#idk it adds up after 23 years where only one person has ever been openly interested in me

[eggmeralda]

the genetics felt so bad for what they did to my parents' first kid's looks that they overcompensated massively on the second kid's looks

[diiagnose]

[10:00:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & audrey & arden & if she ever rly loved him [10:01:23 PM] madam mum.: mood [10:01:32 PM] madam mum.: whats the short answer to it [10:01:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: yeah [10:01:55 PM] (m)emery lee raye: she Did in her own fucked up way & tbh probably still does [10:02:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they Both will love each other forever, but they jst clash & bring out the worst in each other [10:03:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & audrey somehow managed this ,, constant love / hate ?? where she loved him but also hated him [10:03:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she will always view him as beneath her , & ?? reputation & where u stand in the wrld & ur Success is a big deal to her bc her parents drilled tht into her , [10:04:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so then theres arden who , when they met ?? he was a Nobody, a Loser in school , but ,, there was smth abt him tht drew her to him & she Hated it bc tht wasn't her Type [10:04:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but then she started falling for him but in her head She Deserved Better & tht's why she was always cheating [10:05:07 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc while she loved arden , she ,, also felt like she was getting the short end of the deal ?? tht he was getting more out of it than She was getting [10:05:45 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & thts why she treated him so badly bc she viewed His Actions as toxic , as Bad so she jst "if ur not going to treat me like i deserve, why should u get tht luxury??" [10:06:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she feels like everyone has to Earn being treated w respect , & he rarely did anything to make her believe tht he Earned tht [10:07:09 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then thts why she finally divorced him bc ,, he was getting too much. to add onto what he already had. he now was schizophrenic, even more unstable , & she jst , felt tht he would hold her back, plus she was jst scared of herself sometimes when she was around him ?? idk he brought out this bad abusive side of her more than anyone ever has bt . she lies to herself & says tht Isn’t why she left him bt instead bc of his Failures [10:07:42 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc his grades Dropped a little while she was trying to take care of him & she jst , "i can't do this anymore" bc for her ?? her Success & place in life will Always be more important than arden [10:07:54 PM] (m)emery lee raye: career > love [10:07:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & , yeah [10:07:59 PM] (m)emery lee raye: there u go [10:08:02 PM] madam mum.: I LOVE [10:08:29 PM] madam mum.: ok we know that arden is incapable of having a healthy long term committed relationship, but what abt audrey [10:08:32 PM] madam mum.: if it wasnt for arden [10:09:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: u see thts the thing , these r two v dysfunctional ppl tht are bad enough on their own, but when put together are ,, dysfunctionally imperfect in the Perfect way [10:09:50 PM] (m)emery lee raye: both of them are horrible at long term relationships, but somehow they were together for ten years [10:10:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: i believe this was only possibly arden rarely felt like audrey was fully w him ?? in the first few years on their relationship, no one knew they were dating it ,, it wasn't Real ?? his mom knew but it was rarely a topic brought up [10:11:30 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then on audreys side of things ?? she never rly , fully committed herself to him ?? she was always cheating, so there was never tht sense of Commitment ,,,,,,, until [10:11:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: marriage [10:11:36 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & even before tht [10:11:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: when they moved in together [10:12:13 PM] (m)emery lee raye: suddenly, out of nowhere, they decided "the second [ arden ] turn eighteen, why dont we move out??" [10:12:15 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & they did , [10:13:09 PM] (m)emery lee raye: audrey was a year Older than him & so she already had a place for them to stay & arden had moved his stuff there asap after his mom died & then , it was after they Truly moved in together tht things became Real [10:13:22 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they had this sort of , honeymoon phase almost ?? bc now they were Openly in a relationship [10:13:40 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it was all brand new & they were !! young & in love [10:14:10 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then this was only Further pushed by proposal ( even if audrey Did want a Better One w a Better Ring ) [10:14:58 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then they got married , & before this ?? audrey never rly got physical w him bc ,, they rarely saw each other for long periods of time alone ?? so there was never rly Time for tht , they'd get in fights & sometimes they'd get Intense but thts the Worst tht it got [10:15:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but after they were married ?? they had already been living together for more than a year i think ,, they were going to the same uni , had the same friends ( it was actually mostly jst audreys friends & arden tagged along ) things were , getting Stressful [10:15:58 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it was on their honeymoon tht audrey hit arden for the first time & they were both , Shocked by it [10:16:54 PM] (m)emery lee raye: tho not Immediately for audrey bc , she had been in this ?? haze ?? & it jst happened & it was a lil while later tht , audrey was Disgusted w herself & arden jst , comforted her & told her tht she didnt mean it , it was Okay, he forgave her [10:16:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then it ,, got worse [10:17:45 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc even Before this incident, ever since they got together almost, audrey had been p controlling ?? & definitely abusive, but Neither of them saw what she did or how she acted as abuse so it never rose any red flags [10:18:05 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but this ?? they both saw this as bad, as abuse, & they jst , decided to forget that it happened & Move On [10:18:14 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but then it happened again , & again,,,,,, & it kept happening [10:18:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they both didn't know what to do, bc they Loved each other, but they also wanted to Kill each other almost Constantly, [10:19:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: it was , one of the most toxic dynamics u can imagine , & it went on for Years before audrey finally put her foot down [10:19:18 PM] (m)emery lee raye: it was then she told him tht she hasnt loved him for a long time ,, & that was untrue [10:19:49 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she Did love him, & Still loved him at the time of the divorce, but she knew if he knew tht, he'd try to convicne her to give the whole relationship another chance [10:20:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but she didn't want tht bc she has turned into his manipulative, toxic, abusive person & she can't recognize herself anymore & !! she knows she was never a good partner, ( even if she will sometimes convince her tht she Is ,, which reminds me tht i think she has npd but Anyway ) [10:20:46 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so shes doing it for both of them [10:21:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & in canon ?? she gets married again & has kids, [10:21:11 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it isn't even bc she Wants to , its bc her parents push her into it [10:21:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they want grandchildren , they want her to have a Family [10:21:47 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so she does , she tries Again w someone new & their relationship ,,, she still cheats , but shes not abusive [10:21:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: save for the , cheating thing which [10:22:01 PM] (m)emery lee raye: ig can be considered abuse [10:22:04 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but u know what i mean [10:22:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & yeah , she doesn't love him tho [10:22:13 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but she doesn't hate him [10:22:20 PM] (m)emery lee raye: she jst , thinks hes okay [10:22:48 PM] (m)emery lee raye: he has a respectable place in the world & she decides tht thts Enough [10:22:59 PM] (m)emery lee raye: so the way she moved on was rushing into a relationship ,, [10:23:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but arden never moved on ( in canon, at least, ) [10:23:15 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & tbh even in happy au ?? he will always love her [10:23:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: no matter the au, they will Always love each other, but no matter what, they'll never be happy together, [10:23:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & That Is The Tragedy Of Arden & Audrey [10:23:43 PM] (m)emery lee raye: fin