#idk if i can even sleep. too much energy tho i am tired

[jiyoos]

why did i spend 9 hours in discord calls today

[sophisticatedgia]

Every time I take my trazadone i feel so sluggish in the morning. I don't even want to go to the gym today.

I'm worried that due to my OCD medication luvox I am not supposed to be consuming caffeine. They say with luvox caffeine stays in ur system a significant amount after 6 hours of its consumption.

I guess I didn't eat enough yesterday because when I don't eat enough I have a hard time sleeping. Today I will eat my vegan tv dinner for supper. plus protein bar and vegan yogurt for breakfast. And lots of broccoli and maybe a sweet potato for lunch, with another protein bar. These protein bars are 200 calories. But I barely ever count my calories.

Also IDK if I should drink my energy drink. It's so yummy tho: orange dreamsicle.

I will do yoga instead of going to gym this morning. I can do it!

I remember when I was previously anorexic I went to an eating disorder facility and stayed for nearly two weeks. I put orange peels on my eyes and the nurse got mad at me. I don't think it's wrong to put orange peels on ur eyes. I have permanent under eye bags and thought it may help soothe and uplift them. At the eating disorder clinic they encourage us to do "mindful eating" and that's what I was doing. I ate the orange and PBJ sandwich that lunch. Food is sacred and I think we can get many healing benefits from it through eating and also not consuming it through our mouth.

Think of oatmeal baths and putting coconut oil in your hair. That's food and good for us. I also heard when I was little to put mayonnaise in your hair. Lmao. I think I tried it once.

My hands look a lot better but I did peel the dead skin around them last night while bf was sleeping. I felt so ashamed and guilty afterwards. It is a form of OCD, skin picking to reveal the pure skin underneath, it's a form of perfectionism also a way to deal with stress. They say cognitive behavioral therapy may help it. But I know in my heart I've had enough talk therapy(unless me and my boyfriend break up)

~*It's a matter of mastering myself from now on.*~

My hands don't hurt anymore so that's good.

Its coincidence cus I ordered stuff on Etsy from brand "sleepy but still pretty" and I feel very sleepy the morning after ordering from the brand. It's supposed to be like the brand "brandy melville"!

Since I tagged this post with the word luvox I shall say it has helped me tremendously with my intrusive thoughts and depression.

Trazadone helps me sleep. But I usually don't need it unless I drink too much caffeine or don't eat enough. Some people say they have weird experiences with trazadone but to me it's decent, tho makes me feel heavy and tired the morning after.

Good morning y'all!

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

So sleepy tired so snoozy honk shoo time but thinking of ppl whos lives r forever gonna b entangled in mine even tho we barely even make eye contact when we see each other anymore, or if we havent heard from the other in years, or if we can only ever have about 4 message long "catch up" text conversations every 6 months or so, or if we make plans weeks in advance that we both end up forgetting, and slowly drift apart. But like. Still these r ppl that r just fuckin parts of me now. The person i sat with at the local park after both recently figuring out gender and picking out names for each other, and how we havent spoken in like 2 years but their name is still the same one i suggested, and how i do use a different name now that they knew me by, but i still walk by the bridge going over the train tracks and think of them, and think of them everytime i walk into a corner store with a whole aisle of energy drinks, or think of them everytime i pass the laundromat, or think of them everytime i go up the street that shared their name or go the street they lived on that shared mine. And like. Or like, the person i fuckin grew up alongside, to only drift apart after about a decade of being joint at the hip, but still waving when we see each other in the park, asking how each others pets are, and making general small talk. And how i see her in every friend i make, just in small ways, because she was my first friend and its almost like i just find people who remind me of her. Or how theres an entire kind of flower that just always makes me smile because its her name, even if she never liked them all too much. Or the ppl who r constantly coming in and out of my life, and who we both know can never be what we were before, because everything was seemingly so perfect and now we can barely stay friends instead of acquaintances for more than a month, but summer golden hour always feels like them, even if i was the only one who loved it. And just. Idk man. People who r like. Definitely gone now. But also r just. Not. If i was more poetic, i could write smth abt this. But instead i can just say like. Shit man. Nostalgias a bitch but also its like. Its who We are bc like w/o nostalgia who tf am i. I miss the past bc its a part of me but id never go back because then id be someone else and i like being me even if i suck sometimes. If i didnt suck those ppl may not have been as impactful n shit. Ok. Rlly gotta sleep. Bc im seeing a friend tmrw if she pulls thru w plans. I doubt they will tho bc they r the least reliable in that way butttt. Whatever. Either way tmrw im gonnaaaaa fuckingggg chill dudeee. Gnight

[daz4i]

putting thoughts in text in hopes it'll clear my mind enough to sleep 🫡 (aka. a vent. maybe a call for advice...? tho idk if there is any)

i feel like. maybe. i'm having such a hard time lately (beyond like, making a lot of big changes in my life and lowkey overhauling it) bc i'm filled with opposing and contradicting emotions and thought processes

i am on the path to recovery. but i don't want it, bc i want to die. i need to put in a lot of effort into doing anything, but i don't have any energy, in part bc i don't want to do any of this. i know in order to be more stable i need to be kinder to myself, but i don't think i should be, bc i don't think i deserve it and idk how to do it and it's not a good driving force for me bc i'm already lenient with myself enough as is and and and look it's all excuses at the end of the day, truth is i just don't want to

i don't know what i want. ig death is the only thing really. unfortunately that's too much effort too (really i'm just scared of the repercussions of a failed attempt). but i can't move anywhere like that. i don't have a direction. bc i don't want anything

but at the same time i do, like. i want too much. and that's the issue ig. bc it's unachievable. and i'm not willing to settle for anything less. bc nothing is ever enough no matter what

my singing teacher kinda called me out on this today lol like how i'm never giving myself any kind words or how i'm never proud of doing good even tho in her opinion i'm already great. i can't ever be proud of my achievements (in general, not just singing) bc they don't feel like achievements to me ig. bc ik there's always better, so what's the point in less, yknow? to compare it to video games. yeah bronze medals or half collections are fun at first but at some point it's frustrating to not get gold or 100%. but it takes way too much work to get there or relies on things you can't even do

not even getting into things ppl in my life consider achievements when i do them, even tho i know they're below the bare minimum for a normal person lol (like any of the mental health shit i do today). not to mention how much i struggle with it anyway, i can't even get through things that are meant to be fun without feeling like i'm dying before during and/or after them

or how awful it feels to be unable to do things i used to. not even when i'm looking far back (<- peaked at 13-14 y/o) but even like, oh last month i was able to complete this task easily, this month i had a severe panic attack trying to do it or ended up being unable to do it at all

i wanna say i'm trying but idk if i am. bc i have no goal. i am definitely putting in effort, too much by my own standards tbh (hence why i'm in a constant state of debilitating stress and why my body feels like it's falling apart all the time) but it feels all over the place, like instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it's pushing multiple of those but on different hills. just running back and forth between them before i can even get a single boulder to any top

idk how to go at it in a different way or a different pace tho. idk how to make it better. i already committed to this program and if i leave it now i won't be able to get it again later in life. and like, i got into it in the first place for a reason, life of Nothing is so fucking boring and i got tired

but before i started it. i told my friend that being this depressed and doing nothing is better than being this depressed and trying to do things bc at least i'm not putting in meanless effort. and he got mad - we had this conversation more than once and he got mad every time - and said i can't know that, and that if i did things i may not be as depressed. well now i AM doing things and as expected i was right!!!!!!! it IS fucking shitty!!!!!! i AM getting worse!!!!! in ways i wasn't before, even!!!!!! and maybe it's bc i'm so fucking stubborn and it only happened bc i expected it too, but it's not like i can turn it off 🤷‍♂️ that shit happened subconsciously

so that just makes me think. again. how am i supposed to get better like this. my own body and brain battle me on every move and make it thrice as hard, things that are already hard as is, and i am very very weak and don't have any tools to deal with hardships (before you suggest therapy, I've been in dbt for years, my therapist just gave up on me bc he already taught me all of it and nothing ever worked bc my brain is fundamentally broken) so in this 2 on 1 battle i am not even armed in any way, obviously i'm getting wrecked no matter what

(one might argue that part of the issue is me seeing my body and brain as opponents rather than just me. and to that i say. bro if you had these they'd be your enemies too, this shit is hopeless, they're built for suffering is2g if you wanna feel anything positive that's a bummer ig. bc you won't. ever. and no amount of therapy and no medication and no life changes seems to help. and it's been 14 years of only getting worse. not that you were doing great before, you just didn't actively want to kys, bc you didn't know it was an option. so. 25 years of getting worse really. god i'm too old to be this fucking useless still lol)

[smolbeanecho]

just adding on to this, i think that i am just tired of being someone. i enjoy being social with ppl i like but sometimes i just want to shut up and sleep and still have companionship. which i realize now is a tall order, esp since the times when i feel this urge the strongest is at lunch, when everyone is full of energy and all bundled together. idk, i want to still feel validated as a person even when i am not trying to be funny.

unfortunately, it seems like my coping mechanism for this is mobile games and andrew (for now) so not v healthy of me. whenever i feel like that my thoughts usually go to andrew first, who is basically just a place holder at this rate, i feel bad but i think jts the truth, and i can’t talk abt him either because i have nothing to talk abt and its not something that ppl are allowed to say out loud, so then i turn to my mobile games :(

this only reinforces my feelings as an uninteresting dull vapid selfish person and i feel like shit. i wonder if these obsessions r like mental illness caused or if i’m just normal. don’t think i have adhd or autism. google says i’m mildly depressed but most teenagers r anyways. but i feel if i told this to anyone i’d get flamed to high heavens. or they just wouldn’t know how to respond. both bad and avoidable situations

i guess what i want isnt to reflect and fix myself like a normal person would, but i’d rather have someone just be ok with the more horrible side of bc b me. the desperate sad part with not much to say, acknowledge it and still love me. impossible, i know, but that seems like the root of these daydreams. i’d like to know that if you peel away the louder side of me, there is still something worth loving, even if it’s nothing. that there is something fundamental within me that makes me unique and can never be stripped away from me even when all else

also i don’t think i’m number one jn anyone’s life rn and that makes me sad. i like attention. ah there’s the unhealthy part, i’m too dependent on others approval to be happy. if i had no friends i probably would be in the throes of extreme pain, but being number 2 3 4 5 etc is better than nothing. as long as there’s a place in your heart for me, i’ll be fine. that was my discord status once. haha i used to have to fit my rants and vents into one sentence

i wonder what’s gonna happen if i moved out alone into the forest, maybe i’d kill myself and let my cat eat me. i don’t think i could survive alone, but also the most alone i’ve ever been was in atlanta, and i was extremely happy to be living without my family. so maybe i’d be happy to be alone, i’d miss my friends tho. i know if i was more open with them they’d prolly try to understand, and would support me. i like it best when chloe randomly holds my hand or when alex hugs me or when brielle pats me on the cheek. i lost my original point, and thinking about them made me happy now, so i’ll go study for physics

i daydream so many things that would be. absolutely horrendous. irl

[noxtivagus]

PEOPLE ARE SO INTERESTING

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[transmascdeanwinchester]

You got any trans man dean headcanons? 👀

I don’t know when u sent this so sorry if I’m answering late!!!

Also I just have the basic bitch set of trans dean headcanons tbh but they make me go feral so I will repeat them!!

- lazurus rising when cas brought dean back he put him in the body he’s always deserved (the mirror scene lives in my head rent free baby!)

- teenage dean stealing testosterone from hospitals and pharmacies when he had the chance bc they moved around too much for him to have a stable prescription pickup plan

- John being pissed for awhile that dean’s not his “perfect little girl” like he thought but getting over it bc dean is so determined to emulate him to prove his masculinity that it just makes him a better more fierce hunter and protector so John gets over it in like a year (Dean’s always been Like That anyway,,, in the grand scheme of things it’s less Distracting to have this small ongoing conflict that John just calls him Dean and does the passive aggressive “you wanna be a man? Act like it.” bullshit you know how it goes)

- Dean knowing he’s not a girl from a young age (like probably about 6) and teaches Sam to call him Dean and that he’s his brother from the time sammy can talk (Sam doesn’t learn Dean’s name is legally Deanna until he’s starting middle school)

- Dean binding in his teens by wearing those tank tops that are like skin tight but also stretchy material? With the built in bra part? he wears two of those under all the Normal Winchester layers and it gives him the flat chest (what isn’t flattened completely gets lost under his dad’s leather jacket he wears to school every day)

- it goes without saying but Dean, age 7, cut his hair for the first time in a shitty hotel bathroom mirror by trying to copy a dude in a shaving ad in a magazine (John didn’t even notice for three days)

- Dean gets top surgery after sam goes to Stanford when he’s supposed to be on a solo hunt (he tells John he’s hunting something but really he’s recovering at Bobby’s)

- Bobby, we are not surprised, is a good father figure and shut that shit down when dean explains that he’s just gonna hole up in a motel once he gets his surgery (“Boy, do you know how fucking dirty motel linens are? I am NOT letting you die from an infection and most certainly not leaving you Alone for months defenseless”)

- Dean using makeup to make his jawline a little sharper and more square even tho the iffy food situation growing up made sure he barely has any roundness to his face to begin with

- on the flip side dean playing up his fem features to use as a distraction when he hustles pool

- dean training his voice by trying to copy the sound of his favorite singers voices (and John since he hears his voice most consistently)

- dean knocking the shit out of transphobes (the comments don’t even have to be directed at him, he hears them and it’s ON SIGHT no question)

- dean acting like a womanizer bc that’s what Men Do and it’s all just literally part of his carefully constructed hyper masculine image bc it’s so so difficult to pick up anyone when what’s under theclothes don’t match what can be seen on the surface (Cassie is the first person he sleeps with and he’s so terrified but she doesn’t care holy shit she doesn’t care?)

- Dean chooses to keep his name close to his birth name bc that’s the name his mother gave him and he doesn’t want to disrespect her by completely changing it

- On the topic of dean’s hyper masculine image he constructs it from a mix of John and from the action movies he studies religiously when he has the chance (this is what boys like this is what every man dreams of being I have to like this too-) even tho he has enough action and violence in his actual life thanks,

- Dean not being big on faith because he can’t imagine some higher power choosing to make him be born in the wrong body and make him work so hard to fix it himself like life wasn’t hard Enough

- Dean being so immensely pleased when word gets around the monster worlds about the Winchester Brothers,,, the validity of your reputation being cemented in the way you’ve carefully crafted it to be

- Dean rationalizing that it’s okay for him to spend time and energy on making sure he’s presenting masc and getting the body language and mannerisms down because it helps him be better at his jobs as protector of his family and as a hunter (men are thought of as stronger/scarier, men are taken more seriously when interviewing locals/victim’s families, more authority is afforded to men)

- dean almost shooting a man in a bar bathroom when he’s fourteen and just needed to deal with shark week stuff real quickly but this drunk decided a “teenage girlie only has one use in a men’s bathroom” but dean just knocks him out and sprints back to the motel (dean doesn’t use public bathrooms after that if he can help it)

- dean not knowing the word transgender until he finds it in a library book while he’s supposed to be researching but really he’d heard the slur and needed to be clear on why it made him feel so icky so he was looking it up in the dictionary and he’s like Oh that’s Me

- Bobby doesn’t actually meet Sam and Dean until after Dean’s cut his hair for the first time and Sammy can only say half words (most Dee, which is good enough for Dean) so one of Dean’s first impressions of Bobby is him asking John “didn’t you have a daughter?” and John just giving a tired sigh because he’s too busy with the hunt he’s here for to try and get into it but Dean butts in with “No, he’s always had two boys, I’m Dean and this is Sammy” and Bobby doesn’t comment on this little high pitched voice or question it much because he’s babysitting this kid for the next two weeks and he doesn’t want it to be a hostile two weeks (and it never becomes a problem because by the end of week one Bobby never even entertains the idea that Dean isn’t a little boy)

- After Dean gets back from Hell literally the only thing that trips Sam and Bobby up (aside from that he just resurrected lmao) is that his shoulders are more squared and he’s just built more like he should be (see previous point about cas rebuilding him as he should’ve been!)

- Dean never having much money but he still donates to queer charities when he can (makes a point of it in June especially)

- Dean hangs a trans flag in his room at the bunker (and one in the dean cave too)

- The insane validation Dean feels at being called The Rifhteous Man (also the fact that Heaven Knew he was a man all along but didn’t lift a finger to make that any easier to show the rest of the world adds to dean’s general hatred towards them tho)

That’s all I can think of right now but just!! Trans Dean!!!!

Thank u for asking friend!!!

(@bowie-boy I am tagging u bc idk if u will see this post so hope that’s okay!!!)

[closer-stars]

Gut Feeling (6)

Member: San Genre: bit of angst, kinda better tho?? Word Count: 6.6k Content: A bit better than the last chapter. Food mention as per usual. Maturity.  Note: HELLO AFTER A MONTH. I AM BACK. This one is a lot shorter than the other chapters, idk it just felt right. Second half of this series of sorts amen. It’s not a lot but... i guess you can consider it as those type of stuffs that needed to happen ??? Yes. I tried my best amidst everything that happened recently ;; As usual I’ll update this with links after 24 hours. Tag list: @barsformars @shinyddeonghwa @yeotlny @hwaberrykiwi @miniyeo @seoultraveller @frankenstein852

Part 5

It’s back to work but you’re a little dazed. The two rest days did you good to a certain degree but having to go back into the swing of things was a bit of a challenge for you. Even if the managers would give you updates, it’s different when seeing it in real time. So here you are, back in the office, catching up on everything. 

You head out to the kitchen to get your bottle refilled with water only to be greeted by San himself. Out of surprise, your heart does a little flip. You don’t know why you’re surprised though, usually at this time he and the boys should still be in the studio. Also, you’re the one who’s bringing them home tonight. 

San looks up from his phone, just as surprised as you are to see you. “Hey, how are you feeling now?” He asks, his voice soft and careful. 

He’s not ignoring you?

You make your way to the water dispenser, refilling your bottle. “A lot better, thank you.” You say, which comes off more as a murmur. Though it was true, you weren’t really sure of how to approach him since that talk with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. It’s constantly fight or flight and knowing you, it’s usually a little bit of both. 

“Can we talk?” He starts carefully. At his voice, you look up from your bottle. Your eyes study the male carefully. You can’t keep running anymore you suppose. 

“Five minutes. Go.”

He didn’t expect you to cooperate like that but he’ll take it even with the time limit. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for thinking that you and Seonghwa liked each other--”

You and Seonghwa, again. You had questions but you let him continue. 

He sees how your eyes narrow at him and he feels fear course through his body.  “for making things more difficult for everyone, especially you. You don’t deserve that, I still have feelings for you yeah but I understand if you don’t…” he trails off, trying to catch his breath after saying everything. “I just-- you deserve an apology after everything I caused.” 

Something inside you snaps though. You’ve harbored enough frustration from how everything was going and to hear him come clean about his assumptions just made you see white. “That’s the thing with you idols, you suddenly get so used to getting everything so quickly, you think everything is reachable with a snap of your fingers. San, wake up, please. That’s not how life works, that’s not how relationships work. Not everything’s going to be fast and easy...” You refrain yourself from cursing him out, instead, you let out a sigh. “San, relationships, romantic or not, those take time.”  Internally, you had to admit those words were harsh but you had to say it. You were tired. Tired from the growing workload of finding the common ground with clients, you barely had time to process everything since the near dating scandal. You ended up actually putting your account on private a few days after the chaos on social media. 

It’s past five minutes already and you let him go to his scheduled practice with the boys. “Go. The boys are waiting for you.” You state, catching sight of a concerned Yunho standing by the door. 

He’s never seen your eyes so cold yet so hot at the same time. It doesn’t take much to know that there’s pain in those eyes and it hurts to know that he’s the reason behind the pain. Knowing better than to push, he nods and bids you goodbye. You watch him jog over to Yunho who seems to be eyeing San then you with concern. It would be stupid of you to underestimate his smarts, so you shake your head, before turning away from them. You don’t want them to see you cry. You try your best to keep yourself together, you’ve cried enough over this matter, it’s pathetic. 

When San enters the studio, Yunho gives the two oldest members a look, enough for everyone to know that he had talked to you, regardless of how it could end. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Seonghwa asks carefully, bringing him aside away from everyone’s ears first. While it’s a blessing that the group feels emotions so strongly, especially for the sake of performing, there were times where intense emotions become scary to deal with. When the younger shakes his head, they know better than to press him when things are still so fresh. 

Hongjoong glances at the two of them and nods. “Let’s try to clean half of the choreography tonight.” That would probably be enough to have San’s focus on something else. 

--------

You’re back in your office, thinking about what had happened. You know you would need to sit San down and get a clearer picture of everything eventually. Your phone buzzes, reminding you that the boys have to eat soon. 

[ You to Hongjoong ] Do you guys have money for dinner? 

You hover over the send button, deciding as to whether or not to send the message or just buy them food. It’s already 8PM and for sure those boys were hungry. You don’t really know what their routine is when it comes to choreography work especially with how stacked their schedule is, it could be anything. “Fuck it.” You delete the message and make your way to the nearest restaurant. You make sure to wear a mask before leaving the premises, already paranoid from past events. 

If there’s one thing you’re grateful about, it’s how the boys are already regulars for the nearby restaurants. All you have to do is say their names and show your proof of relation with the boys and the company to get things moving. You stay outside the premises, not wanting to take up a table that could be for someone who plans to dine in. 

[ You to Hongjoong ] Bought you guys food, will be there in half an hour max. Buy yourselves a drink or whatever in the 7/11 just give me the receipt afterwards. 

[ Hongjoong to You ] ryan_salute_sticker

You chuckle at the reply and wait patiently outside, watching people come and go as the week comes to an end once more. The staff comes out with bags of food ready for you. “We put a little something for you as well, it’s on us.” She says, gesturing to the food container that has your name on it. The look on your face makes her chuckle lightly. “Don’t worry about it. Tell the boys that we’re looking forward to them visiting us again after their promotions.” With that, you flash her a bright smile, promising to relay their thoughts to them. 

By the time you return, you could hear the boys messing around in the studio. Not that you minded, they do deserve to have some fun every one in a while. As you set the food down on the table, two figures suddenly make their way to the kitchen. An excited scream that could only come from Wooyoung startles you. “Meat!! Oh my god is that what I think it is?” He exclaims zooming towards you with his energy drink in hand. Hongjoong follows him a few seconds after, still drinking what seems to be orange juice. 

You let Wooyoung do his thing, already so excited over food. “Can you get the others?” You ask Hongjoong, as you make sure that Wooyoung doesn’t create a mess. It’s not that you think Wooyoung’s incapable of being responsible, it’s that you know that when he gets excited, hell can break loose. 

You eat at the second table, at least you had the company of the other members that you don’t get to talk to often. It was a nice change of pace, though still as hyper as their peers they know how to slow down. Though the conversation was on something you didn’t quite understand (see: dramas), you didn’t mind hearing the boys talk about it with such excitement. Mingi and Jongho were kind enough to give you context especially when you looked a little lost. 

“Manager-nim! We’re done for the day.” Hongjoong says once you peek out from Jongho’s side. 

“Oh? Okay that’s good, just take your time eating. I’m bringing you guys home anyways.” Those words make the boys bustle with energy. From the looks of things, it’s been a while since it was you who brought them home. 

It’s the same thing on the way home. The boys calming down in the car as the food coma hits them: San’s knocked out in his seat, slouched against Wooyoung’s side who’s busy on his phone. Hongjoong was the same, except he was leaning against Seonghwa who was also asleep. Mingi and Yunho were busy on their phones as well, looking for new music to listen to. Jongho is seated next to you, still awake. “Jongho?” He responds with a polite hum, still drinking his water. “Just what was your schedule today? Everyone’s so tired.” You were used to them sleeping on the way home but something about today just feels so different. 

Jongho laughs softly, his shoulders rising a little in the process. “Ah, it’s mostly preparations for upcoming stages. We have concert appearances in the next few weeks so we just really drilled the cleaning earlier. I think Hongjoong-hyung had a radio appearance yesterday too so he could only catch up on sleep here and there.” He explains. “The others also did vocal training and dance training in their spare time.”

You glance at the boys through the rearview mirror. No wonder they were more exhausted than usual. “How about you? How are you faring with all of these?” It’s a question that must be asked especially to someone who tries their best to be just as dependable as their hyungs. 

“Me?” He repeats the question before pursing his lips for a moment. “I’ll admit that it gets tiring.” He looks over his shoulder. It’s no surprise the rest of the boys have fallen asleep. “But I’m happy doing what I’m doing. As for the recent thing happening between you and San…” This boy really doesn’t beat around the bush. “He’s matured,” he reassures you. “He’s learned from his mistakes.” Truthfully, you weren’t sure of how to respond to such a statement but you let him continue. “Let him make up for his shortcomings. You can depend on us too.” You weren’t sure if he’s the third or fourth person to tell you that, regardless you find comfort in his words. 

He sees your body relax slightly as you drive. He doesn’t want you to think he’s trying to get you to date his hyung, rather to see him as someone who feels sorry for what he’s done and genuinely wants to make up for it. “Thank you for your words, Jongho.” You admit softly, easing the car into its parking spot. “Help me wake up the boys?” You ask once you’ve switched off the engine. 

“Cover your ears.” 

“Jongho, it’s past midnight. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

--------

You had a mix of now wide awake boys and still groggy boys in the elevator with you. Of course, Jongho looked a little too proud of his doing. Hongjoong didn’t have the heart to get mad, he was clearly improving in his singing and control. You let a still sleepy Wooyoung lean against you as the elevator goes up. Holding up a sleepy twenty something year old was a little tricky but at least he wasn’t drunk. You had made sure their floor was the first destination, they’re tired. They need the rest more than you do. 

Once the elevator notifies everyone of the floor. You gently shake Wooyoung awake. “Hey, we’re here.” You say softly. It’s thanks to Yeosang and Jongho who manage to wake him up, a few insistent pokes apparently do the trick. “Sleep well guys.” You wave them goodbye. Those who were awake bid you a good night. Your eyes flit over to San, his shoulders seem a bit lighter now. 

You wonder what made him look a lot lighter now. Maybe Jongho was right. 

--------

You’re in your sleepwear now, nursing a hot cup of tea as you think about the events that went down today. Your phone in your free hand as you read through your conversation with San. It’s hard to admit but you did have your own shortcomings. A thoughtful sip and a deep breath. You owe him something too. 

San’s in his room, already in bed, as he was just waiting for Yunho to return from the shower. 

Ka-talk!

His phone vibrates with a new message. It’s from you but it’s an audio clip. He reaches over for his earphones. It takes a while for him to play the clip, a little fearful of what it carries. “Hey San.” Your voice sends a shock over his body. He didn’t expect you to actually send him something. “Listen, i’m doing this because i can’t look at you outside work, as far as i know, for now at least. I can see why people like you San, i really do…” Your voice trails off and San has to glance at his screen to make sure if it wasn’t cut off. “I will admit, if things happened differently, I probably would have caught feelings for you too.” A small part of him twists at those words but it was something that didn’t surprise him. “For now, still, I need time and distance unless it’s needed for work for us to talk. Everything you told me…” Another pause. “I need time to process that San.” He understands that and he stares at the screen count down what’s left of the audio clip. “I do forgive you but I need time to heal.” He smiles softly at the last few words. He didn’t want your romantic feelings at this point, being forgiven was the best thing for the time being. 

“What’s up?” Yunho asks. Out of surprise from the sudden voice, San accidentally drops his phone on his face. Yunho pokes his head from his bed to see San clutching his nose in pain. “Are you okay?” The older asks in alarm.

“When did you finish your shower?! I didn’t hear you.” San complains once the pain ebbs away. He lifts himself up, eyeing the other through narrowed eyes. 

Yunho shrugs, running his fingers through his still slightly damp hair. “Two minutes ago? You were busy on your phone so you probably didn’t hear me.” He explains. That made sense, his volume was around 70% so he wouldn’t be able to hear Yunho enter the room unless he started playing League. 

“Sorry about that..” San says rubbing the back of his neck. He recounts the voice note with just the important details: you forgave him but you need time to heal. Something in Yunho relaxes at the news. Your reaction makes sense, but also seeing San look like something has been lifted off of him were good things. Even if it seems like something’s still bothering him, he still looks better as compared to the past few months. 

Yunho shakes his head, dismissing the younger’s apology. “I’m just glad things are kinda patching up with you and them.” He yawns through his thoughts. “Let’s talk about this when we wake up. I’m too tired.” 

San looks at his phone again. It’s 2AM. They need sleep, at least their day starts at a later time. 

--------

While San and Yunho discussed your voice note, you were in your room, biting your lip in thought after that voice note you sent. You like what you were doing but you didn’t think the price to pay for a hectic job would be like this. Did other managers go through this type of issue as well? Fingers fly through the keyboard as you look for a certain draft in your emails. You read through it again a few more times, asking yourself over and over if this is a good idea. 

The answer comes when you change a few things here and there in the letter. If it still lingers in your head after this week, then you’ll push through with the change. Making decisions at near two in the morning wasn’t always the best idea. For now, you need to rest to prepare for the next day. 

---------

You wait for the boys outside their dorm, knowing that by now, they’re nearly done getting ready for another day in the studio. If you remember right, their choreographers have managed to create a choreography for one of their songs that they have yet to perform. The boys come out of their dorm in their training clothes and you give them a quick scan, to make sure it’s all eight of them. 

“Manager-nim!! Did you sleep well?” Leave it to Wooyoung to still continue to cling to you. It’s nice to know some of the members are morning people still despite the hectic schedules they have. 

You think back to last night and your decisions but you don’t let them in on it. “Yeah, sleeping after a long day in work seems to feel a little different.” You say brightly. This causes Wooyoung to sulk at your words. 

“Are we a handful, Manager-nim?” He asks in a tone that makes certain members glare at him, also he’s now clinging to you. None of the members have the heart to make him stop, but they do pose themselves to hit him. 

With your free hand, you pat his head. “No, you’re not~” You return in a light enough tone that just fans the flames of Wooyoung’s antics. In response, you snort much to his disappointment. “Come on. After tomorrow, you got a concert to perform in so it’s all rehearsals and meetings for your upcoming photoshoots.” 

--------

While you’re in your workspace, fixing the schedule with their personal schedules in mind, Yoon comes to you with a grin. “Hey, good news.” He greets you with an iced bottle of coffee from the 7/11 downstairs. 

You glance at the coffee then at the male who’s still beaming. “What’s up? Did you get a raise?” You ask as you twist the cap open. Iced macchiato. 

“Manager Hwang’s coming back earlier than expected!” He says, grinning ear to ear. 

Your gaze turns to him, surprised but also partly relieved to have the guy back soon. “Really? I thought he’d be back much later.” You say, clearly taken aback. “Also hey!” You quickly add. “If you wanted me out, just say so.”

Your joke makes the guy panic, realizing his words could be misunderstood. “No way! You’re amazing to work with. Hwang has to experience working with you.” He explains quickly. “I’m excited because this also means, you’ll see how great he is in FIFA.” 

FIFA? The football video game?

You were about to laugh at his panicked expression until he mentions a video game. “Wait, I was joking about you wanting me out also, FIFA? What about it?” You didn’t really play video games growing up. You watched your cousins play but never really had an interest in playing. 

“You haven’t seen how competitive the boys get with video games huh?” 

“I’ve heard stories but never seen it happen in real time.” 

He grins. Truly, like idol, like manager. “You will soon.” 

You press send on the email after making sure it’ll be directed to all the parties involved in the decision. You suppose Hwang’s return is a sign that you’ve been looking for. The request would only be effective by his return as you did keep your side of the agreement. 

The only thing you can do now as you wait for their response is to work. Your phone rings with a reminder, time to bring them to meet the stylists for an upcoming photoshoot. Though, you do remember that the stylists themselves are the ones who are visiting rather than the boys. 

[ You to Hongjoong ] Make sure to look presentable, the stylists are coming within an hour. 

You look around the office and the kitchen for the refreshments for the stylists. Once successful, you put them by the counter in the kitchen. The fitting and meeting were mostly going to happen in the studio; enough room to move for eight boys and probably three stylists. You didn’t really get a number of how many were coming today. 

Fortunately for them, their schedule had enough breathing room for them to make themselves look well kept after a long time in the studio. Once everything was prepared for later, you decide to check in on them. The music playing wasn’t their songs now, rather songs from the artists they look up to. You peek through the sliver of clear glass from the door to see what they were doing. 

San and Yunho were messing around in the room, eliciting laughs from the rest of the members. The two were running around and were actually on beat with the music. The scene in front of you makes you laugh to yourself: they were doing okay. As you straightened yourself again, to return to your office, the door opens enough for the muffled bass to be amplified. You look over and it’s Mingi. “Manager-nim! Did you need something?” He asks, even with the hint of exhaustion in his eyes, he still had so much energy in him to flash such a bright smile at you. 

His question surprises you but you suppose he saw you peeking earlier. “No, no. I just wanted to check on you guys since the stylists will be here in roughly an hour.” You explain, gesturing that you were on your way back to your office. 

Someone calls out your name in between laughter. It’s Wooyoung. “Manager-nim!” He calls out, running over towards the both of you. “We need a tie breaker.” Huh? He doesn’t explain much but tries to get you to join. You glance at Mingi and it takes him awhile to understand why, to which he starts to crack up. 

“What’s going on?” Your voice carries apprehension. Now, you know these boys can barely hurt a fly, but these boys are capable of doing the weirdest things for the sake of entertainment. These are eight boys who will have a competition on who can stuff the most ramen noodles into their mouth in one go. The other two managers have become unfazed to their antics while you have yet to see just how far they can go. You’re not quite sure if you could handle them at their highest peak of beagle-like energy. 

“Manager-nim,” Wooyoung starts, now holding up a pen as if it were a microphone. “Are you a mint-choco fan or a mint-choco anti?” He asks, now posing the pen near your lips. 

You stare at him in disbelief, then at the seven boys who seem to await your answer. “W-wait.” You push the pen a little farther from you and gesture to the others. “What are their answers?” It was obvious for you that San and Mingi were into mint chocolate, while Seonghwa and Hongjoong being the two who weren’t into it. 

Wooyoung answers it for you with ease, though with a hint of impatience. “San, Mingi, Jongho and I are into it. Seonghwa-hyung, Hongjoong-hyung and Yeosang aren’t. Yunho’s neutral on it.” To you the answer was already obvious that a majority leaned towards liking the flavor. 

“Guys, I’m just…” You trail off trying to find the right words. The silence makes Hongjoong jump into it. 

“Manager-nim doesn’t like it either! Bleh~” He exclaims, looking all proud. Rare was the sight of Hongjoong being mischievous in front of you. 

“N-no, it’s just, I don’t really mind it. If it’s there, I’ll eat it. If it’s not there, it’s not the end of the world.” You explain, much to his dismay. 

“How can you eat something that tastes like toothpaste..” Seonghwa mutters much to San’s dismay. His comment makes you look at him in mild alarm. 

“Seonghwa, toothpaste doesn’t have chocolate bits in them..” Just what went on in their dorms? Your words make him whine and you start to laugh at how they were so passionate about something as simple as ice cream flavors. You wondered what their stances are on pistachio and matcha ice cream then. Your phone vibrates, a call coming through. While the boys were busy trying to win the debate, to which Yunho slightly struggles to control, you answer the call outside the studio. 

“Hello?”

“Hello! We’re the stylists for their upcoming photoshoot. We’ll be in the company in ten minutes!” The voice on the other line chirps politely. 

The voice makes you stand a little straighter, almost on instinct, you use your formal voice. “Alright, I’ll wait for you by the entrance of the building.” With that the call ends, you return to the studio and it’s calmer now, though you could see that Wooyoung and San were sulking over what could’ve been the other half of the debate. “Guys, get ready. The stylists are on their way.” With that said, the boys fix themselves again. 

Hongjoong looks over at you. “Manager-nim, should I go with you?” 

Now, in your eyes it’s not a bad thing if the leader decides to greet the stylists with you by the entrance. It’s not a bad thing either if he doesn’t. “Your choice, Hongjoong. If you are, meet me by the elevator. I’m just grabbing my laptop.” Without missing a beat, you slip out of the studio immediately. You can only imagine how much notes you need to update for the other teams after this meeting. 

Once you head towards the elevator, you’re already greeted by the leader busying himself with his phone as he waits for the elevator to arrive at your floor. “Seonghwa and Yunho are watching over the boys?” 

“Yep, they’ll take care of them as we wait.” His response makes you nod, relieved to know someone’s keeping them in line before their energy bounces back up once more. It’s not that you think they can’t take care of themselves, but more of, when one’s up, everyone’s up. 

The elevator doors close in on the two of you as it brings you to the ground floor. You want to tell Hongjoong what had happened in the past few hours but now isn’t the right time. Just as you were about to open your mouth about a quick summary, the doors open. Though knowing Hongjoong, he already knows something about it even without you telling him. 

It only takes five minutes of waiting for the two of you to be greeted by three stylists. Though they dress simply, they knew what piece fits them best. A small pang of jealousy blooms in your chest when you see how well kept they were; you knew your own body and fashion and how to look put together as well but those who were in the fashion industry just seemed to do it better. Small talk happens among the five of you as the of you lead them to where the rest of the boys were. Maybe it was a good thing that Hongjoong came with you due to the some of the clothes they brought in a few bags.

There was something about the third stylist, that put you off. It wasn’t her overly warm and optimistic energy, which honestly at this point doesn’t faze you anymore as other idols who have greeted the boys had the same energy she had. You weren’t so sure yet of what it is, but you’re not sure either if you want to find out what’s putting you off about them. She continues to make conversation with Hongjoong as you’re left juggling a conversation with the other two. You don’t notice Hongjoong’s uneasiness around her until the two of you welcome them inside. 

 The two of you do notice how her eyes light up at the sight of everyone else who were lounging about. You just assume that she was a big fan of them and was struggling to keep it together and carry on. The boys do their signature greeting then move about to get their measurements and a run down of what will happen in two weeks time. 

You along with another stylist keep track of the clothes that the boys and they liked, those that were debatable and those that just didn’t look that great on them. The other two took their measurements, and offered the clothing pieces that they would try on. The first stylist from earlier seems to be taking her sweet time with San. If you actually focused on listening to their exchange, you could tell she was having the time of her life. It took a lot of your self control to not outwardly sigh in front of the stylist who was labelling which clothes the boys liked as their basis. 

It takes a while before the said stylist moves to another member, and at that opening, San immediately moves away. You glance at San over your laptop, and he’s sending you a look that says, ‘I’m not talking to them unless I have to, please help.’. While San is a grown man, you do know how it feels to be cornered at work due to unwanted advances. You flash him a smile and beckon him over. “I hope you don’t mind if San helps us out on this too?” You ask the stylist as he practically hops over to the two of you. Much to San’s relief, he welcomes the added input. 

San’s eventually joined by Mingi who knows more of fashion than you and San combined. You could see the gears in their heads running as the idea in the stylist’s head was starting to become more and more clear. Once all of the work has finished, the boys take one last look at the outfits the head stylist has set out, you know that they wouldn’t change anything anymore but you kept your fingers poised on your keyboard should there be any changes made. Seeing that everyone was satisfied, they ask you to take their photo to celebrate a job well done. 

You receive the head stylist’s phone and you let them gather around for the photo. It’s not hard to spot the first stylist from earlier try to worm her way near San, only to be blocked by Wooyoung and Seonghwa already around him. It takes a bit of your self control to not snort at her feeble attempts be quashed so easily by clingy boys. Three shots and everyone’s now back to cleaning up the room. 

The eight of them help pack and fold everything into their rightful place that the head stylist had to send her praises about them to you, even going as far as offering their services for the future promotions. She slips her contact card to you, which you keep in your phone’s case for the time being. This time, it’s only you who accompanies them out, much to Hongjoong’s surprise. You signal that you’ll be okay and for him to keep an eye on San. 

---------

“I swear hyung, she was trying to hit on me…” San mutters in his spot as he shudders at the mere thought of it; the praises were alright but the slightly lingering touches and gaze made him want to leave immediately. Some of the boys find a little amusement in his complaints, they understand the issue on hand but to see San whining excessively was a sight to see. Of course they couldn’t do much about the situation while it was happening but they could prevent it in the future. 

The door clicks open and they see you poking your head in. “How was it?” You ask them. It has become a routine for all of you to check in on them after meeting with any outsider of the company. They’re still young and while they have good heads on their shoulders, the industry is a scary place to be in. 

“Manager-nim, is it alright if we don’t work with one of the stylists on the day of the photoshoot?” Hongjoong starts carefully. Always a leader that guy is. 

You glance at him then at San who was still sulking against Yunho’s shoulder. “The lady with the high ponytail and rolled up denim jacket?” You ask, even acting out how her clothes looked like. At your description, San jumps into the conversation. 

“Please? Is it possible? Manager-nim, Ms. Mihyun was trying to know me a little too much and flirting with me.” San pleads. You feel bad for him. In other circumstances, being hit on would’ve been an ego boost but being hit on at work really doesn’t sit well with you. 

It’s the way you look at him that he realizes just how you’re able to keep things professional. You still look at him with protective warmth and concern for his safety, even after everything. It gets his head a little dizzy to put it lightly. “I think I can make it work. The head stylist did like your work ethics, even wants to work with you guys in the long run.” You bring out your phone, making quick work of writing a message up to the head stylist. “Hello! This is ATEEZ’s manager.” You read your message out loud for them. If there were any comments from the boys, you tweak the message around to their liking to make sure the point of the message is received. 

The boys were impressed with your message and didn’t mind it one bit. They could see why the company wanted you: you could fit in any of the teams. Once satisfied with their response, you press send. A small part of you waits on a reply from company heads in regards to your email but even that would take some time. With a group that’s a rising icon in the k-pop wave plus a few trainees that show just as much potential as the boys, the love calls from other companies are still coming in. 

For now, you’ll enjoy and make the most out of the time you have with the guys through your work. 

--------

Over the next few weeks, San has been more mindful of his actions around you. While he still cares for your health like the first few months, he’s come to understand you a little better now. He does his best to see you more as who you really are, rather than the idealized version he had of you months back. He’s realized you had a bit of a soft heart behind your independent exterior, how you always preferred a stronger type of coffee, compared to the group (much to Seonghwa’s horror). It took a bit of time to notice how protective you are of your own friends and them. 

You pick up on the changes as well. He joins in on the teasing every now and then, but always making sure never to cross the line. Sometimes at the corner of your eye, you catch San watching you joke around with his members, his gaze soft but he never makes a move. He doesn’t seem to sulk over the lack of attention either, letting you joke around with the other members as well. They’re small changes but it has improved his performance as himself and as a member of ATEEZ. 

There were changes and there were still constants. He still stays late into the studio practicing new moves, new styles, different combinations just to better himself. As usual, you bring him back to the dorms. He doesn’t make a fuss about you waking him up now, rather he hops out of the car as soon as you switch off the engine. You were a little grateful for that, more time for you to sink into your bed after the long day. As you step out of the car, rummaging through your bag, you find him waiting for you by the elevator. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” You say as you rush over to press the up button. 

“Nothing to be sorry about. It’s late after all.” San reassures lightly. He watches you rummage through your bag. “You got your phone?” He asks. He’s noticed as well how you sometimes have slip ups with your memory. You bring out your phone, putting it in your pocket. “Wallet?” He asks then he sees you bring it out. “Powerbank.” He lists off and that’s when it takes you a while to bring it out. 

“That’s what I forgot.. It’s in the office.” You mutter. There was no way you’d drive back to the company to pick it up. You’ll just bring your charger for tomorrow. 

A soft amused huff slips from his lips and he gestures for you to enter the lift first. “It’s okay, I can bring my powerbank tomorrow.” He offers as he follows you inside. 

“You don’t have to. I can use my laptop as a powerbank if all else fails.” You return. 

Always an independent one you are. He doesn’t push but he still keeps it in mind to bring it just in case. “You know,” he starts, as he presses the number for your floor first. He then leans against the wall opposite of yours. “After that thing with Ms. Mihyun, I kind of understand why you were probably against the idea of us dating.” Well he knew of your main reasons, but Mihyun really had him thinking. 

You lean against the wall, arms crossed. His words had piqued your interest. Whenever San’s in those moods, he does drop a few things that remind you he’s maturing. “Oh? And what is it?”

“The idea of flirting and being in a relationship with someone while at work is kind of.. Weird.” he wasn’t sure if weird was the right word but to be the subject of flirtations while everyone is trying to work didn’t feel right to him. He knows he can separate his personal life with work but emotions have made him act out of line. To risk all that he’s worked for: for the sake of a relationship, maybe not now. Hearing you chuckle makes him frown in confusion. “What?”

You were endeared by his moments of childlike tendencies. You know he has a way with words but there were also moments where his vocabulary reminds you of a high school kid. “Mihyun really tried to flirt with you huh?” You ask. The conversation is cut short when the elevator pings; you’ve arrived at your floor. You return your gaze back to the male. “Anyways, get some sleep okay?” 

A small part of him wanted to walk you back to your apartment, but he knows this complex was a safe one. You also apparently knew how to hold yourself up against Wooyoung’s pestering actions. He knows better to offer that so he smiles at you and nods his promise. “You too.” He addresses you by your name this time though still with the formal honorifics.  

“Drop the formalities when we’re outside of work, San.” You say. He doesn’t get the chance to say anything else but a good night, as the doors close in on the two of you. You’re back alone now in the lighted hallway, a heavy sigh slipping through your lips. Another long day coming to an end. 

Your phone pings with a few alerts that you’ve kept at bay throughout the day. One of the notifications is from the email you’ve been waiting for. Your request has been approved, effective in a few months.

Part 7

[whaleofatjme1920]

Gmorn elsie! How are ya?

Found out i was definitely not feeling well yesterday, i kept zoning out and i had a hard time focusing, idk why, i knew the day was off that day. Feeling much better now tho! Just wacky day, i even considered into thinking i was burning out from the scp fandom, and then i woke up and wasn't? Idk wack stuff

Also people are down bad for ethan winters lmaoo, im rewatching marks play through of 7 and while looking up stuff for ethan i found a three minute video of him groaning and whimpering my god.

I am however very tired for no reason? Tired of socializing? Tired of something? Tired of everything? Who knows, its just tired ig lmao. Probably gonna drink like 2 cups of coffee and call it a day.

I like, fell into a somewhat state of sleep for a few hours but I’m back up now and making ramen who’s gonna stop me? My ancestors?? Jokes on them I don’t speak Cantonese or Mandarin.

I feel the burning out for a fandom happens in little stages, Y’know? Like, you love it but not AS much. I’m like, bizarrely in love with scp but that’s because,,,, ngl it’s healing my sense of self right now. It’s allowing me to love myself again which is ✨bizarre✨

Sounds like you’re just going through a bit of burnout in general though! Going back to school, probably dealing with home stuff, honestly just take it easy. I watched clips of his voice and yeah 10/10 can get it. I’d say you’re going through seasonal slump but I don’t think,,, SEasia goes through what us on this side of the globe do??? I don’t know I don’t study weather on other parts of the globe.

Some other friends of mine are taking a second to recalibrate and honestly I am too! Just one of those things where the vibrations are down, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Happiness, feeling high energy, it’s not linear.

[kuiinncedes]

and you knew what it was

author’s note: i don’t know what the fuck this is i was bored at the beginning of my break lol and i wrote some stuff based on a prompt list and a random number generator that gave me “here, drink this. you’ll feel better” and it kinda like ,, grew ,, into a lot

i’ve been sitting on this first part pretty much completed for a while and i think i want to just post it and i have two other “parts” that are sorta connected and idk yeah lmao they’re in progress rn and hopefully i can finish them soon if i post this one i just feel kinda stuck rn :P anyway idk lol i like this part tho hopefully i don’t change anything massively in the other two that would have to change something here XD

basically 1539 words of shadowhunter!quinntina hurt/comfort (or an attempt at it) maybe like sort of warning for mention of death and injury tbh am i trying too hard to be a ya fantasy writer lmao

title from “you are in love” by taylor swift <3

as always lmk if anyone wants any shadowhunter things to be explained lol :P

***

“Here, drink this,” Tina says, voice shaky and quiet, unsure. “You’ll feel better.” She helps Quinn sit up a little and slowly drink the whole glass of… something.

Quinn wrinkles her nose at the aftertaste coating her tongue and throat. “What was that?” Her shoulders are propped up against her pillow, and she awkwardly tries to situate herself somewhat upright. 

Tina shrugs, setting the cup aside. “Something Mike whipped up. Said it should help your strength and energy a little?” She crosses her arms, lightly gripping the fabric of her shirt at her sides—hugging herself.

“Mike needs to add some sugar or something,” Quinn tries in a joking tone. Tina smiles slightly but won’t really make eye contact with her.

The room falls silent and Quinn watches Tina, recognizes the expression on her face, her defeated posture, her smaller, quiet demeanor. Her outfit—a lot darker than what she’s often in these days, when she’s not in black gear. 

And Quinn remembers a few months ago, when Mercedes had her own complicated encounter with demon poison. She remembers how Tina cares, how she loves, how beautifully, how much. 

“Hey,” she says softly, and Tina finally looks up to meet her eyes. “Mike and the Silent Brothers said I stand a good chance for full recovery, right? So no tears,” Quinn urges gently. 

Tina huffs a light laugh and wipes under her eyes. “No promises,” she says hoarsely. Quinn wiggles her fingers and Tina releases the hand clutching tightly at her side and obligingly takes Quinn’s, who squeezes reassuringly.

Tina keeps sniffling though, and it seems to be getting louder. She covers her mouth with her free hand when Quinn looks over and says quickly, “I’m sorry, I know, sorry, it’s Kurt’s turn to see you anyway, I should go—” and starts to untangle their fingers but Quinn holds fast, squeezing again and she looks into Tina’s tear-filled eyes. 

“Come here,” Quinn says quietly.

“What?”

“Help me lay down, then get in bed with me.”

Tina pauses. “Are you—I don’t know if—”

Quinn smirks a little, starting to push herself back into a horizontal position. “I’m the one who’s injured, and I’m cold and I need my girlfriend close to steal her warmth, okay?”

Tina swallows and nods a little, replies barely above a whisper, “Okay.”

Once Quinn is lying down comfortably, Tina climbs under the blanket, facing her. Quinn tucks a strand of black hair behind her ear, wiping some of Tina’s still-coming tears as she retracts her hand. 

Tina holds her wrist, lightly, almost only with the tips of her fingers, and presses a soft kiss to her palm. She lets out a slight chuckle. “Shouldn’t I be the one taking care of you?”

Her tone is lighthearted but bitter and Quinn brushes her fingers through Tina’s hair. Her eyelids flutter, half closed, and she releases a small, comforted breath.

“You’ve definitely already done a fair amount of taking care of me. And I’m fine,” Quinn assures, and she really is fine, aside from the fact that she just missed a few days being knocked out from the worst kind of demon poison and she’s still feeling the effects of that, probably will be for a while, but that’s getting out of her system now, and with its complete departure her strength (and ability to move without pain) should also return, if Silent Brother healing magic and knowledge is to be trusted. “On the other hand, you look like you haven’t slept in days.” And knowing Tina, it’s all too possible that she hasn’t.

Tina shrugs a little. “Maybe.”

“Do I need to call Kurt in here to tell me?”

“Fine,” Tina grumbles halfheartedly. “I haven’t.”

But do you blame me? is her unasked—and unanswered—question. 

(Quinn doesn’t.)

Quinn tilts her chin forward a little to kiss Tina’s nose gently. “Go to sleep,” she says.

“Here? I shouldn’t—Kurt wants to see you,” Tina starts and Quinn shushes her again.

“Yes, here. Kurt will live without it, he knows I’m okay.” And Quinn knows Kurt is okay, and presumably will understand Tina staying for longer if he’s been around her the past few days. 

She just hopes—knows, really—that Kurt has helped Tina, that they help each other. They’ve always been close on account of being the two who could always be found awake in the latest hours of night, talking to each other and recently, working on designs and drawings together.

But it’s still different right now, for these past few days, and Quinn thinks that if either of them slept at all, it wasn’t much. Especially Tina. Kurt had the parabatai bond’s assurance while Quinn’s been out. Tina had Kurt’s assurance, but it still couldn’t have been as good as knowing it herself. And at night, Kurt had the bond as an extra layer of assurance when he went to sleep, but Tina didn’t, and Quinn knows how Tina’s worry keeps her up sometimes, and how she sometimes chooses energy runes instead when she knows something is weighing on her mind too much for her to sleep.

“You need sleep, love,” Quinn whispers, and she feels the resistance fade from Tina’s body. She pulls her closer, tucking Tina’s head under her chin.

“I missed you,” Tina says with a small gasp, voice cracking a little in desperation. “I’m so sorry.” Quinn can feel her tears on her collarbone and she hates it—hates that she’s the reason Tina’s crying and she can’t do anything about it because she was unconscious and on the verge of death for three days and then the Silent Brothers kept people away for a few more and Tina didn’t know how she was for a week, and Quinn really just woke up again and she’s mostly fine and she feels fine but Tina hasn’t slept for days and Quinn understands.

“It’s not your fault. And I won’t ever leave you,” Quinn promises. 

“You can’t say that for sure.” 

“Shh,” Quinn breathes, thinking about both statements. Tina’s right, she can’t say it for sure, and she knows that. With their life and what they do every day, it’s the most unsure thing in the world. Even just a week ago, she could’ve died if the demon’s stinger had gone in a little higher, she could’ve died if there were any more of them left, she could’ve died if Tina wasn’t there. Tina could’ve died if Quinn wasn’t there. (Would have, a voice in the back of her head creeps in, less than a breath, and she suppresses the shiver that it brings.)

But if Quinn has any control over it at all, it will be true. She tells Tina as much. “I won’t leave you,” she says again, quietly but as vehemently as she can, and Tina relaxes a tiny bit in her arms. 

And then for the other thing. “And there’s no way it’s your fault, okay?”

“If I wasn’t so fucking careless, you would be fine—”

“You didn’t push me into a demon’s stinger, did you?” Quinn continues to run her fingers through Tina’s hair. “You didn’t take its poison and inject it into my body. And you were killing the other ones. We could both be dead if you weren’t, okay?” Her tone is more blunt than probably necessary and she brushes Tina’s temple slightly in apology.

Tina burrows her face deeper and Quinn knows she’s winning, if only because Tina’s tired. But she needs her to know…. “It would never be your fault,” Quinn whispers. “Ever. Tell me you know that.”

After a second, Tina nods. “Yeah,” she says in a small voice. “Okay.”

Quinn can tell Tina isn’t completely convinced, but it’s a conversation for another time, another day when Tina isn’t running on a ridiculously small amount of sleep and probably an unhealthy number of energy runes, and only just coming down from the emotional rollercoaster of the past week. 

Quinn presses a kiss to the top of Tina’s head. “Go to sleep, love,” she says again. 

“Wake me up if I hurt you,” Tina breathes, on the cusp of sleep. 

Quinn smiles, runs her hand up and down Tina’s arm. “You won’t,” she promises, voice hushed.

It’s a testament to just how exhausted Tina must be that her breathing evens out within a few seconds, and her body is still and loose from exhaustion, mind finally quieted, for now, close to Quinn and reassured, and Quinn continues to rub her girlfriend’s arm gently and thinks.

She thinks about the word she just used—twice, and for the first time. Not the first time in her head, but the first time out loud. But unlike countless other times when she’s questioned her decisions and even after so many that have hurt her, so many choices that have led her astray—led her heart astray… she knows it’s right this time. Now, here, in her room, in the Institute that changed her life for the better, her family within the building’s glamoured walls, next to the one person she would always want to be next to, she doesn’t need to question it. And she closes her eyes and follows Tina into a hopefully peaceful sleep.

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch 19)

Chapter 19

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12, ch 13, ch 14, ch 15, ch 16, ch 17, ch 18, ch 19

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,012

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France, human trafficking

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​ @fallenstar-7​​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

When Jimin finally awoke, he was met with a set of big blue eyes staring back at him. He gasped and tried to get away, but the action made his head ache something awful. He held his head in his hands and glanced up. There was a little boy sitting beside his bed staring at him…no. Not his bed. This wasn’t his bed. This was a dingy cot in the corner of a tiny cement room. The little boy was staring at him with wide eyes. He had ahead full of dark, unkempt hair. He was pale and shivering.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked.

“Jimin,” he said. He wanted to panic, but that probably wasn’t the best thing to do right now, for the sake of the child and for the sake of his still throbbing head. “What’s your name?”

“Caleb,” the boy said.

“Do you know where we are, Caleb?” Jimin asked. Caleb shook his head. It was then that he noticed the needle in his arm. The needle was connected to a tube, which ran up to a blood bag on an IV pole. His heart sank. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“That’s a bad word,” said Caleb.

“Sometimes, a situation calls for bad words,” said Jimin. Caleb smiled.

“Yeah, this situation is pretty fucking bad,” he said. Jimin’s eyes widened.

“Just don’t say that around your parents,” said Jimin. The smile fell from Caleb’s face.

“I don’t think I’m gonna see my parents again,” said Caleb.

“Why would you say that?” Jimin asked, carefully peeling the tape off holding the needle down.

“I’m not stupid,” Caleb said, picking at his sweater. “My mom told me that there’s people out there who kidnap kids and sell them. And that’s why I have to be careful with strangers. I saw a ton of people come in here and talk about prices, and they tasted my blood. It’s so creepy! I already had two roommates before you got here. Both of them got sold right away. I bet you’ll be next. The Dracula guys like pretty people who are adults more than they like kids I guess.”

“They don’t like kids?” Jimin asked.

“No,” said Caleb. “Well, they said that my blood is really good ‘cause it’s clean. But they said that kids are too much to deal with. I guess it’s a good thing.”

“Probably is,” said Jimin. He slowly pulled the needle from his arm and then reached for Caleb’s arm. Caleb let him do the same with his needle.

“They’ll get mad,” said Caleb.

“We’ll put them back in in a few hours,” said Jimin. “How often do they come in?”

“Not very often. Like, twice a day to give us food and put the needle in or take it out,” said Caleb.

“We just won’t let them take too much from us,” said Jimin. “Besides, my friends know where I am. They should be coming to rescue us soon.”

“That’s presumptuous,” said Caleb.

“That’s a big word,” said Jimin.

Caleb shrugged and said, “I learned it from a book. I like to read. Do you like reading?”

“I used to,” said Jimin. “Now I’m too busy to read. I go to college, so I have a lot of homework and dance practice.”

“You dance?” Caleb asked. “My big sister is in dance class too.”

“Oh yeah? How old is your sister?” Jimin asked.

“She’s twelve,” said Caleb. “I’m eight. I miss her, even though she’s a jerk sometimes.”

“I’m sure she misses you too,” said Jimin. “You’ll see her again. Hopefully soon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “You actually showed up!” Makai shouted, standing up to greet them with open arms.

               Yoongi led the way into the room, Catalina and Jungkook following behind.

               “Yoongi is the best one for this role,” said Namjoon.

               “Why? You’re the leader,” said Catalina. “I feel like they’d expect you to be the one going in.”

               Yoongi chuckled and said, “Namjoon is too nervous. He can’t act his way out of a paper bag.”

               “I…well yeah,” Namjoon said, not trying to defend himself. “I can’t act. Or lie.”

               “So, to review,” said Jungkook. “We’re acting as Yoongi’s familiars. We’ll go in, buy Jimin, and then leave?”

               “Right,” said Namjoon. “Nothing else happens that day. We’ll execute the second part of our plan another time.”

               “I suppose I was curious,” said Yoongi, shaking Makai’s hand. Makai had that easy going smile on his face. It was disarming, Catalina needed to stay focused on hating the man.

               It was nerve wracking, being able to just walk into the facility like this. Catalina had never felt this kind of adrenaline before. She tried her best to stay calm and regulate her breathing though. Namjoon warned them that vampires can basically smell fear. They can hear when a human’s heart beats faster and smell when their blood rushes quicker.

               They were standing by the desk in the middle of the lounge-like space. This was the area Catalina and Jungkook saw when they snuck in.

               “Are you looking to buy today?” Makai asked. “Or were you just in the neighborhood?”

               “I’m not sure yet,” said Yoongi. “It depends on if you have anything I like.”

               “I’ve got quite the variety,” said Makai. “And all our products are very high quality. All very healthy and clean.”

               “That’s good to know,” said Yoongi. “Most of these kinds of organizations get their products off the streets, they’re usually riddled with drugs and diseases.”

               Catalina chose not to think about why Yoongi knew that.

               Makai chuckled and said, “I have to admit, we started our company like that. We’ve improved so much over the years though. Anyway, I can give you a tour. If you’d like, there’s a waiting room in the back where your familiars can stay.”

               “No thank you,” said Yoongi. “I’d rather they stay with me. I don’t trust you just yet.”

               “What’s not to trust about this face?” Makai asked, pouting a bit. He burst into laughter. “I’m totally joking. You have no reason to trust me, you barely know me! I hope we can be friends someday though. I like you, Yoongi.”

               With that, Makai led the way deeper into the facility. The first door he opened made Catalina’s heart drop. The woman inside was limp and pale, sitting up against the wall on a cot. Her hair was thin and her lips were blue.

               “We’ve had her for a while, so I would probably let you have her for a hundred if you’re interested,” said Makai. He closed the door and continued down the hall. He pointed at a room through a pair of archways and said, “That’s the recreation room. There’s snacks, if you guys want anything.”

               “Chocolate?” Yoongi asked.

               “Haha! Sure, let’s see,” said Makai. He went in and rummaged through the cupboards. Catalina hung back with Jungkook and took his hand. He squeezed her hand back, leaning in to whisper, “Are you okay?”

               Catalina nodded, even though she was starting to feel queasy. Yoongi came back to them with a mouthful of Dove chocolate, more in his hand.

               “Jungkook will have his phone in his shirt pocket, with the camera facing out. It’ll be recording the entire time,” said Namjoon. “This way, we can map out a basic floor plan.”

               Catalina glanced at the phone in Jungkook’s shirt pocket as they were led deeper into the facility. Makai continued showing them “products”, as he called them. There were so many. Catalina didn’t know how she’d be able to leave them all here today. She hated thinking about Jimin in this situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Jimin tried his best to keep track of the days, but without any outside light source and an irregular sleeping schedule, time quickly began to blur together. He had no idea how much time had passed. He what he could though.

               He didn’t let the vampires take too much blood from him and Caleb, just enough so they wouldn’t notice a loss. He made sure he and Caleb ate everything they were given, to keep up their strength. Every few days, or so Jimin figured, they would have a break from being hooked up to the IV. During those days, they made sure to eat and move around as much as they could.

               But after a while, everything began catching up to them. They were slowly losing energy. Jimin hoped his friends would find him soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Seeing these people, tired and limp, and hearing Makai list off prices like they were at a car dealership made Catalina feel sick. She knew this kind of thing went on, but to see it with her own eyes was something she would never forget. She had to keep reminding herself that they would come back for these people.

               “This one is a little feisty, but if you keep her drained, she should be fine,” said Makai, closing the door on another cell. “Did you see any you liked? Did you at least like the tour?”

               Catalina’s stomach dropped. That couldn’t have been the last one. Where was Jimin? Did someone already buy him? It hasn’t even been a week!

               Jungkook took her hand and squeezed hard.

               “Do you have anything else?” Yoongi asked. His bored façade was still going strong, or maybe it wasn’t a façade. Catalina couldn’t be sure. Did he even actually care about these humans? Either way, he was doing a good job on this mission.

               “I mean, we have other humans, but they’re not ready for purchase yet,” said Makai.

               “I want to see them,” said Yoongi.

               “Sure, were you looking for something in particular?” asked Makai.

               “Eh…not exactly. I suppose I’ll know when I see it,” said Yoongi.

               Makai pointed to him and said, “I totally understand. Ya know, it’s like buying clothes. Fashion trends change so fast and I never know what I want to buy for summer, or for winter or whatever. But when I see it, I know! Can you believe the early 2000’s are coming back? It just ended! Give it a break for a bit!”

               Makai laughed heartily as he rambled on, leading them to a different hallway. He opened a few doors and introduced a few people inside. These people looked a little less tired than the others. These ones still had a bit of color in their cheeks.

               The third door he opened was the one. Jimin stared back at them with wide eyes. The fear in his eyes melted away when he saw them. But there was another set of frightened eyes staring at them from over Jimin’s shoulder.

               A child sat behind him, clutching Jimin’s t-shirt.

               Yoongi faltered. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

               “Is this the one? Are you having your moment?” Makai asked.

               “How much for both?” Yoongi asked.

               “Oh…well, the kid isn’t for sale,” Makai said.

               “Ten thousand for the kid,” said Yoongi. “One thousand for the other guy.”

               Catalina watched with amusement as Jimin pouted, glaring at Yoongi.

               “Okay, so these guys aren’t really for sale right now,” said Makai. “So you’re gonna have to-“

               “Fifty thousand for both,” said Yoongi. Makai closed his mouth.

               “Ya know what, I like you Yoongi. So I’ll give them to you for fifty and a half,” said Makai.

               “Deal,” said Yoongi. They shook hands, Makai smiling wide.

               “I’m just warning you, this one’s squirrely,” Makai said, pointing to Jimin. “And the kid is too smart for his own good. So do with that what you will.”

               “I have these guys,” Yoongi said, gesturing to Jungkook and Catalina. “I’ll be fine.”

               “Right on, man!” Makai said, slapping Yoongi on the shoulder. “Let’s go to my office.”

               Makai’s office was beautiful; the first thing Catalina noticed was the zen garden in the corner, bamboo shoots rising from the center. The whole office was dim, with stylish, plush furniture filling the space. The sound of running water brought Catalina’s attention to the black stone mini water fountain on the desk at the center of the room.

               Makai went behind the desk and pulled out two forms.

               “Are you paying cash or bitcoin?” Makai asked.

               “What the hell is bitcoin?” Yoongi asked. Makai burst into laughter.

               “Cash it is, then,” he said once he finished laughing. “Just go ahead and sign these for me real quick. This one is a nondisclosure agreement. Don’t go posting about this on social media and definitely don’t tell the cops!”

               Makai laughed again, but Catalina didn’t find any of this funny. She wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

               “And this one is just an agreement stating that once the transaction is complete, the product is nonrefundable and fully your responsibility,” Makai said. Yoongi signed both forms, then pulled several stacks of cash out of his jacket pocket. Catalina and Jungkook’s eyes bulged. He was just carrying all that in his pocket?, Catalina thought with a start.

               Makai laughed and pointed at them. “Looks like your familiars are thinking the same thing I am. You’re gonna get robbed doing stuff like that, man! You’re stronger than the average guy, but vamps like cash too, ya know!”

               “I don’t go shopping very often,” Yoongi said, counting out the stacks of bills.

               “Clearly,” said Makai, double checking the cash, then storing it in one of the desk drawers. The two of them shook hands. “Do you want them delivered or do you want them right now?”

               “I’m parked outside,” said Yoongi. “I can take them now.”

               “Sounds good to me,” said Makai. “Just go ahead and wait outside, I’ll have someone bring them up.”

               “Don’t damage them,” said Yoongi. “I like my products pristine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               Jimin and the child clinging to him stayed silent as they got into the car, all the way until Jungkook parked the car in the lot of a Popeye’s just outside of town. Then they all piled out of the car and Catalina and Jungkook immediately tackled Jimin in a tight hug. Yoongi climbed out of the car slowly, then helped the child out of the back seat.

               “What’s your name kid?” Yoongi asked as Catalina and Jungkook fussed over Jimin.

               “Caleb,” he said in a quiet voice.

               “You’re safe now,” said Yoongi. “We’ll get you back to your parents.”

               Caleb’s eyes widened.

               The whole group of them went into the Popeye’s and ordered as much food as everyone wanted. Caleb squeezed into the booth with Jimin, the rest sitting on the other side.

               “These are my friends I was telling you about,” said Jimin.

               “Ooohhh,” Caleb said, eyeing all three of them as he munched on his fries.

               “Are you guys hurt at all? What was it like in there?” Jungkook asked.

               “I mean, it wasn’t even that bad,” said Jimin.

               “Yeah! It wasn’t even that bad!” said Caleb.

               “Okay, I mean, it sucked really bad, and it would have been worse if we got bought by someone else before you got there, but it worked out fine,” said Jimin.

               “Yeah, the situation was pretty fucking bad!” Caleb said, giggling and dunking his chicken strips into too much sauce.

               Catalina and Jungkook’s eyes widened. Jimin and Yoongi just laughed.

               “Don’t say that in front of your parents,” said Jimin, ruffling the kid’s hair.

               “I just can’t wait to see the look on Namjoon’s face when we bring a child home with us,” said Catalina. Yoongi groaned and put his head in his hands.

               “Yeah, I can’t wait either,” he said, sounding like he could, in fact, wait.

[rosyrosethings]

Harry and Y/n take a road trip.

Y/N IS A DARK SKINNED BLACK WOMEN. If you have a problem don't read it then. This has smut and Y/n is top energy (dominate over Harry.)

Y/n and her friends had been planning this road road trip all year! They were planning on going from Michigan to Florida to Texas to California. Everyone was excited to be going on this trip with their friends considering that they have seen each other recently since school, but it was Summer break and they always spent their summers together and this summer they were going on a road trip together

Y/n walked outside of her house seeing her boyfriend Kevin putting stuff in the trunk. Luke in the backseats of the car with Neik. Luke and neik weren’t dating but you could tell they were in love with one another. Harry and Lauren making out on the front of his car. She scrunched her nose at the eighth of them stuffing there tongues down each other’s throats.

“Ya know when I introduced you to my neighbor Harry. I didn’t think you were gonna treat him like a pudding cup.” Y/n said to her friend Lauren. Lauren pulled away from Harry’s mouth.

“Well, when you became my best friend. I didn’t plan on you fucking my brother every Tuesday but yet you do. So we are even.” Lauren responded. Y/n laughed

“You’re right. But Harry if you ever need help because you can’t breathe because all of her tongues being shoved down her throat. I’m right next door just throw a rock at my window I’d save you.” She said as she placed his shoulder. He laughed

“Okay everyone let’s get on the road!!

They were all driving. Harry behind Kevin. Harry was having a hard time keeping up with Kevin. So we pulled over. Because Lauren was probably distracting Harry because they both act like they can’t keep their hands off each other for one second. So there they all were on the side of the road debating who’s gonna switch with Lauren.

“Okay. So Neik can you switch with Lauren?”

“No me and Luke have been watching movies and I rather not leave because well Luke has the movies and this car has WiFi.” She said as she got back into the backseat of the car.

“I’m with Neik,” Luke said following her into the car.

“Okay how about I’d switch with Lauren. And you Lauren can sit up here with her brother.” Y/n said, referring to Kevin. Lauren and Kevin are twins brother and sister.

“But Baby I will miss you,” Kevin said as he kissed her cheek. She smiled

“It’s fine babe. I can make sure Harry doesn’t get lost and you can keep your sister from distracting Harry and besides Harry's mouth needs a break. So c’mon harry!” She said as she grabbed Harry’s hand. Leading him back to the car.

“Be kind to my Harry!” Lauren yelled.

//

Y/n and Harry’ drove quietly. Y/n Looked over at him.

“Harry tell me how’s life?” As she turned over and looked at him.

“Ya know, just living life.

“Do you still draw pictures?”

“Of course I do, Lauren hates it tho. She says I spend too much time drawing and not with her.” He said with a sigh.

“I understand, Kevin never lets me do anything if he doesn’t know where I am he goes crazy. Because his last girlfriend cheated.” She said,

“But your art is way too beautiful to stop. When I use to come over before you started dating Lauren. I love seeing all your art around.” He quickly glanced at her with a smile.

“I have my sketchbook maybe you can look at it later if you want.”

“I’d love too.” She responded.

They enjoyed each other’s company. Y/n asking stupid pointless questions. Him laughing at all of her stupid questions.

“Would you rather kick the feet of a barefoot homeless man orrr ...” she paused as she thought about the next thing she was gonna say.

“Or kiss Kevin.”

“I rather kiss my girlfriend's brother.”

“Hmm, good choice Kevin is a pretty decent kisser.”

“Pretty decent ?” he questioned

“Idk he does this thing where his tongue stabs mine. It’s weird.” Harry burst into laughter.

“And it is better if we didn’t have to sneak around all the time.”

“Sneak?”

“His parents don’t know we are dating and we’ve dating each for 3 years.” She said as she looked out the window. Kevin still stayed with his parents so whenever Y/n went over she had to say she was over to see Lauren.

“Why is that?”

“Well because I’m black and he’s white.” She said sadly. “I don’t know sometimes it feels like he’s ashamed of me..” She whispered quietly but since no music was playing Harry heard her clearly. Harry's face scrunched up. His hand tightens on the wheel.

“What does he do?”

“He says stuff..like you should straighten your hair..or that you should stay out the sun you don’t wanna get too black.. it just always little things.” Now Harry was pissed.. how could he say those things to someone like Y/n. He thought she was amazing. Her skin tone was even more amazing.

“Y/n you really don’t deserve that asshole as a boyfriend. I never really was a big fan of his in the first place. He’s always so protective of you but to know that he’s saying those things to you. Just makes me want to punch him in the face.” Harry said, Y/n kinda smiled. It felt nice since Harry cared. Y/n and Harry use to be a lot closer before he started dating Lauren. Since Harry was her neighbor. They use to talk all the time especially since their bedroom windows were right across from each other. Harry used to have a huge crush on her. He still kinda does. But then Y/n sat him up with Lauren about 6months ago and him Lauren has been sat for about 4 months.

Y/n reached over and kissed his cheek.

“You’ve always been so sweet to me Harry.” Harry’s face immediately lit up red. She giggled “you’re so cute.”

They continued to enjoy each other’s company. Y/n ended up dosing off while Harry continued to drive. He didn’t use GPS he thought he’d follow Kevin. But he’s been following the wrong car the entire time. They’ve been driving for hours. He realized that they were supposed to stop in Georgia and he saw a sign that said, West Virginia. So he was lost.

Y/n woke up and looked over at Harry. It was now dark outside.. so she thought they were arriving at their first destination. She could tell by Harry’s facial expression that something was wrong. But her phone started to ring.

“Hey, guys where are you? We are in Georgia and we realized you guys were not behind us.” Kevin asked, y/n bit her lip.

“Yea me and Harry are lost,” she said, Kevin was about to lose it.

“How tf did you guys get lost?”

“I don’t know maybe all my talking.” She shrugged. She did really stress it too much. Kevin kept going on about how we need to use the GPS to drove to Georgia right now. Y/n sighed and looked at a tired driving Harry. “Look Harry’s been driving and he’s tired and I’m too scared to drive at night soo we are gonna find a rest stop to sleep and continue driving tomorrow.” She said firmly. Kevin wanted to drive to her but he didn’t know where they were. He didn’t like her solution but there is no way to change her mind.

“Fine. Just be safe baby. I love you.”

“Love you too bye.” She said as she hung up the phone.

“I’m sorry I got us lost,” he said as he took an exit for a rest stop or gas station.

“It’s fine I don’t mind. And I brought blankets and snacks in my backpack. So we could sleep in the back seat of your car.” Harry’s face got red immediately. Sleep in the back seat with Y/n? The thought was making him blush like crazy.

“You’re blushing? You don’t have to sleep in the back with me if you don’t wanna..”

“No! No!! I want to.” He said eagerly. She laughed. They pulled up to the rest station. Y/n climbed into the back seat of Harry’s truck and Harry got out the car and went into the back.

“I only have one blanket. Hope you don’t mind sharing.” She said as she opens her book bag pulling out the blanket she got closer to Harry as she put the blanket over them.

“No, I don’t mind.” Harry looked over at her skin as out the blanket over them. He noticed that she was wearing a bra. He saw her collar bone. He wanted to kiss it so badly. He had a thing for collar bone and her brown skin.

“You’re skin is so beautiful.” He blurted out. Shit. He didn’t mean to say that.

“Thank you, Harry. You’re very beautiful.” He blushed and mumbled a thank you. They continued to talk and She pulled out a few snacks and a bag of chips and a bottle of liquor.

“I brought this to celebrate our first stop but now it’s just me and you. So I’m gonna drink some. Do you want some?” Harry shrugged and she opens the bottle with pop and took a swig right out the bottle handing it to Harry. He did the same. They drunk it until half of the bottle was gone. Harry didn’t really feel much of the liquor but Y/n on the other hand who was a major lightweight she was definitely feeling it. She laughing at everything Harry said.

“Have you had too much to drink?” He asked as he laughed at her. Y/n laid her back against the car door and laid her legs across Harry’s lap. Her longs legs were laying across him. Harry grabbed her feet with his hand. Not bothering to answer his questions.

“Wow, you made yourself comfortable. What if I hated feet?” He said as he swung her feet back and forth. She giggled.

“Well if you do hate feet. You’re the one who grabbed it with your hand. Soo you must have some kind of feet fetish.” She laughed and he rolled his eyes.

“Well, I guess you gave pretty nice feet.”

“Okay, Harry lets play 20 questions!” She said cheerfully as she sat up in her knees. Her faces close to Harry’s. Harry bit his lip and nodded.wheneve he thought about this game. It always leads to sexual things. But Y/n knew what she doing. Harry just always looked so good. In his tank tops and all his tattoos showing. She saw him staring at her. She knew Harry wanted her and her also. She shouldn’t because well she had a boy and He has a girlfriend. But no one ever treated her how Harry did and she wanted him so bad. She’s wanted him for years.

“Favorite tv show?” He asked

“That’s hard I watch a lot of tv. Probably the office.”

“What’s your favorite movie?” She asked,

“Probably.. die hard.” Y/n laughed at his response.

“Diehard? So you're a tough guy.”

He gave her a side smile. “I try to be.”

“What about you? What’s your favorite movie?” He asked

“If I tell you. You’re gonna laugh at me.”

“I’m not I promise.”

“It’s 50 shades of grey.” She said, looking at him right in the eye. Harry face lit up red again.

“I actually never saw that movie... but I know what happens.” He says, he looked down at his hands. Y/n always knew Harry was shy. But he was so cute it was fun to embarrass him.

“Yea it’s a lot of fucking in that movie. But I enjoy it.” He didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He was a little nervous. ‘What is this girl doing to me?’ He thought time himself.

“Do you like sex, Harry?”

“Y-yes.” He answered a bit nervous. She pouted out her bottom lip. Harry didn’t even look up at her. She placed her hand under his chin and turned his face towards her.

“Am I making you nervous?” She asked. If Harry's face got any redder it was going to explode. “If you wanna stop playing this game. We could.”

“No, not at all. We could keep going.”

“Well, aren’t you gonna ask me a question?” She said as her face got closer to his. Harry had to take control he wanted to do this. He wants her so badly for so long.

“What turns you on?” He asked,

“Tattoos.” She whispered. Knowing he had tattoos all over him. Kevin didn’t have any. So she had to be talking about him.

“I have tattoos.” He said, she smiled and looked down at his arm. Her finger started to trace the tattoos on his arms. His other arms have the most tattoos. She crawled over his lap. Now straddling him. Harry's breath hitched he didn’t know what to do or what to say. Her fingers tracing up his other are to his collar bone.

“You turn me on.” He said. She smiled in response.

“Do I?” She said as she kissed his cheek. And his other cheek. Harry was getting hard. He knew she could feel it.

“If you want me to stop. Say stop.” She whispered. But he didn’t want her to stop he’s dreamt of this moment since he met her. She continued to kiss the corner of his mouth followed by the other corner. She kissed his lips as soon as her lips touched his. He took his hands and placed them on her hips. His lips moving against hers eagerly wanting to put his tongue in her mouth. She parted her lips slightly for his tongue and Harry didn’t waste any time sliding his tongue in her mouth. She started to grind her hips on his dick. He let out a little moan. She couldn’t help but smile at how excited he was.

“I’ve wanted you since the day I met you.” She moved to the side of him. She took off her tank top and her and her shorts and her panties. Harry followed suit. Taking off his joggers and his take top. Y/n got on her knees with her ass in the air. Her head down by Harry’s lap she hooked her fingers around the band of her briefs pulling them down till his cock popped out smacking against his stomach. Harry was in disbelief about how she looked. She placed her hand on his dick stroking it softly and she kissed the tip of his dick. Harry thought he was gonna cum any moment but he held it back as he watched her intensely. She looked at him through the corner of her eye as she started to stroke him faster. He threw his head back in pleasure. She slid his tip in her mouth and swirled her tongue all around it.

“Fuckk Y/n. Please stop being a tease.” She didn’t respond she just decided to deep throat him instead. She shoved all of his big cock down her throat. Harry continued to moan her name. As she started bobbing her head up and down and using her hand to jack him off. The sloppy noises and the moans she let out we’re getting him closer and closer.

“Fuck Y/n. I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum.” He moaned out. She didn’t stop though. She kept sucking and shoving all of his dick deep inside of her mouth. She pulled away from his dick and continued to jack him off.

“Come for me, baby. Cum right In my mouth.” She said and she licked up the shaft of his dick and putting the tip of his big juicing cock right back in her mouth. Harry couldn’t take it he tried to hold back he felt as if he was cumming to quickly but she so good at this. He ejected into her mouth and she swallowed every bit of him. She pulled away still jacking him off. She looked over at Harry who head was against the seat he looked exhausted. The pleasure of cumming and her still rubbing his cock was too much. He couldn’t even talk. She leaned up against his ear.

“We aren’t done yet, baby. I want you deep inside of this pussy baby.” She said and kissed his ear lobe. Then she straddled his lap and position his dick at the right at her entrance and she slowly let herself down. Both of the moaning loudly. Harry was exhausted but yet he was still hard and she felt so good around him. He placed his hand on her hips. She bounced up and down on his cock. He got so so good inside her. Kevin wasn’t nearly as big as Harry was and Kevin never gave her an orgasm (Kevin was the only guy she’s been with.) this was a whole new world for her.

“Do you like me bouncing up and down on your dick baby?” She asked Harry was too focused on her boobs bouncing up and down in front of him and the contrast of her dark skin bouncing on his white cock.

“I asked you a question.” She said, she grabbed his chin making him look her in the eye. The bossy ness was turning him on more and more. He loved her dominance. He loved to see her take control. He nodded his “yes, I love it.”

“Good boy.” She said and she started to bounce faster and faster. He lost it when she said that he had to cum again.

“I’m gonna cum.” He mumbled. Y/n was on the pill so she had nothing to worry about.

“Cum baby. I’m close too.” She said she bounced faster. Feeling close to her climax. She let out a loud moan as she road Harry as she slowed down at the height of her climax. Harry came inside of her. He laid there unable to move. Y/n got his lap back to sitting at her side. Her tired too. But the orgasm feeling was amazing.

“Did you like that?” She asked Harry could barely keep his eyes open. He looked at her. That was the first time he ever came back to back.

“You’re so fucking amazing.” He said well more of a mumble.

“So are you.” Maybe she should tell him. He gave her his first orgasm but she didn’t. She helped Harry pulled up Harry’s briefs and took a deep breath laying her head on his shoulder. They both laid their weeks until both of them fell asleep.

Y/n woke up dressed in her clothes. With the blanket over her. Laying in the back seat of Harry’s truck. Harry in the driver seat. Driving. She sat up. Immediately regretting it. She was hungover. She closed her eyes. Realizing it was too bright outside. She placed her hand on her head. Followed by a groan.

“Rise and shine sleepyhead,” Harry said, the thought of last night still gracing his memory. His dick still limp and tired from last night.

“Ugh, Harry. How much did I drink last night?”

“Well, considering you were lightweight. You drank probably 1/4 of the bottle and you were drunk off your ass.” He said with a laugh. She tried to think of last night. Memories of her and Harry. She sucked his dick and rode him. Her eyes grew wide she made eye contact with Harry through his rearview mirror. They both know what she was thinking.

“I had my first orgasm last night.” She said lowly. Harry's eyes grew wide. “We had sex... I’m sorry. I’m soo sorry. I get really horny when I drink. We were both drunk-.”

“I wasn’t drunk. I was basically sober.”

“Harry we can't tell anyone. This is our secret. We can’t tell anyone.”

“Y/n can we just talk about it first?”

“No Harry there isn’t anything to talk about nothing happened.”

“Y/n.”

“No.”

They sat the rest of the ride in silence. Awkward silence. Both of them having the best sex they did ever. Harry who crush on Y/n seems to go bigger and Y/n wanted Harry way more. It was her first orgasm and she wanted him against and again. But Y/n refused to talk to him. Once they arrived at the gas station the other guys were at. Y/n quickly got out of the car and was greeted quickly by Kevin with his mouth. She didn’t kiss back she just kissed him slightly. Harry watched as he got out of the car. His jaw tensing up. But he could tell that she wasn’t really interested in kissing him. But his thought was interrupted by Lauren jumping on him kissing him deeply.

“Aww, baby I missed you soo much. “ She said as she kissed all over and around his face. He had to figure out how to talk to Y/n alone.

Y/n looked over at him while Lauren was kissing all over him. She rolled her eyes and looked back at Kevin who was lecturing her about getting lost. She sighed. Why didn’t she feel bad for cheating on him? Why does she want to do it again? She feels worse for Lauren than she does him. But her body was craving Harry and Harry was craving her.

“Okay Lovers!! Enough kissing. We need to get going so we could go camping in Miami!” Luke yelled. Everyone got in there cars this time Lauren, Y/n, and Niek in one car and all the boys in another car. Harry and Y/n both thinking about each other for the rest of the ride. Neither of them knowing what to do.

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

the closest i’ve been to a bar was at ballet class

summary: just some smut building up to 🎟🩰(that’s a ticket and ballet slippers in case you aren’t reading this on mobile)

pairings: reader x natasha romanoff, reader x steve rogers, reader x carol danvers, reader x ...someone 👀

word count: a little under 12,000

warnings: everything. as usual, all kinds of sex in here. i can’t remember all of it. some is pretty rough so avoid if that is not your thing.

a/n: so...i may have added a fourth and bc i’m a jerk, i’m not yet tagging who... but i’ve been thirsting for this character so hard lately and idk why! i’m done tho, i swear! no more. none.

a/n2: so, obviously there is no show here and they have yet to find out about each other but i started writing that but this all happened first and it would have been like a billion words. so part 3 will be coming!

a/n3: part 1

Your ballet instructor was Natasha’s number one enemy. It had started almost instantly. As with her experiences in ballet, she felt that your instructor was someone who simply needed to be watched. She said ballet instructors were hardly ever completely honest, they always had ulterior motives.

You highly doubted your instructor—a 38-year-old woman with an amazing husband and three adorable children—was up to no good. But you couldn’t take another lecture!

Natasha liked to remind you that she had been at this for a long time. Sure, she was paranoid, sometimes. But other times, she was very much correct and that was enough for her. She just wished you would put your guard up sometimes.

So she claimed, anyway. And she was convincing, but at the end of the day, she was glad you weren’t jaded and cynical. It meant she got to take care of you. It meant that she got to protect you in all the ways she knew how—threats, murder maybe.

She was waiting for you at your apartment around noon after practice was over. Her eyes sought out any signs of stress. You knew you looked tired—a big show was coming up, that same show you knew was going to conclude this whole sneaking around thing you had going on. You also knew there was a huge bruise on your shin and arm that she would be furious about when she undressed you.

"Hungry?" she inquired. No 'hello', no 'I missed you', but Natasha liked to save that for when you were falling asleep. She really thought you wouldn't remember how sappy she'd gotten in the morning. You let her pretend because the alternative was no sappiness.

"Starving. Are we going somewhere?"

"Let’s stay in, I’ll make something."

You opened your apartment for her and she waltzed right in. She directed you to change as she headed for the kitchen.

You didn’t have the energy to try to hide the bruises. It was better to get it out of the way. Besides, were you going to say no when she wanted to fuck you?

You chose a tiny bra top and a pair of tiny shorts. Maybe your ass would distract her.

She was at the counter, waiting to see what you came out in. A box of pasta in front of her, a few jars and a saucepan off to her side. It wasn’t anything too crazy but you were okay with that, and at least she wouldn’t get to tease you in that restaurant she loved taking you to.

Concept: picture that scene from a movie where the rich, white man has his favorite restaurant that he takes his billions of too-young, way-out-of-his-league dates to and the staff is used to not mentioning any of the terrible things they see to his wife. Now, take that vision and place it on Natasha. Subtract all the dates and the wife and that Natasha was out of your league, and that had you sitting at her usual table of her favorite overpriced, noisy, terribly lit restaurant at least once a week. At least you were starting to make friends with all of the hostesses and most of the servers. But they weren't naive, they knew when Natasha was, in a sense, in a mood, and they knew when to be succinct but still helpful. That was what made part of The Incident possible—

"What is that bruise?" she demanded, startling you out of your thoughts.

You contemplated the innocent act for a moment, but you'd rather be dismissive. It was just quicker. "Nat, I'm fine—"

"Did you get that in class?"

"No."

"Where, then?"

You sighed. "When I was leaving class. I fell walking down the stairs."

"Because you’re so tired!"

"I am not that tired," you protested.

"Y/N—"

You sauntered over to her, sliding in between her and the counter. "I guess I am a little tired but only because I’ve had some trouble falling asleep lately."

She already knew where you were going, but she would never refuse one of your challenges. You weren’t in charge, she was, and you wouldn’t know that if she was too soft with you. She sighed, "why is that?"

"Because you haven’t fucked me in so long."

She rolled her eyes.

"When you tire me out, I sleep like a baby. Without you...I have to tire myself out and that can take forever."

She sighed, knowing she was not going to get you on a different path. "Forever, huh?"

You nodded. "I mean...I can think about you when I do it. Your mouth, your fingers... But it’s not the same."

"And how often, exactly, do you think about me?"

It was the closest she was ever going to get to asking where she stood with you. She knew there were others but she wanted to hear that she was special compared to the rest. She was, so special you couldn’t put it into words. But that didn't mean Steve and Carol weren't special in their way as well. You figured they were going to have a hard time wrapping their mind around that when they found out about this. A competition? Sure, they could understand that.

"Very often," you promised. "I missed you."

You craved them exactly as you had gotten used to having them in your life. The mornings had you longing to be with Natasha, staying in bed late while you thought about how she wasn’t going to be walking you to class or waiting for you after. Nights were reserved for Steve when you realized how empty your bed felt and wanted to have one of your under-the-covers conversations with him—a trend started in the winters when he would unintentionally wake you up because he was trying to slip out of bed, it was your way of keeping him there for just a little longer. Then there were weekends, random mid-days, and every Thursday night that Carol had you set aside just for her so she could take you to Maria's for dinner.

Natasha's hands settled on your hips. "I missed you, too. But that doesn’t mean I don't want to hit your damn teacher."

"Why waste time?"

"I’m nearly retired," she countered. "I have the time."

"No, you really don’t." You slowly removed your shirt and then shimmied out of your shorts before kicking them away. "All of your time needs to be spent on me, not worrying about my teacher."

Natasha always looked at you like she’d never seen anything quite so beautiful regardless of how little time elapsed from the last, but there was something different this time. For the first time since she’d met you, your skin was an unpainted canvas. Steve and Carol had been gone as well and that meant there were no bruises anywhere because there was no one else.

Natasha liked marking you up because Steve did—not that she knew that, but it was a possessive outlet for them both. Steve’s marks were always bigger, bigger fingers, bigger love bites, she’d known instantly that he was a man—random, inconsistent. Hers were smaller, healed quicker, but no doubt sent the message that you were fucking a woman. Something she wanted to be known to whoever else was sharing your bed.

She lifted you onto the counter, leaving your hips hanging over the edge as she dropped to her knees. Immediately, her mouth was set to your inner thigh where she nipped at your skin and kissed after. She never once took her eyes off you as she switched legs..

You wouldn’t beg, even after the eighth time she made that switch. You knew she had her plans and not even you could change them. That didn’t mean you weren’t dripping and squirming, cursing her for being so thorough, however.

She shoved your legs apart wide as she stood, dipping down to run her tongue through you slowly, just once.

You shuddered when she caught your clit. "Natasha—"

"Hush." She eyed your pussy, then the rest of you. "You are delicious, baby. I can’t believe I had to go so long without tasting you." She chose your hip bones to mark up next but finally, slid two fingers inside you. She didn’t move them, she just wanted to fill you up a little.

You clenched around them several intentional times and she didn’t bat an eye. She was trying to drive you crazy; she hadn’t said it but the second you tried to take, if you rolled your hips, if you grabbed her arm and attempted to rush her, she would make you wait longer.

She trailed up to your breasts, small kisses scattered without pattern before she started to bite and suck until your skin was numbly tingling. You knew her game was over when she pressed her lips to yours.

You wasted no time, opening your mouth for her tongue and moaning out of the sheerest need. There was just something about Natasha’s lips that could always get you weak. They were beautiful to look at but they felt even better gliding across your skin, kissing, sucking.

She was the one who pulled away, turning down to look at her fingers still inside you. "You are soaking my hand."

Now you grabbed her forearm, pulling her fingers in deeper. "Fuck me, please."

She acted as if she was thinking about it, arched her eyebrow and curled her fingers once, twice, and then yanked them away from you.

Your eyes widened up at her. What the hell?

"Go sit at the table while I finish making the pasta."

Your mouth dropped a little. "Um...?"

"Hurry up," she ordered.

She was serious, dead serious. You slid off the counter, leaning down to reach for your clothes.

"I didn’t tell you to get dressed," she pointed out. With her hands on your arms, she stood you back up and turned you around. You went to move away but she grabbed your ass and leaned down to kiss your cheek, then gently urged you forward. "Sit down, stop pouting. Be a good girl or else I won’t be fucking you, understood?"

No, hell no, not understood. At all! But you didn’t say any of that as you moved for the table. No, no, no way in hell.

Steve teased, even Carol had her tendencies to make you wait, but Natasha was different. After that first time in the studio, she had never again made you wait for something that you wanted. She gave and gave until you shamelessly flaunted how spoiled you were to anyone who would listen—mostly the ballerinas from class. It was that Natasha didn’t need to be as in control as them, it was that it didn’t need to be some power struggle.

Maybe she was trying something different, but that meant that you could do that, too. Instead of sitting in a chair like a boring mouse, you turned to her and sat on the table instead.

She was pouring the box of pasta in the pot, but she turned up to arch an eyebrow at you.

You lifted one leg, then the other, setting the arches of your feet on the edge of the table. You were obscenely spread for her and she acted as if that wasn’t unnatural.

You brought your hand down to your pussy, two fingers slowly tracing circles around your clit. You watched her watching you the entire time, there was never a break in her resolve. But you were too far now to just quit, besides that was more than likely was her feigned indifference was trying for.

She didn’t stop making the pasta either, but that was how you knew you were winning. She was trying to speed dinner along because she was going to remind you that she was in charge.

It was so cute that they believed that. You worried that she may not let you finish that night, so even if you wanted to give her that little bit of obedience you could manage, you weren't convinced it was in your best interest.

Your hand began to move frantically as you cried out her name because you were just mean like that. Your eyes closed and your head fell back as you took in two of your fingers. Your hips rose to grind against the heel of your palm, around that time you were almost certain you’d heard something clatter in the kitchen.

Your finish was little more than a show, an end you’d drawn yourself to many times in their absence but one that you played up. It felt as good as it could have but you needed them, nothing else could suffice. That didn't mean you weren't acting like it was the best orgasm you'd ever had.

You came down quickly and did so without a word or even another glance at her. You climbed off the table, sat in a chair, and looked at her once more.

She looked down at the counter in front of her and shook her head. Yep, you were in major trouble, but you deemed it well worth it.

After an uneventful meal, she took you to the bedroom where she edged you ruthlessly. She was trying to get you to apologize for misbehaving, but you refused. Well, until she told you that she wasn't going to give you the presents she brought you back from Paris. (Later, you opened a new pair of thigh-high boots and a diamond choker with a dangling charm of cursive letters spelling out angel.)

And finally, when you gave in and apologized, she herself was worked up beyond comprehension and set your cunt over her face so she could eat you out until you were crying and delirious. Thankfully, she didn’t stop even though you begged her to, not until she was satisfied.

That was the first night Natasha stayed over. She kept her arms wrapped around your bare torso to keep you pinned to her as tightly as possible. You felt her running her hands through your hair until you fell asleep, enjoying the sound of her breathing in the quiet room.

In the morning, you woke first. You were able to watch her sleep for a while, surprised by how peaceful she looked. And you were caught off by how good she looked in your bed, her red hair fanned out over your pink pillowcases, the sunlight filtering through the blinds and layering her in gold light. 

Her arms were slack around you, her right falling away as you sat up. You situated yourself on her side, crossing your top leg over her hip. You took her hand in yours, guiding two of her fingers to your already wet pussy.

You teased your clit for several minutes, careful not to wake her just yet. When you were ready, you slid down on two of her long fingers. Still, she was not woken by you.

You rolled your hips desperately, moaning every time your clit swept against her palm. You felt her fingers curl on their own and moaned louder, an attempt to get her conscious.

When her eyes shot open, they focused on you instantly. You continued to fuck yourself on her fingers, setting your head on the pillow next to hers and staring in her eyes.

"Fuck," she whispered. Then she was up and urging you onto your back. She spread your legs wide and slotted herself between them. She started slow, hands groping your breasts as she dragged her pussy against yours. 

She was deliciously slick, you could feel her cunt dripping onto yours. Wet sounds filled the room, along with the small, desperate noises that spilled from your open mouth.

When she knew she was close, she used your thigh as leverage, moving quicker. It was a breath-taking scene when Natasha got lost in pleasure. She shut her eyes, tilted her head back and her red curls lined her back, her breasts bounced hard because that was how she was fucking you. She didn’t stop until you were both screaming each other's name and coming.

She collapsed on top of you, mouth lazily seeking out yours. "That’s the best way I’ve ever been woken up."

You smiled.

"Turn over, let me see your gorgeous ass."

You waited until she stepped off the bed to roll over, eagerly sticking your ass out for her. She had never asked you to do this so you were excited to see where she would take it.

You heard her get back on the bed and then felt her hands gripping your ass hard.

"You have such a beautiful ass."

You smirked, glancing back at her.

She set her body flat against your back and you titled your head just so you could kiss her. She began grinding her cunt against your ass, nipping at your lips as she moaned. One of her hands slithered down between your pussy and the mattress, her fingers circling your sensitive flesh skillfully.

Her soaking pussy brushed over your ass desperately, you could feel her soaking you all the way down the back of your thigh. She got herself off on your skin, never once easing up on your clit even though you’d finished and were terribly oversensitive to her touch. Instead, once again, she stopped only when she wanted to.

And if you thought that would be the end, you didn’t know her very well. She sat up and brought you with her. She took your hips in her hands and situated you over one of her thighs, her front pressed to your back once again. "Come on my thigh, baby, don’t stop until I tell you to."

You leaned over, using your elbows to keep your balance. You rode her thigh hard, making sure to give her quite the show of your ass. When you were reaching your end, you grabbed one of her hands and set it over your ass. She took the cue immediately, grabbing you, digging her fingers in.

When you finished, she shoved you flat onto the mattress. You were only half aware of what she was doing behind you, still floating from your orgasm. You snapped right out of that when you felt her lips against your ass. She kissed you several times before you felt her tongue against your hole.

You startled, hands fisting in the sheets. You were definitely surprised, you guys had never even approached this topic. But just as soon as you had felt her, she was gone. She turned you back over, kissed up your body, stopping only to worship your breasts. When she reached your mouth, she gave you an out-of-place chaste kiss and sat up. "Seriously, we need to get out of bed or I'm never going to stop fucking you."

When Carol opened her apartment door for you, things quickly changed. She gripped your arm and walked you to the couch where she forcefully sat you down. One thing was clear: she was in no mood to hear you speak.

"Stay." She headed to the kitchen where you heard cupboards being opened and slammed shut, the fridge a few times. Mostly, she was just walking around.

Perhaps you should have been scared, but you were just wet. So fucking wet.

She came back with a beer, glanced at you, then began pacing. "You’re..." she trailed off and shook her head before taking a long drink from the bottle in her hand. "I mean, I can’t even..."

It was definitely a mistake to laugh.

Her eyes widened and she turned to you, a clear warning, but one that you would not heed. "Just try to make me understand," she finally settled on. "What possessed you?"

"Well, you were gone for quite a while."

"So, you missed me?"

"Of course."

"So, you decide to be a brat?"

Was that supposed to make you regret acting out? It was a somewhat humiliating thing for her to call you but you didn’t dislike it. "Well, you weren’t paying enough attention to me."

Again, that sharp look that you were sure was supposed to make you backtrack. "I only pay attention to good girls, girls who behave."

You hummed, standing. "I suppose I should go home, then."

"Sit down," she growled.

Instead, you tossed your purse on the couch and slowly removed your jacket. Nat had left you covered in marks but she was secure enough in her place with you that she didn’t need to do so in a way that would inconvenience you. She understood you were a ballerina so she left your neck, shoulders, and chest mostly untouched. Your breasts, stomach, and thighs were another story, but you were still in a tiny ass skirt that allowed Carol to finger you in the car before you’d arrived at another little gathering Maria was having—who had more parties, her or Tony Stark? She was giving him a run for his money.

Which was where you’d started acting out. Carol had picked you up around noon and you were as sweet as could be. But around 3, you were suddenly hit with the realization that you wanted to be fucking her more than anything else. It started with a text about how you had taken off your underwear. She was having none of it, she told you this was not happening. You let her know that the scrap of lace was in her purse.

You sent a picture 30 minutes later. She warned you to stop. You sent a video showing her just how wet you were for her, then told her all the things you wanted her to do to you. All the things you had missed while she was away.

In total, you sent her 27 texts, 2 videos, and 7 pictures. You’d received 4 responses, but the final one was completely out of place. Show me your ass. You obliged but then nothing. She said nothing, she requested nothing further.

Did you feel as though you'd gone too far? Not exactly. Carol was definitely into the most public shit, making possible for the second part of The Incident. You still blushed thinking about that day.

She rolled her eyes at your display of disobedience, bringing the bottle to her lips once more. "Strip."

You didn’t need to be told twice. First, it was the shirt, and you paid no mind at all to what Natasha had left you with, but you noticed Carol's lingering gaze. Next, you pushed your skirt down and stepped out of her pumps you’d borrowed. You loved wearing heels when you were out with Carol, she was taller than you without and sometimes it brought you to her level or made you just a tad taller.

She made her way closer to you, setting her bottle on the coffee table off to her side. Abruptly, she grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled you closer to her. "If you wanted me to get rough with, princess, all you had to do was ask."

You didn’t have time to respond before she was kissing you, greedy and demanding. But just as you reached up to touch her face, she yanked back and turned you around with her hands on your shoulders. She grabbed your hair once more and forced you down toward the table.

You were on your knees, bent over the edge, your breasts flat against the freezing glass. Your cheek was pressed so hard against the solid surface you almost couldn’t open your mouth to speak. "Carol—"

"Silence."

It was a while before you heard her move, she got down behind you and kept one hand on your head as the next began to feel through your folds.

She slipped one finger inside you, pulled back, then added another. She curled up against that spot that always made you buck your hips wildly, even though now you were digging into the sharp wooden border of the table she’d bent you over.

"You know how to drive, right, princess?"

You paused for a moment, confused.

"Answer me."

"Um, yes?"

"You know that when you reach a traffic light, green means go and red means stop, don’t you?"

"Yeah..."

"So, right now, bent over this table, your soaking cunt filled with my fingers, you are...?"

She was speaking slowly as if you were a child that could barely comprehend this conversation. Never mind that you were definitely getting lost and her fingers were turning your brain to mush. It was another humiliation tactic and you felt yourself blushing. She’d never been quite so...formal. "Green?"

"Are you asking or telling? Green means that you are still my desperate little whore that needs to be fucked hard."

"I’m green," you assured.

"And if at any point you feel like you need me to slow down or you are beginning to get worried or uncomfortable, if you need any verbal communication, you’re yellow. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"And you understand if you need me to stop, if I’m hurting you or you don’t like what’s going on, you can tell me you are red and you know I won’t get mad at you?"

"Yes."

"One more time, what are you?"

"Green."

She pulled her fingers from inside you. "Arms on the table."

You hurriedly obeyed, gripping the edges hard. Carol never really spoke to you like this, it was all spoiling you in attention and affection. This was something else, something you hadn’t anticipated when you started this game.

She brought her hand down on the right side of your ass, your hips stuttered forward and your gasp and the echo of the smack filled the room. Your cheeks burned and your eyes filled with tears. It didn’t hurt, she was experimenting, but you knew it would eventually.

"And what are you now, princess?"

You swallowed, willing your voice to stay even. "Green."

She finally let go of your hair and you tilted your head a little just to get the pressure off your cheekbone. She repeated the slap on the opposite side with just a bit more pressure.

You shuddered and blurted out the same color. Your skin was stinging but you felt yourself growing wetter, your slick running down your thighs now.

She had you in this cycle until she found enough force that it was barely manageable. Tears were running down your cheeks, landing on the table and she had to hold you up on your knees because you no longer could.

She hummed. "These marks are going to be pretty in the morning."

You realized then where this came from. Had you come to her with the same attitude but without all of those marks Nat left you covered in, you probably never would have pushed Carol to this point. They had both officially found their ways to be just the slightest bit possessive.

"You sorry?"

You snorted. "No...are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You should have fucked me at the party if you really wanted me to stop sending you pictures and videos."

She rolled her eyes. "Stay here. I'm not joking."

You smirked as she stormed off to her bedroom. You knew what she would be coming back with. She returned naked, save for her strap. A smooth red dildo hung between her legs, one of the larger ones she owned.

You went to stand up but she clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

"Crawl over here."

You lifted your eyebrows—crawl? Hadn't she just called you ‘princess’? But you could be a ‘whore’ since she called you that, too. On hands and knees, you made your way to her.

She reached down to grab your hair, pulling you up to stand on your knees. She said nothing else as she used her other hand to press the tip of the dildo against your lips until you opened your mouth. A struggle that ended with the sounds of you choking on the piece of silicone down your throat.

The rest of the night was spent on the couch. She made you ride her strap until you physically couldn't continue, which ended up being a bit after two in the morning. She didn't tease or edge, she allowed you to come as many times as you wanted to, in fact, she ordered it—unstated, but the threat that would come from not playing her game was clear.

She didn't help, however, she stayed still underneath you and didn't say a word. She just watched you, watched as you pathetically attempted to get her to break. You would kiss her, take her fingers and suck on them, place her hands over your breasts. A few times, you even got up, turning your back to her before sinking back down on the dildo, knowing that she would love the sight of your battered ass.

Steve understood your love of ballet.

Sure, Natasha knew what you were talking about and related to you somewhat, but she also had her opinions about ballet and sometimes she was a little closed off about your dancing. And hell, Carol would support you doing anything. Tap, softball, book club, Broadway, murder, she just wanted you to be happy.

With Steve, well, he sort of understood interests that left you a little battered and bruised. His new obsession (TM) was patching you up through those unanticipated injuries and wrapping your feet before you practiced at home to prevent injuries. It was a careful 20-minute process where he was utterly focused on making sure you were completely protected. And either he paid tremendous attention to you—his skills at quickly prepping your feet was enviable—or he had a thing for ballerinas. You were okay not knowing.

When he called you and told you he was coming over, you noticed something in his voice. It was different, not that usual sweet and doting tone, but you'd heard it before. Steve was always confident and assertive, but this was...something else. Something more. When he told you that you needed to get dressed in nothing more than a leotard, you wanted to be a brat and flat out refuse, maybe just tease, but you didn’t. You had enough sense to know that it wouldn’t get you the results you wanted.

You also had reason to be nervous. Carol had left you some nice marks. They didn’t really hurt anymore, but they were there. There was also no false illusion about what they were. Steve would know and you just weren’t sure how he would feel about them. Most of your ass was covered with what you were wearing but there were still the especially dark areas that could be seen through your one-piece, and there were a few bruises that extended the cut of your outfit. Not to mention, there was no way to hide what Natasha left on your upper thighs.

But you just decided to act like it wasn’t an issue. He was the one who said he couldn’t be your boyfriend, right? He couldn’t get upset over others leaving marks behind. At least that was what you kept repeating to yourself as you walked toward your barre in the corner of your apartment living room.

You began going through your usual warm-up routine, only glancing at him when you felt you wouldn’t be caught. He was laid out on the couch, eyes following your legs as if he hadn’t seen you do this a dozen times already. He was already hard, made more noticeable by the one leg draped over the edge of the cushions. His hand was on his thigh, fingers twitching just barely. The control he was trying to maintain was clear on his face, through his sharp blue eyes, his set jaw, and furrowed brow.

It was silent the entire time and your nerves were growing. Eventually, you would have to turn around and he would have the perfect view of your ass. He’d already noticed your thighs, you saw him eyeing you when he was prepping your feet for the pointe shoes. But he didn’t say anything and he wouldn’t, because he wasn’t allowed to. Right?

With a finishing soutenu turn, you were facing the opposite direction. You heard him sit up but then it was completely silent, minus your breathing and your shoes brushing along the floor.

When you were done, you stayed put. You’d gone as far as teaching him a lot of ballet vocabulary because he knew what he wanted to see and after your warm-ups, he would often direct you. It was always somewhat thrilling—apparently, you both shared this depraved ballerina kink. Maybe there had been role play—maybe he was the casting director and you were a desperate ballerina auditioning for a role, willing to do anything to get it, and maybe he pretended he had a million and one critiques for you, and maybe instead of having the talent, you got the role after you sucked him off.

“Face the barre. Run through your pliés.”

You turned to your side, pretending to be focused on keeping your hips squared and your pelvis locked. You could do pliés no problem, but the alternative was meeting his stare in the mirror and you were too nervous to do that. You completed the demi-pliés slowly and the grand pliés much the same. Normally, he would speak during this step, knowing that he wasn’t going to distract you, but nothing.

You waited for more instructions but they never came. You felt his arms wrap around your waist and you startled—you hadn’t heard him get so close.

He just held you for a moment, pinned your back to his chest as he kissed the side of your face. His hands began to squeeze your breasts and you melted into him eagerly. But soon, gentle touching became rough grabbing and all you could do was watch him in the mirror. He looked at you like he was starving and he touched you like it had been ages.

One of his hand dropped down and grabbed your ass. You held on tighter to the barre, shuddering. "What do you call him?"

Because you just didn’t know what was good for you, you laughed. "Are you jealous?"

He gripped you harder, bringing down his other hand to join. "I don’t need to be. What do you call him?"

'I’m not fucking another man," you informed, amusement still clear in your tone. Steve Rogers jealous, you never thought you’d see the day.

"Then what do you call her?"

She had you call her captain, but you couldn’t exactly tell him that. "What do you want me to call you?" you purred. "Sir?"

"No."

You hummed. “Master? You don’t strike me as the type, but you’re weird enough that I wouldn’t be surprised."

"No."

"Then I’m not sure what you want, Steve." You did know, you’d always had the suspicion since he liked to take care of you and loved calling you baby girl.

"I won’t ask you again," he finally said. He didn’t much care what you were doing with other people, but he did have a special liking to your ass. Maybe he was just mad that someone was spanking you before he was.

When it came to Steve, you knew how to get under his skin. You always knew just what to say to shock him and he could pretend all he wanted that he didn’t love when you would say the filthiest things to him, but you knew better. And after he just handed you this, how were you supposed to resist? "I don’t think I’ll have enough time to answer."

He lifted his eyebrows. "Oh, are we on a clock?"

You shrugged, leaning back to set your head on his shoulder. "Well, yeah, if you want to fuck me before mom gets home."

He scoffed, averting his gaze forward.

You knew you’d caught something though, his hands tightened on your hips and his jaw was doing that thing.

"You are sick."

You snorted. "And you’re hard, so."

He turned you abruptly, pinning you between his body and the barre. "Fine, what’s the story?"

You hummed. "You met my mom in a bar, you liked her, you started this all with the purest intentions. But then you stayed over one night, and there I was. You’ve tried fighting it—"

"But you don’t make it easy," he sighed.

You smirked. "I’m sorry, daddy. Really."

Any last reluctance he had was destroyed when you called him daddy. "Well, baby girl, daddy really isn’t okay that you’ve been letting so many other people fuck you."

You shrugged. "Maybe I was practicing."

He scoffed, fully aware of how you were intending to turn this. "Practicing. For what?"

"You. I just wanted to make sure I was good when you fucked me."

He hummed, turning you away once again. "And are you?"

"Good?"

"Mhm."

"The best," you promised.

"Baby, I don’t know how I feel about sharing you. What if I wanted to be your first?"

"I—"

He brought his hand up to your neck and you fell silent. "Daddy is really disappointed."

Rarely did Steve commandeer your scenes. Mostly, he pretended that he was just humoring you, then he fucked you well enough that you weren’t in the position to tease him afterward. It was a great system. But you weren’t complaining that he was suddenly changing things.

"Are you sorry for letting me down?"

You nodded quickly. It was surprising how naturally he could commit to this character.

"How are you going to make it up to me?"

"I’ll do anything," you promised.

He took his other hand, palm sliding over your ass. "Have I ever told you how much I love your ass?"

"No."

"I do... you ever had your ass fucked?"

That was a huge no. The men you had been with up to that point, prior to Steve, did not meet your standards that well. There was lacking trust, skill, most of them couldn’t define 'foreplay' if their lives depended on it. And after, well, Carol was the only one who liked straps so much and she’d never brought it up.

"No."

"No?"

You were about to repeat the answer when his hand came down on your ass. It (illogically) was the last thing you were expecting and you pathetically squeaked before you could stop yourself.

"You know what I want you to call me. Correct?"

"Yes, daddy. No, I’ve never been fucked there."

"You want daddy to fuck you there?"

"Will daddy forgive me?"

"Maybe."

Pouting, right now? Steve Rogers knew no bounds. "Yes, daddy, I want you to fuck me there."

"Spread your legs and hold the barre."

You hurriedly did as he asked, watching his face in the mirror. His eyes were focused on your ass, the way you moved, the way you were teasing him by leaning over just a little.

First, he moved your suit aside and buried two fingers inside you. You were obscenely wet, something he chuckled at.

You would have blushed, had you not already been. He pumped his fingers in and out, ordering you to watch, even though you couldn’t see much with your leotard in the way. When he added another finger, you squirmed a little, trying to get more comfortable.

"Does that hurt?"

"A little, daddy." It always hurt, taking Steve was always an adjustment process. The first few times, uncomfortable, an orgasm without his fingers rubbing quick circles around your clit was impossible. You were getting used to him, it was still a stretch, you’d just grown to like that ounce of pain because you knew how much pleasure was going to follow.

"Well, imagine how they’re going to feel in your ass. Then imagine how my cock will feel. Worried?"

"No, daddy. I like it when you hurt me."

He thrust his fingers a tad indelicately and your hips jerked.

Ass—obviously you’d said that to get a rise out of him, but still, rude. You had completely soaked through your thick suit by the time he pulled his fingers out, and not a single finish to show for it. But you figured he knew what he was doing, he’d probably had experience with this before so you were fine letting him run the show.

He pulled the material over your ass so he could watch you take his fingers.

"Take it off, daddy," you pleaded, voice all weak and breathy. You were pathetic.

"Can’t, baby. If your mom walks in, you can’t be naked."

You whined unintelligibly. Was he serious right now?

"Don’t misbehave," he warned. "I don’t want to have to punish you. Understand?"

"Yes, daddy." You set your forehead to the bar, angling your head so you could still see his face.

"Are you ready?"

You nodded slightly. "Yes, daddy." You startled a bit when you felt his finger, taking a breath when he told you to. The first finger didn’t hurt but you felt impossibly full—he was right, how were you going to take him? There was a sting when he got to his knuckle but he told you to relax so you tried.

His opposite hand reached through the suit where he pressed his fingers flat to your clit and began to massage them over you, back and forth, with a toe-curling pace and pressure. He pumped his finger in and out of your ass until you were crying out about your approaching orgasm. His finger felt different now, better, and you weren’t sure any finish had ever built up so intensely.

Before you could find out, he stopped touching your clit, dipping his first two fingers down to tease your entrance. It was then that he decided to add another finger to the one working on opening your ass for him. He was quick about it, slid one finger out, shoved two in.

You threw your head back, moaning loudly.

"Starting to feel good, baby?"

"Yes, daddy." Maybe just the looming promise of the right kind of pain, but not necessarily good. Not yet.

He continued his pattern of edging you until he had four fingers inside your ass. Your legs were shaking and his other hand was completely soaked. He never stopped talking, telling you about all the times he had thought about fucking you like this, how he touched himself during these fantasies, how he was going to make you feel better than you’d ever felt.

Steve wasn’t the most forthcoming man. He didn’t lie, never, but sometimes he kept things so completely to himself and you never had a clue. When did this obsession with your ass start, and how? And if Carol had never spanked you, would he even be doing this now? What other fantasies was he keeping to himself?

"Do you want to go to your bedroom, doll?"

"Not yet."

"Do you want your mother to catch us?" he joked.

You snorted. "Maybe I do."

He leaned over you, kissing the side of your face. "You know, I’m just saying, if you really did have a mom and I was your stepfather and was trying to fuck you on a clock, we would have definitely been caught by now."

You couldn’t possibly refrain from smiling. "You’re such a dork, Steve."

He smiled a little. "You think you’re ready?"

"Yes."

He arched an eyebrow at you. "Don’t drop the act now, baby girl."

You scoffed. "Yes, daddy. I’m ready." You watched him in the mirror as he moved his pants out of his way, something he eventually had to remove his fingers to do. You immediately missed that full feeling.

He adjusted your leotard out of his way once more, opposite hand leading his cock to you. He pressed in just barely, allowing you time to adjust or to protest if this was a failed experiment. You guys had had a few of those. Beyond handcuffs, he did not like tying you up. You guys actually weren’t overly into public sexual situations, save for the final act of The Incident. And phone sex was something that only occurred in times of true desperation. This would not be making the same list.

He folded his hands over your hip bones, pulling you back further on his cock. Your mouth dropped and your eyes slammed shut. It didn’t feel natural, it was like your body was trying to push back at him but well, Steve was nothing if not stubborn. He just kept pushing and pushing until your ass was flush against him.

It felt like an eternity when he started to pull out and then another eternity when he thrust back in, but you enjoyed every second. You felt high by the time his hips were moving easily, steadily. It was this maddening feeling like you were on the edge of something really good but he wouldn’t touch you anywhere else and it just wasn’t enough to finish. You suspected he knew that.

His hands moved up your hips and your waist until he could grab your shoulders. He stood you up, his hips stilling, your back flat to his chest. Just when you thought you he couldn’t get any deeper inside you. He pressed his hands up until he closed around your breasts. He pinched your nipples through the material, lips brushing against your ear as he spoke.

"Let’s go to the bedroom."

He would have a much better angle to watch, of course. Two months prior, you were days away from a huge audition so you were either at the studio or at home practicing. One night when you arrived home at nearly 10, it just felt like something wasn't right. Like someone had been in your apartment, nothing looked off. You just felt it.

You didn't lock the door behind you, just in case. You kept hold of your phone. You hadn’t spoken to Natasha that day and you worried she wouldn’t answer, she didn’t generally stay awake so late. And well, it wasn’t like Steve was a stranger to your AM calls or texts. But Carol lived closer and would have been there in a second if you’d needed her.

You made yourself move, tomorrow was another busy day. You flipped on your bedroom light, nearly sprinting straight back out when you saw flowers on your bed. But fear was quickly replaced with all sorts of confusion.

It looked like an expensive bouquet and there was a card right next to it. And see, these were not roses or daisies, these were dahlias—dark red, full, extra flowers. And who was more extra than... As the card read—ding, ding, ding. Steve Rogers. 

When you’re not so busy, we’ll try it out. 

Fear soon returned. Oh no, you thought to yourself. What could he have possibly done? It took you only three more seconds to find a full ass mirror over your bed. At the moment, you were stunned, but once more, pulled yourself out of it with your insistence of sleep. You did not have time for this.

However, when you were in bed, your phone charging next to you, you just couldn’t fall asleep. Of course. You had to call Steve. He’d broken into your home, or allowed others to break into your home, without your permission. All to put a fucking mirror over the god damn bed? He was insane, you realized.

"Hey, doll."

He sounded so smug. "You’re sick."

"Hmm, does that mean you don’t like it?"

"That means what I said: you’re sick."

"Take your clothes off."

You snorted. "Who said I’m wearing any?"

As mentioned, this wasn’t your usual routine with him. Steve loved seeing you, feeling you—phone sex just didn’t cut it. But who knew when you would have time for him next?

"There are many toys in your bedside table, pick one now."

You eagerly obliged, spreading your legs and fucking yourself with a vibrator he’d used on you several times. He told you to watch, to not take your eyes off the mirror.

The mirror added to discovering that Steve Rogers liked role-play had been some of the most pleasant surprises of your life. It was fun for both of you, never a question about when or where. When either of you wanted it, the other was always up for it. You’d thought it was just a one-time thing after the ballet incident, but then he found handcuffs in your room, which believe it or not, you hadn’t actually been using for sex. They were sex handcuffs, but they were just part of your costume to the Valentine's Day party Carol had taken you to, thrown by the lovely Maria.

Regardless, he asked you about them and you dismissed them. He then “arrested” you for “being a brat”. That got you bent over the kitchen counter as he fucked you from behind. He had you beg him to let you go but didn’t stop until his cum was dripping out of you onto the floor.

Then he’d noticed you were struggling in one of your classes and offered a prize for doing well on an upcoming exam. Of 50 questions, you’d only missed 4. He laid you out on your bed and told you he was going to eat you out. After the first time, you attempted to pull him up to you, gasping about how you needed him inside you, please Steve. He grabbed your hands and held them down, ordering you to call him professor Rogers. 

Then there was the loose sugar daddy scene. He’d bought you a diamond choker on one of his trips away and it was stunning. You felt spoiled and wanted him to feel the same. You got on your knees and stayed there until you were sure your jaw was going to suffer permanent damage if you kept your mouth open that wide for much longer. It was three days later that he sent you a screenshot of your Instagram post about the diamond choker and told you to get dressed exactly how you were in the photo. So, in a rose pink wig, a tiny pink satin dress, a dangerously high pair of red heels, and the diamond choker. He didn’t use your name when finally got to your apartment, he called you baby and made you ride him, fully dressed, until you couldn’t sit up on your own.

Then there was the time Steve Rogers actually sent you the address to a sex shop and told you to meet him there. You’d had no idea until you pulled up to the building but you knew immediately that you were going to enjoy this. He asked you to help him find toys that his wife would enjoy—you told yourself you could play along, but you definitely needed to smack him upside the head later. When he got you in the car, after a little back and forth, you being somewhat mouthy, he placed one of the vibrators inside you and wouldn’t turn it off. His fingers paid attention to your clit the entire drive home.

Your payback for that was you dressed as one of his former chorus girls. A designer at the university that you’d met because she always made the costumes for the show was all too happy to help. You sent him a picture of the outfit then flipped the skirt up to show him you weren’t wearing underwear. The absolute last thing you expected was for him to show up in one of his suits. He was wild almost animalistic, he made you scream so loud that three different neighbors came to check if you were okay. Which had been a great source of pride to him.

Then you bought a stripper pole. It took 7 entire classes before you had any idea what you were doing. Though he appreciated it, it was a requirement of patience that he did not want to execute. Natasha, though,

Natasha loved watching you dance. Carol had the same problem as Steve but if you let Natasha, she would watch you for hours.

When you woke up, it was because Steve was getting out of bed. You glanced at the clock, 4 in the morning. He was getting up for his run, then he'd head out to the tower for another day at the office.

He fucked you again before he left. He had you on top of him, chest to chest, his arms wrapped tight around your back, one hand on the back of your head to hold you to the bend of his neck. He liked to do this with the mirror. He liked holding you flat against him and then watching your ass as he fucked you fervidly. He had become wild and insatiable since the mirror's arrival.

Natasha liked to lay you down, tie your legs to the bedpost, sometimes your arms, and would spend hours teasing you with her mouth. Sometimes, when she knew you weren’t too tired, she would tell you to finger yourself and she would stay next to you and watch in the mirror for as long as you would allow it.

Carol liked making you ride her and you couldn’t deny that was a beautiful scene to watch play out from above. She also liked to turn you away from her, settle directly behind you, drape your leg back over her hip, and fuck you with one of her straps.

They had their shared interests, that was undeniable. You still blushed every time you thought about The Incident. It occurred four months ago. They’d been on a short trip; not even a mission, they’d promised, they’d told you it was more politics than saving the world. The first one you saw when they got back was Carol.

She had texted you while you were out with friends and asked where you were. You informed her that you would be shopping alone after lunch. She joined you because she had a present that she just couldn’t wait. It was a vibrator that she could control from her phone. She never used it while you were walking, concerned that you may actually fall and hurt yourself but if you stopped to look at something or sat down for even a second, it was on.

Natasha had taken you to the restaurant. She told you to go to the bathroom and take off your bra and panties and she handed you her purse to place them in. She made you sit down next to her, slipped the same vibrator inside you, then made you sit on her lap for the entire night. She let you watch her phone, let you know when she was going to speed up or slow down, and all she did the entire night was sip on her wine and keep a tight hold on you so you couldn't move away from her.

Two days later, Steve made you wear it to class. Not ballet class, actual classes where you would be sitting down. It was so random when you would feel it and it was terrifying as he wasn't there. You never knew when or where, or if you were standing up and reading! You wanted to hit him when you got back to your apartment and he was waiting for you. You didn't, but you were really upset. Mostly because he hadn't let you come the entire day.

You wanted to know why? You’d asked, but their answers were dismissive and it wasn’t like you could elaborate on what you actually meant. You weren’t just asking why, you were asking why all three? It was just one of those answers you weren’t going to get while you were still keeping secrets from them.

When Natasha showed up after Steve left, it was two hours before class. You were still in bed checking social media when she slipped under the covers and made you come with her mouth and fingers. You’d taken a shower since Steve left, fortunately.

She kissed up your body and settled on top of you. You undressed her, kissing her bare skin as soon as you exposed it, her arms, her chest, her stomach, her legs, her ass, her cunt. She wanted you on top, grinding against her as she watched in the mirror.

She walked you to class and you fingered her in the dimly lit hallway before she left. She picked you up afterward and made you eat since you simply did not have the time to before class. She walked you home, set up her phone on the table next to the couch, sat down, sat you on top of her, and made you ride her fingers. Sometimes, Natasha wanted videos.

In between your second and third lecture classes, the biggest gap in your day, Carol texted. She picked you up in her car and drove out to some hiking trails that she felt were empty enough. In the back of her car, she had you pressed down to the seats, ass up as she fucked you with her strap. She held the side of your face down against the leather, not so much that it would stifle your screams.

When you finished, she made you clean the seat with your tongue. You could distinctly tell the difference between her taste and yours. She watched you as she removed the strap, taking the dildo and fucking herself with it.

She laid back and let you on top, directing you to sink down on the dildo as it was still buried in her pussy. You didn’t stop taking it until your pussy was against hers, thankfully it wasn’t one of the longer ones in her collection. Leaning over, you used the side of the car to keep your balance. She rose onto her elbows, nipping and sucking at your nipples as you ground your wet center against hers.

This was a regular day, one you had grown to love, one you were completely obsessed with. You were scared. You felt that the likelihood of them all being okay with this was low. But you were not so scared that you would ever lie to them. Withhold information? Sure. Lie? Out of the question.

You'd finally confided in the ballerinas. They'd always known about Natasha because she was at practice all of the time, but you only told half-truths about Steve and Carol. You didn't actually want them to know that you were sleeping with three Avengers. Maybe it was because everyone was drunk, but they promised you that Natasha adored you and she wouldn't leave you.

Okay, but what about Steve and Carol? You were stressed, really stressed. During the preparation period for shows, when training was intense, the ballerinas often went out on Saturdays and got wasted and talked. This was why you were in a loud night club with dancing and alcohol, and no one who was going to stop any of you from getting in trouble.

You were impaired but you were not a bad friend. At the bar, you counted all of your friends. They would likely be leaving with someone as they had all found someone to dance with, you would make the rounds in a minute. It was a rule, if they wanted to leave with a guy, that guy had to give you his number. You would verify it right then and there by sending him a text, then they could be on their way.

It was one in the morning when the girls started leaving. You had a drink at your side and five new names (proven by ID) and numbers saved in your notes.

"That's sweet."

You turned to your left, eyebrows shooting up. Gorgeous blue eyes, long brown hair, and beautiful fair skin. Wanda Maximoff was either sitting right next to you at a bar or you were completely imagining her. Given your drunken state and your current obsession with her, it was possible.

"Well, they don't exactly agree...I read stories about guys and bars and how to avoid getting chopped up into little pieces."

She smiled a little. "Who makes sure you get home?"

"I live close."

She hummed. "Were you heading out?"

Yes, you should say yes. You should leave because this could not happen. You didn't know how to explain that you were sleeping with three of them! And Wanda was wearing this red dress that was really tight and so low cut, so, how would you explain four?!

"Maybe...after I finish my drink."

She eyed your glass for a moment. "I'm Wanda."

"I know. I'm Y/N."

"I think you're the first person who's recognized me all night."

"You're stunning. I don't know how anyone wouldn't recognize you."

She smiled slightly, turning back down to her glass.

There was something so wrong with you. Instead of leaving, you just wanted to sit there and drunkenly flirt, clearly.

"Can I buy you another drink?"

No, say no! "Sure."

It was two drinks later, technically three drinks later, since you finished your drink and then she bought you two more. Things were starting to get...closer. You guys were closer. You'd started out at a normal distance, at least you assumed, but the next thing you realized, you were centimeters away from her.

She had her hand on your arm and she'd stopped ordering drinks. She was ready to leave or almost ready to leave. You hadn't neglected your duties as the best friend. You had 12 names and numbers in your notes but now you were realizing that you were all alone and if you wanted to do something, you could.

You'd talked about yourself a little, the usual. You were a student, you were a ballerina. However, you left the part out about your apparent gambling addiction! She didn't share much and you didn't think that was odd, the others didn't for a long while. They had to be a lot more guarded than you. You completely understood.

Wanda glanced at her phone when the conversation died down, or when you stopped babbling like the intoxicated fool you were, before looking back at you. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah." You should still be saying no. You should try being honest. You should say: I'm sleeping with three of your team members and I should go home. But god, she really was fucking stunning.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"I do. I have a boyfriend that I love very much...but sometimes, there are things that I want to try. Things that he doesn't want to try."

"Are you...referring to me?" That was a stupid question, you were almost sure. But was she? Was that what you were supposed to be picking up?

She scoffed. "In a sense, yes. I do think you are beautiful and you're nice, and really cute. I want to have sex with you, but it can't be a relationship. My boyfriend is offering me an open arrangement... I'm still with him, very committed, but sometimes...I would like to call you and meet you. Does that sound like something you would be okay with?"

Should you be offended by how many Avengers didn't want to be in a relationship with you at this point? You may end up dwelling on that later, but now, you were thinking about having sex with her. She looked soft and sweet, very unlike Carol, Steve, and Natasha. You weren't saying she was better or worse, it wasn't like you were comparing them to rank them.

You were just acutely aware of the fact that they were so dominant and you were not. Wanda didn't seem to need that so much, she seemed like she would be fine just having sex. Meaningful sex, but not too meaningful. Soft sex, but not boring. In fact, it sounded like she wanted to try something different, and maybe you wanted to also.

So, you said yes. Mostly because it reminded you that Natasha, Steve, and Carol all said they were not able to be in an actual relationship with you. You were getting ahead of yourself, maybe they wouldn't care at all. Maybe it would be a complete non-issue, and you shouldn't miss out on having sex with Wanda if you don't have any proof that they'll react negatively.

She kissed you the first time while you were both still sitting at the bar. After you'd given her your consent, she set her hand to your cheek and pressed her lips to yours. It was all soft lips and tongue, no teeth, no power play. She tasted like alcohol and lip gloss, at least her mouth did. You wanted to know what her pussy tasted like, which you didn't fail to whisper to her when she pulled away.

She immediately took your hand and led you out of the club. It wasn't terribly cold as you waited for the Uber she sent for. She was just a bit taller than you and wrapped her arms around your shoulders as she leaned down again to kiss you. Your hands started at her hips but soon began to roam, her ass, her waist, her back, her shoulders to pull her down closer.

By the time the driver showed, you were both completely flushed and very ready to find a bed. She was taking you to a hotel. You figured that was best, no need to add any more people to the list of individuals who randomly show up at your apartment without calling or texting.

She kept her hand on your thigh the entire drive there but didn't dare move it underneath your dress. Another point of difference between her and her teammates. Any of the others and you would have already finished at least twice.

Getting up to the room was a blur. Thankfully, she did all the talking. You weren't sure how to function under this kind of calm, steady build. It was always fast and immediately, but Wanda was taking her time and making sure everything was how she wanted it.

When you finally got into the room, she didn't bother turning on the light. She curled one arm around you, the other pulling your hair off to the side as she began to kiss your neck. She held you against her as she walked forward. There was a bed that you supposed was big enough, a small bathroom, a sad excuse for a kitchen, a huge window with dirty curtains shining light on the mattress.

None of that really mattered, anyway. She led you closer to the window, stopping only when she wanted to remove your dress. It hit the floor, she peeled the curtain away from the window, and her hands were all over you. "Is this okay? I like the moonlight tonight."

She waited for your confirmation before she ran her hands up and down your sides, a teasing touch before she grabbed your breasts. She was still kissing your neck, gentle and open-mouthed.

You turned your head upward, catching her mouth. She opened her lips for you instantly and you took full advantage of that with a slow but sloppy kiss. Her fingers trailed down from the middle of your chest, straight down your stomach, and all the way to your pussy.

She hummed when she felt you were wet. The brushes against your clit were faint but somehow it was enough, it didn't take long at all for you to unhurriedly fall apart. Your legs were shaking and your mind was even more blurry than before.

You turned to her to slip her out of her dress. You kissed across her collarbone, then over her chest, glancing up as you closed your lips around one of her nipples. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head fell back, and she opened her beautiful mouth to moan.

Your hands on her hips, you directed her to the bed. She sat down first, grabbing your arms to pull you down with her. Your naked skin was flush against hers and all you did for the longest time was kiss. Hands buried in each other's hair, quiet moans and gasps filling the room, all the while just building up to this intense scene.

When you sat up, she remained on her back. She pushed your hair over your shoulders so she could see your chest and your face. She was right about the moonlight, it washed over her so well.

You kissed her chin, off to the side of her jaw, then down her shoulder and arm until you reached her hand. You took it in yours, the same with the other as you lowered onto your knees on the floor, intertwining your fingers. There was no prelude, you simply took her with your mouth.

She cried out your name, arching her back and squeezing your hands. She tasted sweet, smelled musky and a little like vanilla. You kissed down the length of her soaking cunt, sliding your tongue into her entrance.

"Oh, fuck," she gasped. "Do that again."

You obliged, releasing one of her hands so you could rub her clit with your fingers. She took her newly freed hand and grabbed your hair. She pulled you down harder, rolling her hips up slowly, trying to get your tongue in deeper.

Not even a minute later, she was making you aware of her approaching orgasm, "I'm close, suck my clit--please, fuck! Suck my clit."

You ran your tongue through her as you brought your hand down, you closed your lips around her and began to suck hard. You pressed two fingers inside her and pumped them in and out, moaning when you felt her clenching around them.

She was shaky and smiling as you lazily licked her through her finish. She pulled you up as soon as her brain was working enough to tell her arms to pull you up. "And how do I taste?"

"Amazing."

She smirked.

You had to figure her boyfriend wasn't much for going down on her since she was looking at you like you were the reason the sun would rise tomorrow morning.

You laid on top of her but she quickly rolled over, legs slotting so you could grind against one another's thigh. Her slick center against your skin was almost enough to make you finish. Again, her mouth was on yours and nothing was hurried. You canted your hips, catching your clit on her soft leg, and she did the same.

Soon, your hips started to gain speed, you were close and could tell she was, too. The sounds of wet pussy slapping against thigh nearly drowned out the desperate screams and whines you both made.

You completely soaked her thigh with your orgasm. As she continued pursuing hers, she reached down, hand gliding between you and her wet skin. She brought her fingers up to her mouth, humming and sucking on them. "I can't wait to have you sit on my face." Then she closed her eyes, her hips stuttered, and your leg felt much hotter.

She didn't waste any time at all, she rolled back over and hauled you on top of her. Your hips jerked when you pressed against her, still sensitive from the last finish. She didn't seem to mind, she just placed both hands on your hips and moved you relentlessly against her.

"Hands behind your back, lean onto the mattress," she instructed.

You quickly did so, relieved to have some type of balance.

She loved watching your breasts bounce this way, loved watching your eyes roll to the back of your head. And she especially loved when you sat up again to grab her hands, an attempt to pull away from the overstimulation. She didn't allow it, she kept her grip tight and pulled you in faster as she rolled her hips up.

[s1utspeare]

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

[tinytigerrrr]

11 for 11 may 🙏, 15, 21, 23, 25, 28, 31, 38, 45, 48 😉 & 49!

11 for 11 may, my god bless you my friend!! <3 And Also THANKS FOR THE ASKS!! <33 Sorry it took so long I really wanted to take my time hehe c: 11. Describe your ideal day. I think my ideal day is sleeping in late, what for me is normal, around 12pm. Then I wake up, eat a good breakfast, sit with my cat on my lap for smtn like an hour. And then I go outside, bcs the sun is shining. I meet my friends and we go picknick somewhere in the sun beneath a few little trees. I buy smtn to drink somewhere because its very hot and ofc I forgot my drink. Its so refreshing and I feel so alive and the world is so beautifull. Me and my friends, we laugh a lot and just enjoy the good weather, the nice day and the little foods. And than at the evening we bbq or eat smtn else nice, and have a good evening. We sit outside for a while, feeling the summer evening becoming cooler. We watch as the stars come out and think to ourselves if we ever looked up at the same stars together in another life. And then when it’s really late, I go back home, feeling the cool breeze against my skin while I ride my electric bike. At home everyone is asleep so I walk in very softly and there I see my cat sleeping in the chair so I walk to her and bent over giving her a gentle kiss on her little head. She makes mmrrr sound and I tell her I love her and that I had an amazing day. After that I give her some food and I go to bed. Maybe take a showe bcs it was so hot today. And then I lay in my bed, tired but very fufilled after such a wonderfull day. Storing the happy memories in my head thinking how blessed I am with my life. As I fall asleep I feel gratefull for today and all the beautiful things that brought it.  Yeah, I think thats mu ideal day. Friends, good weather, sunshine, little food, laughter, love, my cat lucy, summer - yeah smtn like that c: 15. What is your favorite compliment to recieve? I like all kind of compliments. Im a sucked for compliments. I know I do a good job most of the time, but there’s just smtn in me that really likes the validation? I know I don’t need it. But it just makes my soul shine like: Ohmygawd thank you so much this makes me so happy D:. But If I had to think, I think I like the compliment saying I have a good energy or vibe the most. Bcs its so pure and real and not everyone can sense/say that. And you’re energy is not smtn you can fake or make more beautiful. So its such a sincere compliment, that I think thats my favorite compliment to recieve c: 21. Tell us about your music taste. Bro, this is a long one HAHAHA. But I will keep it short: ‘Diverse.’ I think that describes my music taste the best. Because I listen to A LOT of different things. Just what I feel like or in what mood I am. And one thing I also like a lot is when a song makes me feel ‘free’. As if im totally cut off from the world. Thats a really nice feeling music can give you. And ofc songs that make me feel things. Bcs often then I can use it as inspiration. So yeah, thats abt my music taste haha c: Also! I like it when songs have a deeper meaning. Idk why, but thats just megical c: 23. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? OH I already answered this one so I will just copy and paste it here! c: ‘’ YES! I HAD. AND I STILL HAVE IT! I dont sleep with it anymore but it has a honorable place among my other stuffed animals. It is a cow, that is formed like a teddy bear so its more cartroony instead of animal like, her name is Koetjeboe and you could play a musicbox song of A Small World from Disneyland. It was my favarite soung and whenever I felt anxious as I child I would play it and it would sooth my soul and fill me with happyness. Aaah good times c: I also had a cat, named, Poes, she is very very very soft, well was, nowadays she aint HAHA she looked like my cat when I was younger, Sjimmie, I loved the plush. Mom bought it for me in England in the Harry Potter castle. It was amazing c: So, I kinda had two, but Koetjeboe the cow is rly my birth stuffed animal haha c:’’ 25. What dream trip would you take with your wife? Honestly, anywhere with her would be a dream. And if she has somewhere wehere she really wants to go, I would just go with that c: Seeing someone you love happy is such a gift so I totally wouldn’t mind going anywhere. That is also because I have so many places I want to go, and almost every place interests me. I can’t think of a country or city or place I am not interested in visiting. I always loved to travel, and still do, so anything would be good c: But if she’s like: Hey what do you want badly? I would probably say somewhere with a beach. I love the sea and I love the beach. So that would be a thing I would love too hahaha. But yeah, anything rly, and the beach c: 28. What makes you smile? Oh boi, what doesn’t?! HAHA. A lot of things make me smile tbh bcs I get happyness out of almost everything. I can remember that I was crying and felt sad, and even then I smiled because it was such a special experience haha. But if I had to say some things I would say; My cat Lucy, cant help but smile whenever I see her, my friends, you super included <3, sunshine, good food, baby animals and honestly just life in general c: 31. How do you show your love? Again, how don’t I? I learned at a very young age to show love in different ways. Bcs I wanted to be a good person. And one of those things is showing love. So I do it with words, saying I really love someone or giving them compliments, thats a big one for me haha. I also like to really support my friends through words. Just supporting them for whoever they are! I also like to give things. It can go from small presents to food to many or big presents on their birthday. Also I like to help people, to give them advice or agai support them any way I can. I also show it through physical contact, as in hugs ans such. And I even sometimes lean toward just really cuddling up to someone HAHAHA But I don’t do that tbh, bcs at the same time it makes me feel uncomfy, but at the same time im like: Ohmygawd I love yo uso much just lemme huddle up against you to share my love with you and ahfgs. So amny ways HAHAHA some more difficult for me and others really easy. Like presents or food, hit me up, imma get you some nice flowers or some sweets or a book you really like bcs I love yu!

38. Who do you admire? Myself *smirk* HAHHA no kiddin. I admire my friends. Because those people have been through hell, or still going through hell, and still decide to be genuine good persons. I’ve seen from upclose what they have to deal with. And they still give so much love tot he world and people and want to help. Its really a blessing to have people like that around me. And I thank the heavens for that. So I would say my friends. Yes. (pls know you are in this picture too. Hello, going through hell still being super good person, ok.) 45. Do you have tattoos or want any? Yes, I have one underneath my feet. HAHA oke jokes, sorry HAHA. No I don’t have any. And I would like one yes. Im not sure what I want tho. I am always thinking of a tiger. Or a lotus flower. Or a little symbol on the inside of my left wrist. That last one I smtn I’ve had for years. I dont know why but I would really like that. A small thing on that place. But what that is gonna be, I have NO idea. OH and I want a smilie face underneath my big toe! Thats just one for fun, but I would rly like it haha.

48. Did you know you’re actually a gift tot he world, for real? IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE *SOB* Thank yo uso much frend!! It means so much to me to hear that I just can’t. My gosh. When I see yu imma hug ya big time. SOB 49. What’s your favorite memory? Ooh this is a hard one. Mostly because I have many good memories and also because Im actually pretty bad at remembering things HAHHA thats two opposites I know xD But uuh, oke I thought about it, but im so sorry i cant think of one RIP. But if I had to choose I would choose smtn that made me smile. That made me really happy. So one with Lucy, many with Lucy, or one with my friends, many with my friends, with my mom, traveling, and so fort. There are a lot and I wish i could show them all to you. Sadly I can’t. BUT We can make our own favorite memories. So lets do that, okay? <3