#idk im just stressed from everything today has been so bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

defn0tonyourleft · 2 months ago

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TO BE EXPECTED

@incorrectlyours tysm for this req!!! (also i may have accidentally messed up the reply to the request, so pretend it’s there, idk how to use tumblr man 😭

(its my first one ever so TYSMMM)

honestly i STRUGGLED for ideas with this one, because i wanted to make it good :), also sorry for the delayed response, its that time again (exams), so studying for those has been my life

anyway, i hope you like! also... part two maybe??

very small, if not no thunderbolts spoilers ahead!

kinda fluffy??

congressman!bucky, fem!reader, really no warnings, mildly suggestive content, swearing, a bit of anxiety, really nun too bad!

kinda sorta proof read, it’s 3am and IM tired :/

your media consumption is your own concern.

i do not consent for my work to be posted anywhere else, or used without my expressed consent.

2.7k (ish) words!

It was all the same. Every time. But you’d come to terms with it. Go in, get your job done, then leave. Valentina paid well, and-, for a while, that justified it.

But when you started to read in between the lines, that’s when things started going downhill.

Valentina started to invite you along to her ‘charity galas’, flaunting you around like you were her prized possession. Her pet. As if she owned you.

Then the media would come in. Guns blazing, flashing lights, symphonies of sounds and questions thrown at you, and it increased tenfold when you were with Valentina.

And this time was no different.

Congressmen, Deputy directors, assistants, the countless photographers filled the halls, as everyone ogled at the artifacts around them. Valentina motioning to some chair member of some organization that you frankly, couldn’t care to learn the name of. Her mouth was clearly moving, (like it ever stopped) as she went on and on about every person.

The nerves never ceased when it came to these events.

Too many sounds, not enough time to analyze the situations around you, too many people to focus on, trying to keep track of all the points of entry, it was all just a few of the million thoughts that ran through your mind.

As you stood nervously in the corner, keeping your back to the wall, you smoothed out your dress. Valentina finally gave you some leeway tonight, letting you pick out your favorite sleek dress from your closet, with a nice pair of heels to match.

It wasn’t often that you got to dress up like this, or at least, willingly. Most of the time you were either too tired to bother (which was most days, because who wouldn’t want to be comfortable as often as possible), or it was your tactical gear for your “assignments” that Valentina sent you on.

Swiping your hands down the front of your dress, your eyes carefully scanned the room, as you watched a crowd of people flock to one of the entrances.

Raising a brow, you softly pushed yourself off of the wall behind you, taking a few long strides towards the point of interest.

“Congressman… Any thought about today’s earlier events that took place…”

Even with your stellar sense of hearing, you still couldn’t make out everything that was being said. So you decided to simply stay out of it.

Though, you normally made a conscious effort to stay out of any political drama that was happening. Not only did it stress you the hell out, but Valentina said it was quote, “better if you didn’t know”.

Was she manipulating you? Probably. But you couldn’t care less. It’s not like it worked anyway (or so you thought).

Speak of the devil, a soft clicking of heels on tile came from your side, causing you to spin to face the sound. Taking a sip of the god awful champagne, you raised a brow at Valentina.

“How’re you holding up? I know these parties aren’t exactly your… Style. But you look gorgeous dear.”

She said, rubbing a 'comforting' hand down your arm.

“Im perfectly fine, Valentina.” You said quickly, glancing around the room, making sure to get out of arms reach of Valentina.

“Right, and the look on your face definitely agrees with that statement.”

With a roll of your eyes, you shifted your weight between each side, letting out a sharp exhale as someone bumped into you from behind, causing the grip on your champagne flute to tighten.

“Look, Valentina. I don’t want to be here. It’s too loud, to many people, and not just too many people, to many politicians who need me to stroke their big egos. Not to mention a camera being shoved in my face every six seconds.”

Before you could even continue, a crooked smirk came over Valentina’s already smug face.

“Speaking of politicians with an ego… Here comes the biggest one of all.”

Leaning in, she whispered in your ear as she stared off behind you.

“This one has just been dying to get me impeached. Real piece of work. Act cordial, you never know when the cameras are watching.”

Fixing your hair for you, she suddenly grabbed your shoulders, dragging you to her side with a shit eating grin. Her arm rested loosely around your side, as she looked you over.

The relationship you had with Valentina couldn’t be described easily. It was definitely not motherly, especially when her stare had more venom in it then her words did. Her gaze held something of pride in it, like she had made you, and was proud to have you standing by her side.

Taking a step back you mustered up the best dirty look to throw Valentina’s way. There was already a lack of enthusiasm and energy that came from you, making Valentina’s little stunt, just one more reason why you should pack up and leave. You made it explicitly clear to everyone, stranger or not, that you would not be touched. Under any circumstances, unless you were beating the shit out of them. Physical touch, was not your thing. Not since… Well, everything.

Before you could even think about retorting back at Valentina for being a hibiutal line crosser, you turned to follow Valentina's gaze as she spoke.

"Congressman Barnes, it's a pleasure-"

"Cut the act Valentina, there's no use for pleasantries."

Well hot damn. If it wasn't Bucky Barnes. It'd been... Years. Instantly you thought back on the days where you, Sam, and Bucky all sat fondly on the Wilson family boat.

Everyone was realtively carefree, and happy, as work was done on the boat. No flag smashers, no Hydra, none of it.

Just you, finally letting your walls down long enough to let someone in.

To be fair, your relationship with Bucky was complicated, but neither of you seemed to address it, or care all that much.

You’d been there for him for years at this point. Meeting him for the first time after everyone had finally gotten their pardons, and a new issue came along. The blip.

Being a S.H.I.E.LD agent has its perks. Working for something bigger than yourself, while not being in the spotlight in the slightest. Practically being a civilian. I made it way easier to keep secrets. Especially about the fact that Tony Stark had named you a “temporary Avenger” right before the blip.

It was hard to think about. Loosing pretty much everyone you had learned to care for. It made you colder, made you do thinks that frankly, you know you shouldn’t have don-.

Snapping back into reality, it had only been a few seconds of falling down the rabbit hole. Though, you could clearly see the soft edges to Bucky's smile that was always there around you. The way his smile met his eyes, and his nose scrunched up as he let out a breathless laugh as he looked at you.

Before he could get a word in, you was leaning in for a hug. Yes, right after you almost chewed Valentina out for putting her arm aorund her. Not even bothering to address the clearly stunned look on Val’s face.

"Hey, doll." He spoke softly as he ran a hand up your side carefully, almost dropping his drink the process.

"Hi Buck." You quickly replied, pulling back, both of your hands going to your champagne flute, trying to ground yourself with the whirlind of emotions and thoughts spiraling in your head.

It was clear that you weren't the only one with a hurricane of feelings.

"You two...-" Valentina quipped instantly, looking over the two with a sharp eye.

Giving her a pointed look as she continued talking, you were more than sure you got your silent point across.

She couldn’t say a damn word about him. And if he wanted Valentina impeached so publicly, there was clearly a good reason for it.

Trying to choke down the horrible taste of the champagne once more, it was clear that it was extremely cheap champagne, which was surprising for a event with such a high regard as this.

Apparently Bucky noticed too. When Valentina started to speak, her carefully grabbed the glass from your hands, giving you his drink instead. Causing you raise a brow at the gesture. Valentina’s bullshit blurring into the background with the rest of the arrogant chatter around the room. Turning to get a glimpse of his face, you gave soft smile, watching as he returned one.

"Sam Wilson introduced us. Buc- Congressman Barnes, is a great man."

"I see. Well, that's very... Interesting. But I'm afraid we must be on our way. I'd like to take a few pictures with Congressman Gary."

She said, already grabbing for your arm, before you could protest. Turning to look back at Bucky while she practically dragged you away.

Mouthing to him a silent, 'I'm sorry', he softly nodded, and disappeared into the crowd.

Valentina firmly gripped your hand as she dragged you through the crowd.

"The hell was that? You're telling me you know him- Let alone that closely, and you don't say anything to me?"

Rolling your eyes, you let out a huff.

"Like I was supposed to know that your 'sworn enemy' would end up being Bucky. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry Val, it'll never happen again." You said the sarcasm overflowing from your voice.

"If so, keep dreaming princess."

Grabbing her own wrist, you flipped it over, simuletaniously dragging her close.

"Now, I highly suggest you stop bothering me, because I'm not in the mood right now."

With that, you let her go, and started to walk off.

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You quickly, and carefully made your way through the crowd. Three drinks down, and that somehow didn't calm your nerves. Didn't even give you the decency of a buzz.

Finally making it to a semi-secluded area, you could feel the thoughts coming back into your head, it finally quiet enough for you to think.

Glancing around the beautifully desgined space, you let your guard down for all of two seconds.

And thats all it took.

Suddenly a arm reached out and grabbed you, pulling you into a hallway to your right. Your hand practically shot out to grab the assilant's wrist as they pinned you against the wall out of instinct.

Your eyes connected with your movements, watching as your hand gripped the fle- Vibranium? Looking up, you were met with the icy gaze of Bucky, trying to hold you back.

"Jesus Christ Bucky! You can’t do that!” You said smacking his arm with a look of relief on your face as your breathing started to slow back down.

"I know- I know, that probably wasn't my best ide-"

"Obviously it wasn't, you scared the shit out of me." You replied with a breathless laugh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't- You can let go of my wrist now."

Both of your gazes flickered down to your hand tightly gripping his wrist. Quietly letting out a sigh, you straightened up off of the wall, putting a bit of space in between the two of you.

“I have an idea.”

Pushing a few stray pieces of hair that had fallen out of his slicked back hairstyle, he let out a sigh of his on, as he placed his hands on his hips.

"You're not going to like it."

Crossing your arms, you raised a brow, waiitng for him to continue.

"I'm sure you know about Valentina's tricks. Her little mind games. I'm- well I'm trying to get her impeached. She's not trustworthy, and you and I both know that."

"So I was wondering if you'd... Help me out."

"And before you say anything, just hear me out. All of it."

"Nobody takes me seriously. Everyone still thinks of me as The Winter Soldier. Which gives me a huge lack of ethos, significantly lowering my affects against my current stance of impeaching Valentina."

With a snicker, you took a step towards him, looking up at his eyes.

"Did your speech writers help you with that?"

"Yeah, yeah they did."

Looking down for a moment, he let out a chuckle.

"Look, I'm asking for you to give me some credibility."

"And how exactly, Mr.Barnes, would you do that?" You said, punctuating your sentence by softly poking your finger into his chest.

And what he did was the last thing you expected. Buy a long shot. Two intericate rings came out of the pocket of his suit jacket, marked with small diamonds, and a beautiful snake design.

"You're joking-"

"I know it's out there-"

"Bucky, I don't give a shit, I'll pretned be your wife or whatever... But this ring is beautiful." You said, carefully grabbing it, and holding it up to the light.

"Picked it out for ya." He said, carefully grabbing it, and slipping it onto your finger. "I knew you'd love it."

Damn this man for being smooth.

Though, like every story goes, there was undinable chemistry between you two. Except, you two definitely have addressed it. Once. Or twice.

You'd never forget that day. It was never fully said out loud. Nothing ever was. But when he grabbed you and held you close, running his hand through your hair, as your legs tangled, simply just sitting together on the couch… It was enough to know there was something there.

Before you knew it, you were walking back out into the gala, hands interlocked.

"So... Basically what I'm getting from this, is that... We're married, because it humaizes you to the public. But, nobody knows I work for Val just that we’re ‘associates’ per say. But I get you info on her, so she goes bye-bye."

"Awesome." You said with a horrible smirk on your face.

As he carefully guided you throught the crowds, he placed his gentle hands on your hips, making sure nobody bumped into you. Leaning over, your back hitting his chest, he whispered.

"We’re engaged. Not married. Word would've gotten out if I hadn't said something about having a wife. More believeable if we're engaged."

Your breath caught in your throat as his lips ghosted over the shell of your ear, and his breath tickling the side of your neck.

"Excuse me- Congressman Barnes-." A reporter said, as they navigated through the crowds, with a camera in tow behind them.

Shit, that was fast, you thought to yourself as you glanced back at Bucky.

"Can I ask who this is with you tonight?"

As Bucky went to answer, your eyes locked with Valentina's. Your own shit eating grin came over your face, as you looked at her. And instantly, the game was on.

Bucky snaked an arm around your waist, and gave a soft smile. Nothing too big or out of character, but enough for show.

"This, is my wonderful, fiancée."

You waved to the camera like this was your first time, as he continued. "She's truly... Amazing. She's been there through thick and thin, and I couldn't be more excited to be spending forever with her."

-_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_-

This 'charity gala' was really looking up. Getting to hang out with one of your favorite people ever, whilist also pissing off your boss? Awesome.

"Kiss me." He whispered, turning you to look at him.

There wasn’t a second of hesitation in your eyes. He didnt have to tell you twice. Your hand went to the side of his face, pulling him closer. The cool vibranium of his hand went to your lower back, as he looked at you.

You were a bit surprised to the see the look on his face. Like he was savoring the moment, even if it was just for show.

But he wasn't the only one savoring all of this. Your eyes closed as you relished in the taste of him. The lingering taste of whatever the hell the drink was he had given you earlier. Deep and rich. That same cologne that you had bought him years ago filled your nostrils.

Getting a bit caught up in the kiss, you had to force yourself to pull back. Your hand softly rested on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Watching as he looked down at you like there was more tomorrow.

-_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_--_*0)_(0*-_-

"You know, we make a pretty good team."

"You think?" He said, as he chose to grab your hand once more, even though you knew for a fact there was nobody around, as you two had started to make your way out of the event early.

He definitely knew there was nobody around. You could see that in the way his gaze flickered form your eyes back to your hands. Still with rings on it.

But you didn't mention it.

You just squeezed his hand a bit tighter.

"Yeah. I mean, think about it. We're an epsionage deluxe package. We could be unstoppable. Husband and wife style." Chuckling, it quickly came to a halt when he grabbed your waist firmly, his fingers digging into your side.

Dipping his head down to meet your lips, he carefully kissed you. Unlike any other time tonight. This time he truly meant it. It was soft, and delicate, like he was afraid to mess it up.

You could feel him building his confidence, feeling him pull back for a second, before kissing you once more, with double the confidence. His free hand cradled your face, as he looked down at you, his breaths sort and shallow. Your hands sat cofortably on either side of his neck, letting him pull you flush against him, as he leaned back in.

Finally pulling back to softly gasp for air, he spoke.

"My place, or yours doll?"

"For what?" You said, almost shyly.

"So I can show you just what I'd do to my beautiful fiancée behind closed doors."

UHHHH PART TWO?? BECAUSE REREADING THIS/ EDITING IT MAKES ME WANT MORE OF THIS???

#bucketbarnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #marvel mcu #mcu #mcu fandom #avengers #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #thunderbolts #congressman barnes #congressman james buchanan barnes #congressman bucky

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kash-the-krashout · 8 months ago

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tw : breakdown // vent session // sa - mention

background info so everything else makes sense

my boyfriend (he’s amazing and i love him dearly.) is a paramedic and a firefighter. so his work schedule is basically 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off.

one of my best friends(i only have 2) has an older brother who is 24. i always spend the night at her house because i mean why not?

1. i’m gay.

2. we’ve known each other since we were 2. (my dads are both trauma charge nurses and her adopted parents are police officers so they work real close with each other constantly.)

3. she’s 16, i’m 17. we’re 2 weeks apart her birthday is actually friday. mine is 11/4 hers is 11/15.

4. my dads are in the process of pressing charges on a family member for sa-ing me . for the past 7 years.

5. i got grounded last month because they found my twitter account and it was pure sh related. ill make another vent post about that.

the actual vent :

okay, i posted a video of myself on snap, not doing anything sexual or anything wrong. i was singing teenagers by MCR. like mouthing the words. and my best friends older brother added me, i wasn’t thinking anything of it because we’ve been friends for 15 years. our families are hella close all of the above so him adding me on snap wasn’t a red flag.

he ends up sliding up on my snap, again i’m not thinking anything of it because why would i? and i open the message and he’s basically like “😍😍😍” and i ignored it because maybe he was clicking through the stories and meant to slide up on someone else’s idk.

then he comes back and he’s like “you’ve always been so perfect to me. i hate seeing you with Amir (my boyfriend) I should’ve spoken up. you’ve grown up to be such an amazing person and the more i look at you the more i want you and the more i can’t get you off of my mind” so i start FREAKING OUT. i’m like wtf? so i didn’t know what else to do so i texted my dad. (screenshot below i crossed out names for obvious reasons)

and honestly.. my dads response made me feel so much better about telling him because of how fast he was willing to go to bat for me. but .. then of course my mind for the best of me and i started feeling like i was causing him and my other dad nothing but pain. literally the family member situation and now this like damn? so i went to them and basically broke completely down and told them i was sorry for idk being like an easy target and all the stress is my fault it was a lot . and they reassured me and basically told me like im not doing anything wrong and you know dad stuff.

normally while my bf is on shift he doesn’t check his phone until night time or if they have a dead zone (no calls coming in) so i send him messages basically keeping him up to date and venting and just idk it helps me cope with him not being around. so i texted my boyfriend everything that happened and ended up crying myself to sleep in my dads room.

well my boyfriend got a break today and came to see me, and it made me feel so loved because i literally couldn’t deal. and i ended up retelling him everything i texted him and of course i got emotional and almost had the worst anxiety attack. it was just a lot .

but hey.. i’m 4 days clean from sh. and even though the situation is being handled i feel like i still should i want too so bad but literally my support system has done so much to make me comfortable id feel like shit even more if i did.

#💙kashvents #🩶twkash #tw sh in tags #tw sh implied #tw sa vent #tw sa mention #tw self destruction #tw sa #tw sa implied #tw grooming #tw age gap #tw sh destructive behaviour #tw sh related #tw shtwt #tw sh ideation #support system #supportive parents

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raidante · 9 months ago

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As soon as I finished my ask I saw you went to the hospital, Idk what happened but sincerely hope you're doing better now

I am!! Honestly if anyone wants to know it was honestly a really weird out of pocket thing. I'm a disabled person, who suffers from scoliosis and arthiritis and other physical defencicies because genetics and idk, I'm just the unlucky one of my family (immune disorders and bone issues also run in my family).

I already had a struggle at the beginning of August where my muscles became extremely inflammed for no apparent reason (at the time my doctor hypothosized it was perhaps the beginning of an immune disorder forming as a reaction to me getting sick the week prior to it) and it rendered me more or less paralyzed. My limbs were weak, my legs were weak, my entire back was too weak to support my body. I couldn't walk, I could barely stand, and I could not get up if I sat down. I couldn't even open a ziplock back because my hamstrings were just Not responding (I could not bend my arms and grip things). But after 2 days of rest it slowly loosened up and I was like okay. weird. scary. lets hope this doesn't happen again? (also it made me take a week off work and I was paid in pennies for that, so financially it was even a worse issue LOL).

but a month later (2 weeks ago from now), it happened AGAIN. My original choice of action was like ok. I guess Ill try sleeping this off again too. But i ended up falling really hard on my side the next day getting up so I couldn't do anything; even crawling was extremely painful. Called my dad, whos like in his 60s and im over 200 pounds so he couldn't lift me and it ended with me calling the paramedics and getting lifted to the hospital and I was wheelchair bound as they took my vitals and it turns out I was lethally low on potassium which meant my body was paralyzed and if I tried sleeping it off I would have passed away in my sleep bc my heart would have slowed down until it stopped!!! so... a good thing I ended up falling? Otherwise I would have died later that night.

They kept me overnight on ivs to get my potassium back up to par and it hasnt really dipped since then. The weird thing is it was spontaneous; nothing in my diet and in my habits besides like...mental stress (work cut the budget so I literally havent had a shift in a month since today and have been living off my life savings and friends' donations to help me stay afloat w rent.,..its Bad. Ive been trying to get disability stuff filled but they make it REALLY TOUGH even when you are disabled like I am) but that isn't even enough of a factor for such a lethal drop. They said it appeared to be a slow gradual drop in potassium too instead of like a quick sudden one, which was why I was slowly going paralyzed over the course of a few days rather than just it happening suddenly (and if it dropped suddenly I'd have had a heart attack and died, so). Went to my PCP, he has no idea. Got so much blood drawn these past few weeks I now have a permanent needle and discoloration scar from where the IV drip was, lol, and I JUST scheduled with a kidney doctor since potassium is processed through kidneys, so...maybe Ill get an answer. Desperately searching google and the only real thing that comes up is this very rare like 1% disease that just is your body slowly begins to struggle processing potassium on its own and usually medications fix that... but idk how I'd even have that since nothing like that runs in my family.

Needless to say it was very weird, very frightening, and most of all financially FRUSTRATING. My insurance covered everything bc im extremely broke, but not working at all for like a month straight on top of it has absolutely devastated me and sapped out all my creativity</3 THAT SAID! I am trying to stir myself to draw again!!!!! I have ideas!!!!! i wanna DRAW! WRITE! Its just a matter of..getting myself to do it. And also there's a league of legends event so Ive been grinding out the battlepass since Ive been on standby for work shifts for a fucking month, lol.

also as for the cat!! Kitty i kept for 2 weeks and my sister and her husband took the kitty from me saturday because theyre gonna try adopting her! and if it doesnt work out theyre gonna help find a suitable home for her. She was very cute and I fed her everyday played with her gave her baths and slept with her and she definitely helped me feel a bit more Normal during such an abnormal time in my life. Here's a pic I took of her while she was hanging out w me!

she had very big sad eyes and a very squeaky meow

#txt #asks #answered #anonymous #this is a big long post sorry about that

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queer-omens-in-the-archives · 2 months ago

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had a very good day today im putting the specifics under a cut because i got really long winded im processing ghfjgkg

(socials with multiple family members we like. including one of our two favourite cousins, we had not interacted with since 2020 and even then we didnt get an opportunity to talk 1 on 1 like we did tonight. picked up where we left off with zero difficulty and hes gotten even cooler with age tbh. we had worries about political radicalisation (its been an issue with other family members (like our mum. not to name names.)) but no he is in fact so chill.)

but also. my god our poor brain. leaking out my ears (so much peopling & talked about so much stuff (again always happy to see everyone we saw today (we like a lot of our family on dad's side) and also had really really good conversations + its also like. i think the first time ever that cousin and us got to talk as experienced adults (hes 4 years younger than we are so last time we talked he was like early 20s and still a bit. hm. cant find the word in english but very Confrontational and Sure He Knows Everything the way some people can be at that age. the dunning kruger effect of life i think fhdkgkg. now he has Matured out of that phase) and its just. my god so nice to be chatting with someone who just vibes on the same wavelength not necessarily opinion wise but in terms of like. how we like to discuss things and what we're putting in vs getting out of the conversation (in this case intellectual stimulation + learning things) and how we think about things (like the mechanics underlying our thought processes. we just Follow each other's trains of thought easily even if we take different paths or don't Word things the same). but also just the sheer like... we dont have to stress out about how we come across because we are Known and given grace. like we basically grew up together we saw each other like at least every other weekend + some vacay time, and its just nice to see we keep vibing just as well now as we did then (maybe even better. tbh. given how hes massively chilled out). we know each other's context and we've ended up having similar trajectories for a lot of Thoughts And Ideas And Values And Life Decisions, so just like. yea. idk this (still trying and failing to articulate what "this" is exactly) isnt an experience we got to have often with family members (especially family who are Peers rather than Adultier Adults to some extent) so it feels extra special to me for that i think. anyway))

and im winding down rn because no way im gonna sleep until ive stopped having brain zoomies, despite the 4am of it all rn, there's a bunch to process first but wowee the. yea. we really need to not go another five years without talking (we are both really really comically bad at keeping in touch with irl friends through online/phone means. lmao like i dont know why because we have no issue maintaining regular (though. occasionally very delayed. like weeks to months before we get around to replying sometimes.) contact with online friends? but if we know the person from IRL we just suck SO bad at keeping in touch with them if we can't meet up regularly. so this probably means making time to visit more often despite the. hundreds kilometres (was initially gonna abbreviate that as kms but LOL NO) in the way. phew)

anyway. lovely day i hope we can just chill tomorrow though because brain soup (probably also because several of us were involved in that conversation because. well. he's Our Cousin and hes not someone we've ever needed specific guys to handle, so hes met quite a few of us over the years (even though he doesn't know that (yet) and we didn't know at the time). and running/coordinating that many people at once takes a toll LOL im there to facilitate that its literally what i do here but. you know. only so much i can do i cant work miracles on the electrified meat sponge in our head to make it magically better at handling a ton of processings at once.)

anyway back to my bedtime routine and then sleeping probably so so well. nya!

#saltposting #tl;dr catching up with specific extended family members was nice. more of that in our life would be good i think

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sleepy-vix · 1 year ago

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Hey (with the intention of taking walks in a forest in the rain with you?)

How's your day been? (or how's it going?)

I don't really know what I was going to say, but hello from the abyss :) and is there anything you feel like ranting about right now? (sorry if it's a weird question, and you only have to answer if you feel comfortable to, but if you do, then it could be about anything - whether it's a life problem or a special interest)

And if you had to be any plant or part of nature, what would you be and why?

Anywho, sorry for bothering you and I hope something nice has happened or will happen to you today 🪴

YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ME AT ALL!! i'm really happy to see you in my inbox

my day's just started (i just woke up) but my whole week has been really bad- i had all my exams crammed into this week and due to family reasons i couldnt study at all last week. usually i'm not so stressed out but i'm senior year now and everything is becoming real and i don't think i can handle it all.

i took a few quizzes last week for maths and my result was so bad (i got a B... which is bad to me)- its a reasonable score considering i didnt study (ive studied now and ik im ALOT better) but it still hit me hard because i'm so used to being "one of the smart kids" it terrifies me to be anything but (i feel like i'm nothing if im not smart)

i have my maths test today (i had 2 this week bc i do normal maths and specialist maths- that specialist maths threw me and im still a little sore over it so i feel like i'll do bad in my normal maths test- even though ik thats stupid bc i KNOW my normal maths content and im normally GOOD at maths... idk)

ig i've been panicking for my future alot lately. i dont want to disappoint anyone anymore and i want to be smart again but its getting so confusing 😭

anyways thats basically most of what im feeling, sorry for ranting (but you did tell me to rant abt smtg hehe :))

i'll be okay tho, honest (so pls dont pity me, youve already done sm to help me by letting me talk abt this TvT)

also if i were a plant, i'd like to be a moonflower. blooming at night time sounds very nice to me and to be named after THE MOON is like the highest honour ever in my head :)

how about you? what plant would you be? what'd been happening in your life? 🌃

ty for the ask 😵‍💫

#asks #moots ✮

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maxmayfieldswalkman · 10 months ago

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how are you doing today :)

if i’m being completely honest: absolutely awful.

today was my first day back at school and it was the worst. i’m not talking to a lot of my “friends” (read:all but one) because they’ve all collectively shown me that they’re not great friends, and i don’t like to surround myself with negative people, but unfortunately at my school that’s pretty much everyone so it just makes for a very lonely day. and plus my best friend has cancelled on hanging out with me 3 times in the last week, and we were supposed to do something thursday this week but she cancelled yet again this morning because she spontaneously has to go to a theme park thursday :( and also whenever i talked to her today i could tell she wasn’t really listening, or we would be hanging out with her boyfriends friends and one of them very clearly doesn’t like me so i felt so awkward everytime i tried to participate in convo…

and my school is changing a bunch of their policies even though everything was completely fine last year, so now we can’t even use our phones in the halls during pass period because if they’re seen they’ll get taken, we’re not allowed to listen to music during class, the only time we’re allowed to have them out is during lunch. and ik a lot of schools are doing that but it’s still super annoying because as a queer person in a catholic, homophobic, sexist school filled with homophobic, racist, sexist students, i’m not very interested in making new friends, so i’m just extra lonely and i really have to sit in my loneliness now. and they changed our lunch system so there’s only two lunches instead of three, so it’s extra crowded and they had to open up a whole new room for people to sit in because it’s not big enough, and it’s an unorganized mess

plus, i have chronic migraines, so i woke up with a headache because i was clenching my jaw from stress all night, so i had a really bad headache all day and it felt like my head was just gonna roll off and i literally almost passed out like 3 times because i would get so dizzy when i stood up. i came home and went straight to bed with an ice pack, so its better now, but that was still very not fun and i won’t be surprised if it hurts again tomorrow :/

and…idk. i just hate the school year in general. it’s so hopeless to get home in the afternoon and feel like i can’t start anything because the whole day is done. by the time i find the motivation to do what i enjoy, it’s already 9 o’clock and i don’t feel like starting something like writing just to stop in a couple hours. or i’ll do it and stay up and then i’m so exhausted in the morning so i feel like im dying. i really wanna leave this school, but im staying because they have one of the best art programs in the country. senior year i might just give up.

and i don’t really get to relax for the rest of the week, tomorrow i have therapy (which i definitely need but i really hate doing things after school during the school week), wednesday i have to go wedding dress shopping with my sister pretty far away so ill probably get home from school, leave, and then come back and go to bed which will definitely make me feel like shit, thursday i have nothing thank god. and then i have friday off because it’s a holiday weekend but i have to move my sister into her dorm, and that will be depressing as fuck because she’s literally my best friend in the world and we have a really small age gap between us so we’ve always been super close and i’m gonna miss her like crazy. so.

sorry, i dumped all my problems on you :/ how was your day? hopefully better <3 thanks for asking

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up-in-space-reading · 11 months ago

Text

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 9: It's Snowing

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3458

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

authors note: N/A

Unnamed Chat

[10:30am, Monday]

Jake: hey ter what do u do when ur scared

Terry: Um.. Terry: I don’t know if I’m qualified to give advice about this

Jake: idk if i can ask amy out

Terry: Ah, right. Now this I’m more qualified for Terry: If you think that taking a risk this big comes with not being scared at all then I’ve got bad news for you man

Jake: shit.. for real?

Terry: Real Terry: If you try and plan too much or overthink then you’re gonna psych yourself out Terry: Just ask her when you’ve got a moment alone

Jake: we just had a class together alone and then walked to the next class together alone.. Jake: and i still couldnt do it

Terry: Give yourself a pep talk right before you hang out and when you’re all pumped just go for it

Jake: hmm okay Jake: i can try

Terry: I don’t know what else to tell you, this isn’t a dip your toe in and check the water kind of situation

Jake: ur right ur right

Terry: Best of luck, it’ll be fine

Jake: thanks ter

Terry: And if it all goes wrong then you can listen to Taylor Swift and cry ;)

Jake: im gonna kill gina

He’d already spent all weekend making himself feel guilty that he hadn’t asked her out yet, and his determination was waning each day that passed. All of Saturday he kept thinking how he should’ve asked her on Friday, and how he should ask her today instead. Then when Sunday rolled around he kicked himself for not asking on Saturday, and over again by the time Monday came around.

The excuse he made was that he didn’t see Amy in person on the weekend, so how was he supposed to ask? He couldn’t text her, he was a gentleman and wouldn’t do Amy the dishonour of asking her out via text.

Sunday night he tried to hype himself up that he’d ask on Monday, then he saw Amy on Monday morning for their classes that day and once again the cowardice took over. They had come so far since their toleration of each other a year ago, Jake was so scared to ruin it all.

The two of them sat in their classes, Amy took diligent and detailed notes as per usual while Jake tried to keep up with her. But he couldn’t stop the smile creeping across his face knowing that Amy would automatically make a copy of her notes to give to him, and how he found hers to be less confusing than his own disjointed notes.

Everything was colour coordinated between topics and headings and classes, she would use the copier in the library so Jake had the pages too, she even started sending him the ones she typed up. He had mentioned once that he felt bad, like she was doing all the work and he just benefited from it.

“Notes are nothing, you have to actually complete all the assignments I’m just giving you the information told to us written down. Besides, I like doing it” was how she had responded matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t the biggest thing in the world that she went out of her way to help him.

How he probably would need to repeat classes and would be stressed from head to toe if it hadn’t been for her just giving him notes. But the pages also felt like parts of her, her handwriting and always correct grammar. The colours of her specific highlighter set which Jake would borrow to colour in the pictures he drew in the corner of his copies when he was bored.

She had woven herself so easily into his life and Jake was in no way eager to untangle himself.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:26pm, Monday]

Cameron: Phone break over Cameron: Back to the essay plan

Ferris: 5 more mins???

Cameron: You’ll feel bad about yourself if you don’t do it

Ferris: uuggghhh ur right

Cameron: I know I am, now look up from your phone and talk to me like a normal person

Ferris: u got it

“When was the last time you ate?” Amy asked seemingly out of nowhere when Jake had put his phone down.

“Uh I don’t know, like one-ish” Jake answered, confused.

“Have this” Amy reached into her bag and pulled out a granola bar, handing it to Jake.

He held it and just stared at it, unable to form words at the gesture.

“You focus better when you’re not hungry” She answered his unasked question while returning to her studying.

“Thanks” He said quietly, opening the bar and eating it.

He ate the granola bar and mused on the metaphorical weight of it. She had it in her bag just for him, he knows that because she doesn’t like this brand (he had to listen to the five minute long rant about it) so she had it just for him. She knew what helps him focus, although now his mind was transfixed on a damn granola bar so much he barely had room for essay plans.

Finally, after at least 20 minutes of mild crisis and definite overthinking he’d hyped himself up, Amy wouldn’t have brought a granola bar for nothing and she wouldn’t copy all her notes for nothing, and she wouldn’t help him for nothing.

She wouldn’t spend nearly five hours with him on a Thursday evening while they had dinner together and laughed and told stories for nothing. She didn’t even suggest inviting their friends to dinner.

Jake cleared his throat.

“Hey Ames, can I ask you something?” He tried to mask the nervousness in his voice.

“Yeah sure” She didn’t look up from her book but her pen did notably stop moving.

“I was just wondering if-“

He was cut off by the sound of a phone vibrating against the table, Amy’s screen lighting up with the contact name ‘Mom’. She quickly pressed a button to stop the vibrating and let the call go to voicemail.

“Sorry about that, go on” She said hurriedly, now looking at him directly.

“Um I was just gonna ask-“

Her phone started vibrating again, same contact name and Amy groaned in frustration this time.

“Sorry I’ve gotta take it, she’ll just call again if I don’t” She was holding her phone, annoyance written all over her face at having to take the call.

“That’s fine, go ahead” He smiled at her, not quite reaching his eyes, “tell her I said hi” He joked, making her laugh lightly before she got up and walked off to go outside, answering the call on her way out of the library.

Jake sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, he rubbed a hand over his face and groaned in frustration probably a bit too loudly for library etiquette. The confidence was gone, when she got back he was going to brush it off and move on.

So much for psyching himself up over a damn granola bar.

Jimmy Jabbers

[08:10am, Tuesday]

Pineapples: good morning sluts

Queen G: whats got u in such a good mood

Pineapples: idk just feel like today is gonna be good

Mr Grapes: Love that energy! Today IS going to be a good day

Four Eyes: Good morning!

RoRo: i am not on board with this energy

Queen G: yeah idk about this

Pineapples: u two are no fun

RoRo: good

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:55am, Tuesday]

Ferris: i hate to do this to u but im gonna be late to class

Cameron: Seriously?? Why??

Ferris: thought i had time to go get coffee but the coffee shop did not have time for me

Cameron: Fine, I’ll let the professor know

[09:10am, Tuesday]

Cameron: You can’t show up to class late bringing coffee for both of us!

Ferris: but i did and u cant do anything about it Ferris: and i havent gotten a thank u yet

Cameron: …Thank you Jake

Ferris: ur welcome! Ferris: now stop texting me ur distracting me

Cameron: Oh my god

She was embarrassed he had walked into class late, sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee in front of the whole class and professor. Amy didn’t want that kind of attention on her during class, the only attention she wanted was when answering a question correctly.

But she couldn’t stay mad for long, he had bought coffee for her too without her even asking. The coffee wasn’t the only thing warming her up on what was a severely cold morning, her heart over the moon at his thoughtfulness.

Jake wouldn’t have just bought her a coffee for no reason, right?

The lesson continued on and Amy was thankful for the distraction, getting to focus completely on her notes and the work assigned instead of Jake. Although, he was always there even if she didn’t realise it – the smell of his cologne mixed with coffee on his breath, his foot almost touching hers as they sat next to each other and the occasional bouncing of his leg which caught her eye.

They walked out of class together and as Jake told her about the coffee shop situation, she decided that today was the day she asked him out. She had to do it before she lost her nerve or was left alone long enough to over think and talk herself out of it.

She swore she was going to do it, they walked all the way to Amy’s next class together. He had just followed her there, despite not having the next class together. There was finally a break in the conversation.

“Uh Jake?” She tentatively approached.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to know-“

His phone pinged with a notification, and she just about wanted to destroy every phone in existence.

“Sorry just a sec”

“No problem”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen quickly, eyes going wide as he began swearing under his breath.

“Shit, I’m late” He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back up at Amy, not noticing the way her next class were filing into the classroom, “What were you saying?”

He asked her to continue, and Amy wanted to so badly but he was late and she was nearing to be late. The moment had gone and she’d lost her steam.

“Don’t worry about it, get to class” She shook her head and smiled, trying to play nonchalant and being thankful that Jake didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay, see ya”

Amy said goodbye back as Jake started to rush away towards his next class, once his back had turned she deflated and sighed before walking into her next class. Once again, grateful for a distraction from Jake.

To make Amy’s luck even worse, her and Jake didn’t get a moment alone for the rest of the day. Charles joined them to study and then he and Jake had dinner together – Amy was invited, but after the failed attempt earlier that day she wasn’t in the mood to socialise.

That evening instead of studying she spent her night getting lost in a book, a romance one where she childishly pictures her and Jake in the positions of the main characters. She goes to sleep hoping tomorrow she’ll have the courage to ask him- tell him how much she wants to be with him.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:35am, Wednesday]

Ferris: hey uh will u have a spare minute at all today? Ferris: i know we dont usually study today but yeah

Cameron: Um I’m not sure, I have a few classes and then I’m having a meeting with one of my teachers

Ferris: meeting??

Cameron: I wanted to discuss some of the syllabus for this semester and this is the first chance she’s been able to fit me in since we got back from holidays

Ferris: ah ok fair enough

Cameron: Why do you need a minute? Is something wrong?

Ferris: no nothings wrong i was just wondering :)

Cameron: Okay, have a good day!

Ferris: i will try

As it turns out, Amy didn’t have a spare minute all day.

Jake was fidgety all day, he had woken up and decided once again that today was the day he was going to ask her out – but he’d thought that for the past two days and so far hadn’t been successful so the hope was dwindling.

He ran into Gina at the coffee shop who said he probably didn’t need any more caffeine judging by how nervous he looked.

“What do you mean?” He asked with an offended look on his face.

“You have the same look on your face when we’re in line for a rollercoaster” She had responded.

“How do you even remember information like that?”

He order was called out and Gina waited until he was standing next to her to answer.

“Because I’m a good friend and you always look so scared before a rollercoaster it’s a bit funny” She smiled deviously upon saying her last point, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

Gina’s order was called before he could answer and when she had picked it up she dragged him to sit down at a table together, Jake has resigned himself to the notion that he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“So spill, you never keep secrets from me” She punctuated her sentence with a sip of her drink.

“I know but I dunno if I wanna tell you this one… yet” He fidgeted with his cup on the table, not being able to hold eye contact with Gina for too long.

“Alright fine. It’s nothing bad, is it?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No it’s not bad, it’s actually pretty good but I’m just feeling… a lot” He had trailed off, unable to find a better word for the tornado of thoughts and emotions he felt on a daily basis.

“Well I’m here whenever you need” There was a few moments of silence between them as Jake gave Gina a smile that showed he understood her.

“Now that the gross stuff is out of the way I gotta tell you about my date on the weekend”

“I don’t know why you dragged yourself into Sasha’s business but I need to hear all about it-“

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[05:25pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: hope ur day hasnt been too hectic :)

Cameron: It kind of has unfortunately Cameron: Sorry for not being able to chat more

Ferris: thats okay

He was lying on his bed and wondering what to do, he hadn’t seen her all day or spoken to her much and it made him miss her. Finally, he was fed up with being scared, Jake gave himself a pep talk.

You’re gonna tell her and it’s gonna be fine. If she doesn’t like you back then that’s okay, you will just pretend it never happened. If she does like you back then… we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it. You are not a coward, you aren’t your father, you can ask out the girl you like. It’s not even that big of a deal- except that it kind of is- but it isn’t so its fine. You can do this Jake Peralta, don’t be a coward.

A newfound excitement surges through his body and without much further thought he’s slipping his shoes on and leaving his dorm in a rush. He all but runs through the building to get outside, hoping the frosty air will cool him down a little as adrenaline pumps through his veins.

He exits the building and the first thing he notices when he gets outside is that it’s snowing, lightly falling and probably getting caught in his hair. He pays it no mind as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins typing furiously, not bothering to look where he’s going – he knows the way to Amy’s dorm like the back of his hand.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[06:23pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: r u in ur dorm? Ferris: can i come over? Ferris: draft message: plea

He wasn’t able to finish his frantic messages as he bumped into someone also walking down the path looking at their phone. Without thinking Jake’s arms go to steady the person he bumped into, ready to apologize profusely and keep speed walking to Amy’s dorm.

Upon looking up at the person who’s shoulders he now had a hold on he realised he’d bumped right into Amy. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, a scarf wrapped around her neck and Jake noticed how pretty the snow looked as it fell into her hair.

She instinctively reached out for him to steady herself, her hands settling on his biceps and Jake felt like his skin was on fire despite the harsh cold. Amy breathlessly said his name as they stood there holding onto each other and not moving.

“Where were you-“

“What are you-“

They had both started speaking at the same time and then stopped to laugh at the mistake.

“I was on my way to your dorm” Amy spoke first.

“I was going to your dorm” Jake responded in slight disbelief.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise at his explanation, and her lips were slightly parted as if about to say something but not knowing what.

“Why?”

That was the response she had finally settled on and Jake swore there was a look of hope in her eyes, her hands holding onto his arms just a little bit tighter. He knew it was now or never, and how could he lie to her any longer. Amy was all he wanted.

“I was coming to see you, to ask you on a date, and- if you’d be interested- ask if I could be your boyfriend”

It was rushed and frantic sounding, but Jake smiled the whole time because it was finally happening and as he said it Amy’s face didn’t turn into one of disgust but something softer – one of relief and joy.

“That’s a bit of a coincidence then” She joked, earning a laugh from the both of them.

“Oh” was all Jake could manage in that moment, trying to process how Amy was on her way to ask him out.

He immediately felt so silly for all the hesitation and trepidation he had been feeling, he was scared for nothing. Amy liked him back, Amy had been rushing to ask him the same question he wanted to ask her. He wasn’t being rejected.

“Well in that case-“ He was able to speak now that his brain had caught up, and pretended to kneel down, Amy still holding onto him.

“Don’t you dare kneel” She scalded him, but there was no bite or malice behind it as the smile spread across her face gave her away.

Jake laughed and stood again, using his hold on her shoulders to bring her closer and carefully sliding his hands down to her waist.

“Amy Santiago, will you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend and going on at least one date with me” He looked into her eyes, trying to stop tears of joy welling up in his.

“Jake Peralta, I would love for you to be my boyfriend, and I will happily go on a million dates with you”

They both laughed again as Jake brought his forehead towards Amy’s, touching lightly with their noses so close he could feel the heat coming off her. He didn’t know why they were laughing, nothing particularly funny had happened but he supposed this is what it’s like to be so happy you don’t know what else to do.

But he knew what else he wanted to do.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked quietly, so only she could hear.

“Please” Her response was immediate, no hesitation and Jake could only guess she had been waiting a while for this moment.

He leaned in and pressed their lips together, and it was everything Jake had imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and she tasted like how her lip balm smelled. Amy’s arms moved to wrap around Jake’s neck as she fully leaned into him, while his wrapped around her back to hold her even closer.

Jake could feel her smiling into the kiss and couldn’t help but smile back, when they finally pulled apart he was out of breath and trying to figure out whether it was all a dream.

Amy placed one more kiss to the corner of his mouth and finally Jake could confirm it wasn’t a dream.

authors note: Another chapter out so quick because the passion with which i wrote this section is craazzyy! last chapter i said there would probably only be one more but that was a lie! This is probably the second last chapter and i'll have one last one to wrap it all up!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was so fun to write and i'm really happy with it! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos - i'll have the next chap up as soon as I can <3 <3

#alice writes #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake peralta #amy santiago #gina linetti #rosa diaz #charles boyle #fluff #college!au #bisexual!jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #multi chap #average weekly screentime

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my-castles-crumbling · 10 months ago

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Hi cas, its talkitive mom anon. (I think thats what it was)

This ask doesnt really have that much to do with my other ask but i thought it would be helpful, so i dont have to expalin it all again.

Basically, i dont know if my parents are that bad or not. A lot of my friends tell me that my parents are bad and i always say something along the lines of "im fine, my parents are great really, dont worry about it, im not in a bad situation".

What made me send in this ask is that i had a conversation with my friend today and we were talking about our futures and how moving a lot affected our perspectives of where we want to live. She brought up that when i move back to the states she doesnt want me to 'self sabotage' by living close to my parents. It made it sound like my parents are really bad but idk if they are. I think i talk about them negatively bc im frustrated but igim frustrated at them a lot? She also asked how looking for a therapist was going (my mom wanted me to get one and i told her that i was warming up to the idea bc my mom was gonna force me anyway) i told her that i dont think its gonna happen anymore bc i think my mom decided im fine enough and that i dont need one anymore? She hasnt brought it up since we talked about it like a month and a half ago. And me and my mom have barely been able to have one conversation without arguing.

Tbh for a while now ive just felt like im a horrible child. And that im just ungrateful and i should be nicer and more positive about things. I just feel like a horrible person. I feel like i need to fix myself so that my parents like me more bc its my fault isnt it? I talked to my brother and he cant think of many times that my parents made him feel the way i do. So its either bc he never complains about my parents or bc hes just the better child. My parents have also been fighting more and it stresses me out. Im just so tired of screaming matches one second and the next my mom and dad acting like everything is normal and we all suddenly like eachother again. My mom has been telling me to stop crying a lot lately also. And i feel like she right. I overreact too much and thats probably the reason that i even think that my parents might be bad.

Anyway this has become more of a vent than a question. Sorry for ranting. Do you think im the problem though?

Hi hon! I definitely don't thin you're the problem <3

Listen, I don't know your parents but based on what you've told me, they definitely have their own issues. That doesn't make them HORRIBLE, but that means they're human and they make mistakes. I think when you're in the middle of a situation like you are, it's harder to see when people you love are making decisions that could be hurtful. If your friend is concerned, she could be right!

If it was me, I would go to a therapist. Therapists are awesome for sorting out healthy from unhealthy. Tell them about the dynamic in your family and ask them their opinion. They're professionals and they can get background that I can't. They can also help you identify where you parents have been wrong and where you may have been wrong in different situations. Plus, therapy is good for everyone.

Sending love!

#ask #asks #ask cas #talkative mom anon

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loki-zen · 10 months ago

Note

early marriage anon guy here:

thanks for not publishing the other asks, they got a bit wordy and I don’t want to bring Discourse down upon your house.

to clarify what i was getting at a little bit, I don’t think that it’s a causal thing. I think it’s much more likely that what I’m seeing is a combo of “people who emotionally mature quickly are more likely to be happy & successful adults, and also more likely to form stable relationships at a relatively young age” and “if you’re in your late twenties, everyone you know who’s in a successful LTR got together fairly young, because of how math works”

What I’ll absolutely argue is that getting into an LTR comparatively young doesn’t seem to be incompatible with becoming a happy and successful adult, and I wish we didn’t discourage people from that path in the states. Many young men seem very hung up on the societal expectation to have a womanizer phase, and a lot of them don’t seem to benefit from it too much, even if they pull it off.

overall benefits of sexual revolution that I think were good and important: kids somewhat later in life seems good, even for couples who paired up young, access to birth control helps women not get trapped in bad relationships, as does greater societal acceptance of divorce.

We haven’t done anything real effective to reduce sexual violence, but people seem to take it more seriously. I’m not sure how much it was ignored in the past though, other than marital rape being very much glossed over in the past. idk if that really has to do with the sexual revolution, but seeing it as unacceptable is a good change.

Overall, “barefoot and pregnant at 20” is a bad thing to encourage as a society, I just worry that we’ve shifted to encouraging conditions that lead to a lot of people being “single and childless at 32”, which is also not ideal for people being happy.

I honestly just hadn't gotten around to it! im busy:/

I think the main point I wanted to make in response was basically that while - like everything that gets sufficiently mainstream does - it's obviously been very much captured by the "there should be A Normal and there's something wrong with you if you're not it" crowd, the real point of sexual permissiveness was supposed to be permissiveness, not mandating.

Your female friends shouldn't feel antifeminist for not having a 'hoe phase'; it would be antifeminist of them to shame others for having one, but entirely feminist of them to enjoy settling down early as something that is no doubt safer and more enjoyable to do in a world where it can be a choice - moreover, a world where if it doesn't work out, they can call a divorce lawyer instead of looking up "undetectable poison for husbands" on Ye Olde Lady-Google.

Also, it's important to get your history right so you know what you're comparing shit to.

It used to be expected for a lot of men to have womaniser phases in the past! There's never been any strong expectation that a man be a virgin on his wedding night. Since for the most part Respectable Ladies that wanted to get married couldn't openly have a hoe phase, for men of the middle classes and up this took the form of economic sex tourism; patronising sex workers mostly drawn from lower economic classes. Because of the concentration of this activity into a relatively* small subset of the female population, and the state of protection and medicine available, this practice spread hella venereal disease which men then took back to their eventual wives and then your kid gets born with syphillis. Or you could fuck with women your own class and wind up getting sued because of you do it wrong, you've just scuppered that woman's access to financial stability and social acceptance for the rest of her life. Sounds stressful!

*relatively, meaning that there were far more sex workers than there are today. Stands to reason - compared to today's sex workers, they made bank!

Anyway, long story short this is a classic case of blaming modernity for something that's been around a long time.

What else - you talked about doing work in a relationship as if it was something you could get out of the way if you started early. Sadly that isn't how it works - when people say relationships take work, they mean the whole time.

It being harder to meet people in your thirties - the actual meeting part can be harder, but working out if you're compatible is typically a lot easier. You know a lot more about who you are and what you want than you did when you were barely not a teenager, and so do they!

And of course, people have always been single and childless in their thirties. Which is not that old!

And holy shit, there was a lot of sexual violence in the past. We've certainly reduced that a lot! You hear more about it because, as you say, people take it more seriously. But in a lot of pre-sexual revolution relationships, people, especially women, basically didn't have a choice about getting married and didn't have the right to refuse sex with their spouses. Plus the economic sex tourism was a hotbed of sexual violence.

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bear-momma · 1 year ago

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mommaa, idk what to do aaaa

long story short, im an age regressor/dreamer who hasn't done it in a while and started doing it again a few weeks ago and its been helping a lot with stress and stuff. i really wanna tell my bf about my regression (maybe??? ask him to be my babysitter/cg of sorts??). i really trust him a lot and ik hes a good person, but idk. its just something ive never even thought about telling anyone i know irl and im kinda scared, specially because it's a topic that most people from where i live haven't even heard about, much less know about. do u have any advice? (btw sorry for the rant lol, i just dont know who else to ask and u seem so nice)-💜

I'm happy regression has bene able to help! :D I love seeing people coping in a healthy way!

As for advice on telling your partner, I would start by asking if he's heard of it. For example; "I saw something online today about age regression. Ever heard of it?" Avoid talking about the k!nk communities. If you start the conversation with "It's not dd/lg though" then he will subconsciously be thinking about it while you're describing regression. If he brings it up ("that sounds like dd/lg or AB/DL") THEN you can explain its not the same and describe the differences.

Talk about your mental health and other coping mechanisms. If he's open to hearing them, you can go on to talk about nostalgic things and how they help (if nostalgia is part of your regression, it isn't for everyone). From there you can progress to explaining why regression helps you and why it's a healthy way to cope with negative emotions.

I hope everything goes well! And remember, you don't need to force yourself to tell people things about yourself if you're not comfortable with it. If you don't think he will take it well, you're not a bad person for not telling him 💛

#bear answers #tw kink mention #kink mention

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miheartsays · 20 days ago

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June 12, 2025

HELLLOO

I got a new phone and tumblr was being weird for a min but hi im back. I’ve decided to use to come back on this bc what I need rn is to write down my gahdamn thoughts I’ve decided. so here we are. back in therapy. Had a great session yesterday. Went to Halifax earlier in month for my cousins soo Doonis and it was everything I needed and MORE. Went to a friends wedding and now here we are. I feel like I haven’t really utilized my time off. But as per therapist, I’m just trying to survive and that’s all that matters. Was hoping to go to gym today but idk. My mom stresses me the fuck out and so I decided to do some chores to have her chill out. Maybe later I’ll go. Saw my friend I hadn’t seen in a long time earlier this week and it was really really nice to catch up. Have been on the apps lately. I think trying to find external validation was something I thought would be helpful but honestly now I’m back into my old avoidant tendencies and I’m trying to rewire my brain into not going into a full on anxiety attack but here we are. I’m learning and I’m trying and I’m hoping inshallah one day I can overcome this difficulty or else I ain’t marrying anybody any time soon. I think the issue is that the apps aren’t helpful bc there’s so much uncertainty with talking to somebody on the internet but here we are. I’m making a promise to myself to be kinder, gentler and to not think about worst case scenarios and just be. This person I’m talking to has not made any indication that they’re a bad person, that they will hurt me, that I’m not good enough etc etc. but I just can’t help myself from thinking this way. It’s nice to know that there’s a name to it and I can research and self analyze my way out of it but here we are.

my goal of the week is to finish this book, to get to the gym at least once and to maintain a phone conversation with this person without freaking the fuck out. Inshallah kheir

you are worthy

you are funny

you are kind

you are beautiful

and anyone would be so lucky to get to know you

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nathank77 · 1 month ago

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5/22/25

9:58 p.m

I have anxiety about therapy bc I cant move my gym schedule around unfortunately. I cant without losing my other therapist. It's frustrating. If I go down to one therapist if she leaves me, then I have none again and it'll take months just to find one........ so obv im trying to keep both incase one leaves...

Tomorrow I have abs and legs. And I cut abs down a lot bc I dont get mat time bc of my chronic cyst issue... so now it's more like 2 hours max instead of 3.. my legs days ranges from 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours. I cannot cut anything from my legs days... I hardly do anything I mean I prob exercise like a normal person for legs tbh... but I can't cut it down.

Tomorrow imma be running around like crazy to meet for therapy. And imma need to pee... and I'll likely only have time to shower or eat before my appt not both... and then I can do whatever i dont do after.

I wish I could find a way to like idk have one monday and one friday or Tuesday and Thursday or something.

Im so stressed about completing my entire workout and having time to at least eat before therapy... I won't just do half my workout. I'll stay until it's done and suffer the rest bc the gym is my only time I get to be out.

I look at it as school or something. I go to a place with similar faces. I talk to people sometimes. I could meet someone... and it's healthy for me to have some form of community engagement..somewhere to go and be around people...

I look at therapy as I have to go to prove im disabled... but id like to be helped but God forbid I get a decent time slot and a decent amount of time between appts...

My hearing has been the same. Sometimes I wonder if im a candidate for a cochlear implant on one side bc im obv more deaf in one ear which explains my sound localization issue. I dont want one. No one talks to me anyways.

It would just be nice to have a 5 p.m appt one on monday and one on friday or thrusday. Then I wouldn't have to rush the gym/my self care after the gym..

I did laundry today. I did my bedding. It was awful. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. But it's all done. I've been showering more often due to the increase in cysts which means I need to do laundry more often. Which sucks.

I'm hoping I can fall asleep fast and sleep through the night and get to the gym by 9 a.m... so I can have my 5 hours... and I can be ready for my appt..

The gym is like a fashion show. I can wear cool clothes... different shoes. Showcase my outfits. Otherwise im just in pj's at home.

I looked so cool last time. The shirt was so uncomfortable to weightlift in bc it was tight and the fabric is rough it cut into my armpits... im never wearing it to the gym again. Its comfortable if im not weightlifting..

I looked fly. And my Osiris. God i cant lie i look at myself and I actually get horny.

You can see my batman abs. You can see my veins. My Osiris are flashy and shiny but I look sexy af in them. Too bad the shirt is uncomfortable bc my chest looks awesome in it. But now my chest looks awesome in everything lol

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cosmossystem · 7 months ago

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Hi again! Sorry we didnt reply right away we were busy yesterday. And also overwhelmed because i dont think we’ll be able to keep up that length of message after the intro lmao. We visited our mom yesterday, we do that almost every week because we’re trying to move our stuff from our mom’s house to our new apartment. But it’s an ordeal because we just have a cart and public transit, mom cant drive either and stepdad’s car doesnt work.

We also sometimes write down things about our friends that we want to remember, but we keep forgetting and falling out of the habit of doing it. Might try to start doing that again, maybe in a new journal. We used to have really bad memory barriers before most of us merged into a subsys. The subsys might end up as one fused alter eventually, but final fusion for the whole system is NOT what we want. We’d be depressed without all our friends and our brain husband.

Idk what else to talk about, is there anything you’d like us to elaborate on in our original message? Also, how are you? How was your day yesterday and/or today? Youre staying in a dorm, so youre in college right? We tried to do college, might go back to learn ASL because it’s useful, but we can only handle one class at a time and it has to be in person. Idk why, our brain just isnt good at school. All throughout elementary, middle, and high school we were consistently a D student at best, but on tests we always scored higher than average students, so we were always described as “very smart but very lazy” because we didnt do any classwork or essays or homework and only did tests. We got into gifted and advanced classes based on test scores. Our mom always insisted there were no mental issues going on but there was probably something, we weren’t really “lazy”, we spent every moment of our time working on personal ambitions like writing stories or calculating how many dragons are in each tribe in wings of fire. We still havent figured out why we sucked at school honestly. What classes are you taking? How are you doing in them? Also feel free to not answer any questions if they make you uncomfy, im just asking for the sake of conversation, you can talk about whatever you want and just ignore all the questions too 🍄

wow i'm so sorry i left this ask in the askbox for so long!! i think i opened the inbox at some point on accident, saw this ask, and then forgot that i didn't answer it :')

don't ever feel like you have to keep up w/ long messages! honestly seeing so much info at once id a lot for me to take in so it's a lot easier to respond to shorter stuff… BUT, that shouldn't stop you from talking either! if you have a lot to say i will listen!

wow that sounds hard!! a new apartment is a big deal though!! so that's great and i'm happy for you! do you like the new place? even though moving is tough i could imagine it'd be exciting to have a brand new apartment~ i hope that's going well for yall!!

i get that tbh i'm not rly good at it either, it's really difficult to keep up a habit yknow? and actually same here about integration, we could never do full integration that would be SO stressful and upsetting i think it would just make us split again :']

we're… ok, not fantastic. finally got to the doctor and got a letter for accomodations! it's�� not everything we need but it's a start i guess. i don't want to get too into it here but this has been a verrrrrrry rough week because we have one specific class that requires a group project and… the group has been sort of bullying us and the professor won't do anything about it :') so i've been incredibly drained and dealing with flare ups this week and spent most of my free time just trying to relax (read: age regress, nap, play animal crossing, and watch movies with my internal caretakers.)

yes in college! a freshman! which makes us a little late to starting but whatever. we're doing an art major so all of our classes (except for one) are art courses! kinda similar to you, we score high on the work we do but end up falling behind quite often due to audhd or our chronic illness… so we're passing in all of them but often just barely :'D i relate a bit to the "very smart but lazy" thing bc when we were little we missed a lot of days of school because school was a chore to get to, but when we DID go we often scored high and got good grades that only got dragged down bc of our lack of attendance… i think one year i missed something like 20 days of school!! and no things have not improved LOL. oh but i also want to take ASL classes too! i asked my advisor about it and (at risk of doxxing us here) she said that they have started offering them but i couldn't take them bc they booked up SO QUICK that no seats were available… and then right before the fall semester started, they cancelled the course????? and they didn't bring it back for the spring???? idk it's weird. anyway there's other places around us offering ASL courses so if push comes to shove, we'll take one of those over the summer :P

anyway, all of our in-person classes are over so we're home for the next month or so. i do have a few finals left to finish up but after next week i'm done. and right now i'm tired… so i'm taking a bit of a break to rest.

#💙 cass #writing this as i listen to kk lovers on loop #my silly little acnh character is stood outside our sports area next to fuchsia. in the snow. at midnight #gotta get them indoors where it's warm!!! but i was building snowboys ok. it was important #it's fine they're wearing a little sweater :3 #it's ME we should be worried about... i am sniffling and coughing and freezing and oh-so-sleepy!!!! i need to get to bed #asks #🍄

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