kept your weight off him as much as you could, aside from how your pussy was finally wrapped around his delicious cock.  

“Are you alright?”  His soft voice made your eyes snap open to look at him.  His eyebrows were furrowed in concern and his grip on you tightened.  “You need not hold yourself up.”

“I am quite heavy, sir.  I don't want to crush you.”

“Nonsense.”   He growled, pushing down on your hips hard enough for your legs to give out.  Your full weight descended onto his hips, shoving his cock deeper into you and causing you both to let out groans of satisfaction.  The pressure of him being fully sheathed inside you made you want to cry.  It was as if he’d split you open.

Instantly, he lifted a hand to press it over your mouth.  Effortlessly, he pushed his hips up, held you in the circle of his arms and rolled you so you were on your back.  He shifted his hips a little bit just to be sure he wouldn’t slip out of you while he changed your position.  Once he was over you, dick still lodged within your warm and wet walls, he leaned down to whisper against your ear. 

“We don’t want to get caught, do we?  Stay quiet while I ruin you, yeah?”  

He kept his hand across your mouth as he ground his hips into you.  You groaned against his skin as the friction sent sparks of pleasure up your spine.  All of the discomfort of being filled melted away until all you could feel was absolute pleasure.  His cock massaged your insides perfectly with every single thrust.  He was so deep you could practically feel him in the back of your throat.  

You gazed up at him through your eyelashes, watching his face as he fucked you.  Every time he pushed in, his face contorted into a beautiful picture of pleasure.  Droplets of sweat trickled down his face, giving his skin a glowing sheen.  He gazed right back down at you, locking your eyes together with every grind of his hips.  From this angle, his shirt dipped down and you could see the expanse of his collarbones and chest.  You wished you had a better angle without all these pesky clothes in the way so you could see his cock as it entered you.

You mumbled against his sweaty hand, tasting the addicting salt of him.  

“Can you stay quiet if I take my hand away, my angel?”  He moaned lowly as a particularly deep thrust made you clench around him.  You nodded rapidly and he slowly pulled his hand away.  “What is it?”

“Faster,”  you begged.  You slightly pulled your knees up and your skirts away to give him more room.  “Please, sir, want to feel you.”

“Do you think you can handle it, precious angel?”  He threw two quick, hard thrusts into your heat and you bit back a pitiful moan.  You nodded quickly at his question.

“Please, I want more.”  You parted your knees a little more and it was his turn to moan.  He buried his head in your neck so that he could not be heard outside of your bubble. 

“Since you asked so nicely,”  He groaned and he began to pick up the pace.  Each thrust made an audible noise as your skin collided.  The burn between your legs grew and you reveled in the feeling.  

“S-so good,”  you reached for him to tangle your fingers in his hair, desperate for something to hold onto, “Don’t stop, sir.”

“Never, Angel.  Never.  You feel so fucking good.  So wet and tight for me.   Just wanna be inside you all the time, never wanna pull out.  You’re mine, yeah?  All mine, just mine.”  

His hands were everywhere.  He grabbed at your neck, your chest, reached below your skirts to grab your thighs before circling up towards a distinct target.  You weren’t sure what he was doing until his fingertips were collecting your slick and circling up your slit.  You didn’t think it could get much better until he circled a spot that had you biting his shoulder to keep from moaning loudly.  He grinned and kept his efforts focused on that spot.  

The pleasure began to mount.  Something pulled taut in your stomach and your legs began to shake.  A string in your belly tensed.  Your pussy ached from his constant rough thrusting but it sent sparks of pleasure all the way down to your toes.  

“Sir, please… please it feels-”  You weren’t sure what you were begging for but your soulmate seemed to double his efforts.  He thrust harder and pressed a little more on the swollen bundle of nerves at your center.  

“It’s okay, angel.  Just lay back and feel.  Don’t think of anything else.  Cum for me,”  He peppered kisses on your sweaty neck and collarbones.  

You focused on the pleasure building within you.  The peak approached you quicker than you would have liked, but before you knew it something wondrous washed over you.  Your thighs clenched around him and a choked moan caught in your throat.  You grabbed onto his shoulders and dug your nails into his skin, desperate for something to hold onto as a powerful orgasm washed over you.  

Your soulmate kept pushing his thick cock into you, but he slowed down to help you ride out your orgasm without overwhelming you.  Something sticky slipped out of you and he was sure that you’d left a gorgeous white ring of cum at the base of his cock.  

His angel had given him a halo.

He moved his hand away from your clit and anchored his elbows by your head.  He landed several soft kisses on your cheeks and lips but you were too far gone to respond.  Your ears were ringing and all you could think about was the avalanche of pleasure between your legs.  Waves of your orgasm made your thighs quiver a little.  You stared at the leaves above you and the golden streaks of light that stole in from the gaps.  The world slowly formed around you.  When you met his eyes, he smiled warmly.

“There you are.”  He whispered.

“That was… amazing.”  You sighed, but it turned into a gasp as your soulmate rocked his hips into yours a few times. 

“Angel, I still need to cum, too.  We can stop if you want but I need to-”

“Yes!  Please, keep going.”  You begged suddenly.  Your walls ached from the exertion but you also craved the feeling of him inside you even more. 

“Yeah?”  He groaned lowly as he pushed into you again.  He moaned into your neck as his pace began to increase more and more.  “Good.  Fuck, angel, I can’t wait to cum inside you.  Please can I cum inside you?”

“Yes, please!”  You begged.  

You knew what could happen if he came in you and you didn’t really want that right now, but the desire and the need to feel his release inside of you overpowered every other thing in the world.  You probably wouldn’t have cared if the prince walked in on you at this point.  

Your soulmate’s thrusts began to pick up speed.  The overstimulation in your pussy stung but you gritted your teeth through it.  His moans got higher in pitch and he panted wetly against your neck.

“I’m getting close, angel.”  He grunted above you.

His thick cock speared into you over and over again.  His heavy balls slapped against your ass and you just knew that he would have a lot of cum to give you. 

Your assumption was proven right only moments later.  He groaned loudly, shoved himself as deep into you as he could go, and his milky release coated your insides.  The pressure and the warmth against your cervix made your skin tingle at the base of your spine and you figured you could probably cum again.  You reached down between your legs and gasped to find your center slick and messy.  You rubbed your fingertips around until you hit your clit.  

It only took a few short rubs before your cunt clamped onto him.  He moaned at the feeling.

He thrusted shallowly into you a few times to ride out his high and every push resulted in another generous spurt of cum inside you.  It was as if your orgasm triggered his to last longer.

Finally, he slumped against you.  He did his best to keep his full weight off you but at this angle it couldn’t be helped.  You didn’t mind.  Despite the warmth of the day and the fact that your skin was sweat slicked, you needed him close.  

Together, you laid on the ground in each other’s arms for a few seconds.  The afterglow began to set in.  You craved his body close.  It must have only been seconds because a loud voice boomed through the garden, startling you both back into the real world. 

“Where is he!  He is going to be late to his own party!  I don’t care what he wants!  He’ll be an embarrassment to the royal family if he doesn’t make an appearance!  Search the grounds, go!  Now!”  A stern voice barked.

“Oh, shit.”  Your soulmate muttered. 

In an instant, he slid out of you, stood up and worked on redoing the laces on his pants.  His nimble fingers got the job done in almost no time.  It left you to quickly gather yourself.  Your undergarments were ripped but you could tie the scraps a little to keep yourself somewhat decent.  You fixed your skirts and started to get up, but your soulmate spoke again.

“Let me.”  His soft voice sounded sweet, like the roses.

He offered you his hand and he helped you rise to your feet and brush off the leaves and petals from your skirt.  When you met his eyes, you were shocked by the grief swimming in them.

“Are you okay?”  You reached out to cup his cheek in your hand but he flinched away from your touch.

“I’m sorry, I must go.”  He turned on his heel and started out of the garden. 

“Wait… what?”  You gasped out and followed him a few steps. 

“I must go.  I’m sorry, I wish I could stay but… I’ve waited too long and duty calls.” 

“But… wait, shouldn’t we talk about this?”  You followed him to the archway that led into the garden.  He stopped abruptly, his back to you for a few seconds.  His breath heaved.  When he turned to face you, his eyebrows were hardset.

“No.  I’m sorry, this shouldn’t have happened.  You can’t be my soulmate.  They would never allow it.  Let’s try to forget this ever happened, okay?  It’s for the best.”  His hard voice sent a shock down your spine.

You stared at him in surprise.  He didn’t give you the time to retort before he was stalking away and disappearing into the green.  You hurried after him but quickly found that you had no idea where you were going.  The turns and the bushes all looked identical.  

Tears welled in your eyes.  The more you searched for him, the more lost you became.  You ran blindly through the garden, your dress swirling at your ankles.  The sun beat down on you and a bead of sweat dripped down your temple.  Was it sweat on your face, or tears?  Was it sweat dripping down your legs, or cum? 

You ran until you bumped into a palace maid.  Both of you cried out in surprise and fell back.  You were unable to stop yourself from crying.  The other maid scolded you for making her drop her washing, but she stopped after a moment when she noticed your hysterical state. 

“Are you alright?”  She asked tentatively. 

“I don’t know… I… my soulmate… the party!  I’m lost!  What if… my mistress… she needs me.”  You wailed, dropping your head into your hands. 

“Are you a ladies maid for one of the ladies at the party?” 

“Yes.  I only stepped away for a moment but I got lost!”

“It’s okay!  It’ll be okay, I promise.”  The maid soothingly rubbed your arm.  “Let’s get you back to the party, okay?  You’re not far.”

The maid led you through the garden.  You followed blindly, not really paying any attention to where you were going.  The garden didn’t hold as much beauty as it did a few minutes ago.  You kept your eyes peeled for the gardener.  Your soulmate.  

Like she said, it wasn’t long before soft music filled the air.  A harp, by the light, airy sound of it.  Then the murmur the guests followed.  Before anyone could come into sight, the maid turned around and stopped you. 

“You look a mess, my dear.  Let’s clean you up first.  You don’t want your lady to see you in this state, do we?”  The palace maid gently wiped away your tears and smoothed your hair.  She pulled a few leaves out of the tangled strands. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?”  You sniffled.  The maid smiled sadly. 

“My soulmate is above my standing, too, love.” 

“What?  No, it’s the gardener… he just ran off and-”

“There.”  The maid smoothed your hair one last time.  “Go on!  You don’t want to keep your lady waiting.”  

Before you could think to ask what she meant, the maid hurried back into the garden, leaving you alone with your thoughts.  

Only moments ago, you were with the person you were meant to be with but now you were alone.  Your body ached and your eyes burned from crying.  You needed a drink.  

Instead, you held your head high and ventured back into the garden where the party was in full swing.  So to speak.  A few women danced in a clearing next to the pavilion where the musicians played.  Mostly, people milled about, sipped on drinks, and snacked on hors d'Oeuvres.  The girls wore various lightly colored pastel dresses that glittered and shimmered in the sunlight.  If you were sweating in your dress, you were certain that the girls in attendance would be feeling faint.  Luckily, there were several open-air tents pitched around the garden where the girls who weren’t partaking in the festivities could rest. 

It came to no surprise to you that Joy had set up underneath one of the tents.  You made your way over to her and she waved at you the second she saw you weaving through the crowd.  You hurried to her side and you curtsied deeply in apology.

“Miss, I apologize for slipping away without saying anything first, I-”

“You what?”  Joy blinked at you in surprise.  “You know what, it’s okay.  It’s no matter.  I called you over because the prince is about to make his entrance!  I wanted you to get a good look at him.  There’s a tiny chance he’ll be my soulmate, afterall.”

“It might be nice to live at the palace.”  You cleared your throat, hoping that she wouldn’t catch on to the fact that tears still brimmed in your eyes. 

“It is quite pretty, isn’t it?  I’m not sure if I could stomach all of the royal duties.  Waving at crowds, kissing babies, the politics within the court.  How exhausting!  Maybe if he’s handsome then this wouldn’t be so bad.”  Joy sighed, “Y/N, how I wish you were a lady.  I would rather sit with you, gossip, and share this food with you.  Maybe I should have dressed you up in one of my gowns and pretended you were my cousin from out of town.”

“I’m afraid I’d be useless at one of these parties.” 

“Nonsense!  Didn’t I teach you to dance when we were teenagers?  You know all the steps.”  Something clicked in Joy’s head and she jumped.  “A-ha!  Y/N!  I had Crystal pack an extra gown and corset in case I spilled tea on this one.  After the party, let’s dress you in that!  You can attend the ball with me!  Not as a maid, but as a friend.”

“Miss!  I don’t think that would be proper.  I am only a maid and-”

“No one will recognize you!  Once you put on a gown, no one will be the wiser.  What do you say?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s wise-”

“ALL RISE.”  A voice boomed over the party. 

The music and the murmur of the crowd lulled and faded out.  A butler stood up a few stairs on a path towards the palace.  He stood tall and held a cone in his hand in order to amplify his voice.  Those who were seated scrambled to their feet, Joy included. 

“I am here to announce the entrance of the Royal Prince Lee Minho!  All bow!”  The butler screamed into the cone.  A few birds squawked and flew out of their nest that was in a tree along the back wall of the garden.

The musicians played a fanfare.  You joined in bowing with all of the guests and maids at the party.  The music swelled and you peeked up to see if you could catch a glimpse of the prince. 

His footsteps echoed on the stone path.  His pants were blindingly white but it was offset by a blood red officer's coat, adorned with a sash and multiple medals of honor.  A golden circlet crown sat atop his head.  His stoic face- wait.

That face. 

That gait. 

His cat-like eyes surveyed the crowd, taking in his subjects.  Prince Minho’s shoulders were set and broad.  There was no happiness in his face and, in fact, his eyes looked a little puffy as if he’d just woken up or if… he’d been crying.  

His face was one you knew well.  You’d know him anywhere.  It would be impossible to forget the man whose cum was currently dripping down your legs. 

Your stomach lurched and you could have sworn that you were going to throw up.  

“Lady Joy?”  You whispered. 

“Hm?”

“I’ll take you up on it.  I want to go to the ball.”  

You looked back up at the Prince to find him staring right back at you.  He showed no surprise on his face, only melancholy.  

Horror settled inside you when the realization washed over your senses.  Everything and nothing made sense all at once. 

Prince Minho was your soulmate.

Part Two ->

[upat4amwiththemoon]

If you are taking requests. May I request Amelia X reader. Reader is her ex but they broke off( private practise , worked with Addison and all ). But reader left maybe to work abroad or the military. Fast forward now reader returns to Grey's Addison called them in , old flame,sparks . reader was always her safe place but they grew apart and had to grow(get sober). Just want Amelia to be happy, idk what the heck happened to Kai :((( I'm sorry if it's too much or silly feel free to if ore.

Somebody that I used to know

Summary: Even though years change people, the love for them stays the same.

Pairing: Amelia Shepherd x female!reader

Warnings: my medical knowledge is zero, talk of addiction, Scout doesn’t exist

Word count: 1997

a/n: Amelia deserves so much better

masterlists | guidelines

Addison walks towards the break room, hoping to find Amelia there before it’s too late. She walks into the room, luckily seeing the youngest Shepherd sitting on the couch, coffee in hand, talking with Maggie Pierce. “Amelia, could I talk to you for a minute?” She says right away, skipping the pleasantries.

With a look, Amelia stands up. “Sure.” She chuckles quietly, slightly nervous. “What’s up?” She asks after Maggie leaves to room for the two.

“I called Doctor Y/L/N here to help me with a patient of mine, she’s arriving today.” She tells, trying to gauge what Amelia’s thoughts are about seeing her ex again. “I wanted to tell you before she’s here.”

“Okay, thanks for telling me.” And with that Amelia leaves the room. Addison sighs, rubbing her forehead. Suddenly she isn’t too sure if she did the right thing, but she really needs Y/N here, she’s the best in her field. She just has to hope everything goes smoothly.

“Addison!” Y/N’s voice calls out excitedly.

The red head turns around to see her doctor friend walking towards her with a bright smile. “Hey, stranger.” Addison laughs, meeting her half way to hug her. “I’m so glad to finally see you. How was the world?” She pulls away, her hands on Y/N’s shoulders to see how much she has changed over the years.

“The world was good.” Y/N decided to leave the practice in Los Angeles to join the Doctors Without Borders, traveling all over the world with them. “How’s Seattle? I didn’t think you’d come back here.” She looks around the hospital. This isn’t her first time in Grey Sloan Memorial, but it has been a long time since she was last here.

“Seattle is good. You know I go where babies need me, and this baby needs us both.” She nods her head forward, so they start walking. “The baby is two months old and his heart is incredibly weak. He won’t survive without a donor heart, but getting a heart that small will take too much time.”

“That’s where I come in.”

“That’s where you come in.” Addison smiles, she missed working with her. “His heart could become strong enough, if you fixed the veins around it.” They walk into a room full of pictures of the baby’s heart and veins.

Y/N looks through the pictures, at times picking one of them up to see it closer. The heart is compromised, and the baby won’t survive long if they do nothing, but the surgery Addison is talking about is incredibly risky. Fortunately, Y/N is a risk taker.

“I can do it,” she states, “but I’m gonna need a lot of help. His vitals need to be monitored closely.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Addison nods. “I’ll get you anything you need.” She pauses for a moment, contemplating on saying anything. “Amelia is here, you know? Incase you wanted to talk to her.”

“Oh.” Y/N clears her throat, cleaning up the pictures into a neat pile so she wouldn’t have to look at Addison staring at her. “I didn’t know that.” She mumbles.

The now silent and tense atmosphere of the room makes Addison question whether she made the right decision. Amelia is one of the most important people in her life, she’s her sister, but she also cares about Y/N a lot. Their relationship didn’t really end on the best terms, mostly because of Amelia’s addiction, but the relationship itself was good. They both were happiest Addison has ever seen when they were together.

“I’ll make a surgery plan and then get back to you, okay?” Y/N states, not waiting for Addison to answer as she leaves the room.

Her mind is all over the place, which makes her walk through the hallways with less attention than usually, though she does greet the familiar faces going past her. However, she doesn’t notice the person walking right towards her with the same state of mind. So, they crash into each other.

All the pictures Y/N was holding fly to the floor. “Shit, I’m sorry.” She grumbles, kneeling down to gather them.

“Y/N?”

The familiar voice makes her head snap up. Amelia is standing over her, an indescribable look on her face. The exes stare at each other in silence, both unsure what to do. They both knew of the others presence in the hospital, but they didn’t think they’d bump into each other, at least not yet.

Her breath hitches as she looks over Amelia’s face. As much as she doesn’t like admitting it, she missed her. “Amy.” With a mumble, Y/N stands up, dusting off her scrubs.

“Amelia, no one calls me Amy anymore.” She says with a small smile. Y/N just nods, putting it to her mind. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah.”

Amelia scratches the back of her neck. “So, Addison called you.”

“She did.” The pictures are starting to crease in her grip. “There’s a..baby, obviously, uhm, and she needed help.” She clears her throat, looking around for an exit. “I actually have to make a surgery plan for tomorrow, so, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

Going to walk past Amelia, she stops once a hand takes hold of her arm. “Could we talk? Just the two of us, later today.”

The ask makes Y/N hesitant, but the way Amelia is looking at her makes her give in. “Okay.”

“Awesome,” a smile spreads on Amelia’s face, “coffee, after work?”

“I’ll see you then.” She lets go and Y/N walks away, Amelia’s eyes never leaving her back.

Amelia paces around the lobby of the hospital, her mind racing a mile a minute. She has always considered Y/N her biggest love, maybe even soulmate, if she truly believes in them. Seeing her again has brought the feelings back to the surface and she isn’t sure what to do with them.

Her thoughts come to a halt when she notices Y/N walking towards her. Instead of her scrubs, she’s now wearing her everyday clothes. She looks just as beautiful as she did all those years ago. And she decides to tell her so, “you look beautiful.” Y/N hums with a slight smile, her cheeks turn warm, but she pays no mind to it. “There’s a small cafe down the street.”

“Let’s go then.” As they walk side by side, Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, looking down at the pavement. The silence is uncomfortable and they desperately want to break it, but neither of them know what’s appropriate to say in a situation like this. “How have you been?” Y/N decodes to ask, glancing at Amelia.

“Better. A lot better actually. I’ve been sober for a long time, though it’s still hard sometimes. I got two new sisters, sort of,” she chuckles, “Meredith and Maggie. And I’m the head of neuro department.”

“I heard about Derek. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Amelia sighs. “It’s okay.” She opens the door of the cafe for Y/N before stepping inside herself. At the counter, they order their coffees, and when it comes time to pay, Amelia pushes Y/N’s hand away from the machine. “My treat.” She pays both of their coffees.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” They move to the other side pf the counter to wait for their coffees. “It’s the least I can do after,” she pauses, “everything.”

“It wasn’t completely your fault.” She looks away from her. “You were going through a tough time.”

“That’s no excuse. I hurt you and drove away one of the best things in my life.”

Being one of the best things in her life sounds like an exaggeration, but the sincerity in Amelia’s eyes makes her believe she really means it. “You’re also important to me.” Before the conversation van keep on going, the barista shouts their names. They take their coffees and find a quiet corner place to sit.

“So, what have you been doing all there years?”

“I moved around with Doctors Without Borders.” Y/N sips her drink. “Also studied a bit on the side.”

“And your love life?”

If Amelia was anything, she was blunt. If she wanted know something, she’d ask, Y/N usually liked her unfiltered talk. “Love life, huh?” She giggles with a shake of her head. “There were some flings and one time things, you know, to release stress I suppose. But nothing that stayed.” Amelia listens intently while she drinks her coffee. “And you?”

She shrugs. “There was Link and Kai, but just like every relationship I have had, they ended with someone’s heart broken.” Amelia has a grin on her face. She has already gotten over the past two relationships, but it’s still disheartening to have failed relationships.

“Hm, you’ll find your person.”

“Maybe,” Amelia keeps eye contact with Y/N, “I really hope so.”

Looking down, Y/N taps the mug in front of her with her nails, all the feelings around them getting overwhelming. “Listen,” she changes the subject, “could you be in the surgery tomorrow? I need someone to monitor her brain activity, and you are the best there is.” She lifts her head to give Amelia a teasing look. “Or at least you used to be. Have you gotten worse over the years?”

“Worse? Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m better than ever.” Amelia answers to the teasing look with a challenging look of her own. “What I’m hearing is, you need my help because you aren’t in the best shape.” Her elbows are leaning against the table.

“Oh, wow.” Y/N crosses her arms. “Your ego is still sky high.”

Amelia laughs, which Y/N giggle as well.

The surgery has been going on for six hours already, and the whole room is tense. Amelia and Addison are monitoring the baby’s health, while Y/N is rerouting the veins near the heart. The surgery is already nearing its end, but there’s still things to do.

Y/N lets out a sigh, shaking her hand to ease the pain in her wrist. It has stayed on one position for a long time. She can feel multiple pairs of eyes on the side of her head, there’s an audience in the viewing room. This is an once in a lifetime surgery after all. Double checking everything she has done, Y/N lifts her head to her friends. “Are his vitals good?” The two nod. “Alright, we’re ready to close.” She says shakily, not ready to relax just yet. But she can feel the relief coursing through the room.

The sutures closing the opening on the baby’s chest don’t take long, as the wound isn’t as big as on an adult. The moment the last suture is on its place, people in the viewing room start cheering, so do the doctors in the operation room. Addison and one other doctor take the baby to NICU, not before thanking Y/N though.

Walking out of the room, Y/N slumps down to a chair, taking off her scrub cap. Amelia sits down next to her. “Watching you work is seriously magnificent.”

Y/N laughs, “you’re being dramatic.”

“I’m not!” Amelia throws her arm around Y/N’s shoulders, giving her a side hug. “You’re incredibly and I love you.” Y/N turns to look at her. “Give me another chance? Go on a date with me?”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” Amelia grins widely.

“Yeah.” Y/N smiles too, her heart beating a hundred miles. She isn’t sure if it’s from the surgery she just did, or the fact that Amelia is looking at her like she’s the only person she cares about.

Amelia nods, feeling like she just won the lottery. “I’ll pick you up at eight, wear something pretty.” She kisses her cheek before walking off, going straight to Addison to tell the good news.