#idk self worth is hard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

volivolition · 27 days ago

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wiggles my fingers at you ouuuu… you want to tell me about solace so bad…

HKJGG wiggles my fingers back lovingly!!! i really do, i fuckin LOVE solace :3 hey did you know i really like making fake skill descriptions?

SOLACE

Follow the north star. Find light in even the darkest places. Cool for: Optimists, Recovering lost souls, Sweet summer children

Solace is the skill you tucked away long ago, at the bottom of Pandora's box. The little one that tells you: despite it all, there is still hope. It needs a lot of nurturing -- and it's far from being the most helpful for police work -- but taking care of it is basically self-care. It enables you to find the glow in yourself that you often ascribe to gold lungs or brilliant halos in others. It encourages you to wake up and watch the sunrise, to play board games with someone you love, to forgive yourself and let yourself be a gentler kind of animal. Constantly looking forward to a brighter future, it also helps shield your morale from damage.

At high levels, Solace gives you a heightened sense of childlike optimism - which isn't always the sense to lead with in this precariously harsh world. Always looking for the bright side will blindside you with naivety. At low levels, however, you may just extinguish whatever keeps your soul alight. You've already lost her once. You may not survive the desolation if you let her disappear again.

#i wanted to draw a skill portrait for her for this but [gestures vaguely at life] i hope this is cool enough hkjgkj <33 #solace is truly voli's ''keep going. there's still hope for us'' and echem's ''we can be happy again! let's go find joy wherever we can''#this is why i keep saying she's their kid hkjgh she covers the happy medium of both of their ideologies. hope for a happier future.#harry goes to the store and finds a pair of pink heart shades that gives her ''+1 Rose Colored Glasses'' :3 #i feel like theres some mechanic that keeps her from gaining too many points. a locked skill cap or maybe she can lose skill points??#hm. considers this.#echem voice ''i can't believe i'm saying this but we really can't drink alcohol anymore. it's bad for the baby :(''#ALSO. THIS IS ONE OF MY MORE SELF INDULGENT WORKS SO IF IT SEEMS OOC IN ANY WAY THAT'S BC THIS IS MY COMFORT FIC HGKJKJ #i know sometimes i write skill relationships too sweet and the world too kind and the game too unrealistically...#i know shivers said the end of the world is in 22 years. i know being a revachol cop would kill solace. i know alcoholism is hard to kick #and dora still haunts us. i know life is so hard and there is so much that kills hope and that the pale is going to swallow elysium. i know #but isn't disco elysium about how the world is awful and corrupt and futile but there is still beauty and worth to living in it?#the sky. the world. you're still alive. after death; life again. one day i will return to your side. sunrise parabellum.#the phasmid exists. the pale can be fought back with art. the city's alive and she told us she loves us. and solace believes there is hope.#augh idk man hjlkjg just don't want to lean into the ''young witch trying to find a cat in the alps'' bullshit lmao FUCK that </3 #i just think harry deserves a hope skill.#volta transmissions #inland drabbles #task: when two skills love each other very much

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tapeworrmart · 3 months ago

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I'm really working on not drawing because I feel I HAVE to. But it is hard to then not feel like I'm doing anything productive lol. I'm still here!! Comms are open and prints available etc, but also I welcome anyone who wants to just chat to me too via asks or whatnot like. Sometimes it's hard to not just feel like I'm an art machine. and I don't really know what to do about that since I do support myself through my art so I can't exactly afford to not think that way at times. But this then makes art no better than a job which steals all your self worth to make u the best worker. I don't want art to be that for me all the time, I want self worth to be seperate from productivity.

Anyway that being said, I am also thinking about opening my own shop that isn't etsy cuz they take way too much off me (and are awful). Idk what to try but I was thinking of shopify or big cartel. Any advice, esp in the UK, would be great!

#It's so hard when I'm not feeling productive to then not feel like a person #Cuz I get worried if I'm not constantly posting art then people will lose interest #Like. I just wanna be liked deep down. And make art. So combining both is like... Deadly for my brain #So I'm working to stop equating self worth with my art but it's hardddd #Anyway like I'm here and I'm a guy!! I don't bite #Tapeworm talks #Idk man.... Big thoughts today about loneliness etc

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mixtercandy · 6 months ago

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zorry if this comes off as a little venty but im feeling so discouraged to post art here or... at all

#ik i cant always do big numbers but my art isnt doing aswell as it used to in the past 3 years n its making me self concious #maybe its just cus i dont post every day of every week like i used to or smth but man #& ik i shouldnt use notes as a measurement for self worth but its hard sometines idk #cand posts #delete later #i should prolly start doodling requests to get out of this artblock or smth

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soppsop · 1 year ago

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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

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moe-broey · 2 months ago

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Conflicted about something (actually has been on my mind for a long time, it's just never been brought up), but like. I do like portraying Moe with self-harm scars. I like to treat the scars the same way I treat its acne/the scarring that comes from that. Just like, a candid portrayal of Well, that's just how it looks. Because of this, I also don't like the idea that self-harm scars should always be trigger-tagged. Kind of gets into the idea of what bodies should be "censored", and like, man, sometimes people just look like that...

But I also do wanna be mindful... I wonder if the rule of thumb should be, if the self-harm is the focus of the piece? Then you should probably tag it? But then that kind of gets ambiguous fast like. Usually I color Moe's scars to be pink/faded. So even when they are visible, they don't jump out at you really. But this recent piece I wanted to emphasize the scarring. Is it emphasized enough to warrant a tag...? But the piece really isn't focused on that. It makes up part of the storytelling/theming of the piece, but also does sort of fall into the category of "Well Moe just looks like that".

Do you. See the conflict here.

#idk idk... i think there are several reasons i always am particular about portraying it.#but it's never really meant to be a focus. at least not in the work i put out there. i don't have an interest in the nitty-gritty of it #just like. bread crumb trails i guess. where you can see things and based off of canon info you can extrapolate #like. what would be going on behind the scenes hypothetically. but also i am just aaall about the imagery #we don't have to get into it. but you can See what's going on here. you get the jist of it.#there are other examples where things get ambiguous or the imagery is so lax idk if i should tag it... i guess we'll see #okay. so i said i don't like getting into it. but. but. i DO want you to consider.#how being a healer w self-harming tendencies kind of goes crazy.#the way moe is always trying to hide in one way or another and the way moe is just Destructive. on SO many levels.#guy who is gonna repent about it. guy who is gonna lick its wounds in the dark about it.#guy who is gonna try SO. SO. SOOOOOO FUCKING HARD. to be 'worth' it somehow. to make up for it.#guy who was supposed to 'fix it'.#instructions unclear it fucked it up SO BAD. SO SO BAD. OH GOD. OH FUCK. IT'S FINE. IT'LL BE FINE JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE #REAGARDLESS. what the fuck am i talking aboyt .#whatever #moe lore

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onlyfangz · 5 months ago

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it's wild to me how much taking care of yourself really does help. i feel like im stating the obvious, but i really didn't believe anyone when they told me its worth the extra effort. and when your brain is on fire, it really IS extra effort. and to be clear, it's not that im mentally well. i still struggle with low self esteem and depression and thoughts of self harm (still four years clean!) and its not that its easier in the sense of the feelings that cause all of those issues are less intense, it's moreso that youre not dealing with all the extra weight from not looking after yourself. im not feeling guilty and gross because i smell. im not miserable bc i have to walk over a pile of whatever the fuck to get to my bed. my head isnt constantly pounding bc im not eating or drinking or sleeping (or oversleeping). its not EASY. but im also no longer making it harder for myself. and its not to shame anyone for being stuck in that, i promise, wherever youre at ive probably been as bad if not worse, but goddamn, sometimes the difference between that four year streak breaking and that not happening really is a fucking walk and a shower, and it SUCKS, but its worth it.

#charlie.txt #mental health #tw self harm mention #its really hard to convince yourself youre worth the effort #especially if you suffer from low self esteem #but sometimes it is just really going through the motions and then coming out the other side feeling a little better #and in the spirit of not adding to the era of Unrealistic Standards #im not like. perfect at taking care of myself.#with the exception of showering due to Events That Happened it IS a constant push to do everything #and sometimes the energy just isnt there #im not saying you should try functioning perfectly bc its easy #im saying doing the small things really does help out even if its infrequent. even if its imperfect. even if it doesnt solve everything.#idk im rambling

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butnotbubblegum · 4 months ago

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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itspileofgoodthings · 6 months ago

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tags continued from prev post.

#and all of this is true while it is ALSO true that her songs age incredibly well #even debut or random soundtrack songs or endgame #whatever song people try to put on the worst Taylor songs list NEVER QUITE BELONGS #it doesn’t feel right. and to some extent occasionally in mercurial flashes I feel the same about her BEST songwriting list #I can never rank anything of hers ever because she can write better than she has written #if anything finds her own songwriting dead it’s what her future self will be able to achieve #and I think sometimes even the public can SENSE this about her and it’s part of why people are sooooo hard on her in a brutal way #and in a way they never are with other artists. who have reached the limits of their potential #Taylor has not reached the limits —that’s the simple way of saying it #in some way she is still figuring out the artist she is going to be #and I really do think that it is going to be absolutely astonishing #because in some ways (this is going to sound crazy) she is still distracted by her success and her tour #she’s NOT but I mean. the canon hasn’t been fully set free #there are still somehow things holding her back #and we’ve watched her outstrip so much of those early confines that fame and the business of the music industry strapped around her #we’ve seen her say ‘that doesn’t apply to me’#but actually she’s going to and she needs to and I believe she WILL continue to move into rarefied air #my mom helped me give me the final piece of this feeling (and it’s just a deep gut intuition/brain chemical thing for me)#when she said one day almost in mild exasperation: maybe one day Taylor will grow into a Dolly Parton #and something CLICKED #in my brain. and I don’t agree with my mom in terms of her non-interest in Taylor (as much as it has pained me to do so)#I think she’s worth loving and paying attention to now #but that gap that exists between people who love her and people who don’t (full time haters internet trolls do not interact)#I think it’s going to close with time as her work stretches out and out and grows and changes #like I think by the end of her career we are going to have something so astonishing #and to loop it back for a second to a previous thought. I think that’s why sometimes a taylor song can sound disjointed to me. because it #will hit the Depths of the Depth for a second. it will transcend and then it will go back to merely being an excellent pop song #those flashes are everywhere in her work but I think she is going to work and hone them into being conductors of light in a more steady way #the older she gets. does this sound INSANE. idk sometimes I think it does and then sometimes I think it DOESNt. so who knows. but yeah #it’s hard to say because I know it will read as more critical of Taylor than I mean it to be. when really I mean it with so much awe

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spaceratprodigy · 6 months ago

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sorry for how slow and sparse I've been getting around to everyone. I'm doing my best but genuinely rn I desperately need to take care of myself instead of always putting others first.

#I've been. not okay mentally or emotionally for a few weeks now.#and I'm eternally grateful for the. like. 2 people that know that and have been so kind and patient with me.#and I feel bad for not giving as much as I want to be to /everyone/ right now and how much I feel like I'm falling behind.#but I don't have the energy or the will rn and I need to be shaken and forced to rest.#I'm so depressed and stressed out and anxious over every little thing rn.#my sense of self-worth is fucking shot and I'm trying so hard to be brave and remind myself people really do care about me.#that I'm not nuisance that I'm not causing problems and ruining everything that it's not better for everyone if I just wasn't in the picture #idk this isn't like. I want to be swarmed with reassurances right now.#it's more of just. I'm sorry. I know my mood is fluctuating and I'm very slow lately.#I promise I'm not ignoring anyone.#I'm just in a not great spot and it's taking a bad toll on me especially when I know how I am trying to appease others.#while giving up my own well-being giving up my own heart.#I just need to rest and take it easy for a bit. I promise everything is fine.#rambling #maybe delete later

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donnyclaws · 1 year ago

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I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.