#idk if its obvious to others but its so obvious to me how much more comfortable and easy it is to draw my ocs
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
okay so
i think the viktor and mel hallucinations during jayce's whole Moment in 2x07, their eyes are just completely black. and its VERY faint but u can KIND OF see the outline of their irises if u look REALLY close (irl)
to show u what i mean:
first ones are just normal settings (tho my computer brightness is all the way up), i only messed with the exposure n highlights of the pictures and stuff in the middle ones, and outlined the eyes in the third ones
which could make sense in terms of his mental state i think ? he maybe feels like he let them down, or betrayed them or couldnt help them in a way ??
they dont feel human to him anymore. or maybe hes created these images so theyre judging him as he can only reminisce on what happened and how he left things
mel’s vision looks maybe like either angry, stubborn, strong willed or annoyed lol... her chin is kinda turned down, with downturned eyebrows, and her lower lids are halfway closed implying that shes like glaring or narrowing her eyes at him, her lips almost look pursed together and i think ? her nostrils are flared but its so hard to tell lmao we only get like three frames of over exposure HAAH take these with a grain of salt lmfao
viktor (even tho i cannot for the life of me read his expression HAHA) to the best of my ability i think kinda looks hurt or confused, maybe innocent for lack of a better term or scared. ((which given how he left jayce it would kinda fit lmao)) BUT his brows are ever so slightly scrunched together, one is higher than the other which usually implies confusion or thinking or admiring. eyes are wide open, mouth is agape a teenie bit, these are usually seen with softer, positive or more admirable expressions, and his chin is tilted upward. im not trying to turn this into a jayvik thing i swear im just comparing to my facial recognition knowledge HAHA
and as he loses himself deeper in the hexcore, the more he starts losing and/or fearing the two ppl he loved most ? ... and worries how he’d get back to them (if at all) and how he would imagine they would react.
the two ppl who not only made and brought him to who he is today, but uplifted and supported and stood by him for ~10 years despite everything
anyway this theory would all pair nicely with the voices that start playing in the background during his lil Montage lmao it kind of culminates into a massive guilty conscious, that then outwardly presents itself in their hallucinations:
“i never asked for this” - jayce to viktor, after their conversation about him breaking their promise about destroying the hexcore, resulting in vik leaving him lmao. also jayce literally turned viktor into this metal husk so hes gotta have that sitting on his shoulders too lmfao
“[heimer] was my mentor, and i betrayed him” - jayce (to mel) abt voting heimer off the council despite heimer ending up being completely right about magic in the first place
“it corrupts” “you must destroy it” “ive seen nations destroyed” - heimer about the hexcore, jayce screams over this as those lines play, anguishing over the fact that he literally did this to himself and hes the reason Piltover is (or will be) no more bc he ignored the warnings
“its your time now jayce” “perhaps its time for the era of magic” - mel to jayce, context is in the quotes HAHA. jayce is screaming no! no! and please! during these lines, i think its just to hammer (pun intended) home on the fact that it all ties back to him for ‘creating’ magic. its on HIM (at least in his own mind) for the destruction of Piltover and all of its people
maybe im just thinking too hard about it idk (im not). or unless this was extremely obvious to the average viewer HAHA. in my defense i spent this whole montage pausing every .6 seconds to take a picture of seggsy and broken and whimpering jayce so i wasnt really paying that much attention to it all AHAHA
anyway do u think this was a hallucination or was it actually the mage standing here with him for a flash lmao
okay sorry for that long ass post i would add a page break sooner but it would interrupt my flow of thoughts that i need u all to experience like i do HA
#also sorry i didnt wanna burst ur bubbles but i dont think the viktor hallucination was wearing mels eye makeup HAHA tho he'll still rock it#... hard to ss netflix on a computer idk if the pics do it justice HAHA but its there i know it is😭#jaymel#arcane#arcane season 2#viktor arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane season two#jayce talis#viktor#jayce arcane#mel medarda#mel arcane#heimerdinger#heimerdinger arcane#arcane season 2 act 3#jayvik#vikjayce#meljay#kats movie rants#<- tagging with this bc its very long and i like keeping my analysis posts in a spot HAHA
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
The evil slow creep of it being like "haha these will just be quick little side quests, not much effort at all!" and then noticing each one is getting progressively longer than the last, thus no longer being minimal effort.. auGh....
#The jump of 76 for the first one to 275 for the most recent ghghjb#what can I say.. I am.. The Elaborator.. The Detail Giver..#number six will HAVE to be shorter....!!!!!! !!!!#I fear it's going to look this way but opposite with some of the main character quests. The first character I ever worked on. like their#first quest I added wayy to much information and detail and side options and etc.#Once I got done with all their stuff I was like.... if they're all like this I will NEVER finish.. So then I tried to be very short about#it all. EVERY single interaction cannot have 10 branching dialogue and 5 different endings and blah blah blah.. as much as I wish it could.#Hiring a butler to stand over me all day shouting ''NARROW the scope!!!! REDUCE the options!!! CUT the dialogue!!!'' whilst I sob#and hit backspace on everything once every five minutes#But that means probably the first character I worked on will be very obvious because their quests might have a different#feel than the others and be longer.. I just CAN'T make ALL of them that long. but maybe I could choose one..#Like out of the four characters that will have full quests for them upon release.. maybe I can add another one thats long so at least#TWO of them have weirdly long quests and the one first character doesnt seem so singled out lol#I hear this happens in real life professional games as well (like people complaining that X character doesnt have as much#content in an RPG as some other one does. etc.) so.. perhaps my fears about everyting not being exactlyliterally equal#are not even that worrisome or something that's a major factor. Still lol#It's not really that concerning to me anyways from a 'how will people react to it' perspective (very niche game. hardly anyone#will play it i'd assume. its not like thousands of people shall desscend upon me to criticize even if something was weird like that.#it'd be like. out of the 25 people who ever play it. maybe one of them is like 'yeah it was kinda weird that thosequests were so much#longer than the others. but idk' and that's the extent lol). My concern is more like.. Writing time..#the more I add. the longer it takes for me to finish. So if I keep ednlessly making things forever longer and longer. then it becomes The#Forever Project. which it kind of already is. considering I started it in 2018 and then forgot about it for the most part of 5 years and am#only resuming it now LOL.. I cannot bear to add MORE forever onto that which already is quite Forever-ish#If I wrote everything the ideal way I wish it were then I would either need a full team of writers. or I would finish the game in 2085#so.. alas.. cut cut snip snip..#ANYWAY lol
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
realized recently all the wizard ocs i have made fall into 4 categories of motivation
autism
ocd
wanting to use magic to kill people, just to be mean
inanna
#my ocs#so. i guess i should look more into ocd in order to be respectful about it#i didnt intend to include it originally but then when thinking abt characters like yiming where its like yeah hes constantly tormented#by obsessive thoughts about how he could be doing better and is usually miserable as a result#i was like this sounds kind of familiar yk. i dont want to exaggerate it or use it for angst or anything like that bc it feels extremely#tasteless lol#also dont want to portray moral ocd as like a positive productive force for obvious reasons#anyway it is kind of funny to me like what the fuck is wrong with jaime. joanna is the other person in the evil category but she was like#a prodigy with insane skill and the rest of her character stems from there#whereas jaime's character is pretty much just abusive murderous asshole. did he just believe in his own superiority that much#cant stress enough how it is very very difficult to do magic. idk maybe he was like cursed#as a child and so had familiarity with magic from a young age. to an unusual extent yk#sure whatever ig that makes sense. zeolans shield backstory written here for you all live#ok also autism category is rocio and malachi#ocd category is shamash yiming and rocio again#evil category is jaime and joanna#inanna category is inanna#angelica should also be in the inanna category tbh. i have never drawn her she died many years before the story started. shes low on the#lore iceberg lol#should rename the category to girl who is cool and swag
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(
#its bc last night my dad had a dream she was in a car wreck. he transferred that anxiety onto me#shes such a bitch tho.just like intolerant of things she doesnt understand. and she does not understand my unwell brain#i think she likes my youngest sistsr best now. which fair bc i do too but we used to be besties. we used to explore in the woods together#and play ellos and barbies and legos and poly pockets and magnets. and now we never text eachother. its sorta sad#its not just me tho. my youngest sister and i have a 4 year gap so we weren't really interacting much when were were little bc she was too#bby to me but shes such a genuinely lovely person now. shes a special ed and preschool teacher. i asked her mom how she ended up with both#of my sisters bc my middle sister is the most like entitled person i kno. like my parents r very generous and she doesnt think for a moment#about not accepthing things from them. she thinks shes owed that amd more. its so strange#and my mom was like. thank goodness i got the youngest bc otherwise id think something was wrong with me#im prob somewhere in the middle of them. my brain is just more fucked up so like im greatful but im struggling. theres not a ton of like#really obvious mental illness in my family tho. just here and there someone should b diagnosed and get a bit of help. my uncle is the only#other one who could possibly be bipo1ar but hes also got a lot of problems: severe adhd and possibly b0rderline. so it could just b that but#my dad says when u talk to him sometimes things just doent make sense bc hes had convos in his head wuth you so he thinks u kno already#idk. its interesting tho#unrelated
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
official bri moonsidesong danganronpa cases tierlist for the 2 people who interact with my dr posts (spoilers for all 3 main games obviously). sorry for being a doggone roomba fan its not my fault i played it in quarantine and they wont let me out
tiers are kinda ordered but a lot of them in the same tier are pretty interchangeable. my opinions change constantly #lol
#a lotta people really hate 2-3 im gathering but like. idk its alriiiight i like it fine enough. the breakdown is fun#even if the uh. execution is famously pretty doodoofart dogwater bad#like its Really Obvious who the killer is but i dont think its a bad time. i like how it leads into the endgame twists too#i like it more than the other Third Cases#bri talks#3-1 could like. probably also be highest tier...#its a really good case but it unfortunately only serves to remind me how much of a letdown the rest of the game is in comparison#so i dont wanna put it with 2-4/5/6 bc thats like my favorite stuff out of the whole series#ily hinata#bri thoughts
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
@ father time can we run it back to june so i can make a joke really quick
#snap chats#sorry I Only Legally Go Here but still i have to make a pride joke. i blame vegeta. dont know how i just will#spoilers. for smile. i fucking guess#ANYWAY am i surprised that my theory was right No it was p obvious but still i liked how we got to the conclusion. anyways.#i was just fence sitting on smile the other day LMAO naw i liked this scene i really did#i feel like i have to make the strongest disclaimer ever as if anyone actually thinks this is about queerness and say the context is--#tf it called when your parents have diff ethnicities ANYWAYS THAT. ITS ABOUT THAT.#but yeah no it can be about That too. i guess. if we want. lol#the show doesnt really focus on vito being filipino/japanese all too much. which is surprising to say and a lil disappointing#like its relevant but not overly so which. dont know how i feel about it yet like ig i get it ??? idk ill have to review later#but anyhow its why i like this scene i finally got to have my He's Just Like Me Fr moment </3#unfortunately nakai's character isn't also filipino/japanese. no pinoy represent 2x. he's korean/japanese WAH SPOILERS#but still a lot of what was said in this scene resonated really personally with me#i wont get too sappy and sentimental about it i just appreciate. being validated in some way idk#its not a fair comparison probably but still its nice sort of seeing a character that has similar issues and thoughts to me#and i guess that can apply to both. instances. if we catch my cold LMAO dont make me say it#ok bye uhhhh i should probably watch the next episode#big trial episode..... then i just have two more eps... then garden of wind time...
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
#degrassi#saad al'maliki#this one has been cooking in my drafts for a while#in case it wasnt obvious from the fact that this video is months old#anyways in case it needs reiterating yes saad is in fact the best brooding artsy boy this show has ever had#well maybe not BEST i still prefer eli over him but definitely the most interesting#i made a post on this a long while ago but i love Him and he deserved so much more#on rewatch im definutely more disappointed that his story ended up making him an extention of lola#even though i reslly liked their relationship. i just wish there was more of a focus on him and not how he relates to lola#and my other major problem w his storyline that isnt even his own fault#is that the person to heckle him when he gave that speech was fucking BAAZ#that part pisses me off bc i love baaz and i hate how the show constantly bends his character to make him worlds biggest asshole#bc baaz despite being less devout than his sister is a muslim#and is literally HOUSING A REFUGEE like out of the entire gamer crew he wld be the most supportive#but thats about baaz anyways back fo saad#i think the best part about saad over eli or craig or miles is that his angst feels more. idk. heavy#not that being abused by a parentsl figure or having a severe mental illness or suffering addiction isnt heavy#but saad being a traumatized refugee from a war torn country . its so#its heavy and its just so real idk maybe im biased bc my parents also come from a war torn country but it just Hits#and the way he processes his grief and trauma through his photography#and his unhealthy relationship w maya where rhey feed off each others trauma i cld talk about that all day#hes so tragic to Me the little spoingly#saad doesnt get mentioned in this three way angsty white boy debate bc hes not white and he came in too late into the series#to finish his arc properly#but i will ride for him til i DIE his NC4 storyline was soo fucking GOOD#he never gets the praise he deserves i will praise U my pookie!!!!!!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love watching true crime videos !!! no i dont think it makes it ‘morally grey’ that the people murdered in that viral video were drug smugglers actually. i dont actually care about that, fun fact! i think maybe. just maybe. it was bad that that happened!
#the attempt at nuance when it comes to RANDOMLY MURDERING PEOPLE ON VIDEO is killing me. dude shut up#i think killing people is bad actually. i know that maybe thats a controversial take#what do i even tag this as. idk if you want it tagged with something let me know#theres so much more to be said abt class and race impacts on this kind of shit than anything these people ever talk about#how do people just turn their brains off when watching this crap its so obvious when theres other influences#like no that dude didnt kill the guy who told a tv show he had feelings for him because of the stress#he did it because he was HOMOPHOBIC!!! if you look up literally anything about the case HE USED THE GAY PANIC DEFENSE!!!!!!! EXPLICITLY!!!!!#WHY DO YOU NOT MENTION THAT???? OH BOY I WONDER#BECAUSE IT WOULD INVOLVE HAVING CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS AROUND OPPRESSIVE DYNAMICS AND STRUCTURES IN OUR SOCIETY okay im done
0 notes
Text
ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
1 note
·
View note
Text
...🦌?
#i also find performance in the show so interesting#the ppl sometimes misinterpret is what exactly performance is rather than seeing it as this range of xyz elements that go into it that may#still have a connection to your self they see it as this black and white framing to perform is not necessarily to lie but to lie is not#necessarily to perform#like we see louis' perform over and over and over and over again in different decades in different areas of his life and part of his story#is this lack of identity itself#hes so interesting bc of the layered up part of him like you see these layers (of self and performance--which can intertwine) and you come#closer and closer to it to find something even newer yeah so#its so obvious#w/ him how he cant tell that direct lie like...in past-in modern same-same and if he happens to tell a good lie best believe he believe it#to so its not technically a lie it is his own truth your own truth does not have to be factual but the sentiments still stands ala what JA#said soo i find it interesting performing together but the performance is not a lie but an exaggeration or a replication of the love itself#i still stand by my initial sentiment when theyre away a mile apart but together they are in each other and in each other (performance-love-#falling back into it etc etc etc) i find it interesting where A stands in this#because i learn more abt him sooo i was like with him with his statement 'never harmed you' not direct i believe not direct still if we're#going by this is your truth type thing and maybe convincing himself that this is his truth then it's yeah my interpretation is still in 'the#twins' type of look into them so the mirror mirror but the awareness is different (?) IDK guys i saw their lovestory its cute then they hit#u with the underlying horrors and boy do i love getting into it i just need to learn moree 77 years so much so much time vampires is cool#random thoughts#V#i cant wait to write my video essay give me the whole show noww if i messed up on this disregard or whatever armand says#talking myself through stuff i need to rewatch the episode in full
1 note
·
View note
Text
venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
0 notes
Text
Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy
#rat rambles#lisa my beloved <3#her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that#which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary#exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off#scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am#I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear#and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet#in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold#I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk#what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned#I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story#mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight#I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still#now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility#rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss#cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good#now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys#because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches#it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage#again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think#but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run#the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info#collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing#now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two#tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead#stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad
0 notes
Text
.
#and like despite doing social things ive been feeling more lonely than ever#part of it too is tryign not to fill my time with social media doom scrolling#but that also means i get bored more easily and idk#i need to start enjoying time by myself again but i always justfeel like#theres soemthing wrong with me if im not spending my time socially like in the sense that no one wants to hang out with me#my brain always wanders to that and like very specifically to her like#whos she choosing to spend time with if that person isnt me#cuz honestly thought id be seeing her a bit more after being roommates and while thats kinda true its also not true like she doesnt spend#that much time at home esp since we have to share keys so its also like damn all this time she spends outside of home#she doesnt spend it w meeeeeeeee#cuz like even when other people were staying with her#i feel like they like came to practice together all the time but w me shes like gone to practice with jealousy number 2 person lol#who she spends copious amounts of time with regardless like theyre so attached at the hips and theres been a lot of like#WHY NOT ME moments with that and subconscious thoughts about how i could change myself to become that to her#when genuinely like idk she has a different relationship with everyone and with me its never gonna be like that#shes made her choice yaknow and nothing i can do will change that#she do see me as someone close cannot deny that and our closeness is maybe a little more silent idk#in the sense its not very obvious when we do group stuff together#its aslo weird cuz for me she'll be the person i feel closest to in a group setting but she feels closer to other ppl and tHAT is also#confusing af to meee#just not knowing how to handle all of that#i just also idk#i feel like im just someone whos gonna be villager b in most ppls story#including my own lol idk man im just tired of feeling unworthy
0 notes
Text
Ok now that my rage is mostly past i am in more lalaland. Glad to put my energy towards being happy and improving my life with my friends that i love and trust
#i am still miffed that this was public but#it occurred to me it might also be bothering me so intensely because#it seemed we both agreed to move past each other and let go for now#n sure maybe this is what he needed to do to let go#it just feels kinda inflammatory.#but its only as much as i engage it with. which i dont plan to do#i hope my silence helps him reflect#and theres also just#a certain irony to the whole thing that i spent many many years trying to give advice on their relationship trying to help only for nothing#and now this very fresh very new issue suddenly is relationship breaking and hes already given up trying to help#lol#i guess he knows how i feel now though#idk#if anything better for him i guess to cut it off now rather than try repeatedly like i did (unless this already is repeat)#it also just feels like#he really doesnt even know who i am as a person#even after all this time#i dont want to say hes just wrong about everything because i definitely did say some dumb shit in the last few months#but it just feels like hes not even trying#or there are things hes not telling me#i keep telling my side explaining myself explaining what i mean and he just keeps. dare i use this word. Assuming things about me#anytime i have a conversation with him i just feel like im running in a circle i dont understand and i never know how to feel about anythin#and i dont understand what hes talking about what he wants what hes really feeling whats going wrong#and... comparing that to the friends i have now#its just even more obvious they're a lot better for me#i dont think friends are supposed to make you feel like this
1 note
·
View note
Text
Guilty Pleasures ༓ jjk, kth (m) | ch. i
✑ Summary: Three years of being Seoul's power couple earns you nothing but a big fat divorce settlement and your face plaster on every gossip column around town. You're angry, hurt, and desperately want to move on, but worst of all? You're still in love with the man who started the whole mess, even though the most he can ever see you as is a friend. The renowned actor you've hired to be your company's new endorser seems to have a soft spot for you though. He's easy on the eyes, you'll admit, but who actually wants a divorcee like yourself? It's unrealistic really.
pairing: ex-husband ceo!jungkook x ceo!reader, slight actor!taehyung x ceo!reader
genre/AU: angst, smut, loverstoexesto ?, unrequited love
word count: 3,328
Warnings: oc and jk are both 30, mention of gossip columns and unequal treatment of how oc is portrayed post-divorce, hint of differences between men and women in the business world, oc struggling to be professional, both care about each other and are not toxic but oc fell in love, oc has the need to groom him a little out of habit, talks about Bam, feat, Namjoon and Taehyung, and sexual content
sexual warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, desk s*x, d*rty talk, oc is on bc, handjob, swearing, making out, neck kisses, clothed s*x, impulsive s*x, light praising, growling, some minor petnames (baby, Kook), mention of threesome, recalling of past sexual events
playing: Unkiss Me
a/n: uh…this one has been in my drafts and idk its kinda angsty but I decided I will share it. Enjoy! 🥰
series masterlist | next >>
From the moment he stepped into your office, Jungkook could tell every ounce of color was drained from your face. All except for your puffy red eyes that is, which he knows you've been rubbing fervently to keep your tears from rolling down your cheeks.
He doesn't blame you for it though–you're his ex-wife.
Recent ex-wife that is.
For three years the two of you masqueraded as the perfect power couple; appearing completely in love to the public eye in hopes of forming an unshakable business partnership (transaction more like). You attended charity balls together, collaborated on several work projects, and attended countless corporate functions to establish both your presence in your respective industries.
That's right, you and Jungkook were in an arranged marriage and it would have flourished into a classic love story if it wasn't for one obvious detail–you're the only one that fell in love.
Despite all the times he's called you "stunning" when you dolled up for formal events or that you "feel so good" during late-night sex, Jungkook never truly loved you. He cared about you, did his best not to intentionally hurt you, and even tried loving you back; thinking he could fall for you with time.
But the most he could ever see you as is a friend, a beautiful friend, though a friend nonetheless. He knows how much it pains you, especially after you've held out hope that he'll want you the same way someday. This one embarrasses you the most which he wishes it wouldn't.
Well, Jungkook doesn't want to trap either of you in a loveless marriage any longer. So even if it means being the center of gossip columns for a while, he's giving you a divorce so you can find the right person to share your love with.
After all, you deserve it; you both do.
Today's day one of looking at one another as exes and it's bittersweet, to say the least. The only factor that would make this worse is if children were in the equation, but there aren't any.
"Thanks for letting me swing by __," he speaks first, doing his best to conjure up a genuine smile. The black floral button-up he's wearing suits him well and his smooth chest peaking out near the collar is far too tempting, yet you know better than to let your eyes linger.
"Of course," you answer and grab a small box from behind your desk. "These are 100% yours so I wouldn't keep them from you." Jungkook takes the box of belongings from your hands with slight hesitation. You're keeping a brave front for the sake of civility and professionalism.
He doesn't blame you for that either.
As a CEO of a large multinational corporation himself, Jungkook's no stranger to the age-old philosophy that that office is no place to let your personal woes get out of hand; you have a team to lead and a reputation to uphold. The latter is proving to be harder for you than him, however, being that the media is portraying you as some kind of she-devil, spinster, or worse of all—a cheater.
Jungkook plans to personally make sure those articles get removed from the public eye before the end of the week. (Not that he'll tell you though.)
"I still could have dropped by the house to pick these up if it'd been easier. I feel bad for interrupting your work day over a couple of old books, records, and dog toys." He watches you nod silently as he vocalizes the inconvenience of it all; he really doesn't have to but he does it anyway.
"No, it's alright. You haven't been to the house since you moved out, so I thought it'd be better if we met here instead." You pause to check the time. "If there's anything you think of that you might've forgotten later, just let me know. In the meantime, I have a meeting in twenty so..."
"He misses you."
"I'm sorry?"
"Bam, I mean." Jungkook throws the box under an arm and pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his camera gallery until he gets to one particular photo of a red and tan Doberman. "He hates the new place and all he does is sulk by the door."
Your heart's already struggling to settle down from the painful reality that the man you love is leaving you, let alone being reminded of another forced separation. Bam's the closest thing to a baby that either of you ever had and he was one of the few things that bonded you and your now ex-husband together.
Being Jungkook's dog, however, he couldn't stay with you. That means no more visiting the dog park, sneaking treats behind Jungkook's back, and snuggling together in the king-size bed after a stressful day.
"I'm sure he just wants his favorite chew toy that's been held hostage at the house," you joke lightly, thinking it simpler to spin the topic. It's similar to what Jungkook does when he uses flowery language to soften the cold hard truth of your divorce; that he doesn't love you and he can't ever. "Give Bam a lot of attention for me. I miss him too."
"Of cour—shit!" When Jungkook moves to slip his phone back into his pocket he loses his balance, causing the box with his belongings to spill out on your office floor. Naturally, you kneel down to help him clean up the mess. It's not until your fingers reach for the same item and come into contact with each other that you quickly retract your hand. "Sorry, did I shock you?" He asks gently and tosses the last item into the box before standing up.
"No, you didn't." You rise to your feet as well, until you're face to face with him. This time it's closer than before. His hooded eyes stare straight into yours and you can't believe it takes being inches from his face to notice how bloodshot his eyes are. "You look exhausted. You should go home and rest Kook." The petname is out before your brain tells you to stop.
Jungkook's eyes widen, the corner of his lip subtly quirking up for the first time since the start of the conversation. "Don't worry about me __. I probably get more breaks than you do. But thanks." He briefly glances at the ticking Snoopy clock behind you, a Christmas gift he gave you as a joke last year. "You still have that?"
You look over your shoulder at the small, Snoopy-shaped digital clock on your desk. Ten minutes until your next meeting. "It's cute and it makes for a great conversation starter with clients so I guess so. If you want me to give it ba—"
"Keep it," he interrupts. "Please, it was a gift and I'd like you to have it if you enjoy it." Jungkook gnaws on his lip before continuing. "Speaking of clients and business partners, I should make myself scarce now shouldn't I?"
"Yes. I do have that meeting soon." But once he leaves, neither of you is sure when you'll see the other again aside from the odd charity event. The Annual Winter Gala in December is one that particularly comes to mind.
Most high-ranking executives like yourselves attend the function to keep up appearances and to network with other professionals. Last year, you and Jungkook were the center of attention however now that you're divorced, you fear you'll be avoided like the plague—they always preferred Jungkook over you anyway.
"You're forming a new partnership with that actor, right? Kim Taehyung? I read an inkling about it online yesterday." He also read his whole biography too. The man is equally handsome as he is altruistic and kind.
"Nothing's signed and sealed yet. I'm sure you've heard that he's gotten dozens of other offers on the table. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't nabbed him yet."
"Yeah, we don't need...wait sorry, let me rephrase that. We aren't ready for a new partner or merger yet."
You can read between the lines despite Jungkook's correction. His company is thriving more than yours in every way, so he doesn't need the help of a third-party endorser...like you. Well, you're not doing too shabby yourself and this isn't simply about fame and fortune you want to argue.
The head poking through your door stops you from following through on that last line.
"Mrs. Jeon—shit." Your secretary Kim Namjoon screws his eyes shut at his drastic misstep. "Ms. __, Kim Taehyung called and said he'll be a bit late due to unexpected delays during his filming today. He apologizes profusely but is on his way over now. Sajangnim," he bows at Jungkook respectively.
"That's fine, Namjoon, thank you. You can send him in whenever he gets here. Mr. Jeon was just about to leave and I had the rest of my day cleared."
"Of course. I'll let him know to come in." Your secretary nods and shuts the door. Jungkook shifts between his feet once Namjoon is out of sight, a habit he's picked up that tells you he has more to say.
"Was there anything else, Mr. Jeon?" You shuffle a few files on your desk, prepping for your meeting with Taehyung. At this point, you're not even looking at Jungkook.
"Mr. Jeon? I think I prefer when you call me Kook more," he mutters, allowing his line of sight to catch a glimpse of your lips. "Can I...kiss you? Before I go."
The question knocks the wind out of your lungs and you instantly lift your head up toward him. "Kiss me?" You gulp slowly, then shake your head. "No, I'd rather we not. Goodbye kisses aren't really my thing." You couldn't be a bigger liar, evident from the sudden churning in your gut. Having Jungkook's lips on yours was the best and worst moments of your entire relationship but you have to fight yourself....your innate desires that tell you to say yes.
"Okay, I understand. What about a hug?"
"Jungkook..."
"I'm sorry, I'm pushing. Thanks again for my stuff." He gestures at the box under his arm. "I hope your meeting with Kim Taehyung goes well. Maybe I'll see you both at the next Winter Gala." He makes a beeline for the door.
"Wait!"
Jungkook stills in his tracks as he watches you stride in front of him. He's unsure what you stopped him for until your hands reach out towards his shirt collar, smoothing the delicate material down. A light smile plays on his face as you do this, though he says nothing aside from a simple 'thanks'.
"It was bothering me the whole time." You finish fixing his collar and peer up into his Bambi eyes. Out of all the potential suitors, you wish Jeon Jungkook didn't become your husband. It's not like you got to keep him or anything.
Jungkook once again flickers his gaze toward your barely parted lips. And this time, you do the same for him. Before either of you have time to back out you lean forward and kiss him.
It's a hard kiss too. Painful but so inviting that neither of you pulls away.
With his free hand, Jungkook snakes a hand around your waist to hug you close. Having his fingers pressed against the small of your back is so familiar and all you can do is deepen the kiss.
You're obviously not the only one that gets a sense of pleasure from this because, in a matter of seconds, the box from under Jungkook's arm falls to the ground. He then places his second hand on the side of your neck and jawline which you lean into, exposing the other side of your neck.
"Jungkook," you gasp when his lips attach themself to the soft skin, sucking lightly. His teeth come out and nip too. "Wait, we can't do this, we shouldn't. Taehyung, he'll be here soon."
"That would have sounded so convincing if you didn't just moan the words, baby." He walks you backward until you're forced to sit atop your mahogany desk.
"Don't call me that." You allow him to push up your pencil skirt and spread your thighs until your panties are the only material he sees. You decided to go with black lace today, his favorite now that you think about it.
"Did you—"
"No, they weren't for you."
A brief growl leaves the man's rose-tinted lips. "In that case, we don't need them." He places both hands on your hips and brings you into another kiss, messier than before. His tongue shoves between the seam of your lips to lick every crevasse he can. He hasn't kissed you like this for months and to be brutally honest, he's missed it as much as you.
Jungkook hasn't been with anyone else since marrying you either, which means he's completely adjusted to your body, your preferences, and what turns you on. The same applies to you so while he's busy shoving his tongue down your throat, you palm his half-harden bulge through his trousers.
"Mm," he groans and bucks his hips into your hand. You smile at how well you've managed to draw a response from him. With a little burst of confidence, you hastily move to unbuckle his pants. "What are you doing?" He mumbles between kisses.
You decide not to answer, preferring to reach inside his trousers to take his length out. You make sure to pump it a few times until he's fully hard. Jungkook has a gorgeous dick, and that takes a lot for you to admit.
"Fuck, that's it." He says with gritted teeth, now watching your hand as it moves up and down his cock. "Get me how you want me."
"We don't have much time." You slide your panties down your legs and spread your thighs wide apart, which makes Jungkook's eyes dilate about 10 meters. "Fuck me, please." One last time. Make love to me one last time.
"Are you sure? I don't have a condom."
"It's okay, I'm on birth control. As long as you're still clean then its fine."
"I am. I got tested recently. But are you sure you want this?"
You glance at his pulsating length, tip leaking with pre-cum, and swallow hard. "Hurry."
"Fuck, okay." Jungkook wastes not another second and guides you flat on your back, his hands resting on either side of your body. The coolness of your desk has you shiver slightly. He then urges you to raise your legs until they can wrap loosely around his slim waist. And as if second nature, you link your arms around his neck as he eases him into you. He's able to bottom out without much effort thanks to how wet you've become.
"Oh god." Your back arches off the surface of your desk as Jungkook thrusts into you. They're only practice thrusts at first to get you re-adjusted to his size, yet the pleasure zipping down your spine already has your eyes rolling up.
You shouldn't be doing this at all. Your conscious whispers to again to which you blindly dismiss. You'll enjoy it now and tomorrow, start a new—another lie you tell yourself.
"Fuckfuckfuck, you're so wonderful for me," he chants while pushing his cock in and out of you, the speed of his movements picking up to an insane rate. Jungkook never had an issue with quickies so he's likely in his element now. "You know what this reminds me of?" He cocks a smirk and kisses down your neck.
"Hm?"
"That time when we were abroad for a weekend conference. Remember when we stopped at my second office to pick up some files? You were so horny that day that you pushed me into my chair and demanded that I let you ride me. It took the wind right out of my sails to see you like that, so confident and in control." He prys apart the top button of your blouse until he can slide the material down your shoulders. He doesn't take it off completely, favoring the chance to place kisses on your newly exposed area instead.
"I was beyond stressed that day. It was the first time I had to speak at that conference and you looked so good with your freshly slicked back hair. I couldn't stop myself—oh fuck! Right there Kook, don't slow down. Please." Jungkook grunts at the use of his petname and fucks you rougher, sweat forming around his forehead as his dark hair dangles messily over his eyes.
You manage to sneak a glance at the time on your Snoopy clock between thrusts. "Shit, I need to come soon, or Kim Taehyung's never going to agree to do business with me." The man laughs and buries his head on your shoulder.
"You never know, he could be really into threesomes."
"Fuck! Don't joke about that." You claw at his back and surprise both of you with the unexpected clenching of your pussy.
"You're right, I take it back," he groans and continues to snap his hips. "Looks like he's not the one who wants a threesome after all, considering your body's response to the suggestion. You wanna ask him if he walks in?" He whispers in your ear and you're embarrassed that your cheeks burn at the thought.
Of course, Kim Taehyung was sexy and you've rehearsed to yourself dozens of times not to let yourself get any crazy ideas about him. Still, one unrequited love is enough for you; Taehyung wouldn't want a divorcee. You shake the train of thought before it has time to go any further. "Make me come, Kook. Need you to finish too. It's not just Taehyung who could walk in at any second."
Jungkook grunts and continues to thrust into you, bouncing you up and down his thick length as the desk shakes underneath you. He feels you getting closer and closer by the sporadic clenching of your walls squeezing him. A big part of him doesn't want this to end but it has to....he doesn't love you. He only wants to make you feel good before he has to say goodbye. Both of you come just before Namjoon calls your office phone, giving you a heads-up that Taehyung's about to enter your office.
Jungkook shoves his pants back on while you button up your blouse and fold over your skirt. You decided to shove your underwear in your bag with the lack of time. No one has any business digging in there anyway.
"How do I look?" You turn around to get a quick once-over from Jungkook but he's already out the door. Now the person standing in front of you is Kim Taehyung who has nothing but the most genuine smile.
"You look lovely as always Ms. __. I'm so sorry I'm late by the way. I feel terrible about it so I brought you these." Taehyung whips out a large bouquet of your favorite flowers. "Hope you don't mind that I did a little research on you ahead of time. I found out these have a special place in your heart."
You smile and accept the bouquet with thanks. As you set them on your desk, a messages comes through your phone. You manage to give a quick look.
Unknown Number: Sorry I had to duck so fast! I know it looked rude but Taehyung was already opening the door and you were dressed so I thought it'd be better if I left. Hope you're meeting goes well! And thanks for everything today ;) if you need anything, you have my number.
You flip your phone over and invite Taehyung to have a seat. Business is business, and you have to carry on even if your heart has completely sunk to the ground. Kim Taehyung is sweet anyway, so you'll enjoy his company.
Too bad you don't realize how much he enjoys yours as well.
a/n: so, yeah... there's a potential for our Jk to actually love oc and not realize it but either way he does care about her (despite the impulsive sex). And yes, taehyung likes oc... it's like a double unrequited love 😔 okay bye lmk what you think, thank you! 😘
Also, lmk what you think about jk in this poll!
masterlist
no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton
#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x you#jungkook imagines#taehyung smut#taehyung angst#bts smut#bts angst#bts au#bts imagines#bts fanfics#bts x reader#fic:guiltypleasures#kookslastbutton
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
@steaming-goblet-of-nutte-mylk
😭 except Joker's history with sexist behavior, his now over 3 decade long abusive dynamic with Harley, his gross obsession with Batman that has turned into SA before, the events of The Killing Joke & Barbara becoming paralyzed, are all significant and frankly Popular Joker plot points. It is consistent, it's his character at this point.
There's absolutely an issue in comics / their fandoms with inconsistency and back n fourth characterizations, as a Harley fan god I know skdjskd
But Joker is not a character who's greatly affected by it. Like at all.
He's very consistent being an abusive, sexist pig with an obsession towards Batman.
And there is someone who wrote a comic where he won't work with Nazis, that's why folks bring it up. Because 1 time he did a morally decent thing of doing the literal bare minimum & not working with scum of the earth Nazis.
But things like him being abusive or sexist or gross towards Batman aren't aren't rare Batshit Insane plots that happened here and there and Are Inconsistent. Him not being like that is inconsistent.
These aren't things that only people who Really read DC / Gotham related comics know about. Him sexually assaulting Batman maybe since that comic isn't a primary timeline one, but his obsession with Bats is quite literally these people's proof of him being queercoded. So, no.
Joker's actions in these plots are the foundation for his relationships with Batman & Harley, and Barbara no longer being Batgirl and becoming Oracle is directly tied to Joker's horrid actions when he paralyzed her, she's Oracle Right Now.
Sure, especially with Harley, I don't expect people to know every single horrendous thing he's done to her because frankly, there's a Fuck Ton, and I didn't even list it all, I didn't even list half. (Hell, I'm sure there's still moments that I haven't come across yet and that's saying something cause I've consumed just about every single piece of Harley media out there)
But The Killing Joke is a popular DC story, his unhinged obsession with Batman is like the only thing his character is, if you know he's obsessed with Batman, then you know the basics of his character.
And his relationship with Harley has Always been abusive. Like, if all these folks have seen of DC is BTAS, then they still know that. Joker not being abusive towards her is significantly more rare, inconsistent, and Batshit Insane tbf. And 9/10 times the "good moments" are clear as day love bombing to anyone consuming the content that's got more than 1 brain cell, it's just love bombing. It's called the cycle of abuse for a reason.
That's why I said "like y'all's only reference for him is the fucking Lego Movie and GOD it shows" because that's how they act he is all the time. It DOES show.
The Lego Batman Movie Joker is the outlier, he's the inconsistent one when compared to 99% of Joker's out there.
people in the replies of this keep mentioning Joker and him being queercoded n shit and it's just like 😭😭😭😭 y'all are so stupid I stg
Yeah the best example of a good villain whose not bigoted is *checks notes* the dude who violently abused his bisexual girlfriend, drugged her, pushed her into chemicals, ran her over with a car, infected her pet hyenas with rabies and had them attack her, hung her up by the neck with a chain, tried to forcefully impregnate her, pretended he was going to cut her face off to make her scared, made fun of her appearance to her face and to his goons, cut the side of her mouth open with a shaving blade, put a hit out on her, carved a J into her chest, pushed her out of a window 5 stories up, has kicked - punched - slapped - strangled more times than I could list individually,,,,, or has sexually assaulted Batman, and has sexually assaulted Barbara Gordon, is implied to have sexually assaulted someone in Joker (2008), oh and forced Harley to strip in a public crowded bar under threat of detonating the bombs in her and the squad's necks if she didn't. So ya know, also sa.
but hey !!! at least he's not said a slur! and he won't work with Nazis! as if that's not the literal bare minimum. Wow he won't work with Nazis, fucking NAZIS, do you want me to applaud him for doing the easiest thing that any person with even mildly decent or existent morals would decide? Ya know, not working with goddamn Nazis.
No one should be working with fucking nazis?? The bar is in hell.
Being an abusive borderline rapist with a sky high sexist streak is just casual Worst Villain behavior, he's not a bigot!
Everyone knows you're only a bigot of you 1. Say Slurs 2. Work with Nazis.
That's obviously the only qualifying criteria for being a bigot.
-
The Joker is a whole entire sexist with a history of severe in character abuse and sexual assault. but none of that matters to ((unfortunately large)) sections of the fandom or to locals cause some of y'all would rather just pretend he's an uwu messy gay dude who's just oh so in love with Batman and is not a sexist, abusive bigot cause fuck women and the suffering he enjoys putting them through right? like y'all's only reference for him is the fucking Lego Movie and GOD it shows
#Barbara fans correct me if I'm wrong as I don't consume a lot of her content and im sure i got a couple of yall here<33#but the killing joke's effect on her character feels pretty obvious to me at least#// hell just the sexist ass remarks he's made about Harley throughout the years and through like every media they've appeared in together#is enough for me to confidently call him sexist#''women am i right officer? can't live with em can't kick em out of a moving car''#i think leto's joker calling her an itch in his crotch should be enough in and of itself because it grosses me tf out#and ya know what so much stuff he's done being such a just Yeah That Sounds Like Something He'd Do / Say#is really fucking annoying because no matter what 9/10 times it doesn't matter if every other character is ooc he's so fucked in the head#that it always just feels in character for him#like the Joker / Mask comic or whatever DISGUSTING SEXIST TRASH but his character towards Harley? 100% accurate#Joker's Last Laugh? the comic where he sends his idk joker army to kidnap her because he wanted to have a baby regardless if she wanted it#horrid shit for Harley's character. her pain and fear and character is treated like a joke. its there for humor#and her final scene in the comic is a JOKE about her being sexually harassed by the military guards and strip searched Again just cause#but Joker not caring what she wants or that they're over or that forcing a pregnancy is Fucking Fucked Up? yeah thats in character.#he's never cared about what she wants or consent or anything#and its fucking frustrating because I'd like to disregard these comics mentally as the gross sexist trash they are but i cant#because regardless of how Harley's characterized or treated by the creative team its still accurate for how /He/ treats her#/He's/ still very much in character when it comes to their dynamic.#and I'm nothing if not someone who must collect every receipt for certain Harley topics and his direct actions towards her are one of them#the only other joker i can think of that doesn't just fit the same exact mold as every other one is Bianca and i still hate her#because she's a joker.#乁( •_• )ㄏ#but at the very least Harley(Holly) was with her (regardless of it being a woman) in like 1997 so#the very very very slim sliver lining is that Harley was shown to be bisexual twice in comic form before the 2000s#BUT THATS IT#// And idk about some of those other fandom plots#but I do remember as someone who was in the MCU fandom for a good while back in the Infinity War/Endgame time#that people really didn't like Captain America working with Hydra/ Nazis.#people were loud about disliking it and its inconsistency in regards to his character (never been a cap fan so idk more skdndks)#but joker's plots aren't like those listed. it's not weird wtf plots that mostly get disregarded its just him being him. a monster.
150 notes
·
View notes