#idk im having deep thoughts at work | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sasukechiha · 19 hours ago

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sasuke is one of the most well-written morally grey characters i've ever come across. he’s so full of contradictions and complexities. he’s loyal but willing to betray, a victim and a perpetrator, someone who saves and destroys. his whole life is shaped by pain. his need for revenge, his hatred, and even his love for itachi make him so deeply human. he’s not just “good” or “evil.” he’s someone trying to make sense of a brutal world while carrying the weight of everything he’s lost. sasuke is complicated, flawed, and so deeply human.

its easy to love itachi; its hard to love sasuke. that tells you all you need to know.

#sasuke uchiha #sasuke #naruto #idk im having deep thoughts at work #my boy deserved so much better #brb while i sob by myself #a.txt

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 2 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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danidrawsstuff · 5 months ago

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so i went to grad yesterday

rambling in the tags

#dani says stuff #i have... a lot of thoughts #im still thinking a lot of thoughts #i guess this counts as vent art/???? fdjkkjds #im just idk man the industry is rough rn #and i understand that it goes through its ups and downs i knew that when i jumped into the deep end #but this was the cherry on top of a cake #i truly felt like i was in a sitcom and they were gonna roll credits any moment #its just... such a choice of topic to say to the graduating batch from the school of creative media arts #in the age where meta wont let you opt out of their ai scraping tech #and adobe is claiming rights to artists work to train their own ai #its hard not to feel disheartened a lil tbh #three years of working myself to the bone only to get that at the end of it all #i laugh about it because if i dont i just get more upset #and honestly something about the sheer absurdity of it all does make it funny in a weird way #oh well back to drawing my silly little ocs it is <3 #vent art

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fabdante · 5 months ago

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I was tagged by @robinainthood !

Make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone’s favorite.

I tried to limit things to one per fandom and also promptly forgot every character I ever liked however I could not exclude all 3 of my DmC kids so bonus Vergil option.

anywho, tagging: @thevampireauthoress @whimsipunk @ro-blaze @destroyyaa @bigsister-watches @cainite-bite (no pressure, only if you want!)

#i'll tag six because i added a 6th dfghjkl #shout out to me wanting to add booker my beloved but not adding booker because i purely love booker out of spite and contempt for infinite #i love the concept of booker you see asdfghjk i love the booker in my heart #fab talks #fabtalks #shout out also to spy for making it into the poll my love for him is deep and infinite even if i never talk about him asdfghj #other honorable mentions: august whom i miss every day #arthas who fascinates me but i realize the way i think he best works in the narrative is um not blizzards just let him suck idk #zelda its a toss up which i like best out of her and gan by the day #my baby boy wrathion love him my singular arab in all of warcraft #and jet because i think he rewrote my brain as a small child and now im like this #also rachel amber i thought about her also but thats because i've been thinking about her a lot lately idk why #second shout out to the poll being half dmc characters #anyway if any of you have propaganda for this poll you should share it it'd be funny dfghjkl

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xxplastic-cubexx · 5 days ago

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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?

i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!

#snap chats #WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something #and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die #which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore #because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot #so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books #but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally #on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes #thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted #and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP #wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform #and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED #it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw #ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then #BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK

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seaweedstarshine · 6 months ago

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Me: *tells my mom I’ve been thinking people at work are controlling my mind again* My mom: No one can control your mind. But AI,

#it’s just. it’s LUCKY I’m in a headspace to recognize this stuff (only bc my period started and I thought OH that’s why I’m miserable) xD #actually psychotic #actually schizoaffective #unreality #im an adult btw. I feel like I have to disclaim when mentioning my mom. im 25.#idk what’s going on with my moms mental health. she’s super deep in conspiracy theories. shes not messing w me she does believe it.#anyway im just tryna avoid ever showing my face at work again bc i Messed Up. I'll have to go back Monday. sigh.#two years ive had this job. two years. and I talked abt. sigh.#they are all lying to me tho #words by seaweed

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luridparty · 1 month ago

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I DONT WANT TO DO. ANYTHING. RIPS MY EYEBROWS SMOOVE OFF.

#not art #personal #vent #i dont WANT to talk to That boy #i dont WANT to go to work #i dont WANT to hand in my essay #i dont wanna do math homework i dont wanna do watercolours #i dont wanna draw i dont wanna game #grrrrrr........#hraghahrg #jgkfjigsjig;;;;;;#gsjknbkjsngknjsnvv #its like. anhedonia. whjch is a word i have Not thought about in ages #deep sigh #i forgot to shower and i ate Not Enough #things were going SO WELL then BAM crash and burn #its fine its fiiiiiine i had a clumsy shift and that Fucking Guy wasnt at school OR work today #our dog is sick and i have an overdue assignment #idk a bunch of shit just congealed at once and hit me like a truuuuck #i will make my bed everything will be Cool #pheww okay.. just. got that outta my system #btw i got hey! pikmin and OH MY GOD #it deserves ZERO HATRED #it is DELIGHTFUL im OBSESSED #i thjnk it might be in my top 2. dead fucking serious #idk if its just the timing but i am seriously so enamoured of it #falls over passes out

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arolesbianism · 2 months ago

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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up

#rat rambles #stars posting #like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very #duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have #I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that #fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests #like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not #and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop #and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless #but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way #idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her #but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go #maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think #Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm #and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg #but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down #me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it #(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in #the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad #it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create

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f1owermoon · 3 days ago

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today was SO ASS

#work was exhausting and overwhelming and I FUCKED UP ONE OF MY NAILS. FUCK ME #also i had the awesome idea of lurking twitter and i see a bunch of people hating on joost saying he's a dick and nor a good person like ??#i know it's only a small part of the fandom and its on me too for opening twt but man......#tbf ive never really considered myself part of the fandom bc this is the only place where i actively post about him #and i only have a handful of joost moots but still ive thought about distancing myself from it ngl #cause like. being a joost fan is so exhausting sometimes like theres ALWAYS something going on #and like. idk i love joost and his music a lot and i admire him so much and i really dont wanna let other people ruin that for me #and i know i shouldn't but yeah. its hard ://#the good thing abt joostblr is everyone's just chill here but still in general theres so much negativity and hate #like its hard to not let it ruin the experience of being a fan...and im ngl sometimes i think yk i love joost but maybe im in too deep #bc it messes with my mental and emotional well-being #which is SO FUCKING STUPID I KNOW bc its not that deep like. im just here to enjoy the man and his music but somehow i got too invested lol #anyway im going off on a tangent rn and im probably not even making sense ive just been having a lot of thoughts and i needed to vent #also i edited this post 500 times bc the tags kept getting messed up and theres still a typo but i aint going back to fix that #raquel speaks

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end-orfino · 10 months ago

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It just all feels more pointless now. I think i lost some of the spirit. I dont know if its temporary or how to get it back

#found myself less passionate about my ocs and their stories and about making them real one day #but not in a good way #its not letting me go of my perfectionism or whatever instead its just like. whats the point. theyre not that good anyways #theyre as in the stories #im increasingly aware of the plot holes and the parts that are kind of held together with string in order to make the plot make sense and--#--im not sure if anyone ever could get as passionate about them as i was?#especially since like. *i* dont feel as passionate abt them as i said.#my main baby my main oc project that i cherished and hoped to make real in some way now feels like i should keep it private.#the other one that i was hoping to make into my first long term project remains unfinished plot-wise and i dont feel motivated to work--#--on it further #the one that i think has an alright plot that i could share is just kinda in the bg #and also i always felt like i was good at like...symbolism...metaphors...parallels...this kinda stuff #i felt like my stories were something you could dig into #now it feels like i overestimated them #and theyre actually painfully simple and just. idk. feels like theyre not that good #maybe its because i recently didnt have time to work on them?#and fell into a fandom that has a painfully not-deep story where i also often feel like other ppl in the community dont want me there #maybe i gotta get away from that lol #but it doesnt feel like its gonna help. idk what will.#all of this isnt giving me any relief its just making me feel empty and like i thought too greatly of myself #bcs i still want to Make things and stories and now i just feel like im lacking at that??

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infernal-selfships · 5 months ago

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i'm feeling a lot of aroallo feeling so uh. uhm. a.smo. a.smo where u at. a.smo we need to celebrate pride

#a lot of aro thoughts in tags btw #cw internalized aphobia??? kinda???#idk im just. i have been idealising being in love and finding a partner for so many years only to then realise how real life works #and how its different from what i imagined it to be and that actually i never felt and probably never will feel romantic attraction #and its been 4 years now but it still kinda hurts deep down. so i need a.smo to help me be proud of who i am and hype up being aroallo #idk guys just thoughts

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designernishiki · 2 years ago

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hot take but. oda is honestly one of the most interesting prominent side characters in y0 to me. like. don’t get me wrong obviously i don’t condone his actions, but speaking as a character design guy, i think he’s got a whole lot of complexity to think about in his story and identity that people tend to ignore/overlook because he’s not a black and white “good” person. like no shit he’s morally fucked, that doesn’t mean his intense pining and crazed level of dedication to tachibana and the lengths all his guilt and repressed love for the man he saw as the best thing to ever grace his life drove him to aren’t interesting to think about– if anything it makes him more interesting. he was. really something

#people like to joke about wanting problematic queer rep instead of just good upstanding citizens all the time but then you get someone like #oda and suddenly all nuance dissappears and liking him as a character (for being a well-made character I mean) is equated to #condoning sex trafficking. like. no that’s not how that works #though I do think- regardless of him being a shitty dude- he does count as a victim of burying your gays #but that’s less about his death being narratively a bad choice and more that there could’ve been more queer rep amongst prominent characters #to balance it out (who don’t die)#though idk I’m always a little put off by the all too common Gay Chracter Dies For Their Tragic Love Interest trope #because it’s. too common. and depressing. but again I think it could’ve been balanced out if someone else was prominent and #canonically queer (also thinking like. nishitani seemed pretty close to canonically bi but. he. also died. so)#anyway. yeah on the other hand im glad they didn’t sugarcoat or morally sanitize him as a character for the sake of his queerness though #I would’ve really liked to have seen more on tachibana’s side about what he thought of oda and their relationship in general- cause they #knew each other for quite a while and were undeniably close. even lived together and whatnot. and all tachibana really got to say when he #found out oda was probably dead was just. well just that. that he’s probably dead. I feel like he should’ve gotten to be more shook by that #and/or more deeply conflicted and pained by the combination of his potential death for makotos safety and his responsibility for #trafficking her in the first place. that’s. such a deep well of complicated emotions to sort out and they really did absolutely nothing #with it. like. it makes me wanna write something that’s how much is There that was unused. so much with that relationship in general really.#hhhh….. anyway I should shut up now #jun oda #oda #yakuza #yakuza 0 #rgg #rgg0 #rambling #oh yeah also. hating him is understandable but you have to then apply the same judgement to all characters who have done some real shitty #stuff in their pasts to get by- which is quite a few characters- including lee who’s far more liked and was a literal hitman #(saying that as someone who also likes him as a character quite a bit and Likes that he’s in a moral grey zone) so. yeah.#yakuza 0 spoilers

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ratsbanes · 7 months ago

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The outsiders is such a different book depending on how you grew up.

I see the book in a very different light than my classmates do. To me, everything Ponyboy says is the most relatable thing I've ever read because I get the feeling of just being a bit too off, a bit too smart, a bit too poor.

And yet all my classmates will read it and will never know I feel that way. And I'll never know what they think, if they can grasp the fact that they are exactly the people the greaser would have a problem with.

#idk i just thought about this for some reason #i get pony on a super deep level #especially the whole trying not to hate a whole group of peole for just living their lives #even though that feels like it's hurting you #im working on it but istg #these bitches have house maids they have people clean for them they have vacations every month #i cant believe that they understand #i cany even fully understand it but i at least get it in the way any averge person should #haha classim #the outsiders se hinton #the outsiders 1983 #the outsiders #the outsiders ponyboy #ponyboy curtis

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

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valentinesparda · 9 months ago

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I want to talk more about self insert and self ship stuff but my god I feel like I need to be sat down and applied torture methods to be able to talk without being like *avoids topic with deflection avoids being nice by being mean avoids saying positive things by deflection etc etc*

#val.txt #like i have been thinking tboights but i also dont know how to put those thoughts into coherent strings of text #and im into way too many things that hardly anyone cares about and most of my selfship and insert lore requires like.#deep introspective thought and an understanding of the source material that makes one seem mentally unwell in how much detail they know #like yeah its one thing to be like 'yeah such and such character is my ex' or 'we are reincarnated soulmates'#but it is entirely another for you to actually understand the painful backflipping i have to do to even #a) allow myself the pleasure of being able to imagine we are kissing eachother #and b) the absolute mental gymnastics and lore ive had to fuck with to make my ships even exist in the first place #its practically impossible to hold a conversation with someone who doesnt know the source of my ships or inserts #simply because of how much my logical brain has to work through to be able to have me be even remotely happy #and idk if thats because of how i treat self inserting and self shipping or if its the acearo talking. perhaps both being in the same space #kind of makes it hard to exist in the current state of the selfship community #idk maybe im just a little insane lol

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fappellmoan · 9 months ago

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like not to be crazy but life yesterday for me was just wake up 9am class sit edit (see film friends briefly so yippee yay) oh my god thank god the little bit of time i sat outside in the sun but then class till 5pm walk to store w sam for their shit to be way too pricey to be worth it lmao um not even get on bus till 5:45 call parents around 6:45 dont get off phone with dad till after 8:30. um. watch tv with lydia for a little bit smoke make a shitty little dinner bed. idk typing it out it's like oh thats not So bad i had at least a few chill moments. kind of. it still feels bleak though anyone else

#and well yes i had to sit for a while and wait for lydia for the bus #bc i happened to see sam's roommate and two others of that friend group sitting right out front of yk #the building i work at and near the bus stop. and i was just like. oh jesus Christ. i cant do seeing people today esp not 3v1 #and sunday i had the most painfully entangled physically awkward run in with this girl who is also friends w them. whom i met that one #rlly weird night but we didnt even really meet we were just in each others vicinity enough to make eye contact and be like um hi ig yk #anyway tiny br and my bookbag is like a foot and a half deep rn so i went to hang it up and wash my hands and the straps get all messed #up w hers and i walk over to be like omg im so sorry but she has headphones on as do i but i thought she at least saw me grab my bag #and put it on and then i opened the door for her bc i literally did not have room i would have run into her and she still managed to #like squished cause its cramped and almost smack the door/me again and i was just so fucking tired and gross after work like girl i am not #a person rn... yk.... anyways. none of that really mattered but it's stuff that happened in the periphery of like life idk #abby talks #i need enrichment so bad. but preceded and followed by so much rest

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