#idk man it sucks when youre trying to find a way out of Pain Cavern That Actively Makes You Want To Die

[avibero]

-

[farfromstrange]

AHHH I got the notification while I was sitting in the movie theater and I was like ‘Good God I need to get out ASAP’

I knew you’d put out another beautiful piece, and this time I’m not crying, I’m kind of… hopeful? I don’t know if it’s the right word. Now my wounds are mending here.

This was so, so, so beautiful! And I loved to see Reader’s POV again this time. You write so beautifully, it’s like I’m in that character. She is me.

I CAUGHT MORE REFERENCES THIS TIME and idk if some of them were intentional, but I’ve got some thoughts again…

(I always screenshot and then make sure I copy all the passages that I find exceptionally beautiful or that hold Taylor references, but with you it’s ALWAYS the whole fucking poem I feel like I have to recite back to you because it’s SO beautiful, everything from top to bottom, and I can’t point out all of my favorite parts because then it would just be this fic in it’s entirety)

The tear in your chest had only just stopped bleeding, the skin around it still an angry and irritated shade of healing, and eventually time would seal it closed for good.

Ugh, I love how you describe this emotional pain like an actual wound because most people don’t realize that emotional pain is a wound, too. It just doesn’t show from the outside.

Labyrinth is a song that has always reminded me of a thought process. And you wrote this chapter just the same.

It’s like getting over the pain but also finding your back to the person you live through the labyrinth you’ve been stuck in. And I love how you capture the essence of the songs you choose every damn time. Like, I am just amazed by how well it fits with the song but it’s also an entirely different piece. It’s yours. It’s a poem. You paint a world with your words the same way Taylor does. Again, she would be so proud of you for the way you describe feelings and the words you use to do so.

And I’d also like to add that this fear of the pain coming back if you choose to go back to the person who hurt you really, really sucks and you described it perfectly. Like I said, it’s a thought process.

He was trying so hard to balance on that tightrope between self-deprecation and hopeless charm. Performing a one man circus at his own expense, just to conjure an eclipse of your smile.

The last part references to ‘you would break your back to make me break a smile’ right? It reminded me of it, at least. That Matt would do anything to feel or hear your smile (because he can’t see it, obviously).

He reached into the cavern of his chest and produced his own jewel to replace what of yours he had broken.

And this reminded me of ‘I thought the plane was going down, how’d you turn it back around?’

It was yours to keep, or yours to lose.

I see what you did there, Court. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! It’s So It Goes… isn’t it? Ugh, reputation has always been my favorite album of hers.

But it also fits in this context because ‘all the pieces fall right into place’.

Could he turn this all around?

Once again Labyrinth reference.

He couldn't promise a fairytale, but he would get his knuckles bloody for a happy ending.

Ah yes, the bloody knuckles. Not only is it a Matt thing and how he shows his devotion to the people he cares about and how he fights for what he believes is right and has been from the beginning, it is also a reference. All I’m gonna say is folklore and exile (Exile always breaks my heart, by the way).

Only once you were out of the woods and back in his arms did you feel like you could breathe.

Alexa, Play Out Of The Woods by Taylor Swift. But omg this passage was so fucking beautiful I can’t– it’s like this moment of relief when Reader is finally back in his arms because you say ‘out of the woods’ when someone has survived something, and I think that’s beautiful.

but your broken parts were finally mending.

THAT IS KING OF MY HEART ISNT IT? IT HAS TO BE! I love how much Reputation is in here. I don’t know if I’m on the wrong track, but it can’t be a coincidence I keep hearing the songs in my head…

This love was yours, it was golden like daylight.

Hello Daylight, nice to see you here, too. Golden like daylight. Love isn’t blue or maroon anymore or midnight blue, it’s finally golden like daylight and that makes my heart a little happier than the tears you made me cry last time.

Anyway, I’m sorry for this long ass reblog but I had a lot to unpack here. This was amazing, Court. Just beautiful. Thank you so much for writing this and blessing me with it!

track four: labyrinth

big city, wrong choices ☾ meet me at midnight [coming 6/30]

The pain was only this unbearable because the wound was still so fresh. 

The tear in your chest had only just stopped bleeding, the skin around it still an angry and irritated shade of healing, and eventually time would seal it closed for good. 

Right?

Or would it just continue to rip open all over again every time you thought about how he pulled your body closer into his every night through the crest of his subconscious? Or how in the depths of twilight, he would fend off the interruptions of dawn and the outside world for just five more minutes in the cozy haven underneath the covers with you?

Would it start to bleed again as you felt the phantom burn of his plush lips against your forehead, and the caress of his fingers carding through your hair, dripping vows of affection into your ear?

Would that vacancy in your chest echo forever without him there to fill that gaping void? 

Would you be healing from his catastrophic wound for the rest of your life? 

Uh oh.

Or would you give in to his plea for clemency as he begged at his knees? Could you be brave enough to dismiss your own warnings about history repeating itself, throw caution to the wind, and dance with the Devil again?

He was trying so hard to balance on that tightrope between self-deprecation and hopeless charm. Performing a one man circus at his own expense, just to conjure an eclipse of your smile. 

He reached into the cavern of his chest and produced his own jewel to replace what of yours he had broken. It was cracked and worn from being passed through so many hands over the years, being held together by nothing more than a divine miracle, but the pieces that were missing had been forged with remnants of your own. Your name was permanently etched onto the surface for anyone to see. 

It was yours to keep, or yours to lose. 

Oh no.

Could he turn this all around? Were there more chapters to be written that could transform this story from an endless nightmare to a daydream with crystal skies? 

He stood in front of you, void of pride, an endless flow of apologies streaming from his lips. He couldn’t promise a fairytale, but he would get his knuckles bloody for a happy ending. 

Could you forgive him?

Unbeknownst to him, you had already skipped to the last page. 

You knew you stayed. 

How could you not?

He was the one you had always been waiting for.

Oh.

His velvet voice guided you through the labyrinth of the heartbreak he had handcrafted. He guided you back to him, back home. Only once you were out of the woods and back in his arms did you feel like you could breathe. The passionate bruise of the careless affair had maimed you both, but your broken parts were finally mending. 

This love was yours, it was golden like daylight.

And it was worth the fight.

tags: @farfromstrange @danzer8705 @yarrystyleeza

[forlornmelody]

Resurrection Day

Rating: M (just a lot of angst, really. Character death, some graphic violence, and an afterglow moment)

Fandom(s): DC Comics

Ship: Jayrose, RedArse, 

Linkage: Ao3

Summary:   The Outlaws have always had a funny relationship with death, but when one of their own dies, they try to rise from their mistakes.

Note:  Idk if this is a fic, or more my headcanons strung together. Enjoy? 

-*-*

“Do you ever regret it?” 

Jason only half-hears her, his eyelids heavy, and his body so relaxed with release that he might never move again. “Mm?” he mumbles, pulling his body through quicksand so he can lay on his side and face her. 

Rose’s skin still glistens in the evening light, her hair mussed, and her face flushed. Her voice still throaty from moaning and screaming that Jason’s too busy reliving those last straining moments he almost doesn’t hear her again. “Do you ever regret...coming back?”

Pushing himself onto his elbows, Jason gazes down at her with a crooked grin. “To Gotham? Only when Bruce breathes down my neck.”

Snorting, Rose stretches one arm above her head, and her chest rises towards him in a way that makes him suck in his breath. Focus. She won’t meet his eyes, and her lips keep forming words she doesn't speak. “No, I mean. Do you regret being brought back?” The warmth in Jason’s belly turns to ice. 

It’s all too easy to remember that god-awful laugh, and the red haze in his vision, and the blood in his eyes. The searing pain of each blow, and the ache every time he tries to breathe. The numbness that settles in when he reaches the door and finds it locked--when he hears the egg timer on Joker’s signature bomb. 

Remembering what came after is harder. Running out of air. So much water, but it’s thicker than water, and he can’t get to the surface fast enough. Screaming. So much screaming. Is he screaming? Everyone’s trying to kill him. He can’t get out. He can’t get out. He can’t.

“Jason?” Rose only says his name when she’s worried. She squeezes his shoulder, digging her nails into his skin until his vision clears. “Shit. Sorry.” Sighing in frustration, she looks away. “Didn’t mean to bring all that back.”

Leaning his forehead against hers, Jason tries to get his breathing under control like his shrink taught him, but it’s easier said than done, and he fears the moment lost by the time he does. He tries to turn it into a joke, to lighten the mood. “That’s like asking if I regret being alive.” Jason huffs a laugh, but it falls flat. 

Rose bites her lip so hard Jason half-expects it to bleed. She looks up at him as if she’s confessing to murder. Sorry, Asshole, I fucked up again. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. “I was there, you know.”

Jason’s eyes widen. “At the Lazarus Pit?” And there he is, again. Drowning. 

“Yeah.” She swallows, and the next part comes out thick. “I was the one who told Ra’s Al Ghul where to find your body. He let me watch, as a thank you.”

Nowhere in that haze of memory does Jason recall seeing Rose, and that it is a whole new betrayal. “Where?” He sucks in a breath. “When?”

“Guess you weren’t happy to see me.” She snorts. “You tried to kill me. Well. Everyone, really. But you were fixated on me.” Rose looks at him, finally. “Thaila had to pull you off me before I stopped self-healing altogether.”

“And then you...left?” He’s angry, as if he has any right to be. Jason probably would’ve done the same given the circumstances. 

Rose nods. “And the All-Caste offered to take you in, fix you right up. Guess it worked.” A small smile sneaks onto her lips. But it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

One of Jason’s first clear memories of that time--a lonely night in his cell in The Chamber of All. Wondering what happened to her. If she had died right along with him and hadn’t been brought back. Being so angry when he got back to Gotham and she apparently had a life of her own. His memories of her, after, are a little less clear. But the distant look in her eyes tells him all he needs to know. 

----

“Dude, don’t be so hard on her.” Roy polishes off yet another hot dog, licking his fingers. 

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Jason kicks his heels against the edge of the rooftop. He reaches for one of the polish sausages, but his stomach gurgles in protest. Maybe not, then. 

“You’ve no idea what she went through to get you back.” He turns to look at him, with those hazel eyes lingering on Jason in a way that always leaves him feeling, well, naked. Which shouldn’t be an issue right? Roy’s seen him naked plenty of times after a mission. There’s only one shower, and that apartment has one tiny ass water heater. Showering together only makes sense? At least there’s room for the both of them, just barely. It often turns into a game of Twister mixed with hot yoga. And like, there’s never been any problem, yeah? 

But sometimes the way Jason catches Roy staring at him. Makes him wonder. 

If he wants to stare back.

Just every once in a while. 

“Like what?” They really shouldn’t have bought the entire foodcart’s stock so the Old Man Gerasimos “Jerry” Angelos could head home early. This is way too much food, even with Roy’s bottomless stomach. 

“Maybe you should ask her sometime.” 

“Nah, I’m good.” Jason licks his fingers. “It’s easier to not talk about it at all.”

Roy laughs. “Ah, just like how you don’t talk about stuff with anyone else?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jason gives him a playful look, but the look on Roy’s face stops him short. 

Roy doesn’t answer. He reaches over instead, wiping the mustard that got caught on the side of his mouth. His fingers are so unbelievably warm, like he’s made of fire and not skin. And Jason aches when he pulls away abruptly. 

“I uh, I just remembered that my laundry’s sitting in the washer. Probably stinks already.” Roy rushes off, not even bothering to wipe his fingers on a napkin. 

“It always stinks, Harper!” Jason roars after him, but his friend has already shut the door. 

Roy dies two days later.

------

“Would you be angry if I--we brought Roy back?” They’re on a rooftop, They’ve been waiting here for hours for Valentino’s men to show, and still nothing. Not all the Tuesday tacos in the world can make the night any less stale. Rose is on her fifth one when she gets philosophical.

Jason snorts. “You say that like it’s possible.”

Rose doesn’t say anything, and that’s what scares him.

“It’s not,” he says, louder.

“Why not?” She wipes quac from the corner of her mouth, staring at the rooftop across the street as if Roy’s gonna pop out of the skylight any second. “We brought you back.”

She can’t be serious. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t know what it’s like, Rose.”

Rose deadpans at him, her lips tight and firm. “I don’t?”

Jason thinks back to the first time he found her. Her right arm bent backward, her left cradling a wound that had bled out next to her. How her eyes stared out at nothing. Someone had pressed the mute button on the universe, except for the thud of his own heart. He should call someone. Bruce, 911, anyone, but his hands won’t move.  “Right, sorry.” 

It’s a terrible idea, they both know that, but the thought keeps eating away at him. Every time Jason lets his mind wander, it wanders to Roy--his crooked smile, his careless lean--the clumsiness that shouldn’t belong to a world-class archer, but it does. The headquarters seems so empty without Roy in it--so cavernous yet so claustrophobic like it’s going to eat Jason alive. 

-----

Three days later Rose is roundhouse kicking a punching bag when Jason finds her. “We can’t use the Lazarus Pit.”

 Rose stumbles, missing the bag completely and tumbling to the floor. “The fuck, Jason!” For someone who sees the future, Rose certainly didn’t hear this coming. 

Jason helps her up. “We can’t use the Lazarus Pit. I don’t want Roy going through what I did.” He meets her eyes. “What we did.” 

Rose nods, still breathless and annoyed in a way that makes him want to smother her with kisses. “You got another idea?” Jason swallows, squeezing the hand he’s still holding. “Jason?”

“You wouldn’t happen to know your HLA markers, would you?”

“My what?”

----

 Rose hates going to the doctor. It’s rarely a problem--her regeneration usually prevents her from getting sick, and her injuries hardly last long enough. But she’s been around enough mad scientists that she practically glares holes into the nurse when he brings out the needle. 

“Don’t kill him and maybe I’ll give you a lollipop afterward.” Jason elbows her other arm.

“A lollipop is not what I want to be sucking right now,” Rose fires back, looking at him instead of the needle. She relaxes slightly, and Jason kisses her, brushing her hair behind her ear.

The nurse coughs. “Alright. Easy in--and done.”

Rose swallows, taking in a deep breath. “Finally.” She closes her eyes, then stands up, rushing for the door.

Jason pauses in the doorframe, looking back at the nurse. “Uh, keep us posted.”

“We’ll call.”

----

It’s a stupid idea. The morgue doesn’t even understand why Jason Todd, adopted son of Billionaire Bruce Wayne wants to keep Roy Harper’s body in their freezer, especially when Oliver Queen seems to want it cremated as soon as possible. Bribing the owner doesn’t even work--not with Queen’s fortune also in play. So, Rose concocts some dumbass story about Harper’s biological family coming in from out of town. It’s so crazy that both Queen and the mortician fall for it. 

Both Jason and Rose hold their breath when his phone rings. And Rose, and her fucking precognition, hugs him tight and fucking squeals before the nurse even says it “It’s a match.”

---

“Nervous?” Jason sits next to her, squeezing her hand as the scientist hooks the catheter tube to a vein in Roy’s chest. Jason has a hard time looking at his body, so he focuses on Rose instead. 

“Fucking terrified.” Rose laughs humorously. 

“Trust me, if they try anything I’ll shoot them myself.”

“You know I can hear you, right?”

-----

Rose isn’t sure what’s more surprising, the gleam in Roy’s eyes like he just woke up from a nap, or the desperate kiss Jason gives him when he takes his first breath. Or maybe it’s not surprising at all. She should have known from the way Roy always seemed to be in Jason’s thoughts--he always had a convincing lie, and maybe Rose wanted to believe him. Maybe she should feel angry--betrayed, even, but all she feels is relief.

Finally, Jason remembers they’re not alone, and he breaks off from sucking Roy’s face, his face as red as Roy’s hair. 

Roy, on other hand, is not surprised at all. “Missed me that much, huh?”

[toddcowardd]

More Than One Prison

Pairing: Cassian Andor x Reader

Rating: G/T

Warnings: Death, angst

A/N: i havent written angst in forever!

Prompt/Request/: There's a Churrit quote that he said to Cassian going around, its "there are more than one sort of prison, captain,, and I sense you carry yours around wherever you go." and I cant help but think about his past! and what if,,,WHAT IF, he lost his love or something! SO, i was wondering if you can do a drabble based on that? (and maybe have the love be reader?)

Summary: Chirrut’s comment about Cassian’s personal prison makes the Captain remember his times with you

“There is more than one sort of prison, Captain.” Chirrut grinned somberly, waving his hands slightly.  ”I sense that you carry yours wherever you go.”

Cassian turned to look out towards the room beyond the cell, sighing to himself. The Guardian was right, he was entrapped in a prison of guilt that he’d never escape. Partly from all those years of doing the rebellion’s dirty work but, mostly because of what happened to you.

You.

The love of his life, taken from him before he’d ever have the chance to spend his life with you. Before he’d ever get to tell you about how he felt about you. The thought of you and that wretched day made his heart tighten in pain as his mind raced with memories.

Cassian remembered the day he met you.

You were a bright eyed new recruit fresh from Bespin’s city in the clouds, assigned on a mission to help him get some intel on an alleged imperial outpost on Tatooine. He watched as you approached the U-Wing in total awestruck, murmuring about how you’ve never been in one of these ships before.

“There is about a 57% chance that Lieutenant [Y/L/N] will find you creepy if you keep staring at her like that.” K2 deadpans from the cockpit.

Cassian scoffs at the droid, turning to face him “I wasn’t starin- wait, what do you mean by ‘like that’?”

Kay swivels his head to look to the Captain before swiveling it back. “She’s here.”

Cassian turns once more to see you standing at the front of the U-wing door. You give him a cheery smile.

“Hello Captain Andor.” You greet as you climb on, setting your bag on the bench. The Captain looks at you with an enamored gaze.  To him you were more beautiful than any of the stars in the galaxy. He looks over to the cockpit when you look towards him, pretending like he wasn’t just staring at you for the second time that day.

“So, ready for your first mission?” He says with his best captain’s voice while he shrugs on his piloting vest.

“I was born ready, Captain Andor.” You grin, plopping onto one of the bench seats. Cassian feels a blush creep up on his cheek as he takes his own seat in the cockpit. He loved the way you sounded, eager to hear you speak more. He starts up the ship, ignoring K2’s judgmental stare.

*****************

Much to Cassian’s delight, you both form a close friendship rather quickly. It was nice to be so close and to trust another human being as deeply as he did with you. You presence made mission more tolerable. It kept him relaxed and grounded which in turn gave better results. That’s not to say that he didn’t have his moments of weakness though. Cassian had developed romantic feelings for you that he kept to himself, suppressed deep in the caverns of his soul.

On rare occasions, his feelings for you had a tendency to get in the way of some missions. Opting for a more reckless choice in order to help you instead of doing the safer option that would make the mission go cleaner. Cassian would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the looks of awe and gratitude you’d give him during his reckless moments. He’d be lying even more if he also said that the post mission patching up he’d get from you on the ship back wasn’t his favorite part of those rare reckless moments. The captain loved your soft, gentle touches against his skin as you’d wrap a gaze around a wound.

It was those moments that he realized he’d need to tell you of his feelings soon, no matter how nervous the thought of it made him.

**************************

Cassian had a plan.

After this mission, he’d invite you for a walk in the forest that surrounded the base. Finding a nice secluded spot away from any interruptions and tell you how he felt. Maybe he’d give you a small gift or his Captain’s jacket to wear to prove how serious he was but, he wasn’t quite sure yet.

You approached the familiar U-wing, waving over to the Captain and Kay. K2 waves back before disappearing into the ship as Cassian leans against the doorway.

“I just got briefed.” You remark. “Sounds like this will be an easy one”

“As long as we don’t attract any unwanted attention.” Cassian hums with a smirk.

“I think well be just fine, Cass” You giggle. The sound making the Captain’s heart soar. Yeah he was defiantly going to tell you after this mission.

****************************

A blaster shot flashes in the alley way next to the dingy Hosnian cantina.

The “informant” you two were to meet turned out to be an imperial spy, who was on his own mission of offing any rebel spies he came in contact with. It all happened so fast after you were both lured out of the cantina. He draws his blaster, firing off a shot. Cassian grabs his own quickly, shooting the spy in the chest. He doesn’t watch him fall to the ground, instead his eyes quickly dart to you. You were on the ground as well, the blaster wound on your chest where the spy hit you was clear as day.

Cassian’s blood runs cold as he pulls you into his arms. Your breath was ragged, you were on the brink. Tears pool into his eyes when he looks down to you. You muster up a weak smile, coughing up a small amount of blood. Once more, for the last time in his life, he feels your soft, gentle touch as you cup his stubble covered cheek.

“I-I…” more blood coughed up. “I always loved you, Cassian.” You murmur weakly. Hand falling from his cheek, hanging limping by you side as your last bit of life leaves you.

Cassian holds your body tightly sobbing into your neck. This wasn’t supposed to happen! This was supposed to be an easy mission! He was going to tell you afterwards when you were back on Yavin! Your confession rings loudly in his head. You loved him too.

He pulls away to look in your eyes one last time before closing them. The Captain cradled your body in his arms protectively, afraid of anymore harm that could happen to you. He stands, walking back to the ship and Kay.

Why was the galaxy so cruel to him? Why was it always taking the people he loved most?

********************************

Kay piloted the ship back to Yavin on his own. Cassian sat on the benches, grasping your body close to him as he stared out into the void of space. Your death was not his fault but, that did not stop Cassian from feeling guilt over it.

A small vigil and cremation ceremony was held back on base for you as fellow rebels said their final good byes. Cassian watched intensely watched the fire engulf you. He’d steal every star in the galaxy just to have you back alive for one more day. Once the ceremony was finished, he wipes away the last of his tears and walks to his quarters.

************************

In the aftermath of your death, Cassian took on more dangerous missions. More assassinations, more spying under cover, more high priority and top secret missions, each more dangerous than before. There was no recklessness or assignment partners. He was a colder man, opting to keep everyone around him at arm’s length. Only Kay was allowed to be near him on a personal level.

Many rebels believed he had a death wish, and maybe they were right. After all these missions had a much high chance of death than the ones before you passed. In a way, it was like the Captain was trying to escape his prison of guilt and despair. But he never would, not until he himself passes on.

Cassian presses his head against the cool metal bars of Saw’s prison cell. He gripped his lock pick set tightly as he steadies his breathing, pushing back any tears that could’ve spilled down. That was the last thing he needed at the moment.

He glances over to the Guardians, one meditating and the other staring into the cell over. They’ve clearly moved on to other things while Cassian was wrapped up in his memories of you. He sighs again, looking out to the room beyond the cell. He was, at least,  determined to break out of this prison.

heyoooo sorry if this is not that gr8! I wrote this instead of like,, sleeping?? hahah also sorry for any grammar errors bc i suck and never proof read beyond the lil red squiggles.

Tagging: @madelyne-pryor @reecieking @writing-rogue (i know this isnt the smut! thats coming soon!!) @harringtonmaximoff  andddddd idk if you wanna be tagged in future cassian fics them hmu