#idk im venting here to yell into the void ig cause i dont wanna burden anybody with what ive got going on
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Maybe I'm just cursed π€ͺ
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end π
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πΆβπ«οΈ
#and now my mom calls me to tell me theyre getting evicted#its been a loooong time coming so im not sure why shes surprised#like down with landlords but not paying any rent for months will do that#and ofc theyre hoarders so everything is gonna take forever to wade through everything#theyre moving into my grandpas camper ... if they can find somewhere to park it#my mom wants me to come help but ive been banned from driving so my dad will have to pick me up#who by the way only has three toes on his right foot now cause the rest were amputated last friday#because he has unmanaged diabetes and they went necrotic π€’#idk im venting here to yell into the void ig cause i dont wanna burden anybody with what ive got going on#ive withdrawn so much and this is not making it any better#having to go to the house where i was abused for years is not gonna do miracles for my mental state
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