#idk man I can comprehend
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About this person going to Matty’s house…it’s bad enough but they had to do a tooooooooon of research and probably very scary investigation/hack some site i don’t even fucking know to even find the address. Because I prefer to believe that not a single sane person would give this stalker Matty’s address as if it was the British museum or some attraction, right?
I hate to think they are going to take a long break but Jesus they need it. This is more than insane.
#if I ever recognize his bunker I would stare at it stupidly and then walk away trying to forget it might be his#like don’t you feel embarrassed to take a picture of someone’s else house in the middle of the street?#idk man I can comprehend
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thinking about how rincewind went from thinking that the world must abide by some unknown rules cause how can it not (his whole "trees don't talk" thing despite trees very noticeably talking both to him and others) to being able to accept literally anything as normal and expected (shapeshifting kangaroos? space travel on a flimsy wooden plane-rocket-wtf else thing? a huge magical sentient supercomputer? ok idc whats for lunch)
#and about how he must see something of himself when he was younger in ponders urge to systemize every single thing that ever happens....#discworld#rincewind#if he met a talking tree nowadays hed probably have some nice respectable small talk#if he tried to comprehend the concept of hex back then hed freak out and kick that knowledge out of his head immediately#but now he casually converses w the only ethically trained ai in prolly the whole universe and the only thought he has when asked to#venture into a different dimension is “what should i wear damn”#my man said “i hate surprises so ive decided that nothing can surprise me anymore”#and the most fun thing is that hes still irrationally afraid of everything but now the vacuum of space scares him on the same#level as idk his belt accidentally unbuckling#silly little thoughts
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zavijava info PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!! PLEASEEEEE ZAVIJAVA COME HOME ... PLEASE .... umm um um ill tell you about umm . tma au im making for nastya if u tell me about her .PLEASE!!!!!!!
so she is definitely a star of some kind. i mean she is an angel but in that story in particular The Stars are kind of angels. like they’re otherworldly beings and they jus kinda hang out. cosmically. it’s a different dimension separated from the human one but like, obviously stars still exist for humans, they just don’t do anything crazy because the rules of the world dictate that their realities shouldn’t interact. angels can observe the other world from far up above yet they still exist on a different level. But tbh zavijava had never enjoyed the otherworldly ethereal whatever lifestyle—she just didn’t feel like she fit in there. she is a #1 humans fan though so she knows that’s where she’d fit in. so she does just that. she fits in perfectly :) and normally :) yay :)
#see the thing with zavijava is that there isn’t much info to share on her just on account of her being what she is#she is like a Concept trying to humanize and shove herself into a box#it’s like asking a rock what it likes. a rock can’t like anything it just sort of exists#that’s zavi babey#that’s not to say she doesn’t desperately try to like anything and everything . and that’s precisely what she ends up doing#she loves everything ! but she doesn’t really understand it or have a genuine connection to anything just by virtue of not being part of the#world. it’s like having a 6d being try to exist in a 3d space. very limiting. very incomprehensible for the 6d being#so her enjoyment of things (debatable if she’s even Capable of feeling Anytning) is artificial in a way#she is Uncanny Valley she reflects humans she does not really have an inner world or proper opinions of her own#so like she Does really love humans and everything about their world. but no specifics or a detailed understanding of them & it#as much as she likes humans she does not grasp their concepts like at all. Or only in a rudimentary manner#haze could explain to her why some people walk holding hands and she would be like Wow i guess that means we are married :) because we are#always together :) we can even hold hands too :) (she tries to hold his hand and he immediately starts seeing the hat man)#so yea. tldr. she’s more of a concept made character so there’s not a lot of Character Info on her#she’s more of a force#cramswering#idk if any of that is a coherent fucking explanation LOL she’s just kinda dream-like in that sense. idk#like yknow the way humans can’t truly comprehend eldritch beings or non euclidian shapes or whatever#the eldritch being in turn is not fated to understand da humans ….#& anyways for now the rest of the stars are aware that zavijava is Goofing but it’s not urgent enough to send someone after her. yetttt#tho hell dude 2 angels in the world would probably make it implode instantly so maybe that’s why they’re hesitant to do anything#also yea idk if this needs to be said but those angels arent tied to religion or humans really. they’re not guardian angels they’re just#Things that exist on a different Plane Of Existence. parallel to the human world#they watch over it but not in a guardian responsibility way#just sort of in a It’s Something To Look At way#ok yeah it’s 1:30am too by the way so i think that’s enough incomprehensible eldritch rambling#tell me about ur au boy
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I have VERY mixed feelings about jander sunstar so far
#vampire of the mists#strahd von zarovich#i am....prone to disliking him thus far#mf rlly fell in “love” with a woman who can hardly speak or comprehend what he's saying huh#idk MAN seems a little WEIRD#jander is weird he's a weirdo#he IS pretty tho
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idk man there's something really beautiful about britney spears wanting to portray a pregnant teen in her film debut
and i get why the studio and her managers didn't want to, i get that the media would have pinned every future teenage pregnancy on her "glamorizing" it, but i think it really speaks to the fact of who britney is and the girls she was always willing to advocate for
i just think she's often removed from the context of her childhood and where she grew up (not to mention that fact that her younger sister would eventually be a teen mom) and fought hard to remind people about the realities she knew existed and possibly what she imagined would have been her life had she not catapulted herself & her family out of that town
imagine being a pregnant teen, who society has decided all of these horrendous truths about during the most vulnerable time in a persons life, and seeing the most famous pop star in the world portray your circumstance sympathetically in a movie i just--
#and her family that went on to betray her on such a deep level that i truly cannot comprehend it!!!!!!#but also like idk man britney all day every day#she also doesn't get enough credit for her songwriting#her singing#or her acting!!! she's doing a great job in crossroads!#and i understand why she's skeptical of the mental health industry#but i wish her so much love & healing there's truly no one on earth who can relate to what happened to her#besides like brian wilson#okay well now i'm gonna make myself cry because he's back under a conservatorship
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really interesting how some people on this site, who seemingly are the type to be smug about the fact they have no trouble with critical thinking skills too, will take their opinion on something subjective and pretend it's objective fact. what's the definition of subjective again
#alternatively that person was just smug as all hell that they hate something popular which bugs the living hell outta me anyway#it's like earnesty is poison. they're so deep in being ironic that actually expressing a positive emotion about something is so#antithetical to their entire being it'll make them explode or something#and yeah I get annoyed with people who have a better-than-thou attitude about reading comprehension too#despite yes reading comprehension expressed by this site being often times abysmal. you've had to have heard the stats on it#considering that a majority of this site's userbase is american (or have turned themselves into americans but that's another matter)#I'll use the yank stat. something like 55% of the country has a reading level of a fourteen year old#I also know from experience there is terrible teaching of reading comprehension where I'm from too#so yeah. there is a deficit in people's comprehension. but being condescending about it is not it?#that's gonna make people defensive and retract further meaning it's harder for them to learn#because that's what you want right. you want to improve that stat. you want people to be able to comprehend what they can understand right#or is there a push to keep the status quo because there's no other way to feel superior and that's the only way they can feel good about#themselves. idk man I'm just rambling at this point I could be wrong
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I personally think it’s kinda dumb and unfair that William gets to fully keep his sense of self when he becomes Springtrap, while the kids are barely aware of who they are and what they’re doing anymore
#fnaf#whoaaa springtrap meta incoming in the tags#in the books and presumably future movies he owns being springtrap and loves it and revels in it#which I hate#that man should be in pain and struggling to move his body while in that thing. not doing a silly lil dance#I guess you could say ‘it’s cause he’s an adult and has determination or something idk’#but I preferred it in fnaf 3 when springtrap was just this silent lumbering machine#and you can just see there’s not really a thought behind those eyes#that’s just a machine driven by instincts that he doesn’t fully comprehend anymore. he just has the urge to hurt people#suffering the same fate he put those kids through though this time it’s remarkablely worse#I wouldn’t mind it as much if they kinda did it both ways#where william is fully aware as springtrap but at the same time there’s moments where he kinda loses himself#and becomes more like how the standard animatronic characters act. less fluid and human and more machine
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seemingly the only way i can ever get into any new thing is if i spontaneously decide to watch/read it
#shut up danni's talking#in other news aloneintherain posted a welcome to demon school iruma-kun fanfic while i was sleeping#woke up the notification and thought huh well i don't wanna get up now so lemme boot up crunchyroll#i am now on season 2 ep 1#so that's fun!#and i would die for iruma - him and azz are deffo gay#my angel clara is either lesbian or she's aro lesbian and i can't decide which i like better so shrug#but that girl eiko is ABSOLUTELY bi honestly she's like my fave side character#uh big buff and dumb blonde is also a favourite of mine#he's so passionate abt the demon king and stuff and i cackled when he found out the demon king club was full of nerds#and yet he IMMEDIATELY without a single second of hesitation joined and like MAD respect i adore him#ameri is also cool but she is absolutely demiromantic with a romantic soul and i ship her w eiko#but man the relationship between iruma and his grandpa is so sweet???;;#i wanted to melt at the festival and the other classmates were like oh man bet you're the pride of your family iruma and he was like#YEAH I LOVE GRANDPA AND OPERA#i wanted to cry#also the fact that iruma puts his hair up in a ponytail when exercising is my absolute favourite thing#and is definitely a key reason why i think he's one of my faves i'm always weak when a character can have a small ponytail#anyways just letting y'all know and when i finish watching the anime fingers crossed my dumbass brain will let me comprehend the manga#idk HOW i managed to comprehend the mha manga way back when but hopefully it'll work this time too#i have a feeling that a lot of the fandom is weighted towards the manga spoilers rather than the anime which is fair#also i THOUGHT crunchyroll had messed up bc i was sure i had three more episodes left of season one and i did#when i finished s2 ep1 it tried to make me watch s3 ep1 which like no thank you#so now im gonna have to go back and be confused rip
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/ Still thinking about that one scene in Paradise Lost where Adam asks Raphael if angels also make love and the text mentions how Raphael is then visibly blushing over the question but basically ends up confirming that yes, angels do that albeit differently, as there's no need of physical contact even, they can simply make that love manifest in a way a person could feel as if it's air entering their lungs
#;ooc#ooc#ITS SO FUNNY TO ME IDK#what an oddly specific angel question#but also like; what left me thinking is#imagine the purest kind of love; like a love that is of a completely different plane of existence#but still this angel wanting to comunicate this pure tenderness in a way that can somehow be comprehended#but he doesnt even need to touch ur muse like; just by tenderly looking at their eyes; they can feel in every inch of their body a#tenderness never ever felt before; like a kiss directly to every cell on ur body; every millimeter of the infinity of someone's soul-#MAN....#-SITS STARING AT THE SEA-#there was this one myth about a guy whom his wife couldn't see#but she could feel his warmth and him embracing her; like she lit could feel his love#something like that;;; or it manifests in#getting the best sleep ever because the angel in question id guarding ur rest#AAUGHGGGGGHHHHHHHH ITS SO SWEET#i dunno if;; angels in this context can fall in love like; romantically speaking; i feel like their love would be so much more#but for the sake of writing im just imagining the situation in the cintext of falling in love romantically bc im a s.ucker for that#i think the idea of an angel just being near their beloved and filling them with pure love without even the need of any touch is so wowwww#insanityyyy#u know how I mentioned that i like the imagery of infinite things and/or things that are difficult to imagine?#its that but applied to angels now#the cosmic incomprehensible love that would prob fry ur brain so there has to be another way around it
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Also tutoring lil kids is great actually because it’s inadvertently fixing my patchy fundamentals :D !!
#It’s indulging my inner Archie too 😌#they’re so cute with the way they use my full first name 🥺 so respectful 🥺🥺🥺#but yeah I get to listen in on this 5th grade class and idk man the refresher on fractions is appreciated 😭#kinda wish I got something like this (both a lil student helper and a mix of good teachers) when I was younger#maybe I wouldn’t end up bored in my current maths class 😓#I can do harder maths I’m just too slow at comprehending and applying it for vce standards#That’s how it’s always been. Basic maths is too easy but the minute I go to ‘enrichment’ or ‘advanced’ suddenly I’m lost and confused 😭#maybe because of my rocky foundations idk#So now I’m here! As a silver lining at least I don’t have to stress for this subject as much as the others ^^#just pav things
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I guess I went on a rant in my tags because I like. Heard a YouTuber I've been watching basically say "if they can post online they can message you" (paraphrasing) and I was. Actually surprised
Like. These two activities require the same amount of energy from you? Like you're telling me you can hold up a full conversation any time you're also posting? You don't see how just scrolling and reblogging or writing short posts takes up less energy than talking to somebody?
I feel like I've just uncovered something WILD about abled/neurotypical people
#thylacines can talk#To be fair my spoons with texting are. Weird sometimes#It all depends on a day which I guess it makes sense#Also you ever just see people who seek nice but you just know they'd THAT kind of annoying person about your disabilities/disorders#Like supportive in theory but also unable to comprehend something being the result of how your brain is wired and you can't control it and#judgemental about it behind your back and even your face? Yeah#Like. I have troubles with comprehending numbers and time. Idk how long something might take and no matter how hard I try I always turn up#late despite my best efforts. And then I hear people say how much they hate when people being late and I get even more anxious and#self-conscious about this. Man I need to start arriving like 1 hour early or some shit KDBDJJD
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doing full on legal research for a fic that may never even see the light of day like 🙃
#i write sometimes#what would a first year law student struggle with? oh ok! so frame a whole scene around that! do homework to write fic!#ngl though I lightweight don't even mind lmao I didn't used to want to be a lawyer for nothing. can you IMAGINE#getting paid to argue. it's so fantastical I can hardly comprehend#and every basic law course I took in high school (every single one my school offered) I aced#with flying colors. my teachers were all like damn girl these are some of your BEST papers#mr murphy was so proud of one I did he kept it for future reference for the course lmao like oh this is the kind of argument I expect#other kids struggled to get enough elective credits and I was fuckin drowning in em cause all my law classes#were electives and I'd take any and every law course there was lmao#couldn't do a lick of algebra. could tell you what an amicus curiae was. both legally and the actual English definition lmao.#OH MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD USE INSTEAD LMAO OOOHHHH HMMMM THOUGHTS#idk man it's so late I GOTTA go to bed now 😖😖😖😖
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i am awake (due to. Unfortunate Health Related Circumstances Yesterday Evening. i am fine now i think but was having some very sudden weird flareup of pain symptoms and had to try to get myself to bed so i did not licherally pass out on the floor. mission success at least lol) at 6:30 am and i am currently alone in the living room and letting my morning meditations kick in so i can go brush my teeth and i've got the tv on for background noise/light as per usual when im just kinda sittin down here and like.
maybe its the Crisp Cold New England Winds Of Winter or maybe its the Not Usually Awake This Early Under Circumstances Where I Am Not Rushing To Get Ready For Something And Can Actually Just Contemplate My Thoughts. but something about sitting down here as the sun slowly peeks out from the curtains feeling exhausted and fatigued with cartoons and toy ads playing on tv is really envoking the feeling of being a kid before my public school system forcibly ejected me from completing my standard education because i am disabled (😕) when i still had some kind of slight excitement or anticipation of going somewhere that had other kids my age that i could occasionally hang out with during recess or looking forward to learning from one of the teachers who were kind and compassionate and patient with me instead of cold and dismissive....
like... its not necessarily Nostalgia because school in general was genuinely such a traumatizing experience for me as a disabled kid from a "non-traditional" lesbian family in the early 00's-early 2010's, and the fact that i can even contemplate on any of this stuff this early in the morning is very much because i actually have medication treatment for the adhd i've struggled with my whole life that i did not have until abt 3 yrs ago into my 20's. but. idk. its a bittersweet sort of feeling im not entirely sure how to describe but i havent felt it this strong in so many years?? like its kind of making me tear up right now and i dont fully understand why lol. something about my inner child im sure etc etc. its cuz ur always trying 2 heal that damn inner child (my brain says 2 myself)
#maybe i should like. try to write a song or a poem or something abt this.#thats kind of my go-to for any sensation that i cannot fully understand/comprehend#i actually wrote another new song in one of my song notepads i keep around in my bedroom right after i woke up earlier at like 5 am-ish#that had nothing to do with this it was based on an entirely different feeling/situation#but. man. i really do have this like. gigantic pile of songs that i keep crossing my fingers i will be able to make even basic demo#recordings of soon. the chronic pain and fatigue makes it very difficult to actually turn words and concepts into music and art#but there are so many at this point. idk an exact number but i keep saying its gotta be like#in the 200s of separate songs and wip lyrics/concepts/title ideas album ideas etc at this point whenever someone asks or it gets brought up#in conversation#maybe i will see if i can just like. do some first draft rapid fire demos of stuff today since i woke up so early#anyways!! this ramble sponsored by Adderall. my dear good friend. also sponsored in part by Soma. my other dear good friend#im gonna make a new tag for when i just ramble about whatever like this i think so i can look back at em for reference in the future#this has been a mariska ramble production#yeah thats a fun one. like that tag. new ramble tag tell ur friends#long post
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The Flanderization of my own character is killing me
#Dante posting#oc posting#oc shit posting#art#digital art#1901 posting#gustav müller#girl this isn’t funny he actually likes fishing#I can’t comprehend how he used to look. like that#my art style didn’t change I just keep doodling him instead of actually drawing him#his nose grows with every speech about the fact he *isnt* gay#gustav be pointing at his nose#big nose ass bitch#if you prefer his old design then. cool idk man#nose arc#bro can smell colors#bro can smell sound#bro can
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me when i willfully misunderstand criticism and get mad because i posted a pregnancy related post and captioned it with vore, and also call other ppl slurs because im a neurodivergent minor and i should be allowed to do anything i want even if it hurts other ppl :( also my bestest friend loves pregnancy and babies in vore and its cool that she talks about it on my posts!!!!
#zetsyums#e-a/t#e a/t#eaten alive trope#swwh#suzyandthefox#once again not even understanding that my posts arent about his abuser(s) seeing this#but why read and comprehend what other ppl say when you can just get mad#also never claimed to be ur therapist thats on u buddy#also again idc if you call urself a faggot i wholeheartedly support that ur just being obtuse and weird#bc u dont wanna stop calling other ppl slurs when u get sad and angy#calling me an abuser apologist when u support being abusive urself? idk man#Opikarts
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i genuinely did enjoy ofmd in the end but killing izzy was so fucked up man. u cant spend 8 episodes giving someone that kind of beautiful character development and then just kill him with an offhand random gunshot. or at all. it's giving 15 seasons just to die on a rusty nail
#like i hate to be like this cause i know what i sound like. i dont wanna sound like those mfs who dont get conflict or character arcs or#why sad endings have to exist. yk#I Have Media Literacy i promise i can comprehend it. i just think it's so unfair that they took a character who was so#discarded. pushed to the side. picked last or completely ignored#showed him he was loved. let him learn who he was as a person and not as ed's lapdog. give him a family#AND THEN KILL HIM TO A RANDOM GUNSHOT? HELLOOOO?#and ALSO also. after him and stede had finally started to get along. stede brought out the best in both of them and izzy obviously knew thi#him saying he wants to die like cmon man#ur gonna kill the suicidal psychologically tortured gay guy just as he learns hes worth sth and is loved#like idk doesnt sit right with me just saying. maybe this is a bad take and im missing something but#he was just starting to grow n had so much left i think. idk#even if they dont make another season it just isnt fair
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