#idk man. i wanna go home
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martina doodle or somwthing
idk man. im too tired to make actual art
no lineart version under cut because it looks kinda cool
#why is the rain code fandom so small...#martina electro#master detectives archives#master detective archives: rain code#rain code#rain code martina#idk man. i wanna go home
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odysseus appreciation post
thank you for your time
#man. every version of ody is just so cool#be it jay#odyssey odysseus#ngl—ody from troy (2004)#they're all so. awesome.#(except for when people who do him dirty)#my morally gray lying liar of a sad wet cat#he just wants to go home to his wife and son 😭#idk man. i love him#wanna give him a hug or firm handshake or smth#epic the musical#epic: the musical#the odyssey#odysseus
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They could’ve had such a funny ffucking dynamic man
#Me and my masked coworker killing her evil father figure or wjateever idk man i just wanna go home to my daughter#fnaf#my art#vanessa sb#vanessa security breach#vanny#vanny fnaf#Cassie’s dad#jeremy fitzgerald#help wanted 2#hw2#fnaf hw2
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Sometimes you just gotta. Shut somebody up because he’s been doing nothing but spouting nonsense that’s been getting under your fur all day!!!!
And it made Sadu laugh so hard her stomach kinda hurts… so…
This isn’t canon to anything I just thought it would be funny to suplex Magnai (I was right btw) [Also, Tangy the Hrothgar uses She/Her pronouns mwah mwah thank you 💖] *oh also shader is Arkana Summer with the intense reflections (I think that’s what it’s called) ticked on in gpose settings*
#ffxiv Tangy#Tangy Tangeroos#Ffxiv Magnai#ffxiv Sadu#ffxiv Stormblood#Stormblood Spoilers#<- for the npcs? ig? man idk I wanna be safe LMFAO#I tried out a new hairstyle for Tangy cos I was curious and I’m so !!!! she’s so cute with that ahaha#Sadu wants Tangy to fight with her in the Nadhaam and she’s trying to explain she’s gotta go back home#AND I KNOW I SAID SHE SHOULD WEAR CLOSE TOED SHOES BUT LOOK AT HER BEANS…#I rest my case. beans.#honestly my favorite part is Magnai just fuckin Hildibrand Style destroyed in the bg#her Chocobo is named Limey btw. have a fun fact for all the tags
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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extremely exhausted. probably coming down with a cold. and unable to fall asleep because I'm thinking about the stray cat I've been taking care of for 5 years who's in the hospital and probably won't make it.
#my mum (who's also been taking care of him) noticed a few days ago he had lost a lot of weight. wasn't eating or grooming himself#and today she managed to get him to the vet with the help of my aunt's partner#and the prognosis... wasn't great. we dont know what's wrong with him yet (will know by monday) but he's in very bad shape#the vet was very worried. put him on iv and is doing bloodwork on him#and i just. i dont wanna have hope that it may be sth fixable. because i know it probably isn't.#and it's better to not have hope. than believe he'll be ok only for him to be gone by Monday#i just wish i was home so i could see him one last time and say goodbye. I'll miss him so much.#he's like my own cats atp he just doesn't live inside our apartment#and he's such a good sweet boy. has the cuttest saddest meow. is a bully to other cats but loves humans. fluffiest man ever.#he deserved so much better. and im glad that if he does go it'll be in a warm safe place#and not in the grass and out in the cold all alone. but i just wish i could have said goodbye.#tw animal death#idk im just. I've been crying on and off all day#but i went out with a friend for 6hrs and it helped. but now im all alone tryig to sleep and i just cant#and my head and eyes and nose also hurt because i probably caught a cold#i hate everything
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Had a lot of easy and okay convos w my mom today (things did go well 👍) and one of them was passing by MECA (Maine College of Art) and her going "I always thought you'd end up going there" and like. A bit of lmfaoing at the idea I mean I barely managed to graduate highschool. Also that shit is expensiiiiiiive. A brief discussion about scholarships occurs but again I did not perform even decently academically. I barely could show up at all and when I did I was fighting for my fucking life. Nevertheless. I told her "Eh I make a lot of art on my own time, anyway!" and she goes "I'm sure you do" in sort of a wistful thoughtful tone and I tell her "I've kinda gotten more serious about comics lately" and she got nostalgic and enthusiastic like "I thought you'd end up doing that! You've always been doing that, since you were little" and it's a really really beautiful moment maybe but in the back of my mind I can't help but think. I'm just really autistic and weird about Alfonse Fire Emblem. And Sharena my friend Sharena. And I guess I have a lot of stories to tell about Moe and Mani and that IS something I'm extremely passionate about, but both are like inseparable like intrinsically intertwined by the fact that I'm just insane about the Askr siblings from hit mobile game Fire Emblem: Heroes.
#this isn't me talking down about it but like. well.#i. actually don't know what i'm trying to say. esp bc i wouldn't have moe and mani any other way#literally and also in my heart.#maybe it's just a weird mixture of going to the museum and like. like that convo happened on the way home#and the way i'm just constantly extremely passionate about any and all the art i make.#like. i have a lot to say. it's very important to me. but it's also important to me that like.#i don't know. i'm just having fun. i'm doing things shoddy at times. i'm fucking around and finding out.#idk age old 'if only you applied even a quarter of this level of interest at xyz' nagging at me. and i get it. i get it.#but at the same time. my art isn't meant to go in a museum or be evaluated by a professor#my art is meant for me first and foremost and secondly it's for like minded strange individuals on tumblr dot com.#only saying strange bc it's. kind of a prerequisite. to enjoy my work. i think. you have to be kinda odd. guessing. maybe.#or at very least okay with me being odd.#idk i've just always been chronically doing my own thing. to my own detriment. but i literally cannot be any other way.#i really have no idea what i'm trying to say i don't wanna seem like i'm talking down artists who manage to do All That either#like. obviously. it's an impressive feat. evocative. ect. really really cool.#but man. i also just have never lasted more than three weeks in any art class. i have ALWAYS immediately#dropped any and ALL art classes i've been in.#i have hostile stubborn asshole autism. i fucking guess. i have to do it my way or else autism. evil autism.#i really really don't have a point here. don't expect anything from me. ever.
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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every day i kick a rock and bash my head into the wall because i'll never get to go on a big space adventure and become tightly close-knit with my new found family up there <//3
#re lrb..........#i mean realistically if i was in the voltron/quintenary stars universe chances are i would probably NOT be one of the people#going on the space adventure.#i'd be roped into the plot when the aliens invade and earth almost gets destroyed. spoilers for arc 2 btw sorry#but man. child soldierism aside i wish that were me so so so bad#sadly kicks a rock when will EYE have a deep and mystical connection with a giant ancient cat :(#its not even that i want to interact with the main cast bc i dont really i just. wanna be in their position man#i think one of the reasons why voltron grabbed me so hard (among MANY) is how badly i wanted to do what the main characters did#i remember when i was first watching it while it was coming out i would CONSISTENTLY daydream about being launched into space#with a handful of other people and having to fight a war and grow up far away from home and all the suffocating stuff that came with it#and then coming back years later already solidly knowing who i am and being confident in that#so i'd actually be brave enough to be unapologetic about it. and i'd be found family with the people i went to space with also#that parts important#idk man just. i dont like saying i was abused when i was younger because i really dont think it was like that and it isnt even close to#what how people who have really been abused have had to go through#but sometimes i really do wonder. like now that im (mostly) out and able to review everything with an outside perspective#not even getting into the cult survivorism stuff this is JUST family dynamics im talking about here#bc that shit is a whole other can of worms#i think my parents were genuinely doing the best they could with the cards they were dealt but. jesus christ.#i would have given ANYTHING to be able to run away from all that. and throw magic cats into the equation? brother im GONE#anyway this tags ramble has derailed in a MAJOR way. tldr i wanted to be a paladin sooooo fuckign bad bro#like it actually makes me SICK how much i want a lion. red you are my forever girl even if only in my heart <///3#i still do want to do all that out of principle but its not as desperate now i just really love space and really want a big kitty friend#winter speaks
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feel so fraudulent as a leafs/toronto sports fan not in toronto or even canada sometimes
#like.... damn.. i got dragged into this.. also my state has no valid pro teams but#going places and ppl are like. how did u get into them. are u from there#like. no man... no... the internet-----#i saw some guys. was sent some lore about some guys and now im here. so deep 😭#would Die to see a home game tho. wanna see their lil team intro n the stars n the leafs shit everywhere#idk if that big auston mitch wall is still there... feel like someone said its not but. :( that was my dream jfkldjsf
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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#we’re cooked#we’re doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs#doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell#and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress#it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#we’re fucked#we’re screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh we’re really in it now Simon#hell world#there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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begging on my hands and knees please pb stop killing your own game its getting quiet in hereeee
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#its like#yeah once again i get its a small company#but the way players keep dropping bc of how hostile/predatory its already gotten with paid content#im not going anywhere any time soon but man#ITS AGGRAVATING TO SEE IM SAD ABT IT#like i said when this started in like december its just#it feels like they jumped the gun way too early#no gacha is ever gonna be player friendly i get that too but like#usually they stwrt easing up on f2p content into more paid stuff later#game launched in what october? its april#only half a year and the way i keep seeing less and less is fr sad#and like ik im just a player i dont have the answer but like#if the focus switched from pay for characters to some of the other stuff that was supposed to be implemented by now#text chats/ the seraphim dungeons/ hell even the friends feature#like theres been no word on any of that and im just pulling from the promises announcement made in january#pools already feeling oversaturated for l cards#and its just. it gets real empty feeling real fast now it feels like nothing was rly. planned well if you get me#but idk#its just upsetting to see smthn dying this fast#i wanna have hope but ehhhh...#i rly do wanna wait it out bc im not like a super devoted pb fan#but i found love unholyc when the pandemic first was kicking my ass bc going from being on campus and-#being out all day with friends to being stuck at home was...tough#and the games janky but i liked the chars#same with whb#so like. augh
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if i speak honestly how many people still want to stay my friend
#jesus christ#JESUS#mom#I#I CANNOT DO THIS#I COUGHED ON AIR#not doing this in op's reblog because i still have pity and manner#but those who follow me u guys put ur up into this#what im talking idk man#THEY FINE#AND HI SAE#ISAGI HIIIIIII#ISAGI 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#WHOECER IN MERCH ROOM WHO SAID MORE ISAGI FOREHEAD SERIOUSLY#I LOVE YOU O LOVEE YOUUYYYYYUU#god i wanna go home and scream soon#IM HAVING A GOOD TIME BUT#B U TTTTTT#okay deep breath#babblings#BABY YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE THE CONSONANTS OF MY HEART#I WILL BECOME A CRANBERRY FARMER AND JUMP FROM HELICOPTER FOR YIU DARLINGGGG#okay im sane again
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Can u believe I am doing three and a half people's jobs this week. And they still. Won't give us more staff. Smiles.
#and I'm committing time theft abt it and no one can stop me bc there's no one here!!!#days since last bout of workposting: 0#I need to. join a whaling crew. fr.#idk man I think I'm too tired to even complain properly I just wanna fuckin go home#ash.txt
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Every day, I wish and hope that I'll wake up and be in the 1920's. Not because everything was better back then, but just because things were more alive back then. Or at least, it feels that way.
You look at some dance routines today, and there is most definitely talent on display, sure, but then you go and watch someone like Gene Kelly or especially The Nicolas Brothers dance and you're left sitting there like, "...what happened? Why don't we do this anymore?"
Music performances too. There are truly some talented people doing amazing stuff today, but it just doesn't feel as vibrant and alive as watching a big jazz band improv with each other in front of a crowd.
Singers weren't trying to sell, they were just, well, singing. There was more flexibility in vocal performance from what I can tell, and honestly this one warrants its own post.
Tap dance is considered stupid largely by non-dancers, when it's actually REALLY HARD and fully of such joy and whimsy. You're a musical instrument and dancing at the same time! What's not to love? Not to mention, the physical toll that takes on a person. Insane.
The only dance I was taught as a kid was the slow dance. If I wanted to learn anything else, my parents said no, unless it was ballet, but I was never interested in that personally. Now, I look back on things like the Charleston or the Lindy Hop and I just wanna learn how to move like that; to let go and be in the moment. I don't know how, and none of the adults in my life can tell me, either.
The movies back then were so creative and grand, considering the budget and scale they were allowed to work with. Stuff like Robin Hood or Metropolis are absolutely jaw-dropping, and yes, we could make that today, but it'd be with CGI or super realism, when a huge part of the charm came from the use of miniatures and spot-on performances and choreography.
Listen. We still have all of these today. Even tap dancing is still around, even if it's largely (wrongfully) considered silly by many. But it just doesn't feel the same. I'm not sure how to put it into words. The 1920's was where our modern times were really born, I think, with inventions like the camera, the radio, animation, jazz, ect all coming together in this decade to launch new art forms, entertainment, and way of life. They weren't called "The Roaring 20s" for nothing.
I wanna live in that so bad.
#i know i know rose tinted glasses#back then it was harder to be trans gay or anything but white but fuck man#i just wanna experience it. i want one day to just *be*#also yes i know the camera was invented in the late 1800s shut up#also it wasnt einstein he stole it from a frenchman and i can prove it#i cant but it's pretty hard to deny#fuck einstein btw gfhjsadk#idk if its just the cartoon character in me or what but the '20s really feel like... home. i guess that's a good word for it#it's 3:30 am maybe i just need to go to bed and i'll regret this post in the morning but right now i dont even care#dimond speaks
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