#idk its stupid like im always scared im accidentally gonna say something wrong ???

[shokobuns]

i want to make more friends on here but im like scared my personality and sense of humor dont b fitting into tumblr spaces does dat make sense

[kitapparently]

Jesus ok i need to get my head empty and if i post on discord someone will get a notification and i can't talk about my feelings without the illusion of an audience

you're fine to read and message me but pls no reblogs

there's something like CRAZY stupid about knowing the reason you have certain problems, like having an intense fear that the reason certain ppl have stopped talking to you is because you've done something and you're never gonna know what, comes from one single specific instance in ur life but its even MORE stupid when you realize you can't even be mad at the person who caused it cause like they were doing their best too and ppl are allowed to make selfish or unkind choices and not be bad ppl

and then you're just. missing a ghost. I accidentally stumbled onto an old vent blog from a former friend cause its still following me and i was clearing out bots and did the unhealthy thing, because im tired and alone in the house and i had this sudden conviction that if i went on there i'd be able to see when they stopped liking me and when we stopped being friends

and i guess like. i wish i had told them i loved them when that would have been ok and i wish i could forget about them completely and I wish I could just know when people didn't like me. And when I was being stupid and they were just busy or they didn't realize it was me idk its just dumb right am i doing something wrong? I have this fear that I'm blacking out and saying something terrible or like something i'm doing has always been wrong and nobody said anything until they were sick of me and im so so scared that it will just happen again

like every friendship i've ever ended has been all my fault and i've just managed to convince myself i was being hurt. idk. i'm tired. I should go to bed. I can't sleep because i was trying to clean and I have to go turn off the downstairs at least

i miss my friends. i hope they remember me fondly, and then feel terribly selfish, and hope they hate me. but even that's selfish, because it would be better if they never thought about me at all.

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

For the character asks: Jon, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane? (giving multiple suggestions so you can pick one in case you get the same character twice in different asks)

very kind of you to assume i get many asks :') THANKS ill do all of them u_u

[Send me a character and i'll tell you...]

(under the cut bc i love talking and this got long lmao)

Jon

First impression

he's a uptight prick with obvious favoritism for sasha and tim and i love him so! much!!!!!!

Impression now

my poor little mew mew hm................I've got a complicated relationship w/ jon bc i love him a lot, but i loved s1 him the most, and literally everything else just makes me really, brutally, sad ;_; The way he tries so desperately to cling to his humanity and how other characters just call him by the title imposed to him makes me wanna cry

...also he just cares so much ;_; i cry

Favorite moment

probably his interactions with georgie at the beginning of season 3!!! From s5 id say when he killed not!sasha, it felt vindictive ù_ú

Idea for a story

Dhfhdh im p basic when it comes to him ngl, either jon/tim/sasha friends to lovers or jon and desolation!tim or *something*!sasha trying to stay as human as possible, together 😔 (or just any of them living and coping together in s4 n s5)

Unpopular opinion

Im just not a fan of monster jon, at all! He's not the type of character that i enjoy seeing having a corruption arc unfortunately!! It just hurts!!! (and this Is from someone that Loves corruption arcs!!!)

Also i really hate moth jon imagery??? For not particular reason, moths are pretty, but i still hate it u_u AND THE ASSOCIATION OF GREEN W/ JON (or the beholding in general!) I CANNOT STAND IT!! i know its bc of the tma logo but guess what! Its wrong! Purple jon rights!!!

ALSO ALSO the so called pining he had for martin just.... didnt felt like that at all! i have Many feelings abt this!

Favorite relationship

either georgie in s3, or sasha!!! i love how he always praises sasha in her research in s1 and even thought he's at his driest & sharp Trying-To-Project-Professionalism-And-Skepticism she still rolls into his office, interrupts him mid statement to banter w/ him abt pronunciation n stuff and its just Normal, like that speaks volumes of how comfortable they felt around each other! they were friends gdi! the moment he realizes she died and then everytime the not!them mocks him w/ her death makes me wanna break smth q_q

im not even gonna mention tim bc even though i love their relationship It 👏 makes me👏 very 👏 sad 👏

non shippy and also staying strictly canon, i love his relationship with melanie!

Favorite headcanon

sometimes i think abt that one hc that hes really good with arcade games bc he lived near the coast and i smile bc thats cute :) also hes a trans man 💙💗🤍💗💙

Peter

First impression

Mystery evil captain man!!! Fog?? I LOVE him :)

Impression now

I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Hes an asshole and has a lovely voice and smile and hes not, hes not Dumb but also he's far from the whooooa evil lonely influence he think he is (played like a cheap fiddle). He also makes me sad in ways i cannot and wont describe, and its a shame that he died cuz he was the best part of season 4 😔 rip you beautiful bastard man i still miss you </3

Favorite moment

"It has blood on it" "thats Leitner's too :D". Also when martin was angry abt idk, breekon? Jon going into the coffin? Cant remember, but peter was like I said id protect the institute, that guys not my problem ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idea for a story

dfgdfg i have..... a petermart story that dealt with the different flavor of loneliness they both had, half smut half genuine meta of both of them and theorization on the branching of an Entity & how their powers manifested in other people...

basically, peter thinks hes hot shit when it comes to loneliness but gets overwhelmed when martin accidentally projects his feelings abt *fic's plot stuff* on him, its fun stuff!

Unpopular opinion

people either paint him like an absolute devil or an incompetent idiot and hes neither of them! hes an asshole who loves being an asshole but far from the worst monster in the show and he tried to do a clever scheme TWICE on his life and 1. while it was established that any of the rituals wouldnt work singularly the Silence was still a pretty clever attempt if it weren't for gertrude! and 2. well... he tried to manipulate someone petty and formerly supposed to be a web avatar, again not his fault, cant call him stupid for trying dfgdfg

i Do think hes kinda pathetic in some sense considering his backstory, but more out of personal pity than anything else

Favorite relationship

Canonically speaking him and martin! The pull and push of them was The best thing about season 4! Peter being a quite dangerous avatar and martin, beautiful and scared and kinda feisty, confronting him every chance he gets, peter doing his best to manipulate him and martin letting him believe hes succeeding (even thought, he is, partly). They're fascinating characters to have side by side

Favorite headcanon

Partly canonically speaking him and mikaele salesa :) they do bets together! They're lonely sea men! What else could you possibly want?

Also non shippy i like thinking abt peter's and simon's relationship but thats entirely non canon ♡

Diversity wins! The heir of the lonely is a gay man!

Also I think as every rich household(?) the lukases had many paintings and peter as a kid saw the ones w/ sailing ships and imagined sailing far far away from his family. That and seaman aesthetic fucks, which is why he always has the same vibe going on as an adult. He does Not know half of the things he'd need to know to have a ship though but hey he's rich and thats all he needs

Annabelle

First impression

thats a horrible psychological experiment they're making there D:

Impression now

THATS STILL A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT AND ANNABELLE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER............. idk! she makes me sad in the same way jon (and to a degree, peter) does! to be a living puppet for the thing that traumatized you as a kid and that later kinda killed you / is the only thing keeping you alive, to be devoted to it scrambling to believe in a higher reason for all of it to happen bc to believe otherwise is............. anyway. i love her, and i feel so so sorry for her

Favorite moment

her "maybe ive never been to the beach" at the end of ehr statement (that i fully believe its bullshit but, yknow, i love that she adds that), most of her convos with martin, her "i told you this might happen" "you did, you did" with mikaele

Idea for a story

i think a lot about her having conversations w/ either mikaele (platonically) or sasha (shippy) and their different points of views and treat with her making her doubt the web a bit

Unpopular opinion

listen, listen, i know it sounds like im woobifying her i Know it but reading the scraps of her story how can i Not feel sorry for her? when the story framed her very similar to jon? the supernatural childhood encounter that gave them arachnophobia and the subsequential joining with an Entity against her will? the fact that both the story and the fans treat her like a spider woman always sat very very bad to me, and the fact that the story itself always framed her like a villain (considering All The Other Characters that get the benefit of the doubt) was extremely disappointing

Favorite relationship

her and mikaele!!!!!!! wish we could have seen more scenes of just the two of them!!!!!! *singing* he is her daaaaaad, hes her dad! boogie boogie boogie! (ok no but like... their offscreen friendship is my favorite thing of season 5 ;_;)

Favorite headcanon

Sigh i dont know...i still think she's scared of spiders which make her current existence harder but thats a sadcanon :/ umm...... i love the idea of mikaele and her cooking together from time to time! Mikaele showing her some plates he used to eat as a kid as he talks stories about his life :) and she listens and sometimes tells a story of her own! its been so long since he had a quasy normal conversation! its weird yet nice!

[flowermist7432]

What about bubby is happening???

Hwjhhgggggggg E v e r y ThIng,, its a long one but please read if yah do wanna understand my thoughts tho its long cause i ramble!!

Ismhd okay so i made art a LONG while back that was like, Bubby and Coomer! Right? I love their ship, infact the way they are drawn is so specific and it REMINDED me of..idk..Crowley and Aziraphale.

The logic behind that is how the fandom draws them like Crowley. Little mean with a soft heart, and wears cool black stuff and stylish, TALL AND VERY SKINNY while Coomer is drawn as chubby, lil man who's nice but also a little bastard. So i was like "Hah! Oh man! Reminds me of another ship! Infact i wanna draw em like that! >:0" then i drew them dressed AS them!

Now, i wanted to kinda re draw that piece cause its old and my artskills have MAJORLY improved. But folks loved it! And MONTHS later when ive already forgotten about the post some..person was like "this is so antisemitic to draw Bubby as a literal demon"

Now obviously as someone with RSD i choked, first of all. SECOND of all this person CLEARLY missed the mark that??? Of course i drew him as Crowley thats the part of the joke- COOMER IS AZIRAPHALE it doesn't work the other way around tho maybe for a joke it can cause that would be funny ("Gordon! Im a demon! And i require your soul as debt~❤"). Third, this...this art was made way long before this whole ENTIRE THING WITH him being called jewish suddenly and his new rules.

The reason he's concidered jewish is because Gir used one of the random scientist old man npcs which aparently later on in the games was turned into Dr Kliener? And the name Kliener is a name of jewish origin. And even tho the fandom had decided.

"Okay were separating Half Life from Half Life Vr AI. Cause the two things are so..SO DIFFERENT from eachother at this point its not even funny" the fandom ALSO decided because Gir used that model it intern makes Bubby jewish. And that means Bubby's sharp teeth the fandom did before that or just, aspects of how he might look a BIT monster-ish cause he was canonly made from a tube was gone! No more! You cant cause now everyone decided he's jewish!

I legit had no problem with it cause "oh dang" cause well im not jewish what do i know, i mean if you headcanon that, thats cool! ❤💖❤💞💖 Also im sure folks can live with not drawing him a few fish-like! I mean maybe he just came outta the tube lookin like a regular white old man which is always funny tbh. Also as i said im not jewish so i have no say really it wouldnt be fair >:0. Infact I love the connection but artists getting accused of antisemitism because Bubby was being drawn alittle off like pointy teeth or using the sharp triangle body shape theory kinda sucks cause to me it was clear it had nothing todo with jewish themes and also lets be honest Dr Kliener and Bubby are two seperate entities to me.

But its actually one of the biggest reasons i stopped fandom interacting cause..idk. it got to much with the "Dont draw/write a character like this" and stuff. It was the stick that broke the camel's back with realising this fandom turned great wonderful wholesome headcanons to implimented FACTS of the community and if you are tripped up even alittle unknowingly even before hand yer FUCKED. Which is actually my number one fear so it certainly did the trick! I just..left! I got to scared of doing something wrong or even asking. Cause its a bit feral even if you wanna genuinely ask why. And btw this isnt "UHG STUPID RULES" and more like "oh god oh fuck--"

I..look i'll always have a special place in my heart but im gonna be vulnerable fer' a sec and say so, SO scared of lettin folks down. 😥 i dont wanna be a antisemitism artist! Or a racist or a homophobe or any of this! Its scary and makes me wanna cry even at the very thought someone MIGHT think that even tho i know im certainly not. But its also made me not wanna interact cause..what if i accidentally draw something or say something that came across the wrong way or broke "fandom rules" i was unaware about like god holy shit thats TERRIFYING!!!

So i just, stopped drawing em. I even have poc characters or stuff ive wanted to show to tumblr but im scared of getting facts wrong or someone getting angry i did something so i just hide em all away. Its too intimidating and the chances of having yer ass handed to you by one accident and being shunned for life is so possible in my head and i never wanna risk being a terrible person. Even if that means stop drawing hlvrai and not showing original work in fear of messing up

[paddala]

so i saw tros again

i decided to take notes while i watched so here ya go

*spoilers ahead*

opening sequence is great, it really sets up the film, we don't know what's in store but they give us some ideas. not sure i loved seeing palpatine or even palps being alive, would have been cooler if he was some kind of poltergeist-y sith demon, also, kylo was on mustafar? we ain't gonna talk about that? ok

skipping to rey and leia, first, i hate the leia scenes, they seem creepy and overdone and not genuine, anyway, why didn't rose go with the trio to pasana? why don't we see more of rose? why am i screaming? aaaaand more creepy leia speaking vaguely to rey

now KOR and kylo fixing his helmet *eyeroll* and now the first order finding out about a SPY!!!!! how utterly stupid and it's literally a plot line from a fANFIC!!!! WHY

the trio on pasana, rey looking at the children longingly always kills me, bc she ends up alone without ben, when the only thing she wanted was a family, this is BAD LUV!!!! "i don't have one yet (a family), i'm just rey," that's what she should have said

rey and kylo first force bond, LOVE IT

lando i guess? i mean i get it but i don't at the same time, i love lando tho so i'm not complaining

i don't really hate anything about pasana, just wish rose was there with them, feels weird and wrong, that's my only complaint

WHAT WAS THE REASON OF FINN WANTING TO TELL REY SOMETHING BEFORE THEY "DIED" WHAT WAS THE REASON!!!!!!! THEY NEVER ACTUALLY TOUCH ON IT AGAIN

ok i love poe and finn bantering, but we didn't get one ounce of real finnpoe interaction

how does 3p0 have more lines than rose? it makes my brain hurt

why didn't we get more of KOR? like? what the fuck?

rey senses kylo, she said "everyone shut the fuck up im thinking"

chewie getting captured makes so sense to me but yeah

why didnt the trio just leave? why didn't rey just tell them that kylo was coming and that they needed to gtfo? when does this film start making sense? chewie wouldn't have been captured!!!!

rey trying to pull back the ship should have been like foreshadowing to us finding out that rey actually killed her parents, but no, she ends up being related to palpatine? make it make sense pls

i love zorii but i could care less about her and poe's romantic history

rey in kylos bedroom, LOVE THAT

JODIE COMER AS REYS MOM IS KINDA PERFECT BUT REYS PARENTS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE SHITTY SO IDK HOW TO FEEL

the way they made hux the spy......the way i hate it so much, hux should have been our other main bad guy, the way hux only wanted to be a spy to destroy kylo, FUCKING PETTY AND STUPIDDDD

rey sweetie i'm so sorry

this scene could have been so powerful if kylo said "rey we aren't so different, i know you killed your parents, the darkness is already in you, just take my hand" BITCH WTF I SHOULD HAVE WROTE THIS MOVIE BUT ANYWAY!!!!

"everybody thinks that they know me, no one does" or "i killed my parents, its been haunting me ever since" SHE HAS DARKNESS JUST LIKE BEN!!!!! THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A SERVE BUT JJ IS A FUCKING CLOWN AND COWARD

i loved jannah, would have love to see her with rose, but jj is a fucking idiot

finn not being able to let rey do things on her own is SUUUUPER annoying and why i kinda hate his character in this film, it's a year later, ITS CALLED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LUV!!!!!

the dark!rey with sharp teeth sends me, what the fuck is dis hunny

"the dark side is in our nature" loved this, if only she wasn't a palpatine and actually killed her parents, THE FLAVOR

ok rey and kylo fighting, i get it, leia calling out to her son bc he's "going to kill her" when that's not what he wants, he's deflecting all her strikes, wtf? rey implailing kylo mAKES NO SENSE!? SHE DOESNT WANNA KILL HIM EITHER? WHY DID SHE DO THAT!? she should have accidentally grazed his arm, then forced healed, wtf is this movie, i ask again (ok i did some digging on this scene and someone said that rey is metaphorically killing kylo ren, which yes i love this, but it still erks me)

rey, i guess metaphorically, redeemed kylo, he's ben now, she gave him life force, he should have lived after he brought back rey, AGAIN WTF (i'm so stupid you guys know this lol)

han and ben......IT MAKES ME SAD BUT HAPPY!! i loved this scene so much, he really looks like ben solo here, he's so confused but he knows that kylo is over with, he's ben now, rey gave him the light he needed, WTFFFHSJDJSKDKJS.... "dad...." "i know" HI IM CRYIBG LSKSKSKSKKS

DOMHNALL GLEESON SWEETIE IM SO SORRY THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU DESERVED YOUR CHARACTER WAS FANTASTIC THEY DID YOU SO DIRTY #justiceforhux

rey chucking the legacy saber into a fire and luke catching it saying hey wtf you can't do that that's so fucked up as if he didn't toss that mf over his shoulder in tlj, oh man jj really said fuck rian johnson, also leias lightsaber should have been bens, IMO

luke's x-wing just magically coming out of fucking nowhere? didn't he scrap the ship while on ach-to? hm...RIIIIIIIIGHT

chewie dead? nope. c3po memory wiped? nope. ben solo dead? yeah fuck that guy

at this point i've lost interest, i'm waiting for the reylo kiss

p*lps calling rey her granddaughter, i'm literally gonna barfffff

BEEEEEEEEEEEEN MY BABY BOOOOOYYYYY OHHH IM SUFFERING

i love him i love him i love him omfg he's so powerful and sexy, literally came to save rey without a lightsaber i love this MAN

The Shrug™

A DYAD IN THE FORCE, THEIR LIFE FORCE BOND, HELLO!!!???? AND BEN STILL DIES AND REY ENDS UP ALONE!? I CANT

ben being thrown like that by p*lp, i've never hated a villain more in my life

idk like i kinda hate that all the jedi from the past came to rey, when ben was RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE.

oh my fucking god i hate disney "i am all the sith" "and i am all the jedi"…"i am inevitable" "and i am iron man" CAN YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE

finn sensing rey dying through the force, i want to die

ben.....crawling to rey....fuck it hurts to bad

he's been through hell hes so scared and sad i hate jj so much

the kiss......cinematic masterpiece, should have ended there, but here we are

again. REY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY, her lightsaber is cool tho

"im rey....rey skywalker" NOT YOU

YUP WORSE STAR WARS MOVIE EVER

[survivorwakea]

Episode 9: “Anabel back on her crackhead bullshit.” -Asya

Justin going out after getting a self-vote. Don't trust anyone, not even yourself.

________________________________________________________________

ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL. ZACK FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL.

Me, Ben, Elmo and Zack were on a call and we all did an idol search and ZACK FOUND IT AND I SCREAMED AND ITS 3AM BUT I DONT CARE ZACK HAS A MOTHERFUCKING IDOL.

________________________________________________________________

Oh sweet fucking jesus.

So I get off call with Elmo, Ben and Zack and Zack is like hieee can we call? and im like okay? I have absolutely no idea what to expect at all. He's like I have something to tell u, at this point I'm like fuck this sounds like bad bad news or good news but idk if im mentally stable enough to handle either. He tells me he has the fucking premerge idol and that he got it on his first run. I'm sat there basically starting to cry like oh my god zack I cannot believe this right now. and he's like no there's more. My stomach fucking drops. He tells me Elmo knows as well. I'm like ok sis what the fuck. He had to tell Elmo because it was his first go and him and Elmo were sharing guesses. Okay I guess I understand. But he also said something like Elmo said not to tell me. Which really does have me thinking. I thought me and Elmo had a lot more open communication now, and the fact he didn't want to tell me something like this is a reason as to why I have been hesitant to talk game with him. But according to Zack he also said he doesn't think I would leak so maybe he was just thinking about not wanting too many people to know. I need to have a chat with Elmo tomorrow so we can clear some stuff up so I can know better where I stand, or just have Elmo lie to my face which I end up finding out later down the line when he inevitably tries to vote me out again. But oh how ironic it would be if I could convince Zack to use the idol on me to get Elmo out. Please note ~ I don't dislike Elmo, in fact I adore him. I just see me and him as very similar players and therefore I feel he would be one of my main competitions especially as this game gets further on. I just have a lot of feelings and a lot of things to discuss right now

________________________________________________________________

I've had so much to think about the last couple hours my mind is spinning. Justin voted out because of his own dumbass move to tell Johnny about his self-vote, like that's not a death wish waiting to happen. Hell I would've been on board with voting Justin had I known. He was a clear threat but I was planning on waiting 1 more tribal before trying to get him out. I was lied to by a lot of people, maybe 2 tribals in a row now which leaves me shaking and scrambling. Where the fuck do I stand with any of these people? Zack who I adore with all my heart where do I stand with you baby? I know you said you would use your idols on me and help get us both to the final. But I am scared, I am so so scared you could be lying to me. You said it yourself earlier you are so used to lying to people in this game that if someone asked if your name was Zack, you'd tell them it wasn't. I think it would hurt me more if you told me about your premerge idol and said you'd get us both to the end and then voted me out more than if you never told me anything at all. Did you tell me this because you're worried about your position or because you genuinely meant it? Remember I could be on the jury. Asya, my sweetness in this game. We didn't talk for a full day after Joey got voted out. It was only when I decided to own up to the fact I wrote her name down tonight that we opened a discussion and I feel we cleared the air a bit, both of us felt we had no choice when writing down each other's names. I hope things improve between us and we can work together again, however you have appeared to be inactive which kind of scares me. Johnny having kept the vote of Justin from me after I told him I felt I wasn't being listened to with the people I was aligned with has kinda rubbed me the wrong way since I very heavily hinted I wanted Justin out, but you can't be sayin those kinda things to people you're aligned with cause they could so easily turn on you. Although I had mentioned it to Zack and I think Zack would've been down as well so that was my plan for a couple tribals ahead. Do you really want to work with me or has this all been lies? Ben I do not trust as far as I can throw him right now. After Zack gets the idol he conveniently says he forgot to mention that he landed on one of the bonus spots on the way to the idol and got an extra vote. Okay bitch boy how the fuck does that just accidentally slip your mind? Do not trust one bit right now, once he realises he's on the bottom he's definitely gonna flee like fuck. Has a soothing voice though, I enjoy being on call. He's kinda funny, even if he does make Zack mad by the fact he's getting comfortable with us and calling us bitches. Bodhi is just a lying fucker and I want him out ASAP, he should've been the person we got out or at least tried to instead of Asya but whatever, there's always next time. Lily I have no idea what the fuck is going on in her head right now, she messaged me with some half hearted apology and then wants to create a group of people to work together but when I asked who she wanted to involve she has just ignored me, whatever your time will be up soon enough unless I try to drag u to the end with me so I have a goat since I haven't seen u do much other than win like 1 immunity challenge. Jared I wanna work with but idk how much trust is there, plus he's a strong player and I feel could do well so I want him out kinda soon oopsie. But who knows, if we start working together maybe it's something that could work out for us. Sometimes competition is good. Anabel a cutie but also a massive liability, never know what's going on with her and where she truly stands with anyone. I wish she would just be properly up front with me about who she's close with. Wish she spoke more game to me than she actually does. Elmo I've already wrote down a lot about how I feel about you but ya I love u so much I just think you're such a threat to me and there could be a vote where if it's not you that goes home it will be me. Also where the fuck do I stand with you? Are you being open with me? It'd crush me if you weren't I've been trying this game with you I really have. This is long and turned into something I didn't expect it to be and its like 5am so I need sleep. So much has gone on and I've so much to think about I don't even know where to turn right now.

i manifested that, right.. like.. i literally JUST said in my last confessional how me and chloe eventually wanted justin out and then it happened.. now, it didn't go how i would have wanted it to go, but it still went.. would i have loved to be part of that plan? duh. but i think justin leaving might be a blessing in disguise. or a huge curse. i guess we'll have to wait and see. all i have to say is this.. justin did that to his damn self. how stupid of him to tell johnny about the alliance we're in and the fact that he has a vote against him that round.. like WHAT is wrong with him.. all he had to do was keep his mouth shut and he would have been here kJGDSKS... and the fact that he literally told johnny EVERYTHING like what the fuck is wrong with you justin.. so stupid on your part and im so fucking pissed bc it fucks with my game. now.. some bigger news.. i found the merge idol?? KLHDFKLJSDKFGJL.... now i have two fucking idol. i can't believe IT. manifestation really does work. so ben, elmo and chloe all know about the merge idol because we all been helping each other find it.. and i told chloe i have the pre merge idol today. i told her elmo knows and that elmo didn't want me to tell her. i'm doing what i have to do in order to secure me spots more weeks into this game. but now this round is a speed round and i work 12-7 tomorrow so i'm gonna get no social game in really... this sucks and i just have to pray and hope they don't target me this round because i don't wanna have to use any idols yet. i really just wish this round wasn't sped up because it's really fucking with me and i hate the fact

________________________________________________________________

sorry i pressed enter before.. i hate the fact that i know i'm not gonna really be able to talk to people this round bc of work so i have to trust my allies will do everything correctly.. unlike how justin did anything he did.

Zack found the idol and I told our alliance about the extra vote. I am ride or die with Anabel's Angels at this point

Ignore everything I said in that last confessional. I don’t know what I’m doing. Getting Justin out was essential to moving those who I know I can trust to work with further in the game. Finally in an alliance with Jared and Johnny. I feel really solid about that. I’m continuing to not tell Elmo anything but still wanting to work with him so that’s a mood. But it sounds like my alliance along with Bodhi asya and anabel should be able to come together again and vote. But let’s find out cause I sure don’t know. Also Justin danggggg you were really coming out the gate. We gotcha but really respect how you make moves.

wow,,, speed round,,, crazy stuff miss aj,,, lol im so stressed ab this i literally dont know what im doing. jared wants to vote out ben and honestly i kinda do too, and i would w/o hesitation if it wasnt for zack elmo and chloe. i told them my voting justin out and lying to them was a one time thing and i like desperately wanna hold true to that, but jared brings up some INCREDIBLE points. i wanna tell them i wanna vote ben but ik they wouldnt react very well.. i just feel like voting him is best for my game bc like hes potentially the person whos playing the very best and im terrified of that bc i wanna win!!!! not him!!!!! it is just. hard. ill get back to u later prolly thank u for listening :)

so..... i lived

my heart was literally POUNDING during that tribal like i was fully prepared to drag anabel and johnny out behind me by their noses but ! i stayed ! sucks it had to be me or justin but according to chloe he may or may not have REALLY hardcore been pushing for me to go so.... the superior hawks stan won ig

oh yeah i talked to chloe. i’ve been putting it off but she messaged me and it wasn’t as bad as i thought bc as far as i’m concerned we’re even now. i want to really try to be a good ally to her. i know i have my alliance of 5 (6? are we counting lily in the alliance? she’s not physically in the chat but she’s been more of an ally to me than anabel so,) but i’m not stupid enough to think that those are gonna be the last people standing at the end. there’s always room for error. so i’m gonna do my best to work on my individual connections this round. it’s rough when these people literally just tried to send me home but we try anyways.

now. today’s issue. i literally want anabel gone So Bad. but johnny. he thinks that he has her on lock but like. if that was the case then the joey thing wouldn’t have happened (or maybe it wouldn’t have happened if the dumbass men listened to opinions other than their own but w/e). like she’s playing the game and doing it well. we’ve had two merge votes, both split down the middle almost. anabel is the ONLY person to vote on the right side both times. that doesn’t work for me. i don’t think she’s like actively targeting me because as far as i know, the facebook people kept justin’s self vote a secret from her? which means she might not have known we had the majority anyways 6-5 and she just voted him because she didn’t want me to go. and that’s all well and good, but i definitely see her being a problem for me in the later game. so. something to think about

Trust List 3.0:

1. Asya 2. Bodhi 3. Lily 4. Johnny 5. Chloe 6. Elmo 7. Zack 8. Anabel 9. Ben

anabel back on her crackhead bullshit. all i’ve said is that i won’t vote chloe because i gave my word and now suddenly she wants to vote chloe because johnny doesn’t want zack to go for some reason and his ass was out all day so basically he comes home two hours before the vote and starts changing shit up. i’m LIVID

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week-8/s-SjYaD

________________________________________________________________

Ben is voted out in a 5-4-2 vote. He becomes the third member of our jury.