#idk she still holds a piece of my heart and i think she deserves to figure out her shit and live contentedly no matter how long it takes her

[maethegay]

Today will be good

A/n: lowkey hate this fr but Inês doesn’t get the recognition she deserves

Warnings: slight explicit maybe idk

“Nesh,” I murmur my head buried in her chest as my hair coverd my face. I practically dug my head into her as I tried to ignore the sound of the ringing alarm.

It was so annoying. I can’t believe we forgot to shut it off last night, now I was up at 8 on an off day. I was so comfortable, Neshy laying bellow me her warm arms holding me to her. She’s so perfect, this is my perfect moment.

“Hmm,” she said still half asleep her arm wrapping around me pulling me closer to her. If there was one thing about Inês it was that anything she couldn’t sleep through she would fake sleep though. Which is what I’m guessing she was doing now to avoid shutting of the alarm even though it was closer to her.

“Neshy the alarm,” I murmur again trying to pull away from her grasp. She groaned slightly pulling me back towards her. I manage to pull away and hear Inês sigh in defeat flopping back onto the bed.

I smile slightly as I reach over her to the night stand and shut off the alarm. I was once again reminded how annoyed I was that we hadn’t shut it off last night. It was the very rare occasion that me and Nesh had the same off day.

Me being busy with volleyball and her with basketball made it very difficult to spend nights together. Though we always made time, usually through face time. But time is time, aye?

I smiled as I laid back down and nuzzled myself back into the comfort of her arms. My roommate Liv was gone for the night, she had gone to visit her boyfriend for the night. Which left me and Inês the dorm. And I definitely wasn’t complaining. Privacy really is a gift.

I sighed softly feeling the warm body of the girl beneath me, her hand gently scratched my back and I listened to the soft sounds of her breathing.

I leaned up and placed a soft kiss on the corner of her lips, I watched as the girls lips twitched trying not to become a smile. It was obvious she was trying to pretend to be asleep and failing miserably.

I giggle and reach my hand up to caress her cheek brushing a few of the stray pieces of hair away. I felt her warm face against my hand as she leaned into it, the soft smile melting onto her lips.

“Morning love,” I giggle as she peels her eyes open. She not the most alert person in the morning usually the first 10 minutes of her day was spent annoyed at the fact she was an awake and acting as if she couldn’t move before she became herself again.

She wasn’t really alert at night either. She was definitely the most adorable at night, she was giggly, and kinda of devious to be honest. But when is she not.

My eyes scanned her tired face. She looked so cute. Messy hair from sleeping fell over her face as her tired eyes met mine.

Her hand tipped my chin upwards pulling me to kiss her lips. I quickly kissed back with little hesitation. She rotated from her side to lay on her back, hands resting on my hips forcing me to sit on her lap as I kissed the girl. Again Im not complaining. Definitely not.

I pulled away laying my head on her chest. I sighed as I nuzzled myself into her, her hand resting under my shirt on my back. Her large hand rubbing it softly.

I couldn’t help but think of how soft her hands were against my skin. How the sound of her breathing calmed me. Or the way my heart fluttered as she kissed my head. After half a year of dating it still shocked me how she made me feel.

“I’m tired,” I mutter closing my eyes a drowsy feeling still fogging my mind. Though I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep especially now that I’d woken up Nesh. I hear her scoff and laugh her hand gently squeezing my hip.

“Hey no,” she said her voice thick with sleep making her accent extra strong. “You just woke me up. Going back to sleep is mean.” She said lifting my head to look at her. God she’s actual perfection.

“I know. Im joking.” I laugh as I try my first attempt at getting up. Of course in Nesh’s world that would never be happening.

“No stay here.” She murmured holding my hips gently as she tugged me back. She wasn’t a big as most of her teammates but lord she was strong.

“We gotta get ready. No just rotting in bed all day.” I laugh, I place another kiss on her lips before pulling away and pushing myself of the bed and forced my feet to touch the coarse dorm carpet.

I looked at Inês laying seemingly in defeat a loud sigh leaving her mouth, both arms throw to the side in a cross like position. Her eyes are closed but the peak open slightly as I laugh.

“You’re so dramatic” I laugh, gently hitting her stomach with the sleeve of the hoodie hoodie I was going to pull on.

It was cold in the dorm. It was so much more comfortable when I was laying with Nesh. But I can’t go back on my word, I did know how to get her up though.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower wanna join?” I ask. There was no point in asking really, if she even heard the sound of the shower she’d be there.

And I was right. I heard her feet hit the ground as she dashed over to me a goofy smile on her face. I laughed and walked over to the shower her hands on my hips as she began to lift my shirt.

I turned on the shower and turned to face her, she smiled giddily as she looked at me.

“You’re a dork,” I laugh pulling off my shirt, her eyes instantly glued to my chest and she nodded. “No funny business, ok ma’am?” She nods but didn’t really seem to hear me. Her eyes look back into mine, her brown eyes were blown wide.

“No funny business. You got it baby.” She repeated though I could tell she wasn’t listening in the slightest, her hands glued to my hips as she gently pushed me towards the shower.

I laughed as I pulled off the sleep shorts I had been wearing and flung them across the bathroom. When I looked back up Nesh was squirming out of her own clothes.

“Hurry up,” she huffs at me as she pulls her shirt off, like she isn’t the one still changing. I laugh and step into the shower closing the curtain.

Inês joins me a second later her arms wrapping around my waist as she lazily rests her head on my shoulder. I smile feeling the comfort of her arms as well as the warm water against your skin. After a moment my girlfriend decides to complain.

“Your hogging all the warm water,” she mutters pressing her self against me to ‘get more warm water’

I laugh and turn around wrapping my arms around her and pulling her under the warm water. She looks up at me and smiles.

“Better?” I ask moving her hair from her face. How does this girl always manage to have her hair covering her face. She nods and rests her head on my chest.

My hands gently scratch up and down her back, we stand there for a few minutes until we decide we actually should shower which is much more complicated with two people than movies make it out to be.

Eventually we get out of the shower, both of our skin slightly redder due to the fact I insist the water is too cold unless it’s cranked up all the way.

“You ok?” I ask Inês cupping her cheek. She sat on the bed in her towel seemingly dazed.

“Yeah. I just don’t know how you shower so hot. I’m dying.” She says looking at me with a frazzled expression. I laugh and kiss her head before grabbing some clothes to change into.

I change and decide to hop on TikTok live for a bit while I get ready. It about ten minutes into the live when Inês walks in, she wraps her arms around my waist and buries her head into my neck. I laugh seeing a comment from KK.

“Neshy being whipped per usual 🙄” I smile and laugh at the comment, and looked towards Inês who was practically sleeping in the crook of my neck

“KK says your whipped how do you feel about that?” I ask lifting her head up to see the camera.

“She’s just jealous for real.” She mutters before putting her head back. I laugh and scratch her head gently before going back to doing my make up.

“Nesh they want you to say hi,” I tell her as I read many comments telling her to do so.

“Hi live,” Nesh says lifting her head, she slides out from her spot and goes to sit on the closed toilet to watch from afar. And by afar I mean like 2 feet away.

After a few minutes of her just sitting there I leaned over and kissed her lips. A little bit of the pink lips gloss I had just put on being left on her lips.

“I got some lips gloss on you,” I laugh wiping the corners of her mouth.

“Now we’re both baddies,” She joked smacking her lips together. I smile and walk back over my mirror where my phone was propped up.

“Ok guys so give us recommendations on where we should go for brunch.” I ask as I curl my eyelashes. I watched the comments rolling in.

“How does pancakes sound?” I ask Nesh seeing a comment about a pancake restaurant not too far from campus.

“Mmm no I want somthing not sweet,” she says. I nod and continue scrolling through the comments.

“Biscuit place?” I say turning to her. Me personally I could never say no to a breakfast sandwich on fresh biscuits and I knew Nesh couldn’t either. I look over to see her nodding and smiling at me.

“Sounds perfect.” She says standing up and wrapping her arms around my waist again. I decided now would be a good time to end the live.

The second it ended Inês had her arms around me and her lips placing kisses across my face. I smiled feeling the soft kisses on my skin. Today was gonna be good.

[im-constantly-fangirling]

Joel Miller Snippet

A/N: Hey! I'm starting to dabble in some tlou fics but it's gonna be a long one! I've got a snippet of it below the cut, feel free to send your opinions my way :) It's kind of an au but like not really, idk how to describe it. Like there's no outbreak but Joel still finds his way to Jackson with Ellie.

au!Joel Miller x afab!reader

Warnings: none in the snippet

Summary: As a bartender, you know every single face in Jackson. When a grumpy but kind-at-heart traveler makes his way into the diner you work at, you can't help but be curious.

Working at the diner in Jackson was no easy job.

It seemed that people had a borderline excessive appetite for alcohol- and they relied on you to fulfill it. You didn’t mind the work, as it numbed you the way a bottle could, but you supposed you could do without the yelling, obscene comments, and the general carelessness of the people who couldn’t really hold their liquor.

The one benefit you found with being a bartender was information. Every small town had its fair share of gossip, and Jackson definitely delivered. Travelers came and went, and those who stayed would alter the social routine of Jackson just a little bit. You were a town full of shattered pieces of what were once whole people, but those pieces of glass joined to make a stunning mosaic- no matter how jagged and uneven it was.

It was just another ordinary day when the door to the bar opened, revealing an unfamiliar face. A swift silence wafted through the bar before the man walked in and Tommy followed behind. A sigh of relief seemed to go through every one. The bar resumed its normal revelry.

You were cleaning a glass with a rag when Tommy and the man walked up to the bar. “Y/n, I’d like you to meet my brother, Joel.”

You smiled at him, putting the glass down and flipping the rag over your shoulder. “Nice to meet you, Joel,” you greeted him. He didn't respond with more than a grunt and a nod, but you didn’t mind. He had dirt smudged over his face, his flannel shirt, his forearms. Scars adorned any amount of skin that showed. And those eyes…

Holding his gaze, you almost saw the emptiness behind them. As if he had nothing left in him. This was a man who had seen hell.

If Tommy noticed his brother’s grumpiness, he certainly didn’t care to comment on it. “Y/n’s the best bartender in town. If you treat her real nice, she might slip you a free drink or two,” he said, whispering the last part conspiratorily.

You chuckled, lightly smacking Tommy on the shoulder. “Don’t go around telling everyone, now,” you teased. “But since you’re Tommy’s brother, I’ll get you your first drink on the house. Any friend of Tommy’s is a friend of mine.”

Joel nodded gratefully- or you understood it to be gratefully- before clearing his throat. “I’ll just take the strongest whiskey you’ve got.” Even his voice was rough. You wondered if there was a single part of him that the world hadn’t taken away from him. “But don’t go making a habit out of giving me a free drink. I’d be more than happy to pay,” he declared while taking a seat. The soft southern lilt of his voice made you smile. It had been a while since you heard that accent.

Tommy sat on the bar stool and leaned his head in his hand. “And I’ll take some gin, please.”

You turned around, letting the brothers get reacquainted while you served them their drinks. Their voices got drowned out by the laughter in the bar- but every now and then, when business was slow, you’d quietly make your way over to their side of the bar. 

“-she’s everything to me, Tommy. I’ll take some of her shifts. After everything she’s gone through, she deserves to just relax,” you heard Joel say.

Huh, you wondered. Didn’t peg him for the married type. You couldn’t deny your disappointment, but you couldn’t stop smiling lightly. The grumpy man had a soft spot. It was odd but endearing to watch his eyebrows round out at the edges.

Tommy lightly hummed. “As long as the patrols get done, I don’t think that’ll be an issue.” He paused. “Just…be careful, Joel. People around here are really close knit. You don’t want to go around pissing people off by being all-”

“Pissy?” Joel finished, taking a sip of his whiskey. “Look, I don’t plan on staying long, anyway. I’ll get out of your hair-”

“Ma’am, can I get another?” you heard a man’s voice call out. He was almost slumped against the bar, his hand held up limply in the air. 

You wiped the back of your hand against your forehead. “Bill, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” you trailed off.

Bill didn’t seem to like that answer, and you felt your heart start speeding up. “Just give me one more! I wasn’t fucking asking,” his voice slurred, echoing throughout the bar. It was as if he sucked the life right out of the building. No one moved.

You stared at Bill, your eyes hardening. “This happens every week, Bill. Aren’t you sick of this little tradition we have going on? Cause I am.” You put your hands together into a fist and leaned against the bar, letting your face get close to Bill’s. “You reek of piss and you’re acting like a lazy bum. How about you go back home and sleep the alcohol off before you get dragged out?”

Bill’s sweaty hands grab your arm. “What the fuck did you say?”

You felt your palms start sweating. “Bill,” you said calmly. “Get a hold of yourself, okay? You don’t gotta be like this.”

Bill growled loudly at you, spit flying from his mouth, making your face scrunch up with disgust. At the sound of his growl, several other townspeople stood up from their chairs, getting ready to intervene if needed. You saw them all slightly leaning forward, as if they’d run for Bill the second he stepped out of line.

One of Bill’s hands let go of your arm in favor of roughly grabbing your chin. You closed your eyes and tried turning away from his grip, but his alcohol-ridden mind had no semblance of propriety, and he held your chin and cheeks in a vice-like grip. “Listen here, you insolent-”

“Hey!” another voice boomed. It was rough, like the feeling of the tough boar bristles on your hair comb. Joel. “Don’t touch her!”

...

Lmk what you guys think! Hopefully I can put it out soon <3

[beepersteeper]

I Will Always Find You -- Astarion x Tav-- One Day Maybe | Part 9

Astarion and F!Tav live happily together for the remaining years she has, she refuses to be turned into a vampire because her faith says that her soul isn’t finished with its work yet. Tav dies of old age and leaves Astarion to put together the pieces of his broken heart. AN: Lord of Light lore taken and changed to fit the story's means. Not canonically accurate. TLDR story line stuff. This is an AU where Astarion ascends but isn't a power hungry bastard and Tav is able to help him continue healing. Wyll is immortal and the Duke. Karlach in my mind, if given a new engine would be able to live a lot longer than the usual tiefling. Another AN: idk if anyone wants tagged in this WIP but let me know. 

“Well, that is certainly one way to start a morning” Vira giggles curling into Astarions bare chest, holding her towel to hers from her morning bath. 

Astarion smiles and pushes her damp hair from her face. “I couldn't agree more. Even if it surely is afternoon at this point” he chuckles, taken off guard when she asks him a question.

“What does my blood taste like?” she asks with her eyes closed.

He coughs, startled, clearing his throat “I'm sorry?” he responds unsure how to answer.

“Sorry” she laughs heartily “I'm just curious, you seemed… affected by it.” she nudges his arm.

“I most certainly was.” he sighs “It was like the sweetest, strongest liquor. It- you immediately made my head spin. While I was your first this morning, you were as well mine in that way.” he shrugs at the realization. “You are so sweet and clean. Nothing had tainted your essence, and now that we’ve…” he trails off drawing circles with his finger on her arm “I have to admit I'm eager to try again and compare notes as it were, see how my” his eyebrows raise “rakish behavior has changed that.”

Vira hums accepting that response and giggles when he refers to his actions as rakish. The self-deprecating bastard he is. “I should probably head home sometime soon.” she sighs “I need to find a dress that will come close to meeting the caliber of tonight's dinner.”

“I'll walk you home.” he smiles as if that was even a doubt in her mind. “But there are a few dresses here you can look at,” he points to the wardrobe “Please, help yourself, they haven't been worn in decades and deserve to see the light of day again.”

Curious, she stands and secures the towel around her form before she walks to the wardrobe, and opens its doors. She sees Astarions finer clothes, stitched with gold threads, ones she only sees him wear when matters of state require. Next to those barely familiar clothes she sees opulent clothes that look even more expensive than his own. “Are these Tav’s?” she asks quickly and closes the closet leaning her back against the doors and holding it shut. “I couldn't. I can't!” she urges taking a step back. 

  “She would want you to, darling. You needn't be so polite and modest.” he jokes “Though none of these dresses can make you more beautiful than you already are, I think you will feel more confident if you think you fit in more.” he says opening the doors again to her “even if you would be the most impressive woman in the room if you showed up in a canvas sack.” he whispers into her neck. 

Vira blushes and squeezes her ear to her shoulder, a response from his breath on her skin. She is immediately drawn to a dark green dress. A crushed velvet floor-length gown with extravagant lace bell sleeves and an open ribbon laced closure on the back that still would allow for the skin to be seen, but tastefully. That dress even when hung from a shapeless hanger took her breath away. As if she were intimidated by the dress itself she put it back on the rack and reached for a white and gold dress, one that is impressive in its own right, but one that she thought would let her fade into the background and not draw any attention to her. She pulls it out and holds it over her frame and looks in the mirror. She shrugs and gestures that that was the one she would wear.

Astarion rolls his eyes having watched her choose one she didn't actually want to wear,  and lets out a forced sigh and pulls the green one back out and holds it in front of her body. Gently urging her to imagine herself in the dress. After she takes in the sight in the mirror he hangs both dresses on the door of the wardrobe and walks to the tall backed chair by the door. “If I get a vote I think the green one is perfect for you.” he shrugs, crossing his ankle over his knee. “But like I said, a canvas sack.”  he smiles, putting his hands in the air feigning uncertainty.

“It's beautiful.” she says passively looking at the dress, and at him through the mirror carrying on the conversation.

“It is.” he agrees.

“But it would draw too much attention.” she sucks her teeth, moving her head side to side trying to imagine herself in the dress. “Tonight isn't about me.”

“‘Too much’ is a lot of a word my love.” he shakes his head and chuckles mostly to himself “I don't think you understand just how much attention our little band will have on us just as we are. Myself, Wyll, and Karlach, who by the way is a 6-foot-tall tiefling with one horn and a glowing chest, have never been particularly conspicuous. And that was before we all got our titles of heroes, lord and duke. I mean this is the nicest possible way, anything you choose to wear won't bring more undue attention than we will get regardless.”

She processes what he just said. Understanding that he's right, he and Wyll draw attention to themselves almost anytime they are out on the town. Astarion can go unnoticed a lot of times if he dresses casually, but Wyll, the devil Duke of Baldur’s Gate, cannot go unnoticed. She doesn't know Karlach but from the description Astarion gave, she doesn't seem like she could go unnoticed either. “Fine.” she begrudgingly sighs “The green one it is.” she drapes it gently over her arm, “I do need to go home to get ready though.” she smirks.

He smiles softly and stands and grabs her day clothes to hand to her “Then let's get you home.” He pulls a black and gray suit embroidered with silver applique of pheasants on the breast of the jacket.

She groans to herself and thinks out loud “One day we won't have to go back and forth between two houses.”

He hums “Hm?” shifting his eyes to her, smirking realizing that she isn’t talking to him. He continues to find the rest of his evening outfit. Adding it all to a garment bag and reaching for her dress to add as well. The duo get dressed “Are you ready darling?” She rolls her eyes and nods. “Let me find Wyll to finalize the plan for the night, I’ll meet you in the foyer?” He kisses her on the cheek and leaves the room to ask Wyll to meet them at the bookstore. 

“You're getting ready at the bookstore?” he asks honestly, a little shocked.

Astarion shrugs and nods “All of her… everything is there. And I'm walking her home anyway, there's no use making that walk several times. I looked good getting ready in the woods, I'm confident I can get ready in a bookstore.” he laughs leaning on the door frame and folding his arms across his chest. “Is Karlach able to make it?”

Wyll’s face beams “Yeah, she'll be here within the hour. Complete with a new, cooler engine. We’ll meet you there.”

Astarion nods and waves as he walks to the front of the palace, meeting Vira offering his arm that isn't holding the garment bag. Smiling like he does every time he feels her hands hold onto his arm. They walk quickly to the bookstore and move their way through the oddly loud and crowded room. They share a look before looking for Eyman who is behind the counter frantically packaging books for customers. Without hesitating they find a place in the store to help with the sudden rush. Astarion tosses the garment bag in the curtained room before helping groups of people find what texts they are looking for. Vira takes over for Eyman checking out customers. Letting Eyman step back and just focus on packing the customers' purchases. The three work together quickly to clear out the store. 

“Spirits save me.” Eyman sighs and leans his arms on the counter. “You two couldn't have come at a better time.”

“What brought them all here?” Vira asks while straightening out books that were removed from shelves and left wherever the customers felt like.

“A new Volo book?” Eyman responds with a question. Thoroughly confused. “I honestly didn't get a chance to read the summary. But apparently, all of Baldur's Gate did.” he laughs.

Astrion picks up one of the few remaining books and reads the title. “The Heroes of Baldur's Gate: where are they now.” he groans a stifled laugh “Gods above Volo.” he replaces the book on the shelf rolling his eyes. 

“I wonder where that handsome rogue is.” Eyman laughs hard resting his head on his hand “I hear he's fallen a bit from grace, idling his time away in a little bookstore.” he jests.

“I’m not so sure those are accurate accounts, sir.” Astarion jokes back. “I hear it's not as much a fall from grace as it is a public service.” he catches the cashier's log that was thrown at him. They playfully bicker back and forth while Vira just waits for them to be “quite done.” The men shake each other's hand signaling that they are, in fact, quite done.

“You're lucky I like you so much Little Star.” Eyman jokingly warns wagging a finger at him sitting in the chair behind the counter.

Astarion rolls his eyes and smiles all the way to his eyes as he shakes his head “I am.” 

He and Vira find their way up to her room to begin getting ready. Astarion pulls out both of their evening clothes and lays them on the bed before he begins getting himself dressed. He shimmies the tight slacks up his frame before buttoning the gray shirt over his chest tucking the shirt into his pants and adjusting the fabric after fastening the buttons on his trousers before setting himself on the bed next to his jacket. His eyes open wide as Vira slips herself into the soft green dress pulling her hair to the side and looking over her shoulder “Would you mind tying me up?”

“Well if you're going to ask so nicely.” he answers with a husky sigh “But your father is just downstairs my love.” he jokes holding the fabric between his fingers and threading the dress the same way that he did so many years ago.

“Astarion!” she hisses “You’re so bad.” she shoots him a smirking side-eye.

“I'm not the one asking such leading questions.” he laughs at his joke earning a soft swat to his thigh. He finishes his task and tucks the excess fabric into the dress. He moves her hair from her shoulder to lay flat down her back. He leans around her to grab her brush and starts detangling her hair “What are you doing with this?” he asks, twirling the ends around his slender fingers. “I could braid it for you, it would be a shame to let the details back here go unseen.”

“That sounds like that's what I'm doing with it then. I was just going to leave it as is.” she shrugs, not being one for petty vanity. 

 He pulls out the desk chair for her to sit in as he brushes her hair all to one side, choosing some pieces to frame her face before he braids a thin braid to look like a headband across the top of her head and blending that into a loose dutch braid that falls over her shoulder and past her breast. He ties the end into a knot to keep it together through the night. When he finished he pushed it over her shoulder and pulled some strands to add volume to the braid. 

“How'd you learn to do that?” she asks, sliding her hand over the delicate braid.

“Idle hands are a devil's workshop, darling” he shrugs, admiring his handiwork. “I had a lot of years to find ways to keep my hands busy.” he wiggles his fingers in front of himself.s.

She nods gently as she stands to leave to finish getting ready with makeup and jewelry. She walks past him and bushes a hand across his chest as she leaves. Astarion grabs his jacket and shoes after throwing his clothes into the garment bag and heads downstairs to wait for her to be ready. He smooths a small amount of pomade in his hair making sure that each strand is where he wants it to be. Astarion and Eyman talk idly about the night ahead for a while before Vira comes down the stairs fully made up and ready, but obviously irritated, muttering to herself while she is pulling on her last high heel. “Star, I'm not dainty enough for this.” holding the hem of her dress to make the stairs easier to traverse. “I also couldn't decide on any jewelry. So I'm just going without.” she huffs.

“Daughter.” Eyman audibly gasps a surprise. “My beautiful Vira.” he walks over to her to admire his daughter. “I think I have something that would suit this just right” he tuts and digs into a box under the counter.

Caught off guard, Vira watches her father rifle through the delicate box. Astarion pushes his arms through the sleeves of his embroidered jacket, not yet fastening any of the buttons, and puts his hands into his pants pockets, intrigued by what Eyman is scheming. 

 Eyman pulls a necklace from the box and holds it delicately in his hands. Looking lovingly from the jewelry to Vira and back. He moves to Vira who has now caught onto what her father was doing. He stands behind her and gently puts the gold chain around her neck, a shining square emerald falling tastefully above her cleavage. 

“Daddy? Really?” her eyes light up and shimmer with tears threatening to ruin her makeup. Astarion intervenes with a handkerchief from his pocket. 

“Yes, dear. I think there would be no better time than today.” he smiles and wipes away his tears with the back of his hand. He looks to Astarion and explains “This was Vira’s mother’s. Our little Vira’s had her eye on it for as long as I can remember. I've just been waiting for the right time for her to have it. And I don't know much about fashion in high society, but I think that dress she's got on needs to have this.”

She wraps her arms tightly around her father thanking him profusely before running to the nearest mirror to look at the necklace on her form. She sighs, happily touching the emerald with her fingers. “Mom wore this on their wedding day.” she touts to Astarion who is looking at her from the side.

“The only day I could get her to dress like she didn't belong to the sea.” Eyman laughs reminiscing with her.

“You always said she did.” she turns her eyes to him who just nods.

“She never thought it was worth getting all dressed up. Such a practical workhorse.” he chuckles smirking at Astarion “Remind you of anyone else Little Star?”

“Sir, I have to spend the whole evening with her, I am not about to agree with you.” he chuffs, dodging a swat to the arm from Vira. “Even if you may be right.” he adds, not successfully dodging the second one. 

“I've never had a reason to get this dressed up.'' She tries in vain to defend herself. She stepped in front of Astarion and started buttoning the sides of his jacket together as she continued to talk “It's only been recently that I've had anyone to take me out to fancy dinners.” she finished his buttons and buttoned the tight top buttons of his shirt to annoy him and add pressure to his neck “even though I’m sure he’s passed up on dozens of dinner parties since I've known him because he hates them as much as I do.” she laughs when his hand pushes hers away to fix the shirt buttons.

“If you want fancy dinners we can do fancy dinners, darling. I'd bet you would tap out before me.” he smirks and flicks the tip of her braid causing it to brush her nose. Right when she was going to respond the door to the bookstore opened and Wyll and Karlach walked in.

@zoeloveslotr @silverfangmarks @prudent-nerd

[holdinbacksecrets]

seventeen: mercy

once again, i’m doing that thing where i don’t assign the blurbs. i enjoy leaving them wide open for interpretation, and idk… i feel like there’s a lot of story going on, and i want to let whoever chooses to read this piece have the freedom to let their minds take over instead of mine choosing for you. happy reading 🖤

comfort, angst, mentioning of parental death, food guilt

♡maybe it’s a little silly. your sister certainly believes it to be, but he’s still wrapped around your heart. and sometimes, you sprinkle reminders throughout your day with an excited kind of guilt that used to accompany you into every ice cream parlor. more sprinkles? good or bad? brownie bites? what would your mom say? you would always look back at her as a child, but that ability is no longer with you- no longer possible in your life as she bleeds from your memories and lingers in plain sight, quietly, through a feeling. a feeling… just like he does. maybe this is the way love will work for you: burn brightly, keep you comforted, and then falter, leaving you to create some kind of warmth on your own until you’ve gained the courage to reach out and tell the man you’re still in love with him

♡parked on a side street in the darkness of a november evening is where you are. his car smells like leather cleaner, cologne, and strawberry juice. your legs are on his lap. your back rests against the passenger door, and you look to him before glancing through the sky window, admiring the stars. you have to leave the city to see them more clearly, but this will always be enough when he’s beside you. there’s some kind of rush that runs through your veins, like a long-lasting wish has come true because the stars finally aligned for you. and now, you sit below them with a thank you in your eyes, hoping your head tilted back and your orbs set on the galaxy above you and far away will mean the sincerity makes it there

♡he knew what this would become. he saw you as a spark, ready to set a flame. you’re terrified to get burned and promised yourself whatever happens will be worth it. it has been, despite your sneaking around and swallowed truths when friends ask what on earth you get up to

♡the windows in your living room bask you in light and warmth. you lay down on the rug and close your eyes, knowing when clouds encounter the sun by the sudden chill, sudden darkness. you sit with your legs crossed and a plate in front of you every day for every meal he isn’t with you. you’ve pushed your dreams out these windows. you’ve let them slip into a current of wind, hoping the act would set yourself free, would make you happier to just be despite all the wanting you can’t outrun because his love isn’t enough to dim the sparkle you crave to be. the sparkle you used to have. the sparkle that’s still fucking easy to find if your audience is familiar. but he missed that time. my god, he still has no idea. the secret is kept, though, and you wish you could unravel it to him. my god, he’d support you. give it a try

♡he took away the fear. he sucked venom from your wound. he changed your life. he brought the peace down for you, from this unreachable place that you tossed it to, thinking it was meant to be hard to find, but he disagrees

♡you set the table. you never do, not when it’s only the two of you, but the holiday season is back and you bought cute dishes and table mats to bring a little chestnuts roasting on an open fire into your apartment. he doesn’t notice when he arrives. he doesn’t join you at the table. his hello is muffled by the missing view of his face as he walks to the bedroom to shower and get changed. he’s going out tonight. he thought he told you. you can still come if you want to

♡stolen serenity is what you used to call this, like you didn’t deserve to feel it and have it and squeeze it tight enough to disappear even though it never does

♡he kisses you in the park. he says he can’t hold it back, hold it in, keep it out of sight, not let it find your mind. there’s a weeping willow just beside you. leaves flutter in the wind, and you’d call it a majestic thing. you don’t realize to him that’s what you are

♡another birthday trickles by. for sixteen hours, you’re too aware of everything. aware of the people missing and the wishes that never came true. aware of the one person who hasn’t yet made it home to you, fully aware that all this frustration and awkwardness will leave as soon as he’s here. happy birthday sounds like heaven when he says it to you. he holds you, and you feel it. he kisses you, and you believe it. with the eight hours that are left, what will you do? of course, it’s all up to you

♡you have no idea how easy it is for him to love you. the time that’s been spent learning you, memorizing you without trying to, and my god does he love the view and the thoughts that settle in your eyes before leaving your lips. because you think everything through before you speak, unless he’s with you. unless your comfortable enough to be unguarded, trusting the sincerity will be felt, trusting the love is so loud and warm and radiating that any mistaken word won’t be sticky, won’t turn the day to a dreary blue

♡it’s impossible to imagine how it used to be. how you’d feel in the morning, waking up in familiar uncertainty. but this relationship stained your life in sweet, mundane luxury, and you’re working on being present, so why look to the past when the gray has become green? when the present is a never-ending october and a cup of tea that never cools, keeps refilling for you

♡he’s looking for something. for answers to unasked question. apparently, you’re intimidating. apparently, you’re quite interesting and laughably easy to love. your roommate can’t watch it any longer and tells you to give him something. unknowns surround you in a lavender haze. she tells you to pull a few out, but take the answers straight to him. he’ll love the gesture. and you, you had no idea that mystery loves you, not when you forget how to breathe when he kisses your forehead, when you feel his chest against your cheek. you thought everything is all over your face in his presence. you would’ve sworn every secret seeps, that you couldn’t be easier to read, but a look in your eyes and the softness of your skin still needs translating

♡time is a strange thing. it only takes a minute to change, but it takes ten to choose your outfit. it only takes five minutes to cook your eggs, but triple the time to eat them with a full mind. it only takes seconds to say i love you but minutes collected over months to say it out loud, despite the list you’ve written of all its silent showings and the way your own are entirely compatible with his

♡you’ve started to notice the bubbling desire existing in him. the way his face scrunches up for only a moment when he wants to touch you but can’t. the way his fingers curl as his hand forms a fist because he wants to hold yours but can’t. the tension on his skin when you brush against him innocently. the part in his lips and the lids covering dark eyes, but only for a moment. anyone else could miss the subtle cues. he’s started to talk about your favorite things—write about them on loose parchment as a way to say he loves you without mentioning the largest four letter word the world has ever known- will ever know

♡memories fill your room. in cute trinkets and museum postcards, the sweetest moments stay with you. the reminders have always been good for you. it probably started because of a movie scene when a beautiful protagonist discovered a memory box. old pictures with crinkled edges. necklaces with broken clasps. seashells and transparent rocks you imagined were incredibly smooth and definitely sparkled under the sun. years ago, you found your own memory box in an antique shop, three states away from your hometown. it was perfect then, and it’s still perfect now. you swear it keeps you together, keeps you going, keeps the brightness in your eyes and a warmth in your chest. there’s one person who’s starting to take it over these days, though. the small things he presents to you can’t end up anywhere else, and you daydream about years from now: afternoons drinking tea on your back porch with this handcrafted box on your lap. a fingertip tracing the grooves before two flick the lock and the softness, the love from your teens, twenties, maybe even your thirties, is all there. you wonder if a ring will be on a significant finger. if a cat named river will cover your feet. if his voice will fill your ear suddenly because hours have passed in an autumn flash and he’s home again. he’s coming outside to love you

♡it’s luxurious familiarity like egyptian cotton: ready to envelop you in obscene comfort, so plush and welcoming to your body, so understanding of the places you need to be supported without having to say anything. how incredibly lucky you are not to speak a single word and yet, your needs are crystal clear. you mold to the places his body is hard and strong. you take off the layers, the pieces of protection that can be left by the door once it’s closed, and you’re back inside the sweet escape, sinking in

♡he waits for you in wide open spaces, beneath a clear moon, in the crisp air. he twists the ring on his pointer finger and wonders if you’re wearing yours. the one you found in a quaint shop two years ago on your birthday, when he took you to another country. he woke up every morning you were away to the sight of you in front of the bay window, with your nose against the glass, with silent wishes of becoming a girl who lived there. he could feel the desire in your steps- in the energy that consumed you, wrapped around your bones for that memorable week. every day, he looks for it, since coming back home. he looks for the utter joy and a blissful smile that makes him love you more. you’ve always been fucking easy to adore. there’s a home in his hands, though. doesn’t he know? sure, that city, a continent away, left you walking on clouds, but it wouldn’t have been the same without him. maybe the parisian sky changed the lightbulb to illuminate the home’s patio brighter, but it didn’t alter the shelter behind the door. that was all him

[archiiive]

How To Get My Husband On My Side

I usually love strong female characters and I love reading them. Not a big fan of weak or damsel in distress characters. But RUBY. Idk how to explain my thoughts and feelings about her. Ik it doesn't make any sense but I feel like this is what I'd feel about my own daughter if I had one (I just turned 20 last month lolol). Ruby is by far my most favourite manhwa fmc and the most beautiful girl in my eyes I'm not even exaggerating. Yall won't believe how many times I scroll back to see the panels Ruby is in. I don't think I've even replayed shirtless Izek that many times lmao. I just stare at her in awe. I can't help but smile. I just re read this manhwa for the 4th time today, I just keep coming back here. This manhwa is so beautiful, cute, sad, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cry, smile, laugh, giggle, get angry, so many emotions all at once.

I feel so sad whenever I look at Ruby's eyes. I just wanna give her a hug. Ruby is by far one of the strongest characters I've ever read. Being strong doesn't necessarily mean being physically strong yk. Everything she's gone through, those are unimaginable. The fact that she's still sane is probably the biggest proof of how strong she is. Cause imagine being abused like she was for that many years (even in her previous life, or should I say lives), she's only suffering. I can't imagine how deep the trauma runs.

Every kind of Abuse destroy people. She has gone thorough so many kind of abuses. But man SA has got to be the most horrendous things to ever happen to someone, that too by her own brother, at her own house, for so many years, where the so called brother even spread rumour about their questionable relationship outside just so her marriages could be broken off. I can't imagine going through all of that everyday and still having to smile sweetly 24/7, not having anyone to share these with, no one to rely on and pretending to be completely fine. I'd never be able to last so long, I'd be long gone.

As much as I love Izek now, it's an undeniable fact that he was a jerk to her when she first came here. Okay he had his reasons cause her family couldn't be trusted yada yada but RUBY didn't deserve any of it. Good thing she escaped from the hell, her own house but then came here to be treated like a nuisance by her own husband. Okay he's changed now and he loves her and everything is good so I'll kinda forgive him too cause at least he's giving Ruby the love, warmth, support, reassurance, comfort now. She needed them so bad. She really needed someone to confide in.

Whenever I see her holding things in and not being able to talk about her past traumas and abuse with anyone and silently putting up everything that fu*king Cesare bitch a**hole ugly looking piece of sh*t son of a wh*re does in fear that things will get worse, I just want to go get myself off by a truck and isekai into the story and stab that filthy guy until my hands fall of. I don't think I ever hated or will hate anything as much as I hate Cesare. This manhwa keeps breaking me but I still keep coming back for Ruby and maybe a little bit for Izek too, love to see them together.

I'm so mad she had to endure all of that. Idc what Ruby does or ever did. I'd support her even if she were to take initiative to end the world. I'd gladly let her destroy everything, kill everyone including me if that's what she wanted, I'd give her everything she could've ever asked for and even more cause RUBY my love deserves everything. Okay but why do I sound like a mom tho lolol. I guess Izek has a stronger competition now cause at least I'd never treat that angel like precious munchkin the way he did in the past hmph.

So in conclusion what I wanted to say is, I LOVE RUBY. My loveliest most adorable bestest sweetheart. My heart swells with love everytime she smiles. She shines so bright I fear. Ruby is the most amazing, Ruby is the most beautiful, Ruby is the strongest, i wanna bawl my eyes out everytime I look at her eyes. And if anyone tries to hurt my Ruby and talk shit about her, I'm personally coming for you, you better sleep at night with an eye open. Cause Ruby might be the sweetest but I'm certainly NOT.

[eldritcheden]

so it's totally past my bedtime but I've been watching NCIS again lately and need to go on a ramble so here goes

...not the full rewatch like back to series one and JAG and Kate and such, just from Netflix's catalogue on so like season 10 or something onwards

it was my number 1 obsession in my tweens and early teens but up until now I had seen little to none of the post Ziva era

here's a collection of thoughts:

I used to ship Tiva soooo hard - like I used to use 'Tiva' in usernames! and now I watch them and am just like euuuhhhh idk I feel like Ziva deserves better. In all honesty a lot of my ships (particularly when I was younger) are basically just a reflection of whatever the piece of media 'wanted' me to ship. like it was all just pattern recognition and the autism y'know.

having said that, and while we're on ships. I enjoyed the ride Ellick (apparently that's their ship name?) took me on. honestly as an extension of Ellie's arc in particular. Like there's that episode when she's dating Qasim but the team doesn't know yet and they talk about her compatibility with Reeves vs Torres, and the thing is like they were totally right Ellie and Torres totally weren't compatible at that point in Ellie's character arc. When she joins she's like the most stable 'normal' member of the team, she's maybe even a little naive, she's happily married to a fellow intellectual business-y soft-boy type. Then there's Qasim, still a fellow intellectual still a soft-boy type but much more of a romantic idealistic(?) soul. And throughout her tenure Ellie becomes more and more 'NCIS'- she gets more reckless and badass etc etc etc until the point where she kinda meets nick at his level for their compatibility. Like his character is comparatively relatively unchanged in that time, like he's settled a little bit really it's Ellie that 'matches his freak'. But her arc wasn't finished- she had to keep going and left him behind in her wake. and I dont think i really latched on until Ellie left but Torres is really one of My Guys at this point - like Elliot Spencer of Leverage flavoured guy. Y'know on the outside a bit of a broody (slightly sassy) lone-wolf badass type, super strong protective drive, vulnerable inside and don't believe they're worthy of love... Love that flavour of guy.

Okay that was a long one but I'm not really done with this topic but just think about the potential this holds for the future. I don't know why the actress left the show and that will effect how likely she'd ever be to come back but ugghhhh just imagine.

They run into Ellie on an op. She's undercover and 'working with' the bad guys. To protect both her cover and Torres she shoots him ala Gibbs and McGee in 1mm. THE ANGST. His little heart broken eyes. the tension the conflict. Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom delicious. She becomes one of their reoccurring 'villains' maybe her pic is even up on the most wanted wall. Maybe there's tie-ins with the Tony and Ziva series? Cause like I've seen that speculation and it kinda makes sense but again I need the drama of her being 'in opposition' to our mains. and anyway I need the friends to lovers to enemies to lovers /enemy lovers pipeline for them. The tension they could deliver, both dramatic and sexual, unprecedented. Sign me up.

I'm rambling, this isn't even general thoughts lol it's all Ellick with an honourable mention to Tiva.

Quick actually general thoughts:

They keep setting mcgee up as future director, and have been for a couple of seasons, I wonder if thats gonna come to fruition any time soon

12 yo me really did have a moment when Ziva came back.

Having said that I'm really not a cast purist. (I probably was at 12 tho lol) Like I don't mind people leaving and being replaced, that happens in long running shows and I feel like so far it's gone relatively well. Even Gibbs leaving- like he was iconic but they managed to make his departure seem refreshing rather than.. 'emptying'.. if that makes sense.

I guess I was surprised to find out that LA was cancelled, just cause it was the most solid spinoff they'd had but honestly I hadn't seen that in years either so who knows how it was actually doing.

I think 12 yo me is very excited for the Tony and Ziva spinoff. I just can't quite hear her over current me's excited projecting about future ellie possibilities- there's so much meat on that bone.

Ok. I really don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. Good. Night.

Edit: I remembered another thought. I was honestly low-key surprised that Knight and Jimmy became a thing cause I feel like at first they were kinda setting knights character up to be a lesbian- the way she clocked Marcy, and I feel like there was at least one other moment that I can't think of off the top of my head. I guess she could still be bi, but idk, I feel like I definately clocked a few hints early on that she wasn't into dudes? She and jimmy were a cute plotline though so I'm not gonna knock it

[h5eavenly]

omg i literally sent you an ask like two hours ago thinking "well this can't get any worse now we're gonna be so up from here on" AND IT SOMEHOW GOT WORSE?????? AGAIN I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WOAH yeji having it out for y/n over something that happened years ago and that hyune obviously got over is just soooo.. like she has so many reasons to give y/n a piece of her mind for and she chooses /this/ hill to die on?? AND not addressing her directly???? babyyyy this ain't it!! i think this is also a way of evidencing how distanced yeji and hyune have grown more than the distaste that she has towards y/n, like she doesn't know about hyune and her's connection and where they stand as much as the others do bc yeosang drove her away from them all which is so sad :-( sometimes she frustrates me a bit but i have a lot of sympathy towards yeji especially in this situation bc i know how hurtful it is to feel ostracised from your close friendships due to a toxic relationship and trying to hold on to the things you knew about them while not realising that they've changed bc you haven't been there enough to witness those changes :-( idk if this was your intention when you wrote it but it's really accurate. i know there's a lot of bad blood between yeji and y/n, now more than ever with the yeosang situation 💀 but i really do wish they can have a heart to heart sometime bc both of them have been so wronged and hurt by evil men and idk if a friendship between them is possible tbh but i feel like they can find a support system in each other even if they aren't friends. i just want my girls to be happy and i know there's a long way to go but they both deserve healing smsm :-(

now WDYM MFS RAIDED HYUNE'S HOUSE OH MY GOD????? this is y/n's fuckass father FOR SURE his ass wants to play gangster so bad HE AIN'T SHIT!!!!!!! i'm so flabbergasted i swear i never saw this coming??? i never thought that bum would ever go to this length to try to impose control on his daughter like that man's crazyyyyy. at first i thought the raid was bc of yeosang but you know that man ain't got no friends and is a coward he could never pull up like this 😭 so that's why i think it's y/n's father who's behind this bc he wants to have his godfather moment for some reason 💀 yk how weird men go crazy once they realise they can't control the women they feel entitled to so i think y/n moving out made him feel some kind of way. i can't wait for that asshole's downfall i swear i'm praying on it im going to church over it im manifesting it 🙏🏻 unless hyune is onto something that we're not aware of??? which idk im not sure about that honestly but i didn't see like half the things that ended up happening coming either so you knowww im seated, hyune and hannie living with y/n will be so cute too!! we love to see domestic hyune+y/n content we used to pray for times like this 🥹 so we might be kinda up after all maybe

thank you sm for the update so soon!! you're working overtime for this and it's sooo appreciated you deserve the world fr 🫂🩷🩷

genuinely curious what made you think "its only up from here" cus... 🫡efuhhfihw fyi anon i take my angst tag VERY seriously 🧐 some may say i'm not trust worthy but i just like being unpredictable

about the whole yeji situation it is intentional yes! im so glad you noticed its kinda hard to write such subtle things in smau without it being in your face because it's one of those things that i want ppl to notice but sometimes im like ahh idk if anyone would notice, i think for her she obviously views y/n as a rival but because she's left out (hence jinnie growing more distance ever since yeo came into her life) she tries to attack y/n with the only available card she has which is "you did smth bad to my friend" bc she doesn't know anything else and she wasn't even there when it all happened she only got snippets from the story and from jinnie's side when he was still feeling resentful towards y/n and you see the difference in this specific subject between her and lix (bc lix was there) he gets their bond sm more and it's so much easier for him to not hold it against y/n

listen y/n's dad might be a little worse than her mom idk they're competing for that title rn, ty for being so kind baby as alwayys i enjoyed reading and im sorry for talking sm i just get excited about my characters🥰🥰💞💞

[whoslaurapalmer]

lulu i just want to say i'm in LOVE with your post-canon fic and also in tears (actually in tears literally not metaphorically) i'm just feeling so emotional about them all of them. they're a family. the way Frank and Ernest says "that's a painting of my brother", the comical-ness of confusion from the guests' point of view mixed with the heavier reminder of the past of how Dewey's gone, but also the way he doesn't have to be a secret now (even though most people still don't know" and they can put a portrait of him up there for people to see. and the way frank gets exactly what ernest meant when he wants the portrait to look like dewey. and frank and babybea's conversation. i'm just rereading it again and again and getting so many feelings ahhhh

awwww vera!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 i'm so pleased i have. made people cry. i love doing post-canon thoughts bc i think they are all such a precious family and they all deserve family!!!! and love!!! and there's lots of ways to show love!!!!! and babybea and all these people who love her, it's just...............AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i put in the painting just as like. something i thought was silly, but then i thought, 'nope, you gotta see that one through.' i love the thought that of course frank and ernest would not open a hotel without the memory of dewey somewhere, and yeah! he doesn't have to be a secret anymore, it doesn't matter, but it still. kind of winds up being a secret, bc no one believes they're triplets. it's a tribute to your brother but your brother looks just like you and how can you differentiate to people who didn't even know him but it's so IMPORTANT that it's dewey and not anybody else!!!! but!!!!! he's there!! his memory is there and his brothers are there and his family is there and his LOVE is there in the lobby when babybea sits with frank!!!!!! that's what the point is!!!!!!! and now i'm gonna fucking cry!!!!!!!! sometimes it really all just is about love, in all kinds of ways. i love doing cozy (and silly.) (silly is a big requirement. hashtag pretzel indeed) family vibes. we need more of them post-canon. i always want to write more but sometimes i have a hard time getting the thoughts to make sense in words. what i started trying to do was stuff about babybea's back to school night, which was actually like, becoming less about family and more about, the place of lemony's books in the public consciousness of the snicketverse society, but i was not in the mood to address the complicated vibes of 'i mean, people had to witness some of this stuff, but i also think it's the most ideal, in terms of humor and also, How Terrible People Are, if they don't believe it really happened.' and that's just, a lot of complicated things to parse out (and part of what i want to get into in my sunny fic................eventually.............). ANYWAY. i really did just want to write about this family. i hold them very dear in my heart. nothing i love more than post-canon slow imperfect but glorious happiness.

also, i did not intend to write about frank? frank is the denouement i think about the least (sorry, frank) (i just enjoy rotating ernest around in my head so much..........). but idk, it felt like it needed to be his moment with his niece and his decision about the pumpkin. i think he and babybea get along better, from this point on. he's less nervous around her. they do more ships in bottles together, and probably big puzzles. like, 1000-piece puzzles. sometimes i also think i write babybea as not quite as old as she actually would be at this point, like, fuck does she act twelve???? (but also, she's been through a lot.) but i also think she really does keep a great deal of like. childhood joy in her, all throughout her life. she really deserves that, too.

oh, you know what..........i gotta get ramona into this at some point too. i keep MEANING too but there is always so much to discuss post-canon that i still haven't managed to get her in yet. my apologies as well, r.........

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[eoieopda]

re soft asks: actually...... what if i said "all of them." how unhinged would that be (do it)

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions..... i did this to @moni-logues last week and — uhhhh — i guess i deserve this, lmao.

buckle up, kids.

1, 2, and 3 were just answered here.

4. what flower would you like to be given?

i love, love, love, hydrangeas. idk if that yoongi drabble made that clear, lol.

5. who do you feel most you around?

my older sister and my best friend, IRL. if we're talking internet, @jihopesjoint has proven to be my actual clone in all respects, which is both spooky and incredible. we're like the lindseys lohan from the parent trap except instead of camp, it was tumblr.

6 was answered here.

7. what color brings you peace?

hmmmmmmmm. lilac or mint green. also really deep forest green.

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. 

i already tagged nicki but ope here she is again: @jihopesjoint. also YOU, @sailoryooons, @here2bbtstrash (though idk if m will see this,) @luaspersona. this is not an exhaustive list!

9. what calms you down?

i don't know if i've ever actually felt truly calm in my entire life?? but the closet i get is driving around with the windows down, listening to music, and drinking a silly little coffee.

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

well, i moved to a new state yesterday and start a new job on monday, so.... a new chapter. the previous one was v ouchie and i'm excited to put down the baggage i've been shouldering.

11. what’s your ideal date?

be honest — is this you asking me out? jk..... unless 👀 (no, i'm kidding.) i never don't want to go to a dive bar, listen to a band, be bad at pool, and laugh until my stomach hurts!!

12 was answered here.

13. what’s your comfort food?

this is so embarrassing and really snitches on my depressive habits, but lately, smuckers uncrustables have been sustaining my whole life. specifically, the strawberry ones. tell me you're struggling without telling me you're struggling!!!!

14. favorite feel-good show?

new girl and schitt's creek are always the first ones i think of when i need to turn my brain off and laugh!

15. for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

you didn't give me any, so i'm just gonna yeet right past this one.

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

this is gonna sound so dumb because i don't know you in the literal, physical sense, but i'm so fucking proud of you??? i know the gauntlet you're currently going through and it warms my old, dead heart to see that you're not only surviving it, but doing (what looks to be) a really incredible job at holding onto you — your interests, your joy, your hobbies. i wasn't super successful at that. it's hard as fuck, but you're doing the damn thing.

17. fairy lights or LED lights?

HALLOWEEN LIGHTS. LIL LIGHT-UP PUMPKINS. next question.

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

yes, binch! all i have atm is a gigantic raccoon squishmallow that my sister gave me when my life exploded last year and i cling to that shit, lol.

19. most important thing in your life?

my family. my siblings, my parents, my nephews, my dog, and my best friend.

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

the first thing that came to mind is taco bell because i've been craving it for days. but uhhhhh, if we're getting existential here, i want whatever is the emotional equivalent of a deep breath.

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

all you can do is love him hard and let him go.

22. what would you say to your future self?

drink water. seriously, get up and get a glass of water. right now. how are you even alive? lmao.

23. favorite piece of clothing?

an old, beat-up denim jacket that used to be my mom's! she wore it when my parents brought me over from korea, once my adoption was finalized.

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

🏃🏻‍♀️ run, beautiful, run, yeah, you gotta run 🏃🏻‍♀️

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

you could give me a pen cap that you chewed on and i'd still be like, omfg, you made this? for me?

but fr, i'm a sentimental bitch, so anything along the lines of "i saw/heard this and thought of you/this thing we did," etc.

26. what movie would you want to live in?

oooh, idk! is it weird if i say the craft, given what happens? i just really wanna be a witch with a bunch of other baddies.

27. which character would you want to be?

....from the movie in 25? or generally? because i'd want to be baby yoda, thottin' and boppin' around with pedro pascal, drinkin my lil drink, and being baby.

28 was answered here.

29. morning, afternoon or night?

morning! i'm an up-and-at-em kinda fella. love having a whole day ahead of me, love a breakfast sandwich, love a sunrise.

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

bon fires, maple syrup, people singing while they cook/work/whatever, getting zooted and then over-competitive while playing egyptian rat screw, being hugged for a laughably long time.

[ileftherbackhome]

the way that dear john, wouldve couldve shouldve, and bigger than the whole sky are written and all fit together is something so beautiful and heartbreaking and all of them are so beautifully and painfully written it's just owie

I know anon!!! God I fucking know!!!!!!!!!

The fact that dear john ends and bigger than the whole sky literally picks up where she left off is devastating to me. The fact that the sequel to dear john is a song in which she has internalized the slut shaming and victim blaming she experienced for realizing dear john breaks my fucking heart.

You can tell how bold and confident she was in herself before dear john was released and how different she is in bigger than the whole sky. Like even the lyrics she put in dear john, some of them are angry as fuck even hiding behind the sadness.

"Don't you think I was too young to be messed with"

"I see it all now I was wrong"

"It's you and your sick need to give love then take it away"

Vs

"No words appear before me in the aftermath"

"Salt streams out my eyes into my ears"

"It's all over now, all out to sea"

"Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness"

"So I'll say words I don't believe" (like what... she's speaking to herself... words like "you weren't to blame" "it's not your fault" "I'm sorry" "i forgive you" or even "I love you" come to mind... all of them heartwrenching)

It makes me feral whenever I think about it for too long.

And then we get would've could've should've which is the angriest and most self righteous of the three song but even while she is holding him accountable, she is still blaming herself way more than she should. I mean the whole song is about what she would have done differently if he had done things differently but they're tied together because she still blames herself in part and that much is clear

"I regret you all the time" I mean!!!!!

Idk this trilogy... I know I asked for it but I don't know if I really deserved it tbh. Because wow, a masterpiece but wow how heartbreaking it is to know how broken inside she was because of that piece of shit groomer asshole and this cunty society.

[berrywarbler]

i had to unexpectedly put my french bulldog to sleep this past Tuesday because she had a mass that was about to burst at any moment and another next to her heart and surgery (if she survived it at all because A) she’s a french bulldog and B) she’s 12 years old) might not have bought her even a few more months. i couldn’t stand to watch her suffer so it seemed the most humane thing to do to let her go so she wouldn’t be suffering any longer (this thing had grown so quickly and she wasn’t herself for a few days and she was losing her appetite) 

i’m utterly devastated because she was my little shadow and she was my very best friend. she’s been with me for a decade. 

when i first got her-- my mom rescued her from this woman at work who had bred her and didn’t want her anymore and was just going to take her to the shelter so mom took her. she brought her home and this was when we were living at my old house and i spent a majority of my time up all night in the living room. so she would sit behind me on the couch. she was unsure of being with us/me (she had clearly been mistreated)-- she didn’t know how to love, snuggle, or give kisses. she hung out with me every single night and we became best friends-- she would lay on me if i was on the couch, she would lay at my feet, or behind me on the couch if i was sitting on the floor. she stayed by my side always.

over the months i would try to get kisses from her but all she would do was sniff at my face and i so lovingly referred to this as “snuffles” and so i’d ask for snuffles rather than kisses until she was comfortable enough to give kisses. i’ll never forget the first time she licked my face. i cried. it was like her way of telling me that she fully trusted me and we were each other’s person. 

for the past decade she followed me everywhere. she slept at my feet, or on the floor on her little bed right next to my bed, she would look for me if i had been gone out of her sight for too long and if she knew i was on the other side of the door she would whine and cry until i was with her again. if i left the house she would whine and complain and i’ve never had a dog greet me with such happiness or excitement the way that she did.

she was literally the dog of my dreams. she was my emotional support best friend. i could pick her up and hold her and i could feel pieces of my broken self slowly mend. she’s been with me through the traumatic experience that was my nana’s death and everything that followed. she was my one constant and i think i actually convinced myself that she’d live forever.

the room is too quiet without her snoring. 

i have so many little things that i did with her that i’ll never have again and i’m just not handling it well, to be quite honest. i haven’t felt this empty since nana died. i feel like i’m reliving that all over again, too. i feel like a hollow, shell of a person and i don’t know how to continue.

i have this new puppy, too, that i just got at the beginning of this month and i feel so guilty because he’s this precious little boy who deserves a mom that’s present and i’m not right now. thank god for jay. 

idk, i’m just really sad and still somewhat in shock and i feel like i’m trapped/stuck in this place and i don’t know what to do or where to go or how to get through this. i haven’t had to go through something sad without her in the last ten years so i don’t remember how to do it.

i’m just so sad.

[mollusken]

who are those dnd love clerics of yours? what are their backstories, anyway?

Hiii being a sloth as is my nature!!!!! But thanks for asking so I can talk about them! :] I truly wrote half of this out and tumblr deleted it so just know I’m been THRU it to hand u this essay... I hope u enjoy HERE’S THE SUMMARY:

(art by @camomills)

Seraphina was a cleric I originally played in a game about Gods dying. I made her to be someone who was unknowingly worshipping the wrong god. She ended up switching domains and later doing some introspection(/exploration) I realized she was much better suited to being a Love Cleric following Sune. Seraphina really worked hard to find herself and eventually built a convent where she would welcome other followers of Sune, teach esthetician courses, as well as hold sermons and discuss love and beauty as matters of philosophy and religion. She still struggles with letting people into her life in any meaningful way, and letting herself be truly vulnerable. That's where her story with Valentine really comes into play.

Valentine is a cleric of Sune whom, upon being born, was foretold to sacrifice herself for love. She really wants to fall in love very badly and knows it is her duty more or less to do so, but there's a part of her that's still running away.

The tragedy of her story is that she often gives herself away in little ways; by handing people this unending love and letting that mean she shrinks herself, or lets herself be hurt in the name of it. She's too busy trying to fight her destiny  -- that of a Big Magical romance -- that subconsciously she is fulfilling it with every step she takes.

I think it's a fun dynamic; to have a character that's more or less running from reflection but very open with her love, and one that's found her path but still has to let herself trust, and explore intimacy.

That's really what they boil down to: both being followers of Sune but imbuing different aspects, and having each other as foils. When Valentine comes to stay at Seraphina's convent the two really connect and learn a lot from each other as equals.

They’re narrative foils, they’re friends with benefits, they’re life long friends and partners and confidants, they’re both so sexy and smart and cute, and they’re impossible to color because Val is so gd neon pink lmfao. THATS THE SHORT OF IT IF YOU’VE ENJOYED THANK YOU FOR ASKING AFTER MY GIRLS 💚 And if you want every gory detail the Long is down below!!!

LONG VERSION Seraphina was a half-elf cleric I originally played in a game about Gods dying and being replaced. I made her to be someone who was unknowingly worshipping the wrong god, which I think was originally some war god. After they fell she found out her powers were from Milil, god of music, but later doing some introspection(/exploration) I realized she was much better suited to being a Love Cleric, and follow Sune. She would later on in life become a huge proponent of self love and expression.

She was a non-committal wreck with a hot streak and a lot of baggage to work through. Her elf mother was distant. She had impossible to meet standards and no recognition of her as an adult, being wholly unfamiliar with human life spans. And her sisters who served as her rivals her entire life in a bid for their mother's affection, and they lashed out at each other in any way possible. Elaborate social games, physical fights, competing achievements; Seraphina was usually invested in the latter due to her aptitude with magic, and less of the first due to being considerably younger than her sisters.

When she realized that what she believed didn’t match up to what she was teaching, and having a bad home life and finding herself struggling to keep up in an environment not suited for her, she lashed out. Both at fellow students the way she used to with her more hardy sisters, and at the convent leaders. Thus she managed to get herself banished and excommunicated.

So very much in survival mode at that point. She lived with a few colleagues as much as she could before moving on, strung along some upper class gentlemen to keep herself within her former social class, lied, stole, etc.

It really wasn't until after her real God fell and she lost her powers that she had to do any kind of introspection and realize that hey, maybe she was like. not dealing with her issues by ignoring them and falling headfirst into substances, and maybe she needed to start taking care of herself and correct her behaviour including lashing out at others, and unpack her upbringing and religious programming.

I left the game after her arc (unrelated) which I would add a bit of a rewrite to later because I honestly don't know if she'd ever forgive her family within their collective lifetimes, even if she did still come about saving them. Also smh I curse my past self sometimes because I gave her an old fiance that came to find her - past me got shy & asked the DM to pull it - but that was honestly the funniest fucking thing. It would've been so good. I'm hilarious relationship drama is the SPICE of D&D & I should’ve trusted my gut smh.

Seraphina really worked hard to find herself and eventually built a convent where she would welcome other followers of Sune, teach esthetician courses, as well as hold sermons and discuss love and beauty as matters of philosophy and religion. She still struggles with letting people into her life in any meaningful way, and letting herself be truly vulnerable with them. That's where her story with Valentine really comes into play.

Valentine is a cleric of Sune whom, upon being born, was foretold to sacrifice herself for love. She grew up very modestly and without parents, just an old nursery maid who housed a small orphanage in her village. She was always a fierce lover. Her childhood was pretty stable compared to Seraphina, and she had a supportive community. Nevertheless as a young woman she decided to head out on her own journey to fulfill her prophecy.

Val is emotional, a little headstrong, and imbued with romantic tendencies that means she'll stop to help anyone who looks in her direction. Her kindness is definitely taken advantage of, and she's susceptible to looking past people's flaws for their strengths, but that doesn’t mean she loves less or stops giving as kindly.

She really craves falling in love and meeting her soulmate -- and she knows it is her duty more or less to do so -- but there's a part of her that's still running away from her fate. A part that still believes she’s not enough, she’s not ready, she doesn’t know how to do so.

So she lets herself get sidetracked with whatever - and whoever - catches her attention. This is how she's ended up in all the different little adventures I've played her in.

The tragedy of her story is that she often gives herself away in little ways; by handing people this unending love and letting that mean she shrinks herself, or letting herself be hurt in the name of it. Even just the amount of time she will dedicate to helping others, no matter the outcome. Good or bad, big or small gestures, she gives.

She's too busy trying to fight her destiny -- which she interprets as some huge giving-her-life-for-a-lover moment or Star-Crossed-Fate-Sealed romance -- that subconsciously she is fulfilling it with every step she takes.

I think it's a fun dynamic; to have a character that's more or less running from reflection but very open with her love, and one that's found her path but still has to let herself trust, and explore intimacy.

That's really what they boil down to: both being followers of Sune but imbuing different aspects, and having each other as foils. When Valentine comes to stay at Seraphina's convent the two really connect and learn a lot from each other as equals.

Seraphina embodies the beauty and self love aspect of Sune, while lacking connection to intimacy (although part of that is her being aromantic & not inherently desiring of romance). Valentine on the other hand, embodies romantic love and compassion but can't really accept herself or love herself as she continues to shy away from her prophecy.

They have a physical/sexual relationship alongside this-- I imagine that being a very open topic/concept with Suneites and that develops more organically in a society that views it as beauty, as self-care, as affection and romance. And less controlled by social stigma.

Although Valentine has a hard time separating her romantic tendencies sometimes and has moments of limerence for Seraphina. They speak freely about it - eventually lol, who would I be if I didn't cause SOME drama - and that helps her work through it. They continue to be good friends until the end of their lives.

Valentine ends up staying at the convent longer than anywhere else she travels. I pictured her eventually moving on, still trying to find the end of her fate. But I think strings would pull her back to visit.

I haven't got to play Valentine for a campaign; she was made for one-shots, so that's why she's a bit more open-ended and her story is the way it is. And although I still think Seraphina's story has places it could go, I think I found a pretty happy ending for her. SO THERE YOU ARE LORE DROP x2!!!!!!! I’m sure I can drop even more in-depth shit if you’re curious about anything else.... I know I have Seraphina family developed and can run thru Val’s adventures..... Or Swannie stuff I have so much Swannie lore..... they both meet her at some point too it’s all connected so....... yk what 2 do 👀 Thank u for taking an interest in my girls and have a good fuckin day just for giving me an excuse to scream about something!!!! 💚 WAHOO

[cassiopeiasara]

ALOTO Reflections

So I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to think of how I want to phrase my thoughts post finishing the season and I can’t promise full consistency or coherency but there’s something I want to explore and praise so much that my rambling be damned. So as my girl Issa once said, I go into every show like

Y’all I had such low expectations for Max’s storyline. I’m a fan of the original movie and I thought maybe they’d expand that minute with those black women to idk 5 in a few episodes then pat themselves on the back for a “diversity win” BUT THEY DIDN’T DO THAT!

Forewarned there will probably be spoilers ahead. Listen, I love period pieces so much and as a black woman, I’m so used to it being about nothing but our trauma as if one of the defining characteristics of Black people in the US isn’t finding joy in the most unimaginable circumstances. And beyond that, I’m used to seeing us portrayed as one dimensional as if we don’t have our own community and struggles and layers. 

Instead of those maybe 5 minutes I expected, we got Max and her place in a family who experiences a wonderful amount of success and status. I fucking love that her mom Toni not only owns her own business but it’s a beauty salon. One of the epicenters of black femininity specifically. I love that this is the legacy she wants to leave for Max and the fact that it won’t work for Max. Not only is there the very obvious fact that baseball is Max’s dream but also she interacts with her gender expression (as a fucking stud be still my weak lesbian heart) in a way where being in this very specifically defined feminine space would be stifling. BUT ALSO! That salon is home. Max won’t let a stranger cut her hair, she goes to her uncle because she needs the connection that exists in her family and her community. AND THEY SHOWED US THAT!

Clance, dear Lord, my beloved Clance. They gave Max not just a funny sassy sidekick but a woman who is supportive, hilarious and a vintage blerd (black nerd for those unaware). Also we get that lovely conflict of Clance being so stressed out about her housewarming because she doesn’t have the success of the Chapmans. Her place is still being established in her community. I just don’t have the words for how fucking rare that is to see portrayed in a lot of media much less in a period piece. Also all those instances where Clance tries to hold Max back because she knows the dangers of losing your shit in front of white folks. It’s an ever present force in both of their lives and the way they remind each other and protect each other, I could just sob. 

ALSO! I’m so beyond thrilled at the romances between black folks. Max’s parents are adorably and disgustingly in love and we don’t get that often enough with our legacies of families torn apart and violence (which are very real but it’s not all that exists). We also get Clance and Guy. I LOVE GUY. He’s so sweet and loves Clance so much and they are so wonderfully supportive and vulnerable with each other. AND WE GET TO SEE IT! Then Max, my wonderful wonderful Max gets to navigate two different avenues; one in which she’s a secret side piece of someone who doesn’t fully see her and one in which nestled in the safety and community built by her uncle she gets to meet a woman not in the dim shadows of a secret but in a bright light of joy where she presents in a way where she’s finally found comfort. And Bert and Gracie, my gosh Bert and Gracie, they’re like a queer version of my favorite aunt and uncle and they give Max a place and hope and they’re SO IN LOVE.

Honestly this was all beyond my wildest dreams and while I find myself grateful, I’m also in a place where I’m like it’s what we deserve. In fact we deserve whole shows like this in any period of time because we’re worthy and see what beautiful stories we can be?? Anyway, I’m going to go back to sobbing and probably rewatch this show a few more times. 

[myownwholewildworld]

okay someone come and hold me for one damn second, pat my head and tell me everything's gonna be okay because WHAT THE FUCKTUAL FUCK MATE. all that yearning, all the longing, all the freaking feels — i felt EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. as if i was Javi himself.

this whole story is so tragic, so full of misunderstandings, so intricate and elaborate that my mind is literally blown to fucking pieces. you can follow Javi’s thought process to the T, his insecurities and his hopes, but also his fears and his true love for her. how he thinks himself somewhat undeserving?? idk just rip my heart out and end this suffering already because i don‘t think i can take it anymore.

leaving some of my fav bits under the cut bc i’ve been manically crying and laughing like that one pedro gif for the last 10 minutes, thank you very much.

Somehow Javier has the feeling that this is what love must feel like, though he’s never felt it before.

like he’s so young and he already KNOWS. she’s his first and last love. period. i dare you to try to change my mind.

Yours is all he really knows how to be.

this one??? art. fucking art. a picasso made words.

He’ll tell you. He’s going to tell you. He has to tell you.

the way i was actually screaming at my screen “TELL HER” ain’t normal, ain’t sane, but hey ho i’ve not been mentally stable since i read part 1.

It sucks the ocean from him, dries his every river and vein, leaves his tongue thirsty as a sponge—how you love him in not quite the right way.

SHE DOES LOVE YOU THE RIGHT WAY, JAVI. SHE DOES. CAN’T YOU SEE IT? CAN’T YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT??? <gets possessed by Elton John>

I’m sorry I left you, too. […] believing with a dark heart that you’ve denied him in the way he always feared you would.

brb I was bawling my eyes out by this point. picturing him waiting for a call back that never came??? i can never rest in peace after this.

A man of his word, Chucho puts the ring that for decades sat on his wife’s hand in the kitchen drawer for Javier that evening, and for the better part of a week Javier checks it’s still there twice a day like it might suddenly sprout legs and run off.

PERDÓN?????? THE WAY I CHOKED WITH MY OWN SPIT? NOT EVEN FUNNY. i almost unalived myself. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE? tell me there is an alternate universe where this happens, and reader says yes. otherwise i’ll never believe in true love again, like ever.

But it isn’t his at all—it’s your heart that Javier feels ripping into two clean halves.

hers and mine both. deceased.

“You’re here,” you say, your voice half hope and half broken glass, and he knows right then—though he’s yet to see the ring already sitting on your hand—that he won’t be reaching for his mother’s ring. You won’t be taking it.

a lost soul wandering this dead earth, that’s what i am rn. a shadow of what i once was before i started reading this fic.

look, i don’t really know how this masterpiece is going to end. i truly don’t — a happy ending? a sad one? an angsty one? but i do pray, wish, beg, implore & yearn for the first one. because they deserve to be happy together — and so do we after all this suffering lmao. BUT jokes aside, however it ends, happy ending or not, i know it’s going to be fucking epic & worth it, and i know i’m gonna love it even through all the tears i’ll shed. I CAN’T WAIT FOR PART 3 EEEEEEK.

okay bye now, see y’all on the other side. 🫡

DARK HEART

an I'LL CARRY YOU one shot

RATING: Explicit (18+) | PAIRING: Javier Peña x f!Reader WORD COUNT: 4.5k CW: Mild allusion to smut, mention of drinking, and a fuck ton of yearning.

SUMMARY: A retelling of part II from Javier's point of view.

part I & II | series masterlist | series on ao3 | main masterlist

Your body melts against his, but with you it’s always been easy in a way it never is with anyone else. Like your bodies knew each other from the second you met. Like meeting wasn’t meeting, but coming home. You lean forward to nudge your beer onto the coffee table, then return to lay one arm across Javier’s hips and set him on fire. Every cell of him begs for you, howling and needy as a dog—don’t you feel it? It feels like you must. It’s on the tip of his tongue now, just has to spit it out. I don’t love her I’m leaving her I just want you.

READ DARK HEART ON AO3.

dividers by @thecutestgrotto - tag list & some mutuals below the cut!

@pedritosgfreal @thundermartini @guiltyasdave @jolapeno @reluctanthalfwayoptimism 

@myownwholewildworld @sunnytuliptime @indiegirlunited @anoverwhelmingdin @pedrospatch

@perotovar @pedgito @harriedandharassed @casssiopeia @sweetpascal 

@noisynightmarepoetry @pedritosgfreal @theoraekenslover @luxurychristmaspudding @kyberblade

@itsokbbygrl @wannab-urs @milla-frenchy @yopossum @beezusvreeland

@katw474 @bluesweaters15 @jessthebaker @encasedinobsidian @ppascalrain

@yxtkiwiyxt @schnarfer @bbyanarchist @amanitacowboy @iknowisoundcrazy

[halfmoonshines]

could you do a fic that takes place after the last episode where the reader has been dating marc for awhile (and has been getting used to steven recently) and she knows that they leave (when jake is fronting) but she doesn’t know why? so then she confronts them about it and they’re like wtf

idk if that’s too vague or too specific but you write for steven and marc so well

I have been super blocked so your requests are uber appreciated <3 Let me know how you liked it! Layla is ex wife in this (and most fics I write) but I still think that she's a baddie!!

Steven Grant x F!Reader x Marc Spector

summary; you think that you've finally reached a calm stasis with your boyfriend and his alter Steven, but why do they leave in the middle of the night sometimes? Or exit the apartment without a word to you?

Discoveries

Marc thought that he had won the lottery. Ammit was defeated, while still being able to hold onto some semblance of autonomy, and Khonshu had readily released both him and Steven - making them free men.

To top it all off; you had stayed. After he was in Egypt for weeks with no contact, right after you briefly found Steven in London - you had stuck around for an explanation and decided to stay.

Marc didn't think he would ever feel this at peace with his life, and he enjoyed the budding connection that you and Steven were nursing.

He tried to avoid the occasional blackouts, not ready for anything to disturb this brief peace. He wanted to focus on you, and hopefully the next stage of his life.

You felt about the same that Marc did - lucky beyond belief that you had been reunited and excited for the time you could spend together now. Steven was slowly taking his own piece of your heart, though you were cautious at first. You ended up bonding over your love of history and it was full blast from there.

Everything was perfect, until it wasn't.

It started with the first night you woke up to an empty bed. A glance at the clock told you it was 03:00am and an outstretched arm confirmed that his side of the bed was chillingly cold. You gave the apartment a quick inspection and crawled back into bed when you didn't find him. You trusted Marc and Steven, thought that the time for secrets was far behind you, so you didn't want to overreact.

It happened again about three nights later and you resolved to mention it. You didn't think you were being paranoid and you definitely deserved an explanation. It was 05:00 when you noticed you were alone this time, so you stayed up. Curled up with a book on the front sofa and waited for your boyfriend to return home.

He pushed into the apartment about an hour later, jacket zipped tightly. He didn't notice you at first so you decided to announce yourself.

"Everything okay, Marc?" You hazarded a guess that it was your boyfriend specifically from his more stoic posture.

His eyes turned to you, something different about them as he looked you over before he replied. "Of course. Why are you waiting up for me? I'm a big boy."

You blinked a bit, indignation cutting at your stomach. "I'm aware that you're a big boy, maybe I was worried when my boyfriend turns up missing two nights in one week?"

Marc looked like he was going to say something but just shrugged instead, throwing his jacket on the chair next to you. "Whatever you say, Y/N." He was flippant in his attitude toward you and had simply stalked into the bedroom after that, not another word offered.

You sat astonished for a moment at the utter uncaring tone he had given you. Deciding you most certainly weren't going to sit and take it, you donned your own jacket and slipped out of the apartment - opting to go and get yourself some coffee and go for a walk to think over his brash attitude.

Of course you don't mean to control him, but you deserve an explanation? Right?

About two hours later your phone chimed with an incoming call from Marc's but you quickly declined the call. Two hours after his attitude and you leaving, he decides to see if things are okay? He can wait.

When you finally got back to the apartment an hour after that, you were greeted with who you thought to be Steven pacing around the living room. His eyes found yours as soon as you stepped through the door.

"Y/N." Definitely Steven. He walked toward you, putting his hands on your shoulders before continuing. "Are you alright? Are you injured?"

You just looked at him for a moment, eyes narrowed before Marc slipped into place.

"What's wrong? Where were you?" Marc's voice was gruff as he demanded answers, and somewhere at the back of your mind you noted he sounded different than he had this morning.

"You think you can sneak out on me, treat me like you did this morning but still expect answers from me?"

Marc looked wildly confused, eyebrows pulling together. "What are you talking about, baby?"

You scoffed, pushing his hands off of you and making your way into the kitchen. "Two nights this week I've woken up alone. You've forgotten our confrontation this morning? Are you on some sort of drug?"

"I don't remember that." Marc said, almost like he was muttering to himself. "Steven?"

"I have definitely not been moonlighting, that's more your thing." Steven's reply was instantaneous.

You crossed your arms, watching their small conversation. "So, what? Is there a third person running the show? He sure sounded a lot like you, Marc."

Marc ran a shaking hand through his hair, eyes darting back and forth while his mind worked overtime. "I need you to tell me everything. Every time you think we've acted out of character."