#idk if someone's already made this but it needs to happen
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love seeing your takes on mouthwashing and how sane they are. everything's so black or white. I like how you acknowledge curlys abuse under jimmy (which I honestly didn't quite notice when I first watched a playthrough. should rewatch w this in mind) and how that very much doesn't "forgive" his inaction towards Anya and Her abuse under jimmy. I think what happens to him despite all his issues (bc he clearly wasn't OK 😊✌🏼) is very much karmic. I really did hurt huh
I hate the take that what happened to him is karmic as becoming disabled and being tortured is like not in any way an equal consequence for not taking more action against Jimmy. It is a consequence as is the whole game for everyone but it’s one that is very much established as being undeserved and extreme as everyone else’s but Jimmy’s fate.
Thank you for liking my takes but I also try to point out that this exact sort of framing of the events and what happened to Curly is bad especially if you are gonna factor in his own abuse into the equation of his inaction/ineffective acts. It’s like “saying yeah he deserved the abuse he was already going through to escalate because he didn’t do enough” which is like not a message the game tries to deliver at all. It’s like the game shows that abusers escalate
Karma and punishment are not concepts that I think should be directly tied to Curly’s fate especially since during the game and even in discussion he takes on too many consequences of someone else’s actions. Like this framing is the direct thing I describe taking the discussion away from Jimmy, P.E and the factors that created the environment in the first place.
#Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart for fictional characters that suffer but the fandom has a weird attachment to retribution#as if retribution is not a damning desire in the game like the game is about what happens when you#lack the capability to try and do better or go back on it and that is about all of them but mainly Jimmy and how it intensifies#the suffering of those around him like not saying Curly is excused but the think pieces about Curly make on whether he deserved it make it#sound like he was some empty headed dolt that didn’t know women faced oppression or had any issues of his own#and that he needed to be humbled to understand as if his toxic relationship with Jimmy is not an aspect in the forefront and his apathy in#life like becoming disabled isn’t karma yes his condition parallel Anya’s feeling but it’s also reveals all the way Jimmy was already#treating him poorly and how it got worse now that he had more power over him like again he harasses Anya still but noticed he takes out most#of his frustration on Curly now like idk what more I can say#I hate the idea someone deserves to be disabled and go through such a brutal experience comments like that are weird#like this is not an argument of Curly suffered too with Anya it is they are both suffering at all points with Jimmy#and it is not at all helpful to any conversation to try to scale and compare both their experiences against each other#but rather how they both reacted to Jimmy and how it affected how they handled/viewed everything pre and post crash#like I hope this hurts is likely a comment on the whole system that allowed it all to happen not specifically about any character or what#they did like it never did not hurt that’s the point none of the choices made felt good for anyone like sorry this is not about you anon#just the general sentiment of post crash curly and deserving cause by the logic people use then Swansea deserved to watch Daisuke suffer and#have to kill him because he didn’t kill Jimmy or support Anya better like it’s crazy to me#like yes represents him not being able to do more anymore but it is again pointed out to be unfair because of what resources they had#like he suffers due to P.Es restriction even when it comes to his care because they under supply them despite how long and dangerous#and isolating and short staffed their jobs are.#got a little heated sorry anon I just think the idea someone needs to suffer for what Jimmy did outside of Jimmy makes me mad#mainly because it’s never like realistic or just or acknowledges the facets of abuse#mouthwashing#ask#anon#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing
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hiiii!! so sorryyy idk if you take requests BUTT could you do headcannons of being in an argument with the aot characters?
🗣️ aot characters & arguments
characters involved: eren, armin, mikasa, connie, jean, sasha, reiner, annie, bertolt, erwin, levi & hange
notes: i do take requests indeed!! :3 i luv angst, i hope this is gd♡
✧ eren jaeger - 
okay, when you guys argue it’s honestly more cute than anything because you’re both so protective of one another. neither of you wanted each other to join the scouts because it was so dangerous but, you both joined anyways obviously. oh my god, you guys non-stop bicker when there’s a mission! and don’t even get me started if you get put into different teams😭 you start TWEAKINGG. after he finds out he’s the attack titan, oh it gets 10x worse. his absolute biggest fear is losing control and hurting you - he’s already so conflicted, confused & felt like an outcast. he definitely lashes out more and becomes snappier than usual but, it does come from a place of sincerity.
when this happens, you just leave it be. as soon as it’s not just bickering anymore, when a voice is raised or an insult is made, you just leave it. you understand he’s going through a lot and just needs a minute but, TRUST ME! when you walk off, you make sure it is known that your feelings are hurt.
“i said no! you are not being on my team! im going with the levi squad, thats final.”
✧ armin arlert -
you both love each other very much but, goddamn you’re both so up your own arses! you are the ‘smart couple’ you are both strategic and witty and have your own way you go about things. so, when it comes to deciding whose plan is better, you always think yours is better and admin thinks his is better. this has (and probably always will be) the main root of your arguments, tbh. nobody likes to get involved either because if someone picks a side then even more havoc will break lose. the only people who’ve ever come between you two is: mikasa, levi & erwin.
it’s just like a debate, you know the ones on jubilee where it’s just people speaking over each other with different facts and sources? literally you two. you both would keep going until the end of time if you didn’t need to sleep, eat and drink water. it’s never that serious at the end of the day, you both love each other and i GUESS you can appreciate each others plans albeit you both think yours is better.
“if you actually listen to me when i say, my layout is better! look at how easy it is to manoeuvre from the castle to the forest!”
✧ mikasa ackerman -
wash the damn scarf. that is all you ask of her. she has literally never washed it and you love but jesus christ, stink LINGERS. not only do you think it’s weird she doesn’t wash it but, it’s also from eren… now, you know mikasa’s lore, of course. however, it’s really hard to get over your girlfriend having this deep love for this smelly scarf that her ex-crush gave to her after he literally saved her from being kidnapped. at first, you try to ignore it but it gets to a point where you sit down and talk to her but, she is not having it. she clearly cares very, very deeply for this scarf and will defend it. it’s really awkward conversation that slowly turns into raised voices and some opinionated things being raised.
“why are you getting jealous over a scarf? that’s so stupid! i just have fond memories with it!”
✧ connie springer -
again, not so much major arguments but just bickers. it usually starts as a joke but slowly but surely divulges into an argument about something stupid. one time, someone ate the last of jean’s meal that his mum made for him and he saved until today, obviously he was super upset and jokingly you blamed connie. at first, all was well, laughs were being heard and he even poked fun at you but, somewhere along the way it became more serious for you two, you genuinely suspected connie of eating jean’s meal and connie was getting visibly more upset.
“that was so not me! why are you telling them that?! i didn’t eat it, y/n!”
jean regretted asking who ate his food.
✧ jean kirstein -
jean is unfortunately a jealous guy. not for any malicious reasons, he’s just a bit insecure gang! he’s more scared that you’ll leave him for someone ‘better’ more than anything but, these feelings of insecurity manifest as jealously. he’d get jealous over you spending time with people like eren, mikasa or armin. in so many aspects, they’re better than him (in his eyes) and this will just make him reallyyy pissy. being in an argument with jean is painstakingly ambiguous like he never straight up says it, it’s always sly remarks or dry responses from him for a while. eventually, you know something is up and question him but he will avoid answering like the plague and it’s just so, so frustrating! eventually, when you break your calm demeanour, he will also break his ���nonchalant-ness’ and just shout about how he feels.
he crossed his arms, “i just don’t understand why you need to be around him so much, you have me?”
✧ sasha braus -
absolutely nothing. i’m sorry but, she is too sweet and loving. IM SORRY, i’m sorry… i tried so hard to think of something but this queen is too perfect. at most, she would snap at you in high stress situations but she would never turn it into an argument. for example, if you told her to slow down her eating because you’re going on a mission but, she hasn’t eaten much that day she may snap and tell you to “let her do what she wants” but, she’s sooo quick to recover and apologise. literally not even giving you a second to even think about arguing with her!!
“ah, i’m sorry. you’re right, i don’t wanna be sick while flying through the air, huh?” she pouts.
✧ reiner braun -
you’re both from marley, you know damn well what you’re doing here but it seems reiner is straying off path. you’re there to try and remind him why you’re there and this leads to so many arguments. his split personality also plays a role in the arguments because it’s so.. scary and confusing for you because one moment he’s defending eldians than the next, he’s shouting at you about how he ‘knows the plan’.
when talking about stuff like this, since it’s extra sensitive for reiner he definitely flips out. i’m talking shouting, angry grunting, clenching his fists into balls and holding them against his forehead so he doesn’t fully crash tf out. he’s just as confused and scared as you are about his split personality but, he doesn’t want to seem weak or to seem like he’s losing sight of what is ‘right’ - it gets him really worked up. obviously, you stand your ground against him, he doesn’t scare you when you’re arguing. you’ve known him for so long.. you feel like he just needs to be guided.
“when did i ever say i liked them? yes, they’re okay people to be around for now but— no, i never said that! i know what they are, you don’t remind to tell me, y/n!”
✧ annie leonhart -
just the fact she’s cold and distant, it makes it really hard to actually have a relationship with her. at first, she was closed off COMPLETELY but cracks began to show and eventually, you thought you were at a good point with each other but, you kind of realised you didn’t know that much about annie. you try to ask questions to get her to open up but, she is one tough egg to crack so eventually, you just ask! hoping to help her more than anything but, this leads to an argument…
after this first argument, it became pretty regular like once every few weeks this would happen. you get super frustrated because she acts like she doesn’t even care! so, you’re shouting and getting really passionate while she sits there, looking pissed off and bored, rolling her eyes and scoffing. she doesn’t see the need to open up to you, she’s done what she thinks is ‘enough’ in her books.
“what do you want me to say? i’m not an open book, that’s just how i am. we’re all gonna end up dead, anyways.”
✧ bertolt hoover -
sigh… oh bert. every time you feel yourself developing further into your relationship with bert, his friends seem to pull him back. you’re still not quite sure why and they always seem to be giving side eyes or glances when he talks about his life - its starting to piss you off, rightfully so. you feel like he’s got two other side hoes watching yours and his every move! you being this up in subtle ways as to not seem like a crazy, jealous partner but eventually you burst and tell him how you really feel.
arguing with sweet bert isn’t fun because you can tell he tries so hard to please everyone in the situation, whether it’s you, him or now in this case, his friends too. he will raise his voice but, not in a bad way just in a general sense, things are getting heated, his voice will raise and he will fling his arms and hands. he’s a very expressive man when arguing because he is so passionate about it.
“y/n, they’re my friends! they’re just trying to protect me, why are you jealous?”
✧ erwin smith -
there’s so such things as arguments in your relationship, erwin likes to call them ‘mutual disagreements’ as your both in the scouts, he knows your time is limited. it’s a morbid and pessimistic way to think but, you have to be realistic when you live such a deadly lifestyle. he doesn’t want to take your time together for granted - plus, he’s a MAN like, he is calm and collected and will always hear you out.
you both start off calm, having a mature conversation about whatever it is that is bothering you but, when you start getting rowdier that’s when erwin quells the flames quickly. he takes a deep breath, hears you out and calmly walks you through it all. he’s so compassionate about it, i cant omg. he’ll gently place a hand over your own hand or on your shoulder if you’re standing, letting you know he’s present, he’ll sweetly talk you down, eventually calming you down and usually you’ll both say apologises or just general sweet statements and move on!
“i’m sorry, y/n. no, i’m glad you talked to me about this.”
✧ levi ackerman -
oh lord, being in an argument with levi ackerman is nawwtt fun. i’m sorry but, i’d kms if i argued with levi 😭. this man has such an awful resting bitch face as it is but, imagine his face when he’s arguing with you? IF LOOKS COULD KILL. he cant hide his emotions, so when you’re arguing even if he’s trying to be somewhat nice, his face says it all. usually he’ll roll his eyes and scoff if it’s something minor, he’ll hear you out, maybe give a half arsed apology or some sort of nice gesture to make sure you’re not upset however, if it’s a big issue oh brother…
silent treatment, i fear. he is so bad at communicating his feels correctly and often feels confused because this mf ain’t been in love before?! it gets too a point where he’s so mad, he just cant even begin to think of anything to say to you. you’ll be there raising your voice, becoming so passionate and when you ask what he thinks, he’ll say “i have nothing to say.” then boom, silent treatment. however, he’s bad with his words… but good with his actions. he still wants you to know he cares, you two could be in the most rancid moods but, you’ll go to your room and find your clothes ironed and folded🥲.
✧ hange zoë -
oh my sweet hange, my probably neurological challenged sweet hange… an argument with them would definitely stem from them spending more time with titans than you. when sawney and bean were around, you weren’t getting ANY time of day with them, trust. at first, you didn’t want to say anything because of course, you understand! the lifetime you guys are living in, things like hange’s research is soo important but, you can’t help but feel neglected sometimes.
when you finally bring it up, an argument ensues. neither of you really shout or anything, it’s just that kind of weird sort of raised, high pitched voice people get when you’re really frustrated. you both stay relatively calm for the situation you’re in but, you can totally tell you’re both so frustrated because hange just doesn’t see the problem. when you guys argue like this, it usually just goes in circles and after a while you both decide to mutually give up and leave it for another day.
“it’s all for science and the greater good of humanity though, i don’t understand?”
#anime and manga#attack on titan#aot x reader#aot fluff#aot headcanons#shingeki no kyojin#snk x y/n#snk x reader#attack on titan headcanons#snk anime#eren headcanons#armin headcanons#mikasa headcanons#jean kirschtein headcanons#connie x reader#sasha braus#reiner headcanons#snk bertholdt#annie leonhardt x reader#levi x reader#levi headcanons#erwin smith#hange x reader#eren x reader#mikasa x reader#armin x reader#jean x reader#reiner x reader#erwin x reader
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hold on hold on. okay. lockwood and co as an asoue au
#do you see my vision here#idk if someone's already made this but it needs to happen#lockwood and co#lockwood & co#a series of unfortunate events#asoue
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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So I decided to actually clean out my inbox and delete all the old asks that had been building up in there for a while now, and as I was reading through some of them I realized that there were quite a few of them that were basically people telling me about their aus that they wanted me to create for them.
And I don't mean this in a "Oh, they were just giving vague ideas for me to work with" No, they were full on giving me a synopsis (sometimes with quite a bit of detail) on the au and the plot and all that stuff. And like... idk it's weird. Cause it's very clear to me that these people want me to do all the work in making these aus and stories for them, which makes me sad because that's the fun part of making aus. It's getting to write it or draw it yourself because it's your creation, even if it is based on preexisting media. One ask specifically made a point to mention that they didn't know how to make comics which is why they were asking me to do it. And if for some reason that person is reading this, I have a little secret: I didn't know how to make comics when I started. Hell, I still don't entirely know what I'm doing when it comes to comics, but everyone has to start somewhere. And I know it's the piece of advice that EVERYONE says, but it's true that you do get better with practice.
So I guess if there's anything I really wanna say it's this: Don't be afraid to make your own stuff. Even if you think it's not gonna be good, do it anyway. Don't go to other people begging them to make your ideas for you because for one, that's rude, and two, if you have the ideas for it you can make it yourself. Creating stories and aus can be so much fun and I don't want to discourage anyone from doing that, I just don't want you coming to me or any other artists to have them make the content and ideas for you.
#random ramblings#i don't know what else to tag this as#it was just on my mind and i kinda wanted to say something about this#also i feel the need to mention that this is different than if someone comes into my askbox#asking me to draw something from an au i already made#because that's fine#i may not always do the drawings but at least it's something based on my own thing#and not some brand new concept someone just came up with#idk i also wonder if this happens to other 'big' people in fandoms#for me it's specifically the ninjago fandom#and i personally don't see myself as a big ninjago person#but i know some people do consider me big so idk#maybe it's just because i have so many aus so it attracts those people#it's also been a while since ive gotten an ask like this#but it has happened multiple times with multiple different users#idk i'm gonna stop rambling in the tags now
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the most annoying part of being an adult is how hard it is to schedule time with friends
#i was supposed to visit someone today but they arrived two days ago from a trip and immediately got engulfed by things to do bc epiphany day#and kids and grandparents#which is fine bc life happens but next week she's got a deadline coming and i made plans already#and the week after that i have friends visiting who idk yet how much babysitting will need#it's what it is i guess but i'm feeling kind of sad about it#personal
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ii au where (nearly) everyone on the show is just some kind of abnormal being
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#inanimate insanity#ii au#i'm feeling brave actually.#i say nearly because like. maybe one normal person per season or something#ok some ideas:#fan as the internet#paper as a created being who was made by someone drawing onto an inanimate piece of paper#paintbrush as themself. they're already abnormal enough. though you could add more information than has fire powers#nickel as someone who can act out a 'role' consistently for as long as he needs to#<- kind of inspired by the fact theres a nickel in bfdi and people sometimes hc them as the same person#also this means he probably has identity issues because he's always acting as someone else and has no true identity#trophy as a cryptid. because he absolutely believes in them and is a cryptid hunter himself#turns out the cryptid was inside him all alonf#oj as not normal. idk what but that man needs to be abnormal. he would hate it so much it would torment him i need it to happen#also it would definitely be character development or whatever. idk#maybe some kind of eldritch creature? idk? really powerful?#also test tube as not normal but bc she doesnt believe in them. different kind of i need (character) to be abnormal#the floor as the island and eldritch being. obviously#silver spoon as normal.#screw you richboy!!! *does absolutely nothing to you*#lightbulb as cyborg cause i saw a hc abt that before and it was good#suitcase with infinite storage or something. if you go inside her you'll enter suitcase space#goo as um. maybe a colonial organism. like of microbes or something.#tea kettle as mother in a kind of cryptid way. she appears behind you if you do something she disapproves of.#mermaid lifering but like the kind where you have to touch water to become a mermaid#or the kind where touching water will make you a mermaid#yinyang as two ancient spirits sharing a body. which is an object for some reason?#maybe cabby as a knowledge spirit
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bleh
#having a bad morning tbhhhh#i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them#i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise.#and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened.#the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me.#to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about.#and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away#but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol.#i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's#frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone.#and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends.#it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff#going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has#bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where#u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :|#everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete#but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭#'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭#ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are#and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point.#i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend#but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭#and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._.#but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences.#anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮💨
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man y’all the loving hyunjin hours are so intense rn i feel like i have s omuch to say but i don’t even know where to BEGIN i just feel like i’m gonna explode or something </3
#carly.txt#just thinking abt hiatus things as i ALWAYS DO when i listen to lovestay y'all already saw me talk about this#but it's like. idk. loving someone hits different when u go through the wringer u know??#distance makes the heart grow fonder etc etc#it's just like. man. we really went thru it (hyunjin and stays as a collective) but we made it#and he's probably a better person for it even if it hurt at the time! and now we are in a more serious parasocial relationship <3#the fact that some of y'all weren't here for all that is so crazy to me it's going to be two years ago since then soon??#like time has gone by so fast#i remember crying so hard the first time i heard him LAUGH when he was back omg#it was in the song camp preview i remember this it was just such a relief#i remember i was doing his birthday countdown at the time of the scandal too i was going crazYYYY#i almost didn't continue it but i was like. u know what i'm still happy he was born. so let's do it#idk idk i'm honestly glad some of u didn't experience it but i'm also glad that some of us that did experience it are still here asdfsadsd#i think it's really good that he has fans that went through the hiatus period supporting him and that he has fans that came after that too#like!! he is just as lovable if not moreso than ever and i'm glad!! so many people agree with that#i'm just like idk. really proud of him?? and stays for making it through that time period#and for everyone growing in ways they wouldn't have if it didn't happen#i like to think good came out of it too in a lot of ways#i could talk about this forever and i probably will again next time i listen to the damn song but SDSDGSDDG#i need to go to sleep now#i can think of more to say actually but i'll STOP NOW#tl;dr i love him a lot and am really thankful to everyone that supports him today no matter how long you have#i hope he feels that love and can accept that he's worthy of it every day#more to say on this too but enough enough#ty for listening
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I love having autism until I infodump about something and then I just hear “why do you keep bringing that up when you know none of us give a shit?” on repeat in the back of my head for the rest of time.
#so frustrating that it happened with digimon too. I ALREADY feel dumb about liking it ok I didn’t need the double whammy#like I KNOW the comment was made years ago but it’s soooooo frustrating. I cannot stop fuckin thinking about it ever#I rant abt my interest anyway dont get me wrong.#it doesn’t STOP me from talking. nothing does I’m very loud. but it does suck all the enjoyment out of it very fast#bec now to infodump at all I gotta go into it thinking ‘it doesn’t matter if they don’t care. might as well just get the thought out’#like. ACK. NO. i WANTED someone to care. yk? I wanted someone to acknowledge that I was running my mouth off in the corner somewhere#but now even when they do it just feels like. idk checking off a box. like ah yes when Marley rants I send a quick response#after sending my response I can check off that I’ve done my task n this is over. like feeding a pet in the morning n then leaving 4 work#I know this is entirely in my head btw. but whatever#I’m gonna go back to looking at digimon images now
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i usually dont comment on these kinds of things because they shouldnt be treated with the level of weird parasocial interest they tend to be on social media generally but. claire (lil tay) was so fucking young. it doesnt take knowing her personally to feel just how jarring and genuinely tragic her sudden death is. like shit. she was only 14. she didnt even get to live her own life. sorry if this is pointless and theres no call to action or anything here but. jesus.
#kibumblabs#cw death#havent looked too deep into it because im still conflicted over it feeling voyeuristic and disrespectful to do so or not but#from what i have heard it seems sketchy re: her brother and idk i dont want to accuse anyone of anything without proper basis especially#when that someone also passed away but. considering his history of controlling behavior over her image and how it put her in some#serious danger at worst - situations a child should not be in at best... if he did have any part in this i. well i dont know.#cant exactly say he needs to see justice considering its a bit late for that but. i dont know#depending on the circumstances one of her parents may need to answer to some neglect charges. but anyway it all feels so trivial when its#already too late.#you know what. what i think i can say for sure is that i hope she's properly remembered and honored for who she actually was and not as#'lil tay the worlds youngest flexer'. a persona her brother made up that put her in dangerous situation for the sake of clout. by no means#is the public entitled to anything but if anything more is put out there in memorium i hope its something#letting the world know who she was as a real teenage girl with her own interests and personality and favorite songs and teenage obsessions#she looked like such a sweet girl. i hope her friends and family who actually knew her are haunted as little as possible by her#bastardized image on the internet. i hope they– as well as anyone else really– can separate that character from the innocent young girl#who actually existed and who's life was cut so. so fucking short.#i know i said i didnt want to comment too much about this but idk man. it really got to me. maybe because its such a novel situation thats#never exactly happened before- the way her image was on in the internet and how this case will inevitably be treated on the internet#how young she was and how little say she had in how she'd be portrayed on line– much less now how she'd be REMEMBERED.#its disturbing. and deeply deeply tragic.#2009. she was born in 2009. fuck. thats just. wrong
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Vaush almost seems manipulative in the way he talks about religion, like i feel very strongly that he doesn't actually think religion is *quite* as bad as something like toxic masculinity but he wants his audience to feel that way, so he keeps drawing comparisons between religion and all these other fucked up things like antisemities or whatever, to give the impression to his audience that he genuinely thinks its that serious, and knowing how a lot of ppl can be in his audience, whatever vaush thinks they decide to take as like the best most intellectually and well thought out take ever, no self analyzing, no questions asked, and i feel like hes manipulating that fact to his advantage, he literally said in his debate w oceankeltoi (which i wasnt gonna watch but did eventually bc i heard vaush kinda sucked in it (and he did)) that hes okay with using peer pressure to try to discourage people from being religious. It seems like hes going to try whatever he can socially to like. Shun anyone whos religious or any of their beliefs and is probably even totally okay with ppl bullying religious ppl so long as the social pressure gets people to stop. Which. Uh. I feel like i shouldnt have to say is a pretty fucked up philosophy
#you are already putting too much work to control ppl just existing#social. political. systemic. wherever you're putting this energy to control it will only end badly.#anyways this whole stuff kinda made me look at him in an entirely different light.#i think hes become too convinced hes always right and has got really into his ass. idk if hes changed since that debate tho bc#i stopped watching him for a while even before it#the problem w that debate is that vaush is doing the thing where hes actually debating the beliefs of certain audience members#whereas ocean is actually just trying to debate him specifically w/o changing the audiences mind quite as much#oceans here trying to understand vaush and vaush is just here to try to make ocean look stupid. not actually understand or come to a#mutual understanding or literally anything. idk. but its pretty frustrating how he devolved to JUST doing that in debates.#hes decided religious ppl are evil or whatever and thus refuses to meet ocean on an equal and respectful level. theres so much lack#of respect here.#i also sorta feel like vaushs 'what about those ppl who think their gods are always in the right' thing was bc perhaps one of his audience#members decided to screenshot one of my posts where i said 'ppl need to accept that their gods arent inherently good' but accidently#typed are instead of arent and idk. maybe its a reach to decide thats why he brought that up but yknow. i do sometimes feel like yall#(hi vaushs community whos probably stalking me online bc i used to be in the community and you think im cringe bc i love#my main boy shiv)#well. ig obviously i feel like some of yall stalk me to poke fun at me and prolly posted that in his discord or smthn#idk but. its gotta stop if its happening bc im literally just some guy#I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR THAT I DONT THINK VAUSH IS ABUSIVE BC IDK HIM LIKE THAT AND CANT MAKE THAT CLAIM#just bc someones being manipulative does not make them ABUSIVE which is a whole different and bigger step towards Bad
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Hey gang more nsfw questions/vent(???) Idk uh. Any tips? What do you do for solo aftercare?
FUCK ok this is only the second time its ever happened but it still makes me nervous so uhh for the girlies what do you do abt pcb aka some blood after sex/masturbation
Logically I know its just from being a little too eager and that I should be fine and probably wont have to get it checked out but uhh. Idk. Fuck it this is tumblr dot com why am I being shy. Srsly. Anyways so I went too rough solo and its been a few hours but now I feel kinda small and nervous and ive been gentle w myself but I'm still slightly bleeding and yeah. :/ tips?
#had a GREAT time but now i feel like i need aftercare tips😅#because like i said this has happened once before -ive had a soak in the tub already & know dont go fucking anything for a week or two obv😅#but idk ive been gentle w myself its just the nervousness is still a thing bc well im bleeding when im not supposed to🤷#and like i want to be held (cant) but dont rlly want to talk abt it to my friends either bc ik we joke abt it but idk#i just dont rlly want giggled at or with rn bc like i said. i feel. small and a bit scared. and i want to be comforted.#my friends are sweet dont get me wrong but this is a me thing rn. lol#im a little sore (😏lmfao) but my main thing is i can feel the spots inside where it hurts and my lower back aches obv😞#mainly typing this to let some nervous steam out of the pot so i dont like fester in my thoughts#anyway at least i can like. daydream abt ratchet or knockout taking care of me😅 theyre doctors so i think theyd be very sweet abt it#😅😔i think im gonna get a heating pad and marinate instead of fester. gonna make a nest about it and read comfort fics#if it doesnt let up by the end of tomorrow ill see abt getting checked out😔💀😅#one of the few times where id prefer to not be single. and i LOVE being single. just in unsure times itd be nice to have someone to hold me#aha. ill be fine mentally by morning& less scared but as long as i still feel little zings of pain i am going to be whiny😅😂😞#anyway i think im alright just. feeling small at my own violations and cant seem to come back to myself fully??#idk i think after i make my nest and get cozy and feel safe itll prob be a huge weight gone and ill feel 1000x better#wanna feel guarded/protected rn. like room service hellooo? casper the ghost where the FUCK are my snacks? lmfaooo#srsly tho i love being single and honestly feel i function well alone too but hh.🙄needing someone isnt bad or anything to me but#when you want cuddles you want cuddles.🤷😔#anyway made my nest now!<3 i have earl grey alongside my water bc i wanted it✨💜gotta grab+hook up the heating pad then off to fanfiction😌#my cat is w me too ofc💜💜 sweet bby purring and making biscuits on his part of the bed💜💜
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Everyone answering yes on that stupid public sex poll because they "didn't consent to see it" sure is quiet about the fact that we also don't consent to be advertised at, be asked questions, see animals or children or ugly people, listen to swear words, or smell someone in front of you fart. Things are going to happen without everyone in the world asking you for permission!! And stumbling upon things by accident is not a violation on you personally!!!!
Your consent is important for participation. But just because you might tangentially perceive something does not make you a participant. Nobody is ludovico-ing your children's eyes open and forcing them to watch people fuck nasty. Being grossed out is not the same as being violated. And someone fucking in public is not forcing you to watch. Their failure to perfectly ensure that your little virgin eyes can never perceive them fucking is no more forcing anything on you than people walking their dogs are forcing you to watch them shit.
#and frankly if you think briefly glimpsing someone fooling around in like an alley or something is really that traumatic#then baby the trauma already happened#it was whatever happened to you that made you think such a harmless fucking thing is the Worst Ever#you were harmed by something idk what#but whatever thing made you think that it's SOOOOO traumatizing to see two pairs of shoes under the bathroom stall#that thing hurt you#and you need to learn to get over that shit for your own sake AND everyone else's
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finally submitted for some time off cant wait perhaps it shall fix me
#like who knows if i will even be super mega depressed when we get there but idk#just like what do you do when u feel as if you've already accomplished everything you needed to but there's like 60 years to go#like what's up what am i doing for all of those years. ive written books ive made games gotten degree job apartment who cares who cares who#who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares#(not in the 'wahhh wish someone was interested' but in the 'the person who cares is definitely not me' way)#i feel like i am proud of what i have done about 20% of the time and then the other 80% it's just shit i happened to do#anyway off topic i just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#am clearly at a downswing of the ol' emotional cycle#im sure i will swing back up consistently by the fall perhaps#cause i feel like i was also posting a few weeks back about how great i was feeling??? like i swear i was talking about how at peace#everything was and now im like. empty husk. why must i contain multitudes#because i feel like im constantly lying about my mood whether i am happy or sad
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