#idk if its obvious to others but its so obvious to me how much more comfortable and easy it is to draw my ocs
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changbinsboobs · 2 days ago
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Ok nvm starting the social media series, and i am starting with Changbin deal with it😤 i haven't been feeling the spark with my cards again for a few days and wanted to reignite it by doing a reading i myself have been looking forward to a lot, tho now i don't think that was that good of an idea cuz i didn't even finish it cuz my man tortured me again for over an hour with his long ass reading and now im traumatized.
Anyways, i don't think it would be any other way with the other members too cuz its just TOOO MANY question, and when theres more than one apps, it gets a bit difficult, so yeah i'll either do app by app for each memeber and just rotate them or...idk ill see if the others take that long and'll think about how im gonna do it.
Skz Social Media Series: Changbin -> Tiktok
How often does he check it?
- Routinely. Im seeing him checking it quite a lot throughout the day out of habit. Lots of time.
How long does he stay on it?
- Quite a while. Its difficult getting him off of it as it really grabs and holds onto his attention. Seems a bit addicting.
When/why does he reach out to it?
- The pregnant empress shows up again as the ABSOLUTE MUSST for every changbin reading i do. I think he goes on tiktok whenever he feels inspiration and wants to double it, whenever he wants to get inspired or whenever he feels some sort of insufficience. Like when he feels lonely, when he feels unfulfilled, when something doesn't go the way he wants etc.
- On the other hand, why he goes on it is because its very authentic and creative. He likes the unpolished raw ideas and portrayal of people where u can really just..get inspired:)
Does he fall victim to doomsscrolling? When?
- The potential definitely is there but he's fighting against it and i think its going well. So i don't see him spending actual hours on it. I do see him tho, opening tiktok out of habit just to check and instead of watching 1 or 2 videos he watches 5.
Does he have people he sends videos back and forth with?
- Yes quite a lot actually i think this is one of his fav parts about tiktok. He does that with friends and one interesting thing i picked up on is he loves doing that with crushes. He thinks its a great opportunity to get into conversation with them, keep in contact and learn more about his crushes and have the opportunity to show more of himself too. I think this may be some of his go to methods keeping close to a crush without making it obvious he's crushing on them. I think overtime he has become very guarded with love, crushes and all and i don't think he's the type to instantly confess or actively pursue or seek out a relationship. Doesn't change the fact that he's still crushing tho, so thats a good, innocent way for him to feed his heart while still keeping a safe distance. When it comes to regular friends or guy friends - ok wait...this part is very confusing to be honest so don't take this with a grain of salt take it wth whole spoon of salt. I think most of his friends he sends videos back and forth with are actually female friends, cuz whenever i specifically look for guyfriends really dark cards like the tower or 7 of swords come out, or like nonchalant ones like the 4os, but once i ask about female friends its all cups and rainbows and all. So my take on this is with female friends he's way more active on there, probably keeping streaks and all😂 cuz the content they share between each other is just much more potent and entertaining and resonates with him much more, rather than with his male friends i think he doesn't really enjoy or care that much the content they send him, he can't really send them mich content either cuz they wouldn't understand or like it so the exchange between him and his male friends isn't very pleasant for him, contrary to his female friends.
Whats the content he consumes on there?
(family & friends, memes, stay up to date with trends & information, spying on people of interest, spying on stay, looking for new people (friends, hookups, networking), researching information or thirsttraps (soft porn/ porn)
- Various: spirituality & healing
- Finance & getting rich
- Divine love like soulmates, manifesting live, dating tips, healing traumas in connection to that stuff, healing & learning about attachements etc. also seeing some psychology.
- Taking charge of your life, self development, learning to navigate life and many things at a time, preventing burnout, helpful tips for that, also with emphasis on problems like indecision, struggle to letting go, procrastination.
- Motivational videos
- Baby videos / parenting videos
- Videos of couples that live together or have been together for a long while.
- Transformational videos of people that have significantly changed something in their life, be it physique, financial status, countries, identity etc.
His main topics of interest on the platform?
- Self development
- Getting rich(er)
- Setting boundaries and protecting urself
- Success, happiness & balance in life
- Inner child healing
- Motivation
- (Quite surprised there was nothing about live here in the cards, considering i got like 6-8 love cards in the previous answer, that some of them i didn't even read) (still even if i didn't get it in the cards here, love may not be one of his main topic of interest, like the reason he opens the app, but its definitely a reason he stays on it and keeps coming back as love is definitely a type of content he consumes in GREAT amounts!!!
Does he consume content in Korean, English or both?
-both (yk im really curious seeing which types if content he watches in english and which in korean but I've been doing this reading for over an hour and im so exhausted😭😭😭😭) (if ur interested send a separate ask and ill do it later)
His amount of active engagement (writing comments etc
- Very little to none. He just thinks it in his head, without writing anything or he just sends it to his friends with his comment/opinion.
Since when and why he got that app?
- Don't have a time but he did because of a crush & actually stayed because it was really entertaining indeed and informative on top of that. Only time clue im getting that its been for years. And im hearing and seeing for for the whole time while shuffling cards. Didn't get a confirmation on that tho i myself believe it could be right since that would mean he started using it actively in 2020 which if im not mistaken was the rise of tiktok, and also energetically speaking i feel like this was a time of change for changbin too, which matches the cards i got for him. So take this with a whole bucket of salt - 7 think he may be using tiktok actively since around 2020.
Does he have certain creators he really enjoys and follows religiously? (Can't see which specific creator it is unless y'all already have speculations and ask me for specific people, then i can check)
- yes a man teaching about success, finance, self development etc.
- A woman teaching about breakups, relationships, harnessing ur power, attracting & manifesting a SP or ur soulmate or the right person for u
- Another woman (of color) teaching about shadow work & spirituality overall, about divine creation & manifesting and ugh idk how to describe it. Like she talks about taking whats special in you, teaching you to harness it, remove obstacles, see urself for who u are and accept urself and then using this power u have to create magic in the world through ur unique spark & shine & creativity. I think she really helps motivate him when in a slum or writers block or something.
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uglyf4wn · 21 days ago
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realizing that communication actually doesnt matter as much as ppl say it does, bc most ppl glorify it and see it as a magical solution when in fact communicating your feelings/wants/needs only work if other ppl are receptible to it. which... most ppl arent, both bc many dont want to bc it requires too much effort of them and it's easier to shift blame on others not "communicating", but also bc many many ppl just have brains that arent wired to understand others, or other viewpoints and perspectives. thus, no level of communication will make someone who isnt capable of receiving it hear you. most efforts to "communicate" are completely wasted. and it's frustrating, but what can u do?
#one of my main examples of this is...#i clearly stated in the beginning of someone expressing potential interest in me#that i have feelings for someone and i cant help that or do anything abt and its just how it is#but that person continued to call me stupid for not just stopping my feelings for my person#thats just an example *i* FEEL is obvious#even if u tell someone or warn someone or give someone a head ups#if they arent capable of comprehending it or you... it wont matter#they will still hurt / punish / get mad at u for not being what they want#so yeah... makes me wanna scream#humans are just too much fkn pain in the ass </3#i barely even see the point in being upfront or direct or honest anymore#it doesnt even fucking matter bc apparently most ppl are fkn incapable of hearing u 😒#i've always thought it so important to be considerate to others#not waste their time... not give them fair warnings etc etc#but more and more i feel like 9/10 they just fkn lash out on u anyway#maybe i should just be sketchy and dodgy and vague distant and detached and avoidant like everyone else is#and just protect myself and my own selfish desires and needs and wishes. everyone else does that.#i just am not wired to look at ppl and see what they can give me or what i can use them for#thats why i often am just upfront and honest. i dont see ppl as merchandise or their sole purpose being to serve me and my needs#im just a human and theyre a human and we have a mutual thing going#but no. nooooo. thats how *i* work. i've learned that now#most (not all but far too many im tired) look at others and automatically calculate how they can use them#what they can get out of talking to u. what they can take and get from u. how to make u act the way they want to#idk where im going with this.... uh. i just dont see the point in communicating. ppl dont listen..#bc they dont want to cummincate. they want u to shut up and act like the marionette they see u as. they dont wanna hear u out or understand#they want u to just behave and act how they tell u. thus communicating is a total waste of energy 9/10 times#like .. for example on here. i can put like warning im mentally ill in my bio. but ppl will still be personally affeonted when i act that#way to myself ... most ppl just are not capable of listening to others or processing the fact that others dont exist for them#it doesnt matter how much u try to be honest or direct or upfront bc they dont care. they dont hear it. they wont adjust or respect u.#so why even bother communicating? or warn? or be direct? none of that even makes a lick of difference its so futile
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago
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The evil slow creep of it being like "haha these will just be quick little side quests, not much effort at all!" and then noticing each one is getting progressively longer than the last, thus no longer being minimal effort.. auGh....
#The jump of 76 for the first one to 275 for the most recent ghghjb#what can I say.. I am.. The Elaborator.. The Detail Giver..#number six will HAVE to be shorter....!!!!!! !!!!#I fear it's going to look this way but opposite with some of the main character quests. The first character I ever worked on. like their#first quest I added wayy to much information and detail and side options and etc.#Once I got done with all their stuff I was like.... if they're all like this I will NEVER finish.. So then I tried to be very short about#it all. EVERY single interaction cannot have 10 branching dialogue and 5 different endings and blah blah blah.. as much as I wish it could.#Hiring a butler to stand over me all day shouting ''NARROW the scope!!!! REDUCE the options!!! CUT the dialogue!!!'' whilst I sob#and hit backspace on everything once every five minutes#But that means probably the first character I worked on will be very obvious because their quests might have a different#feel than the others and be longer.. I just CAN'T make ALL of them that long. but maybe I could choose one..#Like out of the four characters that will have full quests for them upon release.. maybe I can add another one thats long so at least#TWO of them have weirdly long quests and the one first character doesnt seem so singled out lol#I hear this happens in real life professional games as well (like people complaining that X character doesnt have as much#content in an RPG as some other one does. etc.) so.. perhaps my fears about everyting not being exactlyliterally equal#are not even that worrisome or something that's a major factor. Still lol#It's not really that concerning to me anyways from a 'how will people react to it' perspective (very niche game. hardly anyone#will play it i'd assume. its not like thousands of people shall desscend upon me to criticize even if something was weird like that.#it'd be like. out of the 25 people who ever play it. maybe one of them is like 'yeah it was kinda weird that thosequests were so much#longer than the others. but idk' and that's the extent lol). My concern is more like.. Writing time..#the more I add. the longer it takes for me to finish. So if I keep ednlessly making things forever longer and longer. then it becomes The#Forever Project. which it kind of already is. considering I started it in 2018 and then forgot about it for the most part of 5 years and am#only resuming it now LOL.. I cannot bear to add MORE forever onto that which already is quite Forever-ish#If I wrote everything the ideal way I wish it were then I would either need a full team of writers. or I would finish the game in 2085#so.. alas.. cut cut snip snip..#ANYWAY lol
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vonkarma2 · 3 months ago
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realized recently all the wizard ocs i have made fall into 4 categories of motivation
autism
ocd
wanting to use magic to kill people, just to be mean
inanna
#my ocs#so. i guess i should look more into ocd in order to be respectful about it#i didnt intend to include it originally but then when thinking abt characters like yiming where its like yeah hes constantly tormented#by obsessive thoughts about how he could be doing better and is usually miserable as a result#i was like this sounds kind of familiar yk. i dont want to exaggerate it or use it for angst or anything like that bc it feels extremely#tasteless lol#also dont want to portray moral ocd as like a positive productive force for obvious reasons#anyway it is kind of funny to me like what the fuck is wrong with jaime. joanna is the other person in the evil category but she was like#a prodigy with insane skill and the rest of her character stems from there#whereas jaime's character is pretty much just abusive murderous asshole. did he just believe in his own superiority that much#cant stress enough how it is very very difficult to do magic. idk maybe he was like cursed#as a child and so had familiarity with magic from a young age. to an unusual extent yk#sure whatever ig that makes sense. zeolans shield backstory written here for you all live#ok also autism category is rocio and malachi#ocd category is shamash yiming and rocio again#evil category is jaime and joanna#inanna category is inanna#angelica should also be in the inanna category tbh. i have never drawn her she died many years before the story started. shes low on the#lore iceberg lol#should rename the category to girl who is cool and swag
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(
#its bc last night my dad had a dream she was in a car wreck. he transferred that anxiety onto me#shes such a bitch tho.just like intolerant of things she doesnt understand. and she does not understand my unwell brain#i think she likes my youngest sistsr best now. which fair bc i do too but we used to be besties. we used to explore in the woods together#and play ellos and barbies and legos and poly pockets and magnets. and now we never text eachother. its sorta sad#its not just me tho. my youngest sister and i have a 4 year gap so we weren't really interacting much when were were little bc she was too#bby to me but shes such a genuinely lovely person now. shes a special ed and preschool teacher. i asked her mom how she ended up with both#of my sisters bc my middle sister is the most like entitled person i kno. like my parents r very generous and she doesnt think for a moment#about not accepthing things from them. she thinks shes owed that amd more. its so strange#and my mom was like. thank goodness i got the youngest bc otherwise id think something was wrong with me#im prob somewhere in the middle of them. my brain is just more fucked up so like im greatful but im struggling. theres not a ton of like#really obvious mental illness in my family tho. just here and there someone should b diagnosed and get a bit of help. my uncle is the only#other one who could possibly be bipo1ar but hes also got a lot of problems: severe adhd and possibly b0rderline. so it could just b that but#my dad says when u talk to him sometimes things just doent make sense bc hes had convos in his head wuth you so he thinks u kno already#idk. its interesting tho#unrelated
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moonsidesong · 5 months ago
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official bri moonsidesong danganronpa cases tierlist for the 2 people who interact with my dr posts (spoilers for all 3 main games obviously). sorry for being a doggone roomba fan its not my fault i played it in quarantine and they wont let me out
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tiers are kinda ordered but a lot of them in the same tier are pretty interchangeable. my opinions change constantly #lol
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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@ father time can we run it back to june so i can make a joke really quick
#snap chats#sorry I Only Legally Go Here but still i have to make a pride joke. i blame vegeta. dont know how i just will#spoilers. for smile. i fucking guess#ANYWAY am i surprised that my theory was right No it was p obvious but still i liked how we got to the conclusion. anyways.#i was just fence sitting on smile the other day LMAO naw i liked this scene i really did#i feel like i have to make the strongest disclaimer ever as if anyone actually thinks this is about queerness and say the context is--#tf it called when your parents have diff ethnicities ANYWAYS THAT. ITS ABOUT THAT.#but yeah no it can be about That too. i guess. if we want. lol#the show doesnt really focus on vito being filipino/japanese all too much. which is surprising to say and a lil disappointing#like its relevant but not overly so which. dont know how i feel about it yet like ig i get it ??? idk ill have to review later#but anyhow its why i like this scene i finally got to have my He's Just Like Me Fr moment </3#unfortunately nakai's character isn't also filipino/japanese. no pinoy represent 2x. he's korean/japanese WAH SPOILERS#but still a lot of what was said in this scene resonated really personally with me#i wont get too sappy and sentimental about it i just appreciate. being validated in some way idk#its not a fair comparison probably but still its nice sort of seeing a character that has similar issues and thoughts to me#and i guess that can apply to both. instances. if we catch my cold LMAO dont make me say it#ok bye uhhhh i should probably watch the next episode#big trial episode..... then i just have two more eps... then garden of wind time...
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minamotoz · 2 years ago
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#degrassi#saad al'maliki#this one has been cooking in my drafts for a while#in case it wasnt obvious from the fact that this video is months old#anyways in case it needs reiterating yes saad is in fact the best brooding artsy boy this show has ever had#well maybe not BEST i still prefer eli over him but definitely the most interesting#i made a post on this a long while ago but i love Him and he deserved so much more#on rewatch im definutely more disappointed that his story ended up making him an extention of lola#even though i reslly liked their relationship. i just wish there was more of a focus on him and not how he relates to lola#and my other major problem w his storyline that isnt even his own fault#is that the person to heckle him when he gave that speech was fucking BAAZ#that part pisses me off bc i love baaz and i hate how the show constantly bends his character to make him worlds biggest asshole#bc baaz despite being less devout than his sister is a muslim#and is literally HOUSING A REFUGEE like out of the entire gamer crew he wld be the most supportive#but thats about baaz anyways back fo saad#i think the best part about saad over eli or craig or miles is that his angst feels more. idk. heavy#not that being abused by a parentsl figure or having a severe mental illness or suffering addiction isnt heavy#but saad being a traumatized refugee from a war torn country . its so#its heavy and its just so real idk maybe im biased bc my parents also come from a war torn country but it just Hits#and the way he processes his grief and trauma through his photography#and his unhealthy relationship w maya where rhey feed off each others trauma i cld talk about that all day#hes so tragic to Me the little spoingly#saad doesnt get mentioned in this three way angsty white boy debate bc hes not white and he came in too late into the series#to finish his arc properly#but i will ride for him til i DIE his NC4 storyline was soo fucking GOOD#he never gets the praise he deserves i will praise U my pookie!!!!!!
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saturnsfather · 4 months ago
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i love watching true crime videos !!! no i dont think it makes it ‘morally grey’ that the people murdered in that viral video were drug smugglers actually. i dont actually care about that, fun fact! i think maybe. just maybe. it was bad that that happened!
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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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salmoncakepls · 7 months ago
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...🦌?
#i also find performance in the show so interesting#the ppl sometimes misinterpret is what exactly performance is rather than seeing it as this range of xyz elements that go into it that may#still have a connection to your self they see it as this black and white framing to perform is not necessarily to lie but to lie is not#necessarily to perform#like we see louis' perform over and over and over and over again in different decades in different areas of his life and part of his story#is this lack of identity itself#hes so interesting bc of the layered up part of him like you see these layers (of self and performance--which can intertwine) and you come#closer and closer to it to find something even newer yeah so#its so obvious#w/ him how he cant tell that direct lie like...in past-in modern same-same and if he happens to tell a good lie best believe he believe it#to so its not technically a lie it is his own truth your own truth does not have to be factual but the sentiments still stands ala what JA#said soo i find it interesting performing together but the performance is not a lie but an exaggeration or a replication of the love itself#i still stand by my initial sentiment when theyre away a mile apart but together they are in each other and in each other (performance-love-#falling back into it etc etc etc) i find it interesting where A stands in this#because i learn more abt him sooo i was like with him with his statement 'never harmed you' not direct i believe not direct still if we're#going by this is your truth type thing and maybe convincing himself that this is his truth then it's yeah my interpretation is still in 'the#twins' type of look into them so the mirror mirror but the awareness is different (?) IDK guys i saw their lovestory its cute then they hit#u with the underlying horrors and boy do i love getting into it i just need to learn moree 77 years so much so much time vampires is cool#random thoughts#V#i cant wait to write my video essay give me the whole show noww if i messed up on this disregard or whatever armand says#talking myself through stuff i need to rewatch the episode in full
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kalashtars · 9 months ago
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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arolesbianism · 9 months ago
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Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy
#rat rambles#lisa my beloved <3#her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that#which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary#exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off#scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am#I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear#and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet#in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold#I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk#what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned#I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story#mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight#I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still#now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility#rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss#cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good#now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys#because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches#it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage#again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think#but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run#the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info#collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing#now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two#tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead#stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad
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yongseungkim · 9 months ago
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#and like despite doing social things ive been feeling more lonely than ever#part of it too is tryign not to fill my time with social media doom scrolling#but that also means i get bored more easily and idk#i need to start enjoying time by myself again but i always justfeel like#theres soemthing wrong with me if im not spending my time socially like in the sense that no one wants to hang out with me#my brain always wanders to that and like very specifically to her like#whos she choosing to spend time with if that person isnt me#cuz honestly thought id be seeing her a bit more after being roommates and while thats kinda true its also not true like she doesnt spend#that much time at home esp since we have to share keys so its also like damn all this time she spends outside of home#she doesnt spend it w meeeeeeeee#cuz like even when other people were staying with her#i feel like they like came to practice together all the time but w me shes like gone to practice with jealousy number 2 person lol#who she spends copious amounts of time with regardless like theyre so attached at the hips and theres been a lot of like#WHY NOT ME moments with that and subconscious thoughts about how i could change myself to become that to her#when genuinely like idk she has a different relationship with everyone and with me its never gonna be like that#shes made her choice yaknow and nothing i can do will change that#she do see me as someone close cannot deny that and our closeness is maybe a little more silent idk#in the sense its not very obvious when we do group stuff together#its aslo weird cuz for me she'll be the person i feel closest to in a group setting but she feels closer to other ppl and tHAT is also#confusing af to meee#just not knowing how to handle all of that#i just also idk#i feel like im just someone whos gonna be villager b in most ppls story#including my own lol idk man im just tired of feeling unworthy
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ravegore · 9 months ago
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Ok now that my rage is mostly past i am in more lalaland. Glad to put my energy towards being happy and improving my life with my friends that i love and trust
#i am still miffed that this was public but#it occurred to me it might also be bothering me so intensely because#it seemed we both agreed to move past each other and let go for now#n sure maybe this is what he needed to do to let go#it just feels kinda inflammatory.#but its only as much as i engage it with. which i dont plan to do#i hope my silence helps him reflect#and theres also just#a certain irony to the whole thing that i spent many many years trying to give advice on their relationship trying to help only for nothing#and now this very fresh very new issue suddenly is relationship breaking and hes already given up trying to help#lol#i guess he knows how i feel now though#idk#if anything better for him i guess to cut it off now rather than try repeatedly like i did (unless this already is repeat)#it also just feels like#he really doesnt even know who i am as a person#even after all this time#i dont want to say hes just wrong about everything because i definitely did say some dumb shit in the last few months#but it just feels like hes not even trying#or there are things hes not telling me#i keep telling my side explaining myself explaining what i mean and he just keeps. dare i use this word. Assuming things about me#anytime i have a conversation with him i just feel like im running in a circle i dont understand and i never know how to feel about anythin#and i dont understand what hes talking about what he wants what hes really feeling whats going wrong#and... comparing that to the friends i have now#its just even more obvious they're a lot better for me#i dont think friends are supposed to make you feel like this
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kookslastbutton · 1 year ago
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Guilty Pleasures ༓ jjk, kth (m) | ch. i
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✑ Summary: Three years of being Seoul's power couple earns you nothing but a big fat divorce settlement and your face plaster on every gossip column around town. You're angry, hurt, and desperately want to move on, but worst of all? You're still in love with the man who started the whole mess, even though the most he can ever see you as is a friend. The renowned actor you've hired to be your company's new endorser seems to have a soft spot for you though. He's easy on the eyes, you'll admit, but who actually wants a divorcee like yourself? It's unrealistic really.
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pairing: ex-husband ceo!jungkook x ceo!reader, slight actor!taehyung x ceo!reader
genre/AU: angst, smut, loverstoexesto ?, unrequited love
word count: 3,328
Warnings: oc and jk are both 30, mention of gossip columns and unequal treatment of how oc is portrayed post-divorce, hint of differences between men and women in the business world, oc struggling to be professional, both care about each other and are not toxic but oc fell in love, oc has the need to groom him a little out of habit, talks about Bam, feat, Namjoon and Taehyung, and sexual content
sexual warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, desk s*x, d*rty talk, oc is on bc, handjob, swearing, making out, neck kisses, clothed s*x, impulsive s*x, light praising, growling, some minor petnames (baby, Kook), mention of threesome, recalling of past sexual events
playing: Unkiss Me
a/n: uh…this one has been in my drafts and idk its kinda angsty but I decided I will share it. Enjoy! 🥰
series masterlist | next >>
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From the moment he stepped into your office, Jungkook could tell every ounce of color was drained from your face. All except for your puffy red eyes that is, which he knows you've been rubbing fervently to keep your tears from rolling down your cheeks.
He doesn't blame you for it though–you're his ex-wife.
Recent ex-wife that is.
For three years the two of you masqueraded as the perfect power couple; appearing completely in love to the public eye in hopes of forming an unshakable business partnership (transaction more like). You attended charity balls together, collaborated on several work projects, and attended countless corporate functions to establish both your presence in your respective industries.
That's right, you and Jungkook were in an arranged marriage and it would have flourished into a classic love story if it wasn't for one obvious detail–you're the only one that fell in love.
Despite all the times he's called you "stunning" when you dolled up for formal events or that you "feel so good" during late-night sex, Jungkook never truly loved you. He cared about you, did his best not to intentionally hurt you, and even tried loving you back; thinking he could fall for you with time.
But the most he could ever see you as is a friend, a beautiful friend, though a friend nonetheless. He knows how much it pains you, especially after you've held out hope that he'll want you the same way someday. This one embarrasses you the most which he wishes it wouldn't.
Well, Jungkook doesn't want to trap either of you in a loveless marriage any longer. So even if it means being the center of gossip columns for a while, he's giving you a divorce so you can find the right person to share your love with.
After all, you deserve it; you both do.
Today's day one of looking at one another as exes and it's bittersweet, to say the least. The only factor that would make this worse is if children were in the equation, but there aren't any.
"Thanks for letting me swing by __," he speaks first, doing his best to conjure up a genuine smile. The black floral button-up he's wearing suits him well and his smooth chest peaking out near the collar is far too tempting, yet you know better than to let your eyes linger.
"Of course," you answer and grab a small box from behind your desk. "These are 100% yours so I wouldn't keep them from you." Jungkook takes the box of belongings from your hands with slight hesitation. You're keeping a brave front for the sake of civility and professionalism.
He doesn't blame you for that either.
As a CEO of a large multinational corporation himself, Jungkook's no stranger to the age-old philosophy that that office is no place to let your personal woes get out of hand; you have a team to lead and a reputation to uphold. The latter is proving to be harder for you than him, however, being that the media is portraying you as some kind of she-devil, spinster, or worse of all—a cheater.
Jungkook plans to personally make sure those articles get removed from the public eye before the end of the week. (Not that he'll tell you though.)
"I still could have dropped by the house to pick these up if it'd been easier. I feel bad for interrupting your work day over a couple of old books, records, and dog toys." He watches you nod silently as he vocalizes the inconvenience of it all; he really doesn't have to but he does it anyway.
"No, it's alright. You haven't been to the house since you moved out, so I thought it'd be better if we met here instead." You pause to check the time. "If there's anything you think of that you might've forgotten later, just let me know. In the meantime, I have a meeting in twenty so..."
"He misses you."
"I'm sorry?"
"Bam, I mean." Jungkook throws the box under an arm and pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his camera gallery until he gets to one particular photo of a red and tan Doberman. "He hates the new place and all he does is sulk by the door."
Your heart's already struggling to settle down from the painful reality that the man you love is leaving you, let alone being reminded of another forced separation. Bam's the closest thing to a baby that either of you ever had and he was one of the few things that bonded you and your now ex-husband together.
Being Jungkook's dog, however, he couldn't stay with you. That means no more visiting the dog park, sneaking treats behind Jungkook's back, and snuggling together in the king-size bed after a stressful day.
"I'm sure he just wants his favorite chew toy that's been held hostage at the house," you joke lightly, thinking it simpler to spin the topic. It's similar to what Jungkook does when he uses flowery language to soften the cold hard truth of your divorce; that he doesn't love you and he can't ever. "Give Bam a lot of attention for me. I miss him too."
"Of cour—shit!" When Jungkook moves to slip his phone back into his pocket he loses his balance, causing the box with his belongings to spill out on your office floor. Naturally, you kneel down to help him clean up the mess. It's not until your fingers reach for the same item and come into contact with each other that you quickly retract your hand. "Sorry, did I shock you?" He asks gently and tosses the last item into the box before standing up.
"No, you didn't." You rise to your feet as well, until you're face to face with him. This time it's closer than before. His hooded eyes stare straight into yours and you can't believe it takes being inches from his face to notice how bloodshot his eyes are. "You look exhausted. You should go home and rest Kook." The petname is out before your brain tells you to stop.
Jungkook's eyes widen, the corner of his lip subtly quirking up for the first time since the start of the conversation. "Don't worry about me __. I probably get more breaks than you do. But thanks." He briefly glances at the ticking Snoopy clock behind you, a Christmas gift he gave you as a joke last year. "You still have that?"
You look over your shoulder at the small, Snoopy-shaped digital clock on your desk. Ten minutes until your next meeting. "It's cute and it makes for a great conversation starter with clients so I guess so. If you want me to give it ba—"
"Keep it," he interrupts. "Please, it was a gift and I'd like you to have it if you enjoy it." Jungkook gnaws on his lip before continuing. "Speaking of clients and business partners, I should make myself scarce now shouldn't I?"
"Yes. I do have that meeting soon." But once he leaves, neither of you is sure when you'll see the other again aside from the odd charity event. The Annual Winter Gala in December is one that particularly comes to mind.
Most high-ranking executives like yourselves attend the function to keep up appearances and to network with other professionals. Last year, you and Jungkook were the center of attention however now that you're divorced, you fear you'll be avoided like the plague—they always preferred Jungkook over you anyway.
"You're forming a new partnership with that actor, right? Kim Taehyung? I read an inkling about it online yesterday." He also read his whole biography too. The man is equally handsome as he is altruistic and kind.
"Nothing's signed and sealed yet. I'm sure you've heard that he's gotten dozens of other offers on the table. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't nabbed him yet."
"Yeah, we don't need...wait sorry, let me rephrase that. We aren't ready for a new partner or merger yet."
You can read between the lines despite Jungkook's correction. His company is thriving more than yours in every way, so he doesn't need the help of a third-party endorser...like you. Well, you're not doing too shabby yourself and this isn't simply about fame and fortune you want to argue.
The head poking through your door stops you from following through on that last line.
"Mrs. Jeon—shit." Your secretary Kim Namjoon screws his eyes shut at his drastic misstep. "Ms. __, Kim Taehyung called and said he'll be a bit late due to unexpected delays during his filming today. He apologizes profusely but is on his way over now. Sajangnim," he bows at Jungkook respectively.
"That's fine, Namjoon, thank you. You can send him in whenever he gets here. Mr. Jeon was just about to leave and I had the rest of my day cleared."
"Of course. I'll let him know to come in." Your secretary nods and shuts the door. Jungkook shifts between his feet once Namjoon is out of sight, a habit he's picked up that tells you he has more to say.
"Was there anything else, Mr. Jeon?" You shuffle a few files on your desk, prepping for your meeting with Taehyung. At this point, you're not even looking at Jungkook.
"Mr. Jeon? I think I prefer when you call me Kook more," he mutters, allowing his line of sight to catch a glimpse of your lips. "Can I...kiss you? Before I go."
The question knocks the wind out of your lungs and you instantly lift your head up toward him. "Kiss me?" You gulp slowly, then shake your head. "No, I'd rather we not. Goodbye kisses aren't really my thing." You couldn't be a bigger liar, evident from the sudden churning in your gut. Having Jungkook's lips on yours was the best and worst moments of your entire relationship but you have to fight yourself....your innate desires that tell you to say yes.
"Okay, I understand. What about a hug?"
"Jungkook..."
"I'm sorry, I'm pushing. Thanks again for my stuff." He gestures at the box under his arm. "I hope your meeting with Kim Taehyung goes well. Maybe I'll see you both at the next Winter Gala." He makes a beeline for the door.
"Wait!"
Jungkook stills in his tracks as he watches you stride in front of him. He's unsure what you stopped him for until your hands reach out towards his shirt collar, smoothing the delicate material down. A light smile plays on his face as you do this, though he says nothing aside from a simple 'thanks'.
"It was bothering me the whole time." You finish fixing his collar and peer up into his Bambi eyes. Out of all the potential suitors, you wish Jeon Jungkook didn't become your husband. It's not like you got to keep him or anything.
Jungkook once again flickers his gaze toward your barely parted lips. And this time, you do the same for him. Before either of you have time to back out you lean forward and kiss him.
It's a hard kiss too. Painful but so inviting that neither of you pulls away.
With his free hand, Jungkook snakes a hand around your waist to hug you close. Having his fingers pressed against the small of your back is so familiar and all you can do is deepen the kiss.
You're obviously not the only one that gets a sense of pleasure from this because, in a matter of seconds, the box from under Jungkook's arm falls to the ground. He then places his second hand on the side of your neck and jawline which you lean into, exposing the other side of your neck.
"Jungkook," you gasp when his lips attach themself to the soft skin, sucking lightly. His teeth come out and nip too. "Wait, we can't do this, we shouldn't. Taehyung, he'll be here soon."
"That would have sounded so convincing if you didn't just moan the words, baby." He walks you backward until you're forced to sit atop your mahogany desk.
"Don't call me that." You allow him to push up your pencil skirt and spread your thighs until your panties are the only material he sees. You decided to go with black lace today, his favorite now that you think about it.
"Did you—"
"No, they weren't for you."
A brief growl leaves the man's rose-tinted lips. "In that case, we don't need them." He places both hands on your hips and brings you into another kiss, messier than before. His tongue shoves between the seam of your lips to lick every crevasse he can. He hasn't kissed you like this for months and to be brutally honest, he's missed it as much as you.
Jungkook hasn't been with anyone else since marrying you either, which means he's completely adjusted to your body, your preferences, and what turns you on. The same applies to you so while he's busy shoving his tongue down your throat, you palm his half-harden bulge through his trousers.
"Mm," he groans and bucks his hips into your hand. You smile at how well you've managed to draw a response from him. With a little burst of confidence, you hastily move to unbuckle his pants. "What are you doing?" He mumbles between kisses.
You decide not to answer, preferring to reach inside his trousers to take his length out. You make sure to pump it a few times until he's fully hard. Jungkook has a gorgeous dick, and that takes a lot for you to admit.
"Fuck, that's it." He says with gritted teeth, now watching your hand as it moves up and down his cock. "Get me how you want me."
"We don't have much time." You slide your panties down your legs and spread your thighs wide apart, which makes Jungkook's eyes dilate about 10 meters. "Fuck me, please." One last time. Make love to me one last time.
"Are you sure? I don't have a condom."
"It's okay, I'm on birth control. As long as you're still clean then its fine."
"I am. I got tested recently. But are you sure you want this?"
You glance at his pulsating length, tip leaking with pre-cum, and swallow hard. "Hurry."
"Fuck, okay." Jungkook wastes not another second and guides you flat on your back, his hands resting on either side of your body. The coolness of your desk has you shiver slightly. He then urges you to raise your legs until they can wrap loosely around his slim waist. And as if second nature, you link your arms around his neck as he eases him into you. He's able to bottom out without much effort thanks to how wet you've become.
"Oh god." Your back arches off the surface of your desk as Jungkook thrusts into you. They're only practice thrusts at first to get you re-adjusted to his size, yet the pleasure zipping down your spine already has your eyes rolling up.
You shouldn't be doing this at all. Your conscious whispers to again to which you blindly dismiss. You'll enjoy it now and tomorrow, start a new—another lie you tell yourself.
"Fuckfuckfuck, you're so wonderful for me," he chants while pushing his cock in and out of you, the speed of his movements picking up to an insane rate. Jungkook never had an issue with quickies so he's likely in his element now. "You know what this reminds me of?" He cocks a smirk and kisses down your neck.
"Hm?"
"That time when we were abroad for a weekend conference. Remember when we stopped at my second office to pick up some files? You were so horny that day that you pushed me into my chair and demanded that I let you ride me. It took the wind right out of my sails to see you like that, so confident and in control." He prys apart the top button of your blouse until he can slide the material down your shoulders. He doesn't take it off completely, favoring the chance to place kisses on your newly exposed area instead.
"I was beyond stressed that day. It was the first time I had to speak at that conference and you looked so good with your freshly slicked back hair. I couldn't stop myself—oh fuck! Right there Kook, don't slow down. Please." Jungkook grunts at the use of his petname and fucks you rougher, sweat forming around his forehead as his dark hair dangles messily over his eyes.
You manage to sneak a glance at the time on your Snoopy clock between thrusts. "Shit, I need to come soon, or Kim Taehyung's never going to agree to do business with me." The man laughs and buries his head on your shoulder.
"You never know, he could be really into threesomes."
"Fuck! Don't joke about that." You claw at his back and surprise both of you with the unexpected clenching of your pussy.
"You're right, I take it back," he groans and continues to snap his hips. "Looks like he's not the one who wants a threesome after all, considering your body's response to the suggestion. You wanna ask him if he walks in?" He whispers in your ear and you're embarrassed that your cheeks burn at the thought.
Of course, Kim Taehyung was sexy and you've rehearsed to yourself dozens of times not to let yourself get any crazy ideas about him. Still, one unrequited love is enough for you; Taehyung wouldn't want a divorcee. You shake the train of thought before it has time to go any further. "Make me come, Kook. Need you to finish too. It's not just Taehyung who could walk in at any second."
Jungkook grunts and continues to thrust into you, bouncing you up and down his thick length as the desk shakes underneath you. He feels you getting closer and closer by the sporadic clenching of your walls squeezing him. A big part of him doesn't want this to end but it has to....he doesn't love you. He only wants to make you feel good before he has to say goodbye. Both of you come just before Namjoon calls your office phone, giving you a heads-up that Taehyung's about to enter your office.
Jungkook shoves his pants back on while you button up your blouse and fold over your skirt. You decided to shove your underwear in your bag with the lack of time. No one has any business digging in there anyway.
"How do I look?" You turn around to get a quick once-over from Jungkook but he's already out the door. Now the person standing in front of you is Kim Taehyung who has nothing but the most genuine smile.
"You look lovely as always Ms. __. I'm so sorry I'm late by the way. I feel terrible about it so I brought you these." Taehyung whips out a large bouquet of your favorite flowers. "Hope you don't mind that I did a little research on you ahead of time. I found out these have a special place in your heart."
You smile and accept the bouquet with thanks. As you set them on your desk, a messages comes through your phone. You manage to give a quick look.
Unknown Number: Sorry I had to duck so fast! I know it looked rude but Taehyung was already opening the door and you were dressed so I thought it'd be better if I left. Hope you're meeting goes well! And thanks for everything today ;) if you need anything, you have my number.
You flip your phone over and invite Taehyung to have a seat. Business is business, and you have to carry on even if your heart has completely sunk to the ground. Kim Taehyung is sweet anyway, so you'll enjoy his company.
Too bad you don't realize how much he enjoys yours as well.
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a/n: so, yeah... there's a potential for our Jk to actually love oc and not realize it but either way he does care about her (despite the impulsive sex). And yes, taehyung likes oc... it's like a double unrequited love 😔 okay bye lmk what you think, thank you! 😘
Also, lmk what you think about jk in this poll!
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no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton
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